This HBS application essay review highlights how a candidate's growth-oriented essay effectively showcases intentionality, curiosity, and self-awareness through a volunteer teaching experience, demonstrating a deep commitment to personal development and impact.
Mind Map
Click to expand
Click to explore the full interactive mind map • Zoom, pan, and navigate
Hi, I'm Liza Wheel, founder of Gate
House Admissions. And I'm Jeremy
Jeanwald, founder of Ambient Admission.
And we're back with our series of HBS
application essay reviews. We've already
looked at Megan's businessminded and
leadership focused essays. So now, let's
turn to her growthoriented essay. If you
want to follow along, use the link below
to download a free copy of our book of
sample essays from successful HBS
admmits. Let's dive
in. After three years as a lunch buddy
and tutor with a school near campus that
focused on inclusive education for high
school students, I sought out an
opportunity to teach an interpersonal
skills course to 10 sophomores with
disabilities during what turned out to
be 3 months of virtual learning. To
prepare, I read a memoir about raising a
son with autism and leveraged PeopleMart
to transform interpersonal skills into
more accessible people skills. I
selected topics including active
listening, expressing yourself clearly,
seeking feedback, and asserting needs.
But that first week, I kept the content
light. Talking about favorite movies,
Ice Age was the winner. I also arranged
one-on- ones asking, "How do you learn
best?" Figuring out how to engage each
student took experimentation. Jimmy,
with severe speech impediments, rocked
in his chair due to anxiety. The
school's main coach encouraged me to
pull in quieter students, but also told
me to make my language approachable.
else I'd alienate students. With gentle
coaxing, I guided Jimmy through using a
tablet to write on a virtual whiteboard.
As Jimmy started jotting, the class
clapped in excitement, delighted that
Jimmy was no longer left on the
sidelines. This once in a lifetime
experience taught me to always put
myself in others shoes and ask myself
and others what they need to succeed. I
carry these lessons with me as I work
with Special Olympic junior athletes,
partner with management teams, the part
I love most about my role, and lead
Andrea's dream junior board. All right.
So, Jeremy, what do you think? Look,
this is a great essay. Again, I think
what's interesting with this one is it
so easily could have fallen flat. I
think a lot of people could have made
the mistake of just talking about, you
know, why they volunteered somewhere and
talking about their volunteer
experience. And the key differentiator
here is the intentionality that reveals
that curiosity and growth. And so, you
know, our Megan writes about how um she
had some grounding in this and she
decided to kind of take this interest
and passion further, but then she pauses
and said that she she reads a book about
it to contextualize her, you know, her
her to to develop her her own
perspective and contextualize her
experience beforehand. And that to me
becomes critical. Like that to me is
like, oh, this isn't just someone who
has an interest. This is someone who has
an inordinate passion and commitment to
something. That is that is where you can
say I am growth oriented. If without
that piece, I think the whole essay
might even fall apart. It's like I I I
didn't just decide I wanted to do this
and try this. I wanted to grow with
this. I wanted to I wanted to come in
and do my best with this. And and and I
think that is it's so subtle, it makes
the entire essay work. And then
thereafter because she she's established
that she comes in with a perspective and
she comes in with a perspective on
connecting. She picks her you know
particular film uh and she learns how to
relate to or finds her way to relate to
each individual. Like there are
volunteer experiences where people phone
them in and they don't realize it or
they're just again they're force forcing
their I did this volunteer experience
for business school and I'm gonna force
it into this uh essay and it'll it'll
it'll work I guess. that isn't this that
this is there's a lot of of curiosity of of
of
intentionality and and and it plays out
because she has that and um and so it it
really comes to life. You can see that
she has impact in what she's doing but
again it's not just happen stance
impact. It's impact that is is really
driven by her being motivated in this
area. So, I think it's great. And again,
anyone who's listened to to parts one
and two on this simple language, let the
story do it do the work. You know, she's
not like I don't know if she was given
an award for this, but you know, she's
not like and I got awards for this and
everyone was great and we all danced off
of the sunset and people were carrying
on their shoulders. It's like that just
I I did this and and you can see the
impact. You know, kids came out of their
shell. I grew and developed. This
allowed me to be more impactful in in
other work that I was doing. Period.
