Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" presents a timeless, principle-centered framework for achieving sustainable effectiveness and personal growth, emphasizing an "inside-out" approach that builds character before focusing on external techniques.
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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I once asked a business owner, how do
you manage your work so smoothly?
He said with a smile, I manage my
habits.
The work gets done by itself.
The same thing was written by Stephen Covey
in his famous book, The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People.
Success is not a formula, but a system
of habits.
Habits that take us from reaction to action
and make an ordinary person extraordinary.
In today's Brain Bang episode, we will explore
those 7 habits that can transform your personal
and professional life.
So let's start with a new thought.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
So today we are talking about Stephen Covey's
landmark book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People.
This is the book that, you can say,
set a standard in the world of business
and self-help.
He was a teacher, a thinker, whose entire
focus was on universal principles, on human effectiveness.
And you get that depth, that depth on
every page of this book, right?
Yes, absolutely.
We have some material from the 25th anniversary
edition of this book.
Like, there is a foreword by Gin Collins,
there is a foreword by Covey from 2004,
and there is also a tribute by his
family.
Yes.
So with the help of these sources, today
our mission, meaning the purpose of this conversation,
is not just to see why this book
became so famous, but to understand the 7
hidden habits, the habits, We will see what
these habits actually are, what they mean, and
most importantly, why they are so relevant even
in today's fast-paced life.
Exactly.
So, let's start this exploration.
Timeless principles versus fleeting techniques.
Absolutely.
And I think we should start from here,
that this book is not about tips and
tricks, or quick fixes.
Right.
Like, Jim Collins has written in his foreword,
when he asked Covey, where did these 7
habits come from?
Okay.
So Covey clearly said, I did not invent
them.
Okay.
According to him, these principles have always existed.
Like natural laws, laws of nature, like gravity.
Covey's job was only to identify them, collect
them, and present them in a systematic, understandable
framework.
This is a very important distinction.
Meaning, the focus is not on techniques that
change with time, become old, but the focus
is on those basic principles, those principles, which
are universal, timeless.
Yes.
This is also called character ethic versus personality
ethic.
This concept has been discussed by Covey.
Yes, I have heard about it.
In personality ethic, all the emphasis is on
images, techniques, and quick fixes.
Whereas character ethic is based on true principles.
Integrity, humility, justice, these qualities.
Right.
Character building first.
Exactly.
And maybe this is the reason, that even
after 25 years or more, this book does
not seem old.
Covey himself wrote in 2004, that the world
has become more complex than before, stressful, demanding.
Yes, absolutely.
But his argument was, the bigger the challenges,
the more relevant these 7 habits will be.
Because these are based on basic human needs
and principles.
Private victory.
Habits 1 to 3.
So let's move on to those habits.
Covey has presented them in a sequence.
Right?
Yes.
It is called the inside-out approach.
Yes.
Inside-out.
First, private victory, that is, your own success.
And then public victory, that is, success with
others.
Private victory first.
Why?
Its philosophy is that you can make effective
relationships with others, only when you have integrity,
discipline, character, develop these things.
So it starts from within.
Everything starts from within.
Okay.
So what are the habits in private victory?
The first 3.
Yes.
Habits 1, 2 and 3.
The first habit is, be proactive.
What does this mean?
We usually understand the meaning of proactive, to
take initiative, to take the lead.
But Covey is probably saying something more than
this.
This is a very deep concept.
The basic meaning of being proactive is to
understand and accept that we are responsible for
our own lives.
We are responsible.
We are not just a product of our
environment, or our genes, or our upbringing.
Whatever happens to us, that is, stimulus, and
the response we give to it, in between
that, we have the freedom to choose.
We have the power.
Really?
Reactive people are controlled by their environment.
They blame, make excuses, but proactive people choose
their response This includes the circle of influence
and the circle of concern concept, right?
Yes.
That is very central in this.
Reactive people spend their time and energy on
the circle of concern.
That is, the things they have no control
over.
Like economy, politics, what others are doing.
Right.
What is the result?
They feel more powerless.
