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DEĞERSİZLİK DUYGUSU İLE BAŞA ÇIKMAK (Aşağılık Kompleksi Nasıl Yenilir?) - AI Summary, Mind Map & Transcript | Psk. Özlem Tokgöz Özsoylar | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: DEĞERSİZLİK DUYGUSU İLE BAŞA ÇIKMAK (Aşağılık Kompleksi Nasıl Yenilir?)
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The core theme of this content is that feelings of worthlessness, often stemming from childhood experiences, are the root cause of many negative life patterns and behaviors, and it outlines a multi-step process for addressing and overcoming these feelings.
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Do you know? At the root of most of the situations we live in today is a feeling of worthlessness.
For example, relationship addiction, staying in a relationship
despite being emotionally or physically abused , extreme perfectionism, constantly comparing and
competing with others , lack of self-confidence, inability to say no, excessive sacrifice.
When we get to the root of all these situations, we often encounter a feeling of worthlessness.
Do you also have a feeling of worthlessness?
How will we understand this?
And if there is a feeling of worthlessness, how can we deal with it?
We will talk about them in this video.
[Music]
Our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the outside world are mostly formed in the
0-6 age period . So I am valuable or worthless, others more valuable or
unworthy beliefs come from our childhood.
With our mind that does not yet know how to look at it from very detailed and different perspectives,
we evaluate and interpret the events we experience with that tiny life experience and limited child consciousness,
and as a result of these comments, we form our basic beliefs about life, ourselves and others
. The worst part is that the beliefs we form with our limited child consciousness
affect our perspective on ourselves, life and others in adulthood.
It affects all our emotions, thoughts and behaviors.
So actually, each of us is 6-year-old children.
Some events that we experienced in your childhood may prevent you from
accepting yourself as you are and seeing yourself as you are.
Especially children who are compared to others or who are abused in some way
believe that they need to be different from what they are in order
to be accepted
, loved and valued . Therefore, thoughts of inadequacy and low self-confidence can be
observed in these people . In other words, the behavior of our parents and others, especially in childhood
, affects our behavior towards ourselves in the future.
To put it very rudely, if others have treated you badly, you are
treating yourself badly . The sad part is that often our parents can inflict wounds in
our children's minds without realizing it, without bad intentions
, in order to protect us or to make us better .
For example, those who compare their child's success with someone else.
Those who show interest in their child only when he is high-achieving, when the child tries to
start a business , don't do it, you will hurt yourself.
Parents who say that you can't do it, you can't, often send the message to
children that you are inadequate, you are worthless.
So we don't necessarily have to have very traumatic parental histories
to have a belief of worthlessness
. Sometimes parents make their child feel worthless because they do
n't have time or can't spare enough time for
their child. For example, when parents who do not spend a lot of time with their children spend time with them, parents who
are either on their phones or have a different mind, physically there but
not there spiritually, also send the message that you are worthless to their children.
Some people with feelings of worthlessness wear the opposite mask
to cope with this feeling .
In other words, they act as if they are overconfident, rebellious, unyielding, and strong.
They are in constant competition and try to prove themselves.
They always want to be the best.
In fact, there are those people that you call high ego in quotation marks.
Hah, there's a little kid in them waiting for approval, who wants to feel valued
. In order to cope with the feeling of worthlessness, some people may resort to the inability to say no or
excessive self-sacrifice.
The altruistic person is actually after sacrificing something and making a profit.
Now this may sound a bit counterintuitive to you.
However, underlying this sacrifice is actually the need to seek approval from others and to feel valued
. These people usually say that I vacuumed their hair, but I still couldn't make it
. To feel valued.
In other words, they constantly sacrifice something to make a profit, and when these efforts are not seen,
they find themselves in a drama.
People who hold beliefs of worthlessness often have a strong attraction to
unloved people who make them feel worthless and uncaring.
This is because this feeling is familiar and familiar.
Okay, dear, don't say such nonsense.
For the unconscious, the unknown is death, and its greatest effort is to keep you alive, that is, to pull you into
the safe space, the familiar familiar space.
So one way or another?
Let's say I have a feeling of worthlessness.
How can I deal with it?
What should I do to solve this?
Let's talk about them now.
First of all, it is necessary to work with a specialist for the surest and healthiest solution.
Who do I mean by expert?
