0:02 Most people think that discipline is
0:04 about being tough or having the crazy
0:06 ability to suffer more than everybody
0:08 else. But that is not discipline. That
0:10 is suffering for the sake of suffering
0:11 when it's actually not necessary to
0:13 achieve your goals. I want to break down
0:16 what discipline actually is. And spoiler
0:18 alert, it is not about willpower and
0:20 it's not about grit. Here's the thing.
0:22 Discipline is not in your DNA. You're
0:25 not born with it. It is in your design.
0:27 It's about making success easier than
0:30 failure by designing your environment to
0:32 do the heavy lifting for you. Discipline
0:34 is not a personality trait. It's a
0:37 system. When I was 19, I was 100 lb
0:39 overweight. I was failing out of school.
0:41 I didn't have the friends I wanted. I
0:42 didn't have the body I wanted. And I was
0:45 just a mess. And I thought to myself,
0:48 "Oh, I'm just not a disciplined person."
0:50 But then here's the thing. Once I
0:53 installed systems into my environment to
0:55 make it easier to lose weight than to
0:58 stay overweight, to make it easier to
1:00 have the right friends than to have the
1:02 wrong friends, and to make it easier to
1:04 work hard than to be lazy, suddenly I
1:06 looked really disciplined. For example,
1:08 I took out all the junk food in my
1:09 house, and if I wanted junk food, I
1:11 would have to literally walk to the
1:13 store because I didn't have a car. And
1:14 that's when I realized that being
1:17 disciplined sucks in the moment, but not
1:19 being disciplined sucks later. and for
1:21 the rest of your life. Most people
1:22 aren't disciplined simply because they
1:24 don't put systems into place. And they
1:26 don't understand how it works. And then
1:28 they think that they're lazy. You're not
1:30 lazy. You're just not doing the things
1:32 that you need to make it easier to be
1:34 disciplined than not. And so if you're
1:35 wondering, okay, gosh, I think you're
1:37 right, but I don't have the systems in
1:39 place. Where do I begin? The first thing
1:41 that you want to do is block a time on
1:43 your calendar where you can actually do
1:46 research to put the systems in place.
1:48 Even just the system of writing things
1:51 down to prompt yourself to take action
1:53 is actually a really great system to
1:54 have. The question that you should ask
1:57 yourself right now is what friction
1:59 exists in my current environment that is
2:02 making it harder to be disciplined than
2:03 to be lazy. That's the first thing you
2:05 want to think about. Like what things
2:07 around me? Is it the food in my pantry?
2:09 Is it the friends that I have? Is it
2:11 what do I need to extract from my
2:14 environment to make discipline easier?
2:15 The second thing that I want you to ask
2:17 yourself, willpower and motivation are
2:18 like batteries. So, they're going to
2:20 constantly deplete. Because here's the
2:22 thing, structure is where you derive
2:24 power from. And discipline is like the
2:27 power grid. So, if you rely on
2:29 motivation or feeling motivated, you, my
2:31 friend, have already lost. Most days
2:32 when I wake up, I don't feel motivated
2:34 to do what I've got to do that day. But
2:36 I have systems in place that make it
2:39 easier to do those things than hard. For
2:41 example, when I first start dieting, I
2:42 told myself, I'm just going to white
2:44 knuckle it. Don't eat anything bad.
