0:00 hey baby how many boys have you did that
0:02 you know what with before me
0:07 it's fine you can tell me
0:09 [Music]
0:11 it's okay you don't have to answer if
0:13 you don't want to
0:16 I'm sorry if I made you upset can you
0:18 please shut up I'm still counting
0:23 happy birthday son I got you the new
0:26 airpod Pros
0:27 why would you give him that you know he
0:30 can't use it what's wrong with him those
0:31 are the new airpod Pros
0:35 oh great Evans
0:39 hey what's wrong I got
0:43 it what did you get it's really bad what
0:46 is it I got a 94. well I got a 69. oh
0:50 that's so good huh for you
0:56 hey son you want to go play some catch
0:58 no I'm not in the mood oh okay you're
1:02 all right you seem kind of down last
1:04 night my girlfriend let another guy take
1:06 her out dang really yeah I really want
1:08 to fix this what are you gonna do about
1:10 it tonight I'm gonna take her out that's
1:13 a good idea where
1:14 at her house her house
1:21 I like you I like you too will you be my
1:25 girlfriend yes are you serious this is
1:27 the best day ever she said yes congrats
1:30 bro son I've never been more proud
1:34 hey wake up dummy
1:37 [Music]
1:39 hey your total is going to be 25.64. oh
1:43 really well I can't afford that well
1:46 honestly I don't know what to tell you I
1:47 have another order I have to go after
1:49 this well looks like I'm gonna have to
1:51 pay for that some other what wait I
1:53 actually have thirty dollars Alexa what
1:55 the that's not in the script
1:57 hey can I buy this PS5 for five dollars
2:01 um sorry kid but it's 600 you'll have to
2:04 pay full price they don't know that I
2:06 know this life hack well I have my
2:09 friend here
2:10 okay so he's paying for it look again
2:18 [Music]
2:24 you have three wishes really however you
2:28 can't wish for immortality or for more
2:31 wishes
2:32 um I wish that I don't die a virgin I
2:34 already told you you can't wish for
2:36 immortality
2:40 hey Dad what's up can I stay the night
2:43 at Johnny's today no it's a school night
2:45 so so no okay how about if you saw this
2:49 riddle I'll do all the work that mom
2:51 wants you to do and if you get it wrong
2:52 I get to go to my friend's house okay
2:54 deal I had ten dollars I give you five
2:58 dollars and I spent two dollars how much
3:00 money did I have that's easy three
3:05 hey Johnny I'm coming over what was the
3:07 answer
3:08 oh sorry take my seat if you're pregnant
3:11 um I'm not pregnant You Wanna Be ew
3:14 you're disgusting I own a fertility
3:16 clinic oh sorry I thought it's called
3:19 your bedroom you piece of it was an
3:21 old mattress store we never changed the
3:23 signs
3:26 do you want to do something but I'm
3:29 dating your sister she doesn't have to
3:31 know really yeah okay wait here
3:35 [Music]
3:45 yeah you know I would never cheat on you
3:52 hey man you want soap to wash You Yes
3:56 actually I've been tired of washing
3:57 myself with just water I got you hey so
4:00 get in here he said he wants you to
4:02 watch the wash hand thanks man wait
4:09 yo what's up Uncle I haven't seen you in
4:12 forever yeah I've just been troubleing
4:13 the world you know how it is not really
4:15 but anything new oh I'm getting married
4:18 again what how old is she she's 22 22.
4:22 did you just turned 60 yeah how did she
4:24 agree to marry you I lied about mine
4:26 what did you say I told her I was 85.
4:31 happy birthday Mom thanks sweetie how
4:34 old are you now like 40. what you think
4:37 I look at old well how old is Dad your
4:40 dad's the old one he's 45 and I'm 32.
4:42 wait a second if Dad's 45 and you're 32
4:45 and I'm 17 that means
4:57 so much for me what yeah okay just go
5:01 play your video games while I do your
5:03 homework later like who does he think he
5:05 is Mommy I take back all the things I
5:08 say about you every day you're the best
5:10 person ever thank you
5:13 does he not know what sarcasm is honey I
5:17 think our son has reading problems
5:18 really why well look at this yo son can
5:22 you spell this word
5:24 um m e d i c i n e good job what's the
5:32 word
5:33 nasty oh my gosh do you see what I mean
5:36 it's because you didn't give him an easy
5:37 one let's try again with this one can
5:40 you spell this
5:42 d a d nice now put the letters together
5:46 cheater
5:51 you missed take that bro you can't touch
5:55 me either
5:56 bro what are you doing with your laptop
5:58 on the beach yeah you're so stupid
6:02 wait what's that
6:05 [Music]
6:15 mommy look I made all this money cutting
6:18 grass this weekend oh my gosh that's
6:20 really good folks let me go ahead and
6:22 hold on to it so you don't lose it but
6:24 Mom I'm a big kid now I'm responsible
6:26 wait are you saying you don't trust me
6:29 no I'm fine here you go a couple of days
6:33 later hey Mom can I get 20 out of my
6:36 money oh baby about that I spent that
6:38 already I forgot to tell you
6:42 oh doctor I can't take this pain anymore
6:45 if you take this pill it will transfer
6:47 the pain to the father really yeah baby
6:49 you always said you wish you could take
6:51 my pain away I did say that go ahead I
6:54 love you thank you
6:59 I told you I was really strong I don't
7:01 feel nothing oh why am I in so much pain
7:09 yo you demolished him hold up bro let me
7:12 go to game chat real quick I'll be right
7:14 back dang bro you finna go in on him huh
7:16 you know I got to don't make him cry too
7:18 much okay hold up I yo you are trash kid
7:22 you're trash like get off this game like
7:25 how'd you let me out box you and no
7:27 scope you like how are you playing with
7:28 your controller upside down
7:31 hey good game bro like the way you were
7:34 building and editing so fast
7:39 [Music]
7:47 but anyways continue being great goodbye
7:59 oh crap hey what did you do it wasn't me
8:03 Mom I swear who was it then Casper yeah
8:06 no son you should never lie line is very
8:09 bad okay sorry the next day
8:14 [Music]
8:15 oh it's Mom's phone
8:18 hey it's Dad hello hey son can I talk to
8:21 your mom real quick yeah
8:26 hey mommy daddy wants to talk to you
8:29 tell him I'm nabbing okay Dad Mama's nap
8:32 I mean no she's wrestling with Uncle
8:35 Fred in your room what why'd you tell
8:37 him that because lying is very bad mommy
8:41 all right class recess is almost over
8:44 hey if you don't let me kidnap three
8:46 kids in my van you'll die okay okay you
8:49 don't have to point that at me I was
8:50 gonna say yes anyways really yeah you
8:53 can take them right there but you'll
8:54 regret it whatever thanks hey kids come
8:57 with me I have candy a few moments later
9:01 too easy where's my candy yeah where's
9:04 the candy
9:06 I lied
9:09 what the how'd you take mine my name is
9:11 Justin and I'm cracked at fortnite my
9:13 guy
9:16 where's my candy
9:18 three two one you can have them back
9:22 they're crazy I told you you'll regret
9:25 it
9:26 I'll treat you for 500 but if you don't
9:29 get cured I'll give you a thousand
9:30 dollars back okay well I lost all my
9:32 taste in my mouth can you please help me
9:34 nurse can you get medicine from Box 22
9:37 and put three jobs in his mouth oh
