This content is a humorous and educational audio drama demonstrating practical English language usage through various everyday scenarios, highlighting common misunderstandings and cultural nuances.
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good evening everyone good evening all
right sit down good evening good Heavens
rangie you're actually here on time yes well
well
done oh yes thank you man and uh thank
you for carrying it
it
you you're Spanish
creeper an Italian all right settle down
everybody we got a a lot of work to do
tonight right squee please uh just sit
down a minute har williiam no thank you
I'm only coming to tell you I'm not
coming not coming yes please well but
you can't leave in the middle of a term
I mean you were doing quite well why do
you want to leave oh blimy I'm coming up
on the puddles coming up on the puddles
yes please the football
puddles yes and I'm getting eight
scaring draws how many draw on the cap
on only the eight I'm
getting how much you win oh blimy it
could be half a million
pound Santa
Maria I'm very happy for you because you
are my best
friend I am true friend of Al you but of
course we are practically bloody
Brothers I thought you didn't like
Muslims I love Muslims especially when
they're having half a million pound well
I don't know what to say Ali I mean I'm
very pleased for you of course I'm also
being very pleased for me yeah what will
you do oh blim me I'm going going to the
bed to bed yes please with all that
money I'm not needing to be working so
I'm going to bed yeah you mean you're
going to retire most definitely yeah
you're quite sure you've got eight score
drawers oh yes I got the copy here
please the one I'm picking
off I see yeah well Ally I don't think
you're going to be able to retire just
yet you mean is not got at draw oh yes
he's got he's got eight drawers but oh
good they're not all on the same line
what difference is that making well that
means you're you haven't won anything
yeah typical of that Muslim tweet no
brains whatsoever oh blamy you are
changing tune when you are thinking that
I'm very wealthy you are being my bloody
brother that is before I am finding out
you bloody stupid don't you call me
bloody stupid you bearded baboon the
pair of you sit down I I presume you're
staying now Al I'm staying now yes good
right now this evening I thought we'd
try some practical use of the English
Language by acting out various
situations that you might come across in
real life now we'll start with you tarot a
so now you are going to the bank ble yes
sir where are you
going ble
no it's only a pretend Bank Pretender
yes sir yeah yes look we imagine that
this table is the bank counter that I'm
the bank clerk that you are a customer
and you've come in to cash a check all
right okay good morning sir it is not
good morning time it is good night time
yes it is now but we are
pretending awesome Kell thank you good
morning sir what moment what is it now
are you backo or
Midland doesn't matter Midland if you
goodbye goodbye
goodbye
Midland not my
bank B my bank yeah all right it's bar
clav good morning sir good morning you
wish to cash a check yes please good how
much £10 20 30 30 how do you want it in money
money
please £ 30 in t ones or fives or what
can I have the 30 or F so oh that would be
be
£150 ah sorry for mistake yeah well not
to worry thank you terara that's not too
Danielle you are the nicest Banker I
have seen yeah so we're not in the bank
now I want you to imagine something
different I have very good imagination
yes I'm sure you have now I want you to
uh you you were going to the post office
and I am the assistant
oh excuse me can you help me certainly
madam what is it you wish how much it is
a letter to post uh is it to somewhere
in England no it is a Swiss letter a
Swiss letter yes I had to my birday fine
in Switzerland yeah well it's more
correct to say that you want to send a
letter to Switzerland not a Swiss letter
it could be rather embarrassing if you
France oh it doesn't
matter I think I need some extra English
lesson maybe I could stay here with you
after class now I don't think we could
do that well I I come home with you and
you can teach me a lot sir yes I'm sure
I could but I think you know quite
sufficient already now is there anything
else you want yes but I cannot tell you
here from the post office no nothing
well all right thank you Danielle that'll
that'll
do now uh
one you are going to the employment
exchange but you're going to get a to
get a job ah I have a job yeah I know
that but we're assuming that you don't
and that you're going to the employment
exchange to get one as I explained to
ter we are just pretending ah s right ah
right what is your name you know my
name I do with the clerk at the job
Juanes right are you
married I'm married to
Gina don't be
who sh all right what sort of a a job
are you looking for a Plenty Money job
yeah but what sort of work do you want
to do in order to earn this Plenty Money plenty
plenty
little all right one thank you that'll
be sufficient P it I like it a very good
