0:21 [Music]
0:23 um okay Max I understand that you have
0:25 some concerns that you'd like to discuss
0:27 today um so whenever you're ready I'm
0:30 happy for you to voice whatever it is
0:32 that you'd like to talk
0:34 about yeah well I the bottom line is
0:37 that I'm having some difficulties in my
0:38 relationship with my
0:42 wife and I very uncertain about actually
0:45 being here and it's bit embarrassing
0:46 talking about these things with a
0:48 stranger yeah so you're feeling a little
0:50 bit uncomfortable discussing such
0:53 personal information with an outsider
0:57 yes it is um a bit awkward brought up to
1:00 solve your problems yourself yeah and
1:02 and you don't go out outside the family
1:03 you don't take your problems to
1:06 strangers and I I would normally do but
1:09 also I realize now that given the the
1:11 the depth of the problem that I also
1:13 need to get another perspective on
1:16 things okay all right I guess um what I
1:18 generally say to people when they first
1:20 come along is that it's not uncommon to
1:22 feel quite uncomfortable talking to an
1:26 outsider about such personal information
1:28 and um even though I can't predict
1:30 exactly how you're going to feel and how
1:32 things will go for you today I do know
1:35 that in the past a lot of other people
1:36 have have actually felt quite
1:38 uncomfortable to begin with but as
1:40 they've been able to talk and and get
1:41 things off their chest they actually
1:44 feel quite relieved so you might find
1:46 that that as we spend more time together
1:48 that you're more comfortable in this
1:51 environment too well I hope it works out
1:54 that way yeah yeah we'll see how we go
1:55 well it was a friend of mine who' been
1:57 involved in counseling previously who
2:00 suggested that this is what I I should
2:04 attempt to do anyway see where okay okay
2:06 and you were saying before as well that
2:08 um that normally you like to solve
2:10 things yourself and and work things out
2:13 yourself and um I think it's quite a
2:16 balanced perspective to to be looking at
2:17 how you're going to resolve things
2:19 yourself and also to get an outside
2:22 perspective as well so um I can see lots
2:24 of benefit that can come from from that
2:27 dual approach well I I haven't succeeded
2:30 in doing it by myself so yeah it's worth
2:33 it go yeah so perhaps we can we can shed
2:36 some light on on some helpful approaches
2:41 for you yeah okay um I guess to help me
2:43 understand your situation um it would be
2:45 helpful if you could talk a little bit
2:47 about what's been going on for you and
2:48 what's brought you
2:51 along well uh I suppose things have just
2:53 deteriorated in my relationship with my
2:56 wife Angelina we've been married 11
2:59 years now we've got two kitties Johnny's
3:03 nine and Jackie his Serv right and she's
3:05 very busy in her job and she's always
3:08 been a I suppose a bit of a control for
3:10 right she likes things to be just
3:15 so and uh occasionally she would what I
3:17 would call it lose the plot and she'd
3:20 yell at me and abuse me but um in the
3:22 past that was never a problem because we
3:25 could sit down and talk about it and and
3:26 she'd recognized that she'd probably
3:29 gone over the top and and whatever uh
3:31 but lately it's really just gotten out
3:34 of hand and it's uh it's she's not
3:38 controlling her anger or temper and um
3:40 it it really concerns me now because uh
3:43 I think it's starting to affect the kids
3:45 right okay so it sounds like to begin
3:48 with she might often become quite angry
3:49 but she would settle down and you could
3:52 resolve things but of late it's become a
3:55 lot more volatile and um she's become
3:58 more explosive and and you're really
4:00 concerned about the impact on s and the
4:03 children yeah I mean the kids are young and
4:05 and
4:09 um uh I mean John John he's a boy and he
4:11 seems to be handling things
4:14 okay um but you your always uncertain as
4:18 to really how things affecting him
4:20 Jackie's uh Jackie's only seven as I
4:23 said and uh she's a lot more sensitive
4:24 and I just she's not really handling
4:27 things to well at all yeah and uh and
