YouTube Transcript:
* 1 HOUR* Mark Adams TikTok 2023 | Funny Marrk Adams TikTok Compilation 2023

hey baby how many boys have you did that
you know what with before me
it's fine you can tell me
[Music]
it's okay you don't have to answer if
you don't want to
I'm sorry if I made you upset can you
please shut up I'm still counting
happy birthday son I got you the new
airpod Pros
why would you give him that you know he
can't use it what's wrong with him those
are the new airpod Pros
oh great Evans
hey what's wrong I got
it what did you get it's really bad what
is it I got a 94. well I got a 69. oh
that's so good huh for you
hey son you want to go play some catch
no I'm not in the mood oh okay you're
all right you seem kind of down last
night my girlfriend let another guy take
her out dang really yeah I really want
to fix this what are you gonna do about
it tonight I'm gonna take her out that's
a good idea where
at her house her house
I like you I like you too will you be my
girlfriend yes are you serious this is
the best day ever she said yes congrats
bro son I've never been more proud
hey wake up dummy
[Music]
hey your total is going to be 25.64. oh
really well I can't afford that well
honestly I don't know what to tell you I
have another order I have to go after
this well looks like I'm gonna have to
pay for that some other what wait I
actually have thirty dollars Alexa what
the that's not in the script
hey can I buy this PS5 for five dollars
um sorry kid but it's 600 you'll have to
pay full price they don't know that I
know this life hack well I have my
friend here
okay so he's paying for it look again
[Music]
you have three wishes really however you
can't wish for immortality or for more
wishes
um I wish that I don't die a virgin I
already told you you can't wish for
immortality
hey Dad what's up can I stay the night
at Johnny's today no it's a school night
so so no okay how about if you saw this
riddle I'll do all the work that mom
wants you to do and if you get it wrong
I get to go to my friend's house okay
deal I had ten dollars I give you five
dollars and I spent two dollars how much
money did I have that's easy three
hey Johnny I'm coming over what was the
answer
oh sorry take my seat if you're pregnant
um I'm not pregnant You Wanna Be ew
you're disgusting I own a fertility
clinic oh sorry I thought it's called
your bedroom you piece of it was an
old mattress store we never changed the
signs
do you want to do something but I'm
dating your sister she doesn't have to
know really yeah okay wait here
[Music]
yeah you know I would never cheat on you
hey man you want soap to wash You Yes
actually I've been tired of washing
myself with just water I got you hey so
get in here he said he wants you to
watch the wash hand thanks man wait
yo what's up Uncle I haven't seen you in
forever yeah I've just been troubleing
the world you know how it is not really
but anything new oh I'm getting married
again what how old is she she's 22 22.
did you just turned 60 yeah how did she
agree to marry you I lied about mine
what did you say I told her I was 85.
happy birthday Mom thanks sweetie how
old are you now like 40. what you think
I look at old well how old is Dad your
dad's the old one he's 45 and I'm 32.
wait a second if Dad's 45 and you're 32
and I'm 17 that means
so much for me what yeah okay just go
play your video games while I do your
homework later like who does he think he
is Mommy I take back all the things I
say about you every day you're the best
person ever thank you
does he not know what sarcasm is honey I
think our son has reading problems
really why well look at this yo son can
you spell this word
um m e d i c i n e good job what's the
word
nasty oh my gosh do you see what I mean
it's because you didn't give him an easy
one let's try again with this one can
you spell this
d a d nice now put the letters together
cheater
you missed take that bro you can't touch
me either
bro what are you doing with your laptop
on the beach yeah you're so stupid
wait what's that
[Music]
mommy look I made all this money cutting
grass this weekend oh my gosh that's
really good folks let me go ahead and
hold on to it so you don't lose it but
Mom I'm a big kid now I'm responsible
wait are you saying you don't trust me
no I'm fine here you go a couple of days
later hey Mom can I get 20 out of my
money oh baby about that I spent that
already I forgot to tell you
oh doctor I can't take this pain anymore
if you take this pill it will transfer
the pain to the father really yeah baby
you always said you wish you could take
my pain away I did say that go ahead I
love you thank you
I told you I was really strong I don't
feel nothing oh why am I in so much pain
yo you demolished him hold up bro let me
go to game chat real quick I'll be right
back dang bro you finna go in on him huh
you know I got to don't make him cry too
much okay hold up I yo you are trash kid
you're trash like get off this game like
how'd you let me out box you and no
scope you like how are you playing with
your controller upside down
hey good game bro like the way you were
building and editing so fast
[Music]
but anyways continue being great goodbye
oh crap hey what did you do it wasn't me
Mom I swear who was it then Casper yeah
no son you should never lie line is very
bad okay sorry the next day
[Music]
oh it's Mom's phone
hey it's Dad hello hey son can I talk to
your mom real quick yeah
hey mommy daddy wants to talk to you
tell him I'm nabbing okay Dad Mama's nap
I mean no she's wrestling with Uncle
Fred in your room what why'd you tell
him that because lying is very bad mommy
all right class recess is almost over
hey if you don't let me kidnap three
kids in my van you'll die okay okay you
don't have to point that at me I was
gonna say yes anyways really yeah you
can take them right there but you'll
regret it whatever thanks hey kids come
with me I have candy a few moments later
too easy where's my candy yeah where's
the candy
I lied
what the how'd you take mine my name is
Justin and I'm cracked at fortnite my
guy
where's my candy
three two one you can have them back
they're crazy I told you you'll regret
it
I'll treat you for 500 but if you don't
get cured I'll give you a thousand
dollars back okay well I lost all my
