All suffering originates from our thoughts and beliefs; by questioning these thoughts, we can achieve freedom and live in the present reality.
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all suffering is created and it's true
for every human being we believe our
thoughts we suffer we question that we
don't suffer so an unquestioned life is
not worth living and that's certainly my
experience too when you said that you
were depressed for over a decade
and I want to start about asking you how
would you describe that chapter of your life
life
of of what it felt like and how
different it is to how you feel now
oh gosh it was it was horrible it is
something that I would never want
another human being to have to live
through and and
in my world people on are experiencing
that you know their their emails that
come into me and they're they're um
uh I love my emails that you know there
is a way out of suffering but I didn't
know that and
to wake up in the morning Jay and
realize that I was still breathing felt like
like
something was intentionally torturing me
and I was I was so suicidal and and
agoraphobic so just trapped most of the
time in my bedroom and it was it was not fun
fun
um let's see describe it to you um
um
my my self-esteem and self-loathing was
so strong that I was sleeping on the
floor one morning as I usually did and
next to my bed because I was so full of
of um
self-loathing that I didn't believe I
deserved a bed that's the bottom line so
all I deserved was asleep on the floor
but this particular morning
As I Lay sleeping on the floor I was in
like this dead sleep and a cockroach
crawled over my foot I opened my eyes and
and I
I basically
basically
all the suffering was gone all the
suffering was gone and the valuable thing
was that I saw when I believed my
thoughts I suffered
but when I didn't believe my thoughts I
didn't suffer and the way that I saw
that is when I opened my eyes the ego
did not have opportunity to fill that space
space
and everything was present
and in that I began to laugh it was like
I got the joke
I got it and I saw you know it I
what I was thinking and believing was
the cause of my suffering and then the
work was born on the floor in in that
moment you know it was it was how how
all suffering is created and it's true
for every human being we believe our
thoughts we suffer we question that we
don't suffer so
um I some great minds said an
unquestioned life is not worth living
and that's certainly my experience too
that's that's incredible that you were
able to buff a whole new way of thinking
in that moment and I wonder what would
those thoughts that you are believing at
that time where were they coming from
was it family was it parenting was it relationships
relationships
it was from me it was
um there's something terrible is going
to happen there's something wrong with
me the the world doesn't really care
about me no one cares about anyone on on
he doesn't care about me and I can't do
it all these and I didn't even know what
the it was most and that I couldn't do
but it was just this this crazy and the
effect of believing those thoughts is
um Depression was depression and guilt
and insanity and from that moment on the floor
floor anytime
anytime
my head we would say thoughts would hit
is it true it would just the thoughts
would happen like something terrible is
going to happen and it would evaporate
it couldn't continue after that moment
on the floor
and so when people began to ask me which
was really strange and agoraphobic being
asked anyone being in touch with an
agoraphobic is pretty rare but uh people
began to just
um call me from all over the world it
was just you know just one by one by one and
and
um and ask what you know could they come
live with me you know the strangest
questions and
um I didn't know if it was the water I
was drinking the food I was eating I had
because everything had so radically
flipped just like from one polarity to
the other and but then when they'd asked
what happened
and they would they would say uh life
isn't worth living and it would blow my
mind because I knew they knew better
I I knew they knew better because I'm
still I once you know your own true
nature you see it in everyone and
everything and so I began to show them
the experience on the floor I asked the
questions like something terrible is
going to happen
like they would say something terrible
is going to happen and I would say is it
true and that puts them on the floor not
literally but it puts them into that
experience on the floor and then how do
you react what happens when you believe
the thought and then they become aware
of in that meditative State how do I
react when I believe the thought of
seeing those images of the past not now
and the future not now
and and it moves their focus and
attention from presence where the given
life is the blessed life is right here
right now without
being so convoluted or we're not
confused when we are present and
whatever we need to do can be done there
and everything to do it with is also
present and then that third question how
do you react when you believe the
thought they become aware of the images
and what they believe onto the images
so we have the the the image of let's
say this morning at breakfast and we see
that image of that past and then we
believe words
onto that image and then the imagined
