0:01 The number one health and wellness
0:04 podcast, J Shetty. J Shetty, the one,
0:08 the only J Shetty.
0:11 Welcome back to OnPurpose. Today we're
0:13 talking about something that impacts
0:15 every decision we make. Our confidence
0:18 and selfworth. We all struggle with it
0:20 at some point, questioning if we're good
0:23 enough, smart enough, or capable enough.
0:26 Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe
0:28 over time, life's challenges have made
0:31 us second guessess ourselves. But here's
0:33 the truth. Confidence isn't something
0:36 you're just born with. It's something
0:39 you build. And self-worth isn't just
0:42 about your accomplishments or success.
0:44 It's about how you see yourself at your
0:47 core. In this episode, I've gathered
0:50 insights from some of the best minds to
0:53 help you quiet self-doubt, recognize
0:55 your true value, and step into the
0:57 confidence that's already in you.
0:59 Because when you truly believe in
1:02 yourself, everything changes. So often
1:05 when we're searching for confidence and
1:08 self-worth, it's easy to feel pressured
1:11 to try every new trend or practice, as
1:13 if there's a perfect formula for feeling
1:16 secure in ourselves. But real confidence
1:18 isn't about following the crowd. It's
1:20 about tuning out the noise and figuring
1:23 out what truly works for you. Kendall
1:26 Jenner knows that pressure all too well.
1:27 Having spent most of her life in the
1:30 public eye, she's had to learn how to
1:32 protect her peace, set boundaries, and
1:35 find joy in the simple things. In this
1:38 conversation, she opens up about her
1:41 journey to staying grounded and true to
1:44 herself. Let's get into it. had had a
1:45 lot of people coming to me telling me
1:48 about meditation and how it changed
1:51 their life and therapy and so many
1:53 different things and I was a bit
1:54 overwhelmed cuz I was like oh my god
1:56 what if this is going to suit me I think
1:58 it's a very personal experience I think
2:01 everybody has a very different version
2:03 of all of that stuff and so it was a
2:05 little overwhelming so I think I really
2:06 just took the time to be off for a
2:08 second it was even the little things it
2:10 was like being able to go to my friend's
2:12 birthday party which I wouldn't have
2:14 been able to go to before cuz I was
2:16 working a lot. I I love hearing that
2:17 because I think it is those simple
2:19 things like you know giving yourself
2:21 that space whatever it is that you
2:24 needed to do. Yeah. When you needed it
2:25 and and like you said sometimes it's
2:27 like that's when all the subscribe
2:28 buttons come up in front of you and it's
2:29 like try this and try this and it's like
2:32 well no no let me just take my time. It
2:35 was also, now that I think about it, 23,
2:38 I'm 26. I've had my horse for so around
2:41 that time is when I bought the horse
2:45 that I have now, who is my like I I jump
2:48 her and I like have I have two other
2:50 horses, but they're like retired, so I
2:51 don't really ride them the same way I
2:53 ride her. So, yeah. I guess it was
2:55 around that time, too, that I was like,
2:56 I'm going to do this cuz I love this and
2:58 like I want to get back into it, and
3:00 this is what I've loved my whole life.
3:02 So, so it was around that time that I
3:03 feel like all of that started happening
3:05 and I bought my horse and I like started
3:07 taking more time for things that made me
3:10 really happy. Yeah. What what I what I'm
3:11 noticing in you and observing or at
3:14 least from just these No, in a good way.
3:16 In a good way. It's all I was just
3:18 saying it's like it feels like no matter
3:20 what's happening in your orbit, there's
3:23 this pillar of belief that it's
3:25 important to be happy. Yeah. Like it,
3:26 you know, that's like this core center
3:28 belief in your life where it's like it's
3:29 important to be happy. It's important to
3:32 be happy. It's that has to be the goal
3:36 for sure. And you know, it's not always
3:39 easy. We live in such an interesting
3:43 industry and in such an interesting time
3:45 with social media that it can be very
3:49 hard. Sometimes you can fall victim to
3:52 so many things that don't serve you and
3:55 that don't make you happy. If your
3:58 happiness depends on the actions of
4:01 others, you know, you're at mercy of
4:03 things that you can't control. And
4:06 that's never where I want to be. So, I I
4:08 always want to live in like me and my
4:10 therapist talk about like my higher
4:12 goddess, my higher self. Like, I always
4:16 want to live there knowing that, you
4:17 know, when I'm there, you can't take
4:20 that away from me. That that's mine. And
4:21 no matter what, you can disagree with
4:23 me, you can agree with me. that's not
4:25 going my I'm not changing. I'm not
4:27 shifting. I'm here. I'm in my higher
4:31 goddess. So, I kind of I always live by like
4:32 like
4:34 keep holding my happiness and not
4:36 letting anyone else affect it. And
4:38 though I fall victim to it at times, as
4:42 we all probably do. Absolutely. I um I
4:44 strive every day to live in that place.
4:45 So, what what are some of the qualities
4:47 of your higher goddess? So, that that
4:51 kind of avatar like she's awesome. Like
4:53 I said, I don't love a pity party. I
4:55 also like, you know, sometimes it feels
4:57 weird to like say good things about
5:00 yourself. But I've also learned a lot
5:02 about talking to myself and a lot about
5:03 looking in the mirror and being like,
5:05 "You're great, you're gorgeous, you're
5:08 amazing, you're loyal, you're positive,
5:10 you're so many like I love words of
5:13 affirmation. I love just sitting there
5:16 and reassuring myself of who I am
5:19 because that's another thing for me. You
5:22 know, there's so many false narratives
5:24 about me, about all of us, I'm sure.
5:26 Like, so many people think they have you
5:29 figured out when they don't even know
5:31 the half of it. So, sitting there and
5:33 being like, you know, you get frustrated
5:35 sometimes. It could feel really unfair.
