0:05 uh if you're dealing with a narcissist
0:06 the first thing you need to understand
0:07 is that they're not engaging with you in
0:09 the same way you're engaging with them
0:12 you're operating under the assumption
0:13 that relationships are built on mutual
0:15 respect reciprocity and shared
0:18 understanding that's the framework you
0:20 bring to the table because it's the
0:21 framework that allows for Meaningful
0:23 human connection but the narcissist
0:26 doesn't see it that way their game is
0:28 entirely different they are not
0:30 interested in mutuality they are
0:32 interested in power a narcissist's
0:35 primary goal in any interaction is to
0:37 secure control attention and validation
0:41 on their terms if that means distorting
0:44 reality then so be it if it means
0:46 gaslighting you into questioning your
0:47 own perceptions they'll do it without
0:50 hesitation if it means undermining your
0:53 confidence so that you become more
0:55 appliable more easily manipulated then
0:57 that's exactly what they'll pursue and
0:59 they won't feel guilty about it that's
1:01 what makes them dangerous now some
1:03 people make the mistake of thinking that
1:05 if they just show enough kindness if
1:08 they're patient enough if they explain
1:10 things clearly enough The Narcissist
1:12 will eventually come around but that's
1:16 an illusion a narcissist does not learn
1:18 through reason discussion or moral
1:19 appeals they learn through consequences
1:22 and if you refuse to recognize this
1:24 fundamental truth you are setting
1:25 yourself up for Endless frustration
1:28 self-doubt and emotional exhaust
1:30 exhaustion so what does recognizing
1:33 their tactics actually look like in
1:35 practice first it means paying attention
1:38 to patterns rather than words
1:40 narcissists are experts at saying
1:42 exactly what you want to hear they'll
1:43 promise change they'll feain remorse
1:45 they'll even play the victim to keep you
1:47 entangled in their web but the real
1:48 question is what do their actions
1:50 consistently demonstrate if there is a
1:53 pattern of deception manipulation or
1:55 disrespect then that is the truth of the
1:57 situation regardless of what they say
2:00 second you must understand that
2:02 narcissists deploy specific
2:04 psychological tactics to maintain their
2:06 dominance one of the most Insidious is
2:08 gaslighting making you doubt your own
2:10 reality they'll deny things they've said
2:13 even when you have evidence they'll
2:15 rewrite history subtly Shifting The
2:17 Narrative until you find yourself
2:19 apologizing for something you didn't
2:21 even do the more you engage in these
2:24 arguments the more control they gain
2:27 because the very Act of Defending
2:28 yourself places you in a subordinate
2:31 position you are reacting to them which
2:33 means they are dictating the terms of
2:35 the
2:36 conversation another common tactic is
2:38 intermittent reinforcement alternating
2:40 between affection and cruelty in
2:41 unpredictable Cycles this is powerful
2:44 because it mirrors the psychological
2:46 mechanism behind addiction if someone is
2:49 consistently cruel you will eventually
2:52 detach but if they occasionally throw in
2:54 moments of kindness your mind starts
2:57 chasing the reward hoping that if you
2:59 just do the right thing you'll get more
3:01 of the good and less of the bad this
3:03 creates a toxic dependency where you
3:05 stay in the relationship not because
3:07 it's fulfilling but because you're
3:09 trying to get back to those fleeting
3:11 moments of warmth that were in reality
3:14 just another tool of manipulation and
3:17 then there's projection The Narcissist
3:18 will accuse you of the very things they
3:21 are guilty of if they're dishonest
3:23 they'll call you a liar if they're
3:24 emotionally unstable they'll claim
3:27 you're the one being irrational this
3:30 serves two purposes first it deflects
3:32 attention away from their own behavior
3:34 and second it keeps you so busy
3:35 defending yourself that you don't have
3:37 time to recognize what's really
3:39 happening recognizing these tactics is
3:41 not about becoming cynical or paranoid
3:43 it's about Clarity it's about stripping
3:45 away the Illusions and seeing things for
3:48 what they are because once you see the
3:50 game you stop playing it and when you
3:52 stop playing The Narcissist loses their
3:54 power over you so if you want to stop
3:57 being controlled stop being manipulated
4:00 stop being drained Step One is simple
4:03 see the narcissists for who they truly
4:05 are not who you wish they were because
4:08 reality as brutal as it sometimes is
4:11 will always serve you better than a
4:12 comforting lie one of the most
