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This Is NOT Love, It's A Trauma Bond (Watch Out These 8 Signs) | Psych2Go | YouTubeToText
YouTube Transcript: This Is NOT Love, It's A Trauma Bond (Watch Out These 8 Signs)
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Summary
Core Theme
Trauma bonding is a deep emotional attachment to an abuser, often mistaken for love, which makes it difficult to leave toxic and abusive relationships.
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There has been a huge decline in mental
health around the world, which is why
we're so committed to creating more
content than we ever have. Thanks for
being a part of our journey. Do you know
what it means to have a trauma bond with
someone? Most people would wrongly
assume that this means bonding with
someone over shared trauma, but actually
trauma bonding is a defining
characteristic of many toxic and abusive
relationships, and it's often the main
reason why we might find ourselves
[music] unable to leave them. A drama
bond refers to the deep emotional
attachment [music] one might feel
towards their abuser and it's more
likely to develop in those who have a
history of abuse, exploitation, or
emotional codependency in their past
relationships. Trauma bonds can easily
be mistaken for feelings of love and
commitment towards another person. So,
with [music] that said, here are some
signs to look out for that tell you if
it's not actually love that you're
experiencing, but a trauma bond. Number
one, the other person is outwardly
charming. Of course, if given the
choice, no one would willingly choose to
pursue a relationship with someone who
acts abusive towards them. The problem
is, however, that toxic relationships
don't start [music] out that way. And
it's usually only when you've already
experienced the abuse that you start to
realize something [music] is wrong. You
might develop a trauma bond with someone
if they are outwardly charming, sweet,
caring, and seem trustworthy to you. But
don't be fooled. There might be
something more sinister lurking beneath
it all. Number two, they are emotionally
unpredictable. You might be asking
yourself, why don't people just leave
the relationships once they realize that
it's unhealthy for them? But the trouble
is, it's a lot harder to spot trauma
bonding when it's up close [music] and
personal compared to if you just saw it
happening to someone else. This is
because abusive partners can often be
emotionally manipulative, too. They
might abuse you and devalue you only to
shower you with kindness, apologies, and
promises to change the next day. This
serves as positive reinforcement to make
you second guessess any thoughts you
might have of leaving them. Number
three, [music] they tend to take their
problems out on you. Think back to the
last time this partner, friend, or
family member heard some bad news or
encountered a problem. How do they
usually deal with it? Do they [music]
often lash out, take it out on you, even
when you've done nothing wrong? They
could be keeping you around as their
psychological punching bag, and you
deserve better than that. Number four,
they isolate you from your loved ones.
Some people might think it's sweet to
have someone who wants them all to
themselves and gets [music] jealous of
those you spend your time with. But
there's a difference between loving
someone so much you want them around all
the time and actively working to isolate
them from the other important
relationships in their lives. Does this
person get mad at you for spending time
with anyone who isn't them? Do they try
to control who you're with or ask you
[music] to distance yourself from your
friends and family? If the answer is
yes, then that's as clear a red flag as
any. Number five, you deny or minimize
their abusive [music] behavior. Now,
let's look at all the ways the trauma
bond might affect you and your behavior.
Often times, the most telling sign that
you're in a destructive relationship is
if you find yourself constantly trying
to deny or minimize the other person's
wrongdoings. We look past all their
mistreatment towards us and minimize the
abuse by saying things like, "Oh, it's
not that bad, really." Or, "I don't mind
it." Because in the moment, it's easier
for us to just brush it off instead of
confronting what might be a terrible,
harsh reality [music] that the person
you're with is abusing you. Number six,
you constantly make excuses for them.
The [music] moment you can no longer
deny or minimize what the other person
has done, and a family member or friend
says something like, "What they [music]
did to you is not okay. Don't let them
treat you like that." You're still most
likely going to try to make excuses for
them and come to their defense. At
times, you might even find yourself
feeling like you deserve their
mistreatment. Once you [music] start
thinking like this, that is a critical
sign that you are in a trauma bond and
not a loving relationship. Number seven,
you're becoming more and more
emotionally numb. Have you noticed
yourself feeling less and less lately?
Like you're detached and emotionally
numb. You [music] might be feeling this
way because subconsciously it's your
mind's way of coping with all of the
abuse that it's had to deal with from
the [music] person you're trauma bonded
to. You can't take any more pain, fear,
anger, or heartache. So instead, you
close yourself off from all of your
emotions. You're not as vibrant, [music]
talkative, or expressive as you used to
be, and they're the reason why. And
number eight, you're hiding aspects of
your relationship from others. Finally,
[music] but perhaps most importantly, if
you start to hide certain aspects of
your relationship from those around you,
then you know that there's definitely
something wrong. Because why else would
you actively try to cover up how bad
things [music] are getting between you
two? Loyalty towards an abusive
significant other is a hallmark of
trauma bonding. So, you might find
yourself [music] becoming defensive or
even angered by other people's attempts
to intervene in your relationship
[music] and help you. Do you relate to
any of the things we've mentioned here?
If you or anyone you know is trapped
[music] in a trauma bond with someone
abusive, don't hesitate to speak out and
seek professional help today. And if you
need to get in touch with authorities
who can help you, too. Did you find this
video valuable? Tell us in the comments
below. Please like and share it with
[music] friends that might find use in
this video, too. Make sure to subscribe
to Psych to Go and hit the notification
bell for more content. All the
references used are added in [music] the
description box below. Take care of
yourself. Thank you for watching. We're
releasing our first book filled with fun
psychology, life hacks, and amazing
scientific studies that we couldn't fit
into just a video. Available wherever
you buy books and on Amazon. Check the
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