0:02 Stop right there. Before you scroll
0:03 away, before you dismiss what I'm about
0:06 to tell you, I need you to understand
0:08 something that could completely
0:10 transform how you approach the most
0:13 important decision of your life. I'm
0:14 going to challenge everything you've
0:17 been taught about love and marriage, and
0:18 I guarantee you that by the end of this
0:20 conversation, you'll never look at
0:22 relationships the same way again. I want
0:24 you to imagine for a moment that you're
0:26 standing at the edge of a cliff. Below
0:28 you is a vast ocean and you're about to
0:32 dive in. But here's the thing. You can't
0:34 see the bottom. You don't know how deep
0:36 it is. You don't know what's underneath
0:38 the surface. And you definitely don't
0:40 know if you'll survive the impact. Yet,
0:43 millions of people make this exact leap
0:45 every single day when they decide to
0:47 marry someone simply because they're in
0:50 love. Let me be clear from the start.
0:52 I'm not here to tell you that love
0:54 doesn't matter. I'm not here to crush
0:56 your romantic dreams or turn you into a
0:58 cynical person who doesn't believe in
1:00 human connection.
1:03 What I am here to do is wake you up to a
1:05 truth that could save you from years of
1:08 heartbreak, financial ruin, emotional
1:10 devastation, and the kind of regret that
1:14 eats away at your soul for decades. The
1:18 truth is this. Love is not enough. Love
1:21 has never been enough. And if you marry
1:22 someone purely because you're
1:25 intoxicated by that feeling, you're
1:26 setting yourself up for one of the most
1:29 painful experiences
1:32 a human being can endure. I know what
1:33 you're thinking right now. You're
1:35 thinking, "Who is this person to tell me
1:37 about love? What does he know about my
1:38 relationship? My situation is
1:40 different." And you know what? You're
1:43 absolutely right to question me. You
1:44 should question everything I'm about to
1:46 say. But I also want you to consider
1:48 this. What if everything you've been
1:51 told about love and marriage is wrong?
1:53 What if the very foundation of your
1:56 beliefs about relationships has been
1:58 built on quicksand? Think about this for
2:01 a moment. We live in a society where the
2:05 divorce rate hovers around 50%. 50%.
2:07 50%.
2:09 That means that half of all marriages
2:11 end in divorce. But here's what's even
2:14 more disturbing. That statistic only
2:16 accounts for the marriages that actually
2:19 end legally. It doesn't account for the
2:21 countless couples who stay married but
2:23 are absolutely miserable. It doesn't
2:25 account for the people who are living in
2:27 emotional prisons,
2:29 who wake up every day next to someone
2:32 they can barely stand to look at, who go
2:34 through the motions of marriage while
2:37 dying slowly inside.
2:39 So, let me ask you this. If love was
2:42 really all we needed, if that magical
2:44 feeling was sufficient to sustain a
2:46 lifelong partnership, then why are we
2:49 failing at such an astronomical rate?
2:51 Why are so many people who once claimed
2:53 to love each other more than anything in
2:55 the world now paying lawyers thousands
2:57 of dollars to divide up their
2:59 possessions and fight over who gets the
3:02 children on weekends? The answer is
3:03 simple. Yet, most people refuse to
3:05 accept it. They married for the wrong
3:07 reasons. They confused temporary
3:10 emotions with permanent compatibility.
3:12 They mistook chemical reactions in their
3:15 brain for wisdom about life partnership.
3:17 They allowed themselves to be blinded by
3:19 feelings instead of making one of the
3:21 most important decisions of their lives
3:24 with clarity, intention, and strategic thinking.
3:26 thinking.
3:28 The teachings of providence lie without
3:31 a teacher in their ability to change
3:33 evil thinking. I'm going to tell you
3:35 something that might shock you. The most
3:38 successful marriages in history were not
3:41 based primarily on love.
3:43 They were based on compatibility, shared
3:47 values, mutual respect, aligned life
3:50 goals, and practical considerations.
