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NEDEN BİR TÜRLÜ PSİKOLOJİK SIKINTILARDAN KURTULAMIYORUZ? NEDEN GEÇMİYOR? NASIL GEÇER? - AI Summary, Mind Map & Transcript | Psk. Özlem Tokgöz Özsoylar | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: NEDEN BİR TÜRLÜ PSİKOLOJİK SIKINTILARDAN KURTULAMIYORUZ? NEDEN GEÇMİYOR? NASIL GEÇER?
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Many people struggle to overcome negative emotions because they rush towards solutions without first understanding and accepting the underlying causes, often mistaking defense mechanisms for the real problem.
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I did all the things you said.
It doesn't work or it just won't go away no matter what I do.
Are you one of those who say why?
Most of us are fighting emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, and
we look for solutions in videos and books to get rid of them.
Some of us try to implement the suggestions presented in their own way and still
can't get results.
So why and what can be done about it in this video?
[Music]
The answer to the question "Why is it not working" is the type of problem you are experiencing.
The real reason behind this problem is maybe that real reason that you are not aware of.
How did you do about this problem?
How regularly you have practiced the techniques mentioned or whether you have applied the
appropriate technique. The
answer to this question may vary depending on many factors such as
what kind of environment you live in, what conditions you are in, your genes or whether you receive professional
support. There are two possibilities that I will focus on in this video.
The first possibility I will talk about is this: To get rid of those feelings in a hurry, no matter what,
we speed up, hurry and skip the first stage of awareness and acceptance
and focus directly on the result, the solution. Of course,
the imposition of speed and fast consumption on us by popular culture also affected our view of life
. We cannot afford to wait.
We want it to be over as soon as possible.
Even under my maximum 1-1.5-minute videos, sometimes comments like you're too long
can come. Well, how long could I have stretched the video for 1 minute anyway?
One of the reflections of this haste and intolerance on our field is this.
I feel bad.
I shouldn't feel this way.
I need to get rid of this asap.
Tell me something quickly, say it now.
Let's apply it right away and I'll get rid of it right away.
As I have explained in other videos before, you
cannot find the secret of life and the solution to all your problems with 2-minute videos.
These videos can create tiny sparks of awareness for us at most.
What you do in the next process that will turn these sparks into a flame and lead
to a change in your life.
Of course, just watching the video is not enough.
Afterwards, it is necessary to be able to apply what is told regularly and consistently and to put
them into practice .
Awareness is the first and most difficult stage of this work.
The worst part is that we are not even aware that we are not aware of it.
We think we are aware.
In fact, what we realize most of the time is only the visible side of the problem.
However, there is something very different under that visible face.
For example, I give an example.
Let's say you're saying I'm a perfectionist, so I get stressed
. I am actually aware of why you are stressed.
Because I am a perfectionist.
Now that's not really awareness.
Because under that apparent perfectionism, there may be a situation such as
being dissatisfied with the person's current state, not being able to accept this state, and developing perfectionist behaviors
as a defense mechanism in order to be able to exist and to feel valuable and sufficient
. In other words, what we think is a problem is often
a defense mechanism that we have developed to deal with the
real real situation, the real real situation.
Therefore, now when we say this to this person, of course, without realizing it
, either directly or in perfectionism, the main situation is that the person is
raised as either the best or nothing at all from childhood.
This naturally develops
when not only his parents, but also the productions he watches on social media
, everything he sees from his friends, everything he reads, when the person learns this socially and
when he is not satisfied with himself, you cannot accept himself as he is. Therefore, when we say that the person
needs approval from others in order to feel good in this situation
, if you say that I do not do it for others, but for myself, this is still an
indication that you are not aware of not realizing it. The person is so dissatisfied with his current state and makes this situation so uncomfortable
that he develops perfectionism as a defense against the discomfort
that this situation creates in him in order to cope with this discomfort
. But of course, I'm telling you, this awareness can be a very difficult and very long process.
This process can vary from person to person.
Now it is not an easy thing to be able to realize
not my defense mechanism, but my real emotion, my real emotion and my real need underlying the
apparent. Sometimes I may need support from a professional for this.
This is also very natural and why it is so important to be able to realize it.
Because for the solution, I will apply a technique according to the real underlying cause.
That's why the person can get to know himself closely, observe himself,
spare time for this, and free from prejudices, free from stereotypes in his head
, to himself, to his own emotions.
It is very important to be able to look at his own behavior.
Another reason why it is difficult to realize is that since childhood, we
have pressed some of our features that we cannot bear to see in ourselves, most of them so deeply
that we have forgotten that they even exist there.
Regarding this, you can watch my video titled The Heavy Price of Not Confronting Your Shadow.
I'll pin the link to my original comment.
Look, this awareness part is
not an easy part to handle with just a few videos. It's not like I'm going to skip this and go straight to the solution, take one pill,
throw one, take the pepper, mix it with water, wait for three days and drink it or
something.
Human is a structure made up of layers and very complex factors.
