YouTube Transcript:
EP26: PARENTAL ABUSE IS HAPPENING
Skip watching entire videos - get the full transcript, search for keywords, and copy with one click.
Share:
Video Transcript
View:
Hey y'all, bring it on in. We need to
talk about why so many moms are
tolerating abuse from their own
children. And I'm not just talking about
the silent abuse like the no contact or
ghosting them or just not talking to
them. I'm talking about some verbal,
emotional, financial, and even physical
abuse. And then I'm wondering why are we
so willing to tolerate this from our
children? Because too many moms are out
here suffering in silence and some of
them are even losing their lives. We are
taught to endure this abuse, to pray it
away, to pray for our children, to
forgive them, to never give up on them.
We are asked questions like, "Why didn't
you spank them enough or beat them
enough?" or have you taken them to
therapy? All of this, what have you done
to make the situation better? But here's
the truth. Love should not cost us our
dignity. It should not cost us our
safety. And damn it, love shouldn't hurt.
hurt. [Music]
[Music]
We don't talk about parental abuse
enough, but it is happening every day,
whether it's being talked about or not,
and more than you know. But there's
rarely any attention being brought to
this subject, and there are for sure no
protections against it. Every time I try
to look up anything on parental abuse,
it always leads back to child abuse. And
I'm like, why are we not talking about
that? Where? Why is there not more
information surrounding parental abuse?
Because it is happening more and more
every single day. Whether they're
talking about it or not, moms are being
cursed out. We've been called some of
the most vulgar names. And I say we
because I know all too well. And I've
been called some of the most vulgar
names by my youngest son. We've been
manipulated. We've been lied on. We have
been blamed for every ounce of our
child's pain and treated like their
emotional punching bags and we're just
taking it because we've been brainwashed
to believe as a mom you
should. A lot of moms tolerate abuse
because they're afraid of being judged.
They don't want to lose their child
completely. They believe it's their
fault and they need to make it right. or
they think by enduring so much abuse
from their child, this is going to make
you a stronger mom, a better mom, or a
more loving mom. But let's be clear,
you're not helping your child nor
yourself by accepting their abuse. In
fact, you're enabling it. And that's the
hard truth that nobody wants to say out
loud. So, let's talk about something
real serious for a moment, and that is
matricside. Another topic that's very
rarely discussed or mentioned or brought
up. Matricide is when a child harms or
even kills their own mother. And it's
not just something you see on a Lifetime
movie or in the news cuz we don't see it
in the news. It's happening more than people
people
realize. Abuse starts with words. Words
like calling you a [ __ ] The words like
saying [ __ ] you. The words like calling
you a [ __ ] The words demeaning you.
and they can escalate into physical
disrespect that goes unchecked, it
becomes very, very dangerous. I had a
mom in my comments the other day and she
said her child has slapped her mom and
slashed her arm with a knife and she's
15 year old years old and she's 15 years
old, but she said, "I love my baby and I
just can't give up on her." And then I
shared with her the story of a family
friend who was murdered by her son some
years ago. She tried to get help for
him. She involved the authorities
reluctantly. She had a security door
installed on her bedroom to protect
herself from her own child because she
had become so afraid of him. Only her
sister was there to support her. And we
actually did a podcast episode on this
last year. And she was the only support
she had and the only person that would
encourage her to protect herself. Like
get a bat, get some mace, go to the gun
range. And I know moms don't want to
hear that. And that's like, ooh, oh my
god, that's so taboo. But this was her
sister looking out for her sister and
not just the child who her sister had
become afraid of. And we as moms, we
never want to think we would have to do
that with our kids. We often think so
emotionally and rarely think logically
by saying stuff to ourselves like, "This
is my child who I love with all my
heart. They would never hurt me or they
could never hurt me." But guess what her
son did? He stabbed her to death while
she was making coffee to head to work
and then try to cover it up. And I too
have experienced threats from my
estranged son. Threats to send people to
our home to harm us. Threats to harm my
husband. And those who know me, they
know I don't play about my husband at
all. And threats to other family members
as well. You must take abuse from your
child seriously. Stop playing with
yourself. Don't ignore these red flags
just because your emotions are telling
you you love that child so much and they
could never harm you. Think about things
like, do they have violent outbursts? Do
they threaten you or your safety? Do you
feel unsafe in your own home? Because I
started to feel unsafe in my own home. I
started to think that my child did not
care about my safety. I remember working
from home one day and he came home and
he brought these two guys in my home.
