0:03 me a lot of funny stories I don't know
0:04 where this because he thinks I'm not
0:07 funny enough or whether he's just hoping
0:09 I will quote him one of these days and
0:13 so maybe I will compliment of the
0:15 stories he recently sent me he comes
0:18 from India lives in the UAE actually his
0:21 son goes here to moody he sent me this
0:23 story some time ago he said did you hear
0:26 of this Indian who was flying with
0:28 Einstein next to him you can already
0:30 tell the imagination is being stretched
0:32 so this Indian guy sitting next to
0:34 Einstein and Einstein says you know it's
0:37 a long flight why don't we have a
0:39 competition I'll ask you a question and
0:42 if you can't answer it you give me five
0:45 dollars then you can ask me a question
0:47 and if I can't answer it said Einstein
0:49 I'll pay you 500 dollars
0:51 Indian guy you know for this is a great
0:53 deal if I can answer it five if he can't
0:56 answer it 500 so it's all I'm Stein all
0:59 right you go first so Einstein said how
1:01 far is the moon from the earth and then
1:03 thought and thought he said you know
1:05 what I really don't have the exact
1:07 answer here's five dollars then he
1:09 looked at Einstein and said what goes up
1:12 a hill with three legs and comes down
1:15 with four and Einstein worked through
1:17 all of his knowledge of science couldn't
1:19 figure out what he was talking about put
1:21 his hand in his pocket and gave him $500
1:25 Einsteins turn again Einstein said
1:27 before I ask you my next question what
1:29 does go up the hill with three legs and
1:31 come down with four and the Indian put
1:33 his hand in his pocket and gave five dollars
1:41 [Applause]
1:43 so the moral of the story is never get
1:45 into a Q&A game with an Indian
1:48 especially money is involved one way or
1:52 the other they'll find it amen
1:56 the story is an old one but thankfully
1:58 all old stories have at least a handful
2:02 who have never heard of them it's a
2:03 stole of a man who was looking for a job
2:06 he was a man with bulging muscles and
2:08 out of work he was a bodybuilder by
2:12 training and he went into a zoo because
2:13 he'd seen an advertisement that said
2:17 wanted man to work at Zoo when he went
2:19 there to his utter horror he found out
2:22 that the only job they had opened for
2:23 him was somebody to play the part of a
2:26 monkey a lot of children were going to
2:28 be coming in the next few days and they
2:30 had run out of monkeys needed somebody
2:33 to impersonate one and since money was tight
2:34 tight
2:36 this man decided he would take the job
2:39 he had to arrive before sunrise get into
2:42 the outfit of a monkey slipping still in
2:44 the darkness there and get into his cage
2:47 finally the day dawned and children were
2:49 coming and all he had to do was
2:51 pensively face the floor look rather
2:55 adept at swinging between trees and eat
2:57 the peanuts and bananas whenever they
3:00 were fed to him now you can do that for
3:02 about eight or ten hours and after that
3:04 he became thoroughly exhausted the
3:06 bananas were getting the better of him
3:09 and as he was swinging from one tree to
3:13 another rather nauseated he slipped and
3:17 fell into the lion's den next door and
3:22 he shouted help help and the lion leaned
3:24 over and said if you don't shut up we'll
3:29 I'll tell you a little funny story
3:31 because the subject is a bit intense
3:33 a big daily humorous story talking about
3:37 languages and it says B will play off a
3:41 little bit of English language out here
3:43 but this fellow was being taught English
3:45 and he was from another language group
3:47 and so he was trying to use these
3:49 fanciful words so he turned to one of
3:51 his english-speaking friends and he said
3:54 you know problem I have with English is
3:56 that the meaning of the word so often is
4:00 so vague you'ii answer what you say so
4:02 the meaning is very vague you he said no
4:05 no no it's not thank youi it's vague he
4:07 said there you go every time I want to
4:11 use a new word my tummy gets twisted out
4:13 man said it's not telling you we get
4:15 stung he said maybe I can help you with
4:18 a grammatical error when we see a word
4:21 ending with ue the UE is silent so it's
4:24 not they do its day it's not telling you
4:27 we its tongue the other person okay okay
4:29 let's not argue about it [Applause]
4:36 Muhammad Ali was once flying on a plane
4:39 and Ali's name is not exactly synonymous
4:42 with humility and a great float like a
