hello there and welcome back to the
closet historian and back to my series
side hustling where I talk about the
behind the scenes of trying to become a
a YouTuber which has weirdly enough kind
of worked out so um I still can't
believe that and if you've watched this
series from the beginning thank you for
being here with me for a long time Andor
just watching my story from the start it
is still shocked me that I've reached
this point and it is only because of
patreon that I can continue doing what I
do so thank you so much to my patrons
this year I'm going to be doing things a
little bit differently normally at the
end of the year/ beginning of the year I
do a video covering how I did on my
goals for the year before and then
talking about my goals for the next year
but because things are rather
intertwined and overlapping I'm just
going to be making one video this year
and I'll cover it all within this one
episode and I did just want to make a
little note here at the start saying
this is just my personal review of my
own inser very like uh I get stuck in my
own head a lot review of 2023 uh my year
and I know that many people had a far
worse 2023 than me I know there's a lot
of Destruction and violence going on
worldwide that uh I am not NE I'm privy
to as an outsider as an observer and
just going through my own footage and
watching back what I had to say about my
2023 it just seems very silly and
trivial compared to the magnitude of the
things that most people have been facing
out there um this is just my little
personal recap of the last year and I
just wanted to have a good disclaimer
and say I understand that my problems
are very small my little frustrations
for the last year are very trivial
compared to what is going on in the
world and I think we all need to keep in
mind uh what's going on on a more global
scale because it's um we're I know I'm
very lucky to have a roof over my head
to be in a safe environment and I'm
never going to be taking that for
granted even if little things may
frustrate me I know I'm very lucky and
um so I just wanted to say that here at
the start before I start complaining as per
per usual
usual
look um I had a lot of goals last
year and uh you know there is one that I
completed with absolute certainty and
that is that I finished my sleeve so
yeah you know uh I got I got myself some
some flowers here as we know and I
recently put a nice Spanish Moon moth
and some other spider webs and stuff on
my arm so my arm is done that was one of
the sillier goals I had from last year
but turned out to be the most achievable
one and of course the hippopotamus in
the room is that my main goal for this
last year was to buy a house and as we
can see I'm in the same room as usual so
that didn't happen and really this is
very simply explained because while I
had been saving for a down payment and
was getting quite close to my goal I had
a little bit further to go and then I
was going to start looking at houses in
late spring uh summer of last year of
this last year and um what happened was
that then uh I got my tax
bill and some of my nice savings for my down
down
payment disappeared uh had to be sent to
the IRS now that makes me sound
incredibly irresponsible but I had been
paying my quarterly taxes I I hired like
a tax guy you know the last couple of
years because having a job like this one
I don't and I'm not like I'm no
accountant you know so having a job like
this where I'm self-employed and work
for myself as a YouTuber get paid mostly
through Google AKA YouTube and then of
course patreon I didn't know how I was
supposed to figure all of that out so I
hired a person who does taxes for their
job now they had me making estimated
quarterly payments in 2022 which I did
on time no problems there the problem
was that they miscalculated my what
those payments should be I I owed a lot more
more
than I like was hoping you know I was
hoping maybe if it was a little bit off
I would owe like 500
bucks add a zero uh to that situation at
least and then of course I ow more owed
more in uh state tax as well than we had
thought so I ended up having to make a
very Hefty bite out of my down payment
to pay off extra tax stuff that I didn't
know was going to be hitting me which
probably was something I could have
absorbed if I hadn't already planned my
trip to London as well so I I could kind
of afford one or the other but both were
going to happen so uh right before I
left for London in fact the morning I
was supposed to leave for London I got a
call from my tax person telling me that
I owed several thousand uh and that I
not only that I needed to make my first
quarterly payment for 2023 that same day
so I I owed a couple thousand dollars
for 2023 several, for 2022 and then you
know another like Grand to stay as well
so uh that all was happening I had to
pay all that off out of my down payment
fund basically out of my savings for the
house the day I was supposed to be
leaving for London then I went to the
airport sat there for like 5 hours my
flight got canceled and I had to come
home and come back a few hours later to
actually fly to London missing my first
night there which meant I also you know
to add insult to injury had paid for my
first night of my hotel in London for no
reason because I wasn't there
so I guess British Airways really owes
me a vacation sometime because they
really uh you know the tax thing was
already going to put a downer on the
whole trip but then having to miss my
flight my first day there really did not
help so was quite a start to my London
vacation this year which I did have an
amazing time um but it was tempered by
all of this happening right before I
left because a sizable chunk of my down
payment suddenly disappeared and went to
the IRS instead um but that also meant
that it my dream was not happening last
