0:00 [Music]
0:05 Hey, Stewie. You got a minute for your
0:07 daddy? Get out of here, you spineless
0:09 oaf. Oh, and by the way, I faked all
0:11 those bowel movements. Brian, I feel
0:14 awful. Stewie and I were getting along
0:16 so good and now he hates me. How do I
0:18 get him to like me again? Well, that
0:19 depends. Do you really want my advice or
0:21 you're just asking random questions
0:23 again? What's a hypotenuse? Where do you
0:25 think you're going? You're my dog.
0:27 You're not going anywhere. Besides, I
0:30 need you, boy now more than ever. I
0:33 think my wife is cheating on me.
0:36 Hey, Tori, it's Brian. I'm getting the
0:38 Chinese food for us. I think I'm going
0:40 to order some mi like bang
0:42 ho. That's not a real thing. I'm talking
0:44 about six. All right, I'll be there in
0:47 5. Happy birthday, Brian. We bought you
0:49 a cake with the groceries, so I got
0:51 smashed by a jug of Tide in the car.
0:54 Open your presents. Yeah, you got one
0:56 from Rammy Malik, star of Mr. Robot.
1:00 Wow, he gave me the dark circles around
1:02 his eyes.
1:04 Ah, cool. Did he also include his dead
1:07 soul monotone? No, I don't. Oh. Oh,
1:10 wait. Hang on. I didn't see it at first
1:12 because it was under some tissue paper.
1:14 You know, there's a beautiful spot
1:15 outside of town where they dump all the
1:17 foreskins. You can sit on top and watch
1:19 the sunset. Oh, great. And maybe we
1:21 could slaughter a lamb and light it on
1:23 fire so that it rains. Listen, I'll see
1:25 you later. Okay. I've got to go sit in a
1:27 circle with the other women and stare
1:28 off into the fields. All right. You got
1:31 a date? Yeah. Just hope it goes better
1:33 than my last one. Wow, Joseph, that was
1:35 great. Yeah. I got to say, I'm a little
1:38 disappointed. When you said I could do
1:39 you in your mud hut, I thought you meant
1:41 something else. I was born into a real
1:44 tennis family. On my first birthday, my
1:46 mother gave me a little
1:48 head. I wanted to be the first male
1:50 cheerleader for tennis. I cheer on two
1:53 occasions, day and night.
1:59 Tennis. And when that was weird, I
2:01 decided to just play tennis. Yeah, once.
2:04 But this So, this whole persona is just
2:06 a publicity stunt. Publicity is what
2:08 keeps this franchise running. Brian,
2:09 we're even using state-of-the-art
2:11 computer animation to create a fake sex
2:12 tape with me and Bill Cosby. Now you
2:15 will get ready for the zim zam and the
2:17 babbidity bib and you will take off your
2:20 clothes like voom and voom and get ready
2:24 for the most splendifferous pudding pop
2:26 you have ever seen. And I'm sorry I
2:29 caused such problems in your marriage.
2:31 Truth is I was faking it as a
2:34 therapist. I've been back almost a year
2:36 and I still got nothing going on. Hey,
2:39 cheer up Cleveland. I mean Joe doesn't
2:40 have a job either. What are you talking
2:42 about? I'm a cop. Oh, wait. That's real.
2:44 I thought that was like a Make a Wish
2:46 thing.
2:48 [Music]
2:51 Oh, Lois, here comes the best part.
2:55 And have a wonderful time.
2:59 Is that it? Oh, no. No. It's a and
3:02 something something all day, right? Oh,
3:06 man. I've lost all faith in mankind.
3:08 Music is dead to me now.
3:13 I'm serious. You have to stop smoking.
3:15 Have you looked in the mirror? You look
3:17 terrible. And what do you care? It's not
3:19 like you have to look at my face when we
3:20 have sex. Not since we started role
3:22 playing. Peter, I'm ready. Okay, now put
3:26 on
3:27 yours. Wow. Isn't it weird that we both
3:30 pick Mario Lopez? Yes, Peter. It's very
3:33 weird. Yeah, it shows that we both go
3:35 Latino, but soft. Stewie was really
3:37 laying in the me about something. Yeah,
3:38 it was Stewie. Definitely Stewie. Oh, so
3:40 now everyone understands me. Look, Meg,
3:43 we're just worried about you. Well,
3:45 don't. I can take care of myself. I'll
3:47 be out of here by the end of the week.
3:49 Punch yourself in the face.
3:51 Punch yourself in the face.
3:55 All right. He doesn't know what he's
3:56 doing. You fat. So, punch your baby in
3:58 the face. I did good. Meg. Shut up.
4:01 Lois, thanks again for letting me stay
4:03 here. You can't imagine how it feels to
4:05 have your heart broken so many times.
4:08 Aunt Carol, mom says you'd make a great
4:10 Florida [ __ ] What does that mean?
4:15 Oh, Chris, I I said that about Kate
4:17 Hudson. You know, I always thought I'd
4:19 be a good Florida
4:20 [ __ ] Thanks to you, my hair stays like
4:23 this when we stop. Chris, are Brian and
4:26 your father back yet? No. And why are
4:28 you saying the dog's name before dad's?
4:31 It's weird. That is weird. You're right.
4:33 Well, they better get here soon. I can't
4:34 host this Thanksgiving dinner on my own.
4:36 Hear that? This thing's all on you.
4:39 What? What are you talking about? Well,
4:41 the fat man's never going to get back in
4:43 time. And with him gone, that makes you
4:44 the man of the house. I sentence you to
4:47 death. So, what's going on here? Just
4:50 having dinner. That's Dad's chair. He's
4:52 going to be mad. Wow, Brian, you sure
4:55 have been doing a lot of jogging lately.
4:57 It's called running, Lois. Why don't you
5:00 have some food? Oh, you mean fuel? No,
5:02 no offense, Lois, but that stuff is
5:04 nothing but chemicals and empty
5:05 calories. Okay, I'll m much some up and
5:08 put it on the floor next to the trash if
5:10 you get hungry. So, uh you got uh you
5:13 got my money, huh? Oh, yeah. I'll I'll
5:15 pay you soon. Yeah. Well, um here's a
5:17 suggestion. Um have the money by
5:19 tomorrow and there won't be any
5:21 problems. Why? What happens in 24 hours?
5:23 I don't know. Not psychic, man. I'm just
5:26 saying it would probably be better for
5:27 everybody if you had the money tomorrow.
5:28 Yeah. All right. I'll see what I can do.
5:30 Sweet. Sweet. Great. Uh how's everything
5:33 else going? Good. All right. All right.
5:35 See you later. Don't forget. Nah, you're
5:38 not going to forget.
5:40 Good morning, Griffin. Griffin, Griffin,
5:42 and Griffin. Huh? I thought our letter
5:44 had had five Griffins on it, Meg. But
5:46 you were right to leave one of them off
5:48 because you're fired.
5:51 Dad, what are you doing in here? Oh,
5:53 hey, Chris. I just figured now that I'm
5:55 Justin, I should start a sweet news wall
5:57 for stuff I think is totally sweet. Big
6:00 puffy clouds are very sweet. Big
6:02 hamburgers. Small hamburgers, too.
6:04 Sliders, I think they're called. Ranch.
6:07 Here's just a picture of a vest. Pretty
6:09 sweet. Palm trees are very sweet cuz
6:12 like the beach. This is my room, Dad. We
6:15 find Peter Griffin guilty of murder in
6:18 the first degree. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
6:21 Oh no. Oh no. Oh yeah.
6:30 Okay. Can I ask everyone to please stop
6:32 saying oh no in this courtroom cuz the
6:35 [ __ ] Kool-Aid guy is going to keep
6:36 showing up. Thank you. Ah, the office
6:39 party. Raw broccoli and shecake. I like
6:43 when the universe gives me easy choices.
6:47 Thank you for coming. If you haven't
6:49 already, please don't forget to Venmo $4
6:51 to James for the broccoli and sheetcake.
6:53 And I want to thank Paula from HR for
6:55 saving us a little money by squeeze
6:57 farting the last three bottles of ranch
6:58 dressing onto a paper plate.
7:02 What the? Where is
7:04 [Music]
7:12 it? Boy, I tell you, no better way to
7:14 start your day than a morning dump in a
7:16 neighbor's yard. Come on, Brian. It was
7:19 a soft steamer, almost impossible to
7:21 pick up.
7:24 pervert. Oh. Oh, don't flatter yourself,
7:27 honey. I don't have any sweat glands.
7:28 But you, you were phenomenal. You really
7:31 think so? Here, have a look. I think
7:33 these turned out great.
7:40 Wait, Ben, are they all of my feet?
7:42 Well, me, the thing is, my name's Evan,
7:44 by the way. A lot of people will pay
7:46 good money for pictures of sexy feet.
7:48 Foot fetish porn sites are a huge
7:50 business. And so, gentlemen, in
7:52 baseball, three strikes and you're out.
7:54 But three lucky strikes and you're in.
7:58 Nice try, Don, but I'm afraid we're
8:00 going to have to take our business
8:01 elsewhere. Oh, I don't think so.
8:07 [Music]
8:14 What the hell was that?
8:17 And now back to the
8:39 I'm your number one
8:42 fan. Who Who are you? I'm Stewie Wilks.
8:46 I saved your life. You were in a
8:48 terrible car accident and you broke both
8:50 your legs. I taste lipstick. Am I
8:53 wearing lipstick? Not anymore. But what
8:55 are these formulas for? For these.
9:00 [Music]
9:07 Oh my god. You've got a weapons room,
9:09 too. And look at the size of it. It's
9:11 amazing. Yes. Although sometimes I think
9:13 it's too big. It takes the cleaning
9:15 woman forever to clean it.
9:20 [Music]
9:22 Tinkle Fairy. Hey, Grunt. You know,
9:24 there's something I always wanted to ask
9:25 you. When you know you have single
9:27 coverage, do you give a hand signal to
9:28 Brady or is it just eye contact? I don't
9:30 know. Want to see me dance? Well, no. I
9:32 asked because sometimes you're being
9:34 covered by a little guy and then you and
9:36 Brady look at each other and am I am I
9:38 supposed to touch you? What What am I
9:40 What am I doing here? Oh, I'm sorry,
9:41 bro. What was the question? I just I
9:43 just want to know if you and Brady have
9:44 like a like a secret hand signal or
9:46 something. That is top secret. But lean
9:48 in and I'll tell you.
9:53 Hey ladies, you mind if I park here?
9:56 I'll only be a few minutes. Stewie, what
9:58 is that on your lip? I drew a pencil
10:00 mustache. Come here. I'll take care of
10:02 that, sweetie.
10:04 It's got spit all over it. Now I know
10:06 what it feels like to have dinner with
10:07 Martin Landau. What people forget about
10:10 Palansky is Palansky wasn't a
10:13 perfectionist. and pedophile or not, he
10:15 he was a perfectly professional person.
10:18 Dad, I'm gonna eat meat on Fridays, golf
10:21 on Sundays, laugh at Jewish comedians,
10:23 and yes, sleep with my Protestant wife,
10:25 but I won't enjoy it, and she hates it.
10:28 Well, we can't both go on a trip at the
10:30 same time. I'm sorry, Peter, but I
10:32 already have a taxi waiting. All right,
10:34 I'll go tell the guys I'm not going. Why
10:37 is he taking his suitcase to tell the
10:39 guys? You guys, come on. We got to go
10:40 now. Let's go. Move it. I'm in the
10:42 shower. It doesn't matter. was stealing
10:43 Lois's camp.
10:45 Son of a And the idiot took my suitcase.
10:51 A He was taking me with him. What are
10:54 you doing, OJ? Well, I got no money left
10:57 to pay off my civil suit debt. So, I'm
10:59 making a god's eye to send to Fred
11:01 Goldman.
11:03 It's kind of nice, right? Better than
11:05 nothing. He's got money to buy tongue
11:07 depressors and yarn, but not enough to
11:08 pay us back. You know how much mustache
11:10 cream that could have bought? I don't
11:12 like the mustache, Fred. Nobody likes
11:14 the mustache. That's why we lost the
11:15 trial. That's not true.
11:22 I just thought of a way to get the
11:23 Gumbles back on the air. All right, Dad.
11:27 All we got to do is tell a little white
11:29 lie. Just go with it. Is this a Grant
11:31 the Dream Foundation? My son Chris is
11:34 dying. Holy crap. No. Oh my god. That
11:38 was the lie.
11:39 Oh, you sly boots. Okay, let's do this.
11:44 Hey.
11:46 Wow. Is that Harrison Ford? Yeah, it
11:48 said in the brochure that he assists
11:49 with all the jumps. Get off my plane.
11:52 Get off my plane. Get off my plane. Oh,
11:56 look. He even brought Kalista Flockheart
11:58 with him. Yeah, Peter. I think that's
12:00 just a piece of paper. Good, cuz she
12:02 looks fat. Get off my plane. Get off my
12:05 plane. Get off my plane. So, what do you
12:08 think of the house, Brian? As far as
12:10 Chadley knows, this is where I live.
12:12 Stewie, who owns this place? Oh, just
12:13 some rich idiot I saw bragging about his
12:15 vacation on Instagram. He posted a
12:18 picture of his feet in sand. You're a
12:20 guy. Don't do that. What a dick. Hey,
12:22 I'll swallow his dental floss. You pull
12:24 it out of me and put it back on the
12:25 roll. Good girl. Ah, that must be
12:28 Chadley.
12:31 Stand up. You're going to break that
12:33 thermometer.
12:34 [Music]
12:41 My god, it it's extraordinary. They all
12:43 seem to be completely unaware that
12:45 anything is a miss. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
12:47 whoa. Not a chance. I like your house
12:49 better. I got nothing to hold on to when
12:51 I poop at home. You have no idea how
12:52 many shower curtains I've ripped down.
12:54 Now get inside. No, I'm not going to do
12:56 that. Oh, yes you are. Get away from me,
12:59 you son of a [ __ ]
13:01 What the hell, Joe? Don't take that from
13:04 him.
13:04 [Music]
13:08 Short fight. Going to get you. You got a
13:11 funny little wiener, but you're a nice
13:13 guy. Meg. This is great, Dad. I know.
13:16 I'm having even more fun than when I I
13:18 mean, than when we went Fiona apple
13:21 picking.
13:23 Dad, they're all bruised and filthy.
13:25 Yeah, these might be throwing at buses
13:27 apples, not eating apples. See, Meg, you
13:29 can be in the flashback cuz we're
13:30 friends now. What's that, Dad? It's my
13:34 new meth distribution system. I've
13:36 trained this carrier pigeon to do all my
13:37 deliveries for me. Fly away,
13:41 Benjamin. Ah, perfect.
13:43 Perfect. Now, this is the money I owe
13:45 Peter. I want you to take it back to
13:47 him. Do you understand?
13:52 [Applause]
13:55 I know it's been you cyberbullying me. I
13:57 didn't mean to get you expelled, but now
13:59 I'm glad I did. You're a very
14:01 disrespectful young lady. At least I'll
14:03 have a paper towel with the power to
14:05 take on any spell. Okay, that's it.
14:08 You'll pay for this. Connie, you better
14:11 watch your step.
14:14 Oh, a lion bar. I'm sorry. Did I say a
14:17 piece of candy? More like British candy
14:19 for the whole class. Hello. Show and
14:22 tell National Championships in Debb,
14:24 Illinois. I have a nominee for you. Damn
14:27 it. I'm sick of being oneuped by Doug.
14:29 Hurts. Hurts worse than a trip to the
14:31 barber shop.
14:35 This is what babies think happens in
14:40 [Music]
14:42 haircuts. Thank you. That That was um me
14:47 farting by by
14:50 Shopan. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
14:54 very So Olivia, beautiful day. You're
14:58 not going to fart again, are you? Well,
15:00 I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a
15:02 total [ __ ]
15:04 Well, look at your fine ass. Are you
15:07 talking to me? Damn right. I've been
15:09 looking around this whole house for
15:10 something to nibble on. I think I just
15:12 found it. So many confusing feelings.
15:15 Dead. Sex. Black woman. Historically low
15:19 mortgage rates. I got to go buy a house.
15:23 Lois was right. I'm not a writer. I'm a
15:26 joke. I'm one big fat ridiculous joke.
15:30 Well, maybe you just didn't try hard
15:31 enough, Brian. You know what, father
15:33 from Family Circus? All you do is judge
15:35 other people. Every day in the funnies,
15:37 all you do is judge. Why don't you shut
15:39 your mouth for once and go home and your
15:42 wife in the face?
15:44 You know what? That's exactly what I'm
15:46 going to do.
15:56 What's all this? Oh, hey guys. Sadly, my
15:59 uncle Ray passed away last week, but he
16:01 left me his vintage sports car. Joe,
16:03 that's amazing that your uncle died. But
16:06 I'm really sorry to hear about the car.
16:08 He means that the other way around.
16:12 Hey, quick, put these on. You're not
16:14 going to throw a veteran in jail. Is
16:16 this some kind of joke to you? No, it
16:18 was a sincere idea. Real servicemen and
16:20 women have made real sacrifices for this
16:22 country. And you, you're an actual
16:25 veteran. You should know better. I'm
16:26 sorry. You made a mockery of our whole
16:28 family, Glenn. Now, everywhere I go,
16:30 it's like people are staring at me and
16:32 whispering. Hey guys, so I'm in my own
16:35 trunk. Uh, I think I'm going to get
16:37 murdered. Uh, but before I do, I forgot
16:39 I'm supposed to mention Triscuits.
16:40 Really, all the Nabiscoco products.
16:42 They're they're solid. You know, like on
16:44 the back of Triscuits when they give you
16:45 the recipes for those snacks, like the
16:47 the mini pizzas. I swear to God, make
16:49 those little pizzas. # it triscuit life
16:52 hacks. Go ahead and check it out. Recipe
16:54 in biome. Step. Uhhuh. Step. Step. Step.
17:02 Step. Okay, Peter. Whatever you do,
17:05 don't look down the
17:08 hole. Oh god, I look down the hole. Oh,
17:11 I got a sense of what's down there.
17:14 Okay. Okay. All right. You can still
17:15 save this. Just don't
17:17 smell. Oh god, I smelled everything. Oh,
17:20 it's so deep in my nose.
17:26 [Music]
17:33 [Applause]
17:38 [Music]
17:48 Med Griffin, we need to have a talk.
17:52 Oh my god, you kids were doing it in the
17:57 ear. Hey, my sandwich tastes funny. Is
17:59 there something wrong with the Smuckers?
18:01 Yeah, it's been on my crutch.
18:04 And now to exhibit the only power I have
18:07 in this world. Stop.
18:09 Hey, stop. He's not stopping. You're
18:13 supposed to stop for my hand. You're
18:15 supposed to stop for my hand. You're
18:17 supposed to stop for my hand. You're
18:21 supposed to stop for my hand.
18:26 You know I envy you, Stewie. I used to
18:29 be innocent like you. I've killed
18:31 people. Then I lost my virginity at six
18:33 to our strangely female plumber.