5:36 You could be reading something that
5:38 someone is saying about you or hearing
5:39 something that someone's saying about
5:41 you and being like, that is so unfair
5:44 cuz that's not who I am. And that really
5:45 gets to me sometimes and that really
5:48 sucks. But then looking at myself in the
5:49 mirror and being like, "But I know who I
5:52 am and that's all. Why does anything
5:54 else matter and my friends know who I am
5:56 and my family knows who I am, my dog
5:58 knows who I am, my horse knows who I am.
6:00 Like why does any of everything else is
6:03 just noise?" I I do this exercise. is I
6:04 don't think I've shared this before, but
6:06 I do this exercise with some of my
6:07 clients where we'll go on a walk and
6:10 we'll be on a hike wherever we are and
6:13 I'll ask them what they think a piece
6:15 of, you know, maybe there's a little
6:17 leaf or maybe there's some a flower or
6:19 something that looks a little unique on
6:21 the path and I'll say, "What do you
6:23 think that feels like?" And what do you
6:25 think it would feel like if you picked
6:27 it up in your hand? Mhm. and they'll be
6:28 like, "Oh, it looks really rough and
6:30 like it might scratch me and like it
6:32 looks like a bit, you know, like uneven
6:34 or whatever and it looks kind of hard
6:37 and strong." And then I'll ask them to
6:40 pick it up and nine times out of 10 it's
6:42 completely different. Like they'll pick
6:43 it up and it'll just dissolve in their
6:45 hands or they'll turn it over and the
6:47 color's really soft and sorry the shape
6:49 the shape's really soft and the color is
6:51 totally different on the other side. And
6:53 I do that exercise to help us realize
6:56 just how multifaceted humans are. Like
6:57 today I've got to meet you and and
6:59 obviously we're spending a lot of deep
7:01 intimate vulnerable time together. So
7:03 you learn faster about someone. But if
7:04 someone only follows someone on social
7:06 media or only sees someone at an event
7:09 or only sees one interview, it's so easy
7:11 to create such a singular view of
7:14 someone. And I think and I want to say
7:15 this because I really think we all feel
7:18 it. I don't think anyone wants to be
7:21 seen in a singular way. M if you had to
7:24 choose one word that had to be you for
7:26 the rest of your life. I don't think
7:27 anyone wants that. I think we all know
7:31 that we're messy and complex and
7:33 different but we like to put someone
7:36 else in a box whoever that may be
7:38 because it's easier then to live life
7:41 and say okay well that's persons a b
7:43 right you know so there's this beautiful
7:46 piece of wisdom that I always share from
7:48 Charles Horton Culie and he wrote this
7:51 in 1890 I think it was which just shows
7:53 how true this has been for such a long
7:54 time and obviously long before that as
7:58 well and he said The challenge today is
8:00 I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what
8:04 you think I am. I am what I think you
8:06 think I am. And we'll let that blow
8:08 everyone's mind. It gives me chills
8:10 every time I say it. Charles Horton
8:12 Culie said the challenge today is I'm
8:15 not what I think I am. I'm not what you
8:19 think I am. I am what I think you think
8:21 I am. And what he's trying to say is
8:23 that we live in a perception of a
8:26 perception of ourselves. So if I think
8:29 you think I'm smart, then I allow myself
8:31 to feel smart, right? It's like we need
8:32 that validation. We need that
8:35 validation. Or if I think you think I'm
8:38 not smart, then I feel hurt. And and the
8:39 challenge is I don't know what you're
8:41 thinking at all or especially outside in
8:43 the world. And so I find that what
8:44 you're saying around like, well, what do
8:46 I think about myself? Like how do I feel
8:48 about myself? How do the people that
8:50 actually know me feel about me? I think
8:52 that's really empowering. There are
8:54 times in life when we feel disconnected
8:56 from ourselves, as if we've lost our
8:59 sense of who we are. It can happen after
9:01 a big life change, the grind of a
9:04 demanding job, or even just getting
9:06 stuck in the routine of everyday life.
9:09 For Vanessa Hudins, that moment came
9:11 after filming a series of emotionally
9:14 intense movies. She found herself
9:16 questioning her identity and searching
9:19 for a way to reconnect. Instead of
9:21 staying in that uncertainty, she took a
9:24 leap. One that felt scary, but
9:27 ultimately led her back to herself.
9:29 Let's dive into how stepping outside her
9:32 comfort zone helped her rediscover her
9:35 confidence and selfworth. I feel like my
9:40 first solo trip was when I was like, it
9:43 was right after I did a stint of like
9:47 really heavy, emotionally demanding
9:51 movies. Um, I think Give Me Shelter was
9:54 the last one of that. Um, and I came
9:58 home and I like genuinely did not know
10:02 who Vanessa was. I had like gotten so
10:05 off on becoming this other person and
10:09 like genuinely changed my mindset, the
10:12 way that I looked. I put on like 20 lbs,
10:15 cut off all my hair. like all the things
10:18 that made me me were not there anymore.
10:21 And I was like, I need to do something
10:25 because I'm like scared cuz I don't know
10:27 who I am. And I was like, okay, we're
10:30 going to go on a yoga retreat. My my
10:31 publicist at the time was like, I
10:33 there's this retreat they're doing at
10:36 the Four Seasons. Um it was like a
10:37 practice and I was like, okay, I'm just
10:40 going to like go on my own because that
10:43 scares me. And I was very much in that
10:45 place of like do the things that scare
10:47 you because you will evolve like you're
10:50 forced to. Um and I was like you know
10:52 like a yoga retreat in Hawaii like that
10:55 gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii. Um
10:57 but also like have something to do and
10:59 like know that I'll be around people
11:03 because like filming as well as an adult
11:05 like when I hit 18 I would go off to
11:07 film things all the time and I would be
11:10 on my own. And so like if I wanted to go
11:12 to dinner, like a lot of times I would
11:14 just go by myself and like bring a book
11:17 and like I definitely would have those
11:18 moments where I'm like looking around
11:21 like kind of trying to like lock eyes
11:24 and engage with anyone. Um preferably
11:26 would sit at the bar so I could like
11:28 talk to the bartender cuz like I love I
11:30 love people. Like I love I love just
11:33 like talking to people. Yeah. But you
11:34 start using a different part of your
11:35 brain when you do that. like you start
11:37 using a different part of your energy
11:38 where it's like, "Oh, I'm going to see
11:40 if I can make something out of nothing."
