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JAY SHETTY I Princeton University Class Day Commencement I May 26th, 2025 | Jay Shetty | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: JAY SHETTY I Princeton University Class Day Commencement I May 26th, 2025
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Core Theme
The core theme of this speech is the importance of focusing on internal fulfillment and personal growth over external validation and societal expectations, encouraging graduates to "disappear" into their work and embrace a path that feels authentic, even if it's not publicly recognized.
Good morning, class of 2025, members of
the board, President Eisuber, the 2025
class government, and the 2025 class day
committee. Thank you for giving me this
honor. I'm truly grateful and humbled to
be here. And good morning to your
families, professors, friends, and
anyone here just to say they've been to
Princeton without actually having to
take a writing seminar. I've heard the
trauma bond is real.
You made it. You survived precept. You
survived Dean's date. You survived
walking all the way to the dinky in the
rain only to find out it was cancelled.
You survived the email from your
professor that started with just a
gentle reminder and ended with
existential dread. You've learned to
interpret emails from Nassau Hall like
they're ancient texts, vague,
mysterious, and I've heard slightly threatening.
threatening.
You survived group projects where one
person wrote the entire thing and
everyone else mostly contributed
anxiety. You survived accidentally
calling a professor dude. You survived
that one week when the Wi-Fi died, the
laundry machines were broken, and you
were 3 seconds away from dropping out
and becoming an influencer.
Honestly, if you've made it through four
years at Princeton, you're qualified for
anything except maybe explaining what
bicker actually is to someone who didn't
go here. Can someone actually explain it
to me
later? But in all seriousness,
congratulations. You are truly the best
and brightest minds with hearts
dedicated to service. I'm truly humbled
to share this day with you.
Now, I have a confession for you. I
didn't go to my own graduation. No
ceremony, no cap toss, no awkward moment
of wondering, do we hug the dean? I
missed the occasion my parents had been
waiting for their entire
lives. And why? Because I decided to
become a
monk. My parents were thrilled.
And by thrilled I mean deeply concerned
for my mental stability. I had three
choices growing up as an Indian
immigrant. To be a doctor, a lawyer or a
failure. I chose
monk. They didn't make me feel bad, but
they did send me a TED talk titled Why
We Make Bad
Decisions by Dan Gilbert, who
coincidentally got his PhD from
Princeton. So, it's kind of a full
circle moment for me. I guess when I was
invited to speak at Princeton, my first
thought was, I'm so humbled and grateful
to be here. But my honest thought was, I
hope I say something worthy of their
time. That self-doubt, that inner
critic, that voice, it's still there.
The one that's been with me since I was
8 years old, standing on a stage giving
my first speech ever. My mom had
volunteered me to speak and sing at my
school's Dvali assembly. I was dressed
in what looked like a toga. And
considering I was slightly overweight, a
lot of me was hanging out.
out.
And I started to sing. I'm definitely
not a singer. And everyone began to
laugh. I forgot my words. and everyone
began to laugh even more. I then looked
down to read the next line, only I
couldn't because my tears had smudged
the words. Everyone began to laugh
harder. Now, to make things even worse,
if that was even possible, my teacher
came on stage, put her arm around me,
and walked me off
stage. And that was my first experience
of public speaking.
And all I could think about was what my
friends thought of me. When I got
rejected by a girl in my teens, I played
it over and over in my head for days.
Not because she rejected me, but because
I was scared of what she thought. When I
became a monk after college, I was
worried if my parents would ever
understand. I was scared of what they
thought. Three years later, when I left
the monastery, I felt like I'd failed.
Then I applied for jobs. 40
rejections, not even interviews,
rejections despite having a first class
degree. And when I finally got one as a
consultant, you'll be happy to
know. I thought I'm behind everyone.
What will they think of me? When I quit
my stable career to pursue media, I
feared what my colleagues would say.
When I pitched my video ideas to three
executives, one said I was too old. The
second said I was too young. The third
said I was the right age, but it was the
wrong time. I was 28 and confused. I had
no idea what would come
next. When I started my podcast, a
production company backed out two weeks
before launch. They said, and I quote,
"It would never be big." When I wrote my
first book, 14 imprints wanted me to
change the name. They said no one wanted
to think like a monk. And now, as I
stand here in front of you today at
Princeton, one of the most prestigious
institutions in the world, I still catch
myself wondering, what are you going to
think of this
speech? When you Google the words will I
ever, the first thing that comes up is
will I ever find
love. The second thing is, will I ever
be enough? And the third is will I am net
net
worth. It's true. Check it out. We go
from love to worth to money really, really
really
quick. It's 70 million, by the way, if
anyone's wondering.