9:40 that's gasoline congratulations you got
9:42 your taste back that will be five
9:44 hundred dollars the next day I lost my
9:46 memory I can't remember anything nurse
9:49 can you get medicine from Box 22 and put
9:51 three drops in his mouth oh no you don't
9:53 that's gasoline congratulations you got
9:55 your memory back that will be five
9:57 hundred dollars oh the next day I lost
10:00 my eyesight I can't see anything well I
10:03 don't have any medicine for that so
10:04 here's a thousand dollars but this is
10:06 only five hundred dollars
10:07 congratulations you got your vision back
10:09 that will be five hundred dollars
10:14 dog you're using that wrong no I'm not I
10:18 thought you were supposed to stick
10:20 that hey what's your language and no
10:22 this is an oral thermometer it goes
10:25 under your tongue
10:26 [Applause]
10:28 I don't have a fever oh I don't have a
10:31 fever either
10:32 really good for you son
10:35 [Music]
10:41 hey son how was your day at school it
10:44 was good everybody in my class is
10:46 growing a flower in a pot and whoever
10:49 has the biggest flower by the end of
10:51 this month wins a prize that's awesome
10:53 yeah and I remember you told me that
10:56 poop makes the plant grow bigger I do
10:58 uh-huh so after class I hid in the
11:01 bathroom and waited until everybody left
11:04 and then I had the perfect opportunity
11:06 to fertilize my soil with my feces you
11:10 should have used protection
11:13 why do you want an abortion it's so
11:15 unsafe because it's not my boyfriend's
11:17 child then lie that it's his what I can
11:20 do that yeah you know what column okay
11:25 hi baby hey babe I'm pregnant no way
11:28 really we should get married really okay
11:30 you can come to my house tonight and
11:32 I'll introduce you to my family he wants
11:34 to get married congratulations later
11:36 that night Mom meet my girlfriend
11:44 foreign
11:45 you will marry the girl I choose what no
11:48 way but she's Elon musk's daughter oh
11:50 okay Dad visits Elon Musk I want your
11:53 daughter to marry my son no but my son
11:56 is the CEO of World Bank oh okay Dad
11:59 visits the World Bank make my son the
12:02 CEO of World Bank no but my son is Elon
12:06 musk's son-in-law oh okay thank you
12:09 thank you get him get him we're so close
12:11 to winning the game son shut off your
12:13 game it's time for dinner okay one
12:14 second we're about to win the game all
12:16 right hurry come on guys let's hurry up
12:19 and win it because I have to go eat
12:20 dinner a couple minutes later Mark come
12:23 down for dinner dang it sorry boys I
12:25 have to go eat dinner no bro we're only
12:27 one kill away from winning the game
12:29 you're the only one alive just one more
12:31 minute please I'm sorry my mom called me
12:34 twice already I gotta go before she
12:36 grounds me hey mom what are we having
12:38 for dinner we're having spaghetti and
12:40 meatballs it'll be ready in about five
12:43 minutes you can sit down for now oh
12:45 great yeah
12:51 can you shut up
12:55 is you suck at singing That's why no one
12:57 likes you and your breath stinks
13:00 hey did you take my hoodie no what's
13:03 that you're wearing then
13:05 um give it back or else mommy brother
13:07 won't leave me alone
13:11 what the heck are you looking at I had a
13:13 bad day no one's looking at you ugly
13:15 what'd you say
13:17 [Music]
13:19 hey Melissa hey Mark it took me a while
13:21 to have the courage to tell you this but
13:24 I love you oh I love you too really yeah
13:27 as a friend of course you're just not
13:29 good looking for me oh okay hey class
13:32 remember to be ready for the talent show
13:34 tomorrow the next day
13:37 this song is dedicated to Melissa
13:41 roses are red violets are blue did you
13:45 actually think I would have cried over
13:46 you I told you I love you you believe it
13:49 was true well guess what Melissa you got
13:52 played too
13:55 emotional damage
14:01 hi there who are you I'm from the
14:03 Make-A-Wish Foundation no way really and
14:06 I'm here to make your wish come true so
14:08 what's one thing you wish for anything
14:10 yeah anything okay
14:13 um I wish to meet Spider-Man okay we're
14:15 gonna make that happen hey let's go I
14:18 don't think I forgot about you what do
14:20 you wish for I wish to not be sick
14:22 anymore don't worry we're gonna do
14:24 exactly what you asked for hold on I
14:26 didn't know that was an option oh my
14:28 gosh this is a miracle he's cured wow I
14:31 feel so much better hey can I change my
14:33 wish please did someone call for
14:36 Spider-Man
14:40 how was school today sweetie it was so
14:42 boring I just hate it
14:44 turn it up Mom okay tonight we're
14:47 expecting
14:50 it yes I hope it's a snow day tomorrow
14:52 later that day Dad do you think it'll be
14:55 a snow day tomorrow I don't know you
14:57 asked me a million times already so just
14:59 go to bed all right geez please be a
15:02 snow day tomorrow I just want to play
15:03 fortnite
15:04 [Music]
15:07 please no school please no school let's
15:10 go no school hey boys are y'all ready to
15:13 play fortnite all day
15:17 it's a snow day all right I still have
15:21 school
15:23 good morning class today we'll be
15:25 learning about geometry
15:27 you're fired what please give me one
15:31 more chance I'm sorry but we have to let
15:33 you go a couple minutes later are you
15:36 serious a flat tire oh today's the worst
15:39 later that night man I'm done with today
15:42 oh give me some of that hey
15:46 why did you just drink that why are you
15:48 so miserable today I lost my job I got a
15:51 flat tire and to top it all off I just
15:54 found out you're having an affair with
15:56 my brother Fred so you decided to drown
15:58 yourself with wine what a coward no I
16:02 was trying to poison myself what
16:07 hey Mommy look at my drawing do you like
16:11 it oh my gosh sweetie that is so cute me
16:15 and Dad are very very proud of you right
16:18 honey what oh
16:22 no actually it's not it's really bad
16:25 what
16:27 [Music]
16:29 ouch I was just being honest apologize
16:31 to him now it's okay Mommy
16:33 ask me who I drew is that supposed to be
16:36 me no this is Tiffany from Dad's phone
16:41 sorry I was just being honest
16:50 how to get a girlfriend step one wear
16:54 your hat backwards
16:57 step two be yourself
17:02 hey close the door
17:06 three
17:09 hey stinky breath
17:11 are you serious stop you're annoying
17:18 girlfriend that's it
17:23 hey hey don't cry don't cry hey what's
17:26 going on over there
17:29 I'm coming if you stop crying I'll get
17:32 you McDonald's okay what happened
17:34 nothing mommy he just beat me in a game
17:36 hey Mom can I no Mom no
17:41 no ah three
17:45 three one mom can I please no
17:49 no hey didn't I tell you to clean the
17:51 house today what I tried asking you if
17:53 you wanted me to wash the dishes and you
17:55 said no I tried asking if you wanted me
17:57 to clean my room you said no I was even
17:59 considering to do your laundry and you
18:01 said no to that too can I please yes you
18:03 can thanks Mom I'll be going out with my
18:05 friends I'll be back by 12.