taste in my mouth can you please help me
nurse can you get medicine from Box 22
and put three jobs in his mouth oh
that's gasoline congratulations you got
your taste back that will be five
hundred dollars the next day I lost my
memory I can't remember anything nurse
can you get medicine from Box 22 and put
three drops in his mouth oh no you don't
that's gasoline congratulations you got
your memory back that will be five
hundred dollars oh the next day I lost
my eyesight I can't see anything well I
don't have any medicine for that so
here's a thousand dollars but this is
only five hundred dollars
congratulations you got your vision back
that will be five hundred dollars
dog you're using that wrong no I'm not I
thought you were supposed to stick
that hey what's your language and no
this is an oral thermometer it goes
under your tongue
[Applause]
I don't have a fever oh I don't have a
fever either
really good for you son
[Music]
hey son how was your day at school it
was good everybody in my class is
growing a flower in a pot and whoever
has the biggest flower by the end of
this month wins a prize that's awesome
yeah and I remember you told me that
poop makes the plant grow bigger I do
uh-huh so after class I hid in the
bathroom and waited until everybody left
and then I had the perfect opportunity
to fertilize my soil with my feces you
should have used protection
why do you want an abortion it's so
unsafe because it's not my boyfriend's
child then lie that it's his what I can
do that yeah you know what column okay
hi baby hey babe I'm pregnant no way
really we should get married really okay
you can come to my house tonight and
I'll introduce you to my family he wants
to get married congratulations later
that night Mom meet my girlfriend
foreign
you will marry the girl I choose what no
way but she's Elon musk's daughter oh
okay Dad visits Elon Musk I want your
daughter to marry my son no but my son
is the CEO of World Bank oh okay Dad
visits the World Bank make my son the
CEO of World Bank no but my son is Elon
musk's son-in-law oh okay thank you
thank you get him get him we're so close
to winning the game son shut off your
game it's time for dinner okay one
second we're about to win the game all
right hurry come on guys let's hurry up
and win it because I have to go eat
dinner a couple minutes later Mark come
down for dinner dang it sorry boys I
have to go eat dinner no bro we're only
one kill away from winning the game
you're the only one alive just one more
minute please I'm sorry my mom called me
twice already I gotta go before she
grounds me hey mom what are we having
for dinner we're having spaghetti and
meatballs it'll be ready in about five
minutes you can sit down for now oh
great yeah
can you shut up
is you suck at singing That's why no one
likes you and your breath stinks
hey did you take my hoodie no what's
that you're wearing then
um give it back or else mommy brother
won't leave me alone
what the heck are you looking at I had a
bad day no one's looking at you ugly
what'd you say
[Music]
hey Melissa hey Mark it took me a while
to have the courage to tell you this but
I love you oh I love you too really yeah
as a friend of course you're just not
good looking for me oh okay hey class
remember to be ready for the talent show
tomorrow the next day
this song is dedicated to Melissa
roses are red violets are blue did you
actually think I would have cried over
you I told you I love you you believe it
was true well guess what Melissa you got
played too
emotional damage
hi there who are you I'm from the
Make-A-Wish Foundation no way really and
I'm here to make your wish come true so
what's one thing you wish for anything
yeah anything okay
um I wish to meet Spider-Man okay we're
gonna make that happen hey let's go I
don't think I forgot about you what do
you wish for I wish to not be sick
anymore don't worry we're gonna do
exactly what you asked for hold on I
didn't know that was an option oh my
gosh this is a miracle he's cured wow I
feel so much better hey can I change my
wish please did someone call for
Spider-Man
how was school today sweetie it was so
boring I just hate it
turn it up Mom okay tonight we're
expecting
it yes I hope it's a snow day tomorrow
later that day Dad do you think it'll be
a snow day tomorrow I don't know you
asked me a million times already so just
go to bed all right geez please be a
snow day tomorrow I just want to play
fortnite
[Music]
please no school please no school let's
go no school hey boys are y'all ready to
play fortnite all day
it's a snow day all right I still have
school
good morning class today we'll be
learning about geometry
you're fired what please give me one
more chance I'm sorry but we have to let
you go a couple minutes later are you
serious a flat tire oh today's the worst
later that night man I'm done with today
oh give me some of that hey
why did you just drink that why are you
so miserable today I lost my job I got a
flat tire and to top it all off I just
found out you're having an affair with
my brother Fred so you decided to drown
yourself with wine what a coward no I
was trying to poison myself what
hey Mommy look at my drawing do you like
it oh my gosh sweetie that is so cute me
and Dad are very very proud of you right
honey what oh
no actually it's not it's really bad
what
[Music]
ouch I was just being honest apologize
to him now it's okay Mommy
ask me who I drew is that supposed to be
me no this is Tiffany from Dad's phone
sorry I was just being honest
how to get a girlfriend step one wear
your hat backwards
step two be yourself
hey close the door
three
hey stinky breath
are you serious stop you're annoying
girlfriend that's it
hey hey don't cry don't cry hey what's
going on over there
I'm coming if you stop crying I'll get
you McDonald's okay what happened
nothing mommy he just beat me in a game
hey Mom can I no Mom no
no ah three
three one mom can I please no
no hey didn't I tell you to clean the
house today what I tried asking you if
you wanted me to wash the dishes and you
said no I tried asking if you wanted me
to clean my room you said no I was even
considering to do your laundry and you
said no to that too can I please yes you
can thanks Mom I'll be going out with my
friends I'll be back by 12.
