This content explores the critical role of emotional intelligence (EQ) in addressing modern hiring and retention challenges, introducing the Five Archetypes system as a practical framework for fostering empathy, self-awareness, and improved interpersonal dynamics within organizations.
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foreign [Music]
because the description talked about
hiring problems why are people leaving
the organizations why do they want to
leave the organizations why are you
having a hard time finding especially
people on executive level roles nowadays
what is emotional intelligence why it's
important and kind of some skills to how
to build that in yourself and your
organization and why it's important so
that's kind of what we're going to cover
so we're going to do an icebreaker first
you've probably noticed as you've come
in there's some different sayings around
the room on some three big 3M sticky
notes so
basically we're all leaders even if
you're not a leader you're a leader or
you could be a leader even if you don't
know it you probably are and people
listen to things that you say and every
word that comes out of your mouth is
very important so
I am a leader who right so I've got
these five different sayings and they're
around the room so I'm a leader who is
inspirational and charismatic
that's over here thank you
everyone is in harmony
I am a leader who strives for Perfection
Beauty and morality
I'm a leader who is articulate wise and
emulates and encourages introspection
and I'm a leader who is a bold Visionary
pushing to conquer new challenges and
drive success
so these all may speak to you but one of
them may speak to you more than another
so what I'd like you to do we're going
to do a little bit of a just kind of a
group exercise get the blood flowing
because I know it's still early in the
morning I'd like you to go around the
room and go to the area of the saying
that really speaks to you the most again
some of them may speak to you they may
all speak to you if there's no wrong
answer but you would actually need to
use your legs yes and rise out of your seats
seats
and go find a saying that really speaks
to you the most
once we kind of get in those groups
we'll come back together if you don't
want to participate that's fine you can
just observe I don't mean to make you do
something the four things are all around
bold Visionary inspirational charismatic
committed humanitarian Perfection Beauty
Yoda is over there lies quiet
introspective so
you've kind of picked one that really
speaks to you who really feels very
strongly about the one they're standing
next to
thank you
yeah I know you do
okay who kind of feels like yeah all of
these are important
at different times yeah
of course a bunch of a personalities
city managers of course
you know they are all important but you
know sometimes we tend to Value one over
another and sometimes some even across
the room may actually kind of rub us the
wrong way even though we know it may be
useful at some time but we gravitate
towards one that we like is there
anything for this group over here is
there anything around the room that
isn't bad it's not bad it's just like
it's not what I would pick in most situations
situations
Harmony okay Harmony
that's that you will that is a really
interesting answer thank you so much for
that I did not plant that answer and
every time I do these I get so excited
by the answers that are given because
it's so on point it's scary so they
basically said they don't like Harmony
that really pushes against them
Harmony's over here how do you guys feel
about that
how do you guys feel about that yeah
yeah
right everybody's getting along if I had
to punch anybody it was my wife's all
right I have a whole group Harmony is
good too right getting along sometimes
if we're trying to move really fast and
Conquer that new thing we can't get
everybody in the room together let's
just go right let's move that's this
group over here what about over here is
there anything else around the room that
really like eh I doesn't really speak to
okay
so so she was saying over here she knows
she's not inspirational it's not a bad
thing right just not me it's not
something that I would find natural to
yourself easy to do right the fire
people I'm sorry I gave some away
um over here the perfectionists are
annoying perfectionists are annoying
that's not very
so so you can start to tell you as we
start to warm up a little bit all of
these things are very important all of
these things may be useful at a
different time uh in dealing with a
council dealing with our department
directors dealing with the public each
situation calls for something different
and each situation ha each each area and
the way you're a leader has its
strengths maybe if you do too much of it
may have its weaknesses but it's all
very important but at the same time our
natural tendency may be towards one or
the other and actually something across
the room from us may feel unnatural
and so part of the challenge is how do
you come together in yourself or
recognize those strengths and others
that maybe you can utilize or you can
draw from someone else and emulate them
even in a situation that doesn't make
you feel comfortable but you know makes
other people feel comfortable so we'll
talk a little bit more about that today
so please go ahead and go ahead and take
your seats and we'll continue if as
you're coming in if you have not taken
the five archetypes assessment online
there are some paper Assessments in the back
back
feel free to go ahead and fill that out
it shouldn't take too long you'll get a
little bit more out of today and you can
always take it online later so hiring
issues why why are we having hiring
issues so Forbes Magazine had a bunch of
really interesting articles and in other
sessions that I've been here at uh this
week already I've heard a lot of these
same issues so it really resonates it's
very interesting they did some studies
and they found or they hired some
studies that found about 30 percent of
people in organizations don't even want
to be there they feel stuck and some of
the reasons they don't want to be there
when they did some surveys number one
was toxic company culture at like 62
percent number two is low salary we've
got poor management lack of healthy
work-life boundaries and not allowing
remote work and this was done kind of
like towards the end of pandemic when
people were still really you know I I
still want this I still want this as a
benefit so that's why that's probably
there this probably wouldn't have been
there maybe three or four years ago but
if you look at that two or three of
those things really relate to emotion
intelligence one of them relates to money
money
so you can see right there emotional
intelligence is something that's very
important to make sure we have a good
workers we can attract people we can
keep them there and keep them engaged
make them feel happy
so another study is you know talked
about does your organization need to
evolve its EQ so EQ EI interchangeable
in terms of emotional intelligence we'll
talk about the definition of emotional
intelligence in a moment but if you see
high turnover rate stress induced
sickness right mental health days
backstabbing gossip communication gaps
meaning you say something and you think
you know exactly what you're
communicated and that person has no idea
what you said and they do the exact
opposite thing that's a lack of
emotional intelligence employees having
a good and bad work attitudes if you if
you ascribe a good and bad work attitude
to a lot of employees again that's an
emotional intelligence thing between a
communication thing between two people
it may not necessarily be that they are
good or bad people right they're just
situations that they're going through so
once these people leave if they have the
