0:03 hello and
0:06 welcome John Lock said that the only
0:10 defense against the world is a thorough
0:11 understanding of
0:14 it and when we talk about narcissists or
0:17 we talk about the process of gaslighting
0:21 or just just invalidating someone else's
0:24 experiences and their perspectives it's
0:25 it's something that happens in all walks of
0:26 of
0:29 life and it happens in the workplace it
0:30 happens in the home
0:32 happens in relationships and and
0:36 friendships it happens online so having
0:39 just a baseline knowledge it it isn't
0:42 enough for a man especially
0:45 today a man can say that he is red pill
0:47 knowledge that he's that he's now
0:50 self-aware but there are blind
0:55 spots like if we use women as an example
0:58 when it comes to even the average female
1:01 what a woman understands at just an
1:03 instinctive level in in terms of how to
1:06 manipulate others using using language
1:10 using sex using general coercion and
1:13 manipulation it it typically takes a man
1:16 decades to understand through pain
1:19 through through loss and
1:21 experience so men that they come to
1:23 their realization that they've been
1:25 manipulated and use just far too late in
1:29 life if at all and you can read it you
1:30 can read it in a man's body body language
1:31 language
1:36 the the the stereotypical himick husband
1:37 the way a man looks at at the ground
1:39 when he walks past you in the
1:41 street you can see it whe whether he's
1:44 been beaten down by life and from from
1:47 interactions with others or because of
1:49 toxic relationships a man carries his
1:50 trauma on
1:54 him and too often that a man's trauma
1:57 it's like a red rag to a
1:59 bull and a man in a toxic Rel
2:02 relationship you can see it all the
2:03 Hallmark signs are
2:05 there the signs are there of an abuse
2:08 victim who who's been made to question
2:10 his own
2:12 reality that man his world that gets
2:14 turned upside down and he's left in a
2:15 State of Shock he's left in a state of
2:19 anger and anger that yeah he's been used
2:21 that he's been lied to that everything
2:23 he he's been fed up to this point has
2:24 been a
2:27 lie yet of course everywhere where he
2:29 turns you everywhere he turns it it's
2:32 just people just continue to invalidate
2:34 his experience and they they just pushed
2:37 all back on him they just deflect and it
2:39 leaves that man just spinning in a
2:42 circle now often leads him just to just
2:45 to question his his experience and his
2:49 reality maybe they're right maybe I am
2:52 the bad guy maybe maybe it was because
2:54 I'm a bad person maybe maybe I was in
2:57 the wrong and she was
3:03 wrong I'm going to talk about gas
3:06 sliding just just in general and I'm
3:07 going to tie it into some psychological
3:10 techniques and approaches I also want to
3:12 see if I can link it with some with some
3:15 police interrogation tactics cuz there
3:16 are some
3:18 similarities and this is going to be a
3:21 bit of a ramble but I'll try and tie it all
3:23 all
3:25 together in Australia we we have a
3:30 saying she'll be right mate
3:33 the Wonder from Down Under had won that
3:36 famous mug and here's the song We sang
3:40 along in every Aussie she'll be right M
3:41 she'll be right
3:43 right
3:46 remember and you'll never up the fight
3:48 your to the wall give
3:53 your and night she'll be right she'll be
3:57 right whatever it is no matter how bad
4:00 the situation is should be
4:03 mate your government is lying to you
4:05 should be right mate your wife is
4:08 divorcing you she'll be right mate
4:10 you've been falsely accused she's she's
4:12 taking the kids in the house you're
4:14 going to be homeless no she'll be right
4:19 mate no no she won't be all right
4:22 mate and the amount of blind trust the
4:26 men play some woman it's it's equivalent
4:27 to that of a young child looking to his
4:30 mother just for protection for
4:32 protection and guidance and
4:35 provision and the amount of mental
4:37 gymnastics that men undertake to to
4:39 justify and excuse a woman's Behavior
4:42 well you've seen
4:44 it I'm not seeing anyone right now guys
4:47 are jerks go I know right guys are the
4:50 worst it's not just women that engage in
4:52 this and we see it with employers we see
4:55 it with politicians with with cops
4:58 therapists we see it with the media they
5:01 invalidate they undermine and then they
5:04 put it all back on you yet they're the
5:14 reality hello Peter what's happening
5:17 um I'm going to need you to go ahead and
5:19 come in
5:22 tomorrow so if you could be here
5:26 around 9ine that would be great
5:29 okay and this seems to be the way of the future
5:30 future
5:33 so it takes more than just having you
5:34 guard up when you're in a toxic
5:38 relationship or dynamic cuz the fact is
5:40 most men are the rookie in the ring
