This content emphasizes that success is predictable and achievable by making a decision to excel and learning the principles of achievement. It outlines seven key ingredients of success and introduces fundamental mental laws that govern our reality, ultimately empowering individuals to unlock their full potential.
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hi I'm Brian Tracy and welcome to the
Phoenix seminar on the psychology of
achievement have you ever wondered why
some people are more successful than
others why some people earn more money
are happier have better jobs better
relationships Better Health and seem to
get far more out of life well when I was
15 years old this question began to
preoccupy me I've spent over 25 years
I've traveled in over 80 countries I've
worked at 30 different jobs and I've
spent by my own estimate about 30,000
hours in study to try to find the answer
to why some people are more successful
than others and you know something I
have found that this is one of the most
studied subjects in the world that
there's more information available on it
today than has ever been available
before and that today we can say with
complete confidence that success is as
predictable as the sun rising in the
East and setting in the west today you
can be more successful faster than you
ever dreamed possible if you will do two
basic things number one make a decision
to exceed all your previous levels of
accomplishment make a decision to be
successful and to achieve your goals
whatever you construe them to be and
number two learn how this seminar has
been assembled in order to teach you how
since we put it together several years
ago over
150,000 men and women have been through
this seminar in one form or another and
many of them have said it's like getting
a brand new chance at life one gentleman
said to us it was like getting a blank
check on the future we're going to teach
you in the next few hours some of the
most important things that have ever
been found that have been discovered and
rediscovered that go back 4,000 years
into History Science religion
metaphysics Psych ology philosophy and
all esoteric fields of study have come
to the conclusions that we are going to
talk about in this seminar if you will
just use some of the things you learn in
this seminar it can dramatically change
your results for the better now in
studying the subject of success one of
the things we have to do is put some
preconceptions aside one of the things
that I began thinking was that in order
to be successful you had to be
especially intelligent or you had to
have a great education or you had to be
terrific looking or you had to have
context or you had to have luck do you
know that these items have been examined
thoroughly and there's no correlation at
all between success and intelligence
education luck contacts and appearance
they are helpful in some cases but
there's no direct correlation success is
based on other things now before we go
any further let's talk about what we
mean by success when we look at the
difference between animals and human
beings we find that animals have what is
called a survival Instinct animals work
to get enough to eat a place to sleep to
reproduce their species and then they
either hibernate and or die human beings
have what you might call a success
Instinct a success Instinct means that
human beings are driven internally to
succeed that it is as natural for you to
be a success and to want to be a success
as it is for you to breathe in and
breathe out that success the drive to be
and have and do and more to fulfill your
potential as a human being is an
absolutely essential part of your being
that we never are satisfied as long as
we're alive we always want to have more
we always want to be more we always want
to do more the question of course is why
is it that so few people achieve things
in life let's talk about what the
success Instinct Embraces now I have
looked at this for years and years and
in my estimation success can be broken
down and put under seven categories
there are seven ingredients of success
and if you have these seven everything
you could ever want in life can be put
under one of these categories so let's
look at what we're talking about number
one starting point of success top of the
Hit Parade throughout all of human
history is peace of mind Peace of Mind
means that you feel content at peace
relaxed inside peace of mind to a great
degree means freedom it means freedom
especially from Fear Freedom From Fear
freedom from stress freedom from anxiety
Freedom from Want freedom from lack
freedom from negative emotions freedom
from guilt and so on but peace of
mind is the first and most important
ingredient of success why it's because
if you get anything else in life and you
don't get your peace of mind you won't
even enjoy it number two ingredient of
success health and
energy health and energy Health means
that we have the health we are free from
sickness freedom from disease Freedom
From Pain freedom from ailments and so
on but also energy we mean vitality and
today we know as a result of exhaustive
research in medicine and psychology that
there's a very close correlation between
peace of mind and health and energy is
that 80 to 90% of all the ailments that
the human body suffers including most of
the reasons why we die before our time
have to do with disrupted Peace of Mind
psychosomatic medicine is based on the
discovery that psycho the Mind makes
Soma the body sick so therefore as we
strive for higher levels of peace of
mind we almost automatically have better
levels of health and energy now the
third ingredient of success is loving
relationships loving relationship ship
means that we have the ability the
capacity to enter into long-term loving
relationships with other men and women
it means that we have the ability to
give of ourselves to love and to be
loved and the ability to enter into
loving relationships is an essential
part of Being Human it is the one
essential characteristic of our
humanhood and when we look at loving
relationships you'll find that almost
all of the problems you have in life
about 80% 85% of our problems in life as
they say talk back that 85 5% of all the
success you'll ever enjoy in life is
going to be determined by how well you
get along with other people the quality
and quantity of our relationships is the
true Mark of how well you're doing as a
human being and as you know that
problems within your relationship
starting from Early Childhood all the
way up through our adult lives disrupt
our health and energy disrupt our peace
of mind if our loving relationships are
stable usually our health and energy is
stable and we have great peace of mind
now how do you measure loving
relationships well one of the simplest
measures that you can use is simply this
it is is to ask yourself how much you
laugh with another person how much do
you laugh because you'll find that the
first thing that enters into a happy
relationship is laughter and the first
things that leaves when the relationship
starts to go sour is the laughter
laughter because it is a completely
spontaneous expression of life is the
true Mark of a healthy personality and a
healthy relationship as as you know from
your own experience now number four
ingredient of success is fin Financial
Freedom Financial Freedom
means that you have enough money so that
you don't worry about money now some
people have a tendency to say well
success is just simply a matter of money
and they're not interested in money but
the fact of the matter is that money is
important it takes money to buy clothes
and books and to go to school and buy
medical attention and to travel and to
have all the good things in life and
every one of us in order to be a success
has to reach the point where we know we
have the capacity to earn enough money
so that we don't worry about money we
have to reach the point where we can
turn our minds to other things higher
things to our relationships to our
health to the uh Improvement of our
minds to the expansion of our emotional
and our spiritual life but we all have
to have the ability to earn more money
and the great majority of people
unfortunately don't earn enough by their
own estimation in this course you're
going to learn how you can earn
virtually all the money that you want in
the course of your lifetime if you're
willing to make the efforts and to pay
the necessary price now the fifth
ingredient of success is worthy goals and
and
ideals worthy
goals and ideals sometimes when we talk
about ideals we mean values and we know
that values really lie at the core of
the human being what your values are
determines almost everything that
happens to you worthy goals and ideals
are what give us a sense of
meaning meaning
and purpose Dr Victor Frankle the
founder of logo therapy concluded after
a lifetime of research that we as human
beings need meaning and purpose we need
significance you need to know that
you're doing something that's important
you need to know when you get up in the
morning why you're getting up you need
to believe in what you're doing you need
commitment you need involvement you need
dedication you need excitement in life
so therefore worthy goals and ideals are
critical and worthy goals and ideals of
course that are consistent with your
values what we have found unfortunately
is probably 80% or more of people have
little or no values they have no sense
of direction they just wander they do
whatever what whatever someone else
wants them to do and and this is a major
problem that contributes to unhappiness
the sixth ingredient of success is self-
knowledge self- understanding self-
knowledge self- understanding what does
this mean well it means that you know
and understand who you
are why you do the things you do what
makes you tick it also means that you
have self-honesty it also means that you
have the character and the courage to
face yourself honestly and squarely as
Shakespeare said warts and all you have
the honesty to face your strengths into
weaknesses you have the honesty if you
like and the Integrity to look into
yourself to fully understand why you do
what you do what makes you tick and in
this seminar by the way we're going to
give you an enormous amount of
information on why you are the way you
are and how you can change it in a very
positive way if you're not happy with it
now the seventh ingredient of success is
really a result and it is a sense of personal
personal
fulfillment it is a sense of personal
fulfillment what Abraham maslo called
self-actualization self-actualization is
the feeling that you are becoming
everything that you're capable of
becoming self-actualization means that
you feel every single day that you're
moving toward the Fulfillment of your
inherent possibilities and
self-actualization comes as a result of
having worthy goals and ideals having
loving relationships having a high
degree of self- knowledge and self-
understanding which generates health and
energy Peace of Mind loving
relationships and so
on now the interesting thing is the
tragedy is the great majority of men and
women today achieve so little on a score
of 1 to 10 in terms of human potential
the average person is functioning it Far
Far Below what they're capable of on a
score of 1 to 10 the average person is
scoring perhaps two or three on most of
these scales 84% of people working today
are underemployed in that their jobs do
not fully tax their abilities and their
potential 80% would rather be doing
something else in a study of married
couples what we found was that 38% of
married couples would rather be married
to someone else uh We've also found that
the great majority of people in our
society after a lifetime of well-paid
work retire broke they retire poor they
retire on pensions only 1% become
wealthy only 5% become financially
independent 15% % have some savings and
80% are dependent on others the average
savings lifetime Savings of a retired
couple in America or Canada today is
less than $660,000 that's after earning
between half a million and a million
dollars in an average working Lifetime
well why is this the number one reason
is that we come into this world without
an instruction manual you can go through
your entire education and never never be
taught anything about success I
personally believe that there should be
a course on success in every single
grade level in every single School in
every single college and university we
come into the world like a computer if
you can imagine a computer imagine that
you bought this beautiful sophisticated
computer and you took it home and you
took it out of the box and you set it up
but you had no instruction manual that
you had to figure out how to work out
this computer all by yourself or imagine
a com combination lock being given a
beautiful combination lock that is on a
box that contains everything that you
ever want but you don't know the
combination we come into the world with
no instruction manual and we spend our
whole lives trying to figure out how to
do things right well the key to success
is first of all what we call you
understanding learning how to do things
right and this course is an instruction
manual on success you'll be able to get
more out of yourself as a result of this
course that you can possibly dream of
today the second ingredient is e which
requires effort there are many people as
you know lifelong students who study and
study and study but they never make the
necessary or the correct efforts the
middle point is a multiplication sign
and understanding multiplied time effort
equals results in this course what we're
going to do is we're going to
dramatically increase your understanding
we're going to give you the tools to
dramatically increase the effectiveness
of your efforts so you're doing not only
things right but you are doing the right
things and you're going to
dramatically increase your results many
people have taken this course and been
able to earn more in the following year
than they earned in the previous five
many people have taken this course and
been able to make more progress in one
or two years and they made in their
lifetime to date it is not unusual for a
person to take this course and double or
triple their income within a matter of a
few weeks or a few months simply by
applying some of these principles now do
these principles work these principles
are the basis of all success and
achievement in adult life every
successful man or woman uses them to
some degree every successful man or
woman practices them consciously or
unconsciously what we've done is we've
developed them together in this seminar
program as a system very much like a
process of learning anything that if you
will take it if you will use it if you
will apply it systematically if you will
put it into action and you'll work with
it consistently for even a short period
of time you're going to start to see
changes that are absolutely marvelous it
is my contention that you can be have or
do anything that you want in life you
can grow and expand and fulfill your
potential you can earn more money you
can have greater peace of mind you can
have more health and energy you can have
better loving relationships you can have
Financial Security you can have a sense
of personal fulfillment you have a great
feeling of Peace inside simply by
following what's in this course so
please come with me let's go and let's
begin to explore everything that you're
capable of doing let us look at what you
session two seven mental laws the
starting point of self- knowledge is to
recognize this wonderful fact is that
you are extraordinary you are unique the
odds against there being someone exactly
like you are over 50 billion to one that
every single part of your body and
anatomists and physiologists and doctors
have demonstrated that your blood
composition is different from any other
person that has ever lived your
fingerprints are different your limp
prints are different even your ear
prints are different even your toe
prints are different from anybody that
has ever lived you are different from
anyone else and self- knowledge begins
with accepting that you are a unique and
special individual and that you have the
capacity to do something wonderful with
your life now that being said you are
also the same as everybody else with
respect to certain basic principles
throughout the history of mankind the
most intelligent men and women who have
ever lived have sought answers to the
question of the human dilemma what can
people do in order to change the quality
of their lives their relationships and
their results the great philosophers the
great metaphysicians the great Scholars
have pondered over this sometimes for
their entire lifetimes in our Century I
know men and women who spent 10 20 30 40
even 50 years studying success and
achievement to find out what general
rules and principles we can draw upon to
be more successful the first thing that
we have to start with the basis for this
entire course the psychology of
achievement is this is that you are a
mental creature the only thing that
makes you truly unique is your mind
everything else you have in common as
Eugene O'Neal the playright said with a
horse or a pig your mind is what makes
you unique your body simply carries your
mind around and just as electricity
works on laws of electricity and physics
works on laws of physics and nature
works on laws of nature there are
certain mental laws that Det determine
everything that happens to you and these
mental laws are as inexorable as the
laws of gravity they work 100% of the
time and every single success you have
in life comes from living your life in
harmony with basic mental laws and every
problem or difficulty you ever have in
life comes from living your life out of
harmony with those basic laws now mental
laws work 100% of the time like gravity
works 100% of the time what they say
what it means is that if you step off a
10 story building in the city where
you're living or in London England or in
Lima Peru you're going to go Splat on
the sidewalk whether you know about
gravity whether you believe in gravity
whether you agree with gravity or
whether gravity is convenient for you
it's going to work on you nonetheless
the mental laws are exactly the same and
in this course I'm going to introduce
you to about 20 mental laws some of
which are more important than others but
all of which it is critical for you to
understand now let's start with the
first of the mental laws
the first mental law and by the way
these laws have been written about and
studied for Century after century and
many of them have been tested in our
leading universities research institutes
and think tanks in the last few years
and found to be as true as they'd ever
been imagined to be the first law is
what we call the law of control now the
law of control is very simple it's the
basic law and we'll come back to it over
and over again it says simply this it
says that you feel good about yourself
you feel positive about yourself to the
degree to which you feel you are in
control of your own life or you feel
negative about yourself to the degree to
which you feel you are not in control of
your own life all you have to do is look
at your life today and ask yourself what
parts of your life do you feel the best
at what parts of the life do you feel
your life do you feel most in control
you will find those are the places where
you are the happiest and since the
Supreme human good is to achieve a state
of Happiness which is expressed in peace
of mind and health and loving
relationships control is absolutely
essential psychologists today call this
the difference between an internal locus
of control which is feeling that you're
in charge of your own life versus an
external locus of control which means
the feeling that something outside of
you your bills your relationships your
job your
health are somehow controlling you as a
matter of fact locus of control research
and there are many tests that you can
take to determine where you are are on
this chart in terms of locus of control
and what areas of your life you feel
more in control and less in control
people with a very high internal locus
of control are high Achievers they are
more successful they're more
self-determined they're happier and many
of things we're trying to do in this
course is to give you a far greater
sense of control of being in charge of
every aspect of your life now control
begins with first of all your thoughts
interestingly enough your thoughts what
you think about things and how you think
determines your values it determines
what is going on inside you once they
are stored away your thoughts determine
your feelings it's how you think about
something that determines your feelings
whether you are happy or unhappy whether
you are scared or uh confident your
feelings then determine your actions so
we start off with a law of control
saying that the key to success is to
feel that you are the master of your own
destiny that you're behind the steering
wheel of your own life you're charge of
your life by taking full and complete
control over your thoughts your thoughts
will control your feelings your feelings
will control your actions and your
actions remember there always your
actions will determine your success or
your lack thereof so the law of control
is important now as opposed to the law
of control we have what is called the
law of
accident now the law of
accident is really a metaphysical
principle it is only a law like a
traffic law or like a legal law to the
degree to which we live by it
consistently the law of accident is what
about 80% of the population live by plus
or minus the law of accident simply says
that by failing to plan you're planning
to fail failing to plan is planning to
fail now the majority of
people don't believe that they're living
by this but if you look at their lives
you see that that's true failing to plan
means planning to fail these are the
sort of people that say well not what
you know it's who you know it's being in
the right place at the right time it's
it's luck it's the luck of the draw and
so on these are people who as a result
of feeling that their life is controlled
by forces outside themselves don't have
clear plans don't have clear goals do
not are not working persistently and
consistently day by day toward
accomplishing something they want and
their lives just seem to drift and go
around in circle like a ship without a
Rudder now a person just like a ship
without a Rudder A person with no
Central plan is a person who has very
little controls as a person who feels
that in fact they are out of control of
their lives like they're falling through
space with no place to to stop and these
people are invariably unhappy the reason
why people are negative today the reason
why people are unhappy the reason why
people are sick and frustrated the
reason why people underachieve in life
is most of them are living by this law
of accident and in so doing they have no
sense of control over their lives they
have no sense of inner peace they have
no sense of happiness and so on
so we are going to show show you how to
free yourself from the law of accident
personally or per or permanently now the
next law is what is called the law of
cause and
effect the law of cause and
effect says that for every effect in
your life there is a specific cause that
everything that happens in the universe
happens for a reason that nothing
happens by accident that failure does
not happen by accident and success does
not happen by accident that happiness or
lack of Happiness are a result of cause
and effect relationships that if we you
have an effect in your life that you
want to have more of more success more
money more happiness Better Health you
can trace it back to a cause and what
you do is you repeat and duplicate the
cause if you have an effect in your life
that you want to have less of if you
have problems difficulties and so on you
can also Trace that back to a cause all
progress in human life in human society
stems back from identifying the causes
of what we want more of or less of and
changing the causes now the law of cause
and effect of course is the iron law of
the universe this is the law if you like
that we can come back to over and over
again and many of our laws are
paraphrases of the iron law it's also
called The Law of sewing and reaping
that whatsoever you seow that also shall
you reap but the iron law the law of
cause and effect gives us a complete
sense of control if we believe that
there's a cause and effect relationship
that everything happens for a reason
then we have a tremendous feeling of
control in our lives we can identify the
causes we can duplicate the causes we
can make our lives anything we want the
most most important application of the
law of cause and effect is this it is
that thoughts are
causes thoughts are causes and
conditions are
effects C thoughts are causes and
conditions are simply effects the
starting point of everything is your
thoughts about something it's your
thoughts about a job your thoughts about
a relationship your thoughts about your
health your thoughts about your future
your thoughts become causitive agents
the conditions become the effects that
if you wish to change any of the
conditions of your life you have to
change the thoughts that precede those
conditions you have to change what is
going on in your mind now wonderfully
enough there's only one thing in the
whole universe over which you have
complete control and that is your
thoughts so if you take full and
complete control over your thoughts and
keep your thoughts on what it is you
want make them positive causes the
conditions or effects will take care of
themselves with the
inexorability of a law of nature now the
next law is what is called the law of
belief the law of
belief simply
says that whatever you believe with
feeling and this is the key with feeling
and the more emotion you put into a
belief becomes your
reality it becomes your reality because
you will always act in a manner
consistent with your beliefs as a matter
of fact your entire reality right now is
simply a out outward picturing of your
most intensely held beliefs if you
believe something that is positive or
believe something that is negative or as
Henry Ford said if you believe you can
do a thing or if you believe you cannot
you are right our beliefs do form our
realities to the degree to which we
believe anything to be true our beliefs
act as sort of like a screen uh they
filter out any information that is
inconsistent with our beliefs we have a
deep down desire inside of us to remain
consistent so we're always trying to
view our world rationalize our world
interpret our world so that it is
consistent with what we have already
decided to believe we develop what is
called scotomas a scotoma is a word in
Psychology that simply says that we
develop blind spots we do not see
opportunities if we are convinced that
there are no opportunities we do not see
possibilities for Success if we don't
believe that success is possible for us
however if we begin to change our
beliefs we begin to change our realities
let me give you an example uh there's a
story of a Young Man man who came from a
small Midwestern town it's true story
was reported in the psychological
journals a couple of years ago he got
straight A all through junior high
school and high school at the end of
12th grade he wrote his Scholastic
achievement test to go to university a
few weeks later he got back a letter
from the University saying you have
scored 98 on the Scholastic achievement
test and you're hereby admitted to the
university for the fall semester well he
didn't know very much about Scholastic
achievement tests and he thought that
the 98 was an IQ score now an IQ score
of 98 is slightly below average and is
about 20 points below what is necessary
for college level work he was convinced
and he just discarded his entire High
School career all the age that he's
gotten he was convinced that he could
not do college level work but he went
off to college in the fall after the
first semester he was failing or nearly
failing in every
subject his counselor called him in and
said what seems to be the problem you uh
did extremely well in high school these
courses are only one degree of
difficulty uh removed from your high
school courses are you having problems
with uh girls are you having problems
with drugs are having problems adjusting
what is it he saidwell sir he said I'm
doing the very best I can but you can't
blame me I've only got a 98 IQ and the
counselor had a file in front of me said
what are you talking about he said well
in my letter of admission to the
university it said that I got a 98 on
the Scholastic achievement test he said
son that's not an IQ he said he said
they said that's not an IQ that is a
percentile what that means is that you
scored equal to or higher than 98% of
the students in the country who wrote
that test you're one of the brightest
kids in this University well this young
guy went out he checked on the
Scholastic achievement test he found it
was true that the 98 was a percentile
not an IQ he went back to his courses
and two years later he was in the top 10
in a 30,000 student University he was
leading in all of his classes once he
changed his reality once he changed his
beliefs about his intelligence his
reality changed automatically now an
important point with regard to this is
that every one of us has self-limiting
beliefs every one of us believes
ourselves to be limited in some way
every one of us believes ourselves to be
limited in intelligence creativity
money-making ability I can't sell I
can't speak in front of audiences we
tend to think that we are not capable
being on time we're not mechanically
inclined and so on and so forth but
exhaustive research demonstrates that
talents are pretty evenly spread
throughout the population that most of
the limitations we have do not exist in
reality they exist only in your own mind
and one of the starting points of great
achievement is to start questioning
those self-limiting beliefs and throw
them off and act as if they did not
exist and when you act as if they didn't
exist slow and behold they simply
disappear okay the next law is what is
called the law of expectations now the
law of expectations is a law that has
been talked about throughout all of
human history just like in the law of
belief law of belief William James of
Harvard said belief creates the actual
fact as a man thinketh in his heart or
as he believeth so is he the law of
expectations over and over say what you
expect you get you get not what you want
but what you expect that your
expectations especially your
expectations about outcomes how you
think things are going to turn out
become your own self-fulfilling
prophecies and Dr Robert rosenfall of of
Harvard University has done something
like 300 experiments on expectations
theory on what is called experiment
Theory and he finds that your
expectations have an effect on other
people and events and
circumstances even if your expectations
are based on totally false information
whatever you expect with confidence in
other words if you confidently expect
good things to happen surprise surprise
good things happen to you if you
confidently expect negative things to
happen then negative things are going to
happen to you that most successful
people have developed an attitude of
confidently expecting good things to
happen uh it's called the attitude of
positive self expectancy it is the
attitude of the winner the winner looks
for good things to happen the winner
expects to win in advance and lo and
behold whatever you expect with
confidence tends to come true even if
the information upon which your
expectations is based is totally false
now let me give you an example of
expectations uh some years ago Dr
Rosenthal after conducting a variety of
different experiments came to the
conclusion that the expectations that
teachers had of students was having a
tremendous effect effect on their
ability to learn and their grade level
averages so he put together a series of
experiments and then one major
experiment which was tremendous he went
to the San Francisco Bay area and at the
beginning of the school year he had the
principal call in three teachers the
three teachers were told that by the
principal as a result of teaching
Excellence they had been singled out as
the three best teachers in the school
and that they were going to be given 30
students each of the brightest students
in the school identified by IQ tests at
the end of the last semester they would
be able to teach these students for the
entire year and it was estimated by
experts that these students would jump
in Scholastic achievement an average of
20 to 30% over the course of that school
year now the teachers were told that one
of the conditions was that they mustn't
tell the teacher they must tell the
students and they mustn't tell their
parents they must continue to teach the
same way and classes were carefully
monitored to make sure they taught the
same way they taught before but only
they would know that they had been given
30 bright student students each to teach
for the whole year the teachers were
delighted the teachers went out they
were excited about this they worked hard
with those students they spent time
after school with them they got really
really involved in teaching more than
they ever had before and at the end of
the school year lo and behold those
three classes LED not only the school
but the entire School District in
academic accomplishment at the end of
the year they called the three teachers
in they sat them down and they
said well uh you've had a good year and
they said yes it was great those kids
were so bright they were so eager to
learn they said well maybe we should
tell you the truth that this was an
experiment and the fact is that the the
beginning of the school year we selected
the names of 90 children by Lottery from
the school population at large and
assigned them to your class we didn't
even know what their IQs were they said
well well that's remarkable how could it
have happened that they did so well and
then they looked at each other and said
well of course it's because we are the
three most excellent teachers in this
school they said well the other side of
it was simply this is at the beginning
of the school year we put all the
teachers names in a hat and yours were
the first three names that were drawn so
this is what it's called call a double
blind experiment they held constant for
everything but expectations now the
expectations on the teachers were
explicit we believe that you are
excellent teachers the expectations of
the teachers on the students were
implicit they were never spoken the
teachers just treated those students as
though they were really intelligent and
the students bloomed and blossomed and
in one of the classes a student from
beginning of the year to the end of the
year jumped 25 IQ points in a subsequent
experiment a student jumped as much just
27 IQ points which is to prove that high
expectations teachers bring out
intelligence in students that is
completely unheard of Marva Collins the
famous teacher in the uh Chicago inner
city has found that if you treat
students as though they're intelligent
and talk to them and work with them as
though they are really bright they will
absolutely astonish you in terms of
academic accomplishment all right this
brings us to the critical role of
expectations in your life first part of
expectations in your life number one and
where expectations affect you
expectations of your parents we have
found that we have a tendency as adults
to try to live up to or down
to the expectation of our parents all
our lives if our parents were strong and
supportive and loving and kind and
encouraging and really believes in us
all our lives will will strive
unconsciously to live a life consistent
with those expectations if our parents
were critical and condemnatory and
bitched and complained and griped about
our grades and so on and so forth we
will find that all of our life we'll
have a tendency to hold ourselves back
so be alert to that what were the
expectations of your parents were they
positive were they negative were they
boosting or were they discouraging and
how much are they affecting you today
second area of expectations is the
expectations of your boss in all of our
studies we have found especially in the
studies on excellence in organizations
we have found that high expectations
bosses have high performance work
environments now if you work for a boss
who's negative critical and condemn the
if you work for a boss that has negative
expectations or a negative attitude
chances are your performance will be at
the very lowest as a matter of fact if
you look at the course of your working
career you'll find that the times of
your life that you've enjoyed the most
is working under a boss that has high
positive expectations of you and your
ability isn't that correct the third
area of expectations is the expectations
you have of others especially of your
children especially of your spouse or
your mate especially of your
subordinates or the people who look up
to you you see we have are profoundly
affected by the opinions of anybody we
Respect by the attitudes toward us of
anybody we respect and if you have high
positive expectations of the people
around you especially your children they
will rise to fulfill those expectations
so the basic rule with regard to this is
always expect good things of other
people in word and deed tell them
continually I believe in you and number
four core area of expectations is the
expectations you have of yourself in the
final analysis these are the most
powerful if you have high positive
expectations of yourself you'll be
astonished at what it will mean to your
life always expect the best always
expect the best and here's a little
exercise which
I learned from one of my graduates one
of our live seminars he found that by
starting off every day with this simple
little exercise and saying to himself I
believe something wonderful is going to
happen to me today I believe something
wonderful is going to happen to me today
I believe something wonderful is going
to happen to me today that this little
exercise changed his whole attitude that
he went through the whole day with the
self-expand you know that if you will do
this if you will say before you go to
sleep I believe something wonderful is
going to happen to me tomorrow and if
you'll say when you get up in the morning
morning
I believe something wonderful is going
to happen to me today and if all day
long you say I believe something
wonderful is going to happen to me
you'll find that as you go to sleep the
next night and try this today it's a
very powerful ex sounds a little bit
corny but it's a very powerful exercise
if you'll try it you'll find that when
you go to sleep you will not be able to
think of all the wonderful things that
happened to you you'll just be surprised
that that your parking spaces will open
up and friends will call and you get
checks in the mail just your life will
be a series of really positive happiness
experiences so always expect the best I
believe something wonderful is going to
happen to me today and by the
inexorability of a law of nature it's
going to happen to you I can assure you
it's happened to thousands and thousands
and thousands of our graduates who will
literally astonish you the effect of
this corny little exercise all right the
next law is what is called The Law of
Attraction now the Law of Attraction
simply says that you are a living
magnet you are a living
magnet and that you inevitably attract
into your life the people and
circumstances that are in harmony with
your dominant thoughts in the universe
we know that all of energy is in a state
of vibration that everything is
vibrating even this board is vibrating
your your skin is vibrating every
substance is vibrating because of its
molecular structure and we also know
this is a law of radiation that
everything is vibrating outward the
process of entropy and we find that
whatever you are thinking your thoughts
are also a form of energy that is
vibrating and radiating out from you and
that travels at the speed of light so
that you can affect people in
circumstances at Great distances have
you ever had an experience where you're
thinking about somebody and the
telephone rings and it's them have you
ever had an experience where you phone
somebody else and they say we were just
talking about you it just leaps into
your mind have you ever had an
experience when you're in tune with your
husband or wife and you think you know
I'd like to go out to dinner at such and
such a place tonight and you call home
and they will say why don't we go to
dinner at such and such a place these
are all examples of this Law of
Attraction the law of attraction is
considered by many to be one of the most
important laws of human existence in
this you will always attract to yourself
positive or negative people and
circumstances that harmonize with your
dominant thoughts that whatever you're
thinking on a continuing basis you're
attracting into your life you're drawing
it into your life like a magnet that's
why it's so important that you keep your
thoughts on what you want keep your
thoughts on what you desire and keep
your thoughts off of what you don't want
