This content outlines a comprehensive framework of universal laws governing success, achievement, happiness, and wealth creation, emphasizing that understanding and applying these principles can unlock an individual's full potential.
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this is audible the nightingale conant
corporation is pleased to bring you the
universal laws of success and
throughout the ages man has attempted to
make sense of the universe to unravel
mysteries that have challenged his
intellect and seek solutions to
seemingly unsolvable puzzles in looking
for the truth and often questioning it
poets thinkers philosophers and
scientists have immeasurably influenced
our world
their medical breakthroughs scientific
discoveries physical laws and
mathematical principles have imposed
order coherence and clarity to what once
seemed a random indiscriminate and
lawless world
the driving force behind these great
thinkers often was their innate desire
to succeed
to focus their minds on a question and
strive relentlessly till they found the answer
answer
and in their wealth of wisdom we now
find universal principles of personal
success and achievement that we can use
to maximize our own potential
these success principles are as timeless
and immutable as the natural and
physical laws governing the universe
they hold true for everyone who abides
by them and are applicable in almost
every area of life
never before have they all been brought
together as a vital tool for teaching
never before has all this information
been combined to give you a guaranteed
formula for success
until now
brian tracy has devoted almost his
entire life to studying success and
human development
in the past he's researched varied
aspects of human effectiveness and
brought you best selling nightingale
conan audio programs on the psychology
of achievement the science of
self-confidence and how to master your
time to name just a few
and it's his preoccupation with being
and doing just a little bit better that
makes him a living example of the
practical principles he teaches
today as president of brian tracy
learning systems he speaks on a variety
of business and personal development
topics to audiences worldwide he's also
trained key executives of more than 200
corporations in the united states canada
mexico australia and europe
from his diverse background in sales
marketing advertising real estate and
management consulting brian brings a
wealth of practical experience to
everything he talks about
and this combined with his wide research
psychology economics science and the
classics is nowhere more evident than in
the universal laws of success and achievement
achievement
in this program you'll hear about the
success principles that have been the
hallmark of all great achievers brian
calls them the universal laws because
they work for anyone anywhere anytime
and they will work for you
all you need to do is apply them
practice them and follow them
consciously as you set and move toward
your goals
and the results you desire will come to
you business wealth creation happiness
self-fulfillment love and relationships
these are just some of the areas that
you'll be able to improve in your life
as you listen to brian tracy in the
universal laws of success and achievement
achievement [Music]
[Music]
once upon a time and throughout all of
human history it was generally believed
by most of the smartest men who had ever
lived that it was not possible for any
object heavier than air to fly
then a professor at the university of
basel daniel bernoulli laid down a
series of hydrodynamic principles
including his most famous a complex
principle of air resistance which has
come to be known as bernoulli's law
it was the application of bernoulli's
law to aeronautical engineering that led
to the first flight by the wright
brothers at kitty hawk and to the entire
world of modern aviation as we now know
it today
daniel bernoulli didn't invent this law
which is named after him but once he
discovered it and others learned to
apply it man was able to conquer the skies
skies
today planes can fly almost anywhere in
the world at several hundred miles an
hour with a speed and efficiency that
was unimaginable even a hundred years ago
ago
and all because of bernoulli's law
you too can fly
by using the laws and principles of
success and achievement that have been
discovered over the last four thousand years
years
you can reach the heights of your potential
potential
you can travel faster and further toward
the achievement of your dreams and
aspirations than you ever dream possible
when you apply these proven and
practical principles to your life you'll
begin to make progress you may have
never before imagined
when you organize your life so that
everything that you're thinking and
doing is in harmony with the universal
laws that predict and control human
destiny there will be no limitations on
what you can be and have and do
when i was 19 i set out on a lifelong
journey seeking the answers to the question
question
why is it that some people are more
successful than others
i came from a home where we never had
very much money
i didn't finish high school and i worked
at laboring jobs for several years
i washed dishes and dug wells and
carried building materials and
construction sites
i worked in factories and sawmills i
worked as a merchant seaman on a
norwegian freighter and i even worked as
a farm hand during the harvest season
over the years i traveled all over the
world studying different cultures and
philosophies and religions and schools
of thought always i sought for the
answers to that great question
why is it that some people are more
successful than others
as the years passed and my experience
accumulated i began to notice that there
was a certain element of regularity and
predictability in human events
there seemed to be laws and principles
at work in almost everything that happened
happened
i've now studied the subject for more
than 25 years and i've come to the
conclusion that there are universal laws
that anyone can use to dramatically
enhance the quality of his or her life
they're available to you here in this
program and when you apply them you'll
begin to get the things you want in
every area of your life
to state it simply i discovered that the
answer to the question about successful
people is that successful people live
their lives
more in harmony with natural laws than
unsuccessful people do
successful and happy people are those
who consciously or unconsciously
organize their thoughts feelings and
actions in such a way that the powers
available to them as a result of these
laws seem to go to work for them in
their lives they then go on to
accomplish more in a few years than many
people accomplish in a lifetime
and the reason is simple
successful people do more things right
and fewer things wrong
they make the right choices and
decisions and they take the right actions
actions
they channel their mental emotional and
physical energies toward the attainment
of the things that enrich their lives
and they waste very little of their time
going down blind alleys or pursuing
goals that ultimately lead to failure
and frustration and lost months or years
successful people seem to live their
lives more efficiently in moving from
where they are to where they want to go
they seem to get there faster and easier
and achieve greater satisfaction along
the way
unsuccessful people on the other hand
are those who either don't know the
universal laws or who choose to ignore
them in the short term hoping that
they'll be spared the consequences of
their behaviors in the long term
this attitude can lead to
wasted years and unfulfilled lives
whenever you see a person who's not
achieving his or her full potential you
see a violation of universal laws that's
both sad
and unnecessary
universal laws are like physical laws
like the law of gravity
they're called laws because they're
everywhere and always enforced
and ignorance of the law is no excuse
the law of gravity will work on you
whether you step off a 10 story building
in downtown new york or in downtown
london england
you will follow the law of gravity
gaining speed at 32 feet per second as
the law says and you'll go splat on the sidewalk
sidewalk
and it doesn't matter whether you know
about gravity or whether you believe in
gravity or whether anyone told you about
how gravity works or even whether or not
gravity is particularly convenient for
you at that moment
gravity will work on you in any case and
you'll have to suffer the consequences
universal laws are not like man-made
laws either
a man-made law like a traffic law may or
may not be enforced depending upon the circumstances
circumstances
you can break a traffic law and possibly
get away with it at least in the short term
term
universal laws however are different
they work 100 of the time
your job then is to coordinate your
thoughts and actions with them so that
you're living your life in such a way
that the universal laws are working on
your behalf
in this program i'll introduce you to a
series of laws that have been derived
from experience observation and reflection
reflection
i'd like to say that i personally
invented or discovered these laws but
that's not really the case
they've been discovered and rediscovered
throughout all the centuries of recorded time
time
these laws are applicable in a variety
of ways
and to a variety of situations
for instance the same law like the law
of attraction may apply in a slightly
different form to achieving success to
happy relationships and to wealth creation
creation
the laws overlap and intertwine with
each other
sometimes one law will take precedence
over another although none of them will
ever really contradict each other
you'll understand this concept better a
little later in this program
each session in this program explains a
series of laws that apply especially to
the title of the session such as money
and business and selling negotiating
sometimes the laws will appear with more
than one definition and you can apply
them in several areas like the laws of
belief and correspondence
the first law of success is the
granddaddy of all laws and it's what we
refer to as the iron law of human destiny
destiny
it was first articulated by the greek
philosopher socrates more than 400 years
before christ and is sometimes referred
to as the socratic law
we simply call it the law of cause and effect
effect
it's really the law that governs the
universe and all other laws fall under
it and are consistent with it
the law of cause and effect is referred
to in the bible as the law of sowing and reaping
reaping
the scientists sir isaac newton referred
to it as the law of action and reaction
ralph waldo emerson called it the law of
compensation in his famous essay of the
same name
this law says that we live in an orderly
universe in which everything happens for
a reason there are no accidents at least
not in the long term
this law says that for every effect
there's a cause or a series of causes
if there's an effect in your life that
you desire such as success or wealth or
health or happiness you can have it by
simply instituting the causes that have
been proven to generate it
this law also says that if there's an
effect in your life that you don't
particularly want such as unhappiness or
poor health or financial problems or
difficulties with other people you can
trace those effects back to their causes
and by removing the causes you can
eliminate the effect
this law is so simple that it's largely
ignored and so common that the great
majority of people attempt to live their
lives in outright defiance of it even
though they may not be happy with the
effects or results they're getting many
people continue to repeat the same
behaviors that cause the same effects
and then they become angry and
frustrated when nothing changes
in fact
one definition of insanity is continuing
to do the same things but expecting to
get different results
you're surrounded by people who are
getting effects that they don't want and
are simultaneously not getting the
effects that they do want and they
either don't realize or don't care that
the only way to change the effects is to
change the causes
the law of cause and effect is a
wonderful principle for lifelong success
it says that if you can clearly define
the effect you desire all you really
need to do is to find out who else has
achieved the same effect and then copy
that person or persons until you get the
same result
it's no mystery if someone else has done
it you can probably do it as well if you
do the same things in the same way
you see what i found was that the world
is quite neutral about all of this
the world the marketplace and other
people don't really care who or what you
are or where you come from as long as
you institute the proven causes of the
specific effects that you want
it doesn't matter if you're young or old
tall or short black or white male or
female fat or thin
nature plays no favorites as the saying
goes the jungle is neutral
the playing field is level
if you do the same things in the same
way that other successful people have
done and you do them repeatedly you will
eventually get the same results
of course a lot will depend upon how far
back you're starting but that's
something you can always overcome by
time and patience and determination
my friend cop copmeyer who spent more
than 50 years studying success concluded
that one of the most important
discoveries that he ever made was the
necessity of using proven success principles
principles
he said that if you're really serious
about success
learn from the experts
spare no effort or expense to learn from
those who've gone before you
he also said that life is too short for
either you or i to learn it all by ourselves
ourselves
if you can find someone or several
others who've achieved the same result
that you desire
and you learn from them what they did
and you do the same things repeatedly
you'll eventually get the same results yourself
yourself
if you sew the same seeds you'll get the
same harvest if you duplicate the causes
of the effects or results you desire and
you continue to do so in face of the
inevitable discouragement that comes to
all of us
you will eventually get the effects that
you set out for this
this
is the law
and if you live your life in harmony
with it you can eventually attain things
that will amaze almost everyone
including yourself
the starting point of the application of
the law of cause and effect is simply
for you to clearly determine the effects
that you desire
before you can apply the laws of success
you need to think seriously about what
success means to you
because of your unique past experiences
your personality your abilities your
values and your beliefs your hopes and
aspirations only you can define
what success means in your life
success is sometimes defined as getting
what you want
others define success as the freedom to
live your life in your own way without
the interference of anyone else
you may define success as freedom from
worries about material things
someone else may define success in terms
of happy and loving relationships
another may define success in terms of
health and mental and physical well-being
well-being
in any case your first responsibility to
yourself is to sit down and make a list
of all the things that would exist in
your life if you finally achieved all
the success for which you're working
in anything that you want to accomplish
you begin by defining your ideal result
or your future vision for yourself
even the shortest journey begins with
you deciding where it is you want to end up
up
before you begin selecting the causes
you intend to initiate you need to be
extremely clear about the effects that
you wish to realize
a woman who had been through my seminar
on goal setting came to me afterwards
and said that she had decided that her
major goal was to sell a million dollars
worth of real estate and to win a prize
for being one of the top real estate
people of the year
i asked her why she wanted that
particular goal and she told me it was
so that she could make enough money to
get out of real estate completely and
get into something that she really
wanted to do
well she was also unhappy and frustrated
not making very much progress toward her
first goal that of selling a million
dollars worth of real estate
i explained to her that she'd never be
happy or successful doing something that
she didn't enjoy and that perhaps she
should change her direction and begin
doing something immediately that she
really cared about
happily enough she accepted my advice
changed careers and the last time i saw
her she was happier than she had been in years
years
this illustrates one of the most
important applications of this law
it simply says that in order to achieve
certain effects you must first instigate
certain causes
it also says that in order to eliminate
certain effects in your life you must
also eliminate the factors that are
causing them
the most important single application of
the law of cause and effect is this
thoughts are causes and conditions are effects
effects
your thoughts about any subject are the
starting point of everything that
happens to you
the conditions of your life are an
expression of your innermost thoughts
and convictions
if you think a certain thought long
enough and hard enough it becomes a
fixed belief and you'll find yourself
behaving on the outside in a manner
consistent with it
for example if you think about success
all the time and you think about the
various things that you can do to be
more successful in the important areas
of your life
your thoughts will lead you to the
activities that will make that success
much more possible for you
your thoughts are the primary causes of
the conditions of your life
this brings us to the second of the laws
of success and it's called the law of mind
mind
in its simplest form it says that
thoughts objectify themselves
thoughts held in mind produce after
their kind
what you think becomes your reality
earl nightingale in his audio program
the strangest secret says that you become
become
what you think about
ralph waldo emerson summarized this idea
more than a hundred years before by saying
saying
a man becomes what he thinks about most
of the time
the law of mind is extremely powerful
and is in many ways a basic law for
explaining many of the other laws that
refer to mind action
the natural extension of the law of mind
is the third law of success called the
law of mental equivalency
this law says that your primary
responsibility to yourself is to create
a clear and accurate mental equivalent
of what you wish to experience in each
dimension of your external life
if you want to be happy
you need to clearly define for yourself
and create the mental equivalent or
picture of exactly what happiness means
to you
if you wish to enjoy health and long
life or happy relationships or financial
prosperity you need to create in your
mind an exact detailed picture of what
you desire
as a result of a whole series of other
laws that i'll be discussing
this becomes the critical starting point
that begins inevitably to lead you to
the realization of your dreams and goals
the fourth law of success is called the
law of correspondence
this law has been talked about for
perhaps four thousand years and it's one
of the fundamental laws that explains
human experience
it simply says that as within
so without
it says that your outer life will tend
to be a mirror image of your inner life
your external world will tend to
correspond almost exactly to what is
going on inside both your conscious and
subconscious minds
there are four major areas where you see
the law of correspondence working all
the time
the first is simply in your attitude
whatever your attitude is often before
you even say anything people will
reflect it back to you in the way they
talk to you and treat you
as within so without
the second area where the law of
correspondence is evident is in your relationships
relationships
your relationships will almost perfectly
mirror your attitude and your personality
personality
if you're a good and happy person you'll
have good and happy relationships as you
become a more patient and tolerant and
loving person
your relationships will reflect this
almost immediately very much as a mirror
will do
the third area of correspondence that
you see is in your health
much of your health can be directly
traced to specific attitudes that cause
you to suffer from minor and major illnesses
illnesses
the extensive work that's been done in
the area of holistic medicine seems to
suggest that there are corresponding
attitudes of mind for most illnesses
that you or i suffer from the common
cold and flu all the way up to the most
serious illnesses that are often life-threatening
life-threatening
whenever you're anxious or upset or
unhappy for any reason for any period of time
time
your body will begin to reflect those feelings
feelings
the entire basis of psychosomatic
medicine is the conclusion that your
mind psycho makes your body soma
what your mind harbors
your body eventually expresses
the fourth application of the law of
correspondence is that your external
world of material accomplishment will
exactly correspond to your internal
world of preparation
the more knowledge and skill you gain
that helps you to be more effective in
your work the more you will be paid
you can't hope to acquire or achieve
anything more on the outside until
you've acquired it or achieved it on the inside
inside
the law of correspondence reigns supreme
the fifth law of success is the law of
belief which says that whatever you
believe with emotion
becomes your reality you always have a
tendency to act in a manner consistent
with your innermost beliefs and convictions
convictions
your beliefs in fact act like a filter
or a screen that edit out incoming
information and only allows into your
conscious awareness the things that you
already decided are true about yourself
in the world
william james of harvard said belief
creates the actual fact
in the bible it says whatsoever a man
thinketh in his heart
so is he
for example if you absolutely believe
that you are meant to be a great success
in life and that no matter what happens
nothing can stop you from achieving the
greatness that is yours
you'll act in a manner consistent with
that belief and you'll eventually make
it come true
if you doubt your ability to be
successful for any reason
this negative belief will be
demonstrated in your tendency to hold
yourself back the most important part of
the law of belief is the necessity for
you to question your own
self-limiting beliefs
these are the beliefs that act like the
breaks on your potential
these are the nagging doubts and fears
that people have about themselves and
their abilities that cause them to sell
themselves short
when you have self-limiting beliefs you
have a tendency to settle for far less
than you may be capable of
beliefs revolve around your ability to
lose weight or quit smoking or earn a
certain amount of money or be attractive
to members of the opposite sex or
develop new abilities that are more
conducive to your success and happiness
one of the most important steps you can
take toward achieving great success is
for you to question these self-limiting beliefs
beliefs
you might even ask others who know you
well what self-limiting beliefs they
seem to think that you have that may be
holding you back
remember self-limiting beliefs are often
used as excuses
a good way to test your self-limiting
beliefs is to ask yourself whether
anyone else with the limitations you
perceive you have has nonetheless gone
on to achieve success
if anyone else has been able to overcome
the limitations that you think that you
have it means that you can probably
overcome those limitations as well
in fact when you think about it you
realize almost immediately that there
are hundreds perhaps thousands of men
and women who've had it far worse than
you have and have gone on to accomplish
great things despite their limitations
you begin to fly when you begin to let
go of your self-limiting beliefs and
allow your mind and aspirations to rise
the sixth law of success is the law of
values the law of value says that what
you truly value and believe is only and
always expressed in your actions
you can tell the true values of others
by looking at what they do not what they say
say
you can also look at your own actions to
decide what it is that you truly value
remember it's not what you say or hope
or wish or intend that is a true
expression of your values and beliefs
it's only what you do
children are very aware of this and they
ignore the advice of their parents when
their parents say do as i say not as i do
do
the fact is we all seem to know that a
person's actions are the true reflection
of their innermost convictions
there's a great deal of confusion and
unhappiness in the world today because
many people feel that if they say
something emphatically enough or write
about it it means that they truly
believe it but this is false
you only truly believe what you do
your actions do speak far more loudly
than your words for example
if you truly believe in the values of
persistence and dedication it'll be
evident in the things that you do every
single day
if you truly believe in the values of
honesty and integrity and
self-discipline you'll demonstrate these
qualities in your every behavior
in fact you can tell what a person
values by looking at what they did in
the past when the pressure was on
it's only when you're forced to make a
choice that you know what it is you
really value
for example
when you have to choose between family
and work or between money and honesty
your true values come out
the wonderful and important thing about
your values is that you can develop them
in yourself by disciplining yourself to
act consistent with them even if you
haven't yet made them a fixed part of
your character i'll explain this later
in the program
the seventh law of success
is the law of motivation which says that
everything you do is triggered by inner
desires and urges and instincts many of
which may be at an unconscious level and
your attitudes and behaviors will be
determined by your dominant motivations
by what you really want and need in life
not by what you think you want
this is an extension of the law of
values and it's very important for you
to understand
there's a simple formula called the abc
formula of human motivation and human action
action
the abc stands for antecedents
behavior and consequences
the antecedents are the things that
happen before the behavior
the behaviors are the things you do
the consequences are what happens as a
result of your behavior
we know that psychologically only about
fifteen percent of your motivation comes
from the antecedents from what you read
or learn or are told to do or not do
however about 85 percent of your
motivation comes from your expectations
what you think will happen
it's your beliefs about the consequences
about the future that causes you to
behave in a certain way
the clearer you are about the
consequences of your actions and the
more intensely you desire to enjoy the
consequences that your behaviors may
lead to the more motivated you'll be
this is why it's so important to have
absolute clarity with regard to your
goals in each area of your life in order
for you to be motivated to perform at
your very best
an important point with regard to the
abc formula is that your behaviors are
not guaranteed to achieve the
consequences that you desire
but every behavior or action that you
engage in will generate a consequence of
some kind
one of the most important parts of
understanding motivation and behavior is
to realize that both actions and
inactions have consequences
what you do as well as what you fail to
do will have a consequence in your
future and sometimes the consequences
can be dramatic and long-lasting
a good exercise in success is for you to
write out a description of the type of
person that you'd like to be
and the kind of life that you'd like to
be living
the most powerful faculty that you have
is your ability to think
your ability to understand
the more accurately you can think about
who you are and what you want to
accomplish and how to accomplish it the
more effective and successful you will be
be
the eighth law of success is the law of
subconscious activity and it has several applications
applications
the first part of this law is that
whatever thought or idea mixed with
emotion you hold in your conscious mind
will be accepted as a command by your
subconscious mind
this means that whatever thought idea or
goal you can hold in your mind on a
continuing basis you can have because
your subconscious mind will go to work
to organize all of your thoughts and
actions to bring it into your reality
if you desire to earn or attain a
certain amount of money and you think
about it continually day and night and
you use every means possible to drive
this desire or hope deep into your
subconscious mind your subconscious mind
will begin committing more and more of
its reserve capacity toward bringing
that goal or desire into your life
the second part of the law of
subconscious activity is that your
subconscious mind once you give it the
proper commands will trigger your
reticular cortex and its function the
reticular activating system
your reticular cortex is a small finger
like part of your brain that alerts you
to events and circumstances around you
that are consistent with your dominant
desires or concerns
for example if you decided that you
wanted to buy a red sports car
this desire would signal to your
reticular cortex that red sports cars
are now of paramount importance to you
from that moment on you would see red
sports cars everywhere even a block away
you would become extremely alert and
sensitive to red sports cars as well as
to the means of attaining one of them
if one of your goals is to achieve
financial independence and you imbue
this goal with intense desire
your reticular cortex will cause you to
be extremely sensitive to all kinds of
opportunities around you that would help
you to earn more money
you would hear and see things everywhere
that you might have been unaware of completely
completely
in the absence of having established
this goal and planted it in your
subconscious mind
the third part of the law of
subconscious activity is that your
subconscious mind which controls your
autonomic nervous system and all of your
muscles nerves actions and reactions
also controls your body language and
your tone of voice
professor murabian of the university of
california at santa barbara has
concluded that when you communicate with
others fully 55 percent of the message
you send is contained in your body language
language
thirty eight percent of the message you
send is contained in your tone of voice
and only seven percent of the message is
contained in the actual words that you use
use
and your body language and tone of voice
is largely controlled by messages about
yourself and your goals that you've sent
to your subconscious mind as the result
of the way you think and feel
for example when you've had a success of
any kind you send a charge of emotional
energy to your subconscious mind that
tells it that you're a winner
for some time afterwards you walk and
talk and act and think like a winner
your step will be brisker your voice
will be stronger your eyes will be more
focused and your body language will
signify this belief about yourself
your subconscious mind will accept your
predominant emotional thoughts and
organize your entire body voice and tone
to fit a pattern
consistent with it
the ninth law of success is the law of expectations
expectations
it's often called the law of the
self-fulfilling prophecy
it's one of the most powerful of all
laws because of its simplicity and its predictability
predictability
this law simply says that whatever you
expect with confidence will have a
tendency to materialize in your life
you get not what you want but what you
expect with the greatest intensity
for this reason an attitude of positive
self expectancy seems to go hand in hand
with great success in every area of your life
life
the wonderful thing about the law of
expectations is that you have the power
to manufacture your own expectations
you can decide to expect only good
things to happen to you you can walk and
talk and act as though you believe the
entire world was conspiring to help you
to achieve your goals
you can become what w clement stone
often referred to as an
inverse paranoid
you can become convinced that the entire
world is conspiring to do you good
the way that you apply the law of
expectations is by confidently looking
for the good in every person and every situation
situation
when you have a temporary setback you