hey bro what's up so uh I did it no way
we finally broke up with her yeah hey
let's go I'm proud of you how you feel
um not too good but you don't have to
worry about me you should worry about
yourself what is that supposed to mean
her last words were if I can't have you
no one else can okay what does that have
to do with me well you're the only
person I hang out with that has my
attention
mommy I'm hungry do you want me to make
you a sandwich actually can I just have
Nutella on it Nutella really yes please
fine go get it yay okay a couple seconds
later
happy
what what's wrong it's Andy there's no
more
oh it's not empty let me see
you
see this I told you it wasn't empty look
so much chocolate but how don't worry
just eat it you're the best mommy son
remember to never take off those
headphones okay Dad I won't hey a loser
you look so ugly wearing those
headphones don't listen to them they're
idiots thank you don't worry I got you
but why do you wear those all the time
well my dad told me to never take them
all oh okay hey class we're taking a pop
quiz hey no cheating take those
headphones off he can't hear you okay
I'll do it myself
[Music]
breathe in
breathe out breathe in
breathe out
wake up filthy
well well well look who it is excuse me
I'm trying to get to class oh my bad why
are your books on the floor what do you
mean
those books nerd 10 years later I am yo
man I'm a big fan of your movies can I
have your autograph nah I'm good but why
you don't remember me do you remember
you yeah I'm Mr nerd
excuse me hi would you rather take this
five dollar bill or double it and give
it to the next person I'll take it no
you can't do that you literally just
asked me if I wanted to keep five
dollars yeah but you're not supposed to
keep it then why would you ask me
look kid you're supposed to double it
and give it to the next person because
you're a good person so to be a good
person I'm supposed to give away free
money yes someone might need it more but
what if you give the money to someone
who isn't a good person or is Rich it
doesn't matter that's how the game works
I don't want to play I want the money
let's try this one more time would you
rather take this five dollar bill or
double it and give it to the next person
if I double it can I be the next person
hey big bro Grandma give me some money
do you think this is enough for a
chocolate bar no way what a coincidence
I have a chocolate bar do you want to
trade it
um I don't know what about three
chocolate bars what do you think three
now we're talking a little bit more
three chocolate bars and I'll send you
ten dollars on cash app deal okay boom I
just sent it I don't accept refunds okay
okay whatever dummy a couple minutes
later yeah so you can pick the most
expensive dinner I'll pay really hey son
did you take the trash yet yeah I can't
believe your brother found a fake
hundred dollar bill at school what
ew you're broke bye
I'll get him hey bro I Gotta Go My
Girl's calling me hi bro get on when you
can a couple of days later
at school hey bro you trying to get on
later nah I can't I'm hanging out with
my girl I later that night hey beautiful
hey what's wrong I just think we should
spend some time apart what we're doing
so good I just need time to myself oh
okay a few hours later
okay
hello hey bro I heard about the breakup
you trying to run it yeah bro
it's good to be back
hey class I know summer's coming up yeah
summer quiet down Jacob so back to what
I was saying is you're about to graduate
fourth grade so that being said they
want a student to give a speech at
graduation please don't take me Mark I
think you would be perfect for it uh
sure why not it can be about who
inspires you or who you want to be
anything really okay
hi everyone that's my boy that's my baby
the person who inspires me and who I
want to be like is my mom oh because I
just found out she has more jobs than my
dad which is awesome what I don't have a
job you don't have to keep it a secret
anymore mom I saw three uniforms in your
closet donate outfit a nurse outfit and
a cop outfit with handcuffs you can stop
now sweetie I'm almost done mom and that
just shows how amazing and talented she
is I want to be like her so if you need
a maid or help catch bad guys you know
who to reach my mom
what's your problem I'm too smart for
first grade my sister's in grade three
and I'm smarter than her too let's go
see what the principal has to say I I'll
give him a test and if he fails just one
question he has to go back to class and
be quiet okay what's three times three
nine what's six times six 36 I see no
reason why you can't go to the third
grade he answered all of my questions
correctly can I ask him some questions
of course what does a cow have four of
that I only have two of legs what do you
have in your pants that I don't have
pockets what does a dog do that a man
steps into pants what starts with the F
and ends with the K fire truck put him
in fifth grade I got the last four
questions wrong myself
[Music]
can someone help me with the chores I'm
doing homework say my homework is due
tomorrow my back hurts since nobody
volunteered you're doing them because
you're the oldest I knew it I'll put a
camera here just to make sure you
actually work oops I dropped something
dude pick that up pick one up I'm not
cleaning up your mess why is there trash
on the ground he dropped it it wasn't me
he's lying why don't you check the
camera you've set up good idea
looks like this layer is going to do all
the work or what or I'm gonna work this
belt on you oh great heaven
laughs
hello hi Mr Adams who's this this is the
principal of your son's school I'm
calling because your son got in a fight
yes sir
let me talk to him okay here he is hello
no sir
so who was it the kid has been messing
with you with you yeah did you beat him
up oh yeah that's my boy let's go don't
ever let anyone disrespect you you keep
doing you yes sir we finna celebrate and
get ice cream after school okay oh yeah
make sure you act sad like you're gonna
get a whooping later no Dad please
anything but that
all right good job son I'll see you
later
hey Dad hey son so why am I picking you
up early from school today because I was
the only one that answered a question in
my class wow I'm so proud of you son I
mean your mother does tell me you get
your intelligence for me
so what was the question the question
yes the question
um who threw the trash can at the
principal's head really wow that kid is
crazy
who was it
[Music]
oh grandpa is taking forever hmm I
wonder what's in here
oh what's this candy
[Music]
it tastes weird it must be old candy 20
minutes later hey grandson hopefully I
wasn't gone for too long what are you
doing grandson
Grandpa where the heck candy from
Candy I don't have any
one mommy yes hold on shouldn't you be
asleep well
um I actually need some taping glue for
my project look at you trying to start
your project early but I don't think we
have tape or glue so I'll get after
school tomorrow well the project is
actually do tomorrow what oh what am I