and by the way as you advance and
develop and become more proficient and
more sharp with these methods The Law of
Attraction will work faster for you and
with greater accuracy so so be careful
use it uh right the last law we'll talk
about in this session is called the law of
of
Correspondence is a law that says and
it's quoted by Jesus as within so
without as within so without
and what it simply means is this it
means that your outer world is a mirror
and that's the probably the best word
your outer world is a mirror and it
simply reflects back to you what is
going on in your inner world that your
outer world is the result of your inner
world that what is going on within
determines what is going on without that
if you want to change your outer world
you have to change your inner world now
that means that you can look at your
words you can look at your level of
Health what is going on in terms of your
physical health is largely determined by
what is going on in in your mind what is
going on in your relationships is the
most perfect example because you find
that when you are feeling good inside
your relationships go smoothly when
you're feeling negative or stressed
inside your relationships go poorly your
relationships are the mirror image
reflection of the quality of your own
personality you can tell how healthy
your personality is by looking at the
relationships around you your wealth is
a very important thing the level of
financial wealth the level of comfort
that you have is a direct relationship
of what you have put into your mind in
terms of thought and preparation for
achieving wealth and affluence if you
wish to be more successful on the
outside you have to be more successful
on the inside and the more you go to
work on the inside which is the only
part of your whole life that you can
control the more you go to work on the
inside the more rapidly your external
World changes the big mistake in life
and the reason why most people are
unhappy is why it's because most people
try to change the external World which
they cannot control and they leave the
internal World messy it' be the same as
trying to make an automobile run better
by washing the outside of it polishing
the outside of it and changing the tires
no you got to go to work on the inside
workings as you change your mind as you
change what is going on inside you
change what is going on outside now many
years ago Earl Nightingale a great
success philosopher woke up and in the
middle of the night with a quotation
which changed his life and changed the
lives of millions of others which sort
of tacks on to all of these laws that
we're talking about and was simply this
is you become what you think about you
become what you think about and since
the only thing that you can control is
your thinking if you change what you are thinking
thinking
about you will begin to change your
reality if you change what you expect
you change what you believe you change
your dominant thoughts you change your
inner workings you begin to attract into
your life people circumstances events
opportunities and everything consistent
with your new thoughts the reason people
are unsuccessful as they think thoughts
of unsuccess or
failure another line which is very very
important says that all causation is
mental we live in a mental Universe all
causation is mental if you wish to
change your Universe you have to change
your mentality and this brings us to the
most important line of all which is
simply this and let me write it over here
here
if you change your
thinking
life change your thinking and you change your
your
life now over the course of years you
have accumulated and gathered enormous
amount of information you've accumulated
and gathered an enormous number of
experiences some of them positive some
of them negative every single one of
them is stored away every single one of
them is having an effect on what is
happening to you right now in the New
Testament Jesus had a beautiful line
which I refer to and I think about it
all the time he said by their fruits you
shall know them and what it simply meant
was that you can tell what is going on
inside the person what the fundamental
character and thought life of a person
is by looking at the fruits of their
external Life by looking at their health
looking at their relationships looking
at their levels of success if you change
your thinking you change your life and
as we proceed through this course we're
going to show you systematically how you
can change your thinking and bring it
into perfect correlation inside with a
type of successful happy
Dynamic vital living successful life
outside session three unlocking your
potential when we talk about human
potential have you ever wondered what
accounts for the huge disparity in
results and performance between one
person and another you know a person
who's making $250,000 a year is not 10
times smarter or better than a person
who's making $25,000 a year why is there
10 times the difference in income and
you go all the way up the ladder the
person who's making $ 2.5 million a year
is that person a hundred times better
smarter than a person making 25,000 a year
year
impossible in a recent study of IQs they
picked a thousand men and women out of
the population and tested them for IQ
they found that the top person in that
thousand selection was only two and one
half times smarter than the bottom
person in that selection of IQs only two
and a half times the disparity and
that's probably true over the whole
population so what accounts for this
great difference well we talk about
human potential we come down to a very
simple formula that I came up with some
years ago that probably explains it a
little bit the formula starts off with
what we call IIA which is inborn
attributes that's the qualities the
intelligence the ability the temperament
the things that you're born with that
you can't really change very much plus
acquired attributes now acquired
attributes are very important those are
your education your training your skill
your experience knowledge wisdom and so
on multiplied times a which is your
attitude equals indiv idual human
potential or individual Human
Performance or individual human results
if you like now of these three inborn
attributes are largely fixed at Birth
acquired attributes can be changed but
it takes a while to change them although
sometimes they can be changed very
rapidly one valuable piece of
information can dramatically change your
Effectiveness but attitudes can be
increased or decreased dramatically in
seconds that every single time we
improve our attitude we multiply all our
capabilities so that attitude has been
rightly called the most important
language in the human or the most
important word in the human language
everything that we do in life according
to a Harvard study amongst executive
recruiters will be 85% attitudinal 85%
of your success will beer be determined
by your attitude that means determined
by how positive or how much of a
positive mental attitude you have people
with positive mental attitudes tend to
advance more rapidly move to the top of
valuable organizations earn more money
get more life satisfaction and so on now
a positive mental attitude doesn't mean
that you dance around in the street and
and throw flowers it just means that you
take a generally
constructive attitude or approach
towards your work your life your
problems your relationships and so on
but according to the Cox reports on
American Business according to Success
magazine 85% or more of everything that
you accomplish will be attitudinal so
our question is where do attitudes come
from and we found that attitudes come from
from
expectations very very simple we talked
about that before and a very powerful
way to instantaneously improve your
attitude is to say to yourself I I
believe something wonderful is going to
happen to me today as we said before our
expectations about outcomes determines
our attitude in other words if you
expect things to turn out well you're
going to have a positive attitude if you
expect things to turn out negatively
you're going to have a negative attitude
and the wonderful thing is you can
manufacture your own expectations I mean
you can expect whatever you want you can
expect good things you can expect
negative things and chances are you
won't be disappointed where where do our
expectations come from our expectations
come from our
beliefs if you like and our values these
are the core or the central motivating
factors in our personality our beliefs
and values and this brings us to an
understanding of human potential it
means that basically our attitude is the
outward expression of what is going on
internally consistent with the mental
laws that we talked about and with
regard to beliefs each of us has a
bundle of beliefs way down deep inside
which psychologists call the
self-concept now the self-concept or the
discovery of it has been considered by
many to be the most important single
breakthrough in understanding human
performance in the 20th century and I
personally agree the self-concept is
like if you wanted to use a military
analogy is the command center or if you
wanted to use a
technological analogy it is the central
program of your basic computer it is a
bundle of beliefs values attitudes
feelings ideas
and so on which are stored away down
inside which are a result of virtually
every experience you've ever had in your
life and some researchers say that the
self-concept begins to form even before
birth but this self-concept once it is
in place precedes predicts and
determines your levels of Effectiveness
and performance in every area of your
life your self-concept becomes the
command Pro Center or the master program
the self-concept or this bundle of
beliefs then determines what you will
say what you will do how you will act
how you feel and react and so on what
does it mean it means that all
improvements in your external life all
changes in your reality begin with a
change in the self-concept let me give
you an understanding of how it means
here's here's a very simple graph we
talk about human potential we say the
average person uses 10% or less of their
potential according to the research is
probably much less Stanford brain
Institute in Santa Clara California
estimates that it's probably closer to
2% but we'll be generous say the average
person is using 10% it means that in the
best of
cases the average person you and I have
90% of our potential untapped one of the
great philosophers Oliver Wendel Holmes
said the great tragedy of the average
person is they go to their grave with
their music still in them they're still
functioning on far far less of their
potential so this is human potential we
find there's a direct relationship
between human potential and the
self-concept that since our
self-concepts or our estimates of
ourselves if you like are usually far
lower than they need to be our level of
performance and Effectiveness is far
lower too and we know that our
self-concept is largely subjective what
does that mean it means that the
self-concept what we believe to be true
about ourselves is really not based in
reality it's based on information that
we've taken in we accept it as true and
to the degree to which you believe
anything about yourself it becomes true
for you because you act in a manner
consistent with it you know there's some
people who read their horoscopes and
believe that their horoscopes are
predicting their future there's some
people who will take criticism and
condemnation from other people that they
don't even respect and believe that that
is an adequate or accurate reflection of
their own abilities but whatever you
believe whatever you accept as true
becomes true for you now we also know
that as an adult you have a variety of
self-concepts you have a self-concept
for how you dress how much you weigh how
much you eat how well you speak in
public what kind of a parent you are
what kind of a child you are to your
parents what kind of a husband or wife
you are what kind of a lover what kind
of a driver interesting about driving
all men have a very positive
self-concept with regard to driving
women don't understand this but all men
are born with an inherent genius at
driving that men are all great drivers
and if you don't believe it all you have
to do ladies who are watching this all
you have to do is think about the last
time you tried to correct a man's
driving you'll find it is not well
responded to how do we respond when
somebody challenges our self concept by
suggesting that we are not the person we
think we are we become defensive we
become angry we become irritable we
become uh difficult to get along with we
have a self-concept for how creative we
are how intelligent how fast we read how
good we are at Athletics and if you
practice a variety of different sports
you have a self-concept for every one of
those Sports we have a self-concept for
how well we cook how well we raise our
children how well we clean our home what
kind of cars we drive and so on we also
have a self-concept for what it's worth
for how much money we earns interesting
enough you can never earn more than 10%
above or below your self-concept level
of income that your self-concept
determines your income level this
self-concept is level is called your
comfort zone and even if you want more
money you will find that the natural
human tendency of all action is to
struggle and strive to get into a
comfort zone and then to stay there that
if you earn 10% or more above your
self-concept level of income you will
have an irresistible urge to get rid of
the money you'll give it away you'll
spend it you'll blow it you'll spend it
extravagantly you'll even lose it if you
get enough that's why people who win
lotteries are often flat broke 2 or 3
years later they just burn the money
because the money is far beyond their
self-concept if you go 10% or more below
your self-concept level of income you
find yourself scrambling you work harder
you work longer you think more
creatively you look at different ways to
increase your income or or second income
opportunities the only way to improve
any part of your life including your
income is to raise your self-concept
level of income by beginning to think
about yourself continually in terms of
earning more money if you want to lose
weight the only way you can lose weight
is what is to think thin by beginning to
think of yourself as a thinner person if
you want to become a more popular a more
loving a happier person a healthier
person you have to begin to think over
and over about those things until they
become part of your new self-concept and
we'll talk about that a little bit later
it's an essential part of programming
your mind for Success your overall
self-concept is determined by the
average of your self-concepts and all
the areas that you consider important
now your self-concept is made up of
three critical Parts the first first
part of the self-concept is the self
ideal the self ideal is the person you
would most like to be it is your idea of
what constitutes a winner it is your
vision or your mission or your ideal of
the very best you that you can be now
one of the things that we know about
successful people is this is successful
people have very clear self ideals they
have very clear ideas of who they want
to be in the future unsuccessful people
have very vague ideals number two is
your self-image your
self-image is a picture of the way you
is the way you see yourself and the way
you think about yourself your self-image
the inner mirror is how you perceive
yourself now and determines your current
performance on a day-to-day basis the
third part is your self-esteem now your
self-esteem is how you feel about
yourself how you feel about yourself is
the engine Force it's the motor it's the
power force within your subconscious
it's the power force within the selfcon
concept and it determines virtually
everything that happens to you the best
definition of self-esteem is how much
you like yourself how much you like
yourself as a parent how much you like
yourself as an employee how much you
like yourself as a boss how much you
like yourself as a money earner a
professional speaker an athlete and so
on how much you like yourself your level
of self-esteem your overall emotional
feeling about any area of your life
determines your performance and
Effectiveness in that area wonderfully
enough since you become what you think
about your self-concept is malleable
your self-esteem can be built by
repeating over and over again I like
myself I like myself I like myself I
like myself I like myself I like myself
the more you say I like myself I like
myself I like myself the more you repeat
that over and over again the more your
self-esteem goes up the more your
self-esteem goes up the more your
overall self-concept goes up when your
overall self-concept goes up you perform
better at everything else that you
attempt that every single time you say I
like myself I like myself I like myself
I like myself I like myself it's like
pumping yourself up psychologically
everything that happens that causes your
self-esteem to go up causes you to
perform better everything that happens
that causes your self-esteem to go down
causes you to perform worse make more
mistakes be unhappier and so on now
critical point about liking yourself
about self-esteem and self-liking is
that number one is you can never like or
love anybody else more than you like or
love yourself that your level of self
esteem is the determinant of the quality
of the relationships you have with
others and number two is you can never
expect anybody else to like or respect
you more than you like or respect
yourself that how much you like and
respect yourself determines their
attitudes toward you every single School
of Psychology today is coming to
agreement on the fact that how much you
genuinely like and accept yourself as a
valuable and worthwhile human being has
an effect on everything that happens to
you how much you'll like yourself and
what you can do is you can can improve
your self-esteem but then I like myself
I like myself I like myself I like
myself I like myself well this brings us
to the question a word is self-esteem
where does the self-concept come from
and we found that self-concept if
anything self-concept is malleable in
that you are not born with a
self-concept is that you're not born
with any idea of yourself you're not
born with self-image or self-esteem that
you're born in a way as pure potential
it's probably the best way to put it the
average person comes into the world as
pure potential and has no self concept
that everything you are today every
feeling that you have every attitude or
value you had to learn over the course
of your lifetime we also know that the
child comes into the world with a very
high need for love and touching and a
tremendous amount of Research indicates
that we need a lot of love and touching
all of our lives but especially in our
formative years because as a child we
learn who we are how valuable we are
whether we're important intelligent
attractive lovable uh funny we learn all
of the these things by the way our
parents treat us if our parents our
siblings our aunts and uncles but
especially our parents treat us like
we're really important kids then we grow
up thinking that we're really important
if our parents do not then something
else happens we know that the first few
years of life are the most important in
developing the self-concept that a child
starts off at zero when the child is
born with no idea of who she is or who
he is or how valuable they are and in
the first second third fourth and fifth
years of life you psychologist used to
think it was 5 years but now they're
saying it's 3 years in these first three
years of life children learn who they
are they say if you give enough high
quality and quantity of love to a child
in the first 3 to 5 years you set them
up for life you set them up on a solid
foundation of self-esteem
self-confidence self-worth self- value
as a matter of fact there's a direct
relationship between the quality and
quantity of love and the development of
healthy personality that the more love
conditional love that a child receives
in those formative years the stronger is
the foundation of the personality to
reverse the equation that virtually all
problems in psychosis Neurosis
personality disturbances uh and behavior
problems arise from problems way down in
the self-concept and we can go back as
adults here's our adult personality we
can go back as adults we can correct the
flaws in our foundation the cracks if
you like by repeating over and over
again I like myself I like myself I like
myself and driving down that healing
concrete deep into the foundation of our
personality remember children need love
like roses need rain children that are
deprived of Love often die of Love
starvation it's a disease called
marasmus now what else do we know about
children we know that children come into
the world with two remarkable attributes
the first is that they're Fearless
children are born with no fears they're
not afraid of anything except falling
and loud noises and this is expressed in
the attitude I can children come into
the world believing they can do anything and anybody's ever raised a child to the
and anybody's ever raised a child to the age of three or four or five knows you
age of three or four or five knows you have to spend those first few years
have to spend those first few years stopping them from killing themselves
stopping them from killing themselves because they're little kamakazi Pilots
because they're little kamakazi Pilots because they're not afraid of anything
because they're not afraid of anything the second attribute is they come into
the second attribute is they come into the world completely spontaneous they
the world completely spontaneous they say what they want they do what they
say what they want they do what they want they are completely uninhibited
want they are completely uninhibited they just are completely unafraid they
they just are completely unafraid they do anything that they want and this is
do anything that they want and this is expressed in the attitude I don't have
expressed in the attitude I don't have to
to I don't have to if you ever try to
I don't have to if you ever try to control a child you'll find that the
control a child you'll find that the attitude of a chunk child the first
attitude of a chunk child the first thing they say is when you start giving
thing they say is when you start giving them ERS the first thing they learn is
them ERS the first thing they learn is no they say no I don't have to well of
no they say no I don't have to well of course we eventually uh change their
course we eventually uh change their minds on that one way or another but
minds on that one way or another but these are the two attributes that each
these are the two attributes that each of us come into the world with you come
of us come into the world with you come into the world unafraid and uninhibited
into the world unafraid and uninhibited what does that mean it means that our
what does that mean it means that our natural Birthright is to be unafraid and
natural Birthright is to be unafraid and uninhibited and that only when we can
uninhibited and that only when we can create the same situation in adult life
create the same situation in adult life where we are unafraid and
where we are unafraid and uninhibited do we feel truly great about
uninhibited do we feel truly great about ourselves the very best organizations
ourselves the very best organizations the very best companies are those that
the very best companies are those that create an environment where people who
create an environment where people who feel unafraid and unreserved to be
feel unafraid and unreserved to be themselves and to do the very best they
themselves and to do the very best they can well as we grow up we know that
can well as we grow up we know that children learn two ways the first way
children learn two ways the first way they learn is by
they learn is by imitation they imitate one or both
imitation they imitate one or both parents especially the dominant parent
parents especially the dominant parent and sometimes the parent dominant parent
and sometimes the parent dominant parent will change as the child is growing up
will change as the child is growing up sometimes children will imitate the
sometimes children will imitate the father sometimes the mother but they
father sometimes the mother but they learn by imitation many of the
learn by imitation many of the characteristics and habits that we have
characteristics and habits that we have as adults we learn from our parents if
as adults we learn from our parents if you ever had a CH the opportunity or the
you ever had a CH the opportunity or the occasion to scream at one of your
occasion to scream at one of your children or shout at one of them and
children or shout at one of them and find yourself saying the same things
find yourself saying the same things your mother or father sent to you said
your mother or father sent to you said to you when you were a child well we
to you when you were a child well we imitate sometimes we imitate their walk
imitate sometimes we imitate their walk sometimes we imitate their talk
sometimes we imitate their talk sometimes we imitate their values their
sometimes we imitate their values their beliefs and so on even if those values
beliefs and so on even if those values and beliefs are of no value why it's
and beliefs are of no value why it's because our parents are like Gods to us
because our parents are like Gods to us when we're children the second way that
when we're children the second way that we learn is by moving from
we learn is by moving from discomfort from what doesn't feel good
discomfort from what doesn't feel good toward Comfort now Freud called this the
toward Comfort now Freud called this the Pleasure Principle is that we move
Pleasure Principle is that we move toward what makes us feel comfortable
toward what makes us feel comfortable what gives us pleasure what makes us
what gives us pleasure what makes us feel good about ourselves we move from
feel good about ourselves we move from discomfort toward Comfort that's how we
discomfort toward Comfort that's how we learn to become toilet trained we say
learn to become toilet trained we say it's no that it's no longer fun to walk
it's no that it's no longer fun to walk around with pee and poop in our diapers
around with pee and poop in our diapers so we watch what our parents do we watch
so we watch what our parents do we watch what our older siblings do and we see a
what our older siblings do and we see a those people aren't uh doing this and
those people aren't uh doing this and that's how we learn to walk that's how
that's how we learn to walk that's how we learn everything so we move from
we learn everything so we move from discomfort toward Comfort throughout our
discomfort toward Comfort throughout our lives by the way that's how we learn we
lives by the way that's how we learn we imitate by reading what other people
imitate by reading what other people have done by studying books by at our
have done by studying books by at our work we imitate when we go to school and
work we imitate when we go to school and we do what gives us a positive payoff
we do what gives us a positive payoff what gives us positive reinforcement
what gives us positive reinforcement what gives us pleasure and we do less of
what gives us pleasure and we do less of those things that give us discomfort or
those things that give us discomfort or pain now very early in life as a mistake
pain now very early in life as a mistake or as as as the result of mistakes that
or as as as the result of mistakes that parents make an upbringing children
parents make an upbringing children begin to learn negative habit patterns
begin to learn negative habit patterns and negative habit patterns have their
and negative habit patterns have their root primarily in destructive criticism
root primarily in destructive criticism destructive
destructive criticism begins very early in life
criticism begins very early in life sometimes in the first few months and
sometimes in the first few months and destructive criticism is used by parents
destructive criticism is used by parents to direct and control their children
to direct and control their children unfortunately it has a very very
unfortunately it has a very very dangerous and damaging effect on
dangerous and damaging effect on children in that destructive criticism
children in that destructive criticism begins to undermine the Integrity of the
begins to undermine the Integrity of the child's personality and more of us
child's personality and more of us including myself and including most of
including myself and including most of you have been undermined and hurt by
you have been undermined and hurt by destructive criticism probably more than
destructive criticism probably more than all the war wars in history now as a
all the war wars in history now as a result of destructive criticism we begin
result of destructive criticism we begin to develop negative habit patterns
to develop negative habit patterns negative habit patterns are conditioned
negative habit patterns are conditioned responses to stimuli negative habit
responses to stimuli negative habit patterns develop very very early in life
patterns develop very very early in life they're developed as a result of a
they're developed as a result of a repetition of fear and pain over and
repetition of fear and pain over and over again they're developed as the
over again they're developed as the result of destructive criticism physical
result of destructive criticism physical punishment and so on very early in life
punishment and so on very early in life we begin to develop two major
we begin to develop two major manifestations which follow us
manifestations which follow us throughout our lives and more than
throughout our lives and more than anything else inhibit our potential as
anything else inhibit our potential as adults the first is what is called the
adults the first is what is called the inhibitive negative habit pattern the
inhibitive negative habit pattern the inhibitive negative habit pattern
inhibitive negative habit pattern is learned when the child is told over
is learned when the child is told over and over again don't get away from there
and over again don't get away from there stop leave that alone and the child is
stop leave that alone and the child is punished whenever the child tries
punished whenever the child tries something new or gets into something or
something new or gets into something or smells something or pours something over
smells something or pours something over or or breaks something accidentally the
or or breaks something accidentally the parent blows up and gets angry and upset
parent blows up and gets angry and upset you see the child is driven by an
you see the child is driven by an insatiable curiosity to explore his or
insatiable curiosity to explore his or her world and what happens is when they
her world and what happens is when they do explore it and they get into
do explore it and they get into something they tip something over if the
something they tip something over if the parent overreacts and spanks the child
parent overreacts and spanks the child the child soon begins to think that
the child soon begins to think that every time I try something new every
every time I try something new every time I try something different every
time I try something different every time I go beyond my boundaries every
time I go beyond my boundaries every time I move out of my comfort zone every
time I move out of my comfort zone every time I don't play it safe I get spanked
time I don't play it safe I get spanked I get punished I get hurt I get sent to
I get punished I get hurt I get sent to my bedroom and I feel terrible and
my bedroom and I feel terrible and pretty soon the child develops the
pretty soon the child develops the feeling of I can't I can't I can't every
feeling of I can't I can't I can't every time I try something different I get
time I try something different I get punished I can't I can't I can't this is
punished I can't I can't I can't this is like the pavlovian response where the
like the pavlovian response where the Pavo would ring the bell and feed the
Pavo would ring the bell and feed the dog meat and the dog would salivate and
dog meat and the dog would salivate and Pavo would ring the bell while they feed
Pavo would ring the bell while they feed fed the dog meat and the dog would
fed the dog meat and the dog would salivate they keep doing that pretty
salivate they keep doing that pretty soon Pavo just ring the bell and the dog
soon Pavo just ring the bell and the dog would salivate what happens in adult
would salivate what happens in adult life is that this creates what we call
life is that this creates what we call the fear of failure the fear of failure
the fear of failure the fear of failure is a conditioned response to a process
is a conditioned response to a process of destructive criticism that occurs in
of destructive criticism that occurs in the first five or six years of life the
the first five or six years of life the fear of failure automatically triggers
fear of failure automatically triggers us we feel anxious tense uneasy we feel
us we feel anxious tense uneasy we feel tension and stress in our solar plexus
tension and stress in our solar plexus we feel like withdrawing and getting
we feel like withdrawing and getting away from the event and the fear of
away from the event and the fear of failure is the major reason for failure
failure is the major reason for failure in adult life it's the major reason why
in adult life it's the major reason why we hold back from fulfilling our
we hold back from fulfilling our potentials as a matter of fact all
potentials as a matter of fact all negative habit patterns are experienced
negative habit patterns are experienced in the physical body that you can tell a
in the physical body that you can tell a negative habit pattern because you
negative habit pattern because you actually feel it in your physical body
actually feel it in your physical body the inhibitive negative habit pattern
the inhibitive negative habit pattern the fear of failure I can't is
the fear of failure I can't is experience first of all in the solar
experience first of all in the solar plexus you ever have an occasion where
plexus you ever have an occasion where you have to speak in front of a group or
you have to speak in front of a group or you have to go into an performance
you have to go into an performance review or you have to make a cold call
review or you have to make a cold call first of all the solar plexus tightens
first of all the solar plexus tightens up if fear situation continues you start
up if fear situation continues you start to breathe harder and your heart starts
to breathe harder and your heart starts to beat faster your respiratory rate and
to beat faster your respiratory rate and sometimes you get a headache like a
sometimes you get a headache like a migraine headache in the front of your
migraine headache in the front of your head sometimes your throat will tighten
head sometimes your throat will tighten up and you won't be able to speak you'll
up and you won't be able to speak you'll go completely dry sometimes you'll get
go completely dry sometimes you'll get so tense and so frightened that you'll
so tense and so frightened that you'll have to run and go to the bathroom
have to run and go to the bathroom these are all manifestations there's no
these are all manifestations there's no physical danger but there's a
physical danger but there's a psychological danger a conditioned
psychological danger a conditioned response and whenever we feel these
response and whenever we feel these things the natural tendency is to back
things the natural tendency is to back away from the situation that's causing
away from the situation that's causing them which is the reason why we don't
them which is the reason why we don't achieve very much if we are held back
achieve very much if we are held back the second negative habit pattern is the
the second negative habit pattern is the compulsive now the compulsive negative
compulsive now the compulsive negative habit pattern is learned when children
habit pattern is learned when children are told over and over again you better
are told over and over again you better or else if you don't you're in big
or else if you don't you're in big trouble now you're going to get it it's
trouble now you're going to get it it's when children are made the recipients of
when children are made the recipients of what is is called conditional love
what is is called conditional love parents don't mean to do this but what
parents don't mean to do this but what they do is they suggest to the child
they do is they suggest to the child that you are not loved therefore you're
that you are not loved therefore you're not safe unless and until you do what we
not safe unless and until you do what we want the child grows up feeling that I
want the child grows up feeling that I have to do what Mommy wants I have to
have to do what Mommy wants I have to please Mommy I have to please Daddy I
please Mommy I have to please Daddy I have to please other people I have to
have to please other people I have to please my siblings eventually I have to
please my siblings eventually I have to please my peers I have to please my
please my peers I have to please my teachers I have to please everybody they
teachers I have to please everybody they grow up with this I have to I have to I
grow up with this I have to I have to I have to I can't do what I want to do I
have to I can't do what I want to do I have to do what pleases other people
have to do what pleases other people this compulsive negative habit pattern
this compulsive negative habit pattern very early in life translates into the
very early in life translates into the fear of rejection the fear of rejection
fear of rejection the fear of rejection is experienced by men as adults as type
is experienced by men as adults as type a behavior we'll talk about type a
a behavior we'll talk about type a behavior later on in the course type a
behavior later on in the course type a behavior is a a compulsive an obsessive
behavior is a a compulsive an obsessive compulsive need to somehow please
compulsive need to somehow please somebody with no standards of
somebody with no standards of performance so that you can never
performance so that you can never accomplish it the fear of rejection
accomplish it the fear of rejection drives us it makes us very very
drives us it makes us very very sensitive to the opinions of other
sensitive to the opinions of other people we do things but that other
people we do things but that other people want we don't do things that we
people want we don't do things that we want we always trying to please others
want we always trying to please others we have a preoccupation or a concern
we have a preoccupation or a concern with the opinions and feelings and
with the opinions and feelings and attitudes of others to the point where
attitudes of others to the point where we deny our own needs now the fear of
we deny our own needs now the fear of rejection is felt down the back half of
rejection is felt down the back half of the body if you divide the body in half
the body if you divide the body in half it's felt right down the back half of
it's felt right down the back half of the body the first place you start to
the body the first place you start to feel the fear of rejection is usually in
feel the fear of rejection is usually in the shoulders and in the neck you start
the shoulders and in the neck you start to feel stiff and sore and tense
to feel stiff and sore and tense sometimes when you have a lot to do
sometimes when you have a lot to do you'll feel tremendous stress in the
you'll feel tremendous stress in the lower back the muscles will start to
lower back the muscles will start to pull in the lower back sometimes it'll
pull in the lower back sometimes it'll represent you'll manifest itself in
represent you'll manifest itself in fitis and varicose veins very often it
fitis and varicose veins very often it can give you very bad headaches in the
can give you very bad headaches in the back of the head because the koted
back of the head because the koted arteries which carry blood up into the
arteries which carry blood up into the head the muscles around them constrict
head the muscles around them constrict and the amount of blood flow to the Head
and the amount of blood flow to the Head slows down and you feel this pounding
slows down and you feel this pounding headache in the back of your head these
headache in the back of your head these two fears the compulsive or these two
two fears the compulsive or these two negative habit patterns the compulsive
negative habit patterns the compulsive and the inhibitive which are the result
and the inhibitive which are the result of destructive criticism the great P
of destructive criticism the great P destroyer of personalities plague us all
destroyer of personalities plague us all our lives now the wonderful thing about