4:14 self-destructive traps you can fall into
4:17 when dealing with a narcissist is
4:18 seeking their approval and I don't just
4:20 mean overtly trying to impress them I
4:23 mean the subtle almost unconscious ways
4:26 in which you modify your behavior to
4:28 avoid their criticism to gain a shred of
4:31 their acknowledgement or to finally just
4:33 once be treated with the respect you
4:35 deserve it's an easy trap to fall into
4:38 because as human beings we're wired for
4:40 social reciprocity when we invest in a
4:43 relationship whether it's personal
4:44 professional or familial we expect at
4:47 some fundamental level that our efforts
4:49 will be recognized that if we just
4:51 explain ourselves properly if we just
4:53 demonstrate our loyalty our good
4:55 intentions our patience then surely at
4:58 some point the narcissists will
5:00 acknowledge it and change accordingly
5:02 but that moment never
5:04 comes that's because narcissists don't
5:07 operate within the framework of
5:09 reciprocity they see your efforts not as
5:11 a reason to respect you but as
5:12 confirmation that they control you every
5:16 time you contort yourself to avoid their
5:18 disapproval you reinforce their
5:19 dominance every time you wait for their
5:21 validation you grant them power over
5:23 your selfworth and if you think that
5:26 there's some magic combination of words
5:28 or actions that will find make them see
5:30 you for who you really are you are
5:32 wasting your time because for them the
5:34 goal posts are always moving the moment
5:36 you think you've done enough they'll
5:37 find a new standard to hold you to one
5:40 they never intend for you to meet it's
5:42 not about you that's the core
5:45 realization their inability to respect
5:47 you is not a reflection of your worth
5:49 but a consequence of their pathology The
5:52 Narcissist sense of self is fragile
5:55 built on an illusion of superiority that
5:57 must be constantly upheld they cannot
5:59 canot allow themselves to be wrong
6:01 because to do so would shatter that
6:02 illusion they cannot allow others to be
6:04 truly seen or appreciated because that
6:06 would mean relinquishing control and so
6:09 they move through life extracting
6:11 manipulating diminishing because it's
6:13 the only way they know how to maintain
6:15 their inflated self emission once you
6:19 understand this the correct response
6:20 becomes clear you must detach
6:23 emotionally psychologically and where
6:25 possible physically and that begins with
6:28 one critical step you must stop looking
6:30 to them for approval in any form that
6:33 doesn't mean being rude it doesn't mean
6:36 retaliating with cruelty it simply means
6:39 removing
6:40 yourself from the psychological game
6:43 they are trying to trap you in so how
6:44 does this actually play out in the real
6:46 world it means no longer justifying
6:49 yourself to them a narcissist thrives on
6:51 argument because argument implies that
6:53 their opinion matters the moment you
6:55 start defending yourself you've already
6:57 lost because now the conversation is
6:59 being framed around their perception of
7:01 you rather than your own intrinsic
7:03 reality stop explaining yourself to
7:06 someone who is only looking for
7:08 ammunition if they distort your words
7:10 let them if they misrepresent your
7:12 intentions so be it their perception of
7:15 you is not your responsibility to fix it
7:18 also means letting go of the need for
7:20 closure this is one of the hardest
7:22 lessons to learn we all want resolution
7:25 we all want that final moment where the
7:28 narcissist acknowledges their wrongdoing
7:30 where they apologize where they finally
7:32 give us that sense of justice we've been
7:34 waiting for but that moment isn't coming
7:37 and the more you chase it the longer you
7:39 remain ens snared in their web the only
7:41 closure you will ever get is the one you
7:43 give yourself the decision to walk away
7:47 to stop engaging to accept that their
7:49 recognition is not required for your
7:51 self-worth to remain intact and perhaps
7:54 most importantly it means redefining
7:56 your own source of validation if you've
7:59 spent years maybe decades adjusting your
8:01 self permission to fit the expectations
8:04 of someone who is never capable of
8:06 valuing you in the first place then it's
8:08 time to take that power back your worth
8:11 is not something that exists at the
8:13 mercy of another person's recognition it
8:16 is something you must claim for yourself
8:18 and the moment you do the narcissist
8:21 loses the very thing that made them
8:23 powerful over you in the first place
8:25 because in the end the most radical Act
8:27 of defiance against a narcissist is
