0:01 You know why most relationships failed?
0:04 Because nobody explained them properly.
0:05 We learned about relationships from
0:08 Disney movies, romantic comedies, and
0:10 our parents who were probably winging
0:12 it, too. So, we enter relationships
0:15 expecting magic, fireworks, and happily
0:18 ever after. Then, reality hits like a
0:19 brick wall, and we think we're doing
0:21 something wrong. Here's the truth nobody
0:23 wants to admit. Relationships aren't
0:25 complicated because they're mysterious.
0:27 They're complicated because we've been
0:29 taught complete nonsense about how they
0:31 actually work. I'm about to explain
0:32 relationships in a way that will make
0:35 you go, "Why didn't anyone tell me this
0:37 before?" By the end of this video,
0:39 you'll understand relationships better
0:41 than people who've been married for 20
0:43 years. Let's start with the basics.
0:45 Think of it this way. You know how
0:47 living with a roommate works. You share
0:49 space. You split responsibilities. You
0:51 negotiate who does what. You deal with
0:54 each other's annoying habits. Sometimes
0:55 you love hanging out together. Sometimes
0:57 you want to strangle them for leaving
0:59 dishes in the sink again. A romantic
1:01 relationship is exactly the same thing,
1:03 except you also kiss this roommate and
1:05 share feelings with them. That's it.
1:08 That's literally what a relationship is.
1:09 But here's where it gets interesting.
1:11 Most people think the kissing part makes
1:14 it completely different. It doesn't. The
1:16 roommate rules still apply. You still
1:18 need to communicate about chores. You
1:19 still need to respect each other's
1:21 space. You still need to figure out
1:22 money stuff together. The only
1:24 difference is now you're also sharing
1:26 emotions and physical intimacy with this
1:28 person. But here's the lie that destroys
1:31 more relationships than anything else.
1:33 If they really loved me, they would just
1:35 know what I need. This is insane. It's
1:37 like expecting your roommate to
1:39 automatically know you're out of milk
1:41 without you telling them. Love is not
1:44 telepathy. Love is not mind readading.
1:47 Love is not automatically knowing what
1:49 someone wants without them saying it.
1:51 Love is caring enough to listen when
1:53 someone tells you what they need. Love
1:54 is paying attention when they explain
1:57 their feelings. Love is remembering
1:59 important stuff they've shared with you,
2:00 but they have to actually share it
2:02 first. You're not psychic. They're not
2:04 psychic. Nobody is psychic. This
2:06 expectation alone kills more
2:08 relationships than cheating does. Now,
2:10 let me tell you why people fight in
2:12 relationships. Remember being 5 years
2:13 old and fighting with your brother over
2:16 the last cookie? Same energy, different
2:18 problems. You always choose your friends
2:21 over me. Translation: I want to be more
2:23 important and I feel like I'm not. Most
2:25 relationship fights are just grown-ups
2:27 having tantrums about not getting what
2:29 they want. The difference is as adults,
2:31 we're supposed to use words to explain
2:34 what we actually need instead of just
2:35 screaming until someone gives us the
2:37 cookie. Here's what every relationship
2:40 actually needs to survive. Just like a
2:42 plant needs water, sunlight, and soil to
2:45 survive, relationships need three
2:47 specific things. First thing, clear
2:49 communication. This means saying what
2:52 you actually mean instead of expecting
2:54 people to guess. I'm fine when you're
2:57 not fine is not clear communication.
2:59 It's relationship poison. I need more
3:02 affection is clear communication. I feel
3:04 ignored when you're on your phone during
3:06 dinner is clear communication. I'm
3:07 stressed about money and need to talk
3:10 about our budget is clear communication.
3:12 Second thing, realistic expectations.
3:15 Your partner is not your therapist, your
3:17 entertainment committee, your personal
3:19 chef, your maid, or your psychic
3:21 adviser. They're just another human with
3:23 their own problems, bad days, and
3:25 limitations. Expecting them to make you
3:27 happy all the time is like expecting
3:29 your roommate to control the weather.
3:30 Third thing, and this is the
3:32 controversial one, healthy relationships
3:34 require two complete people, not two
3:36 half people trying to become one whole
3:38 person. You need your own friends, your
3:40 own hobbies, your own goals, your own
3:42 identity. The most toxic belief in
3:45 modern dating is you complete me. Nobody
3:47 completes anybody. You're supposed to be
3:49 a complete person dating another
3:52 complete person. Two incomplete people
3:53 don't make one healthy relationship.
3:55 They make codependency. But here's what
3:58 nobody wants to admit about finding the
4:01 one. There is no one perfect for you.
4:02 There are probably thousands of people
4:04 you could have a great relationship with
4:06 if you both put in the effort. The idea
4:09 of the one makes people do crazy things
4:11 like staying in terrible relationships
4:13 because they think this person is their
4:15 destiny or leaving good relationships
4:17 because this person doesn't feel perfect
4:19 enough. Here's the real secret. Great
4:21 relationships aren't found, they're
4:23 built. Two people decide to build
4:25 something together and they work on it
4:27 every day. Like building a house, except
4:29 the house is made of trust,
4:31 communication, and shared experiences.
4:32 Now, here's the uncomfortable truth
4:35 about compatibility. Real compatibility
4:37 isn't about having everything in common.
4:39 It's about having compatible problems.