can look into the setback for the
valuable lesson that it might contain
instead of becoming upset you can say to
yourself something like i believe in the
perfect outcome of every situation in my life
life
this kind of affirmation causes you to
approach everything you do with a more
positive and open and optimistic attitude
attitude
the most powerful of all expectations
are the expectations you have of yourself
yourself
you should approach everything you do
with an attitude of calm
confident self-expectancy you should
expect to be successful more times than
you're unsuccessful
expect to win more times than you lose
and expect to eventually achieve your
goals if you carry on long enough
the tenth law of success which applies
to many other areas of life is called
the law of concentration it says that
whatever you concentrate on and think
about repeatedly with emotion tends to
become more and more a part of your
inner and outer life
some of the most important work in
psychology shows that if you dwell upon
qualities that you wish to develop like
courage and sincerity and persistence
you tend to actually build those
qualities brick by brick into your
character and personality
the law of concentration goes hand in
hand with the law of subconscious
activity and it largely explains the
person that you are today
whatever you've concentrated on in the
past and are concentrating on in the
present is having a major impact on your
conduct and behavior
what you concentrate on largely
determines the quality and quantity of
the results that you get and the success
that you enjoy
the 11th law of success is the law of habit
habit
it says that virtually everything that
you do is automatic and unthinking
you are largely a creature of habit
it says that from the time you get up in
the morning to the time you go to bed at
night you have a tendency to follow the
path of least resistance and to do the
things that you become accustomed to
doing in the past
you eat the same foods for breakfast you
brush your teeth with the same
toothpaste you take the same route to
work you greet people with the same
words you go to lunch at the same time
you work in the same way now there's
nothing wrong with establishing habits
that enable you to simplify your life in
fact your life becomes successful to the
degree to which many of the things you
once needed to concentrate on such as
driving a car have become automatic and unthinking
unthinking
when you make certain things habitual so
they no longer require thought your mind
then becomes free to concentrate on
other things that can be more helpful to
you in achieving the things that you
really want
there's several parts of the law of
habit and the first of these is that
good habits are hard to form but easy to
live with
the second part is that bad habits are
easy to form but hard to live with
one of the hardest of all things to
change are bad habits which are
counterproductive to the goals that you
want to achieve
it's therefore important for you to sit
down and think through the habits that
you have and analyze them carefully
you need to decide whether or not they
are moving you towards your goals or
away from them
remember one of the most important of
all observations on success is that
everything you do either moves you in
one direction or moves you in the other
nothing is neutral
everything counts
if a habit isn't helpful it is hurtful
if a habit is not leading you to success
it's probably
leading you to failure
the way that you overcome bad habits is
simply to override them by the
development of new
more positive habits
for example if you have a golf swing
that's causing your balls to go into the
rough you can override that habitual
swing by taking lessons and learning how
to hit the ball differently
if you have a habit of getting up later
than you should you can override that
habit by repeatedly getting up earlier
until that new behavior becomes the
habit that dominates your thinking and
your actions
by practicing the law of concentration
in conjunction with the law of habit and
thinking continually about how you would
be with a new habit or behavior you
drive this message into your
subconscious mind and you eventually
begin to behave
in a manner consistent with the new
habits you wish to form
this brings us to the twelfth law one of
the most important of all the laws of
success and that is the law of attraction
attraction
the law of attraction says that you are
a living magnet and that you inevitably
attract into your life the people events
and circumstances that harmonize with
your dominant thoughts
this is why we say that whatever you can
hold in your mind on a continuing basis
you can have
whatever thought you hold clearly and
mix with emotion begins setting up a
force field of mental energy that begins
drawing towards you the things that you
need to achieve that goal
this law of attraction has been written
about for hundreds if not thousands of years
years
it's contained in the old folk sayings
like attracts like or like begets like
or you've perhaps heard birds of a
feather flock together
my friend mark victor hansen says that
whatever you want wants you
these are all ways of saying that your
mind is extremely powerful and that
whatever you think emotionalized becomes
a form of energy like a magnet that's
attracting the events and circumstances
you experience into your life
in music the law of attraction is often
referred to as the law of sympathetic resonance
resonance
it explains for example that if you have
two pianos in a large room and you hit
the key of c on one of the pianos and
then walk across the room to the other
piano the c note or string on the second
piano will be vibrating in perfect
harmony or resonance with the c string
on the first piano
one of the most common examples of this
law is when you enter a room full of
people and you almost invariably have a
sympathetic resonance or attraction with
someone else in the room
you'll have a tendency to gravitate
toward a person with whom you are
comfortable and compatible and that
person will have a tendency to gravitate
towards you
very often two single people at a social
gathering will have a level of
sympathetic resonance that draws them
toward each other and into conversation
by the same token when you have a very
clear goal or idea you will attend to
attract people to you
and be attracted to people who have
ideas and information and resources that
can help you to realize that goal
another illustration of the law of
attraction is its opposite which is the
law of repulsion
when you begin to become a particular
kind of person
because of the way you change your
thinking you will find yourself
attracted to people who are similar to
you and you will also find yourself repelling
repelling
and being repelled by people who don't
think the way you do
this law explains why positive people
tend to associate with other positive
people and why negative people tend to
associate with other negative people
and why neither group finds the other
group of very much interest
you can begin to fill your life with the
kind of people that you respect and
admire by simply becoming the kind of
person in your thoughts that will
attract them to you
the 13th law of success is the law of choice
choice
which says that you are always free to
choose the content of your conscious
mind but in so doing you are choosing
every other part of your life
your thoughts control your reality and
since no one else but you can think for
you the thoughts that you choose to
harbor determine everything that happens
in your life
the wonderful thing about the law of
choice is that it says that you have
complete freedom to think and therefore
to be anything that you intensely desire
the choice is always up to you
the law of choice also says that you are
where you are and what you are because
you have chosen to be there
if you you're not happy with where you
are and what you are it's up to you to
choose to be and do something else
the 14th law of success is the law of
optimism which simply says that a
positive mental attitude goes hand in
hand with success and happiness in
virtually every dimension of life
the quality of optimism is the quality
that makes you into a cheerful and
pleasant person a person that other
people like and want to be around and help
help
the most successful men and women tend
to be very likable people
the more optimistic you are the happier
you'll be moment to moment and the more
things you'll be willing to attempt
the 15th law of success the law of
change says simply that
change is inevitable
the only constant we have in life is
that of change
everything is changing even as you
listen to this tape
but the wonderful thing about the law of
change is that nothing is fixed either
all progress requires change and since
change is happening in any case you can
be and have and do anything you want by
simply harnessing the forces of change
and taking advantage of them
the law of change also says that your
life can only get better when you get
better but not until
it says that you can't remain the same
and somehow improve
the law says that if you don't take
advantage of change you will end up
being the victim of change
things will happen over which you have
little or no control and you'll simply
have to go along and adjust your actions
and behaviors to whatever occurs
now let me tell you a story that is true
in more cases than not
once upon a time there was a young man
from an average home with an average
education working at an average job and
who had an average group of friends
like most average young man he was
primarily interested in girls and sports
and television
he liked to have a good time and he
spent most of his money enjoying himself
he looked upon his job as a necessary
evil that paid for his average lifestyle
and like most average people he was
going nowhere with his life
then one day something happened to him
perhaps he read a book that woke him up
or listened to an audio program or
attended a motivational seminar
whatever it was he wasn't the same afterwards
afterwards
he realized that he could choose to do
and be something else
he applied the law of choice
by the law of change he realized that
his life could only improve if he began
changing in a positive direction
using the law of cause and effect he
made some decisions about what he wanted
to accomplish and then began searching
out the causes of the effects he desired
by the law of optimism he was positive
toward himself and his possibilities he
expected good things to happen
triggering the law of expectations
he went to work on his thinking and he
began to dwell the law of concentration
on his ideal lifestyle
by the law of subconscious activity he
began to walk and talk like the person
he envisioned himself becoming
he also began noticing opportunities to
advance himself that he hadn't seen before
before
as he changed his thinking he triggered
the law of mind and the law of mental
equivalency and he created a clear
picture of his goals
by the law of correspondence his outer
world began to reflect his new improved
inner world
his beliefs about himself began to
change and by the law of attraction
people and resources began to appear to
help him move toward his goal
as he concentrated on his desires his
values and motivations changed and he
began developing the kind of habits that
lead to success
in no time at all by bringing his life
into alignment and harmony with the laws
of success he began moving forward at a
rate that surprised even him
and so can you
the laws of success are based on the
foundation principle that in order for
you to succeed you must first decide
what success means to you
you can then begin to apply these laws
to your definition of success
to bring it more rapidly into your reality
reality
there are no limitations on what you can
be or have or do
except the limitations that you place on
your own mind
when you begin to live your life and
guide your thinking consistent with the
laws that we've just described
you'll begin to experience successes
that are beyond anything that you might
have imagined in the past
you can accomplish more in a year or two
than many people accomplish in five or
even 10 years
your future can be unlimited
in the previous session we talked about
the laws of success and how they apply
to your life into everything that you do
in this session i'll be talking about
the laws of achievement and how you can
use them to go further and faster than
perhaps you ever dreamed possible
you might be wondering about the
difference between the two
they sound the same and in many respects
they are in effect they're the flip
sides of the coin success and
achievement they're similar but
different in design and purpose
success can be defined as wanting what
you get
success is not necessarily determined by
material things or accomplishments
you can enjoy success simply by reaching
the point where you are perfectly
content with your life in every respect
and you feel no dissatisfaction or
pressing need for anything else
in this sense you can be a success
sitting by yourself in a quiet place
contemplating the world
achievement is considerably different
achievement refers to getting what you
want rather than wanting what you get
achievement means the ability to set
goals and objectives to make plans of
action and then to implement the plans
and to overcome obstacles and adversity
and achieve the ends that you set for yourself
yourself
the laws of success apply equally well
to achievement but in addition there are
series of laws that are specific to goal attainment
attainment
these are the laws that we'll describe
in this session
the basic rule of human action is that
everything you do is aimed at improving
your life in some way
every action of yours is guided by
purpose and intention of some kind
whether clear or unclear
the remarkable thing about your mind and
your abilities is that you always seem
to achieve the goals that you set for yourself
yourself
if your goal is a small one for example
to get home at night and watch
television you'll certainly achieve it
if your goal is a large one to achieve
financial success prosperity and
prestige among the people you live and
work with
you'll achieve that as well
your mind contains a cybernetic goal
seeking function
once you've programmed an intense desire
into your subconscious mind your
subconscious and your super conscious
minds take on a power of their own which
seems to drive you inevitably toward the
attainment of your ideal
in this sense goal achieving seems to
happen almost automatically
the problem is always the setting of
clear goals and the harnessing of your
mental and physical energy behind those
goals when you learn to do that the rest
seems to happen with an almost
irresistible inevitability
as we said in the first session the
application of these laws begins with
your becoming perfectly clear about your
ideal desired result or purpose
you need to determine where it is you
want to end up
just as you wouldn't go to the grocery
store without a shopping list you
wouldn't think of living your life
without a clear list of the things that
you wish to attain and a written plan of
action for the attainment of each of
those things
unfortunately according to virtually
every study less than three percent of
adult americans have clear written goals
and detailed plans
according to mark mccormick in his book
what they still don't teach you at the
harvard business school
people with written goals accomplish ten
times as much in the same period of time
as those with no written goals at all
in fact you can move yourself into the
top rank of americans living today by
the simple act of sitting down with a
pad of paper and a pen
and writing out where you intend to go
and what you intend to do to get there
over the next three to five years
you will immediately become a different
person and your chances of accomplishing
what you have written down will go up by
about a thousand percent
in my seminars i continually urge people
to write down 10 things that they want
to achieve in the next 12 months
i tell them that if they do this
at the end of 12 months they can reread
the list and they will find that
probably eight of those ten items have
been achieved sometimes in the most
remarkable of ways
i've had countless graduates from my
seminars come back and tell me this is
exactly what happens
for example
an insurance executive from houston took
this recommendation from me at a seminar
on a thursday afternoon
the following sunday he sat down and
made a list of 10 things he wanted to
accomplish within the next 12 months the
following evening monday he opened the
list and found to his astonishment that
he had already accomplished five of his
ten one-year goals
he quickly wrote down five more goals
bringing his list back up to 10 and by
the following thursday evening he had
accomplished five more of the new list
he wrote and told me that he had
achieved more in five days with written
goals than he had expected to accomplish
in an entire 12 months of hard work
aside from clarity regarding your goals
there are 12 laws you need to know and
practice if you really aspire to high achievement
achievement
the first law of achievement and one of
the most important laws that you'll ever
learn is the law of control
the law of control simply says that you
feel positive about yourself to the
degree to which you feel you are in
control of your own life
the importance of control as a critical
element in human personality and
performance has long been recognized by
the psychological profession
the term that psychologists use is locus
of control
the locus or place of control refers to
where you feel the control is in any
particular part of your life
if you feel that you are self-determined
and that you make the decisions that
determine the direction of your
activities you're considered to have an
internal locus of control if you feel
that you are controlled by your boss or
your bills or your childhood experiences
or your health or anything else you're
considered to have an external locus of control
control
now the location of this place of
control in your own mind is the critical
element in health and well-being
people with an internal locus of control
those who feel that they are behind the
wheel of their own lives tend to be low
stress high performance personalities
on the other hand those with an external
locus of control those who feel that
what they're doing is determined by
other people and other pressures
have a high level of stress and a
commensurately low level of performance
the research that's been done in
cognitive psychology the psychology of
how you think and the relationship of
your thinking to your health and
happiness concludes that a sense of
control is absolutely essential for you
to perform at your best
the first part of the law of control is
the same as the law of change which says
that change is inevitable
change is also scary for most people and
there's a deep rooted desire on the part
of the majority of human beings to avoid
change of any kind even positive change
however goals allow you to control the
direction of change and to assure that
it is predominantly in the direction
that you desire
goals give you control over the critical
elements of your life
without goals you are really driving
down the highway of life with your hands
off the wheel
the second part of the law of control is
that controlled change tends to lead
inevitably to greater achievement than
uncontrolled change
the habit of working toward the
accomplishment of important goals on a
daily basis will assure that you'll
achieve at a far higher level than if
you had no goals at all
this is of course obvious
the third part of the law is that to
take control of your life you must begin
by taking control of your mind
your ability to think the thoughts you
want and to determine the goals and
ideal results you desire is the starting
point of all happiness and high attainment
attainment
many people believe that life is a
series of random occurrences and that
things just happen by accident
they don't realize that by failing to
plan they're planning to fail
nobody actually plans to live a life of
underachievement and frustration but by
failing to decide specifically what they
want they end up living unconsciously
and unintentionally and what happens to
them in life will appear to be a series
of random occurrences over which they
have little control
people who believe they have little
control over their lives say things like
you can't fight city hall or they say
it's not what you know it's who you know
or sometimes they say it's being in the
right place at the right time
many of these people believe that
success is largely due to luck and to
contacts and has very little to do with themselves
themselves
to show how prevalent this attitude is
in a recent survey 63 percent of adult
americans revealed that they believe
that the only way they were going to
achieve financial independence was if
they won a lottery of some kind
this means that the great majority of
people think that their lives are simply
one big crapshoot over which they can exert
exert
very little control
they are living by failing to plan
and they're planning to fail
people who live by this philosophy which
is in violation of and contrary to the
law of cause and effect and the law of control
control
have a perceived lack of control and
therefore they experience negativity
pessimism helplessness and a feeling of
being a victim in the great game of life
people who are failing to plan their
lives have a tendency to blame others
for their problems to continually make
excuses to perform well below their
potentials and to indulge in forms of
escapism such as endless television
watching or alcohol or drugs and aimless socializing
socializing
they really don't feel that they can
make much of a difference
the wonderful thing about goals is that
the very act of setting goals enables
you to escape from the clutches of
randomness and put yourself squarely
under the law of control
and cause an effect
the setting of goals gives you a feeling
of power purpose and forward direction
it puts you in charge of your life and
makes you feel terrific about yourself
this is why we call goal setting the
master skill of success
it's the skill that is more important to your overall happiness and well-being
your overall happiness and well-being than any other single skill that you can
than any other single skill that you can develop
develop the second law of achievement which is
the second law of achievement which is essential for you to understand is the
essential for you to understand is the law of responsibility
law of responsibility this law says that you are completely
this law says that you are completely responsible for everything you are and
responsible for everything you are and have and everything you become and
have and everything you become and achieve
achieve the concept of individual responsibility
the concept of individual responsibility is a major issue in life and society
is a major issue in life and society today
today there are basically two schools of
there are basically two schools of thought on this issue
thought on this issue one school believes that no one is
one school believes that no one is really responsible and that the
really responsible and that the government or society is to blame for
government or society is to blame for anything unfortunate that happens to
anything unfortunate that happens to anyone
anyone the other school of thought says that in
the other school of thought says that in a society of individual freedom
a society of individual freedom individual responsibility is essential
individual responsibility is essential and unavoidable and that people are
and unavoidable and that people are responsible for the consequences of the
responsible for the consequences of the things they do
things they do and for the things that they neglect to
and for the things that they neglect to do
do the fact about responsibility is that
the fact about responsibility is that it's not optional it's mandatory
it's not optional it's mandatory no further progress in your life is
no further progress in your life is possible except to the degree to which
possible except to the degree to which you assert a higher level of
you assert a higher level of responsibility in that area
responsibility in that area no one else can or will do it for you
no one else can or will do it for you and the perverse thing about
and the perverse thing about responsibility is that the more that you
responsibility is that the more that you accept the more people want to help you
accept the more people want to help you and the less of it that you accept the
and the less of it that you accept the less people will want to have anything
less people will want to have anything to do with you
to do with you the first part of the law of
the first part of the law of responsibility is that since you are
responsibility is that since you are always free to choose what you think and
always free to choose what you think and what you do
what you do you are where you are and or what you
you are where you are and or what you are because of your own conduct and your
are because of your own conduct and your own behavior
own behavior because you have complete freedom of
because you have complete freedom of choice and you can do and say anything
choice and you can do and say anything you want
you want you can never evade complete
you can never evade complete responsibility for the things that you
responsibility for the things that you do or fail to do
do or fail to do the second part of this law is that
the second part of this law is that responsibility begins with your taking
responsibility begins with your taking full and complete control over the
full and complete control over the content of your conscious mind and your
content of your conscious mind and your dominant thoughts
dominant thoughts as i said in the first session it's what
as i said in the first session it's what you think that determines your reality
you think that determines your reality and since only you can control what you
and since only you can control what you think the very act of seizing control of
think the very act of seizing control of your thoughts and keeping them on what
your thoughts and keeping them on what you want and off of what you don't want
you want and off of what you don't want is the beginning of self-mastery
is the beginning of self-mastery self-control and self-responsibility
self-control and self-responsibility the third part of the law of
the third part of the law of responsibility is simply that
responsibility is simply that no one is coming to the rescue
no one is coming to the rescue if it's to be it's up to you
if it's to be it's up to you if anything's going to get better in
if anything's going to get better in your life it is only because you get
your life it is only because you get better
better if anything's going to change it's only
if anything's going to change it's only because you change
because you change if things are going to improve it is
if things are going to improve it is because
because you improve
you improve a wonderful thing about the acceptance
a wonderful thing about the acceptance of complete responsibility for who you
of complete responsibility for who you are and everything you become is that it
are and everything you become is that it gives you a tremendous sense of control
gives you a tremendous sense of control and freedom
and freedom it makes you feel positive and happy
it makes you feel positive and happy about yourself
about yourself it puts you under the high road to
it puts you under the high road to effective achievement
effective achievement it enables you to put your foot on the
it enables you to put your foot on the accelerator of your own potential and to
accelerator of your own potential and to move more rapidly toward the
move more rapidly toward the accomplishment of the things that are
accomplishment of the things that are important to you
important to you this brings us now to the necessity of
this brings us now to the necessity of your deciding exactly what it is that
your deciding exactly what it is that you want in life
you want in life here are some simple exercises that you
here are some simple exercises that you can follow
can follow your first job is to make a dream list
your first job is to make a dream list this is a list of everything that you
this is a list of everything that you could ever want to have or be or do
could ever want to have or be or do written as though you have no
written as though you have no limitations whatsoever on your potential
limitations whatsoever on your potential imagine for the moment that you have no
imagine for the moment that you have no limitations with regard to your ability
limitations with regard to your ability or your education
or your education imagine you have no limitations with
imagine you have no limitations with regard to resources or contacts
regard to resources or contacts imagine that you have no limitations
imagine that you have no limitations with regard to your intelligence or
with regard to your intelligence or skills or abilities imagine that you
skills or abilities imagine that you have no limitations with regard to time
have no limitations with regard to time or money or other constraints
or money or other constraints just let your mind run freely and for a
just let your mind run freely and for a few minutes write down everything that
few minutes write down everything that you could think of that you would like
you could think of that you would like to accomplish in the next one two three
to accomplish in the next one two three five
five ten years or beyond
ten years or beyond the key is for you not to allow yourself
the key is for you not to allow yourself limiting beliefs and fears and doubts to
limiting beliefs and fears and doubts to creep in and sabotage this exercise
creep in and sabotage this exercise the natural tendency of the poor
the natural tendency of the poor performer is to always be thinking about
performer is to always be thinking about the reason why things are not possible
the reason why things are not possible rather than defining clearly what he or
rather than defining clearly what he or she wants in advance of taking those
she wants in advance of taking those limitations into consideration
limitations into consideration some people will come up with a list of
some people will come up with a list of five or ten things they want others will
five or ten things they want others will come up with a list of 200 or 300 items
come up with a list of 200 or 300 items that they want to accomplish
that they want to accomplish one very successful real estate broker a
one very successful real estate broker a friend of mine started off in real
friend of mine started off in real estate by writing down everything he
estate by writing down everything he could possibly want in a spiral notebook
could possibly want in a spiral notebook over time he filled many pages with
over time he filled many pages with hundreds of small and large goals
hundreds of small and large goals eventually he became extraordinarily
eventually he became extraordinarily successful in real estate and made an
successful in real estate and made an enormous amount of money with which he
enormous amount of money with which he was able to achieve most of the goals
was able to achieve most of the goals he'd written down
he'd written down as tom hopkins says
as tom hopkins says goals are the fuel in the furnace of
goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement
achievement this goes back to the law of motivation
this goes back to the law of motivation which says that in order for there to be
which says that in order for there to be motivation there must be a motive
motivation there must be a motive it takes us back to the fact that 85
it takes us back to the fact that 85 percent of your motivation is determined
percent of your motivation is determined by the consequences that you anticipate
by the consequences that you anticipate or the things that you hope to achieve
or the things that you hope to achieve as a result of engaging in certain
as a result of engaging in certain actions and certain behaviors
actions and certain behaviors the clearer you are about what you want
the clearer you are about what you want and the more things that you want the
and the more things that you want the more motivated and energetic you'll be
more motivated and energetic you'll be in obtaining those goals
in obtaining those goals once you've written down everything you
once you've written down everything you can think of that you want for any