life is created and really that is all
of life that most humans understand it
keeps us like in the not now in the not
now that paths Future Past future that
is not is not and and and the movie
is so it's so
all encompassing we really like I see me
at breakfast but I really believe that's
me even though I can't take it out of my
head I can't touch it I can't move it I
can't I can't throw it like there's no
that's not I so that me of the past me
of the future now there's three of me
and now all of these paths there are a
million of me there are million of me in
the future to say who am I and if we
just who would it be that fourth
question who would I be without the thought
thought
something terrible is going to happen
for example dealing with that one and it
just it just drops the image of the of
the past where something terrible
happened the future where it's going to
happen it dissolves the nothing all
those eyes and the answer to who am I
it's pretty just
just
and then
people are taking this on as a practice
and as they do take it on as a practice
they see these horrors of the the guilt
of the past and the horrors of the
future and they are awake too not I not
I not I not I the all them not now so
they are with the one they love the
Beloved themselves awake to the given
you know the love of life not life
imagined but the love of of oh you know
you know Jay you you know of all people
what it's like to see
to see
it's oh my goodness I could add stuff to
it like it Sparkles it shines and it's
none of those things and it's all of
those things and it's and it's humbling
it's it's
being gifted and so I understand why
people want to be in the now but how and
of course I was shown this one way and
there are so many beautiful ways it
doesn't have to be just this or just
that there's something for everyone and and
and um
um
and what I love about inquiry is it
works with everything
it's not it doesn't oppose anything it
doesn't even say answer me you know it
just is like like given freely and so it
um after all these years you know more
than three decades still excites me just
to answer your question and feel like
I'm taking over your entire program
I I love listening it's beautiful and
what I'm hearing so wonderfully is when
these questions and you use the word
inquiry it's like when these questions
are these
genuine sincere requests and Americans
as opposed to these demands and I feel
often our questions in the world are
demands to the universe as opposed to
these inquiries and so we often ask
questions we're always asking questions
yeah even with our thoughts but often
we're asking demanding questions like
why is this happening to me when is this
going to end yeah why is this not
stopping and those are not really
questions they're rhetorical demands
yeah and and I find that when we ask
questions like that we know that let
alone the universe even our friends
would not respond to questions like that
because they're not really looking for
an answer and so you I love the way
you're reminding us now tell us Katie if
someone right now and you have shown us
the work you've told us about the
questioning process but if someone right
now is and especially right now is going
through anxiety depression suffering
from mental health they are looking at
the scenario of the world and they're
having those thoughts yes and and one
would say they're very valid to have
those thoughts especially right now and
there have been multiple times in
history what would be the first thing
you would say
that they need to do in order to realize
that there is hope for them because I
think for so many people they get to
this point where they believe their
thoughts so much that they feel there is
no hope left and there's no chance just
like you were saying you fell
I would say first get in touch with your
emotions because they're the most
they're the closest thing to you and
what blocks us from my emotions what
stops us from them
the truth sets me free and and that's my experience
unless it's drugs
alcoholics you know what you know we do
our best
and so I tried all of that and I did it
well and it took me literally to the
floor but I would say get in touch with
your emotions like when we're angry for
example we feel it and we dance and so
to first get in touch with your emotions
in other words notice notice
and then move up to your head
and notice because those emotions let
you know remind you of what you're
thinking and believing is the cause of
your suffering
and so then you can identify the
thoughts you're thinking
and then don't trust them to stay
move them from your head to paper
and then
um sit with those four questions with
um like he doesn't care about me
that belongs on paper and then you
question it using these four questions
and and turnarounds and the turnarounds
are just finding opposites so it's all
always free anything I have a value if
if I have something of value it's always
free on byronkady.com and or the
work.com and and how to do this is there
because if someone who had told me you
know when you feel your emotions just
just get in touch with them and what are
you thinking and believing I would I
would I would say give me a cigarette
and in the days we used to smoke yeah
and I I love that about getting it down
into paper I think it's so important to
get out of all heads and you know when
