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PSİKOLOJİK SIKINTILARI FARK ETMEK VE BAŞ EDEBİLMEK İÇİN NEVROTİK DÖNGÜLERE SON VER - AI Summary, Mind Map & Transcript | Psk. Özlem Tokgöz Özsoylar | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: PSİKOLOJİK SIKINTILARI FARK ETMEK VE BAŞ EDEBİLMEK İÇİN NEVROTİK DÖNGÜLERE SON VER
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Psychological distress often stems from neurotic cycles, which are self-perpetuating patterns of avoiding, suppressing, or reacting defensively to challenging emotions and situations rather than confronting and accepting them.
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Today I'm going to tell you about the neurotic cycles that are at the root and center of many of the psychological distresses we experience
Again, it is a very important and difficult issue to face.
Therefore, while listening to this video, I suggest that you listen as carefully as possible and
by lowering our judgments about our defense shields, life and ourselves as much as possible
.
Have you ever felt very anxious or very depressed, and then you feel afraid of these
feelings, you are afraid of this situation,
you judge yourself because you feel like this, and you criticize yourself, as if all these compelling emotions are
not enough, you also deal with your judgmental inner voice?
In such cases, we feel as if we are stuck in a trap. It is situations like these that
lead to neurotic cycles that are at the heart of most psychological distress
.
So what are these neurotic cycles?
How do we notice them in ourselves?
Today we will talk about them.
Even noticing these will lead you to a certain amount of relief and will
strengthen you even more for the future, that is, for the solution.
[Music]
The neurotic vicious circle is like being caught in hail while escaping the rain.
The cycle first begins with a challenging situation.
This challenging situation can of course vary from person to person.
In other words, while this situation may not be challenging for a person, it can be challenging for us
. For example, let's say
you saw your spouse texting with a friend of the opposite sex. Let this be the situation.
In fact, your spouse loves you very much.
You are very happy.
He's a very loyal person.
But still, after this situation, some thoughts
start to fill your mind involuntarily. For example, he no longer loves me, he is cheating on me, he will leave me.
Now these thoughts swarm in your mind without your control, and under the influence of these thoughts, feelings of
fear, anxiety and jealousy begin to cover your entire body.
And after a while these feelings are so difficult to accept and so terrible that
we start to judge ourselves this time.
A critical voice inside you shouldn't feel that way to you.
This is ridiculous. Your spouse is a loyal person, you are perfectly happy.
How do you feel like this?
For example, he says you are a loser.
In such cases, as if the initial fear, anxiety and jealousy weren't enough, you
start to be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame.
You almost feel like you're trapped.
These feelings and thoughts are so compelling for you that it is so difficult to accept and
confront that, while trying to quickly escape from them,
another emotion and behavior may emerge as a different reaction, a defensive reaction.
For example, you may find yourself suddenly yelling at your partner in anger.
That's enough! Playing with the phone, we have a lot of work to do!
Come on, get up, and maybe after these behaviors,
an argument may arise that comes later and becomes more and more intense.
And perhaps later on, the thing we fear most in the first place, namely abandonment, will
occur. In fact, we resort to these reactions, almost like water, to extinguish a fire within us .
Throwing water in front of a fire may seem very logical and a solution at first
. However, far from extinguishing the fire, unfortunately, these reactions
exacerbate it. It's like pouring water into a pan full of oil and on fire.
In fact, the neurotic vicious circle is the way we initially resort to confronting those feelings,
suppressing them or avoiding them rather than accepting them, putting
us in even greater distress. Just like
being isolated, staying at home, not going out to escape from this anxiety in panic attacks or anxiety-related problems
, actually exacerbates the problem
we are in.
The person is sometimes
aware of, and sometimes not aware of,
the emotion that is causing distress about him and that he is trying to avoid . Because that feature or that feeling about himself is so distressing, so
unacceptable to him that maybe he has
suppressed that emotion or that feature so deeply from the very, very old times, and forgot that it was even there.
I would like to give another example on this subject.
For example, consider a person.
This person is someone who feels very inadequate and worthless inside.
Maybe even a bit of an introvert.
Maybe because of some very natural and human characteristics of his time.
For example, he may be emotional, he may be introverted, perhaps he may have some fears
. He developed such beliefs about himself.
Perhaps he was taught by his environment that this state of affairs was unacceptable.
It is so difficult and distressing for a person to be able
to face these feelings, that is, these characteristics, to face them, to accept them.
Therefore, the person may have suppressed these characteristics and emotions from time to time, and
instead developed various behaviors in the opposite direction as a defense mechanism
. For example, he may show some behaviors that we can call extremely self-confident, sociable, and sometimes even
arrogant.
We can try to show his success to people at every opportunity, and perhaps
we can find him involuntarily praising himself at every opportunity.
In this way, the person develops these as a defensive reaction because he cannot tolerate the distress
caused by the features that he could not accept at first .
So in a sense, look at himself and the others in the outside world, I'm not like that.
He's trying to prove the opposite.
Now, if you ask this person, he might say, "No, I'm a very self-confident person,
I don't have such a worthless thing at all. Even friends say something, that is, they say he is too arrogant."
Because he is not aware of the feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy he actually feels inside
. He pressed it so deeply that he himself
forgot it was there. Yes, perhaps pretending to be someone he is not, or
displaying behaviors that are the opposite of those that he does not like to see in himself
, may seem to provide a short-term relief to a person without realizing it.
