This content explores the profound impact of technology, particularly the internet and social media, on modern childhood and adolescence, contrasting it with past generations and highlighting significant risks and challenges.
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what
do i love about my daughter um
what do i love about my kids i'm gonna
cry i'll start crying
my daughter is an old soul who
teaches me how to be a better person
every single day i love his heart
like he he loves big they are extremely
smart and kind and opinionated which i love
love
she is so unique they see the bright
side of everything they have this altruistic
altruistic
love of people in the world she's
stunning and she's witty
very athletic very charming like he
actually makes me laugh i'm not laughing
because he's so cute he's like
legitimately funny
having these children to teach me how to
love has probably been
the best way for me to learn how to love
i just appreciate that
they're good people you know [Music]
how ironic is that we're talking about [Music]
[Music]
a long time ago families were in
extended communities they were local
they were small children and parents
largely worked together with neighbors
on things that just needed to be done
for daily living
i was born in the very depth of the
great depression
if you know anything about the
depression it actually began
on the farms at that time i wasn't
much to hell but i can tell you later on
i was put to work carrying wood carrying water
water
i knew how to shell peas i knew how to
break beans and i had a little wagon so
i was the
water girl instead of the water boy but
that was the kind of things that we did
you had responsibilities in the barn
with the animals
from a very early age it's getting
harder and harder to find
you know 80 90 you know plus year olds
that have that perspective that we just
have no concept
of what it was like to live in that kind
of scarcity my mother
was raised just like about like her
great grandmother was
i was raised pretty much like my mother
and dad were
up to a point and that's way with my
kids they were able to change but they
had to change so much faster than i did
when you guys think of your parents and
how they grew up
what do you imagine so they had no
internet no smartphones what do you
think they did for fun
i i don't really know how they would
like communicate with their friends
faxing something in the 70s faxing
if you've seen charlie in the chocolate
factory i imagine their life was like charlie
charlie
it was definitely far different than
what it is now
lots more kids outside a lot more like
being outside than
inside i was outside 24
7. we were told to get out of the house
either in or
out so if you wanted to go outside you
were out all day
i pretty much lived on my bike i would ride
ride
my bmx bike i fall in love with a baseball
baseball
but we would play kick the can in the
middle of the stream capture the flag to
manhunt to wiffle ball to basketball team
team
built a zip line and it was actually
made out of clothesline which i would
not recommend
i remember getting up at 5 30 in the
morning and helped my friend was paper
route he paid me with a donut
you know yeah if i wasn't lighting
somebody's house on fire pouring
sugar in a gas tank or something yeah
you went outside you went and rang the
doorbell hey man you want to play and
pick up somebody sort of one house at a
time until you had a posse
go to scott's house last time we saw two
of them they were with jennifer and you
went and
did whatever you want before you knew it
you had the whole neighborhood outside
when the street lights came on we had to
come home had to be home when the lights
came on you know when the street lights
came on
when the street lights came off the
street lights came on came home by
dinner time come in when it gets
dark came home when it got dark and
parents would look at you quizzically
like why are you
here already if you're sitting around i
feel like life was more authentic
like more genuine yeah it got creative
it got very creative
i feel like that's our why our like
parents like stories are so much better
than us
how do you think they got in touch with
they never got maybe like the house
phone they have to actually like
dial the phone number remember in the
kitchen like there would be that ringing
sound we had the one
phone in the kitchen that had the really
long cord
still hung on the wall yes i can't
remember setting the dinner table and
having to
take the phone cord over my mom's head
yeah i was rarely on the phone
if my sister was on and then i would
spend hours trying to record her
we also always had to have quarters on
us too for pay phones
critical i would call my dad if i needed
to ride home if it got too dark i
remember when call waiting happened like
what what is this technology i had a
pager in the
tail end of college we didn't have a
phone until i was in college
everyone from the highway to here would
be on the same line
so we i think we had nine people on the
line i don't think i had a
actual telephone until i was in maybe
fifth grade
but i think if we want to sort of be
more real and focus on
what people are experiencing now we
probably would want to be talking about
the information revolution [Music]
[Music]
when i was a junior i was taking
a class and our professor was like
we are going to communicate with another
college class
in sweden and we were like how
how are we going to do that so we all
went to the computer lab
stared at this black screen and we typed
in like
c colon backslash backslash all these numbers
numbers
i remember thinking this why would
anybody do this
and she had this thing called aol and
there was this dial-up internet thing
and it was like [Music]
[Music]
and then all of a sudden she's in this
chat room so what's everyone up to today
well linda emerson called and she asked
if dash and peter can help andrew and lisa
lisa
learn about the internet what's a
webpage something ducks walk on
ha ha very funny and frankly i remember
there being almost nothing to do once
you were online
it seemed really cool and then you had
no idea what to do it didn't feel life-changing
life-changing
until i think much later than that and
particularly over the last
20 years we've just seen this explosion
of innovation and new technology
i do remember the first time somebody
said you've never googled something and i
i
was like what's google yahoo meetups i
think they they came before myspace
facebook was born like the week our
oldest son was born
so when we look at him with his
adolescent awkwardness like that's
that's how old facebook is
my kids are way better at using apps and
mobile devices now than i am
kids are so intuitive with like the
mobile devices
they can pick up any mobile device and
just it's so intuitive they know exactly
what to do with it just pick it up and
just be like okay there you go and
you're just like
what did you do i've seen kids run
circles around parents please now i have
in-house tech help when i need it
technology moves quickly it's like the
wild west i try to keep up with the
latest by the time i'm aware of what it
is they've gone on to the next one how
do you keep up it's something new every
day it's exhausting you can't just like
okay i gotta vet all this and that is i
am not currently
on any social media the use of phones
has just ramped up
i wouldn't even know how to navigate
everything is going crazy it's very
difficult to opt out
it's already too late the train has
already left the stance
the station way before i realized and
do i feel like i can protect my kids
from the dangers online
uh no they're gonna have to navigate it
and make decisions for themselves
without me
sooner than i want its pace has been so fast
fast
that some of the what we'll call them
guardrails that are
necessary to keep an industry accountable
accountable
have been set aside in the spirit of innovation
innovation
right now we're effectively living in an experiment
experiment
how is this gonna affect us we'll find
out with the
current generation i will tell you that
i'm probably going to be dead and gone
and i'll probably thankful for it when
all this
comes to fruition because
the internet is awesome it's a great
place people use it for work
people use it for art people use it for socializing
socializing
for me i don't know it's just fun to
take cool pictures and just show them
off to the world
i like like checking up on people from
like that i haven't talked to since like
the fifth grade like you don't get to
see them for like a month you can talk
to them over face time
staying connected sharing photos and
being support to one another
my partner calls it sms parenting
because i just text them
of course the educational opportunities
having the internet at my disposal i can
search anything what did i have i had
the world book encyclopedia just feeling
a sense of security and safety with the ability
ability
for the location tracking feature yeah
it's like letting everyone know where we are
are
and stuff make sure everyone's safe or
if he's at a friend's house i could call
are their parents home it's actually
been a way that we can keep
track of them out there in the real
do you think the dangers online
are more prevalent or dangerous
in real life are more prevalent i think
it's i think i'm still
more afraid of the real world i think my
primary concerns did tend to be physical
any situation where they cannot
physically defend themselves yeah
then that's number one for me yeah
that's scary to me and that's that's
everything outside of that that side of
the house i
really wasn't allowed to walk around the
street i couldn't ride my bike around my
street i mean i'm a senior in high school
school
i still can't sleep over like you know
we couldn't do that now we couldn't just
walk down the street and like go to a restaurant
restaurant
i mean that's just not really that safe
without worrying about being kidnapped or
or
even i'm gonna throw out raped yeah
many parents today worry more about
physical danger of their children than
they do online danger
for their kids because it's something
that they can relate to
i don't know whether jimmy's lost his
kite or what but he's really asking for trouble
trouble
climbing a power or telephone pole
here's one
a rusty nail and believe me it's dangerous
dangerous
i remember my parents really you know
teaching me
sort of very physical danger prevention
things like look both ways when you
cross the street
and be careful who you talk to and
things like that all of those things
parents heard when they were growing up
and so that's something that they can
hold on to it's a fear that they
remember whereas everything online
oftentimes it's so far out of what they
can imagine
because they're not using the technology
the same way that kids are
that they can't even wrap their brain
around it enough to know what to be
afraid of the greater danger
is definitely mental versus physical in
this world
and see it i see it the biggest
issues that have come up with our kids
have all been mental we've already been
introduced to
sexuality cyber bullying marketing and
persuasion the dangers
for my kids that are more present are
way more mental and emotional
i think parents are aware that there are
mental dangers out there but i
feel like we're constantly as parents
you just tend to think that probably
won't happen to my kid
statistically speaking our world is much
safer outside in the neighborhood those
physical dangers are much less likely to happen
happen
than the dangers that we're seeing online
um i remember in fifth grade like i saw
all my friends slowly like starting
to get phones and i was like well