year and I would say that that put a
damper on my trip but really it put a kind
kind
of Shadow over my whole year in some
ways because it was you know my main
goal my thing I was most excited about
for 2023 was to buy a house and to move
and because I had this sizable chunk
come out of my down payment fund I knew
it just wasn't going to be possible if I
still wanted to put 20% down on a house
which is what something I really want to
do I'm not looking to buy a very
expensive house I feel like I've said
that before but at the same time I do
want to make a I don't want to get
myself in over my head and put too
little down in the house and have my
mortgage payments be really high
especially because uh being a YouTuber
feels very um you know like they could
pull the rug out from under you at any
time so it would scare me to have like a
very large mortgage payment so I want to
make sure that I have enough to put down
so that I don't have to get myself into
any sort of a sticky situation I dove
into 2023 thinking something was going
to happen getting really excited about
it and then quickly with one little
email everything got kind of taken away
very suddenly and I was in a very lucky
and privileg position a I have somewhere
to live that I don't have to pay for as
we know I living with my family so I
could keep of course living here this
last year and keep saving up for the
house once again kind of starting you
know two steps forward felt like three
steps back but it was really only a step
and a half I just had to save up that
onethird of my you know down payment
basically again um after having it
rudely ripped away from me and then of
course I had to make larger payments
this last year just because I don't want
this to happen to me again but at least
now I kind of am prepared mentally and
don't have a trip to Europe planned
around tax season so that if this were
to happen again at least I have some
sort of a uh you know Plan B going on
here so that I don't have my house dream
ripped away from me a second time and it
always really has been a dream and
something that has felt unachievable and
unbelievable so really it it's like it
was a surprise and a hit to have the
possibility that I'd be moving this last
year taken away but at the same time it
didn't feel that un like unusual because
I have been waiting for so long to be
out there independent on my own and in
my own space that uh waiting another
year I it felt like getting punched in
the gut but not that surprising in the
end I guess uh in some ways because I've
just been I feels like I've been waiting
for so so long what's another year so
yes if you've been wanting the official
update on why I keep talking about
moving and yet not moving or why I keep
talking about getting excited for house
hunting and yet haven't been house
hunting it's because I was supposed to
do this all last year and it got ripped
out from under me a little bit so uh you
know I'm only I'm only pretending to
know how to adult like most people so uh
you know I figured you you save up your
little nest egg or whatever it's called
and you you go out and you buy a house
but apparently even when you are lucky
enough to be able to do that it's just
not that easy I don't know I don't think
I was in the best head space this last
year after that happened I didn't really
get time to think about it because I
again had to get on a plane the same day
that this kind of happened and fell
apart and I had to pay this huge tax
bill and kind of come to terms to the
fact that meant I wasn't going to be
buying a house this last year all in the
same day while waiting to get on a plane
and because I had that trip planned I
really tried to make the most of being
there in London and trying to not let it
bring me down um so I was really just
pushing past not trying my best to not
think about it and still have a good
time while I was in London especially
because at that point the money was
spent you know the hotel was booked the
flights were booked everything that
money that I should not in the end have
spent had been spent so um and I do love
London it does refuel me in so many ways
so I tried to still let that be true
even though I had this major
disappointment right before I left and I
never really because I had to get back
into work right when I got back from
London and I have been making things
ever since and trying to keep the
channel um you know going obviously
because it's my job and uh obviously
it's where I find a lot of creative
fulfillment in my work that I do as well
um I haven't really slowed down a lot
this year other than when I've gotten
like sick or something or like been
forced to physically slow down um and I
still don't think I've really let myself
come to terms with the fact that I uh
wasn't going to be moving and I just
kind of just been pushing because I knew
it's just a little delay it's just a
little delay um a year seems like a big
delay now that I'm sitting here A year
later but the difference between right
here and where I was last year is last
year I still needed to save a little bit
more um and now I am in a place where
I'm going to start looking in the new
year so I'm going to be looking at towns
cities places on the east coast and
probably start going out to the east
coast and investigating like do I even
like Syracuse New York who knows do I
even like I don't know um is Springfield
Mass a nice place a lot of houses come
up in Springfield Massachusetts is it
nice anyone anyone nearby uh Springfield
Massachusetts how do we feel another
place that they seem to come up New
London Connecticut anyone been to New
London Connecticut let me know these are
my three top places right now of course
Albany is in the running or places near
Albany but it seems almost too big of a
city if you know what I mean uh so we'll
see so I could deal with my complicated
