0:04 okay here we are we're moving on to
0:07 uh stress okay so
0:11 stress all of us experience stress right
0:15 how many people in here are stressed out
0:18 you could say that like five times again
0:20 yeah 500 times right
0:22 uh let's see if anyone chats in the chat
0:23 box stressed
0:25 yes no is there anyone out there who
0:26 doesn't stress
0:27 you just you don't experience a lot of
0:30 stress in your life
0:31 all right hannah i think that's a yes
0:34 that you stress
0:36 but i just asked a confusing question uh
0:38 here are saying lots of stress and i'm
0:39 saying yes to stress
0:43 okay so i am oh okay daniel absolutely i
0:44 stress i
0:48 stress out all the time and so this
0:51 is quite possibly well may have been one
0:53 of the most important chapters for me in
0:55 gen psych but i think that it quite
0:56 possibly could be one of the most
0:58 impactful chapters
1:01 for you guys as well um it's something
1:02 that's very
1:05 real world life for us and we can learn
1:07 stuff here that can change
1:09 our way of handling stress our way of
1:11 dealing with reality and the different crises
1:12 crises
1:16 that we encounter um okay
1:20 i my life was changed literally by that
1:25 how to make stress your friend i've
1:27 posted it for you guys
1:28 um we're not going to go over it right
1:30 now although i really really want to
1:34 because it did change my life um but
1:35 we're going to run out of time i don't
1:36 want to run out of time i want to get
1:37 through all this content
1:40 um so you all watch the ted talk and
1:41 pick up why this
1:44 is so important i mean for me i
1:46 literally cry by the end of that
1:49 ted talk um and i okay
1:52 yeah i'm gonna stop myself there's so
1:53 many beautiful things in it like
1:55 absolutely beautiful
1:57 absolutely incredibly beautiful you know
1:59 and part of the core
2:02 is it matters how we think about stress
2:06 so we find that stress exists on a continuum
2:31 so we get to decide one what is and is
2:33 not stressful and two how we think about stress
2:34 stress
2:38 and both of those factors matter tremendously
2:47 we decide one what is
3:01 i don't know if you all can hear and i
3:03 almost don't want to draw attention to this
3:03 this
3:05 um there's a lot of talking going on
3:07 around me do you all hear it
3:10 there's uh something playing in the
3:11 classroom behind me and then there's
3:12 somebody has their
3:15 their door open to their classroom um so
3:16 i'm hearing two different lectures going
3:18 on i hope you all can't hear it
3:19 uh because it made you drive you a
3:22 little bit crazy i i
3:24 it's loud um but the reason i'm bringing
3:26 it up one is distracting me but it
3:27 highlights what
3:28 selective attention is we're just
3:30 talking about sensational perception
3:32 selective attention i can decide right
3:34 now and i control this so it's part of
3:36 perception i can control that i'm not
3:38 going to listen to all that noise
3:39 and i'm just going to focus on what i'm
3:42 doing right here we get to direct kind
3:44 of the flashlight of our attention
3:47 our consciousness so a quiz and exam question
3:48 question
3:50 if you hear your name set across a room
3:51 and you're having a conversation over
3:53 here but you hear your name
3:54 and you stop listening to that person
3:56 you listen to over there what are they
3:57 saying about me
3:59 you're using selective attention that's
4:01 the answer to that question so anyway
4:02 it's just real live a
4:04 life example of what's going on with me
4:05 right now okay
4:08 how we think about stress matters is it
4:22 we should get to a place we think about
4:24 it as our friend and that's what that
4:27 ted talk proves and argues and is really
4:28 really impactful
4:31 when you think about stress as your friend
4:31 friend
4:34 your physiological response actually
4:36 changes your blood vessels do not
4:37 constrict they relax
4:41 your physiology is that of courage like
4:44 it's a courage response um instead of a stress
4:44 stress
4:48 uh unhealthy response um and so it
4:51 ends up helping extending our life if we
4:53 think of stress as a friend
4:55 ends up protecting our cardiovascular system
4:56 system
5:00 our bodies are well designed for
5:01 temporary stress
5:04 they are poorly designed for chronic stress
5:05 stress
5:07 and how you think about it all matters
5:09 when it comes to how long that stress
5:10 response is
5:13 going to last so let's see what do i
5:23 stress is the interpretation
5:58 our stress response is the physical
6:00 um and psychological reactions to stress
6:02 you see here that stressors are actual
6:05 events so stressors are objective events
6:06 they're triggers
6:08 um so we kind of have a bunch of
6:10 different little mini definitions here
6:12 but i think that what's important is
6:13 there's an interpretive
6:17 part of stress and it's thinking
6:19 that something out there is threatening or
6:20 or
6:23 challenging meaning maybe we don't have
6:25 the resources
6:28 to combat what we're facing so with the
6:35 intensity of stress
6:48 of resources
6:50 so why does our stress response kick in
6:53 because we think oh my gosh this is a challenge
6:54 challenge
6:56 oh my gosh i don't know if i have the
6:59 ability the resources the know-how