3:53 Love grew from these foundations, not
3:55 the other way around. When you build a
3:57 house, you don't start with a
3:59 decoration. You start with a solid
4:00 foundation. Yet, when it comes to
4:02 marriage, most people are trying to
4:06 build their entire life on nothing but decoration.
4:12 Let me paint you a picture of what
4:14 typically happens when people marry for
4:16 love alone.
4:19 Two people meet and there's an instant
4:23 attraction. The chemistry is undeniable.
4:24 They can't stop thinking about each
4:26 other. Every text message sends a thrill
4:29 through their body. Every kiss feels
4:31 like fireworks. They spend hours talking
4:32 and it feels like they've known each
4:34 other forever. They start to believe
4:36 that this person is the one, their
4:38 soulmate, their perfect match, their
4:40 missing piece. This is what we call the
4:42 honeymoon phase, and it's one of the
4:44 most dangerous periods in any
4:46 relationship because it creates an
4:48 illusion of perfect compatibility.
4:50 During this phase, your brain is
4:52 literally flooded with chemicals,
4:55 dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin that make
4:57 you feel euphoric and create a powerful
5:00 emotional bond. But here's the thing
5:02 that nobody talks about.
5:07 This phase is temporary. It always ends.
5:08 The chemicals stabilize, the novelty
5:10 wears off, and suddenly you're left with
5:12 the real person underneath all of that
5:15 initial excitement. And this is where
5:18 most relationships begin to crumble.
5:20 Because when the chemical high wears
5:23 off, people start to see their partner
5:25 clearly for the first time. They notice
5:28 the habits that annoy them. They realize
5:31 their life goals don't align. They
5:33 discover that their communication styles
5:35 are incompatible. They find out that
5:38 their approaches to money, family,
5:40 career, and lifestyle are fundamentally
5:42 different. But by this time, they're
5:44 already married. They've already
5:46 committed their lives to someone based
5:49 on a temporary emotional state. I want
5:50 you to understand something crucial.
5:52 Those feelings you experience during the
5:54 honeymoon phase are not love. They're
5:57 infatuation. They're biological
5:59 responses designed to encourage
6:02 reproduction and pair bonding. But real
6:04 love, mature love, sustainable love, is
6:07 something entirely different. It's built
6:09 over time through shared experiences,
6:12 mutual support, respect, and
6:13 compatibility. It's not something you
6:15 fall into. It's something you grow into
6:17 with the right person under the right
6:20 circumstances. Now, I'm not telling you
6:21 to become a robot who ignores emotions
6:24 entirely. Attraction and connection are
6:25 important components of a successful
6:28 marriage. What I'm telling you is that
6:31 they should never be the primary reasons
6:32 you choose to spend your life with
6:35 someone. They should be the cherry on
6:38 top of a Sunday
6:40 that's already been built with much more
6:42 substantial ingredients. So, what should
6:44 you look for instead? What should be the
6:46 foundation of your marriage, if not just
6:49 love? I'm going to break this down for
6:52 you in a way that could literally save
6:59 your life from years of misery. First,
7:01 you need to look at values alignment.
7:03 And I don't mean surface level values
7:05 like we both like dogs or we both enjoy
7:08 hiking. I'm talking about core life
7:10 values. The fundamental beliefs and
7:13 principles that guide how a person lives
7:15 their life. How do they view money and
7:17 financial responsibility?
7:19 What's their relationship with their
7:20 family? And how do they want to
7:22 structure their own family life? How do
7:25 they handle conflict and disagreement?
7:28 What are their career ambitions?
7:30 And how do those align with the kind of
7:33 life you want to build together?
7:34 I have seen countless marriages fall
7:36 apart because two people who were deeply
7:38 in love discovered that they had
7:39 completely different visions for their
7:42 future. One person wanted to travel the
7:44 world and live minimally while the other
7:47 wanted to settle down and build wealth.
7:49 One person valued career advancement
7:51 above all else while the other
7:53 prioritized family time. One person
7:56 believed in traditional gender roles
7:58 while the other expected complete
8:00 equality in all household
8:02 responsibilities. These differences
8:04 might seem manageable when you're caught
8:06 up in the excitement of new love, but
8:08 they become sources of constant conflict
8:10 and resentment when you're trying to
8:12 build a life together. And here's the
8:14 thing about values. They rarely change.