18:35 Respect. I know you're just a baby, but
18:37 I feel like you really understand me. I
18:39 can understand you,
18:41 dude. Ah, it's late. You must be tired.
18:46 [Music]
18:48 There you go, little buddy.
18:50 [Music]
18:52 Release the virus. No, I was thinking we
18:54 could spend the whole day in bed. Oh,
18:56 that's a great idea. Permission to begin
18:59 a day of epic love making, sexy lady.
19:02 Permission granted, sir. And if I need
19:04 help, I'll just fantasize about that
19:07 Victorian
19:08 stripper. Yeah, you [ __ ] Doth the
19:11 magistrate know what you're doing
19:12 tonight? Good. Now, undo the top six
19:15 buttons of your hundred button shoes.
19:18 Good morning, class. Morning, Dad. We're
19:20 going to need a few things for this
19:21 class. An eagerness to learn, a thirst
19:24 for knowledge, but one thing we won't
19:26 need is this. That's right. I know
19:28 you're all used to teachers wearing
19:30 tuxedos and Dracula capes, but not this
19:32 one. There will be no pretense in this
19:34 classroom. There will only be open minds
19:36 and new horizons.
19:42 If only they knew.
19:48 [Music]
19:52 Yeah, it's my boy.
19:55 Hi. Uh-oh. Do you own a gray Honda
19:58 Accord? No. Okay, good. Good. My name is
20:02 Becky and this is my son TJ. You're the
20:05 single dad whose wife is two feet under.
20:09 Yes. The shallow graves were cheaper. I
20:11 was wondering if you wanted our kids to
20:12 have a playd date. I know how hard it
20:14 can be being a single parent. I can make
20:17 some lunch. Fire up the bounce house.
20:19 We'll do it. We'll do it. He's going all
20:21 the way to Vermont for cat gifts and
20:23 whatnot. You can get a scratching post
20:25 down at Walmart for $2. Pair of Lee
20:28 jeans for $9. You know they got seats
20:31 for children now. You put them right in
20:32 your car. Supposed to make them safer.
20:35 Only problem is you can't lean your seat
20:37 all the way back. Oh.
20:41 [Music]
20:50 Man, look at this. Look at that.
21:03 [Applause]
21:05 [Music]
21:07 [Applause]
21:10 [Music]
21:21 Oh, that was amazing. Congrat.
21:24 This is mine. This is where my babies
21:27 come from.
21:30 Dad, what are we going to do? You think
21:32 it's too early to tie our shirts around
21:33 our heads to show we're going insane? I
21:36 mean it, Dad. This is serious. I did
21:38 pants instead.
21:40 I don't feel so hot. What is wrong with
21:43 me? Have you taken a break since you
21:44 started drinking? Not until right now.
21:47 Do you feel like lying on the couch
21:48 rubbing your eyes while listening to Lou
21:50 Reed's Perfect Day? Yes. Then I'll tell
21:52 you what's wrong with you. You got a
21:54 hangover. Peter, as far as the US
21:56 government is concerned, you're an
21:59 illegal Mexican immigrant. Holy
22:02 crap. Looks like I've got myself in a
22:05 bind. How will I get out of this one?
22:07 Stick around cuz we've got Cleveland and
22:09 Quagmar and Joe and Mort and all your
22:12 cartoon pals.
22:17 Cleveland, I think this beautiful woman
22:19 would like to say something to you. You
22:21 told me this was Lois's intervention.
22:24 Nice. Cleveland. Loretta, what you did
22:27 was unforgivable. This marriage is over.
22:30 Well, that's just fine, Cleveland, cuz I
22:32 am through being your wife. Well, I may
22:35 not be perfect, but I deserve better
22:37 than you. Look at that, Lois. As
22:40 beautiful as an HBO minority fairy tale.
22:43 If I can just escape this quarantine and
22:45 make it to the next town, I'll be able
22:46 to get that vaccine I need.
22:49 Stewie, I'm you from the future. You've
22:51 got to get the hell out of town before
22:52 you get sick. Yeah, I know. That's what
22:54 I'm doing. Okay, I'm really here because
22:56 I know you have glue. Give me the glue.
23:03 Stewie, listen to me. Never ever do this
23:06 great thing I love.
23:12 [Music]
23:34 Peter, don't. It's suicide.
23:40 No, no, no, no. I don't think so. It
23:42 It's not that I have ideological
23:44 differences. I'm I'm just not a hat
23:46 person. Hey, look. I didn't know the
23:48 principal of Make School was Jewish.
23:50 Hey, there's Bill Nye, a science guy,
23:52 and half of Lenny Kravitz. Optimus
23:55 Prime. He's Jewish.
23:58 [Music]
24:01 You know what? We had such a great time.
24:03 I'm just going to book another visit to
24:04 that
24:06 house. Huh? That's weird. I can't book
24:11 it. What the hell? The owner of the
24:14 house gave us a zero star review. She
24:17 She said we stole
24:19 something. I'm banned from Airbnb.
24:23 Ooh, tough break for the Pelican. Who?
24:28 This is just a phone number. I know. I
24:31 know. It's my phone number. Oh, yeah.
24:35 What do you think of that? Um, I'm not
24:38 sure. Well, you know, I'm sure for you.
24:41 Oh, yeah. I see. Yeah. I'm a little
24:46 creeped out. Hey, congratulations.
24:48 Somebody famous now hates you.
24:50 Okay, so that's enough autographs, I
24:52 think. Who is it? It's the bird. We're
24:55 here to beat you up.
24:58 What aren't you lying to yourself about?
25:00 Okay, you want to know the truth, Brian?
25:01 Brian the dog. I love her. You hear me?
25:03 Love. This is priceless. Haven't had
25:06 this much fun since I went to that
25:08 graveyard. Yeah. How do you like how
25:09 this sounds, huh? Try cleaning up this
25:11 mess while you're burning hell. Peter,
25:14 are you ready to go? Almost. Oh, what do
25:17 you mean you don't like that? Just try
25:18 it. Maybe you will. Now that Angela's no
25:21 longer with us, we will be your new
25:23 bosses. We're splitting the job because
25:25 one of the shareholders favorite songs
25:27 was Ebony and Ivory. So, here we are.
25:31 Now, we know it's difficult to remember
25:33 two new names. So, to make things
25:35 easier, you can call us Bea or Shirt.
25:40 Boy, I bet you she's a handful in the
25:42 bedroom.
25:45 So, how's the job hunt going? Yeah, it's
25:48 awful. Cleveland quagmire blew every gig
25:50 we got him. Guys, the only thing I know
25:52 how to do is fly a plane. That's what I
25:54 was born for. And I'll never be happy
25:56 unless I can do it again. And that's the
25:58 only answer. Somehow we've got to get
26:01 Quagmire his job back. Fellas, I think I
26:04 have an idea. Hello, operator. Hello. Oh
26:08 god, that's right. You have to punch in
26:09 the numbers
26:10 nowadays. I should know this. Oh yes.
26:14 8675309. That's it. No, wait. That's not
26:17 it. Damn you, Tommy Two
26:19 Tone. Only one thing to do.
26:22 1111. Lois. Damn.
26:26 11112. Lois. Damn.
26:30 [Music]
26:43 11113. It's beautiful. Ah. I just wish
26:47 my hot girlfriend were here to see it.
26:49 Oh, yeah. Yeah. You have a girlfriend?
26:50 What's her name?
26:52 Girly Frenston. Girly Frenston. Nice
26:56 try, Stewie. Well, looks like the whole
26:58 neighborhood's out here. Yeah. Just hope
26:59 that weird albino up the street doesn't
27:01 show up. That guy creeps me out. Hello,
27:03 Peter. Hey. Hey, Bill. Uh, what are you
27:07 doing out here in all this snow? Just
27:08 taking my rabbit to the vet.
27:12 Well, I'm all done shoveling your walk,
27:14 Mr. Herbert. Thanks, Chris. But there's
27:16 some in here, too.
27:19 Oh, it was so sweet of you to plan this
27:21 picnic, Ivan. But why are we in a
27:24 cemetery? Meg, I brings you here because
27:27 cemetery is very special place. It is
27:30 here where you can finally meet my
27:32 parents.
27:34 Your parents are dead. Oh, Ivan, I'm so
27:38 sorry. It's okay. They died peacefully
27:41 being ripped apart by dogs.
27:44 Chris, did you put a [ __ ] skinin cap on
27:45 Stewie? No. Why?
27:50 They look like little robbers.
27:55 What's going on? Peter paid the
27:57 villagers to reenact the contest episode
27:59 of Seinfeld. I am out. Huh? I am out. I
28:03 have pleasured myself.
28:08 Don't bowl. Dad, I have had enough of
28:10 you taking advantage of these people.
28:13 For God's sake, the woman playing Elaine
28:15 is a high priestess. You can't spare one
28:19 square. My race isn't for a few days, so
28:22 we should have plenty of time to hang
28:23 out. Anyone want to grab some food?
28:26 Sorry, Magg. I can't. I'm trying to land
28:28 you some endorsements, and I have a lead
28:29 with a very popular IBS medication.
28:32 Quick, say, I never let travelers
28:35 diarrhea keep me grounded. No. Well,
28:37 then you're just hand in this thing
28:39 right to John Croc.
28:42 Hey, Chris. Hector found two rocks
28:44 outside that look like boobs. You in?
28:46 Ah, who needs rocks when you've got
28:49 these? Check it out.
28:56 You'd be surprised at what people lie
28:58 about. Cleveland claims he likes Miller
29:00 Light because it tastes great. It does.
29:02 It's less filling. Tastes great. Less
29:04 filling.
29:06 The great American beer conflict.
29:09 Brother fought brother, mother fought
29:12 daughter, father fought son. A nation
29:15 divided over which was the least trashy
29:18 quality of a crappy domestic river beer.
29:24 I'm a Yankee doodle dy 8 lb Yankee
29:28 doodle do or die 129 a big one. Real
29:31 life nephew of my uncle Sam. Born on the
29:35 4th of
29:36 July.£3. Someone couldn't wait to be
29:39 here.
29:41 [Music]
29:52 That was
29:53 incredible. And hey, sorry I barked when
29:56 you took your pants off. I thought it
29:57 was a squirrel. Ready to go again? Oh, I
30:00 need time. I'm still recovering from
30:02 that one thing you did that was so
30:04 obscene it couldn't even be described on
30:06 lame dying network TV. Have you always
30:09 been so freaky? No, but when I got my
30:12 diagnosis, I made a bucket list of wild
30:13 sex stuff I want to try. Georgie, Uncle
30:19 Rush, you are getting heavy. I know. I'm
30:22 64 and 3/4. You sure are a slugger. Hey,
30:26 you got one for me? What? What are you
30:28 talking about? Oh, come on, Uncle Rush.
30:30 I I don't know what you're talking
30:31 about, really. Come on. Oh, wait a
30:35 second.
30:36 Yay! Yippee! Thanks, Uncle Rush. Don't
30:39 tell my dad. Wow, what a day. Please
30:44 don't comment. Oh, look at you. Did you
30:46 get a job, [ __ ] Did I get a job? Um,
30:49 this ain't a life vest, sister. It's a
30:52 work vest from a little place called
30:54 Mega Hardware. Cuz that's basically what
30:56 I am now. Just an everyday workingass
30:59 Joe. Well, good for you.
31:02 No, no, Brian. This doesn't feel right
31:05 today.
31:06 Yes. Hey there, cutie. Oh, hey. How's it
31:10 going? Um, are you a friend of my mom's?
31:14 Yeah, I'm your mom's friend, Mrs.
31:17 Robinson. I don't I don't get that. Is
31:20 that a reference to something? Ah, okay.
31:22 Uh, I'm uh Oh, I'm Stifler's mom. Still
31:25 no idea. Okay, just get your pants off,
31:28 hun. Chris, are you sure this is
31:30 Isabella's village? This place looks
31:32 pretty rough. Yeah, this is it. Santa
31:36 Terribly. Look, there she is.
31:39 Chris, what in the mind of Mensia are
31:41 you doing here? My babies. Isabella, I
31:45 missed you so much. Hi, Grace. I missed
31:47 you, too. Look, Isabella, you shouldn't
31:50 be separated from your children. So,
31:51 we've brought them to you. We wish you
31:53 all the best. Say goodbye, Chris.
32:01 Well, let's take the old boy out for a
32:03 spin. Eyes open. Voice test. I'm Chris.
32:08 I'm Chris. Eviscerate the proletariat.
32:11 Eviscerate the proletariat. Putting on
32:14 the rats.
32:16 Not my bit, but still funny. System
32:18 off. Splendid.
32:26 Hey, you want to see me run up that
32:27 slide? Sure.
32:32 Oh, damn it. I think my belt buckle cut
32:34 my gut. Hey, Peter, can I ask you
32:37 something? You're not just hanging out
32:39 with me because I I can buy you alcohol,
32:41 right? What? Of course not. We're
32:43 friends. Yeah. No, I I know. That's
32:45 that's that's what I thought. And also,
32:47 you bring me dead birds. I know Lois
32:49 gets mad about it, but I like using them
32:50 to point at things. Everybody, my tax
32:53 refund is here. I'm going to buy us
32:55 something we've always wanted. A cat? A
32:58 stereo? A pool? Oh. Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
33:01 It is a pool. Oh, Joy. I'll beat it and
33:04 take care of it. Oh my god, it's better
33:06 than I thought. An Audi. I'm getting a
33:09 car. Uh, Peter, there's a T in there
33:11 that that says audit. No, Brian, it's a
33:13 foreign car. The T is silent. Sweet. I'm
33:16 getting an Audi. I have an any.
33:20 Oh my
33:23 god, I can see. Oh god. But if anybody
33:27 finds out, it'll ruin my I see you.
33:29 Brand Peter told me he'd been doing
33:32 laundry. And now I'm even wondering if
33:34 he lost those 75 lbs like he said.
33:37 What's that, Lois? I'm just on the spin
33:39 bike. Got a good sweat going. Boy,
33:41 you're right. Sarah loves those hills.
33:44 You will be worked harder than you have
33:46 ever been work in your miserable,
33:48 pathetic lives. and play harder, right?
33:52 I bet. Step forward, maggot.
33:57 Next time that'll be you. Well, why
33:59 wasn't it him this time? Oh, I'm so
34:02 scared.
34:04 Peter, stop it. Yeah, you're real big
34:06 when you got that stick. Ain't you Okay,
34:08 I'll stop now. Lois, where's the first
34:10 aid kit? I tried to put a ilios in the
34:12 oven and I burnt my head. Top of the
34:15 closet. Oh, that little case. I've been
34:17 taking that to work to look like a
34:18 businessman. Hold the elevator. Hold the
34:22 elevator.
34:23 Sorry. Can someone push any button,
34:26 please? I don't work here. I'm just
34:28 being silly.
34:32 Mayor West, here's the gay marriage ban
34:34 for your approval. Excellent. This is so
34:36 important. I'm going to sign it with all
34:38 capital letters. It's going to say Adam
34:41 West. That's what it's going to say.
34:43 You'll see.
34:45 Okay. Before you do anything else, I'm
34:47 deathly allergic to pineapple, pork,
34:49 rum, macadamia nuts, stupid tiny
34:51 guitars, overpriced golf, sentimental
34:54 military stuff, lava, people who I can't
34:56 tell are black or Asian, apostrophes,
34:58 anyone twirling flames, second weddings,
35:00 and linen pants. Is there anything
35:02 you're not allergic to? Yeah, the Epcot
35:04 Center where I wanted to go. So, Peter.
35:08 Oh, big surprise. Take her side, why
35:10 don't you? Peter, let's take a breath.
35:12 We're just here to talk. So Lois tells
35:15 me you don't like doing everything in
35:18 the bedroom.
35:23 Robert, my transporter is complete. If
35:26 my calculations are correct, the cast of
35:27 Star Trek: The Next Generation will soon
35:29 be here to answer all my questions.
35:33 Wait a minute. Something's wrong.
35:37 All right, you girls ready for
35:38 something? What's going on?
35:42 Don't you laugh at it.
35:46 I uh I I don't think I'm in the right
35:48 place. I I'm looking for a guy to come
35:50 entertain the kids at my son's birthday.
35:52 Oh, sure. I can do that. You do
35:54 children's parties? Oh, yeah. I can do
35:56 like a handstand or somersaults. Maybe I
35:59 I can make pretend like the children are
36:01 little bugs in my web.
36:06 Man, Meg being pregnant is almost as bad
36:09 as when that other lady was pregnant.
36:10 Remember the lady with the loose baked
36:13 eggs rack? Remember her, Peter? That was
36:15 me. And no way was I worse than this.
36:17 Well, maybe this will turn out better
36:18 than you think. Like eating edible
36:20 underwear in nonsexual situations.
36:24 I can't believe you chose this for your
36:26 last meal. Well, I guess we're both
36:28 shocked today. Okay, fellas, light me
36:30 up.
36:31 [Music]
36:35 You can't believe grandpa's dead. Well,
36:39 he did kind of treat us like crap, but
36:41 yes, it is a tragedy. It is a tragedy.
36:45 Excuse us. Yeah, we'll be right back.
36:51 We're all going to miss him. Tragic. You
36:53 know what the worst part is? All I
36:55 wanted was for my dad to tell me he
36:57 loved me, but instead he called me a
36:59 fat, stinking drunk.
37:09 Joe, thank God. We need to get to the
37:11 Wikipog in fast. Can you drive us? No.
37:15 No. Oh god. Joe's swapped bodies with
37:18 Canuela. That must mean the whole town
37:21 swapped bodies. Damn it. I was going to
37:23 say the whole town. You're right, Brian.
37:26 Apparently, this is a universe where
37:27 everyone has to take a poop right just
37:29 now.
37:32 Okay, Bill, you got those numbers? Yeah.
37:33 Yeah. Okay, just leave them on my desk.
37:35 Okay, that works out fine for me.
37:36 Where's your desk? Doug knows where my
37:37 desk is. Craig, are you good with this?
37:38 Yeah, that should work out pretty good
37:40 for me, too. All right, men. This
37:42 obstacle course represents the final
37:44 test of your trading. Almost all of you
37:46 have completed it in the allotted time.
37:48 But as you know, as a unit, you either
37:50 all graduate or none of you graduate.
37:53 Griffin, it's up to you. Okay, good
37:56 luck. And go.
38:05 You did it, Brian. You did it.
38:08 [Music]
38:13 Hey, do you know where I can get a
38:14 pacifier in this place? I'm jonesing.
38:16 Anyone hears you say that in here,
38:18 you'll get your ass kicked. You're the
38:21 something on your shirt, kid, right? How
38:23 did you know? Well, I make it my
38:26 business to know. You got pretty lips.
38:29 Why, thank you. It's a new serum. Move
38:31 over, lip balms. The secret is retinol.
38:34 Let's talk later.
