0:02 Good morning, class of 2025, members of
0:06 the board, President Eisuber, the 2025
0:09 class government, and the 2025 class day
0:11 committee. Thank you for giving me this
0:14 honor. I'm truly grateful and humbled to
0:16 be here. And good morning to your
0:18 families, professors, friends, and
0:21 anyone here just to say they've been to
0:23 Princeton without actually having to
0:26 take a writing seminar. I've heard the
0:29 trauma bond is real.
0:31 You made it. You survived precept. You
0:34 survived Dean's date. You survived
0:36 walking all the way to the dinky in the
0:39 rain only to find out it was cancelled.
0:41 You survived the email from your
0:44 professor that started with just a
0:46 gentle reminder and ended with
0:49 existential dread. You've learned to
0:52 interpret emails from Nassau Hall like
0:54 they're ancient texts, vague,
0:57 mysterious, and I've heard slightly threatening.
0:58 threatening.
1:00 You survived group projects where one
1:03 person wrote the entire thing and
1:07 everyone else mostly contributed
1:09 anxiety. You survived accidentally
1:11 calling a professor dude. You survived
1:13 that one week when the Wi-Fi died, the
1:15 laundry machines were broken, and you
1:16 were 3 seconds away from dropping out
1:19 and becoming an influencer.
1:21 Honestly, if you've made it through four
1:24 years at Princeton, you're qualified for
1:26 anything except maybe explaining what
1:29 bicker actually is to someone who didn't
1:31 go here. Can someone actually explain it
1:32 to me
1:35 later? But in all seriousness,
1:38 congratulations. You are truly the best
1:40 and brightest minds with hearts
1:43 dedicated to service. I'm truly humbled
1:46 to share this day with you.
1:49 Now, I have a confession for you. I
1:52 didn't go to my own graduation. No
1:55 ceremony, no cap toss, no awkward moment
1:58 of wondering, do we hug the dean? I
2:00 missed the occasion my parents had been
2:02 waiting for their entire
2:06 lives. And why? Because I decided to
2:07 become a
2:13 monk. My parents were thrilled.
2:16 And by thrilled I mean deeply concerned
2:19 for my mental stability. I had three
2:22 choices growing up as an Indian
2:26 immigrant. To be a doctor, a lawyer or a
2:28 failure. I chose
2:31 monk. They didn't make me feel bad, but
2:35 they did send me a TED talk titled Why
2:37 We Make Bad
2:40 Decisions by Dan Gilbert, who
2:42 coincidentally got his PhD from
2:44 Princeton. So, it's kind of a full
2:47 circle moment for me. I guess when I was
2:49 invited to speak at Princeton, my first
2:51 thought was, I'm so humbled and grateful
2:55 to be here. But my honest thought was, I
2:57 hope I say something worthy of their
3:00 time. That self-doubt, that inner
3:03 critic, that voice, it's still there.
3:05 The one that's been with me since I was
3:08 8 years old, standing on a stage giving
3:12 my first speech ever. My mom had
3:15 volunteered me to speak and sing at my
3:18 school's Dvali assembly. I was dressed
3:21 in what looked like a toga. And
3:23 considering I was slightly overweight, a
3:25 lot of me was hanging out.
3:27 out.
3:30 And I started to sing. I'm definitely
3:34 not a singer. And everyone began to
3:39 laugh. I forgot my words. and everyone
3:42 began to laugh even more. I then looked
3:45 down to read the next line, only I
3:48 couldn't because my tears had smudged
3:51 the words. Everyone began to laugh
3:55 harder. Now, to make things even worse,
3:58 if that was even possible, my teacher
4:01 came on stage, put her arm around me,
4:03 and walked me off
4:06 stage. And that was my first experience
4:08 of public speaking.
4:10 And all I could think about was what my
4:13 friends thought of me. When I got
4:15 rejected by a girl in my teens, I played
4:18 it over and over in my head for days.
4:20 Not because she rejected me, but because
4:23 I was scared of what she thought. When I
4:26 became a monk after college, I was
4:27 worried if my parents would ever
4:30 understand. I was scared of what they
4:32 thought. Three years later, when I left
4:36 the monastery, I felt like I'd failed.
4:40 Then I applied for jobs. 40
4:42 rejections, not even interviews,
4:45 rejections despite having a first class
4:48 degree. And when I finally got one as a
4:51 consultant, you'll be happy to
4:54 know. I thought I'm behind everyone.
4:57 What will they think of me? When I quit
5:00 my stable career to pursue media, I
5:03 feared what my colleagues would say.