11:43 That's a mindset that you lose as we get
11:44 older because most of your life is
11:47 surrounded by the same people, same work
11:49 people, same life people. And so like
11:50 when you're like, "Oh, I'm trying to
11:51 talk to the bartender. I'm trying to
11:53 lock even the idea of locking eyes with
11:56 someone random." It like overcomes fear.
11:57 Yeah. But it's like my favorite thing. I
12:00 literally will like be driving and like
12:01 will like turn and just like look at
12:03 people if I'm stopped at a red light and
12:05 like try to like dance with people. The
12:06 other day this guy was like listening to
12:08 a song. We had our windows down. He had
12:09 his windows down and me and my
12:11 girlfriend were just like body rolling
12:13 like just lock and I was trying to make
12:15 this person laugh. Like it's I I love
12:18 that. But the trip the yoga retreat in
12:21 Hawaii ended up just being like so
12:24 freeing because I was just like okay
12:25 like I'm here on my own. and like I'm
12:28 just going to like talk to people that I
12:31 connect with and like go from there and
12:34 like genuinely forced me to stay as
12:37 present as possible because I was
12:39 engaging with people I know nothing
12:40 about. I feel like that's the thing I
12:42 love about talking to people that you
12:44 don't know. Like you're forced to be
12:46 present because it's like if you're
12:48 actually trying to engage, which not
12:51 everybody does,
12:52 you know, but then those are the people
12:54 you don't need to engage with. Um, but
12:56 when you find people who you can like
12:58 it's you say you're so present because
13:01 you're actually listening. Yeah.
13:03 Confidence is something we all struggle
13:05 with at some point. But where does
13:07 confidence come from? How do we build it
13:11 in a way that feels genuine and lasting?
13:14 Claudia Ashri, comedian, podcast host,
13:17 and social media personality gets candid
13:19 about her journey with self-image and
13:22 how love played a role in shaping her
13:24 confidence. I really want you to hear
13:26 her story. Like what would you say to
13:29 someone who maybe doesn't have doesn't
13:31 want to go on as MP because they're
13:33 scared or whatever it may be, but like
13:35 what would you say with them? So I feel
13:37 like people don't like my answer because
13:38 when I was like struggling with my
13:40 self-image. I feel like I'm going to cry
13:41 now. Sorry.
13:45 Um, so much of my confidence, I would
13:46 say like all of it came from the fact
13:48 that I had a husband or a boyfriend at
13:50 the time, fianceé, who loved me so much
13:52 and he thought I was like the greatest
13:54 thing. And so if he thought it and look
13:56 at him, like I just I love him so much
13:58 and so he thinks I'm so great. Like
13:59 that's not that you should get your
14:01 confidence from a man, whatever. But
14:05 like I did just to be loved so um
14:07 unequivocally by somebody who I think is
14:10 so great. Um that gave me a lot of
14:11 confidence. like he thought I was the
14:12 best. He thought I was the smartest. He
14:13 thought I was the prettiest. So like I
14:15 was cuz his opinion is the only one that
14:17 matters. But also like I look at him and
14:20 I think of him as like so charming,
14:21 attractive. Like who wouldn't want to
14:23 marry him? And he likes me. Like oh my
14:25 god I must be like the greatest thing
14:27 ever. And and I really feel like so much
14:28 of my confidence. And it's so funny cuz
14:31 he says that he gets confidence from me
14:32 which I feel like really happy that it's
14:35 a two-way street. But having a
14:37 relationship that I felt really solid
14:38 about, but also with somebody who just
14:42 loved me so much really um it just made
14:44 me believe like what he was saying. Do
14:46 you know what I mean? Mhm. What's
14:49 interesting to me is just so much of how
14:50 whether it's body shaming we do to
14:53 ourselves or that society does to us,
14:55 how so much of it is built up around
14:58 aesthetics and visuals and how health
15:02 and vitality are actually not based on
15:05 simply visuals. No, but I will say
15:08 visually at the like if you were to just
15:09 compare me visually now and me visually
15:12 then like I was very unhealthy. Like I
15:14 had a lot of random medical issues that
15:16 like a 25-year-old girl shouldn't be
15:18 having. So I agree with you that like a
15:20 lot of times we judge people's health
15:21 based on their weight and that's not the
15:23 case for everyone. But to be clear, like
15:25 it was the case for me. Like I was not
15:27 healthy. I did not walk to work. Like I
15:30 was really like living a very inactive,
15:32 unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the case
15:33 for everyone you see who's overweight,
15:35 but that was 1,000 the% the case for me.
15:37 Yeah. And now what's the new schedule? A
15:39 [ __ ] Well, now I'm pregnant, so like
15:41 it's kind of reverted back, but so not
15:44 pregnancy-wise, I just really like lead
15:47 my day with little pockets of activity.