4:29 that's really starting to um yeah put a
4:33 lot of extra concern to me yeah okay so
4:35 it sounds like you've you've got a lot
4:38 of concerns about both the kids and
4:40 John's probably handling it okay
4:42 outwardly even though obviously he's
4:44 feeling it but Jackie you're
4:46 particularly concerned about cuz she's
4:48 quite delicate and you're worried about
4:51 that impact and all of you are walking
4:54 around on eggshells at the moment um
4:56 just waiting for some kind of explosion
5:00 to happen does that sound right uh
5:02 well I'm concerned about the kids but
5:03 I'm concerned about the marriage it's
5:06 it's important to me to do what you can
5:09 to keep things together because that's
5:11 that's better for the kids yeah but if I
5:13 had to single out one major concern it
5:16 would be probably for Jackie okay
5:17 because there's been a few incidents
5:20 lately where um the kids have been
5:24 exposed in the full Glory of this sort
5:28 of volatile angry behavior and um and
5:30 that's really they started worry me a
5:33 lot right okay yeah I guess I'm I'm very
5:36 impressed to um to see how much you're
5:38 you're obviously devoted to the children
5:40 and you're certainly putting their
5:42 welfare first and you want to make sure
5:43 that they're in a stable environment so
5:46 that they're okay and I think obviously
5:47 that's that's a credit to you as a
5:50 father that they've got you available
5:51 those kids just mean everything to
5:54 me they're just a to light I
5:57 mean they're they're just everything
6:01 yeah okay okay yeah yeah and it's really
6:02 clear when you when you talk about them
6:05 your face lights up so they're obviously
6:07 they're obviously very special and very
6:12 important yeah okay all right um just in
6:15 terms of helping me to understand
6:16 exactly what's going on between yourself
6:19 and Angelina that's that's causing you
6:21 such distress um would you be able to
6:24 give me perhaps a a recent example of of
6:26 a time where you did have some conflict
6:28 and and talk about what happened
6:31 happened
6:34 um yeah a couple of weeks ago um she'd
6:37 been very busy so just to make things
6:39 easier for her I went out of my way and
6:41 on the way home from work and and picked
6:44 up a dry cleaning right and I got home
6:46 probably half an hour late what I
6:49 normally would and um she didn't ask me
6:52 why I was late or or whatever she just
6:55 went into a tie rate of abuse right and
6:57 um wouldn't listen to any comments or
7:00 observations I had to make about it and
7:02 uh probably the worst part for me was
7:06 that both the kitties were there and uh
7:09 and you could see uh particularly for
7:10 young Jackie the the impact it was
7:15 having on it and uh it just um uh really
7:18 just broke my heart okay okay so that
7:20 sounds like it was very upsetting for
7:23 you to be involved in that extremely
7:25 upsetting because nothing I said or did
7:28 was was was going to ease the situation
7:31 yeah just went on and on and on until
7:34 she she burned out of the anger oh okay
7:36 right yeah and what actually happened
7:40 after um after she did burn out um what
7:42 happened with the kids in terms of
7:44 helping to well the kids the kids were
7:47 very restless that night um they were
7:51 very clingy to me yeah um they shocked and
7:52 and
7:54 surprised these things have been going
7:56 on for a while but this was the first
7:58 time the kids had actually been fully
8:02 exposed to yeah to the U I suppose the
8:03 full spectrum of the abuse and the
8:06 ranting and raving and just the volatile
8:09 nature of it really quite hostile okay
8:12 so that was a specifically bad incident
8:15 yeah and and how often does this tend to
8:20 happen um it's episodic um it's always
8:22 there underneath the
8:25 surface um sometimes it might be
8:27 sometimes it might be every day yeah
8:29 sometimes it might be once a week once a
8:33 4 night um that's because there's no
8:35 rhyme nor reason to things that's
8:37 actually adding to the the difficulty
8:40 because um it's I find it starting to
8:44 affect my work right and uh I think