5:42 they're in there with Mike Tyson and
5:44 Lennox Lewis in their Prime and your
5:47 opponent has 50b on you and to top it
5:50 off you have to fight their whole corner
5:54 and the entire crowd as well [Music]
6:04 [Music]
6:06 cuz women today they have free reign to
6:10 use to use sexual and emotional
6:13 manipulation and then they're celebrated
6:15 and worshiped for exercising it that's
6:18 girl power it's it's righteous
6:21 retribution for for wom's
6:23 oppression not the individual of course
6:25 but the collective it's just another
6:27 victory for The
6:30 Sisterhood in a woman's power it it
6:33 resides imp plausible
6:35 deniability her violence it doesn't
6:38 leave any scars and she's protected by
6:41 the government and her actions are
6:44 glorified by the media the righteous
6:48 actions of a victim no no it's not rape
6:51 when a woman does it no it's not child
6:53 rape it's
6:56 seduction it's it's not murder it's
7:00 self-defense yeah what was the cause of
7:03 death two of the witnesses decided not
7:06 to testify and the third guy he
7:10 committed suicide oh how he sted himself
7:12 in the back four times and threw himself
7:14 off a bridge very
7:17 unfortunate even Jody Aras she she claimed
7:18 claimed
7:20 self-defense after stabbing her
7:23 boyfriend at 27 times and then she shot
7:25 him in the head for good
7:29 measure so there's no stop gaps there's
7:30 there's no
7:32 regulation in women's actions they just run
7:33 run
7:36 unchecked even when they reach just just
7:39 pathological levels of Hysteria and
7:42 paranoia so you have to wonder does it
7:44 ever occur to woman just how out of
7:46 touch with reality that they've
7:50 become when a person is insane as you
7:53 clearly are do you know that you're
7:55 insane maybe you're just sitting around
7:57 reading guns and ammo masturbating in
8:00 your own feces do you just stop and go
8:03 wow it is amazing how [ __ ] crazy I
8:06 really am yeah do you guys do
8:09 that ultimately whether the behavior of
8:12 women is malicious and intent or or just
8:15 instinctive or just careless the end
8:17 result is the
8:20 same now honestly at this point I can't
8:24 tell which I don't really care to cuz I
8:27 treat them all with the same amount of
8:29 caution cuz all that matters is that
8:32 keep your wits about you and you know
8:36 how to protect yourself and spot the red
8:39 flags and gaslighting it's a systematic
8:41 process that breaks a person down and
8:44 the end goal is dependence on the
8:46 perpetrator and that victim that that
8:49 victim's sensor of personal value and
8:51 self-esteem will end up depending
8:54 entirely on the validation they receive
8:56 from their abuser and and sadly you can
8:59 see it and men are men are just queuing
9:02 up to fill that role that's the
9:05 psychology of a simp that's a dynamic
9:08 they're primed for it I've lost count
9:10 I've lost count of the number of men who
9:12 have sacrificed their lives sacrificed
9:14 their health their freedoms and the
9:17 futures for women and many did so for
9:21 women that they barely knew if at all hi
9:23 Forest I know you just got back from
9:26 Vietnam and you love me but I'm going to
9:27 go run a train with this group of black
9:31 panthers I just met oh okay Jenny hi
9:33 Forest I know you came all this way to
9:34 New York to visit me but I'm going to go
9:36 do blow and have sex with a bunch of
9:40 stock Brokers okay Jenny hi Forest now
9:42 that I have the most contagious and
9:44 incurable disease known to mankind I'll
9:47 finally have pity sex with you okay
9:49 Jenny and I'll mow the grass and raise
9:50 the AIDS
9:54 baby you remember that movie that movie
9:58 gongo gongo she she went from Princess
10:00 to predator and a Happ
10:01 and that's how quickly it
10:04 happens so I remember years ago a woman
10:06 I knew she came to my place she she was
10:09 crying she was all emotional she said
10:11 she was suicidal and all the rest one
10:14 minute she's she's this poor defenseless
10:16 woman and then she goes to the bathroom
10:18 for a few minutes when she comes back
10:20 out she she was literally like the
10:22 character in gong girl know sexually
10:24 aggressive and cold as
10:26 ice you could see the transition she
10:30 went from passive to active a passive
10:32 victim to active perpetrator and this
10:35 was a replaying replaying of a dynamic
10:37 she experienced as a child with an
10:40 abuser now she was a victimizer she had
10:42 assumed that
10:44 role I mean I was young and stupid so I
10:47 was confused all I knew was that I
10:49 didn't like
10:54 it I felt pressured so I chucked her out
10:55 but she didn't go
10:58 easy I was very lucky she didn't get
11:01 vengeful and send the Cavalry after me
11:04 cuz I I was pretty abrasive about
11:08 it of here get out of you
11:12 [ __ ] you crazy P get the [ __ ] out of