i want to be able to text my friends i
want to be able to like
do like fun things on your phone like
it's a fun thing when annabelle was five
i gave them
their first ipod i was i was 11 when i
started feeling pressured
um like even before that
people had cell phones kids are
ostracized by the time they hit middle
school they go in at sixth grade
almost everyone has a phone and if you
don't have a phone then it's
it's almost like a bullying thing uh you
can do better than your peers if you
have access
to some social media that allows you to
engage and know when things are
happening and that you don't miss out
peers judge other peers by their
knowledge of what's happening
certainly in the last five years we've
we've seen kids usage of devices
continue to increase
we've also seen kids getting devices
younger and younger the rates at which
they're experiencing certain types of
i'm kellyanne i have worked in multiple
different areas with teens
children's hospital a non-profit
i met this group of girls when they were freshmen
freshmen
and i have been with them now for four
years so they're seniors
they have access to me 24 7. like what's
the max amount you think in one day in
the past three years like if you had
picked the
one day you spent the most time on your
phone how long do you think it was oh
i'd say 18 hours maybe it's like five
the last two months it's been eight nine
ten eleven hours a day
yeah maybe like 12. so in the past uh
10 years or so the time they're spending
on has skyrocketed
on average maybe seven hours a day it's
a lot of time
when you also have to do school and
sleep and eat
seven hours a day is like a work shift
there's a lot to do on your phone like
you can text people you can play games
take videos
like take pictures like there's a lot to
do we've always had these
things that captured our attention but
there is
a certain level of precision with which
today's technology
hones in on our neurology and the way
that we are
wired social media and other internet
platforms make their money
by keeping users engaged and so they've
hired the greatest
engineering and tech minds to get users
to stay longer inside of their apps
and on their websites i use uh instagram snapchat
snapchat
instagram snapchat and tech talks two
instagram accounts
i can just scroll for hours on end i use
instagram twitter
instagram definitely my favorite
snapchat if i was to delete snapchat
like i don't think i would like hang out
i don't know what's going on with
snapchat there's stuff called tick tock
the social media games like tick tock
and fortnite
i look up from my phone after being
there for 15 minutes and it's been like
an hour scrolling through instagram and
then i end up watching other people's
videos for like five hours on end watch
netflix for time and then like go off netflix
netflix
check snapchat check instagram go back
on netflix what i
really do when i'm not online is
kind of just sit on my ass and like eat
i call it the race to the bottom of the
brain stem so it starts with techniques
like pull to refresh
so you pull to refresh your news feed
that operates like a slot machine it has
the same kind of addictive qualities
that keep people in las vegas hooked one
of the central issues of skinner's philosophy
philosophy
of behaviorism is that just like the
pigeon man is a predictable animal
gambling systems have a schedule we call
variable ratio
that explains why people gamble the
psychoanalysts say people gamble who
hurt themselves destroy themselves
other people say they do gamble for the
excitement and so on but nonsense you gamble
gamble
because there's a certain schedule built
into the gambling device or system as a
horse race these same
schedule will make a pathological
gambler out of a pigeon as well as out
of a person
it's interesting raising kids um five
years apart
you know john could leave his phone
sitting somewhere away
we've noticed that jack's generation is
the kids they can't do that they're so
completely tied to their phone and they don't
don't
even know life without a telephone
typically when i get bored i do pick up
my phone
i tend to switch apps every 30
seconds to a minute they will literally
melt their brains before they got off
the device
when we think about traditional drug use
we know that the age of first
use the earlier it happens
the greater likelihood for addiction and
so think about you know with children
their brain is developing
and if they are not having balance in
how they're using this and it's
developing at a younger age i just you
know question how that will
continue to impact them for years to
come young folks
tend to have their reward sensitivity
and their social sensitivity
develop much earlier than their ability to
to
regulate these areas in their brain
throughout childhood
the brain experiences rapid maturation
it begins in areas responsible for basic
perception and memory
way in the back of the brain and it ends
in the front of the brain
and in the front of the brain that's the
areas that are most important for having
us regulate our responses to rewards
and our responses to social feedback and the
the
highest order part of that um
doesn't really develop in into the 20s i
my biggest fears when they get older
that they never put those things down
and that they're so they're so they're
so disinterested with connecting with
other people
like in person you know that it
negatively affects them
being a leader 14 years ago was easier
the way kids are has definitely changed
they have less or
no coping skills they are also
harder to kind of break that
outer shell and talk about hard things
they don't want to
or they don't know how it's wild they
really just don't know how to get there
one of the greatest consequences of
screen time addiction
is just the lack of social
development social skills development
being able to connect with other people
and we're seeing a lot more of that as
we are becoming more aware of what
social media does to our ability
to have empathy and to interact with
others and to see their social cues
understand their
cues and react accordingly we're seeing
the difference that it's making but the
kids aren't
the disconnect of even just he with his friends
friends
i mean i mean it is how they connect but how
how
connected are they if they're all
getting depressed and yeah well if they
don't have anything to compare it with
yeah like you know like you said it
would we have a comparison because we
grew up differently
because we didn't have the option we're
incredibly social creatures
that's actually what separates us not
our intelligence but our ability to work
together in communities
to thrive as humans
a huge chunk of your brain is devoted
towards just
understanding people's moment-to-moment
facial expressions
because social signals that come very rapidly
rapidly
are incredibly important to us even if
in the moment we're not
totally realizing how important those
social signals are
would any of you guys say that you
struggle or have struggled with anxiety
or depression
depression yeah yeah don't uh yes
definitely i have
an entire friend group who has latched
on to each other due to their
connection with depression because they
both are prone to anxiety and depression
i can't pinpoint whether or not it has
anything to do with their device
he's addicted some games i'm addicted to
some games
sometimes when we don't get it we cry we
throw a fit
i notice that my anxiety ramps up when
i'm on my phone more
but not from like any specific thing
just kind of
the more time i spend in my head the
worse off i get
a statement that i've been making at my
talks with high schoolers
is don't you all just sort of feel like
every moment of
every single day we're all living in a
state of low grade anxiety
and they all just kind of look at me
like yeah so we are
seeing many more kids
coming to school with diagnoses of
anxiety and depression
and we also know that the teen suicide
rate from 2010 to 2017
um increased 56 percent my day-to-day
life in the er
over the last 20 years i think there's
been two very palpable
changes one is childhood obesity and the
other is
mental health issues in terms of the
volume and the frequency
i have personally seen a difference in
the number of children who are coming to
the er
with mental health issues with
non-suicidal self-harming
and suicide attempts and suicidal ideation
ideation
his demeanor with me and his
temperament everything is different
after he's had hours of gaming
or something with a friend sometimes i
feel like i want to give it up
but it's such a big part of
teenage life i guess you could say that
i i i just couldn't a lot of like our
lives are on
our phones like texting our friends like
that's on our phone like we have to be
on it if we want to like
talk to our friends like our school
actually gives us information
through social media so it's kind of
just like it goes hand in hand that you
will be using
social media and have a phone the lives
of kids were sort of changing
slowly for a while and then all of a sudden
sudden
phones smartphones were easy to get
social media was easy to get
most people were able to afford that
most kids were able to get on social
media and that's when everything kind of
skyrocketed i'm addicted to my ipad i'm addicted
addicted
but adults not just teenagers are also
addicted to their phones
parents are the primary determinant
as to how a kid uses technology in other
words if we want our kids
to be consuming technology differently
and we first need to look in the mirror
and ask ourselves would we want them
using their technology
exactly how i do the race for attention
has to get more and more aggressive and so
so
it's not enough just to get your
behavior and predict what will take your behavior
behavior
we have to predict how to keep you
hooked in a different way
and so it crawled deeper down the
brainstem into our social validation so
that was the introduction of
likes and followers i post a lot
i used to like i almost like have like a
mental schedule like
okay like each month i'll post and like
i'll edit the picture and like make it
look really good
now i just kind of like post like when i
want to
and i like definitely delete posts i
don't get like
a lot of likes i like to have a lot of likes
likes
just to like it just makes you feel good
you feel better
when people are like yeah you're looking
good but then at other times
you feel horrible because people aren't
liking your post but you can see they
looked at it
no i don't care i mean it sucks when my
art doesn't get a whole lot of likes
um they call each other and say hey do
me a favor like my picture i need
i need more likes on my like it's really easy
easy
for you to be like oh look at this other
girl like she got this many more likes like
like
her body is this much nicer are they
chasing likes
are they as some young people say you
know i'll put a
photo up and if i don't get 50 likes
right away i'm taking it down
and that got every it was much cheaper
to instead of getting your attention
to get you addicted to getting attention
from other people
and this has created the kind of mass
narcissism and mass cultural thing
that's happening with young people
especially today i think people's online status
status
does connect to their popularity at school
school
i'd say they're kind of symbiotic like
they both
feed off of each other look at this i
have a 400 streak with this person
i'm better than you look at this i got
600 likes on instagram i'm better than you
you
they just want to be famous they just
want people to adore them they're hoping
to get
famous they're open to get popular
they're open to get validated by
strangers on the internet clout
addiction not clout is