When I say experts, I am not talking about the so-called personal development, experts
in quotation marks that you would hit if you waved your hand .
By specialist, I mean a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist with training in psychotherapy.
If you work with these people, that is, people who are experienced, experienced and knowledgeable in their field,
you can solve this question in a healthy way.
Let me tell you, do not look for the solution in the wrong places and do not lose your money and time, and most importantly
, your hopes.
Because when we work with the wrong people, we can fall into a
belief and despair that this problem will never be resolved
. If you say that I cannot or should not go to a specialist, what can I do myself, then I would like to make
a few suggestions.
Our first step is awareness, as always.
Why noticing?
Because most people are aware of the consequences, not the origin, of the situations they live in.
Therefore, realize that the root of your situation is the feeling of worthlessness.
Most people who are unaware of this say, Why am I such a perfectionist or why am
I always chasing the wrong relationships?
Why do I care so much about people who don't value me?
Why can't I say no?
In fact, most of the time, the root cause of all these results is the feeling of worthlessness.
Therefore, if you are experiencing similar problems, take a look at yourself.
Could it be the root cause of these results I've been experiencing?
think.
If it's a feeling of worthlessness, recognize it.
It's important to write down what we notice.
So again, take the pen and paper in front of you and make a list for yourself.
What signs of feelings of worthlessness do you see in yourself?
Write these down. Like not being able to say no?
Excessive sacrifice?
Is it perfectionism?
Trying to act like you're too strong?
Inferiority complex?
What? So what are these symptoms you see in yourself?
List them.
Then what do these symptoms or these situations cause in your life?
Write these down.
For example, if you cannot say no, what are the advantages of not being able to say no?
What are the disadvantages?
What are the cons of this?
What are the pluses? Write these down.
For example, not being able to say no, not being able to say no Here makes everyone love me.
Because I accept everyone's wishes.
Maybe you wrote this in the pros section.
So what are the cons?
Since I can't say no, here I am putting myself in the background.
I feel stressed.
This stress I experience is reflected on my child, my mother, my father, my friends, my wife, and
so on. Write what does this cause in your life?
With whom, where and in what situations do you feel this emotion the most?
Write these too. So when is this feeling most intensified?
Which situation, which people, which events cause this feeling to appear more intensely in
you?
Write these too.
And finally, what do you think is the first time you felt this emotion?
It may not be a single situation when you first started feeling this emotion in your childhood or in your past
. It's more than one situation.
Which one most of the time?
For example, when I was a child, my father did not spend much time with me.
What do I know, my mother was abusing me.
Or my father was a very overprotective father.
Or at work, as if my teacher insulted me in front of other children.
What are the main root event or events?
Try to remember these.
Write these too. In our first step, we became aware of our sense of worthlessness,
and when did this sense of worthlessness first appear?
We tried to see who or what events were the estimated reasons for this.
In our second phase, we will make peace with our past and forgive our past.
Now you will say how so?
In fact, making peace with the past and forgiving the past means putting
an end to the events or people that cause this feeling of worthlessness in your current life
.
For example, if you think that you have this feeling
today as a result of some behavior of your parents in the past, you start by accepting this situation and
forgiving them as the first thing .
See, it means forgiveness.
I repeat, forgiving does not mean forgetting, it does not mean that you see those people as right and yourself
wrong, it means to forgive, it means to relieve the emotional burden that those people have created in
you.
You have a detailed explanation on how this can be done. Forgiveness on your channel, but
how? I think we shared it a few weeks ago.
Forgiveness, but how you watch our video , I explain in detail how you can
reconcile with people who have hurt you emotionally or physically in your past
, in your mind, and how you can forgive.
Please watch that video as the second step and apply the techniques I explained in the video.
Remember this when making peace with your past.
You are not responsible for what happened in your childhood.
Other people are responsible for them.
I mean, they're the ones who made you live.
You are solely responsible for your own actions.
On the other hand, those who made you go through this, that is, the people who opened this wound in your child's mind, perhaps
did this without realizing it, without malicious intent.
Maybe because they were not conscious enough, because they saw this much, they
caused these wounds on you.
Or maybe some of the traumas they experienced in their past caused them to behave this way. It is important to be able
to empathize with them in
order to be able to make peace with my past and forgive those who made me experience it
. That's why, as I said how this can be done, I explained in more detail
. Forgiveness, but how?