can think of that you want for any reason set priorities on your goals
reason set priorities on your goals go back over the list and write down
go back over the list and write down either an a
either an a a b or a c next to each item
a b or a c next to each item next to the items that are most
next to the items that are most important to you the ones that can make
important to you the ones that can make the greatest difference in your life in
the greatest difference in your life in which you desire most intensely
which you desire most intensely write the letter a
write the letter a next to the things that you would really
next to the things that you would really like to have but which are not as
like to have but which are not as important or as life-changing as the
important or as life-changing as the first category
first category you write the letter b
you write the letter b next to each of the remaining items
next to each of the remaining items things that you wrote down that would be
things that you wrote down that would be nice for you to accomplish but which you
nice for you to accomplish but which you don't care about passionately
don't care about passionately write the letter c
write the letter c the second part of this exercise is for
the second part of this exercise is for you to transfer all of your a goals to a
you to transfer all of your a goals to a separate sheet of paper
separate sheet of paper once you've done this go back over these
once you've done this go back over these goals and organize them by writing
goals and organize them by writing a1 next to the most important goal
a1 next to the most important goal a2 next to the second most important
a2 next to the second most important goal
goal a3 next to the third most important goal
a3 next to the third most important goal and so on until you've organized all of
and so on until you've organized all of your a goals in order of importance to
your a goals in order of importance to you
you your a1 goal should be your major
your a1 goal should be your major definite purpose the most important
definite purpose the most important single goal in your life
single goal in your life all really successful men and women have
all really successful men and women have goals in each important part of their
goals in each important part of their lives but also they have one goal which
lives but also they have one goal which is their umbrella goal the single most
is their umbrella goal the single most important thing they are working on at
important thing they are working on at any given time
any given time in looking at your goals it's advisable
in looking at your goals it's advisable for you to divide them into three
for you to divide them into three categories as well
categories as well the first category is your personal and
the first category is your personal and family goals
family goals these are the reasons why you're doing
these are the reasons why you're doing what you're doing
what you're doing it's very important for you to be
it's very important for you to be crystal clear about the underlying
crystal clear about the underlying reasons why you want the material
reasons why you want the material intangible goals that you're working for
intangible goals that you're working for many people get sidetracked working for
many people get sidetracked working for material things and lose all sight of
material things and lose all sight of the reasons why they're doing it
the reasons why they're doing it your second set of goals are your career
your second set of goals are your career and your material goals these are the
and your material goals these are the what of your goal list
what of your goal list these are the things that you have to do
these are the things that you have to do in order to get to the why
in order to get to the why the what or business and financial goals
the what or business and financial goals on your list will be things like career
on your list will be things like career achievements amounts of financial income
achievements amounts of financial income quantities of sales or profits they're
quantities of sales or profits they're the money and the things of your life
the money and the things of your life your third type of goals are your
your third type of goals are your personal development goals
personal development goals these are the how goals
these are the how goals these are the things that you must do or
these are the things that you must do or become competent at doing in order to
become competent at doing in order to achieve the material goals which will
achieve the material goals which will lead you to the accomplishment of your
lead you to the accomplishment of your personal and family goals
personal and family goals and you need to have a set of goals in
and you need to have a set of goals in each of these areas for your life to be
each of these areas for your life to be in balance and for you to perform at
in balance and for you to perform at your very best
your very best once you've taken your original list of
once you've taken your original list of goals and broken it down by a's b's and
goals and broken it down by a's b's and c's
c's and then transferred your a's onto a
and then transferred your a's onto a single page and organized them in order
single page and organized them in order of priority you're now ready to begin
of priority you're now ready to begin the planning stage
the planning stage in the planning stage you take a clean
in the planning stage you take a clean sheet of paper and you write your a1
sheet of paper and you write your a1 goal at the top of the page in the
goal at the top of the page in the present tense as though it were already
present tense as though it were already a reality
a reality for example you could write i earn 50
for example you could write i earn 50 000 per year
000 per year now
now you use what we call the 20 idea method
you use what we call the 20 idea method and write down a list of 20 things that
and write down a list of 20 things that you could do that would help you move
you could do that would help you move toward the attainment of that goal write
toward the attainment of that goal write down everything you can think of for
down everything you can think of for example you could write down
example you could write down i could work harder and smarter in my
i could work harder and smarter in my current field and increase my
current field and increase my productivity and income
productivity and income you could also write down
you could also write down i could upgrade my skills so that the
i could upgrade my skills so that the value of my work was higher in the same
value of my work was higher in the same period of time
period of time or you could write something completely
or you could write something completely different such as
different such as i could change my career or company
i could change my career or company completely and start at a different job
completely and start at a different job or in a different industry in any case
or in a different industry in any case write down at least 20 activities that
write down at least 20 activities that you could engage in to help you to
you could engage in to help you to achieve your goals
achieve your goals once you've done that do the same thing
once you've done that do the same thing for each of your other a goals so that
for each of your other a goals so that you have a series of a goals with a list
you have a series of a goals with a list of 20 activities or more that you could
of 20 activities or more that you could engage in to accomplish each one
engage in to accomplish each one then you sit down with your first list
then you sit down with your first list of 20 items under your a1 most important
of 20 items under your a1 most important goal and you organize those items by
goal and you organize those items by time and priority
time and priority which are the things which you can do or
which are the things which you can do or should do or begin first
should do or begin first what are the things that are most
what are the things that are most important and would make the greatest
important and would make the greatest difference to the attainment of the goal
difference to the attainment of the goal write down an a or a b or a c next to
write down an a or a b or a c next to each of the 20 items and then write down
each of the 20 items and then write down a1
a1 a2 a3
a2 a3 b1 b2 b3 and so on next to the items so
b1 b2 b3 and so on next to the items so that you have organized them from
that you have organized them from beginning to end
beginning to end you now have a list of your most
you now have a list of your most important goals organized by priority
important goals organized by priority and a list of the activities you must
and a list of the activities you must engage in to achieve those goals
engage in to achieve those goals also organized by priority
also organized by priority your final exercise is to merge your
your final exercise is to merge your major goals and your major activities
major goals and your major activities into a single plan and then to begin to
into a single plan and then to begin to organize your day-to-day life around
organize your day-to-day life around that plan
that plan it's important that you review this plan
it's important that you review this plan on a regular basis one of the most
on a regular basis one of the most motivational things that you can do is
motivational things that you can do is to make a resolution to do something
to make a resolution to do something every day to move yourself toward the
every day to move yourself toward the attainment of one of your most important
attainment of one of your most important goals
goals this will help you to develop and
this will help you to develop and maintain momentum and you'll be
maintain momentum and you'll be astonished at how rapidly you begin to
astonished at how rapidly you begin to make progress on even the largest and
make progress on even the largest and most challenging goals that you can
most challenging goals that you can think of using this method
think of using this method once you've made a list of your goals
once you've made a list of your goals the third law of achievement is the law
the third law of achievement is the law of compensation
of compensation this law says that you are always fully
this law says that you are always fully compensated for whatever you do
compensated for whatever you do it's often called the law of reciprocity
it's often called the law of reciprocity which says that people will always
which says that people will always reciprocate in kind for whatever you do
reciprocate in kind for whatever you do either to or for them
either to or for them my friend zig zigler the great speaker
my friend zig zigler the great speaker and motivator has formulated what we
and motivator has formulated what we might call ziggler's law which is a
might call ziggler's law which is a paraphrase of the law of compensation
paraphrase of the law of compensation and it says
and it says you can have anything you want in life
you can have anything you want in life if you just help enough other people get
if you just help enough other people get what they want
what they want the law of compensation is a sub law of
the law of compensation is a sub law of the law of cause and effect or the law
the law of cause and effect or the law of sowing and reaping which says
of sowing and reaping which says whatsoever a man soweth that also shall
whatsoever a man soweth that also shall he reap
he reap basically the law of compensation says
basically the law of compensation says that whatever you put in you get out
that whatever you put in you get out you cannot reap it unless you have sown
you cannot reap it unless you have sown it in advance in fact you can say that
it in advance in fact you can say that whatever you're reaping today is a
whatever you're reaping today is a measure of what you've sown in the past
measure of what you've sown in the past if you want to reap something more in
if you want to reap something more in the future you have to sew something
the future you have to sew something more or different or better in the
more or different or better in the present
present it's completely up to you
it's completely up to you in ralph wallow emerson's wonderful
in ralph wallow emerson's wonderful essay compensation which is one of the
essay compensation which is one of the finest pieces of writing in the english
finest pieces of writing in the english language he says that the longer you put
language he says that the longer you put in without getting out
in without getting out the greater will be your return when it
the greater will be your return when it finally comes
finally comes some years ago the kingston trio had a
some years ago the kingston trio had a song with a line that said you've got to
song with a line that said you've got to prime the pump you must have faith and
prime the pump you must have faith and believe you've got to give up yourself
believe you've got to give up yourself before you're willing to receive
before you're willing to receive this law or principle runs throughout
this law or principle runs throughout all of human history and is virtually
all of human history and is virtually inviolate
inviolate this leads us to the fourth law of
this leads us to the fourth law of achievement the law of service which
achievement the law of service which says that your rewards in life will
says that your rewards in life will always be in direct proportion to the
always be in direct proportion to the value of your service to others
value of your service to others the first part of this law is that all
the first part of this law is that all fortunes begin with the sale of personal
fortunes begin with the sale of personal services
services the second part of this law is that if
the second part of this law is that if you wish to increase the size of your
you wish to increase the size of your rewards you must increase the quality
rewards you must increase the quality and quantity of your service
and quantity of your service and the third part of the law of service
and the third part of the law of service is
is everyone works on commission
everyone works on commission tom peters in his book in search of
tom peters in his book in search of excellence says that the top managers in
excellence says that the top managers in the leading companies all seem to have
the leading companies all seem to have an obsession with customer service the
an obsession with customer service the most successful men and women in our
most successful men and women in our society are those who are able to lose
society are those who are able to lose themselves in serving the people who
themselves in serving the people who depend upon them their customers their
depend upon them their customers their employers and others when you combine
employers and others when you combine the laws of compensation and of service
the laws of compensation and of service you have the key to obtaining anything
you have the key to obtaining anything that you really want
that you really want you'll get out exactly what you put in
you'll get out exactly what you put in and wonderfully enough you have complete
and wonderfully enough you have complete control over what you put in
control over what you put in when you devote yourself completely to
when you devote yourself completely to serving your customers your boss your
serving your customers your boss your staff the people who purchase or use
staff the people who purchase or use your products and services it gives you
your products and services it gives you a tremendous feeling of meaning and
a tremendous feeling of meaning and purpose it causes you to feel that you
purpose it causes you to feel that you are really making a difference in the
are really making a difference in the world
world in his book the achievers by alan cox he
in his book the achievers by alan cox he says that the most successful people in
says that the most successful people in any corporation are those who are able
any corporation are those who are able to lose themselves in their jobs and in
to lose themselves in their jobs and in serving their customers
serving their customers when you start to throw your whole heart
when you start to throw your whole heart into making your customers happy and
into making your customers happy and serving them better than anyone else
serving them better than anyone else you'll be putting both your career and
you'll be putting both your career and your financial life under the fast track
one of the keys to mental and emotional well-being is for you to know that
well-being is for you to know that you're working at the outside limit of
you're working at the outside limit of your potential
your potential you need to feel that you're stretching
you need to feel that you're stretching yourself fully and that you're putting
yourself fully and that you're putting your whole heart into what you're doing
your whole heart into what you're doing the fifth law of achievement is the law
the fifth law of achievement is the law of applied effort
of applied effort this law simply says that all things are
this law simply says that all things are amenable to hard work
amenable to hard work there's nothing that will bring you to
there's nothing that will bring you to the attention of your superiors faster
the attention of your superiors faster than you're developing a reputation for
than you're developing a reputation for being a hard worker
being a hard worker people who are in a position to help you
people who are in a position to help you and accelerate your career will tend to
and accelerate your career will tend to be very impressed by your willingness to
be very impressed by your willingness to work harder and longer than anyone else
work harder and longer than anyone else in dr thomas stanley's study of affluent
in dr thomas stanley's study of affluent americans almost every one of the
americans almost every one of the self-made millionaires he interviewed
self-made millionaires he interviewed told him that their success was due more
told him that their success was due more to hard work than to any other factor
to hard work than to any other factor in america you work 40 hours per week
in america you work 40 hours per week for survival
for survival if all you work is 40 hours
if all you work is 40 hours all you get is enough money to survive
all you get is enough money to survive you tread water and you basically stay
you tread water and you basically stay even
even but you don't get very far ahead and you
but you don't get very far ahead and you never achieve the kind of success is
never achieve the kind of success is possible for you
possible for you however every hour over 40 hours that
however every hour over 40 hours that you put in either on your job or on
you put in either on your job or on yourself improving your knowledge and
yourself improving your knowledge and skills is an investment in your success
skills is an investment in your success you can tell where you're going to be in
you can tell where you're going to be in three to five years with unerring
three to five years with unerring accuracy by simply looking at the number
accuracy by simply looking at the number of hours over forty that you're working
of hours over forty that you're working each week
each week the average work week for both
the average work week for both executives and small business owners in
executives and small business owners in america is approximately 58 to 59 hours
america is approximately 58 to 59 hours many successful men and women find
many successful men and women find themselves working 70 and even 80 hours
themselves working 70 and even 80 hours a week during the critical formative
a week during the critical formative stages of their careers
stages of their careers in addition to the law of applied effort
in addition to the law of applied effort is that all great success is preceded by
is that all great success is preceded by a long period of hard hard work in a
a long period of hard hard work in a single direction toward a clearly
single direction toward a clearly defined purpose
defined purpose you need to continually ask yourself
you need to continually ask yourself what am i trying to do and
what am i trying to do and how am i trying to do it
how am i trying to do it it's not enough just to work hard or to
it's not enough just to work hard or to work long hours you must be working on
work long hours you must be working on high value added tasks and activities
high value added tasks and activities toward the accomplishment of meaningful
toward the accomplishment of meaningful and important goals
and important goals a second part of this law is that the
a second part of this law is that the harder you work the luckier you get
harder you work the luckier you get it seems that your ability to work hard
it seems that your ability to work hard hard hard will open up the red sea of
hard hard will open up the red sea of opportunity for you and will bring to
opportunity for you and will bring to your assistance all manner of people and
your assistance all manner of people and resources that you could not have
resources that you could not have imagined would come your way
imagined would come your way the third part of the law of applied
the third part of the law of applied effort is that to achieve more than the
effort is that to achieve more than the average you must work longer and harder
average you must work longer and harder than the average
than the average this is simply a way of restating the
this is simply a way of restating the fact that you can only take more out of
fact that you can only take more out of life if you're putting more into life
life if you're putting more into life and the more you put in the more you'll
and the more you put in the more you'll get out
get out the law of cause and effect is absolute
the law of cause and effect is absolute you will invariably reap what you sow
you will invariably reap what you sow and if you sow more you'll eventually
and if you sow more you'll eventually reap more
reap more the sixth law of achievement is the law
the sixth law of achievement is the law of over compensation
of over compensation this is a companion law to the law of
this is a companion law to the law of applied effort and it simply says that
applied effort and it simply says that you must be continually looking for
you must be continually looking for opportunities to go beyond the
opportunities to go beyond the requirements of your job
requirements of your job napoleon hill perhaps the foremost
napoleon hill perhaps the foremost researcher on success in the first half
researcher on success in the first half of the 20th century concluded that one
of the 20th century concluded that one of the keys to great success in america
of the keys to great success in america was the willingness to
was the willingness to go the extra mile
go the extra mile he wrote that because of this principle
he wrote that because of this principle your future potential is unlimited
your future potential is unlimited because there's no restriction
because there's no restriction whatsoever on the extra things that you
whatsoever on the extra things that you can do
can do to add greater value to your work
to add greater value to your work you can go the extra mile in everything
you can go the extra mile in everything that you do every day and in every way
that you do every day and in every way you can always be looking for
you can always be looking for opportunities to exceed expectations
opportunities to exceed expectations earl nightingale advised that you should
earl nightingale advised that you should always put in more than you take out or
always put in more than you take out or you'll never take out more than you're
you'll never take out more than you're getting right now
getting right now the only way that you can be paid more
the only way that you can be paid more is by putting greater value into your
is by putting greater value into your work and achieving greater results
work and achieving greater results another way of stating the law of
another way of stating the law of overcompensation
overcompensation is that you must always do more than
is that you must always do more than you're paid for if you ever want to be
you're paid for if you ever want to be paid for more than you're doing
paid for more than you're doing a young woman who is working as a
a young woman who is working as a secretary for a large company in florida
secretary for a large company in florida came to me at a seminar recently and
came to me at a seminar recently and told me her story
told me her story she said that she listened to one of my
she said that she listened to one of my audio tapes and as a result she had set
audio tapes and as a result she had set a goal to increase her income by 50
a goal to increase her income by 50 percent
percent in her heart she said she didn't really
in her heart she said she didn't really believe it was possible because of the
believe it was possible because of the salary structure in her company
salary structure in her company nonetheless she went to work to increase
nonetheless she went to work to increase the value of her service to her boss
the value of her service to her boss she applied the law of overcompensation
she applied the law of overcompensation to everything she did
to everything she did she learned how to do new things and she
she learned how to do new things and she began a little earlier and stayed a
began a little earlier and stayed a little later to make a long story short
little later to make a long story short within six months her boss had quietly
within six months her boss had quietly raised her salary in stages from 1500
raised her salary in stages from 1500 per month to
per month to 22.50 per month and had given her these
22.50 per month and had given her these increases without her ever having asked
increases without her ever having asked for them
for them all she did was to concentrate on
all she did was to concentrate on seeking out ways to work harder and
seeking out ways to work harder and smarter and to serve her boss better
smarter and to serve her boss better with the things he needed
with the things he needed he automatically increased her pay
he automatically increased her pay because he recognized how much she had
because he recognized how much she had increased her value to him
increased her value to him the remarkable thing is this
the remarkable thing is this she worked up to the age of 25 to get
she worked up to the age of 25 to get her salary up to fifteen hundred dollars
her salary up to fifteen hundred dollars per month
per month in just six months however by applying
in just six months however by applying these principles she increased her
these principles she increased her salary by 50 percent
salary by 50 percent and so can you
and so can you it is simply a matter of applying these
it is simply a matter of applying these laws to your work on a daily basis
laws to your work on a daily basis the seventh law of achievement is the
the seventh law of achievement is the law of preparation which says that
law of preparation which says that perfect performance is preceded by
perfect performance is preceded by painstaking preparation
painstaking preparation the mark of the serious person and the
the mark of the serious person and the real professional in any field is that
real professional in any field is that he takes more time to prepare thoroughly
he takes more time to prepare thoroughly than the average person does
than the average person does the non-serious person or the
the non-serious person or the non-professional always attempts to
non-professional always attempts to bluff or to wing it
bluff or to wing it he tries to get by with the minimum of
he tries to get by with the minimum of preparation without realizing that his
preparation without realizing that his level of preparation is immediately
level of preparation is immediately evident to everyone around him
evident to everyone around him one of my favorite quotes which has had
one of my favorite quotes which has had a powerful effect in shaping my life and
a powerful effect in shaping my life and attitude comes from abraham lincoln who
attitude comes from abraham lincoln who said i shall study and prepare myself
said i shall study and prepare myself and someday my chance will come
and someday my chance will come he recognized as do all great men and
he recognized as do all great men and women that painstaking and thorough
women that painstaking and thorough preparation
preparation is the key to the future
is the key to the future the first part of the law of preparation
the first part of the law of preparation is simply
is simply do your homework it's the details that
do your homework it's the details that trip you up every single time
trip you up every single time my friend joel weldon gave a wonderful
my friend joel weldon gave a wonderful talk a few years ago entitled elephants
talk a few years ago entitled elephants don't bite
don't bite the essence of his talk was that it was
the essence of his talk was that it was the mosquitoes of life the small things
the mosquitoes of life the small things that tend to be ignored that cause you
that tend to be ignored that cause you the most trouble
the most trouble no one ever gets bitten by an elephant
no one ever gets bitten by an elephant but people get bitten by mosquitoes all
but people get bitten by mosquitoes all the time
the time his message was that if you want to get
his message was that if you want to get to the top of your field you must be
to the top of your field you must be fastidious about the little things
fastidious about the little things because
because as a minister once said
as a minister once said god is in the details
god is in the details the second part of the law of
the second part of the law of preparation comes from the business
preparation comes from the business writer peter drucker who wrote that
writer peter drucker who wrote that action without thinking is the cause of
action without thinking is the cause of every failure
every failure action without taking the time to think
action without taking the time to think through the details in their possible
through the details in their possible ramifications seems to be the underlying
ramifications seems to be the underlying cause of most failure in life
cause of most failure in life the opposite of this statement is that
the opposite of this statement is that action preceded by thinking and planning
action preceded by thinking and planning is the cause of virtually every success
is the cause of virtually every success this doesn't mean that you'll
this doesn't mean that you'll automatically be successful if you plan
automatically be successful if you plan thoroughly in advance but it means that
thoroughly in advance but it means that you must almost inevitably fail
you must almost inevitably fail if you don't do it
if you don't do it the third part of this law comes from
the third part of this law comes from benjamin trigo who said that if it's not
benjamin trigo who said that if it's not worth doing it's not worth doing well
worth doing it's not worth doing well details are important it's true but you
details are important it's true but you need to think through the value and
need to think through the value and importance of each detail before you
importance of each detail before you over commit your time and your resources
over commit your time and your resources to them
to them the eighth law of achievement is the law
the eighth law of achievement is the law of forced efficiency
of forced efficiency this law states that the more things you
this law states that the more things you have to do in a limited space of time
have to do in a limited space of time the more you will be forced to work on
the more you will be forced to work on your most important tasks
your most important tasks this is another way of saying that
this is another way of saying that there's never enough time to do
there's never enough time to do everything but there's always enough
everything but there's always enough time to do the important things
time to do the important things the more you take on the more likely it
the more you take on the more likely it is that you'll be forced to think
is that you'll be forced to think analyze and evaluate your tasks and
analyze and evaluate your tasks and activities in such a way that you spend
activities in such a way that you spend your limited mental and physical energy
