0:14 hey feel like I'm like you manic I got
0:22 that got that monkey on my back and I'm
0:28 just don't know what to do anymore thank
0:37 you for calling man let's hear more but
0:40 listen man I've been sober a handful of
0:43 times and I've had a few years under my
0:48 belt and I've always gone back to the
0:55 dark side you know and uh man I'm 42
1:00 years old and I've got these beautiful
1:06 kids and I got three of them and they're
1:11 amazing and I'm just starting to run out
1:14 of running out of gas man like I can't
1:16 hold up like I used to and I and the
1:18 drinking is just tearing me down
1:24 I feel ashamed to call on this line and
1:30 in Christ but I'm tired man it's wearing
1:33 me out I'm so tired and I don't feel
1:35 hopeless about getting back in the
1:37 program I think that's the main reason
1:40 I'm calling because I don't know how to
1:43 get that right now get that hope going
1:46 again and believe it that I can do this
1:50 one more time I just don't know how to
1:53 live sober scares the hell out of me
1:57 right these kids depend on me and that's
2:00 a lot of pressure and I'm I didn't grow
2:02 up like a lot of people I think I grew
2:06 up kind of like you and I don't really
2:14 I'm just trying real hard but it's
2:16 getting harder and I'm starting to [ __ ]
2:19 things up and you know I was talking to
2:23 my buddy she's in my sponsor a bunch of
2:26 times but anyway he said you know he was
2:29 talking to me about the gambler about
2:32 how the gambler just keeps playing until
2:34 they lose that they're actually playing
2:40 to lose and I mean I and I think that
2:42 might be the case for me for some reason
2:50 anyway man I don't know what I'm trying
2:52 to say to you and I don't even know why
2:53 I'm calling you about it you know like
2:55 it seems like the right thing to do
2:57 would be like light if you're asked to
3:00 the meeting you dummy and I and I hear
3:03 that but where I live man sometimes
3:07 meetings they don't they don't really
3:11 provide what you need not a lot of great
3:15 meetings around here but man I here's
3:17 the deal man I just want to stop this
3:19 [ __ ] man and I just want to be a good
3:24 dad I just want my kids I just want to
3:26 be something that my kids can look up to
3:33 and I have pride in and want to be like
3:36 but but that's not what they're seeing
3:37 right now
3:48 and now it's killing me man thanks for
3:54 calling man I appreciate it I'm sorry
4:03 you're having a tough time you know as
4:11 you to call you know it shows that her
4:13 to me it shows that you care about
4:19 yourself yeah I can relate a lot man I
4:22 can relate a lot I think we are a lot
4:25 the same you know I just keep trying but
4:29 I was just not finding solution not
4:39 finding comfort man it gets tiring it
4:43 gets so tiring this the energy we spend
4:46 just to just just spinning our wheels man
4:57 and the gambler there's a good reference
5:02 by your friend yeah sometimes just keep
5:07 playing just to lose you know sometime
5:08 when I would smoke cigarettes I would
5:10 smoke them and I would be I'd burn half
5:12 when I'd start smoking the next one
5:13 before I even finish the one I was on I
5:16 put it on start smoking the next one
5:18 because I wasn't smoking to enjoy
5:20 smoking I was smoking just to burn
5:25 myself down I wanted to cook my heart
5:30 like a damn little chicken because I had
5:37 control over that yeah just playing to
5:39 lose man I don't care if I lose at leak
5:42 but at least I lose you know I'm in
5:45 control if I lose that's this thing that
5:47 that's this story that there is that's
5:53 the feeling you know watch me wreck my
5:58 life don't don't you care that was this thing
5:58 thing
6:01 wheezing sodomy watch me you know watch
6:07 me you know when it came to my addiction
6:08 and stuff for when it comes to it that's
6:10 the story that's inside of me sometimes
6:18 or that can be inside of me watch me
6:22 ruin everything because I'm in control
6:28 of that it's so hard to let go of
6:32 control that's the thing is so hard to I
6:34 mean you're doing it right there when
6:42 you sit man you're saying it tired man I
6:43 know that time
6:55 I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired of feeling alone
7:09 I'm tired of not I'm tired also not even
7:16 being there for myself I mean that's the
7:18 loneliest problem you don't even have
7:24 yourself because you've done set up so
7:26 many little goals for yourself and not
7:28 achieve them every time and time again
7:39 that you don't even trust yourself and
7:44 my experience because I mean I've had
7:45 you know I've had a recent experience
7:51 with this of just being sick of myself
7:57 man I got sick of myself this year you
7:59 know one of the best years of my life in
8:03 some circles and I didn't feel good you
8:05 know I didn't and it's not a and so what
8:06 I was doing was I wasn't doing anything
8:09 to take care of myself really I had to
8:11 start doing things different I had to
8:13 take action
8:16 you know and I'm not telling you what to
8:20 do but what has worked for me is taking
8:24 action and the meetings sometimes I go
8:26 to the meetings and the program works I
8:29 don't deny that 12-step that recovery
8:34 works and it's contrary action that's
8:36 the action I have to take a lot of times
8:38 you know when I don't want to go to the