18:08 hey bro what's up so uh I did it no way
18:14 we finally broke up with her yeah hey
18:17 let's go I'm proud of you how you feel
18:21 um not too good but you don't have to
18:23 worry about me you should worry about
18:25 yourself what is that supposed to mean
18:27 her last words were if I can't have you
18:30 no one else can okay what does that have
18:33 to do with me well you're the only
18:35 person I hang out with that has my
18:37 attention
18:41 mommy I'm hungry do you want me to make
18:44 you a sandwich actually can I just have
18:46 Nutella on it Nutella really yes please
18:48 fine go get it yay okay a couple seconds
18:52 later
18:54 happy
18:55 what what's wrong it's Andy there's no
18:58 more
18:59 oh it's not empty let me see
19:07 you
19:08 see this I told you it wasn't empty look
19:11 so much chocolate but how don't worry
19:14 just eat it you're the best mommy son
19:17 remember to never take off those
19:18 headphones okay Dad I won't hey a loser
19:21 you look so ugly wearing those
19:23 headphones don't listen to them they're
19:25 idiots thank you don't worry I got you
19:28 but why do you wear those all the time
19:30 well my dad told me to never take them
19:31 all oh okay hey class we're taking a pop
19:34 quiz hey no cheating take those
19:37 headphones off he can't hear you okay
19:40 I'll do it myself
19:41 [Music]
19:43 breathe in
19:45 breathe out breathe in
19:48 breathe out
19:50 wake up filthy
19:52 well well well look who it is excuse me
19:55 I'm trying to get to class oh my bad why
19:58 are your books on the floor what do you
20:00 mean
20:01 those books nerd 10 years later I am yo
20:07 man I'm a big fan of your movies can I
20:09 have your autograph nah I'm good but why
20:12 you don't remember me do you remember
20:14 you yeah I'm Mr nerd
20:20 excuse me hi would you rather take this
20:23 five dollar bill or double it and give
20:26 it to the next person I'll take it no
20:29 you can't do that you literally just
20:31 asked me if I wanted to keep five
20:33 dollars yeah but you're not supposed to
20:34 keep it then why would you ask me
20:37 look kid you're supposed to double it
20:39 and give it to the next person because
20:41 you're a good person so to be a good
20:43 person I'm supposed to give away free
20:45 money yes someone might need it more but
20:47 what if you give the money to someone
20:49 who isn't a good person or is Rich it
20:51 doesn't matter that's how the game works
20:53 I don't want to play I want the money
20:55 let's try this one more time would you
20:57 rather take this five dollar bill or
20:59 double it and give it to the next person
21:00 if I double it can I be the next person
21:04 hey big bro Grandma give me some money
21:06 do you think this is enough for a
21:08 chocolate bar no way what a coincidence
21:10 I have a chocolate bar do you want to
21:11 trade it
21:12 um I don't know what about three
21:15 chocolate bars what do you think three
21:17 now we're talking a little bit more
21:19 three chocolate bars and I'll send you
21:21 ten dollars on cash app deal okay boom I
21:25 just sent it I don't accept refunds okay
21:27 okay whatever dummy a couple minutes
21:31 later yeah so you can pick the most
21:34 expensive dinner I'll pay really hey son
21:37 did you take the trash yet yeah I can't
21:40 believe your brother found a fake
21:41 hundred dollar bill at school what
21:44 ew you're broke bye
21:50 I'll get him hey bro I Gotta Go My
21:54 Girl's calling me hi bro get on when you
21:56 can a couple of days later
22:00 at school hey bro you trying to get on
22:03 later nah I can't I'm hanging out with
22:05 my girl I later that night hey beautiful
22:09 hey what's wrong I just think we should
22:12 spend some time apart what we're doing
22:14 so good I just need time to myself oh
22:17 okay a few hours later
22:20 okay
22:24 hello hey bro I heard about the breakup
22:27 you trying to run it yeah bro
22:29 it's good to be back
22:35 hey class I know summer's coming up yeah
22:38 summer quiet down Jacob so back to what
22:40 I was saying is you're about to graduate
22:42 fourth grade so that being said they
22:44 want a student to give a speech at
22:46 graduation please don't take me Mark I
22:49 think you would be perfect for it uh
22:51 sure why not it can be about who
22:53 inspires you or who you want to be
22:55 anything really okay
22:58 hi everyone that's my boy that's my baby
23:02 the person who inspires me and who I
23:04 want to be like is my mom oh because I
23:07 just found out she has more jobs than my
23:09 dad which is awesome what I don't have a
23:12 job you don't have to keep it a secret
23:13 anymore mom I saw three uniforms in your
23:16 closet donate outfit a nurse outfit and
23:20 a cop outfit with handcuffs you can stop
23:22 now sweetie I'm almost done mom and that
23:25 just shows how amazing and talented she
23:27 is I want to be like her so if you need
23:29 a maid or help catch bad guys you know
23:32 who to reach my mom
23:34 what's your problem I'm too smart for
23:37 first grade my sister's in grade three
23:39 and I'm smarter than her too let's go
23:40 see what the principal has to say I I'll
23:43 give him a test and if he fails just one
23:45 question he has to go back to class and
23:47 be quiet okay what's three times three
23:49 nine what's six times six 36 I see no
23:53 reason why you can't go to the third
23:54 grade he answered all of my questions
23:56 correctly can I ask him some questions
23:58 of course what does a cow have four of
24:01 that I only have two of legs what do you
24:04 have in your pants that I don't have
24:06 pockets what does a dog do that a man
24:09 steps into pants what starts with the F
24:13 and ends with the K fire truck put him
24:15 in fifth grade I got the last four
24:17 questions wrong myself
24:18 [Music]
24:23 can someone help me with the chores I'm
24:25 doing homework say my homework is due
24:27 tomorrow my back hurts since nobody
24:29 volunteered you're doing them because
24:31 you're the oldest I knew it I'll put a
24:33 camera here just to make sure you
24:35 actually work oops I dropped something
24:38 dude pick that up pick one up I'm not
24:41 cleaning up your mess why is there trash
24:42 on the ground he dropped it it wasn't me
24:45 he's lying why don't you check the
24:46 camera you've set up good idea
24:50 looks like this layer is going to do all
24:52 the work or what or I'm gonna work this
24:55 belt on you oh great heaven
25:02 laughs
25:03 hello hi Mr Adams who's this this is the
25:07 principal of your son's school I'm
25:09 calling because your son got in a fight
25:11 yes sir
25:13 let me talk to him okay here he is hello
25:18 no sir
25:20 so who was it the kid has been messing
25:22 with you with you yeah did you beat him
25:24 up oh yeah that's my boy let's go don't
25:27 ever let anyone disrespect you you keep
25:29 doing you yes sir we finna celebrate and
25:31 get ice cream after school okay oh yeah
25:34 make sure you act sad like you're gonna
25:35 get a whooping later no Dad please
25:37 anything but that
25:39 all right good job son I'll see you
25:42 later
25:42 hey Dad hey son so why am I picking you
25:45 up early from school today because I was
25:48 the only one that answered a question in
25:50 my class wow I'm so proud of you son I
25:53 mean your mother does tell me you get
25:55 your intelligence for me
25:56 so what was the question the question
25:59 yes the question
26:01 um who threw the trash can at the
26:03 principal's head really wow that kid is
26:06 crazy
26:06 who was it
26:09 [Music]
26:14 oh grandpa is taking forever hmm I
26:17 wonder what's in here
26:19 oh what's this candy
26:22 [Music]
26:24 it tastes weird it must be old candy 20
26:28 minutes later hey grandson hopefully I
26:31 wasn't gone for too long what are you
26:34 doing grandson
26:35 Grandpa where the heck candy from
26:40 Candy I don't have any
26:48 one mommy yes hold on shouldn't you be
26:51 asleep well
26:53 um I actually need some taping glue for
26:55 my project look at you trying to start
26:57 your project early but I don't think we
26:59 have tape or glue so I'll get after
27:01 school tomorrow well the project is
27:03 actually do tomorrow what oh what am I