your limited mental and physical energy on just those tasks that are the most
on just those tasks that are the most vital to your success
vital to your success there are two parts of the law of forced
there are two parts of the law of forced efficiency the first is that there will
efficiency the first is that there will never be enough time to do everything
never be enough time to do everything that you have to do
that you have to do the busier and more successful you
the busier and more successful you become the more true this statement will
become the more true this statement will be
be if you have lots of time to do your work
if you have lots of time to do your work it means that you are underemployed
it means that you are underemployed underpaid and well along on the low road
underpaid and well along on the low road to frustration and disappointment in
to frustration and disappointment in your career
your career the fact is that you can only discover
the fact is that you can only discover how much you can do by trying to do too
how much you can do by trying to do too much you can only find out how far you
much you can only find out how far you can go by going too far you discover how
can go by going too far you discover how much you can take on by taking on
much you can take on by taking on more than you can do
more than you can do the second part of this law which is the
the second part of this law which is the key question in personal efficiency and
key question in personal efficiency and time management is to ask yourself
time management is to ask yourself continually
continually what is the most valuable use of my time
what is the most valuable use of my time right now
right now always keep yourself on track and focus
always keep yourself on track and focus on your most important responsibilities
on your most important responsibilities by asking yourself hour by hour and
by asking yourself hour by hour and minute by minute
minute by minute what is the most valuable use of my time
what is the most valuable use of my time right now
right now the ninth law of achievement is the law
the ninth law of achievement is the law of decision
of decision it says that every great leap forward in
it says that every great leap forward in life is preceded by a clear decision
life is preceded by a clear decision that leads to action
that leads to action all high achieving men and women tend to
all high achieving men and women tend to be very decisive in their thoughts and
be very decisive in their thoughts and actions
actions they think things through carefully they
they think things through carefully they decide exactly what they want and then
decide exactly what they want and then they make clear decisions and take
they make clear decisions and take action to make those decisions a reality
action to make those decisions a reality in your life you've had several
in your life you've had several experiences where you've been unsure of
experiences where you've been unsure of what to do and you've resolved your
what to do and you've resolved your dilemma by making a clear decision one
dilemma by making a clear decision one way or the other
way or the other in looking back you'll probably find
in looking back you'll probably find that that was the turning point for you
that that was the turning point for you and that everything else flowed from the
and that everything else flowed from the decision
decision the ability to make good decisions is
the ability to make good decisions is one of the most critical thinking skills
one of the most critical thinking skills of the successful man or woman
of the successful man or woman in fact in one study the careers of
in fact in one study the careers of managers who were promoted rapidly were
managers who were promoted rapidly were compared to those of managers who were
compared to those of managers who were passed over for promotion
passed over for promotion researchers found the one distinguishing
researchers found the one distinguishing behavior between the two groups was that
behavior between the two groups was that the more rapidly promoted managers were
the more rapidly promoted managers were more decisive in doing their jobs
more decisive in doing their jobs the interesting fact that came out of
the interesting fact that came out of this study was that given written tests
this study was that given written tests with hypothetical problems
with hypothetical problems both sets of managers were equally
both sets of managers were equally accurate in their answers
accurate in their answers the more successful managers however on
the more successful managers however on the job were willing to make decisions
the job were willing to make decisions based on their answers while the
based on their answers while the unsuccessful managers were afraid to for
unsuccessful managers were afraid to for fear of making a mistake
fear of making a mistake the very act of being decisive can be
the very act of being decisive can be the critical factor that enables you to
the critical factor that enables you to take command of a situation and move
take command of a situation and move ahead more rapidly
ahead more rapidly we've found that high achievers are not
we've found that high achievers are not necessarily those who make the right
necessarily those who make the right decisions every time
decisions every time but they are those people who make their
but they are those people who make their decisions right
decisions right they accept feedback and self-correct
they accept feedback and self-correct they take in new information and they
they take in new information and they change if necessary but they are always
change if necessary but they are always decisive always moving forward never
decisive always moving forward never wishy-washy or vacillating in their
wishy-washy or vacillating in their attitudes toward life
attitudes toward life the first part of the law of decision is
the first part of the law of decision is simply this
simply this act boldly and unseen forces will come
act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid
to your aid it seems that when you grasp a situation
it seems that when you grasp a situation and step forward courageously a series
and step forward courageously a series of unseen forces most of which are
of unseen forces most of which are explained by the laws in this program
explained by the laws in this program seem to emerge and help you to achieve
seem to emerge and help you to achieve your goals
your goals your very willingness to take action
your very willingness to take action rather than to delay or procrastinate
rather than to delay or procrastinate seems to bring universal powers to your
seems to bring universal powers to your assistance
assistance the second part of the law of decision
the second part of the law of decision comes from the wonderful book by
comes from the wonderful book by dorothea brand entitled wake up and live
dorothea brand entitled wake up and live she wrote that the discovery that
she wrote that the discovery that changed her life in the lives of
changed her life in the lives of thousands of others who heard it from
thousands of others who heard it from her in her public talks was the simple
her in her public talks was the simple success formula that says
success formula that says act as if it were impossible to fail
act as if it were impossible to fail and it shall be
and it shall be when you imagine that your success will
when you imagine that your success will be guaranteed if you simply take action
be guaranteed if you simply take action and you act on that premise a whole
and you act on that premise a whole series of forces begins to support you
series of forces begins to support you and move you toward the attainment of
and move you toward the attainment of your desires
your desires so
so when in doubt act as if it were
when in doubt act as if it were impossible to fail and push forward
impossible to fail and push forward the third part of the law of decision
the third part of the law of decision comes from the famous nike commercial
comes from the famous nike commercial which says
which says just do it
just do it these three words really summarize one
these three words really summarize one of the great formulas for success
of the great formulas for success just
just do it
do it so be decisive
so be decisive go for it
go for it take a chance
take a chance act boldly and unseen forces will come
act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid
to your aid the tenth law of achievement is the law
the tenth law of achievement is the law of creativity
of creativity it says that every advance in human life
it says that every advance in human life begins with an idea in the mind of one
begins with an idea in the mind of one person
person it's ideas that you generate that enable
it's ideas that you generate that enable you to solve your problems overcome your
you to solve your problems overcome your obstacles and achieve your goals
obstacles and achieve your goals ideas are the keys to the future it's
ideas are the keys to the future it's hardly possible for you to achieve
hardly possible for you to achieve anything of note except to the degree to
anything of note except to the degree to which you think and do something new and
which you think and do something new and different from what's been done before
different from what's been done before all it takes is a small innovation to
all it takes is a small innovation to lay the foundation for a fortune and
lay the foundation for a fortune and great success in life
great success in life the first part of this law says that
the first part of this law says that your ability to generate constructive
your ability to generate constructive ideas is to all intents and purposes
ideas is to all intents and purposes unlimited
unlimited therefore your future potential is
therefore your future potential is unlimited as well
unlimited as well ideas are a mode of transportation a
ideas are a mode of transportation a vehicle that you can use to take you
vehicle that you can use to take you from wherever you are to wherever you
from wherever you are to wherever you want to go
want to go your job is simply to generate as many
your job is simply to generate as many ideas as possible to evaluate them
ideas as possible to evaluate them carefully against your current goals and
carefully against your current goals and then to take action on them
then to take action on them there's virtually no obstacle in life
there's virtually no obstacle in life that you cannot overcome with the power
that you cannot overcome with the power of thought with the power of creative
of thought with the power of creative concentration
concentration with the power of ideas
with the power of ideas the second part of this law comes from
the second part of this law comes from napoleon hill who said in his famous
napoleon hill who said in his famous words
words whatever the mind of man can conceive
whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe
and believe it can achieve
it can achieve your mind is structured in such a way
your mind is structured in such a way that you cannot at the same time
that you cannot at the same time have an idea and not also have the
have an idea and not also have the ability to bring that idea into reality
ability to bring that idea into reality the very existence of an idea in your
the very existence of an idea in your conscious mind means that you have
conscious mind means that you have within you and around you the capacity
within you and around you the capacity to achieve it the only question you have
to achieve it the only question you have to ask yourself is
to ask yourself is how badly do i want it
how badly do i want it the third part of the law of creativity
the third part of the law of creativity comes from napoleon bonaparte who said
comes from napoleon bonaparte who said imagination rules the world everything
imagination rules the world everything you see around you is the result of what
you see around you is the result of what was initially a single idea in the mind
was initially a single idea in the mind of a single person
of a single person our entire world started from thought
our entire world started from thought brought into reality
brought into reality the fourth and final part of this law
the fourth and final part of this law comes from einstein who said simply that
comes from einstein who said simply that imagination is more important than facts
imagination is more important than facts there have been countless occasions in
there have been countless occasions in your life in the lives of others where
your life in the lives of others where the facts say one thing but your ideas
the facts say one thing but your ideas and creative energy enable you to do
and creative energy enable you to do something completely different
something completely different virtually every important turning point
virtually every important turning point in your life will be marked by an idea
in your life will be marked by an idea that you've had at that time and that
that you've had at that time and that moment
moment all great changes in human life and
all great changes in human life and human destiny begin with an idea that
human destiny begin with an idea that causes you to see things differently and
causes you to see things differently and to take action that you would not have
to take action that you would not have taken in the absence of that idea
taken in the absence of that idea wherever you are whatever you're doing
wherever you are whatever you're doing whatever your situation you have the
whatever your situation you have the creative capacity in the form of an
creative capacity in the form of an infinite ability to generate ideas to
infinite ability to generate ideas to solve any problem and achieve any goal
solve any problem and achieve any goal it's up to you
it's up to you the 11th law of achievement is the law
the 11th law of achievement is the law of flexibility
of flexibility this law says that success is best
this law says that success is best achieved when you are clear about the
achieved when you are clear about the goal but
goal but flexible about the process of getting
flexible about the process of getting there
there this is one of the most important
this is one of the most important conclusions ever reached by high
conclusions ever reached by high achieving men and women
achieving men and women when you set a clear goal for yourself
when you set a clear goal for yourself and make a plan you usually have a
and make a plan you usually have a fairly good idea of what it is you have
fairly good idea of what it is you have to do to get whatever it is you want to
to do to get whatever it is you want to achieve
achieve however a thousand things can change
however a thousand things can change each of which will require alterations
each of which will require alterations in your plan of action
in your plan of action the most optimistic and enthusiastic
the most optimistic and enthusiastic people are those who are open and
people are those who are open and flexible and fluid in the face of the
flexible and fluid in the face of the inevitable and the myriad changes
inevitable and the myriad changes required as they move toward the
required as they move toward the accomplishment of something that's
accomplishment of something that's important to them
important to them the first part of the law of flexibility
the first part of the law of flexibility is that the experience of resistance and
is that the experience of resistance and frustration is often an indication that
frustration is often an indication that you're doing the wrong thing
you're doing the wrong thing whenever you feel that you're butting
whenever you feel that you're butting your head against the wall and not
your head against the wall and not making progress step back and re-examine
making progress step back and re-examine your plan
your plan be sure that the goal that you're
be sure that the goal that you're working toward is still the goal that
working toward is still the goal that you desire and then sit down and make
you desire and then sit down and make better plans
better plans take the mentality of a computer
take the mentality of a computer programmer
programmer when he designs a computer program he
when he designs a computer program he knows that the program will be full of
knows that the program will be full of defects when it's completed
defects when it's completed no computer program ever works perfectly
no computer program ever works perfectly the first time it's tried
the first time it's tried however the programmer accepts this as a
however the programmer accepts this as a fact of life and then begins to go back
fact of life and then begins to go back to the program step by step to remove
to the program step by step to remove the defects
the defects when the programmer is finished the
when the programmer is finished the program will operate perfectly
program will operate perfectly by the same token whenever your plants
by the same token whenever your plants don't seem to be bearing fruit look in
don't seem to be bearing fruit look in the mirror
the mirror re-examine your plans and redesign them
re-examine your plans and redesign them until you have faultless plans that work
until you have faultless plans that work and move you forward without anxiety and
and move you forward without anxiety and frustration
frustration the second part of the law of
the second part of the law of flexibility is that you are only as free
flexibility is that you are only as free in life as the number of developed
in life as the number of developed options that you have available to you
options that you have available to you your freedom and happiness is largely
your freedom and happiness is largely determined by the number of alternatives
determined by the number of alternatives that you've developed in case your first
that you've developed in case your first choice doesn't work
choice doesn't work the more thoroughly developed your
the more thoroughly developed your options and alternatives the more
options and alternatives the more freedom you have
freedom you have if one course of action doesn't develop
if one course of action doesn't develop as you expected you're fully prepared to
as you expected you're fully prepared to switch
switch in my courses on decision making once
in my courses on decision making once the decision has been reached i
the decision has been reached i encourage the participants to ask the
encourage the participants to ask the question
question what else would be a good decision in
what else would be a good decision in this situation
this situation the very exercise of developing
the very exercise of developing alternatives enables you to think more
alternatives enables you to think more clearly and can be a major contributor
clearly and can be a major contributor to the level of achievement that you
to the level of achievement that you experience
experience the third part of the law of flexibility
the third part of the law of flexibility is that
is that crisis is change
crisis is change trying to take place
trying to take place whenever you're experiencing a crisis or
whenever you're experiencing a crisis or difficulty of any kind
difficulty of any kind stand back for a moment and ask yourself
stand back for a moment and ask yourself what change is trying to take place that
what change is trying to take place that is being signaled to me as a result of
is being signaled to me as a result of this crisis
this crisis you may be having a crisis in your work
you may be having a crisis in your work in your personal relationships with your
in your personal relationships with your health or with your business in almost
health or with your business in almost every case a crisis is an indication
every case a crisis is an indication that something is wrong and that
that something is wrong and that pursuing the same course would be an
pursuing the same course would be an unwise thing to do
unwise thing to do so what is the change that's trying to
so what is the change that's trying to take place in your life right now
take place in your life right now and the fourth part of the law of
and the fourth part of the law of flexibility is that errant assumptions
flexibility is that errant assumptions lie at the root of every failure
lie at the root of every failure almost every failure you have will be
almost every failure you have will be based on an incorrect assumption that
based on an incorrect assumption that you've made and accepted without
you've made and accepted without question
question it's always a good exercise to clarify
it's always a good exercise to clarify your assumptions especially when things
your assumptions especially when things aren't going as well as you want so what
aren't going as well as you want so what are your assumptions
are your assumptions first what are your explicit assumptions
first what are your explicit assumptions the ones you're clearly aware of and
the ones you're clearly aware of and second what are your implicit
second what are your implicit assumptions the ones that you may be
assumptions the ones that you may be accepting without question
accepting without question what if your most cherished assumptions
what if your most cherished assumptions were wrong what changes would this
were wrong what changes would this dictate how flexible and fluid would you
dictate how flexible and fluid would you have to be to redirect your course of
have to be to redirect your course of action if something that you were
action if something that you were assuming as a fact turned out not to be
assuming as a fact turned out not to be true at all
true at all whenever you make the right decisions
whenever you make the right decisions and you achieve your goals on schedule
and you achieve your goals on schedule it's always because the assumptions that
it's always because the assumptions that you were operating on
you were operating on turned out to be true
turned out to be true many people go broke in starting their
many people go broke in starting their own businesses because they assume that
own businesses because they assume that there's a big enough market for the
there's a big enough market for the product or service that they propose to
product or service that they propose to offer
offer they also assume that customers will
they also assume that customers will switch from their current suppliers to
switch from their current suppliers to them for no other reason than that they
them for no other reason than that they are in the marketplace
are in the marketplace they sometimes assume that they have the
they sometimes assume that they have the talents and skills and abilities to
talents and skills and abilities to provide the product or service at a
provide the product or service at a competitive price and still make a
competitive price and still make a profit
profit well your willingness to question your
well your willingness to question your assumptions to test your assumptions
assumptions to test your assumptions against reality with the willingness to
against reality with the willingness to accept the possibility that you could be
accept the possibility that you could be wrong
wrong is the kind of attitude that will
is the kind of attitude that will ultimately lead you to great achievement
ultimately lead you to great achievement flexibility is considered to be perhaps
flexibility is considered to be perhaps the most important single quality
the most important single quality necessary for success in our competitive
necessary for success in our competitive society for the rest of the century and
society for the rest of the century and into the century beyond
into the century beyond the twelfth law of achievement is the
the twelfth law of achievement is the law of persistence
law of persistence this law says that your ability to
this law says that your ability to persist in the face of setbacks and
persist in the face of setbacks and disappointments
disappointments is your measure of your belief in
is your measure of your belief in yourself and your ability to succeed
yourself and your ability to succeed persistence is the iron quality of
persistence is the iron quality of success
success sometimes your willingness to persist is
sometimes your willingness to persist is your greatest asset and is the quality
your greatest asset and is the quality that separates you from everyone else
that separates you from everyone else sometimes the strongest thing you have
sometimes the strongest thing you have going for you is your ability to persist
going for you is your ability to persist longer than anyone else
longer than anyone else the first part of the law of persistence
the first part of the law of persistence is simply that persistence is
is simply that persistence is self-discipline in action
self-discipline in action it's when you face the inevitable
it's when you face the inevitable setbacks and delays and disappointments
setbacks and delays and disappointments and temporary defeats and you continue
and temporary defeats and you continue to persist in spite of them that you
to persist in spite of them that you demonstrate to yourself and others that
demonstrate to yourself and others that you have the character of self
you have the character of self discipline and self mastery that is
discipline and self mastery that is absolutely indispensable for the great
absolutely indispensable for the great success that you desire
success that you desire churchill summarized the second part of
churchill summarized the second part of the law of persistence when he said
the law of persistence when he said never give up
never give up never
never never
never give up
give up churchill believed and he proved
churchill believed and he proved throughout his lifetime that bulldog
throughout his lifetime that bulldog tenacity in the face of what appeared to
tenacity in the face of what appeared to be overwhelming defeat was often the
be overwhelming defeat was often the critical quality that turned that defeat
critical quality that turned that defeat into victory
into victory when you begin to live your life in
when you begin to live your life in harmony with the laws of success and
harmony with the laws of success and achievement that we've talked about so
achievement that we've talked about so far
far and you back all of your goals and plans
and you back all of your goals and plans with unshakeable determination and
with unshakeable determination and persistence
persistence you will eventually find that there is
you will eventually find that there is nothing in the world that can stop you
nothing in the world that can stop you you will become an irresistible force of
you will become an irresistible force of nature and your goals of high
nature and your goals of high achievement
achievement will become your realities
will become your realities [Music]
the greek philosopher aristotle once wrote that the single most common
wrote that the single most common denominator of mankind is the desire to
denominator of mankind is the desire to be happy however happiness may be
be happy however happiness may be defined by the individual
defined by the individual in his work nekomaki and ethics
in his work nekomaki and ethics aristotle wrote that the primary concern
aristotle wrote that the primary concern of philosophy was to answer the question
of philosophy was to answer the question how shall we live in order to be happy
how shall we live in order to be happy virtually every action that you take in
virtually every action that you take in life is aimed at somehow achieving your
life is aimed at somehow achieving your own happiness or moving away from the
own happiness or moving away from the people and circumstances that cause you
people and circumstances that cause you to feel unhappy
to feel unhappy sigmund freud called this the pleasure
sigmund freud called this the pleasure principle and for him and for many
principle and for him and for many psychologists and psychoanalysts it
psychologists and psychoanalysts it became the foundation for studying the
became the foundation for studying the mental and emotional aspects of human
mental and emotional aspects of human behavior it's safe to say that virtually
behavior it's safe to say that virtually everything you think or say or do is
everything you think or say or do is simply a means
simply a means the end of which is the achievement of
the end of which is the achievement of your own happiness
your own happiness the question of happiness how to achieve
the question of happiness how to achieve more of it and how to avoid unhappiness
more of it and how to avoid unhappiness has been studied exhaustively for
has been studied exhaustively for hundreds of years
hundreds of years in this session we'll talk about some of
in this session we'll talk about some of the laws that have been discovered in
the laws that have been discovered in the universal search for happiness
the universal search for happiness you can then use these laws and
you can then use these laws and principles to dramatically increase the
principles to dramatically increase the level of happiness that you enjoy in
level of happiness that you enjoy in virtually everything you do
virtually everything you do as i mentioned earlier the starting
as i mentioned earlier the starting point of your achieving happiness is for
point of your achieving happiness is for you to decide exactly how you define the
you to decide exactly how you define the word happiness as stephen covey writes
word happiness as stephen covey writes you must start with the end in mind
you must start with the end in mind begin with a goal and work back
begin with a goal and work back you need to engage in the hard
you need to engage in the hard discipline thinking of deciding for
discipline thinking of deciding for yourself exactly what combination of
yourself exactly what combination of ingredients causes you to feel the
ingredients causes you to feel the happiest about yourself most of the time
happiest about yourself most of the time remember
remember you are both unique and extraordinary
you are both unique and extraordinary there's never been and never will be
there's never been and never will be anyone exactly like you
anyone exactly like you you have a remarkable combination of
you have a remarkable combination of tastes and values and beliefs and needs
tastes and values and beliefs and needs and desires that make your particular
and desires that make your particular definition of happiness different from
definition of happiness different from that of anyone else who has ever lived
that of anyone else who has ever lived and only you can decide for yourself
and only you can decide for yourself what makes you happy
what makes you happy no one can ever dictate happiness to
no one can ever dictate happiness to another person
another person it's a purely subjective or personal
it's a purely subjective or personal decision
decision when i think of how different happiness
when i think of how different happiness is to each person i think of a large
is to each person i think of a large smorgasbord
smorgasbord have you ever been to a long buffet line
have you ever been to a long buffet line with 20 or 30 or even 40 different
with 20 or 30 or even 40 different dishes of all kinds
dishes of all kinds if you ever want to see a living example
if you ever want to see a living example of the differences between human beings
of the differences between human beings just stand for a short while at the exit
just stand for a short while at the exit end of a buffet line
end of a buffet line and look at the different combinations
and look at the different combinations of foods that the individuals have put
of foods that the individuals have put on their plates
on their plates you'll never see two exactly the same
you'll never see two exactly the same the sizes colors proportions and
the sizes colors proportions and mixtures will be different for each
mixtures will be different for each person this simple exercise is proof
person this simple exercise is proof that neither you nor anyone else can
that neither you nor anyone else can ever decide what will make another
ever decide what will make another person happy
person happy for each person this choice is his or
for each person this choice is his or her primary responsibility in life and
her primary responsibility in life and it's both mandatory and unavoidable
it's both mandatory and unavoidable a useful and enjoyable exercise for you
