0:02 Uh so the preface to this is that it's
0:05 exercise talisman saber which is the US
0:07 and Australians. This is in Queensland,
0:10 Australia. Uh let me see. Our story
0:11 begins with a normal beautiful sunny
0:13 day. Little did the fine soldiers know
0:14 that their perfect day was about to take
0:17 a dark but unusual turn. Uh this turn
0:19 came in the form of two anti-war
0:22 protesters named Brian and Graham.
0:24 Unlike most other protesters, these two
0:26 men weren't content with standing at the
0:28 gate and being smelly stains on society.
0:30 I love that wording, by the way. They
0:31 wanted to cause real mayhem and they had
0:33 to come up with the perfect plan to
0:35 achieve this. As part of this plan,
0:37 Brian and Graham had been making threats
0:40 to attack Aussie and US aircraft, but
0:42 alas, their threats had fallen on deaf
0:44 ears. So, they decided to go to the next
0:47 phase of their attack. This is also in
0:48 reading this, I learned there's a very
0:50 large difference between how air
0:51 airfields are secured in Australia
0:53 versus the United States.
0:56 I guess they're just not I guess this
1:00 one wasn't. Um, with Graham filming,
1:03 Brian drove his war vehicle, an
1:06 oversized red tricycle, uh, to an
1:07 unattented side gate and proceeded to
1:09 cut the chain with bolt cutters. After
1:11 making entry, Brian remounted his
1:13 tricycle and started to ride towards the
1:15 nearest military aircraft. He was almost
1:17 stopped before he started when a rather
1:19 unimpressed civilian pilot tried rather
1:21 half-heartedly to stop him in his
1:23 adventure. Brian pulled a rather slow
1:25 evasive maneuver and kept on riding
1:28 after. Hold on a second. He's slowly
1:30 riding a tricycle like the clown puppet
1:32 from Saw. It's like a grownup. That's
1:36 all I can picture is some saw puppet.
1:39 This guy's old and fat, too. Like just
1:42 some elderly fat guy on an military
1:44 airfield on a [ __ ] tricycle. And
1:46 everyone's like, "Wait, this has a
1:48 video?" Yes, the video. It's in the text
1:50 channel of the general. Um, you got me
1:52 here. Uh, let me see. After riding a
1:54 distance, Brian pulled his tricycle up
1:56 to the unsuspecting Tiger aircraft and
1:58 dismounted in a way that can that only
2:00 an overweight elderly man could. Before
2:02 approaching the aircraft, he retrieved a
2:05 pickaxe, a Maddox pick, from the rear
2:06 basket of his tricycle. With great
2:08 effort and no skill, Brian swung the
2:10 garden tool at the aircraft and put a
2:11 decentsized hole in the side of the
2:13 aircraft. With mission accomplished,
2:15 Brian was not satisfied and he attempted
2:18 to dislodge the garden tool uh in order
2:20 to have another crack at the the title.
2:22 It was at this time real heroes of the
2:23 story enter in the form of the
2:25 Australian Army aircraft maintainers who
2:28 were rather displeased about the obese
2:30 elderly man who was de destroying their
2:32 aircraft. Before Brian could retrieve
2:33 his weapon, he was wrapped up by two
2:35 maintainers. But unfortunately, the
2:38 damage was done. The irony of the
2:39 situation is that if Brian had struck
2:42 the aircraft 4 in higher, he could have
2:44 possibly hit the detonation cord used to
2:46 blow the windows out for an emergency
2:49 escape. Watching Brian eat flying plexig
2:50 glass would have been poetic justice.
2:52 But unfortunately, this did not happen.
2:54 Instead, Brian's damage consisted of one
2:56 fist-siz hole through the composite skin
2:58 of the aircraft. This may sound like a
3:00 small bit of damage, but those that are
3:01 not aware, composite aircraft skin is
3:03 not as simple to fix as aluminum and is
3:05 actually this actually grounded the
3:06 aircraft for a number of months while
3:08 engineering was trying to figure out how
3:10 the [ __ ] they would fix it. And I how
3:12 the [ __ ] they get through a firefight if
3:14 one [ __ ] bullet pierces their
3:15 fuselage and then they're just like
3:17 they're like, "Ah [ __ ] the thing that
3:19 we put up in the air to shoot other they
3:21 might get shot at. It's just not it's
3:22 got a hole in it." The [ __ ] I don't
3:24 know. Maybe a pickaxe is better at
3:26 poking holes than bullets. I don't know.
3:29 I Oh my god. We are the world's police.
3:31 Everybody is this [ __ ] We literally
3:33 protect the world. There is no one on
3:35 our level. There's not even one person
3:37 on our level.
3:39 Yes, we're we're almost there. It's it's
3:41 a little bit of justice at the end.
3:44 These are our allies and they're they're
3:48 they're grounded because doofus put a
3:50 hole in their airplane. I'm not going to
3:51 lie, I would have paid to have all those
3:52 maintainers miked up because, you know,
3:55 it was just like, I you
3:57 [ __ ] like, it would have been great
4:00 to just hear it. Um, Brian was detained
4:02 by police and charged for his daring
4:03 assault of the aircraft. Magically, like
4:05 it usually happens, Brian was found
4:08 guilty, but not punished for his crime.