Therefore, it takes a lot of effort and time to be able to understand and even know oneself
. We do not care so much about awareness , or we are not aware that we are not so aware that
such comments can be made in our videos about
awareness or possible reasons .
Pass it, pass it! tell me the solution.
It's not too late. The real issue is already there.
Another important step as awareness is acceptance.
But accepting is often misunderstood when it comes to acceptance;
To endure does not mean to give up on striving for
a more productive, more meaningful life.
To accept. Yes, I accept.
I'm upset, I've given up anyway, what else can I do?
It has always been like this, that doesn't mean it will be like that from now on.
Acceptance is n't about pitying yourself or blaming someone else
after you somehow realize that situation or emotion you
're in. So yes I admit, I'm sad, damn, why do I feel this way?
Or how miserable I am, it does
n't mean that I'm so miserable for feeling that way. Acceptance does not mean approving
that feeling or situation
you are in. So you don't have to like or like what you notice.
In fact, to accept means to be at the same distance from the bitter or the sweet.
In fact, acceptance means being able to let that feeling you notice be there
. It is to be able to see what is as it is and allow
what is to be there, without judging the emotion we notice,
without sticking labels on the emotion we notice.
So what are we doing?
With feelings that bother us.
For one thing, we don't let those feelings be there.
We notice them from the start, we try to fight them, ignore them,
suppress them.
We are trying to get rid of them.
Saying I want to get rid of these feelings means that I do not accept this feeling, I am
fighting it, so the war we have with ourselves will not have a winner.
So why are we fighting?
Because we've been taught that feeling those emotions is terrifying.
We think that feeling those feelings and staying with those feelings is terrifying.
Don't worry, we don't die with a little worry and a little sadness.
First of all, you have to admit that.
Our aim is never to be sad, never worried, never afraid.
Not to be angry at all.
Our aim is to increase our capacity to stay with these feelings.
We will be able to stay together so that we can face them and realize the need beneath the
surface. We will be able to stay together so that we can see the message that emotion is trying to convey to us
. In fact, every emotion comes to convey a message to us.
Every emotion is actually to us, look at it, it's beautiful, to say I like it, or wait a minute, there
is something here that poses a dangerous threat.
There is a problem here.
The problem exists either in your point of view, in the way you perceive it, or in your environment,
to say do something, change it, and meet this need.
Your feelings are not really against me.
Your feelings are with me.
He tells me what I need.
But if I ignore them, if I deny them, then I cannot see my true need.
However, if you don't want that feeling to come to me, I will notice that feeling first
. I'm going to analyze that emotion where I can stay with that emotion.
When I discover the message he is trying to send me, my real need, and do
something to meet that need, my body and soul are already mine.
He will stop sending that emotion but will send it again when needed.
But this time I will be more resilient as he can stay with him when he sends again .
Yes, another possible answer to the question why it doesn't go away is the fact that in
most cases, self-help videos or books
cannot replace a quality psychotherapy process.
As I mentioned at the beginning, in the approach to psychological problems, many factors such as the person's awareness level,
genetic structure, the conditions he/she lives in, the type of distress he/she experiences, the severity, and the duration
are effective, and a technique that works for one person may not work for another
. Because, as we mentioned in the previous article, the main emotion and need underlying that appearance
can vary from person to person.
At this point, a well-equipped, experienced and
talented specialist, a psychiatrist, a psychotherapist, who can look at that person from the outside, can
advance this process in a much higher quality way.
Especially in cases of severe and severe depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia,
it is not enough to
rely solely on self-help videos or books
. In such cases, the support of a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist is essential. Sometimes I can
be criticized for saying this, that is, for recommending a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist
However, they are experts in this business as they are experts in every job.
So why not get help?
By the way, I'm not doing this for my own benefit.
Because those who know know, I don't have a clinic.
I don't work in one or a clinic.
I do not do psychotherapy, I do not give individual counseling, I do not plan to give and I
refer to any person.
I mean, I'm not saying that you should just name it and go to it.
So I have no benefit from this situation.
I know, psychotherapy service is really expensive.
You are absolutely right. So I think so too.
I wish these services were easily accessible and
affordable for everyone, even free of charge.
I wish it was like that.
But unfortunately, there are not enough experts in the world and in our country
. This, of course, leads to higher prices for this service.
On the other hand, every high-priced person does not mean very high quality, nor does it mean that they provide high quality
service.
At this point, it may be a matter of luck to come across a good psychotherapist, but unfortunately that
is the case. Of course,
this does not mean that videos like these and books like these are useless
. Most people can also benefit from these videos and some self-help books
, depending on the severity, type, level of awareness, and situation of the distress they are experiencing
.
If you are interested in personal development and psychology, if you want to get to know yourself better
, improve your knowledge about psychology and
help yourself with some techniques, you are on the right channel.
I share videos on these topics every week on this channel.
If you want to be aware of these videos and you haven't subscribed to the channel yet,
please don't forget to subscribe and turn on the notification bells.
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