0:03 so in this category we were in the first
0:07 quadrant where we were looking at
0:09 self-awareness and now we've moved into
0:11 the second quad quadrant of self-control
0:13 you'll actually see we talked a little
0:14 bit about number two already right
0:17 Integrity so Integrity is that crossover
0:19 between self- knowledge and then how we
0:21 manage ourselves I want to get to the
0:24 number one there emotional
0:26 self-control I'm sure that before all
0:28 this started we could have thought of
0:30 examples of people who lost it
0:33 right maybe you know the person who
0:35 normally is calm and collected and just
0:37 snaps sometime and maybe you even have
0:38 people I know some of you have talked
0:40 about this in the past certain people on
0:42 the job sites that are just real short
0:44 triggers and get angry really easily or
0:47 are super intimidating or withdraw
0:50 really easily right so um we all can
0:53 think of people who normally are good
0:56 but then something happens and they've
0:58 kind of lost control of their emotions
1:00 for a variety of reasons right
1:03 it happens to the best of us you know
1:05 that I'm looking at that middle picture
1:06 like occasionally something can cause
1:09 someone to snap but even just a one-time
1:11 snap can do a lot of damage can do a lot
1:13 of damage to relationships it's not it's
1:15 not always something you can recover
1:18 from certainly harassment sexual
1:20 harassment or bullying in the workplace
1:22 is another example of someone not having
1:24 self-control because they're putting
1:26 their own needs ahead of the the
1:28 boundaries and the respect of another
1:29 person they're they're ignoring and
1:31 harming the boundaries in respect of
1:34 another person and even micromanagement
1:37 is an example of not having self-control
1:39 like there's a moment of awareness when
1:40 you realize oh I'm I'm never giving
1:42 anyone any level of autonomy I want to
1:44 control everything okay that's a moment
1:47 of awareness but after that if you still
1:49 can't res resist the urge to get in
1:51 everyone's business all the time
1:54 micromanagement is a self-control issue
1:55 because you're not able to step back
1:58 you're not able to stop doing it so
2:00 self-control is really important
2:03 and there's three ways we we get at it
2:04 so we're going to go into one of these
2:07 today we're going to talk about managing
2:09 emotions let me just first start off to
2:11 say there are no bad
2:15 emotions rage is a perfectly appropriate
2:18 emotion incredible sadness is a
2:20 perfectly appropriate amount emotion
2:23 there is no there are no bad emotions
2:25 they're all good they're all data
2:28 they're all part of how we are wired
2:30 biologically however it's our
2:32 relationship to managing those emotions
2:34 that could generally use with some
2:36 improvement so here when we're talking
2:37 about managing emotions we're talking
2:39 about kind of a three-step process can
2:42 you identify them you know some of us
2:43 are really good at kind of checking in
2:45 going huh what am I feeling oh I'm
2:47 feeling this right and others are like
2:49 huh I don't even know what that is is
2:50 that anger or is that hunger I'm not
2:53 sure right it's where hangry come came
2:55 from the second step is to feel that
2:58 emotion give yourself permission to feel
3:00 it and some people don't let themselves
3:02 feel certain emotions they immediately
3:04 distract or numb themselves from that
3:07 emotion and then the third is finding
3:10 healthy ways to express them so rage is
3:13 perfectly appropriate however there's
3:15 inappropriate ways to express that so if
3:16 you're feeling rage and you pick up a
3:18 chair and throw it through the window
3:22 not so good but if you use therapy or
3:24 you go and punch the punching bag or
3:26 take a baseball bat and beat the crap
3:27 out of your bed for two minutes while
3:29 screaming that's actually a pretty
3:31 healthy way to manage rage right you're
3:34 not hurting anybody so really for all of
3:36 us these are the three things we want to
3:38 work on and some of us are better at
3:40 these than others but we can get better
3:42 at all of them so that's what we want to
3:43 spend a little time doing now I want to
3:45 talk about emotions you know what
3:48 emotion am I feeling some of us are
3:50 really good at that and others of us
3:52 aren't and I would say I want to speak
3:55 to gender here just a little bit in at
3:57 least in the United States in Western
4:00 Society we definitely social ize men and
4:03 women differently around emotions women
4:05 are encouraged to kind of explore the
4:07 broad range of emotions and generally
4:10 we're given permission to talk about
4:13 sadness to cry to to do some of those
4:15 things uh some emotions were not given
4:19 as much permission for right but men in
4:21 general in this Society have a much more
4:24 narrow window of acceptable emotions and
4:26 and which ones they can feel or which
4:27 ones they can talk about we've made
4:28 great progress in the last two
4:31 generations but there's still more to do
4:33 so you know do we even know what we're
4:36 feeling some of us at a young age were
4:38 given words and tools for doing that and
4:41 some of us were never given that right
4:43 and then you know can we find ways to
4:45 express them so I'm going to start with
4:48 this uh this little review of kind of
4:50 the core emotions if you have not yet
4:54 seen the movie Inside Out it's your
4:56 homework it is a great movie because it
4:58 really does a good job of looking at how
5:00 the motions work and particular ly how
5:03 we develop through childhood um but
5:04 these are the five core emotions you've
