YouTube Transcript:
How to Break Up With A Dismissive Avoidant | Relationships & Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
Skip watching entire videos - get the full transcript, search for keywords, and copy with one click.
Share:
Video Transcript
View:
hi my name is tyles gibson and i'm the
creator of the personal development school
school
this is your daily breakthrough video
and in this video i want to talk to you
a little bit about healthy way to break up
up
with a dismissive avoidant attachment
style so this is part of a series that
i've been doing about healthy ways to
break up with different attachment
styles and different things you can do
to just help minimize the pain and
suffering that can take place within a
breakup because it can already be quite
treacherous for both parties going
through it um so just some really
helpful tools and things to keep in mind
when doing this that will really make
the healing process and process of
gaining closure
not personalizing things as much
and not really hurting for prolonged
periods of time as much after a breakup
so
i'm going to dive in before i do i want
to make a really quick announcement
which is that we are doing our lifetime
membership sale at pds it gives you
access to our entire membership at pds
for life
um there's a massive discount it's like
a 40 discount right now or something
like that i think it's 40
um our team takes care of all that stuff
but basically it gives you access to
every single one of our 50 plus courses
plus everyone that comes out on an
ongoing basis it gives you access to all
of our webinars on an ongoing basis all
of our social events study groups um
workbooks materials everything um for
life so you can check that out if you
want to uh jump in and if you've already
been a student for quite some time um
you can reach out to info
personaldevelopmentschool.com and our
customer service team will literally
help you get an extra discount on top of
the discount to upgrade your membership
and change it over
um so
that's it for my announcement okay so
a couple things here that are really
really important when you're going
through a breakup the very first thing
and i said this in the other parts of
the series is you want to get really
clear about your reason
and it's okay if you have one or two
reasons sometimes we reach multiple
conclusions by the time we decide to
break up with somebody um but you want
to have one or two or three maximum
specific things that you're going to say
as to your why and you also want to make
sure that you're very concise and you
don't leave room for that to be
negotiated okay you don't want to say oh
i'm kind of thinking this or i'm sort of
feeling this but i may change my mind
conciseness is key it gives the other
person closure i know it's difficult to
do but it's really important that you do
that because without closure when we
feel like there's an open-endedness in
relationships although dismissive
avoidance lesser than the other
attachment styles are going to be
interested in rekindling after a
relationship a lot of these kind of like
go cold and repress their emotions and
disconnect very deeply as a means to
keep themselves safe from feeling their feelings
feelings
um but
there's another video about that on this
channel why dismissive wounds can be so
kind of like cold and shut off after a
breakup but that's a separate topic of
conversation um you can search that if
you want to check it out um anyways so
so what you'll see here is that like the
the individual in the receiving end of
the breakup if they feel like there's a
door open it stops them from having
closure and really like the ability to
move on
and as i've suggested in the other parts
of the series
if you are not sure but you really need
space suggest a break for a very
definitive period of time a four-month break
break
usually it's like a four week or a two
month or three month maximum um and then
have a conversation at the end and
decide and um set clear boundaries in
that finite period of taking a break um
but what you really want to get clear
about here is if you're in a situation
where you're going
you know i i just don't know do that but
don't say we're broken up and then give
mixed messages because it's honestly
unfair to the other person's healing
process a lot of the time so get clear
get concise give specific reasons be
honest about those reasons i've seen a
lot of times people are so afraid to
hurt the person they're dishonest about
the reason but guess what happens if
we're not honest about the reason
the subconscious mind of the person on
the receiving end is going to project on
to the situation
what their biggest insecurities are it's
how the mind works it looks for worst
case scenarios it's part of the
subconscious mind um sort of inner
workings and it's a survival strategy at
a subconscious level if i can think of
all the worst case scenarios i can
protect myself from them so the mind
works that way but it usually has this
really negative impact long term because
it really prevents the individual on the
receiving end of that um from from
getting clear and then what we do is we
go okay you're breaking up with me i
don't know why
and we project our core wounds onto the
situation so if i'm a dismissive
avoidant i might make it mean i'm
defective and
there's something flawed fundamentally
about me which is a horrible way to feel
if i'm fearful avoidant i'm probably
going to make it mean well you betrayed
me and you're interested in somebody
else or you were dishonest from the
beginning about what you wanted or you
know and if i'm ap i'm going to make it
mean i'm i'm not good enough i'm
rejected i'm unlovable i'm always going
to be abandoned and alone you know so we
give the worst case scenario meaning
so you can actually help your your
loved one to move through healing more
easily by giving them real concrete
meaning let them know hey there was this
and this compatibility issue and i'm not
willing to to compromise on this and so
we're not compatible in this situation
you know give them like the clear
specific things or we want different
things or the more i got into the
relationship the more i realized i
actually need to figure myself out for a
little bit here be honest be clear be
specific and then what you can do is you
can package this and this is sort of our
next step as it relates to the dismiss
of avoidant is you can package this in a
way that helps them to take it less
personally we know the dismissal
avoidance core wounds are things like i
am defective or something's wrong with
me i'm incapable of doing relationships
um i'm unsafe in relationships um you
know vulnerability makes me weak or is
bad so
i let the person know look i really
appreciate how you showed up and that
you were vulnerable in the relationship
it meant a lot to me um i think we both
learned and grew from that i also you
know if they were vulnerable of course
right um um let the person know as well
um there's so many wonderful things
about you and you are great in these
areas of the relationship but for me
i just need to figure myself out right
now or whatever it might be that your
true honest reason is right you can fill
in that blank but but you can
equilibrate the person's core wounds by actively
actively
um where those things would come up
letting them know it's not that you know
you think you're
flawed in some way fundamentally
something's wrong with you look all
these things were great and great and
normal about you
so you can help do that equilibration
work with the person um but then also
proceed to give your honest reason and
then what i would say next is um make
sure that you don't do this halfway make
sure you don't keep on putting one foot
out um let the person know i'm not open
to changing right now um this is what i
want going forward and then together you
can establish boundaries for what you
think is the next right move um so if
you need boundaries for example that let
both parties know look um we're not
going to talk at all
if boundaries need to be more along the
lines for you of like let's take some
space for three months only tax
sporadically like maybe once or twice a
week maximum
um really if we need to and then let's
try to maybe establish a friendship
three months down the road and you know
be more friendly with each other and
move things along on good terms or if
you're like no we just don't want to be
friends after breakup that's perfectly
fine too but make a decision make that
collectively take each other's
boundaries into consideration
talk about them and then stick to them
and these are all going to be really
really important parts going forward so
i hope that makes a lot of sense for
today um i hope you come and check out
our lifetime membership and um if you're
already a student come stick around with
me for life um and uh thank you for
being here please like share and
subscribe to this channel if you haven't
already and i will see you in the next video
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
Works with YouTube, Coursera, Udemy and more educational platforms
Get Instant Transcripts: Just Edit the Domain in Your Address Bar!
YouTube
←
→
↻
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc
YoutubeToText
←
→
↻
https://youtubetotext.net/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc