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How to Move On, Let Go of Past Mistakes, and Reinvent Yourself | Mel Robbins | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: How to Move On, Let Go of Past Mistakes, and Reinvent Yourself
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You should be ashamed of yourself. So
you want me to take my eyes now and go
back and look at the horrible things
I've done so I can feel shame about
them. That's what you want me to do. Now
everybody loses. There's a better way.
We say a prayer after every single
session, which is as I lift my eyes from
shame to grace. It's called healing.
Regret is very different than remorse.
Remorse is an engine. Turn that thing on
and it'll change you. Your worst chapter
is not your last chapter. The thing
that's causing you the most pain today,
what if I told you that's going to turn
around at some point and it's going to
give you the most power?
>> Oh, hold on.
Say it a little louder for the person in
Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to
the Mel Robbins podcast. I'm absolutely
thrilled that you're here and it is
always such an honor to spend time with
you and to be together. And if you're a
new listener, I also wanted to take a
moment and personally welcome you to the
Mel Robbins podcast family because you
made time to listen to this particular
episode. I know you're the kind of
person who truly values real deep
conversations that make you think
differently about yourself, about your
life. And the conversation we're about
to have today, oh my gosh, it is going
to be incredible because we're going to
be talking about what do you do after
you truly royally screw things up. Is
forgiveness even possible? See, in our
Boston studios today, I have the perfect
person to help you and me think about
forgiveness and how you rebuild after
making so many mistakes. And the reason
why he's the perfect person is because
he's had to do this himself. I'm going
to introduce you to a very good friend
of mine. And when you hear who this
person is, it may even surprise you.
Wait, Mel Robbins is good friends with
this guy. I am. And by the time you're
done listening to the conversation
today, you'll understand why. It takes a
lot of courage to be the kind of person
who can admit to what you've done wrong
and take accountability for making it
right. To face yourself in the mirror,
to go out in public or show up at school
or work or with your friends or your
family when you've done something really
wrong or you've ruined your reputation
or you hurt the people that you care
about most. And that's exactly what my
friend Carl Lince has had to do after
destroying the life he had built just 5
years ago. Now, I didn't know him back
then. I only met him a few years ago.
But let me tell you a little bit about
who he was then. Carl was one of the
most recognizable megaurch pastors in
the world. He co-ounded the church
Hillong in New York City. And then he
built it from scratch to be almost
150,000 members strong. I mean, in 2017,
2018, 2019, Carl was a cultural icon. He
was in the news all the time because he
was disrupting what everybody thought a
Christian church should be like. I mean,
there he was up in front of the pews
dressed in leather and skinny jeans and
he's all tatted up and rock and roll
music is blaring. And from the outside,
boy, did it look like he was on top of
the world. I mean, he couldn't be more
blessed. And then in 2020, it all fell
apart in a spectacular train wreck of
his own making. He was publicly fired
from the church he built. And according
to the press release, it was due to
quote leadership issues and breaches of
trust. It was all over the tabloids.
This married megaurch pastor and father
of three, beloved by so many, had been
having an affair with someone in the
church. He lost his job, his reputation,
almost every single friend he had. His
family lost their housing and he lost
the life he had built because of the
choices he had made and he couldn't
outrun this. I mean, there were docuer
made about this thing. He was trending
all over the news. Carl owns the
mistakes he made. He takes full
accountability for what he's done wrong.
And today, he'll tell you what it feels
like to feel like you're driving a
locomotive and it's about to hit the
wall and you can't stop it. the dread,
the weight of it, the anxiety, the
secrecy, the arrogance, the lies that
you tell yourself and everyone around
you. But the reason that I invited him
to be here today with you and me is
because of what he did after the
wreckage. I love that he owns what he
did and that he's leaned into the worst
things that he's done to extract some of
the biggest lessons anyone could learn
about life. I love the way that he and
his wife and his three children lean
toward each other because it's so easy,
isn't it, to lean away from people when
things get hard. And I also love what
they've taken from it as a family. And
how the entire experience in the past 5
years have changed him for the better.
If you've ever screwed up and gotten
fired or lied or cheated on somebody or
had a relationship end or done something
that you regret, I'm going to tell you
something. It's not the mistake that you
made that defines you. It's what you do
next. And today, we're going to flip the
way that you think about it on its head.
We're going to teach you how to look at
it all differently and forgive yourself.
And you're going to learn how to turn
the page, take accountability for what
went wrong, learn what you need to
learn, forgive yourself, and move on.
So, please help me welcome my friend
Carl to the Mel Robbins podcast.
Carlance, I am so excited that you are
here. Thank you for jumping on a plane.
Thank you for being here in Boston. I am
just I know that this is going to be a
transformational conversation.
>> It's an honor. You know, I love you and
Chris a lot and this is a it's a special
place to be. Carl, we have been friends
for a couple years, and since knowing
you, you are the kind of person that has
really opened up my heart and opened up
my mind. And I'm so excited for the
person who is here with us right now,
>> who's hit play, who's watching, who's
listening. And I know that by the time
we're done, they're going to say to
themselves, "This is exactly what I was
meant to hear.
>> This is exactly what somebody that I
care about needs to hear right now. And
so I'd love to have you start by
speaking directly to the person that's
with us. And if you could share with
them, Carl,
>> what they might experience that could be
different about their life
>> if they take to heart everything that
you are about to share about your own
life and lessons learned and the wisdom
that you've gained
>> and they apply it to their life. What
could change? what you're going to find
on this this episode with with Mel and
I, if you need more peace and you need
more presence, you're going to find that
here because I I feel like I don't know
a lot, but I know a little. If you've
ever faced something in your life that
has just been hectic and heavy and hard
and you're like, is it going to get
better? We're going to share some
thoughts on how you can create peace,
avoid the wrong kind of pressure, and
step into power maybe you've never
known. And it's a privilege to be able
to talk about it.
>> Well, Carl, you're the perfect person to
talk about it.
>> You know, when you talk about turmoil or
a season of your life where just it's a disaster.
disaster.
>> And there's not a human being
>> that goes through life that doesn't have
a chapter that you wish would end or
never happened. And you know, one of the
things that's interesting about you is
that after everything that's happened in
your life, and we're going to get into
that, you know, in just a minute, I
Nobody would have blamed you if you're
just like, "Okay, I'm just going to
disappear. I'm just going to take my
things and quietly sneak out the back
door, and I'm never going to show my
face in public again. I'm not going to
talk about what happened."
>> But you and your wife and your family
made a different choice.
>> Yeah. And I would love to have you talk
a little bit about
why did you decide to start to be so
open and honest
>> about probably the worst thing that's
ever happened to you.