4:44 butterfly sting like a bee and the
4:47 greatest and so on and they hit some
4:49 moderate turbulence when the pilot tells
4:52 you it's moderate turbulence it's
4:54 getting close to the last rites mild
4:56 turbulence you can handle moderate
4:57 turbulence you better be worried about
5:01 and so they were all told to fasten
5:03 their seat belts everybody complied
5:06 except Ali the flight attendant went
5:08 over to him and said sir
5:10 would you please fasten your seat belt
5:14 he looked at her and said Superman don't
5:18 need no seat belt and she looked at him
5:20 and said and Superman don't need no
5:27 airplane either I had a classic story to
5:30 illustrate this the other day two
5:33 brothers who were real hooligans they
5:36 were evil men and one of them suddenly
5:39 died so the other goes up to the pastor
5:42 and says pastor I will pay you anything
5:45 you want if you will take the funeral of
5:48 my brother and when you are burying him
5:53 at his funeral refer to him as a saint
5:56 just call him a saint and anything you
5:59 want I will give to you so the pastor
6:00 pause for a moment and said all right
6:03 I'll do that and the day of the funeral
6:05 came the man was in the coffin and so on
6:07 and the posture began and then he
6:10 started the eulogy said the man you see
6:13 in the coffin was a hooligan he was a
6:17 liar he was an adulterer he was a rascal
6:20 he was a violator he did every
6:23 conceivable evil act you can think of
6:26 but compared to his brother he was a saint
6:37 before I read the scriptures for you I
6:40 want to tell you a little funny anecdote
6:42 here again if the gentleman is here you
6:43 can translate it into Spanish you
6:47 probably already have you know the story
6:50 of Sherlock Holmes and Watson on a
6:52 camping trip I'm sure you've heard it so
6:54 these boys on a camping trip and had
6:57 plenty of liquid refreshment and went
7:00 soundly asleep on this bright starry
7:02 night in the middle of the night Holmes
7:04 awakened and looked up into the night
7:08 sky and he dug his elbow into Watson's
7:10 ribs and he said what's and Watson wake
7:13 up what do you see
7:16 he looked up and he said stars and stars
7:19 and more stars he said what does that
7:20 tell you Watson
7:23 he said astronomically it tells me that
7:25 there are millions of galaxies and
7:27 potentially billions of planets
7:30 astrologically it tells me that Saturn
7:33 is in Leo or illogically it tells me
7:35 that it's about quarter to 3:00 in the morning
7:35 morning
7:38 meteorological it tells me that tomorrow
7:40 will probably be a beautiful day
7:43 theologically it tells me just a tiny
7:44 part of the Great Hall
7:47 why Holmes what does it tell you he says
7:49 what's a new idiot somebody has stolen
8:01 some of you may have heard the story
8:05 which is a little bit funny but it's
8:07 also a little bit odd it's about this
8:10 guy who a little boy who wanted to get
8:13 himself a bicycle but he did not know
8:16 how to pray so he started watching
8:18 Christian television so that he could
8:20 learn how to pray and one day he watched
8:24 a very high church program wrote down as
8:26 best as he could and that night he got
8:28 down on his knees and did his best to
8:31 pray in some highfalutin language
8:35 Almighty and eternal God if it is in
8:39 your vast infinite plan that I get
8:42 myself a bicycle may it be according to
8:47 your perfect will world without end amen
8:50 and he woke up the next morning and went
8:53 outside and there was no bicycle he was
8:55 very disturbed by this that his prayer
8:57 wasn't answered so he turned on the
8:59 television again and decided to watch
9:01 another Christian program that night he
9:04 got on his knees and he prayed thus dear
9:07 Jesus I declare my need for a bicycle
9:11 and I declare also that it be blue and
9:16 silver and demand that it be here
9:20 tomorrow morning by 5:30 because you
9:22 want your children to prosper quite a
9:26 bit and I need my bicycle thank you
9:29 amen he got up early next morning went
9:32 outside there was no bicycle how he is
9:34 really troubled he walked around the
9:35 house and the mother was watching him
9:39 she saw him go into her bedroom and he
9:41 saw a statue of Mary and he picked up
9:43 the statue of Mary put it under his arm
9:45 and disappeared into the woods in the
9:50 back he came back about 10 minutes later
9:53 with no statue under his arm the mother
9:55 wondered what had happened she saw him
9:58 going to the going to his own room got
9:59 on his knees
