Tiredness is not merely a physiological state but an adaptive emotional signal from the brain designed to conserve energy by discouraging investment in tasks perceived as having a high workload and low probability of success.
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so we have this event going on right now
where we're helping our community track
their emotions so here's all the
emotions that people are feeling what's
the number one emotion that people are
feeling turns out it's tired now that
may sound kind of weird to you because
is being tired and emotion to begin with
right I thought like being tired was
like a state of energy like isn't tired
like a lack of sleep so is it like
physiologic like is it mental can you
feel mentally tired or is tiredness just
kind of a physical perspective what
about people who you know are not
depressed or anything like that aren't
burnt out and sort of take care of
themselves exercise but they just kind
of like when they wake up in the morning
they kind of feel they feel like life
has no zest there's no excitement is
that depression like what is that so
what I'd love to do is talk to you all
today about tiredness and what we're
going to do is approach tiredness from a
couple of different angles so we're
going to start by talking about the
tiredness as an emotion so is it an
emotion and what does that even mean
like how is tiredness and emotion and
sort of related to that the mental
aspect of being tired because I know it
sounds kind of weird but if you really
think about it human beings all have the
shared experience of being able to be
fought to be tired right so like we can
all feel tired and if we all can feel
tired tiredness must serve a particular
function and if we really want to
understand how to overcome tiredness
what we need to do is understand why we
feel tired in the first place not in a
sense to to fix it but what is the
function of feeling tired which I know
it sounds kind of weird but we think
about tiredness especially in today's
society is purely a negative thing to
get rid of right energy is good
tiredness is bad but we never stop to
really think about hold on a second like
human bodies and brains and subjective
experiences exist for a reason there
aren't good emotions and bad emotions
there are just emotions and emotions are
just information right so even something
like fear or anxiety is your brain's way
of telling you to be worried about
something so then the question kind of
becomes okay like what is tiredness for
like why do we feel tired and the cool
thing is once we start to understand
that we can start to see scenarios in
which we feel tired and then we'll
understand why we feel tired in those
scenarios and where it's really coming
from and once we discover where where
it's coming from we can start to take
steps to combat it overcome it or even
sort of accept it as information so
first thing that I'm going to share with
you all is a story okay so I was working
with a patient who hated going back home
for the holidays so really like was like
enjoyed having time off from work but
really really hated going back home for
the holidays the holidays were just so
exhausting and it's not just being there
so this patient was telling me she was
telling me one day that you know she got
a phone call and on the phone like she
she picks up her phone she looks at it
and she sees oh it's in my Mom calling
and just the sight of her Mom calling
was enough to feel exhausted she's like
oh my God
I can't deal with this and so let's like
stop and think about that so first of
all you may find that that's your
experience as well that you feel tired
but you can feel so tired suddenly which
is kind of weird right because if we
think about tiredness we think about it
as a lack of energy and if I've slept a
full eight hours and I ate a nice you
know keto low carb meal I shouldn't feel
tired that's what we tell ourselves
right I shouldn't feel tired because we
think about tiredness as a physiologic
state we don't think about it as an
emotion and then what we end up doing is
we try doing all kinds of physical
things let me try the supplement let me
go get some vitamin D let me go do this
thing I'm going to cut out gluten from
my diet because we cannot have the gluten
gluten
right all kinds of stuff that we do
physiologically because tiredness is a
state of energy and yet we continue
feeling tired and sometimes we even feel
good about ourselves until you see the
Ping oh it's your boss emailing you
again at four o'clock on us on a Friday
and then how do you feel you feel tired
so let's try to understand what
tiredness is and why we feel tired so
let's go through this so if I see a
phone call from let's say a parent that
I don't want to talk to or someone who's
looking for money or soliciting
donations I don't know if you all felt
this way I feel this way where I'm
walking down the street and sometimes
you see those people with the binders
you know what I'm talking about those