8:29 simple stop needing them to see you see
8:33 yourself instead one of the most
8:36 dangerous mistakes you can make when
8:37 dealing with a narcissist is assuming
8:39 that playing by the rules will protect
8:41 you that if you're fair if you're
8:43 reasonable if you keep giving them the
8:45 benefit of the doubt they'll eventually
8:47 reciprocate but this assumption rests on
8:49 a flawed premise that the narcissist
8:52 values fairness that they are respond to
8:56 reason that they are even playing the
8:58 same game you are are they're not a
9:01 narcissist operates within a completely
9:03 different psychological framework you
9:05 see most people when they enter into a
9:07 conflict whether it's a disagreement
9:08 with a friend a tense conversation with
9:10 a partner or even a workplace dispute
9:13 are operating under the assumption that
9:15 there's some shared objective reality
9:18 that if both people lay out their
9:20 perspectives honestly the truth will
9:23 eventually emerge and some form of
9:25 resolution can be reached but a
9:26 narcissist has no interest in resolution
9:29 their interest is in
9:30 dominance and that's where you have to
9:32 stop making the mistake of believing
9:34 that being the bigger person being
9:36 endlessly patient endlessly
9:38 understanding will lead to a
9:39 breakthrough it won't because to a
9:42 narcissist your willingness to engage
9:45 your willingness to keep explaining to
9:47 keep justifying yourself to keep hoping
9:49 for a rational response is not seen as
9:52 strength it's seen as weakness it's an
9:55 opportunity it tells them that they
9:57 still have control over your mind your
9:59 emotions your actions it tells them that
10:01 you are still playing their game even if
10:03 you don't realize it so what do you do
10:05 instead you stop reacting the way they
10:08 want you to you stop giving them the
10:10 emotional fuel they thrive on because
10:13 here's something important to
10:15 understand narcissists are not self
10:19 sustaining they they don't generate
10:22 their own sense of stability their own
10:24 sense of identity their own sense of
10:25 worth they extract it from others that's
10:27 why they provoke why they manipulate why
10:30 they create conflict where none should
10:31 exist it's all an attempt to keep you
10:34 engaged because engagement equals power
10:36 if you want to disarm a narcissist you
10:38 must remove that power and that begins
10:41 with mastering something that is both
10:42 incredibly simple and Incredibly
10:44 difficult emotional Detachment now I
10:47 don't mean suppressing your emotions
10:49 entirely That's not healthy and it's not
10:51 sustainable what I mean is developing
10:54 the ability to remain unaffected by
10:57 their
10:58 provocations to recognize that their
11:00 attempts to guilt you to bait you to
11:03 drag you into another cycle of argument
11:05 and justification are nothing more than
11:07 a strategy to keep you under their
11:09 influence this is where the concept of
11:12 gray rocking comes in it's a
11:13 psychological technique that involves
11:16 making yourself as uninteresting as
11:18 unemotional and as disengaged as
11:21 possible when dealing with a narcissist
11:23 they thrive on reactions whether it's
11:25 anger frustration sadness or even
11:28 affection because reactions mean they're
11:30 still in control but if you refuse to
11:33 engage if you stop giving them the
11:35 dramatic emotional response they crave
11:38 they lose their leverage they get bored
11:41 they move on but let's be clear this
11:43 isn't easy it's not easy to sit in the
11:46 presence of someone who is deliberately
11:48 trying to provoke you and refuse to take
11:50 the bait it's not easy to hear
11:52 outrageous accusations and choose not to
11:55 defend yourself it's not easy to watch
11:57 them rewrite history and smear your name
11:59 and simply say believe what you want but
12:02 it is necessary because every time you
12:04 engage every time you fight back every
12:07 time you try to prove yourself to
12:08 someone who has no interest in truth you
12:11 are feeding the very Dynamic that is
12:13 draining you this is a form of
12:15 psychological self-discipline it's the
12:17 ability to say I do not need this
12:19 person's validation I do not need to
12:21 correct their false narrative I do not
12:23 need to win their approval or prove my
12:25 worth in their eyes and when you reach
12:28 that level of Detachment you become
12:30 Untouchable because a narcissist cannot
12:32 control what they cannot provoke in the
12:35 end the most powerful response to a
12:37 narcissist is not anger it's not even
12:39 confrontation it's indifference when
12:42 they realize they no longer have the