things are in your mind you think that
they're there but they can get cumulated
and polluted and so yeah I often say to
people as well which I love is getting
out on the paper is almost sometimes a
voice noting and recording your own
voice and hearing it it puts you in such
when you can hear yourself you can hear
what you're really trying to say and or
you're really trying to communicate it's
almost like hearing in between the lines
for yourself same with writing it down
when you can read out to yourself I
think those are such powerful tools I I
love it when I've heard you say that to
judge people is to keep them separate
from me
and and I like that so much especially
right now because I feel that judgment
is what creates so much divide and
sometimes even even what I find is more
subtle is Judgment of judgment
so so it's we think that we are being
right by judging but actually we're
simply judging someone for their
judgment if you know what I mean it
keeps us separate it is the sense I put
between you and me and and I feel that
separation so I'm just going to come at
you whether you like it or not until you
understand me but it's my sense I have
put up
between us
the cause of all suffering is what we're
thinking and believing so what you and I
are talking about right now is the cause
of suffering
it's it's what we're thinking and
believing that is attachment you know
the Buddha talks about attachments
religions talk about attachment and and
um gosh something there's something else
but we'll say attachment and and um
um on
on
what we're talking about is the most
important thing to identify what we're
thinking of believing is to identify the
cause of suffering and to question it
is to set ourselves free and to question
that really is a meditative process for
example if I think there's
this is a terrible place this world is a
my mind will show me all the images of
the past the prove it and the future
that says it's going to happen again
it proves it what we're thinking of
believing is proven within us but it's
as we say nowadays fake news it's fake
news and because it's not real it's it's
Imaging it's dreaming it's the dream
world so to ask is it true begins to
wake us up to reality and the valid
answer we when we ask is it true to
meditate to get still in that and not to
ask the question of ourselves if we
don't really want what we're asking to
meet the question and what we're asking
to meet the question is that don't know
world that is so unavailable to us when
we are living as Believers in these
these terrifying depressive uh states of
mind what are some beliefs that we
should have then because if we have if
we're believing
so many of the wrong thoughts what are
some of the thoughts that we should
believe is there well words become like
um matches for on our true nature
and are a match to the heart like
um if I think there's something wrong
with him or her or them you know a
society for example but there's
something wrong with him then my mind
immediately shows me all the proof
and but it's not proof it's a state of mind
mind
and then it shows me the future where
he's going to do that to me too you know
that's going to happen here too and so I
don't see that him I'm with I see who I
imagine him to be so that's who I'm
talking to so I'd like to say no two
people have ever met we're crazy we are
talking to a phantom and we're so
convinced and and
um so you know this this work wakes us
up wakes me up to reality and I forgot
your question actually slipped
no no that was beautiful I my question was
was
because you're saying that we sometimes
believe our negative thoughts and that's
what creates our suffering oh the
replacement so are there any thoughts
that we should have are there any
beliefs we should have well let's let's
say um I think there's something wrong
with him and is it true
can I really know this how do I react
when I believe the thought I see that
past future and a gene and all of that
who would I be without it and I'm just
meditating dropping my story dropping
that identification on him taking all
the Post-its I believed on to him and I
just see him
and I see him
and with without what I'm believing on
to him and then when I turn it around
there's something wrong with him turned
around there's something wrong with me
and I'm not exchanging one belief for
another I am I am going to try it on as
though it were on a shoe I tried on and
I fell in love with in a shoe store I
don't know if it fits I've got to try it
on so uh there's something wrong with
him turn around there's something wrong
with me I'm going to try it on now in
that situation with him there's
something wrong with me
okay my attitude
I was experiencing a little fear a lot
of Separation there's something wrong
with me
I see him differently when I dropped my
story on him
that was mine there's something wrong
with me so I am meditating in a moment
in time
and I'm present
and if I see something
if I see something unacceptable in my
world I Look to me I don't look to other
people they cannot give me the answers
that I'm seeking and often they say
things that enlighten me that wake me up
that change my life
but I'm the one that heard them and as
I'm in a hurry I was in a hurry and and
I was
I was
I was granted a a gift and it came
freely and now that belongs to everyone
and no one has to be open to it either