4:42 Every person comes with problems. Every
4:44 relationship comes with challenges. The
4:45 question isn't, "Is this person
4:47 perfect?" The question is, "Are their
4:49 problems the kind I can deal with?" Some
4:51 people's problems are they leave dishes
4:52 in the sink and they're bad at
4:54 remembering anniversaries. Other
4:56 people's problems are they scream when
4:58 they're angry and they refuse to admit
5:01 when they're wrong. Compatible problems
5:03 are manageable, annoying habits.
5:05 Incompatible problems are fundamental
5:07 character flaws that make you miserable.
5:09 This part gets dark, but it's important.
5:11 Some people stay in relationships that
5:13 make them unhappy because they think
5:15 that's what love is supposed to feel
5:17 like. They confuse drama for passion.
5:19 They confuse jealousy for love. They
5:21 confuse emotional chaos for deep
5:23 connection. Here's the truth. Healthy
5:25 love is actually kind of boring. It's
5:27 two people who generally get along,
5:30 solve problems together, and enjoy each
5:31 other's company most of the time.
5:33 There's no constant fighting followed by
5:36 passionate makeup sessions. There's no
5:38 emotional roller coasters. There's no
5:39 questioning whether they love you every
5:42 other day. Healthy love feels stable,
5:44 supportive, and peaceful. But here's
5:46 what nobody teaches you. Relationships
5:48 require actual skills that nobody
5:50 bothers to teach us. Conflict
5:52 resolution. How to fight fair and solve
5:54 problems without destroying each other.
5:56 Emotional regulation. How to manage your
5:58 own feelings instead of making them your
6:00 partner's problem. Boundary setting. How
6:02 to say no and mean it without feeling
6:04 guilty. Compromise. How to find
6:06 solutions where both people get some of
6:08 what they need. Self-awareness. How to
6:10 recognize your own patterns and
6:12 triggers. We expect people to be good at
6:14 relationships automatically, but we
6:16 don't expect people to be good at
6:18 driving without lessons. Here's the most
6:20 important relationship rule. You cannot
6:21 love someone into being the person you
6:23 want them to be. People only change when
6:25 they want to change. You can't fix
6:28 people. You can't heal people. You can't
6:30 save people from themselves. Your job in
6:32 a relationship is to decide if you like
6:34 the person who's actually in front of
6:36 you, not the person they could become
6:38 with enough love and patience. If you
6:40 find yourself thinking they would be
6:42 perfect if they just change this one
6:44 thing, you're not in love. You're in
6:46 love with potential. Date people for who
6:48 they are right now, not who they might
6:50 become someday. So, what do healthy
6:52 relationships actually look like?
6:54 They're not constant happiness. They're
6:56 not perfect harmony. They're not two
6:58 people who never disagree. Healthy
7:00 relationships are two people who can
7:01 discuss problems without screaming or
7:03 shutting down. Who respect each other's
7:05 boundaries and decisions, who support
7:07 each other's individual goals and
7:09 friendships, who take responsibility for
7:11 their own emotions and actions, who show
7:13 up consistently for each other over
7:15 time, who can be themselves without fear
7:16 of judgment or punishment. That's it.
7:18 It's not nearly as complicated as we
7:20 make it. Here's the reality check nobody
7:22 wants to hear. Some relationships aren't
7:24 meant to work out. Sometimes two good
7:26 people are just not good together.
7:28 Sometimes you love someone and they love
7:30 you back, but your lifestyle's goals or
7:33 values are incompatible. Sometimes the
7:35 timing is wrong. Sometimes the chemistry
7:37 isn't there. Sometimes you're just
7:39 better as friends. This doesn't mean
7:41 anyone failed. It doesn't mean love
7:43 isn't real. It just means this
7:46 particular combination didn't work. The
7:48 healthiest thing you can do is recognize
7:50 when a relationship isn't working and
7:52 end it respectfully instead of trying to
7:54 force something that isn't meant to be.
7:56 So here are your new relationship
7:58 standards. Stop looking for someone to
8:00 complete you. Look for someone to
8:02 compliment you. Stop expecting
8:04 perfection. Start expecting effort,
8:07 honesty, and respect. Stop trying to
8:09 change people. Start accepting them as
8:11 they are or walking away. Stop making
8:13 your happiness someone else's
8:15 responsibility. Start being a happy
8:17 person who shares that happiness with
8:19 someone else. The bottom line is this.
8:22 Relationships are simple in concept and
8:24 challenging in execution. They require
8:26 the same skills as any other important
8:29 area of your life. Communication,
8:32 effort, realistic expectations, and the
8:33 wisdom to know when something isn't
8:35 working. The reason most people struggle
8:37 with relationships isn't because love is
8:39 mysterious. It's because we've been
8:41 taught to approach relationships like
8:43 fairy tales instead of like real life.
8:45 But here's the good news. Once you
8:47 understand what relationships actually
8:50 are and what they actually require, they
8:53 become much more manageable. You stop
8:55 expecting magic and start building
8:56 something real with someone who's
8:59 willing to build it with you. And that
9:01 honestly is so much better than any
9:03 fairy tale. If this made relationships
9:05 make more sense to you, subscribe and
9:07 tell me in the comments what
9:09 relationship myth did you believe for
9:11 too long. Your honesty might help
9:12 someone else see relationships more
9:14 clearly. Remember, the best
9:16 relationships aren't perfect. They're
9:18 just two imperfect people who decided to
9:20 figure it out together. That's
9:22 achievable. That's real. And that's