11:15 here go back to turnning trick and all
11:18 and you be in the ass and that's how
11:21 quickly it happens and for young men
11:23 they they don't see these red flags
11:25 until they're right in the thick of it
11:30 but by then it's it's often too late
11:31 and there are telltale signs that that
11:33 you are in a toxic relationship and
11:36 again this could be in any Avenue of
11:40 life you any relationship but if you're
11:42 always sick and guessing yourself if if
11:43 you feel like you're walking on
11:45 eggshells if you feel that that nothing
11:48 you do is ever good enough or if you
11:50 start doubting your own memory and your
11:53 own perception of events if you
11:55 constantly feel that that you're the bad
11:57 guy or if you you believe the little
11:59 voice in your head that you're not good
12:02 enough enough but it's psychological
12:04 manipulation all the gaslighter needs to
12:08 do is is just sew seeds of doubt and
12:10 then destabilize their
12:12 target listen you little
12:15 wiseacre I'm smart you're dumb I'm big
12:17 you're little I'm right you're wrong and
12:23 it I'll give you an example I'll give
12:26 you an example of a blind spot and I'm
12:29 doing this because every man has an ego
12:31 Every Man Has a big hairy perod balls
12:33 between his legs so yeah as men we all
12:35 typically think h no should be right
12:37 mate no no I know the score she'll be
12:40 sweet mate I'm good nobody can for me no way
12:58 n let's say you get brought in for
13:01 questioning by the cops because you were
13:03 in the vicinity when an when an armed robbery
13:04 robbery
13:06 occurred now the cop he he brings you
13:09 into an interrogation room as a
13:12 witness and he asks you this
13:16 question did you see the man and the yellow
13:18 yellow
13:21 shirt now most people would consider
13:23 that question very carefully due to the
13:26 way it's phrased and it's very carefully
13:29 phrased and the way the question is form
13:31 formulated it could lead to a number of
13:33 other questions from you and from the
13:36 cop in terms of of clarifying specific
13:39 details and specific times the when and
13:42 the where where you were at a specific
13:44 time and where the man in the yellow
13:48 shirt was and also establishing what
13:50 what other individuals were present in
13:52 the vicinity at that time and what your
13:54 actions were leading up to the event and
13:58 so on and in the process inadvertently
14:00 you would tell yourself down to a
14:03 specific time and you'd volunteer other
14:05 information so it creates a butterfly
14:08 effect you've You' boxed yourself in cuz
14:10 how do you know maybe they're fingering
14:12 you for the crime maybe they're
14:15 stitching you
14:17 up they could be questioning you over
14:18 the armed robbery or it could be for a
14:21 completely unrelated crime but it's
14:23 simply a subtle way to get you to
14:24 volunteer information about your
14:27 whereabouts and your actions and so on
14:29 because how do you know
14:32 maybe some some vengeful ex-girlfriend
14:34 has made a false allegation against you
14:35 and you don't
14:39 know but by using the words the man did
14:42 you see the man in the yellow shirt as
14:44 opposed to a man in a yellow shirt the
14:47 cops have stated in the definitive
14:48 they've stated that the man in the
14:50 yellow shirt was present even if there
14:53 was no man in the yellow shirt so it's a leading
14:54 leading
14:56 question if they stated a man you could
14:59 just answer yes or no so you wouldn't
15:01 have to think about it or seek
15:03 clarification and it doesn't seem like
15:05 much but by placing that thought in your
15:09 head they established a narrative and
15:11 then it makes it far easier to then lead
15:13 you because they've seed the seeds
15:15 you're providing the answers that they
15:18 want now you're playing their game and
15:19 they've established the narrative
15:21 they've established the framework of the
15:22 dialogue and the ground
15:26 rules and that's just with one
15:28 word so that's why you don't talk to
15:31 Cops that's how quickly it happens hey
15:32 you know I know this is the Bible Belt
15:34 and everything but where I come from
15:36 this is not that big a deal I mean you
15:38 son of a
15:48 fry you doing take it easy you okay hell
15:50 is wrong with
15:52 you it's no different with
15:56 women n times out of 10 men play by
15:58 women's rules and it's it's woman who
16:00 esta those ground rules and it's
16:03 achieved primarily through
16:06 language you look at what's happening
16:08 currently and instead of questioning the
16:11 the logic behind these lockdowns and
16:13 questioning the the validity of the
16:14 testing and and the criteria of
16:18 diagnosis we're we're more interested in
16:20 whether our next Nextdoor neighbors is