but I just know my job like you know
yours we're we know our jobs we
immediately give the gift and and and we
it grows in US each time we do and what
about so many people I hear today who are
are
reconnecting with some of the pains in
their childhood that they may not have
even been aware of so when we look at uh
childhood trauma we look at abandonment
issues we look at the feeling of not
feeling nurtured like we look at the
feeling of being rejected or neglected
as a child and we carry this and yes
yes sometimes we don't become aware of
it until we're much older so true how
does someone go about processing that
because I feel that that also reflects
in the type of Partners we choose for ourselves
ourselves
communication with our friends and our
colleagues it creates so many issues it
affects everything it affects our
identification the people I work with
that so that they understand how to work
with it themselves is I and I asked them
to go into like go into the trauma get
into the center of that trauma where it
was the most painful and identifying
meditating in that situation and that's
asking a lot
but to go back into that situation and
identify what they were thinking and
believing then because what they were
thinking and believing then was the
cause of the trauma no matter what that
person did to me what I was thinking and
believing was the cause of my trauma so
I identified those thoughts I write them
down and I have a judger neighbor
worksheet on my website people can
download or work it there and and and
it's a form with six questions
that include in allow us
to recall what we were thinking and
believing then right so um so that
supports it and then there are their
thoughts what they were thinking and
believing them the cause of the trauma
and um and then they question those
thoughts and they question it from a
meditative state from that situation
from the center of that that terrible
situation it doesn't mean the other
person isn't guilty
but it's still what Still Remains is
what I was thinking and believing is the
cause of my suffering so I question
those thoughts and and the trauma breaks
and um and I am enlightened to the cause
of my suffering
and that's what I was thinking believing
and then there I have a lot to do I have
a lot to do after that it's another
worksheet and another worksheet and you
know my mother uh for example said
um one day that's that's hypothetically
say she said Byron Kathleen and I'm just
a little kid I'm just googoo gaga
and and it doesn't mean anything to me
and she says Byron Kathleen and it means
nothing to me and then let's say three
weeks go by and she says Byron Kathleen
and then one of my siblings say Byron
Kathleen and and it and my mother says
it my father says it and then one day my
mother says it
and I believe
I believe and prior to that I was not
wow the moment I believed
I am
and the same with I'm a female I'm this
age I have this color here I have this
color skin I have this and now you have
this and you are that and you are that
so I'm multiplying like being in a
mirror and and the whole world is
reflecting what I believe back to me so
to go back to the beginning and and and
and and and and question you know my
name is Byron Kathleen you know and
that's so close to the ego I don't
invite people to go there but if you're
let's say you you're raising children oh
I just I just this work is free all it
will cost you is your identity and leave
you in a Kinder one
that is so powerful what you were just
saying there about constantly taking
back to when what was your belief at
that time what were your thoughts and
your belief at that time because there
are so many times when we believe and we
have created a thought that we trust
this person yet we never knew if they
were trustworthy we never allowed them
to earn our trust we just gave it to
them and then we wonder why they broke
it and it's because at that time we
chose to give them our trust when we
consider what we were thinking and
believing you know we look to ourselves
they didn't they didn't call me into
trusting them I believed this this and
this and
I trusted that yeah now you say in that
regard you also say that there's nothing
that isn't a gift uh it's a friendly
University yes oh my gosh yes it was a
friendly Universe I get goosebumps just
just um hearing it from you it is a
friendly universe and but what I'm
thinking and believing about this about
this the universe could use a little
work if I don't love it
as it is
and and we question what we're thinking
and believing about life and it leaves
us in a friendly universe
it's it's the most it's a radical thing
to wake up to reality no downside it's
hard to accept because of our desire to control
control
and our desire for my ego for things to
be the way we want them to be yeah our
desire to be God right and and that's uh
and and our desire to be God is on is an
honest thing it's just flipped Into The
ego's Possession so it's um so we
question what we're believing and
um we become very humbled and then
eventually we see that that we oh boy
this is this is um
this is wild but still it's like I I
believed this universe into being
and if I don't love it I need to
question my universe and that means
question what I believed about you about
me about them about it about God about
everything and wake up to reality