>> People relate more to our losses than
our wins. And because that's true, I had
a moment of clarity where I thought I'm
gonna I'm faced with these options of
hiding, which is a great option. And I
did for a little bit and it felt it felt
okay for a season. And then you realize
what am I going to do with all this? And
for me, I felt like a I had a
responsibility because the platform I
had in people's lives was one of trust
and example and in in preaching to other
people how they should proceed in life.
And so that's a deeply vulnerable place
to be when you've broken people's trust
in that way. And I felt like I had a
responsibility to to prove in a way what
I've been preaching all along, which is
your worst chapter is not your last
chapter. And I've preached it my whole
life. I never had to live it in this
way. But for me to not show people more
of the story to me would have been
unkind. To just leave it there because
that's not the whole story. We're alive.
Our eyes are bright. Our family's
better. I'm better. I've realized things
I never could have realized had we not
walked through that fire. And the option
to hide is tempting until you realize
what if what I've gone through is
exactly what somebody else is going
through. And if I can help somebody else
build a bridge, then why not give it a
shot? And and I think for me, someone
once said um to me to my face, the
moment you can take the hardest thing in
your life and take more from it than it
took from you, your life will change
forever. And I thought that's what I'm
going to do. So this chapter which took everything.
So I thought
I'm going to take more from it. And
we're on that side of it now. For a
while it took everything. My dignity, my
reputation, my life's work,
uh the trust of my family took
everything. And you're sitting there
going, "What am I going to do with
this?" And then you hear something like
that and you said, "You're telling me I
can get to a place in my life where the
worst thing that ever happened to me, I
can take more from it. Let me see if
that's possible." And I am here to
testify that it is possible to take the
worst thing that's ever happened to you
and spin that thing and start to take
from it. But what I've taken from the
season where I broke my wife's trust,
where I broke my kids' trust, where I
destroyed rightfully so, the reputation
I worked hard to build, now I I've taken
from it peace, power, presence, margin,
safety, honor, vulnerability,
consistency. I didn't have some of those
things before that. So now I look at
that chapter and it's not what other
people might deem it. You know, is that
the hardest chapter in your life? Now,
it's like, of course, I carry it with
reverence because there's pain and
there's carnage, but it might be the
most pivotal in my life because I
wouldn't be sitting here. I wouldn't be
talking to you. I wouldn't have my
Australian bride outside hanging out
with me, still wants to be around me.
So, that's everybody's opport that's
your opportunity. And and when you look
at a situation that has robbed you,
you're going to be faced with this.
Whether it's a trauma, maybe someone's
hurt you, maybe someone's betrayed you,
maybe somebody's let you down. That can
be what they they took stuff from you.
Do you want to accept that? I didn't
want to accept that. I didn't want to
accept that this chapter is going to
take all this from me. I'm going to
figure out a way to take some of that
back and with some interest.
I love
that statement
that you can figure out how to take the
hardest thing that's ever happened to
you and take more from it than it takes
from you.
>> Could you speak directly to the person
that feels that they are in that right now?
now?
>> Yeah. You know, because when you're in
the eye of that storm and you've blown
up your whole life or you've blown up
your career or someone else has
>> and you hear that, you're like, that is
not true.
>> But if you could just speak to that person
person
>> about what is possible and what does
that actually mean
to take more from it than it takes from you?
you?
>> It's a great question. If you're in that
spot where maybe you're in the the
backside of it where it's taking stuff
from you now you're sitting there
holding the bag. Like for instance, I
was I was abused, sexually abused.
forever if you make the choice to let
it. Now I'm able to take from that
situation. You can rewire your brain
pathways. You can sit down with anybody
and say, "I can relate to what it feels
like to be betrayed on that level." You
can do a whole curriculum on how to
recover. You can be a support to people
who have been through that that
otherwise it it's one thing to talk to
somebody who's encouraging you that
hadn't walked through it. It's a whole
another ball game when you're sitting
across from somebody that has understood
what that feels like. So, here's what I
would say to you. If you haven't seen
some of the fruit yet, keep watering and
keep planting seeds and you will look up
at one point and you're going to see a
garden of of things that you didn't even
dream was possible. A lot of people get
tired when they're planting. It's like,
I'm not seeing it. I'm still broken and
I'm still hurt and I'm still going
backwards. A I'm not sure that's even
true. You're healing. You're better than
you were yesterday. You're still here.
You're listening to this. You're still
trying. Those are seeds. and you plant
enough seeds eventually. God is faithful
to water. That's a fact. You cannot stop
the rain from falling. Only question is
what have you put in the ground.
>> And so when it came to my life, I looked
at a desert basically. And I'm like, I
got I got no choice but to just get busy
planting. That's what I did. And now I'm
starting to see some things blossom
it it makes me well up with emotion of
gratitude because I I was just happy to
survive. And I don't think that's God's
will for anybody to just survive. So if
you've ever said that, if you ever said,
"I'm just happy just to make it through
the day." That's okay.
What if there's a a day where you say,
"Not only am I gonna make it through
this day, I'm gonna crush this day and
I'm gonna I'm gonna brighten up this day
for somebody else." Like, that's where
you can go. So, if it's dark right now,
as sure as the sun will rise, there's a
better day coming. And that's a fact.
It's just as true as you sitting in that
moment going out, everything's been taken.
taken.
You know, Carl, you said that um one of
the things that happens when you go
through something horrible or painful is
you have the ability to help someone
else go through it. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And the conversation that we're having
today is ultimately about forgiveness
>> of self mostly. It's about giving
yourself permission
to rebuild. It's about
allowing yourself to be seen
when you want to hide. >> It's
>> It's
making yourself whole when you feel very broken.
broken.
>> And you are the perfect person to
to
hold our hand and walk us through this
because you have been there.
>> Yeah. And so before we go forward, I
would love to have you just go back and
tell the person who's listening a little
bit about
>> what your life looked like. You know, 10
I don't even know when this all
happened. Like you and I have been for I
met you after. So I didn't know anything
about you.
>> Yeah. Yeah. But what do you want the
person to know about what your life
looked like when you thought that you
were at the top?
>> My life had areas that were on fire and
other areas that were really fruitful.
And that's a dangerous place to be
because you can function because of the
fruit and you can ignore the fire. And
if you do that long enough, everything
will burn eventually.
>> So you mean on fire? Like you have parts
of your life that are working amazingly
well and then you've got stuff that's
burning to the ground in the background
as it's working amazingly well. >> Correct.
>> Correct.
>> Okay. So put us at the scene. Okay.
>> What was happening in your life? Because
just assume that the person Yeah.
>> who is listening has no idea who you
are, has no idea about the story. And I
think that's another important thing. Yeah.