a useful and enjoyable exercise for you is to write down a piece of paper the
is to write down a piece of paper the following line
following line i would be perfectly happy if
i would be perfectly happy if then complete the sentence with as many
then complete the sentence with as many different answers as you can think of
different answers as you can think of you might say i would be perfectly happy
you might say i would be perfectly happy if
if i had all the money i needed
i had all the money i needed if i enjoyed perfect health
if i enjoyed perfect health if i had the love respect and esteem of
if i had the love respect and esteem of all the people who are important to me
all the people who are important to me if i were living in the perfect climate
if i were living in the perfect climate or if i was doing the perfect job and so
or if i was doing the perfect job and so on the more detailed your answers are
on the more detailed your answers are and the more you break your answers down
and the more you break your answers down into clear definitions of exactly what
into clear definitions of exactly what those answers mean the easier it will be
those answers mean the easier it will be for you to organize your life in such a
for you to organize your life in such a way that you enjoy far more happiness
way that you enjoy far more happiness than the average person
than the average person the silliest thing about the concept of
the silliest thing about the concept of happiness is that although everybody
happiness is that although everybody wants more of it very few people have
wants more of it very few people have ever taken any time at all to decide for
ever taken any time at all to decide for themselves what it really means to them
themselves what it really means to them this is probably why most people are
this is probably why most people are dissatisfied with much of their lives
dissatisfied with much of their lives fortunately you can free yourself from
fortunately you can free yourself from this tendency by clarifying for yourself
this tendency by clarifying for yourself exactly how each part of your life would
exactly how each part of your life would be if you were a perfectly happy person
be if you were a perfectly happy person already
already in psychology and as you will see in
in psychology and as you will see in economics the basic principle of human
economics the basic principle of human behavior is that all human action is
behavior is that all human action is motivated by a dissatisfaction of some
motivated by a dissatisfaction of some kind
kind if a person was perfectly satisfied he
if a person was perfectly satisfied he would have no urge or desire to do or
would have no urge or desire to do or change anything
change anything so the starting point of achieving
so the starting point of achieving greater happiness for you
greater happiness for you can be an evaluation of some of the
can be an evaluation of some of the needs that you might experience which
needs that you might experience which lead to dissatisfaction
lead to dissatisfaction perhaps the most important work in this
perhaps the most important work in this area was done by the psychologist
area was done by the psychologist abraham maslow when he postulated his
abraham maslow when he postulated his hierarchy of needs
hierarchy of needs what he said was that each person has a
what he said was that each person has a series of needs from the lowest to the
series of needs from the lowest to the highest and that each person acts
highest and that each person acts continuously to satisfy these needs
continuously to satisfy these needs maslow explained that until a lower
maslow explained that until a lower order need was satisfied the individual
order need was satisfied the individual couldn't think or turn his mind to a
couldn't think or turn his mind to a higher order need
higher order need he also demonstrated that once a need
he also demonstrated that once a need has been satisfied it's no longer a
has been satisfied it's no longer a motivator
motivator once you get something you want and you
once you get something you want and you have enough of it you're no longer
have enough of it you're no longer motivated or driven to get it
motivated or driven to get it your motivation then changes toward
your motivation then changes toward getting something that you still feel a
getting something that you still feel a need for
need for let me explain
let me explain maslow's hierarchy originally had five
maslow's hierarchy originally had five needs or levels
needs or levels in his later research he suggested that
in his later research he suggested that there were two even higher needs
there were two even higher needs the lowest need and the first need that
the lowest need and the first need that must be satisfied is the need for
must be satisfied is the need for survival
survival until a person's survival needs are
until a person's survival needs are satisfied until he or she is no longer
satisfied until he or she is no longer concerned for the basics of life food
concerned for the basics of life food clothing shelter
clothing shelter that person is not concerned about
that person is not concerned about higher needs
higher needs maslow also demonstrated that a person
maslow also demonstrated that a person who through accident or circumstance was
who through accident or circumstance was deprived of a lower need like food he
deprived of a lower need like food he would stop trying to fulfill any higher
would stop trying to fulfill any higher need until the lower need was satisfied
need until the lower need was satisfied once more
once more the second need up on maslow's hierarchy
the second need up on maslow's hierarchy is the need for security of all kinds
is the need for security of all kinds physical emotional financial and so on
physical emotional financial and so on this is the foundation of the life
this is the foundation of the life insurance industry
insurance industry once a person is assured of survival he
once a person is assured of survival he or she becomes concerned with security
or she becomes concerned with security once the need for security has been met
once the need for security has been met the individual then turns to the third
the individual then turns to the third level of need which is the need for love
level of need which is the need for love and belonging the need to be accepted by
and belonging the need to be accepted by other human beings
other human beings people need to interact and associate
people need to interact and associate with other people to feel themselves to
with other people to feel themselves to be part of a social group to be known
be part of a social group to be known and cared for by others
and cared for by others this is why solitary confinement is the
this is why solitary confinement is the worst punishment that can be given to
worst punishment that can be given to the worst criminal in the worst maximum
the worst criminal in the worst maximum security institution
security institution being deprived of the company of others
being deprived of the company of others is very painful emotionally
is very painful emotionally the fourth level of need discussed by
the fourth level of need discussed by maslow is the need for self-esteem
maslow is the need for self-esteem this is the need to like yourself and
this is the need to like yourself and respect yourself and feel that you're
respect yourself and feel that you're respected and appreciated by others
respected and appreciated by others the fifth level of need on maslow's
the fifth level of need on maslow's hierarchy is the need for
hierarchy is the need for self-actualization
self-actualization this is defined as the feeling that you
this is defined as the feeling that you are becoming everything you're capable
are becoming everything you're capable of becoming
of becoming maslow felt that the most advanced and
maslow felt that the most advanced and fully mature members of our society were
fully mature members of our society were those who were functioning at the higher
those who were functioning at the higher levels of need satisfaction
levels of need satisfaction self-actualization can be seen when
self-actualization can be seen when people engage in activities that
people engage in activities that challenge their abilities and stretch
challenge their abilities and stretch them toward the greater realizations of
them toward the greater realizations of their full potential
their full potential the two higher needs that maslow added
the two higher needs that maslow added later were the need for beauty and the
later were the need for beauty and the need for truth in that order
need for truth in that order once a person has satisfied his or her
once a person has satisfied his or her needs for survival security belonging
needs for survival security belonging self-esteem and self-actualization
self-esteem and self-actualization he or she would naturally turn to beauty
he or she would naturally turn to beauty as in music or art and truth as in
as in music or art and truth as in philosophy or religion
philosophy or religion however if a person who is functioning
however if a person who is functioning at the higher levels of the hierarchy of
at the higher levels of the hierarchy of needs suddenly fell off a moving boat in
needs suddenly fell off a moving boat in the middle of the night and was
the middle of the night and was threatened with drowning he or she would
threatened with drowning he or she would immediately forget about the
immediately forget about the satisfaction of all higher needs and
satisfaction of all higher needs and would revert instantly to a total
would revert instantly to a total concern with survival the most basic of
concern with survival the most basic of human needs
human needs as you mature and grow and become a more
as you mature and grow and become a more fully functioning human being
fully functioning human being you find that you're motivated at a
you find that you're motivated at a higher and higher level of need
higher and higher level of need the kinds of dissatisfactions that you
the kinds of dissatisfactions that you experience which deprive you of the
experience which deprive you of the happiness that you desire are triggered
happiness that you desire are triggered by dissatisfaction at higher and higher
by dissatisfaction at higher and higher levels
levels one of the wonderful things about
one of the wonderful things about western society is that because of our
western society is that because of our relative level of affluence more and
relative level of affluence more and more people have been freed from a
more people have been freed from a preoccupation with satisfying lower
preoccupation with satisfying lower level needs and given the opportunity to
level needs and given the opportunity to devote more of their time and thoughts
devote more of their time and thoughts to the satisfaction of higher level
to the satisfaction of higher level needs
needs the lower level needs those of survival
the lower level needs those of survival and security and belonging are all what
and security and belonging are all what might be called deficiency needs
might be called deficiency needs the fulfilling of these needs doesn't
the fulfilling of these needs doesn't necessarily make you happy but being
necessarily make you happy but being deprived of these needs can make you
deprived of these needs can make you very unhappy indeed
very unhappy indeed the higher level needs the needs for
the higher level needs the needs for self-esteem for self-actualization for
self-esteem for self-actualization for beauty and truth are all what are called
beauty and truth are all what are called being needs
being needs these are needs the fulfillment of which
these are needs the fulfillment of which can make you happier and happier and can
can make you happier and happier and can lead you to the feelings of elation joy
lead you to the feelings of elation joy and peak experiences where you feel
and peak experiences where you feel absolutely wonderful about yourself and
absolutely wonderful about yourself and life in every respect
life in every respect this of course is one of the highest
this of course is one of the highest states of happiness
states of happiness in achieving your own happiness another
in achieving your own happiness another helpful way of defining what happiness
helpful way of defining what happiness means to you is something that i teach
means to you is something that i teach in my seminars
in my seminars i say that everything that you could
i say that everything that you could possibly want in life could be listed
possibly want in life could be listed under one of seven categories
under one of seven categories you always have a tendency to measure
you always have a tendency to measure how well you're doing in life and how
how well you're doing in life and how happy you are by how much of each of
happy you are by how much of each of these seven ingredients you have or have
these seven ingredients you have or have not managed to achieve
not managed to achieve the first overall ingredient of
the first overall ingredient of happiness is peace of mind
happiness is peace of mind you are happy to the degree to which you
you are happy to the degree to which you can achieve your own peace of mind the
can achieve your own peace of mind the interesting thing about inner peace is
interesting thing about inner peace is that it's the normal natural state of
that it's the normal natural state of man and that it is deviations from inner
man and that it is deviations from inner peace and happiness that are unnatural
peace and happiness that are unnatural and abnormal
and abnormal it's important to point this out because
it's important to point this out because many people think that the experience of
many people think that the experience of inner joy is unusual and accidental
inner joy is unusual and accidental others very few
others very few realize that this inner experience is
realize that this inner experience is the norm and they strive to organize
the norm and they strive to organize their lives so that they have it more
their lives so that they have it more often
often the second ingredient of happiness is
the second ingredient of happiness is health and energy
health and energy your health which is largely reflected
your health which is largely reflected in your levels of energy is the absolute
in your levels of energy is the absolute minimum requirement for the assurance of
minimum requirement for the assurance of your survival and well-being
your survival and well-being you know that if you gain everything
you know that if you gain everything else but you lose your health you're
else but you lose your health you're failing in the most important area
failing in the most important area but if you achieve and maintain high
but if you achieve and maintain high levels of health and energy no matter
levels of health and energy no matter what else happens to you on the outside
what else happens to you on the outside you're still doing pretty well as a
you're still doing pretty well as a human being
human being the third ingredient of happiness is
the third ingredient of happiness is loving relationships
loving relationships you are happy and successful to the
you are happy and successful to the degree that other people love and
degree that other people love and respect you and you love and respect
respect you and you love and respect other people
other people most of your happiness in life will come
most of your happiness in life will come from your interactions with those people
from your interactions with those people that you care about and who care about
that you care about and who care about you
you so developing and preserving loving
so developing and preserving loving relationships with other people is a
relationships with other people is a measure of everything you are as a human
measure of everything you are as a human being
being the fourth ingredient of happiness is
the fourth ingredient of happiness is financial freedom
financial freedom most people want a lot of money
most people want a lot of money primarily because they feel that with a
primarily because they feel that with a lot of money they'll be free to live
lot of money they'll be free to live their lives the way they want and they
their lives the way they want and they feel that this will make them happy
feel that this will make them happy most material objects and
most material objects and accomplishments are seen as a means to
accomplishments are seen as a means to achieve this end
achieve this end the big mistake that many people make is
the big mistake that many people make is that they confuse means and ends and
that they confuse means and ends and they become totally obsessed with
they become totally obsessed with getting and spending and they lose sight
getting and spending and they lose sight of the reasons for wanting money in the
of the reasons for wanting money in the first place
first place financial freedom can be defined simply
financial freedom can be defined simply as having enough money so that you don't
as having enough money so that you don't worry about it or think about it so that
worry about it or think about it so that you can then turn your mind and emotions
you can then turn your mind and emotions to other more important subjects
to other more important subjects money is a little bit like a deficiency
money is a little bit like a deficiency need in that if you have enough of it
need in that if you have enough of it you seldom think about it but if you
you seldom think about it but if you have too little for any period of time
have too little for any period of time you think of almost nothing else
you think of almost nothing else the fifth ingredient of happiness is
the fifth ingredient of happiness is worthy goals and ideals
worthy goals and ideals in reality happiness is a condition that
in reality happiness is a condition that you experience when you're fully engaged
you experience when you're fully engaged in doing something that is important and
in doing something that is important and meaningful to you this is why victor
meaningful to you this is why victor frankl wrote that a need for meaning and
frankl wrote that a need for meaning and purpose is the deepest craving in human
purpose is the deepest craving in human nature
nature it's only when you feel that your life
it's only when you feel that your life stands for something bigger than
stands for something bigger than yourself and that what you're doing is
yourself and that what you're doing is making a difference in the world that
making a difference in the world that you're truly happy
you're truly happy the sixth ingredient of happiness is
the sixth ingredient of happiness is self-knowledge and self-understanding
self-knowledge and self-understanding the ancient greeks had a saying engraved
the ancient greeks had a saying engraved in stone above the temple of apollo at
in stone above the temple of apollo at delphi which said
delphi which said man
man know thyself
know thyself this advice is more than two thousand
this advice is more than two thousand years old and it's equally true today
years old and it's equally true today you can only be happy when you fully
you can only be happy when you fully understand why it is you feel the way
understand why it is you feel the way you feel and do the things you do
you feel and do the things you do self-knowledge and self-understanding
self-knowledge and self-understanding seem to go hand in hand with inner peace
seem to go hand in hand with inner peace tranquility and happiness
tranquility and happiness the seventh overall ingredient of
the seventh overall ingredient of happiness is a sense of self-fulfillment
happiness is a sense of self-fulfillment it's the feeling you have when you're
it's the feeling you have when you're living your life completely and leaving
living your life completely and leaving nothing out
nothing out henry david thoreau when he withdrew to
henry david thoreau when he withdrew to walden pond for two years to think about
walden pond for two years to think about life wrote that his primary motivation
life wrote that his primary motivation was to
was to live deliberately and not to come to the
live deliberately and not to come to the end of my years
end of my years without ever having really lived
without ever having really lived self-fulfillment is another word for
self-fulfillment is another word for self-actualization
self-actualization this is the need being satisfied by
this is the need being satisfied by those men and women who have the
those men and women who have the healthiest personalities and who are the
healthiest personalities and who are the most fully integrated members of our
most fully integrated members of our society
society now you have to ask yourself in which of
now you have to ask yourself in which of these areas might you be suffering a
these areas might you be suffering a deficiency
deficiency in which of these areas are you
in which of these areas are you currently dissatisfied or unhappy for
currently dissatisfied or unhappy for any reason
any reason here's a helpful exercise that you can
here's a helpful exercise that you can give to yourself on a regular basis
give to yourself on a regular basis take a clean sheet of paper and giving
take a clean sheet of paper and giving yourself only 30 seconds to reply ask
yourself only 30 seconds to reply ask yourself this question
yourself this question what are my three most important goals
what are my three most important goals in life right now
in life right now write down the answers quickly without
write down the answers quickly without thought or evaluation
thought or evaluation then ask yourself the second question
then ask yourself the second question what are my three biggest worries or
what are my three biggest worries or problems in life
problems in life right now
right now and write them down quickly as well
and write them down quickly as well the answers to these questions will
the answers to these questions will reveal two remarkable things
reveal two remarkable things first they'll indicate to you clearly
first they'll indicate to you clearly what you need to do more of or have more
what you need to do more of or have more of in order to be happy
of in order to be happy and second they'll show you what you
and second they'll show you what you need to eliminate in order to get rid of
need to eliminate in order to get rid of any unhappiness or dissatisfaction that
any unhappiness or dissatisfaction that currently exists in your life
currently exists in your life your subconscious mind is remarkable in
your subconscious mind is remarkable in this way
this way if you only give yourself 30 seconds to
if you only give yourself 30 seconds to write down the answers to these
write down the answers to these questions your subconscious will sort
questions your subconscious will sort through all the millions of bits of data
through all the millions of bits of data stored in your metal computer and pop
stored in your metal computer and pop the correct answers to the surface of
the correct answers to the surface of your mind and onto the piece of paper as
your mind and onto the piece of paper as accurately as if you had taken 30
accurately as if you had taken 30 minutes or even three hours to perform
minutes or even three hours to perform the same exercise
the same exercise try it for yourself and see
try it for yourself and see now in addition to the laws of success
now in addition to the laws of success and achievement we discussed earlier
and achievement we discussed earlier there are eight specific laws you can
there are eight specific laws you can practice to achieve the happiness you
practice to achieve the happiness you both desire and deserve
both desire and deserve the first law is the law of integrity
the first law is the law of integrity this law says that happiness arises as a
this law says that happiness arises as a byproduct of your choosing to live your
byproduct of your choosing to live your life consistent with your highest values
life consistent with your highest values and aspirations
and aspirations just as maslow's highest need is truth
just as maslow's highest need is truth your highest need and the foundation of
your highest need and the foundation of your happiness is living in truth with
your happiness is living in truth with yourself and with everything and
yourself and with everything and everyone around you
everyone around you the slightest deviation from truth the
the slightest deviation from truth the slightest tendency to compromise with
slightest tendency to compromise with what you know to be right will detract
what you know to be right will detract from your happiness almost immediately
from your happiness almost immediately you are designed with an inner guide or
you are designed with an inner guide or conscience that always tells you the
conscience that always tells you the right thing to do and you're only happy
right thing to do and you're only happy when you live your life completely
when you live your life completely consistent with it
consistent with it to be happy your goals and your values
to be happy your goals and your values must be congruent
must be congruent they must fit into each other like a
they must fit into each other like a hand into a glove
hand into a glove virtually all stress and unhappiness
virtually all stress and unhappiness comes from trying to do one thing when
comes from trying to do one thing when you believe something else is more
you believe something else is more important and more correct
important and more correct for example
for example most people believe that their
most people believe that their relationships their spouses their
relationships their spouses their children their families are more
children their families are more important to them than anything else
important to them than anything else however they sometimes become confused
however they sometimes become confused and begin to spend an inordinate amount
and begin to spend an inordinate amount of time achieving material success in
of time achieving material success in their careers thereby ignoring their
their careers thereby ignoring their relationships
relationships and the harder they work at their jobs
and the harder they work at their jobs the more dissatisfied and unhappy they
the more dissatisfied and unhappy they become even when they're financially
become even when they're financially successful because deep down inside they
successful because deep down inside they know that what is truly valuable to them
know that what is truly valuable to them is the people in their lives not the
is the people in their lives not the money
money it's only when you have the courage to
it's only when you have the courage to insist upon living your life in complete
insist upon living your life in complete harmony with your highest values that
harmony with your highest values that happiness arises and emerges
happiness arises and emerges spontaneously like sunrise bringing you
spontaneously like sunrise bringing you the peace
the peace and contentment you really want
and contentment you really want the first part of the law of integrity
the first part of the law of integrity says that when you set goals and ideals
says that when you set goals and ideals that are worthy of you
that are worthy of you and strive to achieve them you'll
and strive to achieve them you'll experience happiness and satisfaction
experience happiness and satisfaction as shakespeare said in the play hamlet
as shakespeare said in the play hamlet to thine own self be true and it must
to thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day thou canst
follow as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man
not then be false to any man the second part of the law of integrity
the second part of the law of integrity says that
says that whenever you choose to live consistent
whenever you choose to live consistent with the very best that is in you you'll
with the very best that is in you you'll automatically experience happiness and
automatically experience happiness and joy
joy you've probably had an experience in
you've probably had an experience in life where you've decided to walk away
life where you've decided to walk away from a bad situation even though it
from a bad situation even though it might have been costly either
might have been costly either emotionally or financially but you did
emotionally or financially but you did it because it was the right thing to do
it because it was the right thing to do you acted on a higher principle you
you acted on a higher principle you behaved in a manner consistent with your
behaved in a manner consistent with your highest values
highest values you'll also recall that having decided
you'll also recall that having decided to do so and having done it you felt
to do so and having done it you felt absolutely wonderful about yourself and
absolutely wonderful about yourself and your life
your life you felt a tremendous experience of
you felt a tremendous experience of elation and joy
elation and joy and the most remarkable thing was that
and the most remarkable thing was that everything turned out all right in the
everything turned out all right in the end
end all of the negative consequences that
all of the negative consequences that you were afraid might occur never
you were afraid might occur never materialized
materialized perhaps the finest example of living in
perhaps the finest example of living in truth and the most important
truth and the most important demonstration of your integrity or
demonstration of your integrity or honesty is with regard to peace of mind
honesty is with regard to peace of mind it's only when you set peace of mind as
it's only when you set peace of mind as your highest goal and you refuse to stay
your highest goal and you refuse to stay in any situation that detracts from your
in any situation that detracts from your peace of mind that you'll find yourself
peace of mind that you'll find yourself enjoying the highest and finest form of
enjoying the highest and finest form of happiness
happiness the law of integrity is another way of
the law of integrity is another way of saying that you are given peace of mind
saying that you are given peace of mind to serve you
to serve you as an inner barometer
as an inner barometer it'll tell you what is right for you and
it'll tell you what is right for you and what is wrong
what is wrong if you listen to your intuition and only
if you listen to your intuition and only do and say what gives you a sense of
do and say what gives you a sense of inner peace and harmony you'll probably
inner peace and harmony you'll probably never make another mistake
never make another mistake in fact catherine ponder writes in her
in fact catherine ponder writes in her book the dynamic laws of prosperity that
book the dynamic laws of prosperity that men and women begin to become great only
men and women begin to become great only when they begin to take time by
when they begin to take time by themselves to listen to their inner
themselves to listen to their inner voices
voices and organize their lives in such a way
and organize their lives in such a way that their activities and relationships
that their activities and relationships give them a deep sense of inner peace
give them a deep sense of inner peace the first step that you can take to
the first step that you can take to personal greatness is to sit down
personal greatness is to sit down quietly and look over your life to
quietly and look over your life to determine the areas where you're not
determine the areas where you're not experiencing the peace of mind and
experiencing the peace of mind and happiness that you really want
happiness that you really want you'll find that this is a very easy
you'll find that this is a very easy exercise to do because your mind is
exercise to do because your mind is continually preoccupied with these
continually preoccupied with these problems just like a person sitting on
problems just like a person sitting on attack would be preoccupied with the
attack would be preoccupied with the pain
pain your job is to get off the tech
your job is to get off the tech your responsibility to yourself is to
your responsibility to yourself is to realize that you can never make someone
realize that you can never make someone else happy by being unhappy yourself
else happy by being unhappy yourself just as you can never make someone else