ranit what is it you're wanting me to do
uh you are going to the doctors and what
is the nature of my complaint well let's
just say that you don't feel well but
I'm never feeling better yeah pretend
what all right let's forget about the
cold just imagine that you have a pain
very well
sir well go on a thousand apologies I am
waiting for you to say next please
doctor always say next please next
next
please good morning doctor good morning
and uh what seems to be the trouble I
imagination you're supposed to pretend
it's a real pain a thousand apologies
again I have real terrible pain good now
where about abouts is this pain in my
foot but his brains are hurt
hurting your back be hurting in a moment
oh blimy you couldn't even crack a papum
give me back of fivers I'll give you bunches
of he caught me what on Earth is going
on in here well we were just having a
few practical lessons what in unarmed
combat well it might come un
useful well I'm afraid your students
will have to do without you for a little
while you're wanty down at the police
station the police station there's no
need to look so guilty it's nothing
you've done it's about one of your
students the Indian lady oh Jamila what
has something happened to her yes she's
hello Constable Wilkins where the devil
are you you should have been back here
by now pardon no I will not send a panda
car for you I don't care if someone has
Cup oh yes please no thank you for sugar
say English oh excuse me please she's
saying that she's very glad that we are
coming to help her
stole well nothing she must have said
more than that yes please she's saying
that she took a book from the newspaper
shop but the book was free well there's
obviously been some misunderstanding
I'll I'll sort it out with the police
will there be sending her to prison no
no no no uh nothing as drastic as that
I'll have a word with the sergeant £
ought to do it ah I'm understanding that
is a fine no no no it's not exactly a
fine let's just say it's a little gift
gift yes it's an Old English custom I
scratch your back you scratch mine ah
you scratch my back I scratch yours
that's right very well what are you
sure God
happing good evening good evening are
you Mr Brown no he's Mr Brown I was
speaking to
him right first time who are you Ali
Nadim no I am Ali Nadim you are Mr Brown
s I'll do the talking all right you just
leave it to me now I'm sure we can sort
this out inspector the commissioner
looks after promotions is you yes well
you look like an inspector I'm sure it's
only a matter of time may I compliment
you on your station and what a wonderful
job you're doing thank you sir now about
this young lady ah yes thank you sir now
about this young lady ah yes I expect
you'd uh like to have a look at my
driving license what for oh to verify my
identity you said you were Mr Brown yes
but you want some proof don't you look
if you tell me you're Mr Brown I accept
that as the truth yes but I could have
been lying were you lying and no he's
definitely Mr Brown he's telling the
truth I insist you look at my driving oh
happy is this yours sir pardon this5
note it was inside your Drive-In license
are you sure it could have dropped out
of your trouser pocket oh yes and
dropped upwards I suppose onto the desk
you might have had it tucked up your
sleeve yes and I could have a couple of
dobes up the other but I haven't it was
definitely in your license yes Sergeant
is correct I remember you putting it
there not a moment
ago I forgot it for just before you said
you scratch my back and I scratch yours
thank you George Washington no I am Ali
Ali just just be quiet please now
Sergeant about this young lady yes the
accused yes well remember British
Justice I mean a person is presumed
innocent until proven guilty and this
poor lady is innocent I know that I mean
just because she's an immigrant you
can't go picking up pardon oh she
pinched the book all right but she
thought it was buak she see what it says
on the front cover but free inside color
supplement that's right oh and she
thought the whole thing was free yes ah
well then it's not her fault if anyone's
to blame it's the person who's been
teaching her
English it's not always easy well if
that's all we'll be getting along come
along Jill oh but I before you go
sir would you like to make a donation to
our police charity fund yes well you've
caught me at rather an awkward moment
what about the fiver you remember sir
the one you thought you never had oh
that F you know what they say Sir what
you've never had you never miss unless
of course you knew it was the all the
time in which case it would come under
bribery and
Corruption you scratch my backck and
yours see Mr Brown is not back what are
you doing at the moment we are studying
our English glamour good how far have
you got let me see your
book Giovani Miss Courtney would like to
you the Affairs of a call
girl I thought it was about the
adventures of a telephone operator h a liky
liky
story well until Mr Brown returns I
shall take the class
Senora where are you taking
