This content analyzes an MBA applicant's leadership-focused essay, highlighting her proactive approach to advocating for herself and others, demonstrating initiative, and driving positive change in academic and professional settings.
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Hi, I'm Liza Wheel, founder of Gate
House Admissions. And I'm Jeremy Shawn,
founder of NBA Mission. And today we're
reviewing another application essay from
an MBA applicant who is admitted to HBS.
If you want to follow along, use the
link below to download a free copy of
our book of successful HBS application
essays. In our last video, we looked at
Megan's businessminded essay. Now, let's
take a look at her leadership focused
essay. My mom's mantra was never take no
for an answer. The worst place you can
end up is where you are. Her mantra
helped when I received an email from
grenell.edu in spring 2020 encouraging
students to fulfill requirements or
pursue additional credentials amid
lockdowns and canceled internships. But at
at
$1,873 per credit hour, the cost was
prohibitive for those of us on
need-based aid. Frustrated, I launched a
campuswide petition garnering 500 plus
signatures and a meeting with the dean.
I highlighted peer universities reduced
fees and was proud when the
administration relented and applied
need-based aid. It was invigorating to
champion something I believed would give
more students access. Later in private
equity, the no was more subtle. I
noticed a few of our female partners
struggling to speak up in investment
committee. If they lack support, what
about us juniors? Upon chatting, I was
relieved others shared my frustrations.
I mobilized resources and secured funds
from our CEO for women's lunches and we
engaged the male partners to discuss how
March Madness and and cigar tastings
excluded us. There was push back. Junior
males felt excluded from the lunches,
but that spurred more conversations and
lunch invitations. Now, as senior women
secure presentation time for junior
women and include us in network heavy
industry events, we view every no as an
opportunity to collectively achieve a
yes. I aspire to create environments
where everyone can thrive, ensuring
barriers are dismantled and
opportunities are accessible to all.
Okay, Jeremy, what do you like here?
It's interesting. One of the things that
I actually really like here is one of
the things I traditionally do not like
in essays, and that is I don't like
quotes that often. Uh, and it's often
because the quote is just it's just
there as a device. It's not really
inspiring. It's not really inspiring the
the essay itself. you know, it's some,
oh, the, you know, Daly Lama said or or
President Roosevelt just once said or
whatever it might be. It's it's often, I
think, there is advice maybe to help the
individual feel like they're better
educated or better read. In this case,
it's it's actually like Dr. Seussian
advice. It's very simple and it's very
appealing and um and it does inspire the
the purpose of the essay. And so, there
are always exceptions to rules and and I
think I think this one's great. Yeah, I
like it. I totally agree with you. I'm
I'm with you. I sometimes feel like
people use a quote to sort of use a
metaphor or or um some sort of compare
and and it's like no, just talk about
you. But this I like we almost get a
little bit of a sense of her mother as
being, you know, a little bit of a
fighter. Yeah. Some some of the again
this is an essay that's really
substantively driven by her actions and
and by impact like you know the story of
look the the world is is changing very
quickly and a lot of people are trying
to figure things out and not a lot of
people are taking are taking action on
behalf of others. people are, you know,
totally understandably in the world of
co people are just kind of trying to
figure out how how to take care of
themselves. And here's someone who's
saying, "No, we've got to do things
differently than a massive institution
is, you know, is trying to is trying to
force upon us and they might be taking
the wrong path." And like I think that
there's a real power. You have to have
lived this experience. But I think
there's a real power in saying look you
know I'm a voice who is going to you
know the tide is uh we can use the uh
the famous uh Lincoln quote for this
one. You know you know matters of style
go with the flow. I'm screwing it up but
I think it's a matter of style go with
the flow. In matters of principle stand
like a rock. and uh and she's standing
like a rock and and she's she's saying
like everyone was everyone was moving in
all sorts of directions but I saw
through it all and I said no things had
to be different and then I mobilized at
a small college 500 people and I
influenced change in that environment so
you don't need to have a lot in that
story other than the story itself it's a
good story and for anyone who's watching
saying oh yeah well you know but I don't
have that story you you you have a
different story or maybe you don't have
to have that precise story maybe that's
not the story you showcase but in this
She lived it. She has that story.
Doesn't need to, you know, play it up in
any way because it's inherently
powerful. Yeah. I also want to, you
know, thinking back to her
business-minded essay where she spoke
about her goals of wanting to really
help people take more control of their
own healthcare. And and I feel like now,
even though this this essay wasn't on
that topic at all, we start to really
see her as somebody who is who's a bold
thinker, not afraid of kind of going out
there. And it it's nice. The essays are
completely different topics, but you
start to see where the essays
themselves, the themes. Here we see see
somebody who is she'll take initiative,
she will round up the troops, she will
speak her mind. Okay. Now, we start to
even believe more that she can hit the
goals that she presented in that first
essay. Yeah. And again, she reinforces
it through action. She talks about
advocacy for women and traditionally
male-dominated environment. She even
talks about resistance from other male
uh counterparts, other male colleagues
who are feeling left out and how she
thoughtfully, you know, tries to balance
some of that. And yeah, you get a sense,
I think you're saying you get a sense of
her as an advocate and I get a sense of
her as very principled and not afraid.
like it's tough to stand up in an it's
it's not as hard to stand up in an
environment like a college because
there's less personally at risk for like
rocking the boat. You're trying to do
the right thing and and but here in a in
a in a professional environment to stand
up and say we need to do things
differently and I'm going to lead that.
There's a little bit of risk associated
with that. You know, maybe you're
perceived as a rabble rouser. Maybe your
recommendation is a you know for when
you leave or for business school if it
doesn't go well if you're seen as trying
to rock the boat, you know, doesn't
matter to her. She's like, I'm doing
what's right and I'm sticking with that.
And when you think about a school where
you know they wanna they want to know
that like when the chips are down when
the economy when people are are during
the financial crisis theoretically when
when too many too many uh business
people were approving bad mortgages or
um you know that type of thing that
someone's going to say no like I'm the
individual who's going to be doing the
right thing. Yeah. And um and so this is
the type of person we feel like Yeah.
We're getting a strong sense of of her
as like Yeah. I'm I'm I know who I am
and I know what my limits are and I know
when I stand up that's a good person to
have in a business school class. Yeah.
And I'll end with one point is I also
liked what you were just saying about
her willingness to stand up. She was
also standing up for people above her,
not just for her junior peers, but she
saw the women, the female partners at
the firm struggling to speak up. And
she, you know, took that upon herself as
a very junior person at the firm to
create change. So, you know, that is I
don't somebody who's sort of, you know,
not only thinking about people that are
following in her footsteps, but how can
she help the people who are more more
experienced than she is and that's
really compelling as well. I think she
did a really nice job of bringing us the
reader into her world and helping us
understand what motivates her. Right. I
think it's a super point. I think the
idea that someone can lead across all
sorts of different levels again as long
as it's credible it's it's it's quite
impressive to a business school and um
you know I think that she comes across
overall across two across two essays now
super likable determined um you know
individual who again is is there's a
humil humility about her regardless
because she's not there's no bragging
she's not like and I was awesome and
everyone was was slap me on the back
saying like well done you've changed
this environment for women we understand
that without her to say that and so
she's just as I love letting the story
do the work and we can draw that
inference that she's pretty awesome.
Well, now I'm excited to see her next
essay and that is what we will review in
the next session. We'll see her growth
oriented essay. So stay tuned and be
sure to download her book. The link is
below for more examples of real essays
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