our lives now the wonderful thing about these is because that they are because
these is because that they are because they are learned habits we can unlearn
they are learned habits we can unlearn them we can overcome the fear of failure
them we can overcome the fear of failure that holds us back we can overcome the
that holds us back we can overcome the fear of rejection that causes us to do
fear of rejection that causes us to do things that please other people rather
things that please other people rather than pleasing ourselves by working on
than pleasing ourselves by working on our own self-esteem because there is an
our own self-esteem because there is an in relationship between self-esteem and
in relationship between self-esteem and the basic negative habit patterns is the
the basic negative habit patterns is the more you like yourself the less you fear
more you like yourself the less you fear failure the more you like yourself the
failure the more you like yourself the less you fear rejection the more you
less you fear rejection the more you like yourself the less you fear anything
like yourself the less you fear anything and if you continue to repeat I like
and if you continue to repeat I like myself I like myself I like myself over
myself I like myself I like myself over and over again if you continue to say
and over again if you continue to say this eventually over time your
this eventually over time your self-esteem goes up higher and higher
self-esteem goes up higher and higher and higher and your fears go down as
and higher and your fears go down as your self-esteem goes up your fears go
your self-esteem goes up your fears go in the opposite
in the opposite direction now how do you deal with
direction now how do you deal with destructive criticism if you have to
destructive criticism if you have to give criticism to other people well
give criticism to other people well that's very simple many parents have
that's very simple many parents have asked us that uh how do you control
asked us that uh how do you control children one of the keys to controlling
children one of the keys to controlling children is to redirect them so that
children is to redirect them so that they're doing something constructive
they're doing something constructive versus something that is destructive
versus something that is destructive another thing to remember is that what
another thing to remember is that what you want to do is you want to give
you want to do is you want to give information criticism or constructive
information criticism or constructive criticism which means that you tell
criticism which means that you tell children what they can do or adults what
children what they can do or adults what they can do to be better remember the
they can do to be better remember the whole purpose of giving feedback of any
whole purpose of giving feedback of any kind is what it's to improve performance
kind is what it's to improve performance if you are a parent or if you are a boss
if you are a parent or if you are a boss or if you are a person in a relationship
or if you are a person in a relationship if a person is doing something wrong or
if a person is doing something wrong or inappropriate the whole purpose in in
inappropriate the whole purpose in in giving them any kind of feedback at all
giving them any kind of feedback at all is so that they'll do it better next
is so that they'll do it better next time however there's a direct
time however there's a direct relationship between self-esteem and
relationship between self-esteem and destructive criticism every time you
destructive criticism every time you criticize a person their self-esteem
criticize a person their self-esteem goes down every time their self-esteem
goes down every time their self-esteem goes down their ability to perform goes
goes down their ability to perform goes down too if you destructively criticize
down too if you destructively criticize a person often enough long enough and
a person often enough long enough and hard enough they get reach the point
hard enough they get reach the point where they won't try anything at all
where they won't try anything at all they become what we call hypers
they become what we call hypers sensitive and a hyper sensitive adult is
sensitive and a hyper sensitive adult is a person who cannot take criticism from
a person who cannot take criticism from anybody a hyper sensitive adult is a
anybody a hyper sensitive adult is a person who is very very tense and
person who is very very tense and anxious if you even suggest that they're
anxious if you even suggest that they're not doing the right thing if you have to
not doing the right thing if you have to deal with a hyper sensitive adult the
deal with a hyper sensitive adult the key is to sit them down and remember
key is to sit them down and remember four things number one always begin with
four things number one always begin with praise number two is protect the
praise number two is protect the person's self-esteem at all costs number
person's self-esteem at all costs number three is discuss the performance not the
three is discuss the performance not the person talk about the behavior rather
person talk about the behavior rather than the person and number four is is it
than the person and number four is is it number four number four is to focus on
number four number four is to focus on the future versus the past focus on what
the future versus the past focus on what is going to be done differently in the
is going to be done differently in the future or rather than what has happened
future or rather than what has happened in the past why is that very simple
in the past why is that very simple reason is because a person cannot
reason is because a person cannot control the past not being able to
control the past not being able to control the past any criticism over what
control the past any criticism over what they've done in the past causes them
they've done in the past causes them tremendous stress and frustration so let
tremendous stress and frustration so let me summarize the key to success in life
me summarize the key to success in life is a positive mental attitude a positive
is a positive mental attitude a positive mental attitude is based on expectations
mental attitude is based on expectations of success of a positive set of
of success of a positive set of expectancies positive set of
expectancies positive set of expectancies is based on beliefs and
expectancies is based on beliefs and your self-concept the core of your
your self-concept the core of your self-concept which determines your
self-concept which determines your Effectiveness in life is your
Effectiveness in life is your self-esteem and your self-esteem is
self-esteem and your self-esteem is measured by how much you like yourself
measured by how much you like yourself the two things that hold us back more
the two things that hold us back more than anything else are the fears of
than anything else are the fears of failure and the fears of rejection so
failure and the fears of rejection so one of the core secrets of success is
one of the core secrets of success is this is become a Perpetual self-esteem
this is become a Perpetual self-esteem generating organism continually be doing
generating organism continually be doing things for yourself to yourself in your
things for yourself to yourself in your life that cause you to like yourself to
life that cause you to like yourself to love yourself to accept yourself to
love yourself to accept yourself to respect yourself it caus you to feel
respect yourself it caus you to feel terrific about yourself if if you're a
terrific about yourself if if you're a boss or a parent remember that the key
boss or a parent remember that the key to Peak Performance in your home and in
to Peak Performance in your home and in your workplace is to make people feel
your workplace is to make people feel terrific about themselves and the more
terrific about themselves and the more terrific you feel about yourself the
terrific you feel about yourself the more you like yourself the more likely
more you like yourself the more likely it is that you make the people around
it is that you make the people around you like love accept and respect
you like love accept and respect themselves and you'll create a Peak
themselves and you'll create a Peak Performance environment it is the
Performance environment it is the starting point to great success and
starting point to great success and achievement in life so say over and over
achievement in life so say over and over to yourself I like myself I like myself
to yourself I like myself I like myself myself I like myself I like
myself I like myself I like myself session four your subconscious
myself session four your subconscious Powerhouse in order to unlock your full
Powerhouse in order to unlock your full potential it's absolutely essential that
potential it's absolutely essential that you understand the relationship between
you understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious mind
the conscious and the subconscious mind there know thousands of books have been
there know thousands of books have been written on this subject there's
written on this subject there's tremendous complexities there's
tremendous complexities there's references to the conscious and the
references to the conscious and the subconscious especially the subconscious
subconscious especially the subconscious throughout all of human history the
throughout all of human history the subconscious is often called the
subconscious is often called the PowerHouse of your being and we're going
PowerHouse of your being and we're going to talk about how you fect the
to talk about how you fect the subconscious more as we go through this
subconscious more as we go through this program but let's start off talking
program but let's start off talking about the relationship between the two
about the relationship between the two minds and what you can do to begin
minds and what you can do to begin controlling and changing the programming
controlling and changing the programming within the
within the subconscious the conscious and the
subconscious the conscious and the subconscious minds are very beautifully
subconscious minds are very beautifully designed by a master master designer if
designed by a master master designer if you know what I mean in that they have
you know what I mean in that they have very separate functions and they work
very separate functions and they work perfectly in tandem with each other
perfectly in tandem with each other probably a good way to illustrate it is
probably a good way to illustrate it is say to say this is is the conscious mind
say to say this is is the conscious mind and this is the subconscious mind
and this is the subconscious mind actually the conscious mind does about
actually the conscious mind does about 10% of your thinking it's responsible
10% of your thinking it's responsible for about 10% of your conscious
for about 10% of your conscious awareness and the subconscious mind is
awareness and the subconscious mind is at least 90% or more when we talk about
at least 90% or more when we talk about human potential and unlocking human
human potential and unlocking human potential we mean unlocking the vast
potential we mean unlocking the vast capacity or power of the subconscious so
capacity or power of the subconscious so what does the conscious mind do well the
what does the conscious mind do well the conscious mind has certain specific
conscious mind has certain specific functions first of all the conscious
functions first of all the conscious mind is objective the conscious mind can
mind is objective the conscious mind can look at the world clearly if you like
look at the world clearly if you like with Clarity and think about it
with Clarity and think about it analytically objective by meaning
analytically objective by meaning without emotion second of all the
without emotion second of all the objective mind or the sub the conscious
objective mind or the sub the conscious mind is rational and it is also
discriminating these are three of the qualities in other words it can discern
qualities in other words it can discern the differences between truth and
the differences between truth and falsehood it can analyze it is sort of
falsehood it can analyze it is sort of like the mathematical or unemotional
like the mathematical or unemotional part of the brain the conscious mind has
part of the brain the conscious mind has four major functions the first function
four major functions the first function is that the conscious mind identifies
is that the conscious mind identifies incoming data now incoming data can come
incoming data now incoming data can come from a variety of different sources it
from a variety of different sources it can be thoughts that you have or it can
can be thoughts that you have or it can be things that are happening to you in
be things that are happening to you in the external world so let us say you're
the external world so let us say you're walking across the street this is your
walking across the street this is your mind you're walking across the street
mind you're walking across the street and you hear the Roar of an automobile
and you hear the Roar of an automobile engine your eyes immediately turn to the
engine your eyes immediately turn to the right to see what the sound is and to
right to see what the sound is and to identify what is that sound when you see
identify what is that sound when you see the automobile you identify you attach
the automobile you identify you attach the sound to the car the second thing
the sound to the car the second thing that the conscious mind does is it
that the conscious mind does is it Compares that moving automobile to all
Compares that moving automobile to all other moving Automobiles of your
other moving Automobiles of your experience now if you live in a big city
experience now if you live in a big city like New York when you see a car and you
like New York when you see a car and you compare that moving automobile with
compare that moving automobile with other cars you've seen a 100 thousand
other cars you've seen a 100 thousand maybe a million Cars Moving and your
maybe a million Cars Moving and your reflexes are very very sharp if you live
reflexes are very very sharp if you live in a country that doesn't have very many
in a country that doesn't have very many automobiles chances are when you see a
automobiles chances are when you see a moving vehicle your reflexes will be
moving vehicle your reflexes will be very very slow the comparison is done by
very very slow the comparison is done by if you like making a quick inspection
if you like making a quick inspection into the subconscious and checking every
into the subconscious and checking every single previous experience that you've
single previous experience that you've had with moving cars as that is done as
had with moving cars as that is done as the comparison is done you
the comparison is done you instantaneously get a response back as a
instantaneously get a response back as a matter of fact it is said that the
matter of fact it is said that the subconscious functions at about 30,000
subconscious functions at about 30,000 times the speed of the conscious mind
times the speed of the conscious mind and that you can just have one glance he
and that you can just have one glance he one noise or think one thought in the
one noise or think one thought in the conscious mind and you can instantly
conscious mind and you can instantly trigger a reaction that might take an
trigger a reaction that might take an enormous amount hours and hours of
enormous amount hours and hours of evaluation if you were to do it
evaluation if you were to do it consciously the third thing the third
consciously the third thing the third function of the conscious mind is that
function of the conscious mind is that it analyzes once it has a response back
it analyzes once it has a response back in its comparison it analyzes the
in its comparison it analyzes the situation you're walking across the
situation you're walking across the street you hear the sound of the
street you hear the sound of the automobile engine you turn eyes right
automobile engine you turn eyes right you see the car moving down at you your
you see the car moving down at you your comparison tells you that that car is
comparison tells you that that car is moving at a speed of 50 m hour and it
moving at a speed of 50 m hour and it will be where you are in 1 second unless
will be where you are in 1 second unless you move so you now analyze and you say
you move so you now analyze and you say what do I do should I move or not and if
what do I do should I move or not and if the answer is yes what you do is you
the answer is yes what you do is you move and that takes us to the fourth
move and that takes us to the fourth function of the conscious mind which is
function of the conscious mind which is to decide the conscious mind decides
to decide the conscious mind decides what to do after the analysis it says
what to do after the analysis it says yes or no the conscious mind functions
yes or no the conscious mind functions like a binary computer it is always
like a binary computer it is always saying yes or no to incoming information
saying yes or no to incoming information and the conscious mind can only hold one
and the conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time now this is really
thought at a time now this is really amazing as you're going to see this a
amazing as you're going to see this a really a brilliant structure so you're
really a brilliant structure so you're walking across the street you hear the
walking across the street you hear the sound you look to the right you see the
sound you look to the right you see the car moving the comparison says that that
car moving the comparison says that that car is moving on you the an analysis of
car is moving on you the an analysis of the moving car says you've got to get
the moving car says you've got to get out of the way so you say do I move yes
out of the way so you say do I move yes or no answer yes do I move forward yes
or no answer yes do I move forward yes or no answer no do I move backward yes
or no answer no do I move backward yes or no and as soon as you say yes I move
or no and as soon as you say yes I move backward and you convey this word yes to
backward and you convey this word yes to the subconscious mind the subconscious
the subconscious mind the subconscious mind instantly triggers all the muscles
mind instantly triggers all the muscles all the nerves all the Senus all the
all the nerves all the Senus all the tissues to move yourself back out of the
tissues to move yourself back out of the way you don't have to sit there and
way you don't have to sit there and think well should I move my right foot
think well should I move my right foot first should I move my left foot first
first should I move my left foot first uh all you do is send a signal to the
uh all you do is send a signal to the conscious mind backed by a charge if you
conscious mind backed by a charge if you like or a detonation of emotion and the
like or a detonation of emotion and the stronger the emotion the more
stronger the emotion the more instantaneously the subconscious
instantaneously the subconscious responds to your command the
responds to your command the subconscious is activated by emotion
subconscious is activated by emotion emotion of fear emotion of Desire the
emotion of fear emotion of Desire the survival Instinct the love Instinct but
survival Instinct the love Instinct but it is always an emotion that triggers
it is always an emotion that triggers the subconscious
the subconscious okay what are some of the features of
okay what are some of the features of the subconscious mind the subconscious
the subconscious mind the subconscious mind is like a massive Data Bank as a
mind is like a massive Data Bank as a massive Data Bank the role of the
massive Data Bank the role of the subconscious is to store and retrieve
data in other words the subconscious mind is the subjective mind in that it
mind is the subjective mind in that it simply is the mind that obeys just as
simply is the mind that obeys just as the conscious mind
the conscious mind commands the subconscious mind obeys the
commands the subconscious mind obeys the sub conscious mind has no thought of its
sub conscious mind has no thought of its own by the way the conscious mind has no
own by the way the conscious mind has no memory the subconscious mind is the seat
memory the subconscious mind is the seat of all memory the conscious mind
of all memory the conscious mind remember could only hold one thought at
remember could only hold one thought at a time whereas you can remember millions
a time whereas you can remember millions of facts the relationship between the
of facts the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious is the
conscious and the subconscious is the conscious is like a
conscious is like a gardener and the subconscious is like a
gardener and the subconscious is like a garden whatever seeds you plant in your
garden whatever seeds you plant in your subconscious mind the subconscious mind
subconscious mind the subconscious mind goes to work to grow in the subconscious
goes to work to grow in the subconscious mind you have a whole series of
mind you have a whole series of different programs the self-concept
different programs the self-concept which contains all the information on
which contains all the information on all the subjects that are important to
all the subjects that are important to you and all of your previous experiences
you and all of your previous experiences and responses to those situations so
and responses to those situations so that if you have a new situation similar
that if you have a new situation similar to it one of the roles of the
to it one of the roles of the subconscious is to keep your behaviors
subconscious is to keep your behaviors consistent with your previous behaviors
consistent with your previous behaviors so that if you've always been fearful in
so that if you've always been fearful in a situation you see the situation you'll
a situation you see the situation you'll instantaneously be fearful without
instantaneously be fearful without thought if you're in a situation that
thought if you're in a situation that you don't know anything about the
you don't know anything about the natural tendency is for you to be
natural tendency is for you to be neither fearful nor unfearful because
neither fearful nor unfearful because you don't know enough until you build up
you don't know enough until you build up an experience bank now this brings us to
an experience bank now this brings us to three critical laws three of the most
three critical laws three of the most important mental laws that we talked
important mental laws that we talked about remember we talked about how your
about remember we talked about how your whole life is determined by mental laws
whole life is determined by mental laws the the first of these three mental laws
the the first of these three mental laws is the law of subconscious
is the law of subconscious activity the law of subconscious
activity the law of subconscious activity
activity says that whatever you plant into your
says that whatever you plant into your subconscious mind it immediately goes to
subconscious mind it immediately goes to work to bring into your reality and your
work to bring into your reality and your subconscious mind makes all your words
subconscious mind makes all your words and actions it makes all your words and
and actions it makes all your words and actions fit a pattern consistent with
actions fit a pattern consistent with your
self-concept in other words it keeps all your words and actions in a pattern fit
your words and actions in a pattern fit a pattern consistent with your
a pattern consistent with your self-concept or consistent with all
self-concept or consistent with all previous
previous information that you have put in also it
information that you have put in also it keeps your words and actions consistent
keeps your words and actions consistent with with your dominant
with with your dominant goals which eventually if you like
goals which eventually if you like become part of your self-concept so that
become part of your self-concept so that means that your body language your
means that your body language your attitude your level of energy your level
attitude your level of energy your level of self-confidence the way you get along
of self-confidence the way you get along with other people your social skills
with other people your social skills everything is consistent with your
everything is consistent with your self-concept the subconscious simply
self-concept the subconscious simply without you thinking about it at all
without you thinking about it at all keeps everything consistent with it so
keeps everything consistent with it so when you feel really good when your
when you feel really good when your self-concept is positive you have a
self-concept is positive you have a bounce in your step your body language
bounce in your step your body language is confidence it's courage courageous
is confidence it's courage courageous it's outgoing and so on and when you
it's outgoing and so on and when you feel negative your self-concept is
feel negative your self-concept is negative and you will act in the same
negative and you will act in the same manner which brings us to our second law
manner which brings us to our second law the second law is the law of
the second law is the law of concentration actually this is the ninth
concentration actually this is the ninth law that we've talked about since we
law that we've talked about since we began the law of concentration is very
began the law of concentration is very very very important it's it's so
very very important it's it's so important as a matter fact each of these
important as a matter fact each of these laws is so important in their place as
laws is so important in their place as to be enough in themselves to control
to be enough in themselves to control your destiny the law of concentration
your destiny the law of concentration simply says this it says that whatever
simply says this it says that whatever you dwell upon on grows whatever you
you dwell upon on grows whatever you dwell upon
dwell upon grows whatever you think about over and
grows whatever you think about over and over
over again grows in your
again grows in your reality it's very simple I used to do a
reality it's very simple I used to do a course on constru on creative thinking
course on constru on creative thinking and the way that you explain it is you
and the way that you explain it is you imagine that this is the total mental
imagine that this is the total mental capacity that you have and when you send
capacity that you have and when you send a thought into this it takes up this
a thought into this it takes up this amount of space and all the rest of the
amount of space and all the rest of the mental capacity is used to
mental capacity is used to this is your thoughts is used to think
this is your thoughts is used to think about all the other things in your mind
about all the other things in your mind but the more you think from the
but the more you think from the conscious down to the subconscious the
conscious down to the subconscious the more of your mental capacity is
more of your mental capacity is committed to thinking about this one
committed to thinking about this one idea until you reach a point where if
idea until you reach a point where if you dwell upon something consistently
you dwell upon something consistently you reach a point where you think of
you reach a point where you think of nothing else and as you think of nothing
nothing else and as you think of nothing else you begin to set up this vibratory
else you begin to set up this vibratory field the subconscious mind is the core
field the subconscious mind is the core of the Law of Attraction and the the law
of the Law of Attraction and the the law of vibration and the law of radiation
of vibration and the law of radiation you begin to set up this vibratory field
you begin to set up this vibratory field that sends out thought energy from you
that sends out thought energy from you consistent with what you are thinking
consistent with what you are thinking about and draws back into your life
about and draws back into your life people and circumstances in harmony with
people and circumstances in harmony with those thoughts so you just have to look
those thoughts so you just have to look around you and you have to say what are
around you and you have to say what are you thinking about all the time what are
you thinking about all the time what are you dwelling on all the time and the
you dwelling on all the time and the basic rule with regard to the law of
basic rule with regard to the law of concentration is to dwell upon think
concentration is to dwell upon think about what you want to happen not about
about what you want to happen not about what you fear and this brings us to the
what you fear and this brings us to the third law in this series and that is the
third law in this series and that is the law of
law of substitution now the law of substitution
substitution now the law of substitution I've had many of my graduates tell me
I've had many of my graduates tell me this has been the most important law
this has been the most important law they've ever learned it's a very simple
they've ever learned it's a very simple law and it's based on a fact that the
law and it's based on a fact that the conscious mind can only hold one thought
conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time positive or negative if you
at a time positive or negative if you want to get rid of a negative thought
want to get rid of a negative thought the mind is not like a vacuum it doesn't
the mind is not like a vacuum it doesn't stay empty if you want to get rid of a
stay empty if you want to get rid of a negative thought you have to knock it
negative thought you have to knock it out if you like with a positive thought
out if you like with a positive thought is that you can replace one thought with
is that you can replace one thought with another you can replace one thought with
another and if you do that consistently and if you replace any negative thought
and if you replace any negative thought any fear thought any anxiety thought any
any fear thought any anxiety thought any self-limiting thought any negative
self-limiting thought any negative expectations anything that's holding you
expectations anything that's holding you back any fear of failure lack poverty
back any fear of failure lack poverty rejection loss or anything else if you
rejection loss or anything else if you replace it with a desire thought and
replace it with a desire thought and this is the key fear versus desire if
this is the key fear versus desire if you keep your mind on what you want and
you keep your mind on what you want and keep it off of what you don't want as
keep it off of what you don't want as you dwell on your desire your fears
you dwell on your desire your fears diminish and get smaller as you think
diminish and get smaller as you think about what you want eventually because
about what you want eventually because of the law of substitution you have less
of the law of substitution you have less and less time less and less emotion to
and less time less and less emotion to think about what you don't want why is
think about what you don't want why is it that people are successful it's
it that people are successful it's simply this in the Bible it says from
simply this in the Bible it says from them that to them that hath shall more
them that to them that hath shall more be given and from him who hath not even
be given and from him who hath not even that which he hath shall be taken away
that which he hath shall be taken away what it means is simply this the rich
what it means is simply this the rich get richer the poor get poorer why it's
get richer the poor get poorer why it's because the rich think about wealth and
because the rich think about wealth and affluence all the time and what do the
affluence all the time and what do the poor think about the poor think about
poor think about the poor think about lack loss and limitation risk danger
lack loss and limitation risk danger fear failure all the time so if you want
fear failure all the time so if you want to unlock your potential if you want to
to unlock your potential if you want to go straight to the Stars you have to use
go straight to the Stars you have to use the law of substitution to keep your
the law of substitution to keep your mind on what you want use the law of
mind on what you want use the law of concentration to dwell continually on
concentration to dwell continually on the results you desire be solution
the results you desire be solution centered rather than problem centered be
centered rather than problem centered be goal centered rather than law centered
goal centered rather than law centered and the law of subconscious activity
and the law of subconscious activity will begin to adjust your words your
will begin to adjust your words your actions your feelings your emotions and
actions your feelings your emotions and everything to the point where you will
everything to the point where you will draw into your life the people in
draw into your life the people in circumstances that will harmonize with
circumstances that will harmonize with it now what's the most powerful thing
it now what's the most powerful thing you can do it's very simply this you is
you can do it's very simply this you is Success begins with taking purposeful
Success begins with taking purposeful systematic control of the cons content
systematic control of the cons content of your conscious mind purposeful
of your conscious mind purposeful systematic control of the content of
systematic control of the content of your conscious mind everything comes
your conscious mind everything comes back to the law of control as we talked
back to the law of control as we talked about at the very beginning purposeful
about at the very beginning purposeful systematic control is best taken by
systematic control is best taken by saying over and over again I like myself
saying over and over again I like myself I like myself I like myself I like
I like myself I like myself I like myself when you repeat I like myself or
myself when you repeat I like myself or better I love myself over and over again
better I love myself over and over again you drive this thought into the
you drive this thought into the subconscious mind more and more you
subconscious mind more and more you think of yourself in positive terms more
think of yourself in positive terms more and more you push out thoughts of
and more you push out thoughts of inferiority negativity fear failure
inferiority negativity fear failure rejection and so on more and more you
rejection and so on more and more you reprogram all previous data in your
reprogram all previous data in your subconscious computer so that it is
subconscious computer so that it is consistent with high self-esteem
consistent with high self-esteem personal Effectiveness and excellent
personal Effectiveness and excellent personal performance is that the key to
personal performance is that the key to your success in life is to use the power
your success in life is to use the power of your subconscious mind to program it
of your subconscious mind to program it with thoughts words pictures ideas and
with thoughts words pictures ideas and feelings consistent with high
feelings consistent with high performance and keep your mind on what
performance and keep your mind on what you desire and off of what you fear
you desire and off of what you fear remember the only thing in the world you
remember the only thing in the world you can control is your thinking the only
can control is your thinking the only thing in the world you can control are
thing in the world you can control are your conscious thoughts and if you will
your conscious thoughts and if you will do that everything else will become
do that everything else will become possible for you
Brian Tracy [Music]
presenta session five taking charge of your life we said in the first series of
your life we said in the first series of modules that the starting point of all
modules that the starting point of all Peak Performance is self-esteem it's how
Peak Performance is self-esteem it's how much you like yourself how much you love
much you like yourself how much you love yourself how much you accept yourself as
yourself how much you accept yourself as a valuable and worthwhile human being
a valuable and worthwhile human being the second part of Peak Performance I
the second part of Peak Performance I think the two key requirements the
think the two key requirements the second part is self responsibility
second part is self responsibility self-esteem plus self- responsibility
self-esteem plus self- responsibility each reinforcing themselves and what
each reinforcing themselves and what self- responsibility says simply is that
self- responsibility says simply is that you are the architect of your own
you are the architect of your own destiny that you are the master of your
destiny that you are the master of your own fate that you are totally
own fate that you are totally self-responsible that everything that
self-responsible that everything that you are or ever will be is up to you and
you are or ever will be is up to you and you alone now you can believe in a
you alone now you can believe in a higher power as I do and you can say
higher power as I do and you can say that the higher power is responsible but
that the higher power is responsible but God helps those who help themselves and
God helps those who help themselves and for this Earthly life you're in charge
for this Earthly life you're in charge of your life you're in charge of what
of your life you're in charge of what happens to you if you don't like the way
happens to you if you don't like the way things are going it's up to you to
things are going it's up to you to change it but there's no way that you
change it but there's no way that you can ever give away responsibility and
can ever give away responsibility and this whole subject of responsibility is
this whole subject of responsibility is one that is very controversial and as
one that is very controversial and as you see you will see as we talk in this
you see you will see as we talk in this session it's one that you have to
session it's one that you have to understand with Crystal Clarity if you
understand with Crystal Clarity if you want to achieve your full potential as a
want to achieve your full potential as a human being now we go over here one of
human being now we go over here one of the things that we know is we start off
the things that we know is we start off as infants if you like when we're born
as infants if you like when we're born I'll just write I for infant we start
I'll just write I for infant we start off as infants and as we grow to become
off as infants and as we grow to become adults at the age of 18
adults at the age of 18 years we start off with zero
years we start off with zero responsibility and as we grow toward
responsibility and as we grow toward becoming adults we gradually we gain
becoming adults we gradually we gain responsibility more and more until by
responsibility more and more until by the time we become adults at the age of
the time we become adults at the age of 18 years if our parents have brought us
18 years if our parents have brought us up properly if they have prepared us if
up properly if they have prepared us if they've encouraged us to be self-reliant
they've encouraged us to be self-reliant if they've encouraged us to make our own
if they've encouraged us to make our own decisions and think for ourselves and
decisions and think for ourselves and plan our own lives at the age of 18
plan our own lives at the age of 18 years legally speaking psychologically
years legally speaking psychologically morally mentally physically and
morally mentally physically and everything else you are ready to take
everything else you are ready to take over your own life now if your parents
over your own life now if your parents have not prepared you as an adult for
have not prepared you as an adult for total responsibility it doesn't matter
total responsibility it doesn't matter at the age of 18 and from 18 onward you
at the age of 18 and from 18 onward you are 100% responsible for the rest of
are 100% responsible for the rest of your life you can never absolve yourself
your life you can never absolve yourself of responsibility for the rest of your
of responsibility for the rest of your life everything that happens to you is
life everything that happens to you is up to you totally and without
up to you totally and without forgiveness the the slogan of the truly
forgiveness the the slogan of the truly responsible person is if it's to be if
responsible person is if it's to be if it's to be it's up to
it's to be it's up to me which means as Henry Ford