27:06 going to do with you sorry Mommy it's
27:09 okay sweetie I'll figure something out
27:14 don't talk to me or you'll be thanking
27:16 this hand
27:19 hey bro can I use the bathroom yeah it's
27:22 downstairs to your right thanks
27:24 [Music]
27:34 five minutes later
27:38 oh no what do I do
27:40 oh well
27:41 [Music]
27:43 hey sweetie let me guess you at Taco
27:45 Bell
27:47 has anyone seen my laptop I have it
27:49 sweetie I'm about to look up purses real
27:51 quick okay
28:01 oh thanks sweetie huh you were trying to
28:05 get me popular gifts for my birthday
28:09 foreign
28:13 get ready time for school I don't want
28:15 to go can I stay home today I'm sorry
28:17 but you have to go can I just quit
28:19 school then I don't like it what's going
28:21 on he wants to quit school son if you
28:23 quit school I'll go to jail and I know
28:25 you wouldn't want that for how long for
28:28 a long time oh dang that sucks I know so
28:31 come on get ready well it's okay I'll
28:33 just visit you
28:43 um what do you want mom told me to tell
28:45 you to wash the dishes what I washed
28:47 them yesterday mom do I really have to
28:49 wash the dishes no I told your little
28:51 brother to do it are you serious why'd
28:53 you lie I just wanted to see if I can
28:56 get you to do it oh I swear the things
28:58 you do annoy me like what you always
29:00 leave my door open
29:02 you always take my stuff or eat my food
29:05 and you always snitch and blame me for
29:08 everything I did a snitch about you
29:10 sneaking out last night you did what now
29:17 hey pause the game for a second I'm
29:19 playing online I can't are you sure
29:21 about that what's up Mom did you use my
29:24 credit card no why so why is there a 200
29:27 charge showing I don't know but it
29:29 wasn't me it didn't order v-bucks no
29:31 wait you said v-bucks yes I think that
29:34 was your perfect little angel that did
29:36 it oh really okay turn your game volume
29:38 up all the way so you won't hear
29:40 anything okay hey hi Mommy say hi to
29:44 this Bell
29:47 yo you owe me 500 you need to pay me
29:50 back already
29:51 um no I don't oh I'm never letting
29:54 someone borrow money again hey I
29:56 overheard your conversation I'm a lawyer
29:58 do you need help well my so-called
30:00 friend owes me 500 but won't pay me back
30:02 and he won't admit to it well first of
30:05 all you need written evidence okay but
30:07 how text them okay hey where is my
30:10 freaking 500 that you owe me what 500 I
30:14 don't owe you nothing you see see he
30:16 still won't admit to it say he owes you
30:18 two thousand dollars what but he only
30:20 owes me 500 trust me just do it okay Hey
30:24 where's my freaking two thousand dollars
30:26 that you owe me I don't owe you two
30:28 thousand dollars I owe you five hundred
30:30 dollars hey you were right that'll be
30:32 499 dollars
30:39 [Music]
30:41 wow your baby is so cute can I hold him
30:44 yeah sure
30:47 your baby just gave me a hundred dollars
30:49 that's my boy Jimmy for you wait Jimmy
30:51 Donaldson yeah how'd you know
30:58 Mommy why didn't you tell me that I was
31:01 adopted what are you talking about son
31:02 you're not adopted well today in class
31:05 we did a DNA test and I matched with
31:07 some random people that I've never met
31:09 before what no that can't be right honey
31:12 tell them tell them what he's not our
31:14 biological son what do you mean remember
31:16 our first couple of nights in the
31:18 hospital when our baby wouldn't stop
31:19 crying yeah and I told you to change him
31:22 yeah and I did
31:24 yo mom have you seen my favorite sweater
31:26 the merch yeah I can't believe you lost
31:29 it already I just had it not too long
31:31 ago dad have you seen my favorite hoodie
31:34 merch yeah nope I guess you have to wait
31:37 until April 8th when it comes out but I
31:39 have one already
31:41 hey little bro have you seen my what the
31:43 why are you wearing my sweater I love it
31:45 it looks cool I know it is but give it
31:48 back
31:49 hey y'all stop he has my merch come on
31:53 now be a good big brother and wait until
31:55 it comes out on April 8th and I'll get
31:57 you another one
32:00 bro I really need your help what's up I
32:02 have a date with my crush but I don't
32:04 have any ideas for our date oh do you
32:07 have an ocean no why bro there's this
32:09 new AI feature that can help you big
32:11 time really how all you have to do is
32:13 press space and ask it whatever you want
32:15 like for example date ideas and boom
32:18 it'll give you a list of date ideas whoa
32:21 that's nice I'm gonna take her on the
32:22 picnic at the park nice I'm sure she'll
32:25 love it the next day hey how was your
32:27 day great actually I went on a picnic
32:29 with a friend of mine at the park cool
32:31 wait a minute
32:33 hey son just letting you know we're home
32:35 okay yo Dad what's up did y'all eat yet
32:39 yeah we ate why because I asked Mom to
32:41 give me something did she get it oh let
32:43 me ask hey babe yes did he ask to bring
32:47 him something to eat I forgot oh and you
32:50 told me and I forgot that's crazy I mean
32:53 I guess people forget sometimes yeah
32:55 like our son what you definitely
32:58 understand because we asked you to clean
32:59 your room yesterday and wash the dishes
33:01 and you said you forgot dad that was an
33:03 accident don't worry we will definitely
33:05 try to make sure tomorrow we don't
33:07 forget
33:09 should know damn it
33:12 hey honey we're home welcome back y'all
33:15 did you boys have a great time yeah Dad
33:18 got us some ice cream and then we went
33:20 to a huge building and he told me to
33:23 wait in the car and gave me his phone to
33:25 play games oh yeah yeah I had a quick
33:28 business meeting I had to attend to nice
33:30 oh I swear I had 500 in here and and I
33:35 remember on the building it said in big
33:37 letters
33:38 Casino
33:41 yeah casino whatever that means
33:45 oh
33:49 hey son yes Mom do the dishes okay I'm
33:52 so sorry Mom I'll do all the chores it
33:54 won't happen again
33:55 hey son what's up Mom hurry up and do
33:58 the dishes oh you want me to do the
34:00 dishes no the neighbors dishes you
34:02 idiots oh so you want me to do the
34:03 neighbors dishes and then hours hurry up
34:06 or you're gonna get this whooping oh it
34:08 was better when you didn't remember me
34:09 you're gonna remember this belt
34:13 hey sweetie what can you please do the
34:15 dishes uh
34:18 is everything okay why are you looking
34:20 around like that I'm trying to find who
34:22 the heck you're talking to
34:26 yo son I just got an email from your
34:29 teacher and she said you're getting
34:30 bullied during class well there's these
34:33 kids that come up to me and give me a
34:34 choice between a dollar and two dollars
34:36 and when I pick one dollar they call me
34:39 stupid and laugh at me but don't you
34:41 know that two dollars is worth more yeah
34:44 I know but I also know that as soon as I
34:47 pick two dollars they're gonna stop
34:48 doing it and so far I've made a hundred
34:51 dollars
34:55 oh I didn't do anything
34:58 hey you're grounded Mister what yeah for
35:01 three months are you serious no iPad no
35:04 video games and no phone but I didn't do
35:07 anything wrong they lost a loved one and
35:09 I was just trying to be nice well
35:10 whatever you said trying to be nice was
35:13 not nice
35:14 morning and you said you said I'm sorry
35:16 and I apologize mean the same thing so I
35:19 was walking around everybody for two
35:21 hours telling them that we apologize
35:26 la la
35:28 yo son you ready for school oh shoot my
35:30 bad my bad I didn't see nothing bro
35:33 hurry up
35:37 hey loser have you seen my charger oh
35:42 son are you ready yet mom get out I'm
35:44 changing quiet I'm your mother you're my
35:46 son you came out of me there's nothing
35:48 on you that I haven't seen before so I'm
35:50 gonna wait here because you're late to
35:52 school hey Mommy I went to the store
35:55 with Daddy and some ladies said they
35:56 like Daddy's hair some lady said they
35:58 like Daddy's hair wow okay what did
36:00 Daddy say he smiled oh he smiled he
36:04 wants to smile girls now okay so your
