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Discrimination and Mental Health / Tonya Harris / Speakers Who Dare NYC 2019
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[Music] [Applause] these texts are from my daughter and she sent them to me while she was hiding in a school bathroom and when she finally called me my heart jumped out of my chest because this she was crying so hard I couldn't understand her my daughter has multiple learning disabilities and ADHD and this was not the first time she had sent me these text from school she spent a lot of time in junior high hiding so that she didn't have to go back to class because of the labels people gave her he was in preschool that I began noticing that something may be wrong but I was hoping if she went through school that she would catch up but in third grade everything changed her teacher suggested testing her for learning disabilities and I'll admit getting her tested was one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make partly because her teacher treated her terribly that year and selfishly we just didn't want her to be right about our daughter needing extra help but mostly because you never want to find out that something is wrong with your child and I knew that if these tests came back the way I figured they would that she would have a long hard road in front of her the night before we were supposed to meet with the teachers the school psychologists call this at home to tell us the results and her exact words were severe learning disabilities when we hung up the phone I ran out to the Graduate I crumpled a hand of the floor where no one especially my daughter could see or hear me break down because I never wanted her to know how upset and worried I was severe learning disabilities I never wanted her to know they were severe so I never told her instead I had a practice saying it's not you it's just a difference in learning and it doesn't mean that you can't learn it just means that you learn differently because when we had finally decided to test her we did it not to give her a label but to give her a reason the school years are full of unfair challenges for kids with learning disabilities but I tell my daughter repeatedly that she is going to do something big with her life and help others I believe that were not given challenges like this unless we're meant to do something bigger and I can tell you exactly why in January of 1982 I began complaining of back and arm pain and a couple days later I just completely collapsed when I tried to pick up my cat and that's when my parents knew it was time to call the doctor and he ran some tests and he didn't know what was wrong but he knew it was serious so he sent us straight to a hospital Chicago and said there is no time to go home and pack so we had to leave in the middle of a snowstorm and it was in that hospital just two weeks before my seventh birthday I was diagnosed with leukemia and a lot of my child was childhood was spent in and out of hospitals and missing school which was okay and missing all the silver parties and then there were the not so fun side-effects from the chemo but have I ever looked back at that painful time and wondered why me yes so many times but I've never had any doubt that it was for a reason and what I've realized recently is that my childhood cancer was a gift that would perfectly prepare me to help my own daughter through her struggles with learning disabilities we were both given a label a diagnosis in our early school years but during my struggle with cancer I was showered with love and gifts and attention but my daughter is also struggling through her two cyst and she gets hurtful comments and bullied why is this the norm and really what is the difference between our experiences a learning disability is just a difference in brain wiring a mental health challenge is just a chemical imbalance in the brain and cancer is a mutation in DNA these are all things that happen in the body that can't be helped we would never withhold chemo from a cancer patient so why would we withhold treatment of medication for someone with a mental health challenge and we would never withhold Braille from a nun sighted student or a hearing device from a hearing challenged student so why do we consider modifications in the classroom cheating by giving kids with learning disabilities simple tools they need we can eliminate the ripple effect of defeat that goes beyond the classroom and by embracing these modifications we give the kids with learning disabilities the chance they can they need to thrive when we teach our kids to see the gifts that come along with whatever make them different we can change their lives and if we can teach everyone else that things like learning disabilities and mental health challenges deserve the same care and respect as cancer we can change so many more lives the day my daughter called me crying from school happened because of a few unkind words for a teacher that just about broke her unfortunately it's not just the other kids she has to worry about on a daily basis but sometimes it's also the teachers and school resources are tight and I understand that because I have a degree in elementary education and I know that teachers aren't always taught how to teach students who learn differently but since we can't change the school system overnight or even the unkind words that are often said we have to change what we can and that's the way our children see themselves the school years are tough for every child but especially those for learning differences they're full of scary to statistics like 35% of teens with ADHD will eventually drop out of school and just 5 percent of students with learning disabilities will finish of college students will finish college just 5 percent but then there's statistics like these that 40% of self-made millionaires are dyslexic and approximately 50% of NASA scientists have dyslexia and Scotland Yard has an estimated 120 dyslexic detectives because of their ability to see codes and patterns and emissions that most people can't see so to show my daughter what's possible instead of talking to her about it every day which I try to do and she hates I've made a list of successful people that have learning challenges with 8080 and dyslexia and more people like Walt Disney Erin Brokovich Richard Branson Jennifer Aniston and Albert Einstein and I put these names in the frame in her room I want her to see these names every day and realize what the world would be missing if they and so many other people all thought and learned in the same way because what was considered to be their disability in the school years it's just a difference in learning and thinking and many successful people with learning disabilities claim to become that they didn't become successful in spite of their learning disabilities but because of them and when we're telling our kids to see these gifts and they act like they're not listening which I know firsthand it you can be actually really surprised that they are listening because I was so surprised when my daughter wrote this poem what are you supposed to do when you're in school struggling coping do you just sit there and take the criticism and keep on hoping walk into school and all I hear is all their hateful words all this hate and sorrow is hitting me and heards can't seem to find the light that's shining within so I tried to stick positive thoughts in my head like a pin I get put in a different room to take all my tests but when I come back they look at me like I'm different from all the rest why do people only accept you if you're pretty or smart what happened to being judged off the size of your heart why don't people understand that there's no such thing as normal it's just a bunch of people being fake and acting formal so next time someone tries to tear you down for who you are just remember it'll all be over soon and you'll go far [Applause] my daughter has been so brave and letting me share her story and by her sharing her story she has empowered so many others to share their own healing is an ongoing process that we all have a responsibility to support and Lindsay feels that by you sharing your story and your struggles you give us the opportunity to help and connect and to heal you are not alone thank you [Applause] [Music] you
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