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23 Harsh Truths Nobody Wants To Admit - Alex Hormozi (4K)

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today we're going to go through as many

of your lessons as we can in about three

hours and we're going to see what we can

get through first one a friendly

reminder that in three generations

everyone who knew us will be dead

including the people whose opinions

stopped you from doing what you wanted

all along imagine that someone you know

achieves every dream and hits every goal

they have years later they get old and

die two years after that how much do you

care about as much as everyone else will

if you accomplish your goals and dreams

so I think about death all the time

because it's it's probably the central

theme it's probably the thing that I

think the most about and I think that

influences how I see time and also how I

think how how it influences agency like

what actions I'm willing to take despite

the Judgment of others and so a lot of

times and it might be because I have

more insecurity than everyone that I

think like man I want to do this thing

and then I hear all these other voices

of reasons why I shouldn't do it or why

somebody else will say like that's bad

or you'll bad or like that's wrong

whatever and so I think I've had to come

up with a lot of these devices to get

around my own insecurities to take

action despite those insecurities and

the biggest one that I think about is

that it doesn't matter whether I achieve

all of my goals or I don't achieve all

of the goals in three generations I'll

be forgotten and the only people who

were naying against me will also be dead

and so then it's

like just do it for me and

then when I wake up every

day there's only one voice I have to listen

listen

to but that means that you need to be

able to work out what to do from first

principles you now no longer have

societal Norms or assistants or Role

Models or archetypes or expectations and

way I think that the more you Flex

whatever that muscle is of like

independent thinking the more it becomes

the default way that you think and then

everyone else's actions just start

looking more and more insane to you

what like what's an example of that that

you can think of I mean shoot just the

most basic ones of like living the life

that you don't want not wearing what you

want to wear not dating who you want to

date um not living where you want to

live like you're living at home and you

want to move and your parents say no and

you don't make the move or you're dating

a girl because she's socially accepted

you know by your friend group she's safe

but like there's always some distance in

between you but you're like I don't want

to risk it right or like you're in the

the job and every day you go there and

you're like I mean it's okay and the

idea of just living an okay life just

sounds so terrifying to me that the

freedom to fail over and over again is

still more fulfilling to me at least it

feels like it's

real than walking through kind of on

autopilot and so I think that's a lot of

the choices that other people make that

seem insane to me now but didn't didn't

seem insane to me a decade ago you know

I mean I think it's just like as you

practice taking more agency taking more

responsibility for the decisions then

you just get better and better at it and

then it just seems more and more

ridiculous you're like they're like I

just can't quit my job and you're like

why like no physically why like why

can't you quit your job like like you

know what I mean they start

hyperventilating it's like you could

could you move in with your parents

could you move in with a friend could

you split rent I mean I could but I mean

other people who are going to die in a

hundred years would think what and one

of my favorite ones is um and I say this

all the time to Lela like whenever we're

getting to some sort of like mini

complaint it's like you know if you zoom

out far enough you can't see the Earth

so we're talking about like oh man

they're going to mess up this order on

this vendors I like you know if you zoom

out far enough you can't see the Earth

it just like it just puts everything

immediately into perspective of how

ridiculous some of the things that we're

concerned about are Sean puri's got this

thing where he says don't follow what

most people do because you don't want

the results that most people get the

average person is obese likely to be

divorced and has less than 1K in the

bank it feels safe to do what everyone

else is doing but it's actually a

terrible decision

it's like the best way to guarantee to

not have the life that you want is to do

what everyone else is

doing unless you want what everyone else

has with no one which no one

does yeah it's um being able to think

for yourself and and treating it like a

muscle I think is a smart way to

consider it because in the beginning

it's really really hard you've been

resting on societal norms and the way

you've dealt with past trauma and your

parents expectations and what all of

your friends do and what's accepted and

all of this this stuff for so

long that when it first comes to you

needing to step on that muscle it's like

trying to move your ears like all humans

have got muscles that can move their

ears but because no one works it as a

child they just atrophy away uh and this

growth I think I had a lot of practice

with it because I had a so like a lot of

people have many voices that they hear

that they feel are judging them right

they have their friends they have their

uncle they have their siblings they have

their cousins co-workers whatever I

think I had just one voice that I heard

really loudly and I was was I was

talking to one of our one of our

employees the other day and I was trying

to put it in perspective younger guy and

I was

like I imagine how much you care about

your mother's opinion and your father's

opinion and your s and all of those

other people I was like and now imagine

that there's literally only one because

I had no siblings I basically had no

mother I had just a father and so like

his approval was literally everything

and he disapproved of the path that I

wanted to take in my life and so I think

a lot of these mental faculties or these

little Frameworks or these isms just

came from like how can I combat this

incredibly booming voice in the

background because like when I look at

what I was doing at the time like I was

a consultant I you know I graduated in

three years I took the consulting job I

did all the things but the craziest

thing was that the moment that my father

was most proud of me and he approved of

my life the most was when I was the saddest

saddest

and so that's when I was like maybe his

approval isn't the right way to feel

good about life and so that that started

basically the six-month journey of from

when I decided that I wanted to change

my life till when I changed it and I

think that like as you become more able

or more potent or higher agency that

timeline between when you decide you

want to do something and when you

actually do it just continues to

compress right like now if I want to

change something I'm like let's change

it like done I like I we walk out of a

thing I like we're never going to do

that podcast again or I don't want to

talk to this person again or whatever it

is right whereas before it's like okay I

have to I have to sleep on it I have to

really think about it and like how am I

going to it's like why do I care about

how I'm going to say it this is what it

is done and it's just like that timeline

is compressed but the hardest one for me

like the first one was by far the

hardest and everyone since then the nice

thing is that no matter how difficult

your circumstance is if you have like

the bigger the wall that you have to get

through is as soon as you get past that

one big wall you then can use that wall

as the evidence for why you can jump

over the next wall because that will be

the biggest one and so like after I did

quit my job and left my house and and

left Baltimore and didn't tell my dad

until I was across the country cuz I was

so afraid like people think of me is

like some big Alpha whatever do I was

like I was such I was so afraid of my

father's disapproval that I didn't tell

him until I physically left the state

like like I'm not like think about that

like I wasn't even just one state over I

was like five states over and then I was

like hey by the way I'm going to

California and he was like well let's

come over we'll talk about it and I was

like I'm in

Ohio already then obviously he had a

different reaction right but like but

then after that it was like what do I

have to do now it's like oh I got to I

got to sell strangers and I was like I

told my dad I didn't want to do what he

wanted how hard could this be and so

like it it then becomes this one huge

proof point so the bigger that the

dragon is that you have to slay the more

evidence you have that you can slay the

next dragon and I think that is if

there's ever been a good point for why

getting over the one first hard one is

so hard is that it will then give you

the reinforcement that you can do

whatever you need to do next yeah the

life you want is on the other side of a

few hard conversations and you're living

a life you hate because you're too

afraid to have

them I think about that a lot because

like whenever I feel anxious or insecure

or angry or sad I'm like what

conversation do I need to have that I'm

not having and so then and usually if I

just think for not that long I'm like

this is the conversation I've been

putting off and then you know I'm not

the the the the poster child of mental

health and so um I'll just call myself a

pansy for not having the conversation

and then and then I just have it and so

again I think it's like I need to have

this conversation and the time between

when I have it versus or when I when I

know I need to have it when I actually

have it just because continues to

compress and if you've ever had like a a

breakup or employee firing one of the or

quitting if you're an employee like

these things that you dread I don't know

if you notice it but like the day you do

it the moment after you do it I'm like

how many other conversations can I have

like I want to be like I'm like else

talk yeah totally serial killer for

awkward conversations when I so like the

next series of hard conversations that I

had after I I left home was actually

like years later so I had I had multiple

partners in I said I had a I had a

partner in one of my gyms I had a

partner in four other gyms I had uh a

partner in a Cairo and dental marketing

agency and all of them relied on me to

make money and so all of their

livelihoods were still dependent on me

but I was splitting everything and it

was just it was it was horrible for me

at the time and so I remember when I I

ended up getting in a DUI and you know I

talked to a a performance coach or

whatever and he was like your stress and

these conversations could literally kill

you he's like they almost did so I I got

in head on collision at 60 mil hour and

I walked away no injuries um but it was

like my wakeup call but not to stop

drinking it was my wakeup call that I

needed to have these conversations and

that's what I was avoiding when I was

drinking it wasn't alcohol is what were

the things that I'm avoiding that I'm

using alcohol to get away from and so um

the next day I had the first

conversation with the first partner and

it was horrible but the moment I was

done I was like I got to call the other

guy and I called the other one I was

like this is how it is and the thing is

is I had this back stop of my death of

like you almost just died because you

wouldn't have this conversation and so

then it just gave me this courage to

just be like like and whatever the

reaction was I was like I'd Rather Be

Alive like that was it it and so it's

it's weird though because death has been

this really recurring theme in my life

that like the same thing happened when I

was like the only thing that gave me

enough balls to stand up to my dad to be

fair from a distance from the car when I

was driving halfway across the country

like let's not make my let's not make me

into a too big of a hero here um was the

idea that like I started thinking like

every day I was like I hope I don't wake

up you know what I mean um and that was

the that was that was the thing where I

was like this is a big enough problem

that like if you don't want to wake up

then what have you got to lose

exactly and that was it and it was like

I have nothing to lose and that was when

that was when I think in the last

podcast we talked about this where it's

like if everybody who's like at the

bottom and feels like they have nothing

going for them reframe that as I have

nothing going for me which also means

that I have nothing to lose by taking

action it makes you a much more

dangerous person and I think that was

the flip that I've had repeatedly shown

to me in my life that allowed me to take

the step that I was afraid to take have

I told you about the region beta Paradox

have you seen that one okay so this is

interesting so uh imagine that you had

to go a mile or less and if you did a

mile a mile okay if you had to travel a

mile or less you would walk it and if

you had to go more than a mile you would

drive it okay so paradoxically you would

go two miles quicker than you would go

one mile

uhhuh if you follow that rule the

important Insight here is that if you

only take action when things cross a

certain threshold of Badness mhm

sometimes better things can feel worse

than worse things oh yeah so if you look

around and you see that people are stuck

in region beta this zone of comfortable

complacency right it's the guy that

sticks and his just okay job because his

boss isn't too much of a dick but the

pay isn't that good and he's not really

that passionate but it's all right

whatever whatever the person that stays

in the acceptable relationship they're

not that fired up but they're not really

in love and their partner's not really

got much alignment with their interest

or the person that stays in a crappy

apartment and there's a bit of mold in

the ceiling but it's cheap and it's in a

good area of town or whatever all of

these people would be better off if

their situations were worse because it

would give them the activation energy to

kick them out of the bottom and their

only regret would be not doing it

sooner dude I love

that when I so it's funny because if I

look back on the instances that were the

most painful in my life every single one

of them without fail has created a

disproportionate gain right like the

most painful thing early on was for me

was quitting my job and leaving you know

leaving my dad basically and then that

created the you know my first my first

business and the gyms and all of that

stuff um you know getting into the DUI

the head-on collision um and like that

whole situation got me out of all of

these failed Partnerships that I wasn't

willing to do but in the in the moment I

was like I'm such a failure like I suck

at everything

but that gave me the springboard when I

lost everything the first time after

that um that then gave me like the idea

that I needed to change the business

model around right and that's what

switched me into the licensing model

right and so like each of these time and

then that became you know the the first

forun this is kind of like Alchemy yeah

like turning something which is worse

than useless yeah into something that's

as precious and useful as possible you

know I'm I'm sure you know the terrible

of the you know the man and his son and

he like buys the son a horse and then it

falls he breaks the leg and then they're

like oh it's so sad and then the Army

comes and the son doesn't die and then

it's like oh H great right and so it's

one of those really interesting ones

where like whatever negative situation

and this is probably good for the

audience but like if you think back to

all the negative situations you had like

the really really bad ones when you

expand the time Horizon most times they

become net wins and so then it just

means that like if you're in a really

tough time right now you just got to wait

wait

and then you get and then you get your

reference point back on all the things

that changed as a result because most

times when is bad it can't get

worse so then you feel like Well it

can't get worse than this and then your

action threshold decreases and you take

and you do all the things you know you

should have done anyways and so it's

like we have this big stack of should do

and we just wait until it's two miles

yep and then you just you're like you

just like the firing conversation and

you're like well I just fired one person

or like I just ended one partnership I

just broke up with one girl or whatever

it is and you're like who else do I need

to talk to today like and then in like a

per like you have these rapid periods of

growth that happen and then you have the

next web of comfort because it's way

better than you were before Y and I

think it's I wonder this this is more

just like an open thought but like I

wonder how

long like more successful people stay in

that next Plateau like I wonder if their

threshold for

Action yeah they Med like oh like I'm

getting com like how quickly they get

comfortable into like I need to change I

need to get

better next one the heaviest things in

life aren't iron and gold but unmade

decisions the reason you are stressed is

that you have decisions to make and

you're not making

them it's a good quote you said it you said

it I think a lot of times the decisions

that we make are predicated on the on

the conversations we need to have

because usually like the and what's

interesting is like

you can Define commitment by eliminating

Alternatives so if you committed you've

eliminated alternative actions right

like you can say I'm committed but until

you eliminate other options you're not

committed there's always a get out of

jail free and so a lot of people make

decisions to end relationships to quit

their job to start the new thing but

they don't become committed to the

decision until they remove the other

options and then you're forced to take

action on it and so I think actually

defining those two two different things

now you could Define you know decision

is to kill off like diader from Latin

but from a from an from a colloquial

thing I think there are two different

instances it's like I need to change

this and then I do change it

um and the making the decision is when

it becomes a commitment why uh unmade

decisions so

heavy I think at least for me it's

because I have this hamster wheel on the

my back of my mind where I keep playing

out different scenarios and so I keep

thinking like well maybe maybe I need to

change what I'm currently doing maybe

maybe if I just rethought like cuz I'm

I'm a big frame guy so I'm like maybe I

just need to be thinking about this

differ right maybe if I zoom all the way

out the Earth doesn't exist so maybe

this doesn't matter or maybe I'm just

making a problem that doesn't exist

maybe the best action I should take is

nothing right like I you know I reframe

all those things um but usually it's

just because I'm afraid of something and

then that's why I'm not making the

decision and I think once I name and put

a face and it's usually not even a thing

that I'm afraid of it's one person's

judgment I'm afraid of and then when I

name the person then it becomes then it

becomes real instead of being this

amorphous like people societ judgment

it's like Tom like do I really care what

Tom thinks I guess so it seems like I'm

not making this big change in my life

because of Tom looks like Tom's more in

control of my life than I am dude so I

remember this when I was 19 years old I

was super angry like all 19-year-old men

right that's the the standard default

right I was angry at both my parents for

who because I was 19 right and I

remember blaming them for everything

blaming them for my life blaming them

for not being a better person I

literally blame them for being a bad

person and I remember realizing that

when I blamed them that I gave them

control over my life and then the idea

that the people that I hated the most at

the time were the ones who actually were

controlling me was the thing that most

sickened me to then actually flip my

narrative to actually taking control

like that was the one thought process

like my mother I'm giving her control

over my romantic Rel like my mother

controls this that I was like No

And so like just the idea that somebody

who I I was disgusted by at the time um

had that much power is what gave me the

power to start taking action so this

hamster wheel thing that continues to

distract you I've got this concept

called anxiety cost so kind of like

opportunity cost um when you have an

unmade decision every single second that

you spend thinking about the unmade

decision could have been gotten back had

you just made the decision oh yeah and

realizing that it's it's a justification

for eating frogs earlier in the day I

need to answer that email the longer

that you wait until you answer that

email the more times you will think the

thought I need to answer that email yeah

and if we assume that what truly truly

matters in life is the time and the

attention that we spend within that time

your time is being captured and your

attention is being captured by a thought

that could have been gotten rid of had

you have just done it had you've just

had the conversation broken up with the

relationship left the job told the father

father

whatever done your stretches cleaned

your teeth had a shower whatever it is

that you needed to

do all of that anxiety cost could have

been gotten rid of had you just gone and done

done

it you can move through life at seven

times the rate of other people by simply

changing when you say you're going to

make a decision from end of week to end

of day so think about how that Stacks up

so it's like let's say that there were

four decisions that you needed to make

if the normal person takes a week to

make the decision and then their mind

moves on to the next thing that they

have anxiety for and start making that

decision and decide another week decide

another week decide another week it's a

month to make those four decisions

whereas the the super the Superman that

takes one decision day one one second

decision day two third decision day

three fourth decision day four they

aren't even finish the week yet and

they're where the other person is at the

end of the month and like that speed of

decision- making like not paying the

attention cost the opportunity cost of your

your

time I think it's really profound in

terms of how quickly people move through

life in terms of achieving the goals

that they set out because people are

like how did that how is that guy so

young and he's achieved X Y and Z it's

like well what takes you a month to make

a decision we make it an hour and then

the next hour I make another decision

that takes you your next month and so

like that's how you can go 30 times or

hundred times faster than than the quote

average person who's overweight has ,000

in their bank account you know and is

going to die at 70 can you just go back

to before you made that first decision

with your dad because you've mentioned

it you know people might look at your I

would say ruthlessness at least in some

regards with decision- making you know

hiring and firing and making these

business decisions and there's all of

these great stories about and I had this

thing and I realized that partner wasn't

right so I got rid of that business and

you know that's the sort of thing that

would tear most people up for six months

18 months maybe forever yeah and to look at

that degree of cutthroat or at least um

decisiveness I think is almost

unfathomable for a lot of

people are you a representative Avatar

is pre leaving Baltimore Alex a

representative avatar for the average

person I think so I mean I was high

achieving you know I I mean like I did

well in school I tried hard I did those

things but in terms of my risk tolerance

and my fear of failure and my

insecurities yeah abely absolutely I

mean if anything real talk I'll bet you

that I have more insecurities than most

people because those insecurities are

what drove me to do well in those things

not because I cared about school but

because I cared about what other people

thought about me yeah yeah I um I've

spoken to hundreds hundreds and hundreds

of high

performers on balance people are driven

way more by fear of insufficiency than

they are with some well-balanced perfect

desire to just maximize their greatness

in life like the activation energy for

almost everybody

is I'm scared I might be a piece of

what hang on oh God I might be a piece

of I genuinely might be a piece of

I need to go and do something so

outrageous that I I can't be a piece of

I there's no way that it could

happen I might be a coward oh my God

what what can I do to stop myself from

being a coward that's the activation

energy it's funny because if you regress

fear to its most basic form it's death

and death is the greatest motivator and

like you can prove it in a simple

example it's like if I all of a sudden

go up to anybody on the street and I put

a gun in their head and I say you know

point a gun at their head and I say go

do this thing they'll go do it but if I

say you can have anything you want if

you do this they're willing to go 10

times harder with a gun in their face to

not die and so if you take fear and

aress it all the way down to its basis

form like that's what the insecurity is

like if they they think I won't be

enough and if they don't think I won't

be enough then this won't happen if this

won't happen this won't happen I'll be

alone I'll be dead right like if you

just regress it all the way down like

that's all it is and so like the biggest

Achievers in life I think have have most

directly tied them not doing whatever it

is that they want to do to death whether

they're consciously aware of it or not

and then that's what motivates them

harder well get back to talking to Alex

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slod wisdom you're not afraid of failing