8:17 You can't love someone into having
8:18 different core values. You can't
8:20 convince someone to want different
8:22 things from life just because you're
8:25 married to them.
8:28 The second thing you need to examine is
8:31 lifestyle compatibility. Do you have
8:33 similar energy levels? Are you both
8:36 morning people or night people? Do you
8:38 like the same social situations,
8:43 big parties or intimate gatherings?
8:45 How do you both like to spend your free
8:48 time? Do you have similar cleanliness standards?
8:49 standards?
8:52 What about diet and health habits? I
8:53 know these might seem like small things,
8:56 but they're not. These are the details
8:58 of daily life. And daily life is what
9:01 marriage actually is. It's not the
9:03 romantic dinners and weekend getaways.
9:05 Those are just the highlights. Marriage
9:07 is waking up next to the same person
9:09 every day, sharing living space,
9:11 coordinating schedules, making decisions
9:13 together about everything from what to
9:14 have for dinner to where to spend holidays.
9:17 holidays.
9:19 If you're a highly social person who
9:21 gets energy from being around people,
9:22 and you marry someone who's deeply
9:25 introverted and needs lots of alone
9:28 time, that's going to create tension. If
9:29 you're someone who likes everything neat
9:32 and organized, and you marry someone
9:35 who's comfortable living in chaos,
9:36 you're going to drive each other crazy.
9:38 If you're a healthconscious person who
9:41 exercises regularly and eats carefully
9:44 and you marry someone who lives on fast food
9:45 food
9:47 and considers walking to the mailbox
9:50 adequate exercise,
9:52 you're going to struggle to build a life
9:54 together. Third, you need to look at
9:56 communication compatibility.
9:58 How does this person handle disagreements?
10:00 disagreements?
10:01 Do they shut down and give you the
10:04 silent treatment? Or do they explode and
10:07 say hurtful things they can't take back?
10:09 Are they able to express their needs
10:11 clearly, or do they expect you to read
10:14 their mind? When you try to discuss
10:15 problems, do they listen and work
10:17 towards solutions, or do they get
10:19 defensive and turn every conversation
10:21 into an argument about something else
10:23 entirely? Communication is the
10:24 foundation of every successful
10:26 relationship. Yet, it's one of the most
10:28 overlooked factors when people are
10:30 choosing a marriage partner.
10:31 They so focused on how good the person
10:33 makes them feel when everything is going
10:35 well that they never pay attention to
10:37 how they interact when things get
10:40 difficult. But here's the reality.
10:43 Things will get difficult. You will
10:46 disagree about important issues. You
10:47 will face challenges and stress and
10:50 unexpected problems. How you communicate
10:51 during these times will determine
10:53 whether your marriage survives and
10:56 thrives or slowly disintegrates. I want
10:57 to tell you about something I've
10:58 observed over years of watching
11:01 relationships succeed and fail. The
11:03 couples who make it long-term are rarely
11:05 the ones who had the most passionate,
11:07 overwhelming love stories in the
11:08 beginning. They're the couples who built
11:10 their relationship on a foundation of
11:13 friendship, respect, and practical compatibility
11:14 compatibility
11:18 and then allowed love to grow from that
11:20 foundation. Think about your best friendships.
11:22 friendships.
11:25 What makes them work? probably shared
11:28 interests, similar values, easy
11:31 communication, mutual respect, and
11:33 genuine enjoyment of each other's company.
11:35 company.
11:36 You don't stay friends with someone just
11:38 because you have strong feelings for
11:41 them. You stay friends because you
11:43 actually like them as a person and enjoy
11:45 spending time with them. Yet, when it
11:47 comes to marriage, people somehow think
11:51 that intense romantic feelings
11:54 are more important than actually liking
11:56 and respecting the person they're going
11:58 to live with for the rest of their
12:01 lives. This brings me to another crucial
12:03 point. You need to marry someone you
12:05 genuinely like, not just someone you
12:08 love. I know that sounds strange, but
12:10 think about it. Love can be blind, but
12:12 liking someone requires that you see
12:14 them clearly and still enjoy their company.