16:21 conforming to social
16:24 distancing and we let others dictate the
16:26 rules of the discussion what can and
16:30 can't be discussed so the conversation
16:32 it occurs only within the parameters
16:34 that the media and the politicians have
16:37 said and when others dictate the rules
16:39 of the game when they when they dictate
16:43 The Narrative and control the language
16:46 we limit and confine ourselves so you
16:49 know language is important when you let
16:51 others control and limit your language
16:53 it makes it easier to invalidate your
16:55 experiences and then reframe your memory
16:57 and reframe your perception and your thoughts
16:59 thoughts
17:01 in the process you're reducing yourself
17:02 to a
17:05 nonperson your Canon fter just another
17:25 statistic I heard some woman recently um
17:28 some pseudo celebrity named Amber Rose
17:30 she looks like a porn
17:33 star I wouldn't be surprised if she is
17:35 you look at her and and she's a walking
17:38 red flag but I heard a speak out
17:41 recently regarding sexual consent and it
17:43 was at some feminist
17:45 conference and what she said was she
17:47 said that a man should should be able to
17:49 pick up on a woman's body language when
17:52 she's uncomfortable and he should know
17:54 when she's not interested in sex even if
17:57 she doesn't Voice it and she said that
17:58 that a woman should not have to voice
18:00 voice of disapproval or even say the
18:02 word no and she said that there's no
18:06 exceptions when it comes to men zero
18:09 exceptions so if a man isn't a mind
18:11 reader he's a
18:14 rapist if a man is autistic and he can't
18:17 read body language he's a
18:19 rapist there's a dozen other scenarios
18:22 you could think of but but you can see
18:25 the danger of engaging within those
18:27 parameters those parameters of language
18:29 of dialogue
18:31 that's an overt example but it's
18:32 typically a lot more subtle than that
18:34 it's like well if going out on a date
18:37 with a guy makes me a [ __ ] then that's
18:39 just what I'm going to be I don't think
18:41 going out on a date make you a [ __ ] but
18:44 having sex with different men makes you
18:47 make you a [ __ ] what does it make you if
18:54 maker I you an exm who used to piss on
18:56 the floor when the cops used to drag him
18:58 out questioning now I wouldn't recommend
19:00 you go that with it but you get the
19:03 point but it it doesn't doesn't mean you
19:05 have to become hypervigilant in the
19:09 extreme or or just examine every single
19:11 word that comes out of a woman's mouth
19:12 you go mad doing
19:15 that the constant victim mentality would
19:17 drive you up the wall but you can be
19:20 curious lead with a question as opposed
19:23 to a statement CU statements can box you
19:25 in but questions that open up the
19:27 dialogue and it's putting the owners
19:30 back on the other party now get them to
19:32 justify their position without you
19:34 volunteering any information cuz you
19:37 don't have to show your hand they do
19:40 they have an objective but the only way
19:42 they can achieve that objective is if
19:44 you play by their rules and you get emotionally
19:45 emotionally
19:48 invested and woman that they can be very
19:50 limited in that
19:53 regard if you compare a woman to a boxer
19:56 if if you keep outside her reach and you
19:58 switch to southp then you keep her off balance
19:59 balance
20:01 you you switch it up you you don't let
20:03 her dictate the language and the rules
20:19 [Applause]
20:22 it a lot of men that they'll recognize
20:24 what I'm saying here they know that look
20:27 A woman will give you when you change it
20:29 up it's it's like a recur in the
20:32 headlights you see it the jaw drops that
20:35 quizzical look her head just tilts
20:38 slightly to one side and she doesn't
20:40 know what to make of you you you're not
20:42 playing by the rules you're not
20:44 complying boo you
20:46 [ __ ] women are they're used to
20:50 manipulating men in a very specific way
20:51 they did it with their daddies with
20:54 their with all their boyfriends you know
20:56 the teachers their employers and they
20:59 haven't had to switch it up before men
21:01 they they just usually fall into line
21:03 and let the woman dictate the
21:04 interaction and the
21:07 parameters and often yeah I mean the
21:08 best tactic is to not engage in the
21:11 first instance but a lot of times that's
21:13 just not possible and if you get
21:17 cornered it helps to be prepared so you
21:18 know it can get to a point where you can
21:21 detach when you recognize certain signs
21:24 and behaviors otherwise you you run the
21:27 risk of being blindsided need more
21:30 coffee need more
21:33 Margaret it seems counterintuitive but a
21:36 good te to take is effectively the same
21:37 approach you would take with a