Yeah.
>> When you're in the middle of it,
>> Yeah. You actually think everybody on
the planet knows.
>> Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
>> And this was a huge public story, but I
didn't know it was happening.
>> Yeah. If you don't know anything about
my story, uh my wife and I planted a
church in New York City and it was
incredible and we loved every second of
it. And with that comes a lot of uh
platform. It comes with uh crit
criticism. It comes with acclaim. The
whole nine yards. And we were very
visible. We had a big platform. And but
explain though, Carl, because it was
like record-breaking. Like how like what
was the church? How big was it?
>> Thousands of people um you know
worldwide impact. Um it was a part so
the Hillsong church in general is a
worldwide organization and we were the
first church from Hillsong in America.
So, we were able to really hit the
ground and and our goal was to serve the
city of New York like our hair was on
fire and we did and it was amazing and
there was a lot of it that we really
loved. And meanwhile, throughout that
time, as you find out in life, um, your
problems don't go anywhere. You either
fix them or they destroy you. And the
only difference sometimes is what your
life will look like when they crack. So,
it's like a fracture. And I don't know
if you've ever spoken to an athlete that
has a fracture. You can play on a
fracture for a while and even function
pretty good, but other parts of your
body start to overcompensate for what
you should have fixed. So, if you
fracture your ankle, well, there's a guy
who might gut it out for a year, maybe
two, put some tord doll in it, numb it
out, um, and he might get through a
couple games. It's the next year, it's
the year after his career shortened
because he played through a fracture.
That's kind of how I describe my life. I
had some fractures. We all do. We all
have fractures in our soul, brokenness.
And I I was I think under the impression
that if I run fast enough, I can outrun
this pain. I can outrun these
addictions. I can outrun these
propensities. I had things in my private
life that were really inconsistent with
who I wanted to be and including I
cheated on my wife and broke our
marriage vows and hid it from her, hid
it from anybody that I could. and
started to rationalize
why it was okay for me not to come
clean. And what you learn as you recover
is the first person you lie to is
yourself as an addict. So I'm telling
myself the whole time, okay, I I've
cheated on my wife. I'm going to bury
this because the best thing for me to do
because there's so many people that are
attached to me that if I come clean,
probably have to step down and then
everything crumbles. Now I'm
responsible. So you start to become the
hero in your own broken story. Think
about that. So it goes from me being
accountable to me going the best thing
for me to do is just to gut this out.
And it's easy to lie. It's not easy to
live with lies.
>> Say that again. Hold on a second. It is
easy to lie.
>> But it's not easy to live with lies
because we're not designed to be
dishonest. So lying that's human. to
live with it is destructive. And when
you start compiling lies, then you start
losing who you are. And then you start
forgetting what's real. And then if you
have a public life, you have to deal
with the dichotomy and the duality of
preaching to people about honesty while
knowing in your own soul. There's areas
that do not match up. And there there
was not an unrealistic standard. People
like, "Yeah, but you're human. If you
are a preacher, you are held to a
different standard as you should be. So
it's not like, you know, preachers can't
be human. No one's saying that.
Preachers cannot be living on lies. And
there's plenty still doing it, Mel.
Please believe that. But for me, it was
rotting my soul. And it began a spiral
that led me into uh a drug addiction
that led me into other ways to cope with
my own duality that I never thought I
would come face to face with. and it
came crashing down hard.
>> I love the visual of the fracture. And
as you're listening to Carl, I want you
to think about the fracture that you're
living with right now. Or maybe you've
got somebody in your life
>> and you can see the fracture
>> and you know the break is coming. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> But they are like Carl is telling you in
this story, the the hero of their own story,
story, >> right?
>> right?
>> It's going to be fine. I got it under
control and you're thinking, "No, you
don't. I see this thing." Or you feel it
in yourself.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> And yet you are still playing the hero
in your own story that you can live with this.
this.
>> If you hear this and you're like, I
might have some fractures. Great way to
find out what could be deadly is what
are you afraid to get checked out? Have
you ever been sick and you're like, I
don't want to go to the doctor because
if they tell me that I have mother
effing COVID again, I'm going to lose my
mind. It could just be a cold.
>> Yes. And then you just kind of deal with
this discomfort and dysfunction. Like
everybody's got to deal with some sort
of dysfunction, right? Men say that all
the time. Like you you'll hear them tell
their story and you're like, you know,
that's a major trauma. And they're like,
no, that's just being a man. I'm like,
no, bro. That's not being a man. You can
get that fixed. There's help for you,
right? So, there is an element of
understanding a fracture that it's like,
if you don't think you have any
fractures, okay? If you have something
in your life that you're afraid to bring
out, that's the thing that's going to
kill you. So, bring it out. what what
that would have looked like for me is
like I don't know how to get peace.
>> Um I can't slow down.
>> And somebody probably could have helped
me. And by the time I did, I went to go
see a brain doctor with a friend of mine
who was in trouble and he did a a brain
scan on me and he called me a couple
days later. He said, "Hey, you need to
come in here and talk to me." And I sat
down with with Dr. Amen. >> Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> And he said, "Carl, you need to you need
to resign and you need to go get help
because your brain is not functioning
correctly and if you haven't made bad
decisions yet, you will. It's a matter
of time. You need to step down." And I
looked at him and thought, "That's never
going to happen. There's no hope for me.
No, I just got to keep I'm going to run
as fast as I can on this fracture and
see how far I can go." And that was uh
that was a big deal for me. and on this
side of the tracks. That's why I'm
really quick to ask people, I appreciate
all the stuff that you're telling me.
What are you not telling me? What are
you not telling me about? All the stuff
that you're really quick, hey, help me
with this and cool. What's the thing you
don't want to share? That's where your
power is. So, whatever you're hiding is
taking the place of what could be power,
so you might want to bring it out. So
for me it was if I go back to our story
um we we had a lot of areas that that
were great as a family even even our
marriage. There's a myth that when you
see infidelity like you did in in our
relationship that the marriage was bad
and it's just not true all the time. Um
I love my wife and she loves me and we
had a phenomenal family. I just was
extraordinarily broken. There were times
where Laura would catch something, feel
something, sense something, and I would
lie to her one way or the other. Whether
it was by omission or whether it was by
painting another picture or whether it
was just overpowering her conviction and
making her think that she
>> didn't see what she saw.
>> And and that began
a hesitancy in her to trust me. And when
you have that in a marriage, you're in
trouble. and she did what a strong woman
would do, which is challenge me over and
over again. And I would just go further
and further back. So, it went from I I I
don't want to lie to my wife, so I'm
just going to distance myself from her.