it's not as if all of a sudden a
separate part of our brain
evolved in the past 10 years to separate
out social signals
from social media from those social
signals that we get in real life
the the social feedback is literally
rewarding when it's positive
and it's literally punishing when it's
negative ms stanfill i
i i was a little confused by one thing
you said did you say
google doesn't use persuasive technology
what gets the most likes
more spin more lights yeah girls in
bathing suits
you have to sexualize yourself or you
have to post a bikini pic or something that's
that's
revealing in order to get a lot of likes
the more attractive you are more likes
you get hot girls get a lot of likes
parents day and age you couldn't get on
your phone and be like oh my gosh look
at kim kardashian's life
we have the ability to compare ourselves
with other people we weren't really
worried about what we were wearing
because everybody in the whole world
wasn't watching us the pressure
to maintain the perfect image online is huge
huge
on the flip side if they post something
and either don't get likes
or get poor comments then it's hit with
depression but
you know what you look like you can see yourself
yourself
you don't need um yeah but it's not how
you look like
yeah this is like how you look like on that
that
it's not checking to see if their hair
is okay it's seeing if they look like
the girl that they saw on instagram that
was perfect seeing people like that it's
like why can't i
you know look like that and it's weird
because we know
that they're made up and they're not like
like
100 authentic pictures girls like
strongly edit their pictures
and like you can tell like the wall is
bent at their waist or like
but it just still makes you feel like
they're always ready for a phone it's
like they're constantly prepared to be
captured by something and
be shown to the world a man feels free
if he believes he is free
and he will believe he is free if he is
conditioned by positive reinforcement
you could be the meanest
most horrible person in the world and if
somebody sees you have like 6 000
followers on instagram at school
or like you get a ton of likes they'll
be your friends they don't care what
you're like
are you gonna be on my side if i let you
up sure take sure
i'm on your side just set me up i'll do
anything you say
when i was a student bullying was always
in person
in my neighborhood the bully who lived
up the hill and we would
be careful to not to go that direction
because if he was outside he would grab
your bike and her ask you
get off i want to ride it oh no jake's
not my new bike
oh i was bullied all through school and
i can remember the kid who you all just
kind of knew
was mean to people whether it was on the
playground or other places i'm not going
to say his name i'm sure he's a great
guy now
the bullying happened at school or on
the bus
the ways in which this person could
have access to my life were pretty
limited in this case it was the seven
hours that i was at school
now it's always available it's going to
follow them
everywhere have any of you ever been
harassed online
yes 120 people are still just like mean
yeah they're called trolls they just
like troll you and they try and make you
feel bad
trolls are just kind of a part of the
society we live in nowadays our bullying
did not go in front of the whole world
on social media to them
it feels like it went out to the whole
world personally like i don't really get those
those well
well [Music]
[Music]
um where are the safe places for a kid
growing up
because as soon as i get home everyone
goes to their room
and the devices come out and everything
that was horrible about what just happened
happened
is shared over and over and over again
by sixth grade he was like bullying me
on instagram and my friends were telling me
me
and i had no means to defend myself well
honestly i do think it's worse to be
bullied online
because you don't know who you're
talking to big picture he was bullied
in a lot of different ways and part of
the way that
also showed up was through text message
you know it was in person in school in
the classroom divide and conquer as well
as cyber
and so it comes it was coming at them
from all angles and it would never shut off
off
um but the cyber stuff so i would block
kid a
and block could be and they would give
ethan's number
then they started texting gavin they had gavin's
gavin's
id and messages were coming in through
gavin was
six at the time they were relentless he
was the target
it was relentless when i finally did get
a phone in seventh grade
it it got bad because i also got
snapchat around the same time
and so i could now see what he was
posting about me every kid sees this
happening it's hitting a much larger
and broader audience than it ever used to
to
you know and sometimes people pile on
it's another thing
when the bully gets 25 people on a text
thread and it's
all directed at you it's just it's a
different scale and it's a different time
time
it's an amplifier for the worst parts of
us let's take an example like twitter
i it's calculating what is the thing
that i can show you
that will get gets the most engagement
and it turns out that
outrage moral outrage gets the most
engagement so it was found in a study that
that
uh for every world word of moral outrage
that you add to a tweet it increases
your retweet rate by 17
if they didn't have tech i'm sure they
would have a black eye
every day there are just so many more
channels through which i can be a
complete jerk
that don't involve me being in front of you
you
which is the great neutralizer of cruelty
cruelty
because if i see you and i look you in
the eye we
tend to treat each other differently he
was having a really difficult time
he was very agitated uh and it was had
to do with his phone
and i couldn't understand because we
found some text messages on there
that concerned me and i asked him about
it and i took the phone from him and
we talked we shared some tears and i
said really son what's going on here
couple days after christmas the stomach
pains got so bad we had to go to the
emergency room
i was convinced he had appendicitis he
was in so much pain
he threw up two or three times his blood
works good
this is weird like we don't know and i
knew in that moment it was anxiety i
knew it
we got him through the other side but
there was a place there where it was so
dark i thought
this is it that's this is that tipping
moment where we lost our kid
you know certainly the uh there's an
element that kids need to
learn resilience and they need to
understand that people are not always
going to agree with them
and they may even tease them um and
there's an element that
um that's okay because that's we we can't
can't
train kids to expect that they will
always be shielded from any negative
thing in their life that said it's it's
it's important for a parent to know
where in the spectrum it is for your
child relative to where they are in
their developmental cycle
so it's definitely there it's definitely
there but
i'm certain it's probably more behind
people's backs nowadays
cyber bullying is definitely like
charlie said a lot more subtle than
people like to make it out to be so what
happens when somebody takes somebody off instagram
instagram
oh it's a big it's a big deal like you
know when you block somebody on
instagram like you can tell like you we
all know the signs of like when somebody
blocks you on instagram and it's like a
big thing
because you know this person doesn't
like you anymore
that group photo where i don't tag that
one girl
that parents may not pick up on that but
that is a subtle way of saying
i'm not going to tag you or i'm not
going to like that photo
or whatever it might be we've attached
worth to those things and that's a
little subtle
jab that
kids are doing all the time i see it i
hear it what about the constant
awareness that you're not
invited to something or you're being
left out i
hate that nothing makes me more upset
than that when people hang out or do
something cooler than you they're going
to post it and it just shows like hey
you're not here
yeah you know you suck i would actually like
like
be like what did i do wrong like i must
have done something wrong like i need to
fix something about my character
like i just need to completely change myself
myself
who would be the person that would be
invited and then make myself into that
it's not outright and it's not something
you can just see
when you go online it's something that's
behind the scenes and it's something that
that
affects someone over years and years and
and slowly
how easy was pornography to come across
like mom dad don't watch this i know i
had a trunk and i had ways to hide it
and we have different methods of finding it
it
we all congregated at this one guy's
house because he had a vhs tape
that had something on it that had been
recorded from cinema just go up to your
uncle go to the bathroom up there we
take a playboy in there
put them in our thing run down the alley
and look at it he brought out a few magazines
magazines
quick quick you can look real quick oh
somebody's coming look at this and it
was a playboy magazine and i was like
good night what are they doing and we
thought this is our moment you had to be
macgyver to like
you know to get it hold it keep it that
they had those sex hotlines that you
could call oh yeah the one that
on the late night tv but this was again
a plan
like a detailed plan that had to be enacted
enacted
there was no other way to get access to
this sort of thing
in in the 50s we had pinup girls
bridgette bardot
marilyn monroe and 60s we had girly
magazines and then
in the 80s we had vhs and then there were
were
chat rooms with webcams and now we
all the physical barriers be it um
physical location right be it proximity
all those sorts of things
be it people maybe they had access to it
right none of those barriers exist
anymore i mean it's completely different
now i mean it is like it's all
video and it's all i'm watching
xxx videos are a lot different than
looking at a playboy magazine [Music]
[Music]
the australian study that found that
about half
of children ages 8 to 16
had exposure to pornography and many of
those were actively seeking it out
27 if you look at the unfiltered
internet 27
of all video content on the unfiltered internet
internet
is pornographic or explicit in some way
if i imagine every day growing up there
was a coffee table in my living room and
there were four magazines on that coffee table
table
one of them was pornographic and three
of them weren't and my parents just hoped
hoped
every day that i didn't look at the
wrong one [Music]
[Music]
that is what the unfiltered internet is
for kids today
we have put little boxes of porn
in their pockets under the guise of
safety under the guise of over
protection under the guise of i have to
get in touch with my kid all the time
every day
24 7. we have given them access to
pornography that
far exceeds anything that we ever were
exposed to
what about porn does ever do guys all
watch porn
okay i like don't even realize that but
pretty much every guy has like an
addiction to it
but no one talks about it so say i'm
like talking to them about it
and they'll be like i'll be like oh like
does that guy do it too and they're like
yeah and i'm like that sweet innocent
boy watches it too
do you guys know that watch porn i'd say all
all
guys pretty much i think i know one guy
in my school i think i've
talked to one that i can confidently say
hasn't and nobody else you know it's
it's very prevalent and like everybody
knows it they watch
porn for fun they don't even watch it
for any sexual release they just watch
it to watch it
