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Why didn't Ned tell Cat about Jon? | In Deep Geek | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: Why didn't Ned tell Cat about Jon?
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Core Theme
Ned Stark's lifelong silence regarding Jon Snow's true parentage stemmed from a deathbed promise to Lyanna, prioritizing her dying wish and Jon's safety above all else, even his relationship with his wife, Catelyn.
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Ned Stark never revealed the truth about
Jon Snow's parentage to kathyn whom he
loved trusted deeply and had five
children with why why not tell her hi
everyone this is Robert welcome to inep
geek on this channel we dive deep into
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Ed early in a Game of Thrones kathyn
thinks regarding John Ned would not
speak of the mother not so much as a
word when she confronted Ned she
remembers it being the only time he ever
frightened her he told her never asked
me about John that here is my blood that
is all you need to know and then he
demanded to know where she had heard the
name as Shara Dan the rumors about who
might be Jon's mother stopped after that
but cat clearly didn't stop thinking
about it years later in a Game of
Thrones there she is still thinking
about it she clearly believes what Ned
has publicly said that Jon is his
bastard son with a mother he does not
wish to name perhaps aaran or perhaps
someone else plenty of times in the
chapters that follow she thinks of her
own children with Ned and John and it's
always clear she sees Jon with some
bitterness as Ned's bastard nothing more
when Rob argues with with her about who
he should name as his Heir Catelyn is
bitterly against Jon as the choice even
going as far as suggesting instead some
distant cousins whose names she can't
even remember if she had known Jon's
true parentage then long after Ned's
death and Lanas and Roberts and with the
country in Civil War surely then she at
least would have thought about it rather
than trying to convince Rob what a
terrible idea it was to legitimize his
bastard half brother but it doesn't even
cross her mind in summary it is beyond
all reasonable doubt that catlyn never
knew the truth about Jon's parents nor
does she even suspect it she doesn't
ever connect lyanna and JN in her mind
Ned never told her and this was a
problem in her marriage with Ned
repeatedly causing friction between them
she tried to get Jon sent away get him
excluded from family events and so on
but Ned stood firm in insisting that Jon
would be brought up within that family
unit as a result she often took out her
frust ations on John she was pretty
horrible to him to be truthful and Ned
can't have been blind to it all so why
not just tell her I think the answer at
the beginning of their marriage is quite
clear he didn't know if he could trust
her because he simply didn't know her
cat had been engaged to Ned's older
brother Brandon and only married Ned at
very short notice as a matter of
political expediency the Allies in
Robert's Rebellion needed to tie
themselves together more formally and
with Brandon's death Ned was next in
line he spent just two weeks with her
during which Rob was conceived and then
went off to war only seeing her again
back in Winterfell when he had returned
with baby John and her with Rob telling
her then would be risky might she tell
someone else he didn't know the risk
surely outweighed any possible benefits
yes she would receive the comfort of
knowing her husband remained true to her
and their marriage would start off on a
stronger footing but other problems
would remain
if the rest of the world still thought
that Jon is Ned's bastard as per the
cover story The Shame and issues of
inheritance wouldn't go away especially
if Jon himself grew up believing himself
to be Ned's son to go that far would
mean telling a lot more people and that
was clearly out of the question so not
straight away but why not when he had
got to know her a bit better and they
had actually fallen in love why not then
he did seem to trust her there's no
indication any of her chapters or his
that they had trust issues or that he
kept any other secrets from her in fact
they had an extremely close relationship
I suspect that some of the answer lies
in Ned simply not wanting to think about
that part of his life ever we obviously
don't get a medical diagnosis here but
Ned displays a lot of symptoms of
something like post-traumatic stress
about all that happened when cat asks
him about it he gets angry and defensive
and shuts down all talk about it for
years later he he gets nightmares about
the events of the Tower of Joy he has
deep regrets about promises he hasn't
kept he really really doesn't want to
head south again to places and people
that might trigger memories he's clearly
in deep deep pain about the things that
happened and his coping mechanism is
simply to not talk or think about it
ever he didn't tell Cat because he
wanted to put the tragedies of that part
of his life behind him but perhaps also
Ned saw the resentment had for John as
part of the disguise if Catelyn knew or
found out that Jon wasn't Ned's son she
might have even been kind to him after
years of the opposite and that would
raise questions especially if the change
was sudden people might have noticed if
cathlyn spent years being called to JN
only to warm up Suddenly furthermore if
cat believes Ned is Jon's father lyanna
is the last person she'd ever think of
as the mother and that's a very
important Point questions about lyanna
would very quickly lead to rhaegar given
that their Saga whether elopment or
abduction was very public everyone knows
he gave her the blue rose Laurel and
named her the queen of love and beauty
in front of his own wife Elia Robert and
the Starks Ned wouldn't have wanted to
risk those questions but let's just
pause for a moment and clarify exactly
what the danger is here if Robert
Baratheon discovers that John is the son
of rhaegar the man he still hates with a
passion and lyanna the woman he believes
believes rhaegar stole from him what
would he do a decade and a half after
the Rebellion the subject of targaryan
remains a sore one for Robert enough to
cause him to lose his temper and worse
we all saw him order the death of
Daenerys by assassin simply because she
was a Targaryen and Pregnant Ned was so
disgusted then that he called it
cowardly to Robert's face and then
resigned his position as hand of the
King on the spot on reflection that's a
very strong reaction from NED more than
you might expect if it were just moral
care for someone he doesn't know it's a
sore spot for Ned with Robert from their
past the idea of killing innocent
targaryan children has come up before