It's hard to think back on
because I can't imagine that now, which
is again a testament to taking more from
it. Like I took from that chapter now, I
have an intimate relationship with the
woman of my dreams that I probably never
could have known. Uh but that's that's
what happens with with fractures. So my
story is filled with that. And then I
got to a place at the end where the
spiral was such where I mean I I had
trouble sleeping and I had trouble um
communicating with people that I loved
and I was just really good at what I was doing.
doing.
And that'll get you into a place where
people are like, "Well, I'm not sure
you're okay, but you know, some of the
stuff's still working." And that can be
a problem. So sometimes your strength
can be the greatest cover for what you
need help with in the secret places of
your life. So when it all the day that
it all happened, I had been ruminating
on that for a while and
>> like literally thinking it's
>> going to crumble and when it does it's
going to be this bad in my mind. I had
it's going to it's going to go really
bad. It was a hundred times worse.
>> A hundred times worse. And that's
important for people to know because
often people will think if you have a
secret, if you have something you're
think it's it's not going to be that
bad, I can just keep this going. If you
are digging a hole for yourself right
now, the the first thing you need to do
is stop digging. Put the shovel down.
Because what we do is just like, well,
this is going to go really bad. Let me
just keep digging. Put the shovel down.
That's what I always tell people. I'm in
a bad spot. What should I do? What's the
first thing you should do? Stop digging.
Just stop. and then put your hand up and
tell somebody you've been digging and
allow them to pull you out of this thing
you have created for yourself.
>> You have gotten people to put the shovel
down. And there is somebody listening
right now that's like, Carl, how do I
get them to put the shovel down? Yeah.
>> Before they take it and just throttle
themselves in the head with it.
>> It's tough. I It's a little bit of I mean
mean
because of my faith that you're that you
know runs pretty deep with me. You know,
God's grace is something it's unmmerited
mercy and favor. And sometimes there'll
be a graceful revelation where God will
give you a gap for you to go, I got to I
got to do this. You can't even explain
it. Like I don't even though I got
caught, I still didn't have to change.
That's what people don't understand.
Like people, someone asked me one time
like, "Did you only change because you
got caught?" And I'm like, "No." Like
getting caught is actually a word that
can be a little bit fluid. Like normally
when you get caught and I experienced
this, the first thing you do is how much
how much do you know?
>> My um assistant had seen messages and
then I was confronted on it and my first
instinct was not let me be honest. It
was I wonder I wonder how much like I'm
glad this is over but how much do you
know? And you don't have to change.
Only you can make that decision to
because there's not enough consequences
in the world. Rehabs are filled with
people that you cannot understand
logically. Why are you doing this? If
you sat there with someone, I've spent a
lot of time with drug addicts in my life
and I've sat there with people who are
they've lost everything and you go, "Do
you want to change?" And they go, "No,
no, I don't want to change." So now you
realize this isn't normal logic you're
dealing with. It has to be something
deeper. And if if you are in a spot
might not be drug addiction, it might
not be um something that you think is
catastrophic, but if you're in a spot
right now and you know it could hurt
you, this could be the moment where you
after you're done watching this, you
just call someone and say, "I'm going to
be honest and I need it to be a safe
space and I don't want to do anything
with it, but somebody needs to know." If
that could save not just your life, but
your family's life, your legacy, the
lines down of generations, it might be
worth a shot just to tell somebody this
is what I'm dealing with. Because if I
look, I it's not worth holding. It's not
worth holding in your heart. We're not
designed to do that.
>> So, have you ever read a book where you
just know this is going to end horribly?
Like, I don't even know if I want to
keep on reading. I feel the pit in my
stomach. Or they start to reflect back
on a character's past and you're like,
"Oh my god, that and then they reflect
again. You're like, it's worse."
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> That's what it was like to be you. To
know that. What's that like? And I want
you to speak to that
>> dread, horror, pressure. Um
Um
the I can't I can't even articulate the
feeling every day that you have to
swallow just to function. It's a weight
that is like it's unbearable and it
drives people crazy. I mean, I was
probably on the doorstep of of losing my
mind. And I mean that wholeheartedly.
Like I there were days and when you ask
how long I mean there there would have
been at least a couple years.
>> A couple years.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Um
>> but you know if I want to widen this out
I want to widen this out real quick
because that feeling of dread and
knowing and the fracture.
You may be listening right now and
>> that you know needs to end.
>> It's good,
>> but you don't say it. Like I was on the
phone with somebody the other night and
they were really upset because they know
they need to break up with this person
who's a really good person. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And it's the dread. It's the I don't
want to I I just maybe if I just push it
off a little bit longer. And so there
are lots of moments in our life. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Where we live with that pit and that
dread. I mean, you had it at, you know,
a million x, but
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> It's a very common thing to do.
>> Whatever's causing dread demands an
immediate confrontation.
Immediate. Because dread compounds. And
we feed dread every time we spend
another day not confronting it. So if
that thing is dreadful today, it's going
to be twice as dreadful tomorrow. Two,
three years. Now your life is just
suffocated because you chose that route.
I put myself in that position. I'm
dreading the day that this is going to
crumble. It's the most selfish thing we
can do.
>> Why is it the most selfish thing? to go
back to the hero of our own story. When
I did get help finally, I sat with with
a really incredible therapist and and
she said, "Carl, why didn't you why
didn't you come clean quicker?" And I
said, "I didn't want to let people down.
I didn't want to hurt people." And she
goes, "Oh, isn't that sweet? So, you've
made yourself the hero. So, you've told
yourself that the reason why you
continually lied is to help other
people." And I was like, "I see where I
see where you're going with this. That's
what I mean by selfish." So by putting
stuff off,
ultimately you're not just robbing
yourself, but you're robbing other
people that need the best of you. And
most of you is filled with dread. So I
look back at that season of my life and
I'm like, I did the best I could. And
there's a lot of me that was consumed
with the maintenance of dread and and
things I didn't need to be carrying.
>> So you there came a point where this all
blows up. You said it was a hundred
times worse. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And can you just put the person like
right like what happened?
>> Yeah. I mean I I I was um I got a call
from my assistant um and one of my best
friends who was also on my staff. He
said I got to talk to you about some
stuff. And they confronted me on the
beginning of some things. And I did, you
know, throughout the course of that day
get as honest as I knew how to be. And
it went from there to I got to tell my
yeah, it was a bad day. And I had to
tell Laura like and and that was a
that's a tough memory that I will never
ever let leave me because that's a
memory I want to keep. And as weird as
that sounds, um because we try to push
some of that stuff out, I I don't ever
on that day. I don't want to forget
that. And and and and because
>> why do you not want to forget that?