12:15 company.
12:17 When you like someone, you appreciate
12:19 their personality, their sense of humor,
12:23 their intelligence, their character.
12:25 You enjoy talking to them about both
12:26 serious and silly things. You respect
12:29 their opinions, even when you disagree
12:31 with them. Too many people marry someone
12:33 they're infatuated with, but don't
12:35 actually like very much. They find their
12:37 partner's personality traits annoying or
12:39 boring, but they stay because of the
12:41 physical attraction or the emotional
12:44 intensity. This is a recipe for disaster
12:45 because attraction fades and emotional
12:48 intensity diminishes. But personality
12:50 traits remain constant. If you don't
12:53 genuinely like who your partner is as a
12:55 person, you're going to spend decades
12:58 living with someone who irritates you.
13:00 Now, let's talk about something that
13:02 makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but
13:05 is absolutely crucial to address. the
13:08 role of attraction and physical
13:10 chemistry. I'm not saying these things
13:12 don't matter at all. They do. Physical
13:14 intimacy is an important part of most
13:16 marriages and you need to feel attracted
13:18 to your partner. But the problem is that
13:21 our culture has taught us to prioritize
13:23 physical attraction above everything
13:26 else. And this leads to terrible
13:29 decision-making. Physical attraction is
13:30 important, but it should be just one
13:32 factor among many, not the driving force
13:34 behind your choice of life partner. And
13:36 here's something most people understand.
13:38 Physical attraction can grow over time
13:39 when it's built on a foundation of
13:42 emotional connection and respect.
13:44 Some of the most passionate, satisfying
13:46 long-term relationships started with
13:48 people who weren't initially each
13:50 other's physical type, but developed
13:52 deep attraction as they got to know each
13:54 other better. On the flip side,
13:56 relationships that are built primarily
14:00 on physical attraction rarely last.
14:02 When physical appearance changes, and it
14:04 will change, because that's what happens
14:06 to human bodies over time, there's
14:08 nothing left to hold the relationship
14:11 together. The couple discovers they
14:13 don't actually have much in common,
14:16 don't enjoy each other's company, and
14:18 don't share the same vision for their
14:20 life together. I want you to think about
14:22 this differently. Instead of asking
14:26 yourself, am I attracted to this person?
14:28 Ask yourself, could I see myself being
14:30 attracted to this person for the rest of
14:34 my life? Instead of focusing on how they
14:37 look right now, think about the kind of
14:40 person they are and whether that's the
14:42 kind of person you want to wake up next
14:44 to when you're both 70 years old. This
14:46 leads me to one of the most important
14:48 concepts I want to share with you. The
14:51 idea of growing together versus growing apart.
14:53 apart.
14:56 Every person changes over time. The
14:59 person you are today is not the same
15:02 person you were 5 years ago. And you
15:03 won't be the same person 5 years from
15:06 now. This is natural and healthy. We're
15:08 supposed to grow and evolve throughout
15:10 our lives. The question is when you
15:12 change and grow, will you change in
15:14 compatible directions or will you grow
15:18 apart? This depends largely on whether
15:19 you share core values and life
15:22 philosophies. People who share
15:23 fundamental beliefs about what matters
15:26 in life tend to grow in similar
15:28 directions even as they change as
15:30 individuals. People who have different
15:32 core values often find that they grow
15:35 apart over time even if they start out
15:37 feeling very compatible. Let me give you
15:40 an example. Imagine two people who both
15:43 value personal growth and learning. As
15:45 they go through life, they might develop
15:47 new interests, take on new challenges,
15:50 and evolve in various ways. But because
15:53 they both value growth, they're likely
15:55 to support each other's evolution, and
15:58 find ways to grow together. They might
16:00 take classes together, travel to new
16:02 places, or encourage each other to
16:04 pursue new hobbies or career
16:06 opportunities. Now, imagine two people
16:08 where one values stability and
16:10 predictability, while the other values
16:13 adventure and change.