I strongly recommend you to watch my video.
to complete the procedure.
In our first stage, we realized our sense of worthlessness.
We realized what this feeling of worthlessness is causing in our lives and
who or what could be the possible cause of this feeling of worthlessness .
In our second phase we were at peace with our past, in our third phase we will be at peace with ourselves.
So how do we do this?
So simple to say, make peace with yourself.
Love yourself, hug yourself, pinch yourself.
But how will these things work?
I would like to elaborate a little more on them.
To make peace with ourselves.
There are several different methods.
I will count them.
You can apply one or a few that are suitable for you to facilitate this process of
reconciliation with yourself .
One of these methods is to make a list.
What is make a list?
Make a list of what you love about yourself.
These aspects can be anything from your physical characteristics to your personality traits to your abilities
. I mean, I love my hair so much.
I think they are very beautiful.
I think I am a good speaker.
I think I have a beautiful heart.
I like a very good help, or I do this and that well,
I wash the dishes well, or anything can happen now, so make a list of
what you love and see good in yourself . You can do this once, or you
can do it daily, such as 2-3 good features about yourself every day
. By the way, if you're having a hard time making this list, your sense of worthlessness
may really outweigh . Our difficulty in doing this may be proportional to your sense of worthlessness
. Another point we can apply to make peace with ourselves is to change our inner voice
, the inner voice; These are the conversations we have with ourselves.
People who feel a sense of worthlessness at work often have a critical, negative inner voice
speaking from within.
We need to recognize this inner voice and transform it into an inner voice that supports it.
But how do we do this?
I explained the details of this in detail in another video.
Are you judging yourself on my channel?
What does my inner voice say?
Watch the named video.
I explain the details of it there.
That's why I'm not going to explain it at length here.
A third way to make peace with ourselves is to allow ourselves to be mediocre.
Allowing mediocrity.
People who experience feelings of worthlessness often try to be perfect in
order to gain the approval of others and feel valued .
Extreme perfectionism appears in these people.
So if you have extreme perfectionism, try to be a little mediocre.
So let me be mediocre a little bit.
When you prioritize like this , try to be slightly mediocre in things
that don't actually require you to be perfect .
You'll see, nothing much will change.
I mean, not everyone likes you because you're too perfect.
You will see that when it is mediocre, nothing much changes.
So when I say nothing has changed, I mean this.
The value other people give you will not change much.
So you will see this. Whether you're mediocre or over-perfect, you 'll still get the same average value
. So there's a bit of time to be mediocre, try to make things more mediocre like that
, look, you'll get used to it,
Slowly.
Another thing I can do to be at peace with yourself is to organize your relationships.
For example, if there are relationships that are overly giving, try to balance things out a bit here.
So let them give a little bit, you don't always give it!
In addition , if there are people who make you feel worthless and inadequate when you are with them in a way that you are
constantly in the same vicious circle despite the speech that makes you feel worthless, stay
away from those people and reconsider your relationship with those people.
Why are they doing this to you?
So no one has the right to that.
Also, is your current relationship toxic or not?
If you want to know about it, we are with you again.
We also have a video about it on our channel.
Find out about your relationship toxic?
I suggest you watch my video?
I will leave the links of all these videos I mentioned in the description section.
You can watch them after this video.
Stop constantly looking outside for approval, appreciation, to make peace with myself.
So what can I do? For example, I can develop the habit of self-appreciation so that I can stop searching outside
.
In other words, when you expect external approval or appreciation from outside in any way, come back
to yourself immediately without waiting for
it and say, well done to me, I'm super. I did very well. When you make this a habit, after a while, you no longer
expect much appreciation from the outside .
You appreciate yourself.
In fact, I think you should start this by praising yourself for watching this video.
And say, well done to me.
I'm so super, what an awareness person I am.
I am aware of my sense of worthlessness and I watch videos to deal with it.
Bravo to me.
Allowing time for myself while doing all these, a feeling of worthlessness that has developed over the years
may not disappear in a day.
So don't give up just because you've worked for a few days but you still feel the same, don't
be demotivated . Keep working.
Don't forget! What other people think of you, the money you earn, your career,
status, physical characteristics, achievements, none of these determine your worth.
You are valuable and sufficient as you are with your mistakes, shortcomings, good deeds
and sins.
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