needs and they leave the organization
now you're trying to hire back
especially let's say at the executive
level department Director City Manager
whatever here's the problem and I'm sure
you've probably seen this there are
about 74 million baby boomers I saw like
a million different studies they all had
a different number so I just picked one
so they're between the ages of 59 and 77
right now the average age of an
executive United States is between 50
and 60 years old
so the band members are starting to
phase out and the Gen extras are
starting to fill that void but look how
look at that Gap there's a 24 million
person Gap in the United States between
those two people so if you're having a
hard time finding somebody with the
experience and the level of Education
that you're looking for to fill that
position there's a huge gap
and I've been working on some executive
recruitments and I've noticed some
positions they used to have 20 30 40
really good applicants maybe we get two
right and so you're going to have to
fill in that with the Millennials
congratulations Millennials you guys are
going to have an awesome easy time
getting these jobs but you know until
they have the experience that you want
you know one you're gonna have to skip
and go to the Millennials if you're
going to get a Gen X it's going to be
hard to find so once they leave it's
going to be hard to to get those people
so what can you do so what is emotional
intelligence emotional intelligence is
basically the ability to understand you
how you
think about things that happen to you
how you handle yourself and how you
perceive other people how they how they
react to certain things so that you know
how to deal with them we'll talk a
little bit about that in a minute but um
biologically speaking because this this
I find a little bit easier to understand
biologically speaking we have no choice
but to experience things emotionally
before we experience them rationally
every human being in the entire planet I
don't care where you're from sight smell
taste sound biomechanically you stuff
comes through your spinal cord or it
comes through your olfactory senses or
your ears your eye's mouth it goes to
that specific center of the brain it
goes through the limbic system which is
your fight your flight uh your emotion
Center then after that it finally goes
your brain is
so even if you don't perceive it you
experience things emotionally before you
think about them rationally emotional
intelligence is the ability to
communicate between the rational part of
the brain and your fight or flight
syndrome quickly so that you respond in
an appropriate way before responding in
an inappropriate way that's really all
it is it's biomechanics
there's three main parts to people
there's IQ we kind of know what IQ is
Right IQ is actually your ability to
learn quickly it's not how smart you are
it's how quickly can you learn EQ is how
quickly can those two parts of the brain
communicate with each other and
personality those are kind of the three
things that make us up as human beings
research to date has shown you can't
really change IQ unless you have a
traumatic brain injury or you drink a
lot of alcohol and you can't change your
personality those are those are two
things there's even ancient sayings that
it's easier to learn every Bible uh and
every commentary and every Bible than it
is to change your personality that's the
saying from like 2000 years ago when
there was a lot less commentary in the
Bible but um your IQ your EQ is one of
those things that you can change it's
their brain is like a muscle who in here
has heard of neuroplasticity
okay neuroplasticity is the ability for
you to be able to actually change your
brain you train your brain just like you
train muscles if you want big biceps do
you stay home and work on the computer
all day
no you go to a gym you're not going to
build your biceps it's the same thing
with a brain If you there are exercises
that you can do and they're different
for everybody we'll kind of talk about
that in a minute to basically strengthen
the communication between these two
parts of the brain and the more you work
on it no pain no gain the more you work
on it the more you're able to do it the
more emotionally intelligent you will be
able to be to notice things by yourself
and notice things about other people and
how how to work through that so there's
lots of different areas of emotional
intelligence it's been boiled down
recently into kind of four areas
self-awareness self-awareness is knowing
things about yourself knowing what
upsets you knowing what turns you on
knowing what excites you knowing those
things about yourself and being able to
know quickly and beforehand so that
you're able to prepare yourself for
situations right self-management is is
preparing yourself and being able to
manage yourself in those stressful
situations again knowing beforehand I'm
going to a council meeting I know that I
have this person who really texts me off
I just have to Center myself and be able
to deal with that situation right
self-management you also have social
competence your social awareness which
is knowing how what I do impacts someone
else I know that if I say this in a
certain way to this person they're going
to react this way I can't do that I
gotta come with them a completely
different way to make this a productive
situation that's social awareness
relationship management is kind of
taking all of that
bringing it together and being able to
manage all of those things in a
productive way does that make sense okay
that was from a book called emotional
intelligence 2.0 which is good it's a
quick read kind of light I wish there
was more meat to it but it is what it is
all right so why is emotional
intelligence important there's been a
lot of studies to show that people who
are emotionally intelligent there's a
correlation coefficient two things are
related to each other doesn't mean one
causes the other about 30 of the time
which in social science is a big deal
which is crazy right thirty percent of
time that's amazing same thing with
baseball right you got a 300 batting
average you're gonna go to the Hall of
Fame but you know for us if we only you
know 60 30 of the time we're in really
big trouble we are not city managers for
a very long time so about 30 of the time
people that are that have really high
emotional intelligence so ours are also
very happy and we've got a lot to cover
so I'm not going to spend too much time
on this if you want to hear about these
studies I can let you know and happy
people are actually more productive so
if you have and they actually live
longer and they live happier lives and
they're more productive and they're
they're more fun to be around and you
know than than people who are just
miserable all the time so if they're
happy they're more productive and if
they're happy and they're not in stuck
in an organization that's backstabbing
and nobody likes each other they're
going to stay longer and you're going to
be able to keep your people have more
stable organization and the productivity
is going to go up
so the so we're going to get into the
five archetypes five archetypes is an
area of an emotional intelligence that
kind of wraps all this stuff together
and it's based on traditional Chinese
medicine and epigenetics and uh
neuroplasticity epigenetics does anybody
here know what epigenetics is
all right we got one two epigenetics is
the um basically gene expression so you
can change gene expression by how you uh
interact with the world right so there's
been studies to show like if you eat way
too much and you eat a lot of sugar you
may have the gene that may make you
predispose towards diabetes and at some
point you may flip that by the stuff
that you do to yourself right so that's
epigenetics and fiber art types is