>> Because I I'm never going to be there
again. And so I I then we went back and
we told uh my kids. Ava,
>> now why did you tell your kids? How old
were your kids at this point?
>> Uh Ava was I want to say like maybe 16.
I think at that time
12, 11, young. He's they're they're
they're in the the prime of their
adolescence right now. And um we told
them because we knew stuff was going to
come out because we were a very it was a
very public uh life we lived. And so I
told my daughter uh Charlie at the time
was in a a place getting help for her
her own mental health. I had to tell her
over Zoom. That was hard. And I told my
son I really didn't get it. And then my
um we had just sold our house in New
Jersey for this fun adventure and we
hadn't picked a place yet. So we were
staying at my friend's apartment in
Brooklyn. Beautiful apartment. When all
the news broke, that person texted me
and said, "I want you out of my house. I
want you out by the end of the night."
And I said to my friend, "I'm sorry. Um
okay, we don't have anywhere to go." And
he said, "I want you out." And so within
this hour these hours span I had to we
got two U-Hauls and there's paparazzi
outside and there's the it was like a
swirl of I I just felt like I was in a
different world and we had to load up
everything we had in these two U-Hauls
and we just started driving and Lissa
said where we going I said I really
don't know because I didn't know who to
call and some people wouldn't return my
calls and other people would and then
and we just didn't know where to go and
we had a friend her name's Kim she lives
in Jersey got a hold of her she said,
"Come here. Come stay at my house. You
guys can stay at my house." And it's
tough to go back into some of these
places, but it matters because people
need to know, you know, that you can
make it out of these moments, but it it
runs deep. And I'm in a U-Haul, Roman's,
you know, this little guy. He said,
"Dad, where are we going?"
I said, "I don't know, man. I don't
know." And I remember thinking, I'm in a
I'm in a car in a U-Haul headed to Connecticut.
Connecticut.
My life is on fire. And uh I don't know
if I'm going to get out of this. I don't
know if we're going to make it. And I
remember looking at my son who's just
petrified. Doesn't know what's going on.
You know, you don't give a kid more than
he can bear at that point. So, I'm not
going to sit there and say, "Buddy, I
did A, B, and C. It's just we're making
some changes. You know, these big you're
just doing your best." But that was a pivotal.
pivotal.
When people ask me about a Rock Bottom
moment, I'm like, "Well, I moved to Rock
Bottomville. Rock Bottom is not a
moment. I moved into a Rock Bottom." And
uh that was a night that is etched in my
mind as well because I don't want to
forget that either. and and it was it
was the beginning of this slow
unraveling. And so, you know, if you're
watching this, my my church is connected
to so many other churches and it began a
domino effect
>> where, you know, my issues exposed other
issues and next thing you know,
everybody's on Front Street and and to a
degree, I was the impetus to some of
that. And uh it was it was a it was a
really hard time.
But that's for those of you who really
wanted to go to the moment. If you've
ever had one of those nights where you
never think you're going to get out of
it, maybe you're even in that season
right now, just do not give up. And
that's one thing I can say about my wife
and myself that I am proud of is that we
didn't give up. A lot of people stop
right there. And somehow by the grace of
God, we found the fortitude to keep
trying to figure this out. And uh but it
was uh those are those are some tough
memories to pull up, but they matter.
>> I love that you keep reminding us
>> that you don't want to push those
memories away.
>> No. Mm-
>> If you have had an experience in your
life where you've gone through something horrific,
horrific, >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
It really can shape and make you in ways
that are so important because when you
really get just absolutely burnt to the
ground in those moments,
>> it does give you this level of
convention to go, I'm not going back there.
there. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Ever. like I will never be in a position again
again
>> with my spouse where I will ever have
anything but transparency. There is no
like I will never get myself in a position.
position.
>> Yeah. or I will not have peace or I will
not have and so
>> the other thing that I think that's very
interesting and this may be an odd thing
to reflect back to you
>> that on some level there's something
beautiful also in the memory of you know
you find out in those moments >> immediately
>> immediately
>> who is with you
and who's actually never been with you
>> well said I had to do some serious
serious work here, Mel, because
I love my friends. I had great
relationships. So, I thought, and when
you go through something like this, and
if you do it what I think is the the
most healthy way,
you focus on what's on your side of the
tracks. So, when you have a relational
breakdown, it is extremely easy and
convenient to look across the tracks.
And it's not that there's not stuff
there. The question is, what's best for
you right now? So, I had that choice of
am I going to look in the mirror or out
the window when it comes to my
friendships. In the mirror is where's my
role? Out the window is your role. And I
stuck to this mirror. And thank God I
did because if I even glanced at the
window, I I thought I'd lose my mind. So
hurt, so betrayed, even though I was the
one who, you know, broke the integrity
of my life in some ways with my friends.
Um, and what a tragedy will sometimes do
is give you, it's called like uh, it's
tragedy amnesia where it's like you only
remember the part that suits your
narrative, right? Then everybody left
me. Everybody did not leave me. In fact,
amazing people helped me and more came.
But when you're in it, you just see what
hurts the most. So, if you are in a spot
just like that and you feel like
everybody's abandoned you, I wonder if
that's totally true.
Not only do I think there's probably
room for you to look around and maybe
see there's other doors opening,
you haven't abandoned you. And when you
deal with relational breakdown, that's
the most empowering thing to know. Even
if, let's just say, everybody did leave
you. You still have you. And you're the
only one that could control you. And you
can't control anybody else. So there's
hope there. So even if I did lose
everybody, I'm still stuck with this
broken man in the mirror. Let me work on
this guy.
>> Carl, for somebody who is waking up
right now and they are just in the shame spiral,
spiral,
>> it's not I did this bad thing. It's I'm
a horrible person. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> They have regrets hanging over them.
>> Would you speak directly to them about
how they can start to loosen the grip?
If you woke up today and you genuinely
are ready for the shame shower to cover
you like it does every day, I want you
to imagine grabbing shackles and putting
them around your feet because that's
what shame is. shame. They are shackles
of our own creation and we attach them
to our legs. And you can move kind of
fast, but you're never going to be able
to know what it feels like to run. When
it comes to shame, understand this. This
is a hard reality that I am just
submitting for you to think about. There
are other people have other definitions.
I was told that shame is inherently
selfish because my eyes are still on
myself. When I heard that, it
immediately made me a better dad. It
made me a better husband because for me
to spend time in shame, it ultimately
means I don't like what people think
about me. I'm embarrassed about me. I
can't believe what I've done. So, not
only have you made a mistake, not only
have you hurt people, but your response
to it is to think about yourself again.
