0:12 how many of you have been through an
0:16 experience where you felt so much pain
0:18 but there was no way for that pain to
0:23 leave you or where you felt this small
0:26 this belittled and there was no way out
0:28 of it raise your hand if you've
0:30 experienced this or if you know someone who
0:32 who
0:35 has probably every single person in the
0:39 room Maya Angelou says there is no
0:43 greater Agony than bearing an untold
0:45 story inside of
0:50 you I knew this before I read it because
0:54 I was carrying a story inside of me that
0:57 felt as heavy as
1:00 mountains and I didn't heal from it
1:04 until I started climbing those mountains
1:06 are you ready to go on a healing Journey
1:09 with me right now yes
1:11 yes
1:16 so I experienced forms of power
1:19 abuse gendered
1:21 violence and financial abuse from
1:24 someone that I worked with who had
1:27 substantial power over me in the
1:30 workplace and also over me in the the
1:32 community um who belong to the same
1:34 culture same
1:38 religion and I kept that story inside of
1:42 me because I felt so ashamed because I
1:44 felt that if I shared it that I was
1:47 going to be judged that I was going to
1:51 be asked certain questions that I was
1:52 going to ruin my
1:56 reputation but it took place over a few
1:59 years and the longer I kept the story in
2:02 inside of me the heavier the weight of
2:03 the story
2:06 became and the heavier that weight
2:09 became the more power it had over me and
2:13 I myself was shriveling into
2:18 nothing and so I decided to do the last
2:21 thing that I could do which was to ask
2:22 for an
2:25 apology because I was raised in a way
2:27 where you don't hurt people you don't do
2:30 anything that hurts someone I felt like
2:34 I would be impure if I were to do that
2:37 so I went and I said you hurt me
2:41 deeply all I want from you is to
2:46 apologize and he said apologize for
2:49 what so I decided to quit my job move
2:53 forward with my life let that story
2:56 somehow die behind
3:00 me but in a moment a miraculous
3:03 moment I decided to report it and I
3:07 reported it to multiple systems of power
3:10 that unfortunately let me down this is
3:20 it blame isn't always about someone
3:23 telling you it's your fault sometimes
3:26 it's but why did you answer the text
3:28 messages why did you answer his phone
3:31 calls why did you give him money when he
3:33 asked you for
3:36 it blame comes in different ways and
3:47 blame I was told not to talk about it
3:52 bernee Brown says shame thrives on three
3:57 things secrecy silence and
4:01 judgment not talking about it was going
4:04 to keep me
4:07 from experiencing judgment from experiencing
4:09 experiencing
4:12 shame keeping that shame
4:14 internalized and knowing that I wasn't
4:18 giving someone a chance to shame me was
4:20 so much easier but it was so much harder
4:22 at the same
4:26 time I was told that it wasn't that
4:30 bad I actually had someone tell me after
4:33 sharing my story you sharing your story
4:37 makes me feel like mine wasn't important
4:40 enough or it makes mine feel like it was
4:44 ridiculed because what you shared wasn't
4:47 nearly as bad as mine so it's not that
4:53 it kind of like
4:58 somebody taking your memories of what
5:00 happened to you and telling that telling
5:03 you this is how you experience them not
5:05 the way that you actually experience
5:07 them this is how you must have
5:09 experience them it's kind of like
5:12 they're rewriting for you what you lived
5:15 and trying to feed you it so that you
5:18 could erase that memory and replace it
5:22 with something else and I was told to
5:28 it every single time someone would tell
5:30 me to get over
5:34 it this is what I would think
5:37 of I would say what I went through was
5:40 kind of like trusting someone to take me
5:42 to the middle of the
5:45 ocean when I didn't know how to
5:49 swim trusting them to take me there way
5:51 into the depth of the ocean and then
5:53 drop me right
5:57 there and I would start to
6:00 drown in an ocean of of hate and self
6:03 blame why am I here how could I have
6:05 trusted someone to get me
6:08 here and every time I would make it to
6:11 the surface I would be begging the
6:14 person who put me there to take me out
6:17 because I only saw him as the one who
6:18 could take me
6:20 out isn't it
6:25 such a powerful thing at the same time a
6:29 degrading thing to look at the person
6:31 who CAU caused you pain as the only
6:35 person who could take that pain away and
6:37 that there's no way for you to heal
6:40 unless that person takes that pain away
6:42 so I would say next time you tell me to
6:44 get over it and next time you tell a
6:46 victim of any form of abuse to get over
6:49 it think about it this way and what
6:51 would you do if you were in the middle
6:58 ocean I didn't get over it the way that
7:00 everyone wanted Ed me
7:05 too I got over it by sharing it
7:09 publicly and when I shared this
7:17 imagine I was told that I was asking for
7:20 attention I was told that this is what I
7:24 wanted I wanted this kind of media from
7:26 a simple
7:28 tweet this is what you always wanted Nea
7:35 attention do you think that this was