10:01 she put her ear to the door and she
10:04 overheard him praying dear Jesus if you
10:16 remember some time ago a few years ago I
10:19 was in Newark New York I just come back
10:21 from overseas I think it was somewhere
10:24 in Asia and there's a long 13 or 14 hour
10:26 haul and you get off whether you're in
10:28 the body or out of the body you cannot
10:31 tell you just show up and that I was
10:32 looking at the Marquee at the gate that
10:35 I was to leave from but it didn't say
10:38 Atlanta it said another city so I saw a
10:40 lady sitting at the corner there I said
10:42 excuse me ma'am is this flight going to
10:45 Atlanta and she said yes I said I'm
10:46 sorry because it said another city
10:48 that's fine so I walked over to get
10:50 myself a cup of coffee or something and
10:52 I heard the patter of feet behind me and
10:55 she stopped tapped me on the shoulder
10:57 she said excuse me are you Ravi Zacharias
10:57 Zacharias
11:01 I said I'm afraid so and answered a
11:04 question she said what a relief because
11:13 now I kid you not I'm not making up this
11:15 story I couldn't think up a story such
11:18 as that I didn't think you had questions
11:21 also all because I wanted to know
11:23 whether the flight out of that jet way
11:25 was heading to Atlanta that's a simple
11:27 question you know there's a bumper
11:28 sticker that was doing the rounds and
11:31 the 80s and then in in many parts of the
11:34 US which said on the back they will as
11:36 long as there are math tests there will
11:42 always be prayer in schools it's true
11:44 you can't ban a student from praying
11:46 when he's looking at a question paper in
11:48 an exam and he knows he's gonna flunk it
11:50 you better believe he's going to call
11:53 out to God in fact I don't know how many
11:54 of you know the name of Richard Dawkins
11:56 do you know the name of Richard Dawkins
11:59 that very noted atheist belligerent
12:02 atheist I want to tell you something
12:03 fascinating that happened and this is a
12:05 true story it happened a few months ago
12:08 he was on a radio program on the BBC
12:13 live and he was dialoguing with the one
12:16 of the ministers of st. Paul's Cathedral
12:19 and he was as usual the Dawkins just
12:23 very belligerent and hostile and verbose
12:25 and all that he does to criticize
12:26 believers and he said you know
12:28 Christians are basically very
12:31 unintelligent people he said if you want
12:33 to ask an average Christian even to name
12:37 the Gospels they won't know it they
12:40 don't know it and so the vicar just kept
12:44 listening and he said Richard you're
12:48 very erudite scientist and which is just
12:49 nodding you know he said your favorite
12:52 book is the Origin of Species right by
12:55 Darwin he said right he said Richard can
13:04 this happened live and Dawkins sewed oh
13:06 yeah yeah I know it's I know it's it's a
13:07 it's a much longer title than the
13:09 oranges species so The Vicar so go ahead
13:09 go ahead
13:13 name it for me I'm quoting this to you
13:15 now please forgive me this is the way it
13:17 went Richard Dawkins says the Origin of
13:27 [Music]
13:31 the ultimate proof of the sovereignty
13:34 and omnipotence of God is that it even
13:36 takes an atheist who doesn't believe in
13:38 him to call upon him to remind him of
13:40 the title of the book that helped him
13:47 deny him and the next morning's
13:50 newspaper said and I quote it's been a
14:30 it's this big rancher in Texas who is
14:33 talking to a small Indian farmer and
14:34 thought he'd really put it in
14:37 perspective and he said mr. Singh
14:46 how big is your farm and said you see
14:49 that lamppost stop there about 50 60
14:52 yards away and you see another um post
14:54 out there about 50 60 yards away that's
14:56 about how long my farm is how wide my
15:00 farm is the Dixon said you know what if
15:06 you were living in my ranch and you
15:08 drove and drove and drove and drove
15:11 about three hours later you would just
15:26 questions galore have you heard this one
15:30 Sam can you tell me the parable of the
15:33 Good Samaritan on your ordination exam
15:35 here yes sir I will sir once there was
15:37 this man traveling from Jerusalem to
15:39 Jericho and he fell among the thorns and
15:41 the thorns sprung up and choked him and
15:44 as he went on he didn't have no money
15:45 and he met the Queen of Sheba and she
15:47 gave him a thousand talents of gold and
15:50 a thousand changes of raiment and he got
15:52 into a chariot and drove furiously and