you're afraid of what other people will

think of you if you fail but if you're

afraid of that imagine what they think

of you when you aren't even trying oh

yeah they aren't

I'm such a dick sometimes um does it is

it is it strange to hear your like Angry

toilet tweets read back to you now in

the cold harsh light of

day God that was a particularly

difficult poo I was cracking out

that you know real talk the the tweets

that I have people don't know this but

the tweets are notes to self y so

they're just directed at me so that I

can look back on them and like be

reminders of like hey don't don't do

that and so like I think to myself man

I'm afraid afraid of doing this and I'm

like no I'm not I'm afraid of what this

person's going to think about me because

if I were to be able to fail in quiet

and complete isolation then I wouldn't

care and then I think well what if I

what if I what if I don't succeed in

public what do they think then nothing

right they don't think about me at all

and so obviously that comes from the

perspective of uh seeking to gain

approval and attention from others

anyway so it's like listen if you're

insecure which everybody is let's be

real um you might as well use the

insecurity to get something out of it

right like one of my one of my favorite

things about entrepreneurship is like

use what you've got and so a lot of

people think that they need to fix their

conditions in order to get like the

perfect conditions before they start but

the perfect condition is whatever one

you're in because it gives you whatever

assets you have that's the cards that

you're dealt and so you just play the

hand and a lot of people have great

cards it's like man I'm so afraid of

it's like use it it's like I have

nothing what makes you very dangerous

because you have nothing to lose right

like one of the um really interesting

things about I think about from a

business perspective but it probably

applies to everything is that there's

always an advantage and a disadvantage

from every position right so like I

remember when I mean gym launch is still

a big company and still continues to

grow but in the gym licensing space

there's not many people who can compete

with us there right and I would talk to

guys who are in the space you know I

would talk you know talk at a conference

whatever and you know younger guys would

be like well I want to I want to be in

this space too and it's not fair because

you know you have this big advantage and

I was like you have a way bigger

advantage that I do I was like cuz if I

were in your position I would go to

every single gym owner and be like you

don't want to be with gym launch you

don't want to be with Alex you're just a

number to him like you're never going to

talk to him like you're just a cog in

the wheel there with me you're going to

get my personalized attention there is

just some employee down the chain that's

following some process right I was like

but on the flip side if I'm talking to

that same gym owner then I'm going to

say you don't want to talk to Jimmy he

lives in his mom basement he has no

proof that he's good at what he's but

he's that the reason that we're number

one in the space is because we've done

it so many times and we have a system

that we know that if you go on this side

you will get this result on the outside

I was like there's always a position and

there's always an advantage I was like

you just have to play the one you've got

and most people just look at what

everyone else's advantages and don't

think which one do I have

when you're talking about it's not you

that's afraid of failing yeah you're

afraid of other people's opinions about

why you're going to fail like the reason

I think that cynicism is so popular on

the Internet is that the upside of never

trying is never having to feel the pain

of failure yeah that's fundamental it's

sour grapes at an existential level

right it is a cynicism safety blanket it

is protecting you from ever having to

feel the downside of anything I will

assure my own failure in private so that

public it's kind of like investing like

everyone's afraid of losing money when

they invest but the only guaranteed

investment that doesn't work is never

investing to begin with and so it's like

they take the long failure rather than

the short one right I mean it's what it

is right you just fail

long and they're like I'd prefer that um

it's it's like you and I are going back

and forth on trying to figure out how

many different ways can I say that

either the people that you're worried

about judgment are going to die or that

you're going to die or that even if you

do achieve the thing they won't care

anyways or if you don't do anything they

won't think about you to begin with and

don't you want to be thought about to

begin with like don't you want some

significance I just

you're going to die and I think like I

was I was very grateful so one of my

biggest Inspirations or whatever you

know influences when I was in Baltimore

was I would have lunch with my

grandfather three times a week so he was

90 old guy so I would go to the nursing

home and we'd have lunch three days a

week and listening to him talk about the

regrets that you had in life it's so

much more painful to watch someone who

has no options left like he's going to

die and he's die tomorrow and he died a

couple years later I mean like and he he

lost all his mental faculties you know

almost sadly basically when I stop when

I left Baltimore one of the sad parts is

I was one of the only people that kind

of like kept him Lucid you know what I

mean and after that no one really no one

really visited him no one really did

anything and so I think he he just

rolled downhill I think the lunches

might have been the only thing that he

looked forward to and um seeing someone

old with no options and nothing but regret

regret

now not that he had everything to gret

he had things that he did really well

um he would he would repeat the same

lessons you like every lunch the were a

lot of older people kind of repeat a few

key lessons and everything that he had

he flew during he fled during the um

during the world World War II uh you

know he fled from the Germans and all

that stuff because he had a a Jewish

sounding last name um he wasn't but he

it was enough that he was fleeing right

um and he always used to say he's like

you have two hands and one brain I was

like use them that was always this thing

that he said to me and um I think just

like when when I would think about the

things that he was going up against

compared to the things that we're going

up against now it just made me feel like

all right like this is not as big of a

deal as I really think it is I don't

have Germans at the at my door you know

what were the regrets that he had him

yeah you would have spent I mean again

there's deathbed regrets and then

there's real life regrets but there's

there's things that he would have done

differently in terms of the business

there's things he would have done

differently with his wife he had he got

divorced um that you know uh he would

have done things very differently with

his kids so my mother um and her sisters

um which actually talking to him about

how he raised my

mother helped me in some way forgive her

for some of the things that I felt were

wrongdoings that she had done to me and

so it's funny because you know one of my

favorite quotes from Bla Pascal is to

understand is to forgive and like when

you when you I think there's another

saying that I like a lot which is it's

really hard to hate

closeup it's like if you really see

someone and you see all the things that

they went through and the things that

they that happened to them to become who

they are then you understand them and

then you understand why they did X Y and

Z because if we don't understand we

assume that it's because they're just

evil people and most people aren't that

way they're this way because they've

been reinforced or punished for doing

something like that in the past and

especially for her she was reinforced

for acting a certain way over and over

and over again to the point that it was

it was core to her character and so when

that got put on me I was like I hate you

you're terrible you're like blah but

like when I looked at it on much longer

time Ron of like she was 4 years old

when she came here she couldn't speak

English she got beat up as a kid like

all these things I'm like you know what

maybe give her a little Grace you know

and I remember when when I came back and

it was right around that same time where

I realized I was giving this person all

this power she yelled at me for

something when I came back home from

college my freshman year and it was a

standard fight you know like here's the

button that I press to get into the

normal fight that we get into um I just

remember she hit the button and I just

like wasn't that upset and I it's like I

felt nothing she like hit the button she

like it again harder and I was like and

I just remember looking at her and be

like I get it I'm sorry like you had a

tough tough life and then she just broke

down and you know started crying because

it was like she felt understood and I

think um I know that was round about way

of getting back to regrets but he

regretted how he had raised her but his

through his regrets I got to see why she

was the way she was and then it diffused

the bomb that was between me and her did

that tell you that story Douglas Murray

told me about regrets from Christopher

Hitchin brilliant

so Christopher Hitchins one of the new

atheists uh was sat in some British pub

with Douglas Murray when Douglas is

Young and you know you can imagine it's

some musty Chesterfield sofa he's

probably got a cigarette in his mouth

and a glass of scotch or something and

uh Douglas is vacillating between these

two different choices that he needs to

make and he is um complaining lamenting

the fact that I have this thing but I

have this thing and if I do this thing I

can't do this thing and and what what do

and Douglas in life we must choose our

regrets and I was like so

I'm three Manhattans deep in Douglas

Murray's apartment in Manhattan

at 2 in the morning and he sneaks off to

the toilet and I quickly write this down

cuz I know that my like half cut alcohol

brain isn't going to remember it so note

it down that was all the trigger that I

needed which is also a good argument for

noting things down and I reflected I

must reflected on that for a year I must

thought about it for a year in life we

must choose our regrets what the

does that mean okay first off in an

existence where opportunity cost is

baked in because you don't get to split

test life and by doing a thing you can't

do a different thing I have the choice

between going to the gym and going to

the theme park if I go to the gym death

or I can't go to the theme park even if

the decision of going to the gym was the

right call I will always have the open

loop of yeah but what if I'd gone to the

theme park you can't ever know right

okay so that means that

fundamentally regrets are baked in to

our existence and I'd always thought

that the reason I had a regret was due

to some suboptimal decision I'd made if

only I'd made this decision better I

could have ameliorated the regret okay

so regrets are an unavoidable part of

being a human and they're a byproduct of

opportunity cost which you can't get

away from but what does it mean that you

have to choose your regrets okay well if

regrets are inevitable if they're going

to happen no matter what an easy way to

look at the decision is rather than

which do I want to do which regret could

I live with mhm because there are

certain regrets that you can't bear

living with now you can bear living with

them but they're going to be worse than

other ones yeah so what is the

difference between I need to have a

difficult decision I need to have a

difficult conversation with my boss

about leaving to go and do this thing or

I need to that's the regret that's one

regret of the sitting down and seeing

them face to face and telling them

you're going to leave that small mom and

pop business and you're the main salesp

person and it's going to be terrible and

they're going to cry and you're going to

feel like a piece of that's one

regret another regret is looking back at

a decade that you waste in a job that

you hate yeah so in life you

have to to choose your regrets I love

that as a decision-making frame because

it also jump starts our fear engine

because rather than saying like what do

I want it's what do I what do I hate

least and so we get to run it so then

you get to use your run away from engine

rather than you go towards to Mouse and

the cheese again yeah and was it you was

telling me that uh with a cat yeah I

mean y so I'm just going to butcher what

you told me um why don't you ass sh that

like how much yeah yeah this was on our

last episode so this is sequel for the

people that were listening um John

Peterson talks about the study where

they starve a rat and they put it into a

tube they WAFF the smell of cheese in

from the front and there's a spring

attached to the rat's tail so they can

work out how hard it's pulling how hard

it's pulling is a proxy for desire for

how much it wants it you'd think this

rat is starving it's going to pull as

hard as it can so it wff the smell of

cheese in and it runs towards it and

whatever they do another iteration of

the study this time they W the smell of

cheese in from the front and the smell

of a cat in from behind yeah it pulls

harder yeah why because not only in life

do you want to run towards something you

want but you want to run away from

something that you fear and this ties

into your the three most common traits

of yeah very successful people

superiority complex uh massive crippling

insufficiency and impulse control so

superiority complex I can achieve this

thing that's the

cheese um crippling sense of

insufficiency I fear the cat impulse

control I'm in a CH there's only one

direction I can go I don't need to make

a choice

yep I love this a lot as a frame for for

for decision-making

because that like think about the

decision that we were just talking about

right so it's like I'm I'm the sales guy

and I stay and like if you were to frame

it in upsides it's like upside is I keep

these friends right um and but I want to

leave so that I can start this business

right those are the upsides but when you

think about it in terms of like I waste

a decade of my

life not living the life I want to me I

mean even when I say it it sounds more

motivating even though it's the exact

same thing it's like losing $100 versus

gaining $100 people have three times

higher loss aversion and so it's like if

you can't get yourself to do something

think about it from the perspective of

what you have to lose rather than what

you have to gain you've got a quote that

I love my biggest fear is getting to the

end of my life and thinking I wasn't

good enough what's that mean

and I'll Define good enough is I could

have tried

harder like I want to leave everything

on the field and one of the things that

has helped me a lot I mean in the quote

that went unbelievably viral

um show me to do it again do I need to

do it

again you don't gain confidence by

saying shouting affirmations in the

mirror but by Stack giving yourself a

stack of undeniable proof that you are

who you say you are outwork yourself out

and again a lot of the tweets that I

have are notes to self because like like

I have a you know I have a big

presentation coming up we got 500,000

people who are registered for this book

launch um that are coming out and I'm

thinking to myself it's like how can I

guarantee that when I step off stage no

matter what happens I feel like I've

accomplished that I've done a good job

that I can look at myself in the mirror

and say good work and when I was younger

I used to have no way to do that that's

cuz I measured everything on outcomes

but I feel like because I've gotten a

little bit more experienced I do have

way to win now but it's hard and the way

that I win is when I finish and I say

that there's nothing else I could have

done and so that means that like the

reason that I feel confident about this

book that's coming out is I wrote 19

drafts of the book four full rewrites

end to end to make the book I did six

hours a day my first six hours from 6:

a.m. till noon every day for two years

to get this book to where it is now and

when I was done with the book I was like

there's nothing else I can do to this

like this is it there's nothing else

like I can't make it simpler I can't

make it shorter I can't cut it I can't

add an visual that I should have added

it's done and so to the same degree with

the presentation that I have I gave

myself this framework of like okay well

if I were to speak in front of 10,000

people I would probably spend a good

amount of time prepping the presentation

to make sure it was good I was like why

am I speak in front of

500,000 I was like so I can I can

rationalize spending 50 times the amount

of work and effort and time to make this

thing exceptional because I mean the

numbers are hard to Fathom but that is

the numbers like if I had a 10,000

that's what I would do and so it allowed

me to take a presentation and you know I

have 900 slides that I'm going to get

through in 60 minutes and I have now

every single day I do a full draft of

the you know I I i' say the say the

presentation in my head and then I do a

second run where I say out loud and I

record it and then after I record it I

play the recording with the slides up

and I fix or add every slide where I

Stumble or there's something that should

be there or Visual and I keep going

until now right now I'm a week can

change out and there's there's not much

else I can do to it and so I'll still

continue to do that from now until the

day that it happens but I probably won't

have as many changes because I should

just keep nailing it and then when I get

up there it doesn't matter if the tech

doesn't work or if the you know the the

book shopping page cart you know doesn't

you know doesn't work or whatever it is

because I'll be able to step off stage

and look in the mirror and be like you

did everything you could and the thing

is just like no one else will know that

because I know that like I could not do

that and I Pro like you know a lot of

people were like dude you have so much

good will you could probably just say

like here's you know here's the book um

but I would know and if I if I believe

what I say I do which is that I'm the

ultimate judge jury and executioner of

my own

self-esteem then I'm the only person who

can say good job or not and

unfortunately I have incredibly high

standards and so I can either just

always feel like a failure because I

always fall short of my own standards or

I can create a standard that I I

willingly and consciously accept which

is that that I will do enough work that

there is nothing left to be done and

that means that I can also do fewer

things which means I have to be more

selective about the things that I choose

to do but when I do them they will be

done well and they will be done right

they say that true hell is on the person

that you are meets the person you could

and a lot of the time I think we look at

uh sports stars I'm watching this

quarterback on Netflix at the moment and

is Patrick Mahomes is just this artist

you know he he's he's a halfway between

a warrior and a Sant and and an artist

and a musician and and then everything

rolled together right the reason that we

love seeing behind the scenes with stuff

like that is it is somebody at the

absolute Zenith of their capacity Y and

they are putting everything that they

can into making this as good as possible

and I think that I sometimes find myself

getting I I I certainly did before I had

the podcast I was wistful that I have

the raw materials to work very hard at

things and I'd never had a Pursuit that

I could have applied it to there was

nothing I remember the first time I ever

heard Peterson say work as hard as you

can at one thing for a year and see what

happens yeah and I'd never had a thing

that I could work I I could work hard at

business but the line between your

inputs and your outcomes is so

Meandering and messy that I can always

excuse away good or bad performances as

not being on me and for the most part I

would take responsibility for the bad

ones and not take responsibility for the

good ones because that's I'm wide but I

I never had something that was linear

close to linear I'm like I put an hour

in and I get an hour out or more than an

hour out yeah and it's direct and then

about three years ago I had this

conversation with Dean my video guy I

was like I want to turn pro I read

Steven pressfield war of art then I read

turning pro I want to turn pro with the

show what's that mean what would it mean

if I treated this Pursuit like an

athlete does so an athlete they review

gam tape and they do mindset work and

they've got a sports psychologist and

they look at what they eat and they look

at what they drink and they go to bed on

time and they're hanging around with

people that are growth-minded and

they're getting the right coaches and

all the rest everything is done in order

to facilitate performance in the thing

that they say they care about mhm but

everybody has the opportunity to do that

you just need to Define what the thing

is I'm never going to be Patrick Mahomes

right yeah I I no but I managed to find

my thing and then nearly kill myself in

dedication toward it there's a a photo

that I put up on my Instagram a little

while ago uh two weeks after I ruptured

my achilles yeah yeah I saw that and I'm

in a boot and I've got the laptop on my

lap and we've created this arm that'll

bring the mic to me because I didn't

want to stop doing the podcast because

I'd made this commitment I'm going to

turn pro and for three years we haven't

missed a single episode three times a

week three times a week three times a

week for three years now and before that

it was two a week for a year and before

that it was one a week for a year and it

just keeps on ramping up and the the

opportunity to commit yourself fully to

something that you care about

is beyond a blessing and when you do it

the way that you feel once you know that

you've worked hard is great and we said

before we started you got this big thing

coming up which I'm super proud of you

for managing to achieve even though it

hasn't happened yet um the difference

between being nervous and being excited

before you do something is your level of

preparation in advance of it if you step

out on stage or in front of half a

million people on a webinar which is the

craziest sentence I've ever said if you

step out on stage in front of half a

million people and you've done

fear and that's why it's not about what

everyone else will think because when

I'm on stage making that presentation

the only person whose voice I'll hear is

mine and I will know if I have done

everything in my control to be prepared

or not and what what's the best thing

that comes out I didn't do everything

that I could to prepare and I managed to

fluke my performance right I managed to

like close my eyes throw the dot and oh

wow it hit the ball ey you'll even know

that they'll even be guilt you won't

even be able to fully enjoy your success

because you'll have tarnished it with

your lack of input and what's

interesting is that when you start

defining your own success that way um it

actually starts to feel under your own

control but the downside is you realize

that you can do very few things and then

all of a sudden life feels very short

because you're like shoot there's like

not that many things I can do before I

die if I'm going to actually do my best

and what was interesting is I was

talking to a CEO friend of mine he's a

public CEO um and he was like I need to

start making content right I'm like d

like managing a billion dollar company I

was like you're doing okay man but

because of that type of person he's like

I need to be doing better with my

content right he's got a few hundred

thousand followers anyways and

so I was like all right well how many

pieces of content you're putting out a

week and he was like well I mean I put

out one a

day and I was like dude I was like we

put out 300 a week and he just he didn't

even respond he just took he just like

pursed his lips and nodded he was like

thank you for resetting my minimum

standard it's always like thank you like

and I'm sure like when you talk to Phil

Heath and he talks about the volume that

is required in order to gain muscle and

how much how how D how dialed in he is

with food and all the other things um

just the amount of sheer work like the

biggest change

in or I'll say biggest reason that I've

had significantly larger returns or

outcomes that have happened later on in

my career and they continue to get

bigger and bigger is because the minimum

standard for how much work I know I can

do on something has has multiplied

hundredfold like I look at the first

presentations I was telling Quinn this

earlier I look at the first

presentations I ever gave and I remember

thinking to myself when I had this I was

like this is a good presentation it's

like 25 slides with like a heading and

like three bullets on each slide and

being like man this is good I'm like

this is a this is this is a pittance

this is like an afternoon but in my mind

if I spent a whole day on something that

was like a lot of work now it's I you

know I like using this term like measure

in hundreds which is like measure in

hundreds of hours how many hundreds of

hours have you put towards something if

you do that I promise you the thing that

you're making will get a lot better and

you'll also see how much more you're

capable of which is what I think like my

undertone of listening to what you were

just saying with the podcast is like the

more you do the more you realize you can

do and so what happens is you're

actually even though you're you're going

pro right now you're like dude next year

I'm going pro yeah because this is now

just a minimum standard of course I work

out three days a week of course I do

three podcasts a week but dude once we

have the the reality TV show and we have

the full crew we have the headquarter

like cuz then the path gets lit of where

you're going to go because you're so

singularly focused and you know you have

no other distractions the attention cost

isn't you're not paying that down

anymore and you're just like how many

times can I repeat this effort and then

that's when you start unlocking Mastery

right like I I have this process for

creating presentations and before we

turned on the mics uh we were talking

about it but it's like I've done a

handful of presentations in my life and

I've gotten decent at making them but

the the process now is so refined which

is like it is game tape it is I make the

thing I do the thing in my head I do it

out loud I watch the recording I edit

the thing I do it in my head I do it out

loud I watch the recording I edit the

thing and I just keep doing it until

it's glass dude I listen to I listen to

every podcast that I did for probably

the first two and a half years I

listened back every single every single

time but at the time I didn't cringe cuz

I thought that oh you crushed it anybody

can go back and listen to episode one

with Stuart Morton in my old office in

Newcastle upon and you'll notice every

other sentence that he says I go mm mm

it's infuriating it's absolutely

catastrophic my accent's terrible the C

everything everything everything about

it is is awful and yet at the time I

thought it was great here's another

interesting thing I've been thinking

about recently

um when you don't have anything to say

no to it's easy to focus on one

thing as success begins to get you more

opportunities yeah your ability to say

no becomes increasingly important and

that's something that I'm feeling now

yeah just more attention there's we

hockey sticking quite aggressively and

I'm not anywhere near like even middling

Zed list Fame but it's enough for people

to see what they think is a penny stock

and decide that they're going to try and

throw the hat in the ring which means

that there's like 20 things I need to

say no to every single week from new

people that want that want to do a thing

they why don't we try this thing and why

don't we do that thing and why don't we

do the other thing it was a piece of

piss five years ago to say oh three

years go in the middle of to go like I'm

going to go pro and I'm just going to

focus on this one thing cuz what else am

I going to do all of my nightclubs have

been shut down I got nothing else to do

with my life now oh you said you were

going to go pro interesting yeah let's

see what happens when you have 30 other

things every single week vying for your

attention now let's see how committed

you are this is my favorite analogy for

this which is the woman in the red dress

but you know every many people have seen

The Matrix if you haven't seen The

Matrix you don't need to have seen it to

understand the analogy

so Neo is going through the training

program the protagonist Morpheus is his

his educator his his teacher and the

education program only has one objective

and so he's walking through the city

people are going left and right he's

he's bumping into people going through

like crowded New York and then all of a

sudden it's kind of a black and white

palish look it's green black and white

but it's still black and white and then

all of a sudden this woman in in a red

dress enters the frame and you can't

help but stare at this woman in the red

dress and she's a complete knockout and

morphus is talking to Neo trying to

teach him something and as he's talking

he's like Neo were you looking at me or

you looking at the woman in the red

dress and he says look again and he

looks back and it's agent Smith holding

a gun to his head and he says freeze and

then everything freezes in the frame and

he's like if you're not one of us you're

one of them and I see that as the

opportunities that we have to say no to

every day is like another woman in the

red dress and it's become a term that we

use internally right it's like it's a

woman in the red dress and the thing is

is that the the more uccessful you

become or the more able you become the

hotter the woman in the red dress is

right like you you got a homeless girl

that you're walking you know past on the

on the street she's like all dirty but

she's got a red dress on you're like the

thing is is that that Homeless girl when

you were in your apartment actually

looks like yeah right she's like you

know I'm not you know I could you know

right um but then the better you get the

the bigger the opportunities and that's

where you have not your hypothetical 10

but what about your hypothetical 100

yeah and I had a mentor say this to me

right as we sold uh gym launch he said

Alex that you know now that if it's not

a billion it's not worth your time and

that was such a

single a great razor for all decisions

and so people they're like hey we should

do this endorsement hey we should

partner with this whatever I mean think

about it like we're in the deal world so

how many deal we get we have 3,000

companies a month that reach out to us

to do a deal that's 100 a day currently

and we've done 13 deals in two

years and so like you think about from

acceptance rate it's like you know and

I'm not saying you shouldn't apply by

all means acis.com and apply if you have

an awesome business um but but the point

is is that like your no muscle isn't

really a no muscle it's just a yes

muscle for the one thing that matters

most y we'll get back to talking to Alex

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slod wisdom or lowercase that's

shopify.com slod wisdom to take your

business to the next level today heroes

and villains always have the same

backstory pain the difference is what

they choose to do about it villain says

the world hurt me I'll hurt it back the

hero says the world hurt me I'm not

going to let it hurt anybody else Heroes

use pain villains are used by it

and F Kos here this is a permutation of

what uh Donald Miller said um who's a

great writer and he has a number of

books and he he he talked about the

first element the second element of that

quote is the part that I added to it um

about heroes using pain and villains

being used by it and so one of the

things for people who are not where they

want to be is that they have pain like

Oodles of pain and I remember when I was

starting out I was looking for passion I

was looking for purpose I was like I

just want to find something that I'm

motivated by but it's the it's the cat

and the cheese it's like we're looking

for cheese but we have all these cat

behind us and all we have to do is look

and remember that they're behind us and

so if you have the cat and you're

staying in your current situation you're

being used by the cat right you're being

used by the business owner who you know

it doesn't treat you well and is you

know and you're in this job they don't

really want to be in right or you're

being used by the situation or the

context of the relationship that you're

in with the girl that you're like not

that into right versus saying like this is

terrible and because of this

terribleness I now have something that I

can run away from and then and then and

then like rather than not looking at the

knife or trying to take painkillers to

not feel the pain it's like completely

sobering up taking the knife and

twisting it in your own heart and being

like I'm going to do something

about this and I think that that's

that's what the heroes like if we're

heroes in our own story it's not

avoiding pain it's choosing from the

very beginning the Alchemy which is like

you have these terrible situations it's

like and you have the opportunity to

turn turn them into magic and and and

Skip or shortcut all the growth you're

going to have in a really short period

of time simply by twisting the knife and

being like I'm going to do something

about it yeah I think

think

because people presume in the beginning

that passion and purpose and meaning and

joy and and fulfillment are the things

that get people going but as I've said

of all of the high performers that I've

spoken to the vast vast vast majority of

them are driven by insufficiency and

resentment and terrible parents or

terrible upbringings or a chip on their

shoulder about bullies in school pick your

your

poison they have decided to use that to

create the activation energy right you

can lower your action threshold and

increase how many points you have to

prove it's like oh I want to live a

better life yeah that sounds good it's

like I want to prove the bullies that

said I was a worthless piece of in

school wrong it's like that's some

potent fuel I do believe that

scaled over a long enough time it's

toxic and I don't think that it's

necessarily how

long question like a lifetime right like

but I mean it'll it'll fuel you for a

decade pretty well yeah and I think that

I look at me I look at you know I was

bullied pretty badly in school and was

an only child and had expectations from

parents and and you know I combined all

of those things

together and I did have a chip on my

shoulder and I did want to prove to the

world that I was worthwhile and I did

want people to to realize that they had

doubted the wrong person yeah yeah

damn right I

do I think being really specific about

your pain is helpful so like even being

specific about the cheese really

specificity in general is helpful but

like even more so like what is the

twisting the P what is twisting the

knife like what is how do you

operationalize twisting the knife right

instead of being like I hate my life

right it's I hate the way Andrew makes

me feel when he says that I'm a piece of

and I'm not going to amount to

anything comma because he's

right like why does it hurt me like if

someone says Alex you're a piece of

you're not going to out to anything if

someone accuses you of being poor or fat

right I I would have I'd be like I have

evidence to the contrary so this will

probably not bother me but the things

that bother us are the ones that you

know have an element of Truth or

sometimes not an element are comprised

almost entirely of Truth and we just

don't want to look at it and so I think

it's it's the the twisting the knife is

looking in the mirror and saying what if they're

right success is the only Revenge as you

expand they shrink into irrelevance as

you get louder no one can hear them you

don't beat them you cast a shadow so big

no one can see them to begin with when

people copy they copy the wrong stuff

because they don't know why it worked to

begin with and when it breaks they don't

know how to fix it because they didn't

build it so don't sweat it copycats will

always be

behind good

but success is the only revenge is

such a lovely there's that um let me

tell you the story behind it damn right

yeah so I was 15 years old so this was

really early in my life still jacked

still jacked always jacked Perma jacked

and I uh this is sound so lame so I had

this teacher so I'm freshman in high

school and I might have been 14 whatever

the age is and I'm walking through the

hallway and this this teacher is like an

admin of some kind walks out of his

office and he's like he's like son and I

was like I'm like you're just in trouble

what am I going to do he's like you work

out and I was like no he's like why not

I was like I don't know how he's like

I'll show you he's like you got the

jeans and so that teacher Mr given um ended up working out with me every day

ended up working out with me every day in high school and showed me how to work

in high school and showed me how to work out and he probably saw on some level

out and he probably saw on some level that I was some angsty teenager that

that I was some angsty teenager that felt angry about whatever and I during

felt angry about whatever and I during our workout sessions would be like this

our workout sessions would be like this guy said this to me like he you know you

guy said this to me like he you know you know like this bull whatever and I was

know like this bull whatever and I was like man I'm going to come back at our

like man I'm going to come back at our 10-year reunion and I was like I'm going

10-year reunion and I was like I'm going to show him I was like he's going to be

to show him I was like he's going to be working for me like blah blah blah blah

working for me like blah blah blah blah right

right and he's like no he's not and I was like

and he's like no he's not and I was like what do you mean I was like let me just

what do you mean I was like let me just have my moment he's like no he's not

have my moment he's like no he's not he's like and you're not going to do

he's like and you're not going to do that not if I have anything to say about

that not if I have anything to say about it when you come back for the 10 year

it when you come back for the 10 year reunion and I was like what do you mean

reunion and I was like what do you mean he's like because if you come back at a

he's like because if you come back at a 10-year reunion and say hey John like

10-year reunion and say hey John like everything I have look at me now he's

everything I have look at me now he's like the guy's going to laugh and be

like the guy's going to laugh and be like you did all of this to try and

like you did all of this to try and prove me wrong man I feel sorry for You'

prove me wrong man I feel sorry for You' and when he said that when he actually

and when he said that when he actually played out what my like Revenge fantasy

played out what my like Revenge fantasy was in real life I realized it looked it

was in real life I realized it looked it looked stupid yeah I looked like the

looked stupid yeah I looked like the beta in the situation right and

beta in the situation right and so he was like the only thing that you

so he was like the only thing that you can do is win so big that all of them

can do is win so big that all of them constantly compare themselves to you and

constantly compare themselves to you and then you'll forget they

then you'll forget they exist and he and that's when he said he

exist and he and that's when he said he said success is the only Revenge he's

said success is the only Revenge he's like it's not the best revenge he's like

like it's not the best revenge he's like it's the only one there's no other

it's the only one there's no other Revenge because everything else is petty

Revenge because everything else is petty everything else does show that you were

everything else does show that you were thinking about these people all day long

thinking about these people all day long which means they win by default he's

which means they win by default he's like all you can do is think about your

like all you can do is think about your goal and winning he's like and when you

goal and winning he's like and when you win that's when you become so big that

win that's when you become so big that they shrink into irrelevance you cast a

they shrink into irrelevance you cast a shadow that no one even can see them

shadow that no one even can see them behind you this is the Nuance I think on

behind you this is the Nuance I think on on the previous point when we were

on the previous point when we were talking about the toxicity of that fuel

talking about the toxicity of that fuel long term you can see me light up yeah

long term you can see me light up yeah yeah yeah well I think that when you

yeah yeah well I think that when you think about

think about um the activation energy of using the

um the activation energy of using the things that you don't like yeah you have

things that you don't like yeah you have to be careful that you're using them and

to be careful that you're using them and that they're not using you still and a

that they're not using you still and a lot of the time I get this and in my

lot of the time I get this and in my more juvenile moments I I see myself do

more juvenile moments I I see myself do this

this where I'll know that there's a game that

where I'll know that there's a game that somebody else that I don't like cares

somebody else that I don't like cares about yeah and I'll imagine myself

about yeah and I'll imagine myself playing that game to beat them so that I

playing that game to beat them so that I can Stick it to them right purely for

can Stick it to them right purely for the reason of sticking it to them let's

the reason of sticking it to them let's say that there's someone that really

say that there's someone that really cares about being in shape and I'm not

cares about being in shape and I'm not in as good shape as I have been in the

in as good shape as I have been in the past and I know that with muscle memory

past and I know that with muscle memory if you give me 18 months and a good

if you give me 18 months and a good amount of testosterone like the thing

amount of testosterone like the thing that they care

that they care about I would be able to make them feel

about I would be able to make them feel really bad about right okay so I would

really bad about right okay so I would hijack my own Direction yeah purely to

hijack my own Direction yeah purely to try and prove somebody else wrong in a

try and prove somebody else wrong in a desperate and somehow believe that

desperate and somehow believe that that's me taking control of my life are

that's me taking control of my life are you kidding me I'm allowing them to

you kidding me I'm allowing them to ventriloquize me yeah through pain that

ventriloquize me yeah through pain that they didn't even mean to give me

they didn't even mean to give me yeah the woman in the black dress uh the

yeah the woman in the black dress uh the black pill equivalent right well like

black pill equivalent right well like now it's like not even a distraction

now it's like not even a distraction from your main goal it's like I'm going

from your main goal it's like I'm going to make a new goal just to wrong this

to make a new goal just to wrong this person and then somehow make make up the

person and then somehow make make up the story that I'm in control of my life

story that I'm in control of my life when I'm I'm really just acting in

when I'm I'm really just acting in complete re action to this person and so

complete re action to this person and so in so doing in beating them at their own