15:49 I think that like me going to meetings,
15:50 going to work, like I'm always being
15:52 like, "Okay, I'll walk." Um, I worked
15:54 out like before I got pregnant, I worked
15:56 out like, you know, three to five times
15:59 a week. Um, I would spend my weekends
16:01 like doing things that I enjoy whilst
16:02 being active, like going for walks in
16:04 the park with Ben, just like making sure
16:07 that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as
16:10 I can. I'm capable of cuz I'm capable of
16:12 a great deal of rotting. Um, and then
16:14 with meals, that's really where I
16:17 probably struggled the most. But just
16:19 just trying to be a little bit more
16:20 well-rounded. I feel like I eat like a
16:23 six-year-old, and so I do like I eat
16:25 rice and chicken fingers. And so just
16:26 changing sometimes to like brown rice
16:28 and grilled chicken, you know, thinking
16:30 a little bit more. But it's hard cuz I'm
16:32 such a picky eater that, you know, I'm
16:33 not going to be making bronzino on the
16:35 weekends with like an a top-not, you
16:37 know, that's never going to happen. I
16:40 don't even know what topod is.
16:42 And then I mean, as I'm hearing you
16:44 speak, I'm just like, is there a a lot
16:45 of people talk about this right now,
16:47 like this idea of when you become
16:51 pregnant, is there like a loss of the
16:52 life you had? Oh my god. 100%. Like is
16:55 there a feeling of like wait a minute
16:57 just a few moments ago a few months ago
17:00 I was I would say I don't feel I I
17:02 really I mean I've been married for uh
17:06 hundred years and we decided to wait to
17:09 have kids and I think that because we
17:12 made that choice I am now not spending
17:14 my pregnancy and you know hopefully the
17:16 next year or two mourning a life I feel
17:18 like I lived life to the fullest and I
17:20 really really waited till I was ready.
17:22 So, the only thing I feel like I'm
17:26 mourning is my body. Like that. Nobody
17:27 talks enough about like what it's like
17:29 to lose significant weight and then get
17:31 pregnant. I don't know how I feel about
17:32 it. I don't have like fully fleshed
17:34 thought outs. I'm like struggling every
17:37 single day. But no, I don't I don't feel
17:39 sad about like a life left behind. I
17:42 feel like I lived every minute of my 20s
17:44 like on the edge of cliffs, going on
17:46 trips, partying, like doing everything I
17:48 wanted to do. And when I turned 30 over
17:49 the summer, I was like, you know what? I
17:51 I'm done. Like I really feel and that's
17:52 what I'm so happy about because yeah I
17:54 like see my friends with kids and I'm
17:55 like oh I do wish I had like you know
17:58 joined them but I feel so fulfilled in
18:00 that one chapter of my life that I'm
18:02 really ready to start the next chapter.
18:04 We often think about self-care as
18:06 something external our skincare routine
18:09 our diet or exercise but what about
18:12 caring for our soul? How do we create
18:15 rituals that nurture not just our body
18:17 but our peace of mind and selfworth? to
18:20 share her journey. Alicia Keys,
18:22 Grammyinning artist, entrepreneur, and
18:25 advocate for soul care. Alicia opens up
18:28 about her struggles with anxiety, how
18:30 stress affected her skin, and how she
18:33 turned her personal healing process into
18:36 a philosophy that helps others. Listen
18:39 to this. I think often those of us who
18:41 live spiritual lives, we can be quite
18:44 negligent of our casing and of this
18:47 body. And you can you can kind of
18:49 disconnect from it. Disconnect from it.
18:51 Yeah. Disconnect from it. Right. Right.
18:52 And so I wanted to ask you, how is your
18:55 relationship changed with your skin?
18:56 That was something that brought you
18:59 anxiety. Oh my gosh. Being more
19:01 confident in your skin. I mean it I it was
19:02 was
19:06 forever. It was literally forever
19:08 um that I really struggled with my with
19:10 my skin. and and you know, you're a
19:13 teenager and your hormones and you get
19:15 it and it's cool. And then all of a
19:18 sudden I was like 18 and then I was 23
19:20 and then I was 28 and then I was 30 and
19:23 then I was like 35 and I'm like whoa
19:26 when does this thing stop? Like when I
19:31 thought like 16, 18, 21 maybe. Why is it
19:33 continuing? And it was really hard to
19:36 especially to be in spaces where you
19:38 would present yourself and you would
19:41 feel just so self-conscious. I just felt
19:43 so self-conscious. And I'm like, but
19:45 there's a big bump right here. And then
19:47 most people are like, I don't even see
19:49 the damn bump, but I see the bump right
19:53 here and it's huge. And it feels really
19:55 uncomfortable. You know, you you just
19:57 feel uncomfortable. You want to know
19:59 why, too. You want to know what's the
20:02 matter? Is something wrong? Why? What am
20:05 I? I thought I'm what what can I do to
20:08 help this? And um and so that definitely
20:11 caused me a lot of anxiety. I I started
20:15 in the music world when I was uh 18. And
20:16 so that was right kind of at the
20:18 precipice. And then the the the stress
20:21 of the whole universe of music was just
20:23 so much. And I was trying my best to
20:25 play it cool and like I can handle it. I
20:27 can do it. But it was stressful. It was
20:30 a whole new world. I had to carry a a
20:32 new weight on my shoulders and and try
20:34 to, you know, kind of like be calm while
20:36 or cool while doing it. And it and it
20:39 was tricky and my skin I I learned that
20:43 my body reacts to stress. Our bodies
20:46 react to stress. My personal body
20:49 physically reacts to stress. Many of our
20:51 personal bodies do this which is
20:55 obviously why even many diseases come to
20:58 us from stress because physically it's a
21:01 physical manifestation of this feeling.