2:45 Don't eat this. Don't eat that. Don't
2:47 eat out. Don't eat dessert. Don't eat
2:48 whatever. I would go to dinners with
2:50 food everywhere. And it would be so hard
2:52 to resist. And it felt like all day I
2:54 was resisting something which doesn't
2:56 feel good. And I would always cave
2:58 because I was relying on motivation. I
3:00 was relying on willpower. Whether it's
3:02 3:00 or 6:00 or the end of the day or
3:04 the end of the night, it would run out
3:05 and then I would end up eating something
3:07 I didn't want to eat. And that's because
3:09 if your day relies on feeling motivated,
3:12 if your goals rely on feeling motivated,
3:13 then you're already behind because
3:15 motivation is unreliable. It is a source
3:18 that depletes. It is finite and it's not
3:19 something you can control. So if you
3:21 don't have structure and you don't have
3:23 systems, then you quickly burn through
3:24 your motivation and you don't ever get
3:26 to achieve your goals because you don't
3:28 have the real structure it requires to
3:30 achieve one. So what I realized is that
3:32 what you have to have to figure out in
3:34 order to use this structure is what to
3:37 do instead. Instead of relying on
3:39 motivation, you create structure. So
3:40 what does that look like? If I want to
3:42 lose weight and I'm going out to dinner,
3:44 I'm going to look at the menus for the
3:45 dinner ahead of time. That's one option
3:47 I could have, right? I could look at the
3:48 menus for the place I'm going to and
3:51 then I could pick ahead of time. When I
3:52 get there, I don't have to think. I
3:53 don't have to decide what I'm going to
3:55 eat. I just get to eat what I already
3:57 decided upon. The second thing I could
3:59 do is I could say, I'm going to build a
4:01 system where I eat before I go to dinner
4:02 with people. So, I'm going to eat dinner
4:04 at my house with the food that I know is
4:06 healthy for me and helps me achieve my
4:07 goals. Then, I'm going to go dinner and
4:10 I'm going to get a tea. Or if it's the
4:11 gym, right, and you're just trying to
4:12 figure out how to work out, I'm going to
4:15 follow an online gym workout template
4:16 and I'm going to always have an
4:18 alternate for if I've got to travel and
4:19 I've got a travel friendly one. And so,
4:21 my point is this. It's not that we want
4:23 to stop doing the behaviors that are
4:25 preventing us from reaching our goals.
4:26 is that we want to figure out an
4:28 alternative. We want to say, "What can I
4:30 do instead? Instead of eating the chips,
4:33 what if I order tea? Instead of ordering
4:35 the fatty hamburger at the burger bar
4:37 we're going to, what if I have a protein
4:38 shake before I go?" The biggest way that
4:40 I've been able to hack my way into
4:42 having a disciplined life is I just find
4:44 alternatives. A huge alternative I have
4:46 is that, for example, in my house, I had
4:48 this cabinet where I always stored
4:50 candy. And whenever I go to diet, I
4:53 actually put gum and mints where the
4:54 candy is. So, every time I go to reach
4:56 for the candy, there's a piece of gum
4:58 there and then I'm like, "Oh, yeah. I'm
4:59 trying to lose weight." And then I just
5:01 take a piece of gum, I chew the gum, and
5:02 then eventually I forget about the fact
5:03 that I even won the candy. It's not that
5:05 I try not to do something. It's that I'm
5:07 replacing it with a new behavior. And
5:10 that is a system. Another system that a
5:12 lot of people have is when they wake up,
5:14 maybe they eat a really bad breakfast,
5:15 maybe you go to Starbucks, you get a
5:17 really heavy coffee or something. Okay.
5:18 Well, a system you could have is, you
5:19 know what I'm going to do when I wake
5:20 up? The first thing I'm going to do is
5:22 I'm going to walk for 30 minutes.
5:23 instead of going to Starbucks and
5:25 getting this drink that has 450 calories
5:27 in it, because they all do. Not only am
5:29 I replacing it with a behavior that's
5:30 going to help me, but replacing it with
5:32 behavior that's positive, not even just
5:34 neutral to my goals. And so, a question
5:37 to ask yourself is, what is one decision
5:39 that I can make today that will
5:41 eliminate 10 decisions for tomorrow?
5:42 When I think about this, I think about
5:44 alternatives. We want to pick our
5:46 alternatives ahead of time. What am I
5:48 going to do instead of get my Starbucks
5:49 tomorrow morning? What am I going to do
5:51 instead of laying on the couch and being
5:53 lazy tomorrow night? What am I going to
5:54 do instead of eating the hamburger when
5:55 I go out with my friends? What am I
5:57 going to do instead of drinking 10 beers
5:59 at that party? It's not about, "Oh my
6:00 god, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do
6:01 it." And just focusing on not doing it.