disappointment from things not working
out last year or I could just push on
and be pleased that they're going to
happen this next year again barring
Strokes of lightning but I really really
hope it happens for me this next year
because there's a lot I feel like for a
long time I've been waiting for my real
life to begin I know it's sounds silly
seeing as I'm 32 so I think I'm in the
middle of it but I I been waiting to
kind of put myself out there again I've
been waiting to like in the sense of
like I need to make some friends I need
to make some IRL people uh I need I
would love to have some sort of
community IRL um I of course I have
Community here online and it's really
nice to be able to connect with people
who have similar interestes me but I
don't have anyone in my life I only have
like one friend here locally in Denver
who I have a lot in common with and
she's busy too so you know it's hard
to get face to-face connection for me uh
I think I've been
isolated from people in general so much
just from I live in a very Suburban very
like levit towy sort of place where
there's not a lot of like arts and
culture going on in the like the town I
live in and the suburb of Denver that I
live in um and I spent so much time
working from home and kind of insular in
my work in my office and I I need I
think some people in my life uh or at
least I need to try it and I've been
kind of waiting to invest time uh
because it is an something that would
take time away from the other things I
need to get done uh in building a
community or inserting myself into a
community and hoping for the best uh
because I knew I was going to move and I
don't know where I'm going to move and
it seems silly to try and you know make
friends here right before I go
anywhere and it seems silly to try and
find a therapist here before I go
anywhere and
in general I've just been waiting until
I'm in my new place waiting for that
geographical cure before I really start
living again finally and I think I had a
goal to make less than 50 garments in
this last year and as I'm recording this
I actually don't know because I haven't
counted it up yet uh I'll put the total
of things I made this year here so
whether that's over or under 50 I don't
even know I anticipate it's probably
around that if not over um I once again
overworked myself this year I once again
did not get the kind of time to devote
to writing that I wanted to this year um
It's Not Unusual for me if you've been
here for a while you know that I don't
give myself enough time to work on my
other creative Pursuits mostly because I
love what I do when it comes to sewing
and creating and uh embellishing and
beating and all these other things I I
love doing it so it's hard to get to
stop um but I definitely notice when I
haven't uh extended myself into writing
uh because in some ways uh writing for
me is a big emotional Outlet because I
don't have a ton of people to talk to in
my life I don't have a therapist I don't
have a ton of people to communicate with
and so in some ways I kind of
communicate through and in with my
characters so when I haven't spent a lot
of time writing usually that means I've
just been bottling up and not really
feeling human emotions sometimes uh
because I just need to get things done
and I don't have time to be sad or
disappointed or uh Angry or whatever
like I don't really I feel like I'm
pretty even uh keeled but it's possibly
because I don't usually let myself feel
all the things so I kind of get that
gets poured into my writing more so and
so if I don't let myself write then I
kind of dip into like more of a gray
space which of course is not helped
really by pmdd which really is probably
the main cprit of any dips that I have
because of course every month that comes
for me um and then also I have a hard
time like if my you know writing break
that I finally scheduled in happens to
coincide with when my uh progesterone
and whatever serotonin is not at the
correct levels it makes it hard to write
because I
can't I'm not thinking at the level that
I want to be in some way so uh it's hard
to schedule in writing time in that way
so I think I probably have to think
about it differently and just have to
kind of pause other work when I'm in the
mood to write and then get it done when
I'm not in the mood to write um which is
less structured than I how I've always
done it but at this point just
understanding how my my brain and body
work and
how I guess my creativity es and flows
both in the sense of writing and in the
sense of the physical things I make
there has to be a different sort of
balance in place so new things probably
have to be trial uh in general in so
many ways I have everything I could ever
want because I have my dream job and
nothing can really top that or touch
that but the truth is I did not achieve
90% of my goals for 2023 but I do feel
like I'm in a good position to to
achieve those goals this next year
instead and what is one year what is one
more year stuck in your parents basement
when you're 32 so thank you for
listening to my rambling review of 2023
uh basically was I in the best headspace
no did I get to buy a house and move no
uh did I get less work done no not
really my work life balance is still as
messed up as it has always been but I
did get my sleeve finished so I guess
I'll just take what I can get out of
this last year and move forward and do
the best I can to um keep staying
positive about what's going to happen
for me going forward I know I'm in again
such a lucky and privileg privileged
position to be able to save for a house
even if it takes me longer than I
initially expected it's kind of silly to
think that you can save up for a house
in just a couple of years anyway but uh
because I'm looking to buy a cheap house
that helps um I'm definitely looking to
buy something that's way under the like