But it makes the problems worse.
Because the person was behaving like a person he is not, or because he
pretended to be a person he did not believe he was, this creates an internal tension, and with the effect of this internal
tension, perhaps the person begins to experience anxiety and panic attacks.
But he cannot grasp why.
Because he is not aware of the root cause of this inner tension.
What do people usually do in this situation?
As soon as he has a panic attack or anxiety or depression, he
starts to resort to short-term solutions in order to get rid of whatever problem he is experiencing.
Again, look, in order to escape from a situation that he cannot accept, he
immediately resorts to solutions to avoid the distress caused by a situation he cannot accept.
For example, they may resort to drugs, develop various addictions or show avoidance and
isolation behaviors.
In this case, unfortunately, he again falls into a neurotic vicious circle.
Again, in this vicious circle, he continues to experience psychological problems
that become more and more severe, and perhaps panic attacks do not go away, and some situations that he cannot understand
If you ask the person, maybe they will say that I have a very happy and successful life.
So I don't understand why I'm having these panic attacks.
Maybe he will say I don't understand why it doesn't pass.
Perhaps because of this panic attack, other people
will begin to blame their therapist, doctor, or some other external factor.
But what actually happens is that the ways one uses to avoid confrontation with oneself exacerbates
the problem.
By the way, I give this situation as an example.
That does not mean that this is the case for everyone who has these problems.
I am not saying that this is the most basic problem of everyone who has panic attacks or anxiety
. I'm just giving as an example.
Because everyone can have different reasons.
In other words, when faced with a compelling feeling, thought, situation,
trying to get rid of it as soon as possible, without confronting it, without thinking about why, to
escape from that problem in a hurry , to blame others for the situation one lives in, to
constantly try to justify oneself in quotes by finding excuses,
always waiting for the solution from others.
For example, waiting for a solution from your boss, spouse, doctor, therapist.
Knowing that it doesn't work and that there is no radical solution, but still persistently
turning to escape routes.
It shows that the person is afraid of confronting himself and is in a
neurotic vicious circle that will increase in severity
. Psychiatrist Engin Geçtan's book "Being Human" The neurotic does not hold himself responsible for his actions.
He believed that
the events around him occurred against his will and that it was not in his power to direct them
Their feelings are dominated by guilt and anger.
He has difficulty in recognizing love and always finds himself right.
He says that he constantly encounters problems in
directing his behavior because he misinterprets the events
. So what should we do, how do we get out of these cycles?
How will we realize, How will we realize ourselves?
Engin Geçtan says the following about this subject in his beautiful book: They define self-
realization, showing the courage to take the risk of living oneself, and being
free from vicious circles.
That's why we need to stop escaping from ourselves, our own shortcomings and flaws, our own
feelings and thoughts, and
show the courage to face them.
So why are we running from ourselves?
In fact, the reason for this is that when we first experienced that emotion, maybe we were taught
from our environment, our family, external factors, that those emotions and those characteristics
were unacceptable.
So we learned that if we feel them, we become bad people, and if we feel them, they won't love us
. Being sad, afraid, worried, being weak from time to
time, being inadequate from time to time, feeling worthless from time to time.
These are all very natural and human emotions.
If
only we hadn't been taught that they were wrong in some way from the very beginning when we first
started to feel them.
That way, we wouldn't be caught in hail while escaping the rain.
If only we could see that they are part of our human nature, and yes, a part of us, but
not something that defines us completely.
Yes, I can have feelings, traits such as fear, anger, weakness.
However, these alone do not define me completely.
These are just a part of me.
I am more than these.
Just because I felt anger doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or because I felt anxiety doesn't mean I
'm a total coward.
Or that's why I don't lose people's love.
However, for example, a brave person does not mean a person who is not afraid at all.
He is also afraid, but continues to move forward despite his fears.
We are so intolerant of these characteristics, these feelings that we have suppressed ourselves so much that when
we see these characteristics of others, we
immediately begin to judge and criticize them.
We love to judge others.
Why? In fact, when we do this, we project our suppressed feelings into
others, so if you're wondering about the details of this mechanism
, I suggest you watch my video about shadow.
By the way, of course, the purpose of this video is not to blame you for these neurotic cycles or to make
you feel bad.
The purpose of this video is actually to raise awareness about this issue.
Yes, awareness can hurt a little sometimes, but it is necessary to get better
. In fact, the therapist's job is to guide you through this journey of awareness
. Often people expect healing from psychotherapists.
They ask them to cure them in quotes.
However, the task of the therapist is to help you see those
aspects of yourself that you cannot even bear to see, and
to guide you to integrate with those aspects by comparing you with them.
Because only if we integrate with our shadow can we begin to heal.
Is it a shadow? What is this?
If you say so, or if you want more detailed information on the subject of shadow, you can watch my video here if you have
n't watched it before.
You can find the link of this video in the comment I pinned to the beginning.
If there are still friends who say to tell us the solution, not the cause, of the problems
, they are probably the first ones to follow us.
I also direct them in my previous video.
Let them watch it first, then they can find the videos by the titles
in the playlists about the troubles they are feeling
. I wish you peaceful days where you can hug with your shadow, at least a part of it
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