Silence, often perceived as uncomfortable in negotiations, is a powerful and strategic tool that can foster creativity, emotional regulation, thoughtful pacing, and deeper listening, ultimately leading to more productive mutual gains.
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today I break the silence on silence and
negotiations and along the way I'll
share four ways in which silence can be
a useful tool in mutual gains negotiations
negotiations [Music]
so most of us experience silence as discomforting
discomforting
nerve-wracking and maybe problematic and
negotiation but the truth of the matter
is that strategically used
silence is a very important skill and
tactic it can be used to help
negotiations move forward to promote
creativity to promote listening and to
break impasse so I'm going to share with
you these four key ways in which silence
is actually useful in mutual gains negotiation
negotiation
the first is Recent research has shown
that silence actually promotes
creativity and negotiation
So This research is conducted by Jared
kerhan and his colleagues at the MIT
Sloan School of Business and what it has
shown is that using just three seconds
of Silence can actually help the
initiator of that silence adopt a more
deliberative mindset
in addition and this is a really I think
stunning finding
silence is the tactic that is most
effective at leading to breakthroughs in
negotiation so specifically when you're
stuck and when you've reached an impasse
there is this tendency I think we
sometimes have to keep blabbing blabbing
blabbing right fill the silence fill the
silence but in fact
stopping talking is the thing that often
breaks the impasse and has parties move forward
forward
now a second really key use of silence
is that it helps you and the other party
in the negotiation handle your emotional
refractory period so what is an
emotional refractory period this is that
moment in a negotiation when the other
side has said something that is
triggering and it provokes a set of very
strong emotions maybe anger maybe hurt
maybe frustration and in that moment we
have this tendency to get reactive to
defend to name call to label them in in
negative ways and part of what's causing
that is that a whole bunch of chemicals
are being released in our brain that is
overwhelming the frontal lobe of our
brain which is the more conscious
decision-making deliberative part of our brain
brain
but the use of Silence actually gives us
a chance to name to ourself the set of
emotions that we're feeling and that
naming actually helps move the brain
activity from the amygdala which is the
more emotional Center back to the
frontal lobe the more conscious Center
so Matt Lieberman who's at UCLA has
called this affective labeling so we use
the silence and we say to ourselves
okay I'm feeling angry and frustrated
and hurt and annoyed right now and just
that task
actually helps us then be more
productive in the negotiation
a third way in which silence is
incredibly helpful in negotiation is
that it can actually slow down the pace
of a negotiation so when things are kind
of going off the rails uh maybe it's
escalating silence gives us a chance to
minimize catastrophizing so one of the
things I noticed in a lot of the
coaching that I do is that when people
get emotional part of what they're also
doing is they're they're going down a
path where they see the relationship
falling apart or they see this going to
court or they see themselves getting
fired or they see themselves maybe
firing the other person
and by using silence it gives you a
chance to get a more accurate appraisal
of what's going on
yeah this isn't a great moment and we're
not in a good spot
on the other hand chances are that we'll
still eat dinner tonight and we'll
probably still wake up tomorrow morning
and go to the gym
so if we get that perspective
the Caster catastrophizing Tendencies
disappear and so silence is a really
nice way to slow things down and to
invite everyone at the table to be more purposeful