6:02 It's about focusing on what you're going
6:04 to do instead. And if you make those
6:06 decisions ahead of time, then all you've
6:08 got to do is follow the system. The
6:10 biggest lie that people tell themselves
6:12 is that discipline should feel hard.
6:15 Here's the thing. If it's too hard to
6:17 repeat, it's not discipline. It's your
6:20 ego. It's willpower. Because if
6:22 discipline doesn't feel easy, then
6:23 you're thinking about it wrong. For
6:25 example, when I first started going to
6:27 the gym, I went to the most advanced
6:28 classes thinking I was going to get
6:30 results really fast. So, I remember I
6:32 went to it was called body pump. Body
6:34 pump was where you would do like 30 reps
6:36 of one exercise four times. And so, if
6:38 you picked an even moderate weight, you
6:40 were going to be fried from that. And I
6:42 remember I went to Body Pump three days
6:44 in a row and then I went home and I went
6:46 to go upstairs to my room and I
6:48 collapsed trying to walk up the stairs
6:50 because my legs were so sore that I
6:52 couldn't even they just did they just
6:54 gave out and I was like, "Oh my god."
6:56 And I remember the moment I crawled up
6:59 the stairs and so I hated it. I remember
7:00 I was talking to a friend of mine at the
7:01 gym and I told her this and I was like,
7:02 "I'm not going to go back to that class.
7:04 It's just like too hard for me." And she
7:07 said, "Lila, your muscles need time to
7:10 adapt. If it's constantly painful and
7:11 you're constantly in pain, you're never
7:13 going to stick with it. And so what I
7:16 realized is that if something feels too
7:18 hard or too punishing or it's too
7:20 advanced too soon, you're going to
7:23 associate it with negativity and you'll
7:24 avoid it. You're essentially punishing
7:26 yourself. And then when we punish
7:28 ourselves, that means we also avoid the
7:29 thing that could potentially lead to
7:31 punishment. So if every time I work out,
7:33 I hurt really bad after, I'm going to
7:34 eventually avoid working out because I
7:36 know what comes after working out is
7:37 feeling really bad and sore after. And
7:40 so here's the thing. You're not failing
7:42 at discipline. You're just approaching
7:44 it from a standpoint of having too big
7:46 of an ego, too high of standards too
7:48 early on, or you're approaching it from
7:50 a place of anxiety rather than ease or
7:52 consistency. And so what do we want to
7:55 do instead? We want to lower the bar and
7:57 stack easy wins. We want to make our
8:00 tasks so achievable that we feel good
8:01 after we've done them. And then what
8:03 happens is if we do something, we feel
8:05 good after we do it. then we want to do
8:06 it again because we like doing things
8:08 that feel good. This is looking at
8:10 yourself as a scientist versus being the
8:12 judge of your life. You want to be a
8:14 scientist of your own behavior and the
8:15 way that you act rather than being a
8:16 judge who's just trying to punish
8:18 yourself all day. And if you do this,
8:20 you're going to build positive momentum
8:22 and then you will create consistency
8:24 because we tend to do things that we
8:25 like doing and we tend to try and avoid
8:27 things that we don't like doing. And so
8:28 question for you to ask yourself is what
8:30 habits or routines that you've been
8:32 putting in place that you haven't been
8:34 sticking with feel punishing and that
8:37 pain is making you avoid them. Think
8:38 about it. Is it something at work? Is it
8:40 something with your relationship? Is it
8:42 something with yourself? Is it something
8:44 with food? Whatever it might be, if you
8:46 constantly do something and then feel
8:48 pain because of it, you are likely not
8:50 going to stick with it in the long run.