do you think parents really have any clue
clue
of how significant of an issue
pornography is
in in kids they're pretty clueless
in 2019 porn sites receive more traffic
than amazon twitter and netflix
combined each month 26 percent of
adolescents aged
13 to 17 actively seek out pornography
what was that it is on every platform
even the platforms that parents think
it's not on
just for example twitter which is one that
that
most adults probably use they probably
know twitter snapchat is where explicit
content on pornhub lives just seconds
away from every user through backdoors
within the app
the app knowingly allows a
well-documented list of porn performers
to make thousands of dollars
daily through their premium snap
accounts the people behind
pornography know how to optimize their content
content
for search terms pornographers any new
technology that comes out
they immediately saturate it they know
about it before
as it's getting ready to come out and
they are ready with every strategy to
saturate it
what age did like watching porn become common
common
i'd say seventh grade yeah middle school
ninth and tenth grade i remember
guys being like yeah like i had an issue
in seventh grade and i'm like i'm sorry
what what i say to parents is this time
for every parent on earth to leave the
ignorance of the land of
if and embrace the reality of when
the film we'll see this morning will
give the answers to these questions
it will also show the earliest phases of growth
growth
as well as the changes that take place
during childhood and adolescence
so when my parents were addressing the
birds and the bees with me
um there was no conversation
i walked out more confused after the
conversation than when it started
we don't talk about those hello
now sex sex
sex sex where were we it's absolutely
normal to be curious
about sexuality it's normal to be interested
interested
don't have sex because you will get
pregnant and die
just don't do it promise okay everybody
take some rubbers
my dad had conversations with me when i
was a teenage girl like i asked him
and he was very bl very blunt and just
told me
do you think kids are using pornography
as sex
education i'm sorry yeah okay
because i feel like they don't want to like
like
talk to like a parent or like a guidance
counselor or anything like that because
it's awkward like it's an awkward topic
to talk about
like i said i have three classes right now
now
and they all are going like over
like sex ed type things and it's really
boring so
a lot of the times i don't like i just
kind of like tune it out
this is a tool for sex education for a
lot of children
they are learning so many wrong things
not only about sex but about
relationships guys
especially our age like they just like watch
watch
porn to like be fulfilled in their own
way so then they're just like
like if my girl can't do the same thing
that these people are doing like and
something's off
i don't want to compare it's like a porn
star like analysis of the 50 most
popular porn videos found that 88
contain physical violence and 49
contain verbal aggression mostly against women
women
there's like certain guys that i've
hooked up with and i'm like
this is really aggressive like this is
too much for me and then i'm like
and it's just terrible i'm like this is
so bad like because i haven't had sex
yet like people
they are like the guys will like ask and
i'm like no i don't want to do that with
you and they're like
are you kidding me like they get so mad guys
guys
get this image in their head that that's
how intimacy goes
and that's how sex goes and there's
definitely a bigger population of
guys that feel that way now than they
the science is still is still emerging
but i just happen to live in the camp
that when young people are exposed to large
large
amounts of pornography it shapes the way
that they see
other people i happen to be somebody who
at a very young age was exposed to pornography
pornography
i discovered a stack you know of magazines
magazines
when i was way too young and that
planted a lot of curiosities in me
that i wasn't ready for quite honestly i
didn't know what to do with that
and we could talk a long time about what
that did to me later in life and
what that did to distort just my views
of sex and intimacy even as a
you know a young adult and as a married
man um even leading to an addiction of
my own to pornography
that was destructive in a lot of ways
that was years ago but i can link all of
those things together
and i'm a guy that did not grow up in
the digital age yet i was exposed to
something that i wasn't ready for
i didn't have anybody who was giving me
any sort of
baseline to compare that to so a
combination of that early exposure
plus the internet became a very toxic
thing for my life
i feel like a lot of porn does
um i guess show the woman as more
submissive and it kind of puts that idea
i guess
in boys minds it just leads to guys
objectifying moment a lot you know and
then they forget about
the whole relationship part and that's
all they think of now is just sex
because that's all they've seen i know
we've been talking about like a lot of like
like
guys are like into pornography but like
a lot of girls are too absolutely yeah
i don't even think parents have like the
birds and the bees talk anymore because
kids will know about it by the time
they're like eight if they have access
to social media
yeah it's just honestly i thought
but it's just faster now and it's younger
younger
20 of youth report that they uh came across
across
it children you know that it was
unwanted but we can now be in
different places and we're in a group chat
chat
and somebody shares it everybody's got
it if they open it
and in the elementary schools that i'm
in i typically hear
counselors saying yeah we've got kids
that are already seeking that out
in the elementary school age sex is not
something that is easy to talk about
with your kid at any age
but it's something that you absolutely
have to talk about and at a younger age
than you might
think because even if he couldn't access
pornography on his personal device or
through our home
uh you know cable somebody on the bus
this mother proceeded to tell me her son
was 11 years old but when he was nine
years old
he went to sleep over at a friend's
house a family that they knew quite well
and this son his friend
showed him pornography um
hardcore really horrible stuff on
the ipad at the sleepover and then
proceeded to practice that pornography
on her son
that was when he was nine years old okay
fast forward two years
he's now 11. he's never told anybody
about this
but mom has noticed that my son just
isn't happy anymore
and she sat down and had a conversation
with him and found out
through this conversation that for two
years he had held on to this secret
and then he felt so much shame and guilt
that there was something wrong with him
that he did something wrong
and so for two years he held on to this corrosive
corrosive
secret that started on an ipad
the number one common denominator
of those who abuse other kids is an early
early
exposure to pornography because what they
they
see they feel neurologically compelled
i guess my first boyfriend was
uh i was college age when i had my first boyfriend
boyfriend
we would have hay rides or winter roasts or
or
it was more more like just groups of people
people
now after you finished 4-h they had what
they call real youth and that's how i met
met
my husband we would meet once a month
and and maybe have a dance or
a lot of square dancing and everybody
was a
would bring food and and there were a
lot of marriages
my friend mary lou and i both
met her husbands through rural youth so
that's how i met my that's how i met my
dating in 2020 how did dating
relationships begin
a guy says you're hot pretty much messed
up whatsoever
the guy will like add you on snapchat
and then you might
like say you like each other but you
know of course it's over texas not face
to face
then you guys might have a thing hooking [Applause]
[Applause]
so you hook up before you are dating yes
people don't really like
go on dates it's kind of you just like
hang out or like guys just
use you it's true
we couldn't communicate in person
because we'd like
built the relationship online i had like
the same experience
only after about three months he asked
for nudes
and when i said no i don't send them
um he dumped me for many young people
uh sexting could be considered the new
first base kids call it nudes we call it
sexting yeah
no everybody knows what it is everyone knows
knows
sexting is a thing my school uh sending
nudes is
very common it's mainly between people
who aren't actually dating
do you know of anyone who's been
affected by that i don't know your school
school
affected by a sexting yeah yeah like
i've had an incident or a bad thing
happen to him
well yeah like um nudes of girls go
around the school all the time
we are seeing more and more young people
that expect
to jump right into sexual acts without
the relationship portion before that
without getting to know each other without
without
going on that first date without holding
hands without having that first kiss
they're jumping straight to
send me nude photos send me a video of
you masturbating
and that's happening younger and younger
but in eighth grade there was like
two different groups and it was like the
group of people that like
did like send nudes or like did all
these things and then the group of girls
that like didn't do it
and there was like just a very distinct
and it was eighth grade and that's what it
it
invited the groups was honestly yeah and
like now like
my brother's in middle school and like i
i sometimes
hear him and then like a bunch of kids i
babysit in middle school like it's
happening younger and younger
and like what ages like i mean like
sixth and seventh grade like
with sexting while the studies typically
focus on the ages of
of 12 and older i've been in schools
elementary schools where sexting has
already occurred with 10 and 11 year olds
olds
we have a lot of teachers and counselors
come in like
trying to discourage us from
doing that type of thing but obviously
people don't listen
like if you have a teacher or just
someone like telling you constantly
not to do it it makes you more just want
to do it and like to try it out
is that amount of communication needed
before a boy feels comfortable asking
somebody by text for a nude
you're pretty much lucky if you get
about two weeks into talking to them
before they ask
or even sometimes they won't even let
just like talk to you like they just
demand it yeah or send their own
without us asking yeah what about guys
do they send nudes
yeah they're disgusting who wants to see
and we were we were having a sleepover
woke up
good morning it was 8 am i was like i
don't need to see this they're more
unsolicited like most of my friends have
gotten them and i feel like
for girls for the most part get
disgusted by it what do you think percentage-wise
percentage-wise
of girls have received them high
percentage probably
yeah more than half yeah do a lot of
people you guys know send nudes
that was a huge thing oh yeah you guys
have like huge problems
you know they're like these rings almost
so they got
caught and the police would get involved
in middle school
that's like the peak of like which is
totally messed up
it's just so casual then when a girl
does it's totally different
and look down upon kind of some girls i
know like
they just like won't say no because
they're like scared of like the
repercussions because they don't want to
be yelled at or called a prude or like
and you're constantly judged like that's
so true like they're
they're either like oh well she's a [ __ ]