12:43 ability to pull you into their chaos
12:45 they lose interest and that is when you
12:48 finally regain your freedom one of the
12:50 greatest traps you can fall into when
12:52 dealing with a narcissist is engaging in
12:54 the endless cycle of conflict they
12:56 create you might think that if you can
12:58 just make them understand your
13:00 perspective if you can finally prove
13:02 your point if you can get them to
13:04 acknowledge their behavior then
13:06 everything will
13:08 change but that's an illusion a
13:11 narcissist doesn't argue to resolve
13:13 anything they argue to dominate their
13:15 goal is not to find the truth not to
13:17 come to a mutual understanding not even
13:18 to prove their right in any coherent way
13:21 their goal is to keep you entangled to
13:23 keep you emotionally invested to keep
13:25 you reacting because as long as you're
13:27 reacting you're still in the game
13:29 and as long as you're in the game they
13:31 still have power over you think about
13:33 how this plays out you bring up an issue
13:35 something they did that was
13:37 disrespectful dishonest or hurtful a
13:39 normal person even if they don't agree
13:41 would at least attempt to understand
13:42 your perspective they'd engage in good
13:45 faith but what does the narcissist do
13:47 they deflect they shift the blame they
13:49 bring up something completely unrelated
13:51 that you did six months ago they twist
13:53 your words they accuse you of being the
13:56 problem and before you know it you're no
13:59 longer discussing the issue at hand
14:01 you're defending yourself and that's
14:04 where they win cuz the moment you start
14:06 defending yourself the conversation is
14:08 no longer about their behavior it's
14:11 about proving your innocence they've
14:13 successfully turned the tables now
14:15 you're on trial now you're expending all
14:19 of your mental and emotional energy
14:20 justifying
14:22 yourself while they sit back and watch
14:24 you exhaust yourself in a battle that
14:26 was never meant to be fair in the first
14:28 place so how do you stop this how do you
14:30 remove yourself from this psychological
14:32 warfare you learn to disengage you stop
14:35 justifying yourself you stop explaining
14:38 you stop trying to win a debate that was
14:40 never designed to be winnable now that
14:42 doesn't mean you let them walk all over
14:44 you it doesn't mean you tolerate abuse
14:47 or stay silent in the face of Injustice
14:49 it means you refuse to participate in a
14:52 rigged game it means you set boundaries
14:55 that are not up for negotiation a
14:57 narcissist thrives on on emotional chaos
15:00 and they will do everything in their
15:01 power to keep you off balance if you say
15:03 I won't tolerate being spoken to that
15:05 way they'll push harder to see if you
15:07 really mean it if you say I won't engage
15:10 in this kind of argument they'll try to
15:12 provoke you until you break your own
15:14 rule because if they can get you to
15:17 react they win they've proven that your
15:19 boundaries are just words so your job is
15:21 to make sure they aren't your job is to
15:23 follow through if you say you're leaving
15:25 the conversation leave if you say you
15:28 w't tolerate disrespect don't if you say
15:31 you won't explain yourself stop
15:33 explaining because the moment a
15:35 narcissist realizes that their usual
15:36 tactics no longer work on you they start
15:39 to lose interest you are no longer the
15:41 easy target they once thought you were
15:43 but here's the hard part standing firm
15:45 in your boundaries means tolerating
15:47 discomfort it means resisting the urge
15:49 to correct them when they lie about you
15:51 it means resisting the urge to defend
15:53 yourself when they twist The Narrative
15:55 it means accepting that they will never
15:58 see the truth truth because they don't
16:00 want to and that's okay your peace your
16:04 dignity your self-respect these things
16:07 do not depend on their recognition they
16:10 depend on your ability to walk away from
16:12 pointless battles to refuse to be baited
16:16 to prioritize your own well-being over
16:18 the illusion of winning an argument
16:19 because in the end the real Victory
16:21 isn't proving a narcissist
16:23 wrong is proving to yourself that you no
16:27 longer need their validation at all
16:29 there's a hard truth you have to come to
16:31 terms with when dealing with a
16:32 narcissist they will never respect your
16:34 boundaries unless you enforce them and
16:36 enforcement doesn't mean explaining your
16:38 boundaries over and over hoping they'll
16:40 finally understand it doesn't mean
16:42 making threats you don't follow through
