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* 1 HOUR* Mark Adams TikTok 2023 | Funny Marrk Adams TikTok Compilation 2023
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hey baby how many boys have you did that you know what with before me it's fine you can tell me [Music] it's okay you don't have to answer if you don't want to I'm sorry if I made you upset can you please shut up I'm still counting happy birthday son I got you the new airpod Pros why would you give him that you know he can't use it what's wrong with him those are the new airpod Pros oh great Evans hey what's wrong I got it what did you get it's really bad what is it I got a 94. well I got a 69. oh that's so good huh for you hey son you want to go play some catch no I'm not in the mood oh okay you're all right you seem kind of down last night my girlfriend let another guy take her out dang really yeah I really want to fix this what are you gonna do about it tonight I'm gonna take her out that's a good idea where at her house her house I like you I like you too will you be my girlfriend yes are you serious this is the best day ever she said yes congrats bro son I've never been more proud hey wake up dummy [Music] hey your total is going to be 25.64. oh really well I can't afford that well honestly I don't know what to tell you I have another order I have to go after this well looks like I'm gonna have to pay for that some other what wait I actually have thirty dollars Alexa what the that's not in the script hey can I buy this PS5 for five dollars um sorry kid but it's 600 you'll have to pay full price they don't know that I know this life hack well I have my friend here okay so he's paying for it look again [Music] you have three wishes really however you can't wish for immortality or for more wishes um I wish that I don't die a virgin I already told you you can't wish for immortality hey Dad what's up can I stay the night at Johnny's today no it's a school night so so no okay how about if you saw this riddle I'll do all the work that mom wants you to do and if you get it wrong I get to go to my friend's house okay deal I had ten dollars I give you five dollars and I spent two dollars how much money did I have that's easy three hey Johnny I'm coming over what was the answer oh sorry take my seat if you're pregnant um I'm not pregnant You Wanna Be ew you're disgusting I own a fertility clinic oh sorry I thought it's called your bedroom you piece of it was an old mattress store we never changed the signs do you want to do something but I'm dating your sister she doesn't have to know really yeah okay wait here [Music] yeah you know I would never cheat on you hey man you want soap to wash You Yes actually I've been tired of washing myself with just water I got you hey so get in here he said he wants you to watch the wash hand thanks man wait yo what's up Uncle I haven't seen you in forever yeah I've just been troubleing the world you know how it is not really but anything new oh I'm getting married again what how old is she she's 22 22. did you just turned 60 yeah how did she agree to marry you I lied about mine what did you say I told her I was 85. happy birthday Mom thanks sweetie how old are you now like 40. what you think I look at old well how old is Dad your dad's the old one he's 45 and I'm 32. wait a second if Dad's 45 and you're 32 and I'm 17 that means so much for me what yeah okay just go play your video games while I do your homework later like who does he think he is Mommy I take back all the things I say about you every day you're the best person ever thank you does he not know what sarcasm is honey I think our son has reading problems really why well look at this yo son can you spell this word um m e d i c i n e good job what's the word nasty oh my gosh do you see what I mean it's because you didn't give him an easy one let's try again with this one can you spell this d a d nice now put the letters together cheater you missed take that bro you can't touch me either bro what are you doing with your laptop on the beach yeah you're so stupid wait what's that [Music] mommy look I made all this money cutting grass this weekend oh my gosh that's really good folks let me go ahead and hold on to it so you don't lose it but Mom I'm a big kid now I'm responsible wait are you saying you don't trust me no I'm fine here you go a couple of days later hey Mom can I get 20 out of my money oh baby about that I spent that already I forgot to tell you oh doctor I can't take this pain anymore if you take this pill it will transfer the pain to the father really yeah baby you always said you wish you could take my pain away I did say that go ahead I love you thank you I told you I was really strong I don't feel nothing oh why am I in so much pain yo you demolished him hold up bro let me go to game chat real quick I'll be right back dang bro you finna go in on him huh you know I got to don't make him cry too much okay hold up I yo you are trash kid you're trash like get off this game like how'd you let me out box you and no scope you like how are you playing with your controller upside down hey good game bro like the way you were building and editing so fast [Music] but anyways continue being great goodbye oh crap hey what did you do it wasn't me Mom I swear who was it then Casper yeah no son you should never lie line is very bad okay sorry the next day [Music] oh it's Mom's phone hey it's Dad hello hey son can I talk to your mom real quick yeah hey mommy daddy wants to talk to you tell him I'm nabbing okay Dad Mama's nap I mean no she's wrestling with Uncle Fred in your room what why'd you tell him that because lying is very bad mommy all right class recess is almost over hey if you don't let me kidnap three kids in my van you'll die okay okay you don't have to point that at me I was gonna say yes anyways really yeah you can take them right there but you'll regret it whatever thanks hey kids come with me I have candy a few moments later too easy where's my candy yeah where's the candy I lied what the how'd you take mine my name is Justin and I'm cracked at fortnite my guy where's my candy three two one you can have them back they're crazy I told you you'll regret it I'll treat you for 500 but if you don't get cured I'll give you a thousand dollars back okay well I lost all my taste in my mouth can you please help me nurse can you get medicine from Box 22 and put three jobs in his mouth oh that's gasoline congratulations you got your taste back that will be five hundred dollars the next day I lost my memory I can't remember anything nurse can you get medicine from Box 22 and put three drops in his mouth oh no you don't that's gasoline congratulations you got your memory back that will be five hundred dollars oh the next day I lost my eyesight I can't see anything well I don't