and will do anything or like oh she
won't do anything with guys and there's
really like no in between
it's a no-win situation if you give it
to a boy
and then you're a [ __ ] then the girls
find out about it then you're cyber
bullied by the girls
if you don't give it then some girls
will even jump on the bandwagon
you know i gave it to so and so what's
the problem why won't you do it what do
you do in that situation because you
you know you can't win i don't think
people think it's a positive for doing
that type of thing
but it definitely gives you a lot of
clout like you have a lot of tension on you
you
like good or bad and so people definitely
definitely
like want clout they like do like almost
anything just for people to like pay
attention to them
if the good girl sends johnny
something that she normally wouldn't
everyone's gonna be like
let's get more and then all the guys
will go after her too oh yeah then she's
got like 20 new ads on snapchat
three new dms but behind closed doors
people are like she is a
[ __ ] and people act cool around her but
like behind closed doors people hate her
let's say your your daughter was dating
a football player
she breaks up with him she hasn't had
sex with him but he says you need to
give me a little something something some
some
pictures and then i'll stay in the
relationship so she does it she gets
pressured and she does it and they break up
up
well i talk to kids all the time what
happens when you break up with those pictures
pictures
let me take a step further what happens
when you break up with your boyfriend
and his new girlfriend goes in his phone
and finds her pictures
it gets distributed especially with
snapchat which was you know kind of
more or less created for that exact
purpose it gives people a sense of
like oh it's not that serious the
pictures go away
but we all can realize now and look back
and say well no that's definitely not true
true
yeah once something is out on the
internet social media will latch on to
it people will download it so it's like
a drop box and it was like i guess some guy
guy
like went to our school um made it
and it's like just girls nudes just like
just random people guys and they you could
could
yeah exactly and there was like a list
of like all the people that had accessed
it and like it was even like
people that you wouldn't think really
like good guys that you wouldn't think
would like engage in that kind of stuff but
but
some girls had no idea that their
pictures were like out in the open for everyone
everyone
all of these naked pictures and videos
guys get from girls they went to high
school with
they're in their college dorm they go on
a9 ib and they trade them like ugio cards
cards
this girl that i grew up with she had
a sex tape actually and it was leaked i remember
remember
even i who didn't even go there had
access to it but it was sent around
and we were freshmen one of my most
hated terms is not my kid
parents suffer from a disease called the
nmk syndrome it's described as
not my kid my kid won't do that my kid
would never
my kids friends aren't like that my
kid's school
isn't like that you're wrong everybody's
community is like that
every school is like that every kid has
the potential
to do any one of the things that we're
talking about here
about 60 of the youth who experience
sextortion when it's
they're kind of blackmailed or you know
forced to send images
um threatened to send it actually know
their perpetrator
however we also then about 40 met the
person online and sent the image [Music]
[Music]
he chooses his innocent victim this time
he will not fail this time
so i grew up in the era of stranger
danger so
it was really the media that taught me
more about strangers dangerous people
you know stranger danger if somebody
tries to engage with you run away
always like a van a white van
you know don't ever get into a car he's
gonna promise you a puppy and some candy yeah
yeah
don't fall for it and we're told not to
hitchhike because we would be kidnapped
so in 1997
uh we had a guy come from brentwood
tennessee drive up here
to naperville uh met a 13 year old
corner of her block
took her to her hotel raped her let her
go back home
and she told her parents that she met
him on this thing called america online
call now for america online a new way to
use your computer to communicate
my instagram's kind of like a mix like
i would say half the people i know and
half the people
i don't know are like friends of friends
three-fourths of it is probably my
friends from like school or
acquaintances i know not just random
people off the internet
but there is us of course that one
fourth that
is random people i've never talked to or
don't know looking at pictures of me
when it comes to tumblr a lot of people
like follow me for my stuff
and that's cool i like to have them
follow me but also there's sometimes
people that i don't know
but follow me i friend a lot of people i
would just join you just friends random people
people
i was just joining games for another
reason and just go after that braxton
does end up
you know i'll be in there and he's on
the headphones playing xbox and i'm like
who are you playing with and he'll be
like i don't know
some kid have you ever gotten creepy dms from
from
guys all the time have you been
solicited by any creeps online like yes
yeah he was contacted by a stranger on instagram
instagram
oh like i saw your page and like i'm
really like i'm interested like sending
you money for like in exchange for
pictures i had people like dm me
saying that i'm like i'm so beautiful
and like he'll buy me whatever i want
so we at bark unfortunately detect
issues around
online child predation very frequently
last year alone we escalated 450
online child predators to law
enforcement and so we we know that it's
a common problem
unfortunately we think most parents
underestimate the
the commonality of that problem we
decided to
go undercover as multiple children
on social media and post innocuous content
content
to see what would happen we had to be very
very
intentional with everything we did we
had to create
personas they had to have believable
date of births and we had to know
everything about the city that they
lived in and we had to create
story lines and we worked closely with
law enforcement
and basically just pushed push to go we
put the
put everything live and we documented
within the first hour of posting on
libby's accounts
seven adult men contacted her by the end
of nine days
that number was 92. the conversations
ranged in severity
from making sexual comments to sharing
and requesting explicit photos and videos
videos
we had to deploy an entire team you know
around the clock to responding
because the the rate at which
these messages came in was mind-boggling
and of course when you're dealing with
social media and internet
it's a global thing it's not just an
east coast thing or a us-based thing
there were men that wanted to talk to
children uh for nefarious purposes
at all hours of the day and night we
tried it with younger
personas as well even even an 11 year old
we launched our 11 year old persona
online 4 44
is a penis one once one minute and seven seconds we have a
one minute and seven seconds we have a message request
message request although this is all right two more
although this is all right two more requests just came in how much time a
requests just came in how much time a minute and 40 seconds
minute and 40 seconds yeah how old are you you go to the
yeah how old are you you go to the profile you know that that is a child
profile you know that that is a child it also says in the profile that the
it also says in the profile that the child is in sixth grade
child is in sixth grade another one it's just lighting up like
another one it's just lighting up like the inbox is just boom boom boom boom
the inbox is just boom boom boom boom [Music]
an incoming video call in less than five minutes
i'm going to be shy they all say don't be shy this happens
they all say don't be shy this happens to
to all types of children this is not just
all types of children this is not just kids who might be at risk you know
kids who might be at risk you know oftentimes it's a child who's simply
oftentimes it's a child who's simply bored
bored in their bedroom at night and i cannot
in their bedroom at night and i cannot tell you how many children i see
tell you how many children i see in their bedrooms on live stream with
in their bedrooms on live stream with tons of people
tons of people just watching them asking them to do
just watching them asking them to do certain things you know when
certain things you know when parents allow their kids to have that
parents allow their kids to have that device in their rooms at night
device in their rooms at night you know where are your parents they
you know where are your parents they usually can then come to grooming
usually can then come to grooming questions where are your parents
questions where are your parents are you on an iphone or you want an ipad
are you on an iphone or you want an ipad what school you what are you wearing oh
what school you what are you wearing oh your makeup looks so beautiful it's not
your makeup looks so beautiful it's not uncommon for grooming behavior to
uncommon for grooming behavior to include
include showing minors images of pornography to
showing minors images of pornography to help them to think that that is normal
help them to think that that is normal and then that can be a progression into
and then that can be a progression into towards engaging them in sexual activity
towards engaging them in sexual activity do you want that do you want that as a
do you want that do you want that as a parent
parent strangers in your child's room while
strangers in your child's room while you're sleeping would you leave the door
you're sleeping would you leave the door open
open with a sign that says my daughter's
with a sign that says my daughter's bedroom is the second one on the left
bedroom is the second one on the left and then go to bed we have
and then go to bed we have traded a false sense of safety and
traded a false sense of safety and security for
security for actually putting our kids in riskier
actually putting our kids in riskier situations
situations there are some that are just there for a
there are some that are just there for a quick fix
quick fix they want to see something
they want to see something a body part or a live video and then you
a body part or a live video and then you might not hear from them again
might not hear from them again but there are others they use
but there are others they use psychological
psychological strategies to methodically groom
strategies to methodically groom children
children by forming a friendship by showing care
by forming a friendship by showing care and then it escalates into more of a
and then it escalates into more of a controlling relationship
what do predators do with the pictures and videos they get from kids
and videos they get from kids they keep it or they trade it last year
they keep it or they trade it last year alone we received over 18 million
alone we received over 18 million reports
reports of international and domestic online
of international and domestic online child sexual abuse between
child sexual abuse between 2017 and 2018 video files reported to
2017 and 2018 video files reported to nick
nick increased 541 we're seeing reports with
increased 541 we're seeing reports with graphic and violent sexual images of
graphic and violent sexual images of young children
young children including infants and reports of
including infants and reports of on-demand sexual abuse