38:37 There it is. The Crawford Ranch. I can't
38:40 believe we're actually doing this. What
38:42 a bonding adventure for the two of us.
38:44 Settle down, Magg. Okay, I see old man
38:46 Cheney guarding the place.
38:54 [Music]
39:00 I knew you were awake.
39:03 You
39:04 [Music]
39:08 You are in my power. No. Damn you. Damn
39:12 you. Let me go.
39:15 Excellent.
39:18 Stewie body. Anna, please just give me
39:22 another chance. Gosh, he doesn't look so
39:25 good. I know, but you do.
39:33 You know, I get off at 4:00. I might
39:36 just be up for a
39:37 [Music]
39:40 movie. Okay, somebody really needs to
39:42 help me here.
39:45 Up next is Papa John dying his eyebrows.
39:49 I sleep with him to find out, though I
39:51 am fairly confident the answer is yes.
39:54 And we're clear. What? What's going on?
39:57 I finished my investigation. I don't
39:59 understand. And I I thought we were in
40:01 love. I only let you think that. I'm
40:03 sorry. It's time for me to go.
40:06 Chris. Hi, Grandpa. I got an internship.
40:10 You mean you've been working for Trisha?
40:15 [Music]
40:18 Meme. Not a meme.
40:21 Meme. Not a
40:24 meme. Where am I? Let me out. Let me
40:27 out.
40:31 Hello, Peter.
40:35 This is your god, a woman. Well, she's
40:38 the founder of our faith. Oh, really?
40:40 So, with this book from the 1800s, you
40:43 can pray away paralysis or terminal
40:45 illness. Yes, we would pray for anyone
40:47 who's afflicted. Well, and I'll tell you
40:48 who you should really be praying for.
40:50 Out of work clowns.
41:00 Well, I didn't get it. They gave Bizzy B
41:04 to Frederick.
41:06 Frederick, I'm not going to hit you. So,
41:08 relax. Anyway, the point is, it's not
41:11 working anymore, Robert. I can't focus.
41:13 I can't concentrate. Clearly, my work is
41:16 suffering. Look, we're both adults. We
41:18 can split custody of Simon. I guess I
41:21 better tell him.
41:22 Simon, you know mommy and daddy love you
41:25 very much. You all right? Oh, yeah.
41:28 Yeah. In fact, I was just about to melt
41:30 some cheese on chips if you want to stay
41:32 for a sad single guy dinner. You going
41:34 oven or microwave? Uh, microwave. I
41:37 don't know how to turn on the oven.
41:40 Those uh chips are going to be chewy.
41:42 Peter
41:43 Stewie, you got a letter from the
41:45 Makea-Wish Foundation.
41:49 Oh my god, they've accepted my
41:51 application. I'm going to get my final
41:52 wish granted. I get to meet the
41:54 Philadelphia Flyers mascot, Gritty.
41:57 Gritty. Gritty. Gritty. I'm not going to
41:59 pee in a cup for you, so stop asking.
42:02 This was supposed to be my day, and
42:03 you're ruining it.
42:07 You'll Venmo me for this, too, I
42:09 suppose.
42:12 [Music]
42:15 Look at you two tuxes in a nightclub.
42:18 God, you're more out of place than
42:19 Prince was on the prices, right? And
42:22 what's your bid on the dining room set,
42:23 Prince? 350. I'm sorry. 350. Can you
42:27 speak up, please? 350. All right. And
42:30 the actual retail price of the dining
42:33 room set is $350.
42:36 Yay.
42:37 Where is the Stewie you came with? Oh,
42:40 well, these these thugs came to shoot
42:42 you and I tried to throw myself in front
42:45 of the bullet, but it must have gone
42:46 like under my armpit or something cuz it
42:48 it exploded your face. Wait, what about
42:51 the other me? Oh, it was so sad. You
42:53 took your own life. I I tried like hell
42:56 to talk you out of it, but you jumped
42:57 off a balcony. People keep coming back
42:59 every hour because they think it's a
43:01 regular show, like like the volcano or
43:03 or the pirate ship thing.
43:06 Dad, I'm sorry I have to say this, but
43:09 you're a fat ass who's completely
43:11 incapable of performing the simplest
43:14 tasks. But you're also my father, and
43:18 you're the only one I'll ever have. So,
43:21 I'm not going to fire you. Mr.
43:24 Penisburg, I quit. Meg, that was a
43:27 wonderful thing you just did for me. I
43:30 can't believe this is coming out of my
43:31 mouth. But I'm too tough to cry, but I'm
43:34 going to miss you, too.
43:39 Safe travels, buddy, and keep in touch.
43:42 I
43:45 will. Goodbye, Chip. Bye. Come back
43:48 soon. Okay. But Chip never did come
43:51 back. He became the new young funny kid
43:54 on ABC's The Middle. Good morning,
43:57 family. And before anyone asks, I
43:59 brought this owl from home. I did not
44:01 take it from the enclosed owlery. Just
44:04 want to make that clear. Home brought
44:06 owl. Peta, what did the two of you talk
44:08 about last night? Who? Yeah, who? You
44:11 can see why I stole this from the
44:12 owlery. I I mean brought her from home.
44:14 Damn it. Okay, I feel all of you looking
44:16 at me. So, here goes. Meg, wherever you
44:19 are, I hope that you're with Bubba. And
44:21 I want you to know that Lieutenant Dan
44:23 is walking around. Is this from Forest
44:25 Gump? I miss you, Meg.
44:28 Stop it, Ryan. Stop your crying. Stop
44:31 it. Please stop. Stop. Stop it. Stop
44:36 crying. Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop.
44:41 God, these high school students are
44:42 lame. I'm a freaking baby and I'm cooler
44:44 than they are. What the hell do you know
44:46 about high school? Are you kidding?
44:48 These kids today are so easy to
44:49 manipulate. If you plopped me in the
44:51 middle of a high school, I could be the
44:53 most popular kid there in a week.
44:54 Really? Would you care to place a wager
44:57 on that? Absolutely. What are the
44:58 stakes? Okay, if I win and you can't do
45:00 it, you have to put your nose in Meg's
45:02 hat and take an 8-second inhale. Brain
45:05 tumor? How is that possible? As a father
45:08 in a hospital getting bad news, I am
45:09 going to sadly slide down the wall and
45:11 take my hat
45:16 off. I forgot the hat. Hey, Chris, give
45:18 me the juice.
45:24 [Music]
45:30 Peter, there's there's water and glass
45:32 and it's a disaster in here. Well, Lois,
45:35 why don't you put down your ginger ale
45:36 and red book and get to work, lazy?
45:40 You're not helping. Look, don't come
45:42 near the house. Go do something else.
45:45 Well, well, well. As you can tell by the
45:48 Well, well, well, he's the bad guy.
45:50 Looks like we got us some new employees.
45:52 That's right, Curly. I hired him this
45:54 morning. Well, tell him to get out. This
45:55 is where I practice my karate cuz I'm a
45:57 dick. Sam, can I talk to you? Sure, but
46:01 why aren't you looking at me? Well,
46:02 that's the thing. Um, I'm no good at
46:05 talking to girls. That's why I ran away
46:07 from you. Well, you didn't have trouble
46:09 talking to me when you thought I was a
46:11 boy. Yeah, that's true. Just pretend I'm
46:15 a boy. Okay. You want to go down to the
46:17 old town bridge and make out? Yes, sir.
46:22 [Music]
46:31 I can't open it. There's too much water
46:33 pushing from the other side. So, we're
46:35 stuck. Yeah, unless we can somehow tip
46:37 the boat. Maybe we can. What are you
46:41 talking about, Michael McDonald? The
46:43 tamber in my voice allows me to
46:45 communicate with whales. Maybe they can
46:47 help. But, Grandpa, I don't even want
46:49 the money. See, this is exactly why you
46:52 should get it. So refreshing. Well, I I
46:54 don't want it either. Good, cuz you're
46:56 not getting it. Come on. What are you
46:58 doing? Listen, Cat. You take me out of
47:00 your will, I'm taking you out of mine,
47:03 Peter. That wasn't your will. That was
47:04 your birth certificate. Oh,
47:07 no. There's no light. There's only fire.
47:11 Sir, about your bill. Oh, don't worry,
47:13 Cash. There's ample gratuitity on there
47:15 for you. Ah, well actually sir, your
47:18 card has been declined. Oh, really?
47:22 Well, I'm sure a brief call to my
47:23 accountant will resolve this to our
47:25 mutual satisfaction.
47:27 [Music]
47:28 Hello, Schnazenstein. This is Peter
47:30 Griffin. There seems to be some issue
47:32 with our credit. I told Cares you'd set
47:34 everything straight. What do you mean
47:36 I'm broke? Come on, Stewie. Check your
47:38 damn
47:41 messages. God, that must be where they
47:43 do the deed. I hope it's at least
47:45 peaceful and humane.
47:50 Oh boy.
47:52 And Eli Manning. Oh, I didn't know that
47:55 about Eli Manning. Oh yeah, I'm a real
47:57 idiot psychopath.
48:02 And I'll thank you to quiet down. I'm
48:03 playing action figures. Prepare to be
48:05 bested on the battlefield, Liono. Oh, I
48:07 don't think so, He-Man. Ow. Oh, I'm
48:09 sorry. Did I punch you too hard? Yes. I
48:11 suppose you don't know your own
48:12 strength. I mean, look at your muscles.
48:13 Oh, stop it. You're the one with the
48:15 sick abs. God, my mouth is watering just
48:17 looking at you. Yeah, that's right. You
48:20 buy your kids ridiculously homoerotic
48:22 dolls and then ask what happened. Yep.
48:24 Your gay son is on you, buddy. Explain
48:26 that to your god. Principal Shepherd,
48:28 what's it going to take to get me into a
48:31 college? If Mega has any chance at all,
48:33 she's going to need a little extra help.
48:35 We'll do anything. Whatever it takes.
48:37 Good. Now, you do understand how this
48:40 works.
48:42 We understand. I guess I'll uh I'll meet
48:46 you in the car. He didn't mean you have
48:48 to sleep with him. There are a few
48:50 options. Well, don't look at me. I lost
48:52 my license thanks to you. Look, I I know
48:55 what I did was wrong, but you're the
48:57 only one I can turn to. So, I'm asking
48:59 you as a man with no more
49:02 options. Will you take a look in my ass?
49:05 All right, drop your pants.
49:09 Oh, well, this is nothing. Just a little
49:11 swelling. Probably a minor infection.
49:13 Looks like there's some blockage. What
49:15 the devil is that? Hello. He didn't
49:17 realize how lucky he was. Stay on me,
49:20 camera one, to have you back in his
49:23 life. And now he feels like he's lost
49:25 you all over again. But how do I know he
49:28 won't just hurt me again? You don't. You
49:31 never know that. But isn't taking a risk
49:34 better than not having a dad? Yeah, I
49:37 guess you're right. You're damn right I
49:39 am.
49:41 Cut. You know, I don't know where any of
49:43 that came from, but I liked it. Dad's
49:45 just like silly putty. Look what I can
49:48 do to marry Word's smug sense of
49:50 self-satisfaction.
49:52 That's right, son. Take her down a peg.
49:54 Well, I guess we could all adjust to
49:56 this. Look, I'm making an angel. See,
49:59 Lois, everything's going to be fine.
50:00 Now, smile while I write my name in you.
50:12 Let go. You want your money? Fine. I
50:14 hope you all kill each other.
50:18 All right, I know how to settle this.
50:20 Whoever wants the money, raise your
50:22 hand. You're smarter than I thought.
50:24 Give yourselves a round of applause.
50:27 Damn. Frank invited me back this
50:29 evening. I tell you, I feel more
50:31 exhilarated than Peter did when he swam
50:32 with the bulls.
50:35 [Music]
50:40 Uh, Mr. Quagmire, can I use your
50:41 toothpaste?
50:43 Oh my god. Excuse me. Hey, no problem,
50:45 Meg. You probably bought me another 3
50:46 minutes. Giggity giggity giggity
50:48 giggity.
50:54 [Music]
50:57 Stop riffing.
51:02 Jump, Forest. Jump. Must be a leap year.
51:04 Huh?
51:06 [Applause]
51:09 [Music]
51:11 Time to lose some weight, deary. No more
51:16 comedy. All right, Cleveland. One thing
51:18 that always bonds women is healing an
51:20 abused animal. So, I got us an injured
51:22 bald eagle. Somebody puts cigarettes out
51:24 all over them. Peter, that's a symbol of
51:25 our country. This particular eagle is a
51:28 dick. Everything out of its mouth is a
51:29 taunt. Peter, you're being ridiculous.
51:31 And you need to release that eagle out
51:33 into what that eagle
51:36 say. Lock the door.
51:43 Oh my god, he's alive. Just I've got to
51:47 get to him. I'll help you, but only if I
51:49 can go with you. If I stay here, the
51:51 king will execute me for telling you all
51:52 this. Well, okay, but how are we going
51:54 to get there? We'll hitch a ride on one
51:56 of the slave ships tomorrow night after
51:58 an allnew shoving
52:01 buddies, followed by an allnew slowly
52:04 rotating black
52:07 man. Hey, you know this old woman who
52:10 lived in a shoe? She had so many
52:11 children she didn't know what to do. I
52:13 got something she could do. Get your
52:14 tubes tied, you cook. Hey, how you doing
52:17 on that chocolate milk? You need a
52:18 little freshen up? This my little
52:20 sweetie. Are you ready to go home,
52:22 Stewie? You stupid fat bastard. How
52:25 could you tell her I had an affair? We
52:26 had a deal. Look, I I think you're
52:28 blowing this out of proportion, Katic.
52:30 She's divorcing me. Besides, I forgot my
52:32 wallet. Well, that's okay. I'll just
52:34 open up a tab. Wait a minute. What the
52:35 hell's a tab? Does that mean I don't got
52:37 to pay? Well, not right now, but a
52:39 sweet. Hey, while I'm at it, give me all
52:41 these copies of Marie Cla, you know, in
52:43 case I want to rub out that easy one
52:44 before I get Lois in the bed tonight.
52:46 Kathleen Turner's on page 45. Kathleen
52:49 Turner. Let's see how she looks. Oh,
52:51 that's a shame. Oh, here's what I think
52:54 of this orange
52:58 juice. I can't I can't I can't go right
53:01 now with everybody watching, but but I
53:03 presume you understand the disrespect I
53:05 intended. Oh my god, he's having a
53:07 meltdown. You don't suppose this has
53:09 anything to do with the sleep
53:10 deprivation and narcotics? Oh, Peter,
53:12 what have we been thinking? It's us.
53:15 We're the ones who turned him into this.
53:17 Get this kid out of here. He's fired.
53:19 Peter, I'm telling you, get yourself a
53:21 secret credit card. You save yourself a
53:23 lot of stress. Thanks, Cleveland. Oh,
53:25 this is going to make my life so much
53:26 better. Like when I used to make fart
53:28 balloon animals. All right, who's next?
53:31 Can you make me a giraffe? Coming right
53:33 up.
53:34 [Music]
53:42 There you go. Don't pop that. You'll
53:44 throw up.
53:48 Nice work, Lieutenant. Very festive. Uh,
53:50 actually, sir, each of those lights
53:51 represents a missile launching by
53:53 itself. The pattern is just a
53:54 coincidence. Oh, well, now that you
53:56 mention it, the Y is a little misshapen.
53:58 Still, it's pretty amazing.
54:00 [Applause]
54:07 Oh, what the hell? Come here, Hillary.
54:09 Hey, guys, check it out. Cat legs. Cats
54:14 arise, guys. It's working.
54:18 [Music]
54:22 I'm not
54:25 dead. Kitty. Kitty. Come on down. Nice
54:28 and easy. That's a good kitty. Hey, how
54:31 come you're still setting a place for
54:33 Brian? Because when he comes home, I
54:35 want him to know he never left our
54:37 thoughts. I know you're thinking about
54:39 him, too, Peter. Look, Lois, he broke
54:41 his promise to me. Besides, we have a
54:42 new pet and we love our fluffy kitty.
54:49 The year
54:51 1752. The man Benjamin Franklin. He
54:55 owned two slaves. A detail that is both
54:57 important and not important. A simple
55:00 gust of wind stands between him and an
55:03 electric discovery.
55:10 That was my glass eye, but it's still a
55:12 tremendous inconvenience. Good morning.
55:14 How may I help you? Hello.
55:17 Good morning. I'm staying here with my
55:19 son, the Guinness record holder for
55:20 longest. Hello. We were just wondering
55:22 where's your breakfast buffet. Just
55:24 through those doors. Thank
55:26 [Music]
55:29 you. What is it? Nothing. It's
55:32 just This job is so cool.
55:38 Oh, look who decided to show up. Hey,
55:40 Lois, that was some night. You'll be
55:42 happy to know I was able to perform on a
55:44 4-in thick futon in front of three
55:46 roommates. You know, the hotel sent
55:47 champagne up for us last night. Oh, why
55:49 didn't you send it to me and Jenna?
55:51 Well, no sense wasting it.
55:55 What the hell are you doing? I'm cutting
55:56 it. It's easier to eat. It's not
55:58 supposed to be easy to eat. Half of it
56:00 is supposed to fall onto your plate when
56:01 you squeeze it, and the rest goes onto
56:03 your shirt. How's everything going over
56:05 here? Terrible. Go away. See, look. Now
56:07 I have to be even more ridiculous to
56:09 make up for what you guys aren't doing.
56:11 Silverware, put them on. Salt shaker,
56:13 whatever. Ice from soda, get on that
56:15 burger, Peter. People are staring. Yeah,
56:17 they're saying, "Look at the creative
56:19 guy. Look at King Fuddrucker over
56:21 there." Stewie, you've taken this mini
56:22 fridge thing too far. I'm moving this
56:24 thing out of here. Oh, be careful, Bry.
56:26 Not a good idea. You don't want to piss
56:28 off Ghee. Yesterday, he crow hopped a
56:30 dip tin and knocked a guy out. Oh, wow.
56:32 Did he really? Well, now I'm so very
56:34 scared of ghee.
56:41 All right, that is it. I don't care how
56:44 hot you are. I don't much like being
56:46 treated this way. You know, I used to
56:49 hear that people with Down syndrome were
56:51 different than the rest of us. But
56:52 you're not. You're not different at all.
56:54 You're just a bunch of like everyone
56:56 else. I got bad news for you, buddy. You
57:00 just blew it. Get out of my house now.
57:05 Look, I I'm not insensitive, Lois, but I
57:07 I just don't see why we got to cancel
57:08 our cruise just cuz the dog's a
57:10 cokehead. We're not going on vacation
57:12 while Brian's in rehab. We'll just have
57:14 to wait till next year. Oh, man. Look,
57:16 Peter, I I'll make it up to you. I have
57:18 a cousin who works at Club Med. Me mind
57:20 on fire. Me soul on fire. Feeling hot,
57:23 hot, hot. Very good, Jimmy.
