Effective negotiation is not about winning or losing, but about collaboratively finding mutually beneficial solutions by focusing on underlying interests, using fair standards, inventing creative options, and separating people from the problem.
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William Yuri and Roger fiser are the
founders of the Harvard negotiation
project they've written a book together
titled getting to yes I recently read
the book and want to share with you the
key lessons according to the book
negotiation isn't about splitting things
50/50 or insisting on your way or my way
it is definitely not about winning or
losing if you're asking who is winning
you've already lost so what is a
negotiation about then let me give you a
few examples and you'll see two men
argue in a library one wants the window
open for fresh air the other wants it
closed to avoid the wind blowing his
papers so what do you do do you leave it
half open a bit open or closed the
librarian listens to both and then goes
and opens the window in another room
bringing in fresh air without disturbing
the papers this leaves both sides happy
another example two people want to share
a cake but can't agree on how to divide
it fairly regardless of how you cut it
they will both complain that the other
side got a bigger piece so what do you
do well you ask one person to Cut the
Cake and the other chooses first since
the person cutting knows that the other
side picks first he will split it evenly
to avoid getting a smaller piece one
last example two kids argue over an
orange the parent takes the knife cuts
the orange 50/50 and gives each kid half
one kid eats the fruit and throws away
the peel while while the other uses the
peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit
into the trash if the parent had asked
why they wanted the orange both kids
could have gotten 100% of what they
wanted but they only got
50% as you can see from these examples
negotiation is about finding a solution
that leaves both sides happy without
hurting the relationship so how do you
do it how do you find those wise and
practical Solutions like the ones we
just saw here's a four-step framework
that will make you a M negotiator step
number one focus on interests not
positions remember the story about the
two men arguing over a window in the
library it illustrates a common problem
in negotiations where people focus too
much on their positions instead of
arguing about positions shift your focus
to interests the benefits of focusing on
interests are obvious but doing it can
be hard positions are clear and specific
interests might be hidden or vague so
how do you find the interests of the
other side simply ask why why do they
want what they want try to see things
from their point of view once you
discover their underlying interests talk
about them openly people listen better
if they feel understood they think those
who understand them are smart and kind
if you want them to listen to your
interests start by showing you care and
understand theirs of course you need to
communicate your interests as well the
other side might might not know them to
turn your interests into real options
ask yourself if they agree with me
tomorrow what do I want them to do step
number two use Fair standards no matter
how well you understand what the other
side wants conflicts will always pop up
you want lower rent but your landlord
wants it higher instead of arguing back
and forth use objective criteria to
decide recall the cake example when two
men couldn't share a cake having one man
divide it and the other choose first is
based on a fair standard objective
criteria are unbiased rules that don't
depend on personal opinions examples of
this can be market prices legal
requirements expert opinion or Fair
standards that you both agree on in
negotiation often people resist agreeing
because they feel like you're demanding
it but if you say let's check the rules
or regulations it shifts Focus from what
you want to what the rules say suddenly
it's not you demanding it but the rules
for example if your house Construction
contract doesn't specify How deep the
foundations should be and the contractor
suggests 2 feet while you think 5T is
the standard don't just compromise
instead say look Maybe I'm Wrong maybe 2
ft is enough does the government have
standard specifications for these soil
conditions what is the earthquake risk
here where do you suggest we look for
standard to resolve this
question here is how you can apply this
principle effectively before you start
figure out some Fair standards together
with the other side for example say you
want a high price and I want a low one
let's figure out what a fair price would
be what standards should we use by
focusing on Fair standards you can turn
a clash of interests into a shared goal
step number three invent options for
Mutual gain recall the example of the
kids fighting over an orange instead of
splitting at 50/50 they could have found
a way for both to get 100% of what they
wanted this scenario highlights the
importance of inventing options for
Mutual gain in
negotiations so how do you invent
Creative Solutions then here's how
simply get together with your side or
with the other side and brainstorm about
all the possible solutions let the ideas
flow freely don't judge or pick any of
the ideas in the first stage separate