7:01 the internal resources the external
7:03 resources in order to combat this
7:06 this this thing that i'm facing so we go
7:08 into kind of this hyperdrive
7:11 um i think that it's really important
7:14 to point out again perception of
7:16 resources so
7:19 i can i have two different types of students
7:20 students
7:22 you know that show up stressed up
7:25 stressed out on exam day
7:27 there's one student that's stressed and
7:30 has test anxiety and is crying
7:32 even though they have studied and
7:34 studied and studied and studied
7:37 and they know the content but for some reason
7:37 reason
7:40 they don't believe they know the content
7:41 they don't believe they have the
7:43 resources in order to combat
7:45 the stressor the exam in order to
7:47 succeed at the exam
7:48 they think that they didn't study enough
7:49 they think they don't know the
7:51 information they think they're somehow
7:52 not smart enough or they have some kind
7:54 of fundamental insecurity that they
7:56 don't believe in themselves and their
7:58 own resources their own knowledge
8:00 so they sit down and they freak out and
8:01 they have this like
8:03 really uh stressed out moment and stress response
8:05 response
8:07 and then maybe the stress response stops
8:09 them from succeeding
8:11 because we do find that cortisol can do
8:13 some weird things
8:16 to uh ability to uh bring up memories it
8:19 can make you just completely freeze
8:20 um and we'll talk about that in one of
8:22 the uh pre-recorded lectures
8:24 it's like i can see sometimes i call on
8:26 someone in class and if they just go blank
8:27 blank
8:30 it's just they shut down they freeze
8:32 um and they're having the stress
8:34 response because maybe they're shy and
8:36 they don't like to speak up in class
8:37 um and so i have those students that
8:40 show up and even though they've studied
8:42 they have a stress response and then
8:44 there's another group that shows up and
8:45 freaks out
8:48 because they really didn't study and
8:49 they really
8:51 don't have the resources and it's their
8:53 understanding that they know they don't
8:54 have the resources
8:55 they didn't study they're not going to
8:58 be able to succeed on the exam
9:00 but what's interesting is that the
9:02 stress response is the same
9:05 for those two students even though
9:08 their resources are very different it
9:09 has to do with the
9:12 interpretation and the perception of
9:13 their resources
9:16 so it matters how you think stress is incredibly
9:17 incredibly
9:19 cool from a psychological perspective because
9:20 because
9:24 it psychology matters like we
9:26 actually can impact our thinking can
9:29 impact our physiological response
9:32 um our way of perceiving ourselves in
9:33 reality can
9:36 impact so much here okay so let me go
9:38 through anything else with this section
9:42 um i used to think about
9:45 stress as the enemy i used to you know
9:47 i'm somebody who i've said to you all
9:48 guys i i'm insecure
9:51 i was always insecure and i'm shy
9:54 um and so i would think about classroom
9:56 settings where i would get called on
9:59 and i would freak the heck out and i
10:00 would think oh my gosh what's wrong with
10:02 me i'm freaking out here and
10:05 you know everybody else is like calm and
10:06 they're able to handle the situation better
10:07 better
10:10 and i felt like my stress was my weakness
10:11 weakness
10:12 i thought oh my gosh if i could just
10:15 calm down maybe i could handle this
10:17 i had to get to a point that i could
10:19 change that thinking
10:22 that you are actually almost like super
10:24 human when you're stressed out in the
10:26 short term your body
10:28 kicks in and all of a sudden is giving
10:29 you access to
10:32 tons of physiological resources the ted
10:33 talk talks about how
10:35 your heart pounds preparing you for
10:36 action um
10:40 taking uh oxygenated blood to important
10:41 parts of the body
10:43 uh your heart rate it goes up it's
10:45 working hard to give you strength and
10:47 energy uh your breathing
10:49 increases you need more oxygen to the brain
10:50 brain
10:51 you can think about all of this stuff
10:54 that you know that some people
10:56 can tap into their stress response and
10:58 do incredible things i haven't
11:01 looked up you know to see the validity
11:02 of these stories but what i always think
11:04 about is that mom whose child
11:06 is getting crushed by something and all
11:07 of a sudden they can lift
11:09 that item that normally they wouldn't be
11:10 able to lift
11:12 you can access strength that you
11:14 normally can't access
11:16 because your body is like has your back
11:17 it thinks hey
11:20 let's activate everything get them to
11:21 fight this
11:23 empower them and then there's this other
11:25 beautiful part of stress
11:26 that your body tells you you're not
11:28 alone because it releases oxytocin
11:30 oxytocin is a cuddle hormone but it's
11:32 actually a stress hormone your body
11:34 releases oxytocin when you're stressed
11:35 to say hey you don't have to suffer
11:36 through this alone
11:39 you're not alone you're loved reach out
11:41 to people and when you reach out to people
11:42 people
11:44 you get more of that oxytocin and you
11:46 feel even more so you're not alone
11:47 you're loved and oxytocin