in so doing in beating them at their own game they've already won by default yep

game they've already won by default yep because they got me to change the game I

because they got me to change the game I was playing forget about who won it's

was playing forget about who won it's like dude you were over there and now

like dude you were over there and now you're over here I see this with a lot

you're over here I see this with a lot of people I I I think that it

of people I I I think that it contributes to a lot more of why and how

contributes to a lot more of why and how people adopt societal Norms that the

people adopt societal Norms that the resentment that they have it's it's not

resentment that they have it's it's not just other people want this thing

just other people want this thing therefore I mimetically want to do this

therefore I mimetically want to do this thing too it's I know that other people

thing too it's I know that other people will respect me and my resentment will

will respect me and my resentment will feel Justified and manifest if I win at

feel Justified and manifest if I win at it and that's really compelling that's

it and that's really compelling that's like a motivational spit roasting coming

like a motivational spit roasting coming in from both ends and

in from both ends and it's it's really really powerful and you

it's it's really really powerful and you need to be careful I mean I think you

need to be careful I mean I think you know one of the really early blessings

know one of the really early blessings and I'll be hon like this is where I

and I'll be hon like this is where I think I was fortunate right like I I

think I was fortunate right like I I realized when I was about

realized when I was about 28 right um that I had been trying

28 right um that I had been trying really hard to beat I mean you'll notice

really hard to beat I mean you'll notice a common theme with a lot of my stories

a common theme with a lot of my stories but I have one Central person that I was

but I have one Central person that I was trying to prove for a very long time

trying to prove for a very long time which was my father um and we're on good

which was my father um and we're on good terms by the way because I always get

terms by the way because I always get that

that question but uh this was after I left

question but uh this was after I left and he disapproved of my whole thing and

and he disapproved of my whole thing and for five years we didn't talk very much

for five years we didn't talk very much and so he calls me up um to he says hey

and so he calls me up um to he says hey you're going to want to sit down for

you're going to want to sit down for this and I'm like okay what are you

this and I'm like okay what are you pregnant you know

pregnant you know um so and so he says I'm sorry and and I

um so and so he says I'm sorry and and I was like for what and he was like for

was like for what and he was like for everything right now mind you like he a

everything right now mind you like he a middle eastern father born in Iran to a

middle eastern father born in Iran to a middle to a middle eastern father there

middle to a middle eastern father there who was even more legit like when where

who was even more legit like when where my father was born women weren't allowed

my father was born women weren't allowed to drive cars cars came with drivers

to drive cars cars came with drivers with them when you bought them the

with them when you bought them the driver came with the car like he was

driver came with the car like he was born in a very different world like

born in a very different world like fathers don't apologize to Sons it just

fathers don't apologize to Sons it just it was it just wasn't that way and I

it was it just wasn't that way and I have a little bit more a little bit more

have a little bit more a little bit more awareness than I did then and I can see

awareness than I did then and I can see that now but for me I was

that now but for me I was like now you apologize you know what I

like now you apologize you know what I mean um and so rather than take it for

mean um and so rather than take it for the Olive Branch that it was uh I

said I didn't care about your opinion five years ago when I left and I was

five years ago when I left and I was like and I don't care

like and I don't care now and he was like well we'll see how

now and he was like well we'll see how long your success lasts and so could

long your success lasts and so could have been a really nice exchange ended

have been a really nice exchange ended up becoming pretty pretty ugly but the

up becoming pretty pretty ugly but the the main point there was that I wanted

the main point there was that I wanted to in the beginning like make as much as

to in the beginning like make as much as my father then it was make more than my

my father then it was make more than my father and then it was make more than my

father and then it was make more than my father had ever made in his entire life

father had ever made in his entire life and once I had achieved that I realized

and once I had achieved that I realized that as much as like it sounds terrible

that as much as like it sounds terrible to say this but like I was trying to

to say this but like I was trying to beat him at his

beat him at his game and and this is pretty alive in a

game and and this is pretty alive in a lot of a lot of Asian culture same thing

lot of a lot of Asian culture same thing making money is a big you know like when

making money is a big you know like when my dad would introduce somebody he'd be

my dad would introduce somebody he'd be like this is Sozo he makes this much a

like this is Sozo he makes this much a year like it so it was just really clear

year like it so it was just really clear like this is how much status someone has

like this is how much status someone has and so like it was really deep for me um

and so like it was really deep for me um but it was only when I realized that I

but it was only when I realized that I had won

had won at his game that I realized I never even

at his game that I realized I never even asked the question of like what game am

asked the question of like what game am I trying to win and I don't know how

I trying to win and I don't know how many people are actually trying to win

many people are actually trying to win at a game that they didn't even set the

at a game that they didn't even set the rules up for so many when they're in it

rules up for so many when they're in it and that's why I say like I think I was

and that's why I say like I think I was fortunate that I you know I hit a a

fortunate that I you know I hit a a really tough goal because my dad was is

really tough goal because my dad was is is a successful man um relatively early

is a successful man um relatively early on um but that that that exchange and

on um but that that that exchange and then think like and then reflecting

then think like and then reflecting black and feeling terrible about myself

black and feeling terrible about myself from like saying what I said that and

from like saying what I said that and then I was like

then I was like I I did everything that I've done to

I I did everything that I've done to this point to beat him beat my father

this point to beat him beat my father the man who actually raised me who tried

the man who actually raised me who tried to make me the best man I can and when I

to make me the best man I can and when I think when I really start thinking about

think when I really start thinking about it I'm like I like who I

it I'm like I like who I am he raised me so doesn't that mean

am he raised me so doesn't that mean that he might have been the perfect

that he might have been the perfect father and then that really messes with

father and then that really messes with me and so yeah so go ahead well it's

me and so yeah so go ahead well it's just it's hard to

just it's hard to think that the people you used to have

think that the people you used to have contempt for or distaste or hatred or

contempt for or distaste or hatred or whatever shaped you in a way that you

whatever shaped you in a way that you couldn't have been and I often think

couldn't have been and I often think about how the things I'm most proud of

about how the things I'm most proud of in myself are the light side of

in myself are the light side of something that I was so embarrassed

something that I was so embarrassed about so ashamed about um you know being

about so ashamed about um you know being an outcast as a kid meant that uh

an outcast as a kid meant that uh I love or I'm capable of being on My Own

I love or I'm capable of being on My Own Way Beyond how anybody else is yeah so

Way Beyond how anybody else is yeah so far beyond it I I can work on my own in

far beyond it I I can work on my own in solitude for an endless amount of time I

solitude for an endless amount of time I I can outwork anybody in solitude why

I can outwork anybody in solitude why because I

because I spent almost all of my time between the

spent almost all of my time between the ages of six and 16 in my bedroom

ages of six and 16 in my bedroom listening to audio tapes right listening

listening to audio tapes right listening to audiobooks and like throwing like a

to audiobooks and like throwing like a tennis ball against the wall or like

tennis ball against the wall or like playing with my like Mighty

playing with my like Mighty Mouse from Mars or whatever they were

Mouse from Mars or whatever they were called what was it called bik a ice from

called what was it called bik a ice from Mars that was it um and that was what I

Mars that was it um and that was what I did yeah so

did yeah so but all of that discomfort and all of

but all of that discomfort and all of the challenges that I went through there

the challenges that I went through there are the thing one of the things that I'm

are the thing one of the things that I'm so proud of myself on now okay so what

so proud of myself on now okay so what if I look back and I said well all of

if I look back and I said well all of the the

the the um the bullying that I went through and

um the bullying that I went through and the challenges of feeling alone and

the challenges of feeling alone and being on the outside of social groups

being on the outside of social groups meant that I developed such attenuation

meant that I developed such attenuation and attention and focus and an ability

and attention and focus and an ability to distill down what's happening

to distill down what's happening socially which is why I became one of

socially which is why I became one of the best club promoters in the UK for a

the best club promoters in the UK for a decade and a half right because for all

decade and a half right because for all of my school life I'd been obsessing

of my school life I'd been obsessing over how Alex wears his tie maybe that's

over how Alex wears his tie maybe that's why he has friends and I don't have

why he has friends and I don't have friends or the particular brand of shoes

friends or the particular brand of shoes that he's wearing or the like he carries

that he's wearing or the like he carries his bag on that shoulder and I car carry

his bag on that shoulder and I car carry mine on this shoulder because I couldn't

mine on this shoulder because I couldn't deconstruct why I didn't have friends

deconstruct why I didn't have friends and everybody else did right okay so

and everybody else did right okay so looking back would I have rather had the

looking back would I have rather had the friends right and had the brother or

friends right and had the brother or sister and not develop this skill I

sister and not develop this skill I can't split test life so I don't know

can't split test life so I don't know right but my life's ended up pretty good

right but my life's ended up pretty good and I'm happy with it so I need to not

and I'm happy with it so I need to not only look back at that stuff as

only look back at that stuff as something not to hate but something to

something not to hate but something to genuinely be thankful for and that

genuinely be thankful for and that is frankly something I'm still working

is frankly something I'm still working [Laughter]

[Laughter] through well yeah it goes It goes back

through well yeah it goes It goes back to the the first thing which is like the

to the the first thing which is like the most traumatic events that happen in our

most traumatic events that happen in our life you know they happen for us not to

life you know they happen for us not to us but when you expand the time Horizon

us but when you expand the time Horizon like those things and to be fair there

like those things and to be fair there are people who do have really crappy

are people who do have really crappy things happen to them and then it

things happen to them and then it destroys them and then that's it and

destroys them and then that's it and then they're just done and that's all it

then they're just done and that's all it is not everyone has like a moderate

is not everyone has like a moderate amount of childhood bullying and an only

amount of childhood bullying and an only child with like parents that care about

child with like parents that care about them or whatever because you were a

them or whatever because you were a child coping with the world with the

child coping with the world with the coping skills of a child I'm still

coping skills of a child I'm still largely that as an as an adult infant

largely that as an as an adult infant right and so um

right and so um but I think that I mean the keepy at

but I think that I mean the keepy at least for me you know my my key takeaway

least for me you know my my key takeaway from both both of these kind of stories

from both both of these kind of stories is more

is more that all of the all of the the negative

that all of the all of the the negative things that happen on the micro have the

things that happen on the micro have the opportunity if double down on to be huge

opportunity if double down on to be huge wins in the macro and sometimes in ways

wins in the macro and sometimes in ways that just a micro win would never have

that just a micro win would never have the ability to be doubled down on and

the ability to be doubled down on and become a a capital w win in the

become a a capital w win in the macro this is probably one of the

macro this is probably one of the heaviest hmer blows I think for today

heaviest hmer blows I think for today this next one this is a real anger

this next one this is a real anger tweeting great no it's not it's an

tweeting great no it's not it's an existential one oh fun you've already

existential one oh fun you've already achieved goals you said would make you

achieved goals you said would make you happy

happy yeah you've already achieved goals you

yeah you've already achieved goals you said would make you

said would make you happy Alex's notes to self

happy Alex's notes to self right

right um because we all know the happiness

um because we all know the happiness formula which is um when this happens

formula which is um when this happens I'll be happy right when X I'll be happy

I'll be happy right when X I'll be happy or if x I'll be happy um and so we you

or if x I'll be happy um and so we you know I I've set up that equation I'm

know I I've set up that equation I'm sure I know you've never set up this

sure I know you've never set up this equation for yourself in your life but

equation for yourself in your life but you know I I've set that up and I think

you know I I've set that up and I think that just serves as as my my biggest

that just serves as as my my biggest reminder um but it's also why I probably

reminder um but it's also why I probably am a pretty existential nihilist overall

am a pretty existential nihilist overall um because I I've had so much evidence

um because I I've had so much evidence that none of those things quote brought

that none of those things quote brought me joy but the things that we were

me joy but the things that we were talking earlier about anticipation being

talking earlier about anticipation being kind of the hot button on Pleasure y I

kind of the hot button on Pleasure y I feel like the hot button on Joy for me

feel like the hot button on Joy for me is what I'm doing right now so like I

is what I'm doing right now so like I haven't done the event yet right I

haven't done the event yet right I haven't I haven't given the presentation

haven't I haven't given the presentation but when I'm in the Rocky cut scene of

but when I'm in the Rocky cut scene of like of beating I'm not gonna say

like of beating I'm not gonna say beating the cow carcass I'll say it that

beating the cow carcass I'll say it that way um I trying to avoid certain words

way um I trying to avoid certain words anyways um that when I'm when I'm when

anyways um that when I'm when I'm when I'm when I'm putting that work in and

I'm when I'm putting that work in and doing the Reps like that's when I'm

doing the Reps like that's when I'm actually my most in flow and enjoying

actually my most in flow and enjoying myself the most and so it's actually a

myself the most and so it's actually a lie that I've been telling myself that

lie that I've been telling myself that like once the presentation goes well

like once the presentation goes well I'll feel good because in some ways now

I'll feel good because in some ways now I feel like when the presentation

I feel like when the presentation happens I'll be disappointed because I

happens I'll be disappointed because I won't get to do this anymore I'll have

won't get to do this anymore I'll have to find something else to pick as a

to find something else to pick as a Target so that I can get back into my

Target so that I can get back into my Rocky cut scene and so I think that that

Rocky cut scene and so I think that that that has taken some time and I've gotten

that has taken some time and I've gotten better at it I really do think I've

better at it I really do think I've gotten a lot better at it um at least

gotten a lot better at it um at least recognizing because the more the more

recognizing because the more the more times I've I've had ws and then realized

times I've I've had ws and then realized that right afterwards I felt nothing I

that right afterwards I felt nothing I had to think back of like what are the

had to think back of like what are the things that I enjoyed most in my life

things that I enjoyed most in my life and it's always in Pursuit and I'm like

and it's always in Pursuit and I'm like well then why don't I set something

well then why don't I set something really big really far so I can be in

really big really far so I can be in Pursuit for the longest period of time

Pursuit for the longest period of time possible and that's where I think a lot

possible and that's where I think a lot of people from the outside you know they

of people from the outside you know they cast their expectations of Life onto me

cast their expectations of Life onto me and say I wouldn't live my life that way

and say I wouldn't live my life that way you're always you're always working

you're always you're always working you're always doing these things but

you're always doing these things but it's like I'm actually always spending

it's like I'm actually always spending my time in Pursuit because in Pursuit is

my time in Pursuit because in Pursuit is my button for enjoyment well what about

my button for enjoyment well what about if it wasn't achieving the thing at the

if it wasn't achieving the thing at the end if the reason that you set yourself

end if the reason that you set yourself goals is exclusively to motivate

goals is exclusively to motivate yourself to enjoy the route toward those

yourself to enjoy the route toward those goals and I know that it's not the

goals and I know that it's not the destination it's the journey is kind of

destination it's the journey is kind of cliche and I think this is is slightly

cliche and I think this is is slightly subtly different which is that it's

subtly different which is that it's actually about setting the destination

actually about setting the destination without the destination you wouldn't do

without the destination you wouldn't do the journey yeah like the way that you

the journey yeah like the way that you set goals and then achieve them and the

set goals and then achieve them and the the dopamine and the the trigger that

the dopamine and the the trigger that you get um I often think about the

you get um I often think about the balance between like serotonin Chris and

balance between like serotonin Chris and dopamine Chris and I I don't even know

dopamine Chris and I I don't even know the difference between that it's like am

the difference between that it's like am I feeling sort of lovey and present and

I feeling sort of lovey and present and and and wanting to connect with people

and and wanting to connect with people or am I driving toward a thing because I

or am I driving toward a thing because I have a goal that's in front of me and

have a goal that's in front of me and I'm very sort of dopamine Chris a lot of

I'm very sort of dopamine Chris a lot of the time um but I genuinely think that

the time um but I genuinely think that if you remind yourself these are the

if you remind yourself these are the golden years like this right now yeah

golden years like this right now yeah this when you look back these will be

this when you look back these will be the golden years right when I had my

the golden years right when I had my health I had my full mental capacity I

health I had my full mental capacity I had control of my bladder I had all of

had control of my bladder I had all of the money that I needed to do the things

the money that I needed to do the things that I wanted to crush it with my

that I wanted to crush it with my friends to fly around America and film

friends to fly around America and film these podcasts or to launch this book

these podcasts or to launch this book that I spend all of this time on and you

that I spend all of this time on and you can even see it in the micro you can

can even see it in the micro you can even see it when you look back on stuff

even see it when you look back on stuff that you've done in your day-to-day

that you've done in your day-to-day business or when you what you did at

business or when you what you did at University what were the times that you

University what were the times that you enjoyed was it when success success came

enjoyed was it when success success came to you easily or was it when you stayed

to you easily or was it when you stayed up and ordered dominoes because you had

up and ordered dominoes because you had that project that needed to be in at 6:

that project that needed to be in at 6: in the morning and you ran an all

in the morning and you ran an all nighter and and John slept under the the

nighter and and John slept under the the table and and everybody ordered monsters

table and and everybody ordered monsters and then the next morning we got it done

and then the next morning we got it done what was good about that was it when you

what was good about that was it when you submitted it or was it the dominoes and

submitted it or was it the dominoes and the 3:00 a.m. sleep under the table

the 3:00 a.m. sleep under the table because I'm pretty sure it's

um but one of the things that really motivates me

motivates me or one of my most powerful motivational

or one of my most powerful motivational frames is thinking about the person that

frames is thinking about the person that I want to become as the destination and

I want to become as the destination and thinking like I want to be

thinking like I want to be bulletproof I want to be bulletproof in

bulletproof I want to be bulletproof in these ways I want to be bulletproof in

these ways I want to be bulletproof in my marriage I want to be bulletproof in

my marriage I want to be bulletproof in my business Etc and I think about that

my business Etc and I think about that man whoever I want him to be like we

man whoever I want him to be like we said hell is when you look at who you

said hell is when you look at who you could have been and realize that you're

could have been and realize that you're not that person and then I think if I

not that person and then I think if I were to make that man what would I put

were to make that man what would I put that man through to make him who he is

that man through to make him who he is like it wouldn't be easy times it

like it wouldn't be easy times it wouldn't be quick wins it wouldn't even

wouldn't be quick wins it wouldn't even be easy wins it would be the the toil

be easy wins it would be the the toil and the struggle of achieving and

and the struggle of achieving and reaching for

things that are right out of grasp that are right above my threshold and

are right above my threshold and continuing to do that to like lift the

continuing to do that to like lift the weight to build the muscle to break it

weight to build the muscle to break it down and do it over and over again

down and do it over and over again because like that's what creates the

because like that's what creates the character traits that are the man that I

character traits that are the man that I want to be and so when I'm going through

want to be and so when I'm going through those like really harder times I like to

those like really harder times I like to think of like looking in my mental

think of like looking in my mental mirror of like I'm making you I'm not

mirror of like I'm making you I'm not there yet but I'm making you and that

there yet but I'm making you and that has helped me get through some of the

has helped me get through some of the harder times and from a gratitude

harder times and from a gratitude perspective my my most powerful frame

perspective my my most powerful frame for gratitude has been thinking about my

for gratitude has been thinking about my 85-year-old self waking up as my

85-year-old self waking up as my 30-year-old

30-year-old self and all of a sudden looking at Lea

self and all of a sudden looking at Lea and be like man I remember when we were

and be like man I remember when we were this young and then looking out the

this young and then looking out the window and like man you know Vegas

window and like man you know Vegas wasn't even developed like there's no

wasn't even developed like there's no flying cars yet like man they were still

flying cars yet like man they were still used gas like this is so cool and I get

used gas like this is so cool and I get out of bed and I'm like and my elbows

out of bed and I'm like and my elbows don't hurt my knees don't hurt right

don't hurt my knees don't hurt right because I'm thinking about what my

because I'm thinking about what my 85-year-old self would think and you

85-year-old self would think and you know we're talking about whatever but it

know we're talking about whatever but it it it it allows me to enjoy the mundane

it it it allows me to enjoy the mundane in a way that I know that I would give

in a way that I know that I would give everything that I had when I was 85 to

everything that I had when I was 85 to enjoy again and it's just it's a it's a

enjoy again and it's just it's a it's a Trippy frame but like if you can think

Trippy frame but like if you can think like what would 8 85-year-old me would

like what would 8 85-year-old me would be like I'm just not my body doesn't

be like I'm just not my body doesn't hurt you know what I mean like I

hurt you know what I mean like I actually have energy like I can think

actually have energy like I can think clearly I don't have brain fog cuz I'm

clearly I don't have brain fog cuz I'm 85 right and that has been probably my

85 right and that has been probably my single most powerful frame on feeling

single most powerful frame on feeling grateful and allowed me to feel more

grateful and allowed me to feel more present at times when I start like when

present at times when I start like when I start to feel like I'm going through

I start to feel like I'm going through the motions and just like clicking in

the motions and just like clicking in the routine and just like day after day

the routine and just like day after day after day and they feel the same that's

after day and they feel the same that's been my biggest slowdown where I can

been my biggest slowdown where I can pull the reins and be like just and mind

pull the reins and be like just and mind you it lasts a few minutes but when I

you it lasts a few minutes but when I think back on the days where I where I

think back on the days where I where I use that frame the part of the day that

use that frame the part of the day that I remember was just a few minutes that I

I remember was just a few minutes that I use it so I did this episode with Sam

use it so I did this episode with Sam Harris a lot of people have problems

Harris a lot of people have problems with Sam Harris I found the time that I

with Sam Harris I found the time that I spent with him unbelievably enjoyable I

spent with him unbelievably enjoyable I sat opposite him and a couple of times

sat opposite him and a couple of times caught myself thinking I am having so

caught myself thinking I am having so much fun doing this and he said this

much fun doing this and he said this thing and I really wish that I'd asked

thing and I really wish that I'd asked him another question I should email him

him another question I should email him about it um I was talking about presence

about it um I was talking about presence and and the importance of presence and

and and the importance of presence and you could use it as a proxy for

you could use it as a proxy for gratitude and he said that what you're

gratitude and he said that what you're aiming to do is find small moments in

aiming to do is find small moments in the day when you just open up and

the day when you just open up and realize what's happening yeah right

realize what's happening yeah right Conor McGregor won the featherweight

Conor McGregor won the featherweight title twice because he won the interim

title twice because he won the interim MH because Aldo was injured right and

MH because Aldo was injured right and then he won against Aldo and somebody

then he won against Aldo and somebody asked him what are you going to do

asked him what are you going to do differently this time again before the

differently this time again before the Aldo fight that you didn't do against

Aldo fight that you didn't do against the me in the Mendes fight he says this

the me in the Mendes fight he says this time I'm going to be present and there's

time I'm going to be present and there's this photo of him and he's stood yeah

this photo of him and he's stood yeah like this at the weigh-in and you've got

like this at the weigh-in and you've got this entire yeah stadium in front of him

this entire yeah stadium in front of him and he stood like that he said the first

and he stood like that he said the first time he did it he couldn't remember it

time he did it he couldn't remember it because he was just yeah drowning in the

because he was just yeah drowning in the in in what was next yeah

in in what was next yeah and what I really loved that Sam said

and what I really loved that Sam said and I think that you know you look at

and I think that you know you look at somebody that's a master meditator or

somebody that's a master meditator or you set yourself High bars for what it

you set yourself High bars for what it means to be mindful and you realize that

means to be mindful and you realize that you can be present with a sip of a

you can be present with a sip of a coffee okay I can be present with this

coffee okay I can be present with this one sip of a coffee and then it like

one sip of a coffee and then it like sand in your hands or like trying to

sand in your hands or like trying to remember a dream it just evaporates

remember a dream it just evaporates right okay well what if your goal was

right okay well what if your goal was just to try and get five of those a day

just to try and get five of those a day yeah what if that was it what if being

yeah what if that was it what if being mindful was just five moments when you

mindful was just five moments when you allow yourself to be where your feet are

allow yourself to be where your feet are where your feet are underneath you and

where your feet are underneath you and then what if you tried to just string

then what if you tried to just string like two of those together five times a

like two of those together five times a day like just this first Sip and then as

day like just this first Sip and then as I put it down the view out of the window

I put it down the view out of the window oh my God like that's two things in one

oh my God like that's two things in one and then I can do that five times and it

and then I can do that five times and it it if I'd asked him I would have said

it if I'd asked him I would have said really is the path to just increase the

really is the path to just increase the frequency of the times that you are

frequency of the times that you are where your feet are underneath you uh

where your feet are underneath you uh and one other cue that I love that I got

and one other cue that I love that I got from an embodiment coach is the times

from an embodiment coach is the times when you see in your peripheral vision

when you see in your peripheral vision you're looking and the way that our

you're looking and the way that our vision actually works you're focused so

vision actually works you're focused so heavily on what's directly in front of

heavily on what's directly in front of you if there's ever a time when you see

you if there's ever a time when you see what's out here MH you realize that you

what's out here MH you realize that you it's impossible to see all of that and

it's impossible to see all of that and not be in the present moment because

not be in the present moment because You' naturally just opened yourself up

You' naturally just opened yourself up and I love that cue so during the times

and I love that cue so during the times when I'm doing things like that Sam

when I'm doing things like that Sam episode I'm like the next question and

episode I'm like the next question and there's millions of people watching and

there's millions of people watching and all this stuff and there's this guy in

all this stuff and there's this guy in front of me and he's super smart or

whatever this is cool just that one moment and that when I look back on

one moment and that when I look back on that episode that's what I enjoyed

that episode that's what I enjoyed that's what I enjoyed about it so I

that's what I enjoyed about it so I think that being where your feet are

think that being where your feet are underneath you and allowing yourself to

underneath you and allowing yourself to open up and stringing those together

open up and stringing those together largely allows you

largely allows you to enjoy being whilst you're in the

to enjoy being whilst you're in the process of

process of becoming it's also

becoming it's also interesting those moments you can

interesting those moments you can capture a moment independent from your

capture a moment independent from your surroundings because a lot of times

surroundings because a lot of times those moments you're not thinking about

those moments you're not thinking about the goal that you have the meeting that

the goal that you have the meeting that you have the the prep that you have to

you have the the prep that you have to do for some talk or some podcast or

do for some talk or some podcast or whatever it is and

whatever it is and I can't remember where I heard this but

I can't remember where I heard this but they were talking about Gladiator the

they were talking about Gladiator the movie and the film opens with this like

movie and the film opens with this like little bird on a bow right with like the

little bird on a bow right with like the the leaves and whatnot and then they

the leaves and whatnot and then they zoom out from that little bird on the on

zoom out from that little bird on the on the on the bow and it's this disgusting

the on the bow and it's this disgusting war scene right and so it's kind of like

war scene right and so it's kind of like micro macro micro um of how no matter

micro macro micro um of how no matter how tough whatever the moment that

how tough whatever the moment that you're going through is if you can just

you're going through is if you can just take a picture of the corner of the room

take a picture of the corner of the room and look at the beauty in that right of

and look at the beauty in that right of being present in that moment even if

being present in that moment even if it's the suffering right like you get

it's the suffering right like you get punched and you're spitting blood out

punched and you're spitting blood out but it's like this moment that you

but it's like this moment that you capture then all of a sudden like

capture then all of a sudden like everything Fades away and you are

everything Fades away and you are present and so it can take this what

present and so it can take this what would be a brutal war scene of death and

would be a brutal war scene of death and dismemberment and the thing that makes

dismemberment and the thing that makes it memorable is the zooming in on a

it memorable is the zooming in on a detail and so it's like if we're going

detail and so it's like if we're going if you feel like you're going through

if you feel like you're going through life too fast it's like just look for a

life too fast it's like just look for a detail whenever I wanted to try and get

detail whenever I wanted to try and get myself back into the present I used to

myself back into the present I used to have brain fog a lot in my 20s oh really

have brain fog a lot in my 20s oh really and maybe not brain fog maybe just the

and maybe not brain fog maybe just the clarity of my thoughts now is so much

clarity of my thoughts now is so much better than it used to I don't

better than it used to I don't know maybe I was hung over yeah that was

know maybe I was hung over yeah that was a big maybe it was just the drugs I

a big maybe it was just the drugs I don't know um but one of the things I

don't know um but one of the things I used to do I used to have this I still

used to do I used to have this I still have this BMW sat on my drive with a

have this BMW sat on my drive with a perforated steering wheel and I remember

perforated steering wheel and I remember that if I ran my thumbs across the

that if I ran my thumbs across the steering wheel and I really felt per

steering wheel and I really felt per really felt it do it with a leaf i' Pi a

really felt it do it with a leaf i' Pi a leaf up and I'd really feel the Sens of

leaf up and I'd really feel the Sens of the leaf I couldn't think about anything

the leaf I couldn't think about anything else you can only have one thought at

else you can only have one thought at one time you cannot think two things

one time you cannot think two things right you have a super computer inside

right you have a super computer inside of your head and it's got one megabyte

of your head and it's got one megabyte of ram yeah yeah so just think the one

of ram yeah yeah so just think the one thought we'll get back to talking to

thought we'll get back to talking to Alex in one minute but first I need to

Alex in one minute but first I need to tell you about surf shark VPN if you're

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shark. deod wisdom okay so this next one me and