people the binders and a good cause and
they look at you and they like try to
make eye contact and then they like wave
right and then you're like oh my God and
then you feel tired I don't want to talk
to this person I don't want to be rude
with this person I know if I talk to
them they're going to ask me questions
that are going to make me feel guilty so
now I have a choice between losing some
money or feeling bad about myself
because I'm not making the world a
better place and all this kind of stuff
goes on in your head in the span of like
three seconds and you feel exhausted so
what's going on there right how does
that work so tiredness is actually an
Adaptive mechanism created by your brain
to help you avoid kind of useless work
okay I know it sounds kind of weird but
here's what happens so like let's let's
talk about something like paying your
taxes so here's where I am right now and
I gotta pay my taxes in the workload
from paying my taxes is so high that my
brain looks at that and says there's no
way we're going to be able to pay our
taxes today we can't do it the estimate
of the workload is very very high and
then what it does is it makes us feel
tired so tiredness is our brain's
response to a perception of a high
workload so when we see a super high
workload what we naturally feel is tired
and you may say to yourself but hold on
Dr k
isn't that when you should have a burst
of energy shouldn't we if the task is
really big shouldn't I need a ton of
energy so that I can complete the task
and I want to work on my taxes for 24
hours and then tomorrow I will be done
with my taxes it'll be great it'll be
liberating but instead what you do is
you feel tired so let's think about the
situation which our brain evolved when
there are things that have a ton of work
our brain sort of calculates okay this
is going to be a ton of work and it may
not even succeed so generally speaking
the more work that something requires
the chances of success are going to be
lower so if I wake up today and I say
okay like I'm going to become president
of the United States or Secretary
General of the UN that takes a ton of
work the likelihood of that succeeding
is going to be low I'm going to start a
billion dollar company I'm going to
start a company that's going to use
teleportation technology and invent time
travel technology the amount of effort
required for that is going to be very
high and generally speaking if we look
at what the greater effort is required
for something the lower the chances are
for success and so then how does our
brain prevent us from wasting energy on
low success probability things that
require a high amount of energy
investment it makes us feel tired
because what is tired tired is don't do
it don't bother don't try stop I'm not
going to give you the energy I'm not
willing to invest this amount of energy
for such a rare difficult thing now this
brain evolved prior to the development
of taxes right so now what we're sort of
seeing is that this fundamental
mechanism which is like our brains
evolved and they're like oh let's go
climb to the top of that mountain and
you look to the top of the mountain
you're like oh my God that's like so
much climbing no way dude I'm tired so
if you really think about it what does
tiredness do it discourages you from
investing energy in like really really
long-term questionable kind of things
and now the problem is that we live in a
society where we've got stuff like
paying taxes which absolutely have to be
done but our brain doesn't know how to
calculate paying taxes it doesn't know
how to say okay we're gonna have to put
in four hours a day for the next 10 days
and then we'll be done it's not actually
how long it takes to pay your taxes
right but if you think about how long
does it feel like it feels like it's
going to take a really really really
long time and then even at the end of
four hours of paying your taxes today
are you going to be done with it is it
going to be finished other examples of
this include writing a dissertation I
gotta write my dissertation today you
can't write your dissertation day it
takes a year oh my God that's so much
work I'm so exhausted I can't even do
anything today so when our brain
estimates that there's a very very high
workload with unclear chances of success
or progress that's visible it protects
us from wasting energy into that thing
there's no point if we're going to try
to climb to the top of Mount Everest
there's no point in climbing the first
five thousand feet if we're not going to
make it to the top you know because it's
like okay like let's say Everest is what
twenty six thousand feet or 29 000 feet
or something like that right what's the
point of going up 25 000 feet turning or
turning around and coming back there's
no point you didn't climb Everest I went
to go climb Mount Everest everyone asks
you what was it like at the top and
you're like I don't know I turned back
right there's you might as well not have
gone and so that's how our brain
operates it looks at this really far