They could have been the nicest young
man ever, but they didn't look very nice
and he knew damn well that I didn't just
allow anybody to come into my home. It
infuriated me that he did not consider
my safety to bring these people into my
home that I did not know. But I want
y'all to know when you are seeing these
behaviors and you're experiencing this
abuse, this is not just a phase. These
threats, take them seriously. And you
not taking that [ __ ] seriously could be
life or death. And your life matters.
So, how do you stop tolerating abuse and
start protecting yourself? Here's some
ways to start reclaiming your peace as
well. First and foremost, speak the hell
up. Don't you dare deal with this alone
in silence. So many moms don't want to
be judged. And then when they do tell
people they are judged, stop caring
about that. Your safety matters and you
speaking up could be the very thing that
saves your life. Set clear boundaries.
Let them know what behaviors you will no
longer tolerate. Say it once. Say it
firm. Say it clear. And stand on
business. And I know this is very hard
for a lot of moms because you don't want
to hurt your child's feelings. Although
they have said whatever the hell they
wanted to say to you and they have
threatened you. But if you don't set
these clear boundaries and let them know
you're no longer going to tolerate this
type of behavior, especially starting at
a younger
age, you're never going to have respect
for them. You go low or no contact if
needed. If they continue to cause harm
to you, it's okay to cut off
communication. I know we are in this
situation. A lot of you are being
estranged from children, but I'm talking
to the moms that are dealing with abuse
right now. I'm not focused on the ones
who are mourning because a child refused
to talk to them. They don't know why.
I'm talking about the women whose lives
are at risk because they are not taking
abuse from their child
seriously. It's okay, like I said, to
block someone. That doesn't mean you're
petty. It doesn't mean you're a bad mom.
It just means that you're protecting
yourself. And document everything. And
when I say everything, if you get text
messages, threats or incidents in any
type of writing, document. Unlike some
other moms, I believe in protecting
myself and my home. And that is where my
son has pushed me where I have had to
protect myself and protect my home. You
may need this if things escalate. So
keep those messages, keep records of
those threats. Write down when any
incidents happen as well. And then you
need to learn to prioritize your safety.
If your child is physically aggressive
or unstable, get yourself into a safe
place until you can have them removed
from your home if they live with you. I
know some of them may be underage. If
you have underage children, you need to
reach out to the authorities or you need
to reach out to someone from a legal
perspective to see what you can do. And
if you are a single mom, because let's
let's let's talk about the fact that
majority of the time this abuse is
happening with single moms. Where are
their dads? Where are their dads? Get
them involved. Unfortunately, we also
know that some of them have abandoned
their children and some of them don't
have any involvement. Hence why we're
dealing with a lot of this [ __ ] in the
first place. Because like I always say,
the daddy decides to leave, but the mom
that say is the one that gets the
mistreatment. But like I said, you need
to pay attention. If your child is
physically aggressive or unstable, you
need to make sure that you put yourself
in a position of safety or you remove
them from your home if they are of age
and they live with you. Also, I know
y'all may not want to hear this. File a
restraining order, protective order, and
don't feel one bit of guilt about it. I
have not filed a restraining order
against my son, but I have definitely
reported any incidents to the police, so
they are on record. I just haven't filed
a restraining order, but it does not
mean that I will not file a restraining
order. I had a mom also send me a direct
message. She said that her son and his
girlfriend, they were bullying her on
social media, saying what they were
going to do to her if they saw her. and
you know all these things that kids get
on social media and they love to talk
but she filed a protective order against
them and it wasn't her intention to
destroy their lives or anything like
that and she actually had it removed but
I commended her for filing that
restraining order basically to cease and
desist them making any threats or even
mentioning her on any social media
platforms and again don't feel guilty
about it and stop funding abuse
And what do I mean by that? If they rely
on you financially all while
disrespecting you, cut that off. Why are
you paying to be mistreated? Who does
that? Start healing. Talk to a
therapist, a coach, join a support
group, journal your pain, name it, be
honest about it, and then start to
release it. Create a circle of support
if you don't have one. You're not weak
for needing help. Build your own support
system. Of course, remain a part of the
Mom's True Tea platform of women who
understand what you're going through
because it is so hard when you're having these
these
experiences and you're trying to talk to
other moms or women that are in your
sister circle, your friend circle, and
they don't understand because that's not
their experience. or they're judging you
or they're talking behind your back
instead of helping you or giving you any
type of support and it's a painful
painful thing. So find likeminded women
that are dealing with the same situation
and a lot of times you won't even know
that because you're not talking about it
because we're not talking about what is
happening when it relates to abuse from
our own children. Nobody can support you
because nobody knows what's going on.