me which means as Henry Ford said never complain never explain never
said never complain never explain never complain never explain what that means
complain never explain what that means is if you don't like the way things
is if you don't like the way things are then it's up to you to change them
are then it's up to you to change them and if you're not willing to take steps
and if you're not willing to take steps to change them then don't complain about
to change them then don't complain about them just simply accept them men who are
them just simply accept them men who are men and women who are women don't
men and women who are women don't complain about the difficulties of Life
complain about the difficulties of Life they just accept them as the
they just accept them as the difficulties of life and they either do
difficulties of life and they either do something about them or they don't say
something about them or they don't say anything so if it's to be it's up to me
anything so if it's to be it's up to me if it's to be it's up to you this is one
if it's to be it's up to you this is one of the hardest things to understand
of the hardest things to understand because when we're child children at
because when we're child children at this stage we're totally
this stage we're totally dependent and being totally dependent we
dependent and being totally dependent we develop if you like a habit pattern or a
develop if you like a habit pattern or a conditioned response and we look for the
conditioned response and we look for the reason that things happen outside of
reason that things happen outside of ourselves as we become adults if we're
ourselves as we become adults if we're not careful we will still retain this
not careful we will still retain this dependency and we will long for the what
dependency and we will long for the what is called the pseudo security of
is called the pseudo security of childhood that time in childhood when
childhood that time in childhood when someone took care of us that time in
someone took care of us that time in childhood when we were fed and clothed
childhood when we were fed and clothed and our our our home was taken care of
and our our our home was taken care of and our school and everything we didn't
and our school and everything we didn't have to worry about a thing because they
have to worry about a thing because they took care of it as we grow up we go out
took care of it as we grow up we go out to school and the people at school they
to school and the people at school they take care of things and if we're not
take care of things and if we're not careful we get into the work world and
careful we get into the work world and then again it's they it's always someone
then again it's they it's always someone else outside of oursel who is ultimately
else outside of oursel who is ultimately responsible for ourselves one of the
responsible for ourselves one of the things which I'll talk about later is
things which I'll talk about later is the whole idea of self-development most
the whole idea of self-development most people because they've been taking all
people because they've been taking all their education in the public school
their education in the public school system think that it's up to them when
system think that it's up to them when they're adults to continue their
they're adults to continue their education if nobody comes along to
education if nobody comes along to continue it they just simply don't do it
continue it they just simply don't do it now there's another point and that's the
now there's another point and that's the difference between maturity and
difference between maturity and immaturity and here's a very simple
immaturity and here's a very simple example imagine that this is the course
example imagine that this is the course of Life Again from infancy to adulthood
of Life Again from infancy to adulthood and everybody reaches the stage sooner
and everybody reaches the stage sooner or later where they come to this great
or later where they come to this great cliff and this great canyon and this is
cliff and this great canyon and this is the side of immaturity this is the site
the side of immaturity this is the site of childhood this is the side where we
of childhood this is the side where we are dependent upon others and where we
are dependent upon others and where we look to others for our answers and our
look to others for our answers and our Solutions we look outside of ourselves
Solutions we look outside of ourselves at this point we come to the edge of
at this point we come to the edge of this Canyon at the edge of this Canyon
this Canyon at the edge of this Canyon we look across into the land of maturity
we look across into the land of maturity the land of adulthood and each one of us
the land of adulthood and each one of us has to make a decision to
has to make a decision to jump in one great leap from being a
jump in one great leap from being a child to being an adult now sometimes
child to being an adult now sometimes this is forced on us sometimes it
this is forced on us sometimes it happens in an evolutionary way but
happens in an evolutionary way but sooner or later we have to make the
sooner or later we have to make the decision to accept the fact that we're
decision to accept the fact that we're in charge of our own lives we The
in charge of our own lives we The Architects of our own destiny
Architects of our own destiny and then get on with it what do most
and then get on with it what do most people do unfortunately what most people
people do unfortunately what most people do is they turn back at this point they
do is they turn back at this point they slip into marriages where somebody will
slip into marriages where somebody will take care of them they take jobs where
take care of them they take jobs where they expect their bosses to take care of
they expect their bosses to take care of them and so on or they just simply avoid
them and so on or they just simply avoid responsibility by looking for the cause
responsibility by looking for the cause of everything that happens to them in
of everything that happens to them in other people and other circumstances
other people and other circumstances it's their bills it's their health it's
it's their bills it's their health it's the way their parents treated them and
the way their parents treated them and so on they're not really
so on they're not really responsible on the other hand sometimes
responsible on the other hand sometimes they decide to take a little
they decide to take a little responsibility but not too much which is
responsibility but not too much which is the equivalent of trying to leap over a
the equivalent of trying to leap over a canyon in two
canyon in two jumps and where the great vast majority
jumps and where the great vast majority of people end up unfortunately is in the
of people end up unfortunately is in the valley and this is the valley of excuses
valley and this is the valley of excuses the great majority of people spend their
the great majority of people spend their whole life life in the valley of excuses
whole life life in the valley of excuses making excuses rather than making
making excuses rather than making progress there's an old saying that says
progress there's an old saying that says the disease of
the disease of excusitis which is the habit of making
excusitis which is the habit of making excuses to to excuse away our failures
excuses to to excuse away our failures and our inadequacy is fatal to success
and our inadequacy is fatal to success the habit of making excuses is fatal to
the habit of making excuses is fatal to your success so the question you have to
your success so the question you have to ask yourself when we talk about
ask yourself when we talk about responsibility is what excuses do you
responsibility is what excuses do you use not to move ahead there was an a
use not to move ahead there was an a very famous Story by Tolstoy where tolto
very famous Story by Tolstoy where tolto and his brothers would play and they had
and his brothers would play and they had a game and the game was that out in the
a game and the game was that out in the garden there would be a box and in the
garden there would be a box and in the Box was the answer to all the riddles of
Box was the answer to all the riddles of life and you could find the box under a
life and you could find the box under a certain Bush as long as you didn't think
certain Bush as long as you didn't think about a big white rabbit as long as you
about a big white rabbit as long as you kept your mind clear of that big white
kept your mind clear of that big white rabbit and you didn't think about the
rabbit and you didn't think about the rabbit you could find the answer to all
rabbit you could find the answer to all the mysteries of life well of course
the mysteries of life well of course nobody ever found the box or nobody ever
nobody ever found the box or nobody ever found the answer to the mysteries of
found the answer to the mysteries of life because they couldn't stop thinking
life because they couldn't stop thinking of the Big White Rabbit the question you
of the Big White Rabbit the question you have to ask yourself is what is your big
have to ask yourself is what is your big white rabbit is what is it that you
white rabbit is what is it that you think of what is the excuse that looms
think of what is the excuse that looms into your mind whenever you think of
into your mind whenever you think of something that you could do or have or
something that you could do or have or be a new job a new challenge an
be a new job a new challenge an opportunity changing something in your
opportunity changing something in your life that you're not happy with what is
life that you're not happy with what is the White Rabbit what is the excuse that
the White Rabbit what is the excuse that pops into your mind you say well I could
pops into your mind you say well I could I can't do that because or another thing
I can't do that because or another thing is yes but I'd like to but there's
is yes but I'd like to but there's always a reason I'm too young I'm too
always a reason I'm too young I'm too old I'm Too Tall I'm too short I don't
old I'm Too Tall I'm too short I don't have enough education I've got too much
have enough education I've got too much education it's the wrong time it's the
education it's the wrong time it's the wrong place and so on what is your White
wrong place and so on what is your White Rabbit what is it that sticks in the
Rabbit what is it that sticks in the back of your mind that causes you to
back of your mind that causes you to make excuses that causes you to hang
make excuses that causes you to hang back from taking respons ibility that
back from taking respons ibility that keeps you in the land of childhood
keeps you in the land of childhood immaturity and irresponsibility very
immaturity and irresponsibility very very important question to ask now when
very important question to ask now when we talk about responsibility we talk
we talk about responsibility we talk about something else it's simply this is
about something else it's simply this is that the acceptance of responsibility is
that the acceptance of responsibility is not optional many of us like to think
not optional many of us like to think that well you know I'll take a little
that well you know I'll take a little responsibility here I'll take a little
responsibility here I'll take a little responsibility there no the acceptance
responsibility there no the acceptance of responsibility is not optional from
of responsibility is not optional from the time you become 18 years
the time you become 18 years old you are 100% responsible you have no
old you are 100% responsible you have no choice in the matter as a matter of fact
choice in the matter as a matter of fact there are very few things in life over
there are very few things in life over which you have no choice but you have no
which you have no choice but you have no choice in this it is
choice in this it is mandatory it is mandatory if you wish to
mandatory it is mandatory if you wish to fulfill your potential if you wish to
fulfill your potential if you wish to become everything you're capable of
become everything you're capable of becoming you must take full
becoming you must take full responsibility for bringing about the
responsibility for bringing about the circumstances for making the changes for
circumstances for making the changes for making the hard decisions necessary if
making the hard decisions necessary if you take the word responsibility you
you take the word responsibility you know you can break it into two words
know you can break it into two words response and ability
response and ability and one of the things which I've learned
and one of the things which I've learned as I've studied history is that all of
as I've studied history is that all of life is a series of challenges
life is a series of challenges difficulties problems setbacks obstacles
difficulties problems setbacks obstacles to face and the difference between the
to face and the difference between the winners and losers in life is not the
winners and losers in life is not the difference in problems because everybody
difference in problems because everybody has problems and most people and many
has problems and most people and many people have more and bigger problems
people have more and bigger problems than you and I could ever dream of the
than you and I could ever dream of the difference in life the difference
difference in life the difference between winners and losers is the
between winners and losers is the responses to the
responses to the problems many years ago a man named
problems many years ago a man named oswal Spangler wrote a book in which he
oswal Spangler wrote a book in which he talked about what he called The
talked about what he called The Challenge response Theory the challenge
Challenge response Theory the challenge response Theory simply said that
response Theory simply said that civilizations grow and decline to the
civilizations grow and decline to the degree to which they meet challenges
degree to which they meet challenges effectively and respond effectively a
effectively and respond effectively a small Society starts out small and
small Society starts out small and almost invariably it will be challenged
almost invariably it will be challenged by either an external enemy or nature or
by either an external enemy or nature or weather or something else if the society
weather or something else if the society responds in a positive and constructive
responds in a positive and constructive way to the challenge the society grows
way to the challenge the society grows as it grows it triggers additional
as it grows it triggers additional challenges difficulties if it responds
challenges difficulties if it responds to them effectively it grows some more
to them effectively it grows some more oswal Spangler studied the 21 great
oswal Spangler studied the 21 great empires of human civilization and found
empires of human civilization and found that every single one followed this
that every single one followed this cycle as long as the civilization
cycle as long as the civilization continued to rise to the challenge it
continued to rise to the challenge it continued to grow stronger and stronger
continued to grow stronger and stronger the reason why this analogy is so
the reason why this analogy is so important is that we as human beings are
important is that we as human beings are exactly the same we grow to the degree
exactly the same we grow to the degree to which we respond effectively to the
to which we respond effectively to the degree to which we rise to the
degree to which we rise to the challenges without making excuses that
challenges without making excuses that life throws at us and when we look at
life throws at us and when we look at the great men and women of History
the great men and women of History whether it's Albert schwier or Winston
whether it's Albert schwier or Winston Churchill or George Washington or
Churchill or George Washington or Abraham Lincoln or Franklin Del
Abraham Lincoln or Franklin Del Roosevelt we look at those great people
Roosevelt we look at those great people we find that they were always people
we find that they were always people that Rose to the challenges of the
that Rose to the challenges of the time if ever you wish to be capable of
time if ever you wish to be capable of rising to Great challenges what you have
rising to Great challenges what you have to do is you have to start off on a
to do is you have to start off on a daily basis rising to small challenges
daily basis rising to small challenges which means no matter what happens
which means no matter what happens you accept the challenge you accept the
you accept the challenge you accept the responsibility you refuse to make
responsibility you refuse to make excuses and you go forward now there's
excuses and you go forward now there's three areas in life in our Modern Life
three areas in life in our Modern Life which you must be very very aware of the
which you must be very very aware of the first area is the political area if you
first area is the political area if you look around you you will find that there
look around you you will find that there is a great drive toward the government
is a great drive toward the government doing it the government being
doing it the government being responsible make the government
responsible make the government responsible what people are doing is
responsible what people are doing is they want the government to be their
they want the government to be their parent they want the government to
parent they want the government to protect them and take care of them but
protect them and take care of them but is the more you vote for politicians to
is the more you vote for politicians to do things for you the more you give
do things for you the more you give politicians control you see you can
politicians control you see you can never give away responsibility you can
never give away responsibility you can only give away control how do you give
only give away control how do you give away control you give away control in
away control you give away control in terms of voting for them to spend more
terms of voting for them to spend more of your money regulate more of your
of your money regulate more of your businesses tax away more of your income
businesses tax away more of your income and so on the second area so let me just
and so on the second area so let me just finish this the merge towards statism
finish this the merge towards statism collectivism socialism large government
collectivism socialism large government and so on is all aimed at somehow making
and so on is all aimed at somehow making the government that faceless bunch of
the government that faceless bunch of bureaucrats responsible for the
bureaucrats responsible for the challenges of our own lives now the
challenges of our own lives now the second area where this is prevalent is
second area where this is prevalent is in the criminal justice
system in the criminal justice system you will find that the one
you will find that the one characteristic of all criminals is that
characteristic of all criminals is that they refused to accept responsibility
they refused to accept responsibility for their crime it was always someone
for their crime it was always someone else or something else it was always
else or something else it was always their childhood or the background or the
their childhood or the background or the other guys that the way that people get
other guys that the way that people get out of the criminal justice system is
out of the criminal justice system is they accept responsibility for the
they accept responsibility for the crimes they've committed and they say I
crimes they've committed and they say I did this nobody made me do it I am
did this nobody made me do it I am responsible and they stop going back to
responsible and they stop going back to jail the third area is in medicine today
jail the third area is in medicine today we know that almost all of our problems
we know that almost all of our problems in medicine are psychological in origin
in medicine are psychological in origin or we inflict things on ourselves the
or we inflict things on ourselves the average American or Canadian is about 10
average American or Canadian is about 10 to 20 pounds overweight in medicine we
to 20 pounds overweight in medicine we expect the doctor to be responsible just
expect the doctor to be responsible just imagine how we would take what kind of
imagine how we would take what kind of care you would take of yourself if you
care you would take of yourself if you run a desert island for life with no
run a desert island for life with no doctors no nurses no hospitals no
doctors no nurses no hospitals no medicine no nothing where you had
medicine no nothing where you had nothing to fall back on very very
nothing to fall back on very very important point so all around you in
important point so all around you in society you're going to notice this
society you're going to notice this clamor this demand I am not responsible
clamor this demand I am not responsible make somebody else
make somebody else responsible but this is the key remember
responsible but this is the key remember you are always free to
you are always free to choose you are free to
choose you are free to choose your responses you are free to
choose your responses you are free to choose a quality of your emotional life
choose a quality of your emotional life you know that
you know that you decide how you're going to feel by
you decide how you're going to feel by how you are going to respond you decide
how you are going to respond you decide when to get angry when to be happy when
when to get angry when to be happy when to be unhappy you decide what your
to be unhappy you decide what your attitude is going to be when you get up
attitude is going to be when you get up in the morning you decide the qu the
in the morning you decide the qu the quality of your physical life you're the
quality of your physical life you're the one who decides what you eat what you
one who decides what you eat what you drink what you don't eat and drink you
drink what you don't eat and drink you deser determine the quality of your
deser determine the quality of your financial life you're the one who
financial life you're the one who determines the quality and quantity of
determines the quality and quantity of the work that you contribute in every
the work that you contribute in every case you're free to choose what you want
case you're free to choose what you want if you want things to be different the
if you want things to be different the start point is to accept full
start point is to accept full unqualified responsibility for your life
unqualified responsibility for your life I first discovered this whole concept of
I first discovered this whole concept of responsibility when I was 21 years old I
responsibility when I was 21 years old I was living in a little apartment I was
was living in a little apartment I was working on a construction job it was 35
working on a construction job it was 35 de below zero outside I didn't have a
de below zero outside I didn't have a car I didn't have any money in the bank
car I didn't have any money in the bank my clothes were old I had failed out of
my clothes were old I had failed out of high school and I looked around me in
high school and I looked around me in that cold winter in that little
that cold winter in that little apartment with no future and not much of
apartment with no future and not much of a past and I said to myself If Ever I
a past and I said to myself If Ever I want anything to change it's up to me
want anything to change it's up to me that's the time where I really got
that's the time where I really got scared it suddenly hit me right between
scared it suddenly hit me right between the eyes that if I wanted my life to be
the eyes that if I wanted my life to be different it was up to me to make my
different it was up to me to make my life different and if I can get only one
life different and if I can get only one point across to you in this simple
point across to you in this simple segment this little segment is this is
segment this little segment is this is that the starting point of flying to the
that the starting point of flying to the Stars the starting point of taking
Stars the starting point of taking complete charge of your life the
complete charge of your life the starting point of great success and
starting point of great success and great achievement is to accept complete
great achievement is to accept complete unconditional responsibility if it's to
unconditional responsibility if it's to be it's up to me if it's to be it's up
be it's up to me if it's to be it's up to
you session six eliminating negative emotions continuing on the subject of
emotions continuing on the subject of responsibility versus irresponsibility
responsibility versus irresponsibility many years ago back in 1972 I began a
many years ago back in 1972 I began a study in an area of metaphysics that
study in an area of metaphysics that dealt with the psychology of the
dealt with the psychology of the evolution of human potential and one of
evolution of human potential and one of the things that leaped out of those
the things that leaped out of those pages at me and I I've never really have
pages at me and I I've never really have recovered from it was the discussion of
recovered from it was the discussion of the connecting link between
the connecting link between irresponsibility and negative emotions
irresponsibility and negative emotions and the fact that negative emotions are
and the fact that negative emotions are the great blocking emotions are
the great blocking emotions are crippling emotions of your life and my
crippling emotions of your life and my life if the whole purpose of life if you
life if the whole purpose of life if you like is to achieve higher levels of
like is to achieve higher levels of Peace of Mind happiness contentment
Peace of Mind happiness contentment satisfaction and so on we have to sit
satisfaction and so on we have to sit down we have to look and say what stops
down we have to look and say what stops us or what is blocking us or what gets
us or what is blocking us or what gets in the way of us really enjoying our
in the way of us really enjoying our lives and you find invariably its
lives and you find invariably its negative emotions of some kind now I'm
negative emotions of some kind now I'm not talking about the negative emotions
not talking about the negative emotions that are associated with someone dying
that are associated with someone dying or with a great loss I'm talking about
or with a great loss I'm talking about the negative emotions that we experience
the negative emotions that we experience on a day-to-day basis that Rob us of
on a day-to-day basis that Rob us of Peace of Mind Rob us of health and
Peace of Mind Rob us of health and energy affect our loving relationships
energy affect our loving relationships get in the way of our financial
get in the way of our financial Independence Rob us of a feeling of
Independence Rob us of a feeling of fulfillment and so on so we're going to
fulfillment and so on so we're going to talk in this session about eliminating
talk in this session about eliminating negative emotions and I want to bring us
negative emotions and I want to bring us back to this whole discussion of
back to this whole discussion of responsibility this is one of the most
responsibility this is one of the most important things that I've ever found in
important things that I've ever found in my life it's simply
my life it's simply this is that if we take a graph or chart
this is that if we take a graph or chart and come with me for a second and let's
and come with me for a second and let's chart
chart this and we take from highest to the
this and we take from highest to the lowest and here we have a totally
lowest and here we have a totally responsible person this is a person who
responsible person this is a person who is completely self assured completely
is completely self assured completely self-responsible makes no excuses at all
self-responsible makes no excuses at all and down here at the other end we have
and down here at the other end we have an irresponsible person a person who
an irresponsible person a person who makes excuses for everything now this is
makes excuses for everything now this is the positive end of the scale this is
the positive end of the scale this is the negative end of the scale every one
the negative end of the scale every one of us you and I are somewhere on this
of us you and I are somewhere on this scale moving up or down with every
scale moving up or down with every decision that we take now we found and
decision that we take now we found and this is what got to me and I said a
this is what got to me and I said a little bit earlier that there's a on
little bit earlier that there's a on toone relationship between how much you
toone relationship between how much you feel you are in control of your own life
feel you are in control of your own life and how positive or how happy you are
and how positive or how happy you are well there's a one toone relationship
well there's a one toone relationship between the amount of responsibility you
between the amount of responsibility you accept and the amount of control you
accept and the amount of control you experience in your life and there's a on
experience in your life and there's a on toone relationship between the amount of
toone relationship between the amount of responsibility and control you accept
responsibility and control you accept and the amount of Freedom that you feel
and the amount of Freedom that you feel that you have freedom is the
that you have freedom is the indispensable requirement for happiness
indispensable requirement for happiness that true success true happiness in life
that true success true happiness in life means being free to live your life your
means being free to live your life your own way as you decide without anybody
own way as you decide without anybody else telling you what to do living your
else telling you what to do living your life as a bird free as a bird to do
life as a bird free as a bird to do whatever you want well there's a direct
whatever you want well there's a direct relationship between responsibility
relationship between responsibility control and freedom and there's a direct
control and freedom and there's a direct relationship between these three and
relationship between these three and positive
emotions now positive emotions are the great emotions positive emotions are
great emotions positive emotions are those of happiness and love and joy and
those of happiness and love and joy and vitality and energy and exuberance and
vitality and energy and exuberance and enthusiasm and excitement and so on now
enthusiasm and excitement and so on now down at the other end however we have an
down at the other end however we have an attitude of irresponsibility and what
attitude of irresponsibility and what does that lead to this is what shocked
does that lead to this is what shocked me so much when I first learned it it
me so much when I first learned it it leads to a lack of control is that to
leads to a lack of control is that to the degree to which
the degree to which we are irresponsible we lose control our
we are irresponsible we lose control our inner selves disintegrate and fragment
inner selves disintegrate and fragment it also leads to a lack of freedom
it also leads to a lack of freedom because we no longer see ourselves as
because we no longer see ourselves as free agents choosing the direction of
free agents choosing the direction of our own lives we see ourselves as pawns
our own lives we see ourselves as pawns as victims if you like of external
as victims if you like of external forces and a lack of control and freedom
forces and a lack of control and freedom leads to negative
leads to negative emotions when I
emotions when I first began to understand this I thought
first began to understand this I thought well yeah but what about uh my parents
well yeah but what about uh my parents and what about my childhood and what
and what about my childhood and what about my condition I didn't have a very
about my condition I didn't have a very good job and what about my friends I had
good job and what about my friends I had crummy friends and what about my health
crummy friends and what about my health and what about uh the weather and what
and what about uh the weather and what about the economy when I began to
about the economy when I began to realize this I began to realize that you
realize this I began to realize that you put all that aside if your highest aim
put all that aside if your highest aim your highest goal is positive emotions
your highest goal is positive emotions of happiness joy Freedom enthusiasm and
of happiness joy Freedom enthusiasm and so on then you have to stop making
so on then you have to stop making excuses now Carl menager the Great
excuses now Carl menager the Great psychoanalyst said a very interesting
psychoanalyst said a very interesting thing some years ago he said that
thing some years ago he said that physical ailments are all different
physical ailments are all different caused by different bacteria different
caused by different bacteria different viruses and so on he said but mental
viruses and so on he said but mental illness is the same illness simply
illness is the same illness simply spread along a spectrum from the least
spread along a spectrum from the least to the worst and Thomas SAS the
to the worst and Thomas SAS the psychiatrist said in his book The Myth
psychiatrist said in his book The Myth of mental illness that there is no such
of mental illness that there is no such thing as mental illness there are merely
thing as mental illness there are merely varying degrees of
varying degrees of irresponsibility so when we say that an
irresponsibility so when we say that an irresponsible person is not only
irresponsible person is not only negative we say an irresponsible person
negative we say an irresponsible person is also mentally ill a totally
is also mentally ill a totally responsible person is mentally healthy
responsible person is mentally healthy how does this affect you well I know you
how does this affect you well I know you want to advance as much as you can in
want to advance as much as you can in Life or you wouldn't be going through
Life or you wouldn't be going through the efforts of taking a program like
the efforts of taking a program like this there is a direct relationship
this there is a direct relationship between the amount of responsibility you
between the amount of responsibility you accept for the results of your
accept for the results of your organization and the amount of power
organization and the amount of power influence position Prestige and status
influence position Prestige and status you will have in your work now and in
you will have in your work now and in the future at the top of the graph of
the future at the top of the graph of responsibility we have people who accept
responsibility we have people who accept total responsibility and power and
total responsibility and power and opportunity gravitates toward them down
opportunity gravitates toward them down at the other end we have no power or
at the other end we have no power or powerlessness until you reach the
powerlessness until you reach the extreme example of a person who's
extreme example of a person who's totally irresponsible completely out of
totally irresponsible completely out of control who has to be constrained in a
control who has to be constrained in a straight jacket and locked up in a
straight jacket and locked up in a padded room for their own safety and for
padded room for their own safety and for the safety of others completely
the safety of others completely powerless completely without control or
powerless completely without control or Freedom now every time we make a
Freedom now every time we make a decision to be self responsible we move
decision to be self responsible we move up on this graph every time we make a
up on this graph every time we make a decision to make excuses we move down in
decision to make excuses we move down in this graph so let's take it a little bit
this graph so let's take it a little bit further and let's talk about the
further and let's talk about the relationship between negative emotions
relationship between negative emotions and irresponsibility so that you
and irresponsibility so that you understand it perfectly clearly and a
understand it perfectly clearly and a perfect example is this imagine here is
perfect example is this imagine here is a tree all right here's a tree and here
a tree all right here's a tree and here is the bushes this is what is called the
is the bushes this is what is called the negative emotion tree in the negative
negative emotion tree in the negative emotion tree grows the predominant
emotion tree grows the predominant negative emotions
negative emotions fear doubt it's many people have
fear doubt it's many people have considered that self-doubt is the most
considered that self-doubt is the most destructive of all negative emotion
destructive of all negative emotion holds you back more than you can imagine
holds you back more than you can imagine also hate is a negative emotion then
also hate is a negative emotion then there's
there's Envy there's
Envy there's resentment and then of course there's
resentment and then of course there's resentment sister
resentment sister guilt these are all the big negative
guilt these are all the big negative emotions these are the ones that have
emotions these are the ones that have led to hit parade for years there's
led to hit parade for years there's about 54 different negative emotions but
about 54 different negative emotions but these are the top and if you take these
these are the top and if you take these negative emotions and you boil them all
negative emotions and you boil them all down you can put in your own favorite by
down you can put in your own favorite by the way everybody has their own favorite
the way everybody has their own favorite negative emotion jealousy could be yours
negative emotion jealousy could be yours um self-pity is a good strong one it's
um self-pity is a good strong one it's doing well but if you boil it down you
doing well but if you boil it down you find that all negative emotions
find that all negative emotions eventually boil down to anger either
eventually boil down to anger either inwardly expressed that is where you
inwardly expressed that is where you make yourself sick or outwardly
make yourself sick or outwardly expressed that is where you make other
expressed that is where you make other people sick uh and this negative emotion
people sick uh and this negative emotion tree if we just take a look at its
tree if we just take a look at its structure we find the negative emotion
structure we find the negative emotion tree has a root system Sy now the root
tree has a root system Sy now the root system is where the nutrients come from
system is where the nutrients come from that keep the negative
that keep the negative emotion growing and keep the fruit of
emotion growing and keep the fruit of the negative emotion growing and
the negative emotion growing and blossoming we look at the root system we
blossoming we look at the root system we say what are the nutrients what keeps
say what are the nutrients what keeps negative emotions going what are the
negative emotions going what are the fertilizer what is it that you Heap on
fertilizer what is it that you Heap on the fire if you like or put into the
the fire if you like or put into the ground we find that there's two things
ground we find that there's two things essential to keep negative emotions
essential to keep negative emotions alive the first is
alive the first is justification
justification justification that's the simp that's
justification that's the simp that's that's merely telling your yourself and
that's merely telling your yourself and anybody else who will listen why you are
anybody else who will listen why you are justified in having this emotion and the
justified in having this emotion and the other is what we call
other is what we call identification identification means
identification identification means taking things
taking things personally that's why of course they
personally that's why of course they suggest that a person who acts as their
suggest that a person who acts as their own lawyer has a fool for a client
own lawyer has a fool for a client probably a person who acts as their own
probably a person who acts as their own doctor has a fool for a patient too
doctor has a fool for a patient too because we become so personally
because we become so personally identified with our own situation and so
identified with our own situation and so do you we take it so personally that we
do you we take it so personally that we get all emotionally involved and wrapped
