hey hi everybody my name is Jerry wise
and today I want to talk about
narcissistic adult children the Betrayal
and deep pain they cause I want to
mention that I'm not talking about adult
children of
narcissist but children who are adults
who are
narcissistic those are who I want to
talk about today and I'm going to talk
about the causes of narcissism later in
this video I hope you watch and I'll
give you some information on how
narcissists are created so narcissistic
adult children can betray and cause
disillusionment and deep pain in various
ways and here's some of the common
behaviors and actions that contribute to
these feelings children who are
narcissists behave with emotional
manipulation narcissistic adult children
use guilt fear or emotional blackmail to
control their parents they Fain affection
affection
concern just to get what they want only
to withdraw once they get what they want
children who are narcissists behave with
a lack of empathy narcissistic adult
children show little to no concern for
their parents' feelings often dismissing
or invalid Val ating their emotions they
systematically ignore their parents'
needs struggles focusing solely on their own
own
desires and I don't know how many people
I have talked to who are parents who
have had adult children who are
narcissistic or NPD how meanly and how
selfishly they have treated their
parents and they expect everything and
give nothing and are not
appreciative and feel entitled to
everything and anything children who are
narcissists behave with broken
promises narcissistic adult children
frequently make commitments or promises
to their parents that they fail to keep
they lead parents to believe they will
change or improve only to continue their
harmful behaviors and they do not abide
by boundaries so all so because of the
broken promises they'll you know they'll
say hey I only want you to do this or
you can borrow the car but only for this
reason they will always most commonly
have their own
justification for uh busting those
boundaries if they're children who are
adults who are narcissists children who
are narcissists behave with exploitation
narcissistic adult children take
advantage of their parents and they take
ADV Advantage particularly of their
parents' generosity whether financially
or emotionally and without reciprocation
they'll take advantage of money or
emotions but not give it back they use
their parents' resources such as money
and time without considering their parents'
parents'
well-being how many times in stories
have I heard uh this in talking with
clients and family members children who
are narcissists behave in a way that is
dishonest narcissistic adult children
lie about their actions intentions
circumstances to manipulate or to
deceive their parents they conceal
important information or make false
accusations to shift blame children who
are narcissists behave with blaming and
criticizing narcissistic adult children
constantly blame parents for their own
problems or failures leading to feelings
of guilt and
inadequacy they harshly criticize
parents for perceived
shortcomings often undermining their
confidence and
self-esteem and parents get beat down or
worn down by narcissistic children now
before you talk about and there are many
who have I've heard from who said oh
well there there are no narcissists IC
children without narcissistic parents
I'm going to talk about that at the end
so hold on and and watch to the end and
I'll I'll explain what I mean by that
and why that isn't true in many
instances children who are narcissists
behave with a lack of gratitude
narcissistic adult children show little
to no appreciation for the sacrifices
and their efforts of their parents made
throughout their lives they act entitled
to their parents support and resources
without expressing gratitude or
acknowledgement children who are
narcissists behave with unrealistic
demands narcissistic adult children
expect parents to cater to their needs
and desires without consideration for
their parents' own lives and limitations
and I've known many children who have
run through their parents or retirement
uh their parents' finances uh because of
their own selfishness and the parents
have felt obligated to do that they
pressure parents to make significant
sacrifices or changes in their lives to
accommodate the child's
wishes or maybe even hey uh Mom and Dad
you need to move here so you can take so
you can see your
grandchildren which many times can mean
so you can take care of the
grandchildren children sell your home at
a loss buy this home near us at a profit
for the
seller so that you can take care of our
children or your
grandchildren I've heard of those
instances children who are narcissists
behave with ignoring guidance and misplacing
misplacing
blame narcissistic adult children
disregard parental advice parental help
leading to repeated mistakes
and then shift the blame to the parents
children who are narcissists behave with
public embarrassment narcissistic adult
children engage in behavior that
publicly discredits or humiliates their
parents whether intentionally or through
neglect they share private family
matters or conflicts with others
damaging the parents reputation and
sense of privacy that happens quite
frequently so I mentioned I was going to
talk about how narcissistic children are
created we are still learning more about
narcissism and how it develops because
narcissism is a personality
disorder and so many I know who am I
have talked to are of the belief that if
you become a narcissist then your
parents were narcissist
and you are abused and mistreated and
then you become a narcissist yourself
there are narcissists in which I believe
they had their Beginnings in that very
way however that's not the only way and
the only factor involved in becoming
narcissistic there are genetics genetics
play a big part in personality
disorders Early Childhood experiences
like rejection trauma abuse excessive
praise or overindulgence or being
spoiled and again that can lead to Ego
fragility and things like that which is
what we commonly think of maybe how a
narcissist is developed parenting style
also you know being a helicopter parent
may lead children to expect the same
treatment they receive from their
parents culture is a part and can add to
uh and be a factor in personality
disorders and then lastly
neurobiology the connection between
brain and behavior and thinking may also
play a role in that Dynamic so it's
there is no simple answer and always
accurate answer as to why someone is a
narcissist I also believe that there are
transmission of family issues and
psychology that comes down through the
generations as well can you have
grandparents parents who are narcissists
children who are not and then uh have
grandchildren who become narcissists yes
and those who believe that there's only
one way to create a narcissist remember
there's a lot of people who experience
those same Dynamics and don't become
narcissists how does that prove our
theory if abuse rejection shaming if
that's our only means of knowing uh how
someone becomes a narcissist what about
all the people who experienced that
severely growing up and did not become
and and possess a narcissistic
personality disorder so we need to think more
more
generally and I have been working and
I've worked with parents many of them
over my 45 years who have had
narcissistic uh children they weren't
perfect parents but they were good
parents and did not show signs of
NPD so you know and and many people say
oh well they're just lying to you or
they're just fooling you well if you
work with them you know for three years
it it's kind of hard to hide that for
three years I believe so what do we do
what are some self-differentiation tips
I can offer to you if you have children
who are narcissistic don't change them
them for you and don't change you for
them second you can learn more about
narcissism so you can have a better idea
of how to comport yourself or what needs
you have boundaries Etc that are
important in dealing with someone even
if they are your child and they are
narcissistic focus on reducing your
guilt shame and self-blame parents are
overwhelmed with those feelings when
they have a child uh who is
narcissistic often an NPD child will
cause the parents many times to second
guess their parenting and going well
maybe I was maybe their childhood wasn't
what I remember though they were the
adults I mean they remembered in more of
an adult way than the child I've also
known of many uh narcissistic children to
to
falsely uh accuse parents of abuse
sexual abuse physical abuse and and in
checking a wide variety of folks and
people I I find no evidence of that at
all or even even a hint of that now that
doesn't mean the parents were perfect in
any way and they will take
responsibility for uh their own
parenting but many times uh there are
usually false claims that come with
narcissistic children we want to shift
the responsibility to them from us as
parents to let them grow up even if it
is painful a narcissist changes when the
consequences are high enough and again
they may not change at all but if the
consequences are high enough even a
narcissist will begin to have some uh
self focus and go well maybe I don't
want to experience that so we want to
shift the responsibility to them to make
their own life and to suffer their own
consequences I would strongly recommend
you get a coach or therapist for support
I really think that would help you in
sorting through these things and also
seeing if there's any daylight to
helping or preserving the relationship
ship I hope that you'll learn more about
being self- differentiated to the
program I have the road to self I really
think that can be helpful I also have
training free training 84 minute
training free doesn't cost you anything
you're welcome to participate in that
the links are below I hope you'll
subscribe like comment on this video and
again I I really hope you have a great
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