have any medicine for that so here's a thousand dollars but this is only five hundred dollars congratulations you got your vision back that will be five hundred dollars dog you're using that wrong no I'm not I thought you were supposed to stick that hey what's your language and no this is an oral thermometer it goes under your tongue [Applause] I don't have a fever oh I don't have a fever either really good for you son [Music] hey son how was your day at school it was good everybody in my class is growing a flower in a pot and whoever has the biggest flower by the end of this month wins a prize that's awesome yeah and I remember you told me that poop makes the plant grow bigger I do uh-huh so after class I hid in the bathroom and waited until everybody left and then I had the perfect opportunity to fertilize my soil with my feces you should have used protection why do you want an abortion it's so unsafe because it's not my boyfriend's child then lie that it's his what I can do that yeah you know what column okay hi baby hey babe I'm pregnant no way really we should get married really okay you can come to my house tonight and I'll introduce you to my family he wants to get married congratulations later that night Mom meet my girlfriend foreign you will marry the girl I choose what no way but she's Elon musk's daughter oh okay Dad visits Elon Musk I want your daughter to marry my son no but my son is the CEO of World Bank oh okay Dad visits the World Bank make my son the CEO of World Bank no but my son is Elon musk's son-in-law oh okay thank you thank you get him get him we're so close to winning the game son shut off your game it's time for dinner okay one second we're about to win the game all right hurry come on guys let's hurry up and win it because I have to go eat dinner a couple minutes later Mark come down for dinner dang it sorry boys I have to go eat dinner no bro we're only one kill away from winning the game you're the only one alive just one more minute please I'm sorry my mom called me twice already I gotta go before she grounds me hey mom what are we having for dinner we're having spaghetti and meatballs it'll be ready in about five minutes you can sit down for now oh great yeah can you shut up is you suck at singing That's why no one likes you and your breath stinks hey did you take my hoodie no what's that you're wearing then um give it back or else mommy brother won't leave me alone what the heck are you looking at I had a bad day no one's looking at you ugly what'd you say [Music] hey Melissa hey Mark it took me a while to have the courage to tell you this but I love you oh I love you too really yeah as a friend of course you're just not good looking for me oh okay hey class remember to be ready for the talent show tomorrow the next day this song is dedicated to Melissa roses are red violets are blue did you actually think I would have cried over you I told you I love you you believe it was true well guess what Melissa you got played too emotional damage hi there who are you I'm from the Make-A-Wish Foundation no way really and I'm here to make your wish come true so what's one thing you wish for anything yeah anything okay um I wish to meet Spider-Man okay we're gonna make that happen hey let's go I don't think I forgot about you what do you wish for I wish to not be sick anymore don't worry we're gonna do exactly what you asked for hold on I didn't know that was an option oh my gosh this is a miracle he's cured wow I feel so much better hey can I change my wish please did someone call for Spider-Man how was school today sweetie it was so boring I just hate it turn it up Mom okay tonight we're expecting it yes I hope it's a snow day tomorrow later that day Dad do you think it'll be a snow day tomorrow I don't know you asked me a million times already so just go to bed all right geez please be a snow day tomorrow I just want to play fortnite [Music] please no school please no school let's go no school hey boys are y'all ready to play fortnite all day it's a snow day all right I still have school good morning class today we'll be learning about geometry you're fired what please give me one more chance I'm sorry but we have to let you go a couple minutes later are you serious a flat tire oh today's the worst later that night man I'm done with today oh give me some of that hey why did you just drink that why are you so miserable today I lost my job I got a flat tire and to top it all off I just found out you're having an affair with my brother Fred so you decided to drown yourself with wine what a coward no I was trying to poison myself what hey Mommy look at my drawing do you like it oh my gosh sweetie that is so cute me and Dad are very very proud of you right honey what oh no actually it's not it's really bad what [Music] ouch I was just being honest apologize to him now it's okay Mommy ask me who I drew is that supposed to be me no this is Tiffany from Dad's phone sorry I was just being honest how to get a girlfriend step one wear your hat backwards step two be yourself hey close the door three hey stinky breath are you serious stop you're annoying girlfriend that's it hey hey don't cry don't cry hey what's going on over there I'm coming if you stop crying I'll get you McDonald's okay what happened nothing mommy he just beat me in a game hey Mom can I no Mom no no ah three three one mom can I please no no hey didn't I tell you to clean the house today what I tried asking you if you wanted me to wash the dishes and you said no I tried asking if you wanted me to clean my room you said no I was even considering to do your laundry and you said no to that too can I please yes you can thanks Mom I'll be going out with my friends I'll be back by 12. hey bro what's up so uh I did it no way we finally broke up with her yeah hey let's go I'm proud of you how you feel um not too good but you don't have to worry about me you should worry about yourself what is that supposed to mean her last words were if I can't have you no one else can okay what does that have to do with me well you're the only person I hang out with that has my attention mommy I'm hungry do you want me to make you a sandwich actually can I just have Nutella on it Nutella really yes please fine go get it yay okay a couple seconds later happy what what's wrong it's Andy there's no more oh it's not empty let me see you see this I told you it wasn't empty look so much chocolate but how don't worry just eat it you're the best mommy son remember to never take off those headphones okay Dad I won't hey a loser you look so ugly wearing those headphones don't listen to them they're idiots thank you don't worry I got you but why do you wear those all the time well my dad told me to never take them all oh okay hey class we're taking a pop quiz hey no cheating take those