really about empathy and I've been to a
couple sessions today that really hit on
this and and they don't really talk
about emotional intelligence or empathy
but that's kind of where they're going
so who who here knows what empathy is
empathizing with someone else's issues yeah
foreign
yeah the ability to to see from their
perspective put yourself in their shoes
and really understand it which is
different from sympathy right sympathy
is like oh man I feel bad for you but I
just I can't imagine what you're going
through I can't I can't put myself in
that situation I've never been there and
never will be there empathy is is that
next step
but I'm going to give you a couple of
different parts of empathy that people
don't really talk about so the first
part of it and I never memorized this so
I have to do this I apologize
first part of empathy is being able to
give somebody what they need right being
able to give them what they need but you
can't do that unless you heal yourself
first imagine you're stressed out you
didn't get enough sleep you didn't get
enough to eat you know just you're going
through a horrible situation and
somebody needs your help you are not
going to be able to be there for them
you have to take care of yourself first
before you're able to take care of
someone else
it's anybody here we all do Emergency
Management right what's one of the first
things you learn you have to be safe
before you can make sure everybody else
is safe it's the same thing empathy is
the same way
identify and understand what someone
else is feeling right social awareness I
need to be able to identify what they're
feeling this is really important the
ability to leave your preconceived
notions at the door before helping
somebody else who's heard that you know
that saying uh treat everybody else's
you would want to be treated right
saying right
wrong sorry
it works about 20 of the time because
everybody's so different if you came at
somebody the way you would want somebody
to come at you you're failing 80 of the
time now part of that time it's somebody
who's made it kind of like you maybe
it's not so bad but as we saw there were
some different ways of being like I
really I really feel like this over here
I don't really feel like that over there
and if somebody approached you from from
this way of seeing the world it would
actually physically harm you there was a
session the other day about you know
being empathetic and we actually go
through harm we we feel pain when
somebody comes at us a way that they
don't even realize they're coming at us
differently than the way we see things
and it causes harm we're not really able
to respond and then the other thing is
know what they need to feel safe so if
if you only know what you need to feel
safe how do you come at somebody else if
you don't know what they need to feel
safe and that's part of what the five
archetypes is all about so I'd like you
to do something we're going to do a
little empathy exercise if you feel
comfortable uh close your eyes if not
that's fine but I want you to think of a
time where you were going through a
situation with the person who didn't
make you feel seen they didn't make you
feel heard they didn't dignify you they
didn't honor you they didn't make you
feel respected pull up that situation or
that experience now what did you think
about in that specific situation
what did you feel physically what did
you believe about yourself and what
choices did you believe were not safe to
make in that instance
okay so you probably have one we've all
been there
now let that experience go and then
think about the opposite think about a
time in a situation where somebody
dignified you they were compassionate
they were empathetic they honored who
you were and what you believed now how
did that make you feel physically
what did you believe about yourself
what did you believe was a decision that
you could make in that instance and and
be good and go along with that so keep
that in your mind and we're going to
come back to that later okay so what is
is five archetypes five archetypes is a
system for how to grow in the face of
challenge right we just talked about how
did you feel could you grow in the face
of challenge when you didn't feel
dignified or respected it's very hard to
grow in the face of challenge so how do
you take that situation and be able to
use that because when we feel
uncomfortable when we feel challenged
and upset it's an opportunity for us to
actually grow it's our body telling us
that there's something here we need to
learn there's something here we need to
get past it's not something to skip over
and just move to the next thing and try
to protect ourselves and and just forget
it right it's an opportunity for us to
grow and learn so what five archetypes
is and what it isn't it is not a
personality assessment although it seems
like it it is a tool to bring people
together it's a tool for empathy it can
be used as a self-care regimen actually
just like physically how do I take care
of myself
it's not meant to drive people apart
it's not meant to people in boxes it's
not meant to ascribe meaning to
personalities it's not meant to say this
is bad and this is good right some
people have a tendency to do that when
they're joking around it's meant to
bring people together to understand oh I
understand now why I'm having this
problem with this relationship now I
know how to approach this person with
empathy and I said before it's based on
tradition Chinese medicine and and some
other things not really based on it's a
little bit mixed with 20th century
medicine but not as much so obviously
five archetypes and the five archetypes
so the wood archetype is their gifts are
movement and speed and goals and
objectives and freedom and you know
conquering challenges and moving forward
um but under stress they can feel
restriction we don't like to be in a box
we don't like boundaries we like to just
you know keep moving we might avoid
challenges if we might not win like for
example like we're going to Topgolf
do you want to play golf don't you want
to get better like no I know I suck why
would I want to do it that we can be
seen as intolerant and patient we can be
seen as a bully
um if we're stressed out fire fire is
passionate and radiant they're
optimistic and playful they're they're
intuitive they see connection they love
eye contact this is very interesting I
was in the session the other day they
talked about eye contact eye contact
actually hurts some people and we we
value that as a society it's like oh we
were in an interview they didn't make
any eye contact
well guess what there's some people in
the room who actually eye contact
actually is painful for them but they
have amazing gifts that a lot of us
don't have and if we just throw the baby
out with the bathwater we are leaving
that to the side and we're missing a lot
of stuff in our organization under
stress 5 people can feel disconnected
from others they fear disconnection they
think sad is bad and they like to be
they like to be busy they can get bored
very easily my son is very high fire we
get in the car we have not pulled out of
the driveway he goes I'm bored I'm bored
I'm bored I'm bored oh my God kill me
now Earth archetype Earth
team player Harmony they want to make
sure everybody has what they need they
like taking care of people they like
Gathering people together gathering
information they have the easiest time
being empathetic to being able to figure
out what everybody else needs under
stress they can be concerned about
letting others down they don't want to
let anybody down they could be
indecisive because they're gathering
information and they don't want to move
forward until everybody you know is on
the same page and the worry about that
separation of community metal metal is
dignified refined they learn very well
from the past they Revere Beauty
