This content details how former President Barack Obama strategically revealed damaging academic and professional information about Senator JD Vance during a public event, exposing Vance's perceived hypocrisy and undermining his political narrative built on meritocracy and authenticity.
Mind Map
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The lights snap on across America's
living rooms. It's 11:35 and somewhere
in a Yale Law School administrative
office, a filing cabinet just burst into
flames of its own accord. Good evening
everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm your
host and tonight we have a story so
beautiful, so perfectly crafted by the
comedy gods themselves that I genuinely
considered retiring after this monologue
because nothing will ever top it. You
know how some nights we come out here
and we have to work really hard to find
the joke? We have to dig through policy
papers and congressional transcripts and
really mine for that comedic gold.
Tonight is not one of those nights.
Tonight, the joke delivered itself to
our doorstep like a pizza we didn't
order but absolutely wanted. The joke
rang our doorbell, walked into our
living room, sat down on our couch, and
said, "Hey, you want to hear something
hilarious about JD Vance's Yale law
degree?" and America collectively leaned
forward and said, "Yes, yes, we do."
Before we dive into this masterpiece of
public humiliation, I want to give a
special shout out to everyone watching
in Pennsylvania tonight. Philadelphia,
Pittsburgh, Erie, Scranton, all you
beautiful people in the Keystone State,
you're going to want to pay very close
attention to this one because the next
time JD Vance shows up at a campaign
rally in Harrisburg talking about
Coastal Elites and their fancy Ivy
League credentials, you're going to have
some questions. Specifically, you're
going to have the question. And to our
friends in Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia,
Arizona, Nevada, and North Carolina,
buckle up. This is going to be
educational in the most entertaining way
possible. Now, let's get into it. So,
here's what happened. And I need you to
understand that I am not making any of
this up. This is real. This happened on
television where people could see it.
Barack Obama was giving a speech at a
fundraiser in Chicago last week.
Standard stuff. He's talking about
democracy, talking about civic
engagement, talking about the importance
of education, you know, Obama things.
And then someone in the audience, some
beautiful, chaotic agent of comedy
audience member, shouts out a question
about JD Vance. Specifically, they ask
Obama what he thinks about Vance
constantly attacking elite institutions
while having attended Yale Law School.
Now, a normal politician would have
given a diplomatic answer, something
about hypocrisy, something about
messaging, something boring and
forgettable. But Barack Obama is not a
normal politician. Barack Obama is a man
who has been watching J. D. advance call
him every name in the book for the past
3 years. Barack Obama is a man who has
been sitting at home in Martha's
vineyard sipping his morning coffee
reading JD Vance's tweets about real
Americans and Heartland values and
thinking interesting very interesting
Barack Obama is a man who plays the long
game. And so with the casual energy of a
man about to detonate a nuclear weapon
while discussing the weather, Obama
smiled and said, "You know, it's funny
you mentioned Yale because I happen to
have some interesting information about
Senator Vance's time there." The room
went quiet. Obama reached into his
jacket pocket and pulled out a Manila
folder. The room went quieter. I've been
holding on to this for a while, Obama
said, still smiling. That smile, that
Obama smile, the one that says, I am
about to ruin someone's entire career,
and I'm going to enjoy every second of
it. I thought it might become relevant
at some point. Now, I need to pause here
and talk about the folder because the
folder is important. The folder is, in
many ways, the star of this entire story.
story.
This was not a fancy folder. This was
not some official government document
holder with embossed seals and security
clearances. This was a manila folder,
the kind you buy at Staples, the kind
your accountant uses to hold your tax
returns. The kind that says, "I am about
to show you something." And the
casualness of this container should not
distract you from how devastating its
contents are. Obama held up this folder,
this humble manila folder, and the
entire room understood that something
historic was about to happen. You see,
Obama continued, "And here's where it
gets good. When you spend 8 years as
president of the United States, you make
certain connections. You meet certain
people, and sometimes those people send
you certain things." He opened the
folder. certain things like, "Oh, I
don't know, academic records." "The gasp
that went through that room could have
powered a wind turbine." "Not just any
academic records," Obama said, flipping
through the pages with the casual energy
of a man reading a grocery list, but
specifically the academic records of one
James David Vance from his time at Yale
Law School. records that I should
mention tell a very interesting story.
Now, at this exact moment, somewhere in
Washington DC, JD Vance's phone started
buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. His
staff was watching the live stream. His
staff was seeing what was happening. His
staff was presumably updating their
resumes. Obama looked up from the folder
with an expression that can only be
described as pure uncut shodenfro.