deod wisdom okay so this next one me and you text each other pretty frequently

you text each other pretty frequently about we've seen this cool thing and

about we've seen this cool thing and someone's repurposed like one of the

someone's repurposed like one of the things that we've done which is cool and

things that we've done which is cool and it makes me feel good that things that

it makes me feel good that things that we've said or that you've said largely

we've said or that you've said largely uh get repurposed um this is something

uh get repurposed um this is something that hadn't happened before which is you

that hadn't happened before which is you misquoted

misquoted me but improved the quote so this was

me but improved the quote so this was like the human centipede of content

like the human centipede of content creation and then I named it okay so

creation and then I named it okay so this is fame's seesaw when you're on

this is fame's seesaw when you're on your way up everyone roots for you

your way up everyone roots for you because you remind them of their dreams

because you remind them of their dreams when you're at the top everyone tears

when you're at the top everyone tears you down because you remind them that

you down because you remind them that they gave up on them and you have one

they gave up on them and you have one which is for anyone who needs a reminder

which is for anyone who needs a reminder no one is going to hate on you for doing

no one is going to hate on you for doing worse than

worse than them and this is interesting because

them and this is interesting because kind of like the challenges you

kind of like the challenges you face in the beginning you don't have

face in the beginning you don't have anything to say no to therefore the

anything to say no to therefore the woman in the red dress is easy to say no

woman in the red dress is easy to say no to or there a fewer women

to or there a fewer women yeah this is a challenge that nobody is

yeah this is a challenge that nobody is going to give you any sympathy for yeah

going to give you any sympathy for yeah it's a very unique category of challenge

it's a very unique category of challenge because the total addressable market for

because the total addressable market for sympathy is basically zero

sympathy is basically zero because almost everybody is on their way

because almost everybody is on their way up and very few people are at the top

up and very few people are at the top and the people that are at the top are

and the people that are at the top are seen as having a degree of privilege

seen as having a degree of privilege that almost legitimates you twisting the

that almost legitimates you twisting the knife or you poking the finger this is

knife or you poking the finger this is how public figures can have normal

how public figures can have normal everyday people on Twitter say

everyday people on Twitter say unspeakable like heinous things to them

unspeakable like heinous things to them dehumanizing things because they do not

dehumanizing things because they do not see them as human they don't see them as

see them as human they don't see them as a person there is no person on the other

a person there is no person on the other side of this there is it's they're a

side of this there is it's they're a representation they're menery of of of

representation they're menery of of of ideas mhm therefore I can say whatever I

ideas mhm therefore I can say whatever I want to them because they're not they're

want to them because they're not they're not really a person but they are and the

not really a person but they are and the fact

that before there is any status associated with tearing you down no one

associated with tearing you down no one is incentivized to tear you down and you

is incentivized to tear you down and you haven't changed dude the ls Capaldi

haven't changed dude the ls Capaldi documentary I've watched this twice now

documentary I've watched this twice now know L Capal is the singer Scottish

know L Capal is the singer Scottish singer amazing dude really fascinating

singer amazing dude really fascinating story

story suffering a lot with mental health makes

suffering a lot with mental health makes this first album and billions billions

this first album and billions billions of streams World Tour phenomenal and he

of streams World Tour phenomenal and he playing songs that he wrote in 2017 and

playing songs that he wrote in 2017 and played in working men's pubs around

played in working men's pubs around Scotland the same songs go to number one

Scotland the same songs go to number one so not just that he's become better he's

so not just that he's become better he's the same guy yeah the same guy maybe his

the same guy yeah the same guy maybe his production's improved maybe his

production's improved maybe his recording quality is improved he's got

recording quality is improved he's got better mastering and his voice is voice

better mastering and his voice is voice coaching's got a bit better but he's

coaching's got a bit better but he's largely the same person he hasn't

largely the same person he hasn't changed and he has this this quote

changed and he has this this quote halfway through and it really spoke to

halfway through and it really spoke to me and he said Fame doesn't change you

me and he said Fame doesn't change you it just changes everybody around you

it just changes everybody around you yeah and

yeah and that when you're on your way up everyone

that when you're on your way up everyone roots for you because you remind them of

roots for you because you remind them of their dreams when you're at the top

their dreams when you're at the top everyone tears you down because you

everyone tears you down because you remind them that they gave up on them

remind them that they gave up on them that really yeah that spoke to me I

that really yeah that spoke to me I wrote an essay on this because I'm a

wrote an essay on this because I'm a psychopath yeah yep when I was a gym

psychopath yeah yep when I was a gym owner so a lot of people don't know this

owner so a lot of people don't know this but I got I got a writing scholarship in

but I got I got a writing scholarship in college like I was a vice president of

college like I was a vice president of the newspaper I was uh editor of the

the newspaper I was uh editor of the creative writing magazine so like I've

creative writing magazine so like I've been writing for a long time I enjoy

been writing for a long time I enjoy writing um and I wrote this essay I said

writing um and I wrote this essay I said I think the title of it was um everyone

I think the title of it was um everyone believes in the American dream until it

believes in the American dream until it comes

comes true and I remember because what had

true and I remember because what had happened was everybody when I when I was

happened was everybody when I when I was sleeping on the gym floor right like you

sleeping on the gym floor right like you know I was the I was the underdog and

know I was the I was the underdog and everyone you know my clients were all

everyone you know my clients were all like oh good for you you know you're

like oh good for you you know you're going after your dream they'd see my

going after your dream they'd see my blank kid in my pillow in the corner of

blank kid in my pillow in the corner of the gym and they knew I was sleeping

the gym and they knew I was sleeping there and it was evident you know I I

there and it was evident you know I I lived there um I didn't have a shower

lived there um I didn't have a shower didn't have a shower to go to the YMCA

didn't have a shower to go to the YMCA to go shower um and that everybody was

to go shower um and that everybody was like Pro me and then people would come

like Pro me and then people would come in they sign up like I'm gonna I'm going

in they sign up like I'm gonna I'm going to support you right and then within

to support you right and then within nine months I had hired people and I had

nine months I had hired people and I had a manager and I pulled up and I remember

a manager and I pulled up and I remember I walked in the lobby and all the same

I walked in the lobby and all the same the same people were like ah boss man's

the same people were like ah boss man's here oh you're you're not too good for

here oh you're you're not too good for us now right and I remember being so

us now right and I remember being so Jarred by the experience and I was like

Jarred by the experience and I was like you guys rooted for me and I was like

you guys rooted for me and I was like and now I I did what you said you were

and now I I did what you said you were rooting for me to do and that was when I

rooting for me to do and that was when I realized that people want you to do well

realized that people want you to do well but not better than

but not better than them

them and I was like I had gone from Underdog

and I was like I had gone from Underdog to the man and I was like when does that

to the man and I was like when does that happen and the litmus test of when it

happen and the litmus test of when it happens is depends on who the person is

happens is depends on who the person is cuz for the person who was working at my

cuz for the person who was working at my gym who you know was was a janitor or a

gym who you know was was a janitor or a cleaner it happened really quick right

cleaner it happened really quick right for the people who were more successful

for the people who were more successful uh it took longer and then you know the

uh it took longer and then you know the only people at the end who would still

only people at the end who would still root for me were the business owners who

root for me were the business owners who were doing way better than me right who

were doing way better than me right who were still members of my gym and so that

were still members of my gym and so that was a really interesting experience that

was a really interesting experience that happened when I was 23 and that was the

happened when I was 23 and that was the first time I went from Underdog to the

first time I went from Underdog to the person that someone would want to attack

person that someone would want to attack but I had a performance coach tell me

but I had a performance coach tell me this he said

this he said hatred

hatred isn't isn't something you avoid he said

isn't isn't something you avoid he said it is a requisite for Success he said if

it is a requisite for Success he said if you get no hate you are not

you get no hate you are not successful and for some reason that just

successful and for some reason that just like really stuck with me because then

like really stuck with me because then it just like rather than it being this

it just like rather than it being this thing that I was trying to avoid it

thing that I was trying to avoid it actually became a leading indicator or

actually became a leading indicator or an indicator that I was on the right

an indicator that I was on the right path in achieving things and so I think

path in achieving things and so I think that's why I mean I I I don't want to I

that's why I mean I I I don't want to I don't want to toot horns or anything um

don't want to toot horns or anything um but in terms of like

but in terms of like my ability to deal with the naysayers

my ability to deal with the naysayers and things like that I feel like I'm

and things like that I feel like I'm pretty good at it like it doesn't really

pretty good at it like it doesn't really bug me very much um and I think in large

bug me very much um and I think in large part it was because of how it's framed

part it was because of how it's framed at least how you know in this discussion

at least how you know in this discussion how it was framed for me early on which

how it was framed for me early on which is that no one hates you from

is that no one hates you from above and even you know even when I

above and even you know even when I think back about like the bullies and

think back about like the bullies and whatnot that you had earlier like even

whatnot that you had earlier like even in Middle School like there were things

in Middle School like there were things that I had that were going for me that I

that I had that were going for me that I couldn't recognize because of course

couldn't recognize because of course everything that comes easy to you are

everything that comes easy to you are things that they're easy to you so you

things that they're easy to you so you don't think that they're you know new or

don't think that they're you know new or interesting or or or cool and but like

interesting or or or cool and but like at the same time I was like i' Advanced

at the same time I was like i' Advanced a grade in multiple in multiple subjects

a grade in multiple in multiple subjects I had you know straight A I worked

I had you know straight A I worked really hard I was in shape right and I

really hard I was in shape right and I but I had these people who would hate

but I had these people who would hate but I I you know you internalize it but

but I I you know you internalize it but like now I can look back and be like

like now I can look back and be like it's kind of like the the parents who

it's kind of like the the parents who are like it's because she's into you

are like it's because she's into you right no it might not be say that way

right no it might not be say that way but but just thinking about it as an

but but just thinking about it as an indicator that the hate is actually the

indicator that the hate is actually the light that you're on the right path we

light that you're on the right path we spoke about this last time

that nothing is going to be worthwhile that doesn't come with an Associated

that doesn't come with an Associated amount of discomfort therefore when you

amount of discomfort therefore when you start to feel friends around you and the

start to feel friends around you and the people that you used to be able to speak

people that you used to be able to speak common language

common language with start to push back and start to

with start to push back and start to make the quips of oh not drinking

make the quips of oh not drinking tonight yeah oh you must be too cool for

tonight yeah oh you must be too cool for us

us now I know it hurts I know it

now I know it hurts I know it hurts that is the lead indicator not

hurts that is the lead indicator not even the lagging indicator that is the

even the lagging indicator that is the lead indicator that you are doing the

lead indicator that you are doing the right thing and a lot of people listen

right thing and a lot of people listen to this podcast I get messages from

to this podcast I get messages from people like hey man I'm a 22-year-old

people like hey man I'm a 22-year-old rugby player from the northwest of of

rugby player from the northwest of of the UK I live in Cumbria none of my

the UK I live in Cumbria none of my friends uh understand me I want to do

friends uh understand me I want to do personal growth I don't want to live in

personal growth I don't want to live in the UK uh and when I listen to Modern

the UK uh and when I listen to Modern WIS I fear less alone and it it it

WIS I fear less alone and it it it makes me tear up because I'm like

makes me tear up because I'm like like I see me in that person I see me in

like I see me in that person I see me in that

that and the it's so hard to reframe

and the it's so hard to reframe it the push back you are getting is the

it the push back you are getting is the indicator that you are doing the right

indicator that you are doing the right thing it is and if you can

thing it is and if you can reframe the distaste that you get from

reframe the distaste that you get from other people as the same as that because

other people as the same as that because they're projecting the things that they

they're projecting the things that they know they should be doing that you are

know they should be doing that you are doing that they're not

doing that they're not doing and you remind them of that and so

doing and you remind them of that and so it's that it's even so even though the

it's that it's even so even though the mountain that you're climbing is

mountain that you're climbing is actually a smaller one than the one that

actually a smaller one than the one that you ultimately want to climb you're

you ultimately want to climb you're actually at the top of their mountain

actually at the top of their mountain and so they start tearing you down so

and so they start tearing you down so like that's where the the Underdog Story

like that's where the the Underdog Story that we said at the very beginning of

that we said at the very beginning of this with the quote which is like on the

this with the quote which is like on the way up they root for you and then when

way up they root for you and then when you're at the top they trying to tear

you're at the top they trying to tear you down because you remind them of the

you down because you remind them of the dreams that they couldn't accomplish

dreams that they couldn't accomplish right and so you quitting drinking or

right and so you quitting drinking or you staying in to work on your side

you staying in to work on your side hustle or your project or the business

hustle or your project or the business that you want to launch the

that you want to launch the podcast that might be you might be at

podcast that might be you might be at the top of their mountain and so they

the top of their mountain and so they are tearing you down because now you

are tearing you down because now you remind them that they haven't done it

remind them that they haven't done it and it's purely a projection of them

and it's purely a projection of them onto you and it has nothing to do with

onto you and it has nothing to do with you and

you and that I hope that that Comforts someone

that I hope that that Comforts someone because what you said I think is like if

because what you said I think is like if you're going through that right now and

you're going through that right now and like and I promise you every single

like and I promise you every single person who wants to do something with

person who wants to do something with their life and has done something with

their life and has done something with their life has gone through the exact

their life has gone through the exact chapter that you're going through and

chapter that you're going through and it's the lonely chapter it's the chapter

it's the lonely chapter it's the chapter where you you're you don't fit in with

where you you're you don't fit in with your own friends but you don't have the

your own friends but you don't have the outcomes yet to fit into a new group of

outcomes yet to fit into a new group of friends and you're doing this thing

friends and you're doing this thing you're consuming content on the internet

you're consuming content on the internet you're you're doing these free tutorials

you're you're doing these free tutorials online to try and figure out how to set

online to try and figure out how to set up a podcast and where do I host this

up a podcast and where do I host this thing and then there and and and you're

thing and then there and and and you're going through this and you're like am I

going through this and you're like am I is this even worth it because you have

is this even worth it because you have no signs of success right but if there's

no signs of success right but if there's anything that you can take away from

anything that you can take away from what we're saying right now is that the

what we're saying right now is that the sign of success is the hate that you get

sign of success is the hate that you get along the way and what you can't do is

along the way and what you can't do is bend the knee to their hate and fit back

bend the knee to their hate and fit back into the Conformity because it's

into the Conformity because it's comfortable and it's warm because like

comfortable and it's warm because like in The Matrix when Trinity opens the

in The Matrix when Trinity opens the door when when Neo's about to go take

door when when Neo's about to go take the red pill and he wants to get out of

the red pill and he wants to get out of the car she says Neo you've been down

the car she says Neo you've been down that road and you know exactly where it

that road and you know exactly where it leads and I know that's not where you

leads and I know that's not where you want to be and then he closes the door

want to be and then he closes the door like right now now this moment that

like right now now this moment that you're going through is Trinity opening

you're going through is Trinity opening the door and being like you could go

the door and being like you could go back but then you'd have to remember

back but then you'd have to remember exactly what the reason was that you

exactly what the reason was that you decided not to go out to begin with just

decided not to go out to begin with just because you listen to this podcast and

because you listen to this podcast and you consume this content you're like I

you consume this content you're like I can do more than this like

can do more than this like because you are starting to live in some

because you are starting to live in some of that hell where you look in the

of that hell where you look in the mirror and you're like I can do more and

mirror and you're like I can do more and you start to see the person that you

you start to see the person that you could be and you're like this does start

could be and you're like this does start to feel like hell the reason that it's

to feel like hell the reason that it's uncomfortable and the reason that I do

uncomfortable and the reason that I do have sympathy for the people that see

have sympathy for the people that see this is is ignorance in some regards is

this is is ignorance in some regards is bliss as soon as you begin to posit an

bliss as soon as you begin to posit an ideal yeah you then begin to compare

ideal yeah you then begin to compare yourself to that ideal yeah and the Gap

yourself to that ideal yeah and the Gap in potential between you and the person

in potential between you and the person that you could have been begins to get

that you could have been begins to get more stuck and even the slightest

more stuck and even the slightest glimmer of wow I can I can read a book

glimmer of wow I can I can read a book or follow a course or listen to a

or follow a course or listen to a podcast and then work really really hard

podcast and then work really really hard on one thing and change the

on one thing and change the thermodynamics of my mind change the

thermodynamics of my mind change the texture of my own existence dayto day

texture of my own existence dayto day because I worked at a thing and now I

because I worked at a thing and now I understand nutrition you I know Kung Fu

understand nutrition you I know Kung Fu like I I understand nutrition or I can I

like I I understand nutrition or I can I understand how to sleep well okay as

understand how to sleep well okay as soon as you know that sleep is important

soon as you know that sleep is important and what you need to do to do it every

and what you need to do to do it every single night of bad sleep that you have

single night of bad sleep that you have is on you yeah yeah because before you

is on you yeah yeah because before you had the excuse that you're ignorant yeah

had the excuse that you're ignorant yeah and guess what now you're

and guess what now you're done every worthwhile goal is worthwhile

done every worthwhile goal is worthwhile because it has a cost associated with it

because it has a cost associated with it and so the cost that you're going

and so the cost that you're going through is what makes the goal

through is what makes the goal worthwhile to begin with because if what

worthwhile to begin with because if what you are were setting out to do were

you are were setting out to do were immediately available to you then it

immediately available to you then it would mean it would be immediately

would mean it would be immediately available to everyone which means it

available to everyone which means it wouldn't be worthwhile so the very fact

wouldn't be worthwhile so the very fact that it's difficult is why it is worth

that it's difficult is why it is worth doing and so like we can't resent the

doing and so like we can't resent the price tag of the shoes that we want to

price tag of the shoes that we want to buy we just have to make the decision of

buy we just have to make the decision of whether or not we want to pay

whether or not we want to pay it there's another real blow you don't

it there's another real blow you don't get very touchy feely with with like you

get very touchy feely with with like you know I live in Austin now so I'm like in

know I live in Austin now so I'm like in in the Psychedelic Mecca of the United

in the Psychedelic Mecca of the United States and people talk a lot about

States and people talk a lot about like trauma and and and Improvement and

like trauma and and and Improvement and stuff like that selflove is holding

stuff like that selflove is holding yourself to a higher standard than

yourself to a higher standard than anyone else does that's really

anyone else does that's really interesting to

me I think it's believing in the 85-year-old version of you who's exactly

85-year-old version of you who's exactly who you want to be and

who you want to be and then

then ruthlessly looking at the discrepancy

ruthlessly looking at the discrepancy between the the pittance of a human that

between the the pittance of a human that you are now compared to that man or that

you are now compared to that man or that woman and then step by step breaking

woman and then step by step breaking down the many differences and starting

down the many differences and starting on the first one and pulling the

on the first one and pulling the thread I love the idea that you know

thread I love the idea that you know truth Tru self-love a lot of the time is

truth Tru self-love a lot of the time is wrapped in

wrapped in acceptance and uh a degree of belonging

acceptance and uh a degree of belonging I reject this entirely I just want want

I reject this entirely I just want want to I just want to throw it out there

to I just want to throw it out there that doesn't surprise

that doesn't surprise me the idea that self-love is holding

me the idea that self-love is holding yourself to a higher standard than

yourself to a higher standard than anyone else

anyone else does you believing in you more than

does you believing in you more than anybody else

anybody else does is such a first principal way of

does is such a first principal way of looking at self-love okay

so I'm supposed to love myself I'm supposed to support myself and be my

supposed to support myself and be my biggest fan

biggest fan but I don't have the most belief in me

but I don't have the most belief in me so I'm supposed to have self-love but I

so I'm supposed to have self-love but I cap my own

cap my own potential have so many

thoughts so right off the bat even the concept of fan was something that I I if

concept of fan was something that I I if I was if if I was talking to 2013 2012

I was if if I was talking to 2013 2012 Alex I would have rejected that notion

Alex I would have rejected that notion not like the the concept of even being a

not like the the concept of even being a fan of myself was so foreign to me it

fan of myself was so foreign to me it wouldn't been real to me and so I'll

wouldn't been real to me and so I'll tell you what that

tell you what that internalized which was that I didn't

internalized which was that I didn't need to deserve success but I could

need to deserve success but I could still have it if I did the things that

still have it if I did the things that created success and so it felt like a

created success and so it felt like a cheat code where I was like I can

cheat code where I was like I can actually be a shitty person and horrible

actually be a shitty person and horrible and suck at everything but if I still

and suck at everything but if I still work out and I still eat this way I can

work out and I still eat this way I can still look this way even though I don't

still look this way even though I don't deserve it and that was like the first

deserve it and that was like the first it actually felt like I was like and for

it actually felt like I was like and for anybody who hates themselves you can

anybody who hates themselves you can hear me um that was like my first big

hear me um that was like my first big shade my first Solace my first foothold

shade my first Solace my first foothold that I started getting on successful was

that I started getting on successful was that I didn't need to deserve it I could

that I didn't need to deserve it I could still have it anyways and that was like

still have it anyways and that was like very empowering for

very empowering for me the other thing that you said about

me the other thing that you said about acceptance so there's this big movement

acceptance so there's this big movement around self-acceptance and I want to say

around self-acceptance and I want to say that I wholeheartedly reject

that I wholeheartedly reject it

it I you accept outcomes and you accept

I you accept outcomes and you accept circumstances you accept the fact that

circumstances you accept the fact that you were dealt whatever hand you were

you were dealt whatever hand you were dealt you accept that you're 58 you

dealt you accept that you're 58 you accept that you're black you accept that

accept that you're black you accept that you're a woman that's accepting you

you're a woman that's accepting you trying to rebel against that is you

trying to rebel against that is you trying to fight the universe and the

trying to fight the universe and the universe is going to win every time but

universe is going to win every time but in terms of you framing acceptance as

in terms of you framing acceptance as saying

saying that I am comfortable with who I am and

that I am comfortable with who I am and I cannot be better and I must be

I cannot be better and I must be satisfied with

satisfied with that is the biggest

that is the biggest embodiment a failure that I can imagine

embodiment a failure that I can imagine is that it's almost it's almost it's

is that it's almost it's almost it's almost egotistical to say that there's a

almost egotistical to say that there's a difference between saying I am good

difference between saying I am good enough and I am

enough and I am good so you could say I good enough for

good so you could say I good enough for my current state based on the work that

my current state based on the work that I've put into it but I could be better

I've put into it but I could be better and so

and so like you can accept that the work that

like you can accept that the work that you have done has created the outcome

you have done has created the outcome that you've created but you do not need

that you've created but you do not need to accept that the outcome that you've

to accept that the outcome that you've created is the end all be and the last

created is the end all be and the last outcome that you need to need to have

outcome that you need to need to have and so for me like the only version of

and so for me like the only version of acceptance that I have is that I accept

acceptance that I have is that I accept that the version of myself that I want

that the version of myself that I want to be is is so far from who I am that I

to be is is so far from who I am that I have this massive discrepancy that I

have this massive discrepancy that I have to overcome and then just breaking

have to overcome and then just breaking that down one step at a time and

that down one step at a time and thinking I don't I don't deserve to be

thinking I don't I don't deserve to be that man but I can still do the things

that man but I can still do the things that can create it and it also means

that can create it and it also means that I have to go through the

that I have to go through the circumstances that that would create

circumstances that that would create that man which means that if I have

that man which means that if I have unbelievable Big Dreams and big goals

unbelievable Big Dreams and big goals then I have to go through hard times

then I have to go through hard times it's like hate the hard times are a

it's like hate the hard times are a requisite for success and so if you're

requisite for success and so if you're going through hard times right now it

going through hard times right now it means that you're on the path to success

means that you're on the path to success and it's not that you're on the wrong

and it's not that you're on the wrong path it's the feeling of being on the

path it's the feeling of being on the right path and one of the things that I

right path and one of the things that I talk with with the CEOs in our portfolio

talk with with the CEOs in our portfolio company and I'm I'm going to bring it

company and I'm I'm going to bring it back one of our companies they were

back one of our companies they were struggling with growth big company and

struggling with growth big company and he was like I honestly the issue that I

he was like I honestly the issue that I have right now he's like I I don't know

have right now he's like I I don't know how many locations I can open every

how many locations I can open every month he's like based on the Casual

month he's like based on the Casual that's coming in and out and I was like

that's coming in and out and I was like this is kind of like the Morpheus free

this is kind of like the Morpheus free FR and I was like I need you to freeze

FR and I was like I need you to freeze this moment I was like the feeling that

this moment I was like the feeling that you have right now is that you are

you have right now is that you are missing a finance function is that they

missing a finance function is that they didn't have a good Finance leader and

didn't have a good Finance leader and you're like why is this relative to what

you're like why is this relative to what we're talking about I'll bring it back

we're talking about I'll bring it back which is that if it's the first time

which is that if it's the first time you're going through it you can't

you're going through it you can't recognize the science because you don't

recognize the science because you don't have anything to compare it to and so

have anything to compare it to and so hopefully listening to this podcast and

hopefully listening to this podcast and listening to other people not just you

listening to other people not just you know not me and Chris but like other

know not me and Chris but like other people who are even even more successful

people who are even even more successful whatever they can at least tell you what

whatever they can at least tell you what it tastes like they can tell you what

it tastes like they can tell you what the room looks like they can tell you

the room looks like they can tell you what the temperature feels like they can

what the temperature feels like they can tell you what it feels like in their

tell you what it feels like in their body so that when you are going through

body so that when you are going through it you can say okay I haven't been here

it you can say okay I haven't been here before but this sounds like ALU K this

before but this sounds like ALU K this sounds like a missing finance and that's

sounds like a missing finance and that's why having like and if you're in an

why having like and if you're in an early on stages and and and and you're

early on stages and and and and you're going through the like you're going

going through the like you're going You're consuming the free content and

You're consuming the free content and stuff it's like use this because the

stuff it's like use this because the most valuable thing you can get is the

most valuable thing you can get is the context of what the experience feels

context of what the experience feels like when you're going through it so

like when you're going through it so someone can describe to you their

someone can describe to you their experience so that you can relate it to

experience so that you can relate it to your present and be like okay I'm on the

your present and be like okay I'm on the right path yeah it's the feeling of

right path yeah it's the feeling of loneliness and uncertainty hang on what

loneliness and uncertainty hang on what if this what if this is a sign that I'm

if this what if this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be here what if this is