morality they seek order out of chaos as
well as earth does that under stress
metal people we can get stuck in details
we can believe that making a mistake is bad
bad
and prone to disappointment because not
everything is always perfect water
seeks knowledge and understanding they
are very self-sufficient my daughter is
very high water and if I ever ask her if
she needs help with her homework she's
like why do you think I'm stupid I'm
like no I'm just trying to help out like
right but she likes hiding in her room
she likes hiding in her closet in her
room she doesn't like to be around
people she's very shy she can come off
very shy she doesn't like eye contact
too much and you know under stress they
can be withdrawn seem absent-minded
rebuffs help even when needed I think I
threw that one there because that's
exactly what she's like to me so I know
this looks like a pentagram I promise
I did this about a month ago with a
group and somebody was really upset
because they're like they you know the
weekends in the room are going to be
really pissed that you put that up there
so I'd like to point out that they
actually angles are not touching so it's
not actually a five-pointed star they're
actually arrows and I can't get too much
in this we're gonna do some other um
some other work group work here but
before we do again I mean we spent six
months kind of really digging into this
so I don't have too much time to talk
about it but I've put these things
around the room for a reason in the
order that I did because it matches this
so your primary if you've taken the
assessment there's some back there if
you take it online it gives you a
percentage we're all made up of all of
these things if you look at the disc
assessment you look at Myers-Briggs
there's a lot of separateness there I'm
this I'm not that you're this you're not that
that
if I've archetized from traditional
Chinese medicine standpoint and and just
nature in general we're everything you
need everything to survive so you don't
have zero percent of everything you
don't have 100 of anything you're all of
these things just in different amounts
your primary whatever your primary is
generally stays your primary over your
entire lifetime and that's where you go
that's your superpower but it's also
your your greatest weakness because
that's where we go under stress and we
tend to overvalue the things that we
value versus the other things
and if we get in Balance we can kind of
get past that and that's where the
empathy comes through
but it's really complex in that so you
know wood it's got it pointing to earth
wood really disrupts Earth if you think
about wood what is about fast move let's
go we heard it here I swear I didn't
plant those people and those answers
like I don't really like that one over
there that's too much Unity stuff going
on like Kumbaya save the world I just
need to go and get my stuff done right
or if people their sympathy disrupts
Waters alone time water likes to be
alone I don't want to be around people
so you know I actually have a hard time
asking why do people to participate
because sometimes they don't really
they're the people that don't like to
come to the staff meetings I'll just do
them you just send me what you talk
about I'll do it on my own right water
the Stillness of water extinguishes the
joy and the fire of fire right and fire
disrupts the order of metal
and we're going to see this and metal
disrupts Uh Wood we don't like being put
in the Box we don't like rules and
regulations you know to a certain extent
and and when I say this I'm talking in
extremes for you to kind of understand
if you take the assessment you're pretty
much balanced all the way across you can
see yourselves in all of these things if
you're very high in one thing and very
low in some other things you may really
be latching on to some of the stuff that
I'm talking about and really identify
with some of that stuff but I'm trying
to really point out where you can hurt
other people so we're going to do
something here so if you've taken the
online assessment whatever your highest
is whatever your primary is whatever
your highest score was I want you to go
to that area of the room I'll tell you
where to go in a second but you probably
already know if you took the paper
assessment when you came in whatever you
had the most you know score in go to
that area room so wood is over here
fire is over here
Earth is back there
metal is back there and water's over
here if you don't want to participate
you can just sit where you are that's
fine too okay
okay
flip this over
wood is here
fire is there you can feel the fee to
take off the the first page Earth
metal water so I had a question
I had a question if there were any more
paper assessments if there's none in the
back that means no but if you have not
taken the assessment it's okay you can
still get a lot of evidence I would go
to the area of the womb that speaks the
most to you as we were describing those
personality types
there's no wrong answer and as we go
through this this exercise if you feel
you're in the wrong place you want to
move to another that's fine too
you can emigrate
all right
so we're going to see this in action so
what I'd like you to do as a group and I
apologize in advance for those water
people who don't like working in a group
or participating at all
I I truly don't mean to pain you if you
do not want to participate I'm fine with
that I can pretend I'm somewhat of a bad
actor so uh what I'd like you to do in
your group as much as possible I would
like you to pretend your boss let's just
if you've got a council just pretend
it's one person uh you had a project to
do in two weeks unfortunately it's now
one week and you have to get it done so
as a group I'd like you to talk about if
you had a boss that was coming to you to
tell you that news how would you want
them to approach you to make them make
you feel dignified and seen and heard
and like you could conquer that task and
get it done without any ease or any
problem or a lot less stress two weeks
now you have one how would you want
somebody to approach you okay so before
we start doing that discuss that as a
group and then come up with what you
would want to say and then we'll get
back together in a minute or two
go ahead all right
I know uh you guys are probably getting to
to
getting to an answer for your group I
know we've got some large groups does
everybody have kind of an idea of how
you'd like to be approached I'll start
with the wood you guys have an idea
about how you'd like to be approached
yeah yeah were you done like within five
seconds yeah I figured
that's what what's all about speed
does everybody else kind of have an idea
of how they would like to be approached
Roger's gonna think about it for about
another day or two but that's fine bye
bye
all right the other thing that I'd like
you guys to do is um it's going to be
hard in some of the larger groups figure
out because a lot of you didn't take the
online assessment somebody took the
paper someone that you don't know try to
figure it out in your group who has the
highest of each so who's the highest
wood who is the highest fire who's the
highest Earth metal and water all right so
so [Music]
[Music]
who had the highest um who had the
highest wood but kind of lowest Earth
he has pretty high Earth he has the
lowest Earth
highest wood lowest Earth
does anybody else here have a lower
score than that for Earth
61. okay and your your wood was pretty
high can I borrow your for a second I
talked to you about this last night so
you don't disappoint me all right so
what I'd like you to do again we talked
about how the the archetypes kind of
push against each other right so let's
see this in Action a little bit what I'd
like you to do is in your own words
you're now the boss of this group over