5:05 When I pitched my video ideas to three
5:08 executives, one said I was too old. The
5:11 second said I was too young. The third
5:13 said I was the right age, but it was the
5:16 wrong time. I was 28 and confused. I had
5:18 no idea what would come
5:21 next. When I started my podcast, a
5:24 production company backed out two weeks
5:28 before launch. They said, and I quote,
5:31 "It would never be big." When I wrote my
5:34 first book, 14 imprints wanted me to
5:38 change the name. They said no one wanted
5:41 to think like a monk. And now, as I
5:43 stand here in front of you today at
5:45 Princeton, one of the most prestigious
5:48 institutions in the world, I still catch
5:51 myself wondering, what are you going to
5:52 think of this
5:55 speech? When you Google the words will I
5:57 ever, the first thing that comes up is
5:59 will I ever find
6:03 love. The second thing is, will I ever
6:07 be enough? And the third is will I am net
6:08 net
6:11 worth. It's true. Check it out. We go
6:13 from love to worth to money really, really
6:14 really
6:16 quick. It's 70 million, by the way, if
6:18 anyone's wondering.
6:21 But being enough is something we all
6:25 struggle with. In 1902, Charles Horton
6:28 Culie wrote, "I'm not what I think I am.
6:32 I'm not what you think I am. I am what I
6:35 think you think I am." Let that blow
6:38 your mind for a moment. In 1902, Charles
6:40 Horton Culie wrote, "I'm not what I
6:44 think I am. I'm not what you think I am.
6:48 I am what I think you think I am." Which
6:51 means we live in a perception of a
6:54 perception of ourselves. Let me break
6:57 that down even more. What it means is if
7:01 I think you think I'm smart, then I feel
7:05 smart. But if I think you think I'm
7:08 weak, well then I feel
7:11 weak. This is the trap. And the world
7:15 lures us in. You'd feel pressure to
7:17 broadcast your wins, to post the new
7:21 job, the proposal, the highlight reel,
7:23 to do things people agree with,
7:26 celebrate, and consider important. To
7:30 stay visible, to stay relevant, to stay
7:33 impressive because the world rewards what's
7:33 what's
7:36 impressive. You feel pressured to prove
7:39 you're doing well before you've even
7:43 figured out what that means for you.
7:46 The world will constantly push you to perform
7:48 perform
7:50 success. But if there's one message I
7:53 want you to walk away with today, it's
7:56 this. You have to
7:59 disappear. I know a few parents just sat
8:01 up straight like someone said, "Gap
8:04 year." Don't worry. When I say
8:06 disappear, I don't mean your kids need
8:08 to ghost their student loans and shave
8:10 their heads to become monks. You still
8:13 go to work. You still show up, but you
8:16 stop announcing every move and start
8:19 building something that speaks for
8:22 itself. Disappearing means doing the
8:24 work. It means doing the work in the
8:28 dark. It means building in private what
8:30 you don't need to prove in public. It
8:33 means doing the work when no one's
8:36 watching. You stop worrying about what
8:39 people think and start valuing what you
8:42 believe. Because a life that looks good
8:46 or sounds good is nothing compared to a
8:48 life that feels
8:50 good. Now, this all might seem like
8:52 strange advice coming from someone whose
8:54 entire career exists online in the
8:57 public eye. But I would not be where I
9:00 am today if I didn't disappear, not once
9:03 but twice. The first time I became a
9:06 monk. The second time I left a stable
9:09 consulting job to start sharing what I'd
9:12 learned from the monks. At my first
9:16 event, no one showed up. I practiced to
9:19 an empty room. At my second event, no
9:22 one showed up again. I practiced to an
9:25 empty room again. By then, I realized I
9:27 had to fire the person who was putting
9:28 out the
9:33 flyers. That person was me, by the way.
9:36 For years, I spoke to rooms of five to
9:39 10 people. I learned about their
9:41 stories, learned about their challenges,
9:43 and some of them became beautiful
9:46 friends that I still have today. There
9:48 was no pressure for success in those
9:52 tiny rooms. And I was free to fail,
9:56 experiment, and grow in private. And
9:57 that's what's fascinating. If you look
9:59 at world-class entrepreneurs that you
10:02 admire, the artists that you look up to,
10:04 business people that you aspire to be
10:08 like, and creatives, guess what? They all
10:09 all
10:12 disappeared. Kobe Bryant practiced at
10:15 4:00 a.m. when no one was watching.
10:17 Warren Buffett sat in a quiet room in
10:21 Omaha reading. 80% of his day was spent
10:24 studying financial statements, reports,
10:27 and books. Lady Gaga played dive bars in
10:30 a glitter leotard for audiences of six.
