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Mel Robbins Teaches Kelly Clarkson 'Let Them Theory'
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(audience cheers and applauds) - We are back.
Years ago, our next guest found herself at a crossroad,
she was in deep debt, had no job,
and thought she was on the brink of losing her home
and her marriage.
Then something clicked,
she came up with a little psychological trick for herself
to start making some changes.
Today she's an award-winning author, speaker, and podcaster,
her latest book is called "The Let Them Theory,"
which is already topping the charts on Amazon.
Everybody, please welcome Mel Robbins.
(audience cheers and applauds) (soft jazz music)
- Happy New Year. - Yes, Happy New Year.
So you work, I mean, I guess,
your work focuses on mental tools,
but your son's prom led to like a breakthrough
at "The Let Them Theory"?
- So I never thought I would tell you
that the single most powerful thing I discovered
was at a high school prom. (audience chuckling)
- Well, there's a lot of material there, yes. (chuckles)
- Oh yeah, there is.
You know, we have two daughters,
and our son is the youngest,
and so I've been through four proms.
And if you've ever been through a prom with a daughter,
you know what an absolute nightmare it is.
- Haven't done that yet, looking forward to it now, yes.
- Start bracing now,
because it's like spray tans and promposals and dresses
and all this stuff, and it's like six months of a buildup.
Well, with our son, I thought, oh,
well this is gonna be super easy 'cause he's a dude.
It was worse. (audience chuckling)
- Oh.
- Yes, because they don't commit.
- Oh, they don't plan anything.
- Yes, and so now you're like stressed
'cause you're like, "Are you going, are you not going?,"
he's like, ´"Oh, I don't know."
And then all of a sudden, two days before, he's like,
"I think I'm gonna go," and I'm like, "What?"
So we get to the night of the prom,
we go to the prom like pre-thing
where everybody's taking photos, and it's great,
and all of a sudden it starts to rain.
And so now you got 20 kids in black tie,
and about 45 parents, and nobody's prepared,
no umbrellas, no nothing.
So what do you start to do? You start to get stressed out.
You start to try to, okay, what are we gonna do?
You start to control the situation.
And I turned to Oakley and I'm like, "Honey,
where are you guys going for dinner before prom?,"
and he goes, "Dinner?,"
and I said, "You don't have a reservation?"
I don't know why, but this bothered me.
And Oakley turns me and says,
"Mom, you don't have to do that,
we're gonna go to the taco stand."
I'm like, "The taco stand?,
20 of you outside in the pouring rain in black tie?"
- So it turns out your son is me.
(audience chuckling) - Okay.
Yes, yes.
So my daughter was home from college, Kelly,
and she could see, you know those moments
where your stress just takes over
and you are about to do something
that you know you're gonna regret?
- Oh, this is a bad decision,
I can't, abort, abort, abort, yes, yeah.
- So she reaches over and grabs me and yanks me towards him,
and she goes, "Mom, stuff it, you're being annoying,"
and I'm like, "But he's gonna ruin his,"
"Mom, let him, let him, if he wants to,"
"But, but, but, but her dress is gonna," "Mom, let them."
"But, but, but the tuxedos, but the thing,"
"Mom. let them do what they wanna do,
it's their prom, not yours. Let them."
And there was something about the cascade
of "let them, let them, let them, let them," that it hit me.
I was like, why do I care about this?
And it was as if it was instant peace.
- Yeah, it's freeing, it's liberating to actually go,
"Do you?"
- Yes. - Yeah.
- And so I said, "Hey Oak, and he's like, "What?,"
because of course I've been really annoying,
and I said, well, "Here's 40 bucks and go have fun."
And he kind of dropped his shoulders and off he went.
And the next day was when it hit me,
I'm standing in line at like a plant store, you know,
like one of these big stores with the plant section.
- Love. - Correct.
- We could be friends. Okay, go.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Six people in front of you, one cashier.
And the stress starts to come,
and you're like starting to talk to yourself,
and you're going, why are they not getting another cashier?
You're looking around, you now think
that you can run the store better than the manager.
(audience chuckling) - Yeah.
- Right? So I said, "Let them."
And here's the thing,
this is what this is gonna teach you.
What it's gonna teach you is
that in life there are things you can control,
and there are things you cannot,
anytime somebody else is stressing you out or upsetting you,
or a situation is frustrating you or scaring you
or worrying you, you say "let them,"
and you immediately detach. (snaps fingers)
And what you will realize is that when you say "let them"
and you detach, and you stop giving your power to situations
and people that either don't deserve it,
or you controlling it is just gonna make it worse
because it's gonna stress you out,
and then you come back and say, "Let me,"
"Let me remind myself that I have power here."
- And that's a practice.
- [Mel] Oh, it's not only a practice-
- Yeah, that's not a, oh, I'm gonna wake up
and that's gonna happen, you have to practice that.
- You have to practice it.
But this is so simple.
It is so simple, because even when you're stressed out,
even when you're scared, even when you're worried,
you can remember "let them," and you'll feel peace.
You have so much power in here,
but if you are constantly giving it away
to things that you can't control, you'll never actually.
- What a waste.
- Take control of your own life.
- And it won't fill you up, yeah.
- [Mel] Correct.
- Yeah, no fuel for that.
I love you. - I love you.
- You're great. (audience cheers and applauds)
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