going to do with you sorry Mommy it's
okay sweetie I'll figure something out
don't talk to me or you'll be thanking
this hand
hey bro can I use the bathroom yeah it's
downstairs to your right thanks
[Music]
five minutes later
oh no what do I do
oh well
[Music]
hey sweetie let me guess you at Taco
Bell
has anyone seen my laptop I have it
sweetie I'm about to look up purses real
quick okay
oh thanks sweetie huh you were trying to
get me popular gifts for my birthday
foreign
get ready time for school I don't want
to go can I stay home today I'm sorry
but you have to go can I just quit
school then I don't like it what's going
on he wants to quit school son if you
quit school I'll go to jail and I know
you wouldn't want that for how long for
a long time oh dang that sucks I know so
come on get ready well it's okay I'll
just visit you
um what do you want mom told me to tell
you to wash the dishes what I washed
them yesterday mom do I really have to
wash the dishes no I told your little
brother to do it are you serious why'd
you lie I just wanted to see if I can
get you to do it oh I swear the things
you do annoy me like what you always
leave my door open
you always take my stuff or eat my food
and you always snitch and blame me for
everything I did a snitch about you
sneaking out last night you did what now
hey pause the game for a second I'm
playing online I can't are you sure
about that what's up Mom did you use my
credit card no why so why is there a 200
charge showing I don't know but it
wasn't me it didn't order v-bucks no
wait you said v-bucks yes I think that
was your perfect little angel that did
it oh really okay turn your game volume
up all the way so you won't hear
anything okay hey hi Mommy say hi to
this Bell
yo you owe me 500 you need to pay me
back already
um no I don't oh I'm never letting
someone borrow money again hey I
overheard your conversation I'm a lawyer
do you need help well my so-called
friend owes me 500 but won't pay me back
and he won't admit to it well first of
all you need written evidence okay but
how text them okay hey where is my
freaking 500 that you owe me what 500 I
don't owe you nothing you see see he
still won't admit to it say he owes you
two thousand dollars what but he only
owes me 500 trust me just do it okay Hey
where's my freaking two thousand dollars
that you owe me I don't owe you two
thousand dollars I owe you five hundred
dollars hey you were right that'll be
499 dollars
[Music]
wow your baby is so cute can I hold him
yeah sure
your baby just gave me a hundred dollars
that's my boy Jimmy for you wait Jimmy
Donaldson yeah how'd you know
Mommy why didn't you tell me that I was
adopted what are you talking about son
you're not adopted well today in class
we did a DNA test and I matched with
some random people that I've never met
before what no that can't be right honey
tell them tell them what he's not our
biological son what do you mean remember
our first couple of nights in the
hospital when our baby wouldn't stop
crying yeah and I told you to change him
yeah and I did
yo mom have you seen my favorite sweater
the merch yeah I can't believe you lost
it already I just had it not too long
ago dad have you seen my favorite hoodie
merch yeah nope I guess you have to wait
until April 8th when it comes out but I
have one already
hey little bro have you seen my what the
why are you wearing my sweater I love it
it looks cool I know it is but give it
back
hey y'all stop he has my merch come on
now be a good big brother and wait until
it comes out on April 8th and I'll get
you another one
bro I really need your help what's up I
have a date with my crush but I don't
have any ideas for our date oh do you
have an ocean no why bro there's this
new AI feature that can help you big
time really how all you have to do is
press space and ask it whatever you want
like for example date ideas and boom
it'll give you a list of date ideas whoa
that's nice I'm gonna take her on the
picnic at the park nice I'm sure she'll
love it the next day hey how was your
day great actually I went on a picnic
with a friend of mine at the park cool
wait a minute
hey son just letting you know we're home
okay yo Dad what's up did y'all eat yet
yeah we ate why because I asked Mom to
give me something did she get it oh let
me ask hey babe yes did he ask to bring
him something to eat I forgot oh and you
told me and I forgot that's crazy I mean
I guess people forget sometimes yeah
like our son what you definitely
understand because we asked you to clean
your room yesterday and wash the dishes
and you said you forgot dad that was an
accident don't worry we will definitely
try to make sure tomorrow we don't
forget
should know damn it
hey honey we're home welcome back y'all
did you boys have a great time yeah Dad
got us some ice cream and then we went
to a huge building and he told me to
wait in the car and gave me his phone to
play games oh yeah yeah I had a quick
business meeting I had to attend to nice
oh I swear I had 500 in here and and I
remember on the building it said in big
letters
Casino
yeah casino whatever that means
oh
hey son yes Mom do the dishes okay I'm
so sorry Mom I'll do all the chores it
won't happen again
hey son what's up Mom hurry up and do
the dishes oh you want me to do the
dishes no the neighbors dishes you
idiots oh so you want me to do the
neighbors dishes and then hours hurry up
or you're gonna get this whooping oh it
was better when you didn't remember me
you're gonna remember this belt
hey sweetie what can you please do the
dishes uh
is everything okay why are you looking
around like that I'm trying to find who
the heck you're talking to
yo son I just got an email from your
teacher and she said you're getting
bullied during class well there's these
kids that come up to me and give me a
choice between a dollar and two dollars
and when I pick one dollar they call me
stupid and laugh at me but don't you
know that two dollars is worth more yeah
I know but I also know that as soon as I
pick two dollars they're gonna stop
doing it and so far I've made a hundred
dollars
oh I didn't do anything
hey you're grounded Mister what yeah for
three months are you serious no iPad no
video games and no phone but I didn't do
anything wrong they lost a loved one and
I was just trying to be nice well
whatever you said trying to be nice was
not nice
morning and you said you said I'm sorry
and I apologize mean the same thing so I
was walking around everybody for two
hours telling them that we apologize
la la
yo son you ready for school oh shoot my
bad my bad I didn't see nothing bro
hurry up
hey loser have you seen my charger oh
son are you ready yet mom get out I'm
changing quiet I'm your mother you're my
son you came out of me there's nothing
on you that I haven't seen before so I'm
gonna wait here because you're late to
school hey Mommy I went to the store
with Daddy and some ladies said they
like Daddy's hair some lady said they
like Daddy's hair wow okay what did