headphones off he can't hear you okay I'll do it myself [Music] breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out wake up filthy well well well look who it is excuse me I'm trying to get to class oh my bad why are your books on the floor what do you mean those books nerd 10 years later I am yo man I'm a big fan of your movies can I have your autograph nah I'm good but why you don't remember me do you remember you yeah I'm Mr nerd excuse me hi would you rather take this five dollar bill or double it and give it to the next person I'll take it no you can't do that you literally just asked me if I wanted to keep five dollars yeah but you're not supposed to keep it then why would you ask me look kid you're supposed to double it and give it to the next person because you're a good person so to be a good person I'm supposed to give away free money yes someone might need it more but what if you give the money to someone who isn't a good person or is Rich it doesn't matter that's how the game works I don't want to play I want the money let's try this one more time would you rather take this five dollar bill or double it and give it to the next person if I double it can I be the next person hey big bro Grandma give me some money do you think this is enough for a chocolate bar no way what a coincidence I have a chocolate bar do you want to trade it um I don't know what about three chocolate bars what do you think three now we're talking a little bit more three chocolate bars and I'll send you ten dollars on cash app deal okay boom I just sent it I don't accept refunds okay okay whatever dummy a couple minutes later yeah so you can pick the most expensive dinner I'll pay really hey son did you take the trash yet yeah I can't believe your brother found a fake hundred dollar bill at school what ew you're broke bye I'll get him hey bro I Gotta Go My Girl's calling me hi bro get on when you can a couple of days later at school hey bro you trying to get on later nah I can't I'm hanging out with my girl I later that night hey beautiful hey what's wrong I just think we should spend some time apart what we're doing so good I just need time to myself oh okay a few hours later okay hello hey bro I heard about the breakup you trying to run it yeah bro it's good to be back hey class I know summer's coming up yeah summer quiet down Jacob so back to what I was saying is you're about to graduate fourth grade so that being said they want a student to give a speech at graduation please don't take me Mark I think you would be perfect for it uh sure why not it can be about who inspires you or who you want to be anything really okay hi everyone that's my boy that's my baby the person who inspires me and who I want to be like is my mom oh because I just found out she has more jobs than my dad which is awesome what I don't have a job you don't have to keep it a secret anymore mom I saw three uniforms in your closet donate outfit a nurse outfit and a cop outfit with handcuffs you can stop now sweetie I'm almost done mom and that just shows how amazing and talented she is I want to be like her so if you need a maid or help catch bad guys you know who to reach my mom what's your problem I'm too smart for first grade my sister's in grade three and I'm smarter than her too let's go see what the principal has to say I I'll give him a test and if he fails just one question he has to go back to class and be quiet okay what's three times three nine what's six times six 36 I see no reason why you can't go to the third grade he answered all of my questions correctly can I ask him some questions of course what does a cow have four of that I only have two of legs what do you have in your pants that I don't have pockets what does a dog do that a man steps into pants what starts with the F and ends with the K fire truck put him in fifth grade I got the last four questions wrong myself [Music] can someone help me with the chores I'm doing homework say my homework is due tomorrow my back hurts since nobody volunteered you're doing them because you're the oldest I knew it I'll put a camera here just to make sure you actually work oops I dropped something dude pick that up pick one up I'm not cleaning up your mess why is there trash on the ground he dropped it it wasn't me he's lying why don't you check the camera you've set up good idea looks like this layer is going to do all the work or what or I'm gonna work this belt on you oh great heaven laughs hello hi Mr Adams who's this this is the principal of your son's school I'm calling because your son got in a fight yes sir let me talk to him okay here he is hello no sir so who was it the kid has been messing with you with you yeah did you beat him up oh yeah that's my boy let's go don't ever let anyone disrespect you you keep doing you yes sir we finna celebrate and get ice cream after school okay oh yeah make sure you act sad like you're gonna get a whooping later no Dad please anything but that all right good job son I'll see you later hey Dad hey son so why am I picking you up early from school today because I was the only one that answered a question in my class wow I'm so proud of you son I mean your mother does tell me you get your intelligence for me so what was the question the question yes the question um who threw the trash can at the principal's head really wow that kid is crazy who was it [Music] oh grandpa is taking forever hmm I wonder what's in here oh what's this candy [Music] it tastes weird it must be old candy 20 minutes later hey grandson hopefully I wasn't gone for too long what are you doing grandson Grandpa where the heck candy from Candy I don't have any one mommy yes hold on shouldn't you be asleep well um I actually need some taping glue for my project look at you trying to start your project early but I don't think we have tape or glue so I'll get after school tomorrow well the project is actually do tomorrow what oh what am I going to do with you sorry Mommy it's okay sweetie I'll figure something out don't talk to me or you'll be thanking this hand hey bro can I use the bathroom yeah it's downstairs to your right thanks [Music] five minutes later oh no what do I do oh well [Music] hey sweetie let me guess you at Taco Bell has anyone seen my laptop I have it sweetie I'm about to look up purses real quick okay oh thanks sweetie huh you were trying to get me popular gifts for my birthday foreign get ready time for school I don't want to go can I stay home today I'm sorry but you have to go can I just quit school then I don't like it what's going on he wants to quit school son if you quit school I'll go to jail and I know you wouldn't want that for how long for a long time oh dang that sucks I know so come on get ready well it's okay I'll just visit you um what do you want mom told me to tell you to wash the