21:40 friend a friend who's going through a
21:42 crisis you approach your friend with
21:44 compassionate curiosity and you ask
21:46 questions to understand their
21:47 perspective you know what's going on
21:50 with them but there's boundaries their
21:53 issues are their issues and yeah that
21:54 friend that friend might be in an
21:56 abusive relationship or it might be a
21:59 junkie or or a Baska case set on self
22:01 toest strike so it's it's not your job
22:03 to rescue them or allow them to bring you
22:04 you
22:08 down but just just engage intellectually
22:11 rationally calmly but firmly and with
22:14 curiosity but you don't let them cross
22:16 your boundaries cuz your safety comes
22:18 first and you're not offering Solutions
22:20 you're you're not taking on board their
22:22 problems you're not volunteering
22:23 information now it's a tough love
22:27 approach where Common Sense calls the
22:29 shots and none of this none of this is
22:31 guaranteed to safeguard you as a man
22:33 there's there's just too much gray area
22:34 when it comes to relationships between
22:38 men and women today but now as men we
22:40 need to have a higher level of awareness
22:43 in relation to to a great many things
22:45 that are happening today now she'll be
22:48 right doesn't cut it
22:51 anymore now all you a b when you feel
22:54 you've had enough and life's not really
22:57 going well and life is pretty rough just
22:59 get out there and try again and back
23:02 yourself a first the Aries always do
23:04 their best when things are at their
23:06 worst sh be
23:20 [Music]
23:24 the I take therapy for example far too
23:27 often a therapist will undermine and gas
23:29 light a CLI
23:32 it it's typically kill us rather than
23:36 malicious but now sadly it's it's a
23:40 familiar Dynamic to a man but yeah it's
23:43 also still ultimately about control and fostering
23:45 fostering
23:48 dependency in therapy you know a man
23:51 could say that he's experiencing a
23:53 certain type of behavior in a
23:54 relationship from his girlfriend or from
23:57 his wife he it could State straight out
23:59 he could say that that this is my
24:01 experience you this is the behavior and
24:04 this is the effect it's having on
24:08 me but therapists both male and female
24:10 they they often take the tack of
24:12 invalidating the client are you sure
24:16 you're remembering that correctly like
24:18 this seems to be seems to be a familiar
24:19 pattern for
24:21 you you were hurt by some of your exes
24:24 so it's understandable you have issues
24:27 with women you know you need to stop
24:28 seeing all women
24:34 filter yeah I recall a Time years ago
24:37 when I questioned a woman about a
24:39 research in front of a group she was
24:41 giving the seminar and I remember I
24:43 asked her I said where did you get your
24:46 statistics from and can you provide
24:49 sources I was very polite about it but
24:51 at the end of the meeting I was pulled
24:54 aside and the language directed at me
24:57 was framed as and I quote why did you
25:00 feel the need to attack her
25:02 her
25:05 attack their language prompts a man to
25:07 question his
25:18 yeah how' that happen and if a lie gets
25:19 repeated often enough it has the same
25:22 net effect on a man's
25:25 psyche he ends up questioning his
25:26 perception of
25:29 reality and men men typically turn
25:31 inwards and blame themselves as opposed
25:33 to to questioning the language and the
25:35 intentions of
25:38 women so that vulnerability that that
25:40 that self-doubt that that insecurity
25:43 it's blood in the water to a
25:45 narcissist and now all the gaslighter
25:48 needs to do is just drop the bait and
25:50 you see how how a lot of men are today
25:53 especially younger men and they're so
25:55 hungry for attention and validation
25:57 though the pay woman just to shake her
25:58 ass on can
26:02 more paired just to get creative with a
26:05 cucumber they're poor
26:07 vegetable yeah I actually just found out
26:09 what a wau was the uh the other night wau
26:11 wau
26:13 Wu there was like a Pokémon on your
26:15 phone or
26:19 something how wrong I was it took me a
26:32 but a gaslighter they'll dig for
26:34 information they want to know all about
26:36 your insecurities they want to know
26:38 about your your vulnerabilities what
26:40 what you're embarrassed about what what
26:43 your regrets are and they want to hear
26:44 all about your troubles they want to
26:46 hear about your past relationships about
26:49 your your past mistakes and experiences
26:51 and they want to know every recurring
26:54 thought that you have they want to know
26:56 what makes you tick you know who the
26:58 people are in your life the and the
27:00 natur of those relationships and the
27:02 perception that those people have of you
27:05 and so on
