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How To Find Your Perfect Partner
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try engage the person's character not
their personality which is different
their personality is the mass that they
wear how they appear in social
situations you want to look at what's
underneath that all of their character
[Music]
what are the qualities that you want to
find in somebody that could be like a
lifelong partner for you or something
that you could have a relationship for
more than a few months perhaps several
years maybe for the rest of your life
it's extremely great question it also
really much depends on the individual
and who you are and there's never one
answer for everyone when we first get
interested in with someone when we first
fall for someone it can often be a bit
deceptive or Charmed by their
personality by by their looks by their
appearance by how they certain things
that are in essence a little bit
superficial and when you first meet
somebody they're not laying all their
cards on the table they're trying very
hard to impress you to please you so all
the other aspects of their personality
that that they may be a little bit
ashamed about but that aren't so great
they're working hard to disguise it so
you're kind of lured into getting into a
relationship with this person but you
don't really know who they are you don't
really know their secrets their Shadow
side their darkness and then you get
involved with them and then it comes out
and they great you they irritate you and
you break off the relationship so you
have to be able if you are in that
situation where you're looking for a
long-term relationship to look below the
surface to try and engage the person's
character not their personality which is
different their personality is the mass
that they wear how they appear in social
situations you want to look at what's
underneath that all of their character
and how strong they are they're a person
who shares your basic values about life
who has a kind of inner strength a very
important quality is can this person
take criticism at all right so if you're
in a relationship for several years
inevitably you're going to be things
that great on you and you're going to
want to tell them what you don't like
and there are people out there that
can't take any kind of criticism the
slightest put down and they explode they
get outraged and they get almost
violence sometimes you can't be in a
relationship if this if it's someone
that you can't criticize or tell that
this is behavior that bothers you right
so you have to be able to gauge that and
you have to be very aware of some of the
underlying qualities that people have
you can notice if they're hypersensitive
if you ever say the slightest thing
that's actually quite simple and basic
that they take offense at it they take
offense too easily that should be a sign
of damn I can't be with that person for
very long because they're going to be
offended constantly and I won't be able
to tell them what I truly feel right so
and if someone is is just bursting with
all kinds of insecurities you're going
to be spending your life trying to
assuage their insecurities so you want
to look under the hood you want to see
the underlying strength of that person's
character and I think of Franklin Delano
Roosevelt who when he was a young man
was very handsome very wealthy there
were all of these beautiful women that
wanted to have him propose marriage to
and they ended up choosing Eleanor
Roosevelt who was considered to be kind
of the ugly duckling of all the people
in their Circle
and she wasn't ugly but she wasn't one
of these Beauties like these other women
he chose her because of her character
because she was strong because she was
intelligent and because he could imagine
this is a very important thing he could
imagine having a conversation with her
10 years down the line and not being
bored so this is something that I think
is really important is
The Superficial things the sexual
attraction which isn't totally
superficial but can be the kind of
things that grab you initially
aren't necessarily the things that are
going to last over the course of years
and you want to be able to think
can I talk to them about subjects that
interest me are they able to surprise me
or have I heard all of their ideas at
the end of two days do they keep
repeating the same stories over and over
again in my board or can I imagine this
per talking to this person at The
Breakfast Table in 10 years and still
being interested in them do we share a
similar sense of humor having a similar
sense of humor is more important than
you having the same political values
that you're both Democrats or
Republicans because being able to laugh
at the same things and have a similar
kind of sense of humor and things that
amuse you is extremely important it's
something that will help you last over
years and years it will be a connection
a bond but the main thing that's going
to wear on you is going to break the
spell
is that the other person becomes too
familiar you know everything about them
right at the end of a year there are no
more surprises left they're too familiar
your mind starts to wander maybe there's
somebody out there that's more
interesting so think of somebody who has
a little element of mystery to them you
don't completely know who they are and
what you suspect that they might be
hiding is very interesting they have
debts that you hadn't imagined right
they're intelligent you can talk about
things that interest you that excite you
and there's a connection there and
you're sometimes surprised by what they
say
so the main thing is is not so much the
physical stuff which is important and
and if it's completely goes away after a
couple of years then it's going to hurt
the relationship I don't mean to deny
that
but the ability to be surprised by
someone to continue to have
conversations with them to be able to
share similar stories and senses of
humor to have a similar taste in animals
I know that sounds really really weird
but I know personally as a cat person or
a person who loves animals I could never
be in a relationship with someone who
doesn't love animals I don't care if
it's cats dogs cockroaches rats whatever
they have to love animals so there are
certain essential values that you have
that Mark you as an individual whether
it's Your Love of Animals whether it's
your love of
outer space and UFOs or I don't care
what it is things that excite you if the
other person doesn't share that at all
it's going to be really hard to maintain
an interest in them over a long period
of time so these are the things that I
think that are extremely important that
go into a long-term relationship
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