dishes what I washed them yesterday mom do I really have to wash the dishes no I told your little brother to do it are you serious why'd you lie I just wanted to see if I can get you to do it oh I swear the things you do annoy me like what you always leave my door open you always take my stuff or eat my food and you always snitch and blame me for everything I did a snitch about you sneaking out last night you did what now hey pause the game for a second I'm playing online I can't are you sure about that what's up Mom did you use my credit card no why so why is there a 200 charge showing I don't know but it wasn't me it didn't order v-bucks no wait you said v-bucks yes I think that was your perfect little angel that did it oh really okay turn your game volume up all the way so you won't hear anything okay hey hi Mommy say hi to this Bell yo you owe me 500 you need to pay me back already um no I don't oh I'm never letting someone borrow money again hey I overheard your conversation I'm a lawyer do you need help well my so-called friend owes me 500 but won't pay me back and he won't admit to it well first of all you need written evidence okay but how text them okay hey where is my freaking 500 that you owe me what 500 I don't owe you nothing you see see he still won't admit to it say he owes you two thousand dollars what but he only owes me 500 trust me just do it okay Hey where's my freaking two thousand dollars that you owe me I don't owe you two thousand dollars I owe you five hundred dollars hey you were right that'll be 499 dollars [Music] wow your baby is so cute can I hold him yeah sure your baby just gave me a hundred dollars that's my boy Jimmy for you wait Jimmy Donaldson yeah how'd you know Mommy why didn't you tell me that I was adopted what are you talking about son you're not adopted well today in class we did a DNA test and I matched with some random people that I've never met before what no that can't be right honey tell them tell them what he's not our biological son what do you mean remember our first couple of nights in the hospital when our baby wouldn't stop crying yeah and I told you to change him yeah and I did yo mom have you seen my favorite sweater the merch yeah I can't believe you lost it already I just had it not too long ago dad have you seen my favorite hoodie merch yeah nope I guess you have to wait until April 8th when it comes out but I have one already hey little bro have you seen my what the why are you wearing my sweater I love it it looks cool I know it is but give it back hey y'all stop he has my merch come on now be a good big brother and wait until it comes out on April 8th and I'll get you another one bro I really need your help what's up I have a date with my crush but I don't have any ideas for our date oh do you have an ocean no why bro there's this new AI feature that can help you big time really how all you have to do is press space and ask it whatever you want like for example date ideas and boom it'll give you a list of date ideas whoa that's nice I'm gonna take her on the picnic at the park nice I'm sure she'll love it the next day hey how was your day great actually I went on a picnic with a friend of mine at the park cool wait a minute hey son just letting you know we're home okay yo Dad what's up did y'all eat yet yeah we ate why because I asked Mom to give me something did she get it oh let me ask hey babe yes did he ask to bring him something to eat I forgot oh and you told me and I forgot that's crazy I mean I guess people forget sometimes yeah like our son what you definitely understand because we asked you to clean your room yesterday and wash the dishes and you said you forgot dad that was an accident don't worry we will definitely try to make sure tomorrow we don't forget should know damn it hey honey we're home welcome back y'all did you boys have a great time yeah Dad got us some ice cream and then we went to a huge building and he told me to wait in the car and gave me his phone to play games oh yeah yeah I had a quick business meeting I had to attend to nice oh I swear I had 500 in here and and I remember on the building it said in big letters Casino yeah casino whatever that means oh hey son yes Mom do the dishes okay I'm so sorry Mom I'll do all the chores it won't happen again hey son what's up Mom hurry up and do the dishes oh you want me to do the dishes no the neighbors dishes you idiots oh so you want me to do the neighbors dishes and then hours hurry up or you're gonna get this whooping oh it was better when you didn't remember me you're gonna remember this belt hey sweetie what can you please do the dishes uh is everything okay why are you looking around like that I'm trying to find who the heck you're talking to yo son I just got an email from your teacher and she said you're getting bullied during class well there's these kids that come up to me and give me a choice between a dollar and two dollars and when I pick one dollar they call me stupid and laugh at me but don't you know that two dollars is worth more yeah I know but I also know that as soon as I pick two dollars they're gonna stop doing it and so far I've made a hundred dollars oh I didn't do anything hey you're grounded Mister what yeah for three months are you serious no iPad no video games and no phone but I didn't do anything wrong they lost a loved one and I was just trying to be nice well whatever you said trying to be nice was not nice morning and you said you said I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing so I was walking around everybody for two hours telling them that we apologize la la yo son you ready for school oh shoot my bad my bad I didn't see nothing bro hurry up hey loser have you seen my charger oh son are you ready yet mom get out I'm changing quiet I'm your mother you're my son you came out of me there's nothing on you that I haven't seen before so I'm gonna wait here because you're late to school hey Mommy I went to the store with Daddy and some ladies said they like Daddy's hair some lady said they like Daddy's hair wow okay what did Daddy say he smiled oh he smiled he wants to smile girls now okay so your daddy trying to meet Jesus today what's going on come over here oh [Music] some of the best feelings ever you wake up thinking it's cool and it's Saturday let's go you get a text from her saying on the way oh I'm nervous it's raining outside and you're about to go to sleep I'm gonna sleep good tonight all the Bros are online like what that never happens bro I'm telling you little bro is kind of dumb I'm getting worried bro calm down he's not that dumb oh yeah watch this hey yeah what's up if the plane was in the sky okay and then the plane crashes in between the borders of U.S and Canada where do you bury the survivors there isn't any survivors it's a plane crash you see