not supposed to be here what if this is a sign that I'm doing it wrong right and

a sign that I'm doing it wrong right and relinquishing

relinquishing that the if there was a big meta

that the if there was a big meta indicator that you're doing the right

indicator that you're doing the right thing doing what everyone isn't doing is

thing doing what everyone isn't doing is already probably the big the single

already probably the big the single biggest indicator that you're doing the

biggest indicator that you're doing the right thing like it's it's the if if if

right thing like it's it's the if if if I could wish nothing else on my child

I could wish nothing else on my child whenever I choose to have them in the

whenever I choose to have them in the future is that they have high agency

future is that they have high agency which is that they are they make

which is that they are they make decisions independent from the opinions

decisions independent from the opinions of other people and when we hear words

of other people and when we hear words like authentic and original and things

like authentic and original and things like that it's because the person starts

like that it's because the person starts at squ one and says well what do I want

at squ one and says well what do I want and then they start building from there

and then they start building from there I had a conversation with one of my one

I had a conversation with one of my one of my teammates um who runs our my

of my teammates um who runs our my LinkedIn and he said you know Alex it's

LinkedIn and he said you know Alex it's easy for you to always always a really

easy for you to always always a really great start great way to

great start great way to trigger really good

trigger really good please tell me more why do you go on he

please tell me more why do you go on he said it's it's easy for you Alex to

said it's it's easy for you Alex to create this personal brand he's like you

create this personal brand he's like you have so many interesting things about

have so many interesting things about you he's like you dress a certain way

you he's like you dress a certain way you act a certain way and he said it's

you act a certain way and he said it's different than everyone else does

different than everyone else does right and I

right and I said I don't think that's true I think

said I don't think that's true I think that everyone has a personal brand that

that everyone has a personal brand that is unique and different but everyone

is unique and different but everyone doesn't look that way because they

doesn't look that way because they conform to what what they think everyone

conform to what what they think everyone else wants them to look like and so the

else wants them to look like and so the fact that they are boring and they

fact that they are boring and they resent the fact that they're boring is

resent the fact that they're boring is because they are living out reflections

because they are living out reflections of what what they think everyone else

of what what they think everyone else wants them to do and so all you have to

wants them to do and so all you have to do is start at Square zero and be like

do is start at Square zero and be like what do I want CU I realized after I got

what do I want CU I realized after I got out of gym launch that I mean I dressed

out of gym launch that I mean I dressed a certain way for gym launch because I

a certain way for gym launch because I was the head of an entire community of

was the head of an entire community of gyms and it made sense for me to dress

gyms and it made sense for me to dress that way because I needed to I needed to

that way because I needed to I needed to look that part right but when I was at

look that part right but when I was at Ground Zero and I was like okay what do

Ground Zero and I was like okay what do I want and I thought about it for a long

I want and I thought about it for a long time and I was like well what would

time and I was like well what would 85-year-old me wear I was like

85-year-old me wear I was like 85-year-old me would wear probably the

85-year-old me would wear probably the most functional thing he could wear cuz

most functional thing he could wear cuz he just doesn't care what hiso look like

he just doesn't care what hiso look like he doesn't care what his shirt looks

he doesn't care what his shirt looks like he just wants to be comfortable and

like he just wants to be comfortable and so I just started trying all the things

so I just started trying all the things that I could possibly imagine for shoes

that I could possibly imagine for shoes shorts hats whatever to find the thing

shorts hats whatever to find the thing that I was like you know what this is

that I was like you know what this is the most comfortable and this allows me

the most comfortable and this allows me to do the most things in the most rooms

to do the most things in the most rooms without changing and so people then are

without changing and so people then are like man that's so unique but it it was

like man that's so unique but it it was actually just saying if I were to if

actually just saying if I were to if everyone was gone from existence what

everyone was gone from existence what would I do what would my work be right

would I do what would my work be right how would I dress who would I date

how would I dress who would I date that's a real one who would I date if no

that's a real one who would I date if no one else told me what they thought about

one else told me what they thought about it

it maybe someone different than you're

maybe someone different than you're dating right now and if the person that

dating right now and if the person that you would want to date isn't the person

you would want to date isn't the person you're dating right now and the person

you're dating right now and the person that you would want to date would never

that you would want to date would never date you then maybe rather than dating

date you then maybe rather than dating these mediocre mollies or mediocre

these mediocre mollies or mediocre mats you take the period of time you go

mats you take the period of time you go on the untrodden path you have people

on the untrodden path you have people reject you and say oh you're not coming

reject you and say oh you're not coming out tonight you're going to the gym

out tonight you're going to the gym again right oh I can't eat with us right

again right oh I can't eat with us right she's on a she's on a diet again how

she's on a she's on a diet again how long you going to stick with this one

long you going to stick with this one right because the thing is is that the

right because the thing is is that the stick to it it must itself is something

stick to it it must itself is something that you work on because if you started

that you work on because if you started diets and you failed you started working

diets and you failed you started working out and you failed if you just make it

out and you failed if you just make it longer every time before you fail you're

longer every time before you fail you're still making progress and you're still

still making progress and you're still doing something that everyone else isn't

doing something that everyone else isn't doing yeah and that is the biggest meta

doing yeah and that is the biggest meta indicator that you possibly can is if if

indicator that you possibly can is if if because everyone sucks like so many

because everyone sucks like so many people are mediocre like half of the

people are mediocre like half of the United States is in debt they don't even

United States is in debt they don't even have a do like they they're they're

have a do like they they're they're negative net worth and so like just

negative net worth and so like just saying different than that like the bar

saying different than that like the bar isn't High we talked about this dude go

isn't High we talked about this dude go for it I know I know go for it the bar

for it I know I know go for it the bar has never been set lower to separate

has never been set lower to separate yourself out from the pack never being

yourself out from the pack never being set lower and this is for you know the

set lower and this is for you know the black pill internet what black pill by

black pill internet what black pill by the way it is supposed to be One Step

the way it is supposed to be One Step Beyond The Red Pill to see that life and

Beyond The Red Pill to see that life and dating largely for men is there's an

dating largely for men is there's an uncomfortable reality that if you aren't

uncomfortable reality that if you aren't blessed with the right physical

blessed with the right physical attractiveness status or money uh LSM

attractiveness status or money uh LSM looks LM mess looks money status if you

looks LM mess looks money status if you don't have the right prerequisites

don't have the right prerequisites you're you're basically doomed you're a

you're you're basically doomed you're a genetic dead end and eat um yeah is

genetic dead end and eat um yeah is that a bad thing according to them I so

that a bad thing according to them I so okay I'm gon I'm gonna zoom out real

okay I'm gon I'm gonna zoom out real quick and I I know I know we're gonna go

quick and I I know I know we're gonna go on this so if we're looking at a species

on this so if we're looking at a species right let's look at deer right A lot of

right let's look at deer right A lot of people have deer in their backyard right

people have deer in their backyard right well what is natural is that one Buck

well what is natural is that one Buck inseminates 50 D and he competes with

inseminates 50 D and he competes with all the other deer and the reason for

all the other deer and the reason for that is because then it actually allows

that is because then it actually allows the quote Best genes to proliferate now

the quote Best genes to proliferate now best is determined by what actually

best is determined by what actually continues continues on getting

continues continues on getting perilously close to Eugenics here Alex

perilously close to Eugenics here Alex well I'm just talking about I'm just

well I'm just talking about I'm just talking about deer right I'm just

talking about deer right I'm just talking about deer if anyone I'm just

talking about deer if anyone I'm just talking about deer I'm not saying this

talking about deer I'm not saying this is what it should be but the the the

is what it should be but the the the point that that I wanted to make was not

point that that I wanted to make was not I think where everyone thinks I'm going

I think where everyone thinks I'm going with this which is that a lot of the you

with this which is that a lot of the you know the black whatever you just said

know the black whatever you just said right black pill um I would imagine are

right black pill um I would imagine are casting an expectation on the universe

casting an expectation on the universe that it shouldn't be this way why not

that it shouldn't be this way why not and this is exactly like the hater who

and this is exactly like the hater who says you're not going to amount to

says you're not going to amount to anything and the reason it hurts is

anything and the reason it hurts is because you're like what if they're

because you're like what if they're right and then like staring at the

right and then like staring at the mirror with that question of like what

mirror with that question of like what if they're right what if I am out of

if they're right what if I am out of shape what like because the thing is is

shape what like because the thing is is that like in order to be the top quote

that like in order to be the top quote 1% or even the top 10% shoot or even

1% or even the top 10% shoot or even just above average right you just need

just above average right you just need to not be overweight dude the ball you

to not be overweight dude the ball you need to not be overweight weight right

need to not be overweight weight right you need to be gainfully

you need to be gainfully employed the bar is so low the bar is so

employed the bar is so low the bar is so unbelievably low uh I got this idea I

unbelievably low uh I got this idea I got to I got to teach you about uh the

got to I got to teach you about uh the alpha history fantasy right modern men

alpha history fantasy right modern men who are angry at a world they feel has

who are angry at a world they feel has rejected them mistakenly believe that

rejected them mistakenly believe that they would have somehow done better in

they would have somehow done better in medieval times they are adamant that the

medieval times they are adamant that the chance of them being genas Khan is

chance of them being genas Khan is greater than the chance of them being

greater than the chance of them being Canon fod a peasant number 1, 373,000

Canon fod a peasant number 1, 373,000 whose flla was sacked and destroyed and

whose flla was sacked and destroyed and it's this wistfulness for the past and

it's this wistfulness for the past and dude I get it like if you feel lost and

dude I get it like if you feel lost and alone and like nobody understands you

alone and like nobody understands you and like you've been forgotten and

and like you've been forgotten and things shouldn't be this way guess what

things shouldn't be this way guess what they've always been this way and right

they've always been this way and right now the bar has never been set lower if

now the bar has never been set lower if you have the opportunity to sit down and

you have the opportunity to sit down and listen to me and Alex waffle on for

listen to me and Alex waffle on for three and a half hours you have the

three and a half hours you have the capacity the conscientiousness the

capacity the conscientiousness the wherewithal to be able to go out

wherewithal to be able to go out tomorrow and take one thing that you've

tomorrow and take one thing that you've hit from

hit from today this is this is something that I

today this is this is something that I wanted to get on to which which I think

wanted to get on to which which I think is important which is sorry avoiding the

is important which is sorry avoiding the mental masturbation you know we can do

mental masturbation you know we can do this thing and and like speed

this thing and and like speed quotes Into The Ether and like a like an

quotes Into The Ether and like a like an Uzi right just unloading all of these

Uzi right just unloading all of these different things and I think that a lot

different things and I think that a lot of people feel uh a general overwhelm of

of people feel uh a general overwhelm of indexing of information and oh my God

indexing of information and oh my God I'm I'm learning all of this stuff and I

I'm I'm learning all of this stuff and I don't feel like I'm making any progress

don't feel like I'm making any progress and I really wanted to try and cut

and I really wanted to try and cut through this at some point in the

through this at some point in the conversation today as well which is Tim

conversation today as well which is Tim Ferris has an idea called the good

Ferris has an idea called the good sticks okay I when I first started out

sticks okay I when I first started out on this journey of personal growth felt

on this journey of personal growth felt guilty because I didn't have a perfectly

guilty because I didn't have a perfectly curated Evernote external brain with

curated Evernote external brain with nested folders and all of my book

nested folders and all of my book summaries and I was supposed to keep all

summaries and I was supposed to keep all of this thing and how am I going to

of this thing and how am I going to remember it and blah blah blah five and

remember it and blah blah blah five and a bit years later people come up to me

a bit years later people come up to me and ask one of the most common questions

and ask one of the most common questions I get asked is how the do you

I get asked is how the do you remember all of the things that you

remember all of the things that you remember two things first off I don't

remember two things first off I don't remember anything that I don't care

remember anything that I don't care about and the second thing massive

about and the second thing massive amounts of exposure those are the only

amounts of exposure those are the only two things that are going on I've done

two things that are going on I've done 670 podcasts in five years for hours and

670 podcasts in five years for hours and all of the reading I had to do

all of the reading I had to do beforehand and all of the listening I

beforehand and all of the listening I had to do beforehand as well and I

had to do beforehand as well and I didn't stress myself about what I had to

didn't stress myself about what I had to remember so if you listen to this three

remember so if you listen to this three and a bit Hour

and a bit Hour podcast and you go they talked they said

podcast and you go they talked they said a lot of words there Alex said a lot of

a lot of words there Alex said a lot of words Chris said a lot of words what's

words Chris said a lot of words what's the one thing that you couldn't stop

the one thing that you couldn't stop thinking about and there may be nothing

thinking about and there may be nothing fair play we

fair play we failed if there's one thing that you

failed if there's one thing that you can't stop thinking about that story

can't stop thinking about that story about the kid from Cumbria that time

about the kid from Cumbria that time when Alex had to drive across the

when Alex had to drive across the country that's the thing that is the

country that's the thing that is the thing and allowing yourself

thing and allowing yourself to naturally select whatever the most

to naturally select whatever the most important learning is from the content

important learning is from the content that you consume

that you consume is the best way to work out what what is

is the best way to work out what what is going to resonate and it's the best way

going to resonate and it's the best way to act on it as well if you can't stop

to act on it as well if you can't stop thinking about it when you go to bed

thinking about it when you go to bed tonight and you can't stop telling your

tonight and you can't stop telling your friends about it in the morning and

friends about it in the morning and you've clipped it from this podcast or

you've clipped it from this podcast or any other podcast or any other book or

any other podcast or any other book or whatever whatever the thing is that you

whatever whatever the thing is that you keep sending photos of and you keep on

keep sending photos of and you keep on reciting to people and you try and tell

reciting to people and you try and tell your mom about it and she doesn't

your mom about it and she doesn't care that is the thing that you need to

care that is the thing that you need to work on and you don't need to do if you

work on and you don't need to do if you take half a thing from this podcast or

take half a thing from this podcast or any other podcast that and you work on

any other podcast that and you work on it for a month

it for a month you have made so much progress and do

you have made so much progress and do you understand how blessed you are to

you understand how blessed you are to have this opportunity you could have

have this opportunity you could have been born in the Middle Ages before the

been born in the Middle Ages before the Gutenberg printing press when they

Gutenberg printing press when they wouldn't even give you the Bible in the

wouldn't even give you the Bible in the common language so that you had to go

common language so that you had to go through the priest to be able to have a

through the priest to be able to have a relationship with God right now you can

relationship with God right now you can search for whatever it is that you're

search for whatever it is that you're dealing with find the greatest Minds on

dealing with find the greatest Minds on the planet listen to them and then the

the planet listen to them and then the next day implement it and you move not

next day implement it and you move not only yourself but you move the world

only yourself but you move the world around you you get to nudge yourself and

around you you get to nudge yourself and the rest of the world in a direction

the rest of the world in a direction that you want to go and you get to feel

that you want to go and you get to feel proud about it and it's within your

proud about it and it's within your control you have never been more

blessed there's a there's a quote that I want to that I want to hit here that I

want to that I want to hit here that I think would be relevant to we were just

think would be relevant to we were just talking about with the people who were

talking about with the people who were sad and alone and one of the one of the

sad and alone and one of the one of the biggest breakthroughs that I had from a

biggest breakthroughs that I had from a from a mental perspective was actually

from a mental perspective was actually defining emotions for what they are

defining emotions for what they are operationally so sad sness comes from a

operationally so sad sness comes from a lack of options or rather a lack of

lack of options or rather a lack of perceived options and that's why it

perceived options and that's why it feels like hopelessness because you

feels like hopelessness because you don't know what to do when I realized

don't know what to do when I realized that sadness meant that I didn't know it

that sadness meant that I didn't know it to do it meant that another way that I

to do it meant that another way that I could Define sadness was ignorance and

could Define sadness was ignorance and that is solvable and so whenever I feel

that is solvable and so whenever I feel sad now it's been my trigger to

sad now it's been my trigger to immediately think what do I not know

immediately think what do I not know what option do I not see because the

what option do I not see because the opposite of that is anxiety which is you

opposite of that is anxiety which is you have many options and you have few

have many options and you have few priorities looks you have many paths

priorities looks you have many paths that you could presume you just don't

that you could presume you just don't know which one and so being able to

know which one and so being able to operationalize what these emotions felt

operationalize what these emotions felt like so if you feel sad it just means

like so if you feel sad it just means that you need to go learn more and that

that you need to go learn more and that you can do and then all of a sudden the

you can do and then all of a sudden the learning more becomes the option and

learning more becomes the option and then you don't need to feel sad anymore

then you don't need to feel sad anymore and that was like one of the biggest

and that was like one of the biggest breakthroughs from my like mental health

breakthroughs from my like mental health or whatever you want to call it mindset

or whatever you want to call it mindset um that Set Me Free and I've taken a lot

um that Set Me Free and I've taken a lot of effort to try and operationalize

of effort to try and operationalize emotions so that I can

emotions so that I can either get out of them or lean into them

either get out of them or lean into them so like patience for example right I'm

so like patience for example right I'm only bringing this up because I think it

only bringing this up because I think it might be relevant to some people is that

might be relevant to some people is that most goals are attainable if you expand

most goals are attainable if you expand the time Horizon even enormous ones like

the time Horizon even enormous ones like you can do anything in 10 years you

you can do anything in 10 years you could walk to the Moon you could do

could walk to the Moon you could do there you go you can do anything and so

there you go you can do anything and so for me I am I would say a naturally

for me I am I would say a naturally impatient person like I tend to want

impatient person like I tend to want things immediately now and you know what

things immediately now and you know what you probably are too but once I def find

you probably are too but once I def find patience as figuring out what to do in

patience as figuring out what to do in the meantime it allowed me to control

the meantime it allowed me to control what I did because now like you and I

what I did because now like you and I are being patient for your stock

are being patient for your stock Investments right now as we're on this

Investments right now as we're on this podcast we're being patient for that

podcast we're being patient for that because we're doing things in the

because we're doing things in the meantime and so whenever I felt

meantime and so whenever I felt impatient and wanted to change course I

impatient and wanted to change course I had to just redefine what do I need to

had to just redefine what do I need to do today and if you are sad and

do today and if you are sad and impatient then it means that right now

impatient then it means that right now you need to learn what the option is

you need to learn what the option is that you need to go pursue and then that

that you need to go pursue and then that makes it very much under your control

makes it very much under your control and so step by step each of these

and so step by step each of these emotions over time I spent a lot of time

emotions over time I spent a lot of time trying to Define them out so that they

trying to Define them out so that they no longer control me and I know how to

no longer control me and I know how to solve them and then and then now it just

solve them and then and then now it just becomes a faster and faster muscle like

becomes a faster and faster muscle like oh I feel anxiety that means that I have

oh I feel anxiety that means that I have many options that I don't have

many options that I don't have priorities okay what's my priority and

priorities okay what's my priority and then all of a sudden what used to take

then all of a sudden what used to take days of anxiety and feeling this you

days of anxiety and feeling this you know frog in my throat was just oh I

know frog in my throat was just oh I need to make a list of all the things

need to make a list of all the things that I'm looking at which one's the most

that I'm looking at which one's the most important ignore the rest and then I'm

important ignore the rest and then I'm good and what you just take days takes

good and what you just take days takes minutes one of yours is

minutes one of yours is choosing the plan isn't

choosing the plan isn't hard doing the plan isn't hard sticking

hard doing the plan isn't hard sticking to the plan is hard Charlie Monger

to the plan is hard Charlie Monger said the money isn't made in the buy and

said the money isn't made in the buy and it's not made in the sell it's made in

it's not made in the sell it's made in the

the weight and that that like I just feel

weight and that that like I just feel like that's such an elegant way of

like that's such an elegant way of thinking about it it's like the hard

thinking about it it's like the hard part about the plan is sticking to the

part about the plan is sticking to the plan like the plan wasn't bad your first

plan like the plan wasn't bad your first plan was good because it's easy to go

plan was good because it's easy to go say I'm going to work out three days a

say I'm going to work out three days a week for the next year

week for the next year and it's a good plan good plan it's a

and it's a good plan good plan it's a pretty good plan and the interesting

pretty good plan and the interesting thing is that

thing is that like a mediocre plan that's stuck to

like a mediocre plan that's stuck to always outperforms an amazing and

always outperforms an amazing and perfect plan that you never stick with

perfect plan that you never stick with to begin with and I know this obviously

to begin with and I know this obviously from the fix Fitness world but applies

from the fix Fitness world but applies to everything and so like the stick to

to everything and so like the stick to it muscle is the one that you have to

it muscle is the one that you have to flex and that's why like if you're going

flex and that's why like if you're going through things you have especially in

through things you have especially in the earlier days like I remember I used

the earlier days like I remember I used to start and stop and start and stop and

to start and stop and start and stop and I try this thing I try that thing it's

I try this thing I try that thing it's normal because you haven't you haven't

normal because you haven't you haven't been reinforced enough of s with

been reinforced enough of s with something right but the thing is it's

something right but the thing is it's like you have to stick it out long

like you have to stick it out long enough that you get that first carrot

enough that you get that first carrot you get that first cookie and then all

you get that first cookie and then all of a sudden everything that you did to

of a sudden everything that you did to get there you're like oh more of that

get there you're like oh more of that will get me more cookies and that's and

will get me more cookies and that's and and then and then it just becomes this

and then and then it just becomes this self-perpetuating cycle and then you get

self-perpetuating cycle and then you get addicted to working yes and and and and

addicted to working yes and and and and then you do a launch to 500,000 people

then you do a launch to 500,000 people and you lock yourself in a closet six

and you lock yourself in a closet six hours a day for two years yeah that's

hours a day for two years yeah that's exactly that because I've been rewarded

exactly that because I've been rewarded in the past because the first time I

in the past because the first time I actually spent a lot of time on a

actually spent a lot of time on a presentation and I felt good when I

presentation and I felt good when I walked on stage and didn't feel anxiety

walked on stage and didn't feel anxiety I was like oh I want this every time

I was like oh I want this every time yeah and then I had this the second

yeah and then I had this the second thought which is the much scarier

thought which is the much scarier thought which is now I have to do this

thought which is now I have to do this every time this is the new bar this is

every time this is the new bar this is the new bar I want to round out

the new bar I want to round out something on that sort of black pill

something on that sort of black pill side which is if you listen to this and

side which is if you listen to this and you think must be nice or easy for you

you think must be nice or easy for you to say I get it like I I get it and if

to say I get it like I I get it and if you feel like there is something

that you can't get over some genetic societal cultural defect that

genetic societal cultural defect that means that you do not have the same

means that you do not have the same ceiling that you think that you should

ceiling that you think that you should or that other people appear to have I

or that other people appear to have I get it and the question I would ask is

get it and the question I would ask is what do you want like do you want

what do you want like do you want sympathy because I will happily give you

sympathy because I will happily give you sympathy I know what it feels like to be

sympathy I know what it feels like to be someone that has no belief in themselves

someone that has no belief in themselves and that believes that you are

and that believes that you are fundamentally a loser and that nothing

fundamentally a loser and that nothing is going to come to you and that you

is going to come to you and that you deserve for nothing to come to you I

deserve for nothing to come to you I understand what that feels like

understand what that feels like but what does that mindset get you like

but what does that mindset get you like fundamentally what does that mindset

fundamentally what does that mindset give you okay so let's say let's say

give you okay so let's say let's say that you have been dealt as difficult of

that you have been dealt as difficult of a hand as

a hand as possible and yeah and to quote you to

possible and yeah and to quote you to you I can promise you that there is

you I can promise you that there is someone who has had it worse and has

someone who has had it worse and has done it better I put this clip out a

done it better I put this clip out a while ago this like just random talking

while ago this like just random talking about a morning routine thing it was

about a morning routine thing it was pretty basic but it went

pretty basic but it went Interstellar and the real internet got a

Interstellar and the real internet got a hold of it you know like not your fans

hold of it you know like not your fans but like the real internet like the

but like the real internet like the general public internet got a hold of it

general public internet got a hold of it the most common comment was something

the most common comment was something along the lines of tell me you don't

along the lines of tell me you don't have kids without telling me that you

have kids without telling me that you don't have kids which is must be easy

don't have kids which is must be easy for you to say I have a daughter to get

for you to say I have a daughter to get in the get up in the morning I'm like

in the get up in the morning I'm like okay tell me what that mindset gets you

okay tell me what that mindset gets you genuinely tell me what that mindset gets

genuinely tell me what that mindset gets you it says I'm in a situation which I

you it says I'm in a situation which I cannot get over and there are things in

cannot get over and there are things in reality imposed on me which stop me from

reality imposed on me which stop me from doing something there is somebody out

doing something there is somebody out there who has three times as many kids

there who has three times as many kids as you and they still do it so what is

as you and they still do it so what is it that they've got like what is it that

it that they've got like what is it that they're doing have they got an unfair

they're doing have they got an unfair Advantage what is it tell

Advantage what is it tell me it's also if you take down if you

me it's also if you take down if you walk down the natural logic of that

walk down the natural logic of that statement who do you blame if you're

statement who do you blame if you're saying must be nice or tell me tell me

saying must be nice or tell me tell me that you don't have kids without telling

that you don't have kids without telling me that you don't have kids then does

me that you don't have kids then does that mean that you blame your child for

that mean that you blame your child for all the things that you don't have in

all the things that you don't have in life it's a tough tough weight to put on

life it's a tough tough weight to put on a kid because I mean I would hope that

a kid because I mean I would hope that they don't see that comment because then

they don't see that comment because then they'd be like wait mom dad like you

they'd be like wait mom dad like you didn't live out your dreams because I

didn't live out your dreams because I exist tough another one here a sequence

exist tough another one here a sequence actually that I love you don't have to

actually that I love you don't have to feel good about it you just have to keep

feel good about it you just have to keep going the feeling will pass but you will

