0:02 There's a version of you that is buried
0:05 under everything that you were taught to
0:08 tolerate. The peopleleasing and the
0:11 overthinking and the perfectionism, all
0:12 of that. And I want you to understand
0:15 that you're not stuck because you're
0:17 lazy or unmotivated or something wrong
0:19 with you. You're probably stuck because
0:23 you're carrying so much dead weight. You
0:25 have old beliefs. You have old
0:27 identities. You have old wounds. And so
0:30 this isn't about adding more to your
0:33 to-do list. This is about removing what
0:35 is quietly killing your momentum in
0:36 life. And so let's talk about these
0:38 things that you need to eliminate to
0:40 finally feel free. And I'm going to just
0:43 hammer home through these quickly. Okay.
0:46 The first one is this weird loyalty that
0:48 you feel to a version of you that no
0:51 longer exists. Like we all carry ghosts,
0:53 old identities, old stories of
0:55 ourselves. But I want you to understand
0:58 that staying loyal to an outdated
1:01 version of yourself is the fastest way
1:03 to suffocate your own growth. Your
1:06 nervous system may still be wired for
1:08 survival, not expansion. And that's
1:09 something that happened during
1:11 childhood. But just because you had to
1:15 play small or be quiet or not be seen
1:17 back then doesn't mean that you still do
1:19 now. You have to understand that you're
1:22 allowed to evolve. You need to give
1:24 yourself permission to evolve. You're
1:28 allowed to be unrecognizable to yourself
1:30 and to the people who love you. And your
1:33 subconscious is wired to repeat, not to
1:36 reinvent. So, you're going to continue
1:38 to repeat old versions of yourself over
1:41 and over and over again if you do not
1:42 step in the driver's seat and be
1:44 intentional about doing something
1:47 different. If your past is writing your
1:50 present moment, then your future's
1:52 already predictable and dead. Letting go
1:56 isn't failure. It's the funeral of who
1:59 you used to be that finally frees you.
2:01 The next level of your life requires a
2:03 new version of you, not a recycled
2:05 version of you who survived the last
2:07 season that you went through. If a snake
2:09 does not shed its skin, it will
2:11 suffocate. And you will suffocate all of
2:14 your dreams if you do not let old parts
2:15 of you die off. So, that's the first
2:18 thing. The second thing is this habit of
2:20 self-sabotage right before you break
2:22 through. Have you ever noticed that
2:24 right when things are about to start
2:26 working, you self-sabotage or you numb
2:28 out or you disappear or you burn out in
2:30 some sort of way? That's not a
2:32 coincidence. It's conditioning. Your
2:35 nervous system may not feel safe with
2:38 success. So, you create chaos because
2:40 chaos might feel familiar to you or
2:43 because burning it all down will keep
2:46 you exactly where you are. Self-sabotage
2:49 is often self-p protection from a life
2:52 that's bigger than you're used to or
2:54 more than you're receiving in your
2:56 current life, what you're used to
2:58 receiving or more than you think that
3:01 you actually deserve. The closer that
3:03 you get to a breakthrough, the louder
3:05 that your inner critic is going to get.
3:07 You're not afraid to fail. You're afraid
3:10 of finally not failing, which is
3:11 something that you've never been
3:13 comfortable with. Even if you're miserable,
3:14 miserable,
3:17 you can be comfortable in misery and
3:19 less comfortable in the unknown. And so,
3:22 you would rather just repeat the misery
3:24 than to step off into the unknown and
3:26 create something greater than you ever
3:28 have. So, that's number two. Number
3:30 three is toxic people who drain your
3:32 energy. This one is quick and super
3:35 easy. You cannot heal in the same
3:36 environment that hurt you. No matter how
3:39 strong your boundaries are, the wrong
3:41 people will always find a way to drain
3:44 you. You get what you tolerate. You have
3:46 to ask yourself what you're willing to
3:48 tolerate for this next chapter in your
3:50 life. You teach people how to speak to
3:52 you. You either need to teach people how
3:54 to speak to you differently or you need
3:56 to let go of the people who drain your
3:58 energy. So that's number three. Number
4:01 four is this addiction that you have to
4:03 the approval of others. Most people
4:06 don't live, they perform. They're like a
4:09 jester that's dancing for a king. And
4:11 when you're addicted to the approval of
4:14 other people, rejection doesn't just
4:16 sting. Like it actually starts to feel
4:18 like a internal death because your
4:20 identity is outsourced. And so you have
4:22 been looking for other people to tell
4:24 you that you're good enough your entire
4:26 life versus actually just slowing down
4:28 and realizing that you already are good
4:31 enough. You can't become who you're
4:33 meant to be if you're constantly just
4:35 playing a character for other people.