11:51 is it heals the heart um it regenerates
11:53 the heart so it's an incredibly
11:55 beautiful way that our body is designed
11:56 to handle stress
11:58 and you've got to realize in the short
12:00 term stress is beautiful and wonderful
12:02 and can make you superhuman
12:04 so now whenever i walk into a room and
12:07 for some reason i'm stressed i'm nervous
12:09 i think okay this is great my body's got
12:10 my back
12:12 i've got access to it all i'm gonna
12:14 succeed right now
12:17 um and i use it as a powerful moment
12:19 um and because i think about it that way
12:21 i don't end up in a state of chronic
12:22 stress which is bad for us
12:26 okay so i want to talk about
12:32 gosh it's hard to know exactly what i
12:37 i think it's important to talk about
12:39 life changes because if we're talking about
12:48 handling of reality and our
12:49 interpretation you know
12:53 of resources our perception of resources
12:55 uh change it's something it becomes
12:56 obvious that we do not like
12:59 change because we do not know what to expect
13:00 expect
13:02 and so we don't have a plan for dealing
13:03 with that situation
13:05 and so we automatically think we don't
13:06 have the resources to combat this
13:08 because we don't have prior knowledge of
13:10 it we don't have a plan we don't have
13:11 all of this stuff
13:15 so life changes are a source of stress
13:20 any life change
13:49 of stress so here is where i normally
13:52 talk about the social adjustment
13:55 social homes and raise social
14:09 they are going they come up with a list
14:11 of what they consider to be the most
14:13 stressful things that can happen in
14:14 someone's life uh
14:17 according to the amount of life change
14:18 that it
14:21 involves and then they put a number
14:24 to each of those like a life change
14:27 level um and then they say okay in the
14:29 past year how many of these things
14:32 have you experienced you mark them
14:34 and then you add up all of the points
14:36 for those things that you've experienced
14:38 and it gives you a total
14:41 and that total has to do with your
14:45 likelihood for illness so the higher the
14:45 number the more
14:49 likely you are to get sick
14:52 so what do you all think
14:55 is the most stressful thing that can
14:56 happen to someone
15:18 what do you all think uh would it be
15:21 like the death of somebody
15:24 that you're intimately close with or
15:26 spend a lot of time with
15:27 i would think that would be the where do
15:29 you think if you could identify one
15:30 person this is kind of getting morbid
15:33 no your spouse yeah it's death of a spouse
15:36 spouse
15:38 um i'm pulling up the scale now i have a
15:41 lot of it memorized but not all of it
15:47 and some people and i've never looked
15:49 into this too much
15:52 of this specific question but i just you know
15:52 know
15:55 based off of logic i have an answer um
15:55 you know
15:57 the question has popped up well why
15:59 isn't it death of a child
16:02 isn't death of a child the the most uh
16:04 heartbreaking thing you can possibly go
16:06 through um
16:08 and i think we've got to clarify we're
16:10 not talking about emotional
16:13 pain here we're talking about stress
16:16 we're talking about life change and you
16:17 think about your relationship to your
16:19 spouse versus your relationship to your child
16:20 child
16:23 you know you a child is a bit of a stressor
16:24 stressor
16:27 and a bit of a stress i mean a lot a big stressor
16:27 stressor
16:30 um you know you have to take care of
16:31 them you have to worry about them you
16:32 have to
16:35 feed them and clothe them and love them
16:36 and you know all
16:39 of that and it's you taking care of them
16:42 um with a spouse it's your other half
16:43 it's your partner
16:45 it's the person that handles life with
16:47 you it's a person that takes care of you
16:48 and yes you take care of them
16:50 but you can think about just on like a
16:52 an objective kind of
16:55 in an objective way um what if one of y'all
16:56 y'all
16:57 you know if you need to both incomes in
16:59 order to have a full income in order to
17:01 run your household
17:04 you lose half of that income
17:06 well you know the stress of trying to
17:09 recover plus the heartache
17:11 um you know we could look at okay well
17:13 maybe only one person works and the
17:15 other person stays home
17:16 but if you lose the person that stays
17:18 home who's going to now stay home and
17:19 take care of the kids
17:20 how is this one person that's supposed
17:22 to work all the time able to do both
17:24 okay and what if you lose a person
17:25 that's supporting you and now you don't
17:27 have any way to support yourself to stay
17:28 home with the kids
17:30 do you just look at financially it would
17:32 be an absolute nightmare when it comes
17:33 to life change
17:35 um or you can look at just how you
17:37 divide the chores in the household i
17:38 think about something as simple as
17:40 i load the dishwasher and chad unloads
17:42 the dishwasher what if there's no one
17:43 there to unload the dishwasher i mean
17:46 i know it's a simple little thing but in
17:47 a relationship it's
17:49 a million of those little things that
17:51 makes that person your partner and so to