just after the sack of King's Landing
they publicly argued over rhaegar's dead
children Reise and agon not long after
Ned went to the Tower of joy and found
that rhaegar had another child if Robert
was willing to kill Dany and her child
and turn a blind eye to rhaegar's first
two children's murders wouldn't he have
been willing to kill rhaegar's other boy
as well even 15 years
later maybe not but what a chance to
take concern for Jon's life in light of
Robert's history with targaryens appears
Justified furthermore it's not just
about to the danger from Robert even if
he turned out unwilling to kill baby JN
or even grown up JN there's a risk
Robert would turn a blind eye if say
tyan Lannister or someone of his ilk did
it for him so the risk of revealing
Jon's identity was too great it would
very likely lead to his death and very
probably after that if Ned tried to
intervene Civil War Ned would never have
given up Jon to be executed just as the
man Jon Snow was named after John Aaron
refused to give Ned and Robert up to
King Aris for execution at the outbreak
of the rebellion and if it came to war
it wouldn't just be Jon's life at risk
it would be Ned's entire family Ned had
seen Civil War before and it had cost
him the lives of his brother father and
sister never again not to mention others
might seek to use Jon's claim through
rhaegar for their own ends for the
perfect example we need look no further
than aegon AKA young Griff or fagon
purported to be rhaegar's son and the
way varis and alyia were using him isn't
Ned a stickler for the truth though
wasn't he willing to see the realm tear
itself apart over Joffrey's inheritance
why lie about Jon Snow to prevent War
but not Joffrey well let's compare from
any angle
Ned is a tragic figure not only did he
watch his sister die he had to do the
same with his best friend he couldn't
help but be reminded he thought at the
time that Robert died that was his curse
Robert would swear undying love and
forget them before evenfall but Ned
Stark kept his vows he thought of the
promises he'd made Lanna as she Lay
Dying and the price he'd paid to keep
them furthermore when Ned kept the truth
from Robert about Joffrey Mel and
tommen's true parentage he hated the LIE
it tore at him and shamed him deeply but
then he didn't make a promise to someone
on their deathbed well technically he
did Robert did ask Ned to promise him to
serve the boore that killed him at his
funeral Feast the point is he didn't
make a promise about keeping Joffrey
safe or keeping secret the lies about
his parentage yet even when making the
relatively mundane promise about the
boore Ned still thought of his promise
to lyanna
in that moment Robert also repented of
his command to assassinate the pregnant
Daenerys Targaryen dait might have felt
like Robert was also repenting of a
murderous intent for Jon Snow as well
had Ned not kept the secret so well a
secret attached to a promise Ned never
did get the chance to serve the boore at
Robert's funeral Feast he was imprisoned
and executed first so I think we can
forgive him with lyanna he had in half a
lifetime multiple chances to break his
promise and he never did just as Ned
never told catlyn about John Ned never
told Robert the truth about Cersei and
jimie either so even if Ned is honest to
a fault he is certainly willing to lie
in extreme circumstances such as to
protect his family he refused to
acknowledge Joffrey as king until Sansa
was threatened for example for Ned
family always seems to come first but
that quote from when Ned was at Robert's
deathbed reveals an important truth I
suspect lying is one thing to Ned
necessary sometimes to help his family
but breaking a promise is entirely
different he thinks how keeping his
promise cost him dearly which of course
brings us to lyanna's dying wish on her
deathbed lyanna begged him promise me
Ned it is one of the most powerful lines
in all the books in part because of the
mystery surrounding exactly what that
promise was or promises were but also
because of how Earnest her pleas were
and how sincere his promise was he
thinks about it all the time six times
the phrase promise me Ned appears in the
few chapters we have from Ned's POV as
he remembers it it seems likely the
promise has something if not everything
to do with Jon and keeping him alive
since Jon's identity is Paramount to his
safety it follows that the promise would
include keeping it a secret but
ultimately we don't have to know the
exact wording of the promise to know Ned
took it to heart we need a compelling
reason for Ned to deny his trusted and
beloved wife Catelyn the truth and this
does rise to that level a promise made
to his sister on her deathbed that if
the secret got out could cost the lives
of his entire family to a man of honor
and a man who loves his family more than
anything it is difficult to think of
something more binding Lord edart was a
good man and a stubborn one if he
promised lyanna he wouldn't take tell
anyone who Jon's parents were he would
keep that promise without exception if
she said promise me you'll never tell
that means no one she probably didn't
ask Ned for example to promise not to
tell anyone except your wife or except
for those who trust the most she likely
wanted absolute assurance that Jon's
identity would stay hidden because she
was dying and she wanted to know that
her child would be protected it was all
that mattered to her a new mother
knowing she wouldn't be there for her
child a child in great danger given who
his parents were and knowing he's an
orphan Ned remembers how scared she had
been and how his promise to her had set
that at
rest we read that but when he gave her
his word the fear had gone out of his
sister's eyes Ned remembered the way she
had smiled then how tightly her fingers
had clutched his as she gave up her hold
on life the rose petals spilling from
her Palm dead and black
why because she knew what Robert would
do if he found out but against that fear
she knew as well that Ned would keep his
promise she knew her brother well though
so much remains mysterious about all of
this lyanna rhaegar ashara the Tower of
Joy the exact promises he made and more
we do know this lyanna trusted
absolutely that Ned would keep his word
no matter the cost to him or his
marriage or his reputation and she was
right the reason Ned didn't tell Cat
about John was not because he didn't
trust her or had done a complex risk
assessment about who he should tell and
who he shouldn't he didn't tell her
because he had promised to tell no one
and to Ned tragic flawed but wonderful
Ned that meant that he would tell no one
ever it is as simple as
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that's all for this time I'll see you
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