and without any preconceived idea about
what it is
and in my experience it's nameless
anyway nameless would take away from the
beauty it is that beautiful and to even
claim it is
says what it isn't it's more than that
it's it's um
it's disrespectful for me to even
attempt it's more beautiful than that
and I love I know that my community will
be really interested in this case is how
does this then affect our relationships
and our communication with those that we love
love
however Closer Closer Closer Closer no
space no no distance no no separation
just living out of our true nature and
trusting that it's a fear of the state
of mind which means that there's nothing
we cannot accomplish you know we want to
accomplish something
if we don't we consider and we consider
what we were thinking and believing that
stops US then
then
inquiry leaves us in this Fearless State
of Mind
and it's
um and it's really good to be clear what
you're going after
you know what it is you really want
and so for me that's um that's that's a
part of the journey I want people people
to be free and um and and why I'm why am
I why am I doing what I do because I
have seen they're already free that
leaves me jobless they're already free
and then I discovered that that that
what we're thinking and believing what
people are thinking and believing is the
only prison they've got so I see like on
television hungry children people
suffering and I have been in some of
those positions
and I have set in the in the center of
those experience and identified what I
was thinking and believing and other
than that I was okay
that the world is
again it's a it's a friendly Universe
Jay and I'm very open to
um to it not being so I continue to test
it and your test seems to be proving
your hypothesis correct um I see a lot
of good
I I would say I see only good in
anything less than that I question
I love what you say about the three businesses
businesses
uh can you share about the three
businesses yeah I really like that if if
I look at it at um and like my daughter
let's say one of my the way she's
raising her children for example or one
of my sons there are three kinds of
business in all of the universe there's
mine yours and gods and that's the god
of your understanding and if I'm
mentally in my daughter's business I'm
sitting here with you but mentally I'm
in her house
knowing how she should raise her
children knowing what she should do all
of all of this I'm talking to you but
I'm over there in my daughter's business
so if I'm feeling disconnected from you
I can just ask myself mentally whose
business am I in and notice and emotions
will let me know for sure and then just
come right back to right here right now
and this is where I can make change I
can't make change over there I'm you
know I can't be in all these places at
once but we are we're all over the world
his business her business their business
God's business the weather's business
that's a great Point that's so true we
really are in our own business oh so and
I think huge takes us to everyone else's
business our social media takes us to
other people's business we're always
talking about other people's business
and how do you get your business done if
you're always in someone else's business
and when you're present when we're
present we can observe life from um out
of a it sounds strange but out of a
proactive state of mind and
understanding I think is the better word
and and stay present and watch these
things on televisions and and and and
and walk in Black lives matter events
and and we can do the most marvelous
things on and still be present
it's um but fear fear stops us from I
don't have the right clothes and and I I
wonder if if uh I need to take a lunch
and I did that oh well this is just you
know I don't think I'll bother today you know
know
you know what would stop us from doing
the right thing our hearts desire
and literally our hearts desire and to
live out of that fear
yeah what Katie what is the uh secret to
your long incredible relationship with Steve
how did you both find each other how did
you both know that you were right for
each other and how did you continue he's
better at telling this story but but
um on my um
um
a friend of mine said that I just needed
to meet him and
um and that
um he's the one person in the world that
could write
um on
my book loving what is and um
and oh gosh how do I tell this story
he's so good at it um
um
you know the bottom line oh this sounds
this sounds so he asked me to marry him
and I didn't know why not and that's the
truth of it and I asked my three grown
children do you who do you have a reason
why I shouldn't marry Stephen and they
didn't have one and I didn't have one
and what I knew of Stephen is he is good
and kind and wise and there just was no
reason in the world not but when you
have a perfect life when you're never
lonely let's say I'm always alone and
never lonely as far as people go
um I don't need anyone
and and
I married him and he I mean just he is
just so completely lovable a dear and
kind and and um just I don't know how
how this story sounds but um who
wouldn't love that absolutely you know
it's goodness and kindness and fairness and
and
Brilliance and oh the you know all the
things I on in my life before the work
the opposite would attract me on looks
and the real man and the the you know
all the the usual usual and