here tell them that they had a project
that was doing two weeks is doing one
week we got to get it done what would
you say to them I'd probably be very
straightforward wouldn't waste a lot of
time talking or asking you about your
day or anything like that it'd probably
come straight in straight into your office
office
because it's really important for me to
just get my point across quickly and
move on and so I'd probably just say hey
you had two weeks to do this now you
have one how can I help you let me know
if you have any questions and I'd
probably explain why quickly
quickly [Music]
[Music]
quickly so how
no take take the microphone take the microphone
microphone
how did that how did that make you feel
I said we probably wouldn't receive that
message very well okay yeah what about
the rest of you guys yeah yeah so for me
if if that's your personality and I know
that that's how you normally operate it
wouldn't surprise me because my focus
would just be providing the results
versus assessing why you delivered it
so if you normally like that and I and I
work with you on a regular I just I
think it's okay right it could be better
but I receive it
and that's a very you know emotionally
intelligent way to look at it like okay
I know she's probably not trying to be
mean but when people can seem pushy
especially for Earth people who want to
just get along unless ask me about my
day first how was my weekend
um is everybody getting along are we you
know are we together on this and then
one person over here did mention instead
of emailing just you know come in person
that that makes it more personable so I
would include that as well otherwise
okay okay all right so somebody over
here had also talked about having a
message that we were going to do this as
a team I had heard that um that was one
other thing yeah Earth is all about
teamwork so go ahead and take the
microphone again don't tell them how you
would approach them you have tell them
now in their words that they need they
have two weeks now they got one week in
their words and how they would like to
be approached
how's your days today how are you
how's your weekend how's the family
so hey I noticed that this is really
this is difficult it is it is these
feelings emotions timelines have changed
a little bit things have changed in our
organization as a team we're here to
help you we're here to support you in
this change but we are going to have to
adjust timelines a little bit please let
me know whatever I can do to support you
and if you have any questions let me
so did I make you feel a little bit more
comfortable with the task at hand she
mo better she's go ahead
but I almost felt bad for her because it
was very awkward for you so so it made
it worse for me I think I would have
rather said hey get this done two weeks
that's a period or one week I I felt bad
yeah it's well yes you're gonna feel bad
because you want people to feel good you
want people to feel part of the team and
and loved and you could see the pain in
this just this exercise of how hard it
is for somebody that's primary wood low
earth to be able to like make that
community and what she did did you think
she mentioned teamwork right team she'd
asked how your weekend or your day was
like that's not something we typically
do as wood it's like we need to do this
don't see a layer amount yeah you know
for us that is how it is we don't know
that we're seeming like a bully because
we're just trying to get to that next
thing we don't mean to be mean and we
don't even know we're doing it so that
emotional intelligence comes in and
knowing okay if I know I've got an earth
person I know I need to Center myself I
need to balance myself it's gonna be
hard for me to do it how do I approach
that person to make them feel seen and
heard and loved and one you know give
them the respect that they're due that
may not be exactly how I would see the
world but will make them feel much
better about the task at hand so thank
you very much that was great
thank you [Music]
[Music]
this was water yeah whose highest Earth
everybody's probably at low water hi sir
what was your Earth Square do you know
75 okay and did you have low water yeah
are you okay participating
are you okay participating
okay come on in your own words
in your own words and speaking of a
microphone do the same thing how you
would want to be approached go to the
water people and and tell them that
they've got you know when we can set it too
too
did you have a nice weekend are you
enjoying your time here yes
yes
so I know that we had two weeks to
complete this project and now we're a
week away and I wanted to know how I can
help you and I just want you to know
that I believe in you and I know we're
gonna get this done but how can I help you
you
to get this done anybody want to respond
well first of all it's kind of easy I
think and I think everybody agreed here
first of all that's the truth and that's
kind of in the thing so I think
everybody here just kind of agreed okay
it is what it is we've got to do it
there's another element of there of
self-sufficiency which means we we kind
of know what our strengths are and what
we can do we've already realized that
you know the truth has been given uh and
the fact is we're self-sufficient we
know how to do it and basically at that
point it's kind of like that bottom
thing needs time alone uh just just just
let me start doing the work and I I re
you know I appreciate you wanting to
know how my weekend was and it was great
I hope yours was too but you know bottom
line is I got work to do in a week now
that I did have two weeks so I'll see
so I don't know if you like pay
attention to the physical details too I
don't know if you guys notice but some
of the group was physically backing up
while she was talking you see yeah they
were you know they were kind of it was
kind of uncomfortable it was like she's
my personal space is this entire room
you guys all need to leave so uh but
yeah they're all about truth and and you
know the the stuff that you mentioned
about we've got this we're
self-sufficient we don't need to work as
a team leave me alone I know what I need
to do and I'll get back to you if I have
any issues and so so try try again from
maybe temperatures like don't look them
in the eye
give them some space
they probably don't need to tell you how
their weekend was but like um try it
from a water perspective of of saying
what needs to be said okay guys I know
that you know what you're doing and
we're a week away from completing the
project so I believe in you and I know
you're going to get this done I'll give
you I'll leave you to yourselves and um
just let me know when you're done
how does that feel
there's some seriousness in that too
right yeah so uh remember I said before
there are some people who really get
uncomfortable with eye contact water
people are very uncomfortable with eye
contact sometimes you'll find a lot of
people who are autistic are very heavy
water they do not like eye contact they
don't like being around a ton of people
around a lot of noise so this assessment
actually was one of the reasons it was
created was to help families especially
with people with disabilities kind of
realize how they need to interact on the
world and have more empathy
um so that was a good observation I
appreciate that thank you so much this group
group [Applause]
[Applause]
who has the the highest water uh lowest fire
I and I apologize if you guys don't want
to participate in this part of the
section I'm fine with that no I should
do that okay but there were some people
who are nodding like please don't make
me get up and talk in front of anybody
um so if you wouldn't mind in your own
words go over to the fire people and
tell them that they have you know a week
instead of two okay guys got something I
need to let you know you know we had an