just as you can never make someone else healthy by being sick
healthy by being sick you should not sacrifice your happiness
you should not sacrifice your happiness in an attempt to somehow achieve the
in an attempt to somehow achieve the happiness of another person
happiness of another person you'll only end up making no one happy
you'll only end up making no one happy especially yourself
especially yourself in the play cyrano de bergerac by edmund
in the play cyrano de bergerac by edmund roston
roston cyrano the great individualist is asked
cyrano the great individualist is asked why it is that he is so outspoken and so
why it is that he is so outspoken and so self-assertive
self-assertive he answers with this beautiful line
he answers with this beautiful line he says
he says i choose the line of least resistance in
i choose the line of least resistance in this
this that i will please at least myself in
that i will please at least myself in all things
all things when you make the decision that for
when you make the decision that for better or worse you will please at least
better or worse you will please at least yourself in all things
yourself in all things only then will you be truly happy and
only then will you be truly happy and only then it seems will you be able to
only then it seems will you be able to help anyone else to be happy as well
help anyone else to be happy as well the second law of happiness is the law
the second law of happiness is the law of emotion
of emotion it says that human beings are one
it says that human beings are one hundred percent emotional in everything
hundred percent emotional in everything they think and feel and decide
they think and feel and decide i used to think that people were ninety
i used to think that people were ninety percent emotional and ten percent
percent emotional and ten percent logical
logical however both research and experience
however both research and experience contradicts this conclusion
contradicts this conclusion people are totally emotional in
people are totally emotional in everything they do
everything they do if a person says to you that he's
if a person says to you that he's decided to do the logical thing it
decided to do the logical thing it simply means that he has more emotion
simply means that he has more emotion devoted to that course of action that he
devoted to that course of action that he does to another course of action and he
does to another course of action and he uses the word
uses the word logical to justify his decision
logical to justify his decision someone once said that no matter how old
someone once said that no matter how old you become you always have the emotions
you become you always have the emotions of a teenager
of a teenager this may or may not be true but the
this may or may not be true but the central impact of your emotions and
central impact of your emotions and feelings is a key component in both
feelings is a key component in both understanding and achieving your own
understanding and achieving your own happiness
happiness the first part of the law of emotion is
the first part of the law of emotion is that you are motivated by two major
that you are motivated by two major groups of emotions
groups of emotions those of love or desire and those of
those of love or desire and those of fear or loss
fear or loss these are the positive emotions and the
these are the positive emotions and the negative emotions
negative emotions these emotions were described by sigmund
these emotions were described by sigmund freud as emotions associated with
freud as emotions associated with pleasure
pleasure and emotions associated with pain
and emotions associated with pain you have a tendency to move toward those
you have a tendency to move toward those experiences you associate with pleasure
experiences you associate with pleasure or happiness
or happiness and you have a tendency to move away
and you have a tendency to move away from those experiences you associate
from those experiences you associate with pain or unhappiness
with pain or unhappiness this is the essence of the pleasure
this is the essence of the pleasure principle that i mentioned earlier
principle that i mentioned earlier the second part of this law of emotion
the second part of this law of emotion says that the content of your emotional
says that the content of your emotional life is largely determined by the
life is largely determined by the thoughts you dwell upon most of the time
thoughts you dwell upon most of the time this is such a simple and obvious truth
this is such a simple and obvious truth that it's often overlooked by most
that it's often overlooked by most people
people it simply says that if you think happy
it simply says that if you think happy thoughts you will be a happy person if
thoughts you will be a happy person if you think angry thoughts you'll be an
you think angry thoughts you'll be an angry person if you think about the
angry person if you think about the things that people have done to hurt you
things that people have done to hurt you and the reasons you have to be angry or
and the reasons you have to be angry or unhappy you'll be negative pessimistic
unhappy you'll be negative pessimistic and eventually you'll be depressed
and eventually you'll be depressed abraham lincoln once wrote a man is just
abraham lincoln once wrote a man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind
about as happy as he makes up his mind to be
to be well this is true for you and true for
well this is true for you and true for me
me the third part of the law of emotion
the third part of the law of emotion says
says if you deliberately choose to think
if you deliberately choose to think positive loving uplifting thoughts
positive loving uplifting thoughts you can create and maintain your own
you can create and maintain your own happiness in spite of what is happening
happiness in spite of what is happening around you
around you no one can make you feel anything
no one can make you feel anything as eleanor roosevelt said no one can
as eleanor roosevelt said no one can make you feel inferior without your
make you feel inferior without your consent
consent you decide to feel happy and you decide
you decide to feel happy and you decide to feel unhappy by the thoughts that you
to feel unhappy by the thoughts that you choose to dwell upon most of the time
choose to dwell upon most of the time therefore the smartest thing for you or
therefore the smartest thing for you or anyone else to do is to choose to dwell
anyone else to do is to choose to dwell upon the kind of thoughts that uplift
upon the kind of thoughts that uplift and enrich your life
and enrich your life the third law in this session is the
the third law in this session is the basic law of happiness which says
basic law of happiness which says the quality of your life is largely
the quality of your life is largely determined by how you feel at any given
determined by how you feel at any given moment
moment because you're 100 percent emotional in
because you're 100 percent emotional in every respect
every respect it is how you feel that determines your
it is how you feel that determines your levels of energy your personality your
levels of energy your personality your attitude your levels of performance and
attitude your levels of performance and output the clarity of your thinking the
output the clarity of your thinking the quality of your relationships and your
quality of your relationships and your level of happiness
level of happiness truly successful people are those who
truly successful people are those who enjoy every part of the journey at least
enjoy every part of the journey at least as much if not more so than they
as much if not more so than they anticipate enjoying the destination
anticipate enjoying the destination earl nightingale once wrote that
earl nightingale once wrote that happiness is the progressive realization
happiness is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal
of a worthy ideal happiness comes from working step by
happiness comes from working step by step toward the accomplishment of
step toward the accomplishment of something that's important to you
something that's important to you is the process more than the end result
is the process more than the end result that constitutes happiness because
that constitutes happiness because happiness is experienced in the now
happiness is experienced in the now rather than at some future date
rather than at some future date the first part of this law of happiness
the first part of this law of happiness is that how you feel the quality of your
is that how you feel the quality of your emotional life is largely determined by
emotional life is largely determined by how you talk to yourself
how you talk to yourself your self-talk your inner dialogue what
your self-talk your inner dialogue what you say to yourself on a regular basis
you say to yourself on a regular basis largely determines the tone of your
largely determines the tone of your emotional life
emotional life and the wonderful thing about your
and the wonderful thing about your self-talk is that it's completely under
self-talk is that it's completely under your own control
your own control one of the best bits of advice i ever
one of the best bits of advice i ever read was
read was when something goes wrong
when something goes wrong say something right
say something right immediately override a negative
immediately override a negative experience by saying something positive
experience by saying something positive and cheerful
and cheerful control
control your own self-talk
your own self-talk this brings us to the second part of the
this brings us to the second part of the law of happiness which says that the way
law of happiness which says that the way you interpret events to yourself
you interpret events to yourself determines your emotional responses to
determines your emotional responses to those events
those events this is another way of saying
this is another way of saying that it's not what happens to you but
that it's not what happens to you but how you react to what happens to you
how you react to what happens to you that determines how you feel about it
that determines how you feel about it if you interpret an external event as
if you interpret an external event as being positive or helpful you'll remain
being positive or helpful you'll remain optimistic and cheerful
optimistic and cheerful if you interpret the same event as being
if you interpret the same event as being negative or hurtful you'll become angry
negative or hurtful you'll become angry and frustrated you'll make yourself
and frustrated you'll make yourself unhappy and the choice is always yours
unhappy and the choice is always yours the third part of this law says that the
the third part of this law says that the fastest way to take control of your
fastest way to take control of your emotions is to look for the good in any
emotions is to look for the good in any situation you're facing
situation you're facing now this requires tremendous strength of
now this requires tremendous strength of will especially when things are going
will especially when things are going wrong all around you and people are
wrong all around you and people are blaming you for their problems however
blaming you for their problems however if you look for the good even if you
if you look for the good even if you just seek out the valuable lesson in
just seek out the valuable lesson in each experience
each experience you'll always find it and you can't be
you'll always find it and you can't be looking for the good or the valuable
looking for the good or the valuable lessons that the experience holds for
lessons that the experience holds for you and be negative or unhappy at the
you and be negative or unhappy at the same time
same time remember your subconscious mind can only
remember your subconscious mind can only hold one thought at a time either
hold one thought at a time either positive or negative and if you
positive or negative and if you deliberately choose to hold positive
deliberately choose to hold positive thoughts and dwell upon those thoughts
thoughts and dwell upon those thoughts then the negative thoughts simply can't
then the negative thoughts simply can't get in
get in this brings us naturally to the fourth
this brings us naturally to the fourth law of happiness which is called the law
law of happiness which is called the law of substitution
of substitution it says that you can keep yourself
it says that you can keep yourself positive by substituting a positive
positive by substituting a positive thought for a negative thought
thought for a negative thought the law of substitution is often called
the law of substitution is often called the crowding out principle
the crowding out principle it simply says that you can crowd out of
it simply says that you can crowd out of your mind any thoughts that aren't
your mind any thoughts that aren't helpful to you by simply choosing to
helpful to you by simply choosing to focus your attention on a thought that
focus your attention on a thought that is
is more helpful or more positive
more helpful or more positive many people are negative for the simple
many people are negative for the simple reason that they have not deliberately
reason that they have not deliberately chosen to be positive
chosen to be positive they have not systematically planted in
they have not systematically planted in their minds the thoughts that are
their minds the thoughts that are consistent with the emotions they desire
consistent with the emotions they desire to experience
to experience dr martin seligman of the university of
dr martin seligman of the university of pennsylvania in his recent book learned
pennsylvania in his recent book learned optimism talks about his 25 years of
optimism talks about his 25 years of research in cognitive psychology
research in cognitive psychology he says that the great majority of
he says that the great majority of people the pessimists have developed
people the pessimists have developed what he calls
what he calls learned helplessness
learned helplessness he says that if a person has a series of
he says that if a person has a series of experiences or makes a series of
experiences or makes a series of attempts to do something and is not
attempts to do something and is not successful
successful that person unconsciously assumes that
that person unconsciously assumes that there's nothing that he can do to change
there's nothing that he can do to change things
things he perceives himself to be helpless from
he perceives himself to be helpless from that point onward even when he's given
that point onward even when he's given an opportunity of some kind he will turn
an opportunity of some kind he will turn it down and give you every conceivable
it down and give you every conceivable reason why it's not possible for him
reason why it's not possible for him he's tried and failed in the past
he's tried and failed in the past and so he's now learned to be helpless
and so he's now learned to be helpless an illustration of this is the indian
an illustration of this is the indian elephant a huge beast that weighs as
elephant a huge beast that weighs as much as five tons
much as five tons indian elephants are domesticated very
indian elephants are domesticated very early in life and trained to be docile
early in life and trained to be docile and easily controlled by their owners
and easily controlled by their owners the way they do it is simple
the way they do it is simple when the elephant is a baby its owner
when the elephant is a baby its owner chains it with a large chain to a large
chains it with a large chain to a large stake driven deeply into the ground
stake driven deeply into the ground the elephant struggles against the chain
the elephant struggles against the chain for hour after hour
for hour after hour finally the baby elephant gives up and
finally the baby elephant gives up and accepts that when it's chained to a
accepts that when it's chained to a stake it's helpless it does no good to
stake it's helpless it does no good to struggle it might just as well stand
struggle it might just as well stand there until its master comes back and
there until its master comes back and takes off the chain
takes off the chain for the rest of the elephant's life all
for the rest of the elephant's life all its owner has to do is to tie a small
its owner has to do is to tie a small rope around the elephant's leg and
rope around the elephant's leg and attach the rope to a small stake in the
attach the rope to a small stake in the ground in order to hold the elephant
ground in order to hold the elephant firmly
firmly the elephant as soon as it feels the
the elephant as soon as it feels the rope in the stake stops struggling
rope in the stake stops struggling even though the rope is small and the
even though the rope is small and the stake is shallow the elephant has
stake is shallow the elephant has learned to be helpless the elephant no
learned to be helpless the elephant no longer struggles or strains against the
longer struggles or strains against the leash
leash the elephant may have the strength and
the elephant may have the strength and the power to knock down houses but it's
the power to knock down houses but it's completely docile and easily controlled
completely docile and easily controlled because of its attitude
because of its attitude the elephant's earlier experiences of
the elephant's earlier experiences of futility have convinced it that it's
futility have convinced it that it's powerless whenever it's tied to a stake
powerless whenever it's tied to a stake no matter how small the stake may be
no matter how small the stake may be now many people are like that elephant
now many people are like that elephant because they allow themselves to think
because they allow themselves to think continually of the reasons why not
continually of the reasons why not rather than the reasons why
rather than the reasons why it seems that as soon as you begin to
it seems that as soon as you begin to concentrate on how you can achieve a
concentrate on how you can achieve a goal rather than whether or not it's
goal rather than whether or not it's achievable your mind automatically
achievable your mind automatically becomes positive and all your energies
becomes positive and all your energies become channeled toward achievement and
become channeled toward achievement and happiness rather than toward failure and
happiness rather than toward failure and frustration
frustration the fifth law of happiness is the law of
the fifth law of happiness is the law of expression which states that whatever is
expression which states that whatever is expressed is impressed and whatever is
expressed is impressed and whatever is impressed is expressed
impressed is expressed whatever you say either to yourself or
whatever you say either to yourself or out loud is impressed into your
out loud is impressed into your subconscious mind and whatever is
subconscious mind and whatever is impressed into your subconscious mind
impressed into your subconscious mind will ultimately be expressed in your
will ultimately be expressed in your thoughts your feelings your conversation
thoughts your feelings your conversation and your actions
and your actions the more emotion that you use to express
the more emotion that you use to express any thought or idea the more deeply it
any thought or idea the more deeply it will be impressed into your subconscious
will be impressed into your subconscious mind
mind and the more rapidly it will be
and the more rapidly it will be re-expressed in your life
re-expressed in your life whatever you say with conviction
whatever you say with conviction triggers thoughts ideas and actions
triggers thoughts ideas and actions consistent with those words so be sure
consistent with those words so be sure to pick your words carefully
to pick your words carefully when you think of a challenge or a goal
when you think of a challenge or a goal and you repeat to yourself the words i
and you repeat to yourself the words i can do it i can do it i can do it
can do it i can do it i can do it you trigger all kinds of feelings and
you trigger all kinds of feelings and actions that propel you forward toward
actions that propel you forward toward doing the things that will enable you to
doing the things that will enable you to achieve the goal
achieve the goal the sixth law of happiness is the law of
the sixth law of happiness is the law of reversibility
reversibility it states that just as your feelings
it states that just as your feelings determine your actions your actions also
determine your actions your actions also determine your feelings
determine your feelings this is a remarkable and powerful law
this is a remarkable and powerful law that says that even if you don't feel a
that says that even if you don't feel a particular way such as self-confident or
particular way such as self-confident or happy if you act as if or pretend that
happy if you act as if or pretend that you have the feelings already the
you have the feelings already the actions themselves will have a backflow
actions themselves will have a backflow effect and generate the emotions
effect and generate the emotions consistent with them
consistent with them when you act in a certain way the
when you act in a certain way the actions themselves trigger thoughts
actions themselves trigger thoughts images feelings and attitudes that are
images feelings and attitudes that are consistent with those actions
consistent with those actions you can in effect control much of the
you can in effect control much of the content of your mental and emotional
content of your mental and emotional life simply by moving your body in such
life simply by moving your body in such a way that it's consistent with the way
a way that it's consistent with the way in which you wish to think and feel
in which you wish to think and feel the seventh law of happiness is the law
the seventh law of happiness is the law of visualization which states that ideas
of visualization which states that ideas and images tend to awaken emotions and
and images tend to awaken emotions and feelings that correspond to them
feelings that correspond to them when you create clear mental pictures of
when you create clear mental pictures of yourself as happy positive and
yourself as happy positive and optimistic
optimistic these mental pictures will trigger
these mental pictures will trigger feelings and actions that actually lead
feelings and actions that actually lead to your being happy positive and
to your being happy positive and optimistic
optimistic one of the most helpful exercises that
one of the most helpful exercises that you can engage in is to think of a time
you can engage in is to think of a time in your life when you've been extremely
in your life when you've been extremely happy and to replay that experience on
happy and to replay that experience on the screen of your mind as though you
the screen of your mind as though you are running a movie projector
are running a movie projector put yourself right into the picture and
put yourself right into the picture and re-experience or
re-experience or get the feelings that go with it
get the feelings that go with it you can actually make yourself happy by
you can actually make yourself happy by dwelling
dwelling upon previous experiences when you've
upon previous experiences when you've been happy
been happy the eighth law of happiness is the law
the eighth law of happiness is the law of practice
of practice this law states that whatever you
this law states that whatever you practice and repeat often enough
practice and repeat often enough becomes a new habit
becomes a new habit just as you learn to drive a car or type
just as you learn to drive a car or type on a typewriter or ride a bicycle
on a typewriter or ride a bicycle you can train yourself to be a
you can train yourself to be a predominantly happy and optimistic
predominantly happy and optimistic person by walking talking and acting
person by walking talking and acting as though you were happy already
as though you were happy already you begin to become happy when you
you begin to become happy when you decide for yourself the combination of
decide for yourself the combination of ingredients in your life that will make
ingredients in your life that will make you happy and then start to move toward
you happy and then start to move toward them
them simultaneously you need to determine the
simultaneously you need to determine the things in your life that are depriving
things in your life that are depriving you of happiness and begin to remove
you of happiness and begin to remove them
them happiness is an active state or
happiness is an active state or condition that you experience when
condition that you experience when you're becoming everything that you're
you're becoming everything that you're capable of becoming and you're moving
capable of becoming and you're moving toward the realization of your full
toward the realization of your full potential
potential it's only when you're doing something
it's only when you're doing something that's important to you something that
that's important to you something that causes you to strive and stretch towards
causes you to strive and stretch towards your limits that you experience joy and
your limits that you experience joy and satisfaction
satisfaction underlying it all is the law of
underlying it all is the law of correspondence which says that you will
correspondence which says that you will be happy on the outside to the degree to
be happy on the outside to the degree to which you are happy on the inside
which you are happy on the inside the more true you are to yourself and
the more true you are to yourself and the more consistently you live in
the more consistently you live in harmony with your highest
harmony with your highest values and aspirations
values and aspirations the happier a person you will be
your ability to enter into and maintain long-term intimate loving relationships
long-term intimate loving relationships with other people and especially with
with other people and especially with one other person
one other person tells how fully developed you really are
tells how fully developed you really are in the last session i talked about
in the last session i talked about abraham maslow who spent many years
abraham maslow who spent many years studying the most happy and successful
studying the most happy and successful men and women in our society
men and women in our society he found that one of the qualities of
he found that one of the qualities of these self-actualizing people was that
these self-actualizing people was that they were able to enter into and build
they were able to enter into and build strong relationships that endured for
strong relationships that endured for many years
many years often a lifetime
often a lifetime now everything that you've become as a
now everything that you've become as a human being and as an individual
human being and as an individual personality is captured in the quality
personality is captured in the quality of your interactions with other people
of your interactions with other people fully eighty-five percent of the
fully eighty-five percent of the happiness you enjoy in life will come
happiness you enjoy in life will come from your relationships with others
from your relationships with others unfortunately
unfortunately this also means that fully eighty-five
this also means that fully eighty-five percent of your unhappiness and
percent of your unhappiness and frustration will come from problems that
frustration will come from problems that you have with other people especially
you have with other people especially the people who are closest to you
the people who are closest to you it's therefore in your best interest to
it's therefore in your best interest to learn everything you possibly can about
learn everything you possibly can about forming and enjoying loving
forming and enjoying loving relationships with other people
relationships with other people there are a variety of different kinds
there are a variety of different kinds of loves
of loves much of what we have learned about love
much of what we have learned about love is both partially true and partially
is both partially true and partially false and it's usually somewhat
false and it's usually somewhat confusing
confusing sometimes the concept of love gets
sometimes the concept of love gets bundled up with romantic love or
bundled up with romantic love or self-love or love of mankind love of
self-love or love of mankind love of animals or nature or beauty or truth or
animals or nature or beauty or truth or something else
something else for each person the scope and quality of
for each person the scope and quality of love he or she needs and requires to be
love he or she needs and requires to be fully happy and fulfilled is different
fully happy and fulfilled is different just as plants strive upward toward the
just as plants strive upward toward the light of the sun
light of the sun you as a human being strive continually
you as a human being strive continually toward the major sources of love in your
toward the major sources of love in your life
life it's been said that everything we do is
it's been said that everything we do is either to get love or to compensate for
either to get love or to compensate for the lack of love
the lack of love virtually all personality problems can
virtually all personality problems can be traced back to
be traced back to love withheld in early childhood
love withheld in early childhood most adults spend the second 50 years of
most adults spend the second 50 years of their life getting over the experiences
their life getting over the experiences of the first five years most of which
of the first five years most of which were associated with inappropriate
were associated with inappropriate mixtures of love and punishment and
mixtures of love and punishment and criticism and negativity
criticism and negativity we know that the adult personality is
we know that the adult personality is healthy to the degree to which the child
healthy to the degree to which the child received a high quality and quantity of
received a high quality and quantity of love during the first three to five
love during the first three to five years of his or her life
years of his or her life if for any reason there was a breakdown
if for any reason there was a breakdown of love at this time
of love at this time the adult will manifest these shortages
the adult will manifest these shortages and deficiencies in his or her
and deficiencies in his or her relationships with other members of the
relationships with other members of the opposite sex when they grow up
opposite sex when they grow up dr morris massey says that as adults we
dr morris massey says that as adults we seek for what we most felt we were
seek for what we most felt we were deprived of as children
deprived of as children we're internally driven below our
we're internally driven below our subconscious levels to attempt to fill a
subconscious levels to attempt to fill a void or gap that arose in us in early
void or gap that arose in us in early childhood and which we were almost
childhood and which we were almost completely unaware of
completely unaware of as adults in all of our love
as adults in all of our love relationships we are oriented toward
relationships we are oriented toward completion and fulfillment of some kind
completion and fulfillment of some kind toward satisfying deep unconscious needs
toward satisfying deep unconscious needs that arose during our formative years
that arose during our formative years the brilliant harvard psychologist and
the brilliant harvard psychologist and sociologist paterum sorokin studied the
sociologist paterum sorokin studied the phenomenon of love extensively and wrote
phenomenon of love extensively and wrote about it in his book the ways and powers
about it in his book the ways and powers of love
of love in this marvelous work one of the most
in this marvelous work one of the most complete treatments of the subject of
complete treatments of the subject of love ever written
love ever written sorokin describes every form of love and
sorokin describes every form of love and the different qualities that are
the different qualities that are manifested in the practice of love
manifested in the practice of love for example he talks about the breadth
for example he talks about the breadth of love how many people a person can
of love how many people a person can love at one time