and if there was survivors they wouldn't be buried because they're still alive you probably heard that before let's try another one okay let's say you were in a race right right and you pass a second place what place are you in second duh you see he's dumb no he's right what you're cute no you're cute ah hold up baby what's wrong bro I'm just tired of being the Third Wheel bro there's nothing wrong with that I know but I want to have what y'all have so I think I'm gonna ask Kaylee out Haley yeah I'm just gonna warn you that you have some competition like who him no them her toxic ex her step bro her Man's Best Friend the principal wait a second the principal too yeah son your mom and I decided to ground you for sneaking out of that house you can't leave this room tonight and your mom said you have to eat leftovers don't worry oh and give me your controller because no video games just give me your broken one act medicine no Dad why hopefully this can teach you a lesson hey why are you so late sorry my dad is in the hospital oh I'm so sorry to hear that it's okay one week later Mark is your dad still in the hospital yeah he's a doctor hey Dad you have to say addicted after everything I say I don't want to do this come on dad please okay fine if you sleep too much you get addicted if you eat too much food you get addicted if you play too many games you get addicted so what slapped you in the face last night addicted dad what slapped you in the face last night addicted you're telling me to say addicted shake my head dad what slapped you in the face last night addicted hey how long until I can get a haircut um about like two hours from now okay cool the next day hey man how long until I can get a haircut hey it's you again um maybe like an hour and a half sounds good thanks the next day hey I'm back how long until I can get a haircut hey I'd say 30 minutes okay perfect hey Steve have you ever seen that guy get a haircut not that I'm aware of do you mind taking a break and follow him to see where he goes every time he says that okay yeah good idea 15 minutes later hey I'm back hey did you see where you kept going your house dang it why can't I find it whoa son are you all right not really I'm trying to find this song that's been stuck in my head but I can't find it okay well how does it sound like oh yeah I've heard that song before well do you know the name because no matter what I look up I can't find it okay well what did you search for the song look oh great Evans hey Katie I love you I love you too no way really yeah like a friend dang you just got a friend zone hey since you're my friend do you want to play a quick game with me sure what comes after h i what's the opposite of hate love and what's the opposite of me oh I see where this is going that's cute thanks now tell me what's the opposite of me I just told you [Music] yo bro check this out I just stole three muffins from the bakery you're such a rookie what let me show you how to do it the honest way follow me okay at the bakery hey you the owner here yeah what's up listen I got a magic trick for you what is it if I can make three of your muffins disappear and then reappear I get them for free okay deal go welcome [Music] what you gonna poop them out is that the trick no check my friend's bag hey class I know the test yesterday was really really really really really really really hard but only one person got a perfect score yeah who I know it's not me here you go what congrats you were the highest grade in the classroom huh I didn't even study at all and to be honest I don't even remember taking a test but I guess I got a hundred thank you Miss Johnson of course keep up the good work Marcus wait that's not my name it's Mark oh well I'll be Marcus for today thanks Miss Johnson thank you so much but Miss Johnson his name is not Marcus it's not oh great Heavens oh I can't sleep Dad what's up why are you still up you got school tomorrow because there's a scary ugly person in the closet what are you talking about Dad I'm being for real there's a scary ugly person in my closet okay let me go check what the oh son the school called me and told me you had detention today why just because I was giving my teacher Mr forever single advice about what I asked if he had a girlfriend and he said no so I told him there's three easy steps on how to get a girlfriend what did you say step one grab a pillow okay step two grab a big blanket step three don't tell me you're gonna say lotion or something no keep dreaming hey Mom I'm home hey son how was school it was great we had a test in history and I know I nailed it oh really yeah how was math math oh math was great we just had to solve a problem in front of the class really what was yours mine was 280 minus four divided by four that's cool and how many dubs did you get on fortnite at your friend Chris's house oh we got like five dubs um um how do you know that moms know everything I'll go to my room wait wait wait wait you know the deal [Applause] here now turn around hey mommy hey sweetie what does son of a mean you will not use that type of language in this house it's because of that phone you're always on it go help your dad outside I just did Mommy Daddy was building the fence with a hammer and I asked if I could help so he gave me the hammer and he was holding the mail but I missed it now and hit his finger and he said son of a that hurt that's not funny you little oh my God yo bro I really want to ask Mia out Mia bro she's way out of your league man whatever Life's Too Short okay don't tell me I told you so hey Mia would you like to go on a date with me um no because you're a nobody a one bye the next day bro I can't believe you got the quarterback position I know right I can't believe it either oh here comes Mia hey what's up Mia I heard that you're the quarterback for our school I am would you like to be the sun in my life oh I'd be happy to get this day 93 million 985 887.6 miles away from me [Applause] hey who changed the Wi-Fi password oh it was me dad what is it mom told you to give me twenty dollars first are you serious oh here yo dad said you know the new Wi-Fi password yeah why would you change it mom told you to give me twenty dollars first what heck no okay I guess no Wi-Fi for you fine here I just sent the money on cash app saying thanks y'all are so nice and amazing so what's the Wi-Fi password mom told you to give me twenty dollars first stop playing yeah we just gave it to you mom told you to give me twenty dollars first all cats hey son what's up Dad um quick question are you failing English no I'm passing you're passing oh okay and do you need glasses or is your vision okay yeah my vision is good why what's up you'll see just give me one second let me write something real quick can you see that yeah can you read it yeah it says