10:33 Sarah Blakeley, the founder of Spanx,
10:36 kept her idea secret for an entire year,
10:38 even from her friends and family,
10:40 because she didn't want them to prevent
10:43 her from taking a risk. Christopher
10:46 Nolan wrote the script for Inception
10:48 over a period of about 10 years. He
10:51 initially conceived the idea when he was 16.
10:52 16.
10:55 Steven Spielberg made short films in his
10:58 garage before ever stepping on a set.
11:01 They trained while no one was watching.
11:03 They built without
11:06 broadcasting. They worked in silence so
11:09 they could rise without
11:11 noise. So whilst everyone is putting
11:14 pressure on visibility, feel comfortable becoming
11:16 becoming
11:18 invisible. But that's hard when
11:20 everyone's life is on show.
11:23 Step off stage as often as you
11:27 can. Today you all graduate together,
11:30 but from tomorrow you'll have your own
11:33 pace, your own time. Some of you will
11:36 get promoted first. Some of you will get
11:39 promoted last. Some of you will exit
11:42 your company first. Some of you will
11:45 never start one. Some of you will get
11:48 married first and some of you won't get
11:50 married at all.
11:53 Everything will be documented. So, how
11:55 do you disappear in a world obsessed
11:57 with being
11:59 seen? Remember this ancient
12:03 story. A young student once asked the
12:06 Buddha, "What do you gain from
12:09 meditation?" The Buddha replied,
12:12 "Nothing." The student looked confused
12:15 and said, "Then why do you meditate?"
12:17 The Buddha said, "I don't meditate
12:20 because of what I gain. I meditate
12:25 because of what I lose. I lose anxiety,
12:28 insecurity, doubt, and
12:30 fear." As you leave Princeton, people
12:33 will ask you, "What do you want to gain?
12:37 A title, a salary, a house, a family?"
12:39 And all of those are vital and
12:42 valuable. You've proven your work ethic
12:45 time and time again. You've shown what
12:48 you're capable of. I know you will be
12:52 ambitious about what you want to gain.
12:55 But I hope you will be just as ambitious
12:58 about what you want to lose. Lose the
13:01 need for approval. Lose the obsession with
13:02 with
13:06 comparison. Lose the fear of not being
13:09 enough. What we gain makes us
13:12 successful. But what we lose makes us
13:17 fulfilled. Especially lose envy. Envy
13:19 doesn't tell you what you want. It
13:21 distracts from what you already have.
13:24 Envy will make you lose good friends and
13:27 find bad ones. You're already
13:30 successful. You're going to be even more
13:33 successful. I have no doubt about that.
13:35 The only thing that can ruin it is
13:38 comparing your win to someone
13:42 else's. Envy won't stop your success.
13:44 It's comparing your win to someone
13:47 else's that will make you feel like
13:50 you're never enough. And contrary to
13:53 popular belief, the cure for envy isn't
13:57 success. The cure for envy is study.
13:59 When your friend wins, don't scroll
14:02 past. Study them. How did they build
14:04 that? How did they stay consistent? How
14:07 did they recover from their failures?
14:09 Celebrate them.
14:10 There's this beautiful word in Sanskrit
14:15 that I loved. It's called muda. It means
14:18 to take joy and pride in watching
14:20 someone else's success. I hope that
14:22 you'll practice this with the people
14:25 you're sitting next to right
14:28 now. There are four decisions you'll
14:30 make in life that matter more than
14:33 almost any other. Ask for guidance.
14:35 Sure. Get advice. Learn from the people
14:38 you trust. But don't let these decisions
14:42 be defined by other people's opinions
14:44 because at the end of the day, you're
14:46 the one who has to live with
14:50 them. The first decision
14:55 is one you'll make every single day. The
14:58 first decision you'll have to make is
15:02 how you feel about yourself. It's not a
15:04 decision you'll make once. It's a
15:06 decision you'll make every single day.
15:08 Every morning in the mirror, every night
15:11 before you sleep. Some days you won't
15:13 like what you see. You'll mess up at
15:16 work, say the wrong thing at home, fall
15:19 short of who you want to be. Your
15:23 self-perception will be tested. But you
15:26 don't pass by pretending or being
15:29 perfect. You pass by choosing again and
15:31 again to show up for yourself and the
15:34 people you love better than you did yesterday.
15:36 yesterday.