love at one time he refers to the intensity of love or
he refers to the intensity of love or how deeply one can feel about another
how deeply one can feel about another individual
individual he talks about the duration of love the
he talks about the duration of love the specificity of love the variability of
specificity of love the variability of love the stability or enduring power of
love the stability or enduring power of love and several other aspects of the
love and several other aspects of the subject
subject what he makes clear is that love is not
what he makes clear is that love is not a simple thing at all
a simple thing at all and because it's so important it's well
and because it's so important it's well worth our while to learn as much about
worth our while to learn as much about it as we can
it as we can sometimes just a little knowledge of the
sometimes just a little knowledge of the subject of love can have a wonderfully
subject of love can have a wonderfully positive effect on our relationships
positive effect on our relationships with others and can give us the tools
with others and can give us the tools that we need to be more happy with other
that we need to be more happy with other people
people dr edmund opitz a teacher of mine many
dr edmund opitz a teacher of mine many years ago
years ago once observed that you can take almost
once observed that you can take almost anything to excess except love
anything to excess except love he said that love is the one thing in
he said that love is the one thing in the world that there can never be too
the world that there can never be too much of
much of i never forgot those words and over the
i never forgot those words and over the years i found that they are as true as
years i found that they are as true as anything can be
anything can be perhaps the most wonderful thing about
perhaps the most wonderful thing about love
love is that the more you have of it for
is that the more you have of it for others the more of it you have for
others the more of it you have for yourself
yourself the more often that you tell another
the more often that you tell another person that you love him or her the more
person that you love him or her the more love you have for yourself
love you have for yourself love only grows by sharing
love only grows by sharing the more of it you give away the more of
the more of it you give away the more of it you have
it you have and the converse is unfortunately true
and the converse is unfortunately true the less of it you give away the less of
the less of it you give away the less of it you have for yourself
it you have for yourself which goes to explain a lot of
which goes to explain a lot of unhappiness
unhappiness many parents would agree that one of the
many parents would agree that one of the great benefits and blessings of having
great benefits and blessings of having children is they teach us more about
children is they teach us more about unselfish unconditional love than we
unselfish unconditional love than we could ever learn without them
could ever learn without them children in their formative years are
children in their formative years are like sponges for love they can absorb
like sponges for love they can absorb love like the desert sand can absorb
love like the desert sand can absorb water they need love like roses need
water they need love like roses need rain they can take all the love you have
rain they can take all the love you have to give them and more besides
to give them and more besides fortunately we as human beings are
fortunately we as human beings are designed not only to seek love and to
designed not only to seek love and to receive love but to give love to others
receive love but to give love to others and there's no time that we feel more
and there's no time that we feel more fully alive and more fully human than
fully alive and more fully human than when we are pouring out our love to
when we are pouring out our love to another person
another person this is why children can enrich their
this is why children can enrich their parents out of all proportion to the
parents out of all proportion to the time and money and effort they spend in
time and money and effort they spend in raising them to adulthood
raising them to adulthood in this session however i want to talk
in this session however i want to talk specifically about the love between men
specifically about the love between men and women and how it can be improved and
and women and how it can be improved and enhanced
enhanced there are eleven laws that explain much
there are eleven laws that explain much of what happens between two people and a
of what happens between two people and a knowledge of these laws can help you to
knowledge of these laws can help you to be more effective in your most important
be more effective in your most important relationship
relationship the first law of love and relationships
the first law of love and relationships is the law of commitment
is the law of commitment this law says that the level of
this law says that the level of commitment is the critical element that
commitment is the critical element that determines the long-term health and
determines the long-term health and happiness of a relationship
happiness of a relationship in study after study men and women who
in study after study men and women who were found to be the happiest with each
were found to be the happiest with each other over long periods of time were
other over long periods of time were those who were totally committed to each
those who were totally committed to each other and to their relationship
other and to their relationship they never considered or discussed the
they never considered or discussed the possibility of the relationship not
possibility of the relationship not working out
working out it never entered their minds whether
it never entered their minds whether this relationship would last
this relationship would last it was an accepted fact without question
it was an accepted fact without question or comment the relationship was there to
or comment the relationship was there to stay
stay one of the great difficulties in
one of the great difficulties in relationships is what is called the go
relationships is what is called the go halfway mentality
halfway mentality this mentality arises when one or both
this mentality arises when one or both parties are not willing to make a total
parties are not willing to make a total 100 percent commitment to the
100 percent commitment to the relationship
relationship one or both of them is hedging their
one or both of them is hedging their bets and they're playing it safe
bets and they're playing it safe this lack of commitment triggers
this lack of commitment triggers deep-seated fears of rejection and
deep-seated fears of rejection and non-acceptance and leads to a tremendous
non-acceptance and leads to a tremendous amount of unhappiness and tension in the
amount of unhappiness and tension in the relationship
relationship one of the external manifestations of
one of the external manifestations of this failure to make a total commitment
this failure to make a total commitment is the habit of dividing expenses or
is the habit of dividing expenses or keeping separate bank accounts
keeping separate bank accounts sometimes people take turns buying
sometimes people take turns buying things for the house or apartment and
things for the house or apartment and keep a careful list of who bought what
keep a careful list of who bought what i know a couple who lived together for
i know a couple who lived together for 11 years but never got around to getting
11 years but never got around to getting married he bought the pots and pans she
married he bought the pots and pans she bought the dishes
bought the dishes he bought the couch she bought the
he bought the couch she bought the chairs
chairs he bought the stereo she bought the
he bought the stereo she bought the television on every single item there
television on every single item there was a little sticker with the initials
was a little sticker with the initials of the person who had paid for it
of the person who had paid for it at the end of eleven years they had a
at the end of eleven years they had a quarrel and decided to go their separate
quarrel and decided to go their separate ways
ways they were able to divide up their
they were able to divide up their accumulated possessions in less than two
accumulated possessions in less than two hours to go off in different directions
hours to go off in different directions and never see or have anything to do
and never see or have anything to do with each other again
with each other again because of the lack of commitment that
because of the lack of commitment that entered into the beginning of the
entered into the beginning of the relationship
relationship manifested in a continual division of
manifested in a continual division of property they were mentally preparing to
property they were mentally preparing to go their separate ways from very early
go their separate ways from very early on
on another example of this lack of
another example of this lack of commitment is the pre-nuptial agreement
commitment is the pre-nuptial agreement two parties drop an agreement that in
two parties drop an agreement that in effect specifies how the property will
effect specifies how the property will be divided when the relationship
be divided when the relationship collapses
collapses the desire for or the insistence upon a
the desire for or the insistence upon a prenuptial agreement
prenuptial agreement usually means that one or both parties
usually means that one or both parties don't place very much faith in the
don't place very much faith in the long-term strength of the marriage
long-term strength of the marriage the second law of love and relationships
the second law of love and relationships is the law of value
is the law of value it says that love is a response to value
it says that love is a response to value you always love in another which you
you always love in another which you most admire and respect in a human being
most admire and respect in a human being this means that love is not blind
this means that love is not blind you tend to be attracted to a person who
you tend to be attracted to a person who you think has qualities that you feel
you think has qualities that you feel are ideal in another person
are ideal in another person the first part of the law of value says
the first part of the law of value says that when you love and respect equality
that when you love and respect equality or virtue you tend to love and respect
or virtue you tend to love and respect another person who appears to have it
another person who appears to have it this facet of love can apply to your
this facet of love can apply to your feelings toward any other human being
feelings toward any other human being male or female young or old
male or female young or old we all have an unconscious tendency to
we all have an unconscious tendency to give our love and commitment to those
give our love and commitment to those people who we feel are most
people who we feel are most representative of what we value most in
representative of what we value most in others
others part two of this law says that in a love
part two of this law says that in a love relationship you tend to love and be
relationship you tend to love and be more compatible with another who
more compatible with another who possesses qualities you admire
possesses qualities you admire and which are complementary to your own
and which are complementary to your own like everyone you're composed of
like everyone you're composed of strengths and weaknesses most people
strengths and weaknesses most people have more weaknesses than they have
have more weaknesses than they have strengths and since you live with
strengths and since you live with yourself all the time you're painfully
yourself all the time you're painfully aware of the deficiencies that you might
aware of the deficiencies that you might have in your own character and
have in your own character and personality
personality you also have an innate urge for
you also have an innate urge for completion and wholeness so you tend to
completion and wholeness so you tend to seek out a member of the opposite sex
seek out a member of the opposite sex who has strengths where you have
who has strengths where you have weaknesses
weaknesses part three of this law says that men and
part three of this law says that men and women seek balance and completeness by
women seek balance and completeness by finding another who appears to be a
finding another who appears to be a compliment of themselves
compliment of themselves one of the things we know is that when
one of the things we know is that when two people are ideal for each other
two people are ideal for each other their personalities balance each other
their personalities balance each other when blended together these two people
when blended together these two people actually form a single complete person
actually form a single complete person he is gregarious and outgoing she is
he is gregarious and outgoing she is quiet and reserved
quiet and reserved he is casual and less concerned with
he is casual and less concerned with facts and details she is fastidious and
facts and details she is fastidious and attentive
attentive she is a great implementer while he is a
she is a great implementer while he is a great planner
great planner he gets upset at silly things while she
he gets upset at silly things while she remains calm and stable in the midst of
remains calm and stable in the midst of chaos
chaos these two people balance each other and
these two people balance each other and combine to make an ideal couple
combine to make an ideal couple the third law of relationships is the
the third law of relationships is the law of compatibility which says
law of compatibility which says people are more compatible together when
people are more compatible together when they are
they are most similar in beliefs attitudes
most similar in beliefs attitudes values and ambitions
values and ambitions compatibility is one of the most
compatibility is one of the most important of all factors in determining
important of all factors in determining the long-term health and happiness of
the long-term health and happiness of two people in a relationship
two people in a relationship long-term happiness depends upon a high
long-term happiness depends upon a high degree of harmony and peace which is
degree of harmony and peace which is only possible if the essential parts of
only possible if the essential parts of life are largely resolved and beyond
life are largely resolved and beyond argument
argument for example the number one cause of
for example the number one cause of marital breakdown in america today is
marital breakdown in america today is disagreements over money
disagreements over money if two people have two different
if two people have two different attitudes toward earning spending and
attitudes toward earning spending and saving money it'll lead to continuous
saving money it'll lead to continuous clashes it's only when two people have
clashes it's only when two people have the same attitudes toward money that it
the same attitudes toward money that it doesn't become a source of argument or
doesn't become a source of argument or disagreement
disagreement the same principle applies to children
the same principle applies to children it's essential for long-term
it's essential for long-term compatibility that both people have very
compatibility that both people have very much the same attitudes toward children
much the same attitudes toward children both in having them and bringing them up
both in having them and bringing them up another area where couples need to be
another area where couples need to be compatible is in the way they spend
compatible is in the way they spend their leisure time if he likes the beach
their leisure time if he likes the beach and she likes the mountains or he likes
and she likes the mountains or he likes to stay home and she likes to go out and
to stay home and she likes to go out and they can't find ways to compromise
they can't find ways to compromise they'll be clashing constantly
they'll be clashing constantly many people are initially drawn together
many people are initially drawn together because of mutual attraction but it's
because of mutual attraction but it's the compatibility or lack of
the compatibility or lack of compatibility with regard to the key
compatibility with regard to the key values and activities of day-to-day life
values and activities of day-to-day life that will determine the long-term love
that will determine the long-term love and strength of the relationship
and strength of the relationship sometimes couples grow apart and become
sometimes couples grow apart and become incompatible
incompatible in my seminars i point out that this is
in my seminars i point out that this is a major cause of stress anxiety
a major cause of stress anxiety unhappiness and even psychosomatic
unhappiness and even psychosomatic illness
illness when incompatibility sets in the very
when incompatibility sets in the very first thing that stops is the laughter
first thing that stops is the laughter between the two people
between the two people soon after that
soon after that the conversation
the conversation dwindles away
dwindles away if they have children they'll find that
if they have children they'll find that they have very little else to talk about
they have very little else to talk about except the children and beyond that they
except the children and beyond that they really have nothing to say to each other
really have nothing to say to each other they have become
they have become incompatible
incompatible the very best thing to do if you find
the very best thing to do if you find that you're growing apart is to make
that you're growing apart is to make every effort to build a new bridge of
every effort to build a new bridge of compatibility
compatibility go for a long drive take a trip even a
go for a long drive take a trip even a long vacation together and do everything
long vacation together and do everything possible to develop new areas of
possible to develop new areas of interest and understanding
interest and understanding there are also excellent weekend
there are also excellent weekend seminars which couples can attend to
seminars which couples can attend to rebuild and reaffirm their relationships
rebuild and reaffirm their relationships there are books that you can read and
there are books that you can read and there's counseling that you can seek out
there's counseling that you can seek out however
however if the incompatibility cannot be
if the incompatibility cannot be overcome
overcome and you find that you're no longer happy
and you find that you're no longer happy with the other person
with the other person you no longer have anything in common
you no longer have anything in common then you have to make some hard
then you have to make some hard decisions
decisions one of the things that holds people back
one of the things that holds people back from dissolving a marriage that's no
from dissolving a marriage that's no longer working is because very often
longer working is because very often they're overly concerned about what they
they're overly concerned about what they think other people might say or think
think other people might say or think especially other members of their
especially other members of their families
families my experience however in dealing with
my experience however in dealing with thousands of men and women has brought
thousands of men and women has brought me to this simple conclusion
me to this simple conclusion no matter what people say
no matter what people say or what you may think they may say the
or what you may think they may say the truth of the matter is that other people
truth of the matter is that other people really don't think about you
really don't think about you very much at all
very much at all it isn't so much that people don't care
it isn't so much that people don't care it's just that they have so many
it's just that they have so many problems of their own so many unresolved
problems of their own so many unresolved conflicts and difficulties with the
conflicts and difficulties with the people in their lives that they only
people in their lives that they only have a very small portion of their
have a very small portion of their emotional energies to devote to you into
emotional energies to devote to you into your life
your life the bottom line is this
the bottom line is this never stay in an unhappy relationship
never stay in an unhappy relationship because of what you think others might
because of what you think others might say
say with regard to yourself and another
with regard to yourself and another person
person always make your decisions based on what
always make your decisions based on what will make you happy both in the short
will make you happy both in the short term and in the long term
term and in the long term as long as you use your own happiness as
as long as you use your own happiness as your guide for behavior and decision
your guide for behavior and decision making you'll be as right as you
making you'll be as right as you possibly can be in any situation
possibly can be in any situation involving someone else
involving someone else the fourth law of relationships is the
the fourth law of relationships is the law of communication
law of communication this law states that the essence of a
this law states that the essence of a happy relationship is good communication
happy relationship is good communication but that there are differences in the
but that there are differences in the way men and women communicate
way men and women communicate in order to communicate well it's
in order to communicate well it's essential that both parties are aware of
essential that both parties are aware of the differences in communication styles
the differences in communication styles and the differences in both meaning and
and the differences in both meaning and intention that these styles display
intention that these styles display the first part of this law is that men
the first part of this law is that men are direct women are indirect
are direct women are indirect now there are always exceptions to any
now there are always exceptions to any rules that we attempt to apply to human
rules that we attempt to apply to human beings but this one is generally true
beings but this one is generally true men tend to be direct straightforward
men tend to be direct straightforward and to the point
and to the point women on the other hand tend to be
women on the other hand tend to be indirect around about and more subtle
indirect around about and more subtle men tend to resolve differences of
men tend to resolve differences of opinion by speaking louder and faster
opinion by speaking louder and faster while women attempt to resolve
while women attempt to resolve disagreements by finding common ground
disagreements by finding common ground and approaching the situation with
and approaching the situation with greater sensitivity
greater sensitivity the second part of the law of
the second part of the law of communication says simply that never
communication says simply that never assume that you understand what the
assume that you understand what the other is thinking and feeling
other is thinking and feeling if you have any doubt at all you are
if you have any doubt at all you are probably completely wrong about what's
probably completely wrong about what's going on
going on the only way to assure a high quality of
the only way to assure a high quality of communication between two people is to
communication between two people is to first of all seek to understand the
first of all seek to understand the other person before you try to get the
other person before you try to get the other person to understand you
other person to understand you the more you concentrate on
the more you concentrate on understanding the better will be the
understanding the better will be the quality of your communication
quality of your communication and the stronger will be your
and the stronger will be your relationship
relationship the fifth law of relationships is the
the fifth law of relationships is the law of attention
law of attention this law says that you always pay
this law says that you always pay attention to what you most love and
attention to what you most love and value
value you're always attracted to the kind of
you're always attracted to the kind of person that you find most valuable and
person that you find most valuable and worthwhile
worthwhile as your attention goes
as your attention goes so goes your life
so goes your life life is merely the study of attention
life is merely the study of attention what attracts your attention in all
what attracts your attention in all areas is a very good indication of who
areas is a very good indication of who you are and what is of the greatest
you are and what is of the greatest interest to you
interest to you your attention and what holds it
your attention and what holds it can often lead you to the right career
can often lead you to the right career the right people
the right people and the right relationship
and the right relationship the first part of the law of attention
the first part of the law of attention says
says you tend to ignore
you tend to ignore what you don't value
what you don't value you do not pay attention to things that
you do not pay attention to things that you place little value on if you don't
you place little value on if you don't value something at all you'll hardly
value something at all you'll hardly even notice it
even notice it it won't attract you and keep you
it won't attract you and keep you interested of course what we mean here
interested of course what we mean here is that if you ignore another person or
is that if you ignore another person or even if you seem to ignore another
even if you seem to ignore another person
person you send a message to that other person
you send a message to that other person that you don't consider him or her to be
that you don't consider him or her to be of value
of value since we often make the mistake of
since we often make the mistake of inadvertently ignoring the people we
inadvertently ignoring the people we most love we need to be aware that this
most love we need to be aware that this attitude on our part even accidentally
attitude on our part even accidentally can hurt other people's feelings and
can hurt other people's feelings and lead to problems in our relationships
lead to problems in our relationships part two of the law of attention says
part two of the law of attention says that
that sincere attentive listening to another
sincere attentive listening to another is the highest form of love and
is the highest form of love and sensitivity
sensitivity patient uninterrupted listening is one
patient uninterrupted listening is one of the highest forms of flattery
of the highest forms of flattery it's the way that you tell the other
it's the way that you tell the other person that you really consider him or
person that you really consider him or her to be important and to be of value
her to be important and to be of value to you
to you the third part of the law of attention
the third part of the law of attention is that listening builds trust
is that listening builds trust which is the foundation of all lasting
which is the foundation of all lasting relationships
relationships listening is the essence of excellent
listening is the essence of excellent communications and it's the one activity
communications and it's the one activity that builds the trust that assures the
that builds the trust that assures the long-term strength and well-being of the
long-term strength and well-being of the relationship between two people
relationship between two people whenever you listen to another person
whenever you listen to another person you tell that person in no uncertain
you tell that person in no uncertain terms how much you value him or her
terms how much you value him or her and how important what he or she is
and how important what he or she is thinking or saying is to you
thinking or saying is to you the sixth law of love and relationships
the sixth law of love and relationships is the law of self-esteem
is the law of self-esteem it's similar to the principle of love in
it's similar to the principle of love in that self-esteem refers to self-love
that self-esteem refers to self-love the law says that everything you do in
the law says that everything you do in life is to either increase or protect
life is to either increase or protect your self-esteem and sense of personal
your self-esteem and sense of personal value and worth
value and worth how much you like and value yourself how
how much you like and value yourself how much you accept yourself as a worthwhile
much you accept yourself as a worthwhile and important human being goes to the
and important human being goes to the very core of your personality
very core of your personality you are always most attracted to people
you are always most attracted to people in situations that build and reinforce
in situations that build and reinforce your sense of personal value
your sense of personal value simultaneously you tend to be repelled
simultaneously you tend to be repelled by people in situations that threaten or
by people in situations that threaten or harm your self-esteem
harm your self-esteem part one of this law says
part one of this law says that you will tend to be happiest with a
that you will tend to be happiest with a person who makes you feel good about
person who makes you feel good about yourself
yourself in this sense love is perfectly selfish
in this sense love is perfectly selfish you pick out another person to love
you pick out another person to love because when you're with that person you
because when you're with that person you feel the best about yourself
feel the best about yourself you feel happy
you feel happy in fact it's very common for people to
in fact it's very common for people to say that when they've met the right
say that when they've met the right person
person that they have met their best friend
that they have met their best friend there's nobody that they enjoy being
there's nobody that they enjoy being with and talking to and going places
with and talking to and going places with more than that person
with more than that person the second part of the law of
the second part of the law of self-esteem says that everything you do
self-esteem says that everything you do to raise the self-esteem of another
to raise the self-esteem of another causes your own self-esteem to go up and
causes your own self-esteem to go up and makes you like yourself more
makes you like yourself more one of the wonderful things about doing
one of the wonderful things about doing kindnesses for another person
kindnesses for another person is that everything that you do which
is that everything that you do which makes someone else feel better about
makes someone else feel better about themselves causes you to feel better
themselves causes you to feel better about yourself
about yourself this is an example of the law of
this is an example of the law of correspondence in action
correspondence in action your outer world tends to be a
your outer world tends to be a reflection of your inner world your
reflection of your inner world your external life tends to be a mirror image
external life tends to be a mirror image of your internal life
of your internal life everything you do to make other people
everything you do to make other people feel better about themselves
feel better about themselves reflects back on you and makes you feel
reflects back on you and makes you feel better about yourself
better about yourself the third part of the law of self-esteem
the third part of the law of self-esteem could be called carnegie's corollary
could be called carnegie's corollary from dale carnegie who first wrote it in
from dale carnegie who first wrote it in his book how to win friends and
his book how to win friends and influence people
influence people he wrote that you can make more friends
he wrote that you can make more friends in a couple of days by becoming
in a couple of days by becoming genuinely interested in others then you
genuinely interested in others then you could in a year trying to get others
could in a year trying to get others interested in you