assignment it was due in two weeks uh
that assignment has been pushed up a
week so it's something you need to get
on we got to get this assignment done I
know you probably didn't expect that it
was going to need to be done that much
quicker but we moved it up to the
priority list so it has to be done
pretty much no exceptions to it so we've
got a week to do it so uh
appreciate it and hope you jump in
thanks a lot okay how did how did that
too long-winded for me
just tell us get it done
how about anybody who's high in fire who
how did you guys feel somebody's really
high in fire I would just want you to
tell me exactly what you want tell me as
quickly as possible so I can get to work
are you high in other things too yeah interesting
actually you did a good job especially
for a water person see how close he's
standing to the fire people
um high water person would probably just
send a short email and never want to see
anybody face to face
so you know the factory came all the way
over here and we're amidst you know in
this group it was really good
so but you know people that may be on
each end of the spectrum may have a
really hard time kind of communicating
this with each other because they're
going to come back from completely
different directions as we're seeing but
I think you maybe kind of balanced with
some of the other things was it was
easier for you to come over and kind of
talk about yeah okay
um thank you very much I appreciate it
all right High fire low metal
you don't know
they're still good
is anybody no half fire anybody low
metal who's like the most charismatic
out of this entire group
do you want it yeah okay all right if
you wouldn't mind in your own words
going and telling the the metal group
that they've got you know one we can set
it to okay okay
out all right
between my past the microphone over
there how did that make you guys feel it
was succinct but she was a little too bubbly
bubbly
she was a little too bubbly
what is that what does that make you
feel when people are really bubbly and
excited and energetic in front of you
how's that make you feel like it's fake
enthusiasm like it's fake enthusiasm
would you if she was over here like hey
he's gonna be great it's gonna be so
much fun we're gonna have a great time
we're gonna get it done
yeah a little a little kind of like you
know Bob's Car Sales like I don't know
salesman yeah
so how would you want to be approached
straight to the point get out of our
office let us do it she actually did she
was pretty sustained that was great very
good succinct but but yeah if you were
facts a bit more facts yeah metal metal
is definitely likes the facts they like
to understand the parameters what
exactly do you want me to do you need to
be very specific and they will get you
exactly what you need and they will get
it exactly right the why why would it be
nice yeah so so try it again a few
moment might pass the microphone try it
again a little less bubbly pay attention every
traffic that you're already familiar
with the details has now changed to one
week because somebody up top decided
they needed it right now
so I need you guys to put your best foot
forward and get it done so that we can
meet this deadline on time thank you
how was that was that better okay so you
did it quickly too I mean you don't have
time to explain all the details but she
said details on time got to get it right
you know so it was very good to make you
feel a little bit better about doing it
did you feel a little more trustworthy
yeah okay thank you so much would you
mind who has the highest metal lowest weight
did you notice too when she approached
the group how very Stern they were
looking right it's this is serious stuff
this is not play time people so these
are very serious folks that want to make
sure that if you're going to get
something it's going to be right right
would you mind approaching the good
people and doing the same thing
in in your own words not how you think
that they would want to hear it all
right team we had two weeks we got one
week somebody on the commission decided
that they were going to make promises
that we didn't agree to so now we don't
have any choice because they've already
made a public announcement so we're
going to go through with it
nothing else on the project has changed
I believe you can do this we're gonna
get it done
what you're saying is
as em said was one was one many
metal yeah
anybody else how'd that make you guys feel
[Music] it
it
was it too long too short do you need
more information or less
pretty less
okay yeah well it's all about you know
give me the bullet points and let's go
and let's finish it I had another group
do this too where the metal person put in
in
um like some sort of prize at the end
and we're all about winning so we'll
talk about winning by prize yeah you got
me let's go let's do it let's wait if we
can win this thing we're gonna be first
we're gonna be fastest we're gonna be
the best yeah I got it but yeah word's
all about you know bullet points short
to the point uh we're gonna win we're
gonna we're gonna do it so China will
begin really short bullet point all
right team deadline has changed no
longer two weeks one week get it done
all right was that was that short enough
yeah now we've got more time to do the
project and get moving on the second
thing it was kind of hard wasn't it it
was a little hard for you to do that I
that's that's a really interesting
yeah the comment is it's not so much
about the war maybe it's about the
challenge which also is very wood
creating that challenge and getting
through it but I mean you can tell here
thank you very much I appreciate that
and how did you guys what would you want
somebody to say to you to get the stuff yeah
it's like 1980 right
right yeah
all the resources you need petition
staff whatever you need to get this done
and that's kind of important
as if we're used to all
separately on our own but I mean I think
we're all looking building teams but I
mean that's kind of a reward you said
look whatever you need you know we'll
make it happen and that's a very weird
statement even because I've been
thinking about it because wood is wood
does not like obstacles if you tell me
to do something you give me no resources
to it that's an obstacle I don't like
obstacles now I'll figure out a way to
get it done but I'd rather have every
resource set my fingertips to get it
done and get it done quick
or you can say the five people said you
couldn't get this done that's a child
that's a challenge
that's that's a challenge I when I was a
kid my principal told me like you'll
never make it to the major leagues he
was totally right right I'm five foot
six I can't throw faster than 50 miles
an hour without putting a bunch of
effort into it but I went out to the
backyard and I practiced hitting a
baseball every day for hours and hours
and hours because he told me I couldn't
do it right yeah don't tell what people
like well do tell people what they can't
do it yeah we'll do it so but so thank
you very much I appreciate that so I
don't know if you guys can see that if
you're you know kind of imbalanced a
little bit it's very hard to communicate
with somebody who doesn't see the world
from your perspective it actually can
create we've seen physical visible pain
and and we can empathize with that
person in the different areas even
though we can't empathize maybe with
that specific situation you can see the
pain in in how there's the communication
there so being able to understand how
you see the world being able to
understand how other people see the
world and knowing what they need to feel
safe their needs for safety if you can
create that safety in yourself and in
the organization the people that you
work with the people that you work for
you kind of lose all of this stuff we
spend about 90 percent of our energy
making stuff up in our mind right how