And last, get you some protection. I
know y'all don't want to talk about
that. I mentioned this earlier with the
sister who told her sister to protect
herself. Get you some protection.
Whatever that looks like. You hope that
your child will never harm you or bring
you to having to protect yourself in
that manner. But the days that we are
living in and the children that are
coming up, adult children, teenage
children who have no respect and honor
and they don't even have empathy. The
switch of empathy is gone with a lot of
these children. So I'm going to say it
again. Get you some protection. And
again, you hope that you will never need
it, but don't be a fool and don't be a
mom martyr either, cuz you'll be a dead
mom. all whilst you didn't want to
protect yourself against your child. You
are a human being. You're not just
someone's mom. You're not their punching
bag. You're not their therapist. You are
not their ATM or emotional dumping
ground. You are worthy of peace. You're
worthy of love. You are worthy of
respect and honor. And you're also
worthy of being spoken to with kindness.
You have the right to walk away and the
right to protect yourself at all cost.
So if nobody else has told you today,
let me hold your hand when I say this.
You don't deserve to be abused by your
child. Let me say it again. You don't
deserve to be abused by your child. A
lot of times we take abuse for different
reasons. Sometimes we feel guilty.
Sometimes we take it because the father
is no longer there and they don't have
anyone else so we accept it. Sometimes
we take it because hell we have been
abused in other relationships ourselves.
And sometimes that [ __ ] is normal for us
because it's what we have become
accustomed to. Whether it was us growing
up, whether it was us in relationships,
no matter the reason behind it, a lot of
times moms accept abuse for diverse
reasons. Stop tolerating abuse. That
does not make you a good mom. You're not
crazy. You're not dramatic. And you are
not alone. If this episode has resonated
with you, I want you to do a few things
for me. Make sure you're following me on
Mom's True Tea on Instagram and DM me
with the word peace so I know this
message reached you. Subscribe to my
YouTube channel. Share this episode with
another mom. She may be suffering in
silence, too. We don't need to stay
weak. We are working on our healing over
here. And don't forget to grab my book,
Reclaiming Your Identity, on my website,
mom's tea.com or on Amazon if you're a
Prime member and want to get it quickly.
Until next time, choose distance over
disrespect. Protect your peace, reclaim
your power, and reclaim your identity unapologetically.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm so
blessed to have a community where I can
show up as my most authentic self
because I don't know what else to be.
Don't forget to favorite the show, leave
a review, and subscribe to the podcast
on your favorite streaming platforms to
stay uptodate on new episodes. Subscribe
to my newsletter at momset.com.
Follow us on all socials at mum s t r u
e t e a and be sure to share and stay
tuned for more thoughtprovoking topics
and real talk on mom's true tea with
Kendall. Until next time, remember you
need you just as much as anyone else. So
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
Works with YouTube, Coursera, Udemy and more educational platforms
Get Instant Transcripts: Just Edit the Domain in Your Address Bar!
YouTube
←
→
↻
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc
YoutubeToText
←
→
↻
https://youtubetotext.net/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc