Sexual intimacy is a fundamental biological and psychological need for men, crucial for their overall well-being, hormonal balance, and emotional connection within relationships, rather than just a physical desire.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
Every woman should probably watch this
video because you've heard people say
men just want sex. But that's not true.
Men need sex, not for ego, but for
biology. It affects testosterone, mood,
confidence, and even commitment. Today,
I'm going to break down the science
behind why sex isn't just physical for
men. It's fundamental to their emotional
and physical well-being. I'm Dr. Dr.
Emma Blake, urologist and men's health
expert. And I want to challenge the idea
that sex is optional in long-term
relationships. Because for men, it's not
just about pleasure. It's about
connection, health, and balance. Now,
before we dive deep into this, let me be
really clear about something. This
conversation isn't about, you know,
justifying bad behavior or pressuring
anyone or suggesting that women owe men
anything. That's not what this is. This
is about understanding male biology and
psychology so that couples can actually
have more compassionate informed
conversations about intimacy
because honestly when we understand each
other better we connect better. That's
the foundation of healthy relationships
and that's what we're exploring today.
So I've been a urologist specializing in
men's health for over 15 years now and
I've had I mean countless conversations
with men and their partners about this
exact topic. the frustration, the
confusion, the feeling of being
completely misunderstood on both sides.
And what I've learned is that most of
this comes down to a lack of
understanding about how male sexuality
actually works. Not just physically, but
emotionally and hormonally. You know
what I mean? So, let's start with the
biology because this is where everything
begins. For men, sexual activity is
closely tied to hormonal stability in
ways that are genuinely different from
women. And when a man goes long periods
without sexual intimacy or release, his
testosterone levels can drop, his stress
hormones, like cortisol can rise, and
his energy, focus, and mood can decline
significantly. This isn't about
obsession or like some kind of sex
addiction. It's about homeostasis, which
is basically the way the body maintains
healthy equilibrium. Think of it like
sleep or exercise, right? When you don't
get enough sleep, your body doesn't
function optimally. You're irritable,
unfocused, your immune system suffers,
your decision-m gets worse. The same
principle applies to sexual activity for
men. It's kind of the biological need
that when unmet for extended periods
creates real physiological and
psychological stress in the body.
Research shows that regular sexual
activity and release helps regulate
blood pressure, supports immune health,
and boosts mood through the release of
dopamine and oxytocin, the same
neurochemicals that strengthen emotional
bonding between partners. Dopamine is
your brain's reward chemical. It makes
you feel motivated and alive. Oxytocin
is often called the bonding hormone. It
creates feelings of closeness, trust,
and attachment.
Both of these are released during sexual
activity, especially during orgasm. And
this is why so many men describe sex not
just as something they want, but
something that makes them feel grounded,
centered, and alive. It's not just about
the physical sensation, although that
matters. Obviously, it's about the
neurochemical reset that happens, the
hormonal regulation, the stress relief.
After sexual activity, many men report
feeling more focused, more energetic,
more emotionally stable. And that's not
psychological. That's actually
biochemical. Like that's real chemistry
happening in the body. Testosterone is
particularly important here. Healthy
testosterone levels are essential for
male energy, motivation, mood stability,
muscle maintenance, cognitive function,
and yes, libido. When men go extended
periods without sexual activity,
testosterone can decline, which then
creates this feedback loop. Lower
testosterone leads to lower libido,
which leads to less sexual activity,
which leads to even lower testosterone.
It becomes a cycle that's really hard to
break. But here's what's really
interesting, and I think this surprises
people. The benefits of sexual activity
aren't just about hormone regulation.
Regular sexual activity has been shown
to reduce the risk of prostate problems,
improve cardiovascular health, boost
immune function, and even help men live longer.
longer.
Like one study found that men who had
frequent orgasms, defined as two or more
per week, had a significantly lower risk
of mortality compared to men who had
orgasms less than once per month. So,
we're not just talking about quality of
life here. We're talking about actual longevity.
longevity.
That's pretty wild, right? Now, let's
talk about the relationship aspect
because this is where things get really
important and honestly where most of the
misunderstanding happens. For many men,
sex isn't primarily about lust or
physical satisfaction. It's about
connection. It's one of the few spaces
where they feel emotionally safe enough
to express vulnerability, affection, and
love without words. You see, in a
culture that often tells men to be
strong, stoic, unemotional, sexual
intimacy becomes one of the primary ways
they can express and receive love. When
that avenue for connection disappears or
becomes infrequent, men don't just feel
rejected physically, they feel
disconnected as partners. They feel
unseen, unwanted, undesired.
And because many men aren't really
taught to articulate these emotional
needs verbally, they struggle to explain
why the lack of sex hurts so much. It's
not just about the physical act. It's
about what that act represents.
Acceptance, desire, connection, partnership.
partnership.
Does that make sense? This is where
misunderstanding often begins in
relationships. And it's critical to
understand this dynamic. Women tend to
experience intimacy as the result of
emotional closeness. They need to feel
emotionally connected, heard,
appreciated, and safe before they desire
physical intimacy.