That it's it's its own reward. There's
no bragging. She she writes incredibly
well. I think the other thing you
mentioned the book uh reading the book
and contextualizing the other thing I
really like about it is it it it is a
bit of vulnerability there, right? Where
she is basically saying she doesn't know
how to teach this and she wants to take
it seriously and do a great job. So it's
you're right. It it shows a um a desire
to learn, but also her ability to
recognize she may have been tutoring.
She may have some familiarity, but she
wasn't ready for this and she owed it to
her. You know, as a reader, you can
infer some of these things whether or
not or or certainly I had that reaction
as I read it. It was almost like, you
know, I've had these experiences, but
that doesn't mean I know everything. I
still want to give my best and that
means I'm going to invest the time up
front so that I know I know more how to
succeed and do right by these students
that I'm leading. So I I I love that
aspect of very subtly showing her own
recognition of of of Yeah. I couldn't
just go in and do it. That would have
been fair to the students I was trying
to teach. Right. I think what you're
saying is she's she's revealing
self-awareness and uh and and again a
humility. She's like like didn't say I
saw this opportunity. I was going to go
in and wing it like and and because I
know what I'm doing because I'm I'm a
rousing leader. It's it's okay for
someone to say I I saw this opportunity
and I wanted to you know I I wanted to
do it but I had to develop a little bit
beforehand and I had to grow. It's a
growth oriented essay right like you
have to be willing to say yeah there
were areas where I I needed to develop
or grow in order to get there. So I
think she does this very very well. I
want to make one final point. The choice
of words once in a-lifetime experience
that's bold language for an essay. It's
it's a little bit, you know, if if she
had started the essay with that, I would
not have liked it at all because it
would have been too much of a tell
here's what I want you to think. But the
way she puts it into the the last uh
paragraph, I think it was where she puts
it in, we believe it. We believe it
because we've seen what she's given to
this process of teaching um these
students. And it's it's a bold choice of
language, but because we have been
there, because she's written simply and
sort of led us into the into the
classroom with her, we almost appreciate
that language she chooses to to describe
this situation. And we really do believe
it was incredibly meaningful to her,
which I I really appreciate. And as we
near the wrap of of Megan as a as
Megan's suite of essays, I think it's
important to kind of look back at all
three and say we've learned an awful lot
about her, right? We, even though these
are very short essays, we've learn we've
learned about her as a volunteer. We've
learned about her as an advocate in the
workplace. We've learned about her as a
as someone who's driven change in her
college. We've learned about her as um
as, you know, as someone who um has had,
you know, had had challenges early in
life. We've learned about her as a as a
professional who's who's who's had
curiosity development. I could I could
go on. Um but, you know, that's
something I always talk about. Anyone
who's who's heard me who's been listened
to a few of these videos will eventually
hear me say keep the reader learning.
Totally. And she continues to keep the
reader learning. And that's what allows
you to stay engaged. You're like, "Oh,
wow. I just I just learned even more in
the third essay about this person." And
hopefully I would assume she was a
successful applicant. And just I would
assume that we learned more about her in
her short answers, more about in her
resume. And we just keep saying, "Wow,
this impressive person keeps getting
more impressive." And that isn't about
having like, oh, I'm holding back some,
you know, six major accomplishments and
not sharing them. It's just more like
again be by being self-aware, you can
pick up on different aspects of your
stories and and and allow them to shine
in different areas. So, she I I as a
suite, these are great. I agree. I
agree. And I say kudos to Megan for
gaining admittance, although I'm not
have a great time at HBS. Exactly.
Exactly. Great. Follow this series for
more reviews of real essays from real
HBS admits. And be sure to download our
book linked below for dozens more essay samples.
Click on any text or timestamp to jump to that moment in the video
Share:
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
One-Click Copy125+ LanguagesSearch ContentJump to Timestamps
Paste YouTube URL
Enter any YouTube video link to get the full transcript
Transcript Extraction Form
Most transcripts ready in under 5 seconds
Get Our Chrome Extension
Get transcripts instantly without leaving YouTube. Install our Chrome extension for one-click access to any video's transcript directly on the watch page.