goal in the future and it's like hey
let's not waste our time in this boom
let's flip the tired switch and so
feeling tired is actually an energy
conservation strategy it's a way to
shape our Behavior it's a way that our
brain is making calculations and then
using emotions to keep us from making
mistakes the same way that it uses
anxiety to keep us from making mistakes
the same way that it uses anger to help
us lay our boundaries and not get taken
advantage of by other people it uses
tiredness to keep us from wasting our
energy now the problem is that
oftentimes we need to invest that energy
right like it's actually worthwhile so
if y'all want to understand tiredness
what I encourage you to do is start by
noticing in your mind what is the
scenario in which I'm tired because it's
sudden right it's like you see that like
oh my God I don't want to go home for
the holidays my parents are divorced I
hate Christmas with divorced parents
because no matter what I do neither of
my parents is going to be happy right
one of them gets me on Christmas Eve and
one of them gets me on Christmas Day and
at 11 59 pm on Christmas Day I know I'm
gonna hear the car come up parents is
going to come and they're going to want
me for the rest of the day and so I've
spent one night with one parent and that
was like sort of fun but I knew that
this was gonna happen the next day so I
can't really relax and then as I walk
out the door one parent is going to be
tearing up and the other parent is going
to be like resentful and needy like come
on let's go we're gonna have so much fun
today we gotta make up for all the fun
that we didn't have yesterday let's go
have fun let's do it man and the thought
of going home for the holidays just the
thought of it of being in that situation
is exhausting the thought of going home
for the holidays and telling everyone
everyone's like ah little Outlook how
are you doing today my love what are you
up to nowadays oh nothing auntie I'm
still applying to medical school I'm 26
years old I have no money I have no
prospects failed a lot of classes and
I'm not really doing much how are you um
um
your son just got a job at Google
fantastic you must be so proud so
tiredness is actually an emotion and
that may sound kind of weird but
remember that emotions are not
psychological things they're physiologic
things too our body and our brain are
connected our mind and body are
connected so the experience of emotion
lumps in the throat butterflies in the
stomach tightness in our chest
erection of the penis is an emotion
arousal lust you bet your ass that lust
has physiologic correlations right
that's an emotion and so similarly if
emotions are both physiologic and
psychological and we experience a lot of
tiredness in our body why do we assume
that that's physiologic exclusively
physiologic in nature why can't it be
psychological too because tiredness is
an emotion we even use the right
language you say I feel tired it's a
feeling and it's our body's natural or
Minds natural response to tasks that we
feel are very very difficult to
accomplish and so we say don't even
bother like like don't do the taxes
today you can do them tomorrow start the
dissertation tomorrow you don't answer
the phone call today right and then what
happens when you don't answer the phone
call by the way what's going to happen
10 minutes from now what's going to
happen tomorrow what's going to happen a
week from now what's going to happen a
month from now the phone calls keep
coming and they keep coming and they
keep coming and eventually maybe they'll
stop but even if they stop you still
feel exhausted and that doesn't make any
sense from an energy perspective because
you didn't even do anything you didn't
even talk to anyone you just hit the
phone on silent and continued unpaused
your video game and kept playing how is
that exhausting there's no amount of
energy like it's I click buttons all the
time it doesn't Tire me out so of course
tiredness is an emotion of course it's
mental in nature so the next time you
feel tired think a little bit about like
okay what about this is exhausting
because it ain't the energy it's not the
caloric burning that my body has to do
in order to turn the phone on silent
right it's not the the calories I have
to burn to listen to my aunt tell me
about how their kid is so amazing like
I'm just sitting there I can listen to
crap all the time it doesn't exhaust me
in fact sometimes I rather enjoy it have
you heard of an audiobook so it's not
energetic it's all emotional and so then
the question becomes okay like like how
do we understand this so like ask
yourself right pause and notice oh wow
I'm feeling incredibly exhausted what is
my body telling me not to do then the
question becomes why is my body telling
me not to do it and that's where the
answer lies to notice first of all
there's nothing wrong with you right you
may be totally fine physiologically but
that this is a signal just like all
other emotions emotions are information