many times have you been through a tough
situation and you spend night after
night after night going through what
other people are doing to scheme behind
your back to make your world a living help
help
and none of that is true but we spend so
much energy doing it and if we didn't if
we could realize oh that person's not
trying to be pushy that person's not
trying to like keep me from doing what
I'm doing because it has to be perfect
because they're trying to be mean to me
that's just how they see the world they
don't understand I see it differently
how do I approach them to make them feel
safe and maybe how do I get them to
understand how I need to feel safe so
that all that angst is gone thank you
guys so much you can you can sit down I
really appreciate here interaction
so I want you to go back what do you
have like 15 minutes left great I want
you to go back to the beginning of the
session when we talked about that
situation in which someone made you feel
unheard unseen uh angrily upset undignified
undignified
think about that situation
based on the relationships of kind of
how people see the world can some of you
start to see a connection between maybe
what was going on it may not have been
intentional some of you may have thought
about an intentional situation but can
anybody take remember back to what you
were thinking and feeling and can you
can you see any connection between any
of that
was it a situation where you were wood
and somebody was metal or somebody was
being fire and you were metal or vice
versa can you can you start to see some
of those connections at all not at all
I've completely failed thank you so much
I appreciate it Happy Birthday to me okay
okay
well as you if you start to think about
this more and more and more and as you
think about what you hear other people
do see how they are physically how they
interact you will start to yeah you will
start to see those connections more and
more and more it's like the more you
notice something the more you learn
something you just start to notice it
like people I don't know if you've ever
studied like film right and you just
take that fun collagen you know course
in college like film stuff and then
every time you go see a film you start
to notice those little things that you
never noticed before it's the same thing
every time you learn a new skill the
more you kind of think about it the more
you notice it the more you're able to
calm down and and get into that quiet
you're able to see these things more
water people are very good at that calm
and quiet and you notice how many people
are in each of the groups this was the
smallest Group which is usually the case
in the United States we don't value
quiet introspection
we get very uncomfortable with quiet in
other cultures they value that quiet
that introspection that truth and so we
need to inject more of that I all a lot
of the stuff that I read about emotional
intelligence and really understanding
other people and really providing
empathy starts a lot with that
reflection and that quiet that
understanding that understanding how you
feel in certain situations sometimes
we're so busy moving forward and doing
what we need to do we don't take the
time to understand how we feel in
certain situations and you don't do it
until you take the time to do it and for
wood people that is extremely hard
because we're all about fast movement
you ask me to go meditate on something
like I know I need to but I just I just
can't unless there's some sort of
challenge or you gamify it maybe that
makes it easier so Solutions
so what is this and what can this be
used for how is this useful to me in my
organization we talked about keeping
people there creating empathy in the
workplace and this works not just in the
workplace it works between you know if
you can think about uh I know some of us
were joking uh about earlier you know
you and your spouse or you and your
brother and sister or you and your
partner if you can't go to sleep at
night because there's mess in your house
that may be you know middle thing if
you're married to somebody you have a
partner maybe who um is wood and just
wants to get stuff done they're just
they they may or may not put things in
the dishwasher if they do it's
definitely not right and you can't go to
sleep unless it's in there the right way
and people were like Alan but like don't
you know it doesn't get clean that way
I'm like I understand but then you've
got to do it again doesn't it make you
upset no I just put it in the same way
the second time too like eventually
it'll get clean but I then have time to
do something else that's how I see the
world that really upsets my life because
she's very high metal and she wants to
make sure everything is in its place and
right I've worn her down over the years
but so this can be used as a
relationship management tool how do I
approach somebody else to make them feel
safe to make them feel included and and
that they they're getting empathy for me
that they need to do the best job that
they can do self-awareness tool
obviously to really understand how you
see the world so that you can be able to
help other people PB isn't onboarding
right if you've got a bunch of people in
a group it's interesting to see in
government a lot of government there's a
lot of metal in government especially in
your fire your police your code
enforcement rules and regulations right
it just some kind of jobs really attract
certain types of people now that doesn't
mean that here's where some of the
personality assessments go wrong because
they take a personality assessment think
oh we want to be all winners we're only
going to have all wood people who push
forward with with no boundaries and no
limits anybody over here see Wolf of
Wall Street
that's what happens when you get a bunch
of wood people underwear they all go to
jail right
the rules don't reply to us let's go for
him let's go fast we're going to do
everything we need to do to win win win
and a bunch of competition people
fighting with each other even clawing
backstabbing you need a group of
everybody in that room to balance out
what's going on to really get you to
that best solution and and you need to
really be able to allow them to express
how they want to uh be I was working for
a city doing a project and uh the person
we were working with was very high water
very high wood uh could see the few they
can see the future we know what needs to
be done we don't need anybody else to
help us with it we're going to do
everything ourselves and it was a huge
mess and the other people in the
organization were really angry at this
person but you know I'm in conversation
you know I was able to talk to them and
say look at the value this person brings
to the organization nobody else has what
this person has they see the truth they
can see the future they can get you
where they need to go but they never
wanted to work with anybody on stuff so
that's why everybody was messed up the
person will put stuff out there and
there would be so many mistakes in it
they didn't care they just needed to get
it done get it out there and get it
finished and went but there were so many
mistakes they could have gotten into big
trouble big lawsuits and you really
needed a team so there's there's ways to
get around that by by just honoring what
people bring to the table Group Training
obviously bringing people together to
understand how everybody works social
awareness 360 evaluation very
differently than you've ever seen it
before it's more of how do you know how
do you operate how does your team
operate above and below you so you know
how to deal with everybody in a
compassionate way individual coaching
and every even a self-care tool I kind
of talked about that you'll see that in
a minute so as I talked about before the
two biggest things I'll leave you with