21:03 Um which is why it is so important for
21:05 us to figure out like what gives you
21:09 peace, what calms you down, what makes
21:13 you feel safe and like you're in your
21:15 skin and you're yourself and these type
21:16 of things. And so of course I didn't
21:18 know what that was for a long time. But
21:20 I realized that it was these
21:23 relationships I was attracting and it
21:25 was the you know the level of commitment
21:29 I was um agreeing to that left no space
21:34 for me to reflect or to sleep or to be
21:36 with my friends and you know do those
21:39 have those outlets that do give you a
21:44 sense of of calm and and so my skin was
21:46 so reactive that I said one day to
21:49 myself if I one day I'm going to make
21:53 something that fixes this
21:55 this I'm going to do something about
21:57 this because I know I'm not the only
22:01 one. And I realized as I began to you
22:03 know live and experience so many
22:05 different parts of my life, motherhood
22:08 and you know raising young kids and
22:10 finding time for yourself. I re and
22:12 getting rid of those toxic energies that
22:16 were attacking me in real life. I
22:19 realized that you really have to take
22:23 care of your soul like like you have to
22:24 take care of your soul. So this
22:28 philosophy of soul care really came from
22:30 all of these understandings and all of
22:32 these realizings that no one's going to
22:35 do it for me. Like no, as much as I
22:36 really really wish someone would stand
22:38 up and be like you, you're not good for
22:40 her. Get out of here. That thing you you
22:43 need to stop. No, I have to be the judge
22:45 of that and therefore I have to find my
22:47 way to the understanding of how do I
22:50 hear myself to know what is good and
22:52 what is not or what is real or what is
22:54 true. And so there were many things that
22:56 brought me to that place. Some of them
22:58 were meditations that brought me there
22:59 and really brought me to a more
23:02 intuitive space. Some of them were just
23:05 practicing the art of like no what do
23:09 you think? No, I know six friends said
23:12 this or I know that very strong energy
23:13 that always tells everybody what they
23:17 think said this, but what do you think?
23:19 And that became the practice of soul
23:22 care and and also these ideas of ancient
23:25 rituals and what are some special ways
23:28 that we can have peace and calm and I
23:30 was attracted to crystals and their
23:31 powers and their meanings. cuz I was
23:33 attracted to journaling. And I have a
23:36 very difficult time as a kid, I had a
23:38 difficult time expressing my truth. And
23:40 I realized that when I would journal or
23:42 do the stream of consciousness, I could
23:44 I could actually just release it. I
23:45 could let it go. And if I'm not good at
23:47 doing that to someone else cuz I didn't
23:50 trust as fully, um, I can do it with
23:52 myself, you know. you know, and so these
23:53 these practices of how do you kind of
23:56 like depend on yourself to find your own
23:58 grounding became my idea of what soul
24:02 care is, which eventually became how I
24:04 said I'm going to make that thing to fix
24:07 that thing became this key soul care and
24:09 and the idea was to me it's a
24:11 philosophy. It's a way of life. It's a
24:14 lifestyle to me, you know, um, you know,
24:18 the beauty industry or the skin care
24:20 industry, just like the music industry,
24:23 all of it is kind of creating how to
24:26 live within the chaos. And so, how do we
24:29 do it? Nobody teaches us normally. It's
24:32 a blessing if someone does, but normally
24:35 it's not. So finding these ways through
24:37 affirmations, through the idea of really
24:40 connecting to yourself and using the
24:42 affirmations are on every bottle because
24:44 the idea is you wash your face, you do
24:46 that every day with the golden cleanser.
24:48 You can also think about how I'm devoted
24:50 to this moment because so many times
24:52 we're over here, over there, back there,
24:54 over how can you just be right here with
24:56 yourself right now? And so the idea is
24:58 like creating this mixture of ancient
25:01 rituals and where skin meets soul and
25:03 soul care because we have air care, hair
25:06 care, nail care, body care, home care,
25:10 but we never had soul care. Why? So we
25:12 wanted to I wanted to start it. Yeah,
25:14 that's so beautiful. I mean I I couldn't
25:16 agree more. Whereas someone
25:19 who was very negligent of a lot of this
25:21 stuff like growing up and not really
25:22 thinking about it, I've seen the value
25:26 of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right?
25:28 I think even when it comes
25:32 to cleansing my face, what that means,
25:34 what that feels like, how different I
25:36 feel internally because of it, how it
25:39 can be a reminder to continue to cleanse
25:42 and detox the soul as well as that which
25:45 is around me. There's there's so much of
25:48 that connection from body, mind, spirit,
25:50 and soul that that I think we we lose
25:52 and we don't realize how interconnected
25:54 they all are. Confidence is something we
25:56 all strive for, but often
25:58 misunderstand. We think we need it
26:01 before taking action. But what if the
26:04 key is to act first, even when we don't
26:06 feel ready? What if confidence is
26:09 something we build as we go, not
26:11 something we wait for? To help us break
26:14 through the myths of confidence, we have
26:16 Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best-selling
26:20 author, and co-founder of Impact Theory.
26:22 Lisa's journey from stay-at-home wife to
26:25 powerhouse businesswoman has given her a
26:27 unique perspective on what it really
26:30 takes to build confidence from within.
26:32 Let's hear what she has to say. So, I
26:36 think confidence is such a important and
26:38 powerful topic. I wanted to ask you
26:40 because I think there's so much material
26:42 and you do so many interviews around
26:44 confidence and what it means and what it
26:48 feels like. How do you define confidence
26:51 for you and what does it mean to you and
26:52 what is something that people can think
26:54 of because I think everyone has a
26:56 different view of the word confidence.
