0:02 Hi, I'm Liza Wheel, founder of Gate
0:04 House Admissions. And I'm Jeremy
0:05 Jeanwald, founder of Ambient Admission.
0:08 And we're back with our series of HBS
0:11 application essay reviews. We've already
0:12 looked at Megan's businessminded and
0:15 leadership focused essays. So now, let's
0:18 turn to her growthoriented essay. If you
0:19 want to follow along, use the link below
0:21 to download a free copy of our book of
0:24 sample essays from successful HBS
0:27 admmits. Let's dive
0:29 in. After three years as a lunch buddy
0:31 and tutor with a school near campus that
0:33 focused on inclusive education for high
0:34 school students, I sought out an
0:36 opportunity to teach an interpersonal
0:38 skills course to 10 sophomores with
0:40 disabilities during what turned out to
0:42 be 3 months of virtual learning. To
0:45 prepare, I read a memoir about raising a
0:47 son with autism and leveraged PeopleMart
0:50 to transform interpersonal skills into
0:52 more accessible people skills. I
0:54 selected topics including active
0:56 listening, expressing yourself clearly,
0:58 seeking feedback, and asserting needs.
1:00 But that first week, I kept the content
1:02 light. Talking about favorite movies,
1:04 Ice Age was the winner. I also arranged
1:06 one-on- ones asking, "How do you learn
1:09 best?" Figuring out how to engage each
1:11 student took experimentation. Jimmy,
1:13 with severe speech impediments, rocked
1:16 in his chair due to anxiety. The
1:18 school's main coach encouraged me to
1:20 pull in quieter students, but also told
1:21 me to make my language approachable.
1:24 else I'd alienate students. With gentle
1:26 coaxing, I guided Jimmy through using a
1:28 tablet to write on a virtual whiteboard.
1:29 As Jimmy started jotting, the class
1:31 clapped in excitement, delighted that
1:33 Jimmy was no longer left on the
1:34 sidelines. This once in a lifetime
1:36 experience taught me to always put
1:38 myself in others shoes and ask myself
1:41 and others what they need to succeed. I
1:42 carry these lessons with me as I work
1:44 with Special Olympic junior athletes,
1:46 partner with management teams, the part
1:48 I love most about my role, and lead
1:50 Andrea's dream junior board. All right.
1:52 So, Jeremy, what do you think? Look,
1:54 this is a great essay. Again, I think
1:56 what's interesting with this one is it
1:59 so easily could have fallen flat. I
2:01 think a lot of people could have made
2:04 the mistake of just talking about, you
2:06 know, why they volunteered somewhere and
2:07 talking about their volunteer
2:09 experience. And the key differentiator
2:13 here is the intentionality that reveals
2:16 that curiosity and growth. And so, you
2:21 know, our Megan writes about how um she
2:22 had some grounding in this and she
2:24 decided to kind of take this interest
2:27 and passion further, but then she pauses
2:29 and said that she she reads a book about
2:32 it to contextualize her, you know, her
2:33 her to to develop her her own
2:35 perspective and contextualize her
2:37 experience beforehand. And that to me
2:39 becomes critical. Like that to me is
2:41 like, oh, this isn't just someone who
2:42 has an interest. This is someone who has
2:44 an inordinate passion and commitment to
2:46 something. That is that is where you can
2:48 say I am growth oriented. If without
2:51 that piece, I think the whole essay
2:54 might even fall apart. It's like I I I
2:56 didn't just decide I wanted to do this
2:58 and try this. I wanted to grow with
3:01 this. I wanted to I wanted to come in
3:03 and do my best with this. And and and I
3:06 think that is it's so subtle, it makes
3:08 the entire essay work. And then
3:10 thereafter because she she's established
3:12 that she comes in with a perspective and
3:14 she comes in with a perspective on
3:15 connecting. She picks her you know
3:18 particular film uh and she learns how to
3:21 relate to or finds her way to relate to
3:23 each individual. Like there are
3:25 volunteer experiences where people phone
3:27 them in and they don't realize it or
3:28 they're just again they're force forcing
3:30 their I did this volunteer experience
3:32 for business school and I'm gonna force
3:34 it into this uh essay and it'll it'll
3:36 it'll work I guess. that isn't this that
3:40 this is there's a lot of of curiosity of of
3:41 of
3:44 intentionality and and and it plays out
3:47 because she has that and um and so it it
3:49 really comes to life. You can see that
3:51 she has impact in what she's doing but
3:52 again it's not just happen stance
3:55 impact. It's impact that is is really
3:58 driven by her being motivated in this
4:00 area. So, I think it's great. And again,
4:02 anyone who's listened to to parts one
4:04 and two on this simple language, let the
4:06 story do it do the work. You know, she's
4:08 not like I don't know if she was given
4:09 an award for this, but you know, she's
4:11 not like and I got awards for this and
4:12 everyone was great and we all danced off
4:14 of the sunset and people were carrying
4:15 on their shoulders. It's like that just
4:18 I I did this and and you can see the
4:20 impact. You know, kids came out of their
4:21 shell. I grew and developed. This
4:23 allowed me to be more impactful in in
4:26 other work that I was doing. Period.