27:07 wow wow she must really like
27:10 me she's paying me so much attention no
27:12 woman has ever shown this much interest
27:15 to me she's so affectionate oh wow she's
27:18 a tiger in the SEC she wants it all the
27:21 time this is great she's all I can think
27:29 romance and every tidbit of information
27:32 you provided it then gets used as
27:33 ammunition against
27:36 you it's used to to to systematically
27:39 erode your confidence and make you doubt
27:41 your own
27:44 reality you ever pick your feet in bipsy
27:47 come on come on hey hey you ever pick
27:49 your feet in
27:51 piping you got a friend you going to
27:53 tell us who you man is what's the last
27:54 time you picked your feet Willie who's
27:56 your Connection Willie what's his name
27:58 what and
28:00 what you talking about let me hear you
28:02 say come on have you ever been in pyy
28:04 you've been in pipsy haven't you I want
28:06 to hear it come on yes yes you've been
28:08 there right you sat on the edge of the
28:10 bed didn't you you took off your shoes
28:11 put your finger between your toes and
28:13 picked your feet didn't you that's there
28:16 it yes all right confusion you keep the
28:19 suspect off balance now we've got you
28:22 mate we know you did this crime we got
28:26 witnesses H who place you as the last
28:27 person sing with the deceased we've got
28:30 your red handed mate we got
28:33 you when a cop when a when a detective
28:36 takes this approach and an interrogation
28:38 it ramps up the anxiety puts through the
28:41 roof and the detective is laying out the
28:44 facts as he sees it and then he starts
28:46 developing a narrative for you the
28:48 suspect you know about why you may have
28:49 done the
28:51 crime and the detective at this point
28:53 he's looking for body language cues to
28:56 see what you respond to so he'll start
28:59 throwing out possible scenario
29:02 know maybe maybe the victim provoked
29:05 you maybe it was self-defense
29:07 maybe I know maybe we talked to some of
29:08 her friends and she has a bit of a drug
29:12 history so maybe she was a junkie maybe
29:14 it was a mercy killing from an OD that
29:17 went bad now is that what
29:19 happened so the cop at this point he
29:20 starts playing
29:22 counselor you're trying to get the
29:25 suspect then to to relax and open up
29:29 seeing what sticks
29:30 and the detective is watching for body
29:33 language signals he's looking for cues
29:34 if the suspect's anxiety eases up then
29:37 he knows he's on the right
29:40 track but anytime you speak up to to
29:41 contest The Narrative that he's
29:44 presenting or or say no or deny anything
29:46 the cop he'll just shut you down and
29:49 he'll talk over you and if you shut up
29:51 completely or if you just slow up with
29:54 your denials or you don't ask for a
29:56 lawyer then in the cop's mind he has his
29:58 men you're right
30:00 and he's found the right Tech to take
30:02 now he's found the right
30:05 narrative and any cop any cop worth his
30:07 salt he can take denials from a suspect
30:09 and just reframe
30:11 them frame it as a as a crime of
30:14 opportunity or a crime of passion and so
30:18 on no no I would never hurt anybody I no
30:21 I don't have it in me yeah yeah no I can
30:23 see you're a good guy and what that
30:25 tells me is that this is not normal
30:28 behavior for you you panicked
30:30 it happens to the best of us but now you
30:32 have a chance to do the right thing
30:34 you're a good guy let's give the family
30:37 closure come on where's the
30:40 body it's term countering know deny
30:43 invalidate reframe and it rips a ground
30:45 out from under man it undermines and
30:49 invalidates his memory then it reframes
30:52 it at this point what you need is a
30:55 friend in that sweaty little room cuz
30:57 your anxiety is through the roof you
30:59 need a pal
31:00 and then the cop he gets in your
31:03 physical space he he softens his tone he
31:05 gives you a good old pet on the back you
31:08 there there mate I'm H
31:10 listen but in the cop's mind if you
31:13 start to cry [ __ ] you you're guilty you
31:20 guilty want to know what I think about
31:29 [Music]
31:36 is
31:41 oh that's what I think of the Fifth
31:43 Amendment you ever heard the term giving
31:45 someone the third
31:47 degree the third degree it used to
31:49 describe police interrogation me methods
31:51 back in the day where cops could legally
31:54 beat a suspect to get a confession it
31:55 was standard
31:58 practice of course you know at least
31:59 they had the decency to do it behind
32:02 closed doors back then in Melbourne now
32:15 goes but at this point in in the
32:18 interrogation the the detective he
32:20 presents the alternative question and
32:23 this is your oute as a suspect so he
32:26 gives you the choice of two motives and
32:28 he gives you a a the first one is a