57:26 Trying to watch the History Channel
57:28 here. Try it
57:29 again. Not talking to myself. You're
57:32 good enough to tackle a Beethoven
57:34 sonata. Let me grab the sheet music.
57:36 Keep
57:37 [Music]
57:43 playing. I got them in. Oh my god.
57:46 Jimmy, what happened? Yes. Jimmy, what
57:49 happened?
57:51 I
57:54 fell. Jesse, is this really happening?
57:58 You're going down, old man. I ain't the
58:00 one going down. You're going down. No
58:03 way. I'm going to pound your ass. You're
58:05 seeming kind of cocky, and I hate cocky.
58:08 Boo cocky.
58:12 Shut up,
58:14 Meg. Shut up, Meg. Hey, you're back.
58:18 Yay.
58:23 Jim, your name is Jim. Close enough,
58:28 Peta. Come on, you guys. Let's go home.
58:33 [Music]
58:36 Is she Is she letting him drive in?
58:43 Hello,
58:44 son. Dad, fathers and sons have one of
58:48 the trickier relationships historically.
58:50 We talk about that all the time on the
58:52 pod. Hey, you're Joe from Joe's Gold.
58:56 Guilty is charged. Your HelloFresh promo
58:59 code doesn't work. No, we don't have any
59:01 sponsors. I just made that up. And what
59:03 do you think about fire?
59:06 Anyway, after the lightning strike, I
59:08 climbed into your trunk and that's where
59:09 I've been living the past week. So,
59:12 whenever I heard your voice, that was
59:13 just you in the trunk. That's right. Why
59:16 would you go to all that trouble? Peter,
59:18 I told you I wasn't going to let you be
59:20 my first failure. We don't need a key.
59:23 I'll just yank on the desk drawer until
59:25 it opens. Strength over brains.
59:42 Yes, this fat head is already paying
59:45 dividends.
59:46 Okay,
59:50 now listen up. When you hear your name,
59:52 I want you to sound off smartly and move
59:54 out. Kappo. Yes, sir. Sar. Yes, sir.
59:57 Griffin.
59:59 Chris Griffith. Yes, sir.
60:03 I didn't think this through. Hey, where
60:05 are you going? What's the matter with
60:06 you? I said put your duffel bag right
60:08 there.
60:10 Also found in the mayor's residence was
60:12 a blackmail note from the victim
60:13 threatening to expose the mayor in a
60:15 corruption scandal unless the victim was
60:17 paid off. You can put a picture of a
60:19 note above my shoulder anytime now,
60:21 Tony. No, that's the Rose Bowl parade.
60:24 That's the pumpkin festival. Okay. Okay.
60:27 You think that humiliates me? You I I
60:28 don't care. Oscar de la Hoya does it.
60:30 Okay. I'm off to the grocery store. So,
60:32 what'd you do with the gun? Gun? Yeah.
60:35 My father gave me a gun as a present
60:37 yesterday. Where was that during
60:39 birthday sex? Maybe I would have
60:40 finished. Unlike you, guns can actually
60:43 fire. I don't think this marriage needs
60:45 a gun. Anyway, I hid the gun someplace
60:47 safe until I can figure out how to
60:49 properly dispose of it. So, don't get
60:50 any ideas.
60:52 Mr. Griffin, do you have anything to say
60:55 in your defense? Your honor, I would
60:56 like to call to the stand my surprise
60:58 witness, the ghost that never lies. You
61:00 better be going somewhere with this, Mr.
61:02 Griffin. Thank you, your honor. Ghost
61:05 that never lies. Did you witness the
61:07 events that took place on that fateful
61:08 day? You did? Well, how interesting.
61:12 Well, would you kindly point him or them
61:14 out for this court?
61:16 Don't point at me, you
61:18 [Music]
61:23 jackass.
61:25 [Music]
61:27 You saved me. Why? Because I hate you.
61:32 Every day I wake up not knowing if
61:34 you're going to come out of nowhere and
61:35 punch me in the face. So, I didn't save
61:37 your life because I like you. I saved it
61:40 because because I hate you. I hate you
61:43 too, Peter Griffin. All right, that's
61:45 it.
61:48 We're done. Do you hear me? I quit.
61:52 This is my time. Don't ever talk to me
61:56 during my time.
62:02 Wow, kids. Happy Thanksgiving. I wish
62:04 dad was here. Me, could you zip up your
62:07 fly? That that's kind of wafting over
62:09 here. All right. Looks like we're going
62:10 to Russia. Russia? We can't go there.
62:12 They're at war with Ukraine. They are?
62:15 Wa. Crazy. I say we do it. We're really
62:17 going to go to a country at war and we
62:19 couldn't go to my business meeting on
62:21 Fire Island. What business meeting? I
62:23 sell bikini swimsuits for men of size.
62:26 You mean a fat guys? No. No. No. No. No.
62:30 No. No.
62:33 This sucks. Can you believe I'm stuck
62:34 with Meg driving me around? Dad, it's
62:37 just you and me in the car. Yeah, don't
62:39 remind me. It's bad enough I got a
62:40 suspended license. I got to ride around
62:42 town with stinky MC poop pants. I want
62:44 apple juice. Dad, you left your apple
62:46 juice at home. I want apple
62:54 juice. You're a
62:57 jerk. Karen, what the hell was that?
63:00 That's his stutter. And whenever he
63:02 stutters, he usually pees his pants. I
63:05 don't know what the kids are complaining
63:06 about. This ain't so bad. I know. This
63:08 is fun. I haven't been to a pep rally in
63:10 years. Do you have school spirit? Yeah.
63:14 Do you have school spirit? Yeah. Who's
63:17 got the most school spirit? I do. Show
63:21 me your school spirit.
63:28 The players will remember this while
63:29 they're playing. Chris, why don't you
63:31 want to take your shirt off?
63:33 cuz I'm fat. Oh, honey. No one thinks
63:36 you're fat. I'm sorry, sir. You can't
63:38 park your van on the diving board. This
63:40 is my son. Oh, my apologies. Hey, Tom.
63:44 He's not a van. He's just a fat kid.
63:47 Don't listen to him, Crush. I'm going to
63:48 go get you a soda. You wait
63:55 here. Artisal. What is it? Pretzels? Is
63:58 it artezal pretzels? Has that been done?
64:01 Does anyone know if artisal pretzels is
64:03 a thing? It seems so obvious, yet I
64:06 don't think I've ever seen them. I
64:07 better do millennial CPR. One, whatever.
64:11 Two, whatever. Three, I'm going to let
64:13 my parents take care of this.
64:16 Dad, Mr. Goldman never drank his insure.
64:18 Can I have it even though it's dinner
64:20 time? Sure, Chris. Drinking sure as a
64:22 meal or in between meals or when you're
64:24 on the go. Everyone in the tribe gets a
64:27 share of the casino's profits. What did
64:29 you just say? I'm sorry, Peter. After
64:31 that, I feel so foolish. Casino's
64:33 profits. Before that, everyone in the
64:34 tribe, not a whole thing. Everyone in
64:36 the tribe gets to share with the
64:37 casino's profits. That's it. Let's go.
64:42 Huh. I guess Peter made it to the
64:43 bathroom cuz I can't feel him walking
64:45 anymore. I know. F, right?
64:52 Oh, and what about those drugstore
64:54 glasses? These aren't drugstore glasses.
64:57 They came from a doctor to Halloween
64:59 costume. All right, we're out of here.
65:02 Okay, Stewie's going to the party. Yeah,
65:04 but where's Chris going? I have no idea.
65:06 He's completely off the grid. Damn it.
65:09 He can't hide forever.
65:13 Where are you?
65:17 [Music]
65:23 Well, look at that. Six summers at Lasso
65:26 camp. finally paid off. That's where you
65:28 learned to use the ropes. No, it was Ted
65:31 Lasso camp. That's where I learned to be
65:33 nice. Funny. Sometimes comedy is
65:36 building people up. I know. I know. It's
65:38 hard to change. Well, if we're going to
65:40 hide out here in Asian Town, we have to
65:42 find a place to live. Yes. And we should
65:44 do nothing to draw attention to
65:45 ourselves as outsiders. Oh my god, it's
65:48 Jackie Chan. Oh my god, it's Jackie
65:51 Chan. Oh my god, it's Jackie Chan. Hi
65:54 there. Always nice to meet a fan of my
65:56 movies. Oh my god, you're Ethan Hawk.
65:58 Uh, no I'm not. Sorry, my mistake. Oh my
66:00 god, it's Ethan Hawk. Mom, can we go get
66:03 some food? Oh my god, it's Malcolm in
66:04 middle. I'm not a boy. Yes, you are.
66:07 Okay, Charmese, here we go. Are you sure
66:10 you want to watch this? I'm just warning
66:11 you, you're in the splash zone. If I get
66:13 anything out, I'll be happy. Get on with
66:15 it. Uh,
66:17 okay. Here, let me stroke your hair.
66:21 Thank you. I want to do gay things for
66:24 you. I I crave your groin. Yes. And I
66:29 cannot wait to intertwine our bodies and
66:32 make each other's fingers smell
66:33 terrible. All right, Brian, you can do
66:35 this. You can dump her because once it's
66:37 done, never again will you have to
66:38 listen to her talk like this.
66:41 Oh, hey, Oie. Oh, you look tense. Well,
66:45 uh, Jillian, there's something we need
66:47 to talk about.
66:51 What the hell? It took you 3 hours to
66:53 break up with her? Uh, not exactly.
66:55 Well, what were you doing in there? Hi,
66:57 this is Vin Diesel. Oh, man. Did your
67:01 friend kill your other friend? That's
67:03 betrayal. That's not strong. Danny Tjo
67:07 is strong.
67:09 Come on, guys. This is getting
67:10 embarrassing.
67:14 What did I tell you, Brian? It's a
67:15 nightmare in here. Oh my god.
67:27 Oh, what happened to that kid? He fell
67:28 off a stool trying to turn off Mory
67:30 Povich. This is awful. Remember fishing
67:32 was my not at all memorable job for 2
67:35 years? No. You don't remember my fishing
67:36 boat? You don't remember Santos and
67:38 Pasqual? Not even a little. They were
67:40 like male consuelers. It was a mistake
67:42 making them Portuguese, though. People
67:43 don't even know what a Portuguese is.
67:47 That's what I thought a Portuguese was.
67:50 Me and my brain, huh? And we're just
67:52 getting started. Good morning, Mr. Book
67:55 Pro. So, I'm turning 21 tomorrow and my
67:57 parents are throwing me a miserable
67:59 spinster party. Care to attend? No
68:01 thanks, Miss Patm. Me and my vaudeville
68:03 group have a show, but if you maybe want
68:05 to stop by. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
68:08 Say cream cheese. We hadn't realized
68:10 that just cheese would work. Good news
68:13 about the Yankees. I hate the Yankees.
68:14 Pack of cheaters. That's what they are.
68:16 I love your tie. I hate this tie. It's
68:18 awful. It's gotty. It's got to go. And I
68:21 hate myself. I hate you, too. You make
68:23 me sick. You fat sack of crap. But I'm
68:25 the president. The best there is. But
68:27 you just said you hated me. But not you
68:30 the president. The you who said you
68:32 hated you. You who love hate Yankees.
68:37 Cloud. I'll have that fixed for you
68:39 tomorrow. Sir. Chris, are you gay? What?
68:42 No, I'm not gay. Well, then why didn't
68:44 you go out with that girl? Why would I?
68:47 I have everything I need in that
68:48 department on my computer.
68:51 You have 28 windows of porn playing
68:54 simultaneously. Sometimes I pretend I'm
68:56 at the security desk at the mall and
68:58 everyone at the mall is banging each
69:01 other. I'm going to that party. Elton,
69:04 if you leave me right now, it's a big
69:06 deal because this is the time of the
69:07 story where that's a big deal. What' you
69:09 say? I couldn't hear you over the sound
69:11 of snorting. Have fun getting home
69:13 without a tripick. Trip dick. Well,
69:16 looks like Elton learned how to write.
69:20 Peter, I think you may have had one too
69:21 many. Maybe it's time to ease off. Huh?
69:24 What are you talking about, Lois? Dad's
69:25 getting drunk on Thanksgiving is a
69:27 holiday tradition. I work hard to put a
69:30 cordicopio on this table and you're out
69:32 showing your lower ankle to every Tom
69:35 and other Tom in our village. Don't talk
69:37 to mother in like fashion. That's it.
69:40 The belt is coming off.
69:45 Excuse me, sir. What's the next stop for
69:47 this train?
69:50 I hate when they let the infirm ride on
69:52 the train. Next stop
69:55 station. Sir, you owe an apology to me
69:59 and all the good people of
70:03 It's nice of the locals to act as their
70:05 own train crossings.
70:08 [Music]
70:13 Let's see. We got soda, purple stuff.
70:16 Oh, Sunny D. All right,
70:20 we now return to the Smurfs. Hey, you
70:22 have you have a good time last night?
70:24 Smurftacular. Yeah, I saw you leave with
70:26 Smurfett. Oh, man. As soon as we got out
70:28 of the bar, she started smurfing me.
70:30 Shut the Smurf up. Yeah, right in the
70:31 Smurf in parking lot. Smurf. Yeah. Oh,
70:34 that is freaking Smurf. You smurf it.
70:36 That is freaking Smurf. The language
70:38 they're speaking is a language of
70:39 subtlety. Something you don't
70:40 understand. I love The Money Pit. That
70:43 is my answer to that statement. Exactly.
70:45 Well, there you go. Whatever. I like
70:48 that movie, too.
70:50 Thank God you guys are okay. Wow. You
70:53 saved our lives, Mr. Swanson. We've
70:55 captured the burglars. Oh, thank God.
70:58 Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual
71:00 harassment charges against your
71:02 daughter. That's a nice bag of candy you
71:04 got. Oh, thank you. You know, it's
71:06 actually a pillow case. They're they're
71:07 sort of thrifty around my house, you
71:09 know. Well, now it's ours. Uh, well, no,
71:12 but how about this? You could have the
71:14 apple and the raisins and the cheese and
71:16 crackers with a little red stick. I
71:18 don't I don't know how that's candy, but
71:21 thanks, duck boy.
71:27 Oh my god, Pearl. Brian, I don't have
71:31 much time. God, I never should have made
71:33 you leave the house. This is all my
71:34 fault. I only wish we could have a
71:36 little more time together. We can.
71:41 [Music]
71:44 Hey, who wants to see a dead body?
71:50 [Music]
71:52 Oh my god, I'm so sorry. What's your
71:54 name, dude? Me. Griffin. 3:00 Friday. I
71:59 will destroy you.
72:03 Chris, you have my back, right? I don't
72:05 know. Let me check. Yeah. Okay. I'm
72:08 going to need it for the fight.
72:13 Stewie, I know it was you.
72:19 Your potato joke was terrible. I can't
72:21 believe you drove my car. You You could
72:23 have gotten yourself killed. I'm going
72:25 to have to tell Peter and Lois. No. No,
72:27 you can't tell them. I'll be in so much
72:29 trouble. Stewie, I have to. All right. I
72:31 have covered for you plenty of times
72:32 before, but not this time. This is very
72:35 dangerous, and I have to make sure you
72:36 never do it again. I won't. I swear.
72:39 Tell those kids if they ever want to see
72:41 their parents again, they'll make the
72:42 shoes. Do you know who you're dealing
72:44 with? My husband is the son of a felon
72:47 who went to prison for blackmailing his
72:48 brother-in-law by entrapping him with a
72:50 prostitute and then mailing a copy of
72:52 the tape to his own sister.
72:55 [Music]
72:58 Hang on, I got another call. Hello,
73:01 Lois. I'm at the gym. I hate it here. I
73:04 want to come home. Everybody's so mean.
73:07 And there's this one guy who follows me
73:09 around and calls me fat. Well, I suppose
73:11 I Hang on, honey. I'm getting another
73:13 call. Hello. Hey, is fat ass home yet?
73:16 Put him on. I want to talk to him. This
73:18 is I say about it's a clam. I love it.
73:22 I was just going to That's exactly Hey,
73:25 I remember I remember remember when I
73:27 remember when I remember when Quick Time
73:29 here passed out in the in the booth this
73:32 booth and we did stuff to him that you
73:34 do to ladies and we promise we never
73:37 tell you
73:39 what to
73:41 cl your hair looks stupid.
73:46 [Music]
73:50 All right, I got him. Pull me up,
73:55 Peta. We can't do it. You're too heavy.
73:58 Keep going. You're almost there.
74:01 [Music]
74:05 I found a rock. I like Oh, Daddy, I sort
74:08 of lost Tatum. You what? I swear it was
74:12 an accident. Don't worry, Lois. We'll
74:14 split up and look for her. On it.
74:17 Damn it, Chris. Now that's going to be
74:18 in our Fox promo. Sorry, Dad. Tonight on
74:22 Fox, Chris Griffin meets Chris Griffin.
74:26 Ah, there it goes. Sorry, Peter. It's
74:30 not a good idea to be putting these
74:31 flyers all over town. People are going
74:33 to think you're crazy. Hey, how'd you
74:35 like to lose a bunch of teeth? I'm
74:36 sorry, Lois. That was way more than what
74:38 was called for, but that's what happens
74:40 when you challenge someone's faith. I
74:42 don't think anyone's going to want to
74:43 worship the FS. Is this the Church of
74:45 the F? Yes, it is. I read your flyer.
74:48 Finally, a religion that makes sense to
74:49 me. Hey everyone, I found him over here.
74:55 Hey kids, meet Saggy Naggie. Real nice
74:58 lady, huh? No. What can I do for you,
75:01 Saggy Naggie? You can stop having fun.
75:04 But we like fun, don't we, kids? Yes.
75:08 Well, too bad, cuz you're all going to
75:10 eat your vegetables, listen to long
75:12 stories about my cousins, and help me
75:14 fold sheets. And you you're going to
75:17 help around the house, take out the
75:18 garbage, and give Stewie his bottle. It
75:21 was a moving scene today at Hatch Pond
75:22 as six members of the Pucket Fire
75:25 Department struggled valiantly to save
75:26 the life of a fish trapped under the
75:28 frozen ice. Rescue workers managed to
75:30 get the fish out of the water, but
75:32 unfortunately, it died shortly after.
75:35 All right, Meg, stay incredibly still.
75:37 I'm going to whip that cigarette out of
75:38 your mouth and maybe not slice your face
75:40 in half. Dad, I don't want to do this.
75:42 Stay still.
75:44 Okay, that's pretty cool, too. Hey, Dad,
75:47 that's a cool whip.
75:49 I thought you couldn't understand me.
75:52 Oh, yeah. I seen that pudding billboard.
75:54 It's the one that says CBS Outdoor
75:56 Advertising on it. Yeah. Yeah, but right
75:58 above that is like a big guy eating
76:00 pudding. I don't remember none of that.
76:02 I just remember CBS Outdoor Advertising
76:04 on the bottom and three pigeons sitting
76:06 on top. You're bad at looking at
76:08 billboards. Hey, we should go check it
76:10 out right now. Ordinarily, I'd say no,
76:12 but that adult kickball league is coming
76:14 in for drinks, so let's get out of here.