But being enough is something we all
struggle with. In 1902, Charles Horton
Culie wrote, "I'm not what I think I am.
I'm not what you think I am. I am what I
think you think I am." Let that blow
your mind for a moment. In 1902, Charles
Horton Culie wrote, "I'm not what I
think I am. I'm not what you think I am.
I am what I think you think I am." Which
means we live in a perception of a
perception of ourselves. Let me break
that down even more. What it means is if
I think you think I'm smart, then I feel
smart. But if I think you think I'm
weak, well then I feel
weak. This is the trap. And the world
lures us in. You'd feel pressure to
broadcast your wins, to post the new
job, the proposal, the highlight reel,
to do things people agree with,
celebrate, and consider important. To
stay visible, to stay relevant, to stay
impressive because the world rewards what's
what's
impressive. You feel pressured to prove
you're doing well before you've even
figured out what that means for you.
The world will constantly push you to perform
perform
success. But if there's one message I
want you to walk away with today, it's
this. You have to
disappear. I know a few parents just sat
up straight like someone said, "Gap
year." Don't worry. When I say
disappear, I don't mean your kids need
to ghost their student loans and shave
their heads to become monks. You still
go to work. You still show up, but you
stop announcing every move and start
building something that speaks for
itself. Disappearing means doing the
work. It means doing the work in the
dark. It means building in private what
you don't need to prove in public. It
means doing the work when no one's
watching. You stop worrying about what
people think and start valuing what you
believe. Because a life that looks good
or sounds good is nothing compared to a
life that feels
good. Now, this all might seem like
strange advice coming from someone whose
entire career exists online in the
public eye. But I would not be where I
am today if I didn't disappear, not once
but twice. The first time I became a
monk. The second time I left a stable
consulting job to start sharing what I'd
learned from the monks. At my first
event, no one showed up. I practiced to
an empty room. At my second event, no
one showed up again. I practiced to an
empty room again. By then, I realized I
had to fire the person who was putting
out the
flyers. That person was me, by the way.
For years, I spoke to rooms of five to
10 people. I learned about their
stories, learned about their challenges,
and some of them became beautiful
friends that I still have today. There
was no pressure for success in those
tiny rooms. And I was free to fail,
experiment, and grow in private. And
that's what's fascinating. If you look
at world-class entrepreneurs that you
admire, the artists that you look up to,
business people that you aspire to be
like, and creatives, guess what? They all
all
disappeared. Kobe Bryant practiced at
4:00 a.m. when no one was watching.
Warren Buffett sat in a quiet room in
Omaha reading. 80% of his day was spent
studying financial statements, reports,
and books. Lady Gaga played dive bars in
a glitter leotard for audiences of six.
Sarah Blakeley, the founder of Spanx,
kept her idea secret for an entire year,
even from her friends and family,
because she didn't want them to prevent
her from taking a risk. Christopher
Nolan wrote the script for Inception
over a period of about 10 years. He
initially conceived the idea when he was 16.
16.
Steven Spielberg made short films in his
garage before ever stepping on a set.
They trained while no one was watching.
They built without
broadcasting. They worked in silence so
they could rise without
noise. So whilst everyone is putting
pressure on visibility, feel comfortable becoming
becoming
invisible. But that's hard when
everyone's life is on show.
Step off stage as often as you
can. Today you all graduate together,
but from tomorrow you'll have your own
pace, your own time. Some of you will
get promoted first. Some of you will get
promoted last. Some of you will exit
your company first. Some of you will
never start one. Some of you will get
married first and some of you won't get
married at all.
Everything will be documented. So, how
do you disappear in a world obsessed
with being
seen? Remember this ancient
story. A young student once asked the
Buddha, "What do you gain from
meditation?" The Buddha replied,
"Nothing." The student looked confused
and said, "Then why do you meditate?"
The Buddha said, "I don't meditate
because of what I gain. I meditate
because of what I lose. I lose anxiety,
insecurity, doubt, and
fear." As you leave Princeton, people
will ask you, "What do you want to gain?
A title, a salary, a house, a family?"