4:27 That it's it's its own reward. There's
4:30 no bragging. She she writes incredibly
4:32 well. I think the other thing you
4:34 mentioned the book uh reading the book
4:36 and contextualizing the other thing I
4:38 really like about it is it it it is a
4:40 bit of vulnerability there, right? Where
4:42 she is basically saying she doesn't know
4:44 how to teach this and she wants to take
4:48 it seriously and do a great job. So it's
4:51 you're right. It it shows a um a desire
4:54 to learn, but also her ability to
4:56 recognize she may have been tutoring.
4:58 She may have some familiarity, but she
5:00 wasn't ready for this and she owed it to
5:03 her. You know, as a reader, you can
5:04 infer some of these things whether or
5:06 not or or certainly I had that reaction
5:08 as I read it. It was almost like, you
5:10 know, I've had these experiences, but
5:11 that doesn't mean I know everything. I
5:14 still want to give my best and that
5:15 means I'm going to invest the time up
5:19 front so that I know I know more how to
5:21 succeed and do right by these students
5:23 that I'm leading. So I I I love that
5:26 aspect of very subtly showing her own
5:29 recognition of of of Yeah. I couldn't
5:30 just go in and do it. That would have
5:32 been fair to the students I was trying
5:33 to teach. Right. I think what you're
5:35 saying is she's she's revealing
5:37 self-awareness and uh and and again a
5:42 humility. She's like like didn't say I
5:43 saw this opportunity. I was going to go
5:45 in and wing it like and and because I
5:46 know what I'm doing because I'm I'm a
5:48 rousing leader. It's it's okay for
5:51 someone to say I I saw this opportunity
5:54 and I wanted to you know I I wanted to
5:56 do it but I had to develop a little bit
5:57 beforehand and I had to grow. It's a
6:00 growth oriented essay right like you
6:01 have to be willing to say yeah there
6:03 were areas where I I needed to develop
6:05 or grow in order to get there. So I
6:08 think she does this very very well. I
6:10 want to make one final point. The choice
6:13 of words once in a-lifetime experience
6:15 that's bold language for an essay. It's
6:17 it's a little bit, you know, if if she
6:20 had started the essay with that, I would
6:21 not have liked it at all because it
6:23 would have been too much of a tell
6:26 here's what I want you to think. But the
6:28 way she puts it into the the last uh
6:30 paragraph, I think it was where she puts
6:33 it in, we believe it. We believe it
6:35 because we've seen what she's given to
6:37 this process of teaching um these
6:40 students. And it's it's a bold choice of
6:42 language, but because we have been
6:44 there, because she's written simply and
6:46 sort of led us into the into the
6:49 classroom with her, we almost appreciate
6:51 that language she chooses to to describe
6:54 this situation. And we really do believe
6:56 it was incredibly meaningful to her,
6:57 which I I really appreciate. And as we
7:00 near the wrap of of Megan as a as
7:02 Megan's suite of essays, I think it's
7:03 important to kind of look back at all
7:05 three and say we've learned an awful lot
7:07 about her, right? We, even though these
7:09 are very short essays, we've learn we've
7:11 learned about her as a volunteer. We've
7:13 learned about her as an advocate in the
7:14 workplace. We've learned about her as a
7:16 as someone who's driven change in her
7:18 college. We've learned about her as um
7:21 as, you know, as someone who um has had,
7:23 you know, had had challenges early in
7:25 life. We've learned about her as a as a
7:27 professional who's who's who's had
7:28 curiosity development. I could I could
7:31 go on. Um but, you know, that's
7:32 something I always talk about. Anyone
7:34 who's who's heard me who's been listened
7:36 to a few of these videos will eventually
7:38 hear me say keep the reader learning.
7:40 Totally. And she continues to keep the
7:42 reader learning. And that's what allows
7:43 you to stay engaged. You're like, "Oh,
7:45 wow. I just I just learned even more in
7:47 the third essay about this person." And
7:49 hopefully I would assume she was a
7:51 successful applicant. And just I would
7:52 assume that we learned more about her in
7:53 her short answers, more about in her
7:55 resume. And we just keep saying, "Wow,
7:57 this impressive person keeps getting
7:59 more impressive." And that isn't about
8:01 having like, oh, I'm holding back some,
8:03 you know, six major accomplishments and
8:05 not sharing them. It's just more like
8:07 again be by being self-aware, you can
8:08 pick up on different aspects of your
8:11 stories and and and allow them to shine
8:13 in different areas. So, she I I as a
8:15 suite, these are great. I agree. I
8:17 agree. And I say kudos to Megan for
8:19 gaining admittance, although I'm not
8:20 have a great time at HBS. Exactly.
8:23 Exactly. Great. Follow this series for
8:25 more reviews of real essays from real
8:27 HBS admits. And be sure to download our
8:30 book linked below for dozens more essay samples.