76:16 Okay, Peter, your turn.
76:19 Why are you looking at your navigation
76:21 chart when we're still at the beginning
76:22 of the first build phase? You know what
76:24 I like to do when I play games? Ask
76:26 people when they were born. Pete, you go
76:29 first. Oh, that's an easy question.
76:34 19 Yeah.
76:38 911. I was born on 911.
76:43 Where are you going, Dad? Out. Now that
76:45 I'm living as a woman, I can say
76:46 whatever I want to men and they can't
76:48 hit me.
76:51 Oh, hey, Peter. Sully could have made it
76:53 to an airport. You shut your mouth. That
76:55 man is a hero. Woman. Well, it's
76:59 definitely true that I respect the
77:00 boundaries of women. Oh, hey, Sher. Uh,
77:03 just just get in the fireplace. I'll
77:04 I'll spit down the chimney. All right,
77:06 come on, everyone. Go get dressed. It's
77:08 ballet night.
77:11 Lois, don't freaking put me through this
77:13 again. Peter, a little culture is good
77:15 for this family. Besides, you liked the
77:17 Nutcracker, didn't you? No, Lois, I did
77:19 not. The Nutcracker had zero physical
77:22 comedy. And and with a name like the
77:23 Nutcracker, I thought, "Oh, this will be
77:25 worth a few yucks." But no, Lois, that
77:27 title wrote a check that those queers on
77:29 stage refused to cash. Peter, we're
77:31 going. There you go, Sheamus. Thanks.
77:34 I'll put it right on my shelf.
77:37 Hey, thanks so much for coming, Stewie.
77:39 Of course. What a night. I mean, most
77:41 authors wouldn't have read the whole
77:42 book. Yeah, I just felt it from the
77:44 crowd, you know. Anyway, it means
77:46 everything to have you here. So, thanks
77:48 again. Oh, another hand for Brian
77:51 Griffin. And if the eight of you could
77:53 somehow buy a quarter of a million
77:55 dollars worth of books, tomorrow I won't
77:57 have to marry a man I've never loved.
77:58 Peta, if you're not satisfied, then be
78:00 more assertive. Invite Mr. Weed over for
78:03 dinner and show him what you have to
78:04 offer the company. Yeah, I guess I
78:06 could. I just hope it goes okay. We've
78:08 had some bad luck with dinner guests.
78:09 You remember when Marggo Kidd was here?
78:11 Oh, we loved you in the Superman movies.
78:14 You were just wonderful.
78:17 [Applause]
78:26 That was so humiliating. I I mean, look
78:29 at all the stuff I put myself through
78:30 just to get laid. Well, don't worry, my
78:32 friend. One day you'll find your
78:33 soulmate. The sad thing is I already did
78:36 years ago. Tracy Flanigan. She was the
78:39 greatest girl I ever met and I blew it.
78:42 Oh, you should look her up. Oh, am I
78:43 boring you? No, it's just long day.
78:46 Well, I suppose I could look her up. I
78:48 just wonder if she'd even want to see
78:49 me. I wasn't exactly the nicest guy in
78:51 the world.
78:54 Brian, there's no more graham crackers.
78:57 They're in the cabinet. I don't see
78:59 them. They're right in front of you.
79:01 Which cabinet are you looking at? Can't
79:04 you just come in here? No, I'm busy.
79:09 Oh
79:10 no. Oh no. Brian. Peter, when is Lois's
79:14 birthday? Uh, let's see. When is
79:17 Hitler's birthday? April 20th. Wow.
79:19 Okay. Null. Yikes. Joe, what is Bonnie's
79:23 favorite food? Well, she must like
79:24 ground glass because I keep finding it
79:26 in my food. Cleveland pass. Quagmire.
79:29 What color are Kimmy's eyes? Shaved.
79:32 Sorry. What? What? What is it? What's
79:34 the question?
79:37 What's wrong with me? I got to be crazy
79:39 to think I can kill that man eating
79:41 fish. I mean, what the hell am I doing?
79:43 Hey, hey, hey. Come on, Peter. What kind
79:46 of talk is that? Yeah, you can do it.
79:48 Who's my big brave boy? Huh? Me. Who's
79:51 my big brave boy? Me.
79:59 Oh boy, this is going to be fun. I
80:01 haven't made a crank call in
80:04 years. Quiet. Quiet. It's ringing.
80:06 Hello. Hello. Is this Linda trip? Yes.
80:10 You shouldn't have talked, you stupid
80:11 [ __ ] I hope you die.
80:14 Boy, that uh that that wasn't really a
80:16 crank call. That was That was just
80:18 unpleasant. Sorry about that. I don't
80:20 like eggnog. Drink the nog, Carter. I
80:23 don't I don't want to take it, Carter.
80:25 Take all the
80:28 nog. No. Yeah, you like that nog. Don't
80:31 spit the nog out. Now look at the camera
80:33 for a POV shot. Say thank you with a nog
80:36 in your mouth. Thank you. Louder. Thank
80:39 you. Good. Now go down to the hotel
80:41 lobby and check out with no all over
80:43 your face. All right. You know, I still
80:45 don't like Christmas, but I kind of like
80:47 what we just did. Let's go. Keep it
80:49 moving. Get to class. Hey, you you
80:51 salute that flag when you walk by, kid.
80:54 Loads of people fought for that thing,
80:55 including yours truly. You were in the
80:58 service. I may have misunderstood what
81:00 yours truly means. Uh, Big Fat Paulie,
81:03 there's something I got to tell you.
81:06 Um, you ever stare up at the night sky
81:08 and wonder if someone might be looking
81:10 back at you? No, but just in case, look
81:13 at this, you freaking aliens.
81:16 Oh. Uh, hi Barney. This is my friend Big
81:20 Fat Paulie. And, uh, this is his big fat
81:25 ass. I'm not good with confrontation.
81:27 Like when I got stuck behind that
81:29 giraffe at the ball game. Yeah, nice
81:31 hit. Frozen rope. Awesome. What just
81:34 happened? Crown rule double.
81:36 I couldn't even see it. Yeah, it was
81:38 something. Ducks on a pond. Let's bring
81:39 them in. Could you please sit down? I am
81:42 sitting down. You sit up. I am sitting
81:44 up, but I still can't see a thing. Yeah,
81:45 it sounds like a you problem. Let's go,
81:47 Socks. I mean, Chris is doing better in
81:50 school, and Meg even went on a date with
81:52 the announcer from the Super Friends.
81:54 Meanwhile, under Me Griffin's bra. Fine.
81:57 Fine. I can see I'm not wanted here.
81:58 Maybe I'll just find my own place. I
82:00 don't need your sympathy. I don't need
82:02 anything. You know what? Maybe I'll just
82:04 go take up my old job as a construction
82:06 worker in New York. Although, I never
82:08 did get the cat calling right.
82:11 Yeah, baby. I want a piece of that. You
82:15 suck. Bunga bunga. No way. This is why
82:19 Zillow estimates our house at $4. The
82:21 hell is unabunga? Two guys run at each
82:24 other with mattresses and um that's kind
82:27 of it. Stop explaining it to the dog.
82:30 Let's do this. Yeah.
82:34 Stop it. I'm trying to watch my program.
82:35 Well, Chris, look. Mom's naked. Where?
82:38 You creep.
82:41 Peter, what's going on? And and you
82:43 could pretend to be a cowboy. Okay. Oh,
82:47 Lois. Make your voice deeper. Oh, Lois.
82:50 Deeper. Oh, Lois. Good. Now, say beef.
82:55 It's what's for dinner. I I don't say
82:58 it. Beef. Oh, yes. It's what's for
83:00 dinner. Oh, yes. Oh, wild west. Wild
83:04 West. What? Peter, what the hell are you
83:07 wearing? I went a different direction,
83:08 cowboy wise. But don't change the
83:10 subject. Griffin, get the hell out of my
83:12 building. Holy crap, Mr. Punishment,
83:14 you're okay. You're damn right I'm okay.
83:16 And I'm here to reassume charge of my
83:18 company. Maybe I don't want to leave.
83:20 Maybe I like being a fat cat. What are
83:22 you saying? I'm saying it's my company
83:24 now and it's better than it ever was
83:26 when you were running it. Security, we
83:28 have a situation in the conference room.
83:29 I'll give you a situation, you fat turd.
83:32 Gentlemen, please remove this man from
83:34 the building. What the? into a Hollywood
83:36 hospital where I was hooked up to a
83:38 17-year-old
83:41 Anjenu. And in accordance with Hollywood
83:43 law, her life force was infused into me,
83:46 bringing me back from the dead.
83:49 What happened to the girl? I threw her
83:51 out a car window at Norah Efron.
83:54 Stop making Jack Nicholson a pansy.
83:57 You're thinking of Nancy Meyers. You're
83:59 the same thing. Would you like to add
84:01 chips and a drink? Here we go again.
84:04 [Music]
84:09 All right, Ruth. Here we go.
84:15 Well, I'm not dead, but I do have a
84:17 boner. So, that is something new about
84:20 Stewie. What are you looking at? Go push
84:23 your buttons. My husband will kick your
84:24 ass. Stop saying I'm your husband. Oh,
84:27 Brian, I need you to take me to the
84:29 hospital. Why? My water just broke. Oh
84:32 my god. It's okay. Don't panic. Call the
84:35 doula. Brian, you've got to call the
84:36 dueler. Dueler? I I don't even know what
84:38 that is. It's a divorced woman who knows
84:40 about lady pots and cheers you on. Let's
84:42 go. Here I go again, filling up our
84:45 ears. What's going on here, you two?
84:47 You're being very rude. Lois spent all
84:49 day over cooking this meal. We
84:51 accidentally wore each other's
84:53 underwear.
84:57 I can't believe you wore each other's
85:00 unies. This is hysterical. Shut up. Oh,
85:04 it's not even Wednesday. It's Tuesday
85:07 night. That's part of it. Hi, Peter. Hi,
85:11 Scott.
85:14 Guess what? I have a welcome home
85:16 surprise for you. Dish, dish, dish.
85:18 Remember how you told me your ultimate
85:21 fantasy was to have an 11way? Oh my god,
85:23 yes I do. And you so did not even. Oh,
85:26 but I did. Yoohoo, guys.
85:29 [Music]
85:32 All right, we'll see you guys Sunday.
85:36 Okay, now you heard mom say I'm in
85:38 charge. So, I just want to lay a few
85:40 ground rules. Well, I promise we're
85:42 going to have fun, but there will be a
85:44 schedule just to keep everything
85:45 running. And I may assign a chore, too,
85:48 because it's actually more
85:49 fun in Hey, by the way,
85:53 I'm going to flush your retainer down
85:54 the toilet,
85:59 Heather. Oh my god. I'm sorry, Chris.
86:04 You You did this. I did. I took your
86:08 doll because it's not a natural or
86:10 healthy thing for a boy your age to
86:12 have. It looks like you stabbed her like
86:16 50 times. I was kind of jealous of it.
86:18 So, I guess I went a little crazy. Oh my
86:21 gosh. Wow. This is so exciting. Excuse
86:24 me. It's really you. We recognize you
86:27 from your book. Ah, you've read Faster
86:30 than the Speed of Love. Be careful with
86:32 that thing. It might accidentally change
86:34 your life.
86:36 I don't know that book. I'm talking
86:38 about this one.
86:40 Flunky the Dumb White Dog by Griffin
86:44 Stewart. All right, almost done here,
86:46 Glenn. There we are. All
86:49 finished. Look at this. Look what
86:51 happened. Well, by the laws of comedy,
86:54 you and I have to be roommates now.
86:56 That's hilarious, Doc. All right, here
86:57 we go. Now, I'm going to prescribe a
86:59 course of antibiotics and some
87:01 painkillers. And Hey, Elmer.
87:06 Hey, she sucks. Peter, I am so wasted.
87:10 All I want to do is make cookies. Oh my
87:13 god, I have a great idea. Let's make
87:14 cookies. We don't have to, Lois. Look,
87:17 there's a magical land of desserts right
87:19 behind you.
87:29 [Music]
87:30 [Laughter]
87:35 [Music]
87:38 I love relaxing here with that dry
87:40 ceiling. Huh. Wonder if the weather
87:42 called for living room rain. Next up,
87:44 Connecticut, your living room forecast.
87:47 Dry, dry, dry. That can only mean one
87:51 thing. Totally. God, I can't believe you
87:53 noticed this stuff, too. Oh, you mean
87:55 like how if a pair of her underpants
87:57 goes missing, she can't just let it go
87:59 and move on. Exactly.
88:04 Well, sounds like bonding to me. Looks
88:07 like somebody worked some pretty good
88:09 mom magic.
88:11 Where the hell are all my underpants?
88:13 New Brian is such a tool. I mean, he's
88:16 he's so damn sweet and saccharine and
88:18 perfect and and he's turning the family
88:20 into a bunch of douches. Well, big deal.
88:22 You always told me I was a douche. Yeah,
88:25 but you were my douche, Brian. My
88:28 douche. Come back and be my douche
88:30 again. Hi. I'm looking for Glenn. Oh,
88:34 what happened to your leg?
88:36 [Laughter]
88:38 Damn it, Brian.
88:40 [Music]
88:44 Is that your little one there? Oh, no.
88:47 It's It's just the way I'm sitting. Ah,
88:49 nothing like a day at the park
88:51 surrounded by overcompensating divorced
88:53 dads. Wow, look how high you're going.
88:56 What an amazing day this is. Is mommy
88:59 spending $2,500 a month on you? Because
89:02 that's what I'm sending mommy. Oh my
89:04 god, it's only been 5 minutes and I'm
89:06 already bored out of my mind. I love the
89:08 time of year. You know, Chris, you and
89:10 your stillborn twin, Miss were named
89:12 after Christmas. I see the kids put
89:14 their gifts under the tree. Brian, I
89:15 don't think you've put yours there yet.
89:17 Well, as we know, the true spirit of the
89:19 holiday is one of giving. So, I've
89:20 signed all of us up to volunteer
89:22 tomorrow at a homeless shelter. That's
89:24 your present. What? Last year, you wrote
89:26 us a freaking poem. And now this. I
89:28 thought the poem was lovely. Okay. My
89:30 great uncle wears a ski hat all the
89:32 time. Griffin will be followed by Nick
89:34 Nol's handkerchief, followed by Japanese
89:36 Abe Lincoln, and then Monkey Rabbi. Hey,
89:38 where's the monkey rabbi? Here's your
89:40 Torah. You'll be here on Tuesday at
89:41 9:00. Check in with Shirley. You're
89:43 going to need me this week? Uh, maybe.
89:45 Maybe Friday. Uh, now where are the
89:47 gays? Over here. No, no, no. The really
89:49 cartoony
89:50 gays. There you are. We're going to need
89:52 you guys all week.
89:54 I don't know. I mean, I I think I want
89:56 to have kids someday. Oh, I love kids.
89:58 Oh, I just love them. I can't get enough
90:01 of those little buggers, let me tell
90:02 you. You know, it's it's like I tell the
90:04 other volunteers down at the adoption
90:06 center. Uh my god, you know, if I could
90:09 just take all the orphans in the world
90:11 and just, you know, buy a farm somewhere
90:13 and and let them all run free, you know,
90:16 just let them do little macaroni art
90:18 pictures of their dead parents. Good
90:20 afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. Get
90:22 that enormous thing out of my face. I'll
90:24 be your loan, officer, so why don't you
90:26 have a seat and tell me about your
90:27 business? Our business is cookies. Now,
90:29 let me ask you a question. You ever
90:31 heard of money? Yes. Good. Good. We're
90:34 on the same page. Now sir, let me ask
90:36 you something else. Can you name one
90:37 successful company that isn't cookie
90:39 based? Microsoft. Lisa, get get away
90:42 from him. He's a Nazi. I I know Jews is
90:46 bad, but Dems is worse. Sit down. Stop
90:49 locking the screen, you jerk. I don't
90:51 think I don't think you heard me, buddy.
90:53 Step away from the young lady.
90:57 All right, I am Zaring. You asked for
90:59 it.
91:01 Ralph. God, I can't believe Mike Pence
91:03 came out of the closet just before he
91:05 hung himself in prison.
91:10 Bonjovi family. Morning, Dad. Are things
91:13 going to change now that you're a
91:15 godfather? Good question, Chris. And
91:17 yes, quite a bit. I'll be touching faces
91:19 a lot more than I used to. My boy Lois,
91:22 I don't understand why I got to sit
91:23 through a chick flick. Peter, you
91:25 promised you'd come with me to see
91:26 Autumn's piano. Besides, you owe me big
91:29 after the way you embarrassed me in
91:30 front of Sandra O.
91:33 Oh my god, Sandra O. We loved you in
91:36 Sideways. Thank you. We see you in many
91:40 movies. I think about you while having
91:43 sex with my wife. I thank you with $1.
91:47 That's a lot of money to them.
91:51 [Music]
91:56 Peta, isn't this wonderful? The place is
91:58 packed. Uh, Lois, uh, aren't you a
92:01 little freaked out by this? Why?
92:03 Everybody's having a great time.
92:05 Besides, think of the money we're
92:07 making. I don't care about that. I
92:08 wanted a cool restaurant, not the
92:10 cafeteria at the Veterans Hospital.
92:15 Guys, this is the best dirty bookstore
92:17 in town. Family-owned, great hours, and
92:19 lots of parking in the rear. Get it?
92:21 Wow. You usually expect these places to
92:23 be dirty. Nah, it's pretty clean. What
92:25 you staring at, Joe? These dolls all
92:27 look really surprised for some reason. I
92:31 What? You never seen a handicap man
92:33 before? They're polyurethane sex toys,
92:36 Joe. Well, it's wonderful to meet you.
92:39 We've had so many nice things. Yes,
92:41 indeed. So, how long have you been a
92:43 prostitute? No, Doug. I will not lift up
92:46 her shirt. Chris, we have company. So,
92:49 you uh you ever been with a woman? Um,
92:52 no. Hey, what?
92:55 There. Are you happy, Doug? This is
92:58 ridiculous. Evil Stewie could be
92:59 anywhere. You know, this really is all
93:01 your fault. If you hadn't told me I was
93:03 going soft, I wouldn't have created evil
93:04 Stewie, he wouldn't have escaped, and we
93:06 wouldn't be trying to track down a
93:07 murderer. For all we know, he could be
93:09 killing someone else right now. Oh no.
93:11 Oh no. Oh no. Oh
93:16 yeah. All
93:19 right, come on, guys. She's going to be
93:20 here any minute. You got to get out of
93:21 here. Why do we have to leave, Dad? Cuz
93:23 your daddy's going to have a three-way
93:25 with your mother and her friend. Isn't
93:27 that nice about daddy's three-way? I had
93:29 a one-way one time. That was
93:32 amazing. Sorry I farted in the middle.