from the body and the mind to you and
then as you start to add okay this is a
signal like this is my body telling me
not to do this I feel so tired oh my God
this person wants to go out on a date
again this is the fifth date I'm just
kind of tired tonight that's your body
kind of telling you hey we're not that
into them right it's a waste of energy
that's what tiredness is tiredness is a
signal that there's a part of you that
feels like this is is a waste of energy
since it's a waste of energy we're not
going to waste it we're going to help
you feel tired that way we don't have to
expend anything and as you ask yourself
okay what am I why is this does this
feel like a waste of energy to me what
does this encounter what will this
encounter actually do how will I feel if
I were to do the tired thing or the
thing that makes me feel tired how would
I feel at the end of it and now here's
where something magical happens you get
to really get underneath the tiredness
because your mind will tell you one of
two things if I spent two hours working
on my taxes today how would I feel at
the end of that if you stop and you
actually ask yourself you say actually
I'd feel pretty good or your mind may
say oh we'd still feel terrible because
we have so much left to do even if you
do two hours of work there's so much
left to do therefore logically don't
start at all right because that's what
our mind tells us just ask yourself if I
started on my dissertation today if I
read one chapter of one thing how would
I respond and my mind would be like oh
you read like one chapter of like 100
you have so much left to do so let's not
even start because we have 100 chapters
three don't even bother reading the
first one and it's like what and if your
mind is telling you that how the hell
are you ever going to do anything so
that's when you start to really realize
okay hold on a second how is my mind
making this calculation and as you start
to really understand oh actually if I
went like give you all another example
I'm going exercising so if I exercise
how am I going to feel at the end of it
am I going to feel good or am I not
going to feel good because a lot of
times the things that we feel tired
doing we actually feel really good when
we're done doing them it's like hey I
made some progress today awesome I
exercise today awesome and if our brain
is telling us hey like you're gonna feel
worse after making progress then that's
the problem that's when we need to start
to think a little bit about wait wait
hold on a second how am I arriving at
the conclusion that I'm gonna feel worse
after I do something that I should be
doing and that I need to be doing how am
I feeling worse and then you tunnel down
into that and as you tunnel down into
that you can make a discovery holy crap
my brain is actually disincentivizing me
to make making progress in life no
wonder I'm stuck and if you do a good
job what something magical will happen
which is that remember we said that the
tiredness is a feeling that the brain
evokes when it estimates the amount of
work that you have to do and it
estimates that since we're not going to
get there there's no point in trying
it's an energy conservation strategy but
as you start to really understand okay
if I do this I'm actually going to feel
good as you start to take that end point
and you start to like really be more
more critical of it what you'll start to
realize is that your brain actually
realizes okay hold on a second maybe
this isn't such a waste of energy and
now we also see why certain productivity
techniques work which is taking a large
abstract task and chunking it into
pieces because if I have a hundred
chapters to read that's a lot of
chapters but if my Target today is one I
have completed my target then it's not a
waste of energy reading chapter one
chapter lets me finish one chapter
that's actually a pretty good trade and
then suddenly we feel less tired in
terms of like relationship stuff it's
also really really really important to
understand this kind of thing right so
when it comes back to visiting family
for the holidays for example why do I
feel so tired when I see this phone and
the reason I feel tired is because I
know that this person is relying on me
for their emotional needs and I cannot
fulfill their emotional needs so what
they're going to do is suck me dry
trying to feel fulfilled emotionally and
I'm gonna feel drained at the end of it
and it's never going to be enough right
because next year we'll come around and
they'll still be emotionally needy
that's why you feel so exhausted because
at the end of this conversation I'm
gonna feel exhausted and it's not like
the car the calls are gonna stop in fact
they're going to start leaning on me
more so tunnel down ask yourself what
about this makes me feel tired if I were
to do this how would I feel afterward
and that's really the answer to that
question is going to be how you overcome tiredness
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