8:40 meeting when I don't want to pray when I
8:52 or to ask for help because we're you
8:55 know we you know we feel like we're the
8:57 only person that cares about us so and
8:59 we've always been the only person that
9:02 cares about us so to ask for help is
9:05 like a weakness you know that's what I
9:12 found for myself but but it's not man
9:15 there's so many gifts on the other side
9:19 of that there's so many gifts on in that
9:21 book it's not even about the meetings
9:23 it's about that book it's about the
9:27 process you know you could be in any
9:28 meaning you could be in the worst
9:34 meeting and it's about really it's it's
9:36 about the meeting that you have with yourself
9:43 meeting yourself in your heart and
9:46 saying hey I got to do things different
9:48 you know I really do want something
9:58 different for me I want to have some
10:03 self-esteem I want to feel good I want
10:06 to I want my kids to look at me and know
10:09 I'm gonna do whatever I say I'm gonna do
10:16 or them to trust me and be reliable all
10:19 the things that I always hated because I
10:24 felt like they weren't there for me are
10:31 the things that my alcoholism wants
10:39 to become you know drugs and alcohol
10:41 a side effect those are just I don't
10:43 even know five addiction to those things
10:48 but I have addiction to but I have
10:49 addiction man I have a you know just not
10:51 feeling good about yourself
10:54 I can relate man I'm sorry that you're
10:55 dealing with it man I'm sorry I really
11:03 AM brother man and it's hard to go to
11:04 those meetings it's hard to say yeah I'm
11:06 gonna do this for myself it's hard to go
11:07 back it's hard to sit in a meeting
11:10 that's not even fun or good sometimes
11:12 I'll go to meetings it's not even good
11:16 and I stay sorcerer test so then that's
11:19 just a test of patience but doing the
11:22 work doing the 12 steps man there is a
11:30 you
11:34 and I'm sorry that you feel I'm assuming
11:42 you probably just feel so alone bro but
11:43 that's just a feeling man that's not
11:46 true the truth is there's probably a lot
11:49 of people that care about you and I'm
11:55 one of them and count me in you know
11:57 when you said that we're a lot alike man
11:58 I knew right then when you said that
12:01 that we are and I didn't know it in my
12:03 ears and in my brain I just knew it in
12:04 my heart there was nothing
12:06 there's nobody could you could cut a
12:07 million cables Brian you couldn't
12:12 disconnect that fact from me we are a
12:15 lot alike man and this isn't a self-pity
12:17 thing this ain't a pity party it's the
12:21 strongest thing to do to say I want to
12:24 have a bigger experience inside of my
12:31 heart you know is
12:33 that's where the joy that's where the
12:37 circus is I want to be a billionaire in
12:41 my aortas brother that's what I want and
12:45 I believe you have to believe or I have
12:48 to believe that there is a way I have to
12:52 believe that but man I tell you that the
12:58 that that those 12 steps do work and if
13:00 you're having trouble man maybe you know
13:03 ask your God or ask your ask God or ask
13:11 you know God just make me willing God
13:12 please today just help me have some
13:15 willingness to try something different
13:20 to try some contrary action I mean I do
13:22 stuff last night some friends invited me
13:24 to a hockey game first hockey game I had
13:26 a chance to go to I didn't want to go
13:28 because something inside of me wants to
13:31 isolate it wants to be by myself it
13:35 wants to you know let my feelings of you
13:37 know less than they wants to let him out
13:38 like squirrels and let him run around
13:45 all over my body but I say yes I will go
13:48 yes I will be there at this time and I
13:53 went and dude I had a great time I had a
13:55 great time that's contrary action I
14:05 because I
14:07 contrary action a lot of times I want to
14:13 do it my way because that's the way I
14:15 always did it I felt like I did things
14:17 my way nobody cared I'm doing it my way
14:20 and that works for a long time that
14:23 worked for me for a long time until it
14:27 didn't work anymore you know until it
14:30 just didn't work anymore and that's okay
14:32 I recognize that that pattern doesn't
14:35 work and I need to develop a new pattern
14:38 but I believe you I believe in you man I
14:42 believe that you can do it and you got
14:43 three beautiful kids dude that's awesome man
14:45 man
14:48 you got those gifts man you got gifts
14:50 you got gifts flying out of your dick
14:54 brother honestly you know I hate to be
14:57 profane like that but I wasn't gonna say
15:05 that and then I just said it but but man
15:17 you can do it man if you really want it
15:21 you can do it I believe in you man and I
15:23 and I bet you believe in you too
15:25 but we're strong-willed bro when we want
15:29 to do something we can do it and uh I
15:31 love you bro Goering man thank you for
15:32 thank you for the call
15:35 good evening good afternoon and other
15:37 times thanks for watching that video you
15:41 just saw I mean it was okay but the next
15:42 video you can watch could be way better
15:44 what if you watch a video right now that
15:46 changes your life well you could watch
15:48 this one or watch this one watch this
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