They remain frustrated.
Whereas proactive people put their energy on the
circle of influence.
The things they can really do.
Their health, their skills, their work, their relationships.
And from this?
From this, their circle of influence increases with
time.
It expands.
Sometimes it is called resourcefulness and initiative or
R&I.
R&I?
Resourcefulness and initiative.
Meaning not just identifying problems, but becoming a
part of the solution.
Your family has told you about the traffic
jam in the tribute, right?
Yes, I read about it.
That they got out of the car and
started directing traffic.
That's R&I in action.
They were proactive.
Begin with the end in mind.
Okay.
So the first step is to take responsibility,
to be proactive.
The second habit is begin with the end
in mind.
This seems a bit philosophical.
What is the practical meaning of this?
The practical meaning is to create everything twice.
First in the mind, then in reality.
Okay.
First mentally, mental creation.
Then in reality, physical creation.
Before starting any work, it should be clear
what you want in the end.
What's the end goal?
What is your destination?
This is on a personal level but it's
like you're developing a personal mission statement.
What is the purpose of your life?
What are your core values?
Is this the famous funeral question concept that
Jim Collins mentioned?
Yes.
Kauvi, let's start with this.
Imagine you're at your funeral and your close
people, family, friends, colleagues are talking about you.
What would you like them to say about
your character, your contributions, your decisions, your entire
life?
This is a powerful exercise.
A lot.
This exercise helps you identify your deepest values
and priorities.
And when your end in mind becomes clear,
then it becomes easier to take decisions on
a daily basis.
Because you know what the direction is.
Exactly.
Because you know what is really important This
is basically a leadership habit.
Deciding what's truly important.
Put first things first.
Okay.
So if habit two is leadership, which means
what things are important, then habit three is
put first things first.
This is management.
Doing those important things.
Exactly.
This habit is of discipline.
Of execution.
This habit one, proactivity, and habit two, vision,
values, brings them into action.
Puts them on the ground.
How?
Its core idea is not to prioritize your
activities according to urgency but according to importance.
Covey has given that famous time management matrix
for this, right?
Yes.
The one with four quadrants?
Yes.
There are four quadrants.
Quadrant one, urgent and important, like crisis, deadlines,
extinguishing fire.
Quadrant two, not urgent and important, like prevention,
planning, relationship building, learning, exercise, recreation, sharpening the
saw activities.
Quadrant three, urgent and not important, often interruptions,
some calls, some emails, priorities of others.
Quadrant four, not urgent and not important, trivia,
time wasters, useless things.
So where do effective people focus?
Effective people focus on quadrant two.
These are the activities which are critical for
long term effectiveness, growth, and balance.
But because they are not urgent, they get
neglected.
Exactly.
So this habit is to learn to say
no to things which are not important, so
that you can to your real priorities.
This is difficult.
A lot.
You need discipline for this.
Kovey's family said that despite being so famous
and busy, he prioritized his family.
He used to do regular talk it over
sessions with his wife.
That's habit three in practice.
Moving to public victory, habits four to six.
Okay.
Habits one, two, and three make us strong
Self-mastery.
Private victory.
Now comes public victory, which means working together
What is the concept?
After private victory, we achieve independence.
We become self-reliant.
But Kovey says that the highest reality of
life is not independence, but interdependence.
Interdependence?
Yes.
We depend on each other.
In families, teams, society.
We cannot live separately.
So the habits of public victory, four, five,
or six take us to effective interdependence.
Habit four is think win-win.
I have heard this term a lot, but
what is the real meaning in Kovey's framework?
Win-win is basically a mindset.
It is a philosophy of human interaction.
It means finding solutions that are mutually beneficial
for all parties.
Everyone wins.
Okay.
It is the of that scarcity mentality that
the world has limited resources, so one wins
and the other loses.
Win-win says no, there is plenty for
everybody.
Kovey talks about six paradigms of interactions.
Win-win, win-lose, I win, you lose.
Lose-win, you win, I lose.
People like this.
Lose-lose, both lose as a result of
conflict.