Daddy say he smiled oh he smiled he
wants to smile girls now okay so your
daddy trying to meet Jesus today what's
going on come over here
oh
[Music]
some of the best feelings ever
you wake up thinking it's cool and it's
Saturday let's go you get a text from
her saying on the way oh I'm nervous
it's raining outside and you're about to
go to sleep I'm gonna sleep good tonight
all the Bros are online like what that
never happens
bro I'm telling you little bro is kind
of dumb I'm getting worried bro calm
down he's not that dumb oh yeah watch
this hey yeah what's up if the plane was
in the sky okay and then the plane
crashes in between the borders of U.S
and Canada where do you bury the
survivors there isn't any survivors it's
a plane crash you see and if there was
survivors they wouldn't be buried
because they're still alive you probably
heard that before let's try another one
okay let's say you were in a race right
right and you pass a second place what
place are you in second duh you see he's
dumb no he's right what
you're cute no you're cute
ah hold up baby what's wrong bro I'm
just tired of being the Third Wheel bro
there's nothing wrong with that I know
but I want to have what y'all have so I
think I'm gonna ask Kaylee out Haley
yeah I'm just gonna warn you that you
have some competition like who him
no
them her toxic ex her step bro her Man's
Best Friend the principal wait a second
the principal too yeah
son your mom and I decided to ground you
for sneaking out of that house
you can't leave this room tonight
and your mom said you have to eat
leftovers don't worry
oh and give me your controller because
no video games
just give me your broken one act
medicine no Dad why hopefully this can
teach you a lesson
hey why are you so late sorry my dad is
in the hospital oh I'm so sorry to hear
that it's okay one week later
Mark is your dad still in the hospital
yeah he's a doctor
hey Dad you have to say addicted after
everything I say I don't want to do this
come on dad please okay fine if you
sleep too much you get addicted if you
eat too much food you get addicted if
you play too many games you get addicted
so what slapped you in the face last
night addicted dad what slapped you in
the face last night addicted you're
telling me to say addicted shake my head
dad what slapped you in the face last
night addicted
hey how long until I can get a haircut
um about like two hours from now okay
cool the next day hey man how long until
I can get a haircut hey it's you again
um maybe like an hour and a half sounds
good thanks the next day hey I'm back
how long until I can get a haircut hey
I'd say 30 minutes okay perfect hey
Steve have you ever seen that guy get a
haircut not that I'm aware of do you
mind taking a break and follow him to
see where he goes every time he says
that okay yeah good idea 15 minutes
later hey I'm back hey did you see where
you kept going your house
dang it why can't I find it whoa son are
you all right not really I'm trying to
find this song that's been stuck in my
head but I can't find it okay well how
does it sound like
oh yeah I've heard that song before well
do you know the name because no matter
what I look up I can't find it okay well
what did you search for the song look
oh great Evans hey Katie I love you I
love you too no way really yeah like a
friend dang you just got a friend zone
hey since you're my friend do you want
to play a quick game with me sure what
comes after h i what's the opposite of
hate love and what's the opposite of me
oh I see where this is going that's cute
thanks now tell me what's the opposite
of me I just told you
[Music]
yo bro check this out I just stole three
muffins from the bakery
you're such a rookie what let me show
you how to do it the honest way follow
me okay at the bakery hey you the owner
here yeah what's up listen I got a magic
trick for you what is it if I can make
three of your muffins disappear and then
reappear I get them for free okay deal
go
welcome
[Music]
what you gonna poop them out is that the
trick no check my friend's bag
hey class I know the test yesterday was
really really really really really
really really hard but only one person
got a perfect score
yeah who I know it's not me here you go
what congrats you were the highest grade
in the classroom huh I didn't even study
at all and to be honest I don't even
remember taking a test but I guess I got
a hundred thank you Miss Johnson of
course keep up the good work Marcus wait
that's not my name it's Mark oh well
I'll be Marcus for today thanks Miss
Johnson thank you so much but Miss
Johnson his name is not Marcus it's not
oh great Heavens oh I can't sleep Dad
what's up why are you still up you got
school tomorrow because there's a scary
ugly person in the closet what are you
talking about Dad I'm being for real
there's a scary ugly person in my closet
okay let me go check
what the oh
son the school called me and told me you
had detention today why just because I
was giving my teacher Mr forever single
advice about what I asked if he had a
girlfriend and he said no so I told him
there's three easy steps on how to get a
girlfriend what did you say step one
grab a pillow okay step two grab a big
blanket
step three don't tell me you're gonna
say lotion or something no keep dreaming
hey Mom I'm home hey son how was school
it was great we had a test in history
and I know I nailed it oh really yeah
how was math math oh math was great we
just had to solve a problem in front of
the class really what was yours mine was
280 minus four divided by four that's
cool and how many dubs did you get on
fortnite at your friend Chris's house oh
we got like five dubs
um um how do you know that moms know
everything
I'll go to my room wait wait wait wait
you know the deal
[Applause]
here now turn around
hey mommy hey sweetie what does son of a

mean
you will not use that type of language
in this house it's because of that phone
you're always on it go help your dad
outside I just did Mommy Daddy was
building the fence with a hammer and I
asked if I could help so he gave me the
hammer and he was holding the mail but I
missed it now and hit his finger and he
said son of a that hurt that's not
funny you little
oh my God
yo bro I really want to ask Mia out Mia
bro she's way out of your league man
whatever Life's Too Short okay don't
tell me I told you so hey Mia would you
like to go on a date with me um no
because you're a nobody a one bye the
next day bro I can't believe you got the
quarterback position I know right I
can't believe it either oh here comes
Mia hey what's up Mia I heard that
you're the quarterback for our school I
am would you like to be the sun in my
life oh I'd be happy to get this day 93
million 985
887.6 miles away from me
[Applause]
hey who changed the Wi-Fi password oh it
was me dad what is it mom told you to
give me twenty dollars first are you
serious
oh here yo dad said you know the new
Wi-Fi password yeah why would you change
it mom told you to give me twenty
dollars first what heck no okay I guess