on-demand sexual abuse known as live streaming unfortunately
known as live streaming unfortunately some of those were people who wanted to
some of those were people who wanted to uh actually meet the child in person
uh actually meet the child in person which could have been just because they
which could have been just because they wanted to have sex with with a minor and
wanted to have sex with with a minor and sometimes we
sometimes we uh believe that it was because they
uh believe that it was because they might be part of a sex trafficking ring
might be part of a sex trafficking ring wanting to actually traffic the child
wanting to actually traffic the child it was a tough decision but if keith
it was a tough decision but if keith wanted to meet libya in person
wanted to meet libya in person we would love him
oh hi good how are you nice to meet you too
too um i've never done anything like this
um i've never done anything like this before so
before so i'm a little nervous this is the first
i'm a little nervous this is the first time you think yeah
time you think yeah don't be i'm not going to wish you could
don't be i'm not going to wish you could just go upstairs not available
just go upstairs not available the average internet predator has 250
the average internet predator has 250 victims in their lifetime
victims in their lifetime one person has that many victims in
one person has that many victims in their lifetime if they're not caught
their lifetime if they're not caught so what happens in the law enforcement
so what happens in the law enforcement arena that
arena that cops are not getting this technology
cops are not getting this technology training the problem is
training the problem is so big i mean we would need to employ
so big i mean we would need to employ so many more officers um trained in
so many more officers um trained in dealing with
dealing with this issue when you're a law enforcement
this issue when you're a law enforcement professional and you're looking at
professional and you're looking at more cases than you could ever possibly
more cases than you could ever possibly get to unfortunately
get to unfortunately a lot of those get triaged so low that
a lot of those get triaged so low that they never actually get investigated
they never actually get investigated and so unfortunately that allows
and so unfortunately that allows predators to keep doing exactly what
predators to keep doing exactly what they're doing without as much
they're doing without as much consequence
consequence i think about how i would have felt as a
i think about how i would have felt as a young impressionable child
young impressionable child i would have kept the abuses to myself
i would have kept the abuses to myself for fear of being
for fear of being shamed and blamed i would have suffered
shamed and blamed i would have suffered with it
with it secretly and quietly it's important
secretly and quietly it's important really
really to never start that process because as a
to never start that process because as a child once you're in it it's very hard
child once you're in it it's very hard to get out of it
to get out of it very hard to come forward and tell your
very hard to come forward and tell your parent this is what's happening to me
parent this is what's happening to me do you think your parents know that this
do you think your parents know that this happens oh no no
happens oh no no i wouldn't be allowed to have a bone oh
i wouldn't be allowed to have a bone oh if they knew what was going on
if they knew what was going on it would be stripped and so if you as a
it would be stripped and so if you as a parent or caregiver
parent or caregiver can be an open honest soft place for
can be an open honest soft place for your child to come
your child to come and say hey look everybody makes bad
and say hey look everybody makes bad choices i'm here for you
choices i'm here for you we'll get through this together there's
we'll get through this together there's no bigger
no bigger um god's gift than a mother's intuition
um god's gift than a mother's intuition when a mom knows something feels
when a mom knows something feels something there's something wrong with
something there's something wrong with their kids
their kids and and god's given it this to to moms
and and god's given it this to to moms to protect their babies whether their
to protect their babies whether their babies are six months old or
babies are six months old or 40 that never goes away so i always tell
40 that never goes away so i always tell moms to follow that
moms to follow that and never lead them astray the best line
and never lead them astray the best line of defense
of defense by far is to have active and engaged
by far is to have active and engaged parents who understand what their child
parents who understand what their child might be encountering online uh children
might be encountering online uh children unfortunately left to deal with this all
unfortunately left to deal with this all on their own
on their own and they're not you know we're talking
and they're not you know we're talking about 10 11 12 13 year old kids who are
about 10 11 12 13 year old kids who are not equipped
not equipped uh to deal with this in a vacuum and so
uh to deal with this in a vacuum and so it really takes that
it really takes that that guardian and parent support system
we always knew where our next meal was coming from i don't want to say that
coming from i don't want to say that but there wasn't much money and in that
but there wasn't much money and in that middle that time we had had
my sister's older sister died have pneumonia and that's the talk about
have pneumonia and that's the talk about the good old days but
the good old days but we didn't have the medical care back
we didn't have the medical care back then that we have now
then that we have now and then in the fall in february
my mother had a little my little sister carolina and she had a heart defect and
carolina and she had a heart defect and couldn't be saved so
couldn't be saved so my parents lost two children in less
my parents lost two children in less than a year
than a year um you know the kind of things you did
um you know the kind of things you did and sure yeah jack is uh
and sure yeah jack is uh i have two boys john and jack jackson
i have two boys john and jack jackson younger the two john's 21 jack
younger the two john's 21 jack i was 15.
jack was a very outgoing typical teenager 14 and 15.
teenager 14 and 15. rambunctious outgoing very compassionate
rambunctious outgoing very compassionate pretty much an empathetic kid
pretty much an empathetic kid he was a really sensitive person and i
he was a really sensitive person and i think that was one of his best
think that was one of his best attributes because he could like tell
attributes because he could like tell when you were feeling
when you were feeling feeling down and without even asking you
feeling down and without even asking you or having a conversation with you you
or having a conversation with you you just could like pick that up total
just could like pick that up total empath
empath he was so kind to other kids and i
he was so kind to other kids and i wonder if that
wonder if that sense of kindness made him more
sense of kindness made him more susceptible
susceptible to feeling
was there much talk of i mean do you remember there being suicides or
remember there being suicides or anything like that
anything like that never never i'd never have heard that
never never i'd never have heard that we were worried we were more worried
we were worried we were more worried about physical illnesses
about physical illnesses but i don't remember
but i don't remember i don't remember there being a problem
i don't remember there being a problem with suicide
with suicide you know i've always liked technology
you know i've always liked technology and i will say that it was hard to keep
and i will say that it was hard to keep up with it but i would stay up sometimes
up with it but i would stay up sometimes very late
very late trying to figure out what my son was
trying to figure out what my son was doing on his phone and figuring out how
doing on his phone and figuring out how to use all the same apps that
to use all the same apps that that he used so that i
that he used so that i never got behind on that stuff but you
never got behind on that stuff but you know
know that's a really difficult thing to do i
that's a really difficult thing to do i knew that it was working
knew that it was working because jack told me one day mom i give
because jack told me one day mom i give up
up i you're too smart i cannot keep up with
i you're too smart i cannot keep up with you and i'm just gonna tell you
you and i'm just gonna tell you everything now
everything now and he did accept one thing
definitely the worst day of my life was getting that phone call from my parents
getting that phone call from my parents he didn't do it on purpose and he didn't
he didn't do it on purpose and he didn't do it to hurt us
do it to hurt us you know he was just in a lot of pain
jack struggled for nine days in the hospital
hospital and then after about six weeks we were
and then after about six weeks we were able to
able to crack his phone someone said that there
crack his phone someone said that there was
was you know some stuff on sale at home
you know some stuff on sale at home depot that would help you
depot that would help you basically off yourself and um
basically off yourself and um and other kids would just come right out
and other kids would just come right out and say text
and say text you know just go kill yourself
you know just go kill yourself and then this is not uncommon he's not
and then this is not uncommon he's not the first kid that's had that happen to
the first kid that's had that happen to him
why did i not know anxiety was and why do you know
do you know i guess they've made it they've been a
i guess they've made it they've been a little bit better about
little bit better about but even then they only made it known to
but even then they only made it known to us after four kids killed themselves
us after four kids killed themselves that's
that's true in littleton
true in littleton alone at the beginning of the year there
alone at the beginning of the year there were multiple suicides before school
were multiple suicides before school even started
even started at children's hospital there is a new
at children's hospital there is a new program
program for 10 year olds and over and they say
for 10 year olds and over and they say have you ever thought about killing
have you ever thought about killing yourself
yourself have you ever tried to hurt yourself how
have you ever tried to hurt yourself how do you feel about that
do you feel about that so i work in one of the busiest
so i work in one of the busiest pediatric emergency
pediatric emergency departments in the country at when any
departments in the country at when any given time we can easily
given time we can easily have four or five sometimes six patients
have four or five sometimes six patients who are there
who are there waiting for mental health evaluation or
waiting for mental health evaluation or waiting to be transferred for inpatient
waiting to be transferred for inpatient treatment you hear from the cdc that
treatment you hear from the cdc that suicide is the second leading cause of
suicide is the second leading cause of death
death in children ages 10 to 24. colorado
in children ages 10 to 24. colorado suicide is
suicide is the number one cause of death for
the number one cause of death for individuals 10 to 24.