And all of those are vital and
valuable. You've proven your work ethic
time and time again. You've shown what
you're capable of. I know you will be
ambitious about what you want to gain.
But I hope you will be just as ambitious
about what you want to lose. Lose the
need for approval. Lose the obsession with
with
comparison. Lose the fear of not being
enough. What we gain makes us
successful. But what we lose makes us
fulfilled. Especially lose envy. Envy
doesn't tell you what you want. It
distracts from what you already have.
Envy will make you lose good friends and
find bad ones. You're already
successful. You're going to be even more
successful. I have no doubt about that.
The only thing that can ruin it is
comparing your win to someone
else's. Envy won't stop your success.
It's comparing your win to someone
else's that will make you feel like
you're never enough. And contrary to
popular belief, the cure for envy isn't
success. The cure for envy is study.
When your friend wins, don't scroll
past. Study them. How did they build
that? How did they stay consistent? How
did they recover from their failures?
Celebrate them.
There's this beautiful word in Sanskrit
that I loved. It's called muda. It means
to take joy and pride in watching
someone else's success. I hope that
you'll practice this with the people
you're sitting next to right
now. There are four decisions you'll
make in life that matter more than
almost any other. Ask for guidance.
Sure. Get advice. Learn from the people
you trust. But don't let these decisions
be defined by other people's opinions
because at the end of the day, you're
the one who has to live with
them. The first decision
is one you'll make every single day. The
first decision you'll have to make is
how you feel about yourself. It's not a
decision you'll make once. It's a
decision you'll make every single day.
Every morning in the mirror, every night
before you sleep. Some days you won't
like what you see. You'll mess up at
work, say the wrong thing at home, fall
short of who you want to be. Your
self-perception will be tested. But you
don't pass by pretending or being
perfect. You pass by choosing again and
again to show up for yourself and the
people you love better than you did yesterday.
yesterday.
The second decision is this. Who you
choose to love and who you choose to
love you. According to social
psychologist Dr. David Mlelen, this
decision can influence up to 95% of your
success or failure in life. Not your
grades, not your GPA, not your first job
title, who you let close. Sometimes you
won't know if you chose right until
you're right in it.
12 months into my marriage, we were four
months away from being broke in a new
country with 30 days left on our visa. I
sat my wife down and I told her. She
looked at me and quietly said, "I trust
you." That wasn't the moment I knew she
was the right person. It was the next
morning when she looked at me dead
serious and said, "I think I want to buy
a plant." I had just told her we might
be able to stay in the country, rent,
groceries, and maybe maybe the visa if
we were lucky. That was the budget. And
she wanted to add a
fus. So off we went to Home Depot 10:00
a.m. on a Saturday morning like it was
the most normal thing in the world. That
was the moment I knew she was the right
person. I take life too seriously and
she doesn't at all.
The plant sadly died that winter, but
thankfully our relationship survived and
is still
growing. Don't fall in love too fast.
You don't truly know someone until
you've seen them when they're tired,
stressed, broke, or hangry. The right
person will make you make the hard times
easier. The right person will make the
hard times
easier. And don't forget about your
parents. The American Time use survey
says that by the time you turn 21,
you've likely already spent about 90% of
the total in-person time you'll ever
have with your
parents. Interview your parents. Record their
their
stories. Learn every lesson you possibly
can from them. You can earn more money,
more titles, more goals, but you will
never earn back lost time with your
parents. The third decision is what you
do for a living. Try to do what you
love. And if you can't, find meaning in
what you do. You'll spend a third of
your life at work. That's around 90,000
hours. Don't settle for hating it. That
doesn't mean your job has to be your
passion, but it also doesn't mean you
have to feel like you're trading your
soul for a salary. Focus on what it
gives you. Stability for the people you
love, structure while you build
something else, a chance to bring love
and you into the role. When I worked at
Accenture, I was a consultant by day and
a meditation teacher by lunch. I'd run
sessions for my colleagues during breaks
and after hours. Not because it was part
of my job description, but because I
needed it. And so did they. I remember
one day one of the rugby lads came up to
me. That's the British version of a
jock, but with better hair and worse
manners. He pulled me aside and said,
"Jay, I want to learn how to meditate,
but none of the girls can find out."
Apparently, they were all into him, and
he thought meditation might ruin his
street cred consultants.