8:51 So what this means is that real
8:54 discipline is not about stopping a bad
8:57 habit. It's about creating a realistic
8:59 and better alternative. So, if you want
9:01 to build real discipline, this is a
9:02 common misconception that you need to
9:04 avoid at all costs. So, I'll give you an
9:06 example that's pretty morbid, but it
9:07 always really resonated with me, which
9:09 was my mother was an alcoholic when I
9:12 grew up, and she quit drinking by
9:14 smoking. Sounds crazy, right? But she
9:18 went from drinking to smoking to vaping
9:20 to chewing gum to eventually nothing.
9:22 And so, she didn't go from zero to
9:24 perfect. She continued to replace her
9:26 bad habits in with increasingly better
9:29 alternatives. I know it sounds nuts, but
9:31 too often people think that discipline
9:33 means stopping a behavior immediately,
9:35 but that almost always fails. So, you
9:37 don't need to be perfect right away. You
9:38 just need to take a step towards the
9:40 next best alternative. What you want to
9:44 do is identify a realistic, better, not
9:46 perfect alternative to your habit. So,
9:48 instead of drinking vodka, maybe you
9:51 drink a seltzer. Instead of drinking a
9:54 seltzer, maybe you have a craft beer.
9:55 Instead of a craft beer, maybe you're
9:58 going to have a non-alcoholic beer.
9:59 Maybe then instead of a non-alcoholic
10:01 beer, then you're going to have a diet
10:02 coke. And then, but after a diet coke,
10:03 you're going to say, "I'm going to have
10:05 a sparkling water." And then from a
10:06 sparkling water, you can stick with that
10:08 or go to a water. You see how it goes?
10:10 It's like you take tiny little steps.
10:12 You don't just make the big swing all at
10:14 once. This can be done with food as
10:15 well. Say you eat dessert every night.
10:17 You're like, I eat a Sunday every night.
10:18 It's like, all right, I'm going to go
10:19 from having a Sunday every night to
10:21 nothing. No, let's go from having a
10:23 Sunday with caramel, with toppings, with
10:25 hot fudge to like, let's have a Sunday
10:27 with no hot fudge. Then 2 days later,
10:29 let's have a Sunday with no brownie
10:30 bites. Then 2 days later, let's have a
10:32 Sunday with half the ice cream. And you
10:34 just continue to gradually swap out
10:38 alternatives in stages. And so small
10:40 steps in the right direction turn into
10:42 big changes over time. It's just that
10:43 most people are so impatient with
10:45 themselves, they don't allow themselves
10:47 to get there and they stay stuck in this
10:49 cycle of going big change and then back
10:52 out, big change again, back out. So,
10:54 here's the deal. If you want true
10:56 freedom, you have to stop relying on how
10:58 you feel each day. Freedom comes from
11:00 following a plan, not your feelings. A
11:02 good example of this is that every year
11:04 I map out a 12-month plan for my
11:07 business. And now I do this because what
11:09 it means is that I take some time. Maybe
11:12 it's a week, it's two weeks, it's five
11:14 days. And I put all of my effort into
11:16 figuring out what's the plan going to
11:18 look like to get me to my goal 12 months
11:20 from now. Now, why do I do this? I do
11:22 this because I'm trying to get all the
11:25 hard thinking done ahead of time so that
11:27 every day when I step into my business,
11:29 I just get to execute. I don't have to
11:30 keep thinking. I don't have decision
11:32 fatigue. I'm not constantly in this tear
11:34 of like, what should I do? What do I
11:36 need to do to grow my business? I just
11:38 know. And I've been able to achieve that
11:40 level of freedom through structure
11:42 because without structure, I'm going to
11:44 constantly debate with myself and I'm
11:46 going to be exhausted because I'm going
11:48 to be in this cycle of like decision
11:50 execution, decision, execution. And that
11:52 decision fatigue is going to prevent any
11:54 kind of meaningful progress because I'm
11:55 going to be stuck in this cycle of
11:57 questioning what I'm doing. But if I do
11:59 all the thinking ahead of time and then
12:00 I just get to execute, I don't think
12:02 about it. I just say, you know what, I'm
12:03 going to play this out. I'm going to see
12:05 if I make progress. Another example of