And if you see it from that angle,
because I get shame, I understand the
pain of it and the prison that it can
become. And I also understand what it
means to be free of shame. As I sit here
with you today, I'm telling you, shame
has no hold on my life because only I
can put shame shackles on my feet. And
if you look at it like that today in
your own life, rather than put those
shame shackles on, what else might be
true about you? Can you grow? Can you
change? Can you get better? Can you love
people more? Can you give people
evidence that you're a new person? Yes,
shame is all about stuff you cannot
control. You cannot control what people
think about you. You cannot control what
their commentary will be about your
change or lack thereof. So why then
would you spend any time shackling
yourself? So if you want to live free of
shame, understand that nobody else has
the key to those shackles but you. And
they're in your hand right now. This
could be the last day you ever feel the
pain of being shame shackled where
you're functioning. But you know it's
not all of you. It's no it's not the
best of you. You don't have to live like
that. There's a better way. And that's
what hope will do. It's what passion
will do. But only you can make that choice.
choice.
>> Carl, I love that you said it was selfish
selfish
>> because the focus is on you. And I just
want to unpack this because you know
when you look at regret I did this bad
thing and the focus is on the thing that
you did.
>> When you feel shame you say I am a bad thing.
thing.
>> Right. It's about me again.
>> I'm mad.
>> Yeah. I've never thought about it as
like it's such a selfish you you once
again are pulling the focus to you.
>> I'm I'm ashamed. Oh, sorry you're ashamed.
ashamed.
Now what? You know, in in rehab is where
I got this headbutt because we say a
prayer after every single session, which
is as we lift our eyes from shame
there. There was a day I could not do that.
>> But eventually you did.
>> Oh my gosh. And then you can't you can't
unsee it as I lift my eyes from shame to
grace. Different view. Shame. Grace.
Condemnation is shame. Conviction is change.
change.
>> And I've always been a proponent of
that's what my faith leads me to teach people.
people.
>> God's not trying to condemn you. He
might be trying to convict you because
there's something better. Conviction
will get you out of the bed. I'm
convicted to do this better. But shame,
I mean, for me, like I'm I'm ashamed
that I wasn't there for my kids for a
chapter because I was mentally unwell.
I'm ashamed now. That's what I think
about. So at least 30% of my mental
energy is going to me being bad. So my
son still gets that part of me. It's not
fair to him if I'm really like regret is
very different than remorse. Remorse is
an engine. Turn that thing on and it'll
change you. So I'm remorseful about the
mistakes I've made. I'm remorseful that
I wasn't there for my daughter in the
way she needed me at one point in her
life and it's convicted me to change.
But to be in shame
is is a hard word for people, Mel. But
sometimes people need to hear it.
>> I think you need the headbutt because
I've never heard anybody say the focus
is on you. And the only way that I've
ever been able to move through those
periods and I didn't even have this like
powerful distinction is by looking at
the thing. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And going, okay, so I did a bad thing.
>> That doesn't mean I'm a bad person. And
the only way I can prove I'm not a bad
person is if I can learn from this bad thing,
thing,
the lesson I need to do a little better.
And if I can do that,
>> then that for me is the key. But that
headbutt that you just gave us, the
focus is on you.
>> How's that how does that help anybody?
It doesn't.
>> Well, think about what people say in a
mean way. You should be ashamed of
yourself. It's even a selfish insult.
You back to you. you. It's a It's a
party for you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
yourself.
So, you want me to take my eyes now and
go back and look at the horrible things
I've done so I can feel shame about
them? That's what you want me to do. And
that's what I'm going to And so all the
people living in shame today, they
bought that lie.
Now, everybody loses. There's a better
way. It's called healing. It's called
grace. It's called mercy. It's called
change. I got to a really clear re
revelatory moment with God where I was
like, if if the God that I believe
exists that loves me and saved me, God
has forgiven me, it's ridiculous for me
not to forgive myself. And so I began to
live in that reality of I I forgive
myself. I'm going to let that go. And if
you want to know tools, yes, when it
comes to how to forgive themselves,
>> saying that sentence is one thing, like
what the hell did you do that helped you
stop punishing yourself?
>> Here's how you know somebody has
forgiven themselves. They start to
invest in the new version of who they
are now.
>> That's how you know. So if you are
struggling to forgive yourself, number
one, let's make that leap. I forgive
myself. If you do that, the only way you
can prove that is by investing in this
new better version of who you're
becoming. And that's the evidence on the
board. So when people struggle to do
that, you know it because there's so
much about what they were and what they
didn't want to be.
>> There's no evidence of who they are now.
So if you look at me, hope you know I've
forgiven myself because there's no way
you can walk around with bright eyes in
any sort of confidence knowing the
wreckage of my life. Yeah. No, it's not
that I don't know that. A lot of people
get thrown off by that because they want
you to be sad. They want you to be
broken and that says more about them
than it does you anyway. But for me,
it's like I I've forgiven myself. How
can you even show your face in public? I
forgave myself. God forgave me. My wife
forgave me. My kids forgave me. I
forgave myself. That's how. What would
you like me to do? Think about what
shame does. Shame is the opposite of
your chest out. Shame is your shoulders down
down
>> and your head down. Even the body
language of shame is demeaning. And I
just don't have time for that. And
>> how long did it take though? Because you
know what I mean?
>> Nightmale. I just nailed it. You know,
>> just stop.
>> I just figured this out an hour ago. Um
>> because this was how many years ago?
When did this
>> almost five years?
>> Okay. So, five years. Yeah. How long
after the complete implosion and the
scene in the U-Haul
>> did I start to see a little bit of light?
light?
>> Yeah. Because look,
>> it's easy to say I forgive myself. It's
easy to say, "I got to invest in the new
me." But
we all look backwards.
>> It took a long time to get there. And I
think it's important to know that some
of that stuff you have to feed every
single day because there is a there is a
a chapter where it's completely normal.
If you're in the middle of a humiliating
thing, you got to accept the bad days
where you just feel ashamed and you feel
bad. That's part of the growth process.
Like there's this mythical thing. It's
like no, I forgave I forgave myself. But
there are still times now
>> where I have to catch myself wondering
like if that if is that person wondering
>> what kind of person I am now? Is that
person think like every person I meet? I
I have to get over that hurdle of how
are they meeting me? What what do they
think they know about me? And that can
either make you never come outside and
just shut yourself off to people because
you don't want to deal with that. Or you
can get stronger internally and say,
"There's a good chance that this person
may or may not know what they think they
know about me, and I'm okay either way
because I accept me." If you accept you,
it takes the weight off other people
accepting you.
>> What I just got from this is that a lot
of us do look at the relationship as
evidence for the forgiveness. >> Yes.
>> Yes.