For many men, it kind of works in
reverse. They often experience emotional
closeness as the result of physical
intimacy. The sexual connection opens
them up emotionally, makes them feel
safe to be vulnerable, helps them feel
bonded to their partner. Neither
approach is wrong, they're just
different. But when couples don't
understand this difference, both
partners start to feel unseen and
unheard. The woman thinks, "How can he
want sex when we haven't been connecting
emotionally?" And the man thinks, "How
can we connect emotionally when she
keeps rejecting me physically?" See what
I'm saying? It becomes this frustrating
cycle where both people are asking for
connection but speaking completely
different languages. When men are
regularly turned down or treated like
intimacy is a chore, their self-worth
takes a real hit. I mean, imagine
repeatedly asking your partner for
something that's deeply important to
you, that makes you feel loved and
connected, and being consistently
rejected or made to feel like you're
being a burden.
Over time, men begin to withdraw. Not
out of anger necessarily, but out of
shame. That silence slowly erodess trust
and partnership. The relationship may
still look fine on the surface. You
know, you're still living together,
maybe raising kids, handling daily life,
but emotionally, both people start
living side by side instead of together.
And here's the thing, this withdrawal
doesn't just affect the man. When a man
starts to feel rejected and
disconnected, he becomes less
affectionate, less communicative, less
engaged emotionally. Then the woman
feels even less connected, which makes
her less interested in physical
intimacy, which makes him withdraw even
more. It becomes this downward spiral
that's really hard to reverse once it
gets going. On the other hand, and this
is what I want people to really hear,
when couples maintain healthy physical
connection, everything else tends to
flow more smoothly. Communication
improves, stress decreases, and studies
actually show that men in sexually
fulfilling relationships are more
affectionate, more engaged, and more
emotionally available. They're better
partners, better fathers, more present
in the relationship. It's like the
physical intimacy opens up their
capacity for emotional intimacy. So, no,
sex isn't just a bonus for men. It's a
biological and relational need. But
here's the part that really matters, and
I want to be really clear about this.
It's not just for him. When women see
intimacy as a shared experience,
something that also benefits them
physically and emotionally, it becomes
an act of mutual care rather than obligation.
obligation.
And that changes everything for women.
Consistent intimacy improves
circulation, reduces stress, and boosts
natural hormones that support sleep and
mood. It releases oxytocin for you, too,
which helps with bonding and feeling
connected. It can improve body image and self-confidence.
self-confidence.
For couples, it builds the kind of
chemistry that words alone can't
replace. It reminds you both that you're
not just roommates or co-parents. You're
partners who still choose each other.
You're still attracted to each other.
You still matter to each other in that
way. And honestly, I think sometimes
women underestimate how powerful their
desire is to their partner. When a woman
initiates or enthusiastically
participates in intimacy, it
communicates to her partner, "I want
you. I desire you. I choose you.
That's incredibly powerful for men who
often struggle with feeling wanted and
desired in other areas of their lives.
Now, if sex has become distant or
routine in your relationship, you know,
if it's been weeks or months, or you're
just going through the motions, start by
bringing curiosity back into the
conversation. Ask questions. Share how
you've both changed. What do you need
now that you didn't need before? What's
changed about your desires, your
preferences, your bodies? Don't frame it
as blame. Frame it as reconnection.
Approach it with genuine curiosity and openness.
openness.
Maybe you need to address some
underlying issues first. If there's
resentment built up, if there are
unresolved conflicts, if someone's
dealing with depression or anxiety or
body image issues, those need attention.
Sometimes you need to work through
emotional stuff before the physical
stuff can improve. That's okay. That's
normal. But you have to actually talk
about it. Consider what might be getting
in the way. Is it exhaustion? Are you
both just overwhelmed with work and kids
and life? Is it hormonal changes,
medications, past trauma, health issues?
There are often practical barriers that
can be addressed once you identify them.
Maybe you need to prioritize sleep more.
Maybe you need to schedule intimacy,
which I know sounds unromantic, but
honestly, in busy lives, sometimes you
have to be intentional about making time
for each other. And here's something I
tell couples all the time. Intimacy
doesn't always have to mean full
intercourse. Physical connection can be
touching, massage, kissing, being naked
together, just being close and affectionate.
affectionate.
Sometimes taking the pressure off the
end goal and just focusing on connection
and pleasure can actually revive the
sexual relationship. You know what I
mean? Just reconnecting physically in
lower pressure ways. Because when sex is
healthy, frequent, and fulfilling, it's
not just about physical release. It's
about trust, emotional safety, and the
ongoing affirmation that you still
matter to each other. It's about
maintaining that bond that makes you
partners and not just people who share a
household. I'm Dr. Emma Blake and this
is what I really want you to remember.
Sex isn't about dominance or duty. It's
about balance for your hormones, your
heart, and your relationship.
When you understand that difference, you
stop seeing sex as an argument or an
obligation and start seeing it as
connection. the kind that keeps both of
you alive, bonded, and thriving.
And look, I know this conversation can
be uncomfortable. I know it brings up
stuff, but these are conversations worth
having because your relationship is
worth it. Your connection is worth it.
At the end of the day, we're all just
trying to feel loved and understood and
desired by the person we chose to share
our life with. Understanding the biology
and psychology behind these needs helps
us do that better. Take care of yourself
and take care of each other because
you're worth it. Thanks for watching. If
this resonated with you, share it with
your partner. Sometimes hearing this
information from a doctor makes it
easier to have the conversation. And
check out my other videos on men's
health, relationships, and sexual
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