17:54 lose them your entire life would change
17:57 um with a child it's maybe more hard
17:59 heartbreaking it's hard to compare grief
18:00 and pain
18:02 um but i've heard it is the most
18:03 heartbreaking because it just defies
18:06 all logic and what's supposed to happen um
18:07 um
18:10 and so it may be more heartbreaking but now
18:11 now
18:13 you don't have that child to take care
18:14 of um
18:16 and so it's just a little bit different
18:17 in terms of life change
18:20 and adjustment and stress what do y'all
18:38 maybe you losing your job yeah that's on here
18:39 here
18:44 um oh number eight being fired at work
18:46 yeah so yeah you got that one um we're
18:48 gonna go with i'll just read them to you
18:50 guys it's surprising okay someone else
18:51 has said yeah losing a job
18:55 um number two is divorce so you find
18:56 that all of the first ones have to do
18:58 with your partner
19:00 number three is marital separation i
19:03 mean it just shows the importance of
19:10 marital
19:13 separation you've gotten used to
19:14 operating with this partner and now
19:16 what they're gone the next one uh
19:18 detention in jail
19:20 yeah that can stress people out i could
19:22 go down a long
19:24 uh rabbit hole there i'm trying to go quicker
19:25 quicker
19:28 but you you lose all freedoms you know when
19:29 when
19:30 when you're locked up and you all of a
19:32 sudden realize
19:34 that our freedoms are not as guaranteed
19:36 as we think that they are that someone
19:38 can take that away from us
19:40 everything about your life or change if
19:41 you are locked up and then you think about
19:41 about
19:44 um once you're released from prison or
19:45 from jail and the fact that there's a
19:46 record and now you have to contend with that
19:47 that
19:49 and it just creates all of this stress
19:51 uh this fear is it gonna close doors for you
19:52 you
19:54 all kinds of things um we'll talk about
19:56 that more when we get to the drug
19:59 chapter okay a death of a close family member
20:06 six is major personal injury or illness
20:08 i'm going to stop writing these
20:11 um the next one is marriage itself why
20:13 do i want to mention that
20:17 good things can be stressful
20:19 winning the lottery can be extremely
20:21 stressful marriage can be extremely
20:23 stressful having a baby
20:26 can be extremely stressful so stressors
20:27 aren't just
20:28 negative things they can be wonderful
20:30 things but they cause a lot of life
20:32 change a marriage is going to change
20:33 everything having a baby
20:35 pregnancy is number 12 is going to
20:37 change everything retirement from work
20:38 is going to change everything that's
20:39 number 10
20:41 a reconciliation with your partner
20:42 number nine
20:44 um so getting back together again your
20:46 whole way of operating changes you went
20:47 to a single
20:49 you know lifestyle now you're back
20:51 together so it's a mixture
20:53 of a good and bad y'all i just for the
20:55 first time saw that number 24 is trouble
20:56 with your in-laws
20:59 that's hilarious i've never seen that before
21:01 before
21:03 30 troubles with your boss um so we
21:04 could look more at
21:06 sources of stress and i'm struggling
21:08 right now to remember if i talk about these
21:08 these
21:10 i don't think i do before so let's go
21:12 through them uh because i just hear okay
21:14 well we're identifying a lot of sources
21:16 of stress um
21:19 we could look at sources of chronic stress
21:26 chronic stress is that continuous
21:29 and this is bad this is the enemy bad
21:30 you do
21:32 not want to end up in a state of chronic stress
21:38 so think of stress as your friend and
21:39 then your stress response should shut down
21:40 down
21:44 you shouldn't stay activated okay
21:48 a continuous state of arousal in which demands
22:04 than the inner and outer
22:24 continuous is the key word here that
22:25 looks wrong [Music]
22:30 [Music]
22:33 i don't know okay that looks wrong to me
22:34 maybe i type out here but that's how i
22:35 have it spelled
22:37 um but it's continuous it just keeps
22:39 going on and on and on so what do you
22:41 all think sources of continuous stress
22:48 think about the themes that just keep
22:50 stressing you out constantly in your life
22:51 life
22:55 i think low uh social economic status
22:58 um or income poverty money problems definitely
23:04 every single month it doesn't stop and
23:05 so you
23:08 have all these uh you know challenges
23:10 out there these demands
23:11 um and you don't have the resources for
23:13 dealing with them you get a phone bill
23:15 that's fifty dollars and you only have
23:17 ten dollars in your bank account
23:19 yeah you don't have the resources so of
23:20 course you're going to feel stressed
23:21 what if you lose your house
23:23 what if you the lights turn off what if
23:25 you don't have money for food or for gas
23:27 and what's so incredibly frustrating is
23:28 a lot of times people are born into
23:29 money problems
23:31 and it's just this cycle that's been
23:33 there in your family for so long
23:36 life is so incredibly unfair and it's
23:37 really hard to get out
23:41 of a situation where there's low income
23:42 and there's money problems it's really
23:44 really hard and then
23:46 it's really easy to have your money make more
