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Role Play: Person Centred Therapy
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[Music]
um okay Max I understand that you have
some concerns that you'd like to discuss
today um so whenever you're ready I'm
happy for you to voice whatever it is
that you'd like to talk
about yeah well I the bottom line is
that I'm having some difficulties in my
relationship with my
wife and I very uncertain about actually
being here and it's bit embarrassing
talking about these things with a
stranger yeah so you're feeling a little
bit uncomfortable discussing such
personal information with an outsider
yes it is um a bit awkward brought up to
solve your problems yourself yeah and
and you don't go out outside the family
you don't take your problems to
strangers and I I would normally do but
also I realize now that given the the
the depth of the problem that I also
need to get another perspective on
things okay all right I guess um what I
generally say to people when they first
come along is that it's not uncommon to
feel quite uncomfortable talking to an
outsider about such personal information
and um even though I can't predict
exactly how you're going to feel and how
things will go for you today I do know
that in the past a lot of other people
have have actually felt quite
uncomfortable to begin with but as
they've been able to talk and and get
things off their chest they actually
feel quite relieved so you might find
that that as we spend more time together
that you're more comfortable in this
environment too well I hope it works out
that way yeah yeah we'll see how we go
well it was a friend of mine who' been
involved in counseling previously who
suggested that this is what I I should
attempt to do anyway see where okay okay
and you were saying before as well that
um that normally you like to solve
things yourself and and work things out
yourself and um I think it's quite a
balanced perspective to to be looking at
how you're going to resolve things
yourself and also to get an outside
perspective as well so um I can see lots
of benefit that can come from from that
dual approach well I I haven't succeeded
in doing it by myself so yeah it's worth
it go yeah so perhaps we can we can shed
some light on on some helpful approaches
for you yeah okay um I guess to help me
understand your situation um it would be
helpful if you could talk a little bit
about what's been going on for you and
what's brought you
along well uh I suppose things have just
deteriorated in my relationship with my
wife Angelina we've been married 11
years now we've got two kitties Johnny's
nine and Jackie his Serv right and she's
very busy in her job and she's always
been a I suppose a bit of a control for
right she likes things to be just
so and uh occasionally she would what I
would call it lose the plot and she'd
yell at me and abuse me but um in the
past that was never a problem because we
could sit down and talk about it and and
she'd recognized that she'd probably
gone over the top and and whatever uh
but lately it's really just gotten out
of hand and it's uh it's she's not
controlling her anger or temper and um
it it really concerns me now because uh
I think it's starting to affect the kids
right okay so it sounds like to begin
with she might often become quite angry
but she would settle down and you could
resolve things but of late it's become a
lot more volatile and um she's become
more explosive and and you're really
concerned about the impact on s and the
children yeah I mean the kids are young and
and
um uh I mean John John he's a boy and he
seems to be handling things
okay um but you your always uncertain as
to really how things affecting him
Jackie's uh Jackie's only seven as I
said and uh she's a lot more sensitive
and I just she's not really handling
things to well at all yeah and uh and
that's really starting to um yeah put a
lot of extra concern to me yeah okay so
it sounds like you've you've got a lot
of concerns about both the kids and
John's probably handling it okay
outwardly even though obviously he's
feeling it but Jackie you're
particularly concerned about cuz she's
quite delicate and you're worried about
that impact and all of you are walking
around on eggshells at the moment um
just waiting for some kind of explosion
to happen does that sound right uh
well I'm concerned about the kids but
I'm concerned about the marriage it's
it's important to me to do what you can
to keep things together because that's
that's better for the kids yeah but if I
had to single out one major concern it
would be probably for Jackie okay
because there's been a few incidents
lately where um the kids have been
exposed in the full Glory of this sort
of volatile angry behavior and um and
that's really they started worry me a
lot right okay yeah I guess I'm I'm very
impressed to um to see how much you're
you're obviously devoted to the children
and you're certainly putting their
welfare first and you want to make sure
that they're in a stable environment so
that they're okay and I think obviously
that's that's a credit to you as a
father that they've got you available
those kids just mean everything to
me they're just a to light I
mean they're they're just everything
yeah okay okay yeah yeah and it's really
clear when you when you talk about them
your face lights up so they're obviously
they're obviously very special and very
important yeah okay all right um just in
terms of helping me to understand
exactly what's going on between yourself
and Angelina that's that's causing you
such distress um would you be able to