12:07 this is that every Sunday I plan my
12:09 entire next week. Why do I do that? It
12:10 is another way of doing this on a micro
12:12 level, which is I don't want to wake up
12:13 every day and be like, what am I doing
12:15 today? I think it's the biggest waste of
12:17 my time and energy. And there's nothing
12:18 I hate more than not knowing what I'm
12:19 going to be doing for the day. Now, it
12:20 doesn't have to be perfect. It's
12:22 something that you can do. You can test
12:23 it out for a week and you'll see how
12:26 much more freedom you feel when just on
12:28 a daily basis, you're not arguing with
12:30 yourself. And so the question that you
12:32 can ask yourself is how much energy am I
12:34 losing by fighting with myself on a
12:37 daily basis. All in all, discipline
12:40 isn't sexy. It is boring. And boring is
12:42 what scales? Boring is what works. If
12:43 your routine is exciting, you're
12:46 probably doing it wrong. Because by the
12:47 nature of routine, if it's exciting, it
12:48 means you don't do it all the time,
12:50 which means it's not a routine. It's
12:51 funny because people say all the time,
12:53 "I would love to see a day in your life,
12:54 Ila." And I'm like, well, that's boring
12:57 as because my life is a series of
12:58 systems strung together every day. And
13:00 so it means like I have a system for
13:01 working out. I have a system for my
13:03 marriage. I have a system for my
13:04 business. I have a system for my
13:05 friendships. I have a system for my
13:07 family. Like I have a system for every
13:09 aspect of my life. But here's the thing.
13:11 Those systems, those are discipline and
13:13 they're real. Are they boring? For sure
13:15 they look boring from the outside, but
13:17 they get the results that I'm looking
13:19 for in my life. And a lot of the times,
13:21 most people are just chasing novelty.
13:23 They want a new workout. They want a new
13:24 mastermind, a new business, a new
13:26 meetup, but they don't actually get any
13:28 results. They just feel like they're
13:29 making progress cuz they get to go to
13:32 from 0 to 1 a million times. I'd rather
13:34 go from 1 to 10. And so, the reality is,
13:37 if your routine is too exciting, you're
13:39 probably not actually making progress.
13:41 And so, you want to embrace boring
13:42 routines. Doing simple things
13:44 consistently is what actually leads to
13:46 massive success. I have literally never
13:48 had a time where I have woken up on a
13:50 single day and thought, I want to do
13:53 every single thing today. Seriously, I
13:55 haven't in a long, long time, probably
13:57 15 years. Because most days I wake up, I
13:59 at least don't want to do one thing. I
14:00 don't want to do the workout. I don't
14:02 want to talk to the person. I don't want
14:04 to have the hard conversation. I don't
14:05 want to do the interview. I don't want
14:07 to do eight meetings. I don't want to
14:08 run a board meeting. I don't want to
14:10 look at these financials. I don't want
14:12 to answer these emails. I don't want to
14:14 talk to anybody. But I also know that
14:16 feelings are pleading. And I want the
14:18 long-term satisfaction of knowing that I
14:20 can stick with something, knowing I have
14:21 control over myself and knowing that
14:23 I've mastered something. And what I've
14:25 seen is that when you start doing it, it
14:28 adds up. And then you start to feel
14:29 better about yourself and better than
14:31 you've ever felt because you're like, I
14:33 trust myself. I trust myself to stick
14:35 with the plan. I trust myself to have my
14:37 own back. Discipline is not just going
14:39 to bring you closer to your goals. It's
14:40 going to bring you closer to the person
14:42 that you want to be. At the end of the
14:44 day, I care more about how I feel about
14:46 myself when I'm by myself than I do
14:48 about the fleeting moments I had during
14:49 the day where maybe I wasn't super into
14:50 something. Maybe I didn't want to do it
14:52 for 5 seconds, but that always goes
14:54 away. Building discipline is only half
14:56 the battle. But if this felt valuable,
14:58 you can go ahead and watch my video on
14:59 building micro habits that could change your
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