get all emotionally involved and wrapped up in it so we find that it's not
up in it so we find that it's not possible for you to be negative about
possible for you to be negative about anything for very long unless you can
anything for very long unless you can justify or have a reason for it and
justify or have a reason for it and explain it to other people or unless you
explain it to other people or unless you can identify and take it personally for
can identify and take it personally for instance if somebody comes in from the
instance if somebody comes in from the parking lot and says they just ran into
parking lot and says they just ran into a car in the parking lot doesn't bother
a car in the parking lot doesn't bother you at all because you don't identify
you at all because you don't identify with it now if they said they just ran
with it now if they said they just ran into a car in the parking lot and it's
into a car in the parking lot and it's your car in the parking lot and the
your car in the parking lot and the person's gone now you can become
person's gone now you can become extremely upset
extremely upset remember this however that we always
remember this however that we always choose these responses I'll come back to
choose these responses I'll come back to this in a second so how do we get rid of
this in a second so how do we get rid of justification how do we starve the root
justification how do we starve the root system of the negative emotion tree the
system of the negative emotion tree the way that we get rid of justification is
way that we get rid of justification is by becoming
by becoming non-judgmental in the Bible it says
non-judgmental in the Bible it says judge not that she be not judged and
judge not that she be not judged and since the Bible is amongst many other
since the Bible is amongst many other things a book of philosophy and
things a book of philosophy and metaphysics and how to live being
metaphysics and how to live being non-judgmental means that you just
non-judgmental means that you just refrain from judging hold back from
refrain from judging hold back from judging instead of casting a judgment
judging instead of casting a judgment that somebody is guilty of something
that somebody is guilty of something somebody has done something just remain
somebody has done something just remain open and neutral just remaining neutral
open and neutral just remaining neutral and that's the key stops the negative
and that's the key stops the negative emotion from getting going one of the
emotion from getting going one of the things that we know about negative
things that we know about negative emotions and I've studied them for years
emotions and I've studied them for years is that negative emotions start off like
is that negative emotions start off like a spark and as they are fed as we dwell
a spark and as they are fed as we dwell upon them as we justify them as we
upon them as we justify them as we become judgmental about the situation
become judgmental about the situation they start to grow and grow and grow
they start to grow and grow and grow until they absolutely consume our minds
until they absolutely consume our minds now with regard to identification which
now with regard to identification which is taking things personally what we do
is taking things personally what we do is what is called we
disidentify we objectify or we again remain neutral we try to keep it at arms
remain neutral we try to keep it at arms length we say there is a problem but I
length we say there is a problem but I am not the problem there is a difficulty
am not the problem there is a difficulty but the difficulty is not me and we keep
but the difficulty is not me and we keep it at arms length so these two once we
it at arms length so these two once we begin to stop justifying and stop
begin to stop justifying and stop identifying or taking things personally
identifying or taking things personally stop getting emotionally involved have
stop getting emotionally involved have you ever had the situation where
you ever had the situation where somebody comes to you with a problem and
somebody comes to you with a problem and you get so emotionally involved with
you get so emotionally involved with their problem that you lose that that
their problem that you lose that that you start to feel upset and they go away
you start to feel upset and they go away and they don't have a problem anymore
and they don't have a problem anymore and you're you're still there and you're
and you're you're still there and you're upset this is because we've taken it so
upset this is because we've taken it so personally however the key to getting
personally however the key to getting rid of negative emotions and this is the
rid of negative emotions and this is the most important part of this is the trunk
most important part of this is the trunk it's cutting down the trunk of the
it's cutting down the trunk of the negative emotion tree and the trunk of
negative emotion tree and the trunk of the negative emotion tree is
the negative emotion tree is blame blame is
blame blame is 99% of negative emotions now it's very
99% of negative emotions now it's very important to understand where negative
important to understand where negative emotions come from negative emotions
emotions come from negative emotions come from inside you negative emotions
come from inside you negative emotions are not contained in external situations
are not contained in external situations negative emotions are not caused by
negative emotions are not caused by other people or other situations
other people or other situations negative emotions are caused by your
negative emotions are caused by your response to other situations perfect
response to other situations perfect example two people meet the same
example two people meet the same situation a traffic jam a rude waiter
situation a traffic jam a rude waiter whatever it happens to be and one person
whatever it happens to be and one person gets all upset and uptight and angry the
gets all upset and uptight and angry the other person lets it
other person lets it go off their back another example the
go off their back another example the same person two different days one day
same person two different days one day they've had an argument or a flat tire
they've had an argument or a flat tire or they're late for work they get into a
or they're late for work they get into a traffic jam and they're angry and
traffic jam and they're angry and they're uptight the next day they leave
they're uptight the next day they leave with plenty of time they had a lovely
with plenty of time they had a lovely breakfast with their family they got
breakfast with their family they got lots of time to get to work they have a
lots of time to get to work they have a traffic jam doesn't bother them at all
traffic jam doesn't bother them at all in both cases it's an example of that
in both cases it's an example of that the negative emotion does not come from
the negative emotion does not come from the situation is that you are always
the situation is that you are always free to choose the quality of your
free to choose the quality of your emotional life is that you choose to
emotional life is that you choose to become an angry Now understand this
become an angry Now understand this nobody makes you feel anything nobody
nobody makes you feel anything nobody makes you feel angry nobody makes you
makes you feel angry nobody makes you feel tense nobody makes you feel upset
feel tense nobody makes you feel upset you always decide how you're going to
you always decide how you're going to feel and then if you're not careful you
feel and then if you're not careful you will fall into a negative habit pattern
will fall into a negative habit pattern of blaming the other person blame is the
of blaming the other person blame is the core of all negative emotions when you
core of all negative emotions when you stop blaming you cut down the negative
stop blaming you cut down the negative emotion tree you cut it off you kill it
emotion tree you cut it off you kill it and all the negative emotions die
and all the negative emotions die simultaneously it's almost exactly as if
simultaneously it's almost exactly as if this negative emotion tree were a
this negative emotion tree were a Christmas tree and it were plugged into
Christmas tree and it were plugged into the wall and the negative emotions were
the wall and the negative emotions were Christmas tree lights and you took this
Christmas tree lights and you took this plug and you jerked it out of the wall
plug and you jerked it out of the wall what would happen well what would happen
what would happen well what would happen is that all the negative emotions the
is that all the negative emotions the lights would go out simultaneously just
lights would go out simultaneously just like that how do you do this you do this
like that how do you do this you do this by using the law of substitution
by using the law of substitution remember the law of substitution says
remember the law of substitution says that the conscious mind can only hold
that the conscious mind can only hold one thought a time it's a thought that
one thought a time it's a thought that the conscious mind holds that determines
the conscious mind holds that determines how the emotions will react how the
how the emotions will react how the subconscious mind will react since it
subconscious mind will react since it can only hold one thought at a time what
can only hold one thought at a time what you do is you knock out the thought that
you do is you knock out the thought that is causing the negative emotion the
is causing the negative emotion the blame thought and you replace it with
blame thought and you replace it with this
this affirmation I am
affirmation I am responsible I am
responsible I am responsible I am
responsible I am responsible this in conjunction with I
responsible this in conjunction with I like myself I am responsible is the most
like myself I am responsible is the most powerful positive affirmation you can
powerful positive affirmation you can use because the instant that you say I
use because the instant that you say I am responsible you exert complete
am responsible you exert complete control over your emotional life the
control over your emotional life the instance you say I am responsible
instance you say I am responsible suddenly you are back in the driver's
suddenly you are back in the driver's seat you cannot say I am responsible and
seat you cannot say I am responsible and feel a negative emotions simultaneously
feel a negative emotions simultaneously the one knocks the other one out of your
the one knocks the other one out of your conscious mind and you can start off for
conscious mind and you can start off for instance each one of us has a situation
instance each one of us has a situation that causes us a lot of aggravation you
that causes us a lot of aggravation you have a situation it may be a person but
have a situation it may be a person but every time you think about it you get
every time you think about it you get angry every time you think about it you
angry every time you think about it you get Cross or you get distracted what you
get Cross or you get distracted what you do is whenever you start to think about
do is whenever you start to think about that situation neutralize it by saying I
that situation neutralize it by saying I am responsible wait a minute I am
am responsible wait a minute I am responsible is it a relationship who got
responsible is it a relationship who got yourself into the relationship did
yourself into the relationship did somebody put you there at gunpoint or
somebody put you there at gunpoint or did you get into it by yourself is it a
did you get into it by yourself is it a job is it an investment is it a health
job is it an investment is it a health problem of some kind in every case
problem of some kind in every case accept responsibility now there's a big
accept responsibility now there's a big difference between acceptance
difference between acceptance responsibility and let me just write
responsibility and let me just write this up it's responsibility versus blame
responsibility versus blame what is what is blame blame always looks backward
is blame blame always looks backward toward the past blame looks toward the
toward the past blame looks toward the past toward what cannot be done toward
past toward what cannot be done toward what can't be changed responsibility
what can't be changed responsibility always looks to the
always looks to the Future so people say well when you
Future so people say well when you accept responsibility isn't that the
accept responsibility isn't that the same as saying you're to blame no it's
same as saying you're to blame no it's the same as saying that you are in
the same as saying that you are in charge of the quality you're thinking
charge of the quality you're thinking From This Moment onward so let us say
From This Moment onward so let us say that you come out to the parking lot and
that you come out to the parking lot and somebody's running to your car now you
somebody's running to your car now you have two choices you can become angry
have two choices you can become angry and upset and run around and scream and
and upset and run around and scream and shout or you can act in a responsible
shout or you can act in a responsible manner you can do everything possible to
manner you can do everything possible to trace the culprit and other than that
trace the culprit and other than that you can live with it maturely so
you can live with it maturely so responsibility always looks to the
responsibility always looks to the Future responsibility always asks this
Future responsibility always asks this question when faced with a
question when faced with a problem what can we do not who did it
problem what can we do not who did it but what can we do from here where do we
but what can we do from here where do we go from here what can we do this is the
go from here what can we do this is the question of the responsible person we
question of the responsible person we don't cry over spilled milk we just say
don't cry over spilled milk we just say all right what's the solution and we get
all right what's the solution and we get on with the game the irresponsible
on with the game the irresponsible person always says who did it and is
person always says who did it and is obsessed with finding out who did it and
obsessed with finding out who did it and then taking whatever blame there is and
then taking whatever blame there is and a portioning it so that everybody gets
a portioning it so that everybody gets their fair share of the blame which of
their fair share of the blame which of course does nothing to resolve the
course does nothing to resolve the difficulty so the key to cutting down
difficulty so the key to cutting down the negative emotion tree is using the
the negative emotion tree is using the ax and eliminating blaming the day that
ax and eliminating blaming the day that you begin to eliminate blaming from your
you begin to eliminate blaming from your life is the day that your life starts to
life is the day that your life starts to take off because the day that you start
take off because the day that you start to eliminate blaming and negative
to eliminate blaming and negative emotions suddenly most of the problems
emotions suddenly most of the problems most of the things that stand between
most of the things that stand between you and the happiness you desire vanish
you and the happiness you desire vanish why am I making such an emphasis on
why am I making such an emphasis on negative emotions well let me make that
negative emotions well let me make that clear for just a second what I found and
clear for just a second what I found and this is what was staggering to me
this is what was staggering to me because always been committed to
because always been committed to realizing my potential as a human being
realizing my potential as a human being is that you cannot advance in life
is that you cannot advance in life except to the degree to which you get
except to the degree to which you get rid of your negative emotions you cannot
rid of your negative emotions you cannot make any progress you cannot go any
make any progress you cannot go any further than where you are right this
further than where you are right this minute except the to the degree to which
minute except the to the degree to which you leave your negative emotions behind
you leave your negative emotions behind now by the way with regard to the
now by the way with regard to the negative emotion that you have that's
negative emotion that you have that's associated with another person or
associated with another person or situation it's difficult to accept
situation it's difficult to accept responsibility it's difficult to say I
responsibility it's difficult to say I am responsible initially because you've
am responsible initially because you've been blaming that person for so long so
been blaming that person for so long so sometimes you have to say it with
sometimes you have to say it with gritted teeth you have to say wait
gritted teeth you have to say wait responsible I am responsible but the
responsible I am responsible but the more you repeat this I am responsible I
more you repeat this I am responsible I am responsible I am responsible it comes
am responsible I am responsible it comes easier and easier eventually it gets to
easier and easier eventually it gets to the point where as soon as you think of
the point where as soon as you think of that person or situation you can
that person or situation you can neutralize the thought by the law of
neutralize the thought by the law of substitution by saying wait a minute I'm
substitution by saying wait a minute I'm responsible I am responsible there's a
responsible I am responsible there's a beautiful line that you can use also in
beautiful line that you can use also in dealing with difficult people that goes
dealing with difficult people that goes back to self-esteem and it also has to
back to self-esteem and it also has to do with eliminating negative emotions is
do with eliminating negative emotions is say something like this no matter what
say something like this no matter what you say or do I'm still a valuable and
you say or do I'm still a valuable and worthwhile person or no matter what
worthwhile person or no matter what happens I am still a valuable and
happens I am still a valuable and worthwhile person or no matter how this
worthwhile person or no matter how this situation turns out I am still a
situation turns out I am still a valuable and worthwhile person the
valuable and worthwhile person the natural course of life is this here's
natural course of life is this here's the road of life and when we're children
the road of life and when we're children we start off with no negative emotions
we start off with no negative emotions all negative emotions by the way have to
all negative emotions by the way have to be taught to a child they have to be
be taught to a child they have to be taught and the child has to learn them
taught and the child has to learn them from their parents have you ever seen a
from their parents have you ever seen a negative baby there's no such thing as a
negative baby there's no such thing as a negative baby babies just laugh and
negative baby babies just laugh and they're happy and they cry when they
they're happy and they cry when they have needs but babies are not negative
have needs but babies are not negative but as we grow up we watch the people
but as we grow up we watch the people around us and we begin to develop our
around us and we begin to develop our own negative emotions which we carry in
own negative emotions which we carry in a sack on our back as we become
a sack on our back as we become teenagers our this sack grows big enough
teenagers our this sack grows big enough to the point where we can even go to
to the point where we can even go to slumber parties or we can get together
slumber parties or we can get together with our buddies and we can talk about
with our buddies and we can talk about how terrible our CH child has been how
how terrible our CH child has been how rotten our parents are how rotten our
rotten our parents are how rotten our siblings teachers and everything else
siblings teachers and everything else are now when we become adults what is
are now when we become adults what is the mark of adulthood in our society the
the mark of adulthood in our society the mark of adulthood is that you have a
mark of adulthood is that you have a great gunny sack full of negative
great gunny sack full of negative emotions because you have suffered and
emotions because you have suffered and what happens is you spend most of your
what happens is you spend most of your time when you're with other people
time when you're with other people letting down your guards and telling
letting down your guards and telling them about how much you've suffered what
them about how much you've suffered what you do is you uh use exchanges of
you do is you uh use exchanges of negative emotions as the basis for your
negative emotions as the basis for your relationships you say look I'll show you
relationships you say look I'll show you my negative emotions if you'll show me
my negative emotions if you'll show me yours remember like we used to do as
yours remember like we used to do as kids and what you do is you get together
kids and what you do is you get together like a couple of traitors in an Arab
like a couple of traitors in an Arab bizaar and you display your negative
bizaar and you display your negative emotion you say oh look at this rotten
emotion you say oh look at this rotten childhood I had and look at this
childhood I had and look at this terrible relationship and look at how
terrible relationship and look at how crummy my boss is and how rotten this is
crummy my boss is and how rotten this is and so on and you exchange them back and
and so on and you exchange them back and forth now what happens when you talk
forth now what happens when you talk about and think about your negative
about and think about your negative emotions remember the law of
emotions remember the law of concentration whatever you dwell upon
concentration whatever you dwell upon grows whatever you dwell upon grows and
grows whatever you dwell upon grows and gains strength and stays alive negative
gains strength and stays alive negative emotions by the way and this is another
emotions by the way and this is another thing that I learned in the study is
thing that I learned in the study is negative emotions are very fragile and
negative emotions are very fragile and ephemeral things he said if you don't
ephemeral things he said if you don't keep them alive through constant talking
keep them alive through constant talking through constant cultivation you know
through constant cultivation you know what happens they die on you yes you see
what happens they die on you yes you see negative emotions just die it's like a
negative emotions just die it's like a fire if it falls where there's nothing
fire if it falls where there's nothing or spark if it falls where there's
or spark if it falls where there's nothing to burn it goes out negative
nothing to burn it goes out negative emotions unless you talk about them and
emotions unless you talk about them and keep them going unless you dwell on them
keep them going unless you dwell on them all the time they die on you you ever
all the time they die on you you ever had an experience where you're really
had an experience where you're really worried about something you're really
worried about something you're really upset about something and it's
upset about something and it's preoccupying all of your time and and
preoccupying all of your time and and then you get to work or you get home and
then you get to work or you get home and you get so busy doing something else
you get so busy doing something else that for about three or four hours you
that for about three or four hours you don't have time to think of anything
don't have time to think of anything else about three or four hours you stop
else about three or four hours you stop and say geez I haven't worried about
and say geez I haven't worried about that for a long time I got to get back
that for a long time I got to get back to worrying about it because what's
to worrying about it because what's happening it's going out it's like a
happening it's going out it's like a fire that's going out so you got to get
fire that's going out so you got to get back to it you got to think about it and
back to it you got to think about it and talk about it and worry about it and
talk about it and worry about it and hassle it to get it back up to the point
hassle it to get it back up to the point where it's preoccupying your whole mind
where it's preoccupying your whole mind how many times do that happen well what
how many times do that happen well what the mature adult does is the mature
the mature adult does is the mature adult leaves their negative emotions by
adult leaves their negative emotions by the side of the road and gets on with
the side of the road and gets on with the rest of their life they get on with
the rest of their life they get on with the rest of their life they leave them
the rest of their life they leave them there instead of dragging them along
there instead of dragging them along they leave them like a big pile of
they leave them like a big pile of garbage at a garbage strike they just
garbage at a garbage strike they just leave it there and when people say how
leave it there and when people say how are things going you say wonderful you
are things going you say wonderful you say how's life you say terrific you say
say how's life you say terrific you say how's your relationships couldn't be
how's your relationships couldn't be better how is your health how you
better how is your health how you feeling I feel great in other words
feeling I feel great in other words don't talk about negative things because
don't talk about negative things because when you talk about negative things you
when you talk about negative things you actually increase them and you draw more
actually increase them and you draw more of them into your life look at the
of them into your life look at the people that you know who have problems
people that you know who have problems you know most the people that you know
you know most the people that you know have problems all the time never seem to
have problems all the time never seem to solve their problems are people who talk
solve their problems are people who talk about their problems all the time to him
about their problems all the time to him that ha shall more be given from him who
that ha shall more be given from him who hath not even that which he has shall be
hath not even that which he has shall be taken away now this is another and
taken away now this is another and critical point with regard to
critical point with regard to relationships and I learned this again
relationships and I learned this again in my studies it is that each of us has
in my studies it is that each of us has a certain amount of suffering that we've
a certain amount of suffering that we've gone through and people fall in love
gone through and people fall in love with their suffering people love their
with their suffering people love their suffering as a matter of fact they feel
suffering as a matter of fact they feel that they've paid for it they've thought
that they've paid for it they've thought about it they lived with it for so long
about it they lived with it for so long that most people are very reluctant to
that most people are very reluctant to give up their suffering you can't talk
give up their suffering you can't talk them out of it you say well why don't
them out of it you say well why don't you just forget it why don't you just
you just forget it why don't you just put it behind you what why don't you
put it behind you what why don't you just get on with it they say well I
just get on with it they say well I can't do that do you know how much I've
can't do that do you know how much I've suffered do you know how much emotional
suffered do you know how much emotional investment I've put into this
investment I've put into this relationship his job his career and so
relationship his job his career and so on I remember oh I can't I can tell you
on I remember oh I can't I can tell you a thousand people have come up to me who
a thousand people have come up to me who are in bad relationships and they say
are in bad relationships and they say well I've been in this relationship or
well I've been in this relationship or in this marriage now for several years
in this marriage now for several years and I'm miserable I'm unhappy we don't
and I'm miserable I'm unhappy we don't like each other it's going I say why
like each other it's going I say why don't you do something about it but
don't you do something about it but after all these years and what I say to
after all these years and what I say to them is I say look the average life
them is I say look the average life expectancy of the average American today
expectancy of the average American today is between 75 and 80 years and it's
is between 75 and 80 years and it's going up by the time we reach the end of
going up by the time we reach the end of the century the average life expectancy
the century the average life expectancy will probably 80 85 90 years old you
will probably 80 85 90 years old you know what that means that whatever age
know what that means that whatever age you are now and you may be 20 25 30 35
you are now and you may be 20 25 30 35 it doesn't really matter you subtract
it doesn't really matter you subtract that from 80 you get the number of years
that from 80 you get the number of years that you've got left to live in this
that you've got left to live in this current situation you ask yourself do
current situation you ask yourself do you want to live in this situation for
you want to live in this situation for the next 30 40 50 years and the answer
the next 30 40 50 years and the answer answer in all honesty has to be no
answer in all honesty has to be no because it's probably not going to get
because it's probably not going to get any better people love their suffering
any better people love their suffering they hate to give up their suffering so
they hate to give up their suffering so what we've devised is a very simple bit
what we've devised is a very simple bit of advice and this advice I just
of advice and this advice I just recently discussed this with a
recently discussed this with a Consulting psychologist and he said it's
Consulting psychologist and he said it's the simplest advice he's ever heard to
the simplest advice he's ever heard to give to people who need it it's when
give to people who need it it's when somebody comes up to you and wants to
somebody comes up to you and wants to talk to you about their problems you say
talk to you about their problems you say yes and you be sympathetic and
yes and you be sympathetic and empathetic it's very good to hear people
empathetic it's very good to hear people and let them talk about their problems
and let them talk about their problems except there are some people who do
except there are some people who do nothing but talk about their problems
nothing but talk about their problems every time you see them they talk about
every time you see them they talk about their problems very often they talk
their problems very often they talk about the same things they talked about
about the same things they talked about last time what you do is you say yes I
last time what you do is you say yes I hear what you say and I'm I'm very
hear what you say and I'm I'm very sympathetic however you're responsible
sympathetic however you're responsible for your own life you are responsible
for your own life you are responsible what are you going to do about it you
what are you going to do about it you are responsible for your own life what
are responsible for your own life what are you going to do about
are you going to do about it now what will happen is this is that
it now what will happen is this is that your good friends will
your good friends will say yes you're right I am responsible I
say yes you're right I am responsible I have to make a change I have to do
have to make a change I have to do something about it and they'll go out
something about it and they'll go out and they'll do it as a matter of fact
and they'll do it as a matter of fact they'll come they'll lay out all their
they'll come they'll lay out all their problems to you and all you say to them
problems to you and all you say to them is this you say well what do you think
is this you say well what do you think you should do about it now your good
you should do about it now your good friends can use that conversational time
friends can use that conversational time to get their own thoughts in line to
to get their own thoughts in line to come up with their own conclusions and
come up with their own conclusions and go out and they don't need your advice
go out and they don't need your advice most people don't need advice there's an
most people don't need advice there's an old saying that says that don't worry
old saying that says that don't worry about the universal propensity to give
about the universal propensity to give advice because the propensity to ignore
advice because the propensity to ignore it is equally Universal people don't
it is equally Universal people don't need advice sometimes they just need a
need advice sometimes they just need a sounding board however there are some
sounding board however there are some people who don't have any intentions of
people who don't have any intentions of doing anything about their problems all
doing anything about their problems all they want to do is they want to use
they want to do is they want to use their problems as an excuse to get you
their problems as an excuse to get you to talk about them you understand that
to talk about them you understand that it's a very common neurotic tendency in
it's a very common neurotic tendency in our society is to use your problems as
our society is to use your problems as the basis for the discussion here's my
the basis for the discussion here's my problems lets you and me talk about them
problems lets you and me talk about them and the person in himself or herself has
and the person in himself or herself has no interest in you at all all they have
no interest in you at all all they have an interest in is having you listen as a
an interest in is having you listen as a matter of fact we say this as a as as a
matter of fact we say this as a as as a joke we say that this is what these
joke we say that this is what these people look like is these people look
people look like is these people look upon you as being a person and this is
upon you as being a person and this is your face and this is your eyes and
your face and this is your eyes and these are your
these are your ears see and here is your eyes
ears see and here is your eyes preferably wide open and sympathetic
preferably wide open and sympathetic here's your mouth preferably shut and
here's your mouth preferably shut and here's your ears preferably wide open
here's your ears preferably wide open these people don't even look upon you as
these people don't even look upon you as a person they don't care about your
a person they don't care about your problems at all all they care about is
problems at all all they care about is you sitting there listening and nodding
you sitting there listening and nodding sympathetically and giving them advice
sympathetically and giving them advice which they have no intention whatever of
which they have no intention whatever of following when you run into people like
following when you run into people like this it's a very simple way to test the
this it's a very simple way to test the friendship just start talking about
friendship just start talking about yourself say well you know I'm really
yourself say well you know I'm really glad you brought your problems to me
glad you brought your problems to me because I've got some problems of my own
because I've got some problems of my own and I like to discuss my life with you
and I like to discuss my life with you you will find these people will run for
you will find these people will run for the door they'll watch their watch
the door they'll watch their watch they've got an appointment they'll take
they've got an appointment they'll take off so fast you can't imagine all right
off so fast you can't imagine all right now one final point and this is critical
now one final point and this is critical it's absolutely critical to the whole
it's absolutely critical to the whole subject it's the wrap-up point if you
subject it's the wrap-up point if you like it's this if is that when we start
like it's this if is that when we start talking about giving up negative
talking about giving up negative emotions almost everybody says yes I
emotions almost everybody says yes I agree what you say is true it makes
agree what you say is true it makes sense to me Brian and I am going to give
sense to me Brian and I am going to give up my negative emotions I am going to
up my negative emotions I am going to accept responsibility I am going to take
accept responsibility I am going to take charge of my life and I'm not going to
charge of my life and I'm not going to blame anybody else anymore except for
blame anybody else anymore except for one everybody has one that they're not
one everybody has one that they're not going to part with everybody has that
going to part with everybody has that favorite negative emotion that they've
favorite negative emotion that they've been paying for and holding on to for
been paying for and holding on to for years now let me tell you why it's so
years now let me tell you why it's so important that you give it up here's a
important that you give it up here's a car imagine this a beautiful Mercedes
car imagine this a beautiful Mercedes automobile brand new from the factory
automobile brand new from the factory absolutely spitting
absolutely spitting 560 seel
560 seel $55,000 beautiful vehicle tested in
$55,000 beautiful vehicle tested in every aspect absolutely perfect it's
every aspect absolutely perfect it's given to you without a flaw except for
given to you without a flaw except for one this is the front of the automobile
one this is the front of the automobile and there's one small problem is that
and there's one small problem is that for some mechanical reason this brake is
for some mechanical reason this brake is locked on
now you get into this beautiful Mercedes Just As You Are Beautiful Mind beautiful
Just As You Are Beautiful Mind beautiful body beautiful potential incredible
body beautiful potential incredible capability you get into this beautiful
capability you get into this beautiful Mercedes and you start it up and you
Mercedes and you start it up and you step on the gas and what happens well if
step on the gas and what happens well if the front brake is locked on what will
the front brake is locked on what will happen to the car no matter how hard you
happen to the car no matter how hard you step on the gas what will happen to the
step on the gas what will happen to the car what will happen is that the car
car what will happen is that the car will spin it'll go around in circles
will spin it'll go around in circles it'll Spin and it will go around in
it'll Spin and it will go around in circles until you stop stepping on the
circles until you stop stepping on the gas and you get give up as long as that
gas and you get give up as long as that front Brak is locked on you can't go
front Brak is locked on you can't go anywhere what I found was this is that
anywhere what I found was this is that the existence of just one negative
the existence of just one negative emotion that you will not let go of for
emotion that you will not let go of for whatever reason and the reason is always
whatever reason and the reason is always an ego reason the reason it always has
an ego reason the reason it always has to do with your own ego will cause you
to do with your own ego will cause you to stay in the same place and spin your
to stay in the same place and spin your wheels and go in circles for the rest of
wheels and go in circles for the rest of your life that you all know people who
your life that you all know people who are talented who have opport unities
are talented who have opport unities good educations and so on and so forth
good educations and so on and so forth and their life just goes around in
and their life just goes around in circles they just seem to be spinning
circles they just seem to be spinning they've got everything going for them
they've got everything going for them and they just continually have problems
and they just continually have problems why is it almost invariably and this is
why is it almost invariably and this is what all psychoanalysis does all
what all psychoanalysis does all Psychotherapy is they've got one