15:54 when he was driving under a big juniper
15:55 tree his hair got caught on the limb of
15:57 that tree and he hung there many days
15:58 and the Ravens brought him food to eat
16:00 and water to drink and he ate five
16:03 thousand loaves of bread and two fishes
16:05 one night when he was hanging there
16:07 asleep his wife Delilah come along and
16:09 cut off his head and he dropped and fell
16:11 on stony ground but he got up and went
16:13 on and it began to rain in the tree
16:16 forty days and forty nights and he hid
16:17 himself in a cave and he lived on
16:20 locusts and wild honey then he went on
16:22 till he met a servant said come take
16:24 supper at my house and he made an excuse
16:25 and said no I won't
16:27 I married a wife and I can't go and the
16:29 sermon went down to the highways and the
16:30 hedges and compelled him to come in
16:32 after supper he went on and come on down
16:35 to Jericho when he got there he looked
16:36 up and saw that gold Queen Jezebel
16:37 sitting down way
16:40 pie in a window and she laughed at him
16:42 and he said throw her down out there and
16:43 they threw her down out there
16:45 and he said throw her down again and
16:48 they threw her down again 70 times seven
16:52 and of the fragments they remain they
16:54 picked up twelve baskets full besides
16:56 women and children and they say blessed
17:00 are the peacemakers bie seee now whose
17:02 wife do you think she will be on that
17:11 Judgment Day that's brilliant
17:17 great story wrong context and you know
17:19 what I think the day is gonna come when
17:22 people won't even laugh at that story
17:24 because they won't know what's so funny
17:24 about it
17:26 they will not know enough of the
17:28 biblical narrative in order to see the
17:31 messed up context of what this creative
17:37 genius has done Richard Dawkins was
17:42 asked the question very plainly what he
17:47 thought about God you heard this it is
17:49 quoted in many books and David Aikman in
17:51 his book listen to this it's a mouthful
17:55 what do I think about God the God of the
17:57 Old Testament is arguably the most
18:01 unpleasant character in all fiction
18:04 jealous and proud of it a petty unjust
18:07 unforgiving control-freak a vindictive
18:10 bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser a
18:12 misogynistic homophobic racist
18:16 infanticidal genocidal Phyllis idle
18:17 pestilential megalomaniacal
18:20 sadomasochistic capriciously malevolent
18:27 bully I guess he doesn't like God this
18:30 intimate he's jealous petty unjust
18:33 unforgiving vindictive bloodthirsty
18:36 misogynistic homophobic infanticidal
18:38 genocidal Phyllis idle fester
18:39 pestilential megalomaniacal
18:42 sadomasochistic capriciously malevolent
18:45 bully now he's just finished telling us
18:54 that's the half of the point the other
18:56 half of the point is when you ask him
18:59 what he thinks of humanity he goes on to
19:03 say that he believes basically in the
19:04 goodness of humanity without God
19:09 watching over now I don't know if I'm
19:13 confused or he is if God doesn't exist
19:18 and all these descriptions apply who did
19:31 person is deluded when they believe
19:34 something contrary to all the evidence
19:41 who is deluded who wrote the Old
19:44 Testament if God didn't inspire the
19:47 words humanity that would be his answer
19:49 and who ordered all those things
19:52 humanity why on earth are you so big on
19:55 humanity and so small on God when
19:56 humanity manufactured the God that you
20:04 denied this Indian guy had just gone in
20:05 for an interview for a job they were
20:08 gonna get about five positions for about
20:10 500 who were applying for it as often
20:12 happens so he goes through the interview
20:14 and comes out and as he was walking out
20:16 the interviewers said don't repeat the
20:18 questions to anybody because the same
20:20 questions for everyone so he walks out
20:21 and of course one of the Indian guys
20:25 said okay if you don't want to tell me
20:27 the questions it is give me the answers
20:32 what were the answer so he said well the
20:37 first answer was when about the question
20:38 he was actually asked was when did India
20:40 gain its independence and his answer was
20:43 that many many things happened there
20:44 were several events that took place all
20:47 kinds of events and activities and so on
20:48 and then finally India got its
20:51 independence in 1947 so he gave them and
20:52 gave him the first answer
20:54 second question happened to be who is