36:07 daddy trying to meet Jesus today what's
36:09 going on come over here
36:11 oh
36:14 [Music]
36:22 some of the best feelings ever
36:27 you wake up thinking it's cool and it's
36:29 Saturday let's go you get a text from
36:31 her saying on the way oh I'm nervous
36:34 it's raining outside and you're about to
36:36 go to sleep I'm gonna sleep good tonight
36:37 all the Bros are online like what that
36:40 never happens
36:42 bro I'm telling you little bro is kind
36:44 of dumb I'm getting worried bro calm
36:47 down he's not that dumb oh yeah watch
36:48 this hey yeah what's up if the plane was
36:52 in the sky okay and then the plane
36:54 crashes in between the borders of U.S
36:56 and Canada where do you bury the
36:58 survivors there isn't any survivors it's
37:00 a plane crash you see and if there was
37:02 survivors they wouldn't be buried
37:04 because they're still alive you probably
37:06 heard that before let's try another one
37:07 okay let's say you were in a race right
37:10 right and you pass a second place what
37:12 place are you in second duh you see he's
37:16 dumb no he's right what
37:20 you're cute no you're cute
37:22 ah hold up baby what's wrong bro I'm
37:26 just tired of being the Third Wheel bro
37:28 there's nothing wrong with that I know
37:30 but I want to have what y'all have so I
37:32 think I'm gonna ask Kaylee out Haley
37:34 yeah I'm just gonna warn you that you
37:36 have some competition like who him
37:39 no
37:40 them her toxic ex her step bro her Man's
37:46 Best Friend the principal wait a second
37:49 the principal too yeah
37:52 son your mom and I decided to ground you
37:58 for sneaking out of that house
38:03 you can't leave this room tonight
38:10 and your mom said you have to eat
38:12 leftovers don't worry
38:16 oh and give me your controller because
38:19 no video games
38:21 just give me your broken one act
38:23 medicine no Dad why hopefully this can
38:27 teach you a lesson
38:31 hey why are you so late sorry my dad is
38:34 in the hospital oh I'm so sorry to hear
38:36 that it's okay one week later
38:41 Mark is your dad still in the hospital
38:43 yeah he's a doctor
38:46 hey Dad you have to say addicted after
38:49 everything I say I don't want to do this
38:50 come on dad please okay fine if you
38:53 sleep too much you get addicted if you
38:56 eat too much food you get addicted if
38:58 you play too many games you get addicted
39:01 so what slapped you in the face last
39:02 night addicted dad what slapped you in
39:05 the face last night addicted you're
39:08 telling me to say addicted shake my head
39:10 dad what slapped you in the face last
39:13 night addicted
39:15 hey how long until I can get a haircut
39:18 um about like two hours from now okay
39:20 cool the next day hey man how long until
39:23 I can get a haircut hey it's you again
39:26 um maybe like an hour and a half sounds
39:28 good thanks the next day hey I'm back
39:30 how long until I can get a haircut hey
39:33 I'd say 30 minutes okay perfect hey
39:36 Steve have you ever seen that guy get a
39:38 haircut not that I'm aware of do you
39:40 mind taking a break and follow him to
39:42 see where he goes every time he says
39:43 that okay yeah good idea 15 minutes
39:46 later hey I'm back hey did you see where
39:49 you kept going your house
39:53 dang it why can't I find it whoa son are
39:56 you all right not really I'm trying to
39:58 find this song that's been stuck in my
39:59 head but I can't find it okay well how
40:01 does it sound like
40:07 oh yeah I've heard that song before well
40:10 do you know the name because no matter
40:11 what I look up I can't find it okay well
40:15 what did you search for the song look
40:19 oh great Evans hey Katie I love you I
40:22 love you too no way really yeah like a
40:25 friend dang you just got a friend zone
40:28 hey since you're my friend do you want
40:30 to play a quick game with me sure what
40:33 comes after h i what's the opposite of
40:36 hate love and what's the opposite of me
40:40 oh I see where this is going that's cute
40:42 thanks now tell me what's the opposite
40:44 of me I just told you
40:51 [Music]
40:52 yo bro check this out I just stole three
40:55 muffins from the bakery
40:57 you're such a rookie what let me show
41:00 you how to do it the honest way follow
41:02 me okay at the bakery hey you the owner
41:06 here yeah what's up listen I got a magic
41:08 trick for you what is it if I can make
41:10 three of your muffins disappear and then
41:12 reappear I get them for free okay deal
41:15 go
41:16 welcome
41:17 [Music]
41:19 what you gonna poop them out is that the
41:22 trick no check my friend's bag
41:27 hey class I know the test yesterday was
41:29 really really really really really
41:30 really really hard but only one person
41:33 got a perfect score
41:35 yeah who I know it's not me here you go
41:38 what congrats you were the highest grade
41:40 in the classroom huh I didn't even study
41:43 at all and to be honest I don't even
41:45 remember taking a test but I guess I got
41:48 a hundred thank you Miss Johnson of
41:50 course keep up the good work Marcus wait
41:52 that's not my name it's Mark oh well
41:55 I'll be Marcus for today thanks Miss
41:57 Johnson thank you so much but Miss
41:59 Johnson his name is not Marcus it's not
42:03 oh great Heavens oh I can't sleep Dad
42:07 what's up why are you still up you got
42:09 school tomorrow because there's a scary
42:11 ugly person in the closet what are you
42:13 talking about Dad I'm being for real
42:15 there's a scary ugly person in my closet
42:18 okay let me go check
42:22 what the oh
42:26 son the school called me and told me you
42:28 had detention today why just because I
42:30 was giving my teacher Mr forever single
42:32 advice about what I asked if he had a
42:35 girlfriend and he said no so I told him
42:37 there's three easy steps on how to get a
42:38 girlfriend what did you say step one
42:40 grab a pillow okay step two grab a big
42:44 blanket
42:45 step three don't tell me you're gonna
42:47 say lotion or something no keep dreaming
42:52 hey Mom I'm home hey son how was school
42:55 it was great we had a test in history
42:57 and I know I nailed it oh really yeah
43:00 how was math math oh math was great we
43:03 just had to solve a problem in front of
43:04 the class really what was yours mine was
43:06 280 minus four divided by four that's
43:10 cool and how many dubs did you get on
43:12 fortnite at your friend Chris's house oh
43:14 we got like five dubs
43:19 um um how do you know that moms know
43:22 everything
43:22 I'll go to my room wait wait wait wait
43:25 you know the deal
43:26 [Applause]
43:27 here now turn around
43:36 hey mommy hey sweetie what does son of a
43:39
43:40 mean
43:42 you will not use that type of language
43:44 in this house it's because of that phone
43:46 you're always on it go help your dad
43:49 outside I just did Mommy Daddy was
43:51 building the fence with a hammer and I
43:53 asked if I could help so he gave me the
43:56 hammer and he was holding the mail but I
43:58 missed it now and hit his finger and he
44:00 said son of a that hurt that's not
44:05 funny you little
44:07 oh my God
44:09 yo bro I really want to ask Mia out Mia
44:12 bro she's way out of your league man
44:15 whatever Life's Too Short okay don't
44:17 tell me I told you so hey Mia would you
44:19 like to go on a date with me um no
44:21 because you're a nobody a one bye the
44:24 next day bro I can't believe you got the
44:26 quarterback position I know right I
44:28 can't believe it either oh here comes
44:30 Mia hey what's up Mia I heard that
44:33 you're the quarterback for our school I
44:35 am would you like to be the sun in my
44:37 life oh I'd be happy to get this day 93
44:41 million 985
44:42 887.6 miles away from me
44:46 [Applause]
44:51 hey who changed the Wi-Fi password oh it
44:54 was me dad what is it mom told you to
44:57 give me twenty dollars first are you
44:58 serious
44:59 oh here yo dad said you know the new
45:03 Wi-Fi password yeah why would you change
45:05 it mom told you to give me twenty
45:07 dollars first what heck no okay I guess
45:10 no Wi-Fi for you fine here I just sent
45:12 the money on cash app saying thanks
45:15 y'all are so nice and amazing so what's