Win, only cares about winning, and win-win
and no deal.
What is win-win and no deal?
It means if we cannot find mutually beneficial
solutions for both, then we agree not to
deal.
At least the relationship should not be bad.
This seems like a mature approach.
It is, and for effective interdependence, a win
-win mindset is very important.
For this, you need courage to say what
you want and consideration to understand each other's
needs.
Balance of both.
Seek first to understand then to be understood.
I find this very powerful Habit 5.
Seek first to understand then to be understood.
First understand the other then understand yourself.
What is the importance of this?
This is probably the most critical habit for
interpersonal effectiveness.
We do not listen to understand.
We listen to give answers.
Yes, this happens.
We filter from our own perspective.
We judge, advise, probe, interpret.
We run our own stories in our mind.
Some people emphasize empathetic listening instead.
Empathetic listening means trying to see things from
the other perspective without judging.
When people feel that they have been heard
and understood, they are the psychological air.
When they get they are open to listen
and understand.
Makes sense.
And this is not just in personal relationships
but also in professional settings.
Absolutely.
To resolve conflicts in in customer service, in
negotiations, in leadership, there is value Covey mentioned
in his 2004 Forward that people feel a
A hunger to be understood.
This habit addresses that basic human need.
That empathy gives us a perspective that we
cannot see alone.
Synergize Habit 6 Synergize This word is often
heard in the corporate world.
What did Covey mean Synergy is the of
creative cooperation.
It means the whole is greater than the
sum of its parts.
Meaning 1 plus 1 equals to 3, or
10, or 100.
When people value their differences in opinions, perspectives,
and experiences, respect them, and then together create
solutions that no single person could have imagined,
then that is synergy.
This is a culmination of Habit 4, Win
-Win, and Habit 5, Seek First to Understand.
This is a culmination of Habit 4, Win
-Win, and Habit 5, Seek First to Understand.
So this means not just tolerating differences, but
celebrating them.
Taking advantage of them.
Building on them.
Compensating them.
This is very different from compromise.
In compromise, often 1 plus 1 is equal
to 1.5. Both sides have to compromise
something or the other.
Right.
Synergy is about creating new, better alternatives.
The companies that were mentioned in the praise
section, like Mary Kay China, or TNT Netherlands,
who implemented the 7 Habits, they essentially tried
to create synergy in their teams.
Where people align on common values, take advantage
of each other's strengths, and produce better results.
The continuous cycle.
Habit 7, sharpen the saw.
And then at the end comes Habit 7,
sharpen the saw.
How does this support all the other habits?
Habit 7 is a habit of self-renewal.
Continuous improvement.
The analogy is that if you have a
saw, which you're cutting down trees with, it
will get dull over time.
Then you'll have to stop and sharpen it,
so that you can keep working effectively.
Hmm.
Similarly, we also need to regularly renew ourselves
Waking up early in the morning, meditating, reading,
exercising.
This was his routine.
Right.
And that Lake Rescue incident too.
Yes.
That's an example of how being physically and
mentally alert can help in unexpected situations.
Relevance in today's world.
And synthesis.
So these are the seven habits.
Now if we sum up all of this,
this entire conversation, what is its core message?
And why is it so relevant for today's
world?
As Kovi said in 2004 too.
The core message, I think, is that sustainable
effectiveness, that is, the kind of success that
lasts, doesn't just come from external techniques or
personality tweaks.
It comes from within.
It comes from building character based on universal
principles.
Inside out approach?
Yes.
Inside out.
First working on yourself, then on relationships, and
then on results.
And this is even more relevant today because
the basic human challenges that Kovi identified, like
fear, insecurity, blaming others, blame game, not being
balanced in life, communication breakdown, that winning-me
-losing-you mentality.
All of this is still there.
Maybe it's too much.
Exactly.
The information age has made it more complex.
And the popular culture often offers very superficial,
temporary solutions.
The seven habits give a deep, principled response
to these challenges.
Taking responsibility, Habit 1.
Keeping a vision, Habit 2.
Prioritizing, Habit 3.