going the feeling will pass but you will remain you are greater than your

remain you are greater than your feelings going to bed late and waking up

feelings going to bed late and waking up early to work for a few days won't kill

early to work for a few days won't kill you you're not going to burn out you're

you you're not going to burn out you're doing what it takes if you're one of

doing what it takes if you're one of those people that push work life balance

those people that push work life balance just remember the people who like

just remember the people who like working a lot don't care I've never

working a lot don't care I've never regretted trying harder at anything ever

regretted trying harder at anything ever hard times last long but an epic story

hard times last long but an epic story feels like a

lifetime nailed it yeah I just think when I look at you in particular

think when I look at you in particular and I I realize this during our second

and I I realize this during our second conversation at the start of this year

conversation at the start of this year the reason that people get confused

the reason that people get confused about your motivation and your workload

about your motivation and your workload is that they don't realize that the

is that they don't realize that the thing you do for work is the thing that

thing you do for work is the thing that you do for fun that's the fundamental

you do for fun that's the fundamental misunderstanding that people

misunderstanding that people have and because of that you're prepared

have and because of that you're prepared to work hard and working hard doesn't

to work hard and working hard doesn't feel like wasted time lots of people

feel like wasted time lots of people associate working hard with not making

associate working hard with not making progress therefore working feels

progress therefore working feels wasting so the idea that working hard

wasting so the idea that working hard doesn't make progress is one of the

doesn't make progress is one of the biggest farces that exists in humanity

biggest farces that exists in humanity because at the end of the day whatever

because at the end of the day whatever you amount to isn't going to matter

you amount to isn't going to matter anyways right and so if there is

anyways right and so if there is anything that's Eternal for us at least

anything that's Eternal for us at least as individuals it's going to be who we

as individuals it's going to be who we become in the process and so one of my

become in the process and so one of my favorite quotes is the work works on you

favorite quotes is the work works on you more than you work on it and so if you

more than you work on it and so if you want to be the best in the world at

want to be the best in the world at something you do the work to become the

something you do the work to become the best in the world and the work works on

best in the world and the work works on you and so I mean there's a there's a a

you and so I mean there's a there's a a Biblical proverb I think it says like um

Biblical proverb I think it says like um there is there is profit in all

there is there is profit in all labor and that means that even if the

labor and that means that even if the thing that you're working on right now

thing that you're working on right now doesn't amount to the outcome that you

doesn't amount to the outcome that you expected that it would it doesn't mean

expected that it would it doesn't mean that you don't become better through

that you don't become better through doing it and so I'll give you a very

doing it and so I'll give you a very real example so I spent five years

real example so I spent five years building a chain of gyms so I had six

building a chain of gyms so I had six locations

locations and after that I sold five of them I

and after that I sold five of them I shut one down and then I transitioned to

shut one down and then I transitioned to doing

doing turnouts in the transition between

turnouts in the transition between shutting my gyms down I got a big payday

shutting my gyms down I got a big payday because I sold my five gyms big for me

because I sold my five gyms big for me relative I took all that money and I put

relative I took all that money and I put it into the next thing the partner that

it into the next thing the partner that I had in that next thing ended up taking

I had in that next thing ended up taking the money and disappearing filing

the money and disappearing filing bankruptcy and sending it to his

bankruptcy and sending it to his girlfriend in Sweden I couldn't make

girlfriend in Sweden I couldn't make this up so there's no way I could get

this up so there's no way I could get the money back and he had filed

the money back and he had filed bankruptcies there's no there's no

bankruptcies there's no there's no course of action for

course of action for lawsuit and so a lot of people would

lawsuit and so a lot of people would probably go through that mental

probably go through that mental situation and think and I went through

situation and think and I went through this was thinking I just wasted the last

this was thinking I just wasted the last five years like I literally started a

five years like I literally started a chain built like put everything into the

chain built like put everything into the second location put everything in the

second location put everything in the Third location the fourth location it

Third location the fourth location it kept kept going right I kept doubling

kept kept going right I kept doubling down and then I get my big pay in I put

down and then I get my big pay in I put it all all on black and then it

it all all on black and then it disappears with one spin of the roulette

disappears with one spin of the roulette and so here I am and I'm like I have

and so here I am and I'm like I have nothing to show for The Last 5 Years of

nothing to show for The Last 5 Years of work but in the next 12 months I made

work but in the next 12 months I made more money than I'd ever made in my

more money than I'd ever made in my entire life up to that point the five

entire life up to that point the five years I made I made the I made more

years I made I made the I made more profit the next 12 months than I made in

profit the next 12 months than I made in the last five years times like five and

the last five years times like five and it was because and this is only I was

it was because and this is only I was only able to real realize this in

only able to real realize this in retrospect which is why I'm sharing it

retrospect which is why I'm sharing it which is

which is that the thing that was the outcome of

that the thing that was the outcome of those five years was me and the skills

those five years was me and the skills and the experiences that I possess

and the experiences that I possess through going through it and so whatever

through going through it and so whatever the next Mountain that you're trying to

the next Mountain that you're trying to climb is of course it's going to be be

climb is of course it's going to be be higher but it's going to require you to

higher but it's going to require you to go through the smaller mountains to get

go through the smaller mountains to get to that point because the more able you

to that point because the more able you are the more able you realize you can

are the more able you realize you can become and you will get way bigger

become and you will get way bigger outcomes from the things that you have

outcomes from the things that you have like the path that led you here then

like the path that led you here then than

than you then you think you can and

you then you think you can and so that's why since that moment where I

so that's why since that moment where I lost everything and then I was able to

lost everything and then I was able to make more in the next 12 months I

make more in the next 12 months I realized that no work is wasted because

realized that no work is wasted because I am the output of the work not the

I am the output of the work not the outcome and that was one of the biggest

outcome and that was one of the biggest frame shifts for me in never thinking

frame shifts for me in never thinking that work is wasted because the more I

that work is wasted because the more I work the bigger my work ethic the more

work the bigger my work ethic the more my work capacity increases and to give

my work capacity increases and to give an exercise example because I think it's

an exercise example because I think it's it's cool and interesting is that a lot

it's cool and interesting is that a lot of people talk about this concept of

of people talk about this concept of overtraining don't worry I'll bring it

overtraining don't worry I'll bring it back all right they talk about this

back all right they talk about this concept of overtraining I remember I was

concept of overtraining I remember I was talk I had this woman that uh Lea and I

talk I had this woman that uh Lea and I friends with very successful business

friends with very successful business owner had a boy toy with her and he was

owner had a boy toy with her and he was like aren't you concerned about training

like aren't you concerned about training and I was feeling a little pissy that

and I was feeling a little pissy that day and I said bro once you start

day and I said bro once you start looking like you work out you can worry

looking like you work out you can worry about overtraining I was like until that

about overtraining I was like until that point you don't need to worry about

point you don't need to worry about overtraining I was being a little bit

overtraining I was being a little bit mean but I think he he did remember it

mean but I think he he did remember it and he did change the way he trained and

and he did change the way he trained and he did gain muscle afterwards so I felt

he did gain muscle afterwards so I felt okay about it now the point of that

okay about it now the point of that little quip right was that what I

little quip right was that what I explained to him is that your ability to

explained to him is that your ability to recover from working out itself is

recover from working out itself is trainable so when you do more volume

trainable so when you do more volume your ability to withstand volume your

your ability to withstand volume your work capacity increases and so to the

work capacity increases and so to the same degree people are like I feel burnt

same degree people are like I feel burnt out the thing is is that you either die

out the thing is is that you either die or you adapt that's it right and in the

or you adapt that's it right and in the Fitness World you either die get injured

Fitness World you either die get injured or adapt right and since you're probably

or adapt right and since you're probably not going to die you really just need to

not going to die you really just need to make sure that you don't get injured and

make sure that you don't get injured and if you don't get injured and you don't

if you don't get injured and you don't die you get better and so that mental

die you get better and so that mental process in terms of how I see work has

process in terms of how I see work has been like the most self-fulfilling

been like the most self-fulfilling prophecy that I've had because the more

prophecy that I've had because the more I work the better I get it working the

I work the better I get it working the more productive I am per unit of time

more productive I am per unit of time and so and then I get the outcomes that

and so and then I get the outcomes that happen eventually but the point is and

happen eventually but the point is and you prob I mean I already know you know

you prob I mean I already know you know this but the outcomes become so

this but the outcomes become so irrelevant compared to the reward that

irrelevant compared to the reward that you get in the meantime because the

you get in the meantime because the people who are experts and this is from

people who are experts and this is from my my good friend Dr cashy people who

my my good friend Dr cashy people who are experts at any skill become experts

are experts at any skill become experts because they learn how to become

because they learn how to become rewarded from the work itself and so

rewarded from the work itself and so like they don't actually have something

like they don't actually have something that you don't it's just that they

that you don't it's just that they measure success differently

judge yourself by your actions not by your thoughts I became significantly

your thoughts I became significantly less disappointed in myself when I

less disappointed in myself when I started judging myself only on the

started judging myself only on the actions I took not the thoughts I

actions I took not the thoughts I had

had so patience is a virtue that I feel like

so patience is a virtue that I feel like I haven't had and it's been something

I haven't had and it's been something that I've spoken over myself for many

that I've spoken over myself for many years I was like I'm an impatient person

years I was like I'm an impatient person I want things fast Etc but when I

I want things fast Etc but when I realized that I should use the same lens

realized that I should use the same lens that I judge other people on when I

that I judge other people on when I judge my myself which is someone might

judge my myself which is someone might say I'm a really honest guy but if I

say I'm a really honest guy but if I have no evidence that you're an honest

have no evidence that you're an honest person or when I put you in a situation

person or when I put you in a situation where you could be honest and you're not

where you could be honest and you're not I would say no you're not now that

I would say no you're not now that person probably thinks of themselves as

person probably thinks of themselves as honest or to the same degree I'm a

honest or to the same degree I'm a really loyal guy but as soon as I put a

really loyal guy but as soon as I put a 10 in front of you and you've got your

10 in front of you and you've got your your girl at home you jump you're not

your girl at home you jump you're not that loyal you just haven't had the

that loyal you just haven't had the opportunity to show that you're loyal

opportunity to show that you're loyal and so for me my thoughts about what I

and so for me my thoughts about what I thought I was were actually really

thought I was were actually really negative but when I try to think okay

negative but when I try to think okay well I can be patient if I act patient

well I can be patient if I act patient even if I don't feel patient and then

even if I don't feel patient and then that allowed me to start giving myself a

that allowed me to start giving myself a stack of undeniable proof that I am who

stack of undeniable proof that I am who I wanted to be and I don't believe in

I wanted to be and I don't believe in binary traits meaning like he's patient

binary traits meaning like he's patient or he's impatient or he's loyal or he's

or he's impatient or he's loyal or he's disloyal it's the question is how loyal

disloyal it's the question is how loyal are you how honest are you how patient

are you how honest are you how patient are you and by switching the character

are you and by switching the character traits that I wanted to have into

traits that I wanted to have into progressions or continuums allowed me to

progressions or continuums allowed me to make progress on them simply by giving

make progress on them simply by giving myself more proof or one more Penny on

myself more proof or one more Penny on the scale that says I'm a little bit

the scale that says I'm a little bit more patient than I was I'm a little bit

more patient than I was I'm a little bit more patient I'm a little bit more

more patient I'm a little bit more patient to the point where I have so

patient to the point where I have so many pennies on the scale that I can say

many pennies on the scale that I can say I think I am pretty patient even though

I think I am pretty patient even though every time I put a penny on the scale I

every time I put a penny on the scale I don't want to put a penny on the scale I

don't want to put a penny on the scale I want to get the thing to happen today I

want to get the thing to happen today I want it to happen yesterday because why

want it to happen yesterday because why is it taking so long it didn't take that

is it taking so long it didn't take that long for this person I feel like I feel

long for this person I feel like I feel like I work harder than them and I feel

like I work harder than them and I feel like I'm better than them why am I not

like I'm better than them why am I not doing that but I put the penny on the

doing that but I put the penny on the scale well ultimately what is patience

scale well ultimately what is patience is patience feeling patient or is

is patience feeling patient or is patient doing the thing that is patience

patient doing the thing that is patience so Sam Harris in his first conversation

so Sam Harris in his first conversation with jocker willink about 10 years ago

with jocker willink about 10 years ago they talk about how courage is an

they talk about how courage is an unfakeable emotion and it's such a good

unfakeable emotion and it's such a good frame you're going to love this so he

frame you're going to love this so he said if you do the thing in spite of

said if you do the thing in spite of being fearful of doing the thing that is

being fearful of doing the thing that is courage and if you don't do the thing

courage and if you don't do the thing even though you felt like doing the

even though you felt like doing the thing that is cowardice and I think that

thing that is cowardice and I think that motivation and Patience are exactly the

motivation and Patience are exactly the same if you're patient despite not

same if you're patient despite not feeling patient that is patience yes

feeling patient that is patience yes that is how it works and that was that

that is how it works and that was that realization that you just said was the

realization that you just said was the reason for that quote because it was me

reason for that quote because it was me realizing that I can actually have these

realizing that I can actually have these traits even if I don't feel like I live

traits even if I don't feel like I live those traits and so that's why probably

those traits and so that's why probably at least for me when people are

at least for me when people are like whatever the trait is like he's so

like whatever the trait is like he's so humble he's so whatever like you

humble he's so whatever like you probably will never feel like you have

probably will never feel like you have the trait but you can still have the

the trait but you can still have the trait based on evidence rather than

trait based on evidence rather than emotion and I think that frame of

emotion and I think that frame of evidence has been I mean if I had a a

evidence has been I mean if I had a a North star of personal development for

North star of personal development for myself it's been just give myself proof

myself it's been just give myself proof and I mean in so many ways like the

and I mean in so many ways like the reason that I I didn't I mean I'm going

reason that I I didn't I mean I'm going to go into tangent but again I'll bring

to go into tangent but again I'll bring it back I didn't talk about how to run

it back I didn't talk about how to run gyms until I had six gyms because I

gyms until I had six gyms because I didn't feel like I was qualified enough

didn't feel like I was qualified enough to talk about it and I only started

to talk about it and I only started talking about gyms when so many people

talking about gyms when so many people were like dude how do you run your gyms

were like dude how do you run your gyms how do you run your gyms and if I rewind

how do you run your gyms and if I rewind even before that I didn't feel qualified

even before that I didn't feel qualified to talk about Fitness but I had a

to talk about Fitness but I had a six-pack for a decade you know what I

six-pack for a decade you know what I mean and I had multiple State State

mean and I had multiple State State records but I still didn't feel

records but I still didn't feel qualified to talk about Fitness until

qualified to talk about Fitness until everyone was like dude how do you how

everyone was like dude how do you how you do this how do you strength train

you do this how do you strength train how do you how do you eat this way

how do you how do you eat this way whatever it is right and so if you if

whatever it is right and so if you if you can give yourself

you can give yourself evidence the world around you like Fame

evidence the world around you like Fame like your evidence will change how

like your evidence will change how people treat you independent of how you

people treat you independent of how you feel about it well this is why the must

feel about it well this is why the must be easy must be nice is so flawed

be easy must be nice is so flawed because what you're saying is I see the

because what you're saying is I see the outcomes and I have no idea of the

outcomes and I have no idea of the difficulty of the inputs I have

difficulty of the inputs I have absolutely no idea what barriers you

absolutely no idea what barriers you need to get over you could be you could

need to get over you could be you could find it 99 out of 100 difficult to be

find it 99 out of 100 difficult to be patient and yet you are must be nice for

patient and yet you are must be nice for you you've got that patience Gene you go

you you've got that patience Gene you go eat

eat eat you have no idea how hard

eat you have no idea how hard it is for people to do the things that

it is for people to do the things that they do and the people that make it look

they do and the people that make it look easy in some regards contribute to this

easy in some regards contribute to this problem like I and this is why I really

problem like I and this is why I really love I'm a massive fan of of a lot of

love I'm a massive fan of of a lot of your work and I think that one of the

your work and I think that one of the reasons is that it's so honest and and

reasons is that it's so honest and and self-facing about the challenges and

self-facing about the challenges and about the steps that you have to get

about the steps that you have to get through and because the journey is

through and because the journey is relatively well narrati and you can you

relatively well narrati and you can you can track it step by step and you've

can track it step by step and you've created a kind of a cohesive timeline of

created a kind of a cohesive timeline of how the all of this stuff worked there

how the all of this stuff worked there is a point along specifically your

is a point along specifically your journey but hopefully mine and other

journey but hopefully mine and other people's too where people people can

people's too where people people can inject themselves and say oh I'm at that

inject themselves and say oh I'm at that bit I'm the 15-year-old that I'm at that

bit I'm the 15-year-old that I'm at that bit I resent my parents I've just lost

bit I resent my parents I've just lost all my money I I feel like I need to you

all my money I I feel like I need to you know like you have every different

know like you have every different problem that you can encounter in life

problem that you can encounter in life is present in Alex's

is present in Alex's timeline and I think that that's really

timeline and I think that that's really important I think this this is one of

important I think this this is one of the I would say this is a criticism that

the I would say this is a criticism that I have about some of the personal

I have about some of the personal development self-growth and a lot of the

development self-growth and a lot of the business advice as well

business advice as well even the bad times are

even the bad times are romanticized and they're not

romanticized and they're not romantic like it feels like hell it

romantic like it feels like hell it feels like to do the thing to fail

feels like to do the thing to fail to not feel like anybody cares about you

to not feel like anybody cares about you to not even know that there's going to

to not even know that there's going to be glory in retrospect

be glory in retrospect yeah it feels despondent and destitute

yeah it feels despondent and destitute and sad and

and sad and alone and I get it and I think that the

alone and I get it and I think that the more visceral

more visceral that we can make these stories the

that we can make these stories the better it is because I know that that's

better it is because I know that that's what would have resonated with me CU I

what would have resonated with me CU I would have gone that's an undeniable

would have gone that's an undeniable stack of proof that you were where you

stack of proof that you were where you said you

said you were I'll tell you one that maybe will

were I'll tell you one that maybe will resonate with somebody in the audience

resonate with somebody in the audience so I remember when I decided to move so

so I remember when I decided to move so I moved to California to start a gym or

I moved to California to start a gym or get into fitness and I got there and the

get into fitness and I got there and the guy who I said I was going to Mentor

guy who I said I was going to Mentor under was like where are you staying and

under was like where are you staying and I was like I don't know I just got here

I was like I don't know I just got here and he's like what do you mean you don't

and he's like what do you mean you don't know I was like I I don't know I just I

know I was like I I don't know I just I just showed up and so he went he said I

just showed up and so he went he said I could sleep at his place that night the

could sleep at his place that night the next morning went to the gym and he got

next morning went to the gym and he got on a chair and said hey who here is

on a chair and said hey who here is going to house this kid and one guy came

going to house this kid and one guy came up to me he was like I'll give you a

up to me he was like I'll give you a room so I rented one room in a house for

room so I rented one room in a house for 400 bucks a month and then when I left

400 bucks a month and then when I left that room to start sleeping at the gym

that room to start sleeping at the gym which was an hour away because I

which was an hour away because I couldn't make the commute so I save 400

couldn't make the commute so I save 400 bucks a month I remember being actually

bucks a month I remember being actually kind of excited about it I remember

kind of excited about it I remember being like man this is going to be a SI

being like man this is going to be a SI story yeah this is going to be I'm going

story yeah this is going to be I'm going to be this is my Rocky cut scene right

to be this is my Rocky cut scene right the thing is that the rocky cut scene

the thing is that the rocky cut scene last 30 seconds in the movie but it can

last 30 seconds in the movie but it can Last 5 Years in your life and when I was

Last 5 Years in your life and when I was sleeping on the gym floor I'll give you

sleeping on the gym floor I'll give you a detail that that'll tell you that the

a detail that that'll tell you that the UN the stack of undeniable proof um was

UN the stack of undeniable proof um was that I my first gym was underneath of a

that I my first gym was underneath of a parking garage and so there's these

parking garage and so there's these metal dividers in the ceiling and so

metal dividers in the ceiling and so cars would drive over this and it's a

cars would drive over this and it's a Concrete box and so it sounded like a

Concrete box and so it sounded like a gunshot

gunshot like and it would happen at all hours of

like and it would happen at all hours of the night and probably the most painful

the night and probably the most painful from an emotional perspective experience

from an emotional perspective experience that I would have on a regular basis was

that I would have on a regular basis was that it was also abandoned enough

that it was also abandoned enough parking a lot that college kids kids my

parking a lot that college kids kids my age would go up and party on the roof

age would go up and party on the roof and so like while they were partying

and so like while they were partying literally above my head and making noise

literally above my head and making noise that would prevent me from sleeping I

that would prevent me from sleeping I would be down below in an Inc in a dark

would be down below in an Inc in a dark Warehouse in a city that I knew no one

Warehouse in a city that I knew no one like I was from Baltimore I drove across

like I was from Baltimore I drove across the country I went to hunting to beach I

the country I went to hunting to beach I literally knew no one and no one knew me