no Wi-Fi for you fine here I just sent
the money on cash app saying thanks
y'all are so nice and amazing so what's
the Wi-Fi password mom told you to give
me twenty dollars first stop playing
yeah we just gave it to you mom told you
to give me twenty dollars first all cats
hey son what's up Dad
um quick question are you failing
English no I'm passing you're passing oh
okay and do you need glasses or is your
vision okay yeah my vision is good why
what's up you'll see just give me one
second let me write something real quick
can you see that yeah can you read it
yeah it says Dad right so you can read
so how come you didn't see that on the
plate in the fridge that your mom made
for me I'm sorry yeah I know it was you
it said for Dad not from Dad I don't
understand honey it's fine I'll just
make you another plate thanks Mom oh
it's fine well guess what what he also
drank your Starbucks boy you finna get
this belt
[Music]
Daddy I'm gonna ask that girl next door
to be my girlfriend I'm sorry somebody
you can't I had a secret affair years
ago she's my daughter 10 minutes later
what's wrong sweetie I want to date the
girl next door but Dad said I can't
because she's his daughter it's okay son
go ask her on a date but Dad said it's
wrong to date my own sister he's not the
only one that had a secret affair son
he's not your dad really yay
ocean no damage Mark can we get some
Chick-fil-A no we have food in the
fridge oh you always tell me that talk
back to me or you'll get this belt dad
can you take me to my friend's house nah
I'm watching football right now and it's
kind of late don't you have your talent
show tomorrow morning yeah yeah go to
bed the next day
[Music]
hey Mommy can I have a new TV
um no can I have a new laptop no can I
have a new PS5 no you already have a PS2
can I get the new iPhone no you still
have the iPhone 6. can I get the new
Samsung no uh can I get a new toothbrush
what do you think I am made of money
well isn't that what Mom stands for
what's no way
hey girl miss you
are you in an Uber right now
you have your gun on you right because I
remember that one time when you shot
that hobra to death outside
that was so cute oh yeah remember can
you remember
don't forget about the Oregon
organs right yeah I remember now we're
almost at your destination anyways I
just
what's wrong son can we go to the
adoption center to give me a little
brother of course we can yay I'm gonna
be an older brother arrives at the
adoption center I can't wait to get to
get a little brother hello we're here to
get him a little brother hey little Mark
it's so nice to see you again you've
gotten so big
hey class we'll be watching a movie
today hey let's go actually I can't get
it to work so never mind what no
yes can I try something
um sure go ahead
done it works yes
now your homework will be writing an
essay about the movie
all right Clash show me your shapes I
drew an octagon and I drew a pentagon
what's wrong why do you have a picture
of milk
dad gone
[Music]
and why do you have a picture of a gun
okay that will be gone
what's up son can I talk to you for a
little bit of course man come have a
seat
you're right man like looking a little
nervous somewhere in your mom you know
I've been preparing for it and uh just
want to let you know that I'm gay
okay yeah all right yeah yeah yeah so
this does this uh this mean you're
seeing somebody or you know I've been
talking to this guy
okay and uh what about prai you're gonna
start attending that pride is not really
okay
you know I didn't really hear you when
you were telling me about the young lady
man that you're seeing uh when am I
gonna get to meet her him he lives in
Kentucky so I can't really
see him
see him quite often you know what what
hey if there's three birds on a wire and
a farmer shoots one how many are left
I'm none because the other birds would
fly away I like the way you think but
that's not correct I'm about to end my
teacher's whole career I got one for you
okay let's hear it there's three ladies
sitting in the park eating ice cream one
is stuck in the ice cream one is licking
the ice cream and one is biting it which
one is Mary
um the one that's sucking the ice cream
no the one with the wedding ring but I
like the way you think
really
[Music]
it's you again to make me go away just
tap this button
you missed bye bye I'll see you again
later
bro can you stay the night um I don't
think my mom's gonna let me what if I
ask her she still might say no what if I
got my mom to ask your mom you know what
that could work okay I'll be right back
okay a few moments later
um your mom said no dang it she she says
she doesn't know what we're talking
about what do you mean she said her son
died three years ago son who are you
talking to
oh
we need to leave now I get lonely
shoot not me please I didn't do anything
what oh nothing I just forgot to do my
homework don't worry I got the answers
right here thank you yeah no problem hey
what don't come to school tomorrow
because it's Saturday oh yeah but hey
don't come on Monday either it's a
holiday right right but seriously don't
come on Tuesday
mommy I'm hungry
there's nothing in the fridge what are
you talking about the fridge is full
with food
hey Mommy guess what what I got an A
plus on my math test
[Music]
you're grounded I'm so disappointed in
you oh
[Music]
great hey son I got something for you
really what is it this mess
[Music]
hey you need help I know you're a
stranger but at this point yes he keeps
barking here okay let me see if I can
help calm him down Darren doesn't like
listening wait Darren Watkins yes how'd
you know that
hey babe my phone is dead can I use your
phone real quick yeah go for it
um what's the passcode it's yours and
your ex-girlfriend's anniversary okay
thanks
[Music]
um why do you remember the anniversary
of your ex-girlfriend it was at this
moment he knew
[Music]
hey son yeah I just got done speaking
with your teacher okay so were you gonna
tell me how you failed the test I'm
sorry Mom I tried my best you're
grounded until your dad comes back with
the meal what come on hey big brother go
away I don't want to talk to you but I
got a joke to cheer you up really yeah
what's the difference between you and
Grandma
um I don't know Grandma passed
emotional damn it hey son make sure you
make your bed and fold your clothes I
already did it look
mom what the heck don't talk back to me
now fold your clothes
oh hi Mom I'm almost done cleaning hey
police I have an intruder please help me
I'm your son hey sweetie did you clean
your room no I don't have time I'm
playing my game oh it's okay honey I can
do it for you
oh my gosh the apartment's on fire what
do we do hurry run to the balcony okay
[Music]
help us somebody please help us maybe
it'll help if we yell together good idea
together together
mommy someone is calling dad's phone who
sneaky link what let me see hello hi is
Mark there no no he's not who is this
this is Rebecca his girlfriend
um this is his wife speaking that's a
damn lie we've been dating for a year