45:17 the Wi-Fi password mom told you to give
45:19 me twenty dollars first stop playing
45:21 yeah we just gave it to you mom told you
45:23 to give me twenty dollars first all cats
45:30 hey son what's up Dad
45:33 um quick question are you failing
45:34 English no I'm passing you're passing oh
45:37 okay and do you need glasses or is your
45:40 vision okay yeah my vision is good why
45:42 what's up you'll see just give me one
45:44 second let me write something real quick
45:47 can you see that yeah can you read it
45:50 yeah it says Dad right so you can read
45:52 so how come you didn't see that on the
45:54 plate in the fridge that your mom made
45:56 for me I'm sorry yeah I know it was you
45:59 it said for Dad not from Dad I don't
46:01 understand honey it's fine I'll just
46:04 make you another plate thanks Mom oh
46:06 it's fine well guess what what he also
46:09 drank your Starbucks boy you finna get
46:11 this belt
46:14 [Music]
46:16 Daddy I'm gonna ask that girl next door
46:18 to be my girlfriend I'm sorry somebody
46:20 you can't I had a secret affair years
46:22 ago she's my daughter 10 minutes later
46:26 what's wrong sweetie I want to date the
46:29 girl next door but Dad said I can't
46:31 because she's his daughter it's okay son
46:33 go ask her on a date but Dad said it's
46:35 wrong to date my own sister he's not the
46:37 only one that had a secret affair son
46:39 he's not your dad really yay
46:43 ocean no damage Mark can we get some
46:47 Chick-fil-A no we have food in the
46:49 fridge oh you always tell me that talk
46:52 back to me or you'll get this belt dad
46:54 can you take me to my friend's house nah
46:56 I'm watching football right now and it's
46:58 kind of late don't you have your talent
46:59 show tomorrow morning yeah yeah go to
47:02 bed the next day
47:05 [Music]
47:12 hey Mommy can I have a new TV
47:14 um no can I have a new laptop no can I
47:17 have a new PS5 no you already have a PS2
47:20 can I get the new iPhone no you still
47:23 have the iPhone 6. can I get the new
47:25 Samsung no uh can I get a new toothbrush
47:28 what do you think I am made of money
47:30 well isn't that what Mom stands for
47:33 what's no way
47:40 hey girl miss you
47:42 are you in an Uber right now
47:44 you have your gun on you right because I
47:46 remember that one time when you shot
47:48 that hobra to death outside
47:49 that was so cute oh yeah remember can
47:51 you remember
47:56 don't forget about the Oregon
47:59 organs right yeah I remember now we're
48:01 almost at your destination anyways I
48:02 just
48:06 what's wrong son can we go to the
48:08 adoption center to give me a little
48:10 brother of course we can yay I'm gonna
48:12 be an older brother arrives at the
48:14 adoption center I can't wait to get to
48:16 get a little brother hello we're here to
48:18 get him a little brother hey little Mark
48:20 it's so nice to see you again you've
48:22 gotten so big
48:25 hey class we'll be watching a movie
48:27 today hey let's go actually I can't get
48:30 it to work so never mind what no
48:35 yes can I try something
48:40 um sure go ahead
48:42 done it works yes
48:45 now your homework will be writing an
48:47 essay about the movie
48:49 all right Clash show me your shapes I
48:52 drew an octagon and I drew a pentagon
48:58 what's wrong why do you have a picture
48:59 of milk
49:01 dad gone
49:03 [Music]
49:07 and why do you have a picture of a gun
49:09 okay that will be gone
49:16 what's up son can I talk to you for a
49:19 little bit of course man come have a
49:20 seat
49:24 you're right man like looking a little
49:26 nervous somewhere in your mom you know
49:27 I've been preparing for it and uh just
49:29 want to let you know that I'm gay
49:35 okay yeah all right yeah yeah yeah so
49:38 this does this uh this mean you're
49:40 seeing somebody or you know I've been
49:42 talking to this guy
49:44 okay and uh what about prai you're gonna
49:47 start attending that pride is not really
49:50 okay
49:52 you know I didn't really hear you when
49:54 you were telling me about the young lady
49:55 man that you're seeing uh when am I
49:57 gonna get to meet her him he lives in
49:59 Kentucky so I can't really
50:04 see him
50:08 see him quite often you know what what
50:12 hey if there's three birds on a wire and
50:15 a farmer shoots one how many are left
50:17 I'm none because the other birds would
50:20 fly away I like the way you think but
50:22 that's not correct I'm about to end my
50:24 teacher's whole career I got one for you
50:27 okay let's hear it there's three ladies
50:29 sitting in the park eating ice cream one
50:31 is stuck in the ice cream one is licking
50:33 the ice cream and one is biting it which
50:36 one is Mary
50:37 um the one that's sucking the ice cream
50:38 no the one with the wedding ring but I
50:40 like the way you think
50:43 really
50:47 [Music]
50:49 it's you again to make me go away just
50:53 tap this button
50:58 you missed bye bye I'll see you again
51:01 later
51:06 bro can you stay the night um I don't
51:09 think my mom's gonna let me what if I
51:11 ask her she still might say no what if I
51:13 got my mom to ask your mom you know what
51:15 that could work okay I'll be right back
51:17 okay a few moments later
51:20 um your mom said no dang it she she says
51:24 she doesn't know what we're talking
51:25 about what do you mean she said her son
51:27 died three years ago son who are you
51:29 talking to
51:31 oh
51:33 we need to leave now I get lonely
51:42 shoot not me please I didn't do anything
51:44 what oh nothing I just forgot to do my
51:46 homework don't worry I got the answers
51:48 right here thank you yeah no problem hey
51:51 what don't come to school tomorrow
51:54 because it's Saturday oh yeah but hey
51:58 don't come on Monday either it's a
52:01 holiday right right but seriously don't
52:04 come on Tuesday
52:06 mommy I'm hungry
52:09 there's nothing in the fridge what are
52:11 you talking about the fridge is full
52:12 with food
52:14 hey Mommy guess what what I got an A
52:17 plus on my math test
52:18 [Music]
52:20 you're grounded I'm so disappointed in
52:22 you oh
52:25 [Music]
52:30 great hey son I got something for you
52:33 really what is it this mess
52:39 [Music]
52:43 hey you need help I know you're a
52:45 stranger but at this point yes he keeps
52:48 barking here okay let me see if I can
52:50 help calm him down Darren doesn't like
52:52 listening wait Darren Watkins yes how'd
52:55 you know that
53:01 hey babe my phone is dead can I use your
53:04 phone real quick yeah go for it
53:07 um what's the passcode it's yours and
53:09 your ex-girlfriend's anniversary okay
53:10 thanks
53:11 [Music]
53:12 um why do you remember the anniversary
53:14 of your ex-girlfriend it was at this
53:17 moment he knew
53:19 [Music]
53:23 hey son yeah I just got done speaking
53:26 with your teacher okay so were you gonna
53:28 tell me how you failed the test I'm
53:30 sorry Mom I tried my best you're
53:32 grounded until your dad comes back with
53:34 the meal what come on hey big brother go
53:37 away I don't want to talk to you but I
53:39 got a joke to cheer you up really yeah
53:41 what's the difference between you and
53:43 Grandma
53:45 um I don't know Grandma passed
53:48 emotional damn it hey son make sure you
53:51 make your bed and fold your clothes I
53:53 already did it look
53:56 mom what the heck don't talk back to me
53:58 now fold your clothes
54:01 oh hi Mom I'm almost done cleaning hey
54:03 police I have an intruder please help me
54:05 I'm your son hey sweetie did you clean
54:07 your room no I don't have time I'm
54:10 playing my game oh it's okay honey I can
54:12 do it for you
54:14 oh my gosh the apartment's on fire what
54:17 do we do hurry run to the balcony okay
54:21 [Music]
54:25 help us somebody please help us maybe
54:28 it'll help if we yell together good idea
54:30 together together
54:35 mommy someone is calling dad's phone who
54:39 sneaky link what let me see hello hi is
54:43 Mark there no no he's not who is this
54:46 this is Rebecca his girlfriend
54:48 um this is his wife speaking that's a
54:50 damn lie we've been dating for a year
54:52 and a half what we've been married for
54:54 seven years you better be joking you