um I didn't do well in those areas
that's that's your powerful point I'm so
glad you raised that because what we're
attracted to is also what we're thinking
and believing and so sometimes when we
say well this is my type or this is the
kind of guy or girl or whoever it is
that I'm attracted to what we're saying
is we think and believe that this will
make us happy yes their appearance their
job their status their whatever maybe
will make us happy yeah and we don't
question that we wonder why the person
let us down but it using your
methodology the work as soon as we go
back to what were we thinking and
believing at that time we start to write
that what we've thought and believed
would make us happy is what led us down
yeah not that person yeah but we were
thinking and believing about that human
being yeah on was the cause of our
attraction but once we question what we
were thinking and believing about the
human being that it loses its validity
really and leaves us in an open State of
Mind where we're uh more able to see and
hear rather than think over yes yes so
well said and that's it's really
registering and for everyone who's
listening or watching right now when you
when you're listening to this I really
hope that the repetition every time
Katie keeps talking about thinking and
believing what are your thoughts and
what are your beliefs if you genuinely
revisit those pivotal crucial
transitionary moments of your life you
you recognize that all of that pain and
suffering that you are experiencing or
holding on to comes from a thought and a
belief that you're still holding on to
sometimes we're holding on for decades
to a thought and belief that this person
can still make me happy and that's why
we want them to be back into our lives
we are holding on to believe that only
that job can make me happy or only that
thing can make me happy that is a
thought and belief and in that one
belief is encapsulated all of our
suffering it's almost taking a suffering
collaboration and then when we get that
job we can appreciate it because we're
taking the same same thinking into that
job so really not a lot changes maybe
the money but that's never enough either
yeah it's so profound for me it's really
hearing you repeated today and I've had
it before from you but hearing you
repeated today and I'm really hoping
everyone who's listening is feeling the
same way every time you say it's just
going to step deeper and deeper and
deeper and into my head to my heart so
and it did work it takes Stillness it's
a meditative practice you know sitting
in is it true and then Having the
courage to sit in how do I react how do
I treat that person how do I treat
myself when I believe the thought and
then I get still and I Witness
and I'm not guessing at how I react and
how I treat that person and how I treat
myself I'm witnessing real deal
and who would I be without it and then I
get to see the same situation again minus
minus
as I said earlier the Post-its I was
putting on the event and I get to
witness the real world I'm sitting in
the old world new
it's so and then I have a lot of amends
to make you know I need to
um go back to that person admit my wrong
and apologize make it right and start
start over it's um it's um living
if Enlightenment has no power until it's
lived yeah so to live it out it goes
into the identity the cells of this
apparent body and and it's like it it
wouldn't Overlook anything love is a
power that leaves nothing out
so true so true Katie I'd like to uh
share these final two segments with you
this segment of the interview is called
fill in the blanks so I read a statement
and I ask you to fill in the blanks for
us uh and we walk through them so let's
do that so my first one for you is
thoughts and judgments are and you can
fill in the blanks false
okay true Freedom starts with inquiry
inquiry
beautiful being present means love
love
most people believe
in goodness
the work has allowed me to
be free
change is hardest when
my mind's not open to the world
yes I have no tolerance for to be continued
continued
like life will show me what I have your
tolerance for yeah
I think of pain but even physical pain
that's a beautiful answer I like it and
now I want to ask you what is our final
five so this is the final five where you
Onsen that was beautiful by the way can
you answer every answer with one word to
one sentence maximum so these are five
powerful questions so these are your
final five Katie this is your first one
what did you once pursue but no longer value
value power
power
beautiful second question what do you
know to be absolutely true nothing
nothing
oh wow okay uh third question what do
you feel is so right but other people
disagree with you on
what is something that you know to be
true but other people would disagree or
debate that you're beautiful
I love that okay question number four
if you could create a law that everyone
in the world had to follow what would
that law be honesty authenticity
authenticity
and your fifth and final question what
was the biggest lesson you've learned in
the last 12 months
it's nothing out of order
oh wow thank you so much for watching
that video If you enjoyed it here's
another one I think you'll love people
behave based on how they were loved and
then how they were able to process that
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