7:39 enough absolutely not because the whole
7:43 world heard me except for the people
7:46 that I wanted to hear me and the people
7:49 that you want to hear you are not always
7:51 the millions of people out there who are
7:54 seeing what you have to say they're
7:57 usually your family your community the
8:00 people that you work with so how could
8:01 it be that everybody heard you and heard
8:04 your story but those around you don't
8:08 even know who the person is and what
8:11 actually happened to you and they don't
8:12 you're not giving them the opportunity
8:14 to say I still love you for who you are
8:17 because you're so afraid that they might
8:25 truth
8:28 so this leads me to what does me to even
8:31 mean you see the MEO movement everywhere
8:34 and you think it's some people think
8:36 it's a Witch Hunt some people think it's
8:38 all about bringing men in positions of
8:42 power down that's not what it is for me
8:47 I wanted to hear me too from my mom from
8:52 my dad from my friends from people that
8:55 I worked with to tell me that they
8:57 understand and I was afraid that they
8:59 weren't going to say me too I I didn't
9:01 even give them the chance to do it me
9:02 too is about
9:06 empathy it's not just about sexual
9:09 harassment it's not just about sexual
9:13 assault it's about telling a person I've
9:15 been in a position where I felt like no
9:20 one understands me and I understand you
9:22 and it doesn't matter what happened to
9:30 it this is really important for us to
9:33 address the people who need me too the
9:37 most are those in the most vulnerable
9:40 positions we often forget the
9:43 intersectionality of things that put
9:45 certain people in a position where they
9:48 are most likely to be targeted by any
9:51 form of harassment or abuse or any form of
9:53 of
9:56 pain from the culture that I come from
9:57 there were a lot of things that people
10:00 didn't understand when I I shared my
10:02 story I didn't even know it was sexual
10:05 harassment when I shared it I saw it as
10:07 something terribly wrong happened a man
10:10 in a position of power in my workplace
10:12 abused his power I didn't see it as
10:15 sexual harassment until experts told me
10:18 that they said this is textbook I didn't know
10:19 know
10:22 that I had been in Canada for six years
10:25 when this started I moved from Lebanon
10:28 when I was 16 years old and I lived in a bubble
10:30 bubble
10:32 and when this experience happened it
10:36 taught me literally everything that I
10:40 know about life absolutely everything
10:42 that I know about
10:47 life last week I was at an event and a a
10:51 fellow poet had a presentation where he
10:53 asked us at the end to share a poem that
10:57 talked about a defining moment in our
11:00 lives and I chose to to write a poem
11:02 about the moment when I shared my story
11:10 today I still remember that moment to
11:15 this day how I hadn't slept properly for
11:19 hours days weeks actually months and a few
11:20 few
11:25 years my face had no color my eyes were
11:28 like wilted flowers I sat in front of my
11:31 screen for the millionth
11:33 time do I hit
11:36 enter do I share my story for the world
11:41 to see or do I keep it buried inside for
11:44 my eyes to wilt a little more for my
11:46 heart to beat a little slower as the
11:48 days go
11:52 by do I hit enter do I let them all know
11:54 what happened to me and live in shame
11:57 for the years to come and dread the
11:59 looks I'll get from every person person
12:02 I know or do I keep this Agony buried
12:10 me I'm so so so afraid what will they
12:14 think of me what will he say he will
12:17 tell them I'm lying and what if they believe
12:18 believe
12:22 him they will believe him they will hate
12:27 me they will say I'm asking for
12:29 attention now I'm crying for the
12:34 millionth time why can't I just hit
12:37 enter what's the worst that could
12:40 happen I could lose all my loved ones I
12:44 could be alone forever and live in shame
12:47 forever but I can't keep it in any
12:51 longer I would rather not be here at
12:56 all a voice from within me
12:59 screams I deserve to be here
13:04 so I hit enter and I said me too and I
13:06 was blamed for it I was told not to talk
13:09 about it I was told that it wasn't that
13:13 bad and I was told to get over it and
13:16 they said what they had to say he said
13:20 what he had to say some believed him and
13:25 some believed me but I am here I am
13:28 alive I'm breathing and my eyes have
13:30 blocked blossomed like
13:33 roses I see now that love is not
13:36 conditional on what happened to you but
13:38 on who it made you
13:41 become they can blame you for what
13:45 happened to you but you should not they
13:48 can tell you not to talk about it but
13:51 you should they can tell you that it
13:53 wasn't that bad but you have the right
13:57 to feel how bad it was they can tell you
14:01 to get over it and you should on your
14:10 theirs the most important thing of all
14:14 is to say Me too to
14:19 yourself I said me too to myself the
14:23 moment that I shared my story will you
14:29 say me too to yourself today thank you [Applause]