Dad right so you can read so how come you didn't see that on the plate in the fridge that your mom made for me I'm sorry yeah I know it was you it said for Dad not from Dad I don't understand honey it's fine I'll just make you another plate thanks Mom oh it's fine well guess what what he also drank your Starbucks boy you finna get this belt [Music] Daddy I'm gonna ask that girl next door to be my girlfriend I'm sorry somebody you can't I had a secret affair years ago she's my daughter 10 minutes later what's wrong sweetie I want to date the girl next door but Dad said I can't because she's his daughter it's okay son go ask her on a date but Dad said it's wrong to date my own sister he's not the only one that had a secret affair son he's not your dad really yay ocean no damage Mark can we get some Chick-fil-A no we have food in the fridge oh you always tell me that talk back to me or you'll get this belt dad can you take me to my friend's house nah I'm watching football right now and it's kind of late don't you have your talent show tomorrow morning yeah yeah go to bed the next day [Music] hey Mommy can I have a new TV um no can I have a new laptop no can I have a new PS5 no you already have a PS2 can I get the new iPhone no you still have the iPhone 6. can I get the new Samsung no uh can I get a new toothbrush what do you think I am made of money well isn't that what Mom stands for what's no way hey girl miss you are you in an Uber right now you have your gun on you right because I remember that one time when you shot that hobra to death outside that was so cute oh yeah remember can you remember don't forget about the Oregon organs right yeah I remember now we're almost at your destination anyways I just what's wrong son can we go to the adoption center to give me a little brother of course we can yay I'm gonna be an older brother arrives at the adoption center I can't wait to get to get a little brother hello we're here to get him a little brother hey little Mark it's so nice to see you again you've gotten so big hey class we'll be watching a movie today hey let's go actually I can't get it to work so never mind what no yes can I try something um sure go ahead done it works yes now your homework will be writing an essay about the movie all right Clash show me your shapes I drew an octagon and I drew a pentagon what's wrong why do you have a picture of milk dad gone [Music] and why do you have a picture of a gun okay that will be gone what's up son can I talk to you for a little bit of course man come have a seat you're right man like looking a little nervous somewhere in your mom you know I've been preparing for it and uh just want to let you know that I'm gay okay yeah all right yeah yeah yeah so this does this uh this mean you're seeing somebody or you know I've been talking to this guy okay and uh what about prai you're gonna start attending that pride is not really okay you know I didn't really hear you when you were telling me about the young lady man that you're seeing uh when am I gonna get to meet her him he lives in Kentucky so I can't really see him see him quite often you know what what hey if there's three birds on a wire and a farmer shoots one how many are left I'm none because the other birds would fly away I like the way you think but that's not correct I'm about to end my teacher's whole career I got one for you okay let's hear it there's three ladies sitting in the park eating ice cream one is stuck in the ice cream one is licking the ice cream and one is biting it which one is Mary um the one that's sucking the ice cream no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think really [Music] it's you again to make me go away just tap this button you missed bye bye I'll see you again later bro can you stay the night um I don't think my mom's gonna let me what if I ask her she still might say no what if I got my mom to ask your mom you know what that could work okay I'll be right back okay a few moments later um your mom said no dang it she she says she doesn't know what we're talking about what do you mean she said her son died three years ago son who are you talking to oh we need to leave now I get lonely shoot not me please I didn't do anything what oh nothing I just forgot to do my homework don't worry I got the answers right here thank you yeah no problem hey what don't come to school tomorrow because it's Saturday oh yeah but hey don't come on Monday either it's a holiday right right but seriously don't come on Tuesday mommy I'm hungry there's nothing in the fridge what are you talking about the fridge is full with food hey Mommy guess what what I got an A plus on my math test [Music] you're grounded I'm so disappointed in you oh [Music] great hey son I got something for you really what is it this mess [Music] hey you need help I know you're a stranger but at this point yes he keeps barking here okay let me see if I can help calm him down Darren doesn't like listening wait Darren Watkins yes how'd you know that hey babe my phone is dead can I use your phone real quick yeah go for it um what's the passcode it's yours and your ex-girlfriend's anniversary okay thanks [Music] um why do you remember the anniversary of your ex-girlfriend it was at this moment he knew [Music] hey son yeah I just got done speaking with your teacher okay so were you gonna tell me how you failed the test I'm sorry Mom I tried my best you're grounded until your dad comes back with the meal what come on hey big brother go away I don't want to talk to you but I got a joke to cheer you up really yeah what's the difference between you and Grandma um I don't know Grandma passed emotional damn it hey son make sure you make your bed and fold your clothes I already did it look mom what the heck don't talk back to me now fold your clothes oh hi Mom I'm almost done cleaning hey police I have an intruder please help me I'm your son hey sweetie did you clean your room no I don't have time I'm playing my game oh it's okay honey I can do it for you oh my gosh the apartment's on fire what do we do hurry run to the balcony okay [Music] help us somebody please help us maybe it'll help if we yell together good idea together together mommy someone is calling dad's phone who sneaky link what let me see hello hi is Mark there no no he's not who is this this is Rebecca his girlfriend um this is his wife speaking that's a damn lie we've been dating for a year and a half what we've been married for seven years you better be joking you tell not helping him pay for the house monthly anymore and I'm removing him from my Netflix account oh and that Louie Bank he wanted for some reason I want that back got you I just pranked you I'm actually his sister I'll tell Mark you called that is your brother bye [Music] hey what the way you talked what's up please don't come to