16:44 on it doesn't mean hoping they'll
16:46 suddenly develop self-awareness and
16:48 start treating you with the respect you
16:49 deserve it means action it means
16:52 consequences you see a narcissist
16:53 doesn't recognize boundaries in the way
16:55 a healthy person does a healthy person
16:58 when this behavior is unacceptable and I
17:01 won't tolerate it will at least pause
17:03 and reflect they may not always agree
17:05 but they'll respect that you have a
17:07 right to draw the line somewhere a
17:09 narcissist on the other hand sees your
17:12 boundaries as a challenge an obstacle to
17:14 overcome a test of how much they can get
17:17 away with and they will keep pushing
17:19 until they find the breaking point this
17:21 is why half measures don't work if you
17:23 set a boundary but don't enforce it all
17:25 you've really done is teach the
17:26 narcissist that your words mean nothing
17:29 that if they push hard enough if they
17:31 apply enough pressure if they create
17:32 enough guilt you'll cave and once they
17:35 know that once they see that your limits
17:37 are negotiable they'll exploit that
17:39 knowledge relentlessly so what does real
17:41 enforcement look like it means being
17:43 willing to walk away from conversations
17:45 that cross the line it means removing
17:47 yourself from toxic situations even if
17:49 it causes temporary discomfort it means
17:52 understanding that you don't have to
17:53 argue negotiate or explain yourself
17:55 endlessly you simply have to act and
17:59 here's where people struggle because
18:01 action is difficult it's uncomfortable
18:04 there's a cost to it setting an
18:05 enforcing boundaries means accepting
18:07 that the narcissist will react badly and
18:09 they will they will accuse you of being
18:11 selfish of being cruel of being
18:12 unreasonable they will play the victim
18:14 they will lash out because they have no
18:16 interest in respecting your boundaries
18:19 their only interest is in making sure
18:20 you feel guilty enough to drop them and
18:23 this is where you have to be strong
18:25 enough to tolerate the discomfort of
18:27 doing what's necessary you have to
18:29 accept that when you start enforcing
18:31 boundaries The Narcissist will escalate
18:34 if they used to manipulate you subtly
18:36 they might start attacking you outright
18:38 if they used to guilt trip you they
18:40 might start playing the victim more
18:41 dramatically if they used to rely on
18:43 charm they might switch to outright
18:45 hostility this is called an Extinction
18:47 burst a last ditch effort to regain
18:51 control when they realize their usual
18:54 tactics aren't working and this is the
18:56 moment where most people fail because
18:59 it's in this moment that the pressure
19:00 feels unbearable the accusations the
19:03 guilt the manipulation it all
19:05 intensifies and if you're not prepared
19:06 for it you'll give in you know think
19:09 maybe I'm being too harsh maybe I should
19:11 just explain myself one more time and
19:14 the moment you do the narcissist knows
19:18 they still have control over you they'll
19:19 pull back act as if everything's fine
19:21 for a little while and then slowly but
19:23 surely start pushing again the only way
19:26 to break this cycle is to stop giving
19:28 them a reason to believe they can change
19:30 your mind to make it clear through
19:32 action not words that your boundaries
19:35 are real that they are not up for
19:37 negotiation and that violating them has
19:40 consequences that might mean cutting
19:42 contact it might mean disengaging
19:45 emotionally it might mean refusing to
19:47 respond to provocations whatever the
19:48 situation calls for the key is
19:50 consistency because in the end
19:52 boundaries are not about controlling The
19:54 Narcissist Behavior you will never
19:56 control them they will always do what's
19:58 serves their ego their control their
20:02 power boundaries are about controlling
20:04 your own behavior about deciding what
20:07 you will and will not tolerate about
20:09 choosing to remove yourself from
20:11 situations that drain you about
20:13 prioritizing your own well-being over
20:15 the illusion that you can change them
20:18 and when you finally do that when you
20:19 finally enforce boundaries with
20:21 unwavering resolve something remarkable
20:25 happens The Narcissist loses their RP on
20:29 you their power Fades you begin to
20:31 reclaim something they were never meant
20:32 to have in the first place your autonomy
20:36 your dignity your peace and that is a
20:39 battle worth winning one of the most
20:42 difficult realizations you'll have when
20:44 dealing with a narcissist is
20:46 understanding that they will never give