Psychotherapy is they've got one negative emotion locked on and the
negative emotion locked on and the negative emotion they have locked on is
negative emotion they have locked on is blame there is somebody that they are
blame there is somebody that they are still blaming for something there's
still blaming for something there's somebody that they are not going to let
somebody that they are not going to let off the hook because that son of a gun
off the hook because that son of a gun did something to them you know what I'm
did something to them you know what I'm talking about you know what I'm talking
talking about you know what I'm talking about because we're all in the same boat
about because we're all in the same boat we're all human beings the reason this
we're all human beings the reason this makes sense to you and I is because we
makes sense to you and I is because we do have a tendency to fall in love with
do have a tendency to fall in love with our suffering we do have a tendency to
our suffering we do have a tendency to gunny sack and to think that part of our
gunny sack and to think that part of our humanity is all these negative emotions
humanity is all these negative emotions we do have a tendency to see that other
we do have a tendency to see that other people are responsible other people have
people are responsible other people have hurt us they did cost us money they did
hurt us they did cost us money they did hurt us in a relationship but the key to
hurt us in a relationship but the key to Peak Performance the key to happiness
Peak Performance the key to happiness the the key to success is to use the law
the the key to success is to use the law of substitution and knock those negative
of substitution and knock those negative emotions out of the box by the very
emotions out of the box by the very first time you think of anything that
first time you think of anything that causes you any stress you say I am
causes you any stress you say I am responsible wait a minute I am
responsible wait a minute I am responsible I am responsible I am
responsible I am responsible I am responsible I like myself and I am
responsible I like myself and I am responsible I like myself and I am
responsible I like myself and I am responsible and nothing outside of me is
responsible and nothing outside of me is going to disrupt my peace of mind I am
going to disrupt my peace of mind I am in charge of my emotional life I am
in charge of my emotional life I am responsible
responsible you are
responsible session seven releasing your breakes when I began studying negative
breakes when I began studying negative emotions many years ago the most
emotions many years ago the most critical point I discovered was that you
critical point I discovered was that you cannot make any progress toward health
cannot make any progress toward health happiness love and fulfillment of your
happiness love and fulfillment of your potential as long as you insist on
potential as long as you insist on keeping your negative emotions intact
keeping your negative emotions intact now the only good thing about negative
now the only good thing about negative emotions if there is any good thing at
emotions if there is any good thing at all is that negative emotions are not
all is that negative emotions are not permanent even according to Sigman Freud
permanent even according to Sigman Freud there is no permanent place for negative
there is no permanent place for negative emotions in the subconscious in other
emotions in the subconscious in other words they are unwanted visitors they
words they are unwanted visitors they are negative habits or negative response
are negative habits or negative response patterns that can be eliminated and the
patterns that can be eliminated and the starting point of eliminating them is
starting point of eliminating them is understanding where they came from
understanding where they came from understanding what were the causitive
understanding what were the causitive factors going back to Early Childhood
factors going back to Early Childhood that have triggered the development of
that have triggered the development of negative emotions and have given us as
negative emotions and have given us as adults a propensity to be negative in
adults a propensity to be negative in one way or another that takes us to
one way or another that takes us to Early Childhood conditioning remember we
Early Childhood conditioning remember we said before that the starting point of
said before that the starting point of inhibitive and compulsive negative habit
inhibitive and compulsive negative habit patterns was destructive criticism
patterns was destructive criticism destructive
destructive criticism is the great Destroyer
criticism is the great Destroyer destructive
destructive criticism destroys people on the inside
criticism destroys people on the inside and leaves them walking around on the
and leaves them walking around on the outside more personalities have been
outside more personalities have been under and destroyed more self-esteem has
under and destroyed more self-esteem has been cast aside as a result of
been cast aside as a result of destructive criticism than anything that
destructive criticism than anything that else that we can possibly imagine so
else that we can possibly imagine so destructive criticism is the great
destructive criticism is the great killer now why is it so bad well we know
killer now why is it so bad well we know that children as infants children as
that children as infants children as they're growing up have a tremendous
they're growing up have a tremendous need for love and approval from their
need for love and approval from their parents in fact many psychiatrists and
parents in fact many psychiatrists and psychologists have said that the number
psychologists have said that the number one reason for mental illness in
one reason for mental illness in adulthood is withdrawal of Love or love
adulthood is withdrawal of Love or love withheld we know that any prestigious
withheld we know that any prestigious person any person who is important to a
person any person who is important to a child has an inordinate impact on that
child has an inordinate impact on that child and that children up to the age of
child and that children up to the age of 6
6 years have very little ability to
years have very little ability to discriminate between valid and invalid
discriminate between valid and invalid criticism what this means is that
criticism what this means is that anything that a parent or an older
anything that a parent or an older sibling or an older relative anything
sibling or an older relative anything that a a prestigious person or important
that a a prestigious person or important person says to a child is accepted as
person says to a child is accepted as true it's accepted it as a valid
true it's accepted it as a valid representation of reality if a mother
representation of reality if a mother says you're a bad boy if a daddy says
says you're a bad boy if a daddy says you're lazy if uh someone says that
you're lazy if uh someone says that you're not Dependable if someone says
you're not Dependable if someone says you're stupid or you're clumsy or you're
you're stupid or you're clumsy or you're ugly the child has no capacity whatever
ugly the child has no capacity whatever to discriminate between valid and
to discriminate between valid and invalid the child accepts that as a true
invalid the child accepts that as a true representation of reality it bypasses
representation of reality it bypasses the conscious mind goes straight into
the conscious mind goes straight into the subconscious and is stored many of
the subconscious and is stored many of us as adults are still living on the
us as adults are still living on the basis of negative information that was
basis of negative information that was programmed into us when we were children
programmed into us when we were children and then as adults what do we say we say
and then as adults what do we say we say well that's just the way I am or I've
well that's just the way I am or I've always been that way or some people even
always been that way or some people even say Well it runs in the family your
say Well it runs in the family your father was like that children are like
father was like that children are like that or your mother was like that and so
that or your mother was like that and so on but where did it come from none of
on but where did it come from none of these things run in the family for
these things run in the family for instance when I was growing up my
instance when I was growing up my parents had gone through the depression
parents had gone through the depression and the Depression had made an
and the Depression had made an inordinate impact on them so whenever we
inordinate impact on them so whenever we talked about buying anything all the
talked about buying anything all the time I was growing up my parents would
time I was growing up my parents would become very very tense and they said we
become very very tense and they said we can't afford it we can't afford it we
can't afford it we can't afford it we can't afford it we can't afford it they
can't afford it we can't afford it they had this lack mentality this we can't
had this lack mentality this we can't afford it mentality all their lives and
afford it mentality all their lives and I grew up so even though I've never
I grew up so even though I've never experienced the depression and you've
experienced the depression and you've never experienced the depression in most
never experienced the depression in most cases 10 20 30 40 years later we're
cases 10 20 30 40 years later we're still saying I can't afford it I can't
still saying I can't afford it I can't afford it I can't afford it we're still
afford it I can't afford it we're still going on the basis of those critical
going on the basis of those critical remarks those emotionalized remarks that
remarks those emotionalized remarks that our parents said may maybe your parents
our parents said may maybe your parents said as my father told me over and over
said as my father told me over and over again you never finish anything you
again you never finish anything you start you never finish anything you
start you never finish anything you start you never finish anything you
start you never finish anything you start or you're lazy you never finish
start or you're lazy you never finish anything you start do you know when I
anything you start do you know when I was an adult I had a terrible time
was an adult I had a terrible time finishing things that I started as I
finishing things that I started as I would get close to the end of a task I
would get close to the end of a task I would actually begin to seize up and
would actually begin to seize up and look for every single excuse to
look for every single excuse to procrastinate and delay now the second
procrastinate and delay now the second factor that predisposes us to negative
factor that predisposes us to negative emotions is lack of
emotions is lack of love we know that children's
love we know that children's personalities develop to the degree to
personalities develop to the degree to which they receive a high quality and a
which they receive a high quality and a high quantity of love from their parents
high quantity of love from their parents there's a onetoone relationship between
there's a onetoone relationship between the amount of love the quality and
the amount of love the quality and quantity of love and healthy personality
quantity of love and healthy personality that love withdrawn or deprivation of
that love withdrawn or deprivation of Love is the key cause of unhappiness
Love is the key cause of unhappiness negativity and mental illness adulthood
negativity and mental illness adulthood now in order for a child to feel truly
now in order for a child to feel truly loved the child must have High
loved the child must have High self-concept parents and most of us
self-concept parents and most of us unfortunately had parents that were the
unfortunately had parents that were the victims of their parents and the victims
victims of their parents and the victims of their parents what one of the writers
of their parents what one of the writers say everybody is Vic is a victim of a
say everybody is Vic is a victim of a victim we are all victims of victims in
victim we are all victims of victims in other words parents meant to raise us
other words parents meant to raise us the best way they could but they were
the best way they could but they were victims of victims themselves now in
victims of victims themselves now in order for a child to feel fully loved
order for a child to feel fully loved three conditions have to exist number
three conditions have to exist number one condition is that parents must love
one condition is that parents must love themselves parents must love themselves
themselves parents must love themselves remember you can never give any more
remember you can never give any more love to others than you have for
love to others than you have for yourself if you don't love yourself you
yourself if you don't love yourself you can't love your children if you have a
can't love your children if you have a little bit of love for yourself you have
little bit of love for yourself you have have to spread it over your children if
have to spread it over your children if you have a little bit of love for
you have a little bit of love for yourself and that's all taken up by your
yourself and that's all taken up by your husband or your wife then sometimes even
husband or your wife then sometimes even though you want to love your children
though you want to love your children you don't have the love even if your
you don't have the love even if your parents wanted to love you in many cases
parents wanted to love you in many cases they didn't have the love to give why
they didn't have the love to give why it's because they never got it when they
it's because they never got it when they were growing up the second requirement
were growing up the second requirement is that parents must love each
is that parents must love each other in order for a child to grow up
other in order for a child to grow up feeling self-confident to grow up
feeling self-confident to grow up feeling loved to grow up feeling safe
feeling loved to grow up feeling safe and secure
and secure he or she must grow up in an environment
he or she must grow up in an environment where the parents love each other there
where the parents love each other there is nothing that is more frightening to a
is nothing that is more frightening to a child than to grow up in a household
child than to grow up in a household where the parents are fighting with each
where the parents are fighting with each other where the parents don't love each
other where the parents don't love each other where there's difficulty because
other where there's difficulty because the child always has a tendency first of
the child always has a tendency first of all to be a victim and that the child is
all to be a victim and that the child is shouted at and screamed at and the child
shouted at and screamed at and the child believes that the reason my mommy and
believes that the reason my mommy and daddy are fighting is it's my fault now
daddy are fighting is it's my fault now interesting research since there are so
interesting research since there are so many single parent families today
many single parent families today interesting research shows that when one
interesting research shows that when one of the parents leaves as a result of a
of the parents leaves as a result of a separation or a divorce the remaining CH
separation or a divorce the remaining CH child or children are invariably
child or children are invariably convinced that the reason the other
convinced that the reason the other parent left was because of something
parent left was because of something they did and it's critical if a marriage
they did and it's critical if a marriage or a relationship is going to end and
or a relationship is going to end and one is going to leave that the remaining
one is going to leave that the remaining parent tell the children over and over
parent tell the children over and over again that the reason the relationship
again that the reason the relationship didn't work out has nothing to do with
didn't work out has nothing to do with you it has only to do with me and Daddy
you it has only to do with me and Daddy or me and Mommy has nothing to do with
or me and Mommy has nothing to do with the child the child needs to hear it
the child the child needs to hear it many many times before the child feels
many many times before the child feels confident and secure and of course it's
confident and secure and of course it's always better that a child be raised in
always better that a child be raised in a home with one parent that loves them
a home with one parent that loves them rather than two parents that don't love
rather than two parents that don't love each other now the third condition that
each other now the third condition that must be fulfilled if lack of love is not
must be fulfilled if lack of love is not to exist is that parents must love the
to exist is that parents must love the child parents must love the
child parents must love the child well this seems pretty obvious I
child well this seems pretty obvious I mean seems pretty logical the fact of
mean seems pretty logical the fact of the matter is though and this is the
the matter is though and this is the hardest thing for you or I as adults
hardest thing for you or I as adults even to think about but it is possible
even to think about but it is possible that our parents didn't love us not that
that our parents didn't love us not that they didn't intend to I mean they meant
they didn't intend to I mean they meant to love us and they wanted to love us
to love us and they wanted to love us and they had us intending to love us and
and they had us intending to love us and so on but simply because they had
so on but simply because they had conflicts with each other and they had
conflicts with each other and they had unresolved problems with their parents
unresolved problems with their parents and they had the war and the depression
and they had the war and the depression and they had their careers and they had
and they had their careers and they had other responsibilities they just never
other responsibilities they just never got around to it you see that was the
got around to it you see that was the difficulty they meant to but they never
difficulty they meant to but they never got around to it the only way that you
got around to it the only way that you can really love a child is by spending a
can really love a child is by spending a high
quantity and high quality of time with the child High quantity high quality
the child High quantity high quality with the
with the child 10 minutes a day doesn't do it
child 10 minutes a day doesn't do it children consider themselves valuable to
children consider themselves valuable to the degree to which the most important
the degree to which the most important people in their lives spend time with
people in their lives spend time with them if the most important people in
them if the most important people in their lives their parents only spend a
their lives their parents only spend a little time with them the children
little time with them the children conclude that the reason for that is
conclude that the reason for that is because they are defective there is
because they are defective there is something essentially wrong with them
something essentially wrong with them and that's why their parents don't spend
and that's why their parents don't spend time with them parent the children don't
time with them parent the children don't think rationally they think purely
think rationally they think purely emotionally they only think if the
emotionally they only think if the parent is here he loves me or she loves
parent is here he loves me or she loves me if the parent doesn't spend time with
me if the parent doesn't spend time with me he or she doesn't love me so if any
me he or she doesn't love me so if any one of those three conditions or more
one of those three conditions or more existed when you were growing up the
existed when you were growing up the parents didn't love themselves the
parents didn't love themselves the parents didn't love each other or maybe
parents didn't love each other or maybe the parents didn't love you because they
the parents didn't love you because they never got around to it although they
never got around to it although they meant to then you will have grown up in
meant to then you will have grown up in conjunction with destructive criticism
conjunction with destructive criticism with what is called
with what is called guilt now what is guilt well guilt is a
guilt now what is guilt well guilt is a feeling of not being worth very much
feeling of not being worth very much where do we get this feeling well when
where do we get this feeling well when we're continually criticized by the
we're continually criticized by the important people in our lives and
important people in our lives and simultaneously we are not given the
simultaneously we are not given the amount of love that we need we feel that
amount of love that we need we feel that we're not worth very much we feel that
we're not worth very much we feel that we are worth less and a feeling of guilt
we are worth less and a feeling of guilt leads to a feeling of
leads to a feeling of worthlessness worthlessness
worthlessness worthlessness and guilt the feeling of worthlessness
and guilt the feeling of worthlessness is the underlying fundamental problem of
is the underlying fundamental problem of the 20th century it is the main source
the 20th century it is the main source of mental illness it is the main source
of mental illness it is the main source of problems in relationships it's the
of problems in relationships it's the main source of psychosomatic illness it
main source of psychosomatic illness it is the main source of most of the
is the main source of most of the problems that beset our society is this
problems that beset our society is this deep down feeling of guilt and
deep down feeling of guilt and worthlessness which is expressed or
worthlessness which is expressed or unexpressed in the thought or the
unexpressed in the thought or the attitude I'm not good enough I'm not
attitude I'm not good enough I'm not good enough I'm not good enough you know
good enough I'm not good enough you know we talked about self-esteem and how
we talked about self-esteem and how important it was self-esteem means I
important it was self-esteem means I like myself I like myself I like myself
like myself I like myself I like myself I like myself people who've been raised
I like myself people who've been raised with destructive criticism and lack of
with destructive criticism and lack of life not only don't like themselves they
life not only don't like themselves they don't feel that they're good enough for
don't feel that they're good enough for anybody or anything and in many cases
anybody or anything and in many cases they are plagued by self-hatred they
they are plagued by self-hatred they hate themselves self-hatred or self-
hate themselves self-hatred or self- condemnation and you will see this will
condemnation and you will see this will come out in their conversation and it
come out in their conversation and it will come out in their relationship ship
will come out in their relationship ship with other people people who hate
with other people people who hate themselves even though they want to have
themselves even though they want to have good relationships with other people are
good relationships with other people are simply not capable of it people who
simply not capable of it people who don't feel that they're good enough for
don't feel that they're good enough for anything will always bring it to the
anything will always bring it to the surface it will always be a problem now
surface it will always be a problem now what is the main reasons for Guilt
what is the main reasons for Guilt actually where do guilt where does guilt
actually where do guilt where does guilt come from guilt comes from three
come from guilt comes from three negative sources negative
negative sources negative parents negative influences or negative
parents negative influences or negative religion one of the three any one of the
religion one of the three any one of the three uses guilt and guilt is used or
three uses guilt and guilt is used or practiced especially by parents and by
practiced especially by parents and by some religious denominations for two
some religious denominations for two reasons one is
reasons one is punishment guilt is used to punish us
punishment guilt is used to punish us when we're growing up it's the easiest
when we're growing up it's the easiest way to punish a person is to make them
way to punish a person is to make them feel bad so our parents make us feel bad
feel bad so our parents make us feel bad by physically punishing us or by
by physically punishing us or by verbally abusing us and punishment is a
verbally abusing us and punishment is a very good way to gain conformance
very good way to gain conformance punishment is a very good way to get
punishment is a very good way to get people to do what you want the second
people to do what you want the second reason why guilt is used when it's
reason why guilt is used when it's consciously practiced and some
consciously practiced and some organizations practice it consciously is
organizations practice it consciously is for control emotional control especially
for control emotional control especially because if you can emotionally control a
because if you can emotionally control a person with guilt you can manipulate
person with guilt you can manipulate their behavior and there are many
their behavior and there are many organizations that use guilt as a tool
organizations that use guilt as a tool of control and manipulation if you can
of control and manipulation if you can control people strongly enough
control people strongly enough especially emotionally you can get their
especially emotionally you can get their money you can get their time you can get
money you can get their time you can get their commitment you can demand their
their commitment you can demand their resources and so on and many
resources and so on and many organizations use punishment um use
organizations use punishment um use guilt as a tool for D many of the
guilt as a tool for D many of the Charities that advertise on television
Charities that advertise on television especially Charities for very needy
especially Charities for very needy causes involving children or disabled
causes involving children or disabled people use the feeling of guilt you're
people use the feeling of guilt you're doing so well you should feel guilty for
doing so well you should feel guilty for these people who are suffering therefore
these people who are suffering therefore send us some money and that will take
send us some money and that will take care of your guilt for a little while
care of your guilt for a little while until we get you on our mailing list and
until we get you on our mailing list and and so on so guilt is a standard why is
and so on so guilt is a standard why is it that guilt is so commonly used well
it that guilt is so commonly used well first of all because almost all of us
first of all because almost all of us have it to a greater or lesser degree
have it to a greater or lesser degree and number two it's easy guilt is the
and number two it's easy guilt is the easiest why does our parents use guilt
easiest why does our parents use guilt on us why do our mothers use guilt on us
on us why do our mothers use guilt on us because a mother can control us with
because a mother can control us with guilt across a crowded room she can
guilt across a crowded room she can control us over a th miles of telephone
control us over a th miles of telephone line parents can use guilt on their
line parents can use guilt on their children because their parents use guilt
children because their parents use guilt on them when their parents use guilt on
on them when their parents use guilt on them because it's the easiest there's no
them because it's the easiest there's no physical effort you can do it with a
physical effort you can do it with a look a glance and a word and people
look a glance and a word and people always do the easiest thing as you know
always do the easiest thing as you know so be alert to it now if you've been
so be alert to it now if you've been brought up in an environment where
brought up in an environment where you've been made to feel
you've been made to feel guilty and and almost all of us have you
guilty and and almost all of us have you must understand that guilt is like a
must understand that guilt is like a cesspool of negative emotional bacteria
cesspool of negative emotional bacteria that sits at the core or the root of
that sits at the core or the root of your psyche or your subconscious and it
your psyche or your subconscious and it Springs forth all other negative
Springs forth all other negative emotions anger hatred Envy resentment uh
emotions anger hatred Envy resentment uh uh frustration uh and uh doubt and fear
uh frustration uh and uh doubt and fear and so on and so forth it controls it it
and so on and so forth it controls it it creates them all and the way to really
creates them all and the way to really really get rid of that core is to excise
really get rid of that core is to excise it and cut it out completely so that's
it and cut it out completely so that's what we're going to do in the rest of
what we're going to do in the rest of this session first of all how can you
this session first of all how can you tell if you've been brought up with
tell if you've been brought up with feelings of guilt all right we'll call
feelings of guilt all right we'll call this the adult manifestations of
this the adult manifestations of guilt adult manifestations of guilt you
guilt adult manifestations of guilt you can tell and you can just test yourself
can tell and you can just test yourself how many of these do you
have number one adult manifestation of guilt is you have feelings of
inferiority feelings of inferiority feeling of
inadequacy and feelings of undeservingness in other words you don't
undeservingness in other words you don't feel that you deserve good things to
feel that you deserve good things to happen to
you if a person has been brought up with destructive criticism made to feel
destructive criticism made to feel guilty then when they do succeed even
guilty then when they do succeed even with tremendous effort later on in life
with tremendous effort later on in life they have a terrible tendency to feel
they have a terrible tendency to feel that they don't deserve it this is
that they don't deserve it this is called by the way fear of
called by the way fear of success fear of success is just another
success fear of success is just another way of saying that a person who has
way of saying that a person who has beened I condition to believe themselves
beened I condition to believe themselves to be unworthy or not good
to be unworthy or not good enough feels very very uncomfortable
enough feels very very uncomfortable when they experience success they feel
when they experience success they feel very very tense and uneasy as a matter
very very tense and uneasy as a matter of fact if they feel too much tension
of fact if they feel too much tension they'll start snorting coke drinking too
they'll start snorting coke drinking too much alcohol they'll engage in
much alcohol they'll engage in self-destructive behaviors they'll have
self-destructive behaviors they'll have a tremendous overwhelming feeling of
a tremendous overwhelming feeling of anxiety like somebody's going to find
anxiety like somebody's going to find them out there's a book on the book
them out there's a book on the book stands it says if I'm doing so well how
stands it says if I'm doing so well how come I feel like an imposter they have
come I feel like an imposter they have what is called the imposter Syndrome
what is called the imposter Syndrome have you ever been successful at
have you ever been successful at something and people come up to you and
something and people come up to you and say boy you did a great job at that or
say boy you did a great job at that or that's wonderful even if you had worked
that's wonderful even if you had worked hard hard hard at it and you felt like
hard hard hard at it and you felt like they were going to find you out you felt
they were going to find you out you felt like you know they would they would find
like you know they would they would find out that you weren't really that good
out that you weren't really that good that it was just a fluke it was just an
that it was just a fluke it was just an accident and of course that's what
accident and of course that's what people say they say it was just a fluke
people say they say it was just a fluke it was just an accident you know I don't
it was just an accident you know I don't know how it happened I'll blow it next
know how it happened I'll blow it next time they do everything possible to get
time they do everything possible to get away from this feeling of un inferiority
away from this feeling of un inferiority and undeservingness so be alert to that
and undeservingness so be alert to that now the
now the second adult manifestation of guilt is
second adult manifestation of guilt is destructive
from one of the poets that says those to whom evil is done do evil in return
whom evil is done do evil in return children at a very early age sometimes
children at a very early age sometimes at the age of two or three begin to run
at the age of two or three begin to run themselves down tear themselves down
themselves down tear themselves down even to hit themselves and pH physically
even to hit themselves and pH physically punish themselves if they're criticized
punish themselves if they're criticized enough they're always saying the
enough they're always saying the equivalent of I'm not good enough or I'm
equivalent of I'm not good enough or I'm not very good and they punish themselves
not very good and they punish themselves so destructive self-criticism is a real
so destructive self-criticism is a real symptom of an underlying feeling of
symptom of an underlying feeling of guilt and inadequacy number three is
guilt and inadequacy number three is easily manipulated by
easily manipulated by guilt people can pull your guilt strings
guilt people can pull your guilt strings very simple as a matter of fact we find
very simple as a matter of fact we find that there are two types of people in
that there are two types of people in the world there's guilt throwers and
the world there's guilt throwers and there's guilt catchers and these people
there's guilt catchers and these people are invariably attracted to each other
are invariably attracted to each other and of course the guilt thrower is the
and of course the guilt thrower is the person who I identified with a parent
person who I identified with a parent who threw the guilt the guilt catcher is
who threw the guilt the guilt catcher is the person who identified with a parent
the person who identified with a parent who caught the guilt but the guilt
who caught the guilt but the guilt throwers and the guilt catchers then get
throwers and the guilt catchers then get together uh they balance nicely they
together uh they balance nicely they settle down they raise new generations
settle down they raise new generations of little guilt throwers and guilt
of little guilt throwers and guilt catchers but you can tell that you're
catchers but you can tell that you're easily manipulated by guilt uh because
easily manipulated by guilt uh because you've been conditioned to be responded
you've been conditioned to be responded to your boss can pull your guilt string
to your boss can pull your guilt string a person on a bus can pull your guilt
a person on a bus can pull your guilt string the airline uh flight attendant
string the airline uh flight attendant can pull your guilt string and be very
can pull your guilt string and be very very alert to this the third
very alert to this the third manifestation or the fourth
manifestation or the fourth manifestation of guilt is that you use
manifestation of guilt is that you use it you use guilt and blame
it you use guilt and blame generously why well it's been worked on
generously why well it's been worked on you you work it on them I mean Fair
you you work it on them I mean Fair exchange is is a fair deal you use guilt
exchange is is a fair deal you use guilt and blame generously it becomes the
and blame generously it becomes the basis of your relationships with other
basis of your relationships with other people is when something goes wrong you
people is when something goes wrong you pin the wrap on them something goes
pin the wrap on them something goes wrong you blame someone instantly
wrong you blame someone instantly there's a problem you look around to see
there's a problem you look around to see who's to blame there's they did an
who's to blame there's they did an interesting
interesting experiment uh in Candid Camera a few
experiment uh in Candid Camera a few years ago where they took and they put a
years ago where they took and they put a patch of ice on a sidewalk where it
patch of ice on a sidewalk where it shouldn't be it wasn't that cold but
shouldn't be it wasn't that cold but they froze the ice and then they watched
they froze the ice and then they watched how people would react as they walked
how people would react as they walked along and they'd be walking along and
along and they'd be walking along and they'd hit this patch of ice in it and
they'd hit this patch of ice in it and they grab their balance and they thr
they grab their balance and they thr around the first thing they do is they
around the first thing they do is they look at the person closest to them and
look at the person closest to them and they glare at them as if they're Furious
they glare at them as if they're Furious in other words they looked at somebody
in other words they looked at somebody to blame now if there wasn't anybody
to blame now if there wasn't anybody within 10 or 15 ft they would get their
within 10 or 15 ft they would get their balance back again they look around
balance back again they look around there'd be nobody around them and they
there'd be nobody around them and they kick the ground and stomp on the ground
kick the ground and stomp on the ground and walk away you see our natural
and walk away you see our natural tendency whenever anything goes wrong is
tendency whenever anything goes wrong is to look for someone or something to
to look for someone or something to blame especially if we've been brought
blame especially if we've been brought up being blamed continuously and the
up being blamed continuously and the fifth manifestation is what is called
fifth manifestation is what is called victim
victim language now remember we talked about
language now remember we talked about the law of concentration says whatever
the law of concentration says whatever you dwell upon grows It also says that
you dwell upon grows It also says that if you use victim language you keep the
if you use victim language you keep the guilt alive you reinforce it you build
guilt alive you reinforce it you build it you grow it you fertilize it victim
it you grow it you fertilize it victim language is language like I can't I
language is language like I can't I can't I can't whenever you say I can't I
can't I can't whenever you say I can't I can't I can't you're sending a message
can't I can't you're sending a message to the subconscious mind the
to the subconscious mind the subconscious mind picks up that you are
subconscious mind picks up that you are helpless that you're not in control that
helpless that you're not in control that you're a victim and so when you actually
you're a victim and so when you actually come to want to do something the
come to want to do something the subconscious mind just feeds back your
subconscious mind just feeds back your own command and says you can't you can't
own command and says you can't you can't the second thing is you say I have to I
the second thing is you say I have to I have to again I have no control I'm not
have to again I have no control I'm not in charge but here's two other
in charge but here's two other expressions of victim language that you
expressions of victim language that you got to be careful of and it's this one
got to be careful of and it's this one I'll try I'll try whatever it is I'll
I'll try I'll try whatever it is I'll try what is the words I'll TR I mean
try what is the words I'll TR I mean well let me tell you what they mean they
well let me tell you what they mean they mean I'm going to fail and I'm telling
mean I'm going to fail and I'm telling you in advance so that you can't come
you in advance so that you can't come back on me in other words you say well