school tomorrow why what would happen if I do then you're gonna regret coming I'm out of here see you next year why would I regret coming please tell me it's Saturday there's no school on Saturday yo Dad what's up I got expelled from school today expelled what did you do I got caught making out with someone what that's crazy kids do that all the time why you I don't know did she get expelled too no what that's not fair he got fired Hey Driver can you take me to town please I've always wanted to kiss a nun you can if you promise me you aren't married no I'm not married okay kiss me then after the kiss I feel bad cause I lied I am married I feel bad too no I lied it's my fault I'm not a nun I'm Chris I'm going to a costume party [Music] yo dad I have a question yeah what's up son who is the man who is a man yeah a real man takes care feeds and protects his family whoa no way one day I'm gonna be a man like Mommy [Music] oh hey son Dad I'm sorry yeah yeah I'm just looking for my jacket in the closet yo bro have you seen my headphones no get out hey Mom is calling you why are you excited right now I'm not get out let me help you with that hey you still showering you're wasting all the hot water Mom give me some privacy get out okay I don't care you came out of my womb bro I'm going to the gas station to buy some snacks you want to come with nah I'm good bro all right then whatever bro um um Can can I go with you can I go with you man shut up but yeah come on let's go Mike can you buy me some hot Cheetos please in my 15 years of teaching I've never had a class fellow test this bad before I'm very very disappointed y'all even you Stuart scored a one out of ten [Laughter] oh yeah did I forget to mention he scored the highest [Music] oh I'm doing good you know how it is raising these crazy children yeah he's over here do you want to talk to him Mark Come speak with your great grand Uncle no it's fine mom here talk to him hello how are you my boy do you remember me I used to change your diapers when you were one years old Hey where's my phone I don't know why you asking me because I know you mommy not right now sweetie I'm talking to your big brother where is my phone I have mine why would I need yours I don't know maybe your school called in you're trying to hide it Mom I was like 12 when I did that I'm 17 now but mommy what sweetie what do you want I took your phone oh sweetie you should have just asked okay okay don't you owe me a sorry or something yeah good night God I need help what's up I forgot to take the meat out nah you're on your own hey sweetie Mommy I forgot to take the meat out grab me the belt did you say pillow no the belt here now turn around hey Grandpa hey grandson how old are you I'm 70 years old why I was just curious if you were really old and you are I may be really old but I got the body of an 18 year old okay Grandpa whatever you say I'm not kidding okay then prove it honey look what I got for our son what no way a PS5 hold on let me get my camera out but I got this for our son I know I just want to record you giving it to him I don't think you understand I got this for our son oh great do you get it yeah no totally like I get it no like yeah why are you doing that with your voice you're so fake I can't believe we actually made it here me too bro why are you trying not to laugh promise me you won't laugh if I tell you okay I promise I won't look at Jesus shoes thank you [Laughter] what the where am I hey I've done my homework can I play fortnite now no it's your bedtime I want you to go to bed right now oh I hate you oh great Heavens a couple minutes later your son the hospital called and your mom's been in an accident is she gonna be okay yeah they say she's okay but I need to go to the hospital ASAP do you want to come no I'll stay here okay where are we Landing boys hey Dad what's up can I have some money for a Coke yeah sure here's 400. whoa yeah it's only two dollars what really yeah dang the price really went down Dad I'm talking about Coca-Cola hey class I'm your substitute teacher Miss cream and just because I'm your substitute for today doesn't mean you could be late I want everyone to introduce yourselves and we'll start with the four that were late and tell us why you were late hi I'm Jack and I'm late because I was blowing bubbles outside hi I'm Jennifer and erson was blowing bubbles outside hey I'm and I saw them having fun blowing bubbles so I joined them what is up with y'all blowing bubbles that's so kindergarten at least wait until after school to do that okay we have one more person that was late let me guess blowing bubbles hi my name is Bubbles let's see let me try to find it um uh come on get to it I'm sorry Mom the Wi-Fi is just slow right now oh I found them are you failing your classes oh my gosh I think there's something wrong in the system but it's impossible I had all A's yesterday you have a 44 in math and 44. oh he hasn't grade the test yet so he puts in a zero until he grades it okay what about the 52 in English oh that's because the quiz yesterday I swear everyone else failed it but you're not everyone else and explain the 34 in science okay Mom I'm not lying that teacher doesn't like me oh yeah you know what really likes you right now you and this Bell oh I'm a Genie and I grant you one wish okay um I wish for hold on before you make a wish there's only one rule you can't wish for more wishes seriously oh whoa what are you doing hey what are you writing on that paper I wish that everything on this paper will come true [Music] oh my bad Keisha man she's so cute bro you know Keisha only likes thugs right really Yeah tomorrow's a talent show right yeah why I have an idea the next day [Music] hey class I'm pregnant yay congratulations hey class I'm pregnant hey finally you made it sorry doc I've been really busy with work the past couple days no worries but I do have bad news and good news well what's the good news you only have two days to live what that's the good news so what's the bad news I've been trying to reach you for the past two days hey hi Mrs always wet my daughter went to work let's have some fun absolutely not I never cheat on my girlfriend oh she's crazy hi oh hey babe I thought you were at work that was a loyalty test and I knew you would fail you Peter no that's not true I was loyal to you then liar you were in there for 12 seconds and we both know what that means hey Mom finally y'all made it how was the flight not too bad I slept the whole way good good hi hey it's my daughter-in-law that always wears the same outfit you say this every time well it's true anyways where's my grandbaby um oh there they are hey Grandma hi Grandma hey are y'all hungry wait where is the other one what are you talking about Mom dad not again oh I need to use the bathroom but the men's is full hey