26:58 Yeah, I think most people actually have
26:59 the misinterpretation of what confidence
27:02 actually is because they usually and I
27:04 was culprit of this when I was a stay at
27:05 home wife for 8 years. I thought I
27:08 needed it to get started and I thought I
27:09 needed the confidence to live out my
27:11 dreams to actually go towards my goals
27:13 and I was waiting to have the confidence
27:15 and that I think is a complete
27:16 misconception is what actually is
27:18 holding so many of us back from trying
27:20 anything. And what I realized was in my
27:22 own journey I actually just needed to
27:24 take action. I needed to go into
27:26 something very insecure, not knowing
27:28 what I was doing, practicing,
27:30 practicing, practicing, you know, wax
27:31 on, wax off my favorite movie, Karate
27:35 Kid, and get so damn good that I build
27:37 the competence to then lead to
27:39 confidence. So, the truth is the
27:41 confidence is the byproduct of taking
27:43 action. And a lot of us don't think of
27:44 it like that. We think it's going to be
27:46 the magic bullet that's going to get us
27:48 to actually take that action at the
27:50 beginning. Um, and so that's where I
27:52 actually reshaped and how I rethought of
27:54 the word confidence. And then also for
27:58 me, confidence is like a muscle. If you
28:00 don't keep practicing it, you won't
28:02 actually get strong at it. And if you
28:05 stop practicing, you will get weaker.
28:06 And just like when you go to the gym,
28:08 you may practice like your biceps or
28:11 your legs. It's a different mechanism to
28:13 practice working your calves and
28:15 practicing your bicep. So that is what
28:17 confidence is. It's not like you get
28:18 confidence in one area and you're good
28:20 to go. Yeah. It's like you get
28:21 confidence maybe and being in front of
28:23 the camera, but being in front of the
28:24 camera, as you know, Jay, is very
28:26 different than being on stage. So, when
28:28 someone sees maybe you've got confidence
28:30 in one area, it doesn't mean that you
28:32 got confidence everywhere else. And I
28:35 think people, if it's you and you're
28:36 thinking about it, you may then think
28:39 that you're incompetent or you're no
28:41 good or like it's just, well, I don't
28:43 have the gene, so I may as well not get
28:45 started. But the truth is identify where
28:46 you can't want the confidence, get
28:48 started, build that competence, and then
28:50 eventually it will breed confidence.
28:52 Yeah, absolutely. I I couldn't agree
28:53 with you more. I remember once looking
28:56 at the definition of confidence in the
28:58 dictionary, and one of the definitions
29:01 is an appreciation of one's own
29:05 abilities, skills, and qualities.
29:06 I was like, I really like that
29:08 definition. Like, it's actually self-
29:11 validation. Like confidence is being
29:14 able to look at yourself and say, "I'm
29:17 good at this. I'm actually a kind
29:20 person. I'm a thoughtful person. I am a
29:24 good public speaker. I am a best-selling
29:26 author." Whatever it may be. And you're
29:29 almost validating a skill, quality, or
29:32 attribute you have by yourself. And I
29:33 think it's so interesting, and you're
29:35 right. I think we've viewed confidence
29:37 as how do other people feel about us?
29:39 So, we look at it as like, "Oh, that
29:40 person looks so confident cuz they're
29:42 like walking out their car. They got
29:44 that swag. They're like dripping in
29:45 great clothes or whatever it may be."
29:48 And we see that as confidence. But we
29:50 know that that person could be sitting
29:52 in there going, "Oh, I'm I'm not the
29:55 right size. I'm overweight, underweight,
29:57 I'm whatever else it may be, and
29:59 criticizing themselves." I was
30:02 wondering, what is something that took
30:04 you the longest in your life to build
30:06 confidence around?
30:10 Oo, I'm ever evolving. But I think it
30:13 really was to believe in myself that I'm
30:15 capable. And that all started from
30:17 because I was the stay at home wife for
30:18 8 years. And I want to just make sure
30:20 that I say this though, there's nothing
30:21 wrong with being a stay at home wife at
30:22 all. It's actually one of the hardest
30:24 jobs that was for me. But I didn't want
30:26 it. That actually wasn't my dream. It
30:28 was I felt like it was sucking the life
30:30 out of me. So, as that staying home
30:32 wife, I didn't make any change because I
30:33 didn't feel like I was capable of
30:36 anything because I was so insecure. That
30:39 voice in my head was so negative, Jay.
30:40 Telling me all the reasons why I was no
30:43 good to try anything. And so, in order
30:45 for me to build my confidence to move
30:47 forward, I was like, well, what if I am
30:50 bad? Who cares? You have to actually
30:52 practice. Why do I think that I can be
30:54 amazing at something, right? If someone
30:55 looks at you and they're like, oh my
30:56 god, he's such an amazing podcaster. How
30:58 long have you been doing it? years and
31:00 years and years and years. So when
31:01 someone looks at you and let's say
31:03 they're comparing their beginning to
31:05 your middle or your end, you will feel
31:07 incompetent. And so for me, I had to
31:09 stop looking outside of myself at all
31:11 the amazing people because I believed I
31:13 wasn't good enough to try. And so I had
31:15 to build the internal confidence to take
31:18 that action, to actually just try and
31:19 understand that it's going to be a
31:22 process. And without that, I never would
31:23 have got out of what I call purgatory of
31:25 the mundane, where my life is just
31:27 mundane enough. And so I'm just stuck
31:30 there day in and day out. And that idea
31:33 that even if you don't feel good enough,
31:35 you can still take action, I think, was
31:36 the biggest thing that was the hardest
31:38 for me because I didn't want to get
31:39 bullied. I was already bullied as a kid
31:42 for my looks from other women. So you
31:44 can imagine me trying anything that fear
31:46 of being bullied from other girls was so
31:49 petrifying that I didn't even want to
31:51 take a chance. And so realizing a I have
31:52 to build that within myself. And you
31:55 said the word validate actually earlier.
31:56 That word really sticks with me with me
31:58 because I think a lot of us wait for
32:00 validation, external validation. We wait
32:03 for someone to tell us that we're a good
32:05 Greek wife or an amazing husband or a
32:08 fantastic wife. And that can actually
32:10 hold us where we are because I was so
32:14 seeking validation from everybody else.
32:15 And at the time I was getting validation
32:18 from being that stay-at-home wife. And
32:20 so you can imagine I have low
32:22 self-esteem. I don't believe in myself.