20:56 the father of the nation and this fellow
20:58 told the interviewers you know it's not
21:00 fair to just name one person when so
21:02 many others are involved in this kind of thing
21:02 thing
21:04 why should I just pick one man so I'll
21:06 say there was several involved in this
21:09 rather impressed and said there our
21:11 third question for you is its corruption
21:13 a major problem in India and this
21:16 follows answer was that you know the
21:17 matter is on the study the Prime
21:19 Minister's committed a delegation to
21:20 study this and when the results are
21:22 about to be able to give you a most
21:24 certain answer for that so I said oh wow
21:26 that's pretty good so he gave this
21:29 fellow the three answers many things
21:31 took place a lot of activities and then
21:33 1947 it all came together who am I to
21:35 call one person father many were
21:37 enrolled and so on the matters being
21:38 studied by a prime minister committee
21:40 game the three answers so that walks in
21:42 and the interviewer is going through his
21:43 for me says you know this is not
21:48 complete what is your date of birth he
21:50 says actually many activities took place
21:53 long before a lot of things that went on
21:55 and on but it all finally came together
22:01 in 1947 what is your father's name
22:09 he says Who am I to pick one man are you
22:11 off your head are you crazy
22:12 said well the Primus has appointed a
22:19 committee to study the question and so I
22:21 just leave you with that and let's let's
22:23 meet afterwards hey Nathan we want to
22:25 chat with you you know you're the kind
22:27 of guy we come here for so afterwards
22:43 you know I live in a condominium where
22:45 there's so much of noise that sometimes
22:47 goes on and I phoned the property
22:49 manager and said you know when I write
22:52 even the sound of anything distracts me
22:53 and so she said play some music I said
22:58 what you know I was a lousy student
23:00 I hardly ever ate lunch because I never
23:02 did my homework and my teacher in the
23:05 third standard mrs. Nelson would make me
23:07 sit outside the tent at Delhi public
23:10 school during lunch and do my homework
23:12 because these are doing my homework I
23:15 was playing cricket the previous day
23:18 some months ago I was in a plane from
23:20 Dallas to Atlanta and there's an Indian
23:22 guy with all of his funny stuff you know
23:24 the high-tech stuff he's working on two
23:25 or three things at the same time he even
23:27 had something dangling from the window
23:31 to give us the flight paths I said this
23:33 guy's quite sophisticated all I can do
23:35 to press my blackberry buttons and my
23:40 computer to say undo undo undo so
23:41 finally he looked at me and he said
23:44 you're a reader I said yeah how do you
23:47 guess he said you're reading
23:50 and he looked at me and he said delay
23:52 hinder son say how are you from India I
23:53 said yes sir
23:55 I said you too he said yes I said where
23:57 were you were you from he asked me I
24:00 said I'm from Delhi I lived in Delhi to
24:01 Leicester and he said really where I
24:03 said sometimes I got a in a good
24:05 area so I just live in sunder Nagar I
24:08 said wow he said did you go to DPS now
24:10 public school I said yeah he said this
24:13 amazing I said yeah I went he said you
24:16 went to DPS I said yes he said were you
24:21 ever a student of mrs. Nelson third see
24:25 they sent the worst students to mrs.
24:28 Nelson and I qualified at the top of
24:33 that list her favorite line was topper
24:34 kaga poopa
24:37 in Hindi Atman you're gonna get a slap
24:40 on your face and I did and it was
24:42 unfortunate because nobody told me she
24:44 was a left-hander
24:46 so the first time I'm standing in front
24:48 of her not having done my homework I'm
24:50 watching that right hand you know I'm
24:56 going away in a way and away and Wow so
24:58 he says you were in mrs. Nelson's class
25:03 I said yes he said me too
25:06 and then he raised his hand and gave me
25:08 a high-five and said we made it we made it
25:18 huh this question is for both speakers
25:21 if the transformative power of Jesus
25:25 Christ is so great and it's the only way
25:26 to live an abundant life and to never
25:29 thirst again how come we do not see more
25:31 Christians living this transform
25:37 abundant spirit filled life that's a
25:43 if you would like to give me a name a
25:44 list of names and addresses of all the
25:51 hypocrites you know I will be happy to