16:14 Initially, they might be attracted to
16:15 each other because they're different.
16:18 The stable person appreciates the
16:20 excitement their partner brings, while
16:22 the adventurous person appreciates
16:25 having a steady anchor. But over time,
16:27 these different values are likely to
16:29 create conflict. The stable person will
16:31 want to settle down, establish routines,
16:33 and build security, while the
16:34 adventurous person will want to keep
16:37 exploring, taking risks, and trying new
16:39 things. Neither approach to life is
16:41 wrong, but they're not compatible for a
16:44 long-term partnership. One person will
16:46 always be pushing for more stability
16:47 while the other is pushing for more
16:50 change. And this creates a constant
16:52 source of tension and resentment.
16:54 This is why it's so important to look
16:56 beyond the surface level compatibility
16:58 you feel during the honeymoon phase and
17:00 really examine whether your fundamental
17:03 approaches to life are aligned. Do you
17:06 both have similar attitudes toward risk?
17:09 Do you both value the same things?
17:12 Career success, family, relationships,
17:13 personal growth, financial security,
17:15 social contribution?
17:17 Do you both have similar timelines for
17:19 major life milestones like buying a
17:22 house, having children, or retiring?
17:24 These might not seem romantic, but
17:25 they're the building blocks of a
17:27 successful life partnership. Romance
17:29 comes and goes, but compatibility
17:31 determines whether you can actually
17:33 build a life together that makes both of
17:36 you happy and fulfilled. Let me share
17:37 with you another perspective that might
17:40 challenge your current thinking. In many
17:42 cultures throughout history, marriages
17:45 were arranged by families. And these
17:47 marriages often had much higher success
17:49 rates than our modern love-based
17:52 marriages. Now, I'm not advocating for
17:55 arranged marriages. I believe strongly
17:56 that people should choose their own partners.
17:58 partners.
18:00 But there's something we can learn from
18:02 this approach. When families arranged
18:03 marriages, they looked at practical
18:05 considerations. family background,
18:08 financial stability, character, work
18:10 ethic, values, and long-term compatibility.
18:11 compatibility.
18:13 They understood that marriage was not
18:15 just about the feelings between two
18:18 people. It was about creating a stable
18:19 partnership that could withstand the
18:22 challenges of life and provide a good
18:24 foundation for raising children and
18:27 building wealth and security. These
18:29 arranged marriages often developed into
18:31 deep, lasting love precisely because
18:35 they were built on solid foundations.
18:37 The couples learned to appreciate each
18:39 other's character, to respect each
18:41 other's contributions to the family, and
18:43 to work together as a team. Love grew
18:46 from partnership rather than partnership
18:49 being expected to grow from love. I'm
18:51 not suggesting you should ignore your
18:53 feelings or marry someone you don't care
18:56 about. What I'm suggesting is that you
18:59 reverse the typical approach. Instead of
19:01 falling in love and then hoping you're
19:03 compatible, find someone you're truly
19:05 compatible with and then allow love to
19:08 develop from that foundation. This
19:09 brings us to another crucial factor that
19:11 most people completely ignore when
19:13 choosing a marriage partner. Financial
19:15 compatibility. Money is one of the
19:18 leading causes of divorce. Yet, couples
19:20 rarely have serious, detailed
19:22 conversations about finances before they
19:24 get married. They're so caught up in the
19:26 romance that they avoid practical topics
19:28 or they assume they'll figure it out
19:31 later. But financial incompatibility can
19:33 destroy even the strongest emotional
19:35 connection. If one person is a spender
19:38 and the other is a saver. If one person
19:40 believes in taking financial risks while
19:42 the other values security. If one person
19:45 expects to maintain a certain lifestyle
19:46 while the other has different
19:49 priorities. These differences will
19:53 create constant stress and conflict.
19:56 stress and conflict. I'm not just
19:57 talking about how much money each person
19:58 makes. I'm talking about their entire
20:01 relationship with money. How do they
20:03 make financial decisions? Do they
20:05 research major purchases carefully or do
20:07 they buy impulsively?