8:46 myself and the kids are starting to walk
8:48 on ills a little bit right okay and
8:51 that's that's very unhealthy environment
8:53 for the children mhm so it's it's
8:54 affecting the children but it's spilled
8:56 over into your work environment as well
8:58 and you're feeling uncomfortable when
9:00 you're at work is that right I find
9:02 myself sometimes not focusing on my work
9:04 and and thinking
9:07 about how can I fix things up at home so
9:09 that um you know Angelina is more
9:12 settled this more more peaceful
9:15 harmonious life um that we used to have
9:19 uh the kids lives are not so disrupted
9:22 they're not exposed to this yeah intense
9:25 negative emotion right okay so it sounds
9:27 like Max for you it's a very constant
9:30 and unrelenting stress it's it's at home
9:34 it's at work and you're feeling it it's
9:36 um it's starting to
9:39 be uh non-stop in terms of my thinking
9:41 okay I think about it work I think about
9:45 it at home yeah uh walking on eggshells
9:47 yeah uh when Angelina goes to sleep I'll
9:50 stay awake thinking in terms of what I
9:52 might be able to
9:56 do yeah me sometimes I just think I'd
9:57 like some peace and I'd like some peace
10:00 for the kitties uh
10:02 um um particularly young Jackie because
10:05 I think she's really feeling it and I
10:08 wonder whether maybe I should just
10:11 leave um so at least the kids
10:14 can have some peace cuz if I'm not there
10:27 Target it's a big step isn't it yeah
10:29 yeah it's a big step to take to think of
10:32 Le yeah I've I've thought about it I
10:34 I've never discussed it with
10:37 anybody but hearing myself
10:40 say uh that leading the relationship
10:44 would be a a possible solution is
10:47 um um it's a bit
10:49 threatening to the whole stability of
10:51 the kids because um I think it's
10:54 important to do whatever you can to keep
10:57 the relationship going and ultimately if
11:00 if we can work at resolving these
11:03 issues then um the kids will be a whole
11:06 lot better off yeah as part of a family
11:08 group me taking off and uh having to
11:11 battle through explain everything to the
11:14 kids later on have a fractured lifestyle
11:17 right right um okay max if I could just
11:21 summarize what we've talked about so far
11:23 um you explained to me that you've
11:26 become very frustrated and and tired and
11:29 I think worn out with a lot of the anger
11:31 and a lot of the volatility in the
11:33 relationship that you have with Angelina
11:36 and you very worried about the impact on
11:39 both Jackie and John and you've been so
11:41 worried in fact that you've considered
11:44 leaving uh but it's also occurred to you
11:46 that that's a a major step to take and
11:48 it's one that you would prefer not to do
11:50 and that that makes you think that you
11:52 want to even work harder to actually
11:54 restore things between yourself and
11:57 Angelina and and work things through so
11:59 that um you can actually be be more
12:01 harmonious and and live together in
12:02 peace as a
12:06 family would that cover it for you yeah that
12:07 that
12:09 summarizes pretty accurately where we're
12:11 at at the
12:15 moment oh that's that that would be my
12:17 strong preference right right walking
12:20 out would be a copy of yeah I'd probably
12:21 I'd probably handle it but that would be
12:25 so difficult for the kids yeah yeah okay
12:29 okay well I guess um this might be a as
12:31 good a time as any just to draw things
12:34 together and perhaps finish for now and
12:36 um perhaps if you wanted to work with me
12:38 on this I'd be very happy to support you
12:40 in whatever it is that you'd like to do
12:42 in the future in your relationship with
12:45 Angelina and and restoring the family to
12:48 what it once was and and moving forward
12:50 I'd be really happy to do that because
12:52 it's I think a lot lot a lot of things
12:55 have been clarified for me I think I've
12:57 got a better perspective of what the
12:59 options are and what the uh and what the
13:02 downsides of silly thinking would be
13:05 okay so I I really appreciate talking
13:06 with you okay all right thanks man thank
13:07 you very [Music]
Chrome Extension