32:30 really shitty motive that presents you
32:33 as just a cold malicious killer and the
32:35 second one it's more more Humane it's
32:37 more compassionate that will sound
32:40 better to a jewelry and once you choose
32:42 one of the motives the cop he he then
32:44 ramps it up he he brings other people
32:46 into the room so you have to confess to
32:49 other people and just justify justify
32:51 the more Humane motive that you've just
32:53 chosen cuz at this point because of the
32:55 stress because of the
32:57 anxiety you desperately want to win the
32:59 validation and approval because at this
33:01 point what you want you what you really
33:03 want above everything else is just to
33:04 get the [ __ ] out of that
33:07 room and that's a level of anxiety
33:08 you're feeling at this point you'll
33:12 confess you you'll sign anything you'll
33:13 you'll accept another's narrative just
33:16 to stop the stress just stop the
33:19 anxiety and you one out you're broken
33:21 you just want the pain to stop so you'll
33:23 say or do
33:25 anything and that unfortunately is a
33:27 familiar relationship Dynamic for Many
33:29 Men toxic
33:32 relationships they just want it to stop
33:34 they just want to avoid conflict so they
33:38 don't feel the pain so this is a complex
33:40 psychological process going on here and
33:42 it has Deep Roots
33:44 Roots look
33:47 look
33:49 over would you think that you could
33:52 treat me like some stupid [ __ ] Goomba
33:54 housewife you think I'm going to let
33:57 some [ __ ] [ __ ] all over me just cuz he
34:01 buys me some ridiculous Gody [ __ ]
34:04 ring where the [ __ ] do you get off
34:06 huh you don't care what do you think you
34:08 don't even want my problems you think my
34:18 you you got a [ __ ] dream life
34:21 compared to mine nobody cares if I'm
34:28 dead I didn't just meet you
34:30 I've known you my whole [ __ ] life
34:32 that's right take a dump wherever you
34:35 please and then just walk away my mother
34:37 was just like
34:42 you bottomless black hole oh the mother
34:44 now I
34:50 Surrender burn me at the stake you know
34:53 what you're [ __ ] crazy all I ever
34:56 asked for was kindness and when a man
34:59 internalizes the belief that he is less
35:04 than then the cycle of indoctrination is
35:06 complete cuz even when the man knows
35:08 what the truth is that that his
35:10 girlfriend did something malicious to
35:13 him that she slept with his best friend
35:15 she uh she stole money from him or did
35:17 something else to him that was
35:19 horrible he shuts down his own inner
35:23 voice and then he gasl lights himself
35:26 cuz he'll do anything to avoid conflict
35:28 he doesn't want to face his abusers
35:32 wrath so he has to win her her approval
35:35 and her validation at all costs so he
35:38 convinces himself that he's wrong and
35:40 you've seen it I mean these guys will
35:42 fight to the death to protect this
35:45 narrative in their head you know the
35:47 this ideal of her being just a perfect
35:51 angel now his entire identity at this
35:53 point is just built around gaining and
35:54 keeping her
35:58 approval so the roots they do Run Deep
36:01 now here's a dirty trick here's a good
36:03 one your girlfriend starts an argument
36:05 with you and you bite and you get
36:07 emotionally invested and then she raises
36:10 her voice forcing you to raise yours and
36:11 she keeps ramping it up and ramping it
36:13 up ramping up the volume and then she
36:15 pulls away leaving you as the only one
36:17 shouting then she gets to frame you as
36:20 the abuser then she records it and plays
36:28 Court deny and dismiss
36:30 you need help oh no you need
36:33 psychological help you're imagining
36:35 things now you're
36:38 crazy but if you go to therapy or if you take
36:39 take
36:42 medication she can then paint you as
36:44 crazy if you're a sexually abused as a
36:46 child or experienced domestic violence
36:48 and a priate relationship then she gets
36:51 to play therapist and she gets to paint
36:53 you as as just replaying the abuse you
36:55 suffered as a child or in a previous
36:59 relationship on her it gets really
37:02 nasty and whenever I hear the
37:06 question who hurts you from a woman I I
37:08 always think men don't realize just how
37:11 nasty that implication
37:14 is and my advice if if I were to ever
37:16 give advice is is never disclosed in
37:21 abuse history to woman ever it's simply
37:24 ammunition and her using it against a
37:27 man can and often does become just an
37:29 extreme effective means of control on
37:32 that woman's part she takes his abuse
37:34 history and his history of bad
37:36 relationships and she uses it to chip
37:38 away his
37:40 self-esteem and we see a similar Dynamic
37:42 with with single mothers and how they
37:46 engage in spcification with their sons