93:38 Hey, what's the matter, Brian? Have you
93:40 fallen and can't get up? Turns out still
93:43 using that joke is a felony. Guess I
93:45 better not drop the soap. That one's the
93:48 death penalty.
93:51 [Music]
93:54 You were very lucky. We managed to pump
93:55 your stomach just in time. Oh, thank
93:58 God. I just see him walking around with
94:00 his hands down his pants all day and
94:02 he's just so fat and weird. So, we feel
94:04 bad. Yeah. Last year we did the burnt up
94:07 kid, so this was a slam dunk. Oh my god.
94:10 They just elected him out of pity
94:11 because they think he's mentally
94:12 challenged. Kind of like we did with
94:14 George W. Bush. Huh?
94:18 Right. I guess I guess, Brian. I I don't
94:21 I don't know. Let's Let's just watch
94:22 some commercials. Okay, Bonnie. One,
94:25 two, three. Push.
94:32 [Music]
94:35 My god, I can walk. It's a mirror.
94:40 Sorry, Dad. Just get the chair.
94:46 Oh my god, Stewie. What are you doing in
94:48 the toilet with the lid closed? Ted R
94:50 says this is where a piece of crap has
94:52 to live. This is terrible. Those robots
94:55 are not your friends. Yeah, well, at
94:56 least they don't steal from me. Well,
94:59 Chris and I sure learned a lot this
95:00 week, huh? You think you learned a lot?
95:02 I had quite an adventure. You know what,
95:04 guys? We only got like 15 seconds left.
95:06 We're going to have to do these at the
95:07 same time. Let's race and go. So I
95:10 learned maybe it's okay to run away but
95:12 try not to get carried
95:13 from it so much but I am done messing
95:15 around with neighbors wives invitation
95:17 to Hey let me see that same old man and
95:21 the winner is nobody especially not you.
95:25 Good night. All right let me just get
95:27 into character. I'm a bit distracted. I
95:30 wasn't expecting we do this today in
95:31 light of the circumstances. What
95:33 circumstances? Oh dear god. Didn't you
95:35 hear the bomb? The bomb that went off in
95:38 Time Square. All those poor people dead.
95:42 Oh my god. My cousin works in Times
95:44 Square. Well, your cousin is fine
95:47 because I was acting. That's impressive.
95:50 Risky. Very risky. So, what can I get
95:53 for you sexy teens? Um, how's the
95:56 vegetarian lasagna? Terrible. Even at
95:59 the best restaurants. We'll have five of
96:01 those. It just doesn't make sense. Who
96:04 would want to kill Meg? Um, can we all
96:06 be quiet? We've been asked to nod our
96:09 heads while the band plays the song our
96:11 parent company is aggressively
96:12 marketing. Peter, that's enough. It is
96:14 time to get out of What the hell? Oh,
96:17 yeah. We put Joe in Stewie's old jolly
96:19 jumper. You told me this was a
96:21 paratroopers harness. Shut up, baby man.
96:24 That's it. This is our home, not some
96:26 frat house for you and your friends.
96:27 Now, I want you out of this attic now.
96:30 No way. We ain't leaving. We're having
96:31 too much fun up here. Quagmire just
96:33 showed us his Eric McCormack impression.
96:35 Peta, isn't there something you'd like
96:37 to say to Mr. Washiwashy?
96:39 No. Peta. Fine. Mr. Washiwashy, I'm
96:44 sorry I was rude at your store. It's
96:46 okay. I accept your bad apology. Good.
96:48 Now, give me back my shirt. Peter, I
96:50 don't have your shirt. You Yes. Have my
96:51 shirt. Enough. You all been from my
96:54 store. Bing bong. Great, Peter. Nice
96:57 going. This dinner was a disaster. Dang
96:59 it, Peter. This is work, not a
97:01 sleepover. Now, would you please get out
97:03 of here? My 10:00 meeting is about to
97:06 start. Your meeting? But I thought we
97:08 were going to work together. Yeah, well,
97:10 I thought I'd tackle this one on my own.
97:13 But maybe you can get us some
97:17 coffee. Touch
97:19 base. Circle back. Put a pin in it. But
97:24 that's Monday's problem.
97:28 Goat meat. Get your goat meat here.
97:31 Cleveland. Are those? Yeah, I have dibs
97:33 on whatever silliness Peter loses
97:35 interest in. Remember this? To the
97:38 Cleveland copter.
97:40 [Music]
97:41 The mustache obscures my
97:51 view. All right, fat guy. Fight rules.
97:54 We grab at each other's shirts until
97:55 we're out of breath and then a 3minut
97:57 break. Got it. Should we just take a
97:59 3minut break now? Agreed.
98:05 It turned into a pudding break. Wait,
98:07 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't
98:08 get to lick the lid. All right, Peter,
98:10 we're closing in. Get ready to fire.
98:20 [Music]
98:31 Brian, how'd it go? Well, Lois, I I
98:33 think I have a little bit of me work to
98:35 do. You know, like most other people, I
98:38 used to think therapy was only for
98:40 crazies and nut jobs. Isn't that silly?
98:45 Hey, Lois. I Hey, Brian. How you doing?
98:49 They let you out already? Peter, I was
98:51 in a therapy session, not a lunatic
98:53 asylum. Hey, hey, calm down. Lots of
98:55 crazy people have gone on to lead
98:56 normal, successful lives. Do you know
98:58 what the big bang theory is? Yeah, the
99:00 theory that the universe started with a
99:02 massive outward explosion from a
99:03 singularity of infinite mass and
99:05 infinite density. Check out the big
99:07 brain on Brian. Good. Now, take a look.
99:10 The universe's cosmic background
99:12 radiation, a kind of echo of the Big
99:14 Bang, precisely matches the energy
99:16 spectrum of my return pad. What does
99:18 that mean? It means my return pads
99:20 explosion was the big bang.
99:24 Holy crap. A hundred bucks. Hey, nice
99:27 going, Chris.
99:30 Wow, look how proud my dad is. Oh my
99:32 god, you're
99:34 duck. It was a
99:38 trap. And then he went into the kitchen,
99:41 slowly opened the refrigerator, and it
99:44 was empty. So then the man, weak with
99:48 hunger, raced from the refrigerator to
99:50 the counter to look for a delivery menu.
99:52 But all he could find was one for a
99:54 vegan place.
99:56 Vegan places aren't real, right? No,
99:59 they're not real. Or are they? Ah,
100:02 salad.
100:03 [Applause]
100:05 Nice. Brian, what are you doing? Oh,
100:07 jeez. Stewie scare the crap out of me.
100:10 What you got there?
100:12 Okay, I'll tell you, but you can't tell
100:14 anyone. Art, you have to be really cool
100:15 about this. Yeah, of course. These are
100:17 mushrooms. It's a psychedelic drug.
100:20 Makes you see weird things and feel
100:22 happy for a few hours. I figure we're
100:24 going to be stuck inside for a while
100:25 with a storm, so it'll be a fun way to
100:28 pass the time.
100:30 Okay, coming up, dinner. But first, I
100:33 turn my back to a dangerous murderer.
100:38 [Music]
100:44 Oh, hey Sarge. Your wife called and said
100:46 it was urgent. Oh. Uh, okay. Yeah, she
100:49 sounded very not happy. You need to call
100:51 her back ASAP. Got it. Thanks. Starting
100:54 to think I did this guy a favor. You
100:56 people at the Industrial Adhesives
100:57 Corporation certainly know how to make a
100:59 tasty glue. Well then. Whoa. Whoa. What
101:02 the hell are you doing? Don't eat that.
101:03 For God's sake, don't be such a nerd.
101:06 You can let go of my hand now. You can
101:08 let go of mine.
101:09 [Applause]
101:18 [Music]
101:21 Oh crap.
101:24 Peter, your comic in this morning's
101:25 paper is really offensive.
101:32 That's not funny, Peter. Ah, you're just
101:34 not getting it, Lois. See, his wife
101:36 washed dishes for him. Oh, for Pete's
101:38 sake.
101:40 There you go. I can't believe it. This
101:43 is horrible. What am I going to do? Come
101:45 on now. Keep that enormous chin up,
101:47 Glenn. There's lots you can do. You can
101:49 devote your life to Christ or become a
101:52 unic. Cleveland, why don't you sit this
101:54 one out? Listen, Quagmire, I got just a
101:56 way for you to embrace your new life
101:58 without a penis. I've had this computer
102:00 blocked so you can discover all the
102:01 other exciting things on the internet
102:03 besides porn. Like what? Well, uh, this,
102:08 uh, here, Donna, I got you your 10year
102:10 anniversary present. Suntan lotion, but
102:13 we live in the Northeast. That's right.
102:15 We do. Unless we were moving to
102:18 California. He must have got the part.
102:21 When he going to meet Avita, not every
102:23 play is Evita. Oh, no. I feel terrible.
102:27 Why don't you want to go? No, I got you
102:30 a parka.
102:32 [Applause]
102:34 Those two are never on the same page.
102:38 All right, Fox News auditions, take one.
102:41 And even though this Iraqi veteran lost
102:43 his hands, he didn't lose his ability to
102:46 feel. I'm Lois Griffin for Fox News.
102:50 Great story, Lois. Thanks. I just made
102:52 it up. You know, I've been doing this
102:53 job a long time, and I think you've got
102:55 what it takes. All right, I'll do it.
102:58 Great. Here's your contract.
103:00 [Music]
103:21 [Music]
103:25 Well, we are going to do something about
103:27 it. We are going to figure out a way to
103:28 induce labor and make Barney have that
103:30 baby. Yeah, the sooner that kid comes
103:32 out, the sooner we get Joe back. Yeah,
103:34 we're not complete without Joe. You
103:35 remember when he bailed on us for that
103:37 trip to the spa and we had to find
103:38 another handicapped guy? God, Sheamus,
103:41 I've uh never seen you this naked. Ah,
103:44 it's good to let the old midsection
103:46 breathe. What? Uh, how the hell are you
103:49 alive? Hammock life is the best life,
103:51 Chris. Now to drink lemonade with a
103:54 southern draw. Chip. Chip. Governor.
103:56 Shrimp on the barbie. You sound like
103:59 Colonel Sanders.
104:03 Damn it. Oh no. The neighbor's sprinkler
104:06 ruined whatever this is. Not so fast,
104:08 Chris. I don't give up that easy. Good
104:10 for you, Dad. Go knock on the neighbor's
104:12 door and have a mildly uncomfortable
104:14 conversation. I give up.
104:17 [Music]
104:24 Yeah, we did it.
104:27 Oh, what's this? What's this? It says
104:29 right here, "We won. We won. You dicks.
104:31 You suck." Um, excuse me. Would you mind
104:34 keeping it down? We're having my son's
104:36 birthday party over here. Yeah, sure,
104:37 sure, sure, honey. What's his name?
104:38 Mikey. Happy birthday, Mikey. Yeah.
104:43 [Music]
104:53 Peter, what is it? What's going on out
104:56 here? Clear the way. I'm a cop. Oh. Oh
104:58 my god. I thought the safety was on. I'm
105:01 so sorry. That's okay, son. It's your
105:03 right as an American citizen. Oh,
105:07 what's that thumping noise? It's your
105:09 tail. Stop wagging your tail. I can't
105:11 help it. Do
105:16 something. Damn it. I meant hold it, not
105:19 cut it off. You weren't specific. I've
105:20 never done this before. Are you okay,
105:22 Brian? Yeah, I'm just so happy to meet
105:25 you both.
105:28 What the hell are you cauterizing your
105:30 tail? Trust me, I'm a nurse.
105:34 Okay, so we just need the ending. Who
105:35 was the murderer? Oh, I have no idea.
105:38 It's a cold case. That's what makes them
105:40 cold. No one knows how to solve them.
105:41 Well, how do we finish our novel if we
105:43 don't know what happened in real life?
105:45 Ghost Cup. No. Do you know what this
105:47 means? We're going to put on our
105:49 Sherlock Holmes hats and solve the
105:51 murder ourselves. Dear stalker hats,
105:53 Joe. But yes, stupid non brighter.
106:05 [Music]
106:07 Lois, there's no presents under the
106:10 tree. What?
106:13 Oh my god. Joe, did you get any
106:16 Christmas presents? No. Me neither. I
106:19 got eight mediocre things.
106:25 Howdy, neighbors. Come on in. Hello. As
106:27 Peter and Molly are here, Chris, say hi
106:29 to Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. Hi, Mr.
106:31 Griffin. How's it going, man? Chris
106:34 Stewie. Oh my god.
106:40 Me, stop staring at Mr. Griffin. I'm
106:43 sorry, Peta. I'm afraid she's got her
106:45 father's libido. What can I say? I'm a
106:47 vegetarian. It is my hope that you will
106:49 agree to be my wife, but the choice is
106:52 yours. If you say no, I will have you
106:54 flown back to your family on our private
106:56 jet. But if you say yes, I will spend
106:59 the rest of my days making your every
107:01 wish come true. Will you be my wife,
107:04 Princess Meg? Oh,
107:09 yes. No.
107:13 Do we make There they are. Team Peters.
107:17 Say, where's your husband? Or as I call
107:18 him, my
107:20 son-in-law. Snap. Snap. Oh, I'm sure
107:23 he'll be along, daddy. Aoy, Mr.
107:26 Pewishmid. Peter, what the hell are you
107:27 doing in my bathtub? Oh, this is not a
107:29 bathtub. This is the SS Pew Schmidt
107:32 kicker. This is ridiculous. I won't have
107:34 a member of my family racing in a
107:36 bathtub. Well, Daddy, you didn't want
107:37 Peter in your boat, so team Griffin is
107:40 going to give you a run for your money.
107:46 [Music]
107:47 All right, this is the place. We got to
107:49 see if we can find Briggs's girl. Hey,
107:52 we're looking for a stripper named
107:53 Tanya. Is she here tonight? Yeah, she's
107:55 working the champagne room. Follow me.
108:00 Hey, Quagmire. You uh you ever been to
108:02 Atlantic City before? Once about 20
108:04 years ago. Why? All right. All right.
108:07 All right. All right. Intergalactic
108:09 protonpowered electrical tentacled
108:11 advertising droids. Intergalactic
108:12 protonpowered electrical tentacled
108:14 advertising droids. Intergalactic
108:16 protonpowered electrical tentacled
108:17 advertising droids. Hi, I'm Darth
108:19 Harrington of Darth Harrington's
108:20 intergalactic protonpowered electrical
108:22 tentacled advertising droids emporium
108:23 and moon base due to a garbled subspace
108:25 transmission. I am currently overstocked
108:27 on all intergalactic protonpowered
108:29 electrical tentacle advertising droids
108:31 and I am passing the savings on to you.
108:34 She said,
108:41 "Look, this has gone a little too far. I
108:43 I like you. I think you're great, but
108:45 what happened at the dance was I mean,
108:48 that kiss was just a mistake. I'm going
108:50 to grab Stewie and then we can go."
108:52 What's that, Brian? Oh, you were just
108:55 kidding. I know you were. I love you,
108:58 too, Brian. And you love me. So Raul
109:01 gave me a job at his pet store, but I
109:03 still needed money. One day I was
109:05 cleaning a bird cage and a porn producer
109:07 came in and well the rest, you know, I
109:11 kind of feel like the part that we
109:12 should have seen. You know what? Never
109:14 mind. It works. Good lord. Am I a porn
109:17 baby? No, Stewie. Come on. I I doubt it.
109:21 I mean, maybe. Yeah, probably. Yes.
109:26 Oh, you made me love
109:30 you. I love you. Love you, Lois.
109:36 Let me finish the story, fellas. You
109:38 don't want to be up all night. Or do
109:41 you? Or do you? She's a smoking little
109:44 pistol, isn't she? Are you a woman? No.
109:47 The kid was an honor student. He just
109:49 applied to Sunni Albany. He just got
109:52 into Sunni Albany. Oh, this is too much,
109:55 Stewie. I can't take it. Oh my god, it's
109:57 working. Hey, Vinnie. Bobby Lomaduro's
110:00 kid just got out of the hospital. He
110:02 beat the cancer. Oh, thank heavens. Big
110:05 man in the sky knows what he's doing.
110:08 Chris, what are you doing? Call me a
110:10 creep, you piece of crap.
110:14 Hi, when you go to vote for mayor
110:16 tomorrow, please vote for Lois Griffin.
110:18 That's right. I work at a deli and I
110:21 know bologn. And that's exactly what
110:23 you'll get with Mayor Adam West.
110:27 [Music]
110:28 Shnap.
110:30 Hey, what's going
110:33 on? Not really sure what I'm supposed to
110:36 do with
110:36 you. There's some frozen steaks in the
110:39 freezer. Bathroom's down the hall to the
110:42 right. Uh, if you ever come home and
110:44 there's a tie on the door, it means I'm
110:45 frogging someone. So, give me at least a
110:48 couple
110:49 hours. You smoke?
110:53 I'm here with rides a 10-speed
110:56 everywhere guy. Sir, why are you riding
110:59 your 10-speed in the rain? I don't mind.
111:01 A little drizzle never hurt anybody. Uh,
111:03 I like riding the 10-speed because it's
111:04 fun. Uh, it gives me energy, and it's a
111:06 great way to stay in shape. How long
111:08 have you lived in Khog? Well, I used to
111:10 live in the city, but I decided moving
111:12 here would be a little more relaxing, a
111:13 little more manageable, and it's a great
111:15 way to stay in shape. Could you tell me
111:16 when you're leaving to go back in time?
111:18 I was talking to a robe on the coat rack
111:21 for 20 minutes before I realized you
111:23 weren't in it. Ah, for God's sake, leave
111:25 me alone. I'm working. Don't yell at
111:28 your mother. If you yell at your mother,
111:30 a hen will lay eggs in your tummy. Oh,
111:33 this must be your lovely wife.
111:37 Oh. Uh-uh. I've been waiting for this
111:39 for years.
111:45 I want to be your pinky ring.
111:48 Death mates.
111:50 My god, what what just happened to me?
111:53 It's those sirens. They had us all
111:56 completely under their spell like that
111:57 hypnotist at the airport Hilton
112:03 and three. Oh, wow. Were we just
112:06 hypnotized? Oh, that's incredible. I
112:08 don't remember a thing. Why do I taste
112:11 crutch? I must unlock the secret to
112:14 their mind control powers.
112:18 We now return to Jag.
112:25 Hey everybody. I'm just here to let
112:27 y'all know that movie night's been moved
112:29 to Joe's place. What? But we always do
112:32 it here. Movie night at the Griffin
112:34 House is a tradition. Yeah, but Joe just
112:36 finished putting in his new home
112:38 theater. It's going to be tight, y'all.
112:40 You were my boy. We were like family.
112:43 Yeah, I know. I messed up bad. I'm
112:46 really sorry, Jerome.
112:50 We cool, Peter. We cool. But listen,
112:53 there is something I got to fess up to.
