0:03 working hard for something we don't care
0:05 about is called stress
0:07 working hard for something we love is
0:12 i think one of the mistakes that people
0:14 make is they think purpose comes from
0:16 their job i've been a whatever for so
0:19 many years and when then i
0:22 lose my job or i retire i now don't have
0:24 a sense of purpose because i've i so
0:26 closely associated my self-worth with
0:28 the job that i did i knew what my job
0:30 was i had a sense of purpose and one
0:32 wonders if those things are conflated
0:34 right which is i had a sense of purpose
0:35 for my job and then when i didn't have
0:37 the job all of a sudden i sense i woke
0:38 up in the morning didn't know what to do
0:41 the purpose is not your mos your purpose
0:43 is not you're a saw gunner your purpose
0:44 is not the job that you wake up to do
0:46 every day your purpose is something
0:48 bigger i have five little rules that you
0:50 can follow as you
0:52 find your spark and bring your spark to life
0:53 life
0:54 the first
0:57 is to go after the things that you want
0:58 let me tell you a story
1:00 so a friend of mine and i
1:02 we went for a run in central park
1:04 the road runners organization
1:07 uh on the weekends they host races
1:09 and it's very common at the end of the
1:10 race they'll have a sponsor who will
1:13 give away something apples or bagels or
1:15 something and on this particular day
1:17 when we got to the end of the run
1:20 there were some free bagels and they had
1:23 picnic tables set up and on one side was
1:25 a group of volunteers on the table were
1:28 boxes of bagels and on the other side
1:30 was a long line of runners waiting to
1:33 get their free bagel so i said to my
1:35 friend let's let's get a bagel and he
1:37 looked at me and said ah the line's too long
1:38 long
1:41 and i said free bagel
1:44 and he said i don't want to wait
1:45 in line
1:47 and i was like
1:48 free bagel
1:51 and he says nah let's it's too long
1:53 and that's when i realized that there's
1:55 two ways to see the world
1:58 some people see the thing that they want
1:59 and some people see the thing that
2:01 prevents them from getting the thing
2:02 that they want
2:04 i could only see the bagels
2:07 he could only see the line
2:09 because the rule is you can go after
2:12 whatever you want you just cannot deny
2:13 anyone else
2:15 to go after whatever they want you don't
2:17 have to do it the way everybody else has
2:18 done it
2:19 you can do it your way
2:21 you can break the rules you just can't
2:23 get in the way of somebody else getting
2:24 what they want
2:26 rule number two
2:27 in the
2:30 18th century there was something that
2:31 spread across europe and eventually made
2:34 its way to america puerto fever also
2:38 known as the black death of childbed
2:39 basically what was happening
2:42 is women were giving birth
2:45 and they would die within 48 hours after
2:46 giving birth
2:49 this black death of childbirth
2:51 was the ravage of europe and it got
2:53 worse and worse and worse over the
2:56 course of over a century and these
2:58 doctors and men of science wanted to
3:00 study and try and find the reason
3:02 for this black death of
3:04 childbed and so they got to work
3:06 studying and they would study the corpses
3:07 corpses
3:09 of the women who had died and in the
3:11 morning they would conduct autopsies
3:13 and then in the afternoon they would go
3:14 and deliver babies and finish their rounds
3:15 rounds
3:17 and it wasn't until somewhere in the mid-1800s
3:18 mid-1800s
3:22 that oliver wendell holmes realized
3:23 that all of these doctors were
3:25 conducting autopsies in the morning
3:27 weren't washing their hands before they
3:30 delivered babies in the afternoon
3:33 and he pointed it out and said guys
3:35 you're the problem
3:37 and they ignored him and called him crazy
3:38 crazy
3:41 for 30 years
3:44 until finally somebody realized that if
3:47 they simply washed their hands
3:48 it would go away
3:50 and that's exactly what happened when
3:52 they started sterilizing their
3:53 instruments and washing their hands the
3:55 black death of childbed
3:58 disappeared the lesson here is
4:01 sometimes you're the problem
4:04 take accountability for your actions you
4:06 can take all the credit in the world for
4:09 the things that you do right as long as
4:11 you also take responsibility for the
4:13 things you do wrong it must be a
4:15 balanced equation you don't get it one
4:17 way and not the other
4:19 you get to take credit
4:22 when you also take accountability lesson
4:24 three take care of each other
4:27 the united states navy seals
4:30 are perhaps the most elite warriors in
4:32 the world and
4:33 and
4:34 one of the seals
4:36 was asked
4:38 who makes it through the selection
4:40 process who is able
4:44 to become a seal and his answer was
4:46 i can't tell you the kind of person
4:48 that becomes a seal i can't tell you the