20:08 Do they stick to budgets or do they
20:10 spend freely and worry about
20:12 consequences later? What are their
20:15 long-term financial goals?
20:16 Do they want to retire early and live
20:18 simply or do they want to work longer
20:20 and maintain a higher standard of
20:22 living? How do they feel about debt?
20:23 What about investing and taking
20:26 financial risks? These differences in
20:27 financial philosophy can make it
20:29 impossible to build a secure future
20:31 together, no matter how much you love
20:34 each other. I've seen couples who adored
20:36 each other
20:37 end up divorced because one person's
20:40 spending habits made the other feel
20:43 constantly anxious and insecure.
20:45 I've seen marriages destroyed because
20:48 one person wanted to buy a house while
20:51 the other preferred to rent and travel.
20:53 I've seen relationships ruined because
20:56 one person was comfortable with debt
20:58 while the other couldn't sleep at night
21:01 knowing they owed money. Before you
21:02 commit to spending your life with
21:04 someone, you need to have detailed,
21:07 honest conversations about money. You
21:08 need to understand not just their
21:10 current financial situation, but their
21:12 entire approach to financial
21:14 decisionmaking. And if you discover that
21:16 your approaches are fundamentally
21:18 different, you need to seriously
21:20 consider whether this is someone you can
21:22 build a stable future with. This
21:23 connects to a broader point about the
21:26 importance of shared life goals. When
21:29 you're in the throws of new love, it's
21:30 easy to focus on how good you feel
21:33 together in the present moment.
21:35 But marriage is not about the present moment.
21:37 moment.
21:39 It's about the next 50 years of your
21:42 life. Are you and your potential partner
21:44 heading in the same direction? Do you
21:46 both want children? And if so, how many?
21:49 And when? What are your ideas about
21:51 parenting styles and education? Do you
21:54 both want to live in the same type of
21:57 location, urban, suburban, or rural?
22:00 What about proximity to family members?
22:02 Do you have similar career ambitions and
22:05 expectations about work life balance?
22:07 How do you each envision spending your
22:10 retirement years? I've watched countless
22:11 couples struggle because they never
22:12 discussed these fundamental questions
22:15 before getting married. They assumed
22:17 they wanted the same things
22:19 or they figured they'd compromise later
22:22 or they thought love would somehow make
22:24 the differences irrelevant. But
22:26 differences in life goals don't
22:28 disappear just because you love someone.
22:30 They become sources of ongoing conflict
22:33 and disappointment. One person dreams of
22:35 living in a big city and pursuing an
22:37 ambitious career, while the other wants
22:39 to settle in a small town and focus on
22:41 family life. One person wants to travel
22:42 extensively and experience different
22:44 cultures, while the other wants to buy a
22:47 house and create a stable home base. One
22:49 person wants three or four children
22:51 while the other wants at most one or
22:54 two. One person plans to retire early
22:56 and pursue hobbies while the other wants
23:00 to work as long as possible and build
23:02 wealth. These aren't small differences
23:04 that can be easily resolved through
23:07 compromise. They represent fundamentally
23:09 different visions for what a fulfilling
23:11 life looks like. And when two people
23:14 with different life visions try to build
23:17 a life together, someone is going to end
23:19 up disappointed and resentful. The
23:22 tragedy is that this disappointment and
23:24 resentment often don't surface until
23:26 years into the marriage when it becomes
23:28 clear that the couple is heading in
23:30 different directions. By then they may
23:33 have children together, shared financial
23:36 obligations, and intertwined lives that
23:38 make separation extremely difficult and
23:40 painful. They end up feeling trapped in
23:42 a life that doesn't match their dreams.
23:44 And they often blame each other for
23:46 holding them back from what they really
23:48 wanted. This is why it's so important to
23:50 have these difficult conversations
23:53 before you get married, not after. You
23:55 need to understand not just who this
23:56 person is today, but who they want to
23:59 become and what kind of life they want
24:01 to build. And you need to be honest with
24:04 yourself about whether their vision