United States average and people keep
saying you know move to California move
to Oregon I'm like guys we're not we
can't do West Coast prices um we're
we're definitely in slightly middle of
Noy prices so I'll try and get as close
to a city as I can but we'll see so yes
I remain unset on where exactly I want
to move I don't really have a major
preference I've never been to any of
these places where these sorts of houses
I want come up I know the kind of house
I want I know the kind of project I want
I don't know where exactly I want to
live there are certain things I am
looking for there are certain things
that are non-negotiables for me I want
to live in a state where I feel like my
rights are somewhat protected compared
to others because in the United States
uh there are varying degrees of safety
forth being you know for example a
female identifying person and being a
LGBT plus person um being Ace and queer
like I am there are certain environments
where I just would not feel at all safe
uh or I feel like at least I would like
to even if you know are most areas in
the United States are quite purple um
but I would like to feel that at least
the government of the state I'm in would
back me up on having some rights so
there are states that I'm just not
looking at because I'm sure there are
nice Pockets I'm sure there are nice
places and nice houses there but I just
would not have an overall like tent
feeling of safety in a place where I
felt like um I could not like I wasn't
supported on a state level I guess and I
think there are also probably states
that I should be looking at for like who
has the best self-employment tax because
I'm a self-employed person in the sense
that I'm a YouTuber so I'm sure there
are some states where I'd be paying a
lot more and a lot less that M doesn't
really matter to as much I don't mind
paying taxes ironically uh in this video
where I talked about how having to pay
tax kind of ruined my year um I don't I
don't actually mind as long as I know
what's happening um and can like plan it
in advance it's just the surprise paying
several thousand dollars in taxes that I
don't like U some places have higher
property taxes and stuff too that's
something I'm looking at but it's not
like a main um factor in my decision-
making I'd rather just feel I'd rather
be like if I can you know wager it if I
could find my perfect situation and just
like have a house up here uh I would
love to be in a town like a smaller is
Town not like a tiny town but like a
smaller is town that still has a Target
outside of a bigger city like 25 30
minutes outside of a city that's kind of
how I am here in Denver I'm about 30 40
minutes outside of Denver so if I need
to go into Denver if I want to have you
know if I want to go see a ballet if I
want to go some of the different shops
that are downtown I can restaurants
downtown things like that but I'm still
not in a bustling big city myself and
obviously as I've been stuck in the like
modern BBs for a very long time this is
not the kind of environment I'm looking
for um so I would rather be like
downtown in a small town if that makes
any sense and that does tend to be where
the older homes are anyway so uh I'm
looking at houses that are built you
know before 1930 really uh I if I find
something that's like a really amazing
Revival I wouldn't you know I would
obviously make an exception but I'm
looking at Victorian Edwardian era
properties uh maybe dipping into the
1920s if something is spectacular again
but looking at older homes I want
something that already has the big stuff
done I don't want to be putting in a new
$20,000 roof that's just not in the
budget I can't really do you know maybe
we can update a furnace but I can't do a
whole new HVAC system kind of a thing uh
I'm perfectly happy to DIY to demo a
bathroom to refinish some floors that
kind of thing but I'm mostly looking for
cosmetic upgrades I'm not looking for a
boards like from the studs fixer I can't
do that budget wise and I can't do that
work-wise just because I have a lot of
work to do on my actual job here so
sometimes people will say have you seen
this bargain and it's like a $40,000
house usually if a Victorian is $440,000
it's because they know it needs $400,000
worth of work and sadly that it's just
not in my budget either MoneyWise or
TimeWise and luckily once I start kind
of going above my budget what's happened
is that the houses have been gutted so
it's like it'll be a gorgeous Victorian
on the outside and then someone has made
it a gray minimalist uh open floor plan
inside and has already done the
renovations and of course that is not
what I'm looking for I'm looking for a
place that still retains its original
character some woodwork inside some
quirky things inside um that I can work
with and either add to or modify to kind
of create my dream Gothic jewelbox and
of course DIY and decorating and turning
something into my dream space is
something I want to share with you so
hopefully that will be coming later in
the year once I am am in a new space and
kind of have settled a little bit um I
don't know how long that will take to
both find a place I like find a house I
like and then of course move across the
country move my cats across across the
country don't even know how I'm going to
do that if any of you have
recommendations for how to move your
pets across the country safely for
everyone let me know but essentially my
biggest goal for 2024 Remains the Same
as it was last year in
2023 not much has changed and I do know
that this is a huge goal and a huge
project and it's going to eat up a lot
of my time which is when I started
getting worried about how I was going to
keep up my schedule here on the channel
and on patreon I do make five videos a
month usually four here on the channel
um sometimes up to five here on the