First, he said, let's talk about
admission. He pulled out a single sheet
of paper. According to these records,
which I have verified through multiple
sources, J. D. Vance was admitted to
Yale Law School through what the
admissions committee internally referred
to as, and I quote, the geographic
diversity initiative. He let that hang
in the air. Now, for those of you who
don't speak Ivy League, let me
translate. The geographic diversity
initiative was a program designed to
admit students from under reppresented
regions of the country. Students who
might not have had the same academic
credentials as their peers from more
competitive markets, but who brought
quote valuable perspective from flyover
states. Obama smiled again. In other
words, JD Vance got into Yale Law School
on what we might call, if we were being
generous, affirmative action for
Appalachians. The room exploded. And
look, I need to be clear here. There is
nothing wrong with geographic diversity
initiatives. There is nothing wrong with
programs designed to bring students from
different backgrounds into elite
institutions. In fact, most people would
argue these programs are good and
necessary. But here's the thing. JD
Vance has spent the last several years
of his political career attacking
exactly these kinds of programs. JD
Vance has written opeds about
merit-based admissions. JD Vance has
given speeches about how affirmative
action is fundamentally unfair to
qualified applicants. J. D. Vance, it
turns out, is a beneficiary of
affirmative action. The irony is so
thick, you could spread it on toast. You
could use it as insulation. You could
sell it by the gallon at Home Depot. But
Obama wasn't done. Oh no, Barack Obama
did not pull out a Manila folder at a
Chicago fundraiser to drop one bomb.
Barack Obama pulled out a Manila folder
to carpet bomb JD Vance's entire
political identity.
Second, Obama said, flipping to another
page. Let's talk about academic
performance. He held up what appeared to
be a transcript. J. D. Vance graduated
from Yale Law School with a grade point
average of 2.87.
The room went silent again, but this
time it was a different kind of silence.
This was the silence of people doing
math in their heads. For those of you
who don't know, 2.87 87 is not a good
GPA at any law school. At Yale Law
School specifically, 2 point 87 is what
we in the academic world call how did
you not get kicked out. Yale law school
doesn't even use traditional letter
grades. They use honors pass and low
pass. Getting a 2.87 equivalent at Yale
means you collected low passes like some
people collect stamps. It means
professors were actively avoiding eye
contact with you. It means the career
services office put a picture of your
face on their wall with the caption, "Do
not recommend."
Now, Obama continued, clearly enjoying
himself immensely. I'm not saying that
grades are everything. I'm not saying
that academic performance defines a
person's worth or potential. I went to
Harvard Law and I can tell you that some
of my classmates with the best grades
are now doing terrible things at
corporate law firms and some of my
classmates with mediocre grades went on
to do wonderful things in public
service. He paused. I'm just saying that
maybe maybe if you're going to spend
your career talking about excellence and
meritocracy and the best and brightest,
you should have grades that reflect
something other than barely scraped by.
Another pause. I'm just saying that
maybe you shouldn't write a best-selling
memoir about overcoming adversity and
achieving the American dream and rising
to the top of the intellectual elite if
your transcript looks like a cry for
help. The hits kept coming. Third, Obama
said, "And at this point, JD Vance's
phone had probably achieved sentience
and was actively trying to throw itself
into a river. Let's talk about
attendance. He pulled out another
document. According to these records, JD
Vance missed on average 43% of his
classes during his second year of law
school. 43%.
Let me put that in perspective. If you
missed 43% of your shifts at a Wendy's,
you would be fired. If you missed 43% of
your kindergarten classes, your parents
would receive a strongly worded letter.
If you missed 43% of your workouts, your
personal trainer would have you banned
from the gym. JD Vance missed nearly
half his law school classes and still
managed to graduate. And look, again,
there might be good reasons for this.
Maybe he was dealing with personal
issues. Maybe he was struggling. Maybe
he was already planning his political
career and realized that class
attendance wasn't going to help him win
over voters in rural Ohio. But here's
the problem. JD Vance wrote a book. JD
Vance wrote a book called Hillbilly
Elegy in which he presents himself as a
man who pulled himself up by his
bootstraps, who worked harder than
everyone else, who earned his success
through sheer grit and determination.
J. D. Vance wrote a book about the value
of hard work while skipping nearly half
his classes at Yale. That's not grit.
That's not determination.
That's a man who figured out the minimum
amount of effort required to pass and
then did slightly less than that.
Fourth, Obama said, "And I'm going to be
honest with you. At this point, I was
watching this footage with my mouth
literally hanging open. Let's talk about
how Mr. Vance actually got his first job
after law school. He pulled out what
appeared to be copies of recommendation
letters. JD Vance's post-graduation
employment at a prestigious law firm was
secured through a recommendation letter
written by a Yale professor who later
admitted in a private email that found
its way into my possession that he felt
sorry for Vance and hoped he would find
something he was actually good at. Obama
held up the email. I quote, "I'm
recommending this student not because he
showed any particular aptitude for the
law, but because he has a compelling
personal narrative that might be useful
for the firm's diversity marketing. He's
from Kentucky, which I understand is a
real place." The room had devolved into
pure chaos at this point. People were
laughing. People were crying. People
were doing both simultaneously.
Someone appeared to be having a
spiritual experience. He's from
Kentucky, which I understand is a real
place, Obama repeated, savoring each
word. That's what Yale Law School
thought of J. D. Vance. That's how the
illegal institution he now attacks
viewed him. Not as a brilliant legal
mind, not as a rising star, but as a
compelling personal narrative and a
geographic curiosity. Obama closed the
folder. I just thought the American
people might find that interesting. What
happened next was the most beautiful
example of realtime political implosion
I have ever witnessed. Within 15 minutes
of Obama's speech going viral, JD
Vance's campaign issued a statement. And
folks, this statement, this statement is
going in the Museum of Terrible Crisis Communications.