and a half what we've been married for
seven years you better be joking you
tell not helping him pay for the house
monthly anymore and I'm removing him
from my Netflix account oh and that
Louie Bank he wanted for some reason I
want that back
got you I just pranked you I'm actually
his sister
I'll tell Mark you called that is your
brother bye
[Music]
hey what the way you talked what's up
please don't come to school tomorrow
why what would happen if I do then
you're gonna regret coming I'm out of
here see you next year why would I
regret coming
please tell me it's Saturday there's no
school on Saturday
yo Dad what's up I got expelled from
school today expelled what did you do I
got caught making out with someone what
that's crazy kids do that all the time
why you I don't know did she get
expelled too no what that's not fair he
got fired
Hey Driver can you take me to town
please I've always wanted to kiss a nun
you can if you promise me you aren't
married no I'm not married okay kiss me
then after the kiss I feel bad cause I
lied I am married I feel bad too no I
lied it's my fault I'm not a nun I'm
Chris I'm going to a costume party
[Music]
yo dad I have a question yeah what's up
son who is the man who is a man yeah a
real man takes care feeds and protects
his family whoa no way one day I'm gonna
be a man like Mommy
[Music]
oh hey son Dad I'm sorry yeah yeah I'm
just looking for my jacket in the closet
yo bro have you seen my headphones no
get out
hey Mom is calling you why are you
excited right now I'm not get out let me
help you with that hey you still
showering you're wasting all the hot
water Mom give me some privacy get out
okay I don't care you came out of my
womb
bro I'm going to the gas station to buy
some snacks you want to come with nah
I'm good bro all right then whatever bro
um um Can can I go with you can I go
with you man shut up
but yeah come on let's go
Mike can you buy me some hot Cheetos
please in my 15 years of teaching I've
never had a class fellow test this bad
before
I'm very very disappointed y'all
even you Stuart
scored a one out of ten
[Laughter]
oh yeah did I forget to mention he
scored the highest
[Music]
oh
I'm doing good you know how it is
raising these crazy children
yeah he's over here do you want to talk
to him Mark Come speak with your great
grand Uncle no it's fine mom here talk
to him
hello how are you my boy do you remember
me I used to change your diapers when
you were one years old
Hey where's my phone I don't know why
you asking me because I know you mommy
not right now sweetie I'm talking to
your big brother where is my phone I
have mine why would I need yours I don't
know maybe your school called in you're
trying to hide it Mom I was like 12 when
I did that I'm 17 now but mommy what
sweetie what do you want I took your
phone oh sweetie you should have just
asked okay okay
don't you owe me a sorry or something
yeah good night
God I need help what's up I forgot to
take the meat out
nah you're on your own hey sweetie Mommy
I forgot to take the meat out grab me
the belt did you say pillow no the belt
here now turn around
hey Grandpa hey grandson how old are you
I'm 70 years old why I was just curious
if you were really old and you are I may
be really old but I got the body of an
18 year old okay Grandpa whatever you
say I'm not kidding okay then prove it
honey look what I got for our son what
no way a PS5 hold on let me get my
camera out but I got this for our son I
know I just want to record you giving it
to him I don't think you understand I
got this for our son
oh
great
do you get it yeah no totally like I
get it no like yeah why are you doing
that with your voice
you're so fake
I can't believe we actually made it here
me too bro
why are you trying not to laugh promise
me you won't laugh if I tell you okay I
promise I won't look at Jesus shoes
thank you
[Laughter]
what the where am I
hey
I've done my homework can I play
fortnite now no it's your bedtime I want
you to go to bed right now oh I hate you
oh great Heavens a couple minutes later
your son the hospital called and your
mom's been in an accident is she gonna
be okay yeah they say she's okay but I
need to go to the hospital ASAP do you
want to come no I'll stay here okay
where are we Landing boys
hey Dad what's up can I have some money
for a Coke yeah sure here's 400. whoa
yeah it's only two dollars what really
yeah dang the price really went down Dad
I'm talking about Coca-Cola
hey class I'm your substitute teacher
Miss cream and just because I'm your
substitute for today doesn't mean you
could be late I want everyone to
introduce yourselves and we'll start
with the four that were late and tell us
why you were late hi I'm Jack and I'm
late because I was blowing bubbles
outside hi I'm Jennifer and
erson was blowing bubbles outside hey
I'm
and I saw them having fun blowing
bubbles so I joined them what is up with
y'all blowing bubbles that's so
kindergarten at least wait until after
school to do that okay we have one more
person that was late let me guess
blowing bubbles hi my name is Bubbles
let's see let me try to find it
um
uh come on get to it I'm sorry Mom the
Wi-Fi is just slow right now oh I found
them are you failing your classes oh my
gosh I think there's something wrong in
the system but it's impossible I had all
A's yesterday you have a 44 in math and
44. oh he hasn't grade the test yet so
he puts in a zero until he grades it
okay what about the 52 in English oh
that's because the quiz yesterday I
swear everyone else failed it but you're
not everyone else and explain the 34 in
science okay Mom I'm not lying that
teacher doesn't like me oh yeah you know
what really likes you right now you and
this Bell oh I'm a Genie and I grant you
one wish okay
um I wish for hold on before you make a
wish there's only one rule you can't
wish for more wishes seriously oh
whoa what are you doing
hey what are you writing on that paper I
wish that everything on this paper will
come true
[Music]
oh my bad Keisha man she's so cute bro
you know Keisha only likes thugs right
really Yeah tomorrow's a talent show
right yeah why I have an idea the next
day
[Music]
hey class I'm pregnant yay
congratulations
hey class I'm pregnant
hey finally you made it sorry doc I've
been really busy with work the past
couple days no worries but I do have bad
news and good news well what's the good
news you only have two days to live what
that's the good news so what's the bad
news I've been trying to reach you for
the past two days
hey hi Mrs always wet my daughter went
to work let's have some fun absolutely
not I never cheat on my girlfriend
oh she's crazy hi oh hey babe I thought
you were at work that was a loyalty test
and I knew you would fail you Peter no
that's not true I was loyal to you then
liar you were in there for 12 seconds
and we both know what that means
hey Mom finally y'all made it how was
the flight not too bad I slept the whole
way good good hi hey it's my
daughter-in-law that always wears the
same outfit you say this every time well