54:56 tell not helping him pay for the house
54:59 monthly anymore and I'm removing him
55:01 from my Netflix account oh and that
55:04 Louie Bank he wanted for some reason I
55:06 want that back
55:08 got you I just pranked you I'm actually
55:11 his sister
55:13 I'll tell Mark you called that is your
55:16 brother bye
55:18 [Music]
55:21 hey what the way you talked what's up
55:24 please don't come to school tomorrow
55:26 why what would happen if I do then
55:29 you're gonna regret coming I'm out of
55:31 here see you next year why would I
55:33 regret coming
55:35 please tell me it's Saturday there's no
55:38 school on Saturday
55:43 yo Dad what's up I got expelled from
55:45 school today expelled what did you do I
55:47 got caught making out with someone what
55:49 that's crazy kids do that all the time
55:51 why you I don't know did she get
55:53 expelled too no what that's not fair he
55:56 got fired
56:00 Hey Driver can you take me to town
56:02 please I've always wanted to kiss a nun
56:04 you can if you promise me you aren't
56:06 married no I'm not married okay kiss me
56:09 then after the kiss I feel bad cause I
56:12 lied I am married I feel bad too no I
56:15 lied it's my fault I'm not a nun I'm
56:18 Chris I'm going to a costume party
56:21 [Music]
56:25 yo dad I have a question yeah what's up
56:28 son who is the man who is a man yeah a
56:31 real man takes care feeds and protects
56:34 his family whoa no way one day I'm gonna
56:38 be a man like Mommy
56:42 [Music]
56:43 oh hey son Dad I'm sorry yeah yeah I'm
56:47 just looking for my jacket in the closet
56:48 yo bro have you seen my headphones no
56:51 get out
56:54 hey Mom is calling you why are you
56:56 excited right now I'm not get out let me
56:59 help you with that hey you still
57:00 showering you're wasting all the hot
57:02 water Mom give me some privacy get out
57:04 okay I don't care you came out of my
57:06 womb
57:07 bro I'm going to the gas station to buy
57:10 some snacks you want to come with nah
57:12 I'm good bro all right then whatever bro
57:16 um um Can can I go with you can I go
57:18 with you man shut up
57:20 but yeah come on let's go
57:23 Mike can you buy me some hot Cheetos
57:25 please in my 15 years of teaching I've
57:28 never had a class fellow test this bad
57:29 before
57:31 I'm very very disappointed y'all
57:34 even you Stuart
57:36 scored a one out of ten
57:39 [Laughter]
57:42 oh yeah did I forget to mention he
57:45 scored the highest
57:46 [Music]
57:49 oh
57:54 I'm doing good you know how it is
57:56 raising these crazy children
57:58 yeah he's over here do you want to talk
58:00 to him Mark Come speak with your great
58:03 grand Uncle no it's fine mom here talk
58:06 to him
58:07 hello how are you my boy do you remember
58:10 me I used to change your diapers when
58:12 you were one years old
58:15 Hey where's my phone I don't know why
58:18 you asking me because I know you mommy
58:21 not right now sweetie I'm talking to
58:23 your big brother where is my phone I
58:25 have mine why would I need yours I don't
58:27 know maybe your school called in you're
58:29 trying to hide it Mom I was like 12 when
58:31 I did that I'm 17 now but mommy what
58:34 sweetie what do you want I took your
58:36 phone oh sweetie you should have just
58:39 asked okay okay
58:41 don't you owe me a sorry or something
58:43 yeah good night
58:47 God I need help what's up I forgot to
58:50 take the meat out
58:54 nah you're on your own hey sweetie Mommy
58:57 I forgot to take the meat out grab me
59:00 the belt did you say pillow no the belt
59:02 here now turn around
59:08 hey Grandpa hey grandson how old are you
59:11 I'm 70 years old why I was just curious
59:15 if you were really old and you are I may
59:17 be really old but I got the body of an
59:20 18 year old okay Grandpa whatever you
59:22 say I'm not kidding okay then prove it
59:34 honey look what I got for our son what
59:37 no way a PS5 hold on let me get my
59:39 camera out but I got this for our son I
59:42 know I just want to record you giving it
59:44 to him I don't think you understand I
59:46 got this for our son
59:50 oh
59:51 great
59:54 do you get it yeah no totally like I
59:58 get it no like yeah why are you doing
60:01 that with your voice
60:06 you're so fake
60:12 I can't believe we actually made it here
60:14 me too bro
60:16 why are you trying not to laugh promise
60:19 me you won't laugh if I tell you okay I
60:21 promise I won't look at Jesus shoes
60:24 thank you
60:25 [Laughter]
60:28 what the where am I
60:31 hey
60:34 I've done my homework can I play
60:36 fortnite now no it's your bedtime I want
60:39 you to go to bed right now oh I hate you
60:42 oh great Heavens a couple minutes later
60:45 your son the hospital called and your
60:47 mom's been in an accident is she gonna
60:49 be okay yeah they say she's okay but I
60:51 need to go to the hospital ASAP do you
60:53 want to come no I'll stay here okay
60:57 where are we Landing boys
61:00 hey Dad what's up can I have some money
61:02 for a Coke yeah sure here's 400. whoa
61:05 yeah it's only two dollars what really
61:07 yeah dang the price really went down Dad
61:10 I'm talking about Coca-Cola
61:17 hey class I'm your substitute teacher
61:19 Miss cream and just because I'm your
61:21 substitute for today doesn't mean you
61:23 could be late I want everyone to
61:25 introduce yourselves and we'll start
61:26 with the four that were late and tell us
61:28 why you were late hi I'm Jack and I'm
61:31 late because I was blowing bubbles
61:33 outside hi I'm Jennifer and
61:35 erson was blowing bubbles outside hey
61:37 I'm
61:39 and I saw them having fun blowing
61:40 bubbles so I joined them what is up with
61:43 y'all blowing bubbles that's so
61:44 kindergarten at least wait until after
61:46 school to do that okay we have one more
61:48 person that was late let me guess
61:50 blowing bubbles hi my name is Bubbles
61:53 let's see let me try to find it
61:56 um
61:57 uh come on get to it I'm sorry Mom the
62:00 Wi-Fi is just slow right now oh I found
62:02 them are you failing your classes oh my
62:05 gosh I think there's something wrong in
62:07 the system but it's impossible I had all
62:09 A's yesterday you have a 44 in math and
62:11 44. oh he hasn't grade the test yet so
62:15 he puts in a zero until he grades it
62:17 okay what about the 52 in English oh
62:20 that's because the quiz yesterday I
62:22 swear everyone else failed it but you're
62:24 not everyone else and explain the 34 in
62:27 science okay Mom I'm not lying that
62:30 teacher doesn't like me oh yeah you know
62:33 what really likes you right now you and
62:35 this Bell oh I'm a Genie and I grant you
62:39 one wish okay
62:42 um I wish for hold on before you make a
62:44 wish there's only one rule you can't
62:47 wish for more wishes seriously oh
62:51 whoa what are you doing
62:53 hey what are you writing on that paper I
62:56 wish that everything on this paper will
62:58 come true
63:01 [Music]
63:03 oh my bad Keisha man she's so cute bro
63:07 you know Keisha only likes thugs right
63:09 really Yeah tomorrow's a talent show
63:11 right yeah why I have an idea the next
63:15 day
63:15 [Music]
63:39 hey class I'm pregnant yay
63:43 congratulations
63:44 hey class I'm pregnant
63:50 hey finally you made it sorry doc I've
63:53 been really busy with work the past
63:54 couple days no worries but I do have bad
63:57 news and good news well what's the good
63:59 news you only have two days to live what
64:02 that's the good news so what's the bad
64:05 news I've been trying to reach you for
64:07 the past two days
64:10 hey hi Mrs always wet my daughter went
64:13 to work let's have some fun absolutely
64:15 not I never cheat on my girlfriend
64:18 oh she's crazy hi oh hey babe I thought
64:21 you were at work that was a loyalty test
64:23 and I knew you would fail you Peter no
64:25 that's not true I was loyal to you then
64:27 liar you were in there for 12 seconds
64:30 and we both know what that means
64:35 hey Mom finally y'all made it how was
64:38 the flight not too bad I slept the whole
64:40 way good good hi hey it's my
64:43 daughter-in-law that always wears the
64:45 same outfit you say this every time well
64:48 it's true anyways where's my grandbaby