literally knew no one and no one knew me and so I'm sleeping there and then I

and so I'm sleeping there and then I realized that I can't really sleep at

realized that I can't really sleep at night and so I'm I'm taking basically

night and so I'm I'm taking basically I'm living on naps for the first 6

I'm living on naps for the first 6 months of the

months of the gym and like homeless people are

gym and like homeless people are sleeping in my parking lot and I have to

sleeping in my parking lot and I have to like go out and tell them to like go

like go out and tell them to like go away and then I get back lock the door

away and then I get back lock the door and I go back on the astr turf which is

and I go back on the astr turf which is where I slept with a blanket and a

where I slept with a blanket and a pillow and I I bring this up because

pillow and I I bring this up because like the

like the visceral feeling that you go through

visceral feeling that you go through when you're going through the mound of

when you're going through the mound of period or the eating what

period or the eating what feels like a

feels like a marathon is that it's it becomes 30

marathon is that it's it becomes 30 second sound bite in my story yeah but

second sound bite in my story yeah but it was years and so like even to the

it was years and so like even to the same degree people like man you're such

same degree people like man you're such a natural salesman the first job I ever

a natural salesman the first job I ever got offered out of college was a sales

got offered out of college was a sales job and I said I'm not a Salesman I'm an

job and I said I'm not a Salesman I'm an academic G and then as soon as I opened

academic G and then as soon as I opened my gym I was like oh how do I pay

my gym I was like oh how do I pay rent and someone walked in the door and

rent and someone walked in the door and I was like please give me money uh I

I was like please give me money uh I promise I I had no equipment in my gym

promise I I had no equipment in my gym because I I couldn't afford any so it's

because I I couldn't afford any so it's an empty gym with just Turf and I was

an empty gym with just Turf and I was like I promise you I will get you

like I promise you I will get you amazing results and they were like are

amazing results and they were like are you going to be here tomorrow and I was

you going to be here tomorrow and I was like I I sleep here I have to be here I

like I I sleep here I have to be here I promise I'll be

promise I'll be here it's impossible for me to not be

here it's impossible for me to not be here I can't live I can't leave right

here I can't live I can't leave right and so the early people took pity on me

and so the early people took pity on me when they literally paid the first the

when they literally paid the first the first 29 members I signed up in the

first 29 members I signed up in the first two weeks before the gym opened

first two weeks before the gym opened was from pity it wasn't from Charisma it

was from pity it wasn't from Charisma it was pure pity I'll be real with you and

was pure pity I'll be real with you and it was the exact amount that I needed to

it was the exact amount that I needed to pay rent and I remember the first month

pay rent and I remember the first month of rent that I paid with this is

of rent that I paid with this is actually wild I only only looked at this

actually wild I only only looked at this in retrospect I made exactly

in retrospect I made exactly $4,975 my first month of my gym my rent

$4,975 my first month of my gym my rent was $

was $ 4,972 and I remember working like a dog

4,972 and I remember working like a dog to get that I'd never made money in my

to get that I'd never made money in my life like I'd never like really asked

life like I'd never like really asked anyone for money and all of a sudden I

anyone for money and all of a sudden I had to come up $5,000 in a month and

had to come up $5,000 in a month and then at the end of the month I watched

then at the end of the month I watched it go to zero and then I was like I have

it go to zero and then I was like I have to do it again and that was when like

to do it again and that was when like the reality of the situation of like

the reality of the situation of like there was no Escape there was no one who

there was no Escape there was no one who was going to come to save me and there

was going to come to save me and there was I couldn't blame my dad I couldn't

was I couldn't blame my dad I couldn't blame my mom I was the one who had

blame my mom I was the one who had chosen this life but the alternative was

chosen this life but the alternative was that I had to go back to my father a

that I had to go back to my father a failure and have him look in look me in

failure and have him look in look me in the eyes and say I told you and come

the eyes and say I told you and come here come here don't worry about you

here come here don't worry about you know I told you this this gym stuff this

know I told you this this gym stuff this Fitness stuff this starting your own

Fitness stuff this starting your own it's it's for later it's fine just go

it's it's for later it's fine just go backy you you've got this you've got

backy you you've got this you've got this great degree you've got just go to

this great degree you've got just go to the go to the business school do the

the go to the business school do the thing and I knew exactly what would

thing and I knew exactly what would happened but what would have happened

happened but what would have happened after that is that for the rest of my

after that is that for the rest of my life he would have had absolute

life he would have had absolute authority over everything that I did and

authority over everything that I did and that felt like death and so that was

that felt like death and so that was what I ran away from when I was in that

what I ran away from when I was in that moment like whenever I felt like my back

moment like whenever I felt like my back was against the wall and I didn't know

was against the wall and I didn't know what to do and it felt like the

what to do and it felt like the Instagram reels of like the motivation

Instagram reels of like the motivation weren't going to get me through what I

weren't going to get me through what I was going through because no one cared

was going through because no one cared that I was sleeping alone I let them

that I was sleeping alone I let them know I'm sleeping on the floor and a

know I'm sleeping on the floor and a month later when you're still sleeping

month later when you're still sleeping on the floor everyone's like don't care

on the floor everyone's like don't care like great you're pursuing your dream

like great you're pursuing your dream right early

right early days but despite that the the mustbe

days but despite that the the mustbe easy Mantra is the easiest indicator

easy Mantra is the easiest indicator that you have a victim mindset because

that you have a victim mindset because what it means is I can't achieve this

what it means is I can't achieve this thing because on some level you say it

thing because on some level you say it must be easy there's some level of

must be easy there's some level of desire that's there you're like I'd like

desire that's there you're like I'd like to achieve some aspect of this and then

to achieve some aspect of this and then rather than feel the pain of saying that

rather than feel the pain of saying that I'm inadequate or I'm not taking action

I'm inadequate or I'm not taking action we we cast our our inadequacy on some

we we cast our our inadequacy on some outside object or some outside

outside object or some outside circumstance and by doing that we remove

circumstance and by doing that we remove all agency and all power that we have

all agency and all power that we have over our lives and for me I would rather

over our lives and for me I would rather be somebody who has absolute power and

be somebody who has absolute power and have nothing to show for it than

have nothing to show for it than somebody who has all the all the the

somebody who has all the all the the things to show for it but know that I'm

things to show for it but know that I'm life's

life being one protracted training montage is a really important lesson to

montage is a really important lesson to learn the fact that in the Rocky movie

learn the fact that in the Rocky movie it is 90 seconds and then everything is

it is 90 seconds and then everything is fixed and that can last for decades that

fixed and that can last for decades that can last for years and I think that the

can last for years and I think that the lack of Glory the lack of certainty

lack of Glory the lack of certainty yeah it makes it it it turns it

yeah it makes it it it turns it from

from worthwhile

worthwhile Majesty

Majesty into it's it's not even sufficiently

into it's it's not even sufficiently triumphant to be called sad like it's

triumphant to be called sad like it's just like weak and pissy and you have no

just like weak and pissy and you have no idea if anything's going to work but

idea if anything's going to work but what's the alternative entr is going to

what's the alternative entr is going to come and get you so what's the

come and get you so what's the alternative like my Twitter bio says

alternative like my Twitter bio says locally reversing entropy and I I I

locally reversing entropy and I I I think that that really is what you

think that that really is what you should try and do because it's going to

should try and do because it's going to come for you the lack of

come for you the lack of certainty is what actually makes it

certainty is what actually makes it worth it and so here's my point let's

worth it and so here's my point let's think let's consider the alternative

think let's consider the alternative which is that you are on the path and

which is that you are on the path and you are guaranteed to know that you're

you are guaranteed to know that you're going to get the

going to get the outcome all of the mystery is gone there

outcome all of the mystery is gone there is no excitement which is why they said

is no excitement which is why they said you know in the an ancient Romans or

you know in the an ancient Romans or sorry ancient Greeks would say that the

sorry ancient Greeks would say that the gods always envied The Mortals because

gods always envied The Mortals because their life was so ephemeral they had so

their life was so ephemeral they had so much chance that could happen to them

much chance that could happen to them right where the gods always knew that

right where the gods always knew that they weren't going to die and it was

they weren't going to die and it was completely guaranteed and so what we do

completely guaranteed and so what we do is we basically have this wish that if

is we basically have this wish that if it actually came true we would hate it

it actually came true we would hate it even more than our current circumstance

even more than our current circumstance if you knew that you were going to

if you knew that you were going to succeed it wouldn't be worth doing to

succeed it wouldn't be worth doing to begin with the fact that you are

begin with the fact that you are uncertain when you start is what makes

uncertain when you start is what makes it worthwhile and the fallacy of being

it worthwhile and the fallacy of being in the pursuit is the worry or the

in the pursuit is the worry or the concern that it won't amount to anything

concern that it won't amount to anything because who you are becoming is the

because who you are becoming is the thing that you are amounting to in real

thing that you are amounting to in real time every

time every day this was something that Mark Manson

day this was something that Mark Manson tweeted he put it in his newsletter

tweeted he put it in his newsletter actually and it made me think of a

actually and it made me think of a lesson that I learned a long time

lesson that I learned a long time ago stop complaining about the results

ago stop complaining about the results you didn't get from the work you didn't

you didn't get from the work you didn't put in the only way to become more

put in the only way to become more successful than most people is to be

successful than most people is to be willing to do something most people

willing to do something most people aren't willing to do

aren't willing to do and this is that leanin mentality again

and this is that leanin mentality again it's like look it sucks it's shitty

it's like look it sucks it's shitty you're tired everybody says that you're

you're tired everybody says that you're leaving your friends behind leaving your

leaving your friends behind leaving your family behind betraying your culture

family behind betraying your culture betraying whatever expectation it is

betraying whatever expectation it is that they have on you you need to do

that they have on you you need to do something that most people aren't

something that most people aren't willing to do because as we've said the

willing to do because as we've said the average American is obese in debt and

average American is obese in debt and divorced like is that really oh

divorced like is that really oh brilliant fantastic I'm in the

brilliant fantastic I'm in the center of the bell curve distribution

center of the bell curve distribution here that's really congratulations and

here that's really congratulations and then the other side stop complaining

then the other side stop complaining about the results you didn't get from

about the results you didn't get from the work you didn't put in okay so you

the work you didn't put in okay so you didn't lose weight this month did you

didn't lose weight this month did you follow your diet well I did for half the

follow your diet well I did for half the month okay so is it any surprise that

month okay so is it any surprise that you didn't lose any weight how's your

you didn't lose any weight how's your content creation game going well I I you

content creation game going well I I you know I spent a lot of time planning for

know I spent a lot of time planning for the podcast that I'm going to release or

the podcast that I'm going to release or for the Instagram that I'm going to

for the Instagram that I'm going to start or from the substack that I'm

start or from the substack that I'm going to begin writing on okay and what

going to begin writing on okay and what did you actually do it comes back to

did you actually do it comes back to like the work doesn't care

like the work doesn't care yeah Charlie Munger in one of his

yeah Charlie Munger in one of his seminal speeches he talks about how to

seminal speeches he talks about how to guarantee failure how to make sure that

guarantee failure how to make sure that you are a failure and he inverts the the

you are a failure and he inverts the the concept of success it's like what could

concept of success it's like what could you do to make sure that you were a

you do to make sure that you were a failure it's like well you would

failure it's like well you would definitely get involved in drugs

definitely get involved in drugs drinking he says was it leverage liquor

drinking he says was it leverage liquor in women that's you know the Charlie's

in women that's you know the Charlie's Charlie's big one right but one of the

Charlie's big one right but one of the ones that he has I think he has seven in

ones that he has I think he has seven in his in his in his speech

his in his in his speech is consistency he's like you have to

is consistency he's like you have to make sure sure that you're inconsistent

make sure sure that you're inconsistent he's like because if you are consistent

he's like because if you are consistent and you have none of the other

and you have none of the other attributes he's like it's you still

attributes he's like it's you still might be successful he's like it's it's

might be successful he's like it's it's very tough for people who are consistent

very tough for people who are consistent to not be successful and he makes an

to not be successful and he makes an especially pointed point about

especially pointed point about consistency because in my opinion it's

consistency because in my opinion it's one of the most difficult of the virtues

one of the most difficult of the virtues for humans to do because we're so

for humans to do because we're so attracted to novelty and so like I mean

attracted to novelty and so like I mean I used to De with this with you know

I used to De with this with you know people on their diets all the time I

people on their diets all the time I remember I ran gyms and so someone would

remember I ran gyms and so someone would come in and I would always ask the

come in and I would always ask the question so have you been following the

question so have you been following the meal plant and then they would say yes

meal plant and then they would say yes and so then I started changing the way I

and so then I started changing the way I asked the question so I'd say out of the

asked the question so I'd say out of the 21 meals that you were supposed to eat

21 meals that you were supposed to eat how many of the 21 did you have exactly

how many of the 21 did you have exactly the way it was on the meal plan and then

the way it was on the meal plan and then they would be like oh I mean at least

they would be like oh I mean at least half and they would say it as though

half and they would say it as though that was a mark of success and right now

that was a mark of success and right now the meal plan could be your content plan

the meal plan could be your content plan it could be your it could be your

it could be your it could be your showing up to work on time plan it could

showing up to work on time plan it could be the time that you want to put towards

be the time that you want to put towards your side hust it doesn't really matter

your side hust it doesn't really matter but if there's one muscle that you Flex

but if there's one muscle that you Flex it's learning to do the same thing over

it's learning to do the same thing over and over again like one of the one of

and over again like one of the one of the values that we had at gym launch is

the values that we had at gym launch is do the boring work because boring is

do the boring work because boring is what makes you rich right it's it's it's

what makes you rich right it's it's it's it's writing the follow-up sequence to

it's writing the follow-up sequence to your to the purchase page that you don't

your to the purchase page that you don't feel like doing but you know you should

feel like doing but you know you should do it's running the split test for the

do it's running the split test for the 10th time it's it's actually going

10th time it's it's actually going through and prepping for 20 minutes

through and prepping for 20 minutes before you have the meeting

before you have the meeting because it's amazing how much smarter

because it's amazing how much smarter you can appear with 20 minutes of

you can appear with 20 minutes of preparation like you can appear 50 IQ

preparation like you can appear 50 IQ points smarter if you just prepare for

points smarter if you just prepare for meetings for 20 minutes I remember I did

meetings for 20 minutes I remember I did a Consulting day which I've only done

a Consulting day which I've only done three in my entire life and when I

three in my entire life and when I showed up uh to the day because I always

showed up uh to the day because I always want to make sure that everyone always

want to make sure that everyone always gets more from me than I than they give

gets more from me than I than they give me um I had taken I don't know four

me um I had taken I don't know four hours not a long time but a long time

hours not a long time but a long time for I think some people but for me four

for I think some people but for me four hours is nothing I count in 100 so this

hours is nothing I count in 100 so this was irrelevant and so I put like four

was irrelevant and so I put like four hours and actually took the time and put

hours and actually took the time and put it in to do research on the individual

it in to do research on the individual so I looked at every single page they

so I looked at every single page they had every landing page every offer every

had every landing page every offer every everything and I had seven pages of

everything and I had seven pages of things that I thought would make them

things that I thought would make them more money and so when I started I was

more money and so when I started I was like this is what we're going to go

like this is what we're going to go through today and I'll walk you through

through today and I'll walk you through line by line and you'll have this as a

line by line and you'll have this as a take behind so you can execute it with

take behind so you can execute it with your team it was a bigger

your team it was a bigger company and the guy was shocked he was

company and the guy was shocked he was like never in my entire life has anyone

like never in my entire life has anyone had this much preparation and that's

had this much preparation and that's when goes back to like you need 20

when goes back to like you need 20 podcasts to be in the top 1% the the bar

podcasts to be in the top 1% the the bar for excellence like I have this timer

for excellence like I have this timer that I have on my desk which it's it's

that I have on my desk which it's it's the easiest purchase you can make I

the easiest purchase you can make I think it was like seven bucks on Amazon

think it was like seven bucks on Amazon it's a little twist kitchen timer it's

it's a little twist kitchen timer it's very easy and it's been probably my

very easy and it's been probably my biggest Focus act you know to date which

biggest Focus act you know to date which is I turn it when I want to start

is I turn it when I want to start working and part of it allows me to

working and part of it allows me to think how long I I get better at

think how long I I get better at predicting how long it's going to take

predicting how long it's going to take me to do something so I think I think

me to do something so I think I think this will take me 35 minutes so I turn

this will take me 35 minutes so I turn the clock to 35 and I click on and I

the clock to 35 and I click on and I start working on the thing and the

start working on the thing and the moment my phone rings or I look at slack

moment my phone rings or I look at slack or whatever I stop the timer and so you

or whatever I stop the timer and so you actually see that your time on task is

actually see that your time on task is usually significantly less than you

usually significantly less than you think it is and I think that in my early

think it is and I think that in my early days I would spend a very long time in

days I would spend a very long time in front of a computer telling myself that

front of a computer telling myself that I was working with very few minutes

I was working with very few minutes actually on task and that's why I think

actually on task and that's why I think that most things are actually

that most things are actually significantly easier than people think

significantly easier than people think they are they just don't know how to try

they are they just don't know how to try hard because the harder you try the

hard because the harder you try the easier it gets and so it's like if you

easier it gets and so it's like if you can just learn to love what trying hard

can just learn to love what trying hard feels like then all of a sudden it

feels like then all of a sudden it becomes unreasonable that you can't win

becomes unreasonable that you can't win so like for the presentation that I'm

so like for the presentation that I'm giving I explained a little bit earlier

giving I explained a little bit earlier about what my process looks like if you

about what my process looks like if you were to say what would it take for

were to say what would it take for somebody to be unreasonably good that it

somebody to be unreasonably good that it would be impossible for them to not be a

would be impossible for them to not be a top 1% salesman or a top 1% content

top 1% salesman or a top 1% content creator and you said what would that

creator and you said what would that person need to do a relevant from

person need to do a relevant from outcome what would be the actions or

outcome what would be the actions or evidence that they would have to do

evidence that they would have to do prior to that thing that would make it

prior to that thing that would make it unreasonable that they couldn't

unreasonable that they couldn't succeed and then you do those things

succeed and then you do those things what happens is you realize that it's

what happens is you realize that it's actually not that hard because you put

actually not that hard because you put so much work into it and the bar from

so much work into it and the bar from other people is so embarrassingly low

other people is so embarrassingly low that they then ask you how you did it

that they then ask you how you did it and it must be

and it must be easy

easy consistency doesn't guarantee that

consistency doesn't guarantee that you'll be

you'll be successful but not being consistent will

successful but not being consistent will guarantee that you won't reach success

guarantee that you won't reach success you have a productivity hack an easy

you have a productivity hack an easy productivity hack instead of spending

productivity hack instead of spending time getting in the mood to work just

time getting in the mood to work just start working confront the work people

start working confront the work people think they need perfect conditions to

think they need perfect conditions to start when in reality

start when in reality starting is the perfect

starting is the perfect condition I'm married to that I love

condition I'm married to that I love that because if you think like I you

that because if you think like I you know I obviously am somebody who always

know I obviously am somebody who always wants to optimize how much work I do per

wants to optimize how much work I do per unit of time and so I I was you know

unit of time and so I I was you know there was definitely times earlier in my

there was definitely times earlier in my life I was really romanticized by these

life I was really romanticized by these like very extensive morning routines and

like very extensive morning routines and supplement rituals and like all this

supplement rituals and like all this stuff of mental masturbation around the

stuff of mental masturbation around the work that needed to be done but when I

work that needed to be done but when I looked at two hours later and nothing

looked at two hours later and nothing had actually gotten done

had actually gotten done the moment you begin working is when

the moment you begin working is when your output per unit of time goes up and

your output per unit of time goes up and so that makes beginning the single

so that makes beginning the single greatest hack that you can have for

greatest hack that you can have for everything else that you do and work

everything else that you do and work because thing is when you start working

because thing is when you start working you start getting in the mood to work

you start getting in the mood to work right like everything else is

right like everything else is procrastinating around the work that you

procrastinating around the work that you think you should do but like I have

think you should do but like I have noticed for me at least I have these I

noticed for me at least I have these I have some big mental tasks you know what

have some big mental tasks you know what I mean like big content piece or big

I mean like big content piece or big thing that you need like you know it's

thing that you need like you know it's going to take real mental effort it

going to take real mental effort it takes me like 5 minutes of actually

takes me like 5 minutes of actually being in it to then get a little bit of

being in it to then get a little bit of a lay of the land to then get into it

a lay of the land to then get into it but I used to take hours to delay to

but I used to take hours to delay to start the first five minutes and so my

start the first five minutes and so my time compression of when I thought I

time compression of when I thought I should start doing something and when I

should start doing something and when I started doing it over time it's just

started doing it over time it's just compressed to the point where it's like

compressed to the point where it's like the moment I think that I need to start

the moment I think that I need to start doing it sometimes I just start it

doing it sometimes I just start it because then what happens I get this

because then what happens I get this open loop and so rather than complete

open loop and so rather than complete work at like because a lot of people we

work at like because a lot of people we like I want to complete it at this

like I want to complete it at this really nice clean Point stop halfway

really nice clean Point stop halfway through the sentence cuz it'll drive you

through the sentence cuz it'll drive you mad that's the zygon effect in full work

mad that's the zygon effect in full work do you know this story zonic oh wow this

do you know this story zonic oh wow this is way more than that's what you shut up

is way more than that's what you shut up that's what you're leveraging here so um

that's what you're leveraging here so um the zonic effect was a study originally

the zonic effect was a study originally done on servers in restaurants okay and

done on servers in restaurants okay and they realized you've ever being at a

they realized you've ever being at a restaurant and a server comes up and

restaurant and a server comes up and stands with the hands behind the back go

stands with the hands behind the back go what would you like tonight sir and you

what would you like tonight sir and you say I'll have the lobster roll and a

say I'll have the lobster roll and a glass of red wine and a blah blah and

glass of red wine and a blah blah and you're like this is not he

you're like this is not he hasn't got a pen or a pad of paper he's

hasn't got a pen or a pad of paper he's crazy and then they go off and what they

crazy and then they go off and what they realized was servers in restaurants were

realized was servers in restaurants were unbelievably good at being able to

unbelievably good at being able to recall exactly what a table's order was

recall exactly what a table's order was while that table's order was still open

while that table's order was still open so uh guys in table 16 uh they want to

so uh guys in table 16 uh they want to swap the P's out for a little bit of

swap the P's out for a little bit of extra rice and they're doing this thing

extra rice and they're doing this thing as soon as the table was closed they

as soon as the table was closed they couldn't remember anything so this is an

couldn't remember anything so this is an open loop closed loop system and it's

open loop closed loop system and it's built into the

built into the brain the brain abhors an open loop it's

brain the brain abhors an open loop it's the same reason why Netflix click

the same reason why Netflix click hangers at the end of every episode

hangers at the end of every episode guaranteed that you'll watch the next

guaranteed that you'll watch the next one because you can't bear the fact

one because you can't bear the fact there's even novels in the dark romance

there's even novels in the dark romance genre that make guarantees that there

genre that make guarantees that there won't be Cliffhangers they make they put

won't be Cliffhangers they make they put it on the front or the back of the book

it on the front or the back of the book and they say no Cliffhangers guaranteed

and they say no Cliffhangers guaranteed which is people have so much distaste

which is people have so much distaste for it that it's a selling point that

for it that it's a selling point that you get the closure at the end of it and

you get the closure at the end of it and finishing halfway through a

finishing halfway through a sentence reduces the activation energy

sentence reduces the activation energy required to begin that sentence the next

required to begin that sentence the next day and it keeps it in your mind too

day and it keeps it in your mind too overnight so I think yeah whether you've

overnight so I think yeah whether you've stumbled on it or whether you knew about

stumbled on it or whether you knew about it you've managed to leverage a pretty

it you've managed to leverage a pretty powerful piece of psychology that sick

powerful piece of psychology that sick going back to the work thing uh another

going back to the work thing uh another one from you that I absolutely adore it

one from you that I absolutely adore it just takes work shitloads and shitloads

just takes work shitloads and shitloads of work every time I try and dress it up

of work every time I try and dress it up or cut a corner I get brutally reminded

or cut a corner I get brutally reminded the work just needs doing the work

the work just needs doing the work doesn't care who you are it just cares

doesn't care who you are it just cares that it gets

that it gets done I'm actually going to reverse quote

done I'm actually going to reverse quote David Goggins on this one but uh I love

David Goggins on this one but uh I love this quote that he has which he says

this quote that he has which he says there's no shortcuts for you David or

there's no shortcuts for you David or there's no shortcuts for you Goggins I

there's no shortcuts for you Goggins I heard him say that and I just love that

heard him say that and I just love that as a refrain which is that a lot of

as a refrain which is that a lot of people look for a shortcut but the idea

people look for a shortcut but the idea that you say like they're not for you

that you say like they're not for you you don't get to use them you are immune

you don't get to use them you are immune to

to shortcuts I just love it because then it

shortcuts I just love it because then it it just further shortcuts the path to

it just further shortcuts the path to the work that needs to get done and I

the work that needs to get done and I wrote that tweet on my I don't know 11th

wrote that tweet on my I don't know 11th run of this presentation that I'm doing

run of this presentation that I'm doing because that's a recent one y and so I

because that's a recent one y and so I was it was like 11 o'clock at night and

was it was like 11 o'clock at night and so right now I'm working triple shifts

so right now I'm working triple shifts which is not common for me I usually do

which is not common for me I usually do two not three um so for me a normal

two not three um so for me a normal workday is like I wake up uh I start

workday is like I wake up uh I start working at you know 600 or 7 and then I

working at you know 600 or 7 and then I go until about sixish so it's like 10 to

go until about sixish so it's like 10 to 12 really concentrated hours work and

12 really concentrated hours work and that I can do six and a half days a week

that I can do six and a half days a week usually take Saturday afternoons off um

usually take Saturday afternoons off um and it's really just because at that

and it's really just because at that point I I can't work anymore and My

point I I can't work anymore and My Brain Stew and then I I get my one half

Brain Stew and then I I get my one half day and then I'm good to go and I'm

day and then I'm good to go and I'm rearing to kick on you know to work on

rearing to kick on you know to work on Sundays my triple shift is I get I go to

Sundays my triple shift is I get I go to dinner and I come back at 7:30 and then

dinner and I come back at 7:30 and then I work from 7:30 until 11:30 or 1 or

I work from 7:30 until 11:30 or 1 or whatever right and when I'm putting in

whatever right and when I'm putting in triple shifts is when I know I'm like

triple shifts is when I know I'm like really gassing it um and that's that's

really gassing it um and that's that's when I'm like repeatedly doing 16 17 a

when I'm like repeatedly doing 16 17 a day of actual productive work and

day of actual productive work and I I hear the same thoughts that everyone

I I hear the same thoughts that everyone does which is like it's not going to

does which is like it's not going to matter like it's fine you've like it's

matter like it's fine you've like it's good enough like I hate that like it

good enough like I hate that like it makes me sick to even say that right

makes me sick to even say that right because the thing that I like David

because the thing that I like David goggin right he's got like there's no

goggin right he's got like there's no shortcuts for you I would say the one

shortcuts for you I would say the one that I have two that are like my

that I have two that are like my internal ones one that is probably the

internal ones one that is probably the most common is I will do what is

most common is I will do what is required

required and this work needs do it and there's

and this work needs do it and there's just no way around

just no way around and it's just it's just looking at the

and it's just it's just looking at the face of the work and it's like smiling

face of the work and it's like smiling back at me like no one else is going to

back at me like no one else is going to do it um and like I love that one like

do it um and like I love that one like when we're recording content in the

when we're recording content in the early days we were doing like a hundred

early days we were doing like a hundred shorts every time we did it and it was

shorts every time we did it and it was direct to camera and it was the only

direct to camera and it was the only time I could fit it in with all the

time I could fit it in with all the portfolio stuff they were doing and so I

portfolio stuff they were doing and so I was it was always like I will do what's

was it was always like I will do what's required and that's been a really

required and that's been a really helpful refrain for me when I'm

helpful refrain for me when I'm confronted with especially when you know

confronted with especially when you know what needs to get done and the second

what needs to get done and the second one is but I'll

one is but I'll know and so like even if it does go well

know and so like even if it does go well and even if everyone else says it's

and even if everyone else says it's great but I'll know and it'll then rob

great but I'll know and it'll then rob me of all of the joy of all of those

me of all of the joy of all of those moments and that experience because I'll

moments and that experience because I'll know that I could have done better and

know that I could have done better and the thing is is like to to quote myself

the thing is is like to to quote myself from earlier like I've never regretted

from earlier like I've never regretted working harder ever not once and some

working harder ever not once and some people were like on your deathbed you're

people were like on your deathbed you're like no CU I lived every moment of my

like no CU I lived every moment of my day doing what I wanted to do and I

day doing what I wanted to do and I remember I had a boss when I um my first

remember I had a boss when I um my first boss after college she said this thing I

boss after college she said this thing I had had a a particularly good weekend

had had a a particularly good weekend and she said I'm pretty sure happiness

and she said I'm pretty sure happiness is stringing as many of those days in a

is stringing as many of those days in a row as you possibly can and although I

row as you possibly can and although I hated the job that piece of advice has

hated the job that piece of advice has actually been probably what I has been

actually been probably what I has been my blue for how to live which is like my

my blue for how to live which is like my birthday looks the same as my Tuesdays

birthday looks the same as my Tuesdays which looks the same as my Sundays you

which looks the same as my Sundays you know what the original name pool for

know what the original name pool for this podcast was this is the only time

this podcast was this is the only time in history I've done branding my entire

in history I've done branding my entire adult life and with club nights all

adult life and with club nights all you're doing is coming up with

you're doing is coming up with Brands Paradiso oh it's it's tropical

Brands Paradiso oh it's it's tropical there'll be a flamingo skint oh it's a

there'll be a flamingo skint oh it's a cheap night it's for people to get

cheap night it's for people to get fingered in the corner like is we all I

fingered in the corner like is we all I did was branding right I was The

did was branding right I was The Branding guy I'm pretty good at

Branding guy I'm pretty good at copyrighting all I did was branding the

copyrighting all I did was branding the one time I've had divine inspiration 3

one time I've had divine inspiration 3 in the morning wake up with the name was

in the morning wake up with the name was Modern wisdom the one time out of every

Modern wisdom the one time out of every business every night every brand I've

business every night every brand I've ever come up with that was the one time

ever come up with that was the one time but on the list of the others mind mind

but on the list of the others mind mind and matter was one of them the other one

and matter was one of them the other one was a quote from Tim Ferris it's called

was a quote from Tim Ferris it's called crushing a Tuesday and he said that what

crushing a Tuesday and he said that what you should aim for in life is for your

you should aim for in life is for your average

average Tuesday not the spectacular one time jet

Tuesday not the spectacular one time jet with the friends to go for the whatever

with the friends to go for the whatever whatever not the UFC power slap launch

whatever not the UFC power slap launch party with staring at the back of Dan

party with staring at the back of Dan Bill's arean dirty mullet like not that

Bill's arean dirty mullet like not that you want your average Tuesday to look

you want your average Tuesday to look the way that you want most of your life

the way that you want most of your life to do and when I think about the days

to do and when I think about the days that I look back on at the end of my day

that I look back on at the end of my day and think like today was a good day

and think like today was a good day invariably it's the same few things it's

invariably it's the same few things it's I worked very hard on something that I

I worked very hard on something that I felt was worth doing I worked out and I

felt was worth doing I worked out and I spent time with people that I enjoy

spent time with people that I enjoy being around if I do those three things

being around if I do those three things I had a good day and so that's been my

I had a good day and so that's been my you know Alex's simple blueprint for

you know Alex's simple blueprint for doing things and I think the point that

doing things and I think the point that you were making earlier I think it's

you were making earlier I think it's worth hitting on again which is just

worth hitting on again which is just that like most people's definition of

that like most people's definition of work is a negative one which is why they

work is a negative one which is why they abhor it which is also why they

abhor it which is also why they misunderstand so many people who quote

misunderstand so many people who quote I'll say quote here are successful ahead

I'll say quote here are successful ahead of them or whatever is that both people

of them or whatever is that both people one person says the word work and the

one person says the word work and the other person hears the word

other person hears the word pain and

pain and so the first step to like becoming more

so the first step to like becoming more successful is understanding the language

successful is understanding the language that the people who are successful are

that the people who are successful are using they're actually defining the word

using they're actually defining the word differently and

differently and so whatever that thing is that you

so whatever that thing is that you actually enjoy doing where you lose

actually enjoy doing where you lose track of time when you're in it even if

track of time when you're in it even if it's challenging but usually it is

it's challenging but usually it is challenging right like it's not easy

challenging right like it's not easy because then it's boring right which is

because then it's boring right which is also why the uncertainty thing is so key

also why the uncertainty thing is so key right to not knowing if it's going to if