give me perhaps a a recent example of of
a time where you did have some conflict
and and talk about what happened
happened
um yeah a couple of weeks ago um she'd
been very busy so just to make things
easier for her I went out of my way and
on the way home from work and and picked
up a dry cleaning right and I got home
probably half an hour late what I
normally would and um she didn't ask me
why I was late or or whatever she just
went into a tie rate of abuse right and
um wouldn't listen to any comments or
observations I had to make about it and
uh probably the worst part for me was
that both the kitties were there and uh
and you could see uh particularly for
young Jackie the the impact it was
having on it and uh it just um uh really
just broke my heart okay okay so that
sounds like it was very upsetting for
you to be involved in that extremely
upsetting because nothing I said or did
was was was going to ease the situation
yeah just went on and on and on until
she she burned out of the anger oh okay
right yeah and what actually happened
after um after she did burn out um what
happened with the kids in terms of
helping to well the kids the kids were
very restless that night um they were
very clingy to me yeah um they shocked and
and
surprised these things have been going
on for a while but this was the first
time the kids had actually been fully
exposed to yeah to the U I suppose the
full spectrum of the abuse and the
ranting and raving and just the volatile
nature of it really quite hostile okay
so that was a specifically bad incident
yeah and and how often does this tend to
happen um it's episodic um it's always
there underneath the
surface um sometimes it might be
sometimes it might be every day yeah
sometimes it might be once a week once a
4 night um that's because there's no
rhyme nor reason to things that's
actually adding to the the difficulty
because um it's I find it starting to
affect my work right and uh I think
myself and the kids are starting to walk
on ills a little bit right okay and
that's that's very unhealthy environment
for the children mhm so it's it's
affecting the children but it's spilled
over into your work environment as well
and you're feeling uncomfortable when
you're at work is that right I find
myself sometimes not focusing on my work
and and thinking
about how can I fix things up at home so
that um you know Angelina is more
settled this more more peaceful
harmonious life um that we used to have
uh the kids lives are not so disrupted
they're not exposed to this yeah intense
negative emotion right okay so it sounds
like Max for you it's a very constant
and unrelenting stress it's it's at home
it's at work and you're feeling it it's
um it's starting to
be uh non-stop in terms of my thinking
okay I think about it work I think about
it at home yeah uh walking on eggshells
yeah uh when Angelina goes to sleep I'll
stay awake thinking in terms of what I
might be able to
do yeah me sometimes I just think I'd
like some peace and I'd like some peace
for the kitties uh
um um particularly young Jackie because
I think she's really feeling it and I
wonder whether maybe I should just
leave um so at least the kids
can have some peace cuz if I'm not there
Target it's a big step isn't it yeah
yeah it's a big step to take to think of
Le yeah I've I've thought about it I
I've never discussed it with
anybody but hearing myself
say uh that leading the relationship
would be a a possible solution is
um um it's a bit
threatening to the whole stability of
the kids because um I think it's
important to do whatever you can to keep
the relationship going and ultimately if
if we can work at resolving these
issues then um the kids will be a whole
lot better off yeah as part of a family
group me taking off and uh having to
battle through explain everything to the
kids later on have a fractured lifestyle
right right um okay max if I could just
summarize what we've talked about so far
um you explained to me that you've
become very frustrated and and tired and
I think worn out with a lot of the anger
and a lot of the volatility in the
relationship that you have with Angelina
and you very worried about the impact on
both Jackie and John and you've been so
worried in fact that you've considered
leaving uh but it's also occurred to you
that that's a a major step to take and
it's one that you would prefer not to do
and that that makes you think that you
want to even work harder to actually
restore things between yourself and
Angelina and and work things through so
that um you can actually be be more
harmonious and and live together in
peace as a
family would that cover it for you yeah that
that
summarizes pretty accurately where we're
at at the
moment oh that's that that would be my
strong preference right right walking
out would be a copy of yeah I'd probably
I'd probably handle it but that would be
so difficult for the kids yeah yeah okay
okay well I guess um this might be a as
good a time as any just to draw things
together and perhaps finish for now and
um perhaps if you wanted to work with me
on this I'd be very happy to support you
in whatever it is that you'd like to do
in the future in your relationship with
Angelina and and restoring the family to
what it once was and and moving forward
I'd be really happy to do that because
it's I think a lot lot a lot of things
have been clarified for me I think I've
got a better perspective of what the
options are and what the uh and what the
downsides of silly thinking would be
okay so I I really appreciate talking
with you okay all right thanks man thank
you very [Music]
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