individuals 10 to 24. and every day we send out you know over
and every day we send out you know over over a dozen imminent suicide alerts
over a dozen imminent suicide alerts every single day it was such a rare
every single day it was such a rare occurrence to see that
occurrence to see that now it is commonplace you know it had
now it is commonplace you know it had something changed about us biologically
something changed about us biologically from 2000 and 2007
from 2000 and 2007 the suicide rate seemed virtually was
the suicide rate seemed virtually was was pretty stable and had
was pretty stable and had um if anything some years fluctuated
um if anything some years fluctuated down but then we saw a beginning trend
down but then we saw a beginning trend and it became evident over time that it
and it became evident over time that it was increasing from 2010 to 2017.
was increasing from 2010 to 2017. not only teen suicide but child
not only teen suicide but child suicide like ten or nine years old
suicide like ten or nine years old i said all right sure what do you got he
i said all right sure what do you got he goes well friday night i had two
goes well friday night i had two ten-year-olds on snapchat
ten-year-olds on snapchat one thought it'd be a funny idea to talk
one thought it'd be a funny idea to talk to the other one into committing suicide
to the other one into committing suicide and she did it she's dead
so 43 of 1.12 million children that presented to the ers
children that presented to the ers for suicidal ideation or suicide attempt
for suicidal ideation or suicide attempt were under 11 years old
whether these children these young adults think that they're not worth
adults think that they're not worth anything
anything i guess i don't know but
i guess i don't know but people can't deal with things now but i
people can't deal with things now but i feel like a lot
feel like a lot of people in our generation are like way
of people in our generation are like way more sensitive than they should be like
more sensitive than they should be like if one
if one insignificance happens it'll just
insignificance happens it'll just trigger like every past
trigger like every past thing that's happened in their life
thing that's happened in their life there's always a competition like with
there's always a competition like with school
school you're competing for the best rank with
you're competing for the best rank with social media
social media there's this unspoken i guess kind of
there's this unspoken i guess kind of competition for like most followers in a
competition for like most followers in a sense
sense if you're losing that competition i it
if you're losing that competition i it hurts like it shows
hurts like it shows you feel it in your heart constantly
you feel it in your heart constantly comparing myself to others
comparing myself to others constantly you know wanting that thing
constantly you know wanting that thing or needing to be checking or not falling
or needing to be checking or not falling behind a notification so whatever
behind a notification so whatever kinds of stresses are attached to that
kinds of stresses are attached to that but then you
but then you couple that with the fact that i just
couple that with the fact that i just don't know how to deal with anything
don't know how to deal with anything coming my way and i just think at times
coming my way and i just think at times for some kids
for some kids it's just a toxic combination suicide is
it's just a toxic combination suicide is always the result
always the result of many
many factors as we are not teaching kids as many skills to self-regulate and deal
as many skills to self-regulate and deal with difficult emotions
with difficult emotions well one thing that a device can be is a
well one thing that a device can be is a great way to distract
great way to distract not being able to have my phone for a
not being able to have my phone for a week would definitely
week would definitely like i would get really bored and i feel
like i would get really bored and i feel like i would be stressed out
like i would be stressed out typically when i get bored i do pick up
typically when i get bored i do pick up my phone like i had people
my phone like i had people to talk to but they got bored i don't
to talk to but they got bored i don't know it's just like something that i do
know it's just like something that i do when i'm bored
when i'm bored often times it's a child who's simply
often times it's a child who's simply bored yeah i'm pretty much
bored yeah i'm pretty much bored and i get so bored sometimes when
bored and i get so bored sometimes when i'm bored because they were
i'm bored because they were bored and they're bored boredom he is so
bored and they're bored boredom he is so bored my mindset just got worse and
bored my mindset just got worse and worse just because
worse just because i felt so unproductive and i wasn't
i felt so unproductive and i wasn't doing anything and i felt like that's
doing anything and i felt like that's pretty common
pretty common you know most kids are bored cooped up
you know most kids are bored cooped up and feel unproductive
and feel unproductive at 12 here again i was helping my dad we
at 12 here again i was helping my dad we still
still we're still milking cows we were still
we're still milking cows we were still raising hogs
raising hogs carrying water we still didn't have
carrying water we still didn't have electricity i had to have the
electricity i had to have the tractor gassed up everything hooked up
tractor gassed up everything hooked up and ready to go
and ready to go i mowed their lawns some housework for
i mowed their lawns some housework for those folks i didn't even know the word
those folks i didn't even know the word board
board and if we continually interrupt that
and if we continually interrupt that boredom with distraction with screens i
boredom with distraction with screens i think that we are
think that we are removing kids abilities to deal with
removing kids abilities to deal with their own thoughts
their own thoughts and then that carries the risk then of
and then that carries the risk then of being in a situation where parents are
being in a situation where parents are fixing everything and you combine that
fixing everything and you combine that with situations in high school where
with situations in high school where parents have fixed everything i've not
parents have fixed everything i've not been taught how to deal with my own
been taught how to deal with my own thoughts
thoughts life is kind of hard i have no idea what
life is kind of hard i have no idea what to do with this
to do with this i think i'm still more afraid of the
i think i'm still more afraid of the real world when the kids are outside i
real world when the kids are outside i don't give them freedom
don't give them freedom i really wasn't allowed to walk around
i really wasn't allowed to walk around the street you know we couldn't do that
the street you know we couldn't do that now we couldn't just walk down the
now we couldn't just walk down the street without worrying about being
street without worrying about being kidnapped there's not a lot of freedom
kidnapped there's not a lot of freedom when they go out in the front yard um or
when they go out in the front yard um or they can't ride their bikes
they can't ride their bikes by themselves to the park i couldn't
by themselves to the park i couldn't ride my bike around my street we're
ride my bike around my street we're gonna throw out raped
gonna throw out raped yeah i mean that's just not really that
yeah i mean that's just not really that safe but i get it from the parents point
safe but i get it from the parents point because it's
because it's a safety thing too out there in the real
a safety thing too out there in the real world where things really are scary
world where things really are scary interesting that you guys think that
interesting that you guys think that because what i'll tell you is that
because what i'll tell you is that realistically
realistically the physical world meaning kidnappings
the physical world meaning kidnappings and that kind of stuff
and that kind of stuff it's actually much safer now
it's easy to become fearful of your child stepping foot outside
child stepping foot outside it seems like there's so much imminent
it seems like there's so much imminent risk with with all these things so it's
risk with with all these things so it's more of an issue with
more of an issue with one in the parent and then for the kids
one in the parent and then for the kids you know it is it's hard to engage in a
you know it is it's hard to engage in a world where it seems like
world where it seems like every day or every week or something
every day or every week or something there is something
there is something horrible happening what makes you think
horrible happening what makes you think that yeah i think it's because like
that yeah i think it's because like it's so like populated like the news and
it's so like populated like the news and stuff like you hear all these like
stuff like you hear all these like like watching the news and like really
like watching the news and like really just seeing all the dangers that are out
just seeing all the dangers that are out there in the world
there in the world [Applause]
[Applause] most of the bodies are still inside the
most of the bodies are still inside the school well they wore
school well they wore trench coats police
the virginia tech should be still we live in a town a community of 300
we live in a town a community of 300 million
million people with inflow of information that
people with inflow of information that happens all the time
happens all the time you actually kind of wonder can i say my
you actually kind of wonder can i say my kids okay to play outside in the yard
kids okay to play outside in the yard for an hour
for an hour without me sitting there watching them
without me sitting there watching them and i'm thinking man when i was in
and i'm thinking man when i was in seventh grade i was going around my
seventh grade i was going around my entire
entire town on my bike we were told to get out
town on my bike we were told to get out of the house hey man you want to play
of the house hey man you want to play ride my bmx bike i lived on my bike play
ride my bmx bike i lived on my bike play kick the cam built a zip line
kick the cam built a zip line my friend was paper round rang the
my friend was paper round rang the doorbell you had the whole neighborhood
doorbell you had the whole neighborhood and the street lights came out you just
and the street lights came out you just went off into the woods and had to be
went off into the woods and had to be home and the lights came on the whole
home and the lights came on the whole town was in an extended
town was in an extended family of yours this is this is why am i
family of yours this is this is why am i nervous this is so dumb i've been
nervous this is so dumb i've been conditioned by everybody around me that
conditioned by everybody around me that this is scary
this is scary this is not scary that anxiety is
this is not scary that anxiety is something we as parents have to really
something we as parents have to really kind of
kind of do some self-examination with and
do some self-examination with and understand i'm wondering what part
understand i'm wondering what part are we involved in terms of potentially
are we involved in terms of potentially transferring some of that anxiety
transferring some of that anxiety towards our kids
towards our kids they have to be allowed to fail there's
they have to be allowed to fail there's no way you can ever
no way you can ever prevent pain you know or anguish 100
prevent pain you know or anguish 100 of the time and in fact it might not be
of the time and in fact it might not be healthy
healthy [Music]
do you guys feel like teachers and adults and
adults and parents in general have kind of
parents in general have kind of abandoned
abandoned helping you through the social media
