YouTube Transcript:
Discrimination and Mental Health / Tonya Harris / Speakers Who Dare NYC 2019

[Music]
[Applause]
these texts are from my daughter and she
sent them to me while she was hiding in
a school bathroom and when she finally
called me my heart jumped out of my
chest because this she was crying so
hard I couldn't understand her
my daughter has multiple learning
disabilities and ADHD and this was not
the first time she had sent me these
text from school she spent a lot of time
in junior high hiding so that she didn't
have to go back to class because of the
labels people gave her he was in
preschool that I began noticing that
something may be wrong but I was hoping
if she went through school that she
would catch up but in third grade
everything changed her teacher suggested
testing her for learning disabilities
and I'll admit getting her tested was
one of the hardest decisions we've ever
had to make
partly because her teacher treated her
terribly that year and selfishly we just
didn't want her to be right about our
daughter needing extra help but mostly
because you never want to find out that
something is wrong with your child and I
knew that if these tests came back the
way I figured they would that she would
have a long hard road in front of her
the night before we were supposed to
meet with the teachers the school
psychologists call this at home to tell
us the results and her exact words were
severe learning disabilities when we
hung up the phone I ran out to the
Graduate I crumpled a hand of the floor
where no one especially my daughter
could see or hear me break down because
I never wanted her to know how upset and
worried I was severe learning
disabilities I never wanted her to know
they were severe so I never told her
instead I had a practice saying it's not
you it's just a difference in learning
and it doesn't mean that you can't learn
it just means that you learn differently
because when we had finally decided to
test her
we did it not to give her a label but to
give her a reason the school years are
full of unfair challenges for kids with
learning disabilities but I tell my
daughter repeatedly that she is going to
do something big with her life and help
others I believe that were not given
challenges like this unless we're meant
to do something bigger and I can tell
you exactly why
in January of 1982 I began complaining
of back and arm pain and a couple days
later I just completely collapsed when I
tried to pick up my cat and that's when
my parents knew it was time to call the
doctor and he ran some tests and he
didn't know what was wrong but he knew
it was serious so he sent us straight to
a hospital Chicago and said there is no
time to go home and pack so we had to
leave in the middle of a snowstorm and
it was in that hospital just two weeks
before my seventh birthday I was
diagnosed with leukemia and a lot of my
child was childhood was spent in and out
of hospitals and missing school which
was okay and missing all the silver
parties and then there were the not so
fun side-effects from the chemo but have
I ever looked back at that painful time
and wondered why me yes so many times
but I've never had any doubt that it was
for a reason and what I've realized
recently is that my childhood cancer was
a gift that would perfectly prepare me
to help my own daughter through her
struggles with learning disabilities we
were both given a label a diagnosis in
our early school years but during my
struggle with cancer I was showered with
love and gifts and attention but my
daughter is also struggling through her
two cyst and she gets hurtful comments
and bullied why is this the norm and
really what is the difference between
our experiences a learning disability is
just a difference in brain wiring a
mental health challenge is just a
chemical imbalance in the brain and
cancer is a mutation in DNA these are
all things that happen in the body that
can't be helped we would never withhold
chemo from a cancer patient so why would
we withhold treatment of medication for
someone with a mental health challenge
and we would never withhold Braille from
a nun sighted student or a hearing
device from a hearing challenged student
so why do we consider modifications in
the classroom cheating by giving kids
with learning disabilities simple tools
they need we can eliminate the ripple
effect of defeat that goes beyond the
classroom and by embracing these
modifications we give the kids with
learning disabilities the chance they
can they need to thrive when we teach
our kids to see the gifts that come
along with whatever make them different
we can change their lives and if we can
teach everyone else that things like
learning disabilities and mental health
challenges deserve the same care and
respect as cancer we can change so many
more lives the day my daughter called me
crying from school happened because of a
few unkind words for a teacher that just
about broke her unfortunately it's not
just the other kids she has to worry
about on a daily basis but sometimes
it's also the teachers and school
resources are tight and I understand
that because I have a degree in
elementary education and I know that
teachers aren't always taught how to
teach students who learn differently but
since we can't change the school system
overnight or even the unkind words that
are often said we have to change what we
can and that's the way our children see
themselves the school years are tough
for every child but especially those for
learning differences they're full of
scary to statistics like 35% of teens
with ADHD will eventually drop out of
school and just 5 percent of students
with learning disabilities will finish
of college students will finish college
just 5 percent but then there's
statistics like these that 40% of
self-made millionaires are dyslexic and
approximately 50% of NASA scientists
have dyslexia and Scotland Yard has an
estimated 120 dyslexic detectives
because of their ability to see codes
and patterns and emissions that most
people can't see so to show my daughter
what's possible instead of talking to
her about it every day which I try to do
and she hates I've made a list of
successful people that have learning
challenges with 8080 and dyslexia and
more people like Walt Disney Erin
Brokovich Richard Branson Jennifer
Aniston and Albert Einstein and I put
these names in the frame in her room I
want her to see these names every day
and realize what the world would be
missing if they and so many other people
all thought and learned in the same way
because what was considered to be their
disability in the school years it's just
a difference in learning and thinking
and many successful people with learning
disabilities claim to become that they
didn't become successful in spite of
their learning disabilities but because
of them and when we're telling our kids
to see these gifts and they act like
they're not listening which I know
firsthand it you can be actually really
surprised that they are listening
because I was so surprised when my
daughter wrote this poem what are you
supposed to do when you're in school
struggling coping do you just sit there
and take the criticism and keep on
hoping walk into school and all I hear
is all their hateful words all this hate
and sorrow is hitting me and heards
can't seem to find the light that's
shining within so I tried to stick
positive thoughts in my head like a pin
I get put in a different room to take
all my tests but when I come back they
look at me like I'm different from all
the rest why do people only accept you
if you're pretty or smart what happened
to being judged off the size of your
heart why don't people understand that
there's no such thing as normal it's
just a bunch of people being fake and
acting formal so next time someone tries
to tear you down for who you are
just remember it'll all be over soon and
you'll go far
[Applause]
my daughter has been so brave and
letting me share her story and by her
sharing her story she has empowered so
many others to share their own healing
is an ongoing process that we all have a
responsibility to support and Lindsay
feels that by you sharing your story and
your struggles you give us the
opportunity to help and connect and to
heal you are not alone thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
you