channel and then I do an additional
video um a pattern Drafting and sewing
or just pattern drafting video over on
patreon every month so I do do five
videos a month which is you know no no
trouble at all usually for me but it
might be trouble when I'm flying back
and forth to the east coast traveling
moving who knows what so I was talking
about this with my patrons uh I do a
monthly podcast update over there on
patreon and I was talking about this
with my patrons a little bit talking
about uh how this was you know making me
stress stressed and then I had an idea
that I could maybe because I have on
patreon I've been doing patreon for
several years now I have lots of videos
built up from making another video every
month for the past couple of years now
so I have lots of video content over
there and I asked them if it would be
okay if I released some of those patreon
exclusive videos some of the older
videos from patreon here on the channel
to be able to keep content coming in new
stuff fresh stuff here on the channel
for all of you and then be able to keep
my sanity as well and luckily because my
patrons are extremely understanding and
kind people obviously since they support
me and are the reason I can keep doing
this job in general um they said that I
could release some of the older patreon
videos onto the channel so that is
what's going to be happening this year I
will be trying to keep this to like one
archive or patreon video every 5 to six
weeks or so maybe here on the channel uh
that's kind of my plan as of right now
of course if I don't have anything to
upload because I've been like stuck in
Connecticut all week or something then I
will probably releasing an additional
like patreon archive video for you all
um it's kind of a bummer for patrons
because they've already seen this stuff
but some people maybe haven't seen some
of the stuff from the start so we'll see
how it goes some videos are obviously
going to be me talking about like during
the voiceover I'll be talking about like
topical things for 2020 so hopefully you
can forgive me for that one but this
just seemed like a good solution for me
to be able to keep the content wheel of
turnning here for the algorithm here on
YouTube while still being able to keep
my sanity this year as I am house
hunting and of course the furnac has
come on and thank you as always so much
to my patrons in general because they
make my work and my life in this side
hustle now my main hustle possible uh on
you with YouTube alone again behind the
scenes there's no way I could do this as
a full-time job with just the YouTube
income because I don't do sponsorships
because I do try and keep ads to a
pretty much a minimum as I can um I
don't make a the majority of my income
is not made on YouTube itself through
Google AdSense or anything like that it
is um I am a fan supported Channel this
is this is like a PBS model I'm
supported by my patrons mainly they're
the reason I can keep doing this and I
can think about adding in even like more
projects in the future and think about
doing more things just like my very
favorite program of all the Antiques
Road Show I am brought to you by viewers
like you in summary the dream was
delayed and now hopefully it is still
happening uh stay tuned and we'll find
out if any of this actually happens this
year I'll try and update you more
throughout the year I was really bad
about sometimes you just don't want to
talk about yourself and your own little
frustrations like this because it does
seem so trivial so you know I didn't do
a lot of side hustling updates over this
last year because I was overworking
myself partially so I didn't have to
think about anything works really well
when you just keep your hands busy and
hopefully your brain can be thinking
about sequins or something instead of
all the stuff going on both in your own
life and outside of it um so sometimes I
overwork myself purposefully or like
subconsciously in a way um in order to
not have to think about things and in
some ways I think that's part of why I
didn't share as much behind the scenes
and personal stuff this year uh here on
the channel other than me rambling on
while I'm sewing stuff because we all
know I should be focusing on telling you
what I'm doing but sometimes I'm talking
about the most random stuff while trying
to insert a zipper thank you so much for
sticking with me throughout this video
and throughout this last year supporting
me here on the channel I really cannot
thank you enough for giving me a job I
didn't even know was possible I'm kind
of a fashion designer I'm kind of a
sewing teacher and that's all only
because you watch the videos you support
me here on the channel and you keep
showing up for me and I there's no way I
can truly really thank you for that so
thank you and in addition to that
archive content that'll be coming out
over the year I do have some really
exciting projects coming up too and very
exciting materials here to get started
using in the office I'm going to try my
best to keep my you know normal sort of
output for you all so as always I'll be
back with more sewing vintage fashion
costuming and crafting real soon so I'll
see you then bye and an additional huge
thank you to all of my conservator level
patrons Alice Alysia Amy Audra beatric
Brienne Chay Cheryl conetta Karina Dan
Denise Elizabeth Ellen eloquent silence
Emily Evelyn jamboni Carol Cara Lany
lilet Linda Lynn Hamilton Lynn Olen
Maggie Margaret Megan Mna Nancy Natalie
Nina rimus Rhonda sha Stephanie tabels
Thea Tom aola and Zara thank you so much
for your support over this last year and
thank you to all of my patrons and to
all of you who watch these videos and
keep not only my work alive and keep me
going here on the channel but also keep
my dreams alive and going and for that I
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