4:09 It seemed there was no punishment until
4:11 Brian came home one day and was issued a
4:15 bill for $200,000 Australian dollars by
4:16 the Australian Department of Defense for
4:18 the cost of repair to the damage. Sweet
4:20 justice. Well, yeah. He took down half
4:30 with a [ __ ] pickaxe. Bunts. Bunts.
4:33 Our allies are sad.
4:34 I mean, yeah. I don't think one of our
4:35 aircraft would have been down for
4:37 months. But for a dramatic incident
4:39 involving a military helicopter at
4:41 Rockhampton airport this morning, when
4:44 news obtained these exclusive pictures
4:46 as a protester made his way onto the
4:48 tarmac before allegedly using a garden
4:52 matic to damage the aircraft
4:54 carrying bolt cutters and riding a
4:57 tricer made his way onto restricted
5:00 government property. Get out loud on
5:03 here. Get off. In less than three
5:05 minutes, this anti-war activist crossed
5:07 the tarmac at Rockampton airport heading
5:10 towards a military helicopter before our
5:12 camera captured this swing with a garden
5:14 madic. Khaki clad troops intercepting
5:17 before police moved in taking protest
5:20 law into custody. I'm done. This war is
5:23 sick. It should be over. His actions
5:25 against the joint US and Australian
5:28 military exercise Talisman Sabre. The
5:29 Rockampton airport currently being used
5:31 as a base.
5:33 I think that's all the the footage. Open
5:36 the gate. Like, okay, I I want like, you
5:39 know, all the pride to our Australian
5:40 partners, but at the same time, if
5:42 someone tried that in the United States,
5:45 they would be full of so many [ __ ]
5:48 holes, like very quickly. I And then
5:50 when those cops ran up, dude, if Rich
5:52 was there, he would have paralyzed that
5:54 guy from throwing him so hard to the
5:56 ground. Dude, they're they like they
5:58 like jog up to him. Look at them.
6:00 They're like sprinting and then they
6:01 just go, "All right, mate. Let me give
6:03 me that. Let me take that from you real
6:05 quick." Like, are you [ __ ] serious?
6:08 Do you know how? Yes. That That man
6:11 would be broken in half. I'd take that
6:13 [ __ ] madic and slam it up one of his thighs.
6:15 thighs.
6:17 I just I was watching this. I was I
6:19 couldn't The story was funny, don't get
6:21 me wrong, because it's like wild, but at
6:24 the same time, I was The response was
6:28 also very funny to me.
6:32 Dude, that's [ __ ] wild. Wild. Like,
6:35 if it wasn't for the helic like it
6:38 how you ride a tricycle up to military
6:40 helicopters and then be able to hit it
6:43 with a [ __ ] pickaxe.
6:45 I mean, best case, you're in the
6:48 hospital. So, like he just the the thing
6:50 just rode by that guy that ran up to him
6:53 was just like, "No, no, thank you." And
6:56 then just like going, "Go ahead, Nick.
6:57 I'm sorry to keep interrupting. The
6:58 weird part that like we don't really gra
7:01 I was like just reading uh an account
7:03 from I think it was a British guy. It
7:05 might have been a French guy, but he was
7:07 talking about like things that are are
7:10 weird about the American military. And
7:12 apparently like most other militaries
7:15 are not like the US military in that
7:18 like if you're active duty like that
7:20 that that's it. That's what you do. Like
7:23 apparently like the British and a lot of
7:24 military dudes is like you're in the
7:27 military but it's like you're 9 to5 and
7:29 then you go home and live a completely
7:32 normal life the rest of the time. And he
7:33 was talking about how weird it is. And
7:36 like he almost likened the US military
7:39 active duty to like a cult of like no
7:41 you do that. You get up in the morning
7:42 you work out in the morning with your
7:45 group. You train all day. You eat with
7:46 your guys. You live in a barracks. is
7:48 like that's not normal for a lot of
7:51 other militaries. I guess
7:52 that's why we're better than everybody
7:55 else. This is true. Yeah. One of the
7:58 many reasons. I mean 11. And it doesn't
8:00 take a [ __ ] pickaxe to knock out half
8:01 of our area. You guys only show up
8:04 miners. You guys only show up at the end
8:05 of the World War and then try to take
8:07 all the credit. Yeah. You think it's a
8:09 coincidence that every time we show up,
8:12 [ __ ] ends promptly? No. What's [ __ ]
8:14 dad getting home from work, [ __ ]
8:18 This shit's over. belts out. Yeah. You
8:20 You know how Germany acted when all of a
8:23 sudden out of the background by in in
8:26 the UK there came a loud rumbling of what?
8:28 what?
8:32 And then just boss music like a [ __ ]
8:35 Some Nazi looking at a Japanese guy.
8:38 What did you do? What did you do? We
8:40 touched the boss. Like the Dark Souls
8:42 the boss uh health bar pops up at the
8:45 bottom. I love that. That's actually a
8:47 really good meme. It's like bombing Hiro
8:49 or bombing
8:52 uh Pearl Harbor and
8:55 then the boss meter shows up. It's like