interested in you this is one of the keys to truly
this is one of the keys to truly successful relationships
successful relationships the seventh law of love and
the seventh law of love and relationships is the law of indirect
relationships is the law of indirect effort it says that you get almost
effort it says that you get almost everything in your relationships with
everything in your relationships with others more indirectly than directly
others more indirectly than directly this is true between men and women
this is true between men and women between parents and children between
between parents and children between bosses and employees
bosses and employees and between sales people and customers
and between sales people and customers the more you approach your relationships
the more you approach your relationships indirectly the more likely you are to be
indirectly the more likely you are to be successful
successful one of the reasons why women are rising
one of the reasons why women are rising to the top of many fields today is
to the top of many fields today is because they know and practice this law
because they know and practice this law intuitively in their interactions with
intuitively in their interactions with others
others for example
for example the first illustration of this law says
the first illustration of this law says that the more you appreciate and thank
that the more you appreciate and thank others
others the more appreciative they will be of
the more appreciative they will be of you
you it says that if you want people to
it says that if you want people to appreciate you
appreciate you you should appreciate them first
you should appreciate them first if you want people to do large things
if you want people to do large things for you you should thank them profusely
for you you should thank them profusely when they do small things for you
when they do small things for you when you develop an attitude of
when you develop an attitude of gratitude and appear genuinely thankful
gratitude and appear genuinely thankful to everyone for everything they do
to everyone for everything they do you'll be astonished at how warm and
you'll be astonished at how warm and helpful and friendly they'll be in the
helpful and friendly they'll be in the future
future another illustration or example of the
another illustration or example of the law of indirect effort is that the
law of indirect effort is that the fastest way to impress another person is
fastest way to impress another person is to be impressed by him or her
to be impressed by him or her the direct way of impressing another is
the direct way of impressing another is to try to overwhelm that person with
to try to overwhelm that person with stories and examples of what an amazing
stories and examples of what an amazing person you are
person you are the indirect way to impress another
the indirect way to impress another however is to be impressed by the other
however is to be impressed by the other person first
person first the more impressed you are with another
the more impressed you are with another the more impressed he or she will be
the more impressed he or she will be with you and your judgment
with you and your judgment a further example of the law of indirect
a further example of the law of indirect effort says that
effort says that if you want to gain the approval and
if you want to gain the approval and respect of others
respect of others the surest way is to give them your
the surest way is to give them your approval and respect in advance
approval and respect in advance most men and women who are successful
most men and women who are successful with members of the opposite sex have
with members of the opposite sex have found that it's very easy to cause
found that it's very easy to cause another person to be fascinated with you
another person to be fascinated with you if you simply become very interested in
if you simply become very interested in and fascinated with the other person in
and fascinated with the other person in advance
advance you tend to set up a force field of
you tend to set up a force field of human magnetism that draws people to you
human magnetism that draws people to you like moths are drawn to a candle
like moths are drawn to a candle a man or woman with no extraordinary
a man or woman with no extraordinary accomplishments can be very effective in
accomplishments can be very effective in dealing with people in a social
dealing with people in a social situation simply by asking questions
situation simply by asking questions listening intently and being sincerely
listening intently and being sincerely appreciative of the other person
appreciative of the other person the eighth law is the law of reverse
the eighth law is the law of reverse effort which says that the harder you
effort which says that the harder you don't try in a relationship the easier
don't try in a relationship the easier it tends to be
it tends to be you are most effective in your
you are most effective in your relationships with others when you rise
relationships with others when you rise above the urge to try harder to make the
above the urge to try harder to make the relationship better
relationship better the more relaxed and accepting you are
the more relaxed and accepting you are of the relationship the smoother and
of the relationship the smoother and easier it is for both of you
easier it is for both of you the second comment on the law of reverse
the second comment on the law of reverse effort is very important
effort is very important it says every relationship has its own
it says every relationship has its own timing
timing if you try to hurry it up or slow it
if you try to hurry it up or slow it down
down you merely create resistance and often a
you merely create resistance and often a crisis
crisis when two people meet either the timing
when two people meet either the timing is right or it's not
is right or it's not at every stage of a relationship there's
at every stage of a relationship there's a correct time for every major decision
a correct time for every major decision and timing is everything
and timing is everything research shows that you reach a natural
research shows that you reach a natural stage in your thinking when you're ready
stage in your thinking when you're ready to settle down with one person
to settle down with one person whoever you meet at that point in your
whoever you meet at that point in your life will assuming compatibility be the
life will assuming compatibility be the person that you will marry
person that you will marry at the same time if you're going through
at the same time if you're going through a turbulent period in your inner life
a turbulent period in your inner life you'll tend to find yourself in a
you'll tend to find yourself in a turbulent relationship
turbulent relationship you'll tend to attract the kind of
you'll tend to attract the kind of person that mirrors your internal
person that mirrors your internal psychological state the most important
psychological state the most important part of the concept of timing is that
part of the concept of timing is that you can't speed things up or slow them
you can't speed things up or slow them down when they involve another person
down when they involve another person often people will meet go out on a date
often people will meet go out on a date and find that they have nothing in
and find that they have nothing in common
common five years later they'll meet again fall
five years later they'll meet again fall in love get married and live happily for
in love get married and live happily for the rest of their lives
the rest of their lives it's all a matter of timing
it's all a matter of timing the third comment on the law of reverse
the third comment on the law of reverse effort simply says that
effort simply says that sometimes the very best thing to do in a
sometimes the very best thing to do in a difficult situation with another person
difficult situation with another person is the opposite of your natural tendency
is the opposite of your natural tendency if you feel like being angry and
if you feel like being angry and impatient sometimes the very best thing
impatient sometimes the very best thing to do is to be kind and understanding
to do is to be kind and understanding if you feel like trying harder
if you feel like trying harder sometimes the very best thing to do is
sometimes the very best thing to do is to relax and let things unfold naturally
to relax and let things unfold naturally if you feel like speaking up and
if you feel like speaking up and counter-attacking in an argument
counter-attacking in an argument sometimes the very best thing to do is
sometimes the very best thing to do is to remain silent and listen patiently
to remain silent and listen patiently until the other person has vented his or
until the other person has vented his or her frustrations
her frustrations the eighth law is the law of control as
the eighth law is the law of control as it applies to relationships
it applies to relationships in this case it says
in this case it says you are happy in a relationship to the
you are happy in a relationship to the degree to which you feel that you have a
degree to which you feel that you have a sense of control over what is happening
sense of control over what is happening this is one of the most important single
this is one of the most important single principles of happiness and mental
principles of happiness and mental well-being
well-being you need to feel that your primary
you need to feel that your primary relationship is largely self-determined
relationship is largely self-determined and is something that you can change and
and is something that you can change and affect
affect if you feel that you have too much
if you feel that you have too much control or too little control in a
control or too little control in a relationship
relationship both conditions will lead to problems
both conditions will lead to problems and unhappiness for both parties
and unhappiness for both parties part one of the law of control in
part one of the law of control in relationships says that you can increase
relationships says that you can increase your sense of control by asserting
your sense of control by asserting yourself and taking deliberate action to
yourself and taking deliberate action to direct or change the relationship
direct or change the relationship sometimes when you feel out of control
sometimes when you feel out of control in a relationship the very best thing
in a relationship the very best thing for you to do is to step up put both
for you to do is to step up put both your hands on the wheel of the
your hands on the wheel of the relationship and take firm positive
relationship and take firm positive action to change things in such a way
action to change things in such a way that they're more satisfactory to you
that they're more satisfactory to you make a decision
make a decision get on or get off your very act of
get on or get off your very act of decisiveness and your willingness to
decisiveness and your willingness to take action can often resolve the
take action can often resolve the difficulty with another person
difficulty with another person part two of this law of control however
part two of this law of control however says that you can often assert control
says that you can often assert control in a relationship only by walking away
in a relationship only by walking away in fact it's only when you're willing to
in fact it's only when you're willing to walk away from a relationship that
walk away from a relationship that you're in a position to change it if
you're in a position to change it if change is possible
change is possible you must often be willing to end a
you must often be willing to end a relationship to break it up and to put
relationship to break it up and to put it back together on a new basis if
it back together on a new basis if you're going to be able to change it or
you're going to be able to change it or improve it at all
improve it at all either asserting yourself in a
either asserting yourself in a relationship or walking away from the
relationship or walking away from the relationship can be the solution to the
relationship can be the solution to the difficulties that you might be
difficulties that you might be experiencing
experiencing be prepared to try either one in every
be prepared to try either one in every situation
situation the ninth law of love and relationships
the ninth law of love and relationships is the law of identification
is the law of identification it says that you are dominated by
it says that you are dominated by everything and everyone
everything and everyone with which you become identified
with which you become identified everything you take personally and
everything you take personally and identify with emotionally everything
identify with emotionally everything that you become attached to
that you become attached to tends to blur your emotional vision
tends to blur your emotional vision and cause you to be controlled and
and cause you to be controlled and dominated by it especially people in
dominated by it especially people in relationships
relationships the first comment on the law of
the first comment on the law of identification says that you can
identification says that you can dominate direct and control things only
dominate direct and control things only to the degree
to the degree to which you can
to which you can disidentify yourself from them
disidentify yourself from them this means that it's only to the degree
this means that it's only to the degree to which you can stand back and be
to which you can stand back and be objective about your relationship that
objective about your relationship that you can see it clearly and that you can
you can see it clearly and that you can act effectively within it
act effectively within it this is true in virtually every
this is true in virtually every situation in life that's why they say
situation in life that's why they say that a person who acts as his own lawyer
that a person who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client
has a fool for a client the second comment on the law of
the second comment on the law of identification says that
identification says that attachment and identification caused you
attachment and identification caused you to lose perspective and control over
to lose perspective and control over your emotions
your emotions the more involved you become the less
the more involved you become the less capable you are of acting in your best
capable you are of acting in your best interests
interests and this brings us to the third comment
and this brings us to the third comment on this law which is the basis of mental
on this law which is the basis of mental maturity and emotional stability
maturity and emotional stability it says
it says detachment and disidentification are the
detachment and disidentification are the keys to peace of mind and happy
keys to peace of mind and happy relationships
relationships they're the keys to self-actualization
they're the keys to self-actualization and personal happiness
and personal happiness you have to be able to put your
you have to be able to put your relationship at arm's length and
relationship at arm's length and evaluate it honestly and objectively in
evaluate it honestly and objectively in order to enjoy it to the fullest
order to enjoy it to the fullest you'll often have situations where the
you'll often have situations where the other person will become very emotional
other person will become very emotional about a particular issue
about a particular issue if you're not careful you'll also get
if you're not careful you'll also get caught up in it becoming very emotional
caught up in it becoming very emotional yourself
yourself the best thing however for you to do is
the best thing however for you to do is to exert a certain degree of self
to exert a certain degree of self mastery and keep yourself
mastery and keep yourself unemotional while the other person is
unemotional while the other person is expressing his or her feelings
expressing his or her feelings in this way you can be of the greatest
in this way you can be of the greatest help to the other person and you can see
help to the other person and you can see things more clearly you can remain more
things more clearly you can remain more calm and detached
calm and detached you can assure a greater level of
you can assure a greater level of happiness for both of you
happiness for both of you the tenth law of love and relationships
the tenth law of love and relationships is one of the most important of all
is one of the most important of all it is the law of forgiveness
it is the law of forgiveness it says you are mentally healthy and
it says you are mentally healthy and mature
mature to the degree to which you can freely
to the degree to which you can freely forgive those who you feel have hurt you
forgive those who you feel have hurt you in some way
in some way this is another way of saying that the
this is another way of saying that the quality of forgiveness is the highest of
quality of forgiveness is the highest of all human qualities
all human qualities and it's the key to both spiritual
and it's the key to both spiritual development and peace of mind
development and peace of mind as human beings we are intensely
as human beings we are intensely egotistical and sensitive about
egotistical and sensitive about ourselves and the way we're treated by
ourselves and the way we're treated by others
others whenever we feel that someone has
whenever we feel that someone has transgressed against us or has hurt us
transgressed against us or has hurt us in any way or taken advantage of us we
in any way or taken advantage of us we become very angry and resentful
become very angry and resentful and
and we tend to hold on to this anger and
we tend to hold on to this anger and resentment far too long thereby making
resentment far too long thereby making ourselves negative and pessimistic and
ourselves negative and pessimistic and ineffective in our relationships with
ineffective in our relationships with other people
other people the solution is for us to freely forgive
the solution is for us to freely forgive everyone whom we feel has ever done
everyone whom we feel has ever done anything to hurt us in any way
anything to hurt us in any way full responsibility for your
full responsibility for your contribution to the situation remember
contribution to the situation remember whatever it was you probably got
whatever it was you probably got yourself into it through your own
yourself into it through your own conduct and your own behavior through
conduct and your own behavior through your own thinking and your own decisions
your own thinking and your own decisions therefore you're at least partially
therefore you're at least partially responsible
responsible however the mark of the superior person
however the mark of the superior person is that he or she accepts the burden of
is that he or she accepts the burden of responsibility and simply
responsibility and simply lets the negativity go
lets the negativity go so forgive others freely and then get on
so forgive others freely and then get on with the rest of your life
with the rest of your life the eleventh and final law of love and
the eleventh and final law of love and relationships is the law of reality
relationships is the law of reality in its simplest terms it says
in its simplest terms it says deal with people as they are
deal with people as they are not as you want them to be
not as you want them to be this law simply suggests that you don't
this law simply suggests that you don't try to change other people or expect
try to change other people or expect them to change for you
them to change for you part one of this law says that
part one of this law says that to be happy you must accept that people
to be happy you must accept that people are what they are and that they're not
are what they are and that they're not likely to change
likely to change this is one of the most mature
this is one of the most mature realizations that you can ever reach
realizations that you can ever reach remember the words of that famous
remember the words of that famous american philosopher flip wilson who
american philosopher flip wilson who when he dressed up as geraldine would
when he dressed up as geraldine would say what you see is what you get
say what you see is what you get whatever another person is
whatever another person is that's what you get
that's what you get people are what they are
people are what they are people take an entire lifetime to become
people take an entire lifetime to become the individuals that you see before you
the individuals that you see before you and they're not likely to change even if
and they're not likely to change even if they want to
they want to in the absence of some traumatic
in the absence of some traumatic emotional experience that causes them to
emotional experience that causes them to seriously question their innermost
seriously question their innermost beliefs and convictions they'll be
beliefs and convictions they'll be pretty much the same indefinitely
pretty much the same indefinitely part two of this law of reality simply
part two of this law of reality simply says that unconditional acceptance of
says that unconditional acceptance of another is the key to a happy
another is the key to a happy relationship
relationship one of the deepest of all subconscious
one of the deepest of all subconscious cravings that you or anyone else has is
cravings that you or anyone else has is the need to feel totally accepted by
the need to feel totally accepted by another person or persons
another person or persons maslow placed this need for acceptance
maslow placed this need for acceptance and belonging as the third basic need in
and belonging as the third basic need in his hierarchy
his hierarchy so instead of criticizing or condemning
so instead of criticizing or condemning others you should just accept them for
others you should just accept them for the remarkable and unique human beings
the remarkable and unique human beings that they are
that they are most people don't realize that when they
most people don't realize that when they criticize another person or suggest that
criticize another person or suggest that another person be different in some way
another person be different in some way they are actually rejecting that other
they are actually rejecting that other person and saying that he or she is not
person and saying that he or she is not good enough for their standards
good enough for their standards this triggers deep down feelings of fear
this triggers deep down feelings of fear inferiority and insecurity
inferiority and insecurity however when you unconditionally accept
however when you unconditionally accept another person and make it clear that no
another person and make it clear that no matter what he does or says
matter what he does or says you approve of him without question the
you approve of him without question the other person will feel terrific about
other person will feel terrific about himself and it will dramatically
himself and it will dramatically increase the quality of your
increase the quality of your relationship with him
relationship with him to close this session on love and
to close this session on love and relationships let me leave you with one
relationships let me leave you with one of the most important of all principles
of the most important of all principles it merely says that you get along with
it merely says that you get along with other people to the degree to which you
other people to the degree to which you get along with yourself
get along with yourself the law of correspondence in this case
the law of correspondence in this case is absolute
is absolute you can never like or love anyone else
you can never like or love anyone else more than you like or love yourself
more than you like or love yourself you can never be more accepting or
you can never be more accepting or understanding of another person than you
understanding of another person than you are of accepting or understanding
are of accepting or understanding yourself
yourself so the very best way to improve the
so the very best way to improve the quality of your loving relationships and
quality of your loving relationships and the quality of your relationships with
the quality of your relationships with everyone for that matter is to go to
everyone for that matter is to go to work on yourself
work on yourself since you're the only person over whom
since you're the only person over whom you have any real control when you go to
you have any real control when you go to work on yourself rather than trying to
work on yourself rather than trying to change other people you can really make
change other people you can really make a difference
a difference and you'll be amazed
and you'll be amazed when you become a better spouse you'll
when you become a better spouse you'll find that your spouse becomes better
find that your spouse becomes better you'll be surprised at how much better
you'll be surprised at how much better your children become when you become
your children become when you become better
better the staff becomes better when the
the staff becomes better when the manager becomes better and the customers
manager becomes better and the customers become better when the salesperson
become better when the salesperson becomes better
becomes better when you go to work on yourself and
when you go to work on yourself and concentrate on becoming a better person
concentrate on becoming a better person through study and practice and
through study and practice and reflection
reflection every part of your human relationships
every part of your human relationships will improve as well
will improve as well you can make yourself into a superior
you can make yourself into a superior human being simply by using all of your
human being simply by using all of your relationships and interactions with
relationships and interactions with others as opportunities to live out the
others as opportunities to live out the most important qualities you want to
most important qualities you want to develop in yourself
develop in yourself you can become any kind of person you
you can become any kind of person you want if you are patient enough
want if you are patient enough and if you persist long enough
the gallup organization completed an extensive survey on 1500 successful
extensive survey on 1500 successful americans some years ago
americans some years ago in which they asked them how they
in which they asked them how they accounted for their great achievements
accounted for their great achievements the reason given by most of them
the reason given by most of them was that they felt that they had higher
was that they felt that they had higher than average levels of common sense
than average levels of common sense they defined common sense as the ability
they defined common sense as the ability to have experiences and to learn from
to have experiences and to learn from those experiences
those experiences and to apply what they had learned to
and to apply what they had learned to subsequent experiences
subsequent experiences as a result they said they'd become
as a result they said they'd become progressively better and eventually
progressively better and eventually leaders in their chosen fields
leaders in their chosen fields common sense was also defined by the
common sense was also defined by the people in the study as the ability to
people in the study as the ability to cut through the clutter and to see the
cut through the clutter and to see the world as it really was
world as it really was they felt that they had a far more
they felt that they had a far more honest and objective appraisal of
honest and objective appraisal of reality than the average person did
reality than the average person did they didn't fool themselves or delude
they didn't fool themselves or delude themselves into wishing and hoping and
themselves into wishing and hoping and seeing things that simply weren't there
seeing things that simply weren't there they didn't ignore the hard facts of
they didn't ignore the hard facts of life but rather they incorporated these
life but rather they incorporated these truths into their world views and made
truths into their world views and made their decisions and actions based upon
their decisions and actions based upon them
them robert ringer in his book million dollar
robert ringer in his book million dollar habits refers to this as the reality
habits refers to this as the reality habit
habit in an earlier session i called it the
in an earlier session i called it the law of reality
law of reality jack welch the president of general
jack welch the president of general electric corporation a 17 billion dollar
electric corporation a 17 billion dollar conglomerate
conglomerate says that it's the most important single
says that it's the most important single principle for success in leadership
principle for success in leadership he also says that in order for you to
he also says that in order for you to succeed in any undertaking
succeed in any undertaking you must be willing to see the world as
you must be willing to see the world as it is
it is not as you wish it were
not as you wish it were robert ringer said the most successful
robert ringer said the most successful men and women in america are those who
men and women in america are those who take the time to really understand the
take the time to really understand the facts of the situation
facts of the situation and then to act upon them without
and then to act upon them without pretending they don't exist or hoping
pretending they don't exist or hoping that they'll go away
that they'll go away one of the finest books written on this
one of the finest books written on this entire subject of reality was entitled
entire subject of reality was entitled the way the world works by jude waniski
the way the world works by jude waniski a writer with the wall street journal at
a writer with the wall street journal at the time and a man who spent many years
the time and a man who spent many years studying economics in america and around
studying economics in america and around the world before concluding that there
the world before concluding that there were certain immutable laws and
were certain immutable laws and principles that repeated themselves over
principles that repeated themselves over and over again throughout all of human
and over again throughout all of human history
history each one of these thinkers and thousands
each one of these thinkers and thousands of others have come to virtually the
of others have come to virtually the same conclusions about the way that
same conclusions about the way that people behave and their suggestions are
people behave and their suggestions are all the same
all the same to be successful you must conform your
to be successful you must conform your life and behaviors to the way the world
life and behaviors to the way the world really is and to the way that people
really is and to the way that people really behave not the way they should
really behave not the way they should behave
behave even abraham maslow the great
even abraham maslow the great psychologist said the ability to be
psychologist said the ability to be absolutely honest and objective about
absolutely honest and objective about life and other people is the mark of the
life and other people is the mark of the fully mature self-actualizing human
fully mature self-actualizing human being
being in this session i'm going to talk about
in this session i'm going to talk about the laws of economics but before you
the laws of economics but before you roll your eyes and begin thinking that
roll your eyes and begin thinking that this is a dry and boring subject i want
this is a dry and boring subject i want to point out that economic behavior is
to point out that economic behavior is simply the study of human psychology and
simply the study of human psychology and human action
human action it's the study of how and why
it's the study of how and why individuals behave as they do and how
individuals behave as they do and how the behaviors of large numbers of these
the behaviors of large numbers of these individuals all motivated the same way
individuals all motivated the same way create the economic conditions and
create the economic conditions and possibilities that you see around you
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