the brainstorming from the collection
session for brainstorming choose a few
participants change the environment
design an informal atmosphere Define the
purpose after brainstorming start with
the most promising ideas then discuss
ways to improve them people often assume
differences in negotiation create
problems yet these differences can lead
to Solutions remember the orange example
A wise solution was possible because
each side wanted different parts of the
Orange it's absurd to think your
differences lead to the problem it's
actually the differences that lead to
Creative Solutions step number four
separate the people from the problem
before starting a negotiation visualize
a vertical line splitting a person down
the middle on one side is the person and
on the other side is the problem always
put the person first and the problem
second negotiators are people first your
goal in negotiation is to soft on the
person but hard on the problem often we
are soft on the person so we end up
being soft on the problem as well and we
don't get what we want or we're hard on
the problem but also end up being hard
on the person damaging the relationship
be soft on the person compliment
whenever you can and appreciate the
effort at every negotiation stage ask
yourself am I paying enough attention to
the people problem people have different
viewpoints they're egos are easily
threatened they see the world from their
perspective often confusing their
perceptions with reality they frequently
misinterpret your words and fail to
communicate their true intentions
remember you must deal not only with
their problems but also with your own
your anger and frustration can block
agreement as well your perceptions may
be one-sided and you might not be
listening or communicating effectively
one of the best ways to prevent people
problems is by building a relationship
with the other side before the
negotiation starts negotiating with
someone you know is easier than with a
stranger so arrive early to chat and
stay a bit afterward get to know their
likes and dislikes these informal
interactions make future negotiations a
lot easier multiple studies show that
simply getting to know the other side
increases the success rate by 25 to
30% okay now you might say all these
four steps sound fair and nice but what
if the other side isn't playing by Fair
rules what if they use dirty tactics
what if they are more powerful or what
if they attack me personally here's how
to deal with each of these situations
let's start with dirty tactics people
lie and use various pressure tactics
recognizing these tricks often
neutralizes them mention it directly Joe
it seems like you and Ted are playing
good cop and bad cop if you need a break
to get on the same page just ask
mentioning the tactic makes it less
effective and may make the other side
worry about losing you just raising a
question can be enough to end it however
be careful avoid personal attacks focus
on the problem not the person instead of
saying you put me facing the sun
deliberately say the sun of my eyes is
distracting can we adjust the schedule
and meet later I can't concentrate like this
this
what if they are more powerful if the
other side has big guns don't turn the
negotiation into a gunfight the best
thing you can do is to develop your
batna best alternative to a negotiated
agreement think how you would feel
walking into a job interview with no
other offers think how difficult the
salary negotiation would go now contrast
that with how you would feel walking
into an interview with two other job
offers the difference is power the more
easily you can walk away from
negotiation the greater your power
developing your batna not only enables
you to determine what a minimally
acceptable agreement is it will probably
raise that minimum always develop your
Batum before negotiating don't say let's
negotiate first and see what happens
without batna you're negotiating
blindly what if they attack you
personally when they attack you instead
of the problem things get tough you want
a fair solution but they tear down your
ideas it's natural to defend yourself
but that leads nowhere you push they
push back and soon you're stuck so what
do you do use negotiation
Jujitsu sidestep their attacks here's
how one look behind their position when
they say what they want don't just say
yes or no ask why they want it
understand what is really important to
them two if they keep rejecting anything
you say then ask for their advice if you
were me what would you do they will put
themselves in your shoes and give you the
the
solutions three invite criticism instead
of Defending Your Ideas ask them what's
wrong with them this will help you learn
about their interests I would like to
conclude this video with a great story
that explains what negotiation truly is
in 1964 an American father and his
12-year-old son were playing frisbee in
Hy Park London few people in England had
seen a frisbee before so a small crowd
gathered after a while a man approached
and asked sorry to bother you I've been
watching you for 15 minutes who's
winning in negotiations asking who's
winning is like asking that in a
marriage if you're focused on winning
you've missed the point the real goal is
working together and finding a solution
that satisfies both sides interests I
hope this was a useful video thanks for
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