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Why You Struggle With Intimacy (It’s Not What You Think) | Psych2Go | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: Why You Struggle With Intimacy (It’s Not What You Think)
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Video Summary
Summary
Core Theme
This content explores the complex and often negative impacts of sexual trauma on individuals' sexual behavior and relationships, emphasizing that healing and self-worth are possible.
Hey, psychicgoers. Our videos that focus
on taboo subjects like sex are meant to
highlight issues that people might
struggle to speak about with friends or
a therapist. While we always recommend
that people discuss the things that are
weighing on them with a professional, we
also understand that sometimes before
seeing a therapist, you need to realize
that your feelings and concerns are
valid. Our videos are meant to help
people realize that they aren't alone in
their struggles. With that in mind,
today's video is a little more serious.
The goal of this video is to hopefully
provide some answers as to why you or
your partner may behave a certain way
with regards to sex. We will be
discussing different types of sexual
trauma. So, consider this a content warning.
warning.
Your value does not change. People who
have been sexually abused by their
partners or family members may have been
taught through their abuse that their
value is tied to their sexuality. Often
abusive partners will be emotionally
manipulative to make you feel obliged to
offer sex even when it makes you
uncomfortable. This can happen when
there is a power imbalance in the
relationship where the victim is
dependent on the abuser or the victim is
a teen and the abuser is an adult. It's
important to know that despite what
anyone tells you, your value towards
society, the people in your life, and
most importantly yourself, is not tied
to your sexuality.
Whether you have lots of sex or none at
all, that is up to you. This is an
important idea for abuse survivors to
internalize because researchers have
found that abuse victims, especially
those abused in childhood, tend to be
abused again later in life. Sexual abuse
can cause victims to have lower
self-esteem and poorer sexual
adjustment, which leads them to more
high-risk sexual scenarios.
When control becomes craving, hypersexuality.
hypersexuality.
If a person went through childhood
sexual abuse, otherwise known as CSA,
the traumatic feelings that can linger
into adulthood are those of helplessness
and a lack of control. To gain some of
that control back, some survivors of
childhood sexual abuse try to reclaim
their sexuality by becoming overly
focused on sex. Childhood consists of
many phases. So, the age of a person at
the time of their abuse plays a big role
in how they develop into adulthood and
how they handle their trauma. We
mentioned that abuse victims often
engage in high-risk sexual behavior,
which can include casual sex and hookups
with strangers. A 2021 study confirms
the link between nyomomania or sex
addiction. Other factors that can
influence victims are their gender and
their relationship to the perpetrator.
Depending on your experience and the way
you process trauma, the opposite can
happen when sex feels unsafe. Sexual
aversion. For CSA victims who were
abused by blood relatives, particularly
the biological father, sex
understandably loses its appeal. But
sexual aversion doesn't just occur in
CSA victims. It's an underobserved
phenomenon that sexual abuse can be
perpetrated by lovers or partners rather
than just strangers or vague
acquaintances. No means no. And that
goes for everyone. Being in a
relationship doesn't guarantee sex
whenever or wherever. Sometimes a
relationship can leave you feeling
really weird and uncomfortable about
sex. Perhaps your boundaries weren't
respected or your feelings on the matter
weren't always considered. Maybe when
you said no, your partner made you feel
guilty or as though you owed it to them
and so you went along because it's
easier than the alternative, which could
be them leaving or worse, violence. It's
understandable that moving forward you
feel a lot more reserved and a lot less
enthusiastic about sex. Aside from
aversion, sexual abuse, whether in
childhood or adulthood, can lead to
other conditions that can negatively
affect your sexual satisfaction, like
vaginismas and sexual non-communication.
They don't see what you've been through.
Sexual trauma is a difficult thing to
deal with. It doesn't change the fact
that you still need love, you still need
to be looked after, and you still need
intimacy. So, when you enter new
relationships, it may be difficult to
communicate all of these complicated
feelings around sex. It's a lot for
anyone to handle. When your partner
reaches out for you and you nervously
turn away, they may worry that you
aren't interested in them. They may not
understand all of the nuanced ways your
previous relationships or your childhood
have affected you. Unfortunately,
victims of sexual abuse are likely to
end up with people who share
characteristics of their abusers like
aggression or alcoholism.
In general, long-term intimate
relationships can be difficult for
victims. To help with trauma, improve
your self-esteem, and gain a better
understanding of your sexual self,
seeing a mental health professional
could be vital. And this can be
challenging, not just because therapy
can be expensive, but talking about this
kind of trauma can feel impossibly
difficult. Social psychologist Willie
Vanberlo and psychologist Bernardine
Ensync suggest one more thing that could
help. A loving and understanding
partner. In a world full of so much
hurt, it may feel like a far-fetched
solution, but everyone is worthy of
love, including you. and there are still
wonderful people out there. We hope this
video is the start towards an
understanding that it's okay to want
better for yourself and it's okay to
expect better from the people you love.
Sex is a type of communication. Just
like we use our words to express love
and tenderness, we can do the same with
sex. But sadly, sex can also be used to
express selfishness and hate, the
effects of which can hurt for a long
time. But there is always hope. Thank
you so much for engaging with our videos
and for your bravery to show up in
sharing your thoughts and feelings with
us in the comments. It's because of you
that we're able to approach these more
sensitive topics. And if you have any
wisdom to share with the rest of the
community, please join the conversation
in the comments. If you enjoyed this
video, don't forget to leave a like and
subscribe for more videos like this. See
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