Thinking about mutual benefit, Habit 4.
Trying to understand first, Habit 5.
Valuing differences, Habit 6.
And continuously renewing yourself, Habit 7.
So it's not just a formula for individual
success.
It's the foundation of effective leadership, the foundation
of strong relationships, and the foundation of a
meaningful contribution.
Exactly.
It's a holistic, integrated framework that applies to
every aspect of life, personal, family, professional.
It's not just doing things right, like management,
but it focuses on doing the right things,
that is, leadership.
And its foundation is character.
It really seems like a very comprehensive system.
And in the end, the point you raised
earlier, which Jim Collins also highlighted, that question.
Yes, the question related to Habit 2, the
funeral question.
Imagine, what will people say about you at
your funeral?
What kind of person were you?
What contributions did you make?
What difference did you make?
What legacy are you leaving behind?
This question changes the focus immediately.
Absolutely.
This question immediately forces us to think about
the most important priorities and values of our
lives.
This, perhaps, captures the spirit of the 7
Habits in the best way possible.
That it's not just about being effective, but
to live a purposeful, a principled life.
This is the question that may be the
most important and thought-provoking take-away of
this entire conversation.
So it's clear that only external success, professional
success, can't fill the inner space.
Often people, even after reaching a certain height
in their career, feel a sense of strangeness,
a sense of incompleteness in their personal lives.
Absolutely.
And these are very common issues that we
see.
You have a career, but perhaps your family
life is ruined.
Or you can't even fulfill the small promises
you made to yourself.
Like the intention to go on a diet.
Yes, absolutely.
And this doesn't just apply to your personal
life.
No, no.
Not at all.
It can be seen at work as well.
You see, the best management training is given.
But still, the employees don't have that loyalty,
that sense of responsibility.
Or, the problems at home.
There are young children, they are rebellious, or
God forbid, they are addicted.
There is a sense of restlessness everywhere.
Yes.
Learn the techniques of time management.
Attend seminars.
But time?
Time still runs out.
Life seems meaningless.
And the point of the author is that
these are all deep problems.
Their solution can't be achieved through quick fix
or superficial methods.
This is just a treatment of symptoms.
The real problem is still there.
Absolutely.
Like if someone is having fever again and
again, then giving a painkiller is not the
only solution.
The real reason has to be known.
So, in this regard, the author tells us
a very interesting personal experience which proved to
be a turning point for him.
Yes.
He narrates the story of his son.
He faced severe difficulties in school.
In terms of education, socially, and even physically,
he was lagging behind.
And obviously, the kids would laugh at him.
Which is very painful for parents.
Very painful.
So, he tried his best to help.
He worked on his attitude.
He tried positive mental attitude techniques.
He gave him a lot of courage.
Come on son, you can do it.
But…
What was the result?
The result was nothing.
In fact, his son was even more disappointed
by his efforts.
He lost his self-confidence.
Oh!
So, in the midst of this frustration, the
author was doing some research on communication and
perception.
And there, he learned that the way we
see the world, our perception controls our attitude.
Okay.
And here, he got that aha moment that
the real problem is not the world, but
the lens through which we see the world.
Our own paradigms.
Paradigms.
Meaning our perspective.
A map of the world we see in
our mind.
A map.
Exactly.
And he gave a very good example.
That if you have a map of Detroit
to go to Chicago.
So, you won't reach Chicago?
Never.
No matter how fast you drive or how
positive you think.
The first thing is to get the right
map.
So, he realized that he was using a
wrong map Yes.
His basic perception was that the son is
weak.
He is behind.
Now, no matter how much courage he is
giving with his tongue, his real non-verbal
message was this.
You are not capable.
You need our help.
That is the deep thing.
So, what was the solution?
The solution was that to change the situation,
first you have to change yourself.
And to change yourself, you have to change
your perception, your paradigm.
This is fundamental.
Indeed.
And this is where two different approaches come
in.
That is, personality ethic and character ethic.
Okay.
What is this?
The author saw that in the last century,
especially after the First World War, the focus
of success shifted from character ethic to personality
ethic.