4:38 And if you're not careful, your dreams
4:40 will slowly morph into whatever gets you
4:43 the most praise from other people.
4:46 People pleasing is self-abandonment.
4:48 Like let that one sink in for a minute.
4:51 If you're a people pleaser, you're
4:52 self-abandoning is what you're actually
4:54 doing. Have you ever thought about that
4:57 way? You have to be authentic. You have
4:59 to figure out who you truly are. Your
5:01 authenticity will cost you the approval
5:03 of other people. You need to be able to
5:06 stomach that. That's number four. Number
5:08 five, you need to have everything
5:10 figured out. You got to get rid of that.
5:13 This obsession that you have with
5:15 certainty is really just a trauma
5:18 response. It's control that's disguised
5:21 as, hey, I'm being responsible. If you
5:24 want like a a 10-year plan before you
5:27 take one step forward, that is just the
5:30 fear of the unknown. That's not wisdom.
5:34 You don't need the whole puzzle in place
5:37 just to take the next step. Most of the
5:39 clarity that you will get in your life
5:42 is just from movement in the right
5:43 direction, not from sitting down and
5:46 thinking about it. You're wasting a ton
5:49 of energy trying to think your way
5:51 through what can only be lived. And
5:52 that's why you're overthinking. And
5:53 that's why it doesn't seem to make any
5:55 sense because you've actually got to
5:57 take action towards that thing. You've
5:58 got to learn to live your life in the
6:00 headlights. If you get into a car in the
6:02 middle of the night and go for a drive,
6:04 you can't see your destination. You can
6:06 only see what the headlights light up in
6:08 front of you, the next 100 ft. And after
6:10 you drive those 100 ft, guess what
6:12 happens? You can now see the next 100 ft
6:14 and then the next and then the next. And
6:15 so you're trying to plan out the entire
6:18 route when in reality you can't see the
6:19 next 100 feet in front of you. And so
6:21 you've got to get better at ready, fire,
6:22 aim, which means you get ready, you take
6:24 action, and then you make adjustments.
6:26 Not you get ready, and then you think
6:27 for a little while, and you think for a
6:28 little bit longer, and then you plan,
6:30 and then you plan to plan, and you plan
6:31 to plan to plan. It's like you get
6:33 ready, you take action, and you make
6:35 adjustments along the way. You've got to
6:38 get rid of this living in someday mode.
6:41 Someday is where your dreams go to die.
6:43 That's where they wither away at a job
6:45 that you hate because you just been, you
6:49 know, pushing your dreams down the road.
6:50 Really, what it is more than anything
6:52 else is it's procrastination wrapped up
6:55 in like the comfort of soon, soon I'll
6:57 do it. Like, you have to really be
6:58 present. I've done episodes on this
7:00 before about the fact that one day
7:04 you're going to die. One day. So, you've
7:06 got to have that one day I'm going to
7:09 die bring urgency to the present moment.
7:12 That phrase one day, like one day I'll
7:14 do it, has buried more dreams than
7:18 failure ever will. The brain loves this
7:20 illusion of future safety because taking
7:24 action right now requires risk and so it
7:26 rather just deflect and go, well, one
7:29 day, someday in the future, I'll do it.
7:31 You have to understand that the more
7:32 overwhelmed you feel, the more
7:35 attractive later seems. But later never
7:37 comes. You and I both know that. And if
7:39 something really truly matters to you,
7:41 you need to schedule it and you need to
7:43 force yourself to do it. If you won't
7:45 schedule it, stop pretending that it
7:47 actually matters to you. So that's
7:50 number six. Number seven is this fantasy
7:53 that success will magically fix you. The
7:55 more money, the more followers, the more
7:58 likes, the more validation, none of that
8:01 is going to heal your inner world.
8:04 Success will only amplify what is
8:06 already there. And I've said it before,
8:08 but the only problems that money solves
8:11 are money problems. So, if you're using
8:14 your dreams and your success that you
8:16 want to escape yourself, you will build
8:18 a life that will look really good to
8:20 other people, but it's going to feel
8:23 like a prison to you. Hustle is an
8:25 amazing distraction from your emotional
8:28 pain. Trust me, I've done it before.
8:31 I've kept myself busy. My addiction was
8:33 being a workaholic to run away from all
8:35 of my problems. and it feels good until
8:37 the crash happens. So, you have to
8:39 understand you'll keep raising the bar
8:40 and keep raising the bar and keep
8:42 raising the bar because you're
8:44 unconsciously running from your wounds.