right to not knowing if it's going to if it's going to work or not you are going

it's going to work or not you are going to work though either way um is that the

to work though either way um is that the people who are quote addicted to work

people who are quote addicted to work make it easy to be addicted to work

make it easy to be addicted to work because

because they do things worth doing and I think a

they do things worth doing and I think a lot of it is coming down to making sure

lot of it is coming down to making sure that you take the few precious seconds

that you take the few precious seconds that we have to do the few things that

that we have to do the few things that are worth doing for the rest of your

are worth doing for the rest of your life the more I listen to this the

life the more I listen to this the better my life gets if they don't have

better my life gets if they don't have what you want don't listen to what they

what you want don't listen to what they say there's no greater waste of time

say there's no greater waste of time than justifying your actions to people

than justifying your actions to people have a life you don't

have a life you don't want that was a message to my younger

want that was a message to my younger self but um I remember I got in an well

self but um I remember I got in an well I won't I won't call it out

I won't I won't call it out um let me see how I can say this the

um let me see how I can say this the right way

um you know what I'll just say it I'll whitewash the names so I was with a

whitewash the names so I was with a family member and we're all around the

family member and we're all around the kitchen table it's during the holidays

kitchen table it's during the holidays because I don't go home very much and

because I don't go home very much and they kind of started attacking me um and

they kind of started attacking me um and they're like I would never live your

they're like I would never live your life you're so unbalanced like attacking

life you're so unbalanced like attacking and I was like what are you

and I was like what are you saying

saying and she

said I I just would never do that and I was like all right well what part of my

was like all right well what part of my life is unbalanced I was like do you

life is unbalanced I was like do you feel like my health is unbalanced I was

feel like my health is unbalanced I was like do you feel like my marriage is

like do you feel like my marriage is unbalanced I was like feel like my

unbalanced I was like feel like my finances are unbalanced I was like what

finances are unbalanced I was like what part of my life do you feel like is out

part of my life do you feel like is out of whack she was like you you know I'm

of whack she was like you you know I'm I'm not as good with words as you are

I'm not as good with words as you are and that was the and I was like okay so

and that was the and I was like okay so the fact that you can't make a logical

the fact that you can't make a logical argument I'm not going to continue how

argument I'm not going to continue how how that conversation went but the the

how that conversation went but the the tldr of that was I really thought a lot

tldr of that was I really thought a lot about it and it came down

about it and it came down to I wouldn't live your

to I wouldn't live your life and my response to that is good

life and my response to that is good don't it's not your life it's mine live

don't it's not your life it's mine live yours the way you want and I wouldn't

yours the way you want and I wouldn't live your life either and so what ends

live your life either and so what ends up happening is they become these

up happening is they become these statements these projections that are

statements these projections that are not actually real now on some level

not actually real now on some level maybe they were saying that because

maybe they were saying that because there was Envy in that aspect of like

there was Envy in that aspect of like wishing that was there you know that

wishing that was there you know that they were living that life but in this

they were living that life but in this particular instance I don't think it was

particular instance I don't think it was I think they genuinely were trying to

I think they genuinely were trying to help it was a family member and they

help it was a family member and they thought they were that I was being

thought they were that I was being misguided

misguided this is this is an intervention let me

this is this is an intervention let me hold the talking pillow Alex we've all

hold the talking pillow Alex we've all come together because we care about you

come together because we care about you we really feel like we need to have a

we really feel like we need to have a conversation here it's exactly what it

conversation here it's exactly what it was and I got so

was and I got so angry you no so angry no and you know

angry you no so angry no and you know you can hear Leela like patting my back

you can hear Leela like patting my back like it's I'm like see you can feel the

like it's I'm like see you can feel the heat coming off of me as like I go

heat coming off of me as like I go upstairs and how how dare she you know

upstairs and how how dare she you know but it really just came down to like her

but it really just came down to like her just saying I don't want to live your

just saying I don't want to live your life and I think the answer to that

life and I think the answer to that question is good don't and I think that

question is good don't and I think that has been one of the things that has

has been one of the things that has diffused so many of these like hateful

diffused so many of these like hateful comments where people dehumanize you or

comments where people dehumanize you or whatever and make you into this ideal

whatever and make you into this ideal that they reject it's like you're right

that they reject it's like you're right one of the things that I had a mentor

one of the things that I had a mentor taught me to say is like when you're in

taught me to say is like when you're in an AR if somebody's like it's like

an AR if somebody's like it's like you're you're a terrible person blah

you're you're a terrible person blah blah blah blah blah you just say you're

blah blah blah blah you just say you're right and and then they have no they

right and and then they have no they have they have nothing to say and then

have they have nothing to say and then you just move on with your life and so

you just move on with your life and so like in that way it's acceptance but of

like in that way it's acceptance but of like your your idea of who I am that you

like your your idea of who I am that you hate so much I accept it I can live with

hate so much I accept it I can live with that even but like we don't want to

that even but like we don't want to think what if I am I don't need to

think what if I am I don't need to believe that but I can do that and I can

believe that but I can do that and I can end the conversation so I'm taking

end the conversation so I'm taking improv classes at the moment because I'm

improv classes at the moment because I'm doing my first live shows in the UK and

doing my first live shows in the UK and Island oh this live tour uh thank you

Island oh this live tour uh thank you yeah uh everything's this uh no solo

yeah uh everything's this uh no solo stood on stage for 90 minutes comedy no

stood on stage for 90 minutes comedy no just lessons insights and stuff probably

just lessons insights and stuff probably some that I've learned today uh

some that I've learned today uh anyway we we released it and every show

anyway we we released it and every show sold out and then got venue upgraded and

sold out and then got venue upgraded and then sold out again in less than 45

then sold out again in less than 45 minutes across all of the dates which

minutes across all of the dates which was great but then scary because I now

was great but then scary because I now had to speak to like three times as many

had to speak to like three times as many people per night for additional nights

people per night for additional nights on top of what I thought anyway I'm

on top of what I thought anyway I'm doing improv in improv there is one rule

doing improv in improv there is one rule and the rule is don't punk the game so

and the rule is don't punk the game so uh we're doing some exercise where we

uh we're doing some exercise where we need to make silly noises as we pass

need to make silly noises as we pass this imaginary energy around and I need

this imaginary energy around and I need to go like Bo and send it back and you

to go like Bo and send it back and you need to go whoosh and pass it on and all

need to go whoosh and pass it on and all this sort of the one thing that

this sort of the one thing that you're not allowed to do is not make one

you're not allowed to do is not make one of the noises that's allowed yeah and I

of the noises that's allowed yeah and I really think about punking the game an

really think about punking the game an awful lot and you see it happen in

awful lot and you see it happen in podcasts you see it happen on TV you see

podcasts you see it happen on TV you see it happen and it can be uh both

it happen and it can be uh both destructive and constructive but it's

destructive and constructive but it's always destructive to the people that

always destructive to the people that are trying to play the game and it can

are trying to play the game and it can sometimes be constructive to the person

sometimes be constructive to the person who is punking it so what you did is you

who is punking it so what you did is you punked the game there we are playing a

punked the game there we are playing a game of tennis we are hitting the ball

game of tennis we are hitting the ball back and forth here I go I hit the ball

back and forth here I go I hit the ball across the net

across the net and where is it is it hit it back hit it

and where is it is it hit it back hit it hit it back to me like this is the game

hit it back to me like this is the game that we're playing and you didn't move

that we're playing and you didn't move reciprocally back and forth you went

reciprocally back and forth you went orthogonally you went across on a

orthogonally you went across on a different axis and you're like I'm not

different axis and you're like I'm not playing this anymore this is a different

playing this anymore this is a different game I'm not

game I'm not bothered there's not even words to

bothered there's not even words to describe what that means now the way

describe what that means now the way that it can be destructive is especially

that it can be destructive is especially if you're having let's say a meaningful

if you're having let's say a meaningful conversation sometimes people who are

conversation sometimes people who are uncomfortable with getting into their

uncomfortable with getting into their emotions can use a variety of different

emotions can use a variety of different things they can be scathing they can be

things they can be scathing they can be mocking they can laugh you know because

mocking they can laugh you know because they don't want to sit with the

they don't want to sit with the discomfort of this particular part of

discomfort of this particular part of the convers

the convers that's punking the game in a way that I

that's punking the game in a way that I think is destructive both externally and

think is destructive both externally and internally that was one that was

internally that was one that was destructive externally it broke the game

destructive externally it broke the game but it was constructive internally and

but it was constructive internally and it is a

it is a way refusing to play by the rules that

way refusing to play by the rules that somebody else has set in a game that you

somebody else has set in a game that you didn't agree to is the best

didn't agree to is the best prophylactic against stepping into a

prophylactic against stepping into a situation that you do not want and it's

situation that you do not want and it's one of the things that wealth

one of the things that wealth affords and it's one of the things that

affords and it's one of the things that freedom affords and freedom is often

freedom affords and freedom is often Downstream from wealth remember George

Downstream from wealth remember George one of my really good friends been on

one of my really good friends been on the show like five times George ma

the show like five times George ma you'll follow him on Twitter he's

you'll follow him on Twitter he's phenomenal he was he was on Fox

phenomenal he was he was on Fox and Friends yesterday talking about his

and Friends yesterday talking about his cocaine phone and his kale phone like

cocaine phone and his kale phone like what the what world is this yeah I

what the what world is this yeah I remember before the first time that I

remember before the first time that I moved away to work I've been I've

moved away to work I've been I've traveled a lot but it was always in

traveled a lot but it was always in between work I never traveled to work Co

between work I never traveled to work Co happens world gets shut down just after

happens world gets shut down just after Halloween Boris tells all of the UK

Halloween Boris tells all of the UK we're going back into lockdown in 3 days

we're going back into lockdown in 3 days time and all flights are cancelled so I

time and all flights are cancelled so I messaged George and I was like I'm not

messaged George and I was like I'm not doing this I'm I let's go somewhere he

doing this I'm I let's go somewhere he wanted to go

wanted to go to I can't I can't even remember some

to I can't I can't even remember some Island that has 300,000 people on it and

Island that has 300,000 people on it and I was like why don't we do

I was like why don't we do Dubai it's a 5 hour flight the weather's

Dubai it's a 5 hour flight the weather's great I know people it'll be

great I know people it'll be fun it's not got 300,000 people on it

fun it's not got 300,000 people on it it'll be the

it'll be the Uber and I'll never forget what

Uber and I'll never forget what he replied to me with I got up and I

he replied to me with I got up and I paid £350 for my co fit toly test before

paid £350 for my co fit toly test before he was awake but he'd sent me a message

he was awake but he'd sent me a message the night before and this is what

the night before and this is what compelled me to do it he said what's the

compelled me to do it he said what's the point in having you Freedom if you

point in having you Freedom if you never say

never say you and I was like I was so fired up

you and I was like I was so fired up reading that message and I was like yeah

reading that message and I was like yeah why have I put all of this work in why

why have I put all of this work in why have I done all of these things if I

have I done all of these things if I don't ever Punk a game that I didn't

don't ever Punk a game that I didn't agree to be a part of I think this is

agree to be a part of I think this is really big if we go all the way back to

really big if we go all the way back to the earlier part of this podcast when

the earlier part of this podcast when you have the friends who are telling you

you have the friends who are telling you oh um must be nice or you think you're

oh um must be nice or you think you're better than us or oh so we can't drink

better than us or oh so we can't drink anymore that's when you can be like

yeah then what well then we wouldn't be friends you're not going to be friends

friends you're not going to be friends with them eventually anyways I promise

with them eventually anyways I promise you anyone who says that to you're not

you anyone who says that to you're not going to be friends with if you want to

going to be friends with if you want to ultimately become the person you want to

ultimately become the person you want to become they're only going to reject you

become they're only going to reject you harder and harder until eventually you

harder and harder until eventually you have nothing to share about and the only

have nothing to share about and the only thing that you'll talk about about is

thing that you'll talk about about is the past which by the way one of the

the past which by the way one of the great leading indicators of at least in

great leading indicators of at least in my opinion of a great way to know when

my opinion of a great way to know when to cut a friend is when they only talk

to cut a friend is when they only talk about your past and so punking the game

about your past and so punking the game and it's it's one of those really

and it's it's one of those really uncomfortable things the first time you

uncomfortable things the first time you do it but then you get more and more

do it but then you get more and more comfortable with it because they're like

comfortable with it because they're like I would never live your life and you're

I would never live your life and you're like I

know this relates to another one of yours don't trade your self-respect for

yours don't trade your self-respect for someone else's it's easy to lose theirs

someone else's it's easy to lose theirs hard to get yours back yeah but I would

hard to get yours back yeah but I would know but you would know yeah uh related

know but you would know yeah uh related to the sort of cynicism thing that we

to the sort of cynicism thing that we were talking about earlier on I call it

were talking about earlier on I call it the cynicism safety blanket that sour

the cynicism safety blanket that sour grapes at an existential level um I had

grapes at an existential level um I had Shan Puri on the show you know Sean

Shan Puri on the show you know Sean you've been on his you've been on my

you've been on his you've been on my first million uh he casually dropped

first million uh he casually dropped this I don't think this I don't think

this I don't think this I don't think his episode's going to be out before

his episode's going to be out before this goes um but it's money and said the

this goes um but it's money and said the cynics get to be right and the optimists

cynics get to be right and the optimists get to be

get to be rich and from you I think the Winner's

rich and from you I think the Winner's mindset sits in the uncomfortable place

mindset sits in the uncomfortable place between two surface level contradictions

between two surface level contradictions extreme paranoia in the present and

extreme paranoia in the present and unshakable faith in the future the

unshakable faith in the future the tension between the two makes someone

tension between the two makes someone hard to beat today and hard to outlast

hard to beat today and hard to outlast tomorrow the cynics get to be right and

tomorrow the cynics get to be right and the optimists get to be

the optimists get to be rich one of the biggest fallacies of the

rich one of the biggest fallacies of the advice from people who are in your

advice from people who are in your current situation is that that they are

current situation is that that they are right most of the time when you bring a

right most of the time when you bring a a girl

a girl home 99 times out of 100 when your

home 99 times out of 100 when your parents say she's not the girl I don't

parents say she's not the girl I don't like her she won't last they're right

like her she won't last they're right every single time except for the one

every single time except for the one time it matters and you end up marrying

time it matters and you end up marrying the person right like when they say like

the person right like when they say like you're not going to succeed like this

you're not going to succeed like this idea of yours it's not going to last and

idea of yours it's not going to last and they're right every single time except

they're right every single time except for the one time that matters when you

for the one time that matters when you hit it big and so it's one of those

hit it big and so it's one of those things where they are right more times

things where they are right more times but they are not more

but they are not more right so good yeah I

right so good yeah I um I wonder whether it's a function

um I wonder whether it's a function of all of our opinions being permanently

of all of our opinions being permanently etched in stone on social media that

etched in stone on social media that it's very easy to seem smart to have a

it's very easy to seem smart to have a heterodox idea if you go against the

heterodox idea if you go against the mainstream because it's romantic oh I I

mainstream because it's romantic oh I I I I had this alternative I I had this

I I had this alternative I I had this negative I'm not I'm not like one of

negative I'm not I'm not like one of those sheep I'll I'll I'll believe that

those sheep I'll I'll I'll believe that things are going to be worse than they

things are going to be worse than they are and then if it turns out better

are and then if it turns out better guess what I set your expectations super

guess what I set your expectations super low congratulations you can thank me

low congratulations you can thank me later you're like that is distilled

later you're like that is distilled down British culture at its worst yeah

down British culture at its worst yeah is low

is low expectations low expectations delivered

expectations low expectations delivered through

satirical cynicism yeah why are you doing that that's lame that's for losers

doing that that's lame that's for losers that's something that we wouldn't do you

that's something that we wouldn't do you should stop doing the different thing

should stop doing the different thing tall poppy you're the one that gets cut

tall poppy you're the one that gets cut down

down and it's all that it's like all it it

and it's all that it's like all it it shows to me

shows to me now is a kind of group

now is a kind of group think almost like the worst kind of

think almost like the worst kind of mental telepathy where everybody

mental telepathy where everybody believes the most unuseful thoughts that

believes the most unuseful thoughts that everybody else has

everybody else has yeah at

yeah at scale and all it does is lower the bar

scale and all it does is lower the bar that you need to get

up I think it's that that you're right thing which is someone says that's lame

thing which is someone says that's lame that sucks blah blah blah and you just

that sucks blah blah blah and you just say like you're right it

say like you're right it does you just keep punking the game like

does you just keep punking the game like when anyone comes to try like like

when anyone comes to try like like they're they're playing a different game

they're they're playing a different game than you so you shouldn't try and play

than you so you shouldn't try and play by their rules because they're going to

by their rules because they're going to try and get you to play their game so

try and get you to play their game so that they can beat you at the game which

that they can beat you at the game which is the status game of that little circle

is the status game of that little circle but you're playing a much wider game

but you're playing a much wider game that includes more players and so even

that includes more players and so even though locally you have these your your

though locally you have these your your incoming information that you're taking

incoming information that you're taking in is disproportionate to people that

in is disproportionate to people that you're not actually playing against and

you're not actually playing against and so it's basically just noise it's

so it's basically just noise it's irrelevant because if you look on a long

irrelevant because if you look on a long enough time Horizon the likel that

enough time Horizon the likel that you're act like I mean again I think

you're act like I mean again I think about death a lot but the the idea that

about death a lot but the the idea that when I die people will be dividing up my

when I die people will be dividing up my assets arguing over who gets what

assets arguing over who gets what there's going to be a caterer at my

there's going to be a caterer at my funeral some people won't make it

funeral some people won't make it because something came up and they got

because something came up and they got busy and then the few people that are

busy and then the few people that are there are probably no one that I have in

there are probably no one that I have in my life right now and the fact that

my life right now and the fact that every single person that I have in my

every single person that I have in my life might not even make it to the

life might not even make it to the funeral to speak over me while I'm dead

funeral to speak over me while I'm dead it's like why on Earth would I listen to

it's like why on Earth would I listen to While I'm Alive like they can't even

While I'm Alive like they can't even make it to probably the single most

make it to probably the single most important in you know personal day of

important in you know personal day of someone's life is someone's funeral

someone's life is someone's funeral right the one time you can pay your last

right the one time you can pay your last respect and they don't even do that and

respect and they don't even do that and so it's like why would I give any weight

so it's like why would I give any weight to what these people are doing when

to what these people are doing when they're not even going to be there on

they're not even going to be there on the day that matters most and 6 months

the day that matters most and 6 months later they're not even remember who I

later they're not even remember who I was and anybody who's had a death in

was and anybody who's had a death in their family recently knows that in the

their family recently knows that in the moment it's terrible for you and then

moment it's terrible for you and then six months later life moves on but the

six months later life moves on but the thing is is that we just never paint

thing is is that we just never paint ourselves as the person who dies but to

ourselves as the person who dies but to me that's incredibly freeing because

me that's incredibly freeing because then it's like if 6 months after I'm

then it's like if 6 months after I'm dead no one is going to say my name no

dead no one is going to say my name no one is going to remember what I did then

one is going to remember what I did then No One's Gonna then it doesn't matter

No One's Gonna then it doesn't matter what I do today and I think that some

what I do today and I think that some people see it as really uh hopeless but

people see it as really uh hopeless but I see it as very hopeful because it

I see it as very hopeful because it means we have absolute freedom and we

means we have absolute freedom and we can do crazy like why have you

can do crazy like why have you money if you can't say you yeah

money if you can't say you yeah learning isn't a spectator sport it

learning isn't a spectator sport it comes from doing which means if you're

comes from doing which means if you're not doing the stuff you consume every

not doing the stuff you consume every day you're not learning you're just

day you're not learning you're just procrastinating

procrastinating oo this is fun all right so I'm going to

oo this is fun all right so I'm going to Define some

Define some terms

terms learning let me say this

way intelligence means rate of learning like that's what that's how

learning like that's what that's how remember I talk about operationalizing

remember I talk about operationalizing words so rate of learning is

words so rate of learning is intelligence so then you which means

intelligence so then you which means it's a rate not a not an attribute as an

it's a rate not a not an attribute as an aside which then means you have to

aside which then means you have to Define learning learning means same

Define learning learning means same condition new Behavior so if I hold up a

condition new Behavior so if I hold up a red card and then I slap you and then I

red card and then I slap you and then I hold up a red card again and then you

hold up a red card again and then you duck you've learned if you wake up every

duck you've learned if you wake up every day and life shows you a red card and

day and life shows you a red card and then you don't duck and you don't change

then you don't duck and you don't change then you have learned nothing and so if

then you have learned nothing and so if you go to a weekend and you go to a

you go to a weekend and you go to a workshop and then the next day you go

workshop and then the next day you go back and you do the exact same

back and you do the exact same activities in the same conditions and

activities in the same conditions and you have no new Behavior it means you

you have no new Behavior it means you learned nothing it also means you're

learned nothing it also means you're stupid because it means your rate of

stupid because it means your rate of learning is slow so if someone is

learning is slow so if someone is intelligent I can show them the red card

intelligent I can show them the red card and on the first go they change their

and on the first go they change their behavior and so by defining intelligence

behavior and so by defining intelligence that way and defining learning that way

that way and defining learning that way it allowed me to start thinking well I

it allowed me to start thinking well I want to be smart and this circumstance

want to be smart and this circumstance had this outcome last time and so the

had this outcome last time and so the next time I see this circumstance this

next time I see this circumstance this red card I'm going to change my behavior

red card I'm going to change my behavior and so when we consume the information

and so when we consume the information that you have on this podcast or

that you have on this podcast or whatever it is there's probably a

whatever it is there's probably a circumstance whether it's a conversation

circumstance whether it's a conversation that you're supposed to have but you're

that you're supposed to have but you're aren't having it's a decision that you

aren't having it's a decision that you need to make but you're putting off

need to make but you're putting off that's the red card it comes up again

that's the red card it comes up again and the question is whether you're going

and the question is whether you're going to get slapped or you're going to duck

to get slapped or you're going to duck and that's whether you know whether you

and that's whether you know whether you learned or not and every time you get

learned or not and every time you get shown the red card and you do the same

shown the red card and you do the same exact thing you just prove to yourself

exact thing you just prove to yourself that your rate of learning is slower and

that your rate of learning is slower and so for me I want to have that evidence

so for me I want to have that evidence that I learn quickly and for me that's

that I learn quickly and for me that's why like people see me as ruthless as

why like people see me as ruthless as you said because I'm willing to cut

you said because I'm willing to cut relationships because if I think that

relationships because if I think that I'm going to eventually cut the

I'm going to eventually cut the relationship then why would I not cut it

relationship then why would I not cut it today because I might as might as well

today because I might as might as well start enjoying the benefits of cutting

start enjoying the benefits of cutting that relationship as soon as humanly

that relationship as soon as humanly possible Alex hosi ladies and gentlemen

possible Alex hosi ladies and gentlemen dude I love you the bits I I genuinely

dude I love you the bits I I genuinely do uh I I think the work that you put

do uh I I think the work that you put out the messages that you put out are

out the messages that you put out are very very needed and yeah I could do

very very needed and yeah I could do this for days we could run this back

this for days we could run this back literally for days and days and days so

literally for days and days and days so uh this is going to go out after your

uh this is going to go out after your big event where should people go to

big event where should people go to support you to learn more about the

support you to learn more about the that you do and and what have you got

that you do and and what have you got coming up well I've got my uh my next

coming up well I've got my uh my next book $100 million leads uh the first

book $100 million leads uh the first book is $100 million offers which

book is $100 million offers which answers the question what should I sell

answers the question what should I sell so a lot of people are like what should

so a lot of people are like what should I sell it tells you step by step

I sell it tells you step by step everything you do like worksheets I have

everything you do like worksheets I have a free course that goes with it you

a free course that goes with it you don't even have to opt in it's on my

don't even have to opt in it's on my site acquisition. comom you can just

site acquisition. comom you can just start watching it um I think the Kindle

start watching it um I think the Kindle for offers is $1.99 like try to make I

for offers is $1.99 like try to make I mean our mission is to make real

mean our mission is to make real business education accessible for

business education accessible for everyone um $100 million leads has been

everyone um $100 million leads has been 6 hours a day 600 a.m. to 12 12 uh 12

6 hours a day 600 a.m. to 12 12 uh 12 p.m. every day for the last two years so

p.m. every day for the last two years so the first six hours of every day has

the first six hours of every day has been dedicated to writing that book

been dedicated to writing that book which is why I have 19 drafts four four

which is why I have 19 drafts four four four full rewrites there's 106

four full rewrites there's 106 hand-drawn images um that went in the

hand-drawn images um that went in the book that I put in there um and I'm

book that I put in there um and I'm going to be releasing it at this event

going to be releasing it at this event that Chris and I were talking about um

that Chris and I were talking about um so you're going to be listening to this

so you're going to be listening to this after that event um and so you can go on

after that event um and so you can go on Amazon it'll be available there or you

Amazon it'll be available there or you can look at acquisition. comom because

can look at acquisition. comom because they'll be a course and things that you

they'll be a course and things that you can go through free materials and that

can go through free materials and that the the100 million leads answers the

the the100 million leads answers the question who do I sell it to and so you

question who do I sell it to and so you need leads right so you're like okay

need leads right so you're like okay great I have the thing I'm going to sell

great I have the thing I'm going to sell who how do I go get people to find out

who how do I go get people to find out about it and so a lot of the things that

about it and so a lot of the things that I have in the book are defining some of

I have in the book are defining some of the terms that people hear a lot which

the terms that people hear a lot which is like what is a lead what is

is like what is a lead what is advertising right advertising is the

advertising right advertising is the process of making known and so if no one

process of making known and so if no one knows about your stuff no one can buy it

knows about your stuff no one can buy it and so the reverse of that is everyone

and so the reverse of that is everyone knows about your stuff and that book

knows about your stuff and that book will show you how to get everyone to

will show you how to get everyone to know about your stuff and the reason I

know about your stuff and the reason I made the event as big as I did was

made the event as big as I did was because I used every advertising method

because I used every advertising method in the book to advertise the book itself

in the book to advertise the book itself so offers was an example of a grand slam

so offers was an example of a grand slam offer was how do you make something so

offer was how do you make something so good everyone feels stupid saying no

good everyone feels stupid saying no which is the sub headline of the book

which is the sub headline of the book and so offers in in of itself was a

and so offers in in of itself was a grand slam offer which is what I argue

grand slam offer which is what I argue that everyone should have it was a $2

that everyone should have it was a $2 book that it comes with a course it

book that it comes with a course it comes with worksheets all these things

comes with worksheets all these things and $100 million leads the way that I

and $100 million leads the way that I wanted to exemplify and meta show

wanted to exemplify and meta show demonstrate that the concept of the book

demonstrate that the concept of the book work today and will work tomorrow and

work today and will work tomorrow and will work in a 100 years is because

will work in a 100 years is because humans haven't changed and so the

humans haven't changed and so the process of making known Remains the Same

process of making known Remains the Same because our hardwiring is the same so

because our hardwiring is the same so you don't need to know the Instagram

you don't need to know the Instagram hack because my first ever advertisement

hack because my first ever advertisement was on Facebook and I don't do anything

was on Facebook and I don't do anything on Facebook now and it doesn't matter

on Facebook now and it doesn't matter and as soon as YouTube and podcast and

and as soon as YouTube and podcast and all those things die the principles

all those things die the principles remain the same despite the platforms

remain the same despite the platforms changing and so that is what I wrote

changing and so that is what I wrote each of these books because I want them

each of these books because I want them to be around in 100 years and that's why

to be around in 100 years and that's why I spent so long on them um but I'm very

I spent so long on them um but I'm very proud of the book and I think it's my

proud of the book and I think it's my best work to date Alex I appreciate you

best work to date Alex I appreciate you thank you man thank you oh hey if you

thank you man thank you oh hey if you enjoyed that episode with Alex hosi then

enjoyed that episode with Alex hosi then press here for the one we did 6 months

press here for the one we did 6 months ago which goes for a full another 2

ago which goes for a full another 2 hours go on press it

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YouTube Transcript:23 Harsh Truths Nobody Wants To Admit - Alex Hormozi (4K)

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23 Harsh Truths Nobody Wants To Admit - Alex Hormozi (4K)