back on me in other words you say well I'll try to be there on time but what
I'll try to be there on time but what you're saying is I'll probably be late
you're saying is I'll probably be late and there's no point you can't come back
and there's no point you can't come back on me because I said I'd try whenever a
on me because I said I'd try whenever a person says I'll try they are excusing
person says I'll try they are excusing failure in advance if you went to the
failure in advance if you went to the doctor and the doctor did an examination
doctor and the doctor did an examination and checked you all over and looked at
and checked you all over and looked at you and came back and said well geez
you and came back and said well geez you're in terrible condition we're going
you're in terrible condition we're going to have to do triple bypass surgery and
to have to do triple bypass surgery and get you over to the hospital right now
get you over to the hospital right now I'm surprised you even made it in and
I'm surprised you even made it in and you say well geez doctor I sure hope
you say well geez doctor I sure hope you'll do a good job and he says I'll
you'll do a good job and he says I'll try and he says I'll try he said wait a
try and he says I'll try he said wait a second maybe I got to get a second
second maybe I got to get a second opinion you go to a lawyer you you're
opinion you go to a lawyer you you're charged with something you go to a
charged with something you go to a lawyer and you present your case to the
lawyer and you present your case to the lawyer say look will you defend me he
lawyer say look will you defend me he says I'll try what is he saying he's
says I'll try what is he saying he's saying look I've looked at the case and
saying look I've looked at the case and from what I see there's not much hope
from what I see there's not much hope but I'll take it on anyway I'll try and
but I'll take it on anyway I'll try and then they're the ones that try to get
then they're the ones that try to get you to pay in advance
you to pay in advance too another set of words that you
too another set of words that you mustn't use by the way with regard to
mustn't use by the way with regard to I'll try what you do is you say I'll do
I'll try what you do is you say I'll do it or I won't do it not I'll try if ever
it or I won't do it not I'll try if ever and in our business we run a very very
and in our business we run a very very active business whenever we call
active business whenever we call somebody up and we ask them can we get
somebody up and we ask them can we get this or that they say well I'll try to
this or that they say well I'll try to have it to you by Friday or I'll try to
have it to you by Friday or I'll try to get it done on time we instantly know
get it done on time we instantly know that they're telling us that their want
that they're telling us that their want off the hook they're not going to do it
off the hook they're not going to do it and so we never let anybody get away
and so we never let anybody get away with I'll try we say it has to be done
with I'll try we say it has to be done or not and we want a guarantee and if
or not and we want a guarantee and if necessary we'll go and pick it up but
necessary we'll go and pick it up but whenever they say I'll try what they're
whenever they say I'll try what they're doing is they SLU you off so be alert to
doing is they SLU you off so be alert to that and the other words are I
that and the other words are I wish I wish as they say is a desire or a
wish I wish as they say is a desire or a goal with no energy behind it I wish
goal with no energy behind it I wish what does I wish
what does I wish mean I wish means
mean I wish means that I would like to have something but
that I would like to have something but I know I never can when you say I wish I
I know I never can when you say I wish I could lose weight what does it mean the
could lose weight what does it mean the unspoken words are but I know I can't
unspoken words are but I know I can't why can't you because of the excuses
why can't you because of the excuses that you have and the metabolism that
that you have and the metabolism that you have and the problem and so on
you have and the problem and so on there's always reasons because you have
there's always reasons because you have to go out and so on I wish I could quit
to go out and so on I wish I could quit smoking I wish I could get fit I wish I
smoking I wish I could get fit I wish I wish I wish whenever you use the words I
wish I wish whenever you use the words I wish you signal to the subconscious that
wish you signal to the subconscious that this is something that you do not
this is something that you do not believe it's possible for you to achieve
believe it's possible for you to achieve or acquire the subconscious then
or acquire the subconscious then completely discards it as a goal and
completely discards it as a goal and gives you no energy no motivation no
gives you no energy no motivation no drive no desire to accomplish it so be
drive no desire to accomplish it so be very very alert to victim language be
very very alert to victim language be alert to the expression yes but oh I do
alert to the expression yes but oh I do it yes but or someone says why don't you
it yes but or someone says why don't you do this you say yes but the word but by
do this you say yes but the word but by the way is the great ER raser when a
the way is the great ER raser when a person says you know you could you could
person says you know you could you could certainly increase your income or
certainly increase your income or increase your output or be a better
increase your output or be a better person or happier or lose weight or
person or happier or lose weight or whatever else have happened to be and
whatever else have happened to be and you say yes but what you're saying is
you say yes but what you're saying is you're erasing the whole statement that
you're erasing the whole statement that has gone before you send a message to
has gone before you send a message to your subconscious that says
your subconscious that says no possibility make no effort Focus no
no possibility make no effort Focus no energy commit no capacity to the
energy commit no capacity to the accomplishment of this goal so people
accomplishment of this goal so people who've been brought up feeling guilty
who've been brought up feeling guilty have five qualities or five adult
have five qualities or five adult manifestations one is they feel inferior
manifestations one is they feel inferior they feel inadequate they feel like they
they feel inadequate they feel like they don't deserve good things to happen to
don't deserve good things to happen to them you're very alert to that number
them you're very alert to that number two is they run themselves down
two is they run themselves down continually they use destructive
continually they use destructive self-criticism number three is they use
self-criticism number three is they use guilt and blame on themselves and and on
guilt and blame on themselves and and on others number four is they're easily
others number four is they're easily manipulated by guilt number five they
manipulated by guilt number five they use victim language so let's go and say
use victim language so let's go and say how do we get rid of
how do we get rid of guilt isn't it amazing how this board
guilt isn't it amazing how this board just clears isn't that amazing it's it's
just clears isn't that amazing it's it's absolutely Vanishing we have a sort of a
absolutely Vanishing we have a sort of a magic W that we wave when I go over and
magic W that we wave when I go over and sit on that desk okay how do we rid
sit on that desk okay how do we rid ourselves of guilt ridding yourself of
guilt here's the process it's got a few really critical
process it's got a few really critical steps number one top of the list
steps number one top of the list eliminate destructive
wonderful loving vibrant fulfilled children there's so much information
children there's so much information available on and you know that about 80
available on and you know that about 80 to 90% of parents never bother to buy a
to 90% of parents never bother to buy a book on the subject or consult an expert
book on the subject or consult an expert or even seek advice except from their
or even seek advice except from their mother-in-law or from the person in the
mother-in-law or from the person in the backyard very important today in this
backyard very important today in this session we're going to talk about how to
session we're going to talk about how to raise super kids and I'm going to give
raise super kids and I'm going to give you some key ideas that you can use and
you some key ideas that you can use and I have three kids who I think are super
I have three kids who I think are super kids I have Christina who who's seven I
kids I have Christina who who's seven I have Michael who's five and I have
have Michael who's five and I have little David who's 1 year old and these
little David who's 1 year old and these kids are just great and everything that
kids are just great and everything that I'm going to tell you we use on them
I'm going to tell you we use on them 7even days a week and I can promise you
7even days a week and I can promise you this the law of sewing and reaping is
this the law of sewing and reaping is true with Children what you sew in your
true with Children what you sew in your children you reap in your children
children you reap in your children everything that you put into your
everything that you put into your children you're going to get out
children you're going to get out positive or negative but if you put good
positive or negative but if you put good into your children the wonderful thing
into your children the wonderful thing is that they will Blossom like flowers
is that they will Blossom like flowers so this starts us off with a basic
so this starts us off with a basic question what is the role of parenting
question what is the role of parenting what is the key role of
what is the key role of parenting the answer to that question in
parenting the answer to that question in my estimation is very simple the role of
my estimation is very simple the role of parenting most important job that we
parenting most important job that we enter into the role of parenting is to
enter into the role of parenting is to nurture
nurture children that's all the role of
children that's all the role of parenting is to nurture children until
parenting is to nurture children until they're 18 years of age until they reach
they're 18 years of age until they reach the age of maturity and to build High
the age of maturity and to build High self-esteem in those children to build
self-esteem in those children to build High self-esteem in my estimation this
High self-esteem in my estimation this is the key role of being a parent
is the key role of being a parent nothing else is significant or important
nothing else is significant or important next to the building of self-esteem why
next to the building of self-esteem why is that because if you can raise a child
is that because if you can raise a child to the age of 18 where they love
to the age of 18 where they love themselves they respect themselves they
themselves they respect themselves they unconditionally accept themselves they
unconditionally accept themselves they consider themselves to be valuable and
consider themselves to be valuable and worthwhile and important young people
worthwhile and important young people they're self-reliant self-responsible
they're self-reliant self-responsible and capable of making their own
and capable of making their own decisions that no matter what life can
decisions that no matter what life can throw at them in the years to follow
throw at them in the years to follow you've set them off on a solid rockard
you've set them off on a solid rockard psychological Foundation and they can
psychological Foundation and they can make their own way and make a wonderful
make their own way and make a wonderful life for themselves and other people if
life for themselves and other people if however you give children everything
however you give children everything else in the world but you leave them
else in the world but you leave them without this self-esteem if you leave
without this self-esteem if you leave them without this self-confidence
them without this self-confidence without this belief in themselves
without this belief in themselves without this conviction that they can do
without this conviction that they can do whatever is necessary to be successful
whatever is necessary to be successful if you leave them anything except
if you leave them anything except self-esteem to that degree you have not
self-esteem to that degree you have not succeeded as a parent so raising
succeeded as a parent so raising children and building High self-esteem
children and building High self-esteem in children becomes the organizing
in children becomes the organizing principle of parenting the organizing
principle of parenting the organizing princi principle means that you
princi principle means that you continually ask knowing that everything
continually ask knowing that everything counts you continually ask does this
counts you continually ask does this build self-esteem in my child is this
build self-esteem in my child is this situation is this issue is my response
situation is this issue is my response contributing toward building and
contributing toward building and nurturing this little human being that's
nurturing this little human being that's been entrusted to me or is it not uh
been entrusted to me or is it not uh with Christina my first child wonderful
with Christina my first child wonderful little
little girl I have explained to her at a very
girl I have explained to her at a very early age that she came to me as Khalil
early age that she came to me as Khalil Jabron explains in his book The Prophet
Jabron explains in his book The Prophet she came to Barbara and I from God and
she came to Barbara and I from God and that our job is to take care of her and
that our job is to take care of her and to love her until she grows up and that
to love her until she grows up and that she doesn't belong to us and we don't
she doesn't belong to us and we don't own her and our job is not to shape her
own her and our job is not to shape her the way we want her to be shaped our job
the way we want her to be shaped our job is to nurture her and discipline her and
is to nurture her and discipline her and train her and give her every opportunity
train her and give her every opportunity to grow and expand and develop but our
to grow and expand and develop but our job is just to take care of her until
job is just to take care of her until she grows up and she understands that
she grows up and she understands that very clearly that we are there to
very clearly that we are there to nurture her and to build High
nurture her and to build High self-esteem and that she came from God
self-esteem and that she came from God and she thinks of herself as being
and she thinks of herself as being really really special because surprise
really really special because surprise surprise none of her friends have been
surprise none of her friends have been told that so these are the organizing
told that so these are the organizing principles that we use with our children
principles that we use with our children now no parent is perfect parents make
now no parent is perfect parents make mistakes parents get tired parents get
mistakes parents get tired parents get irritable parents shout at their kids
irritable parents shout at their kids parents spank their kids and punish
parents spank their kids and punish their kids but generally speaking if we
their kids but generally speaking if we use the organizing principle of building
use the organizing principle of building High self-esteem in our children these
High self-esteem in our children these are the things to remember number one is
are the things to remember number one is destructive criticism is extremely
destructive criticism is extremely painful to a child destructive criticism
painful to a child destructive criticism sets children up for a lifetime of
sets children up for a lifetime of inferiority complex low self-esteem
inferiority complex low self-esteem fears of failure and rejection so never
fears of failure and rejection so never use destructive criticism on your
use destructive criticism on your children never run your children down
children never run your children down never use destructive
never use destructive criticism on your
criticism on your children instead do everything possible
children instead do everything possible to build them up that doesn't mean that
to build them up that doesn't mean that you don't discipline them it doesn't
you don't discipline them it doesn't mean that you don't control them but you
mean that you don't control them but you never say you're a bad boy or you're a
never say you're a bad boy or you're a bad girl or you're a little brat or
bad girl or you're a little brat or you're no good or you never tell the
you're no good or you never tell the truth you never say anything to your
truth you never say anything to your children about themselves that you do
children about themselves that you do not want to become part of their
not want to become part of their personalities because remember it goes
personalities because remember it goes straight past the conscious mind into
straight past the conscious mind into the subconscious and it's programmed
the subconscious and it's programmed away and accepted as a truth because you
away and accepted as a truth because you said it even in a moment of anger so
said it even in a moment of anger so never use destructive criticism on your
never use destructive criticism on your children children are very vulnerable to
children children are very vulnerable to destructive criticism ISM number two
destructive criticism ISM number two remember that lack of Love or love
remember that lack of Love or love withheld is the major reason for
withheld is the major reason for psychological physical and emotional
psychological physical and emotional problems in life that children need love
problems in life that children need love and if you deprive children of love and
and if you deprive children of love and it is not by the way what you think
it is not by the way what you think inside it is the child's perception
inside it is the child's perception everything is perception now the child
everything is perception now the child is pretty shallow at in the formative
is pretty shallow at in the formative years the child doesn't know that you
years the child doesn't know that you really love the child unless you tell
really love the child unless you tell the child show the child demonstrate to
the child show the child demonstrate to the child over and over and over again
the child over and over and over again many children have grown up and found
many children have grown up and found themselves visiting psychiatrists and
themselves visiting psychiatrists and psychologists and trying to wrestle
psychologists and trying to wrestle through the problem that they never
through the problem that they never believe that their parents love them and
believe that their parents love them and if you talk to the parents they say well
if you talk to the parents they say well of course I love my kids they say well
of course I love my kids they say well did you tell my kids well no I didn't
did you tell my kids well no I didn't tell them but they know I love them no
tell them but they know I love them no children don't know they as they say
children don't know they as they say they need the words number
they need the words number three is remember that children need a
three is remember that children need a continuous flow of love and approval
continuous flow of love and approval love and approval is the emotional
love and approval is the emotional psychological Lifeline that children
psychological Lifeline that children have to have in order to grow just
have to have in order to grow just imagine that your children are on a
imagine that your children are on a intravenous and this intravenous has the
intravenous and this intravenous has the critical nutrients for the development
critical nutrients for the development of their personality and the critical
of their personality and the critical nutrient in that intravenous is the
nutrient in that intravenous is the words and gestures that of love and
words and gestures that of love and approval and a continuous flow and if
approval and a continuous flow and if you cut off the flow it's like cutting
you cut off the flow it's like cutting off the flow of nutrients or cutting off
off the flow of nutrients or cutting off the oxygen flow to the emotional brain
the oxygen flow to the emotional brain they need it every day they need it
they need it every day they need it every night they need it morning noon
every night they need it morning noon and night they need it continuously when
and night they need it continuously when they're growing they're very much like
they're growing they're very much like growing children need a lot of food got
growing children need a lot of food got to have a lot of food because they're
to have a lot of food because they're growing they need a lot of emotional
growing they need a lot of emotional support when they're growing too a
support when they're growing too a fourth thing to remember is children
fourth thing to remember is children need praise praise is what grows
need praise praise is what grows children as a matter of fact they found
children as a matter of fact they found that when you praise a child their their
that when you praise a child their their physiological system actually vibrates
physiological system actually vibrates with new energy they need encouragement
with new energy they need encouragement remember children are afraid because
remember children are afraid because they're little kids in a big world they
they're little kids in a big world they need encouragement all the time you can
need encouragement all the time you can do it you can do it sure you can do it
do it you can do it sure you can do it go ahead give it a try also they need
go ahead give it a try also they need reinforcement sometimes they fall in
reinforcement sometimes they fall in their face sometimes they do it right
their face sometimes they do it right they need to be told hey you did a great
they need to be told hey you did a great job that's wonderful they need to be
job that's wonderful they need to be praised and reinforced they need
praised and reinforced they need patience children need a lot of patience
patience children need a lot of patience because they're seem to be slow in
because they're seem to be slow in learning the kindest thing you can do
learning the kindest thing you can do for your children is to be patient be
for your children is to be patient be supportive also to be um uh uh loving
supportive also to be um uh uh loving and also to be kind children need an
and also to be kind children need an enormous amount of kindness and they
enormous amount of kindness and they need caring they need tenderness they
need caring they need tenderness they need gentleness they need especially
need gentleness they need especially though they need patience when they are
though they need patience when they are the least patient when they are the most
the least patient when they are the most exasperating is when they need the most
exasperating is when they need the most patience from you the most kindness the
patience from you the most kindness the most understanding the most compassion
most understanding the most compassion now the fifth Point here is to tell your
now the fifth Point here is to tell your children you love them every day tell
children you love them every day tell them you love them every day
them you love them every day I have been surprised I've been
I have been surprised I've been surprised tell them you love them every
surprised tell them you love them every day how many parents don't tell their
day how many parents don't tell their children that they love them they say
children that they love them they say well now a kid knows I love them I've
well now a kid knows I love them I've had arguments they say well they know I
had arguments they say well they know I love them I don't have to tell them the
love them I don't have to tell them the fact is that kids need to know and the
fact is that kids need to know and the reason of course that we don't is why
reason of course that we don't is why it's CU our parents never told us that
it's CU our parents never told us that they loved us if we grew up in a
they loved us if we grew up in a household where our parents never said I
household where our parents never said I love you and I care for you and I wish
love you and I care for you and I wish the very best for you and they never
the very best for you and they never gave us praise and encouragement we'll
gave us praise and encouragement we'll grow up being very uncomfortable but
grow up being very uncomfortable but I'll tell you this that if you'll tell
I'll tell you this that if you'll tell your kids you love them on a regular
your kids you love them on a regular basis they'll tell you back and they
basis they'll tell you back and they will teach you how to love so learn to
will teach you how to love so learn to use the words over and over again now
use the words over and over again now here's four behaviors that parents can
here's four behaviors that parents can use to tell their children that they
use to tell their children that they really love them behavior number one is
really love them behavior number one is the greatest gift that a parent can give
the greatest gift that a parent can give to a child it's called unconditional
to a child it's called unconditional love make sure that the child knows that
love make sure that the child knows that you love them 100% no matter what they
you love them 100% no matter what they do no matter what happens that nothing
do no matter what happens that nothing in the world can ever stop you from
in the world can ever stop you from loving them 100% it's absolutely
loving them 100% it's absolutely Critical with my little girl and my
Critical with my little girl and my little boy I have a little game with
little boy I have a little game with them that I play with him called The
them that I play with him called The Love Game and I asked them how much do I
Love Game and I asked them how much do I love you and we go through a game and
love you and we go through a game and they say well this much I say come on
they say well this much I say come on now I say this much come on if this much
now I say this much come on if this much and finally they say this much and I
and finally they say this much and I said well what about when I shout at you
said well what about when I shout at you they say well you still love me this
they say well you still love me this much I say what about when I put you in
much I say what about when I put you in your bedroom they say you still love us
your bedroom they say you still love us this much I say what about when I shout
this much I say what about when I shout at you and put you in your your bedroom
at you and put you in your your bedroom make you stand in the corner they say
make you stand in the corner they say you still love us this much daddy cuz no
you still love us this much daddy cuz no matter what we do you love us all the
matter what we do you love us all the time now that's the very kindest thing
time now that's the very kindest thing that you can ever convince your kids of
that you can ever convince your kids of I do this to condition them I do this
I do this to condition them I do this because I want it driven so down deep
because I want it driven so down deep into their subconscious mind that they
into their subconscious mind that they are so totally loved that they can go
are so totally loved that they can go throughout their life as little kids
throughout their life as little kids growing up and never never never
growing up and never never never question that their mommy and daddy
question that their mommy and daddy really love them remember the phenomenon
really love them remember the phenomenon of conditional love is what breeds the
of conditional love is what breeds the fear of rejection which breeds feelings
fear of rejection which breeds feelings of inferiority and insecurity children
of inferiority and insecurity children by the way who are not brought up with
by the way who are not brought up with enough love in their formative years
enough love in their formative years develop what is called a deficiency need
develop what is called a deficiency need and they spend the rest of their lives
and they spend the rest of their lives like deanes with his lamp looking for an
like deanes with his lamp looking for an honest man they spend the rest of their
honest man they spend the rest of their lives looking for the love that they
lives looking for the love that they were deprived of in childhood be very
were deprived of in childhood be very alert to that you cannot give a child
alert to that you cannot give a child too much love in the formative years you
too much love in the formative years you cannot love a child too much you can
cannot love a child too much you can give them buckets and buckets and
give them buckets and buckets and buckets of love give them all the love
buckets of love give them all the love they can absorb so number two way that
they can absorb so number two way that you show your love is with eye contact
you show your love is with eye contact children have emotional fuel tanks and
children have emotional fuel tanks and they drink in the love of their parents
they drink in the love of their parents through their parents' eyes and when you
through their parents' eyes and when you look at your child with love and you say
look at your child with love and you say I love you I love you very much the
I love you I love you very much the child just feels wonderful all over so
child just feels wonderful all over so say I love you but look them in the eye
say I love you but look them in the eye do you know that most parents only look
do you know that most parents only look their children in the eye when they're
their children in the eye when they're scolding them
scolding them that most children grow up today with a
that most children grow up today with a very distinct uneasiness about direct
very distinct uneasiness about direct eye contact from adults that in our
eye contact from adults that in our society direct eye contact is considered
society direct eye contact is considered a sign of hostility because so many of
a sign of hostility because so many of us have grown up with our parents only
us have grown up with our parents only looking at us when they're scolding us
looking at us when they're scolding us and when they're speaking nicely to us
and when they're speaking nicely to us sometimes they just watch the television
sometimes they just watch the television or read the paper so look the child
or read the paper so look the child right in the eye the third is physical
right in the eye the third is physical contact remember children are very
contact remember children are very emotional and very visceral they're very
emotional and very visceral they're very physical and they need physical contact
physical and they need physical contact they need to be hugged they need to be
they need to be hugged they need to be kissed they need to be embraced they
kissed they need to be embraced they need to be patted they need to be
need to be patted they need to be carried and every single time that you
carried and every single time that you hold your child with warmth and love
hold your child with warmth and love starting from infancy all the way up to
starting from infancy all the way up to when they become grown-ups and you Pat
when they become grown-ups and you Pat them on the back or put your arm around
them on the back or put your arm around them or Pat them on the head physical
them or Pat them on the head physical contact as it says in the song touch my
contact as it says in the song touch my hair when you pass my chair little
hair when you pass my chair little things mean a lot contact with your
things mean a lot contact with your children is one of the ways that you
children is one of the ways that you tell them that you love them now
tell them that you love them now interesting enough in in studies that
interesting enough in in studies that were done in the late 40s they found
were done in the late 40s they found that infants who were not held in
that infants who were not held in hospitals and very and embraced while
hospitals and very and embraced while they were being fed actually began to
they were being fed actually began to atrophy shrivel up stop taking nutrition
atrophy shrivel up stop taking nutrition and many of them died of a dis disease
and many of them died of a dis disease called marasmus where they lack that
called marasmus where they lack that physical warmth and contact so physical
physical warmth and contact so physical contact is absolutely essential to a
contact is absolutely essential to a child's healthy well-being and number
child's healthy well-being and number four is focused
four is focused attention by the the way it's
attention by the the way it's interesting many many fathers have this
interesting many many fathers have this idea that if you give a child too much
idea that if you give a child too much hugging a male child a boy too much
hugging a male child a boy too much hugging too much kissing at an early age
hugging too much kissing at an early age you'll make them a in fact it's
you'll make them a in fact it's exactly the opposite The More Hugging
exactly the opposite The More Hugging the more kissing the more physical
the more kissing the more physical contact that a little boy has with his
contact that a little boy has with his mother and father and especially his
mother and father and especially his father the more masculine the more self
father the more masculine the more self assured the more self-confident he grows
assured the more self-confident he grows up the less he gets the more insecure
up the less he gets the more insecure the more Angry the more stressed he is
the more Angry the more stressed he is so remember that you can't give a child
so remember that you can't give a child male or female more physical too much
male or female more physical too much physical contact and focused attention
physical contact and focused attention means that you spend time with the child
means that you spend time with the child every day just you and the child walking
every day just you and the child walking talking listening no television no
talking listening no television no newspaper no one else just a few minutes
newspaper no one else just a few minutes a day that tells the child that the
a day that tells the child that the child is really valuable you see parents
child is really valuable you see parents children whose parents don't spend time
children whose parents don't spend time with them alone are convinced that the
with them alone are convinced that the reason mommy and daddy is not doing it
reason mommy and daddy is not doing it is because there's something wrong with
is because there's something wrong with me they don't know that the parents are
me they don't know that the parents are busy or doing something else they just
busy or doing something else they just feel that there's something defective
feel that there's something defective about them and that's why the parents
about them and that's why the parents don't spend the time with them so be
don't spend the time with them so be very careful it's the perception of the
very careful it's the perception of the child not the reality all right now the
child not the reality all right now the next number six is positive
next number six is positive expectations positive expectations were
expectations positive expectations were found by Dr David mclen of Harvard
found by Dr David mclen of Harvard University to be one of the best single
University to be one of the best single determinants of Peak Performance as a
determinants of Peak Performance as a young person positive expectations of
young person positive expectations of the child by the parent causes the child
the child by the parent causes the child to do everything possible to grow up and
to do everything possible to grow up and fulfill the parents' expectations as a
fulfill the parents' expectations as a matter of fact he found that there were
matter of fact he found that there were two things one was a democratic
two things one was a democratic household that in a democratic household
household that in a democratic household where the child was expected to
where the child was expected to contribute his or her opinion at an
contribute his or her opinion at an early age and in a democrat in a
early age and in a democrat in a household where the parents said in
household where the parents said in effect I believe in you no matter what
effect I believe in you no matter what you do I believe in you I believe you're
you do I believe in you I believe you're going to do well that these two factors
going to do well that these two factors alone LED children to becoming High
alone LED children to becoming High achievers in their teens and in their
achievers in their teens and in their early 20s sometimes 10 20 years ahead of
early 20s sometimes 10 20 years ahead of children who were not brought up in
children who were not brought up in Democratic households where their
Democratic households where their opinions were contributed were were
opinions were contributed were were solicited and and valued and where their
solicited and and valued and where their parents expressed negative expectations
parents expressed negative expectations like remember that you've heard many
like remember that you've heard many times kid works hard comes home with
times kid works hard comes home with five A's and a b first thing the parent
five A's and a b first thing the parent says is what's this B not look how great
says is what's this B not look how great the A's are but what's the be what this
the A's are but what's the be what this does is it completely demoralizes the
does is it completely demoralizes the child so positive expectations are
child so positive expectations are critical to the growth of a healthy
critical to the growth of a healthy personality number seven is teach your
personality number seven is teach your children to say I like myself from an
children to say I like myself from an early age teach your children to say I
early age teach your children to say I like myself from an early age I like
like myself from an early age I like myself I like myself I like myself you
myself I like myself I like myself you see high con High self-concept children
see high con High self-concept children High self-esteemed children like
High self-esteemed children like themselves too much to get into trouble
themselves too much to get into trouble at school they get better grades they're
at school they get better grades they're more popular they're better liked by
more popular they're better liked by their schoolmates and by their teachers
their schoolmates and by their teachers they have much less a tendency to use
they have much less a tendency to use drugs they have much more resistance to
drugs they have much more resistance to peer pressure they don't get into
peer pressure they don't get into trouble they don't vandalize so teach
trouble they don't vandalize so teach your children to say I like myself I
your children to say I like myself I like myself I like myself with our
like myself I like myself with our children we taught them as soon as they
children we taught them as soon as they could talk to say I like myself and I
could talk to say I like myself and I love myself I love myself I love myself
love myself I love myself I love myself and they stand in front of the mirror
and they stand in front of the mirror and they look in the mirror and they say
and they look in the mirror and they say I love myself I love myself and they act
I love myself I love myself and they act like they love themselves people come up
like they love themselves people come up to us on the street and they say and
to us on the street and they say and this is great they say to us those kids
this is great they say to us those kids aren't afraid of anything those kids
aren't afraid of anything those kids aren't afraid of anything and that was
aren't afraid of anything and that was our great desire after we came from very
our great desire after we came from very negative childhoods and very
negative childhoods and very destructively critical parents we wanted
destructively critical parents we wanted our kids to grow up not to be afraid so
our kids to grow up not to be afraid so this is these are the things that you do