is practice perfect practice makes
perfect I heard that from a coach once
so training right no pain no gain your
brain is a muscle just like anything
else if you don't practice to make
yourself more emotionally intelligent
you can wish all you want it's not going
to happen there's a saying I have from
uh I'm not going to say here but you can
talk to me afterwards anybody ever see
Grumpy Old Men or grumpy or old men oh
such a good movie if you want to hear
the saying afterwards I'll let you know
but you have to work at it just like
anything good in life you have to work
at it or it's not going to happen right
practice the Derek Jeter's up there Hall
of Famer anybody who is at the top of
their game if you're in the major
leagues or minor leagues you get to the
major leagues do you stop practicing
heck no uh if you are the best actor in
the world do you stop rehearsing or practicing
practicing
no you won't know your lines you won't
know what to do you won't know how to
portray that character
how should this what we do be anything
any different what we do every day in
dealing with we need highly emotionally
intelligent people for doing what we're
doing dealing with these really hard
situations with the public with the
elected officials with our staff every
day it is so important if we don't
practice we are not going to get better
and even if we're good at it and we
don't keep practicing we're not going to
stay at the top of our game and the
other biggest thing which is really hard
for us here really easy for this group
over here is slow down
if you can't take the time to notice how
you feel about something and how that
makes you act or react you're not going
to understand
how things uh upset you or hurt you how
you're able to balance yourself out to
be a better person and to be able to
deal with those situations you need to
deal with and there's different ways to
do it and it's it's really really
complicated so I can't get into it all
now but those if I could slow down and
practice those the two biggest things so
this is kind of hard to read but
if you know in terms of coaching and
trying to get somebody uh if you're
really high in one thing and really low
in something else if I told somebody who
was really high in wood and really low
in water you know what you need to slow
down you need to meditate for two hours
a day they would like hit me over the
head with a stick or something because
that they would never probably want to
do that in a million years because I I
have a million things to do I can't sit
down for two hours and meditate somebody
who may be really high in water and who
really well in some other things and be
good yeah that's fine I'm good with that
so I can't just immediately tell
somebody just do this because it's so
against their nature you have to kind of
work them around to be able to get to
what they need if I gamify something
like that over here it might make it a
little easier for somebody on this side
of the spectrum so and I I didn't really
mention this but really the five
archetypes is this solution model that
that goes from physical to behavioral
all the way to spiritual
right so if I was gonna the first thing
you need to do with somebody to make
them feel loved and respected and and
empathize with is meet them where they
are if their fire if they're Earth or
metal you need you know how to approach
them and make them feel safe once they
feel safe and they don't feel pain you
can then get them to that place that you
need to get them to there's two
different types of people that this
becomes a big problem there's fixed
mindset and growth mindset anybody ever
heard those two terms it's called
something different everywhere growth
mindset is taking responsibility for
yourself knowing that the only thing
that you have control over in this world
is your reaction your uh your
relationship to your stress and how you
deal with that in the open world right
you don't have control over anything
else and you know that there's ways that
you can get better and there's things
that I can do to improve fixed mindset
is my problems are everybody else's
fault what's the joke we always say this
would be a great job if there are no
citizens that doesn't leave this room
right so so you know ascribing all my
problems to somebody else that's a very
fixed mindset I don't have anything to
do I'm perfect I'm great if everybody
else changed my life would be so much
better that's fixed mindset if you can't
get somebody out of that I could talk to
him blue in the face it won't matter you
got to get them out of that think
mindset of thinking get them that growth
mindset and say okay maybe I do have
something to learn maybe there's
something I can do to improve and change
and then it's a much easier solution to
get them to where they need to be that's
my information our we've got like four
minutes and 38 seconds left for those
metal people in the room that's an exact
number do you guys have any any
okay
so do you have a question so the online
self-assessment is uh at Carrie
davidson.com so it's c-a-r-e-y
Davidson d-a-v-i-d-s-o-n
.com full disclosure it does happen to
be my sister so she looks a lot like me
even though she's older she looks a lot
like me but she um she's been doing this
for a better part of a decade she
started her career in um in HR she was
the director of HR for Columbia University
University
um she went into non-profit management
and then holistic healing
um and she's worked with a group of
doctors in New York over the last who's
who developed this for the last 10 20 30
years again started with families and
trying to get families to understand how
they all act in this unit and then she took it from that from an HR perspective
took it from that from an HR perspective of well how do we deal with this on a
of well how do we deal with this on a more Global basis this method is used by
more Global basis this method is used by Microsoft by Tony Robbins I know
Microsoft by Tony Robbins I know Microsoft has won awards for it a lot of
Microsoft has won awards for it a lot of cities and counties I every time I work
cities and counties I every time I work with the city or county I use this even
with the city or county I use this even if that has nothing to do with emotional
if that has nothing to do with emotional intelligence because I'll work with my
intelligence because I'll work with my project manager if I get them to take
project manager if I get them to take the assessment or I ask them a couple of
the assessment or I ask them a couple of questions I know how I need to approach
questions I know how I need to approach them to make them feel safe and make
them to make them feel safe and make them feel like I can make them
them feel like I can make them successful in whatever they do it helps
successful in whatever they do it helps tremend tremendously just knowing how
tremend tremendously just knowing how people see the world and how you can
people see the world and how you can approach them to make them feel good
approach them to make them feel good about themselves and what you're doing
about themselves and what you're doing any other questions yes
any other questions yes today is my birthday yes
today is my birthday yes thank you thank you
happy birthday fire people yeah
um for my birthday present you can tell me this was awesome even if you think it
me this was awesome even if you think it sucked
any other any other questions no I'll be here a little bit that's uh
no I'll be here a little bit that's uh with two minutes and five seconds to
with two minutes and five seconds to spare I really appreciate your time and
spare I really appreciate your time and attention and
attention and um and good luck if you need any help
um and good luck if you need any help let me know
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