23:47 more
23:48 money babies you know the people that
23:50 are really really wealthy it's easy for
23:52 them to go out and succeed and start
23:53 their own business and multiply
23:56 you know their money through investments
23:58 like it's just so incredibly unfair so yes
23:58 yes
24:00 money problems is a huge source of
24:02 chronic stress for a lot of people
24:15 think about the things that would just
24:19 endlessly bother you
24:22 um possibly losing a home
24:24 or let's say you're kicked out that
24:27 would be a chronic stress that um
24:29 it doesn't really end because at the end
24:30 because you're basically having having to
24:31 to
24:33 rebuild yourself up so that could be a
24:35 chronic form of stress
24:38 yes so and it could be related one to
24:39 financial issues not being able to
24:42 afford your own place but it could also
24:45 be related to relationship problems or
24:46 let's put
24:50 bad relationships toxic relationships
25:06 so we could go a bunch of different
25:07 directions with this
25:10 um but let's think of you know huh well
25:12 yeah family that like maybe won't
25:14 support you or doesn't believe in you or
25:15 is constantly
25:17 putting you down or there's constant
25:19 toxicity in fights
25:21 i mean you can get your energy up to go
25:24 try for something but then every time
25:25 you go around this family it just
25:27 exhausts you
25:28 and there's all this stuff that's
25:30 constantly happening and you just don't
25:31 have the energy
25:34 or the i don't know the strengths to
25:35 continue to deal with this
25:37 to meet these demands and it's just a
25:39 constant constant problem that seems
25:40 like you can't
25:42 solve it um and so it may be you know
25:44 family issues
25:47 um it may be a bad marriage um
25:49 gosh this could be on a lot at like
25:52 different levels of the scale but you
25:53 can think about
25:56 an abusive marriage um where it just
25:59 goes on and on and on and maybe someone
26:00 feels like they can't get out
26:02 you know there's a lot of women out
26:04 there and it's it's like people look at
26:05 these situations they're like well she
26:07 should just leave
26:09 but no you know and it's typically the
26:10 woman that's been
26:13 abused um it's not that easy
26:16 you know a lot of times the guy has
26:18 created the situation
26:20 where she is unable to leave whether
26:21 it's because of fear
26:25 uh for her own uh health and life
26:28 or that of her loved ones um or if it's because
26:29 because
26:31 you know slowly and it's something to
26:33 watch for is somebody
26:36 taking away your independence where you
26:37 know you don't have an
26:40 education and you don't have a job and
26:42 you don't have a way to make money and
26:44 you don't have social connections
26:45 because they're keeping you more and
26:47 more and more isolated
26:49 and helping them to do whatever that
26:51 they need um and so
26:52 a lot of times in those abusive
26:54 situations the woman slowly gets into a situation
26:55 situation
26:57 that she doesn't know how to get out she
26:59 doesn't talk to anyone
27:01 she doesn't have an education she can't
27:02 find a job
27:05 and sometimes the fact that she can't
27:06 support herself
27:08 she thinks if i leave them and maybe
27:10 there's kids how am i going to support
27:10 my kids
27:12 the only way to support these kids is to
27:14 stay in this abusive marriage at least
27:15 he's providing for them
27:18 and maybe they think slowly i can try to
27:20 find a way but then there's no way
27:22 because he's ultra controlling we have
27:23 to have understanding for people that
27:25 end up in these situations
27:27 because it's not simple it's way more
27:28 complex and they feel like they can't
27:29 get out
27:31 you know there's other a different
27:33 totally different type of marriage
27:35 i'm thinking about something we talk
27:37 about in lifespan development
27:39 a lot of people believe you know get
27:40 married within
27:42 a certain religion within a certain
27:43 church and when you do that you're
27:45 making a commitment to god
27:48 not just to um that person
27:50 uh you're committing you know promising
27:52 god that you're gonna love this person
27:54 for better or for worse for the rest of
27:57 your life and god blesses your marriage
28:00 um i have seen situations where it the
28:02 marriage ends up being bad
28:05 but people feel an obligation to stay in
28:07 it because of their promise to god
28:10 um and that the abuse is just the bad
28:11 that they have to accept
28:13 um and i i know you can say well that's
28:15 not what the religion wants and that's
28:16 not what god wants but there's people
28:18 that get in that situation and that's
28:20 how they feel they cannot leave the marriage
28:21 marriage
28:23 and so it's just this constant source of pain
28:24 pain
28:26 and of stress and they don't know how to
28:27 fix it
28:30 um you can see some awful awful
28:32 situations that are very hard to get out of
28:33 of
28:36 okay um
28:39 bad beards anymore uh money problems uh
28:41 job stress i'm gonna start listing some
28:44 here job stress
28:47 uh changes you know in your job
28:49 unemployment worries about your job
28:52 uh performance issues um
28:56 maybe just having a bad boss