So after work, we grabbed two chairs,
turned off the lights, and sat across
from each
other. 3 minutes into deep breathing,
and boom, the door swings open. The
exact group of girls he was worried
about walk in. They take one look at us
sitting there in the dark, eyes closed,
breathing like monks on a blind date,
and they just lose it. Laughter,
chaos. He was mortified. No recovery.
But here's what he told me months
later. Meditation helped him manage the
anxiety he'd never talked about. That
showed me how desperately we needed
stillness in a world designed to burn us
out. And it gave me the confidence to
follow my path. Later, I would go back
to Accenture to teach meditation and
many seminars. And I still have
incredible relationships with the
leaders I once worked for. So here's the
truth. Even if you don't love your job,
bring what you love into it. Love the
people, love the growth, and if you
can't find any love in it, use that
feeling as your signal to
move. Always, always trust this
signal. 85% of jobs that will exist in
2030 haven't been invented yet. The
average American changes careers five to
seven times in their lifetime. I can't
wait to see what you do in the next 5
years. The world is waiting for
you. The fourth decision, and maybe the
most important, is how you'll serve
humanity. Most people never get to this
one. They get busy chasing the next job,
the next move, the next upgrade. But if
you skip this question, I believe you
skip the one thing that leads to true
fulfillment. In the monastery, we were
taught it's not about how much you give.
It's about how much you hold back.
Whether you have a little or a lot, your
time, energy, and resources are far more
meaningful when they're not just for you.
you.
One study found that volunteering just
for two hours a week improves mental
health and extends life
expectancy. But the situation in this
country is much worse. Over 59 million
US adults, nearly one in four live with
a mental illness. Only 47% of those
individuals receive treatment. But
that's not the shocking part. This is
the average delay between the onset of
mental illness symptoms and receiving
treatment is 11
years. And that's what keeps me going.
Recognizing there is so much more to do
in the world. Remember, your purpose
does not have to be your job. Your
purpose does not have to be big. Your
purpose does not have to make you money.
Your purpose does not have to make you
famous. Your purpose can be something
you do on the weekends. Your purpose can
be something you do in the evenings.
Your purpose is something no one can
take away from you. So find something
you care about. Find something that
breaks your heart open a little. And
then get involved. You don't need a
million dollars. You don't need a title.
Use your passion in the service of
others and it will become your purpose.
I want to end with a couple of practical
things you can do to put this into
practice. First, try this. For one full
day, track every time you feel the urge
to ask someone what they think about
what you're wearing, what to eat for
dinner, what TV show to watch, what job
to apply for. Write it all down. Who you
wanted to ask, what decision you were
avoiding, what answer you were hoping
for. And then for 7 days go on an
opinion fast. No asking, no polling the
group chat, no crowdsourcing your
direction. It's your life. Don't let
anyone else hold the remote. Disappear
for a while. And when you come back,
come back as
you. Tomorrow, some of you will wake up
with a job offer in your inbox. Some of
you will wake up with no idea of what
comes next. Some of you have a five-year
plan in a color-coded spreadsheet. You
know who you are. Some of you are still
pretending to understand what a
fellowship in global policy innovation
actually is. And all of that, it's okay
because there's no right pace. There's
no right path. Only the one that's real for
for
you. Every day, starting tomorrow, write
down one thing you did that required
effort. even if no one saw it. Not what
you achieved, not what got praise, just
what took energy, courage, and
discipline. Maybe you got out of bed
when you didn't want to. Maybe you sent
the email you were avoiding. Maybe you
stayed calm in a difficult conversation.
Maybe you showed up for yourself when it
would have been easier not to. Because
when you start measuring your day by
effort, not recognition, you begin to
feel accomplished without needing to be
noticed. Class of 2025, you'll have an
idea that people roll their eyes at.
Build it anyway. You'll want a job that
no one thinks you'll get. Apply anyway.
You'll dream of a path that doesn't come
with a title or salary. Take it anyway.
You'll feel like an impostor in rooms
you've earned your way into. Walk in
anyway. You'll be the least experienced
person at the table. Speak anyway.
You'll mess up, fall short, and second
guessess everything. Learn anyway.
You'll wonder if it's worth it
sometimes. Keep going
anyway. Because if you do what you want,
they'll misunderstand you. And if you do
what they want, they'll misunderstand
you. And if you do nothing, they'll
misunderstand you. And if you do
something, they'll misunderstand you. So
live a life that would make your younger
self proud, your older self grateful,
even if it confuses everyone in between.
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