LIAM | Anxiety doesn't stop for your AFL career | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: LIAM | Anxiety doesn't stop for your AFL career
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what is going wrong in your life
you're an afl footballer you're living
your dream
i couldn't bear to look at myself and go
you know what you probably need help now
what does help even look like
when i was four months old dad got
offered a job to move out to beijing
and then we moved over to hong kong for
another six years
but i just remember playing so much
sport
and that's where i started playing rugby
when i was about five or six and that
was my introduction to competitive sport
and i used to love it
we first arrived back in australia early
2010 and three days in i went on my
first school camp and all i can really
remember is just thinking everyone hated
me and struggling to fit in
eventually i got to a point where i was
stressing about where i was sitting at
lunchtime who i was going to speak to
during the day whether i looked like a
loner
how was your day
i didn't know my first panic attack was
a panic attack
couldn't figure out a little problem go
through a pen slam my head into my desk
i just had no control over how i was
feeling i just felt helpless that my
mind was taking control of the rest of
my body
i struggled to understand that people
like me could have things like this go
on because i'd had the picture-perfect
life so far
[Music]
i still remember really intensely
how proud i was when i got drafted and
juddy handed me that jumper
from the sound
i think the thing i remember the most is
how quickly my emotions changed
all my exposure to afl football has been
that they live a perfect life there are
no worries
frankly it definitely wasn't the case
[Music]
he's struggling with this aggressive
anxiety disorder but you're still in
front of a packed mcg how does that even
break even
but there's an aspect of being able to
hide behind the identity that i have out
there
and that's probably why it was a safe
haven for me when i was playing afl
football and why i struggle so much when
i'm not
like at the time i really struggled to
go back to being me
how hard that is to conceptualize it in
front of 80 000 people you're not under
pressure but at home on your own you are
mclaughlin today but he always finds a
way in the latest just the entire all 10
victorian clubs
i found out the day before that we were
flying up to queensland for 25 days
pretty much the second i got up there i
realised that something was really off
you know thoughts of self-harm were well
past the point of being worrying i sort
of started unpacking why i was even in
the industry i hadn't enjoyed any of my
first two years
and it got to the point where football
wasn't necessarily detrimental to me but
football could no longer save me
my plan was to retire and forget about
football
i thought that me escaping football was
me escaping my mental health problems
i didn't like the idea of rehabilitation
or didn't like the idea of taking care
of my mental health either in fact i had
these associations with it that i was a
weakling because i had to and and all
this stuff that i've been prejudiced
towards since early childhood
i'd like to think that i'm tough and
angry and all of these things that we
think the perfect 80s or 90s footballer
is and that's kind of how i grew up
when it finally became obvious to other
people how much i was battling um the
amount of time they put into me to fix
things was the best thing that ever
happened to me and that's
why i'm so big on telling other people
what's going on because often they have
a better idea of the picture than you do
[Music]
the biggest things for me were the
understandings what was actually going
on hormonally in my brain and having
some way to justify how i was feeling
so i had a psychologist a psychiatrist
on medication
when i finally got to that point where
when i was in a downhill spiral or
something like that how i could come
back to terms with all right this is why
i'm feeling this way these are the
little things that i can do to to get
away from it or give myself a second and
get back in the moment
knowing who i've got in my corner as
well
so i don't feel alone even when i'm
struggling
i now realize my purpose in football
might be a little bit bigger than just
being good at it
i'm gonna do everything in my power to
make people feel like suffering like
this is okay
i'm an afl footballer but i can be human
i don't have to be this super tough guy
like i know other people struggle i know
everyone does and that's what makes it
okay for me
you
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