29:00 or a bad environment uh jobs can stress
29:01 people out and seems to be
29:04 over and over every single day they're
29:05 just stressed out because of that job
29:08 we find that leaders and this is some
29:09 research and
29:11 you know i'm hesitant to say it because
29:13 you know we think about it and
29:15 ah but you think maybe the ceo would be
29:17 the most stressed out person out of everyone
29:18 everyone
29:22 but some research shows the opposite
29:25 that the leaders have less stress
29:27 than the people that are under them
29:28 leaders experience
29:31 lower levels of stress and have higher
29:32 levels of control in their work
29:35 environment so it comes down to control
29:40 i got to plug in my computer
29:43 you know if the ceo or the owner of the company
29:44 company
29:46 is having a bad day something happens in
29:47 their family
29:50 they can just not show up a lot of times
29:52 they get to call the shots they get to
29:53 make the rules
29:55 so they have a lot of control and you
29:57 know and therefore a lot of the
29:59 resources could combat different things
30:00 going on in their lives
30:02 uh they're empowered in order to do
30:04 stuff one with control
30:06 um whereas if you are somebody who's you
30:08 know really low kind of
30:11 on the ladder um you say even something
30:13 happens like awful like somebody dies
30:16 maybe they give you three days off and
30:17 then they expect you to be back at work
30:20 you can't just say no i can't do this
30:20 right now
30:22 um you don't have enough control and
30:23 enough power
30:25 to fix the situation so that you can
30:27 reduce the stress
30:29 and take care of yourself so there's a
30:32 question of leaders
30:36 have more control and then possibly
30:44 now you may say well a small business
30:45 owner you know they're in charge and
30:47 they are incredibly stressed yeah that's
30:48 a different situation than i think
30:50 what we're thinking of here um and
30:52 sometimes you have someone really high up
30:52 up
30:54 like here you know you could have the
30:56 president but he's got a board that he
30:57 has to make happy so
31:00 you know maybe he could find himself
31:02 really stressed out
31:05 um okay uh uh two more things
31:09 social lives do you all think
31:10 social lives can be chronically stressful
31:13 stressful
31:16 a chronic source of stress a source of
31:18 chronic stress
31:27 totally um i think it can go two ways
31:31 like a you don't have a whole lot of
31:32 social interactions
31:35 and so like the cognitive effects of
31:36 that which like
31:38 clearly leads to a lot of mental diseases
31:39 diseases
31:42 and then the other side of that is like
31:45 um like there's a lot of friends that we
31:46 have that live in
31:48 highland park and that such like a tight knit
31:50 knit
31:53 um area yeah and they constantly feel like
31:54 like
31:56 they're being invaded on if they don't
31:58 have like a free
32:00 choice i mean i i relate to that of like
32:02 being in a church environment where it
32:03 was like
32:05 to the point where it was unhealthy and then
32:06 then
32:09 just like feeling like we couldn't make
32:10 free decisions kind of like what you're
32:11 talking about with the marital thing but as
32:12 as
32:14 it relates to life in general you didn't
32:15 have freedom
32:18 and so yes um
32:21 i think it goes two ways so pressure you know
32:21 know
32:25 uh fear of judgment or
32:27 you know pressure or demands and expectations
32:29 expectations
32:31 and you don't want to let people down
32:33 and you don't want to do something wrong
32:34 in somebody else's
32:38 eyes and you care about what they think
32:55 so if you are surrounded by a tight-knit
32:56 community and friends it can
32:58 almost end up feeling suffocating at
33:00 times like you don't have the freedom to
33:01 just do what you want because there's
33:02 always someone watching you and there's
33:02 all these
33:05 pressures and expectations and judgments
33:07 and you want people to like you and you
33:09 care about what they think and so you
33:11 want to make them happy so even if you
33:12 have tons of friends
33:14 you're stressed out but then the
33:15 opposite side
33:18 if you don't have any you still want
33:21 people to like you and you still
33:22 care about what others think and then
33:24 you start worrying why don't i have any friends
33:25 friends
33:27 and other people have friends look at
33:30 them you know or look you know
33:31 daniel said you know that he's part of a
33:34 community well i'm not part of community
33:36 i want to be part of community and then
33:37 you watch you know the tv show like friends
33:38 friends
33:40 or uh gosh what's another how i met your mother
33:41 mother
33:44 all these tv shows put these images of these
33:44 these
33:47 super close-knit friend groups where
33:48 everyone has like
33:50 five amazing best friends that you're
33:51 around all the time
33:54 that's not reality you all i cannot tell you
33:54 you
33:57 how many people come into my office i mean
33:58 mean
34:01 it's like 90 percent and say that they
34:03 don't have any friends
34:06 and they really want friends
34:08 people are hurting and stressed out
34:10 because they think something's wrong
34:11 with them or their life is lacking