>> Like, if this person continues to be my
friend, it's evidence that they've
forgiven me. If this person continues to
be my spouse, it is evidence that they
have forgiven me. What you're actually
saying is forgiveness is something way deeper.
deeper.
>> Way deeper.
>> Because it is the freedom that you give yourself.
yourself. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> To no longer allow any of it to have
power over you.
>> And in that freedom and space,
there is choice to create something new.
>> Yes. Whether that means a new version of
your marriage or a new version of a
friendship or there is space to create
something new which means this next chapter
chapter
>> we are not
>> actually friends we are not married
>> but I am not carrying that
>> absolutely not I'm I'm healing and if if
you are hesitant to forgive somebody
this is a beautiful way to look at it
there has to come a moment where you
realize I no longer want this person so
if you haven't forgiven in someone,
maybe it'll be helpful for you to
consider this thought. They're still in
your life.
That got me changing quick. And that's
not definition doesn't have to suit
everybody, but think about it like that.
So, if there's people in your life right
now that you're bitter against and you
resent them and you've never forgiven
them, what if the truth is also they're
still actively involved in your life? Do
you want that? Because that's a tough
thing to accept. Once I re I don't
there's people who have hurt me in my
life. if I don't forgive them, they're
with me forever. I'm not okay with that.
>> How do you do that, though? Because I
think it's this thing where if you have
the bitterness and the anger, and I want
you to, as you're as we're about to hear
what Carl's going to tell us,
>> I want you to think of somebody
>> that you are bitter to.
>> I want you to think of somebody that you
think wronged you. I want you to think
of somebody that you're angry at. Maybe
it's one of your parents.
>> Maybe it's an ex. Maybe it's a business
partner that screwed you out of something
something
>> that there's some aspect of your life
where like that's not fair and it's that
person's fault and you may think you've
forgiven them but the fact that you
still have that like tension and anger
and animosity is evidence that you
haven't because they still have power in
you and they're still in your life.
>> Yeah. So I would say if if you are
struggling to forgive somebody, make the
decision. I believe forgiveness is a
decision. The follow through is daily.
So don't get fooled by your feelings. A
lot of people, I thought I forgave this
person, but I still feel that's a
feeling. Like you're not going to feel I
don't think forgiveness is like fairy
dust where it's like, oh, this person
who abused me for 10 years, 15 years, I
forgive you. Let's have dinner. No, you
might still feel at times that that
person is, you know, God should smite
them from the earth. Got to accept that.
You know what? I have forgiven you. And
there are some aftershocks. There are
some after effects. That's on me. I got
to work through those. And again, rather
than push them off, which creates dread,
face them down. Today is a day where I'm
struggling to follow through with the
forgiveness I've given. Say that. That's
more true. It's not that I struggle to
forgive. No, I have forgiven. And the
followrough is challenging today.
Especially that person continually does
stupid things. It's like I got to reup
every every day to forgive you. No, I
think that forgiveness is a choice for
sure. The follow through requires
support, maintenance, therapy, prayer,
meditation, soul work. Because it's one
thing to say it and you must. It's
another thing to live it out. But again,
how much is your freedom worth?
>> If the person who's listening right now
is wondering if they're ever going to be
proud of themselves again,
what's your message to them?
If you are ever wondering if you're
going to be proud of yourself again,
I believe the answer is yes. And
And
you have every opportunity to fill your
life with new experiences and new change
and new process to ensure that that
happens. But you can be proud of
yourself today because you didn't give
up. So we can handle that right now. So
if there's somebody out there going, I
don't know. You don't know what I've
been through. You don't know what I've
done. I'm never going to be proud of
myself again. You can be proud of
yourself right now. You made it through.
You're here. You made it. That's
something to be acknowledged. I don't
>> We've lost people in the blink of an eye.
eye.
>> And if you do that enough, if you're
experiencing that enough, you don't ever
take life for granted. So, the fact that
you made it today is worthy of being
proud. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of
you. I'm proud of you for making it to
this point. It's okay to say that. Look
in the mirror and say, "I'm proud of
myself." What did you achieve today? I
achieved another day. I didn't give up.
That's worthy. It's worthy of of giving
yourself some real significant esteem
because it matters. Sometimes that's the
best you can do is survive that day.
I've had a bunch of those, Mel. I was
like, "What's your big achievement
today?" Is that I didn't I didn't give up.
up.
>> That's one of the most courageous things
in the world to do when you feel like
giving up.
And you know, I think that it can be
really hard because when you're in that
mode where it's like day by day and the
progress is coming slow. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, the thing about
changing your life and moving through
this chapter, >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> when you're in a pivot chapter,
>> oh my god, it is there's nothing
glamorous about it. It's grueling. It's
boring. It's tedious. So if somebody's
in that chapter and the progress is not
coming Yeah. and they're listening to
Carl and Mel telling to keep like is
there something >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> to say other than this part sucks.
>> First of all, pivot should be spelled
with like 14 V's
because pivot it sounds like such a
strong word. It's like no way, man. It's
a rounder word. It's like a circular word.
word.
You cannot get away from farming word
pictures when you talk about growth and
change. You cannot do it.
>> And so if you can accept that, here's
something to accept today if you don't
see a lot of growth. I accept that I'm
playing the long game and in time I will
reap a harvest if I keep planting the
things I know I need to plant. Like I've
never seen a farmer plant something and
go out there the next day and be like,
"Damn it, [Music]
[Music]
where are these
where are these crops at?" We would say
that farmer's nuts, yet we can spend
decades making destructive decisions. M
>> pivot and then we spend, you know, a
couple months showing up to some therapy
and locking into some good pods, maybe
even showing up to church once or twice
a month and be like, "This this [ __ ]
doesn't work." Well, maybe you had a
faulty expectation.
This is going to take I always tell
people, at least give your best self as
much time as you gave your worst self.
>> Oh, hold on.
Say it a little louder for the person in
the back, please. At least
give your best self the same amount of
time to build your life that you gave
your worst self the time to destroy your
life and then we can talk because you
could spend decades thinking terribly
and try to shift it and go through a
challenge like man this isn't working.
It's not working. You gave the club 20 years
years
and you given this two months even seem logical.
logical.
At least give yourself a little bit of
margin to understand this is a new way
to live. Like rewiring your I mean for
me I had to I had to go all the way back
to my sexual wiring as a young kid that
was sexually abused. That damages you.
I'm not going to fix that in a day. You
know, me and Laura, we have ups and
downs and peaks and valleys, but it we
we're both fully cognizant of like we're
not rebuilding our marriage, by the way.
We are on a fresh one. Well, you know
what they say, second marriages are
amazing, particularly when it's with the
first person.
>> I'll take it.