4:50 kind of person that makes it through
4:52 buds but i can tell you the kind of
4:55 people who don't become seals
4:57 he says the guys that show up with huge
5:00 bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
5:01 want to prove to the world how tough
5:02 they are
5:03 none of them
5:05 make it through
5:07 he said the preening leaders who like to
5:09 delegate all their responsibility and
5:11 never do anything themselves none of
5:14 them make it through he says some of the
5:16 guys that make it through are skinny and
5:18 scrawny he said some of the guys that
5:20 make it through you will see them
5:23 shivering out of fear
5:25 he says however
5:27 all the guys that make it through when
5:29 they find themselves
5:31 physically spent
5:34 emotionally spent when they have nothing
5:36 left to give physically or emotionally
5:39 somehow some way they are able to find
5:43 the energy to dig down deep inside themselves
5:44 themselves
5:47 to find the energy to help the guy next
5:49 to them they become seals
5:50 he said
5:52 you want to be an elite warrior it's not
5:54 about how tough you are
5:56 it's not about how smart you are it's
5:58 not about how fast you are if you want
6:00 to be an elite warrior you better get
6:03 really really good at helping the person
6:04 to the left of you and helping the
6:06 person to the right of you
6:08 because that's how people advance in the world
6:09 world
6:11 the world is too dangerous and the world
6:12 is too difficult for you to think that
6:15 you can do these things alone if you
6:17 find your spark i commend you now who
6:19 you gonna ask for help and when are you
6:21 going to accept help when it's offered
6:22 learn that skill
6:25 learn by practicing helping each other
6:27 it'll be the single most valuable thing
6:30 you ever learn in your entire life to
6:32 accept help when it's offered and to ask
6:33 for it when you know that you can't do it
6:34 it
6:36 the amazing thing is when you learn to
6:38 ask for help you'll discover that there
6:40 are people all around you who've always
6:41 wanted to help you they just didn't
6:43 think you needed it because you kept
6:44 pretending that you had everything under control
6:45 control
6:48 and the minute you say i don't know what
6:51 i'm doing i'm stuck i'm scared i don't
6:53 think i can do this
6:54 you will find that lots of people who
6:57 love you will rush in and take care of you
6:58 you
7:00 but that'll only happen if you learn to
7:03 take care of them first lesson four
7:05 nelson mandela is
7:08 a particularly special case study in the
7:10 leadership world because he is
7:13 universally regarded as a great leader
7:15 you can take other personalities and
7:17 depending on the nation you go to we
7:18 have different opinions about other
7:21 personalities but nelson mandela across
7:23 the world is universally regarded as a
7:24 great leader
7:26 and he was asked one day
7:28 how did you learn to be a great
7:31 leader and he responded that he would go
7:32 with his father
7:34 to tribal meetings
7:37 and he remembers two things when his
7:39 father would meet with other elders
7:43 one they would always sit in a circle
7:45 and two his father
7:48 was always the last to speak
7:50 you will be told your whole life that
7:52 you need to learn to listen i would say
7:54 that you need to learn to be the last to
7:56 speak i see it in boardrooms every day
7:58 of the week even people who consider
8:00 themselves good leaders who may actually
8:02 be decent leaders will walk into a room
8:04 and say here's the problem here's what i
8:05 think but i'm interested in your opinion
8:08 let's go around the room it's too late
8:10 the skill to hold your opinions to
8:12 yourself until everyone has spoken does
8:15 two things one it gives everybody else
8:18 the feeling that they have been heard
8:20 it gives everyone else the ability to
8:23 feel that they have contributed
8:25 and two you get the benefit of hearing
8:27 what everybody else has to think before
8:29 you render your opinion to keep your
8:31 opinions to yourself if you agree with
8:33 somebody don't nod yes
8:36 if you disagree with somebody don't not
8:38 know simply sit there take it all in and
8:40 the only thing you're allowed to do is
8:43 ask questions so that you can understand
8:45 what they mean and why they have the
8:47 opinion that they have you must understand
8:48 understand
8:50 from where they are speaking
8:53 why they have the opinion they have not
8:55 just what they are saying practice being
8:57 the last to speak
8:59 one afternoon i went to buy a cup of
9:01 coffee and there was a barista by the
9:04 name of noah who was serving me noah was
9:07 fantastic he was friendly and fun
9:09 and he was engaging with me and i had so
9:10 much fun buying a cup of coffee i
9:13 actually think i gave 100 tip
9:15 right he was wonderful
9:18 so as is my nature i asked noah do you