helping you through the social media thing in life
thing in life it's also like we shield stuff from our
it's also like we shield stuff from our parents too
parents too so like they don't really sneaky like i
so like they don't really sneaky like i don't blame them for not
don't blame them for not being able to help because we don't ask
being able to help because we don't ask for help i definitely feel like
for help i definitely feel like us as kids kind of got put in a in a
us as kids kind of got put in a in a tough spot you know you know in between
tough spot you know you know in between two worlds this is all new for us as
two worlds this is all new for us as parents we this this technology and this
parents we this this technology and this this world has kind of crept up on us
this world has kind of crept up on us and there is
and there is so many of us who could do better like
so many of us who could do better like my parents would be like heartbroken
my parents would be like heartbroken that like their kids have to go through
that like their kids have to go through this over half
this over half of tweens and close to three-fourths of
of tweens and close to three-fourths of teens
teens experience issues regarding mental
experience issues regarding mental health and then we get into
health and then we get into cyberbullying
cyberbullying and that's over three-fourths then we
and that's over three-fourths then we get to sexual content
get to sexual content and for tweens it's around 70 percent
and for tweens it's around 70 percent and then for teens it gets even higher
and then for teens it gets even higher our
our society is just become too isolated
society is just become too isolated uh just losing human touch and there's
uh just losing human touch and there's no
no human touch to kind of heal the the scar
human touch to kind of heal the the scar or the the
or the the pain why do you think all these like
pain why do you think all these like suicide like depression rates are
suicide like depression rates are skyrocketing it's because of social
skyrocketing it's because of social media
media and nobody's doing anything about it we
and nobody's doing anything about it we gave this stuff to ourselves because we
gave this stuff to ourselves because we wanted it
wanted it and now we get to watch it happen to our
and now we get to watch it happen to our children kids
children kids right now are going to experience the
right now are going to experience the worst of what we're going through
worst of what we're going through for most of the things that parents
for most of the things that parents can't stand about technology
can't stand about technology it's our fault i don't want to
it's our fault i don't want to trade my influence for their access to
trade my influence for their access to a million different sources of influence
a million different sources of influence that may not be credible
that may not be credible some parents say i'm not gonna do
some parents say i'm not gonna do anything i give up it's too overwhelming
anything i give up it's too overwhelming i just
i just you know i'm gonna cross my fingers and
you know i'm gonna cross my fingers and hope that they do okay
hope that they do okay as a family it is the one thing we fight
as a family it is the one thing we fight about
about more than anything if i had the option
more than anything if i had the option to turn things back
to turn things back and give our kids of today a life
and give our kids of today a life without
without social media and smartphones i would
social media and smartphones i would absolutely do it i would
absolutely do it i would absolutely take away the internet for my
absolutely take away the internet for my kids yes i would have rather grown up
kids yes i would have rather grown up without the internet i mean i would do
without the internet i mean i would do it immediately take it all away
it immediately take it all away if social media was gone like completely
if social media was gone like completely and nobody had it it'd be a positive
and nobody had it it'd be a positive i do long some for my children to know
i do long some for my children to know a bit more peace a bit more calm
a bit more peace a bit more calm a bit more boredom
a bit more boredom you can't go back you can't go back i
you can't go back you can't go back i know we can't go back
know we can't go back but i wish we could make children
but i wish we could make children realize that
realize that life is precious and it's a gift and we
life is precious and it's a gift and we need to
need to really
just really value it do i wish that we could just throw all the technology away
could just throw all the technology away i kind of do honestly but
i kind of do honestly but i know that that is not the solution
i know that that is not the solution i think we're going through a painful
i think we're going through a painful process of adaptation
process of adaptation to something that's fundamentally
to something that's fundamentally changed our culture but the
changed our culture but the opportunities for these kids in this
opportunities for these kids in this world are so much more
world are so much more vast and yes it's more complicated and
vast and yes it's more complicated and it comes with its own
it comes with its own set of worries and concerns but if you
set of worries and concerns but if you take the control out of it
take the control out of it and you focus on just trying to teach
and you focus on just trying to teach them how to be people
them how to be people in this world with all the things coming
in this world with all the things coming at them
at them technology is amazing
technology is amazing i think it's a great thing as for human
i think it's a great thing as for human culture and stuff like that if
culture and stuff like that if we can control our consumption of it
so new technology almost always comes with unintended consequences
with unintended consequences you know we didn't have car crashes
you know we didn't have car crashes before we had the car right the car's a
before we had the car right the car's a great invention
great invention but unfortunately that resulted in in
but unfortunately that resulted in in car crashes and so
car crashes and so the answer was not stop driving cars the
the answer was not stop driving cars the answer was
answer was we invest in driver's education and we
we invest in driver's education and we add seat belts and airbags and lane
add seat belts and airbags and lane assist and
assist and we're constantly looking for
we're constantly looking for technological solutions and educational
technological solutions and educational solutions to make that
solutions to make that technology safer how do we keep our kids
technology safer how do we keep our kids safe
safe [Music]
[Music] there's so much to that i think what we
there's so much to that i think what we need is a mass public awareness campaign
need is a mass public awareness campaign so people understand what's going on
so people understand what's going on one thing i have learned is that if you
one thing i have learned is that if you tell people this is bad for you they
tell people this is bad for you they won't listen if you tell people this is
won't listen if you tell people this is how you're being manipulated
how you're being manipulated no one wants to feel manipulated as
no one wants to feel manipulated as parents though
parents though we decided we're going to become the
we decided we're going to become the experts
experts they need to start to see us as the
they need to start to see us as the experts rather than just
experts rather than just everybody out there what's awesome is
everybody out there what's awesome is all these parents
all these parents are you know becoming innovators and
are you know becoming innovators and they're like wow
they're like wow there isn't this safety thing that we
there isn't this safety thing that we need and so
need and so i'm gonna invent it there's so much more
i'm gonna invent it there's so much more help now than there was five years ago
and there are ways that it can benefit them hugely but it's not going to
them hugely but it's not going to benefit them
benefit them and they're not going to use it only for
and they're not going to use it only for positive stuff unless we educate
positive stuff unless we educate the best filter that your child will
the best filter that your child will develop is the one between their ears
develop is the one between their ears so having an adult they can go to that
so having an adult they can go to that they trust
they trust is critical and having an adult that's
is critical and having an adult that's interested and able to have the
interested and able to have the conversations
conversations with them is is critical and they'll say
with them is is critical and they'll say you know i want to talk to my parents
you know i want to talk to my parents but they just don't get it
but they just don't get it and maybe they don't but they should try
and maybe they don't but they should try to get it
to get it because once you crack the shell
because once you crack the shell oftentimes these kids are just
oftentimes these kids are just dying to share the best
dying to share the best thing that you can do for your child is
thing that you can do for your child is make sure that they feel comfortable
make sure that they feel comfortable talking to you about these types of
talking to you about these types of issues
issues and unfortunately most parents are
and unfortunately most parents are relatively ignorant about
relatively ignorant about the types of things their children are
the types of things their children are experiencing online and
experiencing online and aren't prepared to help them even if the
aren't prepared to help them even if the issues do come up
issues do come up so you're my child i love you so if
so you're my child i love you so if something
something is go sideways that we missed i want you
is go sideways that we missed i want you to know you have the open door and we're
to know you have the open door and we're not going to
not going to to give you any consequences for coming
to give you any consequences for coming to us because you're going to make
to us because you're going to make mistakes
mistakes i want a kid to kind of run so i'll go
i want a kid to kind of run so i'll go oh mom i already know that good
oh mom i already know that good just honey wanted to make sure you know
just honey wanted to make sure you know why because i love you
why because i love you so much
that i want you to know this thing right if a kid isn't to the point where
if a kid isn't to the point where they're just a little bit
they're just a little bit annoyed by you going there again
annoyed by you going there again then you're not doing it enough
at some point they will be taking flight and they will be leaving
and they will be leaving our home in just a few short years
our home in just a few short years and i want to know that we gave them
and i want to know that we gave them everything that we had i mean that's the
everything that we had i mean that's the truth even my husband who is the most
truth even my husband who is the most he's not a very emotional guy he will
he's not a very emotional guy he will call me up in the middle of the day and
call me up in the middle of the day and be like gosh she's just
be like gosh she's just amazing she's an amazing soul i just so
amazing she's an amazing soul i just so desperately want those young people to
desperately want those young people to have
have other voices in their life adults who
other voices in their life adults who look at them and say that's not who you
look at them and say that's not who you are that's not who i see
are that's not who i see this will come and go i see you you're
this will come and go i see you you're gonna be okay
gonna be okay i love you and they just need to hear
i love you and they just need to hear that we all need to hear that
[Music] do
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