32:23 I don't think I'm good enough. and
32:25 everyone's validating me for this one
32:27 thing even though I don't like that one
32:30 thing. That validation, that feeling
32:33 good about yourself is what kept me
32:35 there. So, I think the trick is is how
32:37 do you make sure that you validate
32:39 yourself? And that became the path for
32:41 me building my confidence every single
32:43 day. What am I going to do today to
32:45 validate myself? Not get validation from
32:48 my partner, from my boyfriend, from the
32:50 ex how many likes I got on Instagram.
32:53 No, no. How can I validate myself? And
32:55 that became my north star versus
32:57 everyone else making me feel good about
32:59 myself. Absolutely. Confidence isn't
33:01 something that just appears overnight.
33:03 It's built through experiences,
33:06 setbacks, and self-acceptance. For Megan
33:08 Trainer, that journey started with a
33:11 song she never thought anyone would
33:14 hear. What began as a fun personal
33:16 expression turned into an anthem that
33:19 resonated with millions. But even after
33:22 hitting number one, she found herself
33:24 still chasing validation instead of
33:27 trusting her own instincts. Let's hear
33:29 how she learned to let go of
33:32 expectations and embrace her true
33:35 confidence. Well, back then I was a
33:38 songwriter writing for other artists.
33:41 So, I was thinking like what's not on
33:44 the radio and what what could be on the
33:45 radio. But I when I wrote all about that
33:47 bass, it was like a joke. Like it was
33:49 like I was like no one's going to cut
33:51 this. We've wasted a day of work and
33:54 we'll just write a therapy song for us.
33:57 Like cuz the coowwriter was like a man
33:58 and it was the first time meeting him.
34:00 So it's kind of like a blind date and
34:03 you're like where'd you grow up? How and
34:05 we both were like we were chubby kids
34:07 and we had to learn how to love
34:09 ourselves. And I was like how funny
34:10 would it be that's like I ain't no size
34:13 two but I can't shake it shake it. And
34:14 I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer
34:15 that dances in front of everyone, but
34:18 imagine if I was. And I remember being
34:20 like, I'll sing the demo. Who cares? And
34:22 it was like a raw demo with no autotune
34:25 and nothing. But the lyrics hit so many
34:26 people that they're like, "This is going
34:28 to be huge. Who's singing it? We'll just
34:31 let her do it." So it was really from
34:34 like um a weird raw place. Like I wasn't
34:37 chasing radio. I wasn't and I fell into
34:38 that before when you were talking about
34:41 competition. I didn't know about charts
34:42 and all that stuff when they're like
34:45 you're number one. I was like fantastic.
34:47 Like what is that? Like number one
34:49 everywhere. They're like everywhere. I
34:51 was like well that was easy. So then
34:53 anytime I did another song I was like
34:54 it's not number one everywhere. What do
34:56 you mean? Like and then I was like well
34:57 maybe I'm not doing what's on the radio.
35:00 And then I caught myself chasing radio
35:03 and just falling on my face. So, with
35:04 this new album, Taking It Back, I was
35:06 like, I'm going to go back to when I did
35:08 Do Up and just didn't care about any
35:10 charts and anything. It just Do me.
35:12 Yeah. And you'll hear that come out. And
35:15 the first song they put out was a emo
35:16 toxic relationship song. I was like,
35:20 "Oh, okay." Coming out passionate. Yeah.
35:21 And so, it sounds like it's always been
35:23 a raw emotion that's that's gone out and
35:24 now you're taking it back and you're
35:26 going back to that and you're really
35:27 owning that. Like with this with this
35:31 new album, would you say that we're
35:32 hearing you through the healing process?
35:34 Are we hearing you healed? Are we
35:36 hearing you I think you're hearing
35:40 you're hearing a healed, mature mother
35:44 who um is just ruthlessly honest, you
35:46 know? Like one song, don't I make it
35:48 look easy, that I teased today on my
35:51 Instagram um is like talking about don't
35:53 I make this look easy? like everything's
35:54 perfect cuz everyone who interviews me
35:57 is like you are so fun and you have the
35:59 best family and best life and I'm like I
36:01 cry so much you just don't know it cuz I
36:03 don't film myself and post it you know
36:04 so I say in the first verse like I
36:06 posted a picture I read all the comments
36:08 I hearted the good ones and if I'm being
36:11 honest I probably spent an hour on it
36:14 and then I'm like and it's just like a
36:18 fun way of being ruthlessly honest
36:20 ruthlessly that's not a word but
36:23 brutally honest yeah true Confidence
36:25 doesn't just come from winning. It comes
36:27 from how you handle the losses. It's
36:29 about resilience, picking yourself back
36:31 up when things don't go your way, and
36:33 having the determination to keep pushing
36:36 forward. Kobe Bryant understood this
36:38 better than most. He wasn't always the
36:40 strongest or the fastest, but he built
36:43 confidence by prioritizing long-term
36:46 growth over immediate results. He knew
36:48 that self-worth isn't defined by where
36:50 you are today. It's about your
36:53 commitment to improvement. Let's hear
36:55 how he developed that mindset and and
36:56 you talk about that because you talk
36:58 about, you know, when you talk about
37:00 missing uh five throws and you talk
37:02 about uh getting over yourself. Yeah.
37:04 Right. Like getting over yourself. How
37:06 did you get that mentality of just being
37:07 like, I need to get over this, like I
37:09 need to get over myself, you know, trial
37:11 and error. You know, you grow up and you
37:13 make game-winning shots and it's
37:14 awesome. And you come back the next day
37:16 and miss a game-winning shot and it's
37:18 misery. And then the next day comes and
37:19 you're back playing again. And you
37:21 understand that life has this cyclical
37:23 nature where it's, you know, what you do
37:25 on Monday is fantastic, but then Tuesday
37:27 is a bad day, but guess what? There's
37:28 Wednesday. So, are we just supposed to
37:30 live our lives like this the whole time,
37:32 you know, versus just staying like this
37:33 and understanding that it's really just
37:36 a journey of evolution every day. It's
37:38 just constant improvement, constant
37:40 curiosity, constantly getting better.