20:48 you
20:49 closure that apology you're waiting for
20:52 that moment where they finally
20:54 acknowledge the pain they caused you
20:55 it's not coming and the longer you wait
20:57 for it the longer you stay trapped in
20:59 their psychological web because here's
21:01 the thing narcissists don't reflect on
21:04 their actions the way healthy people do
21:07 they don't lie awake at night wrestling
21:09 with guilt wondering how they can make
21:10 things right they don't replay the past
21:12 and think maybe I went too far that's
21:15 not how their mind
21:16 works their concern is not the truth
21:19 their concern is maintaining control and
21:21 if that means rewriting history if that
21:23 means making you the villain if that
21:25 means distorting reality so thoroughly
21:27 that even you begin to doubt yourself
21:29 then that is exactly what they will do
21:31 and if you're not careful you will spend
21:34 years maybe even decades trying to
21:37 extract something from them that they
21:38 are fundamentally incapable of giving
21:41 you will hold out hope that if you just
21:42 say the right thing if you just prove
21:44 your point convincingly enough they'll
21:46 finally see they won't not because the
21:48 truth isn't clear but because admitting
21:50 it would mean relinquishing the power
21:52 they have over you so you have a choice
21:56 you can keep chasing an apology that
21:57 will never come
21:59 you can keep replaying conversations in
22:01 your head imagining different outcomes
22:03 trying to make sense of something that
22:05 was never meant to make
22:07 sense why or you can decide that your
22:11 healing is not dependent on them you can
22:13 decide that closure is something you
22:15 give to yourself and that's not easy
22:18 because we are wired to seek resolution
22:21 our minds crave order narrative
22:23 coherence when someone wrongs us when
22:25 they betray our trust when they inflict
22:27 wounds that linger we want
22:30 acknowledgement we want Justice we want
22:33 the story to have a clean ending but
22:36 life is messy and when you're dealing
22:38 with a narcissist the ending you want
22:42 the resolution where they finally take
22:44 accountability is an illusion so what do
22:46 you do instead you reclaim your own
22:48 narrative you stop waiting for them to
22:51 set you free and you set yourself free
22:54 that means accepting that some people
22:56 will never understand what they did to
22:57 you and choosing to move forward anyway
23:00 that means letting go of the idea that
23:02 their validation is necessary for your
23:04 healing it's not it never was and that's
23:07 where true power lies because as long as
23:09 you're waiting for them to acknowledge
23:13 the truth they still have control over
23:15 you as long as you're hoping for a
23:17 Moment of clarity from them they still
23:20 dictate your emotional state but the
23:22 moment you stop seeking their validation
23:25 the moment you decide that their opinion
23:27 their version of events their refusal to
23:29 acknowledge reality is irrelevant that
23:31 is the moment you win that is the moment
23:33 they lose their hold on you and here is
23:35 the Paradox the less you need closure
23:38 from them the more power you have over
23:40 your own life the moment you stop
23:42 explaining stop defending stop waiting
23:45 you become Untouchable because a
23:46 narcissist's greatest weapon is their
23:48 ability to manipulate your need for
23:51 resolution take that away and they have
23:54 nothing healing from a narcissist isn't
23:56 about getting them to see what they've
23:58 done it's about seeing it clearly
24:00 yourself it's about recognizing that
24:03 their lack of accountability is not a
24:05 reflection of your worth but of their
24:07 own Brokenness is about understanding
24:09 that closure doesn't come from them it
24:11 comes from you finally deciding that you
24:13 don't need their permission to move on
24:15 and when you do that when you truly let
24:17 go something remarkable happens the
24:19 weight they placed on you begins to
24:21 lift the anger the confusion the
24:25 self-doubt it starts to fade not because
24:28 what they did was okay but because
24:29 you've chosen to no longer let it Define
24:33 you in the end the greatest revenge
24:35 against a narcissist isn't proving them
24:38 wrong it isn't making them apologize it
24:42 isn't even exposing them it's thriving
24:45 without them it's living a life so full
24:48 so independent so Unshackled from their
24:52 influence that they become nothing more
24:54 than a distant
24:56 memory a lesson learned a chapter
24:59 closed and that that is real closure
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