37:49 that's a toxic relationship with with lifelong
37:55 implications how do you feel like your
37:57 life would be different if you had grown
38:00 up with a father I'd have had some
38:03 discipline I'd had
38:05 uh more
38:07 confidence uh you seem pretty confident
38:11 to me now I am because now I'm I believe
38:13 that I'm I'm My Own man and I'm a man
38:15 you know money gave gave me confidence
38:17 the screams of the crowd gave me
38:18 confidence but before that I was a shell
38:20 of a
38:22 man it's not just women who engage in
38:25 these tactics it's men too so you know
38:27 be on guard
38:29 but with gaslighters it it's the same
38:32 pattern of behavior and the tactics
38:34 they're pretty standard but they're
38:38 effective and the gas lighter will
38:40 they'll cook off an argument and then
38:42 they'll put the blame on you for
38:43 initiating it now you're the
38:45 Troublemaker never
38:47 them and whatever you say it's just
38:50 baseless it's just no it's irrational
38:52 you're victimizing
38:55 them and they just deny they deny
38:57 deny and they could do all manner of
38:59 horrible things to you then turn around
39:01 and accuse you of doing it to them
39:04 they'll beat you to the punch cuz that's
39:06 the story that they will present to
39:08 others to your friends to to anybody in
39:10 airshot to gain
39:13 sympathy and they recruit sympathizers
39:15 now they go behind your back they'll win
39:17 your friends over to their side now how
39:20 many men how many men that you know have
39:22 broken up with women and had their
39:24 entire friend Network leave them behind
39:27 dry and side with the ex over them
39:30 a women are especially good at this good
39:31 at this tactic that they'll use whatever
39:35 it takes they'll use sex to win support
39:37 they'll they'll play the victim they'll
39:39 lie through the teeth to present the man
39:41 as a devil
39:43 incarnate they'll self harm and say you
39:46 hit her they'll have others give give
39:49 false testimony by essentially using the
39:51 same tactics they used on on you to
39:54 seduce them and win them over and hey
39:57 you the narrative is that men are evil right
39:58 right
40:00 but let's get down to Brass tax let's
40:01 get right down to it boys let's get
40:07 right down to it men are
40:13 [ __ ] what men are
40:16 [ __ ] well isn't that what they
40:19 say and when that's the the prevailing
40:21 opinion the woman sh shares all the
40:23 cards in her favor and now everyone
40:25 around you is taking the side of the
40:28 gaslighter and invalidate in your
40:32 experience and divert divert divert
40:34 whatever issue you bring up they just
40:37 put it back on you oh wow wow you're
40:38 just hyper
40:40 sensitive you're overly sensitive you're
40:43 a really toxic
40:45 person and just like cops they counter
40:47 they use countering they call your
40:50 memory into question oh no no no no no
40:51 you got it all
40:55 wrong no that's not what happened you're
40:57 confused they just keep denying
41:00 I don't I don't recall saying that no no
41:02 no you're imagining that when you come
41:04 in on Monday and you're not feeling real
41:06 well is anyone ever say to you sounds
41:09 like someone has a case of the Mondays
41:11 Mondays
41:14 no no
41:17 man [ __ ] no man I believe you get your
41:19 ass kicked saying something like that
41:22 man do you pick your feet and
41:25 bipy and they keep you off balance they
41:27 ramp up the stress and anxiety they get
41:30 you doubting yourself they really P pile
41:32 on the shaming and the guilt tactics
41:35 they that they dig up they dig up all
41:37 all of your shame they dig up your
41:41 vulnerabilities and the end goal is to
41:43 get you feeling guilty and ashamed for
41:45 even questioning their shitty behavior
41:46 in the first
41:48 instance and they cut you off they cut
41:49 you off from Friends cut you off from
41:52 family they they want you isolated with
41:55 no support no support no contact with
41:57 others who who would quite rightly point
42:00 out that what you're experiencing is
42:03 abuse they wear you down to a nub and
42:05 just like a little kid who experiences
42:08 abuse they want you to shut
42:11 down and whenever they go on the attack
42:13 they want you to shut down they want you
42:16 paralytic so they can then step in and
42:21 rescuer and what I've detailed here it's
42:23 just the tip of the iceberg when it
42:25 comes to gaslighting but you can see how
42:31 cuz I see more and more
42:33 men especially young men just
42:35 pedestalize women these days and are
42:37 raising women up as the answer to all
42:40 their problems as just the the literal
42:41 Gatekeepers to their
42:44 happiness and they're walking and
42:47 they're blind and that desperation that
42:49 that mentality is what will get a man
42:51 chewed up and sped