37:43 The results don't really matter. Uh,
37:46 it's the figuring out that matters.
37:47 Yeah. And we all get obsessed about the
37:49 results. Like we get obsessed about like
37:52 the output, not the input of not
37:54 figuring it out and not like changing
37:55 things. What you said, trial and error,
37:57 like the experimenting. We forget to do
37:59 that. It's unfortunate, man. Like I've
38:01 seen a lot of players um especially now,
38:02 you know, in youth basketball dealing
38:05 with that. Um you have players that are
38:08 like bigger and faster and stronger and
38:09 you know, their coaches are just
38:11 coaching them for results. you know,
38:12 we're just going to use your size that
38:13 because you're bigger than every other
38:17 12-year-old out there to dominate today.
38:19 But they're not growing, right? So,
38:20 they're just based on that result, but
38:22 they're not focused on growing this
38:25 young child. Yeah. And becoming a better
38:27 athlete and through that teaching them
38:29 how to become a more well-rounded
38:31 person. And we're missing that. Yeah.
38:34 See, what you've said there just it I
38:35 want to ask you this and I'm not saying
38:36 because I, you know, like you know
38:38 yourself best and you know how you've
38:39 got there. So I'm asking it from a place
38:42 of humility of learning. When I look at
38:44 you, I'm like, you know, your superpower
38:46 isn't just your work ethic. Your
38:47 superpower isn't just like figuring
38:49 things out. Your superpowers is like you
38:50 think strategically. Like that's a very
38:54 strategic thought of saying this person
38:57 could be this in the future if they were
38:59 developed as a whole individual rather
39:00 than just like let's use them for the
39:02 short term, right? Where did you develop
39:04 that from that ability to see beyond, to
39:06 think deeper, to to reflect deeper?
39:09 Where did that come from? Well, I had to
39:10 do that because, you know, I grew up
39:12 growing up in Italy. Um, when I first
39:15 moved over there, it was, you know, I
39:16 didn't speak Italian. I didn't have any
39:18 friends. You know, I had the game of
39:19 basketball and through sport and playing
39:21 soccer, I was able to make friends and
39:23 build connections, but it was a lot of
39:26 time spent alone. And and when I came
39:27 back to the States, I wasn't the most
39:30 athletic kid. You know, I was really
39:32 scrawny, like really really skinny, and
39:34 had like major knee issues cuz I was
39:35 growing. So, I was the dorky kid with
39:38 high socks and big old knee pads. It's
39:40 fashionable now. It's fashionable now.
39:41 It wasn't then. It wasn't then. And And
39:45 so, um, I had to look longterm because
39:46 in the here and now, I couldn't compete
39:48 with these kids. I mean, there's kids
39:51 that were like 12 years old with beards.
39:53 Like, I can't What am I supposed to do
39:55 with that? Like, they're they're doing
39:56 windmills and dunking backwards and I'm
39:58 happy to like tap the backboard, you
40:00 know? So, I had to look at it from a
40:02 long term cuz I wasn't going to give up
40:04 on the game, right? So, I had to say,
40:05 "Okay, this year I'm going to get better
40:08 at that. Next year, this and then so
40:10 forth and so on." And then patiently I
40:13 was able to catch them. Yeah, that's I
40:14 love hearing that because I think so
40:16 many of us kind of you believe like when
40:17 when you see people like yourself, it's
40:20 like it's so easy as an excuse to
40:21 ourselves to just oh, you're destined
40:23 for it, right? You were made for it.
40:24 It's kind of like that kind, you know,
40:26 like oh yeah, it's you know, but but
40:27 when you talk about saying oh actually
40:30 when I started I didn't have the
40:32 physicality that meant that I was going
40:33 to make it. like you have to figure it
40:34 out. And I love it. Figure it out, man.
40:36 It's it's just piece by piece. And it's
40:39 the consistency of the work, which I
40:41 feel like a lot of parents are missing
40:42 today because we're not teaching that to
40:44 our kids. We tend to say like kids don't
40:45 want to do the work, but in reality,
40:47 it's when we're failing them because
40:50 we're not leading them the right way and
40:52 teaching them. Yeah. You know, how to
40:54 fish, you know what I mean? And so like
40:56 the consistency of work, Monday, get
40:58 better, Tuesday get better, Wednesday
41:00 get better, right? And you do that over
41:02 a period of time, you know, not like one
41:05 month or two months. I mean, it's three,
41:08 four, five, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years and
41:09 then you, you know, you can get to where
41:11 you want to go. Confidence isn't about
41:13 walking into a room and thinking you're
41:15 the best. It's about not feeling the
41:19 need to compare yourself to anyone. True
41:21 self-worth comes from knowing who you
41:24 are, not just what you accomplish. It's
41:27 built in the quiet moments, how you show
41:29 up for yourself, and the way you speak
41:32 to yourself when no one's around. I hope
41:34 this episode helped you realize that
41:36 confidence isn't about having all the
41:39 answers. It's about trusting yourself to
41:41 figure it out. If something resonated
41:42 with you, share it with someone who
41:45 needs to hear it. And I'll see you next
41:47 time on OnPurpose. If you love this
41:50 episode, you'll really enjoy my episode
41:53 with Selena Gomez on befriending your
41:55 inner critic and how to speak to
41:58 yourself with more compassion. My fears
42:01 are only going to continue to show me
42:04 what I'm capable of. The more that I
42:06 face my fears, the more that I feel I'm
42:08 gaining strength. I'm gaining wisdom and
Chrome Extension