the woman's bathroom is empty I can let you in there under one condition yes please anything do not press any of the buttons in there okay don't press any buttons got it thank you let's see what this button does whoa let's see what this one does oh okay what about the last one where am I and what happened you're in the hospital and you're wearing the girl's bathroom and press the auto tampon remover button eight things mothers hate one when I go out two when I don't go out three when I eat too much four when I don't eat five when I sleep too much six when I don't sleep seven when I answer her when she's talking eight when I don't answer her when she's talking 69 today wow you're amazing grandpa I love you thank you and I love you too wow happy birthday sir huh bro it's not his birthday [Music] hey you want to go get something to eat yeah let's go Hey brother can I come with no you always want to come when I have a friend over so so stop being so annoying yeah stop being annoying who said you could talk bad about my brother I was just you were just walking out the door bro I totally forgot about this exam I didn't study at all I know me either I'm gonna fail my parents are gonna totally kill me right I just hope I pass hey class you may turn your test papers over and start your test now I'm done oh great Evans that liar all right bro I'm gonna go to work you all right my girl broke up with me why she says she likes another guy dang man I'm so sorry yeah is there anything I can do to make you feel better you're a cop right can you arrest her I can but only if she breaks the law she drinks a lot I can't arrest her for that but she's not 18 yet oh hey class we're gonna play a game where we mix two words and make it into one eye makes fun and duck what did you get I make sure and set and what'd you get oh and I mix big and sick what did you get oh honey what's wrong with you you seem distracted today I don't know Jimmy looks really different from our other kids what are you trying to say did you have an affair I did I'm so sorry dang it who's the father you are oh stop we're in the library shut up loser [Music] I'm sorry y'all be quieter mommy can I stay up and play my game tonight okay that's fine just make sure you flip off the lights before you go to bed okay don't forget please okay Alone 2 A.M in the morning son what did I tell you about the light what are you doing I'm about to go to bed so I flipped up the lights hey son did you learn anything in school today no no did you at least do something fun um no nothing oh actually you know what we told me to pick up six cans of Sprite at the grocery store I got home I realized I picked seven of them is your dad okay no we lost him we could have remembered his blood type surely he knew what blood type he was he didn't he just kept screaming be positive but how can I be positive at a time like this baby I think I'm pregnant I'm gonna have a little brother or sister honey are you for real yeah later that night what up homie did you want to talk about something my wife's pregnant what wow congrats I just don't understand I can't remember us not using protection even once really yeah well here's another explanation once a man went to a forest and all he had was an umbrella then suddenly a tiger approached him and he opened up the umbrella at the tiger to his surprise he heard a gunshot and found the tiger dead but that's impossible someone else must have shot the tiger exactly [Music] Grandpa are the plates clean they're as clean as cold water can get them just eat your meal the next meal Gramps are you sure the plates are clean how many times do I have to tell you those dishes are clean as cold water can get there a couple minutes later Grandpa your dog keeps growling at me cold water come here Mark time to get up for school I don't feel too well for school mom excuse me you were okay playing fortnite last night well my throat isn't feeling too well Mark come downstairs now I can't I have a headache and I'm dizzy oh you're gonna feel really dizzy if you don't come downstairs right now all right but I'm not going to school Martavius bend over Robin Banks Adams okay I'm coming hey babe do you want to watch a movie while the kids are quiet yeah let's do it 20 minutes later thanks for watching the movie with me of course and how did you get the kids to stay so quiet oh I put the anime that was on on your laptop on for them but I don't have any anime on my laptop hey loser leave me alone have you ever kissed a girl no everyone look it's Mr virgin later that night Daddy can I not go to school tomorrow why this kid made everyone laugh by calling me Mr virgin oh he did yeah well you're going to school right and you're gonna tell them this the next day Hey look it's Mr virgin I was until last night I don't believe you ask your sister then huh I don't have a sister you will hey put your hands up where I can see them yeah it's in the kitchen I'll be right back honey I think he likes you so when he comes back do whatever it takes to save us okay actually he said he loves men and asked if we add any cucumbers what whatever he wants just do it just save us okay what's up can I have someone come over um it's pretty late what y'all gonna do things that you and Mom do like father like son all right it's cool thanks Dad hey Dad can I have someone come over oh heck no you just tell brother he can that's different well do you rather me do it behind your back or ask you oh you have a point fine thank you 20 minutes later hi I'm Kevin Hey Kevin I'll be watching you my daughter's room is the first one on the left oh um I'm actually here for him yo what's up Kevin class I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick I don't want to hear a single noise okay I'll be back in a few seconds yo I dare you to go sit on the teacher's chair what that's crazy Todd oh you scared no okay fine watch this look at me I told you I wasn't scared hey you crazy everyone be quiet the teacher's coming thank you class for being so quiet yes Mark was on your chair hey Jessica ew don't talk to me ugly later that night hey Dad can I be homeschooled why because this girl called me ugly ugly nah you're getting her back you're gonna tell her this the next day hey Jessica what's wrong hey ugly my dad passed away I'm so sorry for your loss he's in a better place now yeah he is I hope you're okay um I have a boyfriend and I have a dad [Music] [Music] Hey Stephen what's your body count it's one I really really like this girl nice same here Chris what's your body count mine is only one as well I think this girl's the one okay Tim what's your body count don't laugh but it's just one she's the love of my life nice hey Michaela what's your body cow let me see one two three four four [Music] oh
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