112:55 While I was living with y'all, I had
112:57 myself lots of nasty ass sex with me. I
113:01 don't care about that. What the hell was
113:03 I thinking anyway? I must be some kind
113:05 of idiot.
113:07 What was that?
113:10 [Music]
113:11 Holy crap, Lois. It's the treasure. Oh
113:14 my god. Pina, you were right. Oh no,
113:18 it's the one kid who also followed the
113:20 treasure map.
113:28 [Music]
113:31 Amazing.
113:33 Wow, it's William Defoe. That's right.
113:35 Since William Defoe has more bones in
113:37 his face than most people have in their
113:38 entire body, he's perfect for carving
113:40 cuz the angles are so sharp. It's
113:42 beautiful, Peter. Yeah, I just love
113:44 William Defoe. It's not William, it's
113:46 William. Yeah, that's what I said.
113:47 William. He was in Spider-Man with
113:49 Kristen Dunst. Kirsten Dunst, right?
113:51 Kirsten Dunce. It's not Dunce, it's Dun.
113:54 Hey, Mom. My period started on the
113:56 couch.
113:59 You wanted to have a family. You wanted
114:01 this life. My shoes are on the roof. Get
114:04 them.
114:07 Come on. Move your arm. Other arm.
114:10 Almost done. Move your thumb. Move your
114:13 fut.
114:16 [Music]
114:21 Get down on your hands and knees, fatty.
114:23 Yeah. Yes, sir.
114:27 Look at me, Griffin. I'm milking me a
114:29 cow. Move for me. Louder. Louder.
114:34 Louder.
114:36 All right, that's it. You want to fight?
114:38 You got one. Now you get your hands off
114:40 my man before I break them off.
114:44 Time to terrorize the terrorists. You
114:48 prepared catchphrases for yourself? No,
114:50 not necessarily.
114:54 Mohamad ought to stayed home. Nobody
114:56 knows that guy's name yet. You're using
114:58 information that nobody knows.
115:01 Houston, we have a solution. Houston's
115:04 for space, not everyday air travel.
115:08 Hey, I need more cheese puffs, Manny.
115:10 Looks like Oprah's off the wagon again.
115:11 And skip the toothpick. She'll just hurt
115:13 herself. Hey, Bri, did you hear about
115:14 Jason? Paramount bought his script. They
115:17 bought Death Spares, not the Tiger. 100
115:20 grand. Pretty good, huh? Jeez, he's been
115:22 in LA how long? Unbelievable. You know,
115:25 he actually called the main character
115:26 John Everyman. Come on. Well, good for
115:30 him.
115:33 Mr. Griffin, this is unbelievably
115:35 humiliating. Hey. Hey. Lois wants me to
115:38 go to the store and the car is low on
115:39 gas.
115:45 Oh crap. This is truly a sight to
115:48 behold. An awesome spectacle. Petina
115:51 Griffin, a once great champion of the
115:53 Motor Speedway, now a study in
115:56 mobishness. The hell I
115:58 am. Yeah.
116:00 [Music]
116:14 [Music]
116:20 It doesn't feel like a Wednesday.
116:27 Peter, move. We need the TV. Is this Is
116:30 this a coven? No, we're watching the
116:31 news now. Get out of the way. We had a
116:34 bottle of wine in a joint at Bonnie's
116:35 house and we want to watch Dallas
116:37 Portland before the buzz wears off. You
116:39 chicken heads are out of
116:41 control. Tom. Tom. Tucker. Tom. The news
116:44 isn't funny. It's not supposed to be
116:46 funny. Tom, who are you having dinner
116:47 with in there? Was it a guy? Are you
116:49 gay? Someone said you were gay. It was
116:50 me. Are the rumors I'm making up true?
116:53 Ignore me if you're gay.
116:56 Hey, Stewie. What are you watching? The
116:58 most glorious website of all time. You
117:01 too. I only hope the site doesn't run
117:02 out of content for me to watch. You
117:04 know, you should really be careful on
117:05 YouTube, Stewie. You never know what's
117:07 going to pop up next. I mean, there's
117:08 some wild stuff out there. Okay, boomer.
117:10 I'm not a boomer. I'm Gen X. Brian, you
117:13 save back issues of Costco magazine. Uh,
117:16 it's called the Costco connection, and
117:18 it's how I get good deals on cruises.
117:20 Yeah, you're not helping yourself here,
117:21 Dad. It looks like some girl sent you a
117:23 picture of her privates. Oh crap, Lois,
117:25 I don't have the phone. Stop sending
117:27 pictures. I already sent four more.
117:31 Chris, put down the phone. Don't look at
117:33 those. Wait a minute. That's both her
117:35 hands. Who the hell is taking the
117:37 pictures? All right, give me that phone
117:39 and get back to work. And before you
117:40 judge your mother, you did most of that
117:42 damage. Now batting for Boston, Xander
117:45 Bogarts.
117:48 All right, Dad. I've got my ball ready
117:50 in case Xander hits a glove our way.
117:53 Okay. Got to talk more sports with you.
117:56 [Applause]
118:02 Yeah.
118:05 What is this? What's happening to me? Oh
118:07 my god, Stewie. It's got to be from
118:09 wearing that damn brace all the time.
118:11 Your neck must have atrophied so much it
118:13 can no longer support your head. You've
118:14 got to take me to the hospital.
118:16 Absolutely. Let me just watch Jennifer's
118:18 body and we'll go right there. Brian,
118:20 there's no nudity in that movie. Take me
118:21 to the hospital. What? So, it's rated R
118:23 for curses? God, this country. Peter,
118:26 listen. I've found the woman who I'd
118:28 like to lose my virginity to. It's
118:30 someone who understands me and someone I
118:32 feel very close to. Oh, wow. Jesus,
118:34 that's great. Hey, is it Carrie
118:35 Underwood? Somebody told me you guys
118:37 went out once. Yeah, we did, but it was
118:39 a disaster. Actually, Peter, I want my
118:42 first time to be with Lois. Lois, my
118:45 partner at the law firm? No, Peter, it's
118:48 your Lois. Lois Griffin. What? And
118:51 Stewie's favorite bedtime story is Good
118:52 Night Moon. And Meg's real father's name
118:54 is Dan Thompson.
118:58 I've heard enough. I do believe that
119:00 Brian would be a successful parent.
119:02 However, if he was to repeat his actions
119:04 at the dog track, he would be setting a
119:06 bad example for his puppies. Therefore,
119:08 I grant Brian custody with the condition
119:10 that he be neutered first. Yeah, you did
119:12 it, buddy. Oh,
119:14 congratulations. Oh, man. What does
119:16 neuted mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait,
119:18 wait, wait a second. You're telling me I
119:20 flew all the way to Kentucky to get some
119:22 of your fried chicken and and a colonel
119:24 isn't even working today? He ain't
119:25 really. He dead. What? I say he dead.
119:30 Is Mr. Sanders in? What wrong with you?
119:33 I say you he dead.
119:36 The
119:37 [Music]
119:42 Colonel Glen. She'll be back soon. I
119:45 can't believe the guy with the ponytail
119:47 and the facial tattoo at the front desk
119:49 would let this happen. Well, what's
119:51 this? We got company. Hold it right
119:54 there. Please. Do you think I'm afraid
119:56 of you? Boy, if you were ever going to
119:59 stand, this would be the time, Joe.
120:01 Everybody just shut up. Oh my god.
120:04 Peter, you bought the statue of David?
120:07 No, no, no. I just rented it. Ain't they
120:09 going to be ticked though? The penis
120:10 broke off while I was loaded into the
120:12 car.
120:13 [Music]
120:15 I shall call you Eduardo. We now return
120:18 to the Terminator. I've been sent here
120:20 from the future. I have to have sex with
120:22 your housekeeper to save humanity. What?
120:24 Bring me your housekeeper. I have to
120:26 have sex with the now. I'm the
120:28 Terminator. I don't have a housekeeper.
120:30 And I think you're just present day
120:31 Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, I am a
120:33 machine. Every second I'm not having sex
120:35 with a housekeeper. Robots are killing
120:38 people in the future. Okay, I finished
120:40 for the day. You lied to me. You do have
120:42 a housekeeper. Let's go make a large
120:44 face, boy. Hey, can you teach me to sell
120:46 drugs? Hold up. Are you wearing the
120:49 wire? No. I need money for sympathetic
120:51 reasons, and I have no other option than
120:53 crime. I mean, I could sell stuff on
120:55 eBay, but shipping. Well, I am pulling a
120:58 heist at a meth lab. I suppose I could
121:00 use the help. Great. You won't regret
121:02 this. When it comes to selling drugs,
121:04 you and me will be a better team than
121:06 the old lady's eyeballs on Downtown
121:07 Abbey. I'm looking way over in this
121:10 direction and I'm looking Lois, it's
121:14 time. Oh, Peter, I'm going to miss you
121:17 so much.
121:21 I see a white light. There are others
121:24 inside of it. Adam West, Carrie Fischer,
121:28 Ricardo Montelborn, Phyllis Diller.
121:30 Heaven is filled with every actor who
121:32 ever died. No, this is actually just the
121:34 ones who did our show right before they
121:36 died. Crazy, right?
121:40 Hey. Hey. Where's that pinky going? Huh?
121:43 Where's he going? What's What's he do?
121:46 Get back here. There you go. Yeah. Look
121:49 at Quagmire hitting on that skank. You
121:51 know he's going to close the deal.
121:52 Peter, that skank is your daughter. Oh
121:54 my god. You're right. You know, me, I'd
121:56 love to see you without your hat on.
122:00 Okay, I'm telling you, Brian, nothing
122:02 changes. These blue beards still treat
122:04 me like scum just cuz I'm not loaded.
122:05 Well, I got news for them. I am as
122:07 elegant as anyone in this room. Peter,
122:09 we have to meet with Aunt Margarit's
122:11 lawyer tomorrow. She left us something
122:13 in her will. Holy crap. Oh, you sweet
122:16 old broad. I love you. Hey.
122:22 Oh my god, she's dead. Oh, Peter, I'm so
122:25 glad you're finally doing something
122:27 positive for your health. What do you
122:29 think about this treadmill? Yeah, this
122:30 one's good. Let me ask a salesperson for
122:32 help. Like a complete beta. Excuse me,
122:34 sir. Oh. Oh, you're helping someone
122:36 else. I'll be with you in one second.
122:38 Yeah. No, no, you're busy. I see. Help
122:39 him, then help her, then whoever's after
122:41 them. I'll just wait here and feel the
122:43 running shirts.
122:45 Sir, do you need help? I'm waiting for
122:47 Josh.
122:49 [Music]
122:51 Done. Wow, Dad, that was pretty cool.
122:54 Can I try some Red Bull? I'm Can you try
122:56 some Red Bull, Chris? I'd take it as an
122:58 insult if you didn't. Here you go. Have
122:59 some cans. 1 2 3 4 5
123:01 1. That's what Woody Woodpecker says.
123:03 All right, I'm going to go outside and
123:04 milk the cow. Here's one. If you were
123:05 gay and you had to have sex with either
123:08 John Foresight or Shan Connory, who
123:10 would it be? Oh, that's easy. John
123:12 Foresight. Yeah, John Foresight. John
123:14 Foresight. Absolutely. That's so funny.
123:16 I would also say John Forsight. I was
123:17 just curious. Yeah, I mean Sean Connory
123:19 is just so Uhoh. Oh god, I am so sorry.
123:25 It's too late. The damn it. And then I
123:27 said something random that suggested a
123:29 whole crazy story.
123:33 Oh god, that's hilarious. Lois, I could
123:35 listen to you talk all night. Yeah, but
123:37 we got to get going. Carter's our
123:39 babysitter, and if he's with the kids
123:40 too long, they start saying racisms. Oh,
123:43 I wish the fun didn't have to end. I
123:45 always enjoy spending time with you,
123:46 too.
123:49 [Music]
123:58 They want
124:00 [Music]
124:05 to open as
124:08 if he didn't know that every dog had his
124:10 date until he seen his.
124:13 Hey, listen. Thanks for not laying into
124:15 me like everybody else. I don't care
124:17 enough about you to lay into you, but
124:19 now that you mention it, your face looks
124:20 like a used condom. Yeah, I know.
124:27 Oh, come on, Brian. Don't do that. Don't
124:30 cry. Be a man. I'm not crying. Oh,
124:32 Peter. I'm so glad we were able to
124:34 discover this new level of intimacy.
124:37 I've never felt so connected to you. Me
124:39 either. And I never knew your biggest
124:41 fantasy was to do it as a cat from a
124:43 children's book.
124:48 For most of the night, Peter goed on her
124:51 flumpus. She crumpled his wanzit. He
124:53 boobbled her bump kissus. The bangle
124:56 bong lasted till first break of day.
124:59 I'll ask these fellas. Maybe they seen
125:00 him. Excuse me. Have you seen Oh, hold
125:02 on a second. I'm trying. Hold on a sec.
125:04 Hey, pal. Stop talking while I'm
125:06 talking. All right. You want a sandwich
125:08 full of knuckles? Do you? All right,
125:10 that's it. Cleveland, you take
125:11 Cleveland. Joe, you take Joe. Quagmire,
125:13 you take Quagmire. And I'll get Fatty
125:14 Mloud mouth.
125:21 It's no use, Peter. Thanks for the ride,
125:23 Brian. Yeah, and thanks for the lecture
125:25 on what real music is, Mr. Griffin.
125:30 Jeez, how many Snickers could they eat
125:32 in a five-minute car ride? Ah, crap.
125:35 Somebody left their gym
125:38 bag. God, it would have been real easy
125:40 to bring a gun in here. Where the hell
125:42 did they go?
125:46 Oh my god, it's perfect. Hello. Yeah,
125:50 merry Christmas. Uh, listen. Peter, can
125:51 you turn down those lights? I'm in bed
125:52 with a three, and um, extra light is not
125:55 her friend. Oh my god. Stewie doesn't
125:58 have a jacket on, but other than that,
125:59 he has done it.
126:02 Yeah. Oh, you're going to get it. You
126:04 like it rough, don't you? Oops. Wrong
126:07 room. Sorry. We're excited. My wife just
126:09 killed herself. Lois, you're the only
126:11 woman for me. He cheated on you. No
126:13 daughter of mine is going to marry a
126:14 cheater. Daddy's right. Peta, I'm sorry,
126:17 but you blew it. I was in love with you
126:20 too, but then you cheated on me. You
126:22 kissed Daisy Fuentes.
126:27 Correction. The next composition is
126:29 cars.
126:32 [Music]
126:33 1877 Cars for Kids. K A R S Cars for
126:39 Kids. 1877 Cars for Kids. Donate your
126:45 car today.
126:47 [Music]
126:48 I lost my virginity to this
126:51 song. Now, where can I hide an old
126:54 banged up car where it'll just blend
126:55 right in?
126:58 [Applause]
127:08 I knew this would work, especially after
127:10 that last flight I took. Spirit Airlines
127:12 is now boarding group whatever. Just
127:14 start punching until you're on an
127:15 airplane.
127:18 I was all alone on an uncharted island.
127:20 What could I do? Definitely not spear a
127:22 fish with a handsharpened stick, cuz
127:24 remember that was a complete non-starter
127:26 for me. If I wanted to make it back to
127:27 my Helen, I'd need to find a way to
127:29 survive. Luckily, I had a whole plane's
127:31 worth of FedEx parcels I could open and
127:33 use. Oh, please be food. Please be food.
127:36 Oh, thank God. I'm saved. Peanut
127:39 brittle from Peter Griffin.
127:42 Gotcha. Continue. I'll tell you what my
127:44 problem is. I'm doing all the work and
127:46 you're just riding my coattails. What
127:48 are you talking about? I'm just as big a
127:49 part of this group as you are. Oh,
127:51 really? You're writing about all your
127:52 authentic baby experiences? You asked me
127:55 to do this with you. Why are you being
127:56 such a dick? Because I lost the baby.
128:00 What was that? I don't know. He saw that
128:02 in a movie or something.
128:06 Good morning class. I'm your substitute
128:08 teacher, Brian Griffin. Good morning,
128:11 Mr. Griffin.
128:13 Please, please call me Brian. Mr.
128:15 Griffin is my father. I thought your
128:17 father's name was Coco and he was hit by
128:19 a milk truck. All right. Our goal here
128:21 is to gain a command of the English
128:23 language so you can be successful
128:25 writers like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
128:27 Hey, Peter. Good news. Bonnie's out of
128:29 town, so I have an extra ticket for
128:31 Tuesday night bingo down at the Allenale
128:33 Mill. Why the hell would I want to go to
128:35 bingo? Oh, it's a blast. There's the
128:37 thrill of the game. People bring snacks.
128:39 Plus, you'll hear some pretty unfiltered
128:41 opinions about those jokers in
128:43 Washington. Yeah, that sounds perfectly
128:46 terrible. Oh my god, Brian, you're
128:49 right. Peter, I'm joking. What did you
128:51 say to me? Peter, what are you doing?
128:53 Get off my plane. That's not even the
128:55 same. What the hell? Not going to talk
128:58 to me like that in my bar. Not a bar.
129:10 Okay, boys. This is it. Bottom of the
129:12 ninth. We just need a bleep, a bloop, a
129:13 walk, a buck, another buck, and of
129:15 course, a little bingo. Let's go.
129:21 That's it, boys. Walk-off home run. Get
129:23 out there and tear his clothes off. He
129:25 just won for us. Get him.
129:31 Yeah. Punch him. Good. Curve him,
129:41 Peter. What the hell is this? This Lois
129:44 is my new food truck specializing in all
129:46 the delicious unhealthy foods that you
129:48 won't let me eat cuz you don't let me
129:50 eat what I want to eat. And and uh I am
129:53 super dizzy and there might be a gas
129:56 leak in this thing.
130:08 [Music]
130:22 A damn it. Yeah. No, no, no, no. You're
130:25 not a complete jackass. Yeah. Oh, hey,
130:26 nice t-shirt. Fresh. And it And it's
130:29 spelled with a ph. Oh, that's fun. Cuz
130:31 it's usually spelled with an F. Yeah.
130:34 Oh, and you got a little tear in your
130:35 pants there. Oh, that's on purpose,
130:36 though, isn't it? Uh, you're a bad boy.
130:40 You're a bad boy. Society wants your
130:42 pants to be intact. But you're just not
130:44 going to listen, are you? My god, this
130:46 is ridiculous. I'm sorry. I'm going to
130:47 have to kill you. Now, God only brings
130:50 natural disasters to places that have
130:52 too much butt stuff going on.
130:55 God, if you stop this rain, I promise
130:58 I'll never do butt stuff. God, if you
131:01 stop this rain, I'll never do butt stuff
131:04 again.
131:06 Let it pour. I'm John Wayne at the first
131:09 Thanksgiving, pilgrims. Happy
131:12 Thanksgiving, pilgrims.