64:51 um oh there they are hey Grandma hi
64:53 Grandma hey are y'all hungry wait where
64:56 is the other one what are you talking
64:57 about Mom
65:00 dad
65:01 not again
65:03 oh I need to use the bathroom but the
65:05 men's is full hey the woman's bathroom
65:06 is empty I can let you in there under
65:09 one condition yes please anything do not
65:11 press any of the buttons in there okay
65:13 don't press any buttons got it thank you
65:18 let's see what this button does whoa
65:23 let's see what this one does
65:26 oh okay what about the last one
65:29 where am I and what happened you're in
65:32 the hospital and you're wearing the
65:33 girl's bathroom and press the auto
65:34 tampon remover button
65:37 eight things mothers hate one when I go
65:41 out two when I don't go out three when I
65:45 eat too much four when I don't eat five
65:48 when I sleep too much six when I don't
65:51 sleep seven when I answer her when she's
65:54 talking eight when I don't answer her
65:56 when she's talking
65:59 69 today wow you're amazing grandpa I
66:03 love you thank you and I love you too
66:05 wow happy birthday sir huh bro it's not
66:09 his birthday
66:09 [Music]
66:12 hey you want to go get something to eat
66:15 yeah let's go Hey brother can I come
66:17 with no you always want to come when I
66:19 have a friend over so so stop being so
66:21 annoying yeah stop being annoying who
66:25 said you could talk bad about my brother
66:26 I was just you were just walking out the
66:28 door
66:30 bro I totally forgot about this exam I
66:33 didn't study at all I know me either I'm
66:35 gonna fail my parents are gonna totally
66:37 kill me right I just hope I pass hey
66:40 class you may turn your test papers over
66:42 and start your test now
66:45 I'm done oh great Evans that liar all
66:50 right bro I'm gonna go to work
66:52 you all right my girl broke up with me
66:54 why she says she likes another guy dang
66:57 man I'm so sorry yeah is there anything
66:59 I can do to make you feel better you're
67:01 a cop right can you arrest her I can but
67:03 only if she breaks the law she drinks a
67:06 lot I can't arrest her for that but
67:08 she's not 18 yet oh
67:14 hey class we're gonna play a game where
67:16 we mix two words and make it into one
67:18 eye makes fun and duck what did you get
67:21 I make sure and set and what'd you get
67:25 oh and I mix big and sick what did you
67:28 get
67:29 oh
67:33 honey what's wrong with you you seem
67:35 distracted today I don't know Jimmy
67:37 looks really different from our other
67:39 kids what are you trying to say did you
67:41 have an affair I did I'm so sorry dang
67:44 it who's the father you are
67:48 oh
67:54 stop we're in the library shut up loser
67:58 [Music]
68:01 I'm sorry y'all be quieter
68:09 mommy can I stay up and play my game
68:11 tonight okay that's fine just make sure
68:13 you flip off the lights before you go to
68:14 bed okay don't forget please okay Alone
68:17 2 A.M in the morning son what did I tell
68:20 you about the light
68:22 what are you doing I'm about to go to
68:25 bed so I flipped up the lights
68:29 hey son did you learn anything in school
68:31 today no no did you at least do
68:34 something fun
68:36 um no nothing
68:38 oh actually you know what we
68:41 told me to pick up six cans of Sprite at
68:43 the grocery store
68:45 I got home
68:47 I realized I picked seven of them
68:53 is your dad okay no we lost him we could
68:58 have remembered his blood type surely he
69:00 knew what blood type he was he didn't he
69:02 just kept screaming be positive but how
69:04 can I be positive at a time like this
69:10 baby I think I'm pregnant I'm gonna have
69:13 a little brother or sister honey are you
69:15 for real yeah later that night what up
69:17 homie did you want to talk about
69:19 something my wife's pregnant what wow
69:21 congrats I just don't understand I can't
69:23 remember us not using protection even
69:25 once really yeah well here's another
69:27 explanation once a man went to a forest
69:30 and all he had was an umbrella then
69:32 suddenly a tiger approached him and he
69:34 opened up the umbrella at the tiger to
69:36 his surprise he heard a gunshot and
69:39 found the tiger dead but that's
69:40 impossible someone else must have shot
69:42 the tiger exactly
69:44 [Music]
69:47 Grandpa are the plates clean they're as
69:49 clean as cold water can get them just
69:51 eat your meal the next meal Gramps are
69:54 you sure the plates are clean how many
69:56 times do I have to tell you those dishes
69:58 are clean as cold water can get there a
70:00 couple minutes later
70:02 Grandpa your dog keeps growling at me
70:04 cold water come here Mark time to get up
70:08 for school I don't feel too well for
70:10 school mom excuse me you were okay
70:12 playing fortnite last night well my
70:14 throat isn't feeling too well Mark come
70:17 downstairs now I can't I have a headache
70:19 and I'm dizzy oh you're gonna feel
70:21 really dizzy if you don't come
70:22 downstairs right now all right but I'm
70:25 not going to school Martavius bend over
70:27 Robin Banks Adams
70:29 okay I'm coming hey babe do you want to
70:33 watch a movie while the kids are quiet
70:34 yeah let's do it 20 minutes later
70:37 thanks for watching the movie with me of
70:40 course and how did you get the kids to
70:41 stay so quiet oh I put the anime that
70:43 was on on your laptop on for them but I
70:46 don't have any anime on my laptop
70:52 hey loser leave me alone have you ever
70:55 kissed a girl no
70:57 everyone look it's Mr virgin
71:01 later that night Daddy can I not go to
71:04 school tomorrow why this kid made
71:06 everyone laugh by calling me Mr virgin
71:08 oh he did yeah well you're going to
71:11 school right and you're gonna tell them
71:13 this
71:14 the next day Hey look it's Mr virgin I
71:18 was until last night I don't believe you
71:20 ask your sister then huh I don't have a
71:23 sister you will
71:35 hey put your hands up where I can see
71:37 them
71:41 yeah it's in the kitchen I'll be right
71:44 back honey I think he likes you so when
71:47 he comes back do whatever it takes to
71:49 save us okay actually he said he loves
71:51 men and asked if we add any cucumbers
71:53 what whatever he wants just do it just
71:56 save us okay
72:01 what's up can I have someone come over
72:05 um it's pretty late what y'all gonna do
72:06 things that you and Mom do like father
72:09 like son all right it's cool thanks Dad
72:12 hey Dad can I have someone come over oh
72:14 heck no you just tell brother he can
72:16 that's different well do you rather me
72:18 do it behind your back or ask you oh you
72:21 have a point fine thank you 20 minutes
72:24 later hi I'm Kevin Hey Kevin I'll be
72:28 watching you my daughter's room is the
72:30 first one on the left oh um I'm actually
72:32 here for him yo what's up Kevin
72:37 class I'm gonna go to the bathroom real
72:39 quick I don't want to hear a single
72:41 noise okay I'll be back in a few seconds
72:43 yo I dare you to go sit on the teacher's
72:45 chair what that's crazy Todd oh you
72:48 scared no okay fine watch this
72:53 look at me I told you I wasn't scared
72:55 hey you crazy everyone be quiet the
72:58 teacher's coming
73:00 thank you class for being so quiet yes
73:03 Mark was on your chair
73:05 hey Jessica ew don't talk to me ugly
73:09 later that night hey Dad can I be
73:11 homeschooled why because this girl
73:14 called me ugly
73:15 ugly nah you're getting her back you're
73:17 gonna tell her this
73:19 the next day
73:22 hey Jessica what's wrong hey ugly my dad
73:25 passed away I'm so sorry for your loss
73:29 he's in a better place now yeah he is I
73:32 hope you're okay
73:33 um I have a boyfriend and I have a dad
73:37 [Music]
73:42 [Music]
73:45 Hey Stephen what's your body count it's
73:47 one I really really like this girl nice
73:50 same here Chris what's your body count
73:53 mine is only one as well I think this
73:55 girl's the one okay Tim what's your body
73:58 count don't laugh but it's just one
74:00 she's the love of my life nice hey
74:03 Michaela what's your body cow let me see
74:06 one two three four four
74:09 [Music]
74:11 oh
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