8:46 I want you to understand that a bigger
8:48 bank account and more success doesn't
8:51 fix a bankrupt sense of selfworth. So,
8:53 that's number seven. Number eight, you
8:55 need to stop neglecting your inner
8:57 child. And this might sound kind of
8:59 weird if you've never heard this before,
9:01 but your inner child isn't gone. They're
9:04 the one that is panicking inside of you
9:05 when you're scared or when you're
9:07 overreacting or when you're overthinking
9:10 or when you're shutting down. That
9:13 tantrum that you throw in an adult form
9:15 is often just the seven-year-old version
9:17 of yourself that's looking for safety
9:21 still. So unprocessed childhood pain
9:23 doesn't just go away. It doesn't
9:26 disappear. It just learns adult coping
9:28 strategies like people pleasing or like
9:31 being too controlling or learning to
9:35 avoid. Most of your self- sabotage is
9:37 actually self-p protection from a
9:39 wounded part of you. Think about that
9:41 for a second. That's one of the truest
9:43 things that you will ever hear. Most of
9:47 your self- sabotage is self-p protection
9:48 from a wounded part of you from
9:52 childhood. Reparenting yourself means
9:56 you giving yourself what you needed then
9:58 right now. And I want you to understand,
10:00 you're not crazy. You're just carrying
10:03 unmet needs that deserve some
10:06 compassion. Not some criticism, not
10:09 hate, but some compassion. You need to
10:12 learn to develop a relationship with
10:14 that child who is still deeply inside of
10:17 you. that child who needed a secure
10:20 adult to give them something back then
10:22 that an adult couldn't give them.
10:24 Whether that be safety, whether that be
10:27 love, whether that be a hug, whether it
10:29 be emotional intelligence, whatever it
10:32 might have been, you're healing the
10:34 version of you that needed something
10:36 back then but didn't get it. That's what
10:38 it looks like to actually reparent
10:41 yourself. Number nine, next thing you
10:43 need to get rid of, perfectionism. that
10:46 is dressed up as high standards. Let's
10:49 really call perfectionism what it is.
10:51 You have a fear of being judged.
10:54 Perfectionism is just anxiety that's
10:56 dressed up a little bit cuter. That's
10:58 really what it is. And we always say
10:59 like, "Oh, it's got to be perfect. If it
11:01 it's got to be perfect, it's it's got to
11:03 be perfect." Really, what you're saying
11:06 is, "If it's not perfect, I'm not safe."
11:08 And that's a trauma response. You'll
11:10 never build anything meaningful in your
11:12 entire life if you're obsessed with not
11:15 messing up because you are a human and
11:19 you will mess up. Humans are flawed. We
11:22 will make mistakes and perfectionism
11:24 kills all of the momentum in your entire
11:26 life. So, it's not about just going out
11:29 and doing your best and all of that.
11:31 It's really just about doing it for the
11:34 sake of doing it. Whatever it is, it's
11:35 about putting yourself out there, doing
11:38 it, making sure it gets done, screwing
11:41 it up, and just realizing that done is
11:44 better than perfect. Why? Because done exists.
11:46 exists.
11:48 Guess what? Perfectionism doesn't exist.
11:50 And you know it, but you need to really,
11:52 really feel it is the difference. And
11:53 number 10, the 10th thing that you need
11:56 to get rid of is your fear of failure.
11:59 Failure isn't about failure at all. It's
12:02 about what you make it mean about you.
12:03 And here's the truth that you need to
12:05 understand. You will fail. You know
12:07 you'll fail. And that's the point. But
12:10 you're afraid that failure will confirm
12:13 your worst fear. And that fear is that
12:16 you're not good enough. And so you try
12:18 to avoid it. You try to run away from
12:21 it. Most people rehearse failure in
12:23 their minds so often that they never
12:25 even risk success because they're so
12:27 afraid of it. And so I want you to
12:28 understand, you don't need more
12:30 confidence. What you need more than
12:33 anything else is more courage. You need
12:36 to develop a willingness to suck at
12:38 something long enough until you get
12:40 good. It's like the phrase I've said
12:42 here many times, you will never be a
12:44 graceful master if you will not let
12:46 yourself be a foolish beginner. You have
12:50 to fail. Failure, you know, is part of success.
12:52 success.
12:54 The creator of Honda has a quote that
12:57 says success is 99% failure. Failure is
13:00 necessary to succeed. Failure builds
13:02 resilience. And so you've got to learn
13:05 to develop a muscle to run towards
13:07 failure because really more than
13:08 anything else, that is where your growth
13:10 lives. And so I want you to understand
13:12 if this hits you in your chest, good.
13:14 It's not meant to shame you in any sort
13:17 of way. This is really meant to wake up
13:19 parts of you that know that you're meant
13:21 for more. You can't carry the old with
13:24 you into the new life. One of them has
13:27 to go. And so let it be the version of
13:30 you that you really want to be, not the
13:32 version of you that you used to be. Hey,
13:33 thanks so much for watching this video.
13:35 Based off of what you have been watching
13:38 recently, YouTube in the algorithm has
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