131:14 [Laughter]
131:17 Oh my. Oh my god, Peter. Yeah, I'll tell
131:19 you. And I'm your friend. And I'll be
131:20 honest with you, that's funny. That is
131:22 funny. And you know what I appreciate
131:24 about your joke, Peter? It's clean. It's
131:26 clean funny.
131:31 Yeah. Well, what' you want? Uh, you
131:35 called me, right? Oh, no. No, I wasn't
131:37 calling you.
131:39 Oh. Oh. Oh, this is funny to you. Yeah.
131:42 Listen, uh, uh, mister, we don't want
131:43 any trouble here. I don't fly, you know.
131:46 I take the subway like everybody else.
131:47 Oh, and people don't stare. You make me
131:50 puke, [ __ ] Brian, have you ever heard
131:53 of Lou Garri's disease? Oh, no. Well,
131:55 you have Mickey Mantel's disease. Now,
131:58 the most obvious step would simply be to
132:00 stop drinking
132:02 or well, we do have these pills that may
132:04 correct the enzyme imbalance in your
132:06 liver. Yeah, that one. Okay, I'll be in
132:08 the waiting room barking at the fish in
132:09 the tank. Could not. Could too. Could
132:12 not.
132:14 Ew, gross, man.
132:22 You okay? Whoa. Everything's so
132:26 significant, dude. You got to try this.
132:28 Not even. It's got your germs on it. Not
132:31 this end.
132:35 Okay, Bryant. The snowbird has nothing
132:37 to do with time or fate. Well, I
132:38 disagree. Look, there's only one way to
132:40 settle this. Only the artist knows the
132:42 true meaning of their
132:44 art. Now, Miss O'Keeffe, the flowers in
132:47 your paintings, what do they represent?
132:49 Oh, wow. That's a really good question.
132:57 [Music]
133:01 Coming up, handsome mustachioed man
133:03 recaps news in pleasing baritone. Stay
133:06 tuned for this and more. But first,
133:09 Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa is on
133:11 hand for the opening of Manhattan's
133:13 newest luxury hotel. Diane, I'm standing
133:16 outside the Park Bington Hotel because
133:18 they don't allow Asians inside. Fancy
133:21 place. Boy, that'll make some second
133:23 honeymoon, huh?
133:27 Loretta. Hello, Cleveland. What are you
133:30 doing here? Cleveland, I've been doing
133:32 some thinking lately about how much I
133:34 miss you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I
133:37 want us to be together again as a
133:39 family, and I promise I'll never betray
133:42 you again. I love you, Cleveland. Uh,
133:46 I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty
133:49 sure it's raining [ __ ] Well, that
133:51 didn't work. Don't worry, Brian. We've
133:53 still got the spring musical.
133:56 One man likes to push a plow. The other
133:59 likes to chase a cow, but there's no
134:01 reason why they can't be
134:03 friends. Territory folks should stick
134:05 together. Territory folks should all be
134:07 pals. Cowboys dance with farmers
134:10 daughters. Farmers dance with the
134:11 ranchers.
134:15 Hello. Hello. Hello. What's all this
134:16 then? I can't believe you left dead. I
134:19 have needs that he didn't satisfy. And
134:22 I'm still a young woman, Peter. 82 is
134:25 the new 74. I'm putting my fine ass back
134:28 on the market. Boy, this is really going
134:31 to upset my evil brother,
134:32 Thaddius. This will surely affect my
134:35 inheritance.
134:37 How was everything? Delicious. The prime
134:39 rib was mostly fat. Should I charge it
134:41 to your room? No, I had to check out
134:43 even though my flight's not until
134:44 midnight. Now, how does one with no
134:47 money get to the airport?
134:49 [Music]
135:00 All right. Well, since Brian's not
135:02 coming back, I I guess you and I should
135:04 try to develop our own comedic patter.
135:06 Guess so. Oh, hey, can I get some of
135:09 that pie and cool whip? What did you
135:11 say? We can't have pie without Cool
135:13 Whip. That's not how you're supposed to
135:15 say it. You said it weird. Whoa, buddy.
135:18 It was just a joke. Somehow this is at
135:21 my expense. I know it. That's because
135:23 you lack the passion of a true Italian.
135:26 Mia,
135:28 Peta, stop it. Speak with your heart,
135:30 not your mouth.
135:32 Damn it, Peta. You mean
135:35 Petro? Well, by the laws of Italy, I
135:38 must now kiss myself passionately.
135:43 Pea, are you all right? Are you kidding?
135:45 I'm great bouncing around Italia cuz I'm
135:48 a little bald. Maybe if I sit in his
135:50 chair, I can get a reading on his
135:52 energy. I mean, if he's an Aquarius, a
135:54 rebirth would not be unexpected. That's
135:56 enough, Stephanie. You know, it's like
135:58 when I did Glenn Starch,
136:05 did the did the cork hit me?
136:11 [Applause]
136:18 Brian, it's working. How much longer?
136:21 Sorry, I didn't realize it was such a
136:28 chore. What about now? Almost. Brian,
136:31 keep kissing.
136:36 Oh, he got both of us. Oh god, my life
136:39 is over. I am the biggest loser I know.
136:42 Oh, I know just how you feel, Pumpkin.
136:44 I've had my share of disappointments,
136:46 too. It's a girl. Can Can you Can you
136:49 check again? Yes. Peta, where the hell
136:52 have you been? On a magical journey to
136:54 Gillette Stadium and Beck. You remember
136:56 last night when you called me the lowest
136:58 class alcoholic in the world? Well, I
137:00 found one rung lower. I'm a party bus
137:03 guy now. That's got to be way better
137:04 than when I drove a Fiat.
137:07 Okay, I'm going to go heat up your
137:08 bottles, Stewie. I'll be right back.
137:12 Hey, how was your date? It's still
137:15 going. I'm pretty close to done with
137:17 this. When we parked the car, she did
137:19 that thing where she leaned over and
137:20 unbuckled me from my car seat. And she
137:22 took a little extra time fishing around
137:24 for that bottom safety belt. You know
137:27 what that means? Please stop.
137:31 You seem like a very lonely little boy.
137:34 Oh my god, I am. I'm so lonely.
137:41 You can see inside my
137:46 soul.
137:48 [Music]
137:50 [Laughter]
137:53 God, thank you. Thank you, Barbara. Now,
137:56 it won't be perfect. Some of our
137:58 representatives may end up being
137:59 bastards. But you know what? That's okay
138:02 cuz later we're going to have more
138:03 elections and we can use those elections
138:05 to get rid of the bad guys and replace
138:07 them with good guys and then the system
138:09 will just keep going on and on just like
138:10 that.
138:12 So, who's with me?
138:16 Will you join me in trying this new
138:18 crazy thing?
138:21 Lois couldn't find the swearer, nor
138:24 could she remove the voice of the
138:25 grading Caillou narrator from her head.
138:28 Make it stop. Not until you kill them
138:31 all, Lois.
138:34 Oh crap. It's the lady with the baby who
138:37 cussed. Turn off the lights. Shh. Quiet.
138:39 Quiet.
138:41 Hello. Hello. I know you're in there.
138:44 We're closed. Now, I don't want to pat
138:47 myself on the back, but I worked all day
138:48 getting them just right. Holy crap. Oh
138:52 my god. Then that
138:54 means And that also means
139:00 You know what, Peter? You tried hard and
139:02 you still earned that wine.
139:05 [Music]
139:09 Cinderella, I am your fairy godmother.
139:12 Fairy in the magical sense, not about
139:14 kissing guys. Oh my god. I want that
139:17 [ __ ] Snow White to just admit she had
139:19 an abortion. Whoa. Whoa. I was thinking
139:22 more like a new dress for the party or a
139:24 bunch of chew toys. Your choice. Chew
139:27 toys. Take the chew toys. A new dress.
139:29 Well, that means I could go to the ball.
139:37 Tina, why did you just lie to the guys?
139:39 Guys, I got plans with Striker. I don't
139:41 want them to embarrass me. I get where
139:43 he's coming from. That's why I never
139:44 introduce you to my friends. What
139:46 friends? Like the guys in my photography
139:48 club. Dear Gary, Glitter, Jeffrey Jones,
139:52 and Jared from Subway. I feel like I'm
139:54 the only one sending pics. I love all
139:57 the positive feedback, but maybe you
139:59 guys send a pick. Anyway, here's more
140:01 pics. We now return to Lady and the
140:04 [ __ ] and Michael Vic.
140:17 Hello,
140:20 family. Does anyone need the remote? Oh
140:23 my god, what the hell happened to
140:25 Stewie? Yeah. Looks good, doesn't he?
140:27 Let's see that lessbo Susie Swanson beat
140:29 him up now.
140:31 [Music]
140:35 Hike. Uh-oh. Look who's on the loose.
140:39 I'm going to get you. I'm going to get
140:41 you. Oh no. I missed you by total
140:43 accident. Yeah, six points, [ __ ] I
140:47 could have you arrested for breaking in
140:48 here. Carter, you've discovered the holy
140:50 grail of modern medicine. Why the hell
140:52 would you keep it buried like this? I'll
140:54 tell you why. Because there's far more
140:55 money to be made in treating a disease
140:57 than in curing it. Why cure someone of
140:59 cancer in a day if we can treat them for
141:01 a lifetime and bill them every step
141:02 along the way. What? That's insane.
141:04 Brian, it's so cold in here. Look how
141:06 big my nips are. They're almost like a
141:08 woman's. Oh, look. I'm tugging at them
141:11 and they're getting even bigger. I spent
141:13 the whole morning trying to teach you
141:14 one simple thing. Give me
141:16 paw. Paw. Good. Other
141:20 paw. No other paw. No, we practice this.
141:24 You're gonna make me look bad in front
141:26 of the other guys. Other paw.
141:29 Finally. You know, this actually reminds
141:31 me of a quote by Milton. Shut the up.
141:35 And then I got pulled over for speeding.
141:39 License and registration, please. Oh, I
141:41 lost my wallet, so I kind of don't have
141:44 my license. Well, I'm sorry, sir. You
141:46 know what that means.
141:48 I don't understand why I got to do
141:49 dishes at your house just cuz I keep
141:51 washing. Seems like more of a restaurant
141:54 thing. Keep washing. Oh, shalom Jews.
141:58 Wow. Dad, where did you get all that
142:00 glistening chest hair? It came with my
142:02 Star David. Peter, what is all this?
142:04 Look, this is my way of letting you know
142:06 that I'm embracing who you are. Oh, and
142:08 I don't respond to Peter. From now on, I
142:10 want you to use my Hebrew name.
142:15 Well, I I caution you. Uh
142:22 Guys, guys, stop. Stop. Look at us.
142:25 We're shivering each other on
142:26 Thanksgiving. Oh, wait. No one shived
142:29 Cleveland. But what are we doing? What
142:32 are all of us doing? Fighting in here
142:34 amongst ourselves while Brooks is out
142:36 there waiting for all of us, bagging
142:38 groceries, adapting to this new world
142:40 seamlessly. Brooks hug himself. Oh my
142:47 stars. I I don't get it. You thought
142:51 this was going to be the flea circus
142:53 from Coraline, didn't you? I'm cursed
142:55 with optimism.
142:57 Oh, he's got a good eye. That there's a
143:00 little Miss Wedgewood set.
143:04 This is my handle. This is my spout.
143:07 Well, all the parts seem to be in the
143:08 right places. I'll take it.
143:13 Lois, last night was amazing. It was,
143:16 wasn't it? Fat sex is the hottest sex
143:18 we've ever had. There were so many
143:20 boobs. I don't know whose boobs I was
143:22 grabbing. Your boobs or my boobs. I
143:24 know. It was amazing. Much better than
143:26 that night you pretended your penis was
143:28 Danny a yellow. Now come here, my fat
143:31 concubine. Hey, I'm not even hungry. I
143:34 want you bigger. I want you fatter. It
143:36 will please me.
143:39 [Music]
143:44 Hey Doc, you uh got a minute? What you
143:46 want, dog? Uh, yeah. So, uh, hey, uh,
143:48 check it out. Uh, Stewie and I have
143:50 been, uh, working on some, uh, stuff of
143:52 our own, and, uh, we thought there might
143:53 be a place for us to sing on the next
143:55 album. Hey, uh, cool. You're busy. No
143:58 sweat. Boy, Benson was a funny
144:03 show. I'll talk to you
144:09 later.
144:11 [Music]
144:14 Here it is, guys. This is where kids
144:17 would come every Friday night and see
144:18 their teacher wearing jeans. Dad, who's
144:22 Christian Slater? Some actors never made
144:24 it out of Blockbuster. Chris.
144:28 God, I'm really freaking out over this
144:30 audition. What if I blow it? Quagmire,
144:32 when I agreed to come to this, I didn't
144:34 know it would require this level of
144:36 emotional support. You Glenn Quagmire.
144:38 I'm Carson, the producer of the show.
144:40 Peter Griffin. I should be at work.
144:42 Okay, let's see what you've got.
144:44 Our husbands couldn't have done this.
144:46 Yeah, Cleveland can't even light the
144:48 damn habachi on the 4th of July. Excuse
144:51 me. Do you know where I can find Nigel
144:52 Pinchley? I'm from Khog Insurance, and I
144:54 have a check for him. $5 million. Yeah,
144:57 lucky fella took out a huge policy the
144:59 day before the fire. Doesn't that strike
145:02 you as a little suspicious? No, not
145:04 really. In fact, it seems to happen all
145:06 the time.
145:10 Damn, Joe. What are you staring at? Pull
145:12 him off me.
145:18 [Music]
145:20 [Applause]
145:23 [Music]
145:27 Oh my god, Joe. When did you start
145:30 running and jumping and skydancing? He
145:33 ain't sky dancing. He fell asleep.
145:43 Hey, are you here for the time magazines
145:45 with some of the letters cut out? Uh,
145:47 no. I No, I saw that you have an
145:49 apartment for rent. Okay. Here.
145:52 Apartment 23. Oh, okay. I just have one
145:55 rule here. No kissing the mailman. I
145:58 don't think that's going to be a
145:59 problem. You haven't seen him, so don't
146:01 say that yet. Mail's here. Wow.
146:06 I say, "Constable, I'd like to report
146:08 the theft of my tricycle." Oh, look at
146:11 the little baby. Aren't you cute?
146:13 Where's your mommy? How dare you
146:16 condescend to me. I demand justice. I'm
146:18 here to turn myself in. I have a
146:20 dismembered Baltic hooker bleeding
146:22 through the tarp in my trunk. Oh, look
146:24 at the little baby. Aren't you cute?
146:27 Where's your mommy?
146:30 Well, this is just great, Peter.
146:32 Everyone in town hates us now. The
146:34 cashier at the grocery store told her to
146:36 push on and then she snapped her fingers
146:38 and now I think she's my new favorite
146:40 lady in the world. I don't understand.
146:42 I'm not a racist. It's well documented
146:45 that my dream freeway is
146:49 [Music]
146:50 especially saved enough money to go on a
146:52 couple's vacation together. We haven't
146:54 traveled in years. That's not true. You
146:57 made us drive to Toronto to confront
146:59 that sex worker I facetime with. Yeah,
147:01 that wasn't a vacation. And that was an
147:03 ultimatum. And after an insultingly long
147:05 pause, I chose you. We're going on a
147:08 trip, Peter.
147:11 Why are you doing this? What did I do to
147:13 you that was so bad? You abandoned me.
147:15 You promised we'd be there for each
147:17 other forever. Then the minute Peter
147:19 Griffin came along, you just got in his
147:20 car and left me. I was going to come
147:22 back and get you and and then and then
147:24 Trump happened and and all that. Liar.
147:27 I've wanted to cut your balls off for
147:29 years. But the fact that you're choosing
147:31 to do it yourself is so much more
147:33 satisfying. But I'm not choosing to do
147:35 it myself.
147:37 What? What just happened?
147:41 I'll have what she's having. Okay. She
147:44 had six well done hamburger patties
147:46 jammed into a hard taco shell. Oh, I
147:49 just want to feel like that. Okay. I
147:51 mean, I can get it for you, but it's a
147:53 weird order. The chef was not happy
147:55 about it. Hey, Lois. Let's go outside
147:57 and see if we can find some great tits.
147:59 Cuz there certainly ain't any in here.
148:01 Remember those two we saw last night?
148:03 One was bigger than the other. Yeah. And
148:05 the bigger one had a hair sticking out
148:06 of that pointy thing. What What do you
148:08 call that pointy thing again? The beak.
148:10 Okay. Come on, Dad. Maybe we can get the
148:12 birds to act out the Benson where a
148:14 scheduling snafu forces the governor to
148:16 decide between meeting the president or
148:18 going to Katie's school
148:20 play. Scatterbrain governor. Well, I
148:23 suppose I could talk to Barington.
148:24 Really? Oh, Peter, you don't know what
148:26 this means to me. Oh, you know, I was so
148:28 desperate there for a while, I even
148:30 tried a Jewish club. Ah, you don't want
148:32 to get involved with them religious
148:33 groups. They believe in all kinds of
148:34 weird stuff. If I believe in Jesus hard
148:37 enough, I will not die. If I believe in
148:40 snake Jesus hard enough, he will die. If
148:43 I believe in tree Jesus hard enough,
148:44 both of them will die.
148:48 Yay. Thank you, tree Jesus. Hey, you
148:50 know what we should do? We should put on
148:51 some 80s music and then like every few
148:53 minutes have them come out of there as a
148:55 different sex and we'll
148:56 go and then like the fifth or sixth sex
148:59 we'll go like this.
149:02 This is not a joke, Peter. Okay. They're
149:04 cutting off his penis in there. All
149:05 right. All right. I mean, this is my dad
149:07 we're talking about. Okay. Okay.
149:10 What are you going to name it? Hh. What
149:13 are you going to name your he father?
149:15 Knock it off. You're not going to get
149:16 away with this, Mr. Google search. Oh,
149:18 but I think that I will. You two know my
149:21 secret. I must be sure no one ever finds
149:23 out the truth. Well, so what? Are you
149:25 going to kill us? Perhaps, Mr. Griffin.
149:28 I have not yet decided. Well, you might
149:30 want to do something about that first.
149:32 What?
149:33 [Music]
149:36 Hey, stupid deaf guy. Well, I've gotten
149:39 the results back. He is deaf. This is
149:41 horrible. This must be because of all
149:43 that loud blaring music he's been
149:45 playing in those nightclubs. What's
149:47 going on? Can he fix it in time for me
149:49 to DJ at the music festival? No. What?
149:52 No.
149:54 What? Are you sure? Yes.
149:58 What? Have a good life.
150:03 That was wonderful. Who said that? Oh,
150:06 hey Lois. I'm starving. How about a
150:08 sandwich?
150:11 Glad to have you back, Peter. Lois, less
150:14 taky, more fetchy. I'm just going to
150:16 assume that's Chinese for I love you.
150:21 Chris, I will not have your comic strip
150:24 anger cluttering up my house. It's
150:25 negative and it ruins my joy. Get it out
150:28 of here. Now you've done it. You've made
150:30 me 1930s work whistle angry.
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