us I am not taking you anywhere I'm
going to ask you a few questions on
General Knowledge hello now first of all
can anyone tell me who said to be or not
to be please you just said it yes but
before I said it who said it excuse
please yes chairman
ma it may come as a surprise to you to
know but other people wrote things
besides chairman ma chairman ma light
everything well he certainly didn't like
right to be or not to be now does
anybody know William shakespare correct
excuse please who is this William spear Shake
Shake
Shakespeare thousand
apology are you not familiar with
Shakespeare's works is it a big place is
what a big place these works of
Shakespeare I am referring to the things
he wrote oh
excy now then can anyone tell me what
English not any
longer however what I really meant was
how many people are there I do not know
I have not counted them well let me ask
so can you tell me how many peas there
peas I think you had better all go back
to studying your books until Mr Brown
longer she
rather I wish she'd tell us why she's
brought us back here she said she was
you she's saying thank you for saving
her from the police and hopes that you
will do the same next time well I hope
time free offer two P off each tin huh supermark
supermark
Supermarket well I've obviously been
having a oh no free offer you haven't
supermarket me say that again oh dear
me you must go back and see the police
sergeant and scratch his back
again can't do that he'll never believe
this was a mistake I mean pinching a
magazine is one thing but knocking off
half a supermarkets are rather a
different matter on the other hand we
can't let Jamila keep all these stolen
goods it's it's dishonest she can give
them to me I don't mind being
dishers I'm sure you don't now now now
listen Ally I want you go back to the
school and ask all the students to meet
Jamila and I outside the supermarket
what are we going to be doing we're
back oh hello Dad is everything locked
up uh yes Miss Courtney uh by the way I
don't suppose you could give me a lift
well I'm sorry gladus I'm not going
straight home tonight there are one or
supermarket right now you all know what
to do just be very very careful that
hey
what are you doing here ah uh yeah well
I suppose you could say it was an
extracurricular activity sir excuse me
he's stuck what are you doing with that
job to give out yeah it's a long story
Miss Courtney I'll explain later let me
pull all right I've been watching you
lot just what do you think you're doing
would you believe we were putting things
back no
I didn't think you
would well well well regular little
Fagan aren't you I can explain Sergeant
you're not going to show me your driving
license again are you no that's a relief
you see we were actually trying to
students now look here Sergeant it was
obviously just a misunderstanding and I
see no reason why you should pursue this
any further I'm sorry madam Miss if you
don't mind yes
well I'm afraid I should have to make a
report out on this affair oh look
couldn't you just forget it ever
happened no well I'm sure your police
charity fund wouldn't say no to another
contribution Sergeant well we're always
grateful for anything sir uh should we
say another £5 that's very generous of
you right right come along
everybody just a moment Mr Brown where
are you going I've not made out my
report yet yeah but I've I've just given
you5 to uh forget it oh no sir you very
kindly donated £5 to our charity fund it
wasn't meant as a bribe was it sir no
good now let's take a few names you
madam sorry Miz
Miz
thank you you sir what's your
name how do you spell
that that's not his name oh give it me a
false name eh fa I'll come back to you
Mr poor faor or whatever your name
is you yes please what is your name oh
no what is not my name I don't want to
know what your name is not what is your
name and I'm telling you it is not you
what is his
name nine aha now we're getting
somewhere Mr nine that is not his name
you just said it was you ask me if his
name is V and I tell you nine V is not
his name but also not
not
on what is his name absolutely not not
what that is correct what is your name
wrong again he's not here who's not here
here
what now who is not here and what is not here
here
neither you're B me Mr
Brown if I promise not to proceed with
this report will you do me a favor yes
what is it get these crackpots out of
you and promise never to bring them back
murder good evening Miss cotney or
should I say
please don't remind me of last night's
unfortunate incident sorry I hope you've
explained to your Indian lady the
difference between free and free offer
oh yes she understands it now don't
worry it won't happen again ah excuse me
I'm looking for a Jamila
Ramjet are you thinking what I'm
thinking I hope not what do you want
Jamila well she ordered a mini bike from
us a month ago she hasn't played for it
we sent her three invoices she actually
ordered the bike oh yeah she sent in the
coupon look here it is oh no she's done
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