15:39 The second decision is this. Who you
15:42 choose to love and who you choose to
15:44 love you. According to social
15:47 psychologist Dr. David Mlelen, this
15:51 decision can influence up to 95% of your
15:54 success or failure in life. Not your
15:57 grades, not your GPA, not your first job
16:01 title, who you let close. Sometimes you
16:03 won't know if you chose right until
16:05 you're right in it.
16:07 12 months into my marriage, we were four
16:10 months away from being broke in a new
16:14 country with 30 days left on our visa. I
16:17 sat my wife down and I told her. She
16:21 looked at me and quietly said, "I trust
16:23 you." That wasn't the moment I knew she
16:26 was the right person. It was the next
16:28 morning when she looked at me dead
16:31 serious and said, "I think I want to buy
16:34 a plant." I had just told her we might
16:37 be able to stay in the country, rent,
16:40 groceries, and maybe maybe the visa if
16:42 we were lucky. That was the budget. And
16:44 she wanted to add a
16:48 fus. So off we went to Home Depot 10:00
16:51 a.m. on a Saturday morning like it was
16:53 the most normal thing in the world. That
16:55 was the moment I knew she was the right
16:58 person. I take life too seriously and
17:00 she doesn't at all.
17:03 The plant sadly died that winter, but
17:05 thankfully our relationship survived and
17:06 is still
17:10 growing. Don't fall in love too fast.
17:11 You don't truly know someone until
17:13 you've seen them when they're tired,
17:17 stressed, broke, or hangry. The right
17:20 person will make you make the hard times
17:23 easier. The right person will make the
17:24 hard times
17:27 easier. And don't forget about your
17:30 parents. The American Time use survey
17:33 says that by the time you turn 21,
17:37 you've likely already spent about 90% of
17:40 the total in-person time you'll ever
17:41 have with your
17:44 parents. Interview your parents. Record their
17:45 their
17:48 stories. Learn every lesson you possibly
17:51 can from them. You can earn more money,
17:55 more titles, more goals, but you will
17:58 never earn back lost time with your
18:01 parents. The third decision is what you
18:04 do for a living. Try to do what you
18:08 love. And if you can't, find meaning in
18:11 what you do. You'll spend a third of
18:14 your life at work. That's around 90,000
18:18 hours. Don't settle for hating it. That
18:20 doesn't mean your job has to be your
18:22 passion, but it also doesn't mean you
18:24 have to feel like you're trading your
18:27 soul for a salary. Focus on what it
18:29 gives you. Stability for the people you
18:31 love, structure while you build
18:34 something else, a chance to bring love
18:38 and you into the role. When I worked at
18:41 Accenture, I was a consultant by day and
18:44 a meditation teacher by lunch. I'd run
18:46 sessions for my colleagues during breaks
18:48 and after hours. Not because it was part
18:50 of my job description, but because I
18:54 needed it. And so did they. I remember
18:56 one day one of the rugby lads came up to
18:58 me. That's the British version of a
19:01 jock, but with better hair and worse
19:04 manners. He pulled me aside and said,
19:06 "Jay, I want to learn how to meditate,
19:09 but none of the girls can find out."
19:11 Apparently, they were all into him, and
19:13 he thought meditation might ruin his
19:16 street cred consultants.
19:18 So after work, we grabbed two chairs,
19:20 turned off the lights, and sat across
19:22 from each
19:25 other. 3 minutes into deep breathing,
19:28 and boom, the door swings open. The
19:29 exact group of girls he was worried
19:32 about walk in. They take one look at us
19:35 sitting there in the dark, eyes closed,
19:37 breathing like monks on a blind date,
19:40 and they just lose it. Laughter,
19:45 chaos. He was mortified. No recovery.
19:47 But here's what he told me months
19:50 later. Meditation helped him manage the
19:54 anxiety he'd never talked about. That
19:56 showed me how desperately we needed
19:58 stillness in a world designed to burn us
20:01 out. And it gave me the confidence to
20:04 follow my path. Later, I would go back
20:07 to Accenture to teach meditation and
20:09 many seminars. And I still have
20:11 incredible relationships with the
20:14 leaders I once worked for. So here's the
20:17 truth. Even if you don't love your job,
20:21 bring what you love into it. Love the
20:24 people, love the growth, and if you
20:27 can't find any love in it, use that
20:29 feeling as your signal to
20:34 move. Always, always trust this
20:37 signal. 85% of jobs that will exist in
20:40 2030 haven't been invented yet. The
20:43 average American changes careers five to
20:46 seven times in their lifetime. I can't
20:48 wait to see what you do in the next 5
20:51 years. The world is waiting for
20:53 you. The fourth decision, and maybe the
20:56 most important, is how you'll serve
20:59 humanity. Most people never get to this
21:01 one. They get busy chasing the next job,
21:04 the next move, the next upgrade. But if
21:06 you skip this question, I believe you
21:09 skip the one thing that leads to true
21:11 fulfillment. In the monastery, we were
21:14 taught it's not about how much you give.
