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Theo Von Takes Call From Struggling Alcoholic | Theo Von Clips | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: Theo Von Takes Call From Struggling Alcoholic
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hey feel like I'm like you manic I got
that got that monkey on my back and I'm
just don't know what to do anymore thank
you for calling man let's hear more but
listen man I've been sober a handful of
times and I've had a few years under my
belt and I've always gone back to the
dark side you know and uh man I'm 42
years old and I've got these beautiful
kids and I got three of them and they're
amazing and I'm just starting to run out
of running out of gas man like I can't
hold up like I used to and I and the
drinking is just tearing me down
I feel ashamed to call on this line and
in Christ but I'm tired man it's wearing
me out I'm so tired and I don't feel
hopeless about getting back in the
program I think that's the main reason
I'm calling because I don't know how to
get that right now get that hope going
again and believe it that I can do this
one more time I just don't know how to
live sober scares the hell out of me
right these kids depend on me and that's
a lot of pressure and I'm I didn't grow
up like a lot of people I think I grew
up kind of like you and I don't really
I'm just trying real hard but it's
getting harder and I'm starting to [ __ ]
things up and you know I was talking to
my buddy she's in my sponsor a bunch of
times but anyway he said you know he was
talking to me about the gambler about
how the gambler just keeps playing until
they lose that they're actually playing
to lose and I mean I and I think that
might be the case for me for some reason
anyway man I don't know what I'm trying
to say to you and I don't even know why
I'm calling you about it you know like
it seems like the right thing to do
would be like light if you're asked to
the meeting you dummy and I and I hear
that but where I live man sometimes
meetings they don't they don't really
provide what you need not a lot of great
meetings around here but man I here's
the deal man I just want to stop this
[ __ ] man and I just want to be a good
dad I just want my kids I just want to
be something that my kids can look up to
and I have pride in and want to be like
but but that's not what they're seeing
right now
and now it's killing me man thanks for
calling man I appreciate it I'm sorry
you're having a tough time you know as
you to call you know it shows that her
to me it shows that you care about
yourself yeah I can relate a lot man I
can relate a lot I think we are a lot
the same you know I just keep trying but
I was just not finding solution not
finding comfort man it gets tiring it
gets so tiring this the energy we spend
just to just just spinning our wheels man
and the gambler there's a good reference
by your friend yeah sometimes just keep
playing just to lose you know sometime
when I would smoke cigarettes I would
smoke them and I would be I'd burn half
when I'd start smoking the next one
before I even finish the one I was on I
put it on start smoking the next one
because I wasn't smoking to enjoy
smoking I was smoking just to burn
myself down I wanted to cook my heart
like a damn little chicken because I had
control over that yeah just playing to
lose man I don't care if I lose at leak
but at least I lose you know I'm in
control if I lose that's this thing that
that's this story that there is that's
the feeling you know watch me wreck my
life don't don't you care that was this thing
thing
wheezing sodomy watch me you know watch
me you know when it came to my addiction
and stuff for when it comes to it that's
the story that's inside of me sometimes
or that can be inside of me watch me
ruin everything because I'm in control
of that it's so hard to let go of
control that's the thing is so hard to I
mean you're doing it right there when
you sit man you're saying it tired man I
know that time
I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired of feeling alone
I'm tired of not I'm tired also not even
being there for myself I mean that's the
loneliest problem you don't even have
yourself because you've done set up so
many little goals for yourself and not
achieve them every time and time again
that you don't even trust yourself and
my experience because I mean I've had
you know I've had a recent experience
with this of just being sick of myself
man I got sick of myself this year you
know one of the best years of my life in
some circles and I didn't feel good you
know I didn't and it's not a and so what
I was doing was I wasn't doing anything
to take care of myself really I had to
start doing things different I had to
take action
you know and I'm not telling you what to
do but what has worked for me is taking
action and the meetings sometimes I go
to the meetings and the program works I
don't deny that 12-step that recovery
works and it's contrary action that's
the action I have to take a lot of times
you know when I don't want to go to the
meeting when I don't want to pray when I
or to ask for help because we're you
know we you know we feel like we're the
only person that cares about us so and
we've always been the only person that
cares about us so to ask for help is
like a weakness you know that's what I
found for myself but but it's not man
there's so many gifts on the other side
of that there's so many gifts on in that
book it's not even about the meetings
it's about that book it's about the
process you know you could be in any
meaning you could be in the worst
meeting and it's about really it's it's
about the meeting that you have with yourself
meeting yourself in your heart and
saying hey I got to do things different
you know I really do want something
different for me I want to have some
self-esteem I want to feel good I want
to I want my kids to look at me and know
I'm gonna do whatever I say I'm gonna do
or them to trust me and be reliable all
the things that I always hated because I
felt like they weren't there for me are
the things that my alcoholism wants
to become you know drugs and alcohol
a side effect those are just I don't
even know five addiction to those things
but I have addiction to but I have
addiction man I have a you know just not
feeling good about yourself
I can relate man I'm sorry that you're
dealing with it man I'm sorry I really
AM brother man and it's hard to go to
those meetings it's hard to say yeah I'm
gonna do this for myself it's hard to go
back it's hard to sit in a meeting
that's not even fun or good sometimes
I'll go to meetings it's not even good
and I stay sorcerer test so then that's
just a test of patience but doing the
work doing the 12 steps man there is a
you
and I'm sorry that you feel I'm assuming
you probably just feel so alone bro but
that's just a feeling man that's not
true the truth is there's probably a lot
of people that care about you and I'm
one of them and count me in you know
when you said that we're a lot alike man
I knew right then when you said that
that we are and I didn't know it in my
ears and in my brain I just knew it in
my heart there was nothing
there's nobody could you could cut a
million cables Brian you couldn't
disconnect that fact from me we are a
lot alike man and this isn't a self-pity
thing this ain't a pity party it's the
strongest thing to do to say I want to
have a bigger experience inside of my
heart you know is
that's where the joy that's where the
circus is I want to be a billionaire in
my aortas brother that's what I want and
I believe you have to believe or I have
to believe that there is a way I have to
believe that but man I tell you that the
that that those 12 steps do work and if
you're having trouble man maybe you know
ask your God or ask your ask God or ask
you know God just make me willing God
please today just help me have some
willingness to try something different
to try some contrary action I mean I do
stuff last night some friends invited me
to a hockey game first hockey game I had
a chance to go to I didn't want to go
because something inside of me wants to
isolate it wants to be by myself it
wants to you know let my feelings of you
know less than they wants to let him out
like squirrels and let him run around
all over my body but I say yes I will go
yes I will be there at this time and I
went and dude I had a great time I had a
great time that's contrary action I
because I
contrary action a lot of times I want to
do it my way because that's the way I
always did it I felt like I did things
my way nobody cared I'm doing it my way
and that works for a long time that
worked for me for a long time until it
didn't work anymore you know until it
just didn't work anymore and that's okay
I recognize that that pattern doesn't
work and I need to develop a new pattern
but I believe you I believe in you man I
believe that you can do it and you got
three beautiful kids dude that's awesome man
man
you got those gifts man you got gifts
you got gifts flying out of your dick
brother honestly you know I hate to be
profane like that but I wasn't gonna say
that and then I just said it but but man
you can do it man if you really want it
you can do it I believe in you man and I
and I bet you believe in you too
but we're strong-willed bro when we want
to do something we can do it and uh I
love you bro Goering man thank you for
thank you for the call
good evening good afternoon and other
times thanks for watching that video you
just saw I mean it was okay but the next
video you can watch could be way better
what if you watch a video right now that
changes your life well you could watch
this one or watch this one watch this
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