34:12 because they don't have friends
34:14 but we do have that opposite side of the
34:15 coin where if you do have a community
34:16 you do have friends
34:19 then you have all of this pressure and
34:21 then you have this weird middle zone
34:28 maybe you don't have real life irl
34:31 friends uh you know in real life friends um
34:32 um
34:34 but you have a ton of social media
34:36 friends well what does that feel what
34:39 does social media do to our lives to our
34:40 overall life satisfaction and to our
34:42 stress levels uh madison saying yes
34:44 trying to balance social life and responsibilities
34:45 responsibilities
34:52 thing that i just i want to figure it
34:54 out i remember being in college and
34:55 thinking how do i balance this
34:58 how do i balance my relationship and my school
34:59 school
35:02 and my career and my family and my best friends
35:03 friends
35:05 our lives are so full we're trying to do
35:06 so much
35:09 in the modern world it is just so much
35:12 and it's hard to figure out the balance
35:14 and what truly matters
35:16 you know where are our priorities uh
35:18 here social media can cause chronic stress
35:18 stress
35:20 from the beauty standards and so this
35:28 and i think that we hear it a little bit
35:30 in what you know daniel was describing
35:31 when you're part of community
35:33 especially one like the highland park
35:35 community there is a lot of social
35:37 comparison and you think of
35:40 keeping up with the joneses now keeping
35:41 up with the jones
35:44 joneses is on steroids because of social media
35:45 media
35:47 you can see this picture into everyone's
35:49 lives and then guess what
35:51 the pictures aren't accurate but we even
35:52 if we know that
35:54 we don't really know that when we're
35:56 viewing it when i scroll through social
35:57 media and i see oh my gosh someone just
35:58 got a perfect puppy
36:00 oh and somebody else just had their
36:02 fourth child oh and somebody just had
36:03 the perfect wedding
36:05 oh and somebody just bought you know a
36:07 brand new whatever you're like well it's
36:09 stuff no but it matters it gets in our head
36:09 head
36:11 and we think i don't have that i don't
36:13 have a dog i haven't had kids
36:14 i haven't gotten married what am i doing
36:17 with my life oh
36:19 my thing's shut down uh i think y'all
36:21 are still there right i think it's just
36:23 my ipad
36:25 all right i think it's just ipad y'all
36:28 give me something yeah we're good
36:30 i'm here like talking about social media
36:31 and shuts down um
36:33 um so you know you can think oh i don't
36:35 have all that what am i doing with my life
36:35 life
36:38 am i not good enough and then you log on
36:39 and you see oh my gosh look at all these
36:40 people from
36:42 colin got together and went out to
36:43 dinner they
36:46 i'm in that class they didn't invite me
36:49 why am i getting excluded and then it
36:50 makes you feel bad
36:52 you know fear of missing out is a huge
36:54 thing let me try to get the whiteboard
37:02 so we see that social media usage drives stress
37:03 stress
37:06 and hurts life satisfaction the more
37:07 friends you have on social media the more
37:08 more
37:10 stressed you are the more time you spend
37:11 on social media
37:13 the more stressed you are the lower your
37:16 levels of day-to-day happiness
37:18 the lower your levels of feelings of
37:20 life satisfaction
37:22 the higher your levels of depression due
37:23 to social comparison
37:25 uh fear of exclusion pressure to
37:27 entertain fear of missing out
37:29 um and so we find that all of the
37:31 research on social media
37:33 says this is really really bad for our
37:34 mental health
37:37 yet how many of us are addicted to it
37:38 how many of y'all
37:40 mindlessly throat scroll through some
37:41 kind of
37:43 social media platform on a day-to-day basis
37:51 oh gosh it worked
38:01 sometimes just depends depends
38:03 daniel's trying to quit he currently
38:09 and maybe you know i think i mentioned
38:10 one of these times the
38:12 social dilemma on netflix y'all should
38:15 watch it it shows that
38:16 society is really controlling us through
38:18 our phones um
38:21 and it's really quite scary um yeah it's
38:24 really really interesting and so i
38:25 advise everyone watch that and think
38:27 about their actions at least
38:29 or their decisions with their usage at
38:31 least turn off your notifications
38:34 don't give them that power uh to control you
38:34 you
38:37 um kira does a lot of scrolling i think
38:38 that acadia
38:40 i'm doing i said sometimes you know i'm
38:43 not a big social media person i'm not actively
38:44 actively
38:46 adding friends or posting or anything
38:48 like that yet still
38:50 like every night before i go to sleep i
38:52 happen to open like the facebook app
38:57 and just scroll and then every you know
38:59 night before i go to bed so when i wake
39:00 up and when i go to bed
39:04 i scroll that is such a horrible way to
39:06 start my day and yet it's a habit
39:08 something that i'm addicted to so we've
39:09 got i want everyone to think about their
39:11 technology and social media usage and
39:12 what it's doing
39:13 to their life and if they want to
39:16 continue uh to use it or change anything