Character ethic?
What was this?
The basis of character ethic was the strength
of character.
That is, integrity, humility, courage, justice, patience.
These were the basic principles.
He gave the example of Benjamin Franklin.
Okay.
And personality ethic?
Its focus was on personality, public image, attitude,
skills, and the techniques that make things easy
with people.
Okay.
Like, how to impress people or how to
make friends.
Absolutely.
Your attitude determines your altitude.
Positive thinking.
But there was a problem.
What was that?
There was a lack of integrity.
This was a quick-fix approach that emphasized
showing and even manipulation.
So the author realized that he was using
personality ethic with his son.
He wanted to see a good father.
He was worried about his image.
So what did he do?
He decided that instead of focusing on his
son, he would focus on himself.
Not on his technique, but on his deep
motivations, his motives, and his perception about his
son.
Meaning, inside-out approach.
Exactly.
He worked on his internal security so that
his self-esteem would not be dependent on
his son's acceptable attitude.
And the son started seeing him in his
individuality.
Yes.
He started appreciating his uniqueness.
He stopped passing judgement on him.
He let him grow at his own pace.
And what was the result?
The result was surprising.
After a while, the son started improving He
gained confidence.
He started growing at his own pace Wow!
So this change did not come from any
technique?
No.
This was a fundamental paradigm shift and a
change in his character.
This was primary greatness.
the goodness of the character.
Which comes before secondary greatness.
Meaning, social identity or abilities.
So the difference between character ethic and personality
ethic is really significant.
Meaning, techniques and skills, which are secondary greatness,
can be useful in their place?
Yes, absolutely.
But if there is a weakness in the
primary greatness, then this technique will not work
in the long run.
Not at all.
Deception, deception, these things are always revealed.
You know that Emerson saying, whoever you are,
shouts out in such a loud voice that
I cannot hear what you are saying.
Wow!
Yes.
And that example of agriculture is also great.
Can you harvest without sowing seeds, without hard
work, just with a good technique?
Impossible.
Absolutely.
Agriculture is a natural system that follows principles.
Human relationships are also such natural systems.
Even there, the law of the harvest works.
Meaning, whatever you sow, you will reap.
Exactly.
In a short period of time, perhaps, work
with personality ethics will work.
For example, passing a test in school.
But in long-term relationships, only the truth
of the character works.
And these are the basic principles on which
the number 7 habits are based.
But, these principles, it is important of the
paradigm shift.
You said, in the case of Musannef's son,
this shift came slowly.
Yes, it was a gradual process.
But, sometimes, it can also be sudden.
Yes, absolutely.
Like Musannef narrated the incident of the subway.
What was that?
He tells that one evening, he was travelling
in the subway.
The atmosphere was very peaceful when suddenly a
man entered with his children.
The children were making a lot of noise,
misbehaving, disturbing people.
Oh!
And that man was just sitting with his
eyes closed as if he didn't care.
Musannef obviously got very angry.
Absolutely.
Finally, he said to that man, Sir, your
children are disturbing everyone.
Can't you control them?
So, that man opened his eyes as if
he had just come to his senses and
said, Oh, you are right.
Maybe I should do something.
We are coming from the hospital where his
mother passed away I don't know what to
think and maybe these children don't know how
to deal with that situation.
Oh, God!
Everything changed Musannef's anger changed into sympathy.
His perception, his paradigm shifted.
Absolutely.
He didn't about that man but he felt
his deep pain.
This is the power of paradigm shift.
It can bring quantum change.
This makes it clear that our paradigms are
linked to our character.
Absolutely.
What we see is dependent on what we
are.
Seeing and being are not separate.
Yes, because if Musannef himself was not sympathetic
then his reaction would have been different even
after knowing the truth.
Absolutely.
So, paradigms are the our life and if
the map is wrong then we to the
right destination.
And character ethics says that there are some
basic principles that govern the human impression.
Yes, these are natural laws like gravity are
like lighthouses.
That lighthouse story by Frank Koch?
Yes, that night when the captain saw light
from of the
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