it's true anyways where's my grandbaby
um oh there they are hey Grandma hi
Grandma hey are y'all hungry wait where
is the other one what are you talking
about Mom
dad
not again
oh I need to use the bathroom but the
men's is full hey the woman's bathroom
is empty I can let you in there under
one condition yes please anything do not
press any of the buttons in there okay
don't press any buttons got it thank you
let's see what this button does whoa
let's see what this one does
oh okay what about the last one
where am I and what happened you're in
the hospital and you're wearing the
girl's bathroom and press the auto
tampon remover button
eight things mothers hate one when I go
out two when I don't go out three when I
eat too much four when I don't eat five
when I sleep too much six when I don't
sleep seven when I answer her when she's
talking eight when I don't answer her
when she's talking
69 today wow you're amazing grandpa I
love you thank you and I love you too
wow happy birthday sir huh bro it's not
his birthday
[Music]
hey you want to go get something to eat
yeah let's go Hey brother can I come
with no you always want to come when I
have a friend over so so stop being so
annoying yeah stop being annoying who
said you could talk bad about my brother
I was just you were just walking out the
door
bro I totally forgot about this exam I
didn't study at all I know me either I'm
gonna fail my parents are gonna totally
kill me right I just hope I pass hey
class you may turn your test papers over
and start your test now
I'm done oh great Evans that liar all
right bro I'm gonna go to work
you all right my girl broke up with me
why she says she likes another guy dang
man I'm so sorry yeah is there anything
I can do to make you feel better you're
a cop right can you arrest her I can but
only if she breaks the law she drinks a
lot I can't arrest her for that but
she's not 18 yet oh
hey class we're gonna play a game where
we mix two words and make it into one
eye makes fun and duck what did you get
I make sure and set and what'd you get
oh and I mix big and sick what did you
get
oh
honey what's wrong with you you seem
distracted today I don't know Jimmy
looks really different from our other
kids what are you trying to say did you
have an affair I did I'm so sorry dang
it who's the father you are
oh
stop we're in the library shut up loser
[Music]
I'm sorry y'all be quieter
mommy can I stay up and play my game
tonight okay that's fine just make sure
you flip off the lights before you go to
bed okay don't forget please okay Alone
2 A.M in the morning son what did I tell
you about the light
what are you doing I'm about to go to
bed so I flipped up the lights
hey son did you learn anything in school
today no no did you at least do
something fun
um no nothing
oh actually you know what we
told me to pick up six cans of Sprite at
the grocery store
I got home
I realized I picked seven of them
is your dad okay no we lost him we could
have remembered his blood type surely he
knew what blood type he was he didn't he
just kept screaming be positive but how
can I be positive at a time like this
baby I think I'm pregnant I'm gonna have
a little brother or sister honey are you
for real yeah later that night what up
homie did you want to talk about
something my wife's pregnant what wow
congrats I just don't understand I can't
remember us not using protection even
once really yeah well here's another
explanation once a man went to a forest
and all he had was an umbrella then
suddenly a tiger approached him and he
opened up the umbrella at the tiger to
his surprise he heard a gunshot and
found the tiger dead but that's
impossible someone else must have shot
the tiger exactly
[Music]
Grandpa are the plates clean they're as
clean as cold water can get them just
eat your meal the next meal Gramps are
you sure the plates are clean how many
times do I have to tell you those dishes
are clean as cold water can get there a
couple minutes later
Grandpa your dog keeps growling at me
cold water come here Mark time to get up
for school I don't feel too well for
school mom excuse me you were okay
playing fortnite last night well my
throat isn't feeling too well Mark come
downstairs now I can't I have a headache
and I'm dizzy oh you're gonna feel
really dizzy if you don't come
downstairs right now all right but I'm
not going to school Martavius bend over
Robin Banks Adams
okay I'm coming hey babe do you want to
watch a movie while the kids are quiet
yeah let's do it 20 minutes later
thanks for watching the movie with me of
course and how did you get the kids to
stay so quiet oh I put the anime that
was on on your laptop on for them but I
don't have any anime on my laptop
hey loser leave me alone have you ever
kissed a girl no
everyone look it's Mr virgin
later that night Daddy can I not go to
school tomorrow why this kid made
everyone laugh by calling me Mr virgin
oh he did yeah well you're going to
school right and you're gonna tell them
this
the next day Hey look it's Mr virgin I
was until last night I don't believe you
ask your sister then huh I don't have a
sister you will
hey put your hands up where I can see
them
yeah it's in the kitchen I'll be right
back honey I think he likes you so when
he comes back do whatever it takes to
save us okay actually he said he loves
men and asked if we add any cucumbers
what whatever he wants just do it just
save us okay
what's up can I have someone come over
um it's pretty late what y'all gonna do
things that you and Mom do like father
like son all right it's cool thanks Dad
hey Dad can I have someone come over oh
heck no you just tell brother he can
that's different well do you rather me
do it behind your back or ask you oh you
have a point fine thank you 20 minutes
later hi I'm Kevin Hey Kevin I'll be
watching you my daughter's room is the
first one on the left oh um I'm actually
here for him yo what's up Kevin
class I'm gonna go to the bathroom real
quick I don't want to hear a single
noise okay I'll be back in a few seconds
yo I dare you to go sit on the teacher's
chair what that's crazy Todd oh you
scared no okay fine watch this
look at me I told you I wasn't scared
hey you crazy everyone be quiet the
teacher's coming
thank you class for being so quiet yes
Mark was on your chair
hey Jessica ew don't talk to me ugly
later that night hey Dad can I be
homeschooled why because this girl
called me ugly
ugly nah you're getting her back you're
gonna tell her this
the next day
hey Jessica what's wrong hey ugly my dad
passed away I'm so sorry for your loss
he's in a better place now yeah he is I
hope you're okay
um I have a boyfriend and I have a dad
[Music]
[Music]
Hey Stephen what's your body count it's
one I really really like this girl nice
same here Chris what's your body count
mine is only one as well I think this
girl's the one okay Tim what's your body
count don't laugh but it's just one
she's the love of my life nice hey
Michaela what's your body cow let me see
one two three four four
[Music]
oh