this is these are the things that you do the seven key things to cause your
the seven key things to cause your children to grow up and feel terrific
children to grow up and feel terrific about
about themselves now this brings us to an
themselves now this brings us to an important Point many parents who have
important Point many parents who have been through our course at this point
been through our course at this point and earlier in this course feel very
and earlier in this course feel very guilty and uneasy they feel a little bit
guilty and uneasy they feel a little bit tense because they know they've shouted
tense because they know they've shouted at their kids they've been critical of
at their kids they've been critical of their kids they've hurt their kids their
their kids they've hurt their kids their kids are sometimes having personality
kids are sometimes having personality problems their kids having problems with
problems their kids having problems with grades schools friends their kids have
grades schools friends their kids have low self-esteem or feelings of
low self-esteem or feelings of inferiority and the parents are uneasy
inferiority and the parents are uneasy and tense because they realize that
and tense because they realize that they've done to their children what
they've done to their children what their parents did to them and now
their parents did to them and now they're looking at the they now they are
they're looking at the they now they are reaping the Harvest if you like they're
reaping the Harvest if you like they're looking at their children and they
looking at their children and they realize that what your children are is
realize that what your children are is more a result of what you have done and
more a result of what you have done and said to them than any other reason so
said to them than any other reason so here is the solution to that absolutely
here is the solution to that absolutely amazing it is possible for you to undo
amazing it is possible for you to undo the past with this very simple technique
the past with this very simple technique first thing you do when you go home from
first thing you do when you go home from this course is you gather your children
this course is you gather your children around you you bring them around you and
around you you bring them around you and you sit them down and you apologize to
you sit them down and you apologize to them for all of your hitherto
them for all of your hitherto destructive criticism you say to them
destructive criticism you say to them I've been to a course I understand the
I've been to a course I understand the effect of destructive criticism
effect of destructive criticism and I'm sorry for every single thing I
and I'm sorry for every single thing I ever said or ever did that caused you to
ever said or ever did that caused you to feel bad about yourself and I apologize
feel bad about yourself and I apologize and I ask you to accept my apology now
and I ask you to accept my apology now this is the most incredible thing that a
this is the most incredible thing that a parent can do for a child because
parent can do for a child because children want to love their parents and
children want to love their parents and they want their parents to love them but
they want their parents to love them but it is the destructive criticism that
it is the destructive criticism that builds a wall of distrust and fear and
builds a wall of distrust and fear and insecurity and when you as the parent
insecurity and when you as the parent and only you can do it when you as the
and only you can do it when you as the parent apologize and say I'm sorry will
parent apologize and say I'm sorry will you accept my apology the children feel
you accept my apology the children feel suddenly liberated like a great weight
suddenly liberated like a great weight has been removed from them now why do
has been removed from them now why do you do this well because the purpose is
you do this well because the purpose is for you to accept 100% responsibility
for you to accept 100% responsibility for everything guilt producing that
for everything guilt producing that you've ever done or said to them except
you've ever done or said to them except 100% responsibility and say I am
100% responsibility and say I am responsible I'm sorry I apolog apologize
responsible I'm sorry I apolog apologize will you accept my apology and your
will you accept my apology and your children will be absolutely amazed we've
children will be absolutely amazed we've seen children whose entire lives have
seen children whose entire lives have been transformed 15 16 year old children
been transformed 15 16 year old children in reformatories and boys or girls home
in reformatories and boys or girls home problem children that have been in
problem children that have been in trouble for years literally transformed
trouble for years literally transformed overnight in personality I had a couple
overnight in personality I had a couple of parents go through this course not
of parents go through this course not long ago and they went home and they had
long ago and they went home and they had a 16-year-old daughter and there was no
a 16-year-old daughter and there was no communication she was withdrawn she was
communication she was withdrawn she was shy she did not talk to the parents and
shy she did not talk to the parents and her parents went home and sat her down
her parents went home and sat her down and apologized to her they realized that
and apologized to her they realized that they' been complaining and complaining
they' been complaining and complaining and complaining do you know the average
and complaining do you know the average parent in America complains and
parent in America complains and criticizes their child eight times for
criticizes their child eight times for every one time they praise the child
every one time they praise the child eight times eight psychological lashes
eight times eight psychological lashes across the developing psyche or emotions
across the developing psyche or emotions of that child they realized they'd
of that child they realized they'd gotten into a habit of criticizing and
gotten into a habit of criticizing and complaining they went home and they
complaining they went home and they apologized and they said she came down
apologized and they said she came down to breakfast the next day and she was
to breakfast the next day and she was transformed they said she was like like
transformed they said she was like like like a nighting gale she was happy she
like a nighting gale she was happy she was laughing she was extroverted she and
was laughing she was extroverted she and her mother became tremendous friends
her mother became tremendous friends that she and her mother and her father
that she and her mother and her father began going out for dinner I mean it was
began going out for dinner I mean it was just like like a miracle I saw a family
just like like a miracle I saw a family once where the father had raised 10
once where the father had raised 10 children he'd come from a negatively
children he'd come from a negatively destructively critical environment and
destructively critical environment and he had been destructively critical of
he had been destructively critical of his all his children many of them had
his all his children many of them had serious marital problems some of them
serious marital problems some of them had serious psychological problems
had serious psychological problems problems with with their spouses the
problems with with their spouses the oldest one was over 30 the youngest one
oldest one was over 30 the youngest one was 14 at the end of the seminar they're
was 14 at the end of the seminar they're all in there all the children all the
all in there all the children all the spouses the father and mother at the end
spouses the father and mother at the end of the seminar he got up in the room and
of the seminar he got up in the room and turned around and went from child to
turned around and went from child to child and said I apologize will you
child and said I apologize will you forgive me and as he went to each child
forgive me and as he went to each child each child broke down in tears and
each child broke down in tears and started crying and by the time that
started crying and by the time that Circle had been made everybody in the
Circle had been made everybody in the room was crying it was absolutely
room was crying it was absolutely phenomenal and the family lit
phenomenal and the family lit transformed overnight then the next
transformed overnight then the next thing you do so logical so obvious
thing you do so logical so obvious promise never to do it again promise
promise never to do it again promise never to do it
why to make sure that it's clear and then finally give them permission to
then finally give them permission to remind you when you forget give them
remind you when you forget give them permission to remind you when you forget
permission to remind you when you forget because you will forget or when you slip
because you will forget or when you slip from time to
from time to time and make it let them
time and make it let them say daddy is that destructive criticism
say daddy is that destructive criticism or mommy is that destructive criticism
or mommy is that destructive criticism and you say yes it is you're right I
and you say yes it is you're right I apologize you will find that if you make
apologize you will find that if you make it a game to abolish destructive
it a game to abolish destructive criticism this is your goal in your
criticism this is your goal in your household do not allow destructive
household do not allow destructive criticism in your household abolish
criticism in your household abolish destructive criticism do not allow
destructive criticism do not allow anybody in your household to
anybody in your household to destructively criticize anybody else
destructively criticize anybody else make it absolutely clear that you can
make it absolutely clear that you can argue you can fight you can disagree All
argue you can fight you can disagree All Families do that but nobody is allowed
Families do that but nobody is allowed to devalue or run down the other person
to devalue or run down the other person make it a game and make sure that you
make it a game and make sure that you catch each other and get it to the point
catch each other and get it to the point where a person says is that destructive
where a person says is that destructive criticism or a person can say I don't
criticism or a person can say I don't accept that and if you made a mistake
accept that and if you made a mistake you back off and you say I'm sorry now
you back off and you say I'm sorry now with my little kids I learned this idea
with my little kids I learned this idea before my kids came along with my little
before my kids came along with my little kids what I said to them was what I say
kids what I said to them was what I say to him is do you forgive me I'm sorry I
to him is do you forgive me I'm sorry I apologize do you forgive me and now
apologize do you forgive me and now sometimes we'll have an argument I'll
sometimes we'll have an argument I'll send them to my bedroom their bedrooms
send them to my bedroom their bedrooms and Michael will come to me and he came
and Michael will come to me and he came to me the other day and he said Daddy he
to me the other day and he said Daddy he said I forgive you for sending me to my
said I forgive you for sending me to my bedroom and it was the cutest thing you
bedroom and it was the cutest thing you could imagine I said Michael I'm sorry
could imagine I said Michael I'm sorry thank you very much I apologize and if
thank you very much I apologize and if you apologize all the time you keep the
you apologize all the time you keep the decks open now one final point that I
decks open now one final point that I don't want to forget is this is that in
don't want to forget is this is that in order to apologize to your children
order to apologize to your children you've got to get your ego out of the
you've got to get your ego out of the way you have to put the mental health of
way you have to put the mental health of your children ahead of anything else
your children ahead of anything else when you apologize you it takes courage
when you apologize you it takes courage and character for you to
and character for you to apologize it takes courage and character
apologize it takes courage and character it takes tremendous strength for an
it takes tremendous strength for an adult to apologize to a child but when
adult to apologize to a child but when you lead by example you build courage
you lead by example you build courage and character in your children do you
and character in your children do you know how many people spent half of their
know how many people spent half of their times half of their life trying to avoid
times half of their life trying to avoid admitting I was wrong I made a mistake
admitting I was wrong I made a mistake when you demonstrate courage and
when you demonstrate courage and character to your children by saying I'm
character to your children by saying I'm sorry I made a mistake we don't use
sorry I made a mistake we don't use destructive criticism in this house you
destructive criticism in this house you demonstrate to them that they too can
demonstrate to them that they too can demonstrate courage and character they
demonstrate courage and character they too can say I'm sorry I was wrong I made
too can say I'm sorry I was wrong I made a mistake they too can apologize when
a mistake they too can apologize when they say or do something that hurts
they say or do something that hurts someone else and setting that example
someone else and setting that example for your children sets them off on a
for your children sets them off on a foundation of high self-esteem of high
foundation of high self-esteem of high self- value and enables them to spend
self- value and enables them to spend their entire lives realizing their
their entire lives realizing their potential rather than compensating for
potential rather than compensating for their deficiencies it is the kindest
their deficiencies it is the kindest thing that you can do for a child and I
thing that you can do for a child and I hope you do it for
yours session 27 finding true purpose in life now we come to the final question
life now we come to the final question what is the purpose of life what is the
what is the purpose of life what is the purpose of your life why are you here
purpose of your life why are you here why do you exist at all why do you get
why do you exist at all why do you get up in the morning why do you have a life
up in the morning why do you have a life why are you on the earth is it simply to
why are you on the earth is it simply to uh be born to grow up to work to
uh be born to grow up to work to reproduce to die or is there something
reproduce to die or is there something else in my estimation there is something
else in my estimation there is something else something far more important in
else something far more important in this session I want to talk to you about
this session I want to talk to you about my discoveries and my thoughts about
my discoveries and my thoughts about what the true purpose of life is the
what the true purpose of life is the true purpose of life in my estimation is
true purpose of life in my estimation is to find a mission some of the wisest men
to find a mission some of the wisest men and women of this century and of
and women of this century and of previous centuries have looked at this
previous centuries have looked at this whole idea of why a human being is put
whole idea of why a human being is put on this Earth and they've come to the
on this Earth and they've come to the conclusion that we have put on this
conclusion that we have put on this Earth to fulfill our potential by
Earth to fulfill our potential by finding our true mission in life EMT Fox
finding our true mission in life EMT Fox calls this your heart's desire what is
calls this your heart's desire what is your heart's
your heart's desire your heart's desire is something
desire your heart's desire is something that is placed deep down inside you
that is placed deep down inside you maybe even before you're born and it's
maybe even before you're born and it's something that calls to you and sings to
something that calls to you and sings to you and lures you on throughout your
you and lures you on throughout your life and the reason that we say that
life and the reason that we say that only one or two or five out of a 100
only one or two or five out of a 100 people fulfill their potential in any
people fulfill their potential in any given generation is because most people
given generation is because most people ignore the callings of this heart's
ignore the callings of this heart's desire they push it aside they ignore it
desire they push it aside they ignore it they pretend it isn't there they get
they pretend it isn't there they get involved in bills and families and
involved in bills and families and business and careers and this tugs at
business and careers and this tugs at them sometimes they don't get into it
them sometimes they don't get into it until later on in life but every single
until later on in life but every single person has the ability to establish for
person has the ability to establish for themselves a mission so then let's look
themselves a mission so then let's look at the men women who have affected
at the men women who have affected Mankind in the most positive and
Mankind in the most positive and profound way throughout all of history
profound way throughout all of history in our civilization in our culture the
in our civilization in our culture the most powerful person was Jesus of
most powerful person was Jesus of Nazareth a humble Carpenter who preached
Nazareth a humble Carpenter who preached for 3 years in Galilee and then died in
for 3 years in Galilee and then died in Jerusalem but has had more of an impact
Jerusalem but has had more of an impact on more people in this world than any
on more people in this world than any other man who ever lived than all the
other man who ever lived than all the other kings and all the other monarchs
other kings and all the other monarchs and dictators of History one simple man
and dictators of History one simple man who never wrote a word never appeared on
who never wrote a word never appeared on television never cut a record was the
television never cut a record was the man who has had more influence than
man who has had more influence than anyone else and Beyond Jesus there was
anyone else and Beyond Jesus there was Buddha the followers of Buddha and
Buddha the followers of Buddha and interestingly enough Buddha taught a
interestingly enough Buddha taught a very similar message to Jesus he taught
very similar message to Jesus he taught the message of universal love he taught
the message of universal love he taught the message of the Brotherhood of all
the message of the Brotherhood of all mankind that all of us are united in
mankind that all of us are united in loving each other and also Muhammad and
loving each other and also Muhammad and Muhammad has followers that number in
Muhammad has followers that number in the hundreds of Millions Buddha
the hundreds of Millions Buddha followers number almost a billion the
followers number almost a billion the followers of Jesus number probably two
followers of Jesus number probably two billion and if you look down the people
billion and if you look down the people who have been affected by them you have
who have been affected by them you have St Francis of
St Francis of aisi has had a profound influence
aisi has had a profound influence establishing The Franciscan order you
establishing The Franciscan order you have in our day you have Mother Teresa
have in our day you have Mother Teresa of
of Kolkata having a profound influence you
Kolkata having a profound influence you have my mentor Albert schwitzer of
have my mentor Albert schwitzer of Africa s schwier DB t schwitzer and you
Africa s schwier DB t schwitzer and you have people like Florence Nightingale
have people like Florence Nightingale and others what is the unifying theme of
and others what is the unifying theme of these people a man named Ralph Waldo
these people a man named Ralph Waldo Trine wrote a wonderful book many years
Trine wrote a wonderful book many years ago called what the whole world's a
ago called what the whole world's a seeking what the whole world is looking
seeking what the whole world is looking for and his conclusion very wisely that
for and his conclusion very wisely that what the whole world is looking for what
what the whole world is looking for what you and I are looking for is some
you and I are looking for is some mission that we can lose ourselves in
mission that we can lose ourselves in that somehow enriches and in Nobles and
that somehow enriches and in Nobles and benefits the lives of other people in
benefits the lives of other people in fact we have found that we only become
fact we have found that we only become great to the degree to which we are you
great to the degree to which we are you are able to lose yourself in something
are able to lose yourself in something bigger and grander and better than
bigger and grander and better than yourself that's why selfish people for
yourself that's why selfish people for instance people who think only of
instance people who think only of themselves are only to be pied because
themselves are only to be pied because they never have any Joy or happiness or
they never have any Joy or happiness or fulfillment now Mother Teresa or Albert
fulfillment now Mother Teresa or Albert schwier or some of these people maybe
schwier or some of these people maybe they never made very much money but the
they never made very much money but the contribution that they made the model
contribution that they made the model that they set the example that they set
that they set the example that they set for us has affected more people than
for us has affected more people than perhaps all the people who may have made
perhaps all the people who may have made money throughout all of history it's
money throughout all of history it's only when you find a mission in which
only when you find a mission in which you can lose
you can lose yourself that you achieve true greatness
yourself that you achieve true greatness in life from the time we began this
in life from the time we began this seminar to now we have been aiming it at
seminar to now we have been aiming it at this one simple conclusion that the
this one simple conclusion that the purpose of life your purpose your
purpose of life your purpose your Earthly purpose is simply this it is to
Earthly purpose is simply this it is to develop and become a totally loving
develop and become a totally loving person it is to look at the great models
person it is to look at the great models of mankind and you'll find that the
of mankind and you'll find that the great models of mankind the ones who
great models of mankind the ones who have had an impact far beyond their
have had an impact far beyond their times Jesus and Buddha and Muhammad and
times Jesus and Buddha and Muhammad and the teachers and Scholars of all the
the teachers and Scholars of all the religions have been those who have
religions have been those who have strived toward becoming totally loving
strived toward becoming totally loving toward other people they have given
toward other people they have given their entire lives in service and
their entire lives in service and service is the word how can you tell if
service is the word how can you tell if you're a loving person you can tell by
you're a loving person you can tell by the value and the quality and the
the value and the quality and the quantity of the service
quantity of the service that you give to others unselfishly from
that you give to others unselfishly from your heart with no hope of reward now be
your heart with no hope of reward now be by becoming totally loving persons
by becoming totally loving persons there's a very simple measure we develop
there's a very simple measure we develop loving
loving relationships that's why we talk about
relationships that's why we talk about how important it is with regard to our
how important it is with regard to our marriages there are many people who want
marriages there are many people who want to go out in the world and develop
to go out in the world and develop loving relationships but they haven't
loving relationships but they haven't yet developed those beautiful loving
yet developed those beautiful loving relationships at home with their spouses
relationships at home with their spouses and with their children with their close
and with their children with their close friends so developing loveing
friends so developing loveing relationships is the highest order of
relationships is the highest order of human life how can you tell because at
human life how can you tell because at any single time in your life if you want
any single time in your life if you want to take stock of your assets if you want
to take stock of your assets if you want to take stock of your accomplishments
to take stock of your accomplishments your most precious resources you will
your most precious resources you will find that they will always be caught up
find that they will always be caught up in the people that you love and have
in the people that you love and have loved and the people who love you and
loved and the people who love you and who have loved you that when you look
who have loved you that when you look back over the landscape of your life as
back over the landscape of your life as and an adult or as an older person you
and an adult or as an older person you look back and you'll find that you won't
look back and you'll find that you won't remember the money that you made or the
remember the money that you made or the careers that you or the jobs that you
careers that you or the jobs that you have what you'll remember is the people
have what you'll remember is the people you loved and the people who loved you
you loved and the people who loved you and the people who still do so
and the people who still do so developing a high quality in quantity of
developing a high quality in quantity of loving relationships is the great
loving relationships is the great business of Life the people like Jesus
business of Life the people like Jesus and Buddha and Muhammad and St Francis
and Buddha and Muhammad and St Francis and others of this day and previous days
and others of this day and previous days are men and women who committed their
are men and women who committed their lives to serving others and they did it
lives to serving others and they did it because they had this tremendous love to
because they had this tremendous love to give away to mankind now how do you
give away to mankind now how do you become a totally loving person it's not
become a totally loving person it's not that complicated it's not easy but it is
that complicated it's not easy but it is simple number one is accept yourself
simple number one is accept yourself unconditionally accept yourself as a
unconditionally accept yourself as a valuable and worthwhile human beings
valuable and worthwhile human beings don't be the type of person who doesn't
don't be the type of person who doesn't feel that they're good enough just
feel that they're good enough just accept yourself unconditionally
accept yourself unconditionally recognize that you were put here on this
recognize that you were put here on this Earth for a specific purpose a valuable
Earth for a specific purpose a valuable purpose that God doesn't make anybody
purpose that God doesn't make anybody extra then God Don't Make No Junk that
extra then God Don't Make No Junk that there is nobody on this earth that is
there is nobody on this earth that is here for no reason everybody has a
here for no reason everybody has a purpose and your purpose is to find your
purpose and your purpose is to find your purpose your purpose is to find your
purpose your purpose is to find your mission the place where you can make a
mission the place where you can make a significant contribution the second part
significant contribution the second part of becoming a totally loving person is
of becoming a totally loving person is to accept total responsibility for
to accept total responsibility for everything that you are and everything
everything that you are and everything that you become accept total
that you become accept total responsibility which means no blaming no
responsibility which means no blaming no excuses just get on with it number three
excuses just get on with it number three is learn to
is learn to forgive again the key to the kingdom of
forgive again the key to the kingdom of heaven is forgiveness the key to the
heaven is forgiveness the key to the kingdom of heaven the key to all
kingdom of heaven the key to all Spiritual Development the Straight Gate
Spiritual Development the Straight Gate is forgiveness the ability to freely
is forgiveness the ability to freely forgive other people no grudges no anger
forgive other people no grudges no anger no frustration no grudges just let go of
no frustration no grudges just let go of all grievances against you that's why it
all grievances against you that's why it says in the Lord's Prayer it says and
says in the Lord's Prayer it says and forgive us our sins as we forgive those
forgive us our sins as we forgive those who who have sinned against us number
who who have sinned against us number four is feed your mind with Loving
four is feed your mind with Loving Thoughts feed your mind with loving
Thoughts feed your mind with loving positive thoughts don't feed your mind
positive thoughts don't feed your mind with mental candy don't feed your mind
with mental candy don't feed your mind with mental junk feed your mind with a
with mental junk feed your mind with a kind of thoughts that are consistent
kind of thoughts that are consistent with you becoming the very best person
with you becoming the very best person that you can possibly be number five is
that you can possibly be number five is set noble goals and work toward them set
set noble goals and work toward them set noble goals and ideals to be the guiding
noble goals and ideals to be the guiding lights of your life Noble ideals and
lights of your life Noble ideals and values say to yourself are these the
values say to yourself are these the values are these the goals are these the
values are these the goals are these the ideals of the very best person that you
ideals of the very best person that you could possibly be number six is take
could possibly be number six is take good care of your body take good care of
good care of your body take good care of your body remember the body is the
your body remember the body is the Temple of the Soul take good care of
Temple of the Soul take good care of your body put into it good food give it
your body put into it good food give it good exercise give it good rest give it
good exercise give it good rest give it good nutrition take good care of your
good nutrition take good care of your body and number seven practice the
body and number seven practice the Golden Rule practice the golden rule in
Golden Rule practice the golden rule in that practice kindness patience
that practice kindness patience tolerance more than anything else
tolerance more than anything else tolerance of the diversity and
tolerance of the diversity and difference of other
difference of other people toward others love understanding
people toward others love understanding compassion remember everybody in the
compassion remember everybody in the world is carrying a heavy load now as
world is carrying a heavy load now as you practice these principles you will
you practice these principles you will start to become a more and more loving
start to become a more and more loving person as you practice these principles
person as you practice these principles you will find yourself drawn almost
you will find yourself drawn almost inevitably almost inexorably you'll find
inevitably almost inexorably you'll find yourself drawn toward your mission
yourself drawn toward your mission you'll find yourself drawn toward the
you'll find yourself drawn toward the area of service now believe me one of
area of service now believe me one of the best areas of service in the whole
the best areas of service in the whole world is the business world because our
world is the business world because our free enterprise system is based on
free enterprise system is based on serving other human beings but you can
serving other human beings but you can serve other people in any profession in
serve other people in any profession in any capacity you'll have an opportunity
any capacity you'll have an opportunity to give and to increase the quality and
to give and to increase the quality and quantity of your service to others to
quantity of your service to others to enhance and enrich and uplift the lives
enhance and enrich and uplift the lives of other people remember you're put on
of other people remember you're put on this Earth to do something for other
this Earth to do something for other people the measure of how well you're
people the measure of how well you're doing as a human being is very simply
doing as a human being is very simply this is that you only have love to the
this is that you only have love to the degree to which you express love to
degree to which you express love to others you only have love to the degree
others you only have love to the degree to which you express love to others in
to which you express love to others in other words you do not have love in
other words you do not have love in isolation of other human beings you
isolation of other human beings you cannot say I am a loving person without
cannot say I am a loving person without having loving relationships as the proof
having loving relationships as the proof if you like you can only have love to
if you like you can only have love to the degree to which you feel love for
the degree to which you feel love for other persons so the more you express
other persons so the more you express love to other people and that's why we
love to other people and that's why we are given families and that's why we are
are given families and that's why we are given intimate relationships and that's
given intimate relationships and that's why children are sent to us to teach us
why children are sent to us to teach us to develop our breadth and depth and
to develop our breadth and depth and capacity for love in such a way that we
capacity for love in such a way that we could never learn otherwise so we
could never learn otherwise so we express love to others and then once you
express love to others and then once you develop love for yourself by accepting
develop love for yourself by accepting yourself unconditionally practice giving
yourself unconditionally practice giving your love away practice giving your love
your love away practice giving your love away you see an interesting thing about
away you see an interesting thing about love is that
love is that love only Grows by sharing that love
love only Grows by sharing that love only Grows by sharing you cannot have
only Grows by sharing you cannot have any more love than you have right at
any more love than you have right at this moment in your life except to the
this moment in your life except to the degree to which you give it away to
degree to which you give it away to other people so love only Grows by
sharing now the wonderful thing is that the more you give away the more you have
the more you give away the more you have the more You Give Love Away the more you
the more You Give Love Away the more you have so the more you give the more you
have so the more you give the more you have to give the less you give the less
have to give the less you give the less you have to give this is where the law
you have to give this is where the law the more you give the more you have you
the more you give the more you have you can never give it
can never give it away this is where the law of sewing and
away this is where the law of sewing and reaping comes in more than anything else
reaping comes in more than anything else the law of compensation in that you if
the law of compensation in that you if you give just a little bit of love away
you give just a little bit of love away just a little bit it's enough because
just a little bit it's enough because that alone will cause a flow to start
that alone will cause a flow to start coming back to you if you give a little
coming back to you if you give a little bit more more will come back to you
bit more more will come back to you until you get onto the upward spiral of
until you get onto the upward spiral of life now many years ago I met a
life now many years ago I met a beautiful grandmother who had come up in
beautiful grandmother who had come up in a home where her parents had taught her
a home where her parents had taught her to be kind and compassionate and loving
to be kind and compassionate and loving to others and when her parents died she
to others and when her parents died she went back and met with her other
went back and met with her other brothers and sisters to divide up their
brothers and sisters to divide up their possessions and there only one thing
possessions and there only one thing that she wanted she'd married a very
that she wanted she'd married a very rich industrialist the only one thing
rich industrialist the only one thing she wanted was a little plaque that hung
she wanted was a little plaque that hung over the fireplace of that loving home
over the fireplace of that loving home home all the time she was growing up and
home all the time she was growing up and on the plaque was a little quatrain or
on the plaque was a little quatrain or little verse and I when she told it to
little verse and I when she told it to me I wrote it down and I'll share it
me I wrote it down and I'll share it with you and it said this it
with you and it said this it said only one life that soon has
said only one life that soon has passed only what's done with love will
passed only what's done with love will last only one life that soon is passed
last only one life that soon is passed only what's done with love will last now
only what's done with love will last now if you understand that you realize if
if you understand that you realize if you look back over your life you'll find
you look back over your life you'll find that only the things that you did with
that only the things that you did with love have lasted only the things that
love have lasted only the things that were done with love have had any lasting
were done with love have had any lasting value and if you use that as your
value and if you use that as your guiding organizing principle in life
guiding organizing principle in life that only what's done with love will
that only what's done with love will last you will start to move and evolve
last you will start to move and evolve more surely toward the Stars the
more surely toward the Stars the opposite of Love is fear the opposite of
opposite of Love is fear the opposite of fear is love if fear is the great
fear is love if fear is the great obstacle that holds us back from
obstacle that holds us back from fulfilling our potential love is the
fulfilling our potential love is the great doorway that kicks open all the
great doorway that kicks open all the possibilities of the universe for us and
possibilities of the universe for us and if you will practice this first of all
if you will practice this first of all learn to love and accept yourself
learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally you are valuable you are
unconditionally you are valuable you are a valuable and worthwhile human being no
a valuable and worthwhile human being no matter what happens you are still a
matter what happens you are still a valuable and worthwhile human being love
valuable and worthwhile human being love yourself unconditionally accept full
yourself unconditionally accept full responsibility for your life freely
responsibility for your life freely forgive others look for the best take
forgive others look for the best take care of yourself work on goals that are
care of yourself work on goals that are worthy of you set a mission that is
worthy of you set a mission that is challenging for you and practice giving
challenging for you and practice giving your love away to others and you will
your love away to others and you will develop more surely toward the Stars I
develop more surely toward the Stars I wish you luck I wish you success I wish
wish you luck I wish you success I wish you love thank you very
you love thank you very much this is the end of side two please
much this is the end of side two please fast forward the tape to the end to
fast forward the tape to the end to queue up side one for your next
queue up side one for your next listening
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