>> And I do think that you're leading and preaching
preaching
>> and guiding.
I do.
>> I am
>> correct. And so I also think there's a
level of trust that people will have
with you because they know that you're
not perfect and now you're actually
guiding from experience.
>> I've heard that a lot actually.
There there is an an element of culture
of people that I know that have said, "I
I love you more. I trust you more." Not
because you did stuff that was wrong,
but because I see your humanity and I
see what you did with it. And when I
hear that, it I appreciate it because I
hear the other stuff too, which is I
don't trust you. I can't I can't I can't
trust and I have grace for that. Can't
control it either.
>> I am a person who will forever believe
in the ability for any human being to
change and get better.
>> Yeah. And if we as a society, as
friends, as family members,
>> cannot create the space and the grace
for people to learn from their mistakes,
for people to grow and get better, then
what hope do we have? So for the person
that's listening, Carl, that is
struggling and they are
truly just can so relate to everything
that you've shared and you have shared
so much and you have been so generous
and life-changing. What do you think the
most important thing is to take away from everything that you've shared with
from everything that you've shared with us today?
us today? the most important thing that I would
the most important thing that I would tell anybody that I care about, which is
tell anybody that I care about, which is you.
you. You control your story. Nobody else.
You control your story. Nobody else. Even if you've given away your pen and
Even if you've given away your pen and someone else has written some things or
someone else has written some things or maybe you don't even like what you've
maybe you don't even like what you've written in the past, you control this
written in the past, you control this one here. What will you do with it?
one here. What will you do with it? >> That is where your power is. You can do
>> That is where your power is. You can do nothing about the chapters that are
nothing about the chapters that are behind you. But you have so much
behind you. But you have so much opportunity to write the best chapters
opportunity to write the best chapters that are in front of you. The revelation
that are in front of you. The revelation is I control my pen. I am the greatest
is I control my pen. I am the greatest narrator of my life. I will control the
narrator of my life. I will control the narrative and the commentary about who I
narrative and the commentary about who I am. People can make of it what they
am. People can make of it what they will, but I'm in control. So if you
will, but I'm in control. So if you don't like the stories and the chapters
don't like the stories and the chapters that have preceded whatever you're
that have preceded whatever you're dealing with right now, what a great day
dealing with right now, what a great day to maybe start that first sentence of
to maybe start that first sentence of what your new chapter is going to look
what your new chapter is going to look like. You control that. Nobody else.
like. You control that. Nobody else. Nobody else can do it for you. Nobody
Nobody else can do it for you. Nobody else can write it for you. People can
else can write it for you. People can encourage you. But at some point, you've
encourage you. But at some point, you've got to pick up the pen of ownership and
got to pick up the pen of ownership and say, "This is me. This is my life. This
say, "This is me. This is my life. This is who I want to be." Who might you
is who I want to be." Who might you become if you invested in that person?
become if you invested in that person? It's an exciting proposition.
It's an exciting proposition. >> Carl, what are your parting words?
>> Carl, what are your parting words? >> My my parting words would be that
>> My my parting words would be that there's deep and immense value in you.
there's deep and immense value in you. so much value and we live in a world
so much value and we live in a world that starts to eat away at the identity
that starts to eat away at the identity of what might be inside us.
of what might be inside us. Hear it today. You are far more valuable
Hear it today. You are far more valuable than you know. There is so much to come
than you know. There is so much to come in your life that will even shock you.
in your life that will even shock you. But today might maybe it's just enough
But today might maybe it's just enough to be able to consider what if I'm
to be able to consider what if I'm right? What if you were valuable? What
right? What if you were valuable? What if this world wouldn't be the same
if this world wouldn't be the same without you? What if your contribution
without you? What if your contribution can be something that brings light to so
can be something that brings light to so many people? You're valuable. So, if you
many people? You're valuable. So, if you haven't heard that today, hear it today.
haven't heard that today, hear it today. If you haven't thought that in a while,
If you haven't thought that in a while, think it today. I am valuable because
think it today. I am valuable because you are. And it's hard to stop somebody
you are. And it's hard to stop somebody who knows that they're valuable.
who knows that they're valuable. They don't go on sale for anybody.
Carl, I love you. >> I love you.
>> I love you. >> You are such a gift in my life. Chris
>> You are such a gift in my life. Chris and I love you and Laura. I am so glad
and I love you and Laura. I am so glad that the holy roller that is Carl came
that the holy roller that is Carl came rolling into our life. You um I'm really
rolling into our life. You um I'm really proud of you.
proud of you. >> Thank you.
>> Thank you. >> And I'm proud of how you showed up
>> And I'm proud of how you showed up today. And I'm so excited to see the
today. And I'm so excited to see the chapter that you're writing now and the
chapter that you're writing now and the world is such a better place because
world is such a better place because you're in it.
you're in it. >> Thank you. I love you. Grateful for you.
>> Thank you. I love you. Grateful for you. Thank you for pushing me.
Thank you for pushing me. It has been such a honor of mine to
It has been such a honor of mine to introduce you to my dear friend Carl and
introduce you to my dear friend Carl and I am so just moved by everything that he
I am so just moved by everything that he shared with you and with me today. I'm
shared with you and with me today. I'm so grateful that you're here. Thank you
so grateful that you're here. Thank you for sharing this with people that you
for sharing this with people that you care about. I know that this is a
care about. I know that this is a conversation that will change people's
conversation that will change people's lives. And in case no one else tells
lives. And in case no one else tells you, Carl told you that you're worthy
you, Carl told you that you're worthy and you are. I also wanted to tell you
and you are. I also wanted to tell you that I love you and I love you for
that I love you and I love you for listening and watching this. I love you
listening and watching this. I love you for listening to something that could
for listening to something that could improve your life and take everything
improve your life and take everything that Carl shared with you to heart
that Carl shared with you to heart because if you do, your life will
because if you do, your life will improve and you deserve that. All
improve and you deserve that. All righty. I will see you in the very next
righty. I will see you in the very next episode. I will be waiting to welcome
episode. I will be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see
you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. And for you sitting here
you there. And for you sitting here watching with me on YouTube, I just want
watching with me on YouTube, I just want to say please share this with somebody.
to say please share this with somebody. Don't just sit and watch. Please do
Don't just sit and watch. Please do something and take a minute and
something and take a minute and subscribe to this channel because it's
subscribe to this channel because it's really a way that you can support me in
really a way that you can support me in bringing you new videos every single
bringing you new videos every single day. And I'm sure you're looking for
day. And I'm sure you're looking for something really inspiring to watch to
something really inspiring to watch to really move you. So, I want you to check
really move you. So, I want you to check out this video next.
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