9:20 like your job and without skipping a
9:21 beat noah says
9:23 i love my job
9:24 and so i followed up i said what is it
9:27 that the four seasons is doing
9:29 that would make you say to me
9:31 i love my job and without skipping a beat
9:32 beat
9:34 noah said throughout the day managers
9:36 will walk past me and ask me how i'm
9:38 doing if there's anything that i need to
9:40 do my job better he said not just my manager
9:42 manager
9:43 any manager
9:45 and then he said something magical
9:46 he says
9:50 i also work at caesar's palace and
9:51 caesar's at caesar's palace the managers
9:52 are trying to make sure we're doing
9:54 everything right they catch us when we
9:56 do things wrong
9:57 he says when i go to work there i like
10:00 to keep my head under the radar and just
10:01 get through the day so i can get my paycheck
10:02 paycheck
10:05 he says here at the four seasons i feel
10:06 i can be myself
10:08 myself
10:09 so we in leadership are always
10:11 criticizing the people we're always
10:12 saying we've got to get the right people
10:14 on the bus i've got to fill my wrong my
10:15 team i got to get the right people but
10:17 the reality is it's not the people it's
10:20 the leadership if we create the right
10:23 environment we will get people like noah
10:25 at the four seasons if we create the
10:27 wrong environment we will get people
10:28 like noah
10:30 at caesar's palace
10:32 there was a former undersecretary of
10:35 defense who was invited to give a speech
10:36 at a large conference about a thousand
10:39 people and he was standing on the stage
10:42 with his cup of coffee and styrofoam cup
10:43 and he took a sip of his coffee and he
10:46 smiled and he looked down at the coffee
10:48 and then he went off script
10:51 and he said you know last year i spoke
10:53 at this exact same conference
10:56 last year i was still the undersecretary
10:58 and when i spoke here last year they
11:00 flew me here business class
11:02 and when i arrived at the airport there
11:04 was somebody waiting for me to take me
11:05 to my hotel
11:07 and they took me to my hotel and they
11:08 had already checked me in and they just
11:10 took me up to my room and the next
11:12 morning i came downstairs and there was
11:14 someone waiting in the lobby to greet me
11:16 and they drove me to this here same
11:20 venue and handed me a cup of coffee in a
11:23 beautiful ceramic cup
11:25 he says i'm no longer the undersecretary
11:27 i flew here coach
11:29 i took a taxi to my hotel and i checked
11:30 myself in
11:32 when i came down the lobby this morning
11:35 i took another taxi to this venue and
11:37 when i asked someone do you have any
11:39 coffee he pointed to the coffee machine
11:42 in the corner and i poured myself a cup
11:45 of coffee into this here styrofoam cup
11:47 he says the lesson is
11:50 the ceramic cup was never meant for me
11:53 it was meant for the position i held
11:56 i deserved a styrofoam cup
11:58 remember this
12:00 as you gain fame
12:02 as you gain fortune
12:04 as you gain position and seniority
12:06 people will treat you better
12:08 they will hold doors open for you they
12:10 will get you a cup of tea and coffee
12:12 without you even asking none of that
12:14 stuff is meant for you
12:16 that stuff is meant for the position you hold
12:17 hold
12:18 it is meant for the level that you have
12:21 achieved of leader or success or
12:23 whatever you want to call it but you
12:25 will always deserve
12:26 deserve
12:29 a styrofoam cup remember that lesson of
12:31 humility and gratitude you can accept
12:33 all the free stuff you can accept all
12:34 the perks
12:37 absolutely you can enjoy them but just
12:38 be grateful for them and know that
12:40 they're not for you
12:42 and so i keep meeting these wonderful
12:45 fantastic idealistic hard-working smart
12:47 kids they've just graduated school
12:49 they're in their entry-level job i sit
12:50 down with them when i go how's it going
12:52 they go i think i'm gonna quit
12:53 i'm like why
12:56 they're like i'm not making an impact
13:01 it's as if they're standing at the foot
13:03 of a mountain and they have this
13:05 abstract concept called impact they want
13:06 to have in the world
13:08 which is the summit what they don't see
13:10 is the mountain i don't care if you go
13:11 up the mountain quickly or slowly but
13:13 there's still a mountain
13:14 and so what this young generation needs
13:16 to learn is patience
13:18 that some things that really really
13:21 matter like love
13:24 or job fulfillment joy
13:26 love of life self-confidence
13:29 a skill set any of these things all of
13:31 these things take time
13:33 sometimes you can expedite pieces of it
13:36 but the overall journey
13:40 is arduous and long and difficult
13:41 all you need to do is have the will and
13:43 the desire to want to understand what
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