21:17 It's about how much you hold back.
21:20 Whether you have a little or a lot, your
21:23 time, energy, and resources are far more
21:25 meaningful when they're not just for you.
21:26 you.
21:28 One study found that volunteering just
21:31 for two hours a week improves mental
21:34 health and extends life
21:36 expectancy. But the situation in this
21:40 country is much worse. Over 59 million
21:43 US adults, nearly one in four live with
21:47 a mental illness. Only 47% of those
21:50 individuals receive treatment. But
21:52 that's not the shocking part. This is
21:55 the average delay between the onset of
21:57 mental illness symptoms and receiving
22:00 treatment is 11
22:03 years. And that's what keeps me going.
22:04 Recognizing there is so much more to do
22:08 in the world. Remember, your purpose
22:10 does not have to be your job. Your
22:13 purpose does not have to be big. Your
22:15 purpose does not have to make you money.
22:17 Your purpose does not have to make you
22:19 famous. Your purpose can be something
22:22 you do on the weekends. Your purpose can
22:24 be something you do in the evenings.
22:27 Your purpose is something no one can
22:30 take away from you. So find something
22:32 you care about. Find something that
22:35 breaks your heart open a little. And
22:38 then get involved. You don't need a
22:42 million dollars. You don't need a title.
22:43 Use your passion in the service of
22:48 others and it will become your purpose.
22:50 I want to end with a couple of practical
22:52 things you can do to put this into
22:55 practice. First, try this. For one full
22:58 day, track every time you feel the urge
23:01 to ask someone what they think about
23:03 what you're wearing, what to eat for
23:05 dinner, what TV show to watch, what job
23:09 to apply for. Write it all down. Who you
23:11 wanted to ask, what decision you were
23:13 avoiding, what answer you were hoping
23:18 for. And then for 7 days go on an
23:21 opinion fast. No asking, no polling the
23:23 group chat, no crowdsourcing your
23:26 direction. It's your life. Don't let
23:29 anyone else hold the remote. Disappear
23:32 for a while. And when you come back,
23:33 come back as
23:36 you. Tomorrow, some of you will wake up
23:39 with a job offer in your inbox. Some of
23:42 you will wake up with no idea of what
23:44 comes next. Some of you have a five-year
23:47 plan in a color-coded spreadsheet. You
23:50 know who you are. Some of you are still
23:52 pretending to understand what a
23:54 fellowship in global policy innovation
23:58 actually is. And all of that, it's okay
24:00 because there's no right pace. There's
24:04 no right path. Only the one that's real for
24:05 for
24:09 you. Every day, starting tomorrow, write
24:11 down one thing you did that required
24:14 effort. even if no one saw it. Not what
24:18 you achieved, not what got praise, just
24:21 what took energy, courage, and
24:23 discipline. Maybe you got out of bed
24:25 when you didn't want to. Maybe you sent
24:27 the email you were avoiding. Maybe you
24:30 stayed calm in a difficult conversation.
24:32 Maybe you showed up for yourself when it
24:34 would have been easier not to. Because
24:36 when you start measuring your day by
24:39 effort, not recognition, you begin to
24:42 feel accomplished without needing to be
24:46 noticed. Class of 2025, you'll have an
24:49 idea that people roll their eyes at.
24:52 Build it anyway. You'll want a job that
24:56 no one thinks you'll get. Apply anyway.
24:58 You'll dream of a path that doesn't come
25:02 with a title or salary. Take it anyway.
25:04 You'll feel like an impostor in rooms
25:07 you've earned your way into. Walk in
25:10 anyway. You'll be the least experienced
25:13 person at the table. Speak anyway.
25:16 You'll mess up, fall short, and second
25:19 guessess everything. Learn anyway.
25:21 You'll wonder if it's worth it
25:24 sometimes. Keep going
25:27 anyway. Because if you do what you want,
25:30 they'll misunderstand you. And if you do
25:32 what they want, they'll misunderstand
25:36 you. And if you do nothing, they'll
25:38 misunderstand you. And if you do
25:41 something, they'll misunderstand you. So
25:43 live a life that would make your younger
25:47 self proud, your older self grateful,
25:51 even if it confuses everyone in between.