39:17 about it
39:19 okay i'm trying to get the whiteboard
39:21 back up but we had social media stress
39:23 you know one of the two last things i
39:25 said to two before but
39:28 um minor hassles can add up and create a
39:30 major source of stress i'm going to do
39:31 something different here
39:35 since we're having issues um
39:37 it's your screen whiteboard some people
39:38 are going to be like you should do this
39:40 all the time but i don't want to i like
39:43 writing so i try to not roll this way out
39:44 out
39:48 very often let me type
39:51 okay so we say socialize see y'all are
39:53 gonna be like oh i can read
39:58 okay um so we find more friends
40:03 on social media equals more stress
40:07 more time on social media
40:10 equals more stress lower levels
40:17 of life satisfaction satisfaction
40:29 uh we think about social comparison and
40:31 fear of missing out okay and then i was
40:33 about to say minor hassles can add up
40:35 and form a major source of chronic
40:37 stress um
40:39 minor hassles of daily life there are
40:41 some authorities
40:43 on stress that believe that hassles can
40:44 be more significant than major life events
40:45 events
40:48 in creating stress minor these
40:58 than major life events
41:05 um i think about just all of them piling
41:06 up it's the little things yeah when you
41:08 talk about love it's the little things
41:09 that makes you
41:11 you know love someone and that makes you
41:13 happy in a relationship
41:14 but it's also in the little things that
41:17 make life rich and wonderful
41:19 but it's also the little things that can
41:20 make life
41:23 awful or a relationship awful or make
41:25 you really dislike someone
41:28 the little things add up and they mean something
41:29 something
41:32 okay um with this we can think about
41:34 self-imposed stress
41:36 there are some people who interpret
41:37 everything under the sun
41:40 as stressful and maybe there's a
41:41 fundamental kind of
41:44 insecurity or maybe there's just a
41:46 negative way of viewing the world
41:47 they find that at some point i think i
41:49 mentioned in the other lecture
41:52 gosh what is it uh sinuses um some kind of
41:53 of
41:58 um sarcastic sinus
42:04 pessimistic yeah
42:06 i and i don't want to say the word again
42:08 i just said it but i don't know
42:10 um y'all look for it in the other
42:11 lecture that it's this
42:27 cynical uh maybe
42:35 why does cynicism sound so wrong it's right
42:36 right
42:38 insecurity talking about insecure people
42:40 here i am
42:43 i think that it's like this sarcastic
42:49 um can really really be bad for your
42:52 health um it's just a really negative
42:54 way pessimistic way of viewing the world
42:56 that can end up causing like you know
42:57 cardiovascular problems because all of
42:59 the stress response has to do with the
43:00 cardiovascular system
43:02 uh and so we've got to talk about that
43:05 um but we see that certain ways of being
43:08 can create just chronic constant chronic stress
43:09 stress
43:11 so it may be something like that or it
43:13 could be
43:17 irrational self-defeating
43:20 beliefs that
43:22 add unnecessarily to the normal stresses
43:24 of life
43:39 quite apart from stressful events in
43:45 i do think some people get addicted to
43:56 addiction to negativity
43:59 and drama because sometimes when you are
44:01 negative and you complain
44:02 you somehow get reassurance and
44:04 validation from the world or at least
44:05 some kind of attention
44:08 so then you continue to be negative and complain
44:09 complain
44:12 also people tend to bond through like
44:14 negative things like let's bond through
44:17 having a common enemy so everybody
44:19 complain about the boss and that'll all
44:21 bond us together but really we're
44:22 spending all of our
44:24 time talking about how all these bad
44:26 things and it can end up being just a
44:28 way of viewing the world that creates problems
44:28 problems
44:31 and creates stress i really think people
44:32 get addicted to
44:35 these ways of interacting you find work environments
44:35 environments
44:37 where everyone connects by complaining
44:39 and you join the conversation and build bonds
44:40 bonds
44:43 by uh complaining and by being negative um
44:43 um
44:46 and by adding to drama or you create
44:48 drama in order to get yourself some love
44:50 and some validation and some attention
44:53 okay so how much time do i have i have
45:01 okay so i know some of you all have to
45:03 get on with your day so i am actually going
45:04 going
45:05 to stop this recording today i'm
45:07 creating three little mini recordings
45:09 um i am going to stick around and i am
45:10 going to talk about
45:13 uh the physiological response to stress
45:14 and conflicts
45:16 um and i will post that content for you
45:17 guys i totally
45:19 understand if anyone wants to leave in
45:21 fact i'm going to end this recording
45:22 right now so i'm going to say goodbye to everyone
45:23 everyone
45:25 that's watching this recording thank you
45:28 so much for watching this and if people
45:28 are leaving that are
45:31 on live thank